Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sound of chattering filled the room as Sizhui entered the classroom. A smile bloomed on his face and he let out a short breath. His steps were light and his shoulders weren't as tense anymore. It was a few months into his time at junior high and he had easily adapted to the new environment, something he hadn't really expected. The new teachers seemed nice and his classmates weren't as scary as before. He had pretty much started to blend into the environment.

He wasn't the best at getting close to new people, so meeting others scared him. He was always kind to others, but he had never been an interesting person, which made it difficult for him to connect with people.

Well, at least he thought so. Jingyi, his best friend disagreed everytime he stated this. They had known each other for years. They went to the same elementary school and had been best friends since then. They were as good as glued to each other. He actually ended up in the same class as him, which was a huge relief for him. Sizhui couldn’t imagine how it would go if he ended up alone in a new class. A class with a bunch of strangers. A bunch of new faces.

Sizhui glanced towards the back of the room. Three boys sat there, chatting about who knows what. He would’ve never imagined this, but Jingyi and him ended up getting two new friends from their class. Now Ouyang Zizhen and Jin Ling had completed their little group. They had met at the start of the semester and had begun to hang out after that.

Sizhui was suddenly thrown out of his thoughts by a familiar voice.“ Sizhui, there you are! I was wondering why you hadn’t shown up yet,” Jingyi beamed at him.

Sizhui sighed as he explained, “My bus never showed up so I had to take the next one.”

Jin Ling crossed his arms and glared at him. “Ok, but why are you still standing? Come over here. The class is starting soon.” 

Sizhui wandered to where his friends sat. He seated himself next to Zizhen and hung his bag on the chair he sat on.

“The class starts in five minutes. Chill down, young mistress,” Jingyi teased.

Jin Ling stood up in anger, giving Jingyi a death stare. You could almost see smoke come out of his ears. “When will you stop calling me that?! I’m not-”

“It’s 8 am! My poor ears... Please stop fighting,” Zizhen begged, putting his face in his hands.

“Ok, ok. I will stop teasing the mistress,” Jingyi rolled his eyes.

“YOU-”

Sizhui knew they would never stop unless this conversation was broken off. He was way too tired for this. “Uh, what class do we start with today?” He questioned even though he already knew the answer.

“Aren’t you the one who usually knows this? We always start with history classes with Mr. Lan on Mondays,” Jingyi stated. He threw his legs off the table and leaned on his elbow. Sizhui just smiled at him awkwardly.

“Honestly, I love history classes with Mr. Lan. They're so much interesting than before. I used to fall asleep in history class when I was in elementary school. That shit was boring as hell!” Zizhen whined. “The teacher was so shitty too…" 

Jingyi glanced upon him. “Oh, really? That must’ve sucked. Well at least Mr. Lan is better. I think he’s ok so far. We’ve only had him for a few months though, so I don’t know,” he sighed.

He wrinkled his nose as he continued, “Maybe he will turn out to be one of those scary teachers once he gets used to us? What if he turns out to be one of those homophobic conservative men who drink kids tears!?”

Jin Ling gave him a disgusted look. Lines formed on his forehead. “Mr. Lan??? Are you fucking kidding with me? How did you even come to that conclusion? He doesn’t seem like that kind of person.”

“Yeah, but you never know!” He threw his arm out, dramatizing his words. “What if he steals candy from children for fun? He might also be super homophobic, but we just don’t know it. Wait, why are you guys staring at me-”

“I might be what now?” 

“.....”

Jingyi felt shivers go down his back as he slowly turned his head around. Lan Wangji stood there with a face filled with an offended expression. His eyes were narrowed and his nose was wrinkled. His stare was sharp as a blade, ready to be used.

Holy fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mr. Lan more expressful than this , Jingyi thought. His hands were clammy and his heartbeat sped up in fear.

Lan Wangji stared at Jingyi for something that felt like ages, when he finally remembered why he came over in the first place. He blurted out his original intentions.

“...Sizhui, I would like to discuss something with you after class if that’s possible.”

Sizhui looked back and forth between Lan Wangji and Jingyi. He was very confused, but agreed anyway. “Sure. That works for me.”

“Mn. Jingyi, I would like to talk to you about what you just stated, but we can discuss that on another day.” His gaze sharpened and his head tilted to the side. Eventually Lan Wangji walked away, leaving the teenagers shocked. 

As Lan Wangji got ready to start the class, Jingyi whispered. “Ok, I take back everything I just said. I’m pretty sure I was wrong…”

“You realized that just now?” Zizhen yelped. He snorted to himself as he turned around.

Jingyi buried his face in his hands. “I really fucked up. Damn..”

Jin Ling stretched out his arms as he yawned. “I can’t believe we’re just done with one class,” he cried out. I’m way too tired for school.”

Zizhen gathered his books as he replied, “Same… Mondays are horrible. I’m always so exhausted then.”

Sizhui chuckled as he asked, “Didn’t you stay up till 2 am because you were playing a game?”

“Not my fault that the game was so good!” 

He rolled his eyes. His friends weren’t exactly the brightest stars in the sky. Suddenly he heard someone call his name from behind.

“Sizhui.”

He turned around and looked at the person in front of him. “Oh, Mr. Lan! You said you wanted to discuss something, right?”

“Mn. Come with me.” Lan wangji stated. He stepped out of the classroom and walked down the corridor with Sizhui following right behind him. The corridor was filled with chatter and laughter. The area was crowded. Everyone was on their way out of the classrooms and on their way to the next class.

After walking down the hall for some time, they eventually reached a door. Lan Wangji pushed it open and looked at Sizhui, signalizing that he was supposed to enter. 

Their surroundings turned quiet once the door was shut. Sizhui was starting to get nervous. His heart was beating rapidly. He had always been a good student, so he couldn’t imagine what this might be about. Had he done something wrong without knowing it? Had something bad happened? Was he in trouble? Sizhui could still not figure out what this was about.

After some consideration, Sizhui broke the silence. “I’m uh- a little bit confused. Have I done anything wrong?”

Lan Wangji briefly looked at him as he say down. “You do not have to worry. I want to discuss something related to the parent-teacher conference this week.”

Sizhui let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “What about it?”

“Have you talked to your guardian about our meeting?”

“Yes. My dad and I are coming. It’s on Wednesday, right? 17:30? ” Sizhui answered.

Lan Wangji pulled out his laptop and began to write. “Mn. I was going to directly contact your parent, but I could not find their contact information.”

Sizhui wasn’t exactly surprised. “He must’ve forgotten to send in his information. It sounds like something he could’ve done,” he smiled. 

Lan Wangji was still tapping on the keyboard as he continued, “Then we’ll have to fix that. We need to have the info saved for emergencies and school events. What is your dad’s name?”

“His name is Wei Ying.”

“.........”

Lan wangji froze up. His fingers stopped moving and he appeared deathly pale. It was almost as if he had just seen a ghost. Sizhui stared at him, waiting for him to say something. The silence was deafening. Sizhui could feel the heavy air creep up on him. He wasn’t sure what had just happened. 

“....Wei Ying you said?” he finally replied. Sizhui couldn’t read his expression. “Yes. His name is Wei Ying.”

“Do you happen to… have another name?” Lan Wangji asked. His voice was shaking.

Sizhui fiddled with the bottom of his shirt as he mumbled, “Uh yes… My birth name is Wei Yuan, but I mostly use Sizhui when I’m at school and with friends. Why did you ask?”

Lan Wangji sighed. His shoulders were tense.“I knew your father when I was younger. We used to be-” A hint of sorrow fell upon his face, but disappeared as fast as it had arrived. “We used to be friends... Wei Ying introduced you to me when you were a baby. That is why I asked.”

“Wait… You said, ‘Used to be friends’?” Sizhui frowned and his hands stopped up.

Lan Wangji gazed out the window. The light made his eyes shine, making it appear as if he had tears in his eyes. “Something happened and we fell out of touch.” He had a pained expression. He was about to say something before he stopped himself.

Sizhui felt his stomach drop. He had never seen his teacher look so sad before. Something bad must've happened for him to look so pained.

Suddenly Lan Wangji stated, “Maybe you should ask your other parent to come with you instead of your dad. We ended on… bad terms. He probably does not want to see me. I do not want to make him uncomfortable.”

Sizhui felt the awkward air creep up his back for a moment. “I don’t have another parent. It’s just me and my dad. Should I still bring him?” Sizhui wondered.

Lan Wangji was still for a few moments. It looked like he was considering the outcomes of the possible events. In the end, he finally spoke, “Mn. You can inform your dad about the situation. If he is comfortable with seeing me, then it is fine.” 

“Ok,” he said. The room turned quiet once again. Sizhui waited for Lan Wangji to signal something. Hint that he should leave or hint for him to wait, but instead they just sat there. Lan Wangji was staring off into the air as if he just lost his soul. Maybe he had? Maybe the shock from this new knowledge had killed him? He didn’t want to be guilty for his teacher’s death, Sizhui thought. That would never end well. 

Sizhui began to worry. Was he having a silent heart attack or something? Did he go into hibernation? He wanted to reach out to check for a second, when Lan Wangji’s eyes suddenly looked straight at him

“Is…” Lan Wangji furrowed his brows, as if he was reconsidering asking. He let out a sigh before he continued. “How is he doing? Is he… happy?”

Sizhui was surprised by the question. He didn’t expect him to ask that, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Since they were friends in the past, it was only natural that he asked how he was doing after all these years.

“He’s doing ok, I guess. That’s what he says at least.” Lan Wangji gave him a conflicted gaze. He almost seemed sad from the reply, he thought.

He continued, “I’m not sure if he is happy though. He claims he is, but I’ve always had a feeling that something is bothering him. It’s like he’s constantly carrying weights on his shoulders, but he doesn’t want anyone to share his burdens,” Sizhui said while lowering his head.

“Wei Ying has always been like that. He never wants to bother others with his problems. He doesn’t want to be a burden,” Lan Wangji muttered while shaking his head. His brows furrowed even more.

“Yeah, seems about right,” Sizhui sighed. “You must’ve known him well.”

“... Mn, I did.” Lan Wangji peeked at the clock hanging on the gray wall. He closed his eyes briefly as he said, “The next class begins in a few minutes. You should get going.”

Sizhui smiled awkwardly at him and chuckled, “Ah, I almost forgot about that! I should get going then.”

Sizhui walked towards the door, but just as he grabbed the door knob, Lan Wangji added, “I’m glad to see you doing well after all these years, A-Yuan.” 

His voice sounded so pained, but Sizhi couldn’t tell why. There was something so familiar with the way he referred to him, but he couldn’t put a word on it. He wanted to ask, but in the end he just replied, “Thank you.”

After the meeting, his friends pestered him with questions. At last, he only told them that it was related to the parent-teacher conference. He had an urge to tell them about everything else, but he didn’t know where to start. He was almost sure that the event was a nostalgic dream. It just felt like the past was creeping upon him. Felt unreal. Felt weird. This made him nauseous. He wanted to go home, but how come it felt like something was missing from it?

That afternoon, Sizhui wanted to talk to his father about his conversation with Mr. Lan, but ultimately didn’t. He didn’t know how to bring it up. He didn’t know how he’d react and he hated it. He didn’t want to see him upset. What if he made him upset by bringing up an old friend?

The conversation with Mr. Lan played through his head again.

Maybe you should ask your other parent to come with you instead of your dad. We ended on… bad terms. He probably does not want to see me. I do not want to make him uncomfortable.

What in the world could’ve happened? They hadn’t talked in so many years. What could’ve caused that?

Chapter Text

Tuesday went by like a flash and Sizhui still hadn’t mentioned Lan Wangji to his dad. He knew his father could probably handle it, but what if he somehow rubbed salt into the wound? The thought of it made Sizhui feel extremely guilty.

Wei Wuxian must have noticed something was up, because that night, he finally spoke up. 

Sizhui heard a knocking sound from outside his bedroom.

“Come in,” he muttered.

Wei Wuxian stuck his head into the room. The light had yet to be turned off. He walked towards the bed and settled down beside the bed. Wei Wuxian stared into Sizhui’s eyes, as if he was trying to find something.

“What’s wrong my little radish?” His father smiled at him, but there was something worrying behind the smile.

Sizhui shrank under this blanket as he mumbled, “It’s nothing.”

Wei Wuxian sighed, “Kids these days… Just because you're a teenager, doesn’t mean I can't understand anything anymore. It’s always nothing this, nothing that. Trust me, I’ve been there. There’s never ‘nothing’. You’re not obligated to tell me what’s up, but just know you can always come and talk to me if something is on your mind, alright?”

“Thank you, baba.” Wei Wuxian grinned at him. He reached out his arms and held Sizhui’s face in his hands. His finger was slowly brushing his cheek in a comforting motion. A familiar motion.

“I love you, radish. You mean the world to me. Don’t you dare forget that.” His smile widened.

“I love you too, baba.”

“Good night, A-Yuan.” Wei Wuxian kissed his forehead and patted his cheek before slowly leaving the room.

“Good night,” he replied with a bittersweet smile across his face. He just lost an opportunity to tell him, but wasn't able to do it.

Guess he had to tell him tomorrow then. 

Sizhui laid his head on his pillow. Not that long after that, he fell asleep. His dreams were filled with blurry memories, one after another. Most of them were filled with laughter and smiles. They seemed so close, but yet so far. 

When he woke up, his pillow was damp from tears. He could not remember what he had dreamt of, but they felt so nostalgic and happy. He wasn’t even able to recall what happened in the dreams. He cursed at himself for it.

Wednesday was finally here and Sizhui still hadn’t mentioned anything. The school day was already done and it wasn’t long until they would leave. Wei Wuxian entered the living room with a wide grin on his face.

“Are you ready to go radish?” Sizhui hesitated for a moment. Was this a good idea? He wasn’t sure anymore.

“Yes…” he answered. He didn’t know what else to say.

They put on their outer clothing and were ready after a few minutes. Like always, Wei Wuxian had somehow lost something and had looked for it everywhere. Of course he always found it, but it would take some time.

“Those damn car keys. Took me 10 minutes to find them. It’s like all of my stuff just disappears and reappears whenever it wants to,” Wei Wuxian whined.

They were slowly walking towards the car and Sizhui became even more and more anxious. Should he just let it be or should he mention it now? 

They got into the car and as Wei Wuxian was about to drive, he noticed that his son’s seatbelt wasn’t on.

“A-Yuan-”

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

Wei Wuxian's gaze wrinkled in shock. He leaned his head to the side as he muttered, “What..?”

“Maybe we shouldn't go.”

Wei Wuxian was utterly confused. “What are you talking about? Did you do bad this semester? Are your grades bad? You know I don’t care about tha-”

“No, it’s not that.” Sizhui clenched his fists. How was he supposed to say this?

“Hmmm... Is your teacher being mean to you? Do I need to beat someone up?” Wei Wuxian’s face turned grey and his smile turned strained. His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

“No! He’s my favorite teacher. He treats me and my classmates very well,” he yelled in a hurry.

Wei Wuxian let out a relieved breath. “That’s good to know. While we are talking about your teacher, what should I call him when I meet him?”

“We call him Mr. Lan.” 

Wei Wuxian's eyes widened. Sorrow was written all over his face until a fake smile was plastered on top of it, “Lan, huh…” he sighed. 

Now Sizhui was even more scared of telling him. He knew they would meet eventually, but he didn’t want to bring up the topic himself. He put on his seat belt and leaned his head against the window. Wei Wuxian pressed the gas, setting the car into motion. Now they were on their way towards the unavoidable.

“You said the meeting room is this way, right? Imagine if it was the wrong one and we walked into a random meeting. Been there, done that. Don’t make the same mistake as your father, A-Yuan.”

Wei Wuxian continued babbling as they walked through the corridors. Sizhui wasn’t used to being at the school after the school day was over. It was so quiet compared to how it normally was. The building looked abandoned and it made Sizhui shiver. The school seemed so dead in the evening.

Soon they stood in front of the meeting room. Sizhui mentally prepared himself for what was about to happen.

Wei Wuxian grabbed the door knob as he muttered, “Oh, this must be the room. Praying it is. If not, that would’ve been awkwa-”

Wei Wuxian choked on his own words. His body froze. Golden eyes stared into his soul as he opened the door. They were too god damn familiar. He couldn’t have imagined this, right? He slapped the door shut. 

He stood there still for a second, before he slowly turned around. There it was again, Sizhui thought. His face filled with sorrow. His lips quivered and his eyes were red. Sizhui was speechless. He didn’t know what to say.

“... Mr. Lan as in Lan Wangji?” Wei wuxian asked. He appeared so fragile at this moment. He had never seen his father like this before. It hurt to see him like this. Sizhui was scared his words would make him collapse. In the end, he just nodded. 

Wei Wuxian buried his face in his hands. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…” he chanted. Eventually the chanting got quieter. Sizhui could barely hear any of it now, but he was sure he heard his father muttering, “Holy fuck, is this really happening? Ok, it’s happening. Get your shit together, Wei Wuxian.”

Sizhui stared at him, wondering what he would do next. Wei Wuxian finally put down his hands and started fixing his clothes. It was so warm, Wei Wuxian thought to himself. It was as if he couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t sure if all the oxygen in this room had disappeared or if it was just him right now. Blaming the former was the easiest. 

He stretched out his hands for the handle and the door was slowly opened once again. Their eyes locked, but Wei Wuxian tried to avoid his gaze. 

“Well… Uhm, uhh, I wasn’t expecting…” It was as if time had frozen again. Before he could continue, another voice could be heard through the room.

“Wei Ying.” 

The familiar words crushed his heart. He couldn't bear to look away any longer. A sad smile spread on his face as he replied, “Hi, Lan Zhan…”

Sizhui looked back and forth, but no one else moved a muscle. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji stared into each other's eyes. It was like the world around them had disappeared. Suddenly, Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened with the realization of what he was here for.

“Holy shit. So you’re A-Yuan’s teacher? That’s wild. Who would’ve imagined that?” he nervously chuckled.

Lan Wangji looked sort of panicked. He didn’t know what to answer. 

“Oh, don’t give me that look Lan Zhan. I’m just teasing you a bit.” he sadly giggled. “It’s good to see you again. How have you been?”

“I’ve been… well.” Lan Wangji looked away. 

“Oh… That’s good.”

“How about you?”

“Uhm… I’m all over the place as always. It makes stuff a bit chaotic, but I have the best son ever, so how could I not be ok?” His voice was lighter than usually and his shoulders seemed tense.

“Mn... Should we get started with the meeting then?” Lan Wangji questioned.

“I almost forgot about that for a second, but yeah! Of course. Let’s start.”

The meeting went on as time went by. The darkness was soon covering the entire city, but for now, the sun was peeking over the horizon.

Sizhui stared out the window as the adults kept talking.

“All together, he’s a great student. He always comes at time, brings all the material he needs, he’s good at participating in class as well as doing his assignments well. He’s always nice to his classmates and is participating in creating a good environment. I cannot speak for Sizhui, but it seems like he has some good friends in his class too.” Lan Wangji stated. He kept looking at his notebook. It was filled with notes written with beautiful strokes.

“I do,” Sizhui smiled.

Wei Wuxian’s eyes lit up. “I’m glad to hear that. He doesn’t talk that much about school to me so it’s always difficult for me to know how he is doing there,” he said in a relieved tone. 

The two adults kept chatting, and Sizhui commented and answered some questions. The meeting went smoothly with barely any awkward moments, but this still felt wrong for him. The adults hadn’t discussed anything about the past. What had happened between them, what they were supposed to do now. They were most likely avoiding the topic, Sizhui thought. It didn’t surprise him. 

They talked for something that felt like forever when Lan Wangji suddenly stated, “I have a new meeting in a few minutes, so I sadly have to end the talk here. Thank you for coming and attending this meeting.”

“It was nice coming here, so thank you for having us! I’m glad Sizhui has a very responsible and proper teacher.” He appeared despondent, but also thankful. It made Sizhui feel uneasy. Was this really the end of it all?

“Mn, it was… nice seeing you again,” Lan Wangji forced out.

“It was nice seeing you again too.”

“......”

“......”

“I, uh…” Wei Wuxian stood up and leaned against the table. “I guess we should get going then. Goodbye, Lan Zhan.”

It was as if a knife was shoved into Lan Wangi's chest. He stood there, unable to stop him from leaving once again. He couldn’t stop him from disappearing. Is this what deja vu feels like, he thought. A-Yuan too. He had always wondered what happened to him and he was glad he was happy. Even though he felt that way, he was frustrated. He regretted it all. He wished he could have seen him grow. He wished he could’ve been by his side through all of these years, but he wasn’t…

“Goodbye, Wei Ying. Goodbye Sizhui.”

“Goodbye Mr. Lan.” Sizhui gave him an empathetic smile.

Wei Wuxian moved his eyes away from him and Lan Wangji began questioning- Was this the last time they would meet? He couldn’t find the answer. He couldn’t accept that this was the end of all things. It couldn’t be…

Maybe there was still time? He knew it was stupid to think that way, but he didn’t want to lose him. Not again.

Wei Wuxian was almost out the door, when Lan Wangji impulsively yelled, “Wei Ying.”

He abruptly stopped. Sizhui was already further down the corridor, leaving them both alone. Wei Wuxian’s eyes spotted Lan Wangji once again.

“What is it, Lan Zhan?” His eyes shone with hope. 

“I...” He hesitated. His brows furrowed more as the seconds went by. It was as if the concept of time was gone. He wanted to tell him everything. He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell him he loved him, and he wanted to tell him that he missed him. He wanted to…

He wanted to embrace him. Hold him in his arms one more time.

He wanted another chance. A new start. A new beginning. 

He wanted him. He wanted them.

But he knew he couldn’t get what he wanted.

It was too late. Too many years had gone by.

Wei Wuxian stared at him, waiting for the rest of the sentence, but Lan Wangji wasn’t even able to give him that. How pathetic… He swallowed down his words. He felt sick.

“You’ve raised him well, Wei Ying,” he said. It was the only thing he was able to tell him. Anything else would’ve made him collapse. Wei Ying didn’t deserve to see him like that.

“Thank you,” he whispered as he left. 

Lan Wangji had watched him leave before, and that day, he said to himself:

“If I got the chance to relive that moment, I would’ve stopped him from leaving.”

But here he stood, the same scene as thirteen years ago. He was still not able to stop him.

Lan Wangji was left alone with his thoughts.

Wei Ying. Do you know how much I regret it?

Do you know how much it hurt watching you leave?

Do you know… 

how much I love you?

Chapter Text

Sizhui tossed and turned in his bed. The rain was hitting against his window. The sound was comforting, yet loud.

Sizhui’s face wrinkled. Old memories flashed before his eyes, but he was still not able to grasp them. The dreams appeared recently and he couldn’t understand why. Bits of memories would come back. Some good and some… not as good. 

Suddenly, his eyes widened and his breath turned uneven. He was shaking. He felt nauseous and dizzy, and his neck felt cold from the sweat. It was a familiar feeling and he hated it. Out of all of his dreams, he was able to grasp onto one. The memory he wished to forget the most. It was so long ago, but somehow that memory had stuck the most.

He had dreamt the same dream many times before, but it had been gone for so long that he thought he had gotten rid of it. Guess he hadn't.

The fire, the screams, the smell. He could never forget it. Sizhui pinched his nose. That dream would always leave him feeling uneasy. His mouth felt dry and his head ached. He wanted to move on, but it seemed like the world didn't want him to.

He pushed his blanket aside and turned on his phone. It was 2 am. After they went to the meeting with Mr. Lan, Sizhui and his father went home and continued their daily routine. Sizhui went to bed, but he wasn’t able to sleep for long, before he was awakened by his nightmare.

 Sizhui sighed as he stood up. He knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep right away, so he did what he usually did when nightmares woke him up. Water.

Sizhui shivered as he stepped out of his room. It was getting colder these days, but he still hadn’t changed into his winter pajamas. 

He walked down the ice cold stairs, on his way to his destination. As he landed on the last step, he noticed that the lights were still on in the living room. This didn’t shock Sizhui. His father would often forget to turn it off before going to bed, so this wasn’t new. 

Sizhui wandered into the kitchen. He grabbed a cup and filled it with water. He walked towards the living room to turn off the lights, when he noticed it wasn’t empty. His father sat there. His eyes were swollen and tears streamed down his face. He looked so tired. It laid an open book in his lap and he stared at it with a sorrowful gaze. On the table, there was a bottle of wine next to a half full glass. 

Sizhui stood there for a few seconds, before his father spotted him. He dried away his tears and closed the book.

“Baobao, why are you up so late? Did you have another nightmare?” He looked worried.

“Yes,” he mumbled.

“Do you want to talk about it or..?”

Sizhui looked away, his brows furrowed. “Not really, but I don’t want to sleep yet.”

“Would you like to accompany me?”

“Yes, please...” 

Sizhui sat down next to Wei Wuxian on the sofa. 

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this. It’s probably not a pretty sight,” Wei Wuxian chuckled. He seemed pretty sober, but he still looked like an emotional mess.

“Yeah, can’t lie about that,” a gentle smile covered his face. “I know you probably want to keep these things away from me since I’m your son and all that, but… If you’re comfortable with it…” Sizhui hesitated.

Wei Wuxian held his face in his hand. “Yes, A-Yuan. I can tell you what’s wrong.” He gently brushed his thumb over his cheek. “You’re not a little kid anymore. You deserve to know what’s up.”

Wei Wuxian sighed. His smile disappeared and his hands let go of Sizhui. He stroked his hand over the book in his lap as the memories flashed before his eyes.

“You’re probably wondering what’s up between me and Lan Zhan?”

Sizhui nodded. Wei Wuxian huffed lightly and mentally prepared himself. It was going to be a long night.

“Lan Zhan and I met in Junior high. He was our teacher’s nephew and was seen as the most perfect student. He always followed the rules, always listened in class, always knew the answers and was constantly formal. He was raised by his uncle, so it didn’t surprise anyone. He came from a pretty conservative, traditional and strict family and therefore didn’t know anything else than rules and discipline.” 

He opened the book in his lap. It was a photo album. It was clearly an old one from the way it looked. The pages looked yellow-ish and the pictures were faded. 

“When I was in junior high, I was pretty different from him. Guess you could say we were polar opposites. I was loud, constantly broke rules, always debated with the teachers and the rest of the package. We were so different.” 

His brows furrowed. “I couldn’t understand why. I knew it had to be something under that cold and empty face, so I teased him and I annoyed him. I just found it so fascinating when he gave me reactions. Moments where his perfect student mask would break,” he said.

He pointed at one of the pictures. It was a class photo. His finger was right next to two young boys. One had an annoyed expression. He wore a shirt with a light blue sweater on top. Half of his hair was put up in a tight ponytail and his eyes were a golden color.

The other boy had his arm thrown over the former’s shoulder. He had a huge grin going from ear to ear. His hair was put up in a messy bun. He was wearing ripped jeans that appeared to be one day away from falling apart, and a red flannel with a MCR shirt under it. 

“He would avoid me, call me ridiculous and shameless. He would always snitch on me to the teachers so I would get in trouble. Our relationship was rocky. Even so, I wanted to befriend him, but as you can tell, it didn’t go that well.”

Sizhui thought for a minute, before he questioned, “But Mr. Lan told me you were friends.”

“Oh, that’s because this was only the start of our relationship,” he chuckled. “We went to the same high school too and things became different then. Lan Zhan warmed up a bit and he eventually felt more comfortable expressing himself. We hung out from time to time and in the end, he didn’t mind me and my chaoticness anymore.”

He flipped over a few pages and a set of new pictures appeared. Photos of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji in amusement parks, at beaches, at school, everywhere. Wei Wuxian was smiling in most of the photos. Lan Wangji’s expression was mostly neutral, but the corners of his mouth were turned upwards. As the photos progressed, Lan Wangji’s face became softer. His gaze wasn't aimed at the camera anymore, but aimed at Wei Wuxian. He felt something was off. He had many amazing friends, but he knew for a fact that they didn’t look at each other like that.

“Can I ask you a question..?” Sizhui glanced at his father.

“Of course, radish.”

He didn’t know how to state it, but eventually asked, “You were friends? It just… seems like it’s not the right label for what I’m seeing.”

“You’re wondering if we were in love?”

“I-I, uhm..” he stuttered. His cheeks were flushed.

“Oh, don’t be so embarrassed. What’s up with you teenagers thinking love is so awkward to talk about? But yeah, you’re right,” Wei Wuxian stated as he gently elbowed him in the side. Sizhui giggled a little bit.

“We were in love. He confessed his feelings for me when we were in our last year in high school. After that, we started dating. We dated for many years and we were doing ok. We lived together at some point. We were deeply in love, to say it lightly. Eventually we got engaged and started considering adoption.” His eyes blurred and his expression turned complicated. 

“But...What happened? If you were so happy then-” Sizhui stopped himself from talking. He didn’t want to push too hard on the subject.

“It’s fine A-Yuan,” Wei Wuxian smiled softly at him. “You might’ve noticed that I never really mention my family, right?” Sizhui nodded as his fists tightened.

“My relationship with my family is complicated. I was adopted by the Jiang family after my parents died. Jiang Fengmian was my father’s best friend and therefore he took me in. I was welcomed by my siblings, but Madam Yu could not stand me. She would always criticize me and always punish me. She would constantly compare me to my brother. Uncle Jiang would show favoritism towards me too, which made my brother feel unseen. It made our relationship difficult and tense at times.”

He leaned his head on his arm as he continued, “It got worse over the years. My sister would always take care of me, but would get yelled at by Madam Yu for it. I could often feel my presence splitting the family. Madam Yu and uncle Jiang would fight because of me. Madam Yu would often go on trips after the arguments and she would disappear for days. ”

He flipped through the album once again and searched for something. Eventually he stopped at a page. It was a family portrait. There stood two adults in the back of the photo. One was a middle aged man. His expression was neutral, but friendly. Next to him stood a middle aged woman. Her expression was cold, almost threatening. Her gaze was as sharp as her features.

Her hand was on a boy’s shoulder. He couldn’t be older than fourteen years old, but he still appeared so uneasy and frustrated. Next to him was Wei Wuxian. His smile seemed tense. To his left, a slightly older girl stood. She was smiling too, but the smile seemed forced. The uncomfortable mood from the photo could be felt just from looking at it.

“When me and Lan Zhan started dating, I wasn’t out to my family yet. It eventually came to light, and I was kicked out by Madam Yu. She said I would influence my brother and that I was a shame to the Jiang family name. I don’t think she’s homophobic honestly. I just think she needed a reason to kick me out.” His gaze wandered and his hands were trembling. 

His shoulders tensed as he continued, “At that point, I came to the conclusion that it would be best to cut off contact with them. I do love them, but I realized that my presence would just hurt them. I had already hurt and affected them enough. My presence made it difficult for everyone, so I disappeared. I moved in with Lan Zhan after that.”

Sizhui felt at loss of words. He always knew that something must’ve happened between his father and his family, but he would’ve never expected it to be something like this. He mumbled, “I’m sorry you had to experience that.”

Wei Wuxian held Sizhui in his arms. “It’s fine, A-Yuan. You have nothing to apologize for. Even though I sometimes miss them, you’re more than enough for me,” he gently kissed his forehead.

Wei Wuxian stroked his head as he continued his story, “After I moved in with Lan Zhan, we became even closer than before. We got to know each other more. Our good sides and bad sides. Of course we had difficult moments, but we always got through them together. Eventually we got engaged. We were happy.”

He flipped over a new page. There were so many photos of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. Photos of them in their apartment. Photos of them out on dates and with friends. Parties, events and college. They looked so carefree.

Wei Wuxian gazed at Sizhui again. “At some point, we heard about your situation. You know your auntie Qing, right? I met Wen Qing in college and we have been close ever since that. When your parents died, your relatives would take turns to take care of you, but it was difficult. Wen Qing was busy with her studies, Wen Ning was often sick. His illness was worse back in the days. Your grandma would often take care of you, but she was old. It wasn’t easy. Therefore,Wen Qing would sometimes ask me and Lan Zhan to take care of you, so we of course did. We grew very fond of you and together with the Wens, we discussed the idea of me and Lan Zhan adopting you. But before we went through with it…”

His lips trembled and his shoulders tensed even more. Sizhui looked at his father. His heart hurt when he saw him like this. He tightened the hug and buried his head in his chest.

“Take your time baba. Please don’t push yourself too hard,” he mumbled.

Wei Wuxian took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was collecting himself. It was as if he was broken eggshells. The parts were spread out on the floor. The eggshells had crumbled and broken again and again, but the parts were still being collected. It was still fixable.

“There was a week where we were both extremely stressed. We were still young back then. We were stressed from studies and jobs and I guess I had overworked myself again. One day, Lan Zhan brought up a topic I had avoided for so long. Family. My siblings."

He sniffed lightly. "He said I should contact them again and I got mad at him. It’s not that I didn’t want to. I really did and I think he knew too. I was just so scared. I was horrified and didn’t know what to do. I was so stressed, tired and terrified that I went straight into defense mode.”

Wei Wuxian trembled and his eyes soon became moist.

“We fought and yelled. I don’t really remember what we ended up yelling about, but I know we had never screamed at each other like that before. In the heat of the moment, I really hurt him with my words. I didn’t dare to look at him any longer, so I left. After that, we never talked again. I missed him so much, but I had already messed up so badly. Ever since that, I didn’t know how to confront him. I was sure I was cursed. I was destined to hurt everything I touched. Everything I cared about, so I disappeared. I was so scared to hurt him even further. I had already hurt my family and now him.”

Tears ran down his face and his sobs were forced down.

“I shut myself off from everyone in a foreign city until the Wens found me. They got me out of that mindset and helped me back on my feet. They really saved me. I ended up living with them for a little while. This led to me adopting you. From that point, I was set on getting my shit together. I got a proper job and I bought a new house. I wanted to be a better version of myself so I did my best. Now we are here.” He dried his tears, but they wouldn’t stop coming so he buried his face in his hands.

He sobbed as he continued, “I really wanted to be a good parent, but here I am. Crying my eyes out in front of you like a toddler. I’m sorry A-Yuan. I want to be better.”

Sizhui felt anger and sorrow surge through him. “What are you talking about? How the hell are you a bad parent? You’ve always been here for me, you’ve always reminded me of how much I’m loved and you’ve raised me to be the best version of myself. You’ve put a roof over my head, fed me, taught me, loved me. How does that make you a bad parent? Just because you're an adult, doesn’t mean you can’t express your emotions. You’re not a burden, baba. Your feelings aren’t a burden.”

Wei Wuxian huffed out a laugh, and a little smile bloomed onto his face. He was finally able to dry his tears. He stroked Sizhui’s back as he softly responded, “I really love you, radish. You're the best child I could’ve ever asked for. Thank you for being so understanding. I really appreciate it. I really appreciate you.”

That night, Sizhui finally understood what had happened. It should’ve made him feel at ease, but it didn’t. He could tell that his father still loved Mr. Lan. The yearning was still so obvious. He was sure Lan Wangji returned his feelings, but was too scared to do anything. An endless circle of misunderstandings. At that moment, Sizhui decided…

He had to take this matter into his own hands.

Chapter Text

Sizhui stared at his food and spaced out as he thought about yesterday’s conversation. He sat in the back of the classroom with Jin Ling and Zizhen. It was lunchtime and even though Sizhui thought about ignoring his thoughts and joining the conversation, he just couldn’t. So much had happened and he didn’t know how to process it. How was he going to fix this? He was just a teenager after all. He really wanted to do something, but his mind was blank.

Suddenly a loud noise forced Sizhui out of his thoughts. He turned his head to see what the sudden commotion was, only to see Jingyi sitting on the chair next to him. He must’ve disappeared at some point, but Sizhui was somehow not able to notice it before now. Jingyi’s eyes were widened and his mouth gaped.

“Uhhh, Jingyi are you ok..?” Zizhen asked. 

Jin Ling stared at Jingyi for a few moments before he added, “Where were you even??? You just disappeared into thin air when lunchtime started.”

“M-my eyes have been opened and my world too. I finally understand my wrongs and I will now worship and respect,” he stuttered.

“Bro, what the fuck??? Did a ghost possess you or something?” Jin Ling yelled as he waved his hand in front of Jingyi’s eyes.

Jingyi took a hold of his shoulders and shook him back and forth. “DUDE, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. IT’S LIKE MY EYES CAN SEE THE LIGHT.”

“Without light, you wouldn’t be able to see though,” Sizhui added.

“YES. EXACTLY. Bro, it’s like I’ve been blessed. I’ve gotten a new soul after all of this. From this day on, I will look up to Mr. Lan and never insult him with such words again,” he stated. 

“Oh, so that is what happened.” Jin Ling rolled his eyes as he retorted, “Mr. Lan finally had that talk with you. What the fuck did he even say to turn you into this state?”

“That’s not important! What’s important is that no Mr. Lan slander will be allowed. It’s prohibited and I will fight whoever dares to say anything!!!”

“......”

“......”

“......”

“I said what I said! Anyway, what were you guys talking about before I showed up?” He loosened the grip on Jin Ling’s shoulder and gave his arm a gentle pat.

“Me and A-ling were just talking about a stupid video we saw. Nothing special… And Sizhui was having a staring contest with his sandwich,” Zizhen answered.

Jingyi’s forehead creased as he grimaced. “Why the fuck were you having a staring contest with your sandwich?” 

“I-I wasn’t!” his face turned all shades of red as he defended himself.

“What were you doing then?” Jin Ling gave him a questioning look.

“I was just thinking…”

“About???”

Sizhui laid his head on the table and whispered, “My dad.”

“Your what?” Jingyi repeated.

Jin Ling shoved him to the side as he yelled, “His dad, you fucking moron.”

“You’re a fucking moron!”

“Guys, please stop.” Zizhen whined. “Let’s listen to Sizhui, okay? What’s wrong little champion?”

Sizhui cringed at Zizhen’s words, but continued anyways, “Yesterday, I went to the teacher-parent conference with my dad. That night I ended up talking to him and I just found out a bunch of shocking things…”

“Like..?” 

And then Sizhui explained it all. How his father was thrown out of his home, how he met Lan Wangji and how they fell in love, but also split. His friends sat there quietly and listened with utmost interest.

“And now I feel like I have to do something, but I don’t know what.”

Jingyi lowered his head as he mumbled, “Holy shit, that’s wild.”

“That’s such a tragic love story! We have to do something. We cannot let this true love end like this!!!” Zizhen cried out.

Jingyi facepalmed himself and sighed, “The hopelessly romantic idiot is back at it again…”

“I’m not hopelessly romantic! I’m just stating the truth,” he sulked. “You cannot tell me this isn’t literally that ‘right person, wrong time’ trope. Now it’s the right time and we cannot let this chance disappear. We cannot let this love story go to waste…”

“...”

“...”

“Yeah, how though?” Sizhui lowered his eyebrow. 

They all turned silent.

Guess this will be harder than I thought, he realized.

Sizhui tried to think of anything, but wasn’t able to. He stared off into the air again, when he realized that Jin Ling had been a bit too silent the last few minutes. He looked at him and he was right. Something was wrong.

His expression was too hard to read. He seemed frustrated, confused and shocked. He couldn’t tell which one it was. Maybe it was all of them?

“A-Ling?”

Everyone was staring at him now. He slowly opened his mouth, but stopped himself. His gaze eventually rised and landed on Sizhui. 

He hesitated for a second, before he finally asked, “What’s your dad’s name?”

Sizhui hadn’t expected that question, but answered anyway. “His name is Wei Ying.”

“Wei Ying, Wei Wuxian?”

“Yeah.” Sizhui was starting to become worried. 

“...”

“...”

“...That’s my long-lost uncle.”

“Everyone is your fucking uncle!” Jingyi yelled at him.

“Shut up!” he raged. 

Sizhui was utterly confused when he heard his words. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“My family usually avoids the topic since it’s a sensitive one, but my mother had a brother named Wei Ying. He disappeared many years ago after an incident with my grandma. I just remember hearing it had something to do with his partner or something. No one has seen him since then. My mom and jiujiu searched for him for years, but never found anything. Not a single clue of where he went.”

Sizhui was in complete shock. He was speechless. How was this possible?

Suddenly it was as if Zizhen had gotten a sudden realization. He stared at Jin Ling and Sizhui as he commented, “Wait a minute… Doesn’t that make you two cousins?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

They went silent once again.

Sizhui thought for a minute before he asked, “What should we do now then?”

Jin Ling scratched his head and knitted his brows. 

“I mean. What can we even do?” he mumbled in a frustrated tone.

Zizhen and Jingyi shared a look. Suddenly, Zizhen held his hands together, making an oval shape in front of his mouth. He pressed it right next to Jingyi’s ear and began whispering.

They whispered back and forth for something that felt like hours. Sizhui and Jin Ling were confused as hell, but they were too scared to ask what kind of bullshit they were planning.

They eventually stopped and Zizhen silently walked towards them and grabbed their shoulders. He stood there for a while in silence, making them all even more confused. In the end, he finally spoke up, “Ok, so this might sound stupid, but we might have an idea for uh, both of these problems.”

“but?” Jin Ling added. He knew there must be something more to it. It’s Jingyi and Zizhen after all.

“But you will probably find the ideas stupid as hell.”

“Let us hear it then.”

They went ahead and shared their plan. Jin Ling shook his head in disappointment and Sizhui gave them a judgmental stare.

“No way in hell,” Sizhui declared. 

“It sounds like you pulled this shit right out of your fucking asses. Are you two crazy?” Jin Ling uttered as he facepalmed his head once again.

“No! Come on, you guys! These are great ideas. We have to try at least,” Jingyi whined.

Zizhen made a pitiful face as he added, “Sizhui, you have to do it for your dad’s happiness. A-Ling, you have to do this for your lovely mom. This will make her so happy and then she will make us more lotus pork rib soup.” He flickered his eyes at them.

“....”

“....”

Sizhui thought about it and even though the plans were wild and probably a bit of a risk, he couldn’t stop thinking about his dad’s expression last night. His eyes were swollen from all of the tears and he seemed so lost and devastated. He missed his siblings and his love. Maybe it was worth a try? 

“Ok, I will do it. For my dad.”

Jingyi and Zizhen lit up with joy. They were smiling like idiots as they turned to Jin Ling. Jin Ling stared back at them with his arms crossed. There they stood for something that felt like forever, having a silent argument. Sizhui didn’t know what to say so he just stood on the sidelines.

In the end, Jin Ling gave up on the argument and groaned, “Ok, fuck it. I’ll join in on this for the soup alone.” Everyone raised their eyebrow at him. “Ok, for my mom and uncle too. Now stop staring at me like that,” he mumbled.

“Then it’s settled! Sizhui and Jin Ling. You guys will handle the first plan alone and as soon as possible. What about tomorrow?” The boys nodded. “We will all be there for the second plan, but Sizhui, make sure to make the preparations. You know what to do.”

“Yeah, I will fix it when I get home,” he replied as he noted it down on his phone.

Zizhen raised his hand to show that he wanted to add something. “Let’s do it on Saturday!”

“Why Saturday?”

“Because I’m too excited to wait, duh. Do you guys want me to wait till next week? No way in hell,” he declared.

Jingyi marched to the spot in front of them all and stated, “Ok, now we have the plan ready. We have to make this work! That’s the only option here.”

“Yeah!” they all replied.

“Ahem.” They slowly turned their head around, only to see the entire class glaring at them. At the front of the classroom, the teacher was giving them a death stare. “Class has begun boys.” 

“Oh, sorry sir!” They embarrassingly yelled as they hurried to find their seat.

They could continue discussing the plans later anyways.

Chapter Text

 Shadows creeped upon Sizhui as he rolled back and forth in this bed. His face wrinkled and his forehead was sweaty. It was deep into the night as the dreams arrived once again.

The fire was fierce and the smoke suffocated him. He couldn't breathe. No matter what, he couldn’t breathe. People were screaming all around him, but he couldn’t see anyone. He just wished he wasn’t alone.

He couldn’t find his parents. He couldn’t find anyone. The lack of air made him anxious. He couldn’t move. His feet were glued down to the ground. He was frozen by fear. Tears rolled down his face as he saw his life crumble before him. 

He almost felt blinded by the bright colors from the flames. The walls were collapsing and the roof began to creak. He tried to scream, but nothing came out. He tried to breathe, but he just ended up hyperventilating.

Suddenly, it was as if someone dragged him out of those burning memories. Warm hands wrapped around him in a familiar way. His breathing evened out and he started to calm down. That person hushed him and stroked his back in circles. He was still shaking uncontrollably and his breathing was still a bit fast. His sobbed quieted out as he wrapped his arms around that person. 

As he gained his consciousness again, he already knew what was happening and he was glad he wasn’t alone anymore. 

“It’s gonna be ok, A-Yuan,” his father said in a comforting tone. “Take your time. I’m here.”

The minutes went by like this. Eventually the sobs stopped and they sat there in a comfortable silence. Sizhui relaxed his shoulders and dried his face with his hands.

“Feeling a little bit better?”

A tiny smile appeared on his face as he answered, “Mn.” He hugged his father back and laid his head on his shoulder.

He stayed quiet for a few seconds, before he asked, “Will they ever stop?”

“Hm?”

“The dreams…”

“They will. I promise they will,” Wei Wuxian answered calmly. 

“But what if…”

“No. No ‘what if’s. They will get better, they will disappear.”

Sizhui smiled when he heard his father’s words. He would often be scared that the nightmares would never end. His dad always reminded him that it doesn’t have to be like that.

“You know, Lan Zhan used to do this with me back in the days,” he stated.

Sizhui's eyes widened. He looked up at his dad as he asked, “You had nightmares too?”

Wei Wuxian chuckled, “Yeah. I would have nightmares about my parents. Their deaths really stuck with me. When I was younger, I didn’t want to bother anyone with my problems, so I would always deal with my nightmares alone. No one noticed anyways, so it was fine.”

He sighed before he continued, “After I and Lan Zhan got together, he found out about my nightmares. I would tell him it was nothing, but he could read me like an open book. In the start, I didn’t want to tell him about it, but he didn’t mind. He would just comfort me until I had calmed down. I eventually told him, but he would still do the same thing. He never judged me for my struggles and I’m grateful for that. Now I haven’t had another nightmare in years.”

“Really?” Sizhui’s eyes gleamed with hope.

“Really.”

Sizhui stared intensely at the door in front of him. 

“So we’re really doing this?”

Jin Ling squatted down a few meters behind him. He was shoving his hand into his backpack, looking for something. He gave him an annoyed glare as he replied, “Yeah, what else?”

Jin Ling finally found what he was looking for and pulled it out of his bag. It was a key. He inserted it into the door lock and turned it. 

“Go ahead.” He opened the door for him. As Sizhui walked into the house, he noticed something moving. As it came closer, he finally saw that it was a dog.

“That’s Fairy, my dog. My xiao-shu gave her to me.” A soft smile appeared on his face. Her tail was wagging back and forth in a fast motion.

“She’s very cute.” Sizhui patted the dog. It was strangely calm.

“Yes. She’s the best! She has been well behaved since the start and is extremely clever,” he bragged.

He hummed in agreement, “Mn.”

He closed the door and took off his outer jacket and shoes. Sizhui did the same. Jin Ling grabbed his jacket and told him, “Just go to the living room. It’s to the left.”

Sizhui looked around as he wandered towards the living room. He knew that Jin Ling came from a rich family, so he wasn’t surprised as he inspected everything around him. He found the living room and sat down on the sofa. He pulled out his homework as Jin Ling came into the room.

“What do you have to work on?” Jin Ling threw his bag onto the ground and plumped down onto the sofa.

Sizhui turned on his chromebook and muttered, “Science. I still have a lot left of my presentation. You?”

“Math. I still don’t understand how the fuck algebra works,” he sighed.

“Ugh, same honestly. Let’s get to work then.”

They sat there like that the next few hours. Jin Ling was frustrated over his math homework, while Sizhui was researching whatever he needed for his presentation. They were so busy with their homework that they barely noticed it when someone entered the room.

The person stopped next to them and stared at them curiously. She wore a long skirt and a light blouse. Half of her hair was tied up while the rest was down.

“Hello, A-Ling!” a bright voice announced. She gazed at the two boys in front of her. She noticed the new person and added excitedly, “Who is this?”

Jin Ling moved his gaze and greeted, “Oh, hi mom. Welcome home. This is my friend Sizhui. We’re just doing some homework.”

Jin Ling’s mom smiled from ear to ear. She walked towards Sizhui. “Hello Sizhui! It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you from A-Ling.”

Jin Ling’s face scrunched in embarrassment, “Mooom…”

“I’m sorry, honey.” She gave him an apologetic smile. “Sizhui, how long are you going to stay here? My brother is coming over later today, but we would love to have you here with us for dinner.”

Sizhui awkwardly bowed in respect and replied, “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t want to be too much of a bother.”

“Oh, what nonsense! It’s more than enough food for us all so don’t worry about that.”

Sizhui smiled gently. “Guess I’ll accept the offer then. Thank you so much, Ma’am. Uhh, or should I call you Mrs Jin???”

She laughed wholeheartedly as she heard his reply. “You can just call me aunt Yanli. You’re A-Ling’s friend, so there’s no need to be this formal.” She began walking away, but she stated as she disappeared, “I will call you once dinner is ready.”

She left the room, leaving Jin Ling and Sizhui alone again. Sizhui replayed the conversation in his head again and again. He had seen her before.

In his dad’s album… 

She was a lot younger in the photos, but her face was very recognizable. Her smile was gentle and heart-warming. She seemed kind and caring. It gave him a feeling of welcomeness and home. It reminded him of his dad. 

Sizhui really wished that he would be able to call her aunt Yanli for real in the future. Not as a polite way of referring to her, but as the son of her brother.

“You mom’s really nice.”

Jin Ling huffed, “Yeah, of course she is. She’s the best.” He got back to his homework after that. So did Sizhui.

Jin Ling stared at his homework once again, in hope that the stupid letters would make sense soon. Sizhui didn’t know why, but he wasn’t able to concentrate after that.

“Boys! Dinner is ready,” they heard Jin Ling’s mom yell.

They threw their stuff aside and ran towards the kitchen. As they got closer, they lowered their speed.

“There you are! Just sit down over there,” Yanli said with a warm tone. Her presence in general was very warm and relaxing.

They dragged out the chairs and sat down on the right side of the table. Sizhui was shocked at the sight in front of him. The dishes were so fancy and seemed extremely tasty. The smell made his mouth water. 

“You can go ahead and supply yourself first since you're the guest,” a dark and stern voice uttered.

First now did Sizhui notice that a man sat in front of him. His face seemed to be constantly locked in a scowled expression. His arms were crossed and his eyebrows were furrowed. He looked exactly like he did in his father’s book… Just… angrier? That was definitely his father’s brother. His features were cleaner, but except for that, his face was very recognizable. 

“Oh, thank you sir.” He served himself, taking a bit of every dish. Eventually, everyone followed and did the same.

“So you’re in the same class as Jin Ling, right? How do you like it so far?” Yanli asked eagerly.

“I like it so far. The teachers are nice and the same goes for our classmates,” he politely replied.

Jin Ling gave him a look and added, “Except for Mr. Su. He’s horrible at teaching.”

“I mean- You’re right. It also seems like he has some kind of grudge against Mr. Lan,” he replied while he shook his head.

Yanli giggled at the replies, “Well, I am glad most of your teachers are ok then.” She smiled briefly at her brother and continued, “Do you have any interests or hobbies?” She picked up her chopsticks and ate some food from her plate as she waited.

“I really like playing the piano, as well as swimming. I really like painting too, and just art in general,” he answered. He began eating as he finished. The flavors were perfectly combinated. It was as if he were in heaven just from the taste of this food. She was a really good cook, he thought for himself. 

Jin Ling did the same and stated, “Yeah. He's really good at art. He's literally amazing.” He waved his arms as he babbled.

“Oh, really?” Yanli said avidly. Jiang Cheng lifted his eyebrows and asked, “How did you learn how to draw and paint?”

“My dad taught me. He would often let me join whenever he drew or painted. He always shares his equipment with me and tells me how stuff works.”

Yanli was like a bright sun as she listened to his replies. “That sounds so fun!”

“Mn. It is fun. What about you then? Any interests or hobbies?”

“I really like to cook.”

Sizhui had figured out that much. He could tell she had talent just from this meal. He thought for a minute before he answered, “My dad too, but he isn’t exactly the best at cooking. He's really trying his best though and it’s always interesting to try out what he makes.”

Jin Ling chuckled as he heard his reply. He could still remember the time Sizhui came to school looking like a tomato. His father had added too much spice in his food once again. The teacher thought Sizhui was sick and tried to bring him to the school nurse because of it. Jin Ling and the others laughed their asses off as he tried to explain the situation.

The teacher didn’t understand anything, and insisted on bringing him to the school nurse anyways. In the end, he was taken there and he had to explain the situation once again. It was a very chaotic day.

“Your dad seems really sweet. I can tell he's a very proper and nice man from what I’ve heard, and what I’m seeing right now.”

He smiled and his eyes squinted. “Thank you so much.”

After they finished eating, Jin Ling and Sizhui went back to the living room. Jin Ling threw himself onto the sofa and let out a long pleased sigh. Sizhui joined him and leaned his head onto the table. 

“Your mom is really good at cooking. It’s honestly a bad thing though, because now my stomach hurts from eating that much food,” Sizhui whined. He turned his face so his cheek laid down on the table and his gaze was turned towards Jin Ling.

“Yeah, I know. Same here honestly,” he huffed out a laugh.

Sizhui was silent for a moment before he asked, “Are you sure the plan is going to work?”

“Of course it will!” he yelled. “I know my mom. She will definitely ask us about it in maybe an hour or something.”

Sizhui calmed down after he heard his statement. He didn’t want this to go wrong. The plan wasn’t foolproof so they just had to hope for the best.

Jin Ling noticed Sizhui’s worried expression and gave him a little hit in the shoulder, “Hey, it’s gonna work, ok? Don’t work yourself up over nothing.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

The sounds of music and yelling voices filled the living room. Sizhui layed down on the sofa and leaned forward. His fingers were repeatedly tapping the console in his hands. In front of the TV, Jin Ling was doing the same. They were completely swallowed by the game and yelled in frustration as the game progressed. The screen bursted into colors and the music changed. Jin Ling let out a disappointed groan, while Sizhui was cheering over his win.

Jin Ling angrily folded his hands and retorted, “I was so close to winning! I would’ve won if I wasn’t distracted.”

“Don’t come up with dumb excuses,” Sizhui teased him. He let out a light giggle. “What were you even distracted by? Your dog?”

“You-” Jin Ling’s face reddened in embarrassment as he listened to Sizhui’s accusation. Fairy was sitting next to him, wiggling her little tail. She had been calm through most of the game so he understood Sizhui’s real message. 

Jin Ling was about to continue to defend himself when someone entered the room. 

“Hello, boys. Sorry for interrupting, but I was wondering how you will get home, Sizhui?”

Jin Ling gave him a determined stare. Sizhui knew what he had to do. He looked up at the clock once before he answered, “Oh, the clock is eight already? It’s a bit late so I think it’s best if I ask my dad to come pick me up.”

“That sounds nice, but we could drive you home if that’s easier for your dad,” Yanli offered.

She was really a kind soul. Sizhui gently rejected her suggestion, “Thank you so much for the offer, but it’s fine. My dad would probably want me to be picked up by him anyways, since he wouldn’t want to take away any of your time.”

“Ok, then you should definitely call him soon. It’s getting late and Jin Ling needs his beauty sleep,” she commented teasingly.

“Mom, stop!!!” Jin Ling whined in embarrassment.

“Sorry, A-Ling,” she chuckled. “I will leave you guys alone now. Have fun playing your games.”

She disappeared as fast as she appeared. Sizhui picked up his phone and opened his contacts. The ringing sound buzzed into his ear for a few seconds before he heard his father’s voice at the other side of the line.

It was too late to turn around now.

Chapter Text

The sound of the doorbell ringing could be heard through the entire house. Sizhui gulped nervously and laid down his console.

Suddenly they heard someone calling. “A-Ling! Your friend’s parent is here. Come here and open the door.”

It was Jin Ling’s uncle. Jin Ling mumbled to himself, considering what to do. “Jiujiu, can you open the door for us? We’re busy! Just let us finish this game round,” he lied.

Sizhui stared at him terrified and nervous.

That’s one way to go through with this I guess…  

Sizhui suddenly questioned, “Should we-”

“No,” Jin Ling shook his head. “Let them talk alone. We shouldn’t interfere here.”

Jiang Cheng wrinkled his face in annoyance. “Ok, but you better hurry your asses up, because I don’t want to deal with shitty small talk!” he ranted.

Yanli laughed briefly, and smiled at her brother tenderly as she came out of the bathroom with a cloth basket in her arms. Jiang Cheng let out a sigh and headed towards the door. His footsteps got louder as he got closer.

He opened the door in a hurry, but was shocked by the sight in front of him. His heart stopped and his entire body froze up. His breath was stuck in his chest and he didn’t know how to react. In the moment of panic, he slammed the door shut. He couldn’t have seen wrong, right? Was it just a hallucination? This couldn’t be real. There was no way…

Jiang Cheng turned around slowly to stare at Yanli, only to see her eyes just as widened. The basket was on the ground as well as all of the clothing. Her hands were twitching and her breathing was uneven. She stepped closer, but she eventually increased her speed. She ran towards the door and threw it open.

There he stood. The man that had disappeared from their lives thirteen years ago, without leaving a single clue behind. The silence was intense.

“A-Xian..?” Yanli couldn’t help the quiver in her voice.

Wei Wuxian appeared terrified. It looked like he intended to back up, but he wasn’t able to do it in time. Jiang Cheng grabbed him by the collar and dragged him into the house. The door was shut and locked immediately. Jiang Cheng’s expression was furious, but also pained as he shouted, “You’re not going anywhere, you fucking son of a bitch.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes twitched in fear, “Jiang Cheng, I can explain-”

“Explain what?!” His voice echoed through the room. Yanli stood completely frozen in the back. Her hands covered her gaping mouth. She didn’t know what to say, but Jiang Cheng sure did. "How could you..." he mumbled.

"HOW COULD YOU!?"

Wei Wuxian stood there speechless as Jiang Cheng continued. “You fucking ran away, and we were never able to find you. How the fuck could you do that to us?! You abandoned us. You fucking abandoned us!” It was as if he had repeated these sentences in his mind again and again, hoping this confrontation would arrive one day.

“I never meant to-”

His voice thickened as he wailed, “What did you mean to do then?” His words almost seemed stiff. His face crumbled slowly as the conversation continued. The pent up grief suddenly started to spill out.

“Don’t-” he stopped himself, considering if this was really happening. He furrowed his brows as he continued, “Don’t you understand that we care for you?"

In all those years that Wei Wuxian had Jiang Cheng by his side, he had never been someone who shared caring words. It wasn't that he never cared. He was just bad at expressing it like others. Wei Wuxian's heart ached at the comment.

Jiang Cheng stared him right into his eyes. "Do you take me as a fucking joke? Do you really think we would’ve just let mom throw you out of the family like that if we knew what was going on? Fucking unbelievable…" he laughed sarcastically. "You are so fucking unbelievable, you piece of shit.”

“I’m sorry,” Wei Wuxian whispered. He couldn't stand to look into his eyes. 

“You’re sorry?! What are you fucking sorry for?! Stop apologizing for everything, you fucking moron,” he cursed at him. His hand tightened around his collar, turning his knuckles white. His eyes were shiny as he continued spitting out words. “I’m fucking mad at you for leaving, but the last thing I want to hear is one of your fucking apologies. You’ve been gone for years, but all you have to say is sorry!? Sorry for leaving us? Sorry for running away without leaving any way for us to find you? Sorry for cutting off all contact, making us extremely worried!?"

Wei Wuxian finally met his gaze. He wanted to disappear. Jiang Cheng cursed, "Yes, I’m furious. My blood has been boiling in anger for years, but I don’t want to listen to one of your stupid apologies. They won’t change anything. You already fucked up.”

Wei Wuxian’s hands trembled as he slowly put his hand on Jiang Cheng’s. His breathing was heavy, fueled with anger. The breathing was suddenly turned into broken sobs spilling out of his throat. His grip on Wei Wuxian’s collar loosened and his shoulder sank. Wei Wuxian tried to take a better look at his brother, but what he saw crushed his heart. Tears streamed down his pained face.

In all the years they had been together, Wei Wuxian had almost never seen him cry. He was the guilty one for his tears. He was responsible for all of this. He gazed at Yanli. Her expression was so sorrowful too. Wei Wuxian wished he could slap himself in the face and bury himself underground. He was correct all along. He hurt them once again. He thought he was doing the right thing by leaving them, but he ended up hurting them even more by doing that. 

I guess I’m not capable of doing anything right. I’m not capable of choosing the right choice. I guess I’m destined to ruin whatever I touch.

His voice thickened as he stuttered, “I-I didn't know that you guys would be this worried. I thought-”

I thought it was for your best that I left.

Yanli began walking, slowly moving closer to him. She stroked his shoulder, a familiar and comforting motion. Her smile trembled as she uttered, “A-Xian, of course we were worried. We had no idea where you went. We couldn't know how you were doing, where you were, if you were safe. We were terrified-” She gently squeezed his arm. “Because we care about you.”

Wei Wuxian’s heart ached. He didn’t deserve them. He never did. “But I always caused chaos in the family. Everything bad happened because of me. You shouldn't have worried. I don't fucking deserve that,” he cried out. 

Jiang Cheng wiped his eyes, until his sight wasn’t unfocused anymore. He glared at Wei Wuxian with a deadly stare. His teeth clenched as he yelled, “When will you realize that it was never your fucking fault? Stop blaming yourself for once. I don’t fucking care what mom thinks. You’re still my….” he cut himself off, unable to say the old, but intimate word that hadn’t been uttered between them in so long. 

Yanli didn't want to watch this intense scene anymore, so she broke the silence. “You’re still our brother. You've always been.”

Wei Wuxian halted backwards. His mind was in complete chaos, making his vision blurry. His hands were shaking and his breath was stuck in his throat. He had tried to stay composed for so long, but wasn’t able to hold it in anymore. His sobs were quiet, but yet so painful. His walls crumbled and his body collapsed as his knees landed on the hard cold floor. He laid his face in his hands as he muttered again and again, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

“Didn’t I tell you to not say sorry?” Jiang Cheng sounded so fragile and quiet as he forced out these words. Wei Wuxian hated it. He hated it so fucking much.

His frustration and pain spilled out of him as he mumbled, “I don’t know what to say except that. I don’t fucking know… I regret it. I fucking do. I’ve regretted it every single day since I left, but I can’t fucking fix it." 

He clenched his teeth, holding back his sobs. "I’ve already messed up so badly. I can’t go back in time and I can’t take back the years that were lost. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Can someone tell me what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

Suddenly he was wrapped in a warm embrace. “You don’t have to do anything, A-Xian. What has happened, has happened. Nothing can change that.” She tightened the hug as she cried, “But you’re here, aren’t you? Isn’t that enough? Don’t work yourself up over what’s lost, because it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m just glad I have my didi back.”

Jiang Cheng sat down besides them and spat out angrily, “Don’t you fucking dare leave again. If you do, I will break your fucking legs.” 

Wei Wuxian chuckled at the familiar words. Yanli slowly let go of Wei Wuxian. He removed his hands from his face, and tried to dry his tears even though they wouldn’t stop. He looked up at his brother. A small, but gentle smile was plastered across his face as he answered, “I won’t leave, I promise. I’ve made that mistake too many times,” he sighed. He spread out his arms and softly added, “I know I’m a traitor, but is it possible for me to get a hug from my brothe-”

Before he could finish his words, a heavy weight was thrown towards him. Wei Wuxian cackled at the sudden embrace. He could almost feel his ribs crack, but it was honestly worth it. Yanli laid her arms upon both of them. It was as if some of the weight on Wei Wuxian's shoulders disappeared. The heaviness over his heart lightened as he embraced them. 

Suddenly the outer door was thrown open and a cheerful voice yelled out, “A-Li, A-Ling! I’m ho-''

Jin Zixuan’s bag dropped to the floor as stared at the scene in front of him. Three grown adults were crying their eyes out on the floor in a very awkward hug. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He was eventually able to identify the three people and was even more confused.  

“What the fuck is going on???” 

After a long embarrassing explanation, Jin Zixuan finally understood the situation. Didn’t mean he wasn’t just as weirded out as before. He had never seen Jiang Cheng cry before and he would like to never see it again. Scary… Too out of character he thought.

The awkward silence fell upon them once again. No one seemed to know what to say for a moment, before Jiang Cheng slowly opened his mouth. His eyebrows were furrowed and he seemed hesitant. Eventually he asked, “So… Sizhui… He’s your kid?”

Wei Wuxian was surprised by the question, but eagerly answered, “Yep. I’m actually a dad. It’s wild.”

“I cant believe you have a whole ass fucking child.”

“Yeah me too,” Wei Wuxian chuckled.

 Jiang Cheng swiftly added teasingly, “And he actually seems nice.”

“Uhh, thank you??” Wei Wuxian wasn't sure if that was supposed to be an insult or praise. After a moment he realized the backhanded compliment. “Hey! I’m actually a great dad, thank you very much!” He huffed. He internally cursed at him as he crossed his arms and threw his head to the side. Yanli giggled at their familiar bickering.

As Wei Wuxian threw his head around, he suddenly realized that Jin Zixuan was here. It wasn’t that he hadn’t noticed him before. It was more about the fact that he was too focused on his siblings to even care about Jin Zixuan’s existence. Now that he remembered, he gave him a sharp glare as he threatened, “You better have treated A-jie well during all of these years. I may not have been here for a while, but I still take my job as a sibling quite seriously.” Jin Zixuan didn’t seem shocked by this threat, but was at a loss for words on what to reply.

Yanli rushed to Wei Wuxian’s side and put her hand gently on his shoulder. “He’s been nothing, but sweet and kind A-Xian. No need to worry,” she informed him.

This wasn’t enough to put Wei Wuxian at ease. He had never liked Jin Zixuan and his cocky personality. He may have changed through these years, but he would never forget how he treated his sister before they started dating. His sister deserved the best, and he could therefore not feel comforted by this confirmation alone. 

Wei Wuxian threw a glance towards Jiang Cheng. His brother saw his glare and nodded in agreement with Yanli’s statement. First then could Wei Wuxian let out a relieved sigh.

“That’s good, but don’t you think I’ve taken my eyes off you. Sleep with one eye open, bitch,” he hissed at Jin Zixuan.

Jin Zixuan stared at him in confusion as he questioned his life. The fuck did I do to make his resentment towards me go that deep? he muttered.

Wei Wuxian suddenly paused and his face froze. He mumbled to himself, “Why am I even here in the first place???” Realization struck him and he threw his head towards all directions as he called, “Oh- Sizhui, come here! Baba has come to pick you up!”

Sizhui popped up out of nowhere together with Jin Ling. Sizhui’s backpack was hanging on his right shoulder while his phone was in his left hand.

“Hi, baba! Seems like you four had an-” he quickly glanced at all of them before he completed, “interesting conversation...”

Wei Wuxian giggled as he replied, “Interesting, indeed. Let’s get you home, A-Yuan.”

As they reached the front door, Wei Wuxian abruptly stopped. He turned around to look at his siblings. He couldn’t help, but wrap them in a tight embrace as he whispered, “Goodbye. I’m really glad to see you again. I really am… I promise I will keep in touch.”

“You better,” Jiang Cheng huffed as he tightened the embrace.

“Please do, A-Xian,” Yanli remarked. “Wait, we don’t have your phone number or anything,” she stated anxiously.

“Don’t worry about that.” He let go of them and smiled gently at Jin Ling who stood in the back of the room, leaning against the wall. “Your name is Jin Ling, right?”

Jin Ling nodded. Wei Wuxian still remembered his name after all. He may have a bad memory, but one thing he wouldn’t forget was his own nephew’s name. He smiled as he continued, “Just make my nephew to send your phone numbers to Sizhui. If I don’t message any of you two in a week’s time, you’re fully allowed to break my legs, Jiang Cheng.”

He nodded his head in agreement as he heard his statement. “Sounds like a good deal to me.”

Wei Wuxian beamed as they left the house. He had really missed them. He never found himself worthy of their love, but maybe he wasn’t the one to decide that. They might never go back to how they were, but that was ok. They had all grown up after all, so of course things would be different. Wei Wuxian didn’t find himself bothered by this. It somehow made him feel relieved. 

Maybe it’s possible to fix what’s broken? What I thought I had lost for good…

As Wei Wuxian thought this, he wasn’t only imagining his siblings. Golden eyes and the smell of sandalwood filled his mind. The thought warmed his heart, but also made it hurt. Made it yearn... Maybe the thought of him had never left his mind in the first place. It was always in the back of his head. The thought of them.

All I want is always you.

Always you.

The car radio was playing in the background as they drove home. The low melody was comforting. Sizhui glanced at the little radio screen in front of him. The white text lit up.

Best day of my life - Tom Odell 

1:44

Sizhui hummed the melody as the song continued.

Laying on a car, you've got stars. I've got scars they don't see.

He examined his father’s face. He had been awfully quiet as they started driving. It wasn’t like him, but it didn’t worry Sizhui. A small smile was plastered across his father’s face as the song continued playing.

I think today is the best day of my life. Last night all I wanted to do was die. Right now, I'm happy to be alive.

When the song ended, Sizhui felt an urge to say something.

“Baba, are you ok?”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes lit up as he came back to reality. “Hm? Yeah! I guess I'm just in a state of shock,” he huffed out a laugh. “What a coincidence that your friend happened to be my nephew.”

Sizhui felt shivers go down his back. “Yeah…. What a coincidence…” he mumbled. He knew it wasn’t one, but that didn’t have to be revealed, he thought for himself.

Chapter Text

Local idiots🤩

October 23, Saturday - 15:49

Jingyi: Guys I need updates! How did it go yesterday? U can’t leave us hanging like this😭

Zizhen: Yeah we need to know!!!

Jin Ling: Bruh calm down. It went fine. 

Jingyi: Hm… U sure? Sizhui is this true?

Jin Ling: WTF don’t you believe me? Why would I lie about this?

Jingyi: U never know👀

You: Yes😄Everything went as planned. They made up and my dad promised to keep in touch with them.

Jin Ling: Jingyi, fuck off. 

Zizhen: WE TOLD YOU GUYS IT WOULD WORK AYYYY💪💪💪💪

Jingyi: YESS, WE’RE GENIUSES. PART 2 OF PLAN DAD SIZHUI IS SET IN MOTION NOW!!!

You: Plan dad Sizhui????

Jin Ling: What kind of plan name even is that???

Jingyi: If you’re not happy with the plan name, then you can find a new plan name yourself.

Jin Ling: ……

Zizhen: Sizhui, did your dad say yes to the sleepover?

You: Yes! My dad said he’s gonna buy us pizza. 

Jingyi: HELL YEAH

Jin Ling: When are we supposed to show up at your house though?

You: Uhh around 18-19???

Zizhen: 18:30 it is then.

Jingyi: Sure. See you guys soon.

“Have fun guys!” Wei Wuxian said as the boys went upstairs. “I will come up with the pizza once it has arrived. It won’t arrive in too long.”

“Thank you, baba!” Sizhui thanked.

They had just entered Sizhui’s room when Jin Ling stated, “Your dad is so sweet.”

“Yeah, he is,” he beamed.

“Wow! Look at baby Sizhui. You were so cute!” Zizhen cried out. He stood next to his desk, holding a frame in his hand. It was an old photo inside of it.

“Thanks! It’s a photo from my first birthday with my dad. It was right after I was officially adopted by him.” Sizhui felt his heart soften at the thought of that day. He had been welcomed with open arms from day one and he never once felt like he wasn’t. That birthday was special to them both. 

For Sizhui, it was the first time after the incident where he didn’t feel alone. He was five when he was officially adopted. The adoption process took some time before it was approved since it was a complicated procedure. Of course he had relatives around him after the incident and during this process, but he was still a child. He was scared that things would never feel normal again. He was scared that this new life wouldn’t make him happy, but that birthday changed it all. Wei Wuxian was by his side, and he knew he wouldn’t leave. He was still haunted by the past after that, but he didn’t wander through it alone anymore. It filled that empty hole in his heart. The part that had been missing for years. 

For Wei Wuxian, it was a new start. They had just gotten a new apartment and everything they needed. That celebration felt like a confirmation that he wasn’t lost anymore. His future wasn’t doomed. He was capable of getting his shit together and move on. The Wens had helped him get back up, but now it was his time to help them. He was able to give that little child a new life. Something that was constant. He had been terrified for so long, but after that day, he finally settled down. 

“Awww, that’s so adorable! You were such a cute child,” Zizhen grinned at him. Sizhui flushed at the cheesy comment, but quickly brushed it off.

“Guys, shouldn’t we get to work?” Jingyi nervously looked at them.

Sizhui wrinkled his forehead as he replied, “I don’t think we should stress or hurry. If we’re gonna make this work, we can’t call too early. Then it won’t be realistic. The later we do it, the more logical it would seem.”

“Huh, really?” Jingyi frowned in confusion.

Jin Ling rolled his eyes as he explained, “Of course. It would make sense if it happens later in the day. Blacking out after a long day is more realistic than right now. Let’s wait a few hours.”

“You’re right. Let's wait,” Zizhen added eagerly. 

Suddenly someone knocked on the door.

“Boys! I got the pizza,” Wei Wuxian announced. They threw the door open and grabbed the boxes in his hands.

“Thanks, baba!” Sizhui smiled at him as he closed the door again.

Wei Wuxian stood there looking dazed. He wasn’t even able to say one word before the door was shut again. He giggled to himself as he went downstairs. They had really grown up, he thought.

Time passed by as the boys sat there. The pizza was almost completely eaten up and had started to get cold. They chatted and bickered enthusiastically for something that felt like hours when Zizhen said, “Guys!!! It’s soon eight pm. I think it’s about time we get to work, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I think it should work now,” Jin Ling agreed, nodding his head.

Sizhui's eyes widened as he suddenly thought of something. “Yeah, but we’re supposed to call him, right? If so, how? I don’t have his phone number.”

Jingyi cackled as he stated, “Oh, don’t you worry about that! As Mr. Lan’s no.1 stan, how could I not have his phone number? I told him I needed help with my history homework. He then just gave me his number so I could text him if I needed any guidance.”

Zizhen was extremely impressed. “Wow! You’re a genius, Jingyi!”

Jin Ling rolled his eyes at his explanation. “Didn’t you whine about how you struggled with our history assignment last week? I literally was there when you got his number. I’m pretty sure you got it because of the fact that you suck in history class. Not because you are his stan or because of this plan,” he revealed.

“YOU-” Jingyi shrieked at him. His face was burning up in embarrassment.

“Payback bitch. This is what you get for calling me a young mistress,” he said mockingly.

“Ok, calm down guys. Let’s call him now instead of fighting,” Sizhui muttered. “Jingyi, what’s his phone number?”

Jingyi pulled up his phone and showed him Lan Wangji’s contact info. Sizhui tapped the numbers and hit the call button. He hushed at his friends as he put the phone next to his ear.

“Hello, this is Lan Wangji.”

“Mr. Lan!” Sizhui called out anxiously. “It’s Sizhui. My dad, he…”

“Your dad, what?” Lan Wangji’s voice almost sounded worried.

“H-he collapsed… I don’t know what happened. He just completely blacked out and I don’t know what to do.” Sizhui did his best to sound as desperate and uneasy as possible.

“What was he doing before he collapsed?”

Sizhui continued, “He was working on something, I think??? He was writing on his computer. He stood up to go find something for me, but then…” Sizhui was sobbing at this point. “He’s been working extra time lately so it might be that. He has a tendency to overwork himself, but he won’t listen to me when I tell him to take a break and take care of himself.”

Lan Wangji’s voice was stern, but there was a small tremble in it. “Don't worry A-Yuan. I will be there in a minute.”

“I-” 

Before Sizhui could explain any further, Lan Wangji hung up. Sizhui was utterly confused. He thought for himself,

I wasn't even able to tell him our address… Well, he probably knows it somehow if he just hung up like that.

When he thought even more about it, he was even more confused.

He didn't even question how I knew his number???

In the end, Sizhui just shrugged and moved on.

“Done,” he declared. 

“Sizhui, holy fuck! Your acting was perfect! We definitely tricked him,” Jingyi chuckled mischievously.

“Seems like my theater classes were helpful after all.” Sizhui presumed.

Zizhen breathed a sigh of relief. “Now we just have to sit and wait. Probably not too long though. I've seen that man run before. He’s not fucking slow.”

Jingyi stared at Zizhen in confusion. “He can run???”

“What do you mean by that?” Jin Ling asked dazedly.

“He appears as a slow and elegant person to me. Imagining him running is just too out of character.” Jingyi muttered bewilderedly. Suddenly he questioned, “When the hell did you see him run?”

“I once saw him run to the bus station. I was holding him behind because I needed to ask some questions about our assignment. When I was done, he said he had to hurry so he could get to his bus in time. He ran like his life depended on it,” Zizhen explained.

Jingyi sat on the floor in utter astonishment. “Wow…”

“Ok, so he can run? What’s so special about that,” Jin Ling huffed. Sometimes he didn’t understand what was going through his friends' heads. He stood up as he stated, “What’s important is that we don’t miss this. He hasn’t arrived yet, but I would rather stand ready too early than miss this.” He quietly opened the door and peeked through the opening.

Soon the others had joined him. They all had half of their head stuck out of the room, in hope that they would see as much as possible. Now they had to patiently wait…

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian was spread out on the couch as he enjoyed his glass of wine. He chuckled to himself when he heard the distant voices from the second floor. He couldn’t help, but think about his earlier days when he and his friends used to do the same. It felt like yesterday, but he knew it was years ago. He missed those times, but the past is in the past. He sighed as he took a sip from his wine.

The outer door was abruptly thrown open, making it hit the wall. Wei Wuxian’s heart stopped in surprise. He was shocked by the sudden commotion. He moved his gaze to see what was going on, but he would’ve never imagined that he would see a breathless Lan Wangji. They both stared at each other in confusion. 

“Lan Zhan???”

“Wei Ying???”

Wei Wuxian felt all the questions get stuck in his throat, but was eventually able to ask, “What are you doing here?” The more Wei Wuxian thought about this, the more freaked out he was. He continued to ask questions. “How do you know my address???”

Lan Wangji paused for a moment, collecting himself slowly before he answered, “The info of my students' parents, such as their phone number and address, are saved on my computer.” His forehead wrinkled as he added anxiously, “Sizhui said you collapsed from overwork…”

“What??? How did he even do that?”

“He called me.”

After that, they didn’t know what to say. The silence was almost deafening as the seconds went by. Wei Wuxian couldn’t handle it anymore. He stood up and he declared frustratedly, “You shouldn’t have come here. It was just a misunderstanding or a mistake.” He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

 “Wei Ying I-”

As Lan Wangji was about to continue, they both heard bickering voices from the second floor. They stepped closer to hear clearer.

“Stop shoving!”

“I’m not shoving. You are!”

“I can’t hear what they’re saying anymore.”

“Shut up you guys or they will notice us!” Wei Wuxian could tell that the last comment was Jin Ling’s voice. He already knew what was up. His blood boiled in fury.

“Too late. Get your asses down here, right now!” Wei Wuxian shouted angrily.

The teenagers looked frightened at each other, but did as he said. Soon they were at the bottom of the stairs.

Wei Wuxian glared at them. "Can you boys tell me what's going on?"

They all started speaking over each other, trying to come with an excuse. Suddenly, Sizhui walked in front of the others. The others shut up as they saw him move. 

He swallowed nervously. He felt sick to his stomach. "W-we wanted to help you talk again... I know we shouldn't have mixed ourselves into your situation… We just wanted to help you fix this," he explained.

Wei Wuxian scolded them in frustration. "You can’t pressure someone to do that! Have you even considered how Lan Zhan might feel about this!? Making him uncomfortable and forcing him to talk to me? Forcing him to take care of me?"

Wei Wuxian had never been good at taking care of himself, but Lan Wangji had always looked out for him in the past. But now, it was different. They weren’t together anymore, so why would he still do that? He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. He didn’t want him to feel obligated to do something for him. It was too ridiculous. Lan Wangji didn’t owe him anything. Not after everything that happened… 

Wei Wuxian felt that he owed him the world, but how could he ever give that? All he could do was to keep a distance from him. That way, Lan Wangji wouldn’t be bothered by his presence. He didn’t feel worthy enough of his company, so he stood in the shadows instead. Further away from him and his light.

Lan Wangji stepped in front of Sizhui, pushing him behind. His expression was complicated, but sincere as he stated,"I came here because I care about you. Not because I pity you. I was worried and I wasn't pressured to show up."

"You… What?" His eyes widened in astonishment.

The teenagers stared at each other. They felt like they were intruding. Watching something that wasn't for them to disturb. They slowly backed up and quietly went up the stairs. They sat down at the top steps, making the adults almost out of their view.

"I care about Wei Ying."

Wei Wuxian's lip trembled and his fists tightened.

"Why..?"

"......"

He lowered his head and his pose stiffened. Wei Wuxian noticed the soft blush across his face and his burning ears. The scene in front of him made his heart bleed. He could still remember their earlier days where he would constantly tease him. Lan Wangji would always turn around and call him ridiculous and shameless. Wei Wuxian used to think it was because he couldn’t stand him, but he later found out that he did it to hide his reddened face. The reminder of their past felt like a thorn pricking his core.

"Lan Zhan..."  His voice was sorrowful as he called his name.

"You..." Lan wangji seemed like he wanted to say something, but wasn't able to continue. He swallowed down his words and shook his head. Wei Wuxian stepped closer to him and wrapped his hands around his tense arms. He was shaking.

"Lan Zhan. I know I don't deserve your kind heart, but please... I need you to finish that sentence for me..."

Lan Wangji mumbled it quietly, making it impossible for anyone to hear. Wei Wuxian squeezed his arms tenderly as he asked, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Can you please repeat it for me..?” His voice was fond and careful.

Lan Wangji stared right into his eyes as he repeated, "You are still important to me." Wei Wuxian could feel the heavy gaze look through his soul. He couldn't stand his gaze anymore. He felt too exposed. Too fragile for this. He dropped his head in shame.

Lan Wangji’s forehead creased and his stand appeared rigid. He almost sounded hurt as he questioned, "What do you mean by 'don't deserve'?" 

Wei Wuxian sighed. "I…” He tried to clear his mind. He tried to compose himself, but he didn’t know how to. He let go of Lan Wangji’s arms and crossed his arms. He was too intimate just now. He had almost forgotten himself. How could he do that? They hadn’t been this close in years, but it was still the most natural motion in the world for him. He felt ashamed. 

Lan Wangji raised his hands and gently grasped his shoulders. 

“Wei Ying,” he said fondly. 

The familiar gesture softened his heart. He shut his eyes as he breathed out, “I hurt you… I said so much shit to you that day. My words were cruel and I didn't treat you well.” His eyes stinged. “I don't deserve your concerns and care."

Lan Wangji stepped closer. They were just a few inches away from each other by now. He affirmed to him earnestly, "I know you, Wei Ying. You're not a cruel person. You don't ruin things around you and you're not a burden. You have made mistakes before and that's because you're flawed. You're flawed because you're human. We both said awful things to each other that day, so if you're a cruel person, then I am one too."

He lifted up his chin as he resumed, "I wanted to marry you because I accepted and loved all of your good sides, but also because I accepted and loved your flawed sides equally much."

He stared into his golden eyes as he choked out what he wanted to ask him the last decade. "But- why didn't you come after me then..?"

"What?" His voice faltered and his hand lowered.

Wei Wuxian felt his heart ache as he proceeded, "I waited for you, but you never came. I thought you would come after me, bring me back and help me snap out of it. Help me get my shit together. You know I can’t do it myself. I’ve never been able to do so..."

"I thought you didn't love me anymore." Lan Wangji’s voice thickened. 

Wei Wuxian tried to suck in a breath. It was as if he couldn’t breathe properly anymore. His chest wouldn’t stop hurting. He couldn't believe the words he just heard. "How could I ever stop loving you..?" he confessed sincerely.

Lan Wangji's eyes glistened and tears filled his eyes.

"No no no... Please don't cry, A-Zhan. I can't fucking handle that. You know I fucking can't-"

Wei Wuxian crumbled as tears streamed down Lan Wangji’s cheeks. No matter what, Wei Wuxian couldn't handle watching the ones around him in pain. When he saw Lan Wangji's tears, it was as if someone shot him in the chest.

His tears are your fault.

He's crying because of you.

Oh, baobei... I'm sorry." He was crying too, but he couldn’t care less.

He cupped Lan Wangji's face as he sobbed, "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you for your suggestion. You just wanted me to contact them again....” He smiled sorrowfully as he continued, “I know you did it for my own good. I know you did it for our wedding plans... You knew I wouldn't be happy if they weren't there, but... I was scared.” He shook his head. Scared didn’t describe it well enough. “I was fucking terrified. I was terrified that they would never forgive me. That they wouldn't love me anymore…"

Lan Wangji gently kissed his forehead. "I understand, Wei Ying. I’ve always understood. You don't need to explain yourself."

Quiet sobs spilled out of Wei Wuxian’s throat. He wasn’t sure why he was crying. He didn’t feel sad anymore.

He wasn’t sure what to say to Lan Wangji at this point. It wasn’t that he had nothing to say, but more that he wanted to say so much. If he opened his mouth at this moment, he was sure none of his words would make sense. Million of questions flooded his mind. Were his mistakes really forgiven? Had he somehow fixed anything? What would happen now? Was this the end of it all? The start of it all? Another goodbye? A welcome home? He wasn’t sure anymore.

It was as if Lan Wangji could read his mind. He had always been like that. Able to read him better than anyone else. He didn't know how he did it. He held his shoulders as he said tenderly, "You're fine. We're fine." A small smile bloomed on his face. 

Soon his soft lips were pressed on Wei Wuxian’s. His hands moved down to his hips, embracing him closer. The kiss was sloppy and slow, but to them, it couldn’t be any better. They had all the time in the world to make up for it. Wei Wuxian smiled into the kiss, this making Lan Wangji’s heart soften. He deepened the kiss and felt his hands up his back. He could taste the alcohol of his lips and his salty tears. It was perfect.

After something that felt like forever, but at the same time as nothing at all, they parted.

A storm of emotions overflowed Wei Wuxian’s conscience as he stared into his shining eyes. He didn’t know what to feel, but what he knew was that Lan Wangji was his past, his present and his future. 

Sizhui’s bedroom door was quietly closed as the conversation downstairs died out. The teenagers stood there in complete shock. SIzhui thought the plan might work, but not this well. 

Jin Ling broke the silence. “Holy fucking shit. I never thought this would actually work,” he muttered.

Jingyi bragged loudly, “That’s because we’re so fucking clever! Right, Zizhen?” Jingyi was confused when he got no reply. He repeated it as he turned around. “Zizhen???”

Tears were flooding out of Zizhen’s eyes. His hand clutched right over his heart as he cried out, “My heart! I dont think I'll ever recover. SOULMATES!! SOULMATES!!!!”

Jin Ling stared at him weirdly while Sizhui giggled. He felt like he was lit up with joy. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. He wasn’t sure what would happen from now on, but he knew things could only turn to the better.

He grinned at his friends. He threw himself at them, pulling them all into a tight group hug. They were shocked, but soon melted into the hug. “Thank you… I really appreciate it.” His voice thickened and his eyes blurred. He sniffled as he continued, “I could’ve never fixed this without you guys.”

Jingyi patted his back as he chuckled. “That’s what you have us for.”

“Hell yeah! We’re always here to help if you need us,” Zizhen added.

“We’re friends. This is what we do for each other, right?” Jin Ling huffed warmly.

Sizhui let go of their embrace and smiled at them affectionately.

“Right.”

That night, Sizhui fell asleep with a smile on his face, while Wei Wuxian fell asleep with his healing heart. And just like that, the weeks and the months went by. Sizhui’s days were pretty much normal, but now there was a new figure in his life that would appear even more frequently. Lan Wangji would often come over. He would cook them dinner, which was probably an answer to Sizhui’s prayers. He might like his father’s try on cooking, but he had to admit that Lan Wangji was a better cook.

They would often have movie nights, which would often end with Wei Wuxian fall asleep on Lan Wangji’s shoulder. It honestly made Sizhui feel at ease. His dad had always had troubles with sleeping, but now it seemed to get better. Lan Wangji would carry him to his bed and wish Sizhui good night. He would sometimes stay the night and wake them up to breakfast. Sizhui had always been happy with it just being him and his dad, but the new changes seemed to make his father happier. It made Sizhui happier too. 

Not only that, but Wei Wuxian had tried to meet up with his siblings from time to time. In the start, it was awkward and tense, but eventually, it got better. This meant that Sizhui got to meet them more frequently too. It was weird to meet Jin Ling at the family gatherings at first, but he got used to it with time. He also got to try Yanli’s amazing soup and made Jiang Cheng open up more around him. 

The new changes in his life had come so suddenly, but he wasn’t complaining. He liked this new start. He liked this new direction. 

Chapter Text

Lan Wangji gently ran his fingers through Wei Wuxian’s hair. The low buzzing from the tv was comforting as he was looking at his beloved. Asleep and leaning on his shoulder. He gently hummed as he twirled his hair around his fingers. His hair was dark like the night and smelled like lotus. Wei Wuxian would always use a lotus scented shampoo because it reminded him of home. It reminded Lan Wangji of home too.

Wei Wuxian's eyes twitched open and came back to reality. He rubbed his eyes to focus again, only to be met by golden eyes. He grinned at Lan Wangji as he grabbed his hand with his and folded them together. 

“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji's voice was low, but filled with adoration.

“Hi, Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian was smiling even wider now. He glanced at the clock and asked, “Oh, it’s seven pm already? Has Sizhui already left to Jingyi's house then?”

Lan Wangji nodded, “Mn. He left thirty minutes ago. He headed out without saying goodbye because he did not want to wake you up.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Wei Wuxian chuckled. Lan Wangji was still brushing his fingers through his hair. Wei Wuxian leaned towards the comforting touch. He whispered warmly, “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

“Mn. Let’s do that then.”

Wei Wuxian dramatically gasped. “Lan Zhan?! You can’t say that!!! We still have responsibilities and jobs,” he teased.

Lan Wangji pecked his head and murmured. “Doesn’t matter. Would rather stay here with Wei Ying forever.”

“Forever?”

“Mn. Forever,” he muttered.

Wei Wuxian’s heart softened, but also made him ache. He wanted to ask something, but stopped himself. He didn’t want to ruin anything again. He couldn’t risk anything. Lan Wangji gazed at him. His eyebrows furrowed and he leaned closer to him.

“Wei Ying, what is it?”

“Ah, it’s nothing. It’s stupid, hahaha…” he laughed awkwardly.

“Nothing you say is stupid.”

Wei Wuxian didn’t know how to deny him. He thought for a moment, before he got the courage to ask, “I know we were joking just now… You know, about forever, but what’s gonna happen to us from now on..? Is this just something temporary or-”

“I wasn’t joking, Wei Ying.” Wei Wuxian threw his gaze up, just to meet Lan Wangji’s intense stare again. His golden eyes were enchanting. “If Wei Ying wants this to last forever, then forever it is.” He squeezed his hand gently. “Do you want that..?”

Wei Wuxian let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “More than anything,” he whispered as an affectionate smile blossomed across his face. “I love you.”

Lan Wangji softly smiled back. “I love you too.”

Wei Wuxian softly giggled. Before thinking over his words, he blurted out. “Come live with me.” His eyes widened in realization and his shoulders tensed. His mouth widened, in hope that he would say something logical.

Instead he began babbling away, “Fuck- That was a bit too forward, sorry. What I tried to ask is if we are just going to live separately or..? I mean… I would like to share a house, but only if you’re comfortable with that. It’s not like we have to rush with that-” Suddenly a finger was on his lips. 

Lan Wangji shook his head from side to side. He huffed lightly. “Wei Ying. We’ve lived together for several years in the past. We’re not rushing anything. I would love to anyway.”

“Really..?”

“Mn, really. Don’t feel afraid to ask these kinds of things. No matter what you have to say or ask, it’s important to me. You’re important to me,” he stated.

Wei Wuxian whined in despair, “Laan Zhaaan!!! You can’t say these kinds of things. No mercy on my poor heart…” His face was crimson colored. He buried his head in the crook of his neck. 

“You’re important to me too.” He took a deep breath and continued, “I want to spend everyday with you. See your face by my side every morning and every night. I want to share every good day and every bad day with you, no matter how bad the bad days are. I want to be by your side forever. And if I’m lucky, I want to dance in the afterlife with you too.” 

Lan Wangji hooked his head on top of Wei Wuxian’s and pulled him into a tight embrace. “I would like that,” Lan Wangji whispered adoredly.

They sat there quietly for a few moments, before Wei Wuxian started muttering to himself. “Dance in the afterlife with you…Dance in the afterlife… Dance… Dance…with you..?” Suddenly Wei Wuxian jumped off the sofa. He stood and gaped at him in realization.

He grabbed Lan Wangji’s arms and stared at him. “Omg, Lan Zhan. You have to dance with me. Right now or I will literally lose my shit. This is literally a fucking crime!!! We haven’t done this in ages. Literally!!!”

Lan Wangji huffed fondly as he stood up. Wei Wuxian dragged him towards him and wrapped his arms around Lan Wangji’s waist, making them stand only a few inches away from each other. Lan Wangji settled his arms around him in the same way. 

Wei Wuxian took his phone out of his pocket and turned on the first song that came to mind. 

Two slow dancers  - Mitski

0:11

He put the volume on full and threw the phone onto the table. The low beat was comforting as they slowly swung back and forth. The melody was nice and soon a low voice started singing.

Does it smell like a school gymnasium in here? It's funny how they're all the same. It's funny how you always remember and we've both done it all a hundred times before.

Wei Wuxian thought to himself. A school gymnasium? This is giving me déjà vu haha.

He peeked up at Lan Wangji. His hair was covering his shoulders. His eyes were almost closed, but he could tell his eyes were still looking at him. Wei Wuxian asked fondly, "Remember the first time we did this?"

He nodded with a smile on his face. "Mn. Last year of highschool. Right after we started dating."

“I remember how stiff you were then! It was as if you had never been on the dance floor before,” he chuckled. He squeezed his waist with his arms.

“It was my first time on the dance floor. I was also flustered and didn’t know what to do when you asked me to dance with you,” he mumbled. His ears turned slightly pink, making Wei Wuxian die internally. If it wasn’t such a sweet and calm moment, he would’ve squealed. 

Too cute!!! he thought. People would always say that Lan Wangji was composed and emotionless, but Wei Wuxian couldn’t see it. He could read him like an open book. The small changes in his expression could tell so much and he honestly thought it was adorable. Lan Wangji had never been emotionless. Wei Wuxian was sure it was rather the opposite. 

When Lan Wangji cared for something, he cared for it with his entire heart. That’s one of the things he loved about Lan Wangji. His heart and his compassion. His love and care for others. His intelligence and his stubbornness. Everything. He didn’t understand how everyone hadn’t fallen head over heels for him, but honestly? He was glad they hadn’t. That meant he had Lan Wangji for himself with no competition. Well, the closest he came to competition was Lan Wangji’s rabbits, but he was sure no one could beat that.

He tucked some of Lan Wangji’s hair behind his ear and beamed at him. “Doesn’t matter how good you were. It’s still one of my favorite memories,” he admitted. Wei Wuxian laid his forehead on Lan Wangji’s shoulder and muttered dotingly, “You still smell like sandalwood. You know that, right?” He moved his head so his cheek was against his shoulder, giving him the opportunity to gaze at Lan Wangji’s face.

Lan Wangji gave him a funny look. It made Wei Wuxian laugh. Eventually Lan Wangji answered, “Mn. It is still my favorite incense to use.” They were still moving slowly with the music. 

At this moment it looked like they were basking in the sunset light. He tilted his eyes upwards and stared at Lan Wangji with adoration. “I thought that all these years going by would make you change, but you're still the same Lan Zhan as the one I knew thirteen years ago,” he giggled.

“Same goes for you, Wei Ying.” His mouth was slightly turned upwards. To Wei Wuxian, this was his favorite thing to witness, except for Lan Wangji’s quiet laughs. They would always warm his heart. 

Lan Wangji continued, “I don’t know how it’s possible, but you’re even more beautiful than I remembered.” He leaned his head on Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. So much time had gone by, but it felt like they were in the past again. 

“You’re so cheesy,” Wei Wuxian teased.

“I can be cheesier.”

“Oh my god, Lan Zhan-”

Lan Wangji gazed at him again as he started reciting, "I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

Wei Wuxian lifted his head and grinned at him. "Hm, a poem? But aren't you a history teacher?"

Lan Wangji did the same as Wei Wuxian. He dotingly stared into his eyes as he stated, "Mn. Even so, I still need a way to show my love for you. I want you to know how much I love you."

Wei Wuxian’s face turned all shades of pink. "Lan Zhan!! You can't say that kind of stuff without a warning!!! My heart can't handle it!!! You're gonna give me a heart attack!" he whined as he buried his head in his chest. No matter how much he loved to flirt with others, he had never been good at handling it himself.

Lan Wangji had a soft smile on his face as he hummed, "Mn. We can't let that happen." He stroked his back gently. It was comforting. Wei Wuxian had missed this. He really had. He stayed there for a moment to save this moment. Cherish it. 

After a few minutes, Wei Wuxian was finally able to compose himself. He raised his gaze to look at Lan Wangji once again. As Wei Wuxian looked into his eyes, it was as if his existence brightened the room. Brightened his life.

Lan Wangji was his light. His sun.

He gasped in a breath. He felt blinded by his beauty.

Suddenly Lan Wangji’s expression turned worried. Sad. Wei Wuxian furrowed his brows in confusion when suddenly Lan Wangji lifted his chin with his hand. Wei Wuxian’s eyes wandered back and forth as he moved closer. Lan Wangji pressed his lips on his and kissed him gently. His hand slid over his cheek and his thumb was softly stroking over it. 

First now did Wei Wuxian understand why Lan Wangji appeared so worried. He was crying. He didn’t know for how long he had been crying, but Lan Wangji noticed it a lot earlier than he did. He wasn’t completely sure why he was crying. He felt overwhelmed. His feelings were being poured out of him and he wasn’t sure how to stop it.

Lan Wangji separated them briefly before he began kissing away his tears. Wei Wuxian had always hated feeling vulnerable in front of others, but something with Lan Wangji made it feel different. He felt safe. He didn’t feel suffocated. His hands trembled and his grip tightened. 

"I've missed you so much," he sobbed. Tears were still rolling down his cheeks. Lan Wangji’s heart ached as he looked at him. He held him closer as he whispered, "I’ve missed you too."

Wei Wuxian wished he could go back in time and remove all those painful years. He always felt responsible for what happened and wasn’t sure he would ever let go of it. If he just hadn't been that stupid. If he had just listened..

Wei Wuxian squeezed back as he choked out, "I'm sorry." All of his regrets washed over him, making him tremble. He took in a deep breath as he continued, "Thank you for-"

Before he was able to finish his words, Lan Wangji shut him up with his lips. It was a gentle kiss, but Wei Wuxian melted into it quickly. He moved his hands up to his face, holding him delicately. After a few moments, Lan Wangji pulled back. 

He looked up at him as he gently said, "Between us, there is no need for ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’.”