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Jiang Cheng doesn’t think his looks are anything special, especially not now, with the proof of his weakness and what he allowed to be taken from him etched into his skin, but it seems like that doesn’t matter much during a war.

He has seen the looks–the leers, really–and he knows what the soldiers say about him.

Pretty enough to bed for a night, but too volatile to keep him in there. 

And that’s–fine, really. Jiang Cheng knows what he’s good for and a courtship or even marriage is not it.

A little bit of fun has never hurt anyone, after all.

Jiang Cheng tries his best not to think about the very first time someone propositioned him and he foolishly believed it to be something more than it really was, but he learned his lesson soon enough.

He knows now how this goes and it’s not really surprising that there are more than enough willing participants. 

Jiang Cheng just has to keep his emotions in check. 

That proves to be hard, though, when he reads Nie Mingjue’s letter for the fourth time.

Jiang Cheng frequently deals with Nie Mingjue–on and off the battlefield–but he never thought that Nie Mingjue would just outright proposition him.

The letter in his hands speaks a different language though.

Jiang Cheng scoffs as he reads it again; Nie Mingjue makes pretty promises, that’s for sure, but Jiang Cheng has gotten enough offers over the course of the war to know they are empty. Even if Nie Mingjue means everything the letter says, Jiang Cheng knows it won’t last. The same man has found his way into Jiang Cheng’s bed before, but it never lasts and it never will.

At this point, Jiang Cheng knows better than to hope for anything more tangible than a quick fuck in the night.

Still, the promises Nie Mingjue makes seem genuine enough and Jiang Cheng would have to lie if he said he wasn’t tempted. He could just go there for a night, now that he knows Nie Mingjue is interested, but Jiang Cheng can’t bring himself to do it.

He knows himself well enough in that regard; should Nie Mingjue extend him even the smallest scrap of attention that goes beyond the professional relationship they have as fellow Sect Leaders and warriors, Jiang Cheng would develop feelings that are neither warranted nor wanted. He has of course noticed Nie Mingjue’s lingering gazes but it only spurs Jiang Cheng on to keep himself apart from the other man as best as he can.

He already likes Nie Mingjue too much–he long ago crossed the line from admiration to something more, even if he is unwilling to admit it–and when their time together comes to an end he will take it badly, Jiang Cheng just knows it, even without the added intimacy.

And Yunmeng Jiang is already in a very precarious situation. It wouldn’t do to make enemies with another Sect Leader.

So it’s better to not react to the letter at all. Jiang Cheng can’t believe Nie Mingjue would be so bold as to proposition him through official correspondence in the first place, but then again, it’s not like there are a lot of people who would dare to say something to Nie Mingjue about it.

They are still in the middle of the Sunshot Campaign but Nie Mingjue is already celebrated as a war hero and he’s being revered as one of the most competent generals, so if he feels like proposing sex through official letters, Jiang Cheng guesses there is no one who could stop him.

Jiang Cheng hesitates a moment longer but then he crumbles the letter in his hand; he is tempted beyond belief to simply take Nie Mingjue up on the offer for at least one night, but he knows it would be a bad idea. It would be a bad idea for his Sect and it would be an even worse idea for his heart.

They are still in the middle of a war and Jiang Cheng barely has time for regular meals. He definitely doesn’t have time to moon over someone who only sees a fun distraction in him.

“Wanyin?” 

Jiang Cheng jerks his head up, convinced his mind is just conjuring Nie Mingjue up to torture him now, but the other man hovers awkwardly at the entrance to Jiang Cheng’s tent, his eyes on the now destroyed letter in Jiang Cheng’s hand.

“Ah,” he says, clearly recognizing his own letter, and he seems more crushed than a turned down offer for sex really warrants in Jiang Cheng’s opinion, but at least like this Jiang Cheng doesn’t have to say something.

He still does, because he can’t help himself.

“Will this be a problem?” he asks, a challenging tone to his voice and Nie Mingjue frowns at him.

“What do you take me for?” Nie Mingjue gives back, but he sounds hurt in a way that doesn’t make sense.

“Just making sure,” Jiang Cheng mutters, suddenly unable to meet Nie Mingjue’s eyes and this, this is exactly the reason why he was happier not knowing that Nie Mingjue is interested in a night with him.

He can’t afford to get distracted by his stupid feelings.

“What did you want?” Jiang Cheng forces himself to ask, hoping that Nie Mingjue did not only come here to see how his proposition was received and Nie Mingjue straightens up, wiping that strange look off his face.

“Some new people arrived, claiming to want to join the war. I’d like to vet them together with you,” Nie Mingjue tells him and this is something Jiang Cheng can do.

“Sure,” he agrees and finally drops the crumbled letter onto his desk. He would much rather burn it so he doesn’t have to look at it again when he comes back this evening, but that seems like an incredibly bad idea with Nie Mingjue still standing right there.

He already rejected him but that would probably be pushing it a little bit too far.

Nie Mingjue has his gaze fixed on the letter again and he jolts in surprise when Jiang Cheng walks up to him, clearly brought out of his thoughts and Jiang Cheng can’t help himself.

“You said it wouldn’t be a problem,” he hisses because if this is how Nie Mingjue reacts to being rejected then they are going to have a problem.

“And it won’t be,” Nie Mingjue gives back, though Jiang Cheng hardly believes him. “Just—I think one day to come to terms with this isn’t asking for too much,” he then adds and Jiang Cheng frowns.

They are all taking their pleasure where they can get, these days, and Jiang Cheng never pegged Nie Mingjue to be this peculiar about his bed partners.

“Alright,” he slowly says and refuses to be hurt when Nie Mingjue abruptly turns away from him.

“Let’s go then,” Nie Mingjue says, but he doesn’t look at Jiang Cheng and he doesn’t wait for him to catch up to him.

Jiang Cheng is not used to running after Nie Mingjue like this; usually the other man makes sure they walk side by side, but apparently that’s no longer happening.

Well, if Nie Mingjue gets into a fit just because Jiang Cheng won’t join him for a night in bed, then maybe it’s better if he keeps his distance anyway.

The decision is easy to make, but it’s much harder to stick to it. At this point of the Sunshot Campaign, Nie Mingjue and Jiang Cheng are spearheading the campaign and that means they have to work together often.

It usually works out just fine, both of them keeping things as professional as they can, but there are days where it feels like Jiang Cheng is drowning in Nie Mingjue’s presence.

He still notices the lingering gazes and even though Nie Mingjue told him it wouldn’t be a problem, Jiang Cheng sees him reach out for him more than once, only to snag his hands back before they can make contact.

Jiang Cheng isn’t sure what to make of all these aborted movements but he is absolutely not going to bring it up to Nie Mingjue. He wouldn’t know what to say anyway, because the longer the Sunshot Campaign goes on, the more Jiang Cheng finds himself wishing that Nie Mingjue would just reach out for him.

It seems like denying Nie Mingjue a night with him, is not doing Jiang Cheng any favours now, because he can feel the start of unbidden feelings in his chest; can feel his heart skip a beat whenever Nie Mingjue praises him, or smiles at him, or tells him to be careful out there.

Jiang Cheng is falling for him, and he’s falling fast.

It doesn’t help that despite everything Jiang Cheng would call them friends by now. Spending most of their time together means also being there in moments of despair and hopelessness and it’s not like they can confide those feelings into anyone else.

They are the leaders of the Sunshot Campaign, the people their soldiers look up to, and it would be devastating for moral if they had breakdowns in front of anyone but each other.

It builds a layer of trust, of friendship and understanding that Jiang Cheng doesn’t really know what to do with.

He just knows that he dreads the end of this war as much as he wishes for it, because no matter what happens during it, once this is all over, Nie Mingjue will no longer be by his side like this.

And that is a truly terrifying thought.

~*~*~

No matter how busy Jiang Cheng thought he was during the war, the aftermath leaves him even busier. And it’s an unbearable kind of busy, because in the war he could just go out and fight, but now that option is off the table.

Now Jiang Cheng has to bother with diplomacy and paperwork and rebuilding and logistics and it’s draining the will to live out of him in a way that even the war didn’t manage to.

He very decidedly does not think about Nie Mingjue, or how much he misses him, because that would just open an entirely new can of worms that Jiang Cheng is absolutely not ready to deal with. Probably never will be, if he’s being honest.

Jiang Cheng knew it would be stupid to fall in love with the other man and now he has proof that he was entirely right about that. Whenever he finds himself with a moment of time, his thoughts drift to Nie Mingjue, missing his laugh, his insight, his advice and since the war Jiang Cheng has had a lot of experience with missing people but he didn’t think it possible to miss someone who wasn’t even his to begin with.

“Fuck,” he mutters, when he has to read the same letter for the third time because his thoughts keep drifting off to Nie Mingjue yet again and maybe it’s time to call it for today.

It’s not like he’s getting any more correspondence done like this.

“Jiang-zongzhu?” a disciples carefully asks when Jiang Cheng makes his way out of his office and Jiang Cheng waves him off.

“I am done for today,” he tells him, much to the visible surprise of the disciple and Jiang Cheng can’t believe that his stupid feelings for Nie Mingjue are influencing him this much, even though the other isn’t even here.

“Jiang-zongzhu, Nie-zongzhu is here,“ another disciple suddenly tells him and Jiang Cheng blinks in surprise.

“He is what now?”

“Waiting at the front gate,” the disciple says, clearly taken aback by Jiang Cheng’s question and Jiang Cheng straightens up.

Nie Mingjue didn’t announce his visit, so maybe something is wrong. Maybe he needs help.

“Take me to him,” he tells the disciple, who obediently leads the way.

Nie Mingjue doesn’t seem to be hurt or stressed out when he comes into sight and while it does a lot to relax Jiang Cheng it also confuses him.

“What are you doing here?” he blurts out when he’s close enough and he mentally kicks himself.

They are no longer fellow soldiers on the battlefield; they are Sect Leaders and he needs to act accordingly.

“Forgive me,” Jiang Cheng corrects himself. “It’s an honour to have you visit, of course.” He bows low only for Nie Mingjue to lift him out of his bow almost immediately.

“I hope between us there is no need for this,” Nie Mingjue tells him and then gives him a crooked half-smile. “I’m here to visit. I wanted to see if there’s anything you need help with.”

“Help,” Jiang Cheng repeats, completely taken off guard, and he only straightens up completely when Nie Mingjue takes his hand back.

“With rebuilding, maybe? Or logistics. I’ve been Sect Leader for a while longer than you, I thought maybe my expertise could help you.”

Jiang Cheng bristles at his words.

“I’m not incompetent,” he hisses and Nie Mingjue shakes his head.

“You are not,” he agrees. “But leading a Sect comes with many different facets and you’ve been thrust into your position without proper guidance. I’m merely here to offer help. If it’s not wanted, I can leave again.”

There’s no accusation in his tone, just a genuine offer to help and Jiang Cheng feels his heart flutter at the thought that Nie Mingjue was simply worried about him.

“I could use some guidance,” Jiang Cheng admits, because of course he does.

Something about Nie Mingjue is entirely disarming and robs him of all of his prickly walls.

“And I would be happy to help,” Nie Mingjue says, now full on smiling at Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng might have forgotten about these dimples.

“Please, do come in,” he tells him, trying to distract himself and instead busies himself with showing Nie Mingjue around, bringing him up to speed on the rebuilding efforts.

“You did a good job,” Nie Mingjue says when they finally sit down for tea and Jiang Cheng goes hot under his gaze.

He got somewhat used to the way Nie Mingjue looked at him during the Sunshot Campaign but it seems like he got desensitized to it over the last couple of months because butterflies erupt in his stomach.

Jiang Cheng takes a sip of his tea, hoping to conceal his reaction and he reminds himself again that Nie Mingjue wants nothing more from him than a pleasant night.

And the idea of giving in to that is now even worse than it was during the war, because there is no way to chalk it off as a distraction here and now and with the way Jiang Cheng’s feelings have grown for the other man it would be downright catastrophic to tumble into bed with him.

“Thank you,” Jiang Cheng belatedly says and he sees how Nie Mingjue’s hand twitches as if he wants to reach out for him.

Jiang Cheng had hoped that Nie Mingjue had gotten past that stage—surely there must be dozens of willing bodies back in Qinghe Nie that could warm his bed at night. Jiang Cheng doesn’t understand Nie Mingjue’s fascination with him at all.

Dinner is brought out to them and Jiang Cheng finds himself telling Nie Mingjue about the rough spots he hit during rebuilding Lotus Pier. True to his word, Nie Mingjue gives him solid advice on how to handle a few of the issues Jiang Cheng has run in to and before either of them realizes it, the moon is high in the sky.

“Let me show you your room,” Jiang Cheng says after one too many yawns and Nie Mingjue agrees easily enough.

They walk side by side to the guest room Nie Mingjue will be staying in and Jiang Cheng chalks it off to his own imagination but it seems they are both unwilling to leave the company of the other.

Which is of course stupid. And even if it wasn’t, then Nie Mingjue is only hesitating because he wants to get Jiang Cheng into bed with him, he has to remind himself of that again and again.

“Thank you again for all of your help today,” Jiang Cheng says, and sees Nie Mingjue twitch again.

“I’m happy to help. In fact—” he hesitates until Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow at him in question. “I have a few days. If you would be amenable, I could stay for a while longer.”

He seems almost awkward as he says it and Jiang Cheng doesn’t know what to do with that at all. He didn’t even know Nie Mingjue could feel awkward.

“Sure, that would be—yeah,” Jiang Cheng says, half of his brain screaming at him that this is a completely stupid idea because his idiotic feelings will not get the memo that Nie Mingjue doesn’t mean anything by that. “I would appreciate it,” he adds once he can string together a real sentence and his knees go just a little bit weak when Nie Mingjue smiles slightly at him.

“Alright then, see you tomorrow, Wanyin. Good night.”

“Good night,” Jiang Cheng whispers, his ears still ringing with the way his name sounds from Nie Mingjue’s lips but he forces himself to turn around and walk away.

Nothing good can come of it if he should give in to Nie Mingjue and join him for a night. Nothing good at all.

~*~*~

Having Nie Mingjue at Lotus Pier is torture. They somehow fall into the same easy camaraderie they shared during the war and it feels right to have Nie Mingjue right there by his side, sharing thoughts and observations and leaning on him in a way that Jiang Cheng shouldn’t allow himself to do.

But no matter how often he reminds himself that Nie Mingjue is here as a friend, that he only wants one thing from Jiang Cheng if even that, the thought never sticks.

Jiang Cheng finds himself day-dreaming about a domestic life with Nie Mingjue more than once a day and his heart hurts in his chest when he remembers that this is not what this is about.

Nie Mingjue is here because they are friends. Jiang Cheng keeps telling himself that over and over again until the sentence lost all meaning and is just floating around in his head.

Still, it all goes well, right until they find themselves at Jiang Cheng’s private pier, sharing a bottle of wine from Qinghe that Nie Mingjue has  brought with him. And it’s just one question from Nie Mingjue that makes Jiang Cheng’s heart drop to his stomach.

“Do you ever think about marrying?” Nie Mingjue asks him and Jiang Cheng immediately tenses.

“What stupid question is that?” he snaps out, trying very hard to not think about him and Nie Mingjue in red, bowing three times because that clearly is never happening.

Jiang Cheng wasn’t prepared for how much that thought hurts.

“I mean—” Nie Mingjue starts but Jiang Cheng can’t let him speak, can’t let him put more horrible, wonderful, unattainable ideas into his head.

“Have you even looked at me? No fool would be stupid enough to bind themselves to me for the rest of their lives.”

He’s sure in his answer, the whispers from his soldiers still in his ears; pretty but volatile, fun for a night but never for longer.

Jiang Cheng doubts any of that changed.

“I barely do anything else,” Nie Mingjue whispers, effectively yanking Jiang Cheng out of his thoughts with it, “and that is uncalled for.”

He sounds hurt and Jiang Cheng bristles with the uncertainty of what is going on. The implication of what Nie Mingjue said leaves him breathless and hurt and it’s not like he’s going to trust it.

Nie Mingjue wants sex, that’s all, Jiang Cheng reminds himself.

“What about you?” he bites out in return, wishing to get the attention away from him, but he was not prepared for the way Nie Mingjue’s face shuts down.

“Do you really think my affections so fickle? Do you really think they already found a new target? You shut down my courtship proposal, there is no reason to get mean about it now,” Nie Mingjue says, turning away from Jiang Cheng.

It’s probably a good thing, because Nie Mingjue’s words leave him confused and uncertain and it’s not a combination he favours.

Jiang Cheng turns the words over in his head, adds the ones from before to the mix and the meaning of it all makes it feel like someone is yanking the ground out from under Jiang Cheng.

So he does the only thing he can think to do in that moment.

He flees.

Jiang Cheng hears Nie Mingjue’s surprised shout behind him, but Jiang Cheng doesn’t stop until he’s in his own room, the door firmly closed behind him.

It can’t be. What Nie Mingjue said—it sounded like he was interested in more than just a night with Jiang Cheng and that is not something Jiang Cheng knows how to deal with.

He frantically tries to recall the letter Nie Mingjue sent him during the war, but no matter how hard he thinks, he remembers the same empty promises a lot of the soldiers made him during that time.

Except that maybe—maybe the promises weren’t so empty, Jiang Cheng thinks and sinks down to bury his face in his knees.

Maybe Nie Mingjue wanted more than just one night all along and Jiang Cheng has just been stupid beyond belief.

Suddenly Nie Mingjue’s gazes and aborted movements appear in a completely new light and Jiang Cheng wonders what would have happened if he had given in; if he just leaned into Nie Mingjue’s hands, just once.

Could he have gotten everything he wanted earlier then?

“Wanyin, I’m sorry,” Nie Mingjue suddenly says, his voice muffled through the door. Of course he would have followed Jiang Cheng. “I selfishly thought I could have your friendship even when I couldn’t have your love and I am sorry,” he goes on. “I will leave now and I won’t return. Please forgive me.”

Jiang Cheng hears him walk away and it’s enough to make him scramble to his feet, before he rushes to get the door open.

“Wait!” he almost yells as he stumbles out onto the hallway. “Wait.”

Nie Mingjue does, but he doesn’t turn around, doesn’t look at Jiang Cheng and he can’t even be mad at him for it. In fact, it presents him with an opportunity, because it gives Jiang Cheng the chance to walk right up to Nie Mingjue and hug him from behind, burying his face in his back.

“Don’t leave,” he whispers and he can feel how tense Nie Mingjue is under his touch.

“You don’t have to—” Nie Mingjue starts, but Jiang Cheng cuts him off.

“Shut up. I want to.” Jiang Cheng takes a deep breath. “That letter during the Sunshot Campaign,” he starts but he doesn’t know how to ask for what he really wants to know and so the words hang awkwardly in the air around them.

“I did get the hint then,” Nie Mingjue tonelessly says. “Your rejection was pretty clear.”

“No!” Jiang Cheng vehemently says and shakes his head. “I thought you—people made a lot of promises to me during that time. Mostly to get me into bed,” he admits, and he reminds himself that it’s not something he has to be ashamed of.

“You—made me the same promises as some of the soldiers did,” he eventually goes on and he can imagine the frown on Nie Mingjue’s face. “I thought they were all empty as well.”

“You thought I wanted to get you into bed,” Nie Mingjue sums up.

“A night of fun, nothing more,” Jiang Cheng agrees. “And I—couldn’t do it, not with you. Even back then I knew that if I gave in, that I joined you for that—” he trails off before he remembers that he doesn’t have to hide his feelings anymore.

“I knew I would fall in love with you and be devastated when you wanted nothing more from me.”

“I proposed a courtship. For marriage,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng’s heart beats wildly in his chest.

“You never said marriage. And I was—maybe a little bit hasty with my assumption,” he admits.

“No, I can see where you’re coming from,” Nie Mingjue whispers after a short pause and puts his hand on top of Jiang Cheng’s. “I could have been clearer.”

Jiang Cheng tightens his arms around Nie Mingjue’s middle and takes a deep breath.

“You don’t have to be content with my friendship,” he says, amazed at himself and wondering where he’s taking the courage from. “You have my love.”

Nie Mingjue breathes deeply before he pries Jiang Cheng’s hands away from his stomach and Jiang Cheng’s heart sinks.

Maybe he did read all of this wrong. Maybe Nie Mingjue didn’t mean what he said. Maybe he did just make a fool out of himself.

Jiang Cheng is about to step back, to at least attempt to be put together with this rejection, when Nie Mingjue pulls him into a hug.

“You have my love, too,” Nie Mingjue says, his lips brushing Jiang Cheng’s hair and Jiang Cheng can feel his face erupt into flames. “Of course you do.”

Jiang Cheng melts into his embrace and a part of him marvels at the fact that he gets to have this.

“I know it’s a bit late, but is the courtship still an option?” Jiang Cheng dares to ask and he can feel Nie Mingjue chuckle at the question.

Nie Mingjue removes one hand to make Jiang Cheng look at him, cupping his cheek and tilting his head back just enough that he can press their lips together.

“The courtship has always been an option,” Nie Mingjue tells him, kissing Jiang Cheng again and again.

“I would like to agree then,” Jiang Cheng says between kisses and is not prepared for the blinding smile Nie Mingjue gives him in return, even though it matches his own feelings.

“I’ll sweep you off your feet,” Nie Mingjue promises him and Jiang Cheng is too busy kissing him again to tell him that he already did that.

Still, Jiang Cheng is looking forward to it, and he vows to court the hell out of Nie Mingjue as well. It’s the least he deserves, after all.