Chapter Text
Heartbroken and alone, Pam had never felt so awful.
She didn’t know how to describe this feeling, but it wasn’t like she really wanted to describe it either. The whole day went by so slowly. It seemed like it would never end, and the same picture would flood her mind: Jim and Karen, care freely laughing and giggling together at his desk. The day still seemed like it would never end. It was barely 2 o’clock, and the same damn picture haunted her still: Jim and Karen, care freely laughing and giggling together at his desk.
She tried to take her mind off things. She tried to draw or doodle something on a piece of paper, but when she’d look around for inspiration, she saw Jim and Karen. She’d throw that piece of paper in the trash. She tried to also look up some random things on the net, maybe for an upcoming prank on Dwight. As soon as she found something remotely funny, she’d look up from her computer to find Jim, but instead it Jim and Karen laughing together. She’d close the tab and try to get back to work. Anything to get her mind of it.
But that image was clinging to her like an ugly magnet, choking her, eating her alive. Reduced to sobs, she felt alone. She was alone in this relic of the past hallway, this ugly and grim place only she would come to still.
Was it jealousy? Probably. No. No, it was. After the kiss they had shared that night, and after Jim’s confession, she realised that she loved him too, and God, she should’ve seized the moment and told him that she did love him and that she did want to be with him, before Karen took him away. She had broken up with Roy just because of him! And now she felt miserable, although it wasn’t just jealousy. It was mostly pure loneliness. Jim was her best friend, the guy whom, whenever bored, she’d look up to for an escape. She’d smile at him, he’d smile back, they’d laugh together, pull pranks on Dwight together, spend time together, they cared for each other, loved each other, but Karen seemed to have made him forget what got him through the day. No, she wasn’t mad at Karen and she’d never blame her for ‘stealing’ him from her. That was Pam’s fault, not Karen’s. Karen did nothing wrong, but still, it felt so awful. It’d be a lie if she said she was fine, but she didn’t want others, most of all Jim, to know about what she was going through.
Pam just wished what they had would’ve ended up going differently.
Overcome with too much, her head grew so heavy with tears that she buried it in her hands. Might as well let those tears out before heading back to work.
It felt awful. It really did. Pam regretted not acting upon her desires. She regretted waiting, regretted thinking that it would all just happen. Why did everything have to be so difficult?
“Who did this to you?”
Looking up from her wet hands, even with her watery and wobbly vision, blurred by tears and paired with her awful eyesight, after having to get rid of her contact lenses, Pam was still able to somewhat make out the iconic mustard shirt the figure standing next to her was wearing. It was extremely blurry, but paired with the voice she somewhat recognised, she knew who it was almost immediately.
Dwight was aware of everything that took place in the office, and he was the first and only one to notice Pam’s odd disappearance. She had been gone for longer than average, so he checked the obvious places (without overstepping his boundaries, of course), until he finally found her in the hallway.
“What?”
It felt like she hadn’t spoken in forever. Her voice was broken and shaky, meek, so insignificant to her.
Seeing how he wasn’t responding, Pam felt dumb and confused. She looked at him, but the man wasn’t saying anything. He was just standing there, doing, thinking God knew what. She didn’t know what he was doing, what expression he displayed because she couldn’t see anything. She didn’t have her contact lenses on nor her glasses and she was still teary eyed. Rubbing her eyes was of no use, she still couldn’t see him. What was he doing? What was he thinking? Why was he here? She just wanted to be left alone in peace, without anyone judging her already. It felt awful. She felt stupid for being confused and ashamed for not being able to make out much from her surroundings.
Head heavy, Pam blankly stared at the floor. She brought her arms close to her chest and stood there, sobbing alone, wanting to be left alone. Why wasn’t he leaving?
“Where is he?”
Even more confused, Pam looked up at him frowning, lips pressed together, trying not to have a meltdown in front of him. She had showed enough. Could she be feeling any worse?
“What? No- Dwight, I-“ Pam had to start her sentences over and over again, unable to find the right response to such a question. She was still trying to process his first question, and really, everything that was happening. Her head was starting to hurt. Talking or even thinking felt like a chore. The beginning of sentences that would obviously get butchered by emotion left her mouth in a sort of mutter of utter nonsense. She felt awful. Stupid. Every ugly word in the book.
Suddenly, Pam felt a crushing weight sit next to her on the bench. She thought that it was surely Dwight who just sat next to her. Her mind was too occupied with other thoughts to check, but she knew it was him. Somehow.
She didn’t back away when she felt his awkward hand sneak behind her back to rest on her shoulder, nor did she back away when Dwight slipped in her hand what seemed to be his handkerchief. She simply looked at him, foggy and watery her vision was, and she somehow knew that the eyes looking back at her were kind, understanding ones.
Shame and awkwardness seemed to have melted away. Pam brought the handkerchief to her face, wiping off the wet trails the tears left on her cheeks and under her eyes. She felt his hand gently rubbing her back. She sniffed a little and blowed her nose in the remains of some tissue she kept in her pocket.
Pam looked back at Dwight. They both stood quietly. Dwight knew when to shut up when he wanted to. Unaware that she couldn’t actually see him, he simply gazed at her, brows furrowed in disarray and in pain, ashamed that he couldn’t do more than what he was already doing. He felt like he was on the verge of crying himself.
“You don’t have to stay, Dwight,” she shakily mumbled, handing the handkerchief to Dwight. He didn’t take it. She needed it more than him.
“I know.”
Ever since that one on one with Pam, Dwight couldn’t take his mind off what had just happened and couldn’t keep himself from mourning over what she had been keeping to herself all those months.
He felt dumb for asking, because he knew who the cause of all this was. It was a rather known fact in the office that Jim had a thing for Pam and vice versa. Many of their coworkers thought the two were even dating at some point. The only person now involved in the whole storyline who was oblivious to what was going on was Karen, Jim’s current girlfriend.
Dwight tried to take his mind of Pam by doing the obvious in an office: work. Dwight was assistant to the regional manager after all. He wasn’t just anyone.
He took calls with different clients, made a couple of sales, but for once, he didn’t join in on Michael’s shenanigans. He had too much work on his plate, he’d say. Besides, according to him, it was wrong to leave Pam out of his sight. Any suffering coworker needed to be under extra surveillance, he thought. It made perfect sense to him. That’s what he’d always do with Michael, and Michael was perhaps the number one guy for emotional rollercoasters.
“Dunder Mifflin. This is Dwight Schrute. How may I- Please hold,” Huffing, Dwight covered the phone with his hand, “Jim. Karen. If you two want to talk, then leave. Some people are actually trying to work here,” Dwight scolded, intensely glaring at the two office lovebirds, as he slowly went back to his call. Jim and Karen looked at him for a second, on the verge of laughing. As soon as the older salesman turned his back, they resumed their awfully funny and interesting conversation. No one ever took Dwight seriously.
Sometimes, he really felt like he was the only one actually making any sales around here. He would’ve liked to reprimand Jim again, give him one last warning before reporting him to Michael, but he didn’t have time for idiots like him. In the long run, Jim will have to suffer the consequences of his actions, while Dwight would enjoy being regional manager, he thought.
As Dwight got back to his call, he’d type some information on his computer, and sometimes, his eyes would drift away from the screen, up to Pam. It wasn’t his fault she was sitting right in the middle of his field of vision.
Pam seemed more composed and calm, compared to last time. She seemed fine really, appearance wise, from a distance. She was in the middle of a call, and her voice was lightly dragging and faint, yet it still maintained the usual dignified and kind tone- Very soft spoken. Nothing too unusual. It reassured Dwight, but then he noticed how she was staring off in the distance. No, she was looking at Jim and Karen, who were still talking and laughing about some nonsense Dwight didn’t care about. Karen was almost sitting on Jim’s table space at this point, leaning in, while he was on his chair, looking up at her, smiling, and still laughing. Pam was staring without even realising, but Dwight did.
“I’ll make sure to write that down,” she didn’t write it down, “Thank you for contacting Dunder Mifflin. Have a nice day,” she hung up the phone, then huffed as she pulled out an agenda in front of her.
Dwight decided to finally get up from his desk and check up on Pam. Jim noticed Dwight heading to her desk and thought it odd, but he wasn’t able to think much of his behaviour as he was dragged back into an another conversation with Karen.
“Hi Pam,” he simply said, which surprised her. He never came to her desk unless he really needed something from her, and it for sure never started with ‘hello’. Something was up, and he sounded too sincere.
She looked up from her agenda, “Hi Dwight. Hum… You need something? Michael’s in his office if you need him.”
“I didn’t come here because of Michael,’ he rested his arm on the desktop and slowly leaned a bit forward, “I…” He wasn’t really sure how to start. He was fidgeting with his hand on the table, looking for a proper start while Pam awkwardly waited for him to say something.
“I… want to apologise about yesterday. I realise I maybe was being intrusive,” He spoke in a hushed voice. He sounded genuinely caring and worried for her, “How are you now?”
She was a little embarrassed, knowing now that someone in the office knew about what happened yesterday.
“It’s alright Dwight,” she softly muttered, eyes flickering between her office supplies and Dwight, “I know you meant well,” she looked back at him. He still had that genuinely concerned look on his face, “I’m feeling a little better now.”
She was a terrible liar, and it was obvious that what she was saying wasn’t true. She hadn’t slept well last night and the image of Jim and Karen was still eating at her, even with Dwight standing right in front of them.
“Great,” Dwight displayed his winsome smile, relieved to hear the news that, to him, were indeed great, “That’s great,” Pam flashed a polite smile, but her eyes were downcast.
“Just to let you know, in case you need a getaway, to take your mind off things,” he turned his face towards Jim and Karen, before looking back at the receptionist, “Schrute Farms will always welcome you with open arms. It’s a great place if you need to take a break from the city and enjoy the countryside and all of its wonders.”
“Oh, you’re talking about your bed and breakfast?”
Dwight pursed his lips. He always hated that term. It was so much more than that to him.
“It’s not a bed and breakfast,’ he corrected, “It just happens to offer a bed and serve breakfast.”
Pam wasn’t against the idea. A couple of weeks back, she would have laughed at the idea of even setting foot on Dwight’s family farm, but now, what was holding her back? It could only do her good to leave the city for even just a day to enjoy the countryside and get away from her daily troubles. In fact, the idea of staying at a bed and breakfast didn’t sound unappealing at all, even with Dwight in the picture.
“You know what? It doesn’t actually sound bad. I’ll think about it,” For once, she genuinely smiled at him, grateful about the offer, “Thanks Dwight.”
Later that night, Pam came back to her apartment. She did the usual: ate some remnants of her lunch. She didn’t have the heart to cook anything fancy, and by 8pm, she was already in bed.
She didn’t do much. She watched some TV, read a couple of pages from a book before leaving it on her nightstand- just trying to take her mind off work, really, until she thought of Dwight and of his farm again. She pulled out her computer and typed ‘tripAdvisor’ in the search bar. She heard that the b&b was on there in a snippet of a conversation once. Dwight talked a lot. It was hard to keep track of everything.
Surprisingly, she found Schrute Farms on the first try. It had some excellent yet few reviews.
Along with the lengthy and thorough description of the farm, there were a couple of pictures. The farm seemed quite nice actually, very well kept. She prayed it looked like that in real life too. The last picture, a little older than the rest, was one of the whole farm from the outside, with Dwight standing in front of it alongside a seemingly younger man who looked like he had just time travelled from prehistoric times- probably a member of the motel’s staff, although an odd addition.
Pam couldn’t believe herself. She was actually thinking about going there. The b&b looked pretty tempting and so did the phone number when she scrolled further down the page.
She thought about calling the number but then she remembered that it would lead to her actually talking to Dwight, her coworker, and it was starting to get pretty late. He’d surely make a comment about it and start assuming the worst of her. That’s how he was. But then again, for God’s sake, she was a grown woman! She could stay as late as she damn pleased! But still, was she really about to ask one of her most annoying coworkers if he had a room available at his b&b? Yes. Yes, she was.
She phoned the number and someone picked up immediately.
“Dwight Schrute, Schrute Farms. Good evening. Guten tag. How may I help you?”
He sounded tired and lightheaded on the phone, which was odd, but he still spoke with the usual formal tone. She tried not to think too much of it.
“Dwight, this is Pam.”
His tone quickly shifted, “Pam- Why are you up so late? You shouldn’t be up so late. You better not tell me you go to sleep this late every night. It’s very bad for you.”
He was one to talk. From the sound of it, it seemed like he hadn’t slept in days.
“I’d like to take you up on your offer Dwight. Do you have a room available for tomorrow?”
“Since you’re up so late, might as well just come in tonight,” he sarcastically commented.
“Well, it is kind of late. Tomorrow night’s fine.”
“I’ll put you up for tomorrow night then,” he said, followed by a short moment of silence, when she could barely make out the sound of paper being tossed around and of a pen scribbling something.
“Dwight?”
“Yes?”
“Are you always taking calls this late?”
“It may not look like it Pam, but I don’t have many customers in general, let alone at this hour. Beet farms, despite their charm, aren't very high in demand, but it makes it for the perfect private stay by the countryside, away from mass tourism. We, here at Schrute Farms, promote agritourism-“
“No… Dwight. I meant to ask if you’re always up this late.”
Dwight didn’t respond.
It didn't make sense for him to be up this late either. Dwight was the first one to say that he’d always sleep in early because he had to get up very early for farm work on weekends, or for the office during the week. Dwight would always come in early to water the plants and to rearrange things in Michael’s office.
“It happens,” he morosely admitted.
“Well, I think you should get some sleep Dwight. It’s good for you,” she worryingly suggested.
Yet again, no answer. Was he even listening to her?
She heard a distant cough and Dwight went back to his formal tone, “Your room will be ready for you around 2pm tomorrow. I’ll let you in on the details when you get here. Good night, Pam.”
“Good night, Dwight.”