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What A Fool

Summary:

“Because of what the council claims, Obi-wan!” Anakin cuts him off in a haste. Obi-wan feels his frustration wind tighter in his chest. Another part hurts, his Anakin has not changed in certain ways. “Even now you continue to lecture me the way they have to you. They expect us to have no love, no friends, no feelings for anyone or anything. I will never understand how any of you are just okay with this. I am not continuing with that way of life anymore. And I know deep down you feel the same. I’ve felt you wear the same bitter thoughts. We were bonded even after the cut of my braid, and I was no longer your padawan! That has to mean something to you! Join me, please, Obi-wan, we can fix their mess. Come with me!”

Notes:

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Chapter 1: The Other Side

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

    The sun was setting quickly on the outer rim, sending hints of orange through a small window behind him. Patiently waiting for the drab tavern to fill up. This was what he was hoping for. Many of the locals were tacky, and greedy which meant a quick buy out for information was more accessible then some other planets he’s previously visited. So waving around a pretty penny was safer than using mind games with the force. The mission was personal. The Jedi Council hadn’t a clue that he was sitting here currently on the lookout for a specific man. If they had, he was sure that their decision would end in red streaks and an honorable discharge on his behalf. 

 

    As if, he thought bitterly, he was one their best remaining generals. 

 

    He has been bitter more days than not lately. Though, he kept an eye on the tavern’s door; shorter and wider than the doors on his flagship, but still accessible. Which he was sure was in scraps by now. The Jawa Jawas could be thanked for that. Earlier in the day he had gone to a local black market dealer who had been articulating with his target regularly, hoping to learn his whereabouts. And it seemed the man had a habit of frequenting this tavern nightly. 

 

    Obi-wan on his part tried his best to keep a low profile. If the news spread a Jedi was amongst them he was sure his target would be off planet as soon as he got wind. That would not be an ideal situation. Obi-wan has already struggled enough with locating him. He was good at hiding. He ordered himself another drink, getting a scowl from the bar keeper. He has already been here long enough to draw some suspicion. Just as he was on the verge of abandoning the tavern to another night a tall man, wearing a dark brown cloak entered. Almost instantly grabbing Obi-wan’s attention. He subconsciously hardened his mind shields through the force.

 

    The dark cloak covered the man’s face, in a way you would find suspicious. How has he been here as long as he has the way he dresses himself? While, Obi-wan on the other hand is clearly drawing uncomfortable looks from the patrons. The other man did a quick scope of the tavern before pushing his way through the mob of creatures and sitting himself right next to Obi-wan. 

 

    “Did you think I wouldn’t notice you Obi-wan?” He murmured beside him. “After all these years? You should know me better than that.”

 

    “Skywalker.” He greeted the man beside him in a curt manner keeping his composure as best he could. 

 

    “You stick out like a sore thumb, my old friend.”

 

    “Mind your words Anakin, we are not friends.” He glanced over to see Anakin’s pale yellow eyes watch him closely. “You are dressed no better than I.”

 

    Anakin chuckled,

 

    “They know who I am. You’re lucky I knew where to find you. Otherwise I’m sure they’d be having a kriffing fit just about now.” 

 

    “Know where to find me?” He asked incredulously.

 

    “Yes, Obi-wan, did you not think news of a suspicious outsider asking around about me would go unnoticed?”

 

    Obi-wan glowered and turned his head away from his former padawan. Of course, he should have known. The locals were tacky and greedy. He could feel the arrogant smirk Anakin was wearing, even with his head turned away from him. 

 

    “I’m sure you didn’t track me halfway across the galaxy to have a drink with me. Does the council know about this Obi-wan?” Obi-wan’s silence was telling enough, “I’m honored that you would go against the council in order to visit me.”

 

    “This isn’t some reunion.” He bit out. “I have searched tirelessly for you. You are going to join me back to Coruscant and pay for your crimes against the Republic.” 

 

    “Am I now?”

 

    “Yes. You are.”

 

    Anakin chuckles once more and waves his hand up to the bartender. This time the bartender doesn’t scowl. There was an easy look on him as he wordlessly pushed a drink towards them. 

 

    “Two!” Anakin calls, and another drink slides its way over to them. “I am not going with you to Coruscant, Obi-wan. You must know I haven’t done anything wrong.”

 

    “Look at yourself, Anakin!” Obi-wan whispers at him, as Anakin passes him over one of the two drinks in front of him. “You are hiding out in the outer rim, with eyes the color of the sun. How can you say “you haven’t done anything wrong”?”  

 

    “You wound me, Obi-wan.” Anakin says in a playful tone, seemingly unbothered by Obi-wan’s frustration with him. “You’re letting your anger get the better of you, Master. Why don’t we go elsewhere to talk?”

 

    Obi-wan chooses to ignore Anakin’s choice of words. He will not let Anakin’s smug attitude entice anymore unnecessary reactions out of him. Nevertheless, he still follows behind him like a lowly massiff, letting Anakin pay the bill. The two of them walk in silence. Walking farther, and farther away from the tight knit village. The sun lower in the sky than before.

    It’s Anakin who finally breaks the tense silence, a far distance from the small village of sorts. At times like this Obi-wan had wished he was never ordered to break their bond. Feeling the urge to push his negative emotions onto Anakin to prove the severity of the situation. Already knowing it was but a game for his former padawan.

 

    “You know I will not be going with you, Master.”

 

    “Do not call me that.” 

 

    Anakin huffs, “Then what should I refer to you as.”

 

    “Obi-wan. As any other would.” 

 

    “You came alone?” Obi-wan didn’t answer. “I feel as if I’m not getting many answers from you this evening. You come here alone, demanding me to stand before the council with nothing but yourself. There must be something else you want from me.”

 

    Obi-wan stops walking. He ends up falling a few paces behind Anakin, who stops immediately upon noticing the lack of company beside him. They’re standing, a good thousand feet from the nearest hut, as winds whip around them. He finally removes his hood as Anakin mimics his action. Anakin’s curls getting taken slightly by the wind as they fall into place around him. And finally they stand face to face, exposed to the other.

 

    “Are we both going to stand here and play stupid, Anakin?” The silence hangs in the air as they continue to look at eachother, daring the other to break the peace.

 

    “Why don’t you come with me?” He says after a beat. 

 

    “What?”

 

    “You claim that we stand here and play games with one another. I am not stupid , Obi-wan. If you want to stand there and play games that is fine with me. But I will not let you fool yourself.”

 

    Obi instinctively made a grab for his saber on the right of his hip. An anger like no other flaring through him in that moment. How dare Anakin stand before him and say that he is the one playing games. He is acting as if Obi-wan wants to stand before his former padawan, his best friend, and treat him like a criminal. Obi-wan was not the one who chose to stain his lightsaber red. This is not his fault. 

 

    It is your fault, his thoughts echo to him. He is here, like this, because you were not equipped to guide him. You were not ready and you failed him.

 

    “Speak your mind then, Skywalker. I will not let you stand here and berate me as if you know me.” 

 

    “But I do know you. You sit there and talk about bringing me in for my crimes as if the council has sent you on a perilous journey, but the Jedi have no knowledge of your whereabouts. Obi-wan, you have come on your own ambition. You are lying to yourself.” 

 

    Obi-wan itches for the blue saber once more. Resentment wound tight in his stomach. But he chooses to clench his fist instead. If Anakin notices he doesn't react. He will not let this man get under his skin further. He will not let the ghost of his former friend talk lies using his skin. He will not let it happen. Anakin continues,

 

    “The Jedi Council deceives you as they have I.” There’s a spark of anger in his tone. “They play god amongst themselves in this war!  You have seen first hand the lives they trade, the people they put at stake. They treat us as if we are children unable to understand kriffing anything! They care for no one. Not you, nor I.”

 

    “How can you say such things? The Jedi have fought endlessly to save this galaxy! You are no longer a part of this war, you have chosen your side the second you drew your lightsaber on me at Mustafar.” A dark look crosses Anakin’s features.

 

    “This war is destroying us, Obi-wan. How can you not see it? Have you always been this blind sighted?” 

 

    “You are the one who is lost, Anakin.” Obi-wan snarled.

 

    “Master, come with me. Do not let them hold you in their chains for the rest of your life. You can be with me, we can once again be together. You, and I like we were. Our bond- it can still be how it was.” 

 

    A softer tone took hold of Anakin’s words. He watched Obi-wan carefully, looking for something definite. A flicker of thought past Obi-wan’s mind as he watched Anakin stand before him. There was a wisp of the boy he used to call his padawan still there. In the stubbornness of his words. The certainty of his posture. A part of him knows what Anakin says to be truth. Multiple times has he been stuck watching his men fall in masses, with little sympathy from the council. Both Anakin, and him grounded to their position as their cavalry suffered immense losses. While they were ordered to stay put. An infuriating, boundless cycle

 

    “Anakin, there is no room for disposition-”

 

    “Because of what the council claims, Obi-wan!” Anakin cuts him off in a haste. Obi-wan feels his frustration wind tighter in his chest. Another part hurts, his Anakin has not changed in certain ways. Still one to stand his ground and argue. “Even now you continue to lecture me the way they have to you. They expect us to have no love, no friends, no feelings for anyone or anything. I will never understand how any of you are just okay with this. I am not continuing with that way of life anymore. And I know deep down you feel the same. I’ve felt you wear the same bitter thoughts. We were bonded even after the cut of my braid, and I was no longer your padawan! That has to mean something to you! It did to me. Join me, please, Obi-wan, we can fix their mess. Together.”

 

    Anakin’s assertion with his words struck a chord. Having Anakin mention the way they were bound to one another, angered him more than he thought. Anakin chose to abandon that bond once he gave himself to Darth Sidious’ clutches. It was the final straw. Obi-wan moved to unsheathed his lightsaber. The blue light bringing color to the darken plains of desert.

    The man before him knew little then. He didn’t get to say how Obi-wan perceives the council. How Obi-wan feels at all. Obi-wan knows the ways of the council, he knows they’re heartless more often than not. He knows he lets his emotions cease. Anakin doesn’t, will never, understand his sacrifices. It was a war.

 

    “You think I don’t know you, Master” Anakin goes for his saber that has been tucked away by his hip. He lets it light beside his leg, an alluring white saber appears before them leaving Obi-wan distracted for a mere second. He purified his saber? There was only one other Jedi- former Jedi, who was known for that. “We were one! I know you yearn for more. You feel the same things I do. You like to play yourself as detached; one with the force. One with the Jedi Code,-”

 

    Obi-wan swings his blue lightsaber towards Anakin before he could say anymore, using his feet to make a quick maneuver to his left. An intense hum from their sabers connecting surrounds them as Anakin easily blocks his advance towards him. Obi-wan’s jaw sets in frustration, his face inches away from Anakin’s. The light from their weapons washing out the yellow of Anakin’s bemused eyes, an underhanded smirk playing on his features. They both move away quickly from one another, a fast twirl from himself to regain the balance he’s lost, only to clash their lightsabers together once again.

 

    “-you’re a dog in their battle!”

 

    “Watch your words, Anakin! I am happy to be and fight for the Jedi. For what they stand for! I am not their pawn. You are the one who’s betrayed me.”

 

    Another firm hum emits from their weapons as they continue to clash their weapons together.

 

    “How can you be happy with nothing? You are nothing more than their pawn. I am only trying to save you, Master.” Anakin growls, as he pivots away from Obi-wan’s lightsaber. “I want you to have the freedom you’ve always wanted! I want you to come with me! I want us to be one again” 

 

    “I do not need to be saved from the Jedi.” 

 

    Anakin flips backwards away from Obi-wan, narrowly avoiding a low-sweep to the legs. Pulling his pale lightsaber in front of his face as Obi-wan pushes him back with another harsh strike. Anakin was falling more on defense, obviously holding back. 

 

    “You are hardly trying, Anakin! Do not treat me as a youngling.” Obi-wan growls, another heaved swing towards Anakin. 

 

    “I will not say I haven’t made mistakes.” Each lunge from both, harder than the last the echoing of their sabers filling the evening. The tempo of their dance picking up with their emotions. “I have always done what I think to be right! I have always followed in your footsteps. I practice everything you’ve bestowed to me. I know you think you have failed me. But you are wrong!”

 

    “You have listened to nothing I’ve taught you if you think this is right.”

 

   "Why?-” Anakin barks, perturbed. A heavy swing punctuating his question, causing Obi-wan to stagger back from the blow. “Why? Because I cared about people? Because I cared about you- Ahsoka, Padame?” 

 

    Another aggressive advance on Anakin’s part, causing Obi-wan to veer himself, and his weapon to the right to keep up. Slowly but surely Anakin taking the upper hand, fueled strongly by his belief.

 

     “Because I unknowingly fell under the Chancellor’s mind games? Because the council hadn’t trusted me since I was a boy. Because you chose to break our bond? It’s not fair, Obi-wan! It’s not all my fault!”

 

    Anakin aloud his emotions to seep into his combat. His temper causes the force to swirl heavily around them. His strikes aimed at his former master started to come down faster, harder the angrier he became. Obi-wan grunted as he was forced onto defense. Trying his best to fend off the on coming swings. Anakin doesn’t cease his advances, pushing Obi-wan backwards, a grimace of frustration pulling at his lips.

 

    “You act as if you’ve never made a mistake, Obi-wan.” He finally accuses using the words to send a final calculated blow nearly knocking Obi-wan’s lightsaber out of his grip. Anakin uses this to take a step back from the fight. Jumping a few feet away. Their breath leaves puffs of steam amidst their battlefield.  “You are far from perfect, Master.”

 

    “I have never claimed to be perfect. I’ve made more mistakes in my life than you could count on a dozen pairs of hands, Anakin. I have been at the shit end of the council’s stick countless times for reasons that would appall many. I know, Anakin, I know.” Obi-wan breathes, the adrenaline running rampant below his skin. He was itching to swing his lightsaber once more. “It wasn’t your fault, it was never your fault. Anakin, this was never- This mess- it’s...”

 

    It’s centuries old. You were never meant to grow up to a war. It was not what I ever wanted for you, Anakin. It was not your fault.

 

    “So why do you stay when you know? The games they’ve played with me, you?” Obi-wan searched Anakin’s eyes. His tone was harsh. “Why can’t we do it a different way?”

 

    “There is no other way, Anakin.”

 

    “Have you become so ignorant that you choose not to see me anymore?” Obi-wan’s face pinches into confusion. “Back on Mustafar, I was lost. I- I was distracted with dark thoughts… All I ever wanted was for the council to accept me as a Jedi. But all they saw were my failures, everything a Jedi was not. I was never going to be a real Jedi to them. You… you on the other hand you chose me. You wanted me. Master, you saw me for who I was, what I could do regardless if I could follow the Jedi Code or not.”

 

    “Anakin-,”

 

    “No. Let me speak for once. You let me go on Mustafar, because you knew deep down I could be better, you saw me like you always had. You could feel it in the force, in our bond we shared. You knew I was still able to produce good for the galaxy. And now you treat me no better than a Sith because of the lies of the council.” Anakin didn’t look as if he were mad, he looked defeated. “I am not the Sith they have claimed me to be. I was able to bring myself back without anyone’s help. The way you taught me. Without some karking rule book to follow. Why don’t you see that!” 

 

    Obi-wan looks away finally. Anakin’s proclamation stifled the air. The words starting to set in. His heart feeling more weighted than it has in a long time. Maybe he was the true fool. Here he stands before his former padawan, someone who he had honestly loved more than life itself, a bitter mess. Lost so far into this own insecurities. The ghost he came looking for was in fact still the man he thought he’d lost so long ago. He was so certain that his Anakin was no more than a shell of his former self. How wrong he has been. Anakin truly has not changed, he has simply matured and grown more into the man Obi-wan had always seen in him. So why has he continued to be stuck in this delusion? Has the council gotten so deep into his thought that he could no longer see Anakin. 

 

    The Jedi Council talked him up to be a monster. An unstoppable force since Obi-wan was ‘defeated’ on Mustafar and Anakin escaped. And although he tried his best to believe his Anakin was still there. He had tried many times to use the last of their bond to feel for him, having nearly been severed away completely, but the council had been set on their definition of him. And Obi-wan had gone and believed their words. Like a puppet on a string that Anakin had said he was. He really has failed him. To let the council run his thoughts. They could be no better than the Sith at times. Obi-wan felt as if his insides were being torn apart at the seams the way the guilt gnawed at him. 

 

    Will I ever stop letting him down? Do I only exist to fail him?

 

    “Obi-wan…” Anakin starts, his tone has gone soft. He approaches him, his white lightsaber sheathing itself away. He stands in front of his former master, having a few inches on him, to tower over him. Obi-wan feels his face heat as he meets Anakin’s eyes. “I cannot stand here and fight with you anymore. But I will not let not you take me back to Coruscant. I care deeply for you. More than you could know. And I understand you will not be joining me… and if that is the case… Please do not look for me anymore.” 

 

    Obi-wan was unable to think of an articulated response. Having been this close to Anakin was doing things to his head he didn’t understand. His composure was breaking away bit by bit. The emotions he’s spent years trying to meditate away, the ones he’s hidden behind a mask of the Jedi Code started resurfacing in waves. Obi-wan was feeling them all. And just went he thought he couldn’t spare anymore, a weird tug of emotions flared in his chest. They didn’t feel like his own though. Despair, unbridled anger and frustration, hope, love, defiance; took over every ounce of his being. He realized the force bond he had been instructed to forcibly break that night; and he had out of pure anguish had ignited between Anakin and him once more. And it felt like he was home. 

 

     Anakin had not shown any reaction to their rekindled bond. And before he was able to process anything that had happened in those few seconds. Anakin had taken his silence as absolute and turned to leave. He threw his hood over his head once again and walked away. Panic flared in Obi-wan’s chest, an image of Mustafar flashed to the forefront of his mind. It was Anakin- Darth Vader at that moment, with his back to him, his posture tense and trembling with rage. He was stalking away, lightsaber burning red, Obi-wan on the ground, off to the side watching him limp his way back to the ship he had arrived on.

 

    “You’ll regret letting me live Obi-wan.” Darth Vader had snarled cruelly at him. “Another failure to add to your books.”

 

    He couldn’t let this happen again. Obi-wan couldn't lose him again, not when he just got everything he’s ever wanted back. Would going with Anakin be another failure, or would letting him go be an even greater failure on his end. The raw panic still hadn’t ceased, but Anakin’s walking had.

 

    “Obi-wan I can feel your panic, your shields are slipping.” Anakin says quietly. 

 

    “Anakin-” He starts, closing the small gap between them, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man’s middle from behind. “Anakin, I’m sorry.”

 

    “Sorry?”

 

    “Yes, Anakin, I am sorry. I am so sorry. You have been right since the beginning. I am the fool. I am a hypocrite. I did not see you, I chose not to see you. I let the council influence me in ways I should’ve been smarter about.
And made you believe that it's all been your fault. I have failed you. I will not continue to do that though.” 

 

    He wanted Anakin to feel what he felt. Obi-wan pushed his feelings heavily through their bond, the way Anakin has done many times in the past. He tried his best to cover Anakin with the feelings that he’s hiding from him. For many years he kept Anakin at arm's length, the way Qui-gon had done ten folds to him. His mind shielded Anakin's advances to pull emotions out of him through their bond. Though there were more than the occasional quiet nights spent in each other's head for comfort. He missed their connection, having a tether to fall back on when he was alone, having regret cutting it completely every single day. Obi-wan had it back and he tightened his hold on it. Anakin tensed under his arms.

 

    “You’re not lying to me Obi-wan?” Obi-wan still had his arms tightly wrapped around Anakin’s middle, his chest to his back. He felt like a child, hugging a toy he didn’t want to share.

 

    “Don’t act like you can’t feel our bond. You know I’m… I’m serious.” 

 

    He was serious in the fact he wasn’t going to lose Anakin again. He was not gonna let Anakin be his greatest failure. Especially when he has the opportunity to get him back. But, leaving behind the Jedi Council- the war, that made him nervous. That’s all his life has been the last several decades. 

 

    “I am willing to leave behind the council for you, Anakin. I want to try it your way.” He whispered.

 

    There was a sharp breath from Anakin, and in return Obi-wan was flooded with the other’s emotions he had been shielding away. Obi-wan cherished it, being able to feel Anakin’s very being surrounding him. Anakin was quick to spin himself around in order to face his former master once again. He looked intensely into Obi-wan’s eyes, gripping lightly at his chin. Anakin’s gloved hand tilted Obi-wan’s face up, and Obi-wan allowed him to do so. 

 

    He has proved himself to be way ahead of his years. Maybe more so than himself. Anakin’s other hand gripped at Obi-wan’s robe as he dipped his head to crush his mouth against the other man. It wasn’t a sweet kiss by any means. They had time to make up for after all. It was heated and rough. Just as their previous fight had been. He pulled Obi-wan against him, Obi-wan followed his pull, and Anakin deepened the kiss. Regardless of this being new territory, Anakin responded hastily to kissing Obi-wan as if they have been doing it for a lifetime.

    Running his tongue along Obi-wan’s lower lip, once granted permission he licked the inside of his mouth. Smiling to himself, hearing his former master's grunt of surprise. And then pulled away, heavily breathing along with the slightly shorter man who leaned against him. Obi-wan’s face nearly matching his hair. Pride sweeping over Anakin knowing that he was the cause of Obi-wan’s weak composer.

 

    “You’re going to come with me?” Anakin asks, almost in disbelief.

 

    “Yes, dear one,-” He murmurs breathless. The use of the old nickname causes Anakin to pull Obi-wan close and kiss him again. Another surprised muffle from his master, before stepping away fully. There was a beautifully wide smile on Anakin’s face.  

 

    “Come now then, it’s dark out now, Master. I wasn’t planning on staying on this planet much longer anyway. Ahsoka is awaiting our arrival.”

 

    “Ahsoka?” Obi-wan asks, floored. Still trying to grasp the situation before him. Anakin looks smug.

 

    “I might’ve fibbed when I claimed I helped myself completely.”

 

    “Yes, I honestly should have seen this coming. The purified lightsaber does say a lot. Since I do not know of any other Jedi who has successfully completed a transformation such as that.” Obi-wan runs a thoughtful hand down his beard and gives a small smile. 

    “Well… sometimes a master needs help from their former padawan to see things a different way.” Anakin says snarky. Obi-wan grouches. Anakin decides to steal another peck from his master, grabbing his chin once again, to wipe the negative look of his face. 

 

    “Anakin.” He reprimands. Trying to straighten himself out.

 

    “You must forgive me, Master, I have waited years to share this with you. I’ll be better around Ahsoka. I promise.”   

 

    “You better.” Obi-wan hums, the two of them making their way to the ship. “I’m quite excited to see your former padawan again. She is quite a skilled Jedi.”

 

    “Warriors, Master, we no longer call ourselves Jedi.”

 

    “Hmm. Quite a skilled warrior she is then.”

 

    Anakin takes his hand, sending his warm feelings through their bond to Obi-wan. And for the first time in years Obi-wan lets it wash over him like he would on a sunny day and in return sends his own hidden feelings back. Anakin squeezes his hand as they begin their journey back to wherever the ship was landed. Where Ahsoka waited for their return. It feels as if almost nothing has changed. And Obi-wan has never felt lighter in his life than he has now. Jedi Council be karking damned. Let’s see where they find themselves now with their best generals off to their own thing to save the galaxy. Together as they always should have been.

 

Notes:

Once again, I've found myself writing another story to a song. This is based heavily off the song from The Greatest Showman, The Other Side. This is only to be one chapter. My hyper fixation has jumped to Star Wars thanks to my boyfriend. Feel free to leave criticism, or any further ideas.
-Wulver :)

Chapter 2: Only Us

Notes:

personally i did not beta read this chapter because i think it’s awful. so apologies for that.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

    “Anakin, my dear,” Obi-wan initiates, “you look troubled… Whatever is plaguing your mind?”

 

    Anakin doesn’t look his way immediately, but as he raises his head Obi-wan can see the shame reflecting back at him. Obi-wan did not need their bond to feel the pessimism infesting his former padawan. But it did assist in alerting him that there was even a problem to begin with. He had been by his lonesome in their shared quarters. Slowly, but surely, the clawing of doubt gripped his thoughts. And Obi-wan was well aware these thoughts were not his own. They couldn’t hide anything from one another anymore, so there wasn’t any point in lying then. Since their reconciliation, their bond has connected them to each other more than it ever had in the past. It was almost as if their very being was one. Their souls had become so woven around the other that Obi-wan still had difficulties distinguishing where he ended and Anakin began. 

 

    “Anakin,” he tried again gingerly, hoping to entice a response. He approached carefully to where Anakin was sitting, only stopping as he stood beside him. 

 

    Anakin reached for his hand like a lost child, which he allowed to be held. Anakin rather looked at their hands than his Master’s scrutinizing regard. Obi-wan wasn’t one who was accustomed to physical affection, regardless of the many hugs and fleeting touches he's shared with Anakin in the past. Although this was becoming less and less of unfamiliar territory the more Anakin and he opened themselves up to one another. But still at times the Jedi Code, something that continues to stay deeply rooted in instinct, left him feeling more unsure of himself rather than their relationship. That did not mean that he was one to allow himself to shy away from Anakin’s affections any further. Obi-wan refuses to continue to lie to himself. 

 

    “Obi-wan, I don’t- I just don’t understand you.” Anakin finally voices, sounding absent. Obi-wan tilts his head, hoping to have Anakin continue. “I mean, I don’t think I ever will. You actually came with me. And I just… I don’t understand.”

 

    “You don’t understand? …Anakin, I think I’m the one not understanding here. Where is this coming from, my dear one? I thought we have moved past this nonsense.”

 

    “I can feel everything from you I had only dreamt of experiencing. You’re thoughts, you’re emotions, you’re very being, Obi-wan. I get to feel every part of you. I get to be yours, and you; mine. Something that I had longed for eons, something the council has kept from us.” He pauses, Obi-wan uses it as his chance to affix a sense of reassurance through the bond, Anakin holds his hand tighter. “But, I can’t wrap my head around ‘why’. I mean, after everything that has happened, truly. Why do you continue to stand alongside me?”

 

    Obi-wan can’t help the quiet sigh that escapes him. He had honestly believed they had moved past this. In his mind, Anakin is the sun. The brightest being in the force, the most gravitational. You cannot simply meet the man and not feel yourself being pulled to him. He carries himself with an air of sheer determination that so many wish to be a part of. Although, all stars burn out and implode eventually. Anakin was so sure of himself on Tatooine, and what he is fighting for; everything he stands for, that Obi-wan forgets Anakin is still human at times. Still doubts, and mauls over the bad within himself. And Obi-wan is still the guide he searches for when there is hesitation. Even when Obi-wan has continued to fail him.  

 

    “You haven’t failed me, Master.” Anakin whispers, “I have failed you.”

 

    “No, Anakin, do not start that with me. You have failed no one.” Obi-wan reaches for Anakin’s face with the hand that is not being held. Anakin leans into his touch.

 

    “That is not what you claimed previously.” 

 

    “That was my mistake, this has all been my mistake.” Obi-wan tries, but it seems to have no effect on the man sitting in front of him. “You were right when you called me a blind man- when you said I betrayed you, I have not been there for you as I should have been.”

 

    Anakin doesn’t seem to digest Obi-wan’s words. Even with their emotions touching the other’s mind effortlessly, the disconnect was still evident in the way neither were understanding the other’s inclination. 

 

    “I know that’s what you say. But I can’t help thinking; ‘how could this have gone differently?,’ you know? Could either of us still have lived happily within the Jedi Order? Did I take everything you loved away from you? All because I was afraid of losing .

 

    “The Jedi Order hadn’t trusted you… and they had not trusted me. It’s something that was- is troublesome to come to terms with. But I made my choice to be with you the minute I followed you off planet. I am grown, Anakin, as are you, there is no reason to doubt me as I have you.” Obi-wan urges with certainty. “You were doing everything you thought to be true. You had pulled yourself away from the dark forces alone , and continued to do good even with the galaxy against you. Even as I had doubted… even as I hunted you..” 

 

    Silence followed Obi-wan’s words. So he tried again,

 

    “You couldn’t have taken everything I loved away from me, my dear. You brought the one thing I couldn’t live without back to me, in one piece. You came back to me the same man I thought I had lost forever” The pull in their bond he feels from Anakin is almost immediate, he can sense that his words are not reaching their mark. But this was a start. 

 

    “Have I now, Master?” He can hear the playfulness in Anakin’s tone as he stands, pulling Obi-wan closer to his chest. Obi-wan shakes his head.

 

    “Yes, Anakin. You have. You continue to be everything I have hoped you were.” 

 

    “You have my knees weak.” Anakin teases, an easy smirk sits upon him. Obi-wan senses that Anakin would rather take their conversation to the bedroom.

 

    With this, he can tell by this that Anakin was trying to change the subject. One of the few things that still struck a nerve deep within him. Anakin had always been one to steer away from the things that were deeply bothering him. Having brushed it off as another temperamental outburst that he could correct alone. Which was how Anakin maintained his emotions, whether it was because he was actually angry, sad, frustrated- Obi-wan knew it was easier for the both of them, rather than truly feeling the depths of their negative turmoil, to discard them. 

 

    But now, convictions such as that are utterly impossible. Obi-wan could still feel the unfavorable thoughts tearing through Anakin’s true perception. And, unlike the past, this was not something he would allow to persist. He made that mistake once and the out-come was more than unfavorable. This time around, he was going to push not only himself, but Anakin as well. He sighs once more.

 

    “Anakin, I do not need more reminders of everything that has been lost.” He says honestly. The certainty in Anakin’s demeanor shifted quickly, Obi-wan tries his best to not let it affect his forthcoming words. “I do not want you to fix anything . You do not have to be scared you’re not enough, you’re my devotion.”

 

    “Obi-wan-,” Anakin tries, disjointed, this time Obi-wan is quick to cut him off. He looks meaningfully into the yellow stained eyes staring sadly back at him, and tries to wrap his force signature thoroughly around Anakin’s. They needed to be one in this moment. 

 

    “I know in the past I have not been very forthright with my words… my feelings about you. And that has come to be our downfall… but I don’t need you to convince me any further that you’re my equal. That I deserve you, that you deserve me. We only have one another.”

 

    “I know.” Anakin mumbles weakly. Obi-wan finally sits beside his former padawan. 

 

    “I should have believed in you, my dear. And I’m truly sorry, Anakin, if the noise in your head has been deepened by me.” Anakin starts to disagree, Obi-wan quiets him. “I’ve opened my eyes to the pain I’ve caused you. You cannot deny it anymore, as I can’t lie to you either. So let’s not pretend.”

 

    “I am not the only one suffering, Master. I’ve hurt you just as much. Not to mention the many people I’ve sworn to protect.”

 

    “You have.” He agrees softly, “But what are we doing right now?”

 

    Anakin looks down grating his jaw, a look he usually wore after Obi-wan beat him in a duel he was sure he was winning. Obi-wan couldn’t help but smile, happy that this part of Anakin still existed even after everything that happened. But, another lick of doubt runs through their bond. Obi-wan is content enough with the fact that he is at least getting somewhere other than deflection. 

 

    “We are unable to compete with everything that continues to haunt us. It will break us down until we are nothing.  What if we decided to come to peace with all that we regret about the past?”

 

    “You want me- us, to just forget all that anguish I had caused? I tore The Republic apart from the inside-out! I killed Jedi- the younglings? I led the very army we used to fight against the Sith into the temple. And I let myself believe that I was actually doing something right for once. I almost killed you on Mustafar. Obi-wan, you can’t just forget this.” Anakin grinds out. “If you had just killed me-”

 

    “Enough, Anakin, enough.” Obi-wan hums firmly, reaching for Anakin’s face to hold, the storm raging within the other becoming untameable. “I am not saying we forget your actions. But, there were many things I chose to ignore as your mentor. Which is something I regret every day. There are many things in the past I could’ve prevented myself, things I could’ve done to help you if I had not followed the Jedi Code, as I had. And, your actions, my dear? They do not fall completely in your hands. I am not saying we forget, but we must find peace somewhere in it all.”

 

    Moving closer to Obi-wan, Anakin buries his head into his Master’s neck, bringing him into a vice that is all Anakin. Obi-wan feels that there will be no escape from the embrace anytime soon. And so, Obi-wan lets himself enjoy the deadweight on his shoulder. Hugs; something he had never experienced before Anakin. As a child, Anakin was undoubtedly clingy. He had missed his mom dearly and Obi-wan understood in a weird way. He did not have any parents, but he knew what it felt like to miss someone, to want to feel comforted. So, regardless of the many reprimands from the council, the muddled looks from other mentors, and padawans, Obi-wan allowed the nervous hovering, excited hugs, and unsure grabs for his robes during Anakin’s padawan years. Until Anakin had grown up and became more distant.   

 

    “I can’t, Master. There is no peace in madness.” 

 

    “There’s always an eye in the middle of a storm; where there is peace within the destruction it’s caused.” Obi-wan says calmly, wrapping his arms around the mass on top of him. “Anakin, listen to me closely. Sidious continues to have bigger plans that we are all unaware of. I know I am unable to convince you otherwise, but, I am just as much at fault as you are for everything. Rather than ever being there for you, I taught you to push everything away. If you can forgive me… Why am I not allowed to extend you the same?”

 

     “You know it’s different, Obi-wan. You can’t compare this.” Anakin whispered into his neck. The place where Anakin is hiding himself slowly becoming damp, Obi-wan realizes he is crying. He begins to stroke Anakin’s head in comfort. 

 

    “But I can... We are the peace within our storm. There is only us, and it will be that for as long as I am here. I will not leave you again, I’m promising you this at this very moment. You have always been my greatest weakness, Anakin.” 

 

    They sit in silence for a bit. Anakin stays hidden in Obi-wan’s neck, while his mentor pets his head. It brings him back to the time when he first realized he wouldn’t be seeing his mom anymore. He had cried, and cried while Obi-wan sat beside him awkwardly trying to comfort him. Anakin was becoming frustrated with his master’s unsure words, even though he knew he was trying to help. He wasn’t. Ultimately, Anakin decided he was going to climb into his lap and hide his face into Obi-wan’s shoulder. He could feel the teenager tense but soon enough a hesitant hand came to rub his back as he sobbed. And they sat like that for a long time, just as they were now. 

 

    “I never thought I would get to have you.” Anakin says honestly, pulling away from Obi-wan, eyes still glossy. “And I know- I know I can feel your sincerity, I know you’re not lying to me. I never really thought that, even when I said I hated you, I was just so angry .”

 

    “And it is okay to be angry, Anakin.”

 

    “I let it blindside me though.” A frustrated edge to Anakin’s tone.

 

    “Are you going to continue to let it lead you?” 

 

    “No, Master, but I don’t want it with me either. But, it’s always there. Always…”

 

    “My dear, I know previously I would’ve said meditation will help you work through this, but as we’ve learned that does not always work. I will be here for you now, though. We will learn new ways together.”

 

    “You promise?”

 

    “I do, Anakin. I promise I will not let you suffer alone again.” Obi-wan promises softly.

 

    “Then maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try and find peace together. If you truly think it’s possible for me.”

 

    “I think anything you want to achieve is possible, my dear.” 

 

    Anakin gives a weak smile, a new sense of certitude within himself. It’s his turn to take Obi-wan’s face into his hold. 

 

    “Thank you, Master.”

 

    “I need you, Anakin, please don’t ever forget that.”

 

    Anakin’s force signature ignites promptly beside him as he says this. And brings Obi-wan into a gentle kiss at first, almost immediately turning it into an intense endeavor. Obi-wan is always trying his best to keep up, he feels Anakin forgets he’s not as young as he once was. Although he was also sure Anakin would care little about his excuse. He often likes to trick Obi-wan into delicate affections just for him to have his back against a wall the next second. Obi-wan assumes he likes to see him fluster. Anakin can be such a sly bastard.

 

    “I do enjoy seeing you like this,” He sharply whispers into Obi-wan’s ear, taking a break from his mouth. “All those years as such a well kept Jedi. Such poise and perfection. Of course I find enjoyment seeing you become undone. Especially by me.” 

 

    “Anakin- Ahsoka.” Obi-wan rushes, pulling away slightly but not far. Still within Anakin’s grip. As he turns his gaze to the door, where Anakin’s former padawan stood with her arms crossed. 

 

    “Are you two done?” She says flatly, clearly not amused.

 

    “Snips!” Anakin muses, clearing his throat. “How long have you been standing… there?” 

 

    “Long enough.” She hums, walking into the room, sitting across from them. “Listen, I’m glad you guys have finally talked about all this depressing sith spit-”

 

    “Language, Ahsoka.” Obi-wan chides. She rolls her eyes.

 

    “-But we’ve reached Mandalore. Satine is awaiting our arrival.”

 

    “Queen Satine, be respectful.” Obi-wan shakes his head, and smiles. Force, did he miss them.

 

    “Just because you’re an old man who follows rules doesn’t mean we all will.” Anakin berates lightheartedly, getting up to land their ship.

 

    “And you think you’re far behind, Skyguy?” Ahsoka bites back, smiling. Anakin shakes his head and walks away.

 

    “In my eyes, you’re both children.” Obi-wan calls after him.

 

    “We’ll see how much of a child I am later, Master!” Anakin yells over his shoulder, a carnivorous look on his face. That shuts Obi-wan’s mouth.

 

    Ahsoka makes a disgusted look as she leaves to follow Anakin.

 

    "I better not be around for that.” She blanches. 

 

    And Obi-wan, as embarrassed and slightly irritated as he was, couldn't help but smile as he watched the two of them walk away side by side. The memories they used to share no longer having melancholy film over the replay in his head. Now they fill him with a sense of contentment. Obi-wan will no longer allow himself to regr. He must be able to move forward, to help the ones he loves further.

Notes:

Maybe a part three. They are going to Mandalore. Anakin is the jealous type.

also just got home from family barbecue and found out my mom was arrested. please it threw me so off guard. im dead

Notes:

I haven't decided if I am going to continue this story past two chapters. I guess we'll see where my inspiration leads me.