Work Text:
-------
This had to stop.
It had been tolerable for a minute. He understood. It was just his Kansas upbringing; that one was to leave gifts for one's partner. And who knows, it might also be a Kryptonian custom (if so, he should update his files).
But this really, really had to stop. Immediately.
Becuase it appears that Kal had taken his passiveness as some sort of...agreement...with recieving the gifts.
It had been steadily growing in severity. Trinkets turned into gift-baskets, flowers into bouquets, and candies and sweets and notes and goddamn plushies.
This was not okay.
-----
This was hilarious.
Dick struggled to keep from laughing when Bruce saw the bouquet. He had watched Clark fly in, quick as a blink, set it down on the computer in the Batcave, and left just as fast. Bruce had entered a few minutes afterwards, saw the bouquet, and gave off a small choked sound before shoving it aside. Dick lost the battle with a rather loud snort, and in return Bruce turned and narrowed his eyes.
"Are you encouraging this behavior, Dick?"
"No. I'm simply amused at the after-affects."
"This is ridiculous."
"Ridiculously sweet."
Bruce glared harder (Dick was pretty much immune), and gave out a rather frustrated growl when he found a heart made of sticky notes on his monitor.
-----
He could not be serious.
In his quarters in the Watchtower, a Batman-themed Build-a-Bear sat on his pillow, and it did not catch fire no matter how hard he glared at it.
------
"This is fucking hilarious."
Jason had been amused by Batman's growing irritation, and smirked when the Dark Knight threw a Batarang through the poster hanging on one of the Manor's walls. He had been getting angrier and angrier over the past two weeks, and without Kal here to attempt to strangle (he would never go through with it, damn his unwilling bias), he had been left to boil in his own stew of righteous fury.
"Calm down, Bruce. Kon does the same thing sometimes."
Bruce glared at Tim, who was also somewhat immune due to over-exposure. Tim sighed, closed his book, and rose from his horizontal position.
"Look. Bruce. Are you more upset that he's giving the gifts-"
"Of course."
"Let me finish. Or are you upset that you like them?"
Bruce looked like he was perfectly composed, but years of training under the man had given them insight into what happened beneath.
And beneath, he was screaming in absolute frustration.
Jason saw that as well, and broke out into a fit of hysterics that did not stop even as Dick knee-kicked him off the couch. Tim sighed, and shook his head. Damian, who had been sharpening his knives throughout the conversation, spoke up.
"I do not understand, Father. If the alien causes you such distress, why have you not destroyed him yet? You have the means to do so."
Bruce sighed and looked up from the papers he was going through.
"Because despite how annoying that Kryptonian may be, I have grown rather fond of him. For whatever reason."
"And his gifts."
"Quiet, Dick."
"He may be right, Bruce. Don't you feel even a little flattered?"
"No, I do not. I am frustrated and irritated."
"And giddy and flustered and loving."
"Jason."
"Seriously, you big, emotionally stunted, bat-themed asshole. Your boyfriend/lover/Kryptonian mate or whatever is leaving you gifts. Sweet gifts. Cute gifts. And you are not frustrated with the gifts. You are frustrated with the reaction you are having to the gifts. For fuck's sake, just let some damn feelings through. You're fucking happy, so what? Everyone is still scared and intimidated and shit of/by you for whatever reason. You're in your own house. Smile goddamnit."
Bruce and Jason seemed to be having a battle of will through staring. Before the Dark Knight could try to choke him out, or Jason could try to shoot/stab him, Dick and Tim each grabbed one and turned them back to what they were doing.
Damian just rolled his eyes and continued sharpening his knives.
------
Bruce walked into his closet, pulled aside a certain suit, and put in his passcode. The door swooshed open and he stared. And stared.
Inside the hidden room were all of the gifts he had received over the last few weeks. He stared at them. He had told himself that he was keeping them where no one else could find them. But as he stared, he did feel a strange feeling surfacing.
"You're fucking happy, so what?"
Damn Jason for putting the thought into his head. But as he walked in, he decided not to stomp it down, just for a minute. He felt himself smile a little. The gifts were rather sweet.
The flowers weren't roses, he finally noticed. They were red tulips, which he secretly (very secretly) liked a little more (God knows how Kal found that out).
The chocolates were from Switzerland and had been tried only once before (of course Kal had been watching). It might be more impressive if it had taken him more than a few seconds to get there.
And the plushies were kind of cute.
He had been ready to close up when he heard the best sound at the worst timing.
"Bruce? Where are you?"
He hurried to shut the door and wipe the remnants of a smile off his face. He walked out as calmly as he could.
"Kal? What are you doing here?"
In person, anyway.
Well, the crime-spree around Metropolis is over, and I took an extended vacation from the Daily Planet. So...here I am. Do I get a welcome-home kiss?"
It was more of a warning than a true question, because a second later there were lips on his. He didn't really mind, though. Kal's lips were soft and smooth, and he always started off gentle. Based on Bruce's reactions, though, he could turn a kiss filthy in a second. And it seemed like this kiss would be one of them. He had his hands gripping his hips, and as it went on, those hands moved around and downward until they were planted firmly on his ass. Bruce had returned the favor by gripping his face and pulling it closer. Kal's tongue found it's way into Bruce's mouth, and Bruce let out a low moan that he knew went straight to Kal's cock. Speaking of which, there was a nice tent in the front of his uniform, and he knew that he had one to match. He ran his hands down the supple material of his suit (nothing like his own), towards his crotch, and relished in the choked off groan as he dragged his hand over the bulge. Kal hefted him up, forcing him to wrap his legs around his waist. Involuntary rolling of hips drew groans out of both men. But before things could get any heavier, Bruce pulled away, drawing in air.
"Wait. After you explain all these gifts."
Kal's face melted into a disappointed expression, and his body seemed to follow.
"Did you...not like them?"
Damn that face. He couldn't handle that face.
"No. I...might have liked them. A little."
Kal promptly returned to his radiant self. It was odd. It seemed like he actually took parts of the sun, and that the glow was pulsing beneath his skin. His blue eyes were clear skies to his his own stormy seas.
"Glad you liked them. A little."
"Don't push me, Kal."
"Anyway. I knew that I'd be scarce over the last few weeks. So I just... wanted to show you that I was still thinking of you. That I love you, even when I'm not here to say it."
And Bruce couldn't help it.
He smiled.
Kal was delighted by this, and proceeded to super-speed them onto the bed and out of their clothes. Bruce smirked into the kiss. Who knew smiling was a kink for him? He noted this for future reference.
His higher functions then promptly shut off as Kal sucked a mark behind his ear.
(And if Kal found a sunflower around sometimes that was neither here nor there.)
-------