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He was tired
That's what he told ochako when she asked about the eye bags he had forgotten to cover up that morning. In turn, that's what she told iida and tsu when they asked what was wrong. Proceeding to leave him alone for the rest of the class period, he was glad they had kept their distance.
Last night, his mind refused to allow the images of Kirishima kissing bakugou behind the training building go. Refused to stop playing the sound of their easy shared laughter, the vivid images taunted him all night. Reminding him that even though he and the explosive male had come to a ceasefire, he still wasn't good enough to have the male's friendship.
No, he was only worth the sneers and shoves he received if he got too close. He was still deku nothing more than a stubborn boulder in the boy’s path. Forcing, bakugou to acknowledge him while Kirishima simply existed. His hands stung where the skin had split after hours of working them raw on a punching bag. But it was nothing more than a fleeting acknowledging thought in his mind.
Red stayed in his peripheral, Kirishima had taken up the seat next to bakugou after the addition of shinsou and the class switch of Mineta. He was forced to bear witness to the slyly passed jokes between the two. The rare smile that graced Bakugo’s face when the sun incarnate male so much as breathed his way. That same smile that would turn to frown when he caught Izuku staring he was starting to hate them, scratch that he did
He hated Kirishima, hated how it was so easy to see why bakugou let him in, the redhead was stunning. His laid-back, bright personality made him easy to talk to and be around, with no fear of judgment. He hated him for so easily attaining the things he couldn't have, the person he had been chasing after for the entirety of his life. He hated him for always inviting him to the twos study sessions and asking him to train with them. Despite knowing how much the blond hated him. Always complimenting him and reassuring him of his worth after years of it being torn down.
He hated bakugou for wasting his life and eluding that if he tried and caught up with him that he might actually see him. That they had something, that for a split miserable second that they Were something. That his feelings were mutual, for humiliating him in so many ways, he hated him for so many things. but most of all he hated himself
" We still on for training?" he didn't look up because he knew bakugou would snap if he saw him eavesdropping. Instead, he pretended to be fascinated in his notes, "yeah wouldn't miss a chance to kick your ass ". His tone was soft and quiet it made his stomach turn, something dark that had been tickling the back of his mind slowly becoming more present creeping through his gut.
Spite
He had tuned out the rest of the conversation, but apparently, that was a mistake, like most of his life choices. Because apparently, Kirishima had said something to him, but he missed it he was abruptly pulled from his thought cave when something touched his arm, causing him to snap the pencil he was holding. He glared, rage pumping through his veins " Don't touch me" it sounded weird, he had never been an angry person, but it slipped out before he could stop it.
The room became quiet
Kirishima’s eyes widened " Crap sorry man I was asking if you wanted to join us later for training but you were-" wrapped up in your shitty thoughts the fucks wrong with you nerd?” Bakugo actually sounded concerned. It confused Izuku, the inner turmoil his emotions were in turned into a war. He breathed, he wanted to cry, he always wanted to cry and he was sick of it.
He was tired of fucking crying all the time, this time he would take a page out of Bakugo’s book.
" No I'm good, have fun with Bakugou, Kirishima" with that he left, walking out of the classroom with not a second glance at his shocked classmate’s faces. After all, he had a punching bag to abuse
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" What the hell did you guys do?" sero asked, staring at the door the greenette disappeared out of.
" Yeah, I've never heard deku sound like that" ochako added. “ Sound? He just called bakugou by his last name, I haven't heard him call him anything but his nickname since we got here" Denki interjected.
But neither one of them knew
After that, it was a change he slowly stopped coming around the two, making elaborate excuses to not join them. Then it turned to him leaving rooms that they were in, his avoidance became obvious when he walked into the kitchen and upon seeing them there getting water. He turned around, food forgotten, and left to go back to his dorm. Any attempts to talk to him were futile, as he would dodge them or quickly hop into another conversation.
As much as bakugou wanted to play it off, hearing Izuku constantly refer to him as bakugou was unnerving and hurt he missed the stupid nickname. He missed listening to him ramble when they studied together, or how cute he looked cuddled next to Ejiro when they would watch movies. Or how pumped he’d be to spar with them and the proud look on his face when he would win and manage to not break anything.
Maybe it he would still have it had he told the greenette his feelings earlier.
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" Well lookie here we have Mr. Bonebreaker sitting all by himself, isn't that sad. See, I told you class 1-a is nothing more than a pumped-up show house" Monaoma spat various class 1-a students stood ready to get the blond brat away from their green bean. " I'm giving you one chance to fuck off" iida and shoto flinched they had only heard that tone once and that was against stain, they knew Izuku had a side to him that came out when he was pissed.
" monama-san I'd advise you to get back-" or what? He's gonna friendship me to death? pfft hahaha" Izuku glared flecks of lighting crackling against his exposed skin hair floating slightly " Get the fuck out of my face before I put you through this table" he sneered "oh yeah I'm sure it’ll be lovely for people to hear you using your oh-so-great quirk against another student" the lighting stopped.
A serene calm look came over Izuku's facial features as he slowly stood walking toward the blond " what are you-" he was punched, the sicking crack of his nose breaking ringed around his aching skull.
But Izuku wasn't done when monaoma stumbled away cradling his broken nose izuku advanced on him knocking him down onto the floor while he sent repeated blows to whatever he could reach.
Glee
It was the only way he could describe feeling months and months of pent-up aggression he could only take out on sand-filled punching bags. It couldn't feel, couldn't give him what he needed but monoma could, he could feel the pain, he could absorb Izuku's anger, sadness, and frustration. He knew it was wrong to feel this good to cause someone physical harm but he didn't care and each time his fist would connect with monaoma’s bloodied face his smile would grow.
It was terrifying
Everyone could only watch as Izuku brutally beat the blond, eventually, he stopped he stood holding the barely conscious boy up by his shirt. “ Hey, remember when I said I'd put you through the table?” Izuku asked, almost laughing at the terrified look on the boy's face. He brought the shaking blond closer “Are you scared?” when he got open sobbing as an answer he smiled leaning closer to the boy's ear “Good”. Releasing his grip on the blond, he let him fall, the storm brewing in those green orbs had anyone hesitant to approach them. Izuku turned to allow for two of monaoma’s classmates to collect him, taking his bag he walked towards the cafeteria's exit.
As he reached the door he was stopped, " Oi deku what the fuck just happ--". His hand was snatched off, he was shoved back a few paces and caught by Kirishima before he could fall. " First Bakugou my name is Izuku midoriya. I know I don't mean shit to you, but you could at least use my last name, and why the fuck do you care? I'm finally out of your way, I'm not following you around like some fucking idiot, I'm not calling you that dumbass nickname. Not only that, but I finally get it we aren't friends!, I'm just some convenient third wheel and punching bag. I'm fucking tired of wanting something I can't have that you kept making me think I could have, I fucking hate you both for making me hate myself. I can't see myself out of being that same worthless shit that pinned after your ass. How come I wasn’t good enough, huh? I just wanted to be your fucking friend and each time I reached my hand out I got hurt but when he came you just-Fuck just stay out of my way " Bakugou was shocked everyone was shocked.
But Izuku didn't stick around for commentary.
" Problem child? Isn't it a half-day, why are you here?" Aizawa asked watching the greenette slide into his currently unoccupied sleeping bag " I broke monoma’s nose, and then snapped and told Bakugo and Kirishima I hate them and myself. I haven't slept in four days, my hands hurt from splitting my knuckles open repeatedly, and I can’t remember the last time I ate anything more than a nuitrigrain bar. If you remove me from this bag, I'll cut holes in all of your black clothing and punch you in the throat, then drop out and become a vigilante that you will never catch. I will make sure that you get put on my capture case and have to do a shit tone of paperwork. To top it off, I'll replace all your coffee with decaf....." he trailed off, head slumping over as sleep finally consumed him tears slipped from his closed eyes, causing worry to outweigh Aizawa's newfound terror of the boy.