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Chapter Text

The Doctor was running. But it felt like no matter how much she ran she couldn't get where she wanted. Yaz . She needed to get to Yaz. She had heard her sobs all the way in the console room and as soon as she had cottoned on and realised what those distressed sounds were and who they belonged to, she started running. 

But as further as her legs seemed to go, her destination seemed to keep on getting further and further away. She didn't understand. Usually the TARDIS would help, she would move Yaz’s room closer to allow the Doctor to reach her faster. The alien was familiar with Yaz’s nightmares, she had witnessed them before. She had been there to help Yaz through them before. But this time it seemed like the ship was trying to keep her away. 

“Let me get to Yaz!” The Doctor shouted to no one, but the ship didn't seem to hear. Gave no indication of wanting to allow the Doctor to reach her companion. 

More sobs could be heard and the Doctor felt her hearts clenching at the sound. Yaz was clearly hurting, whatever nightmare her mind had conjured this time, it didn't sound pleasant at all and the Doctor was feeling useless. She just wanted to be there for Yaz and she felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

“Please.” She pleaded with her ship, her own voice sounding desperate now and finally, by some miracle, a door showed up on her right.

Yaz’s bedroom door. 

The sobs sounded even louder now and without wasting any more time, the Doctor pushed open the door and carefully approached the bed. Yaz was curled up in a ball facing away from the door, shaking. Crying. If the Doctor’s hearts hadn’t broken before, they surely would now at such a sight. 

The Doctor rounded the bed until she’s on Yaz’s side and kneeled in front of her. Carefully putting a hand on the younger woman’s shoulder and shaking her lightly.

“Yaz?” Yaz didn't answer, but as soon as her shoulder was shaken, Yaz moved so abruptly the Doctor was forced to remove her hand. And Yaz’s sobs grew louder and more desperate “Yaz, baby please. You have to wake up!”

The Doctor sat on the bed next to her girlfriend, not touching her but talking to her as calmly and softly as she could. 

“You’re okay Yaz. Nothing is going to hurt you. I promise. You’re safe, you’re okay baby.” 

Yaz’s sobs seemed to be calming down and the Doctor lay down, carefully reaching a hand to Yaz’s cheeks that were dampened with tears.

“You’re safe baby, you’re okay.”

Yaz opened her eyes carefully, the room was dark and the Doctor figured she must take some little time to adjust, but it was clear that her dream - or more like nightmare - was still playing behind her eyes. They looked haunted, frightened. The Doctor wished she could take that hurt away with a snap of fingers. Maybe she could. But right now, all she needed to focus on was Yaz and helping her through it. 

“Doctor?” 

“I’m here Yasmin.” 

As soon as Yaz registered the hand pressing against her cheek, she shuffled closer, the Doctor immediately opening her arms in invitation and Yaz accepted it. The Doctor wrapped her arms around Yaz’s shoulders and the younger woman rested her head on the Doctor’s chest. The steady thum-thum-thum-thum like a symphony for her ears. 

The Doctor stroked her hair gently and softly until Yaz seemed a little more calm. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” The Doctor whispered, pressing a tender kiss on Yaz’s forehead. 

“It’s the same as always.” Yaz said, voice so low were the Doctor not so close she probably would not have heard it. 

The Doctor swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. Of course. It's the same nightmare. Always the same.

“It’s not real Yaz.” She pulled Yaz a little closer, in reassurance but she knows what her girlfriends next words will be before she even says them.

“It’s not real now. But it used to be.” 

“I know.” 

Yaz dreams about the Doctor leaving. It's always the same, always a different scenario, always a different reason. But it's always the same nightmare. One that the Doctor knew to plague Yaz during the day as well. Which is why the Doctor always made sure they were sticking together as much as possible. Through any situation. Because the Doctor felt guilty, because the Doctor had in fact left Yaz over and over again. For days and months and years. And even though they had had a conversation about that, even though the Doctor had apologised and Yaz had forgiven her - because of course she would - the Doctor still felt guilt. And Yaz still felt fear. 

“I’m sorry.” The Doctor said and she kissed Yaz’s forehead again. The alien felt the head on her chest shift, but she closed her eyes. She couldn't help but feel shame along with guilt. 

“Hey.” Yaz said and the Doctor felt soft full lips press against her own lightly and she opened her eyes to find brown ones staring intently at her. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” 

“Maybe not. But I still am. I wish I didn't dream about it, but I just- I’m just scared.”

“I know.” 

There was a brief moment of silence and Yaz rested her head on the Doctor’s chest again, finding peace in the steady rhythm of her hearts. 

“The nightmares aren't real Yaz. I am. I’m really here.” 

Yaz gave the Doctor’s hip a squeeze and kissed her neck. 

“I know. Thank you.” The Doctor ran her fingers through Yaz’s hair, knowing that could easily get her girlfriend back to sleep. The Doctor could use some sleep as well.

“Will you still be here when I wake up?” 

Yaz asked, her voice already tinged with sleep and the Doctor could feel her own eyes falling heavy. 

“Always.”

Chapter Text

“Are you sure there isn't a better way to do this? You know, one that doesn't involve you possibly breaking your neck?” 

“Don't be so pessimistic Yaz, I’m nearly there!”

The Doctor kept on climbing the tree without a care, in the direction of the little kitten who had gotten stuck. Yaz on the other hand was already chewing away her thumbnail in a ball of nervousness at seeing her girlfriend climbing higher and higher by the second. If the Doctor wasn't worried about the possible outcomes, Yaz was certainly worried enough for the both of them. 

“Gotcha!” 

The Doctor grabbed the little ginger cat and slowly - but not so carefully - started making her way down. Yaz was looking intently at every branch the Doctor set her foot on, making sure it looked steady enough. 

She was starting to let herself relax, only a little more and the Doctor would be at a safe height again. Except, Yaz allowed herself to relax too soon cause all of a sudden there was a loud CRACK and before Yaz could do anything, before she could even let out a scream, the Doctor came falling down the remaining of the tree landing unceremoniously on the grass.

“DOCTOR!” Yaz immediately ran over to her, crouching down next to her girlfriend when this one didnt give any sign of, well… anything “Doctor?!”

“Ouch.” The Doctor said and Yaz breathed a sigh of relief and then she noticed that, carefully secured against the Doctor’s chest was a ball of ginger fur meowing like nothing had happened. 

“Miss, are you okay?” The little girl who owned the cat and had been watching from the sidelines suddenly said, startling Yaz. She had been so worried about the Doctor she had forgotten the little girl was there, she had been the one calling them for help. 

“Yup! Peachy!” The Doctor said, though Yaz could tell there was a slightly pained tone to her voice. The Doctor got off the grass and extended one of her hands holding the little kitten to the girl who took him happily, and with a very grateful ‘thank you’ to both women, strolled away into her house. 

“Right, off we go?” The Doctor said in a more cheery tone than Yaz was expecting, but Yaz knew her well enough to know it was forced. And she also couldn't help but notice that the Doctor was keeping her left arm very close to her chest, protecting it. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Yaz asked, concern lacing her voice but the Doctor - as usual - brushed off any concerns her girlfriend might have. 

“Don't be so worried Yaz, I’m perfectly fine!” But Yaz knew she wasn't. But before she could protest, the Doctor was already walking off towards their ship and Yaz had no choice but to follow her. 

The TARDIS was parked just on the other side of the road and as soon as they got in, the Doctor pulled the lever and they took off. The Time Lord kept pressing buttons that - from her little knowledge - Yaz was sure didn't really do anything. They were just a distraction. And the Doctor was still keeping her left arm close to her chest. 

Knowing that arguing with her girlfriend was pointless, because the Doctor would just keep on avoiding Yaz’s concern and change the subject, Yaz decided to go with a different tactic. Maybe it was a long shot and the Doctor would be able to tell Yaz’s intentions from a mile away, but she was willing to try. All of it just to get this stubborn alien to admit she’s hurt. 

“Hey.” Yaz called out and the Doctor looked away from the buttons to meet her eyes “I was just thinking…” Yaz started walking slowly towards the Doctor “It’s been a while since we danced…”

“Hm.” 

Yaz was right in front of her now, she looped her arms around the Doctor’s neck and pulled her down for a gentle kiss, the Doctor humming in pleasure against it. 

Yaz broke away, grabbing hold on the Doctor’s right hand, keeping her other one on the alien’s shoulder, hoping her plan was gonna work. 

Yaz felt mean for this, she did, but if there was one thing she knew was capable of getting the Doctor to lower her defences, was Yaz being this close to her. The Doctor was Yaz’s weakness, but Yaz was the Doctor’s too. 

And sure enough, it only took a few seconds for her girlfriend to let herself go and reach her left arm to hold onto Yaz’s waist. But as soon as she did, she hissed in pain. Gotcha . 

“I knew it!” Yaz said with no sign of amusement on having succeeded, only annoyance and complete worry looking at the Doctor, who was already trying to mask the fact that she was hurting “Don’t try to hide it Doctor.” 

Yaz stepped away and the Doctor looked away from her, so Yaz relented and took a step closer again, reaching her hand to the Doctor’s cheek in a soothing manner.

“Babe, please. Let me see.” 

The pet name does its magic - as usual - because the Doctor finally looked back at Yaz and met nothing but softness and concern and love in her eyes, and carefully, she detached her arm from her chest and moved it slowly towards Yaz. Yaz handled it as gently as she could, like it’s a little bird with broken wings, and started slowly rolling the Doctor’s sleeves until flesh is exposed and- 

“Oh my god… Doctor-” 

The Doctor simply shook her head and Yaz could see tears in the corners of her girlfriends eyes, meaning that it must really hurt.

“I think it might be broken.” The Doctor whispered. Yaz had to agree, because by the way her arm was swollen and bruised, it's the most logical conclusion, but they still should get it checked. 

Yaz asked the TARDIS to move the medical bay a little closer, and helped guide the Doctor into it. They moved slowly so as to not jostle the Doctor’s arm too much and finally, Yaz manages to get her girlfriend to sit in a bed. 

The Doctor retrieved her sonic - with the help of Yaz - and after a quick scan they concluded that the Doctor’s arm was, in fact, broken. 

“What can we do? Put on a cast or something?” Yaz asked, knowing better than to suggest a quick hospital trip because there’s no way the Doctor would ever agree to it. 

Turns out a cast wasn't necessary, because the Doctor possesses some pills from the future that help repair bones just like that. The Doctor took two of them (one for each heart, she explained and Yaz decided not to question her any further). After a while, the Doctor starts drifting off into sleep - a side effect from the pills apparently - and Yaz suggests they go to the bedroom to get some rest. 

Once there, she helped the Doctor get settled into bed and made sure to tuck her just right and kiss her softly on the lips. 

“I hate to see you hurt like this…” Yaz said, feeling her own voice wavering. The Doctor reached up with her good hand to hold Yaz’s and squeezed in reassurance. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

“Anything else you need? Anything that might help?” Was all Yaz could say, because she wanted to be useful. She wished she could speed the process, make the Doctor’s arm all good already.

“Just you. Next to me.” 

That, she could definitely do. 

Yaz smiled softly, quickly changing into her pyjamas which consisted of just a t-shirt, and climbed into bed next to the Doctor who was lying on her back, left arm resting on top of her stomach. But while her left arm and side were out of bounds, her right one was definitely not. 

So, when her girlfriend opened her arm in invitation, Yaz couldn't resist accepting and moulded herself against the Doctor’s right side, immediately finding her favourite place with her head resting on the crook of the Doctor’s neck. 

“This is nice.” The Doctor murmured, sleep clearly catching up with her.

Yaz pressed a kiss on the Doctor’s neck and nuzzled closer. 

“Yes, it is.” Both women fell asleep after minutes. 

***

Yaz woke up the next morning  to a solid warm body pressed against her back and two strong arms wrapped around her waist. 

As soon as she started moving, a soft kiss was pressed on the back of her neck. 

“Good morning.” Her girlfriend said, and Yaz knew that tone. 

She turned around until she was facing the Doctor, who eased her grip on Yaz’s waist.

“Your arm seems to be all recovered.”

“Yup.” The Doctor removed her arm from under the sheets and waved it around a little. But all Yaz could focus on was the dark pupils of the Doctor’s eyes. 

So it really was going to be that kind of morning. 

“Hm… You’re sure it’s really all healed up?” 

Yaz said in a teasing tone, and before she knew it the Doctor was climbing on top of her. 

“I don't know…” The Doctor said, her voice low and Yaz felt her girlfriend’s left hand climbing slowly up her tight until it reached the hem of her knickers “What do you say we put it to use and test it?” 

Yaz didn't need to be asked twice. She pulled the Doctor into a kiss.

Chapter Text

“I’m gonna ask you how you are and I would like you to answer me honestly.” Yaz said with her arms crossed but the Doctor avoided looking at her. She couldn't bear it. Not now. 

“I’m fine Yaz.” She said in a way that would put the whole conversation to a rest. 

She knew she was being unfair. She knew none of it was Yaz’s fault. But the Doctor couldn't put her own demons on Yaz. She wouldn't. This was a burden that was hers alone. 

“Fine.” Was all Yaz said before she turned around and stormed off the TARDIS. The Doctor had landed them in Sheffield, Yaz wanted to pop home for a quick visit and some tea and the Doctor had been more than happy to go with her. But this morning they had gone to another planet where they had been held captive and the Doctor had been forced to deal with some of her biggest inner fears due to some nasty mind games on their captors part. 

It hadn't been pretty. The Doctor was only glad she had been able to put a stop to everything before they got into Yaz’s head. They had too much fun with the Doctor’s. Kept going through it for quite a while actually. It was a big mind. And it was an old mind. So many years on it, so many lives, of course any greedy being who enjoyed mind games would give the Doctor’s mind special attention. And of course they would uncover one of her biggest fears. It was right there for the grab. It had definitely been hard to resist. 

But now the Doctor was left to deal with the aftermath of such a foul game. And she couldn't help the dark clouds that kept looming over her head. 

Loneliness. 

That was what it all came back to eventually, wasn't it? The Doctor was simply so very lonely. She didn't always feel this. When she was with Yaz, she didn't feel so alone. But her curse was that Yaz’s presence in her life was temporary. She always knew that. But now that they’ve decided to take the next step in their relationship, and decided to be happy while they could, that thought has become even more present in her mind. 

In the end, she’s always gonna end up alone. 

But she had promised Yaz that she would go for tea with her parents, and she intended to keep that promise. With a sigh, the Doctor detached herself from the console and made her way towards the door, already thinking what excuse she’d be giving Yaz’s parents, especially her mum, for being a little late. 

But when she opened the doors, instead of being faced with Yaz’s building and the sound of city traffic, the Doctor was faced with a vast blue ocean and the smell of salty water. They were at the beach. Not the beach where they had first confessed their feelings for each, but a beach nonetheless. 

The Doctor spotted Yaz sitting a little away from the ship, just staring at the sea in front of them and slowly approached her. 

“Not Sheffield.” She said awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot. 

“No.” Yaz said matter of fact, but she made space next to her and gestured for the Doctor to sit down and the alien did. 

They stayed quiet for a while, only the sound of the waves and the seagulls filling the otherwise deafening silence that had risen between them. Even the Doctor doesn't like silence like this. Not with Yaz. It doesn't feel right.

“I think our ship is onto something.” Yaz broke the silence so suddenly, the Doctor immediately looked at her, trying to understand what was the meaning of her girlfriend's words “She knows there’s something on your mind you need to talk about. And she knows that you find it easier to do it in a place like this.”

The Doctor thought about that for a second and she must admit Yaz is right. For some reason, the Doctor did find beaches soothing. Found them to be a good place to pour out her feelings. It was where she had first confessed her feelings for Yaz and it was where she had first told Yaz she loved her. It was where she told Yaz everything. 

And she wanted to tell Yaz about what had happened. She wanted to tell Yaz how she feels so incredibly lonely sometimes it physically hurts. Even though she knows Yaz is there, she can't help but feel like that. 

Yaz reached for a hand and squeezed reassuringly.

“Please talk to me babe.” 

And maybe it was the hand hold, or Yaz’s soft voice or the love the Doctor finds in Yaz’s eyes when she finally looked at her. Or maybe this really is their safe place where the Doctor feels she can let her soul show itself. Or maybe it was all of those things combined. Or maybe it was none of them. But the truth is, when Yaz spoke in that voice that feels like a warm hug settling itself in the Doctor’s beating hearts that always beat more fearcily when Yaz is close… The Doctor finally caved and started crying. 

She leaned her head against Yaz’s shoulder and allowed herself to feel the overwhelming loneliness in her hearts. Yaz didn't say anything and simply curled an arm around the Doctor’s waist pulling her closer and kissed her forehead over and over and over again. Whispering words of love. Always so much love. 

The Doctor isn't sure how much time has passed but when her sobs finally calm down and she lifted her head from Yaz’s shoulder, the moon is there, illuminating them.

The Doctor didn't say anything. But where usually the Doctor fails with words on matters such as these, Yaz always knows what to say. 

“I’m sorry you feel like that.” Her girlfriend said and the Doctor froze, not really knowing how to respond but simply looking at Yaz with a questioning look in her eyes “I heard you thinking. I think you accidentally did that mind connection thing you do sometimes when we’re- Doesn't matter.” Yaz gave her a soft smile that the Doctor returned “Thing is I heard you. And I’m sorry.”

Yaz looked so sincere that the Doctor found herself once again lost for words. She simply nodded and rested her head on Yaz’s shoulder again, immediately feeling lips pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead. The Doctor drew lazy circles on Yaz’s leg. 

“For what it’s worth I know how it feels. Loneliness. And you don't have to say anything and we don't have to talk about it right now but… If you ever want to… I’m here for you. For as long as I can be. I’m not going anywhere. I’m with you, whatever happens. Remember?”

“Yeah.” Was all the Doctor could say and she moved her head a little to look into Yaz’s face “I love you.” 

Yaz looked back at her and locked their lips together in a soft kiss.

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

Yaz doesn't remember what triggered it. One moment she felt fine, the next she was sitting against a pillar on the TARDIS gasping for air. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. 

The lights around her were changing. One second it was yellow, the next it was red and then blue. She didn't know exactly what was happening. All she knew is that she needed to breathe, but she couldn't. Her mind knew what was happening. Her mind knew what she needed to do but her body didn't seem to cooperate. 

She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them tight. She felt scared. She felt tears streaming down her face and her whole body was complaining. She needed to breathe. Why couldn't she breathe? 

She started sobbing but there was no one around to hear her. She felt like there should be someone around right? She couldn't remember. Why wasn't anyone here with her? 

She was going to die. She felt like she was going to die and worst of all she was going to die alone. Her vision was getting blurry, she couldn't hear properly. She closed her eyes, the lights in the room suddenly becoming too much. 

She kept trying to breathe but it was useless. Her body wasn't on board with it. 

She lowered her head trying to keep the dizziness at bay, but it only got worse. She could feel the sweat coating her forehead. 

Suddenly, she didn't know where it was coming from, but she could tell it was close. It sounded so loud and so low at the same time. She couldn't understand what the voice was saying, but she was drawn to it. For some reason, she knew that voice belonged to someone she felt safe with. 

She needed to lift her head. Needed to look at this person. Fighting everything in her, she slowly tried to move her head away from her knees. Her mind was screaming. She still couldn't bring herself to breathe properly, but at least if she died, she could die knowing she wasn't alone. 

“You have to look at me Yaz, come on.” The voice was encouraging her and that pushed Yaz to lift her eyes the remaining inches until brown locked on green “That’s it Yaz.” 

The Doctor. Of course, that’s the Doctor. The Time Lord’s hazel eyes immediately feel Yaz up with warmth and she feels herself relax the tiniest bit. Until suddenly the lights on the ship become too much again and she’s forced to close her eyes. 

“Hey, hey.” The Doctor says in a whisper and Yaz struggles to open her eyes again but eventually she does “Just look at me. Forget everything else.” 

Yaz nods, and reaches out to take one of the Doctor’s hands in her own and the Doctor immediately squeezes tightly. Yaz needed this contact. Everything about the Doctor is warm to her. 

“I need you to breathe for me, okay? Slowly, in and out.” 

Yaz nods again, not trusting herself to say any words out loud right now and slowly with the help of the Doctor who starts counting and guiding Yaz, she starts breathing properly again. She can feel her heart rate decrease and feel herself get calmer with each breath. 

“That’s it Yaz. You’re doing great.” 

After a few more minutes, Yaz finally eases up and stops squeezing the Doctor’s hand, but she still doesn't let go. 

“What happened?” The Doctor asks gently, moving a strand of hair away from Yaz’s face and tucking it behind her ear. Yaz simply shrugs, not really knowing how to explain. 

“It just did- I don't know. I’m sorry.” 

“Yasmin Khan, you have nothing to apologise for.” The Doctor reassures and Yaz shoots her a teary smile. 

“Thank you for being here.” 

That makes the Doctor smile. 

“Always Yaz.” She moves until her lips press against Yaz’s forehead in a gentle kiss “Always.”

Chapter Text

Something woke Yaz up, which was not unusual. She was a light sleeper. But she didn't usually get woken up by this in the middle of the night. And especially not when she was sleeping in the Doctor’s arms. 

Wait. The Doctor's arms are not wrapped around her in a koala manner as she usually finds them in the morning. And the reason why she woke up in the first place is becoming more apparent by the second, her brain function suddenly going back to normal and regaining some sense of her surroundings. 

A small cry comes from beside her and Yaz immediately turns in alarm, seeking the form next to her. When her hand finds it however, she pulls back as if she’s been shocked. 

Her girlfriend is trembling and Yaz turns to her side again to get to the light on the bedside table. Luckily it's a dim light, casting the room in a soft orange glow. But even as soft as it is, Yaz can immediately tell what's happening. 

The Doctor is facing away from her, but her curled up position suggests her mind is being once again plagued by nightmares. And from the small whimper of ‘i want more time’, Yaz can easily guess what this nightmare is. Lately it’s been always the same. 

“Baby?” Yaz calls in a low voice so as not to scare the other woman. She reaches a hand tentatively to her shoulder and shakes her a little “Baby, you have to wake up.” 

Yaz tries a few more times but to no success. Her girlfriend keeps crying and every tear Yaz sees running down her cheek feels like a stab to her own heart. She never liked to see the Doctor hurting. More so now than ever. 

“I don't want to leave Yaz. Please no.” 

The Doctor cries and Yaz does the best thing she can. She wraps an arm around the Doctor’s waist and pulls her close. She starts kissing the back of her neck, whispering loving and reassuring words. 

“I’m right here baby. I love you. You’re safe. I promise, you’re safe.” Yaz says and she can feel her own tears running down her cheeks “You’re not regenerating. You’re safe. I’m right here. I love you.” 

Yaz repeats the words over and over again, holding the Doctor tightly until she starts shaking and until, eventually, the crying stops. After what feels like hours, her girlfriend finally calms down and starts moving in Yaz’s arms until they’re facing each other. 

Immediately, the Doctor buries her face in Yaz’s neck. Her safe place. Yaz holds her even tighter, kissing the top of her head and whispering softs ‘i love you’ over and over again. 

It's a while until the Doctor finally pulls away just enough to look at Yaz. Her eyes are puffy and red and Yaz reaches a hand up to stroke a thumb across her cheek to clean a stray tear that is still there. 

“I’m sorry.” The Doctor whispers and Yaz shakes her head, kissing her forehead. 

“It’s okay.” She reassures but the Doctor can't bring herself to look Yaz in the eyes “Baby, it's okay. It’s not your fault.” 

The Doctor sighs, moving until she’s resting her forehead against Yaz’s. Yaz reaches her hand behind the Doctor’s neck and starts scratching the baby hairs there. That always helps her girlfriend relax. 

“I just can't stop thinking about it. What if the regeneration process is just taking longer and I’m not even realising? What if I just start glowing while we’re on a date? What if we go to bed together one day and I wake up as a different person? What if-” 

“Hey, hey…” Yaz needs to give her a quick kiss just to stop her mouth from saying any more words. It’s not the first time the Doctor’s mind has been plagued with these questions, and for a while it probably won't be the last. The incident wasn't that long ago after all. 

“You checked everything at the time, remember? It didn't hit you hard enough. Your body recovered. There's been no signs of regeneration for the last couple of weeks. You’re gonna be okay, baby.” 

Yaz reassures and that seems to put the Doctor a little more at ease (for now). Yaz’s hand returns to her baby hairs on the back of her neck, scratching lightly until the Doctor’s eyes start closing in exhaustion again. 

“You can sleep now. I won't let anything hurt you as long as I’m here.” 

The Doctor nods and buries her face in Yaz’s neck again while Yaz pulls her close.

Chapter Text

Yaz lifted her top until her ribs were exposed and the already purple bruising meeting her skin was enough to make her flinch. It hurt. Of course it hurt. By the looks of it Yaz could almost guess that the explosion had hit her harder than she thought. Even though she tried to pretend it didn’t at the time. 

Because she didn’t want the Doctor to know. She didn’t want the Doctor to worry about her. Yaz could take care of herself. A few bruised ribs. Child’s play, right?

Except with the adrenaline now wearing off, even moving was painful and Yaz slowly and carefully made her way to the bed where she sat, holding her torso as gently as she could even though she knew that wasn’t really gonna help matters.

She grabbed the ice pack that she had miraculously managed to get past the Doctor earlier and, lying down, she pressed it against the bruising skin. She pressed her lips together to avoid letting any whimper come out and blinked back tears. 

A few minutes later, a soft knock came at the door and Yaz could hear her girlfriend's gentle voice call through. 

“Yaz? You okay? You’ve been there for ages. I’m-“ The Time Lord tried to open the door but found it to be locked “Yaz please say something. You don’t usually close the door. I just need to know you’re okay.”

Yaz wanted to lie. To tell her girlfriend to go and leave her be. Tell her she’s fine and there's nothing to worry about. Except… It really, really hurts. And Yaz could already tell she’s going to have difficulty hiding it anyway. Even the slightest movement sent shocks of pain through her system. There’s no way she’d be able to hide it. 

Taking a deep breath and preparing herself for her overly worrying girlfriend who she loves more than anything in the universe, she silently asked the ship to open the bedroom door and no more than a second later, a blonde head peaked through the gap. 

“Can I?”

“Yeah.” 

The Doctor moved towards Yaz and she could immediately tell something was off. She’d always been able to tell. 

“Show me where it hurts.” She asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed carefully so as not to jostle Yaz too much, “Please.”

Lifting the blanket covering the cursed injury, followed by the ice pack, purple bruising ribs are exposed to the room. 

“Oh, Yaz.” Came the Doctor’s soft voice. Always so incredibly soft. 

“I’m sorry for not telling you.” Yaz apologised ashamedly, not looking at her girlfriend. 

But if she was expecting a telling off or something, she’s suddenly surprised by the soft kisses that meet her hurting skin. Except when her girlfriend's lips touch her, it doesn’t hurt at all. 

“Thank you for telling me now.” The Doctor moved until her lips met Yaz’s cheek and she grabbed the ice pack to gently place it on top of her ribs again “I’m gonna get you something for the pain and some tea.”

The Doctor simply said, but when she got up to leave Yaz reached for her hand, ignoring the sudden pain the movement caused, and pulled her girlfriend down until their lips met. 

“I love you.”

The Doctor smiled softly down at her, and pressed their lips together again in a gentle kiss. 

“I love you too. Now stay still. Doctor’s orders.”

Yaz laughs at that, a laugh accompanied by the pain her injuries caused, but it’s worth it. 

Chapter Text

“Oh, fuck!” 

The Doctor immediately got up from her place on the table, where she was reading, as soon as the curse word left Yaz’s lips, coming up behind her girlfriend to see what had happened. The view that greeted her almost turned her stomach. 

Yaz had cut her finger while cleaning and was now holding it wrapped around a clot which was already drenched in blood. 

“Oh, Yaz..” The Doctor looked at Yaz's face and immediately could tell she was in pain, her eyes were shut close and she was trying to control her breathing. “Here.” 

The Doctor held Yaz’s hand and gently removed the clot around it, trying to keep control of her own emotions, because Yaz was hurt and the Doctor needed to make sure they stopped the bleeding and then inspect the damage. 

Yaz let herself be guided to the sink where the Doctor slowly put her hand under the running cold water. 

“I’m sorry, but this is going to hurt for a second.” Yaz winced at the temperature and how the wound stung but the Doctor held her hand to keep her from moving. 

Something was up with Yaz. She could tell. It was not the first time Yaz had cut her finger while in the kitchen but usually she would be much more active in sorting herself out and wouldn’t need the Doctor’s guidance that much. The fact Yaz hadn’t said a word yet or tried to convince the Doctor she was fine, was telling. 

The Doctor didn’t want to push though. She just wanted to take care of Yaz and make sure the wound was cleaned and bandaged before she asked her if anything else was happening. She had seen this in Yaz before, how she sometimes would grow distant and detached. She usually saw the signs before anything drastic happened but this time it had crept up on her. And now Yaz had hurt herself. 

“Fuck.” Yaz said, finally properly registering what was happening. 

“You’re okay baby. You just cut your finger, you need to keep it under water a bit longer. Okay?” 

Yaz nodded, and the Doctor could see the unshed tears in her eyes now. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” The Doctor whispered, placing a soft kiss on Yaz's forehead into which Yaz leaned. 

She turned the tap off and gently wrapped Yaz’s hand again, guiding her to a chair and fetching the first aid kit. She inspected the damage. The cut wasn’t as deep as she thought, but it was definitely gonna leave a little scar. 

She cleaned it, apologising every time she touched the wound and Yaz hissed in pain.

“I’m gonna apply some butterfly stitches on it.” The Doctor informed and Yaz nodded. When it was done, the Doctor applied some dressing around it just in case it still bled a little, but she was confident they had stopped the worst of it. 

When everything was done and cleaned, she sat in front of Yaz again, looking at her softly and lovingly. She grabbed her hand, pressing a little kiss to her injured finger and that’s when Yaz broke and started crying. 

The Doctor moved forward, hugging her girlfriend and feeling her tears soak through the t-shirt but she didn’t care. She hated seeing Yaz like this, no matter how many time they went through this, it never got any easier. And the worst thing is that the Doctor knew she couldn’t really fix it. 

But she could always make it a little easier. 

As Yaz cried, the Doctor kept kissing the side of her head and whispering words of ‘i love you’ into her ear. Every time she said it, she could feel Yaz’s arms wrap around her with a little more force. 

But she didn’t stop. 

After a while, Yaz finally pulled back, her eyes red and the Doctor smiled softly and reassuringly at her, cleaning Yaz’s cheeks with her thumbs. 

“Movies and ice cream?” The Doctor asked, eliciting a smile from Yaz and she felt her heart burst with so much love for this amazing human. 

“I love you.” Yaz said, holding the Doctor’s hand that was still on her cheek. 

“And I love you.” The Doctor said, leaning forward to give Yaz another kiss on the forehead “No matter what.” 

Chapter Text

Yaz had been getting more distant by the day. And although the Doctor had noticed, she felt like she couldn’t really say anything. Yaz was an adult, and every time the Doctor asked her if she was okay, Yaz simply said she was fine and they would go on about their day. 

But the Doctor was still keeping a close eye on her, noticing the signs, occasionally having her ship check Yaz’s health levels. Nothing physical seemed to be going on, but still… The Doctor was worried. 

And as the days went by she got even more worried. Yaz stopped getting up early to do her workouts, and instead slept through the mornings. She sometimes didn’t want to go on adventures anymore, claiming she was too tired even though she had just gotten out of bed. She always seemed distracted and distant. She no longer wanted to be intimate… which was fine by the Doctor, but even when they were simply cuddling in bed she felt like Yaz was not fully there. 

Her girlfriend was pushing her away, and the Doctor just didn't know what to do. Yaz’s health was fine, she knew it was. She had checked. Whatever was going on was something the Doctor didn’t know how to fix. 

And then one night, the Doctor climbed into bed after spending hours trying (unsuccessfully) to fix the jacuzzi, and she wrapped an arm around Yaz who was supposedly fast asleep… but Yaz moved away from her. 

She had never done that before. Usually when the Doctor came to bed and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, Yaz would move closer to her, pressing their bodies against each other on instinct. But she had never moved away before, and the Doctor felt both her hearts break a little at the gesture. 

“Yaz?” She heard herself say before she could think better of it. She needed to know what was wrong. She needed to know how she could help. “Baby… I need to know what’s wrong. I need to know if I did something wrong. And how can I fix it” 

For a long time Yaz didn’t say anything. Didn’t move. The Doctor was ready to accept that maybe she wouldn’t get an answer tonight, that Yaz was asleep after all. She was about to get up and leave her girlfriend to rest - there were more things in the TARDIS that needed fixing after all - when Yaz finally turned around to look at her. 

When she looked at her girlfriend, her hearts broke all over. Yaz looked sadder than the Doctor had ever seen her. And she was crying, her eyes shining in the lowlights of the room. 

“Yaz, oh baby…”  

The Doctor’s first instinct was to hold her, and then she remembered that Yaz might not want that right now, so she moved her arm away again. But Yaz noticed and got closer. 

“Please. Hold me.” The Doctor didn’t need to be told twice, she opened her arms and Yaz immediately occupied her place in them, burying her head in the Doctor’s chest. 

The Doctor squeezed, holding her tight, feeling her girlfriend's tears soaking through her shirt but she didn’t care. Yaz needed her to hold her, and that was what the Doctor was gonna do. If this was all she could do to relieve even just a little bit of Yaz’s pain, then the Doctor would never let her go. 

When Yaz’s sobs finally seemed to calm down, the Doctor kissed the top of her head, whispering words of affection and love. Yaz looked up at her, her eyes red and exhausted. The Doctor kissed her forehead. 

“Hey.” 

“I’m sorry.” Was the first thing Yaz said and the Doctor furrowed her brows. 

“Why are you apologising?”

“I’m sorry for worrying you. For acting the way I’ve been acting, for-” 

“Yaz, stop.” The Doctor said, holding her tight again. “No apologies. Not for this.” 

The Doctor understood now. This darkness that had been consuming Yaz, day after day. The tiredness, the apathy, the loneliness, the isolation… The Doctor knew what it was. She knew she couldn’t fix it. Not immediately. But she could help make it better, slowly. Day after day. 

“What can I do? What do you need?” The Doctor asked, smiling softly at her girlfriend and her hearts fluttered with happiness when Yaz retributed the smile. Even if it was just a small one, it was more than the Doctor had seen in days. 

“Just you. Right here.” Yaz buried her head in the Doctor’s chest again and the Doctor wrapped her arms more securely around Yaz.

“Always Yaz. I will be here for as long as you need me.” 

“I love you.” Yaz said, and the Doctor kissed the top of her head, feeling Yaz exhale at the contact. 

“I love you too. So, so much.”

Yaz might not be fully better tomorrow. Or even the next day. Or the next. But the Doctor would help make it a little better day by day. 

If the darkness wanted Yaz, then the Doctor would become the sun.