Chapter Text
“Any luck?” Félix inquired without looking up from his astronomy magazine.
Lila let out a groan of frustration, throwing her hands into the air.
“Ah. So, you didn’t get their Miraculouses,” he observed, not bothering to try to hide his smirk at her expense. “Foiled again by Bug Girl and her mangey feline pet.”
“You know, it would be a heck of a lot easier if you’d get off your lazy behind and help me from time to time,” she snapped, hands going to her hips in exasperation. “I really could have used a sentimonster as backup.”
Félix lowered the magazine to glare at his partner. “They’re called senti-beings, not monsters. And I don’t have to do what you say. You’re not the boss of me.”
Lila’s fists clenched, and her eye began to twitch as she snarled, incensed at her boyfriend’s insolence. “You will do what I say!”
“Or what?” he snickered, taking delight in riling her up. “You’ll break up with me?”
“Yes!” she spat.
He arched an eyebrow. “And what will that accomplish? You’ll lose your access to my money, fame, and connections. Worse, you’ll lose my good will. Who’s to say I won’t get upset and go running to tell Ladybug about how you have the Butterfly Miraculous. She’s not a fan of yours, Lila. I can only imagine how gleefully she’ll have you arrested.”
Lila began to grind her teeth in frustration.
There was nothing more infuriating than being outmaneuvered and dictated to like a child.
“I’ll expose your uncle,” she threatened in a last-ditch attempt to regain control of the situation. “I’ll tell everyone you have the Peacock Miraculous and that you and your uncle have been harassing and abusing me and manipulating me into doing your dirty work. I’m just an innocent victim in all this.”
She batted her eyes and pretended to swoon.
Félix didn’t look impressed. “Sorry, Love, but my uncle and I have better legal representation than you do. Besides, I’ve never terrorized Paris with my Miraculous. The worst I’ve done is aid and abet you Butterfly holders.”
“My mother is the Italian ambassador,” Lila seethed, stomping her foot.
Félix rolled his eyes. “Your mother works at the Italian Embassy,” he corrected. “In a very low-level, thankless position. Have you started believing your own lies again, Lilac?”
“I swear I will destroy you,” she vowed through clenched teeth.
“Mmhm.” Félix went back to his magazine.
Lila continued her tirade. “As soon as I get Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculouses, I’m going to remake the world in my image. Everyone will do as I say, and you’ll regret ever crossing me, Félix Graham de Vanily. They all will. Marinette Dupain-Cheng especially. One day soon, no one will ever be able to stand up to me or call me a liar ever again.”
Félix nodded, letting her threats and ravings wash over him like the tantrum of a five-year-old. “…Have you finished?”
Lila took a deep breath. “And everyone will respect me, and no one will dare to contradict me, and I’ll be the empress of the world!”
Félix quirked an eyebrow. “…Done?”
“Yes. Done.” She blew out a sigh and went over to join him on the couch.
“So, what were you up to while you were supposed to be helping me get Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculouses?” she asked with a saccharine smile.
“I was reading the most fascinating article about Jupiter’s moons,” he informed with his own cheerful grin.
“How nice.” She kept her smile glued in place. “You know, when you first approached me, asking to be my henchman—”
“—Partner.”
“Henchman.” Her smile intensified, a touch of venom slipping into it. “When you first asked to be my henchman, I thought you’d be out there doing more hands-on work like Mayura used to do for Papillon.”
Félix shrugged. “I prefer to play a more behind the scenes, logistics role…but you don’t seem to appreciate my backseat supervillainy.”
“No, I don’t really like it when you tell me what to do,” she confirmed. “My plans are better than yours anyway.”
“Then, I suppose all I can do is offer my humble flat as your evil lair.” Félix pretended to be put out by his own uselessness.
“You could always give me your Miraculous, Sweetie,” she suggested, voice still coated in sugar. “I could combine them like your uncle did and make my own sentimon—sentibeings.”
Félix let the pretext of joviality drop, and his eyes went cold. “Never. You’d create them carelessly and throw their lives away without a second thought.”
Lila raised her hands in surrender and scooted away, putting a little distance between them on the couch. “It was just a suggestion.”
“If I ever so much as suspect that you’re scheming to take my Miraculous, you can consider our little arrangement null and void and all of its perks and protections revoked. Do I make myself clear, Lila Rossi?”
His voice was hard and brooked no argument.
Choosing her battles, Lila nodded diplomatically. “Crystal.”
“Very good.”
Satisfied that he had gotten his point across, Félix returned his gaze to his magazine.
Lila studied her boyfriend intently for almost a straight minute before remarking coldly, “You know…sometimes, I think you’re a double agent.”
He looked up again, eyebrow arched. “Oh?”
“Sometimes, I think you’re spying on me and reporting back to Ladybug,” she elaborated flatly. “Sometimes, I think you do things to purposely thwart me and screw up my plans.”
“That’s a very interesting theory,” he chuckled, endlessly amused by his own ability to get under her skin and mess with her.
“Aren’t you going to deny it?” she growled, eyes narrowing in suspicion.
“What do you want me to say?” he scoffed. “‘Darling, your paranoia is showing’?”
She clicked her tongue, crossing her arms and looking away. “Whatever. I’m still going to win. Even if you’re secretly working against me, I’m going to defeat Ladybug and Chat Noir all on my own, and then I’m going to remake the world in my image. Marinette Dupain-Cheng will have no choice but to bow down and—”
“—Yes, yes,” Félix sighed. “We already did that evil monologue once today, so let’s save it, shall we?”
“I’m going to make her pay,” Lila insisted, nails digging into her own flesh.
“How about we go and get a nice lunch?” Félix suggested. “You must be tired after working so hard to defeat your nemeses.”
“…Fine,” Lila relented. “But you’re paying.”
Félix snorted. “Like I don’t always?”