Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

"Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind.
Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in.
As if you were a mythical thing.
Like you were a trophy or a champion ring.
And there was one prize I'd cheat to win."

“Seungmin-ah!” Felix nearly forgot his suitcases as he stretched out his arms to give his best friend a deserved hug. Seungmin’s fingers played with his long and purple extensions before pulling back. He had never been a fan of skinship, even if he made exceptions with Felix. “Happy to have me twenty minutes away from you?” 

Felix’s vocabulary was pretty simple when it came to real words of affection. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of his feelings but it was easier to tease his friend rather than admitting out loud that he was the one that was happy to be so close to Seungmin after a good amount of years living in Australia. 

“Honestly? I feel like I’ll regret it,” Seungmin joked before taking one of Felix’s suitcases. “Are you carrying corpses here? Because I’m not sure if I’m ready to go to jail this young.” 

Felix rolled his eyes and took back his suitcase. “You bitch. It’s not my fault my favourite shoes are so heavy.”

Most of his belongings were already waiting for him inside his flat but there were certain items that Felix preferred to carry himself, even if that meant ending up with sore arms and exhausted at the end of the day. 

Or, even worse, sweaty and needing an urgent shower. 

“‘Your favourite shoes’ more like your three pairs of sandals, those huge creepers you wear everywhere and likely a bunch of boots.” 

“Shut up,” Felix muttered, walking faster than Seungmin to leave him behind in a poor attempt of showing how offended he was because his friend had pointed out the truth . He turned around and raised a finger. “And for your information, most of my boots are already in boxes in my flat, darling.” 

He heard Seungmin chuckle but he kept walking towards his new building, swaying his body as casually as possible just to feel his extensions dancing behind him. He was so fond of them even if it had been The Risky Decision Of The Year. 

And he bet people would love them once he started his internship. 

Appearing the first day wearing regular clothes and looking boring and normal was a death sentence in the fashion industry and Felix wasn’t one to give up on his dreams. The next morning, everyone in that room would wonder who was the handsome and petite guy with a purple braid falling on his shoulder. 

He wasn’t even a fashion designer, stylist or anything of the sort but there were no exceptions when it came to fashion. 

And he was here to win . 

Not that it was a competition but it kind of was one at the same time. 

After all, the possibilities of getting a job after an internship like this one were pretty high if you caught the attention of the right people. And if Felix was an expert in something, for sure it was in making good impressions and making everybody feel ashamed of their own achievements, because Felix had gone beyond them, reaching places that were unknown for most people. 

“Why are you so slow?” He whined while he waited for Seungmin leaning against the main door of the building. “Come on! I want to see my new home, grandpa!” 

“Oh, God . Can’t you just keep your mouth shut for a second?”

Felix rolled his eyes again. “Do you want me to leave you outside or what?” 

“You wish you actually could . You love me too much.”

And for the third time in a row in less than ten minutes, Felix rolled his eyes.

“If that helps you sleep at night…”

To be honest, Felix wasn’t there to win. 

But he had never been a loser before and he wasn’t planning on changing that either. 

***

Felix scrunched up his nose, his fingers caressing the curtains that were hanging in the living room. He cocked his head towards Seungmin and his friend chuckled. It wasn’t necessary to state out loud that those curtains would be hidden in a box in less than twenty four hours. 

“At least, everything is clean,” he commented, now sliding his finger along the surface of the kitchen counter. “I was scared I would find dust everywhere even though theoretically the people my dad hired came two days ago to make sure everything was in perfect condition for my arrival.” 

Seungmin was used to Felix’s antics so he simply followed his friend around the house while Felix inspected every little corner, twirling the long strands around his fingers as he did so. 

“It’s going to be so weird to talk all the time in Korean after spending all this time in Australia,” he commented several minutes later, both of them sitting on the couch and drinking tea. “I’m going to miss speaking in English.”

“I’m sure some of your colleagues will be English native speakers or bilinguals.”

Felix shrugged. “Hope so? I’m giddy to see how it goes tomorrow. Since it’s a multidisciplinary internship, I wonder how they are going to work with all of us.” 

Felix had read all the information provided on the website but still there were so many questions that required answers. He had so many stressful months ahead but he couldn’t wait to start. 

Seungmin raised a finger at him. “Less thinking and more promising me you are going to behave and make new friends.” 

Felix pressed his palm against his chest, pretending to be offended. “Excuse you, my parents raised a well-mannered human. I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you.” 

“You are only well-mannered when you want to.”

“And that is a problem because…?” 

Seungmin sighed. “You are insufferable.” 

Felix giggled and took a sip from his tea. “I promise I’ll do my best tomorrow but anyway I’m not doing the internship to make friends. I just want a good job.” 

Felix was ambitious and he didn’t want a future where he wasn’t as successful as his parents were. It was true that the easiest way to do it would have been to follow his parents’ steps but Felix was also stubborn and he wanted a future he had built for himself. And if that meant moving back to Korea and leaving everything behind in Australia, so be it. 

“May I remind you that your only friend in Seoul is me, Mr. I’m not doing the internship to make friends ? Don’t be a brat.” 

“Are you my dad now?” 

“More like the angel on your shoulder you always ignore even though I’m right.” 

“I listen to you sometimes.” 

“ Sometimes . What an honour.” 

And it was. 

Because Felix barely listened to anyone, too full of himself to consider what other people suggested. It was going to be tough to work with strangers again, especially if he bumped into someone that didn’t follow his instructions. 

The next day was going to be an exciting and unpredictable rollercoaster. 

***

Felix wandered around his new flat as he braided his long extensions and decided what outfit to wear. He had woken up with time enough to have breakfast on the couch and take a long shower to relax his muscles and prepare them for the day he had ahead. 

As expected, he wasn’t actually nervous. Lee Felix wasn’t that type of person. He knew he was capable of exceeding any expectations. But it was going to be draining anyway to get used to his new schedule. 

Sighing, he picked a purple top with a floral pattern and his yellow cargo trousers. It wasn’t simple but it wasn’t too elegant for his first day either. Perfect for a first day, in his opinion.

Felix was born in that world, even if at times he pretended he didn’t.

After all, before opening their own agency, his parents used to be a couple of renowned models. And he was close to becoming a long-term model too, comfortable under the directions of his parents. But standing in front of the camera wasn’t as exciting for him, even though the lenses adored him just as much as they adored his parents. 

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath as he ran down the stairs, hearing the sound of someone running just as fast as him downstairs too. Any other morning, he would have slowed down to see his new neighbour but all of a sudden he had wasted a bunch of time deciding between two tops and now he was practically running late. 

At least he called a taxi beforehand and just needed to jump into it and repeated the address. He grabbed his compact mirror and retouched his lips, checking his reflection meticulously just in case he had messed up his make-up at some point. 

Luckily, and obviously, that hadn’t happened —his make-up sat prettily all over his face, enhancing his fairy-like features.

Just as fast as he got into the taxi, he ran out of it, not losing any more seconds to admire the building in front of him. MOD Fashion School was one of the most prestigious places to get specialised in fashion, whether it was as a photographer, a model or even an event planner like Felix. He debated between enrolling here or in Sydney but their eighteen months programme won his heart before Felix even read what Sydney could offer. 

At the entrance, there was a neat reception with high ceilings and modern lamps that looked like roots falling down the sky. Behind the desk, there was a boy who seemed to be Felix’s age, if not younger. 

“Hi! May I help you?” 

Felix drew his best smile and walked closer. “I guess so? I’m looking for building Z.” 

The receptionist's face lit up, as if he had answered that question a few times. “First day, hm?” He got up and took a map of the place, drawing a circle and saying, “This is where we are now.” 

The sound of stressed footsteps distracted him for a second and Felix’s smile flattened ever so slightly. Really? Could he hurry the fuck up? He had to be in the correct room in less than five minutes. 

“Let me guess,” the receptionist kept saying, his attention now focused on the person that was entering the building in such a hurry. “Looking for building Z?” 

Felix crossed his arms against his chest while he tapped with his fingers over the fabric of his top. Come on . He didn’t even spare a look at the stranger that was making him arrive even later to his first day of classes. 

“Yeah. Was that so obvious?” A musical voice answered and it took all Felix’s will to not roll his eyes. 

“I have an expert eye to spot you.” He clapped his hands and grabbed the map again. “Anyway. As I was saying… This is where we are now. So you need to walk down this corridor until you reach the mermaid fountain, then you’ll see building Z on your left. The lift is right there too.” He handed one map to Felix. “My name is Seungkwan, by the way. If you need anything else, I’ll be here.” 

Blah. Blah. Blah. 

He might be the sweetest receptionist but Felix was already so annoyed . 

“Thank you, Seungkwan-ssi.” He waved his fingers in the air as he saw from his peripheral view how the stranger beside him bowed before murmuring a quick thank you , too. He was clutching the map Seungkwan had given him against his chest and Felix internally cursed himself for not bowing too. 

They both walked quietly next to each other, as if challenging the other to walk faster. It was tense and only when they got into the lift, Felix dared to look at the stranger that made him lose one minute of his precious time. 

The first thing he noticed was a mole under his eye, which already gave his face a unique touch. His hair was black and short and he was wearing blue eye lenses that matched his white eyeliner so well. However, Felix didn’t even check his clothes out, kind of mad with the fact that the stranger was looking at his phone . 

Really?

He didn’t look interesting enough for him? 

Fucking idiot. 

Behave and make friends, Seungmin had said.

Messages:

lix [9:27]: 

what if some ppl just deserve to rot in hell

bitchmin [9:27]:

that’s such a strong statement for someone that hasn’t even officially started his day

lix [9:27]: 

🙄🙄🙄

you are so helpful wow

ttyl

The doors of the lift opened and Felix stormed out of it, nearly shoving the stupid stranger against the walls of the lift since the latter was closer to the doors than Felix and, clearly, he had thought that gave him the right to leave first . 

Please. 

Lee Felix always entered and exited places, even lifts, whenever he wanted to. 

He heard the stranger mutter something mostly to himself, probably cursing Felix, yet Felix kept walking, leaving him behind and reading the number attached to every door until he found the one he was looking for. 

Door 707. 

He pushed it open and didn’t wait for the stranger to reach it, walking into the room and letting the door almost hit the other boy in the face. Well, if there were any traces of sleep in his body, Felix guessed he was now wide awake.

You are welcome, idiot . 

Ugh, he was sensitive that morning. 

He needed to take a long shower when he got home and also remember to buy his favourite tea.

People were seated in groups of three and Felix didn’t hesitate to sit on the fourth row, where there was still one of those tables empty. Felix wished internally that his worst nightmare didn't happen but sadly, not even fifteen seconds later, the fucking stranger was occupying the seat on the other side of the long table, leaving the middle empty. 

If the universe was testing him, Felix’d had enough. 

“Good morning everyone and welcome to our seventh edition of our multidisciplinary postgraduate programme in fashion events.” A woman said as Felix grabbed his notebook and laid out on his table his set of different pens and highlighters. “As some of you already know, I’m Jeon Soyeon, coordinator of these studies and also your Impact of Fashion Weeks professor.”

Soyeon sat on the table before the white board and used her remote to start a presentation. 

“The main objective of this programme is giving you a first contact with the professional field. That’s why this group is so diverse, gathering not only event planners but also stylists, make-up artists, fashion designers…” She pointed at the slide where all the disciplines were listed. “This is not about taking exams or studying boring theory. You are going to be working with professionals since the first day, spending several hours on your projects or just doing research.” Soyeon looked at the screen and nodded. “It is true that the first months will be mostly lectures but trust me, it's necessary.” 

Felix took quick notes of what their coordinator was explaining, looking at the stranger one more time to find him taking notes on his ipad. He seemed focused, softly digging his teeth into his lower lip. 

Why did idiots have the most beautiful faces? 

It was so irritating . 

He blamed his parents for teaching him to admire people’s features without thinking about their personalities. The voice of his mother always replaying inside his head like a broken record — not everyone can be the most beautiful fairy inside and out, prince.

A sigh left his mouth at the thought, catching the stranger’s attention. Their gazes locked for a brief second and automatically, almost repelled, they went back to their notes. 

“So… would you mind introducing yourselves and telling us a little bit about your goals or why you are here? I don’t want to give you a headache at ten in the morning.” 

One by one all his classmates introduced themselves. Some of them did it shyly, clearly used to stay in the shadows; others spoke as if they had prepared what they wanted to say the day before. 

And then…

“Hi, my name is Hwang Hyunjin. I was studying Fashion Design when I accidentally found out that my dream was becoming a stylist, so after graduating I took some specialised courses in London. I thought that it was time to challenge myself a little more so that’s how I ended up moving back to Seoul and enrolling in this programme.” He tucked a dark strand behind his ear whilst his lips stayed stretched in a perfect smile that resembled the ones Felix put on his lips when he was trying to be polite. Hyunjin’s eyes wandered around the classroom until they found Felix again. “I hope we can learn from each other and maybe become friends.”

Fucking liar . 

Felix could also recognise that tone  —the false modesty. The pretended sweetness. 

And if Felix could recognise it, that meant Hyunjin would also notice that the tone Felix used when he introduced himself was exactly the same. 

Fantastic. 

He wasn’t expecting to meet his match on Monday morning but for sure the universe was having its best time messing with his freaking life. 

Messages:

lix [10:51]: 

he sits as if he owns this classroom?????

god i’m so annoyed

why the fuck is he even sitting next to me

bitchmin [10:55]:

are we talking about the same person that should be burning in hell?

lix [10:58]: 

yes :))))))

i haven’t even talked to him and i already despise him

yk when someone has this vibe that’s just so… NOPE

ughhhhhhh

and guess what :D he speaks english istg is this a joke

bitchmin [10:59]:

can i even ask why you are so pissed

lix [11:01]: 

bc he’s an idiot!!!!!!!!!!

Felix had only one question —they didn’t have to sit every day in the same places, right? Because if they had, he was screwed. 

***

“I’ll add you all to the group chat when I get home,” a classmate named Yuna promised as they left the building complex. “See you tomorrow!” 

Felix saw some of them talking about grabbing lunch together so they could get to know each other better but he had already had his good dose of dealing with strangers for the day. Maybe on Friday, after talking to them for five days straight, he would join them. After all, even if he wasn’t especially excited about making new friends, it was a good idea to have connections within the industry. 

It was exhausting to even think about it. But it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen his parents do exactly the same all these past years. 

Speaking of them, Felix opened the group chat he had with his parents and his sister and typed a long message about his first day, giving them all the details he hadn’t given Seungmin yet about the professors he had met, his classmates and even the receptionist. He hadn’t finished typing by the time he got into a taxi to go back to his flat. 

He couldn’t wait until his car arrived. Felix didn’t mind taking taxis but he preferred to depend on himself to move around the city. And public transport wasn’t even an option because it stressed him out. 

That time, the ride seemed shorter, likely because Felix wasn’t running out of time to arrive at MOD. However, he wished it had been longer because when he got into the building and saw the lift doors closing, he ran towards it and pressed the button to open them again. 

And then, the first thing Felix saw after that was a mole and blue eyes.

Felix laughed, dryly.

A long tense second grew between them while they stared at each other. Hyunjin cocked his eyebrow, silently questioning if he was getting into the lift or not, and Felix stepped forward and leaned against the opposite wall. 

“What a coincidence,” Hyunjin commented, his tone now more sharp; poisonous. Real . 

“H-hm. Best news of the day.” 

His eyes widened when he looked at the lift buttons and noticed that they both were going to the same floor. What were the chances of having as his neighbour next door the same idiot he had met this morning? Why was this the most jinxed day in history? 

Hyunjin switched to English then, “So, coming from Australia, hm?” 

“Said the British,” Felix replied, in English too. 

The lift doors opened and they walked in opposite ways. There were only two flats per floor in their building. Two. Literally it was going to be Hyunjin and him. Every day. Living on the same floor. 

“It’s been a pleasure, Felix.” Hyunjin was grinning as he said it and the mockery in his voice burnt Felix’s tongue. 

“The pleasure has been mine, darling.”

Fucking. Idiot.

Messages:

lix [14:22]: 

guess who’s my neighbour ahahhahahahahahaha 

bitchmin [14:30]:

this is like music to my ears

lix [14:33]: 

I’M SICK OF THIS

I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF HIM

ENOUGH

AND HE SPEAKS ENGLISH W THAT STUPID BRITISH ACCENT GOD

i’m going to drink some tea

Felix undressed himself as he filled the bathtub, pulling his long hair into a messy bun before sinking into the warm water with vanilla scented bubbles. The candles in his bathroom smelled like cinnamon and the contrast made him sigh, content for the first time since he left his flat. 

How could a single person pull all his strings like this? 

Ugh.

Stress wasn’t good for his body nor his mind and yet Felix bet that this Hwang Hyunjin would give him a huge amount of that and also a bunch of headaches. 

He wasn’t even someone that tended to fixate on anyone but since they had crossed paths, he had felt so repelled that it was inevitable to replay all the memories from that day —from the moment he met the receptionist to the instant where he found the other boy in the lift. 

Felix closed his eyes and leaned his head against the bathtub. It was better to focus on his new professors and the exciting months that were coming. 

Even though the coordinator explained to them all the details about the internship Felix didn’t know yet, he needed to be in the middle of that hurricane. He needed the pressure breathing against his neck. He needed long nights brainstorming his next project. He needed…

A challenge . 

Felix groaned, remembering the idiot again, and opted for playing some music. 

There was absolutely nothing music couldn’t cure. 

Hopefully, the next morning he would bump into Hyunjin at MOD and they wouldn’t have any more weird moments in the lift or the stairs. 

***

The rest of the week turned into a blur surprisingly fast. Getting used to a new routine was tiring but Felix wasn’t expecting it to be this much. Perhaps it had to be with the fact that every day they asked for more, throwing them in the middle of a new world with a compass that couldn’t point to the North properly. 

Sadly, the seats were permanent so far so he had to see that mole almost every time but, at the same time, he was so busy taking notes that it became a habit to ignore Hyunjin during their internship and run home faster than him so they didn’t have to share the lift. 

They avoided each other on the group chat too and when on Friday a few of them decided to have some drinks during the evening, Felix found it especially amusing how they sat at the opposite sides of the same table. Like they did during the internship. 

Like two faces of the same coin.

Like parallel lines, too. 

As if they could never be truly away from each other but they couldn’t be too close either. 

“So you two are bilingual?” A classmate asked, gesturing at Hyunjin and him. Sunwoo, was his name. “I’ve tried learning new languages many times and I always give up.” 

“To b-.”

“Hon-.”

They both shut their mouths at the same time and shot a glance at the other. Felix pressed his lips together and then smiled, waiting for Hyunjin to keep talking just because he felt polite enough that day. Also because looking sweet and gentle was his main goal with the rest of his classmates. 

However, Hyunjin shook his head. “No, please, continue. I interrupted you.” 

Felix’s smile almost cracked at the edges. Almost. 

“I was going to say that I’m not sure if I could be considered bilingual but I guess I’m close to be one? I’ve spent more than half of my life in Australia and when we were in Korea I had private English lessons with my sister to improve our level. My parents and I even speak in English most of the time.” He brushed his ponytail with his fingers. “It’s going to be weird to not listen to people speaking English every day after all this time.” 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin sighed, and it sounded so genuine that Felix looked at him again. “It’s really weird to go back to listening to my mother tongue every day. A good friend of my best friend is living in London so when we hung out it was like being here again but apart from that… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

Felix nodded, his mind flying to old memories where his brain had begun mixing languages to the point where he had started talking in English with his parents and suddenly switched to Korean in the middle of the sentence. Not seeing them every day was also going to be so weird. Even if they were always working and they barely spent time at home, they liked to have dinner together. 

“That’s so cool. I’ve never left Korea before.”

The conversation kept flowing after that, all of them chiming in to share their experiences travelling abroad or, if not, their dreamt places to visit. It was then when he also noticed another detail —they both naturally caught everyone’s attention, with their personalities or their experiences or just their presence but it was curious how eventually it was as if Hyunjin and him were taking turns to talk to the rest. 

And that, obviously, annoyed him too. 

Because he was the main character.

He was the centre of attention. 

The spotlight wasn’t made to be shared. 

His parents taught him that when he was a little kid and if Felix had come so far it had been because he had never forgotten it —in order to shine, he had to sweat and bleed but it was so worth it . No matter how many people he left behind nor how many storms he had to overcome, it was always worth it because the first place was going to be his. 

Always . 

***

Seventeen days after their first encounter, Felix had come to terms with the fact that, expectedly, Hyunjin would always be a pain in the ass. A mosquito flying too close to his ear but staying always out of reach. Always getting on his nerves, always disturbing his peace, always stealing his spot. 

However, that didn’t make his existence easier in any sense. Especially when, at times, they bumped into each other in the lift or coming back from doing grocery shopping or even at the grocery store. It was annoying. Even when they only shot the other a quick smile. 

Seeing Hyunjin and thinking about him was exasperating . 

And it hadn’t even been a month since they met. 

Messages:

lix [8:14]: 

blue or purple

lix sent two pictures 

bitchmin [8:20]:

first of all good morning

second

purple bc i gifted you that sweater

Seungmin said he was overthinking it. That the best thing he could do was keeping a cordial relationship since they were classmates and when the internship was over, bye bye . And Felix knew he was right —actually, Seungmin was usually right, even when Felix whined and pretended he wasn’t. 

However, one thing was admitting to himself that he should follow his best friend’s advice and another was doing so. If they were at MOD, then it was easy. Lying while surrounded by other classmates was almost an automatic response. 

Lying while they shared the lift was… not an option. 

Hyunjin wasn’t even putting any effort on it anyway. It was obvious that their adoration was mutual. It was pretty unfortunate that his behaviour only fueled Felix to be the biggest asshole when no one was around. 

But Seungmin didn’t need to know that, right?

Felix put his phone down and grabbed his purple sweater after changing his black trousers for his white ripped ones. He pulled his long hair into a high ponytail, braided part of his extensions and then wrapped the braid around the ponytail, as if it was a frame. 

His car arrived a couple of days ago so now he couldn’t put on his make-up while he was in the taxi. So instead of doing a quick look, he played it safe and applied some concealer under his eyes, blush, mascara and a nude lipstick that also worked as a lip balm. 

It wasn’t even late but Felix got so worked up every morning when he remembered the first person he could see that day was… Him. 

Ugh. 

Why couldn’t he ignore him? Why did he affect him like that? 

Messages:

lix [8:34]: 

lix sent a picture

thank you ilyyyy

Felix ran to the lift, praying internally as he counted the seconds it took the lift to reach his floor. He exhaled, relieved, as the doors closed and then walked towards his vehicle thinking he was safe. The worst part was over, after all. 

He got into his car, picked one of his playlists and was about to hit his pedal when he recognised the black-haired guy that was struggling to turn on his car. He couldn’t see Felix but he was only three or four cars before him, right on the other side of the road. 

It seemed to be a battery problem. Nothing serious. But Hyunjin looked mad as if his entire car had been demolished in front of his eyes. He was groaning and clearly pulling all the tricks he knew to try to awaken his car but nothing seemed to help. 

For a split second, after checking how late it was and the time they had to get to MOD, Felix considered offering him a ride as some kind of forced peace . To also brag about being the most polite of them both. 

Seungmin would be proud of him if Felix did that. 

But Felix wouldn’t feel the same satisfaction that it would give him to just leave him behind. 

Messages:

lix [8:42]: 

i’m going to do something bad

but it feels so good

bitchmin [8:45]:

quoting taylor swift again?

and please don’t tell me this is about You Know Who

The event planner retouched his lipstick after dropping his phone on the passenger seat and then drew his best smile as his car approached Hyunjin. He kept his music low enough to listen to any possible reaction. 

He rolled down the window and blew the horn when he was near him. The sound startled Hyunjin at first, the boy confused by the sound since he wasn’t doing anything that could bother the drivers. He raised his head to meet Felix’s eyes and his pissed expression only stretched Felix’s smile, making it grow wider. 

“See you later, sweetheart,” he sangsong, terribly sweet even if his tone was more like daggers digging into Hyunjin’s skin. He waved his hand at him, his fingers graciously wiggling in the air, and hit the pedal to arrive on time to his first class. 

Unlike Hyunjin, who probably would miss it and get to MOD for their second one. 

What a shame. 

Cars could cause the biggest headaches sometimes. 

Although Felix bet Hyunjin would say that the only one causing him headaches was himself. 

Messages:

lix [9:17]: 

i don’t know what you are talking about <3

***

“Oh, really?” Felix said with his hand covering his mouth and his eyebrows raised as he stared at his classmate, Huening Kai. For a whole week, all the event planners were having activities together, aside the rest, and Felix was taking the opportunity to finally make friends. “I only have one sister and I feel like I have enough for this life and all the next ones. Can’t even imagine how it must be to have four .” 

Huening Kai chuckled, putting his black hair back with his fingers. 

“To be honest, the two oldest were pre-teens when I was born so sometimes they feel more like aunts to me. And anyway, I’ve always been so spoiled… I can’t even complain.” 

“The competition must be insane between all of you.” 

Their group only had five event planners —Huening Kai, Jinsoul, Momo, Sana and Felix; Momo and Sana were older than them and Felix suspected they were also a couple, so most of the time they were paired up together or stayed a bit further from them. However, Huening Kai and Jinsoul were really good company. And both of them gave Felix a life vision he had never considered before. 

He didn’t share it, that was for sure, but it was interesting to talk to people that were so different. 

“Competition?” Jinsoul plopped down beside Felix. 

Hyuka shook his head with a smile still hanging from his lips. “We are talking about my sisters,” he explained. “And there’s no competition. Our parents have always supported us, no matter what we did, so it was only natural to support each other too.” He made a gesture towards Felix. “Do you have problems with your sister?” 

“Oh, God, never. Annie is a ray of sunshine,” Felix soon clarified. “We are twins and she’s my best half.”

If there was a single person in the world that Felix believed was above him, that was his sister. He would never say a bad thing about Anne. She was gorgeous, inside and outside. Her big heart matched her big brain and Felix was always surprised by the simple way she stared at the world around her.

He used to be so jealous, too. But he had made peace with the fact that he would never be like her. 

He was Lee Felix or Lee Yongbok. 

But never Lee Anne or Lee Heejin. 

“But I guess it’s not the same having one sister as having four.”

“You didn’t tell us it was your twin!” Jinsoul exclaimed. “That must be so cool. Are you super alike or something like that? Show me pics.” She snapped her fingers in front of Felix’s face, rushing him to put his phone out of his pocket. “What does she do?” 

Felix unlocked his iPhone and searched through his gallery until he found a recent pic of Anne and him. Both of them had blonde hair on it and their elf nose was exactly the same one. They resembled their mother so much. 

“She’s a model. She’s been the face of my parents’ agency since she was sixteen.”

“Oh, come on. She’s perfect or what?” Jinsoul groaned whilst Huening Kai laughed at her. “It’s dangerous to be a lesbian with so many beautiful women around.” 

Felix smiled, pleased. Anne would giggle if she could hear what his classmate was saying. 

He missed her so much. And sometimes, Felix wondered if this was a recent feeling or if he had been missing her since before leaving Australia. 

“By the way, I’m going to grab some beers with my friends later. You better come or my friends won’t stop telling me they haven't met any of my classmates yet,” Jinsoul kept saying, incapable of shutting her mouth unless she was taking notes and paying attention to something. “Hm? What do you say?” 

“I’ll bring my best friend,” Felix commented. “He’s annoying but you’ll adore him.” 

They settled the date and time after that and Felix leaned against the backrest of his chair, relaxed. His whole life would be much more enjoyable if all his days were like this one —away from Hyunjin and sitting between two of his favourite people in the internship. 

Overall, he bet the whole internship experience would be so much better if he didn’t have to see his eternal table-mate . 

Hopefully, throughout the internship, there would be more opportunities to be split into different groups depending on their disciplines, so Felix could breathe fresh air and not that perfume that seemed to surround not only Hyunjin but also the space around him. 

It was incredible to be able to work with people from other fashion areas but it was worthless to mix them up if neither of them knew how to do their own job properly. So yeah, Felix guessed that, at least for a few months, he would have more funny weeks like this one —sitting between Jinsoul and Huening Kai.

“I’ll text you when we decide where we are going!” Jinsoul promised before running towards her transport. Hyuka asked them both to send him outfit pictures and then disappeared down the street, leaving Felix alone in front of MOD.

He walked into the building again and took the lift to the parking lot, waving his hand cutely at Seungkwan, who blew him a kiss in response and then focused again on the little dots he was painting on his nails. 

It had been a month since he started his internship and his brain had already automatised the ride home. It was easy to get lost in his thoughts now, although Felix was aware that he couldn’t get too lost unless he wanted to cause an accident. Thankfully fantasising about the long bath he would take at home didn’t even distract him much. He would light up his favourite candle and open a bottle of wine to celebrate the ending of another week. 

His mind was filled with various outfits for the night when someone stepped into the lift with him. 

“Hi,” the other man said as he leaned against the wall of the lift. 

“Hi.” 

Felix looked at the lift panel. Then at the man beside him. And then at the panel again. All of that in the span of three seconds. During those three seconds, he also found out that the stranger sharing the lift with him was visiting Hyunjin because, for sure, Felix had no idea who that person was. 

How surprising it was to see that idiot with friends . Or whatever that person was. Perhaps it was just a cousin making the typical family gathering. As if Felix cared. The only thing he could think about was his warm bath and his possible outfits. He hadn’t seen Hyunjin in days and it wasn’t the moment to change that. 

However, the first thing he saw when the doors opened was Hyunjin’s face. 

Of fucking course.

His eyes widened for a brief second, clearly not expecting Felix in that lift too, but he directly ignored him and jumped forwards to wrap his arms around the other man, who groaned and hissed and cursed in Hyunjin’s embrace whilst the latter muttered how happy he was to see him.

Felix didn’t turn around once as he walked towards his own door. Not even after hearing the sound of a few kisses. Not even after hearing the other person murmured a weak threat if Hyunjin didn’t let him go. Not even after Hyunjin said in a happy tone Felix had never heard before that he had made several plans for the weekend they were spending together. 

He closed the door behind him and forced his mind to remove those last minutes. 

That never happened.

He had never seen Hyunjin.

His week was still perfect . 

Although the sound of Hyunjin’s happy voice spent the weekend popping up randomly in his mind while he was doing the silliest tasks. 

Messages:

lix [17:24]: 

lol even devils deserve love i guess

bitchmin [17:28]:

???

do i really wanna know

lix [17:32]: 

i just think i met his partner

or his potential partner idkkk

bitchmin [17:33]:

okay?????

lix [17:34]: 

🙄🙄🙄

show more interest or smth

***

“You are useless,” Felix whined, a pout on his lips and his feet kicking the floor underneath him. “I need to leave in thirty minutes and I haven’t even done my make-up, Seungmin-ah.” 

It was Thursday morning —8:10am to be precise— and Felix was dangerously close to losing a few brain cells unless his best friend got his shit together and helped him with his crisis. He rubbed his arms with his palms, pulling his lips into a gross expression at the sticky touch of his body lotion. He needed to buy a new one. 

“Ugh. I woke up an hour sooner because of you. Shut up and let me drink my coffee,” Seungmin murmured against the rim of his mug. “And I believe I assured you last night that your black trousers with the purple velvety shirt tucked into them was my winner.”

Barefoot, Felix wandered around the kitchen island where Seungmin was having breakfast, his small body only covered by a long robe and part of his hair already braided. Contrary to Seungmin, who seemed to have slept peacefully in his guest room, Felix had barely got any rest. 

It was his first presentation in the internship and although he was sure that what he had exceeded the expectations of his professor, that didn’t mean that was the approach his professor wanted. It was extremely annoying to not know his professors properly yet because it was so hard to guess what they were exactly looking for. And Felix hated to know he was the best everywhere he went but that it didn’t guarantee the other people would see that. 

“Yeah? With the purple eyeliner and the soft blush?” 

Seungmin nodded, taking another sip. 

When Felix was in Australia, he facetimed Seungmin to force him to pick for him when Felix couldn’t make a decision so it was, somehow, heartwarming to have his best friend in his own flat whilst he ran from one side of the apartment to another. 

Even if Felix barely voiced it out loud, his life would be so boring and grey without Seungmin. In fact, his current life in Seoul would be extremely lonely without him, no matter how well he got along with some of his classmates. It wasn’t the same. 

Seungmin and him met by accident, more than a decade ago. It was during the two years Felix and his family spent in Seoul before going back to Australia. They went to the same school but they barely saw each other because they were in different groups. 

Until one day they got accidentally locked in the library.

And that was it. 

Felix was eleven then. He turned twenty-three that year. 

“So…? 

“Stunning, unbelievable, show-stopping, surreal.”

Felix giggled. “And the make-up?” 

“Perfect too.” Seungmin patted the empty stool next to him. “Now have breakfast or you will arrive late.” 

As expected, Felix didn’t arrive late but it sure felt like that when he entered the classroom to find almost every seat occupied. It seemed like all of them were nervous about the presentations. Especially since they would spend part of that day and part of the next one with them. 

Felix fidgeted with his pen whilst he waited for Kim Hyunah. She was a well known fashion designer and had attended countless events. In contrast to her husband, Kim Hyojong, who was an event planner and preferred to hide in the shadows, Hyunah was like the sun —brighter than her own models. 

Felix gulped down when she finally arrived and announced the order in which they would do their presentations. It was chosen in an arbitrary order and yet Felix couldn’t decide if he felt blessed or cursed when his name was called the fifth one. 

Her subject was about overcoming any setback so each one of them had been given different possible issues and in their presentations they should explain how they would deal with them. And there lied the real problem of it all —the answers would be so subjective that it was impossible to guess what Professor Kim would like more. 

“Good morning, I’m Lee Felix and in the current presentation I’m going to show you a successful way of surviving the most stressful day of your lives. You heard me right. The most stressful day, because an hour before the show starts, two of the models have twisted their ankle and knee while a heavy storm breaks the sky outside.”

Giving oral presentations was easy for someone that could convince anyone to buy ice cubes in the middle of a snowfall. Not even three slides in, Felix had forgotten about his nerves and was just explaining his conclusions and why he was so convinced that his alternatives were the ones that would work best to fix the unexpected problems. 

He smiled to himself every time a classmate laughed at his playful tone or Professor Kim grinned before taking notes. 

“So, in conclusion, it’s really hard to turn the most stressful day of your lives into the best one but nobody in the room will notice how stressed you are if you act fast and prevent damages before they reach everyone else.” Felix bowed whilst his classmates clapped their hands. “Thank you so much for your attention.” 

“Thank you so much for such a lovely presentation, Felix,” the professor said. “Before I give my own valoration, are there any questions?” 

No one had raised their hands with any of his classmates, so Felix was already exhaling all the air he had been holding in since the night before when Hyunjin cleared his throat and raised his arm. 

“Actually, yes,” he murmured with a smile. “I have a couple if Felix-ssi doesn’t mind.” 

Felix’s smile froze in his face as he turned his head towards Hyunjin. 

“Of course I don’t mind, Hyunjin-ssi.” 

They always dropped any honorifics when they were alone in the lift or just walking through the MOD complex so it was particularly annoying to hear the formalities. It was such a clear sign that he had two faces, just like Felix. 

He wanted to be so perfect that Felix only wished everyone could see behind his façade, where all his flaws hid. 

“So, you’ve said that you would talk to the stylist to ask them if it was possible to change the original idea of the event, erasing the classical catwalk and making some kind of hybrid where some models would be sitting while others walk around them. Am I right?” 

Felix nodded, pressing his palms against his trousers to ground himself and not make any mean remark at him. 

“Wouldn’t that be a risky decision when any other of the models could wear those outfits? It implies making so many big decisions an hour prior to the event and so many things could go wrong.” 

“To be fair, due to the complicated weather, as I’ve stated earlier, the event would get delayed, so we would have more than an hour to rearrange that part of the event. Since you are a stylist, I guess it hits close to home and that’s why you see it as such a big change when it’s not really that big.” 

Hyunjin pursed his lips at that. 

“The times would be the same but whereas in the original version the models would be walking across the room apparently without a path, now they would be clearly walking between empty and occupied seats.” Felix licked his lips before drinking from his bottle of water. “However, I did consider the option of giving the other models those outfits and I think that although that would work too, that would affect the schedule more than my decision because now we would need more time for those models to change clothes and step into the event again.” Hyunjin parted his lips to interrupt him but Felix kept going. “And we are already running late enough because of the storm.” 

Hyunjin nodded. “And what if the event can’t end later than planned? You seemed to only have considered the option of starting late and ending it just as late.” 

Shut the fuck up, stupid idiot.

Was he trying to test Felix to see if he had thought enough about his event? 

Was this some kind of vendetta after that day Felix left him behind whilst he was fighting against his car? Or was he just pissing him off on purpose?

“Then you are adding another reason to stick to my plan. The show is not only about the models, it also has a cocktail so probably said cocktail would have to be shorter in order to finish when it was expected. However, I want to believe that people would be gentle with us because of the storm.” Their eyes were locked and Felix felt as if Hyunjin was sucking his soul out of his body with his intense gaze. “Anything else?” 

“No. That’s all. Thank you very much for clearing up my doubts.” 

Was that a win? 

It was, wasn’t it?

Felix had to make an effort to not give Hyunjin his biggest, cocky smile. 

“Interesting discussion,” Professor Kim commented. “This is exactly what I’m looking for when I make you do these presentations. Rather than giving me convincing arguments, the real, main goal of these presentations is having these kinds of conversations. All of you come from different backgrounds and have different studies so to me it’s more interesting to see your opinions instead of giving you mine.” She smiled at them. “Good job, Felix and Hyunjin. Hope this encourages the rest of you to participate and ask more questions too.” 

At least Hyunjin’s questions had turned into a sweet reward. Felix couldn’t complain whilst the professor gave him feedback on other possible approaches. 

Yeah, this was a win.

Unless you were confident enough, it was impossible to survive a round of questions whose objective was clearly making him nervous and even reconsider his decisions. 

Felix returned to his seat with a proud smile pinching the corners of his lips and he cocked his head in Hyunjin’s direction, finding the same intense gaze waiting for him. 

“You really thought you could catch me off guard, hm?” Felix murmured as he leaned forward, so quietly that it was almost impossible to hear him. “Try harder next time.” 

Hyunjin wrapped one of Felix’s braids around his finger, pulling him even closer. 

“Don’t worry. I will, baby .” He said the last word in English but instead of tasting sweet, it burnt in Felix’s tongue. “Can’t wait for the next round.”

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me.
I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams.”

To Felix, Saturday afternoon meant self-care —a long bath, an even longer skincare routine, a natural mask that stayed all over his hair for hours, a bottle of wine, a tasty meal from his list of restaurants-to-try and either a book or a comfort film. 

Unless another plan got in the way, like it happened that day.

He was wrapped in a warm towel, opening his white wine bottle and waiting for his spinach lasagna with garlic bread when his phone buzzed over the kitchen counter. 

Messages:

shin ryujin MOD [13:36]:

Lixie

I need your beauty

please tell me you are not busy

lix [13:40]: 

i can be free for you princess

what happened?

shin ryujin MOD [13:44]:

long story short

basically I was supposed to have a shoot today

one of the models just called me to tell me they caught the flu :)

I’m panicking a bit bc those pics were for my portfolio

I know you have experience and… well…

lix [13:50]: 

god i’m so sorry ryu

but what about the outfits?

are they my size?

shin ryujin MOD [13:52]:

I think so

I can make some quick adjustments when you come

if you can, of course

I promise I’ll repay you for this!!!!

Apart from Jinsoul and Huening Kai, Felix also spent most time with Ryujin and her partner, Yeji, who also attended MOD even though she was studying Fashion Photography. She wouldn't know how experienced Felix actually was in modelling if he hadn’t told her that himself. Almost nobody checked his parents’ old pictures or even his own name on Google anymore, so it was hard to find out that Felix used to be a model as a child and during the beginning of his teen years.

Then, his studies took most of his time and he opted to pursue his dream instead of doing what his parents would have chosen for him. That was also another reason why people tended to forget that there was a time where the Lee twins modelled together, not only Anne. 

Messages:

lix [13:59]: 

i’m about to have lunch but i can be wherever you want around 3/3:15pm

and you don’t need to repay me!

is yeji-noona the photographer?

Felix ate at light speed after Ryujin told him he needed to be at half past three at the studio Yeji and her rented for the shoot. It wasn’t far from his place but it wasn’t near either and he still had to put on some light make-up before leaving. 

It was going to be so weird to model without his parents around. They had always been behind the cameras, giving him directions or just monitoring his work. How long had it been since the last time he did this? Almost six years, perhaps? 

At least, professionally. 

He could feel his stomach twist at the prospect of getting again in front of a camera for a photoshoot but he could also feel it bubbling with excitement. After all, he didn’t hate it, he just liked to organise events more. 

It ran through his veins. It was part of his identity. 

Felix grabbed his bag after getting ready and all the excitement turned to ice the moment he checked the location again and read the last message Ryujin sent him. A message that shouldn’t affect him at all because he wanted to help her . 

And yet… 

Messages:

shin ryujin MOD [14:42]:

btw the other model is Hyunjin!

so no strangers around 💖

Felix wasn’t even surprised. 

Apparently fate loved to make their paths cross even if Felix ran in the opposite direction every damn day. 

***

“Lixie!” Ryujin ran towards him and hugged him as if they were childhood friends that hadn’t seen each other in decades. It was warm. Felix wasn’t as affectionate as her but appreciated having found someone that also expressed her feelings through physical contact. “My life saviour. I owe you a big one. Really. I was crying when I texted you earlier. I’ve been working on these outfits for four months.” 

Felix smiled, circling Ryunjin’s waist with his arm. “It’s nothing. I knew you wouldn’t find anyone like me and I lowkey miss the old times.” 

He meant half of his sentence. That wasn’t a bad start for the longest Saturday of his life. 

“Hyunie is helping my queen with the lights, so let me drag you real quick to the dressing room to see if I need to fix the clothes too much or not.” 

Hyunie . 

The universe hated him so fucking much.

He was so, so unlucky. 

Why did bad things happen to good people? 

Ryujin guided him through the studio and Felix’s heart jolted inside his chest at the sight of all the outfits hanging from two clothes rails. They had post-its stuck to the plastic protecting them and before Felix could stop the hurricane, it swallowed him whole whilst Ryujin made him undress himself to try on the clothes that were for him. 

“My princess,” his mother murmured as she pressed her lips over the crowd of his sister’s head. The tip of her fingers found Felix’s cheek then and she spared him a quick glance as she said. “And my little prince.” 

His mother gestured towards the door, inviting Anne to go outside, where everyone was waiting for them. Felix raised his gaze, holding his breath even before a single word escaped from her bloody-red lips. 

“Don’t make us waste time today. We don’t have time to take your pics for a whole hour like last time, okay, baby?” 

Since he was a little child, Felix had always defined his mother’s comments as a cold caress. It was sharp, it hurt , and yet Felix craved them when she spent a few days only showering him with warm words. It was weird and indescribable. Especially when he noticed how warm those caresses were if they were aimed at his sister. 

“It’ll be perfect, mum. I promise.”

Miyoung smiled. Felix pretended her eyes smiled too.

“Are you listening to me? Lix?” Ryujin’s voice snapped him out of his mind. “I asked if you are comfortable like this.” 

Felix blinked and focused his gaze on the sleeve Ryujin was fixing. Luckily, almost everything fit him perfectly so Ryujin was working only on his shirt and the length of his two trousers. 

“Yeah. Sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.” 

“It’s okay, I was quiet for a long time.” She smiled at him and Felix smiled back when he saw her eyes sparkling. “Do you mind retouching your make-up a little bit while I tell the rest that we start in ten minutes?” 

“Yeji-noona would kill you if she hears you say the rest instead of her name.” 

“Sshh. She doesn’t need to know.” 

Felix shook his head and turned towards the mirror as he took his bag with his make-up. He applied more blush, accentuated his natural eyeshadow-look, did his eyebrows and stepped outside while fighting himself to not lick the gloss off his lips. 

His parents hated when he did that with anything the make-up artists put on his lips. 

The bittersweet memory brought a chuckle to the tip of his tongue, where it died the moment his eyes landed on Hyunjin’s figure already waiting for him in front of the camera. 

Their outfits complemented each other. They both were wearing black leather trousers and black velvet bomber jackets. But whereas Felix was wearing an equally black button up with a floral white pattern, Hyunjin was wearing a sheer white sleeveless tee. They also had leather gloves that didn’t cover all their fingers and Hyunjin had a shiny, golden necklace resting above his collarbones. 

“Hyunjin,” Felix whispered as he sat down on the floor like Yeji instructed them to do. 

“Felix.”

Yeji had described the concept of the shoot as a tense battle and Felix had to choke down his snort. She said that Ryujin used all those golden motives to resemble the royalty and that they had to feel as such. Like princes from different kingdoms. 

It was so ironic. 

But it didn’t bother him as much as he had expected. 

His body was too cold to boil. His mind was almost numb, recalling empty memories that still hurt like sharp knives. Where Ryujin was monitoring the pics Yeji was taking, if Felix didn’t pay enough attention, he could even see his parents’ faces. The shadows covering their features as they decided if his son had to spend another half an hour switching from one pose to another or not. 

Modelling was exhausting because by the time they were content with the result, Felix was sure that the pictures were all the same and that his parents were obsessed over a detail that didn’t even exist. 

But Yeji didn’t ask him to repeat a pose. And Ryujin only threw them thumbs ups, wide smiles and glasses of water. 

“Are you plotting how to kill me?” Hyunjin grinned while he changed clothes on the other corner of the dressing room. 

“Hm?” 

“You are suspiciously quiet today and you know where I live. I’m just making sure I don’t need to sleep with a knife under my pillow.” 

Felix gulped down the lump in his throat. “How brave of you. Thought you already had one under your pillow just in case.” 

Their second outfits had even more golden parts —Hyunjin’s blazer and trousers were half black and half golden whilst Felix’s ones were golden with sewed black flowers. Their button downs were plain black to not attract any attention, making the other clothes and their accessories the real main characters. 

They truly looked like royalty like that. 

“Okay, this time I do want you to interact a little bit. Can you look at each other with your chin raised? As if you were challenging each other.” 

Felix could almost feel Hyunjin’s breathing from how close they were. Their fingers brushed while they were sitting on the fake wooden floor with their heads tilted towards each other and their gazes locked. 

They looked at each other in silence for what felt like hours. Or maybe days. 

And his mind went blank while his gaze fell to the mole under Hyunjin’s eye, not missing the detail that he didn’t cover it with make-up. Probably because Hyunjin also thought that mole made his face unique. His parents said that was the magic of his freckles and that he should never hide them. 

That’s why Felix never wore thick foundation, ignoring everyone who suggested him to try it at least once. 

“Get closer,” Yeji instructed after they got up. “Get behind Hyunjin and lean against his shoulder, Felix.”

Felix nodded and rested his weight against Hyunjin’s back, sliding one arm around Hyunjin’s front as if he was giving him a half back hug. Ryujin screeched after Yeji snapped the first picture and the latter chuckled and pulled back from her camera, not convinced with the lense she was using.

“Wait a sec.” 

She crouched down and proceeded to switch lenses one more time while Ryujin ran towards the fridge they had in the dressing room to grab more water. Felix could relax until she came back yet his arm didn’t retrieve from its place, tightly wrapped around Hyunjin’s body. 

He raised his hand ever so slightly and traced Hyunjin’s neck with his thumbnail, imitating a knife cutting a throat open. 

“What do you prefer? Your neck or your heart?” Felix whispered whilst his hand dropped to Hyunjin’s chest to draw a cross atop his heart. “I still can’t decide.” 

“I’ll let you surprise me.”

“Will you be sleeping with one eye open?” 

“I want to look at my murderer in the eye before exhaling my last breath.” 

Now, his hand turned into a spider moving graciously over Hyunjin’s chest and shoulder, unable to decide where to settle until the other man laced their fingers together to pull Felix closer. It was as if Hyunjin’s back ended after Felix’s front had started. As if they had merged and now it was impossible to determine where the limits were. 

“You never wanted to be a model like your parents?” 

Felix didn’t twitch, even though his body wanted nothing more than jerking away from his grip. And somehow, the impossibility to run away from the question and the urge to reply as casually as possible dissipated any more flashbacks and left Felix still numb, still confused, but much more in the present. With his feet feeling the floor of the studio. 

“No. I never was one that liked to be bossed around.”

And Anne was too good at it anyway so it was pointless to even lie and tell his parents that being a model was his dream. 

“So you plan events to give people orders? Is that so, honey ?” The English coming up again. The burning sensation all over his tongue, plaguing his mouth. 

“Isn’t that why you are also a stylist? So your vision is the most important one when it comes to the models or any other celebrity we are dressing for the events?” 

Hyunjin cocked his head in his direction. 

“If I have the best input on an event, I think I deserve a role for that. It’s not my fault the rest don't have my ideas.” 

Felix didn’t miss how long it was taking Yeji and Ryujin to keep going with the shooting but he guessed that since they were close to the ending, they were taking an unexpected break to go to the restroom and drink water instead of just changing the lense and bringing more bottles. 

“Always so full of yourself.” Bold and taking advantage of their still laced hands, Felix leaned his cheek against Hyunjin’s shoulder. “But what about you? Thought you used to be a fashion designer, not a model.” 

Instead of weird, not bickering for once was only dangerous and concerning. It gave the other pieces of information that were better hidden. Pieces of information that they could use against each other in the future. But Felix knew damn well how this push and pull worked —he had to be slightly vulnerable to get something back. 

They both were carefully choosing what to share.

It wasn’t a nonchalant conversation to kill some time while they waited for the couple. 

This was part of their game. 

“I had to learn a lot about self-portraits to take pics of myself wearing my designs.” 

Felix deduced that as a fellow —or former?— fashion designer, he understood the struggle of needing models to take pics and that was why he was there. 

How adorable . 

Apparently demons not only deserved love, they also had hearts. 

What a revelation. 

“Don’t fucking move!” Yeji suddenly yelled from the dressing room. “I’m seeing you and I want to take a few pics just like you are.” 

Felix rolled his eyes and shifted his body to be more comfortable as he leaned against Hyunjin’s figure. It was so different to model with Hyunjin in comparison to doing it with Anne. And not because Hyunjin pissed him off just by existing. 

Though Felix didn’t confess any of that, not wanting the other boy to misinterpret his message and think he was praising him or something. That would be the last thing Hyunjin needed —taking Felix’s words as a compliment. 

He would never see the end of it if that happened. 

But yeah. It was different. 

Better, even. 

It felt nice to get genuine and positive comments. It reminded him that he was an active model for half of his life and that he was actually pretty good at it, even if he wasn’t as tall as many professionals would have wanted. 

“Let us treat you both to dinner,” Ryujin practically commanded with her arms around Felix and Hyunjin’s shoulders, squeezing both of them against her body. “The pics turned out even better than I imagined and the shoot lasted hours so… say yes? Pretty please?” 

Yeji giggled. “Maybe they don’t want to see us ever again, Ryu.” 

“I’m in.” 

Felix’s eyes widened after saying the same words at the same time as Hyunjin but Ryujin’s loud claps and laugh brushed any thought out of his mind before it could even form entirely. 

“You did so good, my princess,” Felix could hear Miyoung say from the other side of the dressing room. “What do you want to celebrate, uh? You can pick whatever you want.” 

Felix looked at his boots while he waited for the conversation to be over. Interrupting them never brought anything good —his parents kept paying attention mostly to Anne and it was harder to ignore that he barely got the chance to pick dinner. 

Unless…

“Lix wanted pizza,” Anne quickly replied, his smile noticeable in her voice. 

“What about sushi, Lixie?” 

“Hm?” 

Ryujin flicked Felix’s cheek with her fingers. “Earth calling Lee Felix. I asked if you want sushi.” 

They had already gathered their belongings and were at the main door, deciding the restaurant and how to drive there. 

“Ah, sorry. Sure. Sushi is perfect. I can drive you all there and then we can come back so you can pick your cars.” 

“What a gentleman,” Hyunjin snorted, faking a teasing tone that was more poisonous than it seemed as they finally left the studio, locking there all those memories that sadly would find a way to visit Felix when he was ready to fall asleep. 

***

“Taking the risk would be the best choice,” Felix stated with his body turned in Hyunjin’s direction. 

Their professor Kim Hyojong, expert in complex and outstanding fashion events, was dedicating the lecture to let them discuss different topics in pairs or trios, preferably by tables. 

“And I haven’t said the opposite. What I’m saying is that it’s easier to change the aesthetic of a traditional event if you keep elements from the original version.” 

They were discussing whether it was better to stick to the rules and protocol of a traditional event or if after a certain amount of time, it was necessary to add new contemporary elements that fit the actual society better. 

Felix sighed. “The thing is that the essence must remain the same or it would be a completely different event so obviously we must keep elements from the original version.” 

Hyunjin was taking notes on his iPad as they talked, highlighting the opinions they shared and the comments they were making. Felix was just talking for once, since the last thirty minutes of their lecture would be a recap of the main points each group had discussed previously. He would take notes then. 

“Okay, Mr. The Essence Must Remain, but how do you explain what said essence is?” 

“You know what that means,” Felix huffed as he tapped the screen of the iPad, right where Hyunjin had already written about it. “And it changes depending on the event, so it’s hard to give a solid definition. Also, we are still in question number two and we have three more to go.”

“Well, maybe we would be discussing the next one if you stopped repeating what we already said fifteen minutes ago, darling .” 

English. Again.

Stupid jerk. 

As if he wasn’t as invested in the conversation as Felix was. As if it wasn’t also his fault that they were moving so slow from one question to the next because he liked to tease Felix with each one of his answers, even though he thought exactly the same. 

He was unbearable. 

A living headache. 

A bit interesting when Felix caught a glimpse of all the knowledge he had on fashion design and styling but not enough to forget all the times they bickered until one of them snapped and they ignored each other for the rest of the day. 

Felix still wondered why they couldn’t change their seats. It had been almost two months and a half and he couldn’t take this torture anymore. The only hope he had was that soon most of the theory would be over and they would start with the real internship; with the practical side. 

Felix also wished they had more activities where they were separated by their disciplines. 

There were never enough days to recover from spending a long amount of time talking non-stop to Hwang Hyunjin. 

“Maybe I should let you finish this discussion by yourself then since I’m slowing all of this so much,” Felix commented as he grabbed his bottle of water from his tote bag. “You seem to be used to only listening to yourself anyway so there wouldn’t be much difference.” 

Hyunjin raised his brows. “Excuse you? And you have just got offended because…? Less acting like a brat and more focusing on the other questions.” 

“Give me another order and I’ll pretend I want to throw up.” 

Hyunjin’s phone vibrated over the table with an incoming call. 

Felix tried to not pry but he was too close to not see that it was his mother who was calling him in the middle of his lectures. Hyunjin’s gaze stared at the screen and he muttered a rushed apology as he took his phone and made a gesture to the professor, indicating that he had to take the call. 

He frowned. 

Hesitantly, after waiting for three minutes for Hyunjin to go back, Felix turned the iPad around to see their notes and replied to the other questions on his notebook. They weren’t complicated since their goal was just making them share different points of view so it didn’t sit right with Felix to answer them all in a row without having the exasperating voice of his neighbour and classmate ringing inside his ears. 

“Look at how fast you are when you are not getting on my nerves,” Hyunjin pointed out as he slid down onto his seat again. He took Felix’s notebook from his hands as if he hadn’t left the room for nearly fifteen minutes and read over Felix’s answers. “Hm. I would word them differently but I guess I lowkey agree.” 

Hyunjin was smirking as he tilted his head towards Felix and added, “What?” In English, of course.

“Well,” Felix slipped into English without even noticing it, his Australian accent dripping over every syllable. “First of all, this is my notebook,” he reminded him as he stole it from Hyunjin’s grip. “Ask for permission next time, especially after ditching me in the middle of our discussion.” They were mere inches apart and Felix was talking with the sweetest smile curling up his lips, as if he was sharing a funny and secret comment with Hyunjin. “And secondly, you don’t ‘lowkey agree’, you just agree. It’s okay to admit I’m right, sweetheart.”  

Hyunjin’s smirk grew, challenging. 

“Come on, say it: you were right, Felix. Thank you for doing it all by yourself while I wasn’t here.” 

“Or what?”

Hyunjin’s palm fell over the notebook and Felix’s own hand whilst he leaned even closer to lower his voice.

Felix raised his free hand, his index finger finding the other man’s forehead and pushing him back.

“Just. Say. It. And don’t invade my space, thank you very much.”  

“I clearly remember you invading mine the other day at the studio while we were on the break. And you weren’t precisely complaining as we held hands.” 

Felix rolled his eyes. That wasn’t the same. They were shooting. They just didn’t relax whilst they waited for Ryujin and Yeji. It was part of their act. He hadn’t even overthought it because to him it was obvious what they both were doing. 

Why the hell did he feel the need to bring that up? 

“Stop running in circles and just admit it. At least say you fully agree,” Felix pouted, his big eyes slowly blinking as he looked almost into Hyunjin’s soul. His gaze boring into his dark pools and falling into them one more day. 

“Felix,” Hyunjin sighed and his free hand caught one of his braids, like he did from time to time. He licked his lips, as if he was gulping down his pride to be able to accept out loud that Felix had done a good job without him. “You know me enough to know that’s not going to happen.” He winked at him and finally pulled back. “But nice try.”  

Felix mimicked Hyunjin’s sentence and the latter let out half a chuckle before he pressed his lips together, rolled his eyes and grabbed the keyboard of his iPad to add the replies to the next questions in silence. 

However, Felix didn’t stop nagging him every time he added something he hadn’t written in his notebook.  

Messages:

lix [10:45]: 

remember when i said i would miss speaking english?

I TAKE IT BACK

bitchmin [10:50]:

the british accent was too much for your aussie ass?

lix [10:51]: 

it’s like he gets even more annoying w his posh english accent

bitchmin [10:53]:

my question is why you both were speaking english

aren’t you at mod today

lix [10:54]: 

HE STARTED IT !!!!!!

***

“Remind me why you are dragging me to one of your fashion events,” Seungmin muttered whilst he fixed the collar of his dark green shirt. “I’m sure any of your classmates would have been happy to make you some company.” 

Felix repeated to the taxi driver the location of said event and patted his best friend’s leg. 

“Are you asking me that because you want me to tell you you are my favourite?” Felix rummaged through his handbag and handed Seungmin his compact mirror. “Stay still while I finish my eyebrows.” 

“What I’m saying is that I don’t get why your sister couldn’t fly here to go with you. You know you can’t bitch with me because I don’t know half of the people there.” 

“Stop being a whiny baby and don’t move your hand, hm?” 

Seungmin cursed him without shame and Felix carefully finished filling his eyebrows and brushing them as if he hadn't listened to him. People didn’t talk enough about how difficult it was to have messy eyebrows that looked actually pretty and not like a real mess. 

To be completely honest, Felix wasn’t in the mood to attend an event like this one. He would have killed to spend his Saturday at home, probably watching comedy movies with Seungmin or drinking wine with Huening Kai and Jinsoul. 

But instead he was in a taxi, wearing an outfit his parents had picked for himself and with his extensions styled in a way that made them look slightly shorter. 

He was used to this —his parents had a bunch of contacts in the industry and some fashion designers really loved to dress the Lee family. It was a pact. The moment there was an event coming, his parents decided what design was the winner. At times, they gave Anne and Felix two options to pick but that barely happened. 

However, deep down, he hoped he could convince them to wear some of Ryujin’s designs in the future. If his parents could brag about the contacts they had, Felix should have to start doing the same soon. 

He didn’t fly far from home to be forever under their shadow. 

His dream was becoming Lee Felix, someone that was known for who he was not for being the son of a famous couple. 

“How do I look?” Felix cocked his head to the side and drew his best smile for Seungmin. 

Within seconds, Seungmin was saying, “Perfect.” 

Only then Felix noticed that he was wrong —his best smile was the one he had now on his lips, wide and dreamy, showing all his white teeth and adding a special light to the rest of his features. 

The taxi parked near the entrance and Felix squeezed Seungmin’s thigh. 

“Ready?” 

“Not at all.”

The place was similar to an art gallery but instead of visiting a painting exhibition, there were mannequins protected behind thick glass wearing the exclusive and new designs of a couple of local designers. Felix had met them before in other events and he was genuinely happy to see their brand growing but he wasn’t ready to face all the questions about his parents. 

As if he was just a doll. No one interesting enough. 

Not even five minutes into the event, Felix had already talked to one of his parents’ friends and, as expected, she had asked a hundred questions about his parents’ plans for the rest of the year. She even had time to ask about Anne but left Felix with less than thirty seconds to explain to her why he was currently living in Seoul. 

It was so annoying. 

Not everyone was like that, it was true. 

Many people adored him and his work as a model. Some had even expressed how sad they were to see him abandon that part of his life to dedicate his time doing something more fulfilling to him. Sadly, the ones that stuck to Felix more were those that underestimated him or just saw him as a bridge to talk to his parents. 

“If I answer the same freaking question about my sister’s last portrait again, I think I’m going to lose my mind,” Felix muttered as Seungmin and him walked as fast as possible through all the people to reach the part where the drinks and the food were. 

“Yongbokkie?” 

There it was . 

Felix turned around with a sweet smile curling up his lips, leaving Seungmin deciding how they were going to fill their stomachs later, and for once his eyes were equally sweet when he recognised who was calling him.

“Noona?” 

The girl in front of him stepped forwards and pulled Felix into a tight hug. 

“Oh, God. When I saw you arriving I wasn’t sure if it was actually you,” she kept saying, the hug getting longer whilst Felix gripped the fabric of her dress and felt his body relax for once. “I’ve missed you so much and I know it’s my fault because I disappeared when I left Australia.”

Nayeon finally pulled back and Felix cupped her face. 

When was the last time they saw each other? Four years ago?

“You look as stunning as I remember,” were the first words that left Felix’s lips. 

“Says you,” she replied as her fingers caressed Felix’s long extensions. “I haven’t seen your family around so… I guess you found a way to be free?” 

Felix had to gulp down to not shed a tear at her question. She remembered . In fact, she was the one that approached him and hugged him. After all the years that had passed since she left Sydney. And especially since Felix gave her the cold shoulder —because it wasn’t that Nayeon disappeared when she moved, it was Felix’s fault. He was so convinced that she would forget him that he didn’t wait to see it happening. 

She was his best friend back in Australia. His partner in crime. 

One of his hands caught Nayeon’s fingers. He hadn’t even checked her social media. He made new accounts and didn’t even follow her, too resentful to handle seeing her new life without him when he was the one that turned their physical distance into an emotional one. 

“I’m trying,” he whispered. “Are you living in Seoul too?” 

I’ve missed you too, I’ve missed you too, I’ve missed you too.

Nayeon’s smile was contagious and so familiar. It reminded Felix of their long weekends going shopping together or watching reality shows whilst their parents talked about their business. It filled his mind with the sound of her characteristic laugh and also with the sensation of being safe. 

Losing her hurt so much because nobody in Sydney made him feel like that. 

Why did it seem like fate was waiting for him to go to Seoul to surprise him every damn week? 

“Yeah. I write for a few fashion magazines and I’m still finding my place in this industry. You know how it goes when your parents arrived here first.” 

Now that he wasn’t upset anymore, Felix regretted his decision. Nayeon’s experience was similar to his —her mother was a really famous fashion designer and his father was a photographer. So, like Felix, Nayeon was born in a cradle of fame. Under flashing lights and a future that barely left her space to think for herself. 

“I have a vague idea about it, yeah…” His thumb caressed the back of Nayeon’s hand. 

The petition was heavy on his tongue.

But his pride was so much heavier, so Felix stared at her expectantly, wishing she still could read his mind so he didn’t have to bare himself in the middle of an event where nobody truly knew the real him.

“So…” Nayeon whispered. “Do you still like white wine?” 

He could cry. Right there. 

All his feelings were twirling in his stomach. Something inside him was begging to never let her go again. So, instinctively, his fingers closed tighter around her hand whilst he nodded. 

“I’ve been flirting with rosé too lately…” 

“That’s my boy.” She pulled her phone out of her handbag. “Here. Add your number and I'll send you a message so you can add mine.”

Felix took her phone and his stomach now dropped, a slight dizziness running down his limbs. 

No. It wasn’t a dizzy sensation. It was just… warmth and his body struggling to process something that was completely unplanned. Because Felix would have never guessed this was going to happen. 

He even convinced himself that Nayeon didn’t want to do anything with him anymore. 

Bokkie 💗 

That was what Nayeon wrote as his contact name. 

Felix gave her back the phone and, again, the urge to tell her how much he had craved her presence growled inside him, yet Felix only hugged her again, closing his eyes as if a simple hug could mend all the years they had spent apart.

“I promise I’ll call you,” he murmured against her shoulder. 

“I know.” She took a step back as if it was the hardest thing she had ever done and then squeezed his hand one last time. “I’ll be looking forward to our wine date.” 

It took Felix several seconds to gather his thoughts and remember he came to the event with Seungmin. He felt so overwhelmed that he doubted he could last long there —and Seungmin would celebrate that. 

“So-.”

“Yongbokkie?” The voice was mimicking Nayeon’s tone, though sadly it wasn’t his friend this time. Felix would recognise the owner of that voice anywhere. “Can I get a hug too?” 

He wasn’t in the mood to handle their usual banter. 

He needed to grab his best friend’s hand, put on his best smile, survive another hour and then run home, where all his feelings could fly freely because nobody would see him being so vulnerable. 

But Felix couldn’t explain that to him . 

“You want a hug, baby?” He purred as his eyes found Hyunjin’s. “And it’s Felix for you.” The sight of dark eyeshadow around Hyunjin’s blue eyes stole his breath for a second. Felix pouted and tapped his fingers on Hyunjin’s chest. “You are not that special yet.” 

Hyunjin was wearing a black denim overall with long sleeves that he had slightly rolled up and he had accompanied the outfit with a pair of white boots and a choker. His hair looked as if he hadn’t even touched it, although it was obvious that wasn’t the case, and Felix hated him for probably being one of the best looking people in that stupid place. 

Right after him. 

“I’m patient.” He sounded full of himself, as always. Like someone that was sure that eventually Felix would give him permission to use his Korean name. That fucking idiot. “I should have expected you to be here.” 

“Don’t lie to me.” His hand was still over Hyunjin’s chest. “I know you have been looking  for me.” 

The question was why was Hyunjin there . 

As far as Felix knew, Hyunjin’s parents worked in the film industry. His father was a film producer and his mother was a screenwriter. Or perhaps it was the other way round. Either way, they didn’t work in the fashion industry like Felix’s parents did. 

Did he already have enough connections to get invitations for himself ? 

Felix hoped not.

“To be fair, I’ve been looking for the guy that’s right behind you,” he confessed as Felix tilted his head to see who Hyunjin was talking about and he found the same man he saw in the lift some weeks ago. His… partner? Almost partner? Whatever. 

“Said guy has a name, you know?” He rolled his eyes and got closer to them. “I’m Minho.”

Someone coughed beside Felix and the latter recognised the figure of his best friend. 

“He was also supposed to be looking for me,” Seungmin fake-whined whilst Felix stopped himself from sticking his tongue out of his mouth in a really childish way. “I’m Seungmin, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you,” Hyunjin said while Felix murmured similar words to Minho. “Are you also pretending you are interested in all of this like he is doing?” Hyunjin asked as he gestured towards Minho. 

“I only came for the wine.”

What the hell, Seungmin.

“And also to listen to Lix gossiping about every person whose name I haven’t learnt yet.” 

“That makes two of us,” that was Minho. “Though Hyune dragged me here to force me to rest.”

Hyune . 

Cute.

Where was the nearest toilet to vomit not only his feelings but also all this shit?

“That’s so sweet of him.” It was also surprising. Who would have thought Hyunjin would know how to take care of anyone besides himself. “I would like to keep chatting but I still need to find some of my parents’ friends before leaving. Nice to meet you again, Minho-ssi.” His attention flew to Hyunjin then. “See you on Monday, I hope.”

Don’t ruin my weekend by coming to talk to me again even if we have to share the lift .

“Bye, bye, Lixie.”

One day the cops would put him in jail for commiting murder.

And Felix wouldn’t even be able to pretend he felt regrets.

***

His muscles were sore after spending the last two hours at the gym. His neck cracked as he tilted his head to the side to rest it against the tiles of the bathroom. The bubbles of his warm bath were everywhere and Felix considered the possibility of falling asleep like this. 

Would he regret it later? For sure.

Did he give a single fuck at that moment? Not at all. 

After the call he had with his parents that morning, right before leaving for the gym, Felix didn’t care about a single thing apart from the feeling of comfort he had been seeking since he hung up. 

The world around him was completely invisible —there weren’t broken glasses all over the kitchen floor nor shattered pieces of a blouse he only wore once scattered over his mattress. The chaos that ruled his place was an illusion. A problem for the future. Something fixable, like his own mood.

He just… needed to ignore reality a little longer. 

Until that sharp sensation stopped hitting his skull from the inside. 

Felix stretched out his arm and picked another strawberry from his bowl whilst he scrolled through his Pinterest feed, looking for inspiration for the party he had in a week in Ryujin’s house. Should he go for something simple with an intense make-up look or risk it all and wear his most extravagant clothes? 

There were so many possibilities. 

And he looked so good with anything he wore. 

“Oh, isn’t that the same blouse your sister has? She looks gorgeous with it .”

His fingers pressed against his temples, tracing circles as he inhaled in ten and then exhaled in ten too. It was fine . Now it was so easy to ignore their comments since they didn’t live under the same roof. They didn’t have the power anymore to ruin his safe space. 

Messages:

lix [12:23]: 

should i change my hair again

bitchmin [12:25]:

what did they say

Felix chuckled, pinching one strawberry with his fingers until his nails sank into the flesh and the sweet liquid fell over the bubbles, like some kind of twisted, reddish rain. He promised himself years ago that their comments would never affect him much again and yet, some days, he still found himself sinking into a deep pool of self doubt. 

And he fucking hated it. 

Because nobody should be able to affect him like that. 

Nobody should have so much power. 

Messages:

lix [12:26]: 

yes or no seungmin

bitchmin [12:27]:

just tell me why the fuck do you want to change it

lix [12:27]: 

i hate you

His teeth bit the strawberry he had just tortured, closing his eyes again. 

Perhaps, Seungmin was right and he should keep this hairstyle. It had felt so good to get the extensions almost half a year ago. Without any approval, just because he saw something similar on a MV and then dreamt about it. 

Felix chewed on his lower lip briefly, soon remembering that he shouldn’t torture his body just because he felt ugly inside. So, instead, his nails buried holes in another strawberry and then scrolled again through Pinterest. 

It was ten minutes later when someone knocked on his door. 

Felix groaned and proceeded to ignore it. 

But whoever was on the other side knocked again. 

Wait . 

What if it was Seungmin? 

He could have come in since he knew the code of his door but if Seungmin had learnt something after so many years of friendship, that was that Felix needed time and space in days like this one. Though, precisely because they had been friends for so many years, Felix could have his time and space with him . 

Someone that had been with him through good and rough days, through tears and thunderstorms, through pain, nightmares and fears, was someone that Felix liked to believe would never leave. 

“Lie to me if it’s not like that,” he had begged, once, in a whisper and through the phone. 

And Seungmin had smiled, Felix knew it because his voice was softer when he was smiling. He had smiled and had murmured, “I don’t know how to lie, Yongbok-ah.”

The towel barely kissed his skin before Felix wrapped himself in a robe, his hair pulled into a high bun and his face bare and with a soft blush covering it because of the heat. His feet slid into his slippers and Felix sighed as he walked towards the door, already picturing his best friend on the other side. 

But the man that was behind the door, holding a huge box and looking at him wide-eyed, didn’t look like Seungmin at all. 

“Hwang Hyunjin?”

“Excuse me?” Felix shook his head when the delivery man’s eyes grew even wider at the sudden English. “Sorry. Who are you looking for?”

“Hwang Hyunjin?” 

Was that a joke? 

Was it?

Felix almost laughed but instead he pushed his door open completely and pointed at the space beside his coat rack. If that idiot didn’t have enough brain cells to write his own address properly, then for sure he was going to suffer his anger. He didn’t deserve the pleasure of running away with this. 

Any other day he would have guided the delivery man to Hyunjin’s door.

Yet that Saturday wasn’t any other day. 

“Thank you so much.”

He waited patiently until the other man got into the lift to grab the heavy box and stride across the corridor that separated their doors. He crouched down to lay the box down, took a deep breath, tucked some long strands behind his ear and knocked incessantly on Hyunjin’s door. He did it with his knuckles, because somehow that felt more relieving. He liked the sound. 

“Coming!” He heard from the other side. “One second!” 

Felix crossed his arms against his robe and raised an eyebrow as he waited for the London boy to open the door. 

“I’m really sorry, I was in-.” His lips pressed together. “Felix?” 

Felix blinked. 

Hyunjin was wearing round glasses, his dark hair falling in casual waves and looking just as soft as his baggy, comfortable clothes. He had charcoal stains with the form of his fingers on his cheeks and the tip of his nose and he was rubbing his hands together to try to clean it from them too. 

“Do you think…” Felix cleared his throat. “Do you think that the delivery man can bother me on my peaceful Saturday just because you don’t know your address?” 

Hyunjin leaned against the doorframe as his gaze trailed Felix’s figure until it landed on the box next to his feet. 

“Let me recap: you are now perturbing my peaceful Saturday with your presence because you were incapable of telling the delivery man that he was wrong?” Hyunjin put the glasses on the top of his head. “Did you miss me that much?”

Felix pushed the boxer towards Hyunjin with his foot. 

“You wish.” 

Was he designing clothes when Felix knocked on his door? 

Felix still remembered his background —he studied Fashion Design before focusing on becoming a good stylist. It didn’t sound like Hyunjin hated it and somehow his current aspect only proved that it wasn’t that he didn’t like it, he just was following a different path for his future.

“Thank you for your service then. I didn’t know packages were delivered by men in robes. I will have to buy something else from this site soon.”

A light yet warm blush ran down Felix’s neck. 

When his emotions took control, he just didn’t think . And he had been so pissed when the delivery man had pronounced Hyunjin’s name after making him cut short his relaxing bath that Felix hadn’t even considered the possibility of changing clothes. 

Hyunjin wouldn’t think anything weird, right? 

Felix was mad , not trying something else. 

Ugh.

He had better things to do, like for example going back to his flat, refilling the bathtub with warm water and wasting time doing nothing surrounded by bubbles and chill music. Yeah. That totally sounded like something so much better than seducing the man in front of him. 

“If that’s some kind of strange compliment, you need to improve your skills.” 

Hyunjin laughed, tilting his head back. 

“Oh, no. I would never make the mistake of feeding your ego even more. Don’t worry about it, Lix-ah.” 

Lix-ah.

Who the fuck did he think he was to call him like that. 

Felix almost missed his various pet names, with his posh English accent and that half smile he had every time he said one. 

Almost. 

“Lix-ah.” His eyebrow arched perfectly over his eye. “You are not even going to apologise, aren’t you?” 

Hyunjin rubbed his cheek and smeared the charcoal painting his skin even more across his cheek. Felix’s eyes followed the motion whilst his blood started to boil for a reason completely different this time. 

He preferred dealing with Hyunjin rather than facing the emptiness that was filling him earlier in the bathtub. No matter how much the other man annoyed him, Felix would cling onto that with his teeth if it was necessary because those emotions were way more manageable. Less deep. Less important. 

“Apologise for exactly what? Because…” Hyunjin crouched down and read the address that was printed on the box. “This is my address, not yours. And I opened the door when you knocked. And now I’m being extremely polite even though you are treating me as if I did it on purpose.” Hyunjin got up again, sporting an arrogant smile that Felix would have like to erase from his stupid face as he rested the box against his hip. “It’s because you prefer when I call you pet names in English, sweetheart ?” 

“Sure. I’m one second away from crying because you are not calling me honey . This just ruined my Saturday entirely.”

“What a shame,” Hyunjin dramatised with a hand pressed against his chest. “Can I go back to my flat or you still want to be an idiot for five more minutes?” 

“I am not an idiot. I am annoyed. Do you know how comfortable I was in my bathroom? You deserve my anger.” 

He didn’t. Felix knew it.

But being fair wasn’t in his nature when he was pissed. Sue him.

“Gosh, shut up.” Hyunjin hissed in English, still with the smile glued to his face. “The spoiled bitch card doesn’t work with me. And honestly? I have better things to do than entertain you.” He stepped closer to tuck a long strand behind Felix’s ear, the tip of his fingers caressing his earlobe in the process. “Has nobody ever told you that you are prettier with your mouth shut?” 

Felix gulped.

Then, he tilted his chin up. 

“For your information, usually what people say is that they adore my voice.”

Now, Hyunjin’s hand caressed the fabric of the robe over Felix’s shoulder. How could someone’s presence be so distracting, so annoying, so everything ? He was perfect to make him forget his previous negative thoughts but he awoke his most violent side. 

At times, Felix felt like he just wanted to bite that mouth off his face.

“See? I don’t need to keep feeding your ego. The rest already do it for me.” Felix noticed how Hyunjin’s gaze travelled across all his freckles. That was the first time they saw each other barefaced but Felix didn’t allow himself to bask in Hyunjin’s features. 

Felix’s fingers twitched with Hyunjin so close. 

He could trace his cheek and nose and wipe the remaining charcoal. 

He could, perhaps, be a bit polite and show interest about whatever he was doing when Felix interrupted him. 

He could. He could. He could. 

But he could also use his brain and do what was best for them both and go back to his flat. 

“Blah, blah, blah. I’ll be waiting until you give in.” 

Like everyone did .

“Have a good day, darling.” The English flowed out of Felix’s mouth smoothly as he turned around on his feet. “Check your face next time a man in a robe is waiting on your door.”

He waved his fingers in the air without turning his head back to look at him and slammed the door shut behind him, admitting to himself and only to himself that, perhaps, he had been waiting for the other man to really praise him. 

***

Felix still laughed at the explanation Ryujin gave him when he asked if her family had a house just for parties. 

“Not exactly? But it’s not our regular house either. It’s more like… a vacation place? It’s nice! I’ve thrown so many parties there. You are gonna love it, Lix.”

So, basically, yes. It was indeed a place meant to cause chaos and have fun. 

After spamming both Nayeon and Seungmin with possible outfit ideas, they had chosen his white knee high boots with a black jumpsuit he bought a year ago but he had worn only once. It had long sleeves and it ended in the middle of his thigh, having almost a transparent, shimmering fabric all over his back.

Nayeon had helped him with his long hair, that now was filled with gracious curls. There were also a few, thin braids and Felix had adorned them with silver jewellery. He had also applied glitter in some curls and also over the highlighter he had on his face. The cherry on top was his black and white eyeliner and the blush that only accentuated his freckles since Felix had opted for not wearing any foundation. 

Felix wasn’t keen to look like a doll, although it was the easiest thing with a petite body and a fairy-like face like his, but it reminded him automatically of his model years and particularly of his sister, who was a real living doll even barefaced. 

“What the fuck?” Jinsoul whistled when Felix arrived at the place where Jinsoul and Huening Kai were waiting for him. One of Hyuka’s sisters was driving them there but they had to wait until she finished her shift. “Are you a dessert? Because I want to devour you.”

Huening Kai snorted and Felix giggled before praising his friends too because they were also stunning —they both were wearing leather clothes and Jinsoul had the cutest space buns Felix had ever seen adorning her blonde hair. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep over at my place with me and Jinnie?” Huening Kai asked when they were in the car. “My flat is closer to Ryujin’s and my flatmate is not at home this weekend so we can use his room too.”

“Don’t worry. I prefer to sleep at home. I’m kind of picky with that, I barely sleep in other places unless they are a hotel or maybe my best friend’s flat.” 

Felix had a long routine to go to bed and he also needed, at least, three pillows to fall asleep so most times he avoided sleeping in beds that weren’t his own. It wasn’t something personal, he just knew himself enough to know he wouldn’t be able to rest as much as he needed.

Some people didn’t get it and said Felix was just a little spoiled prince. 

Other people, like Huening Kai and Jinsoul, nodded and moved to another topic, having learnt after a few weeks that if Felix said no , it was nearly impossible to make him change his mind. 

“Oh, wow,” Huening Kai whispered as they introduced the code to get into Ryujin’s penthouse . Felix suspected it had to be one when she had described to him the place but he had only confirmed it while they headed to the last floor. “I love the lights.”

It was an open-concept place —there was a huge and large window in the living room that showed not only the city lights but also the wide balcony where some people were smoking and dancing. The kitchen was at the right and there were only two rooms with a proper door on the opposite side that Felix supposed were a restroom and a bedroom. The stairs to the second floor were in the living room, close to the kitchen. It was impressive and the decoration was minimalistic but wonderful nevertheless. Similar to the style of Ryujin’s designs. 

Felix left his jacket on the coat rack and admired the disco-like lights that his friend had put all over the living room. It really seemed like they were in a real cocktail bar instead of at the house of a classmate. 

He recognised some people from the internship and also saw new faces since they all could bring a couple of friends if they wanted to. He could have invited Seungmin or Nayeon yet he thought this was a good opportunity to get to know his classmates better. If he was always with his friends, he would end up barely talking to anyone else. 

His eyes couldn’t help but analyse the outfits of the rest as he walked towards the kitchen to grab something to drink, a terrible habit he picked up from his parents. Between some quick conversations, he managed to pour some rosé wine into a glass. 

“Did you do your hair?” Yuna asked whilst Felix’s eyes followed a figure wearing a long skirt that had a long cut on one of its sides and then some kind of laces preventing both parts of the skirt from opening much, forming crosses from the up thigh to the calf. Was that Yeji? “The jewellery looks so gorgeous.” 

“Right?” Felix smiled as he made his hair wiggle. “I feel like I won’t be able to take it off in weeks because it’s so pretty.”

“Can relate. Some months ago I spent a whole weekend with the same hairstyle because I refused to ruin it. You should have seen me sleeping in a sitting position. I looked so silly but it was worth it.”

Felix walked towards the living room after promising Yuna he would continue the conversation after finding Ryujin and Yeji. He scrunched up his nose, unable to find his friends, and followed the direction of the person wearing the skirt, just in case it was truly Yeji. 

The door of the balcony slid softly when Felix pushed it and Felix felt as if all air got knocked out of his lungs.

That figure wasn’t only wearing a long skirt but also a purple velvet crop top with long sleeves and a black harness. There was a flower tattoo peeking from the cut of the skirt and by the time Felix’s eyes reached the narrow waist again and then the slender arms that ended in silver rings, he was already hating himself because he didn't need to look at the face to know that the person he was devouring with his eyes wasn’t Yeji.

It was Hyunjin.

Amazing.

His head snapped up and he found the other boy staring at him with a raised eyebrow. Well. Felix was appreciating a good outfit, even if Hyunjin was the one wearing it.

So, before he could tease him, Felix walked towards him and murmured in English, “ Beautiful skirt, Hyunie.”

The corner of Hyunjin's lips twitched ever so slightly at the nickname but he kept smiling, cheeky.

“You don't look bad either, baby.”

Did he hate the British accent this much before or was it just the Hyunjin effect?

Felix guessed that, maybe, in another context and with a better start, they could have been friends. They were so similar that it was almost concerning.

But in this universe, Hwang Hyunjin was like poison running through his veins. He was addictive and also so fucking toxic to him. Felix just thought about pushing, and pushing, and pushing when he saw him. Until Hyunjin exploded and felt just as annoyed as Felix.

“You really need to improve the way you praise people. Someone might think you are cursing them one day.”

Felix took a sip from his glass of wine and winked an eye at the other man.

“Imma go find Ryujin.”

Funny enough, Felix didn't have to go too far because the moment he pronounced her name, the door of the balcony opened again and Ryujin and Yeji stormed inside.

“Lixie!”

The couple dragged him inside again whilst they commented on Felix's clothes and the latter had to bite his tongue to not look back at Hyunjin and tell him that this was how praise should sound.

“Why are you still drinking wine?”

Felix shrugged and shook his head.

“I don't want anything stronger yet.”

Felix barely got drunk and when he did, it was because he had gone out with someone he really trusted. A private party with all his classmates wasn't the best place to empty all the bottles of that penthouse down his throat.

Especially when he could never guess the effect that alcohol could have on him.

“But I see you both are already flying in my honour.”

Yeji giggled, “We were only making sure that the new brand of gin we bought was good for you, Lix.”

The good side of it was that he was an expert in getting tipsy. He controlled his limits perfectly and he stopped before it got worse.

“But is there any gin left?”

Ryujin raised her hand and put her index finger and her thumb close to each other.

“A little bit?” She joked.

It had to be nice to be able to drink so carelessly. That's what Felix thought a couple of times as the party progressed and most of the people around him began looking less composed; out of control. Far from sober.

The gazes of his classmates were likely blurry, even slightly unfocused for some of them. However, there was a pair of eyes that always bored through him even if he was on the other side of the living room.

Hyunjin and him hadn't talked again since he arrived but their eyes had shared several conversations in the last three hours. A silent dance. A sultry war.

His long skirt twirled beautifully around his body when he swayed his hips following the rhythm of the music and his arms looked so elegant wrapped in that velvety fabric.

His natural beauty had Felix gritting his teeth.

“Join us, Lix!” Jinsoul called out while Felix walked down the stairs. “We are doing a catwalk!”

Felix gulped down the rest of his wine, feeling his head bubbling for a second. He left the glass on the table nearby and got closer to his friend with his best sweet smile.

“Are you asking me to be the centre of attention?”

Jinsoul circled Felix's arm with her own. “And if I am?” She made a gesture towards two of their classmates who were now walking as straight as possible along their improvised catwalk. “Come on. Show us how it's done.”

“Ryujin said she would put that Taylor song you like so much if you say ‘yes,’” Huening Kai purred into his ear.

“Eh, eh, eh. Did you plot this together?”

It was… comforting to have someone asking him to catwalk again. Someone that hadn't mentioned his sister in the process, just his name. It reminded him of all the good moments that modelling brought him. 

All the experiences and the talented artists that crossed paths with him.

Jinsoul batted her eyelashes. “Maybe?”

“We are just curious,” Hyuka confessed, slurring less than Felix expected. “And since Ryu told us about the shoot, we've been wondering…”

“Did he say ‘yes’?” Ryujin practically yelled from the other side of the catwalk. 

Felix sighed.

Why did drunk people feel the need to be so loud ? 

Normally, he would be bothered by that. But he pictured the loud cheering and clapping, all eyes on him and his name on all their mouths and, just for a night, he guessed that drunk people being loud wasn't so horrible.

“Fine. Let me grab my jacket.” 

Anne and him started practising with his parents when they were children. Their mother used to say that they catwalked before running. Felix wondered if that was even a joke.

Adjusting to the tone of the show was something that came natural to him. He switched into his model persona. The first Lee Felix, who was possibly the same Lee Felix that now was trying to become a successful event planner.

Carefully, he tied part of his hair in a casual bun after putting on his jacket.

The conflicted emotions merged in his stomach, warm and cold, and more than ever Felix thanked his past-self for remaining sober.

Felix walked to the beginning of the catwalk as his heart stammered inside his ribcage. 

Another song started playing and Felix grinned to himself.

Look What You Made Me Do .

The fairytale beginning filled his ears, his right hand slid into his front pocket and he focused on the long path before him. 

Everyone disappeared. It was just the music, his spotlight and himself.

Felix bet he was glowing under the lights of the penthouse when he started walking whilst the melody changed.

His feet followed an imaginary line and his boots almost dug holes into the wooden floor. Someone whistled as he reached the end and Felix had to make an effort to not draw a shit-eating smirk when the melody changed again. He made a sharp and strong move with his head and his curls came back to life, falling like a waterfall all over his back and around his face as he reached the end of the catwalk.

The whistles got louder and only then, Felix smiled, so stupidly seductive that it was as if he was being recorded. 

The jacket slid down his shoulders, revealing part of his arms and also the sheer fabric covering his back. Felix changed the weight of his body to his other foot at the same time, savouring the moment. He followed the melody, turning around swiftly and going back to the beginning with a more confident attitude. 

His eyes found Huening Kai and Jinsoul and Felix winked at them.

It was the longest catwalk of his life.

But who cared.

Ryujin and Yeji jumped over him as Felix's show came to an end. And surprisingly, the spotlight stayed on him after that. A small circle formed around him and his smile grew genuine for once.

He tilted his head to the side to look for Jinsoul and Huening Kai while the bridge played in the background.

However, he only found two blue irises looking at him from the stairs.

And bold, Felix raised his hand, pressed it against his mouth and blew him a kiss.

This was how things should always be —with everyone around him and Hyunjin surrounded by shadows.

*

Felix’s cheeks were still warm after the catwalk. He had lost track of time but he was sure it was really late. His body was starting to catch up on all the exhaustion of the week and the lack of alcohol in his system had him vibrating at a different frequency than the rest of his classmates. 

A long strand of purple hair twirled around his fingers as he walked up the stairs to check his make-up and also to use the bathroom. Should he head home before the rest of the people left in the party ended up even more shitfaced? He didn’t want to be the nurse of anyone. 

And he’d had such a good night to ruin it like that. 

Felix wanted to only remember that moment where everyone had formed a circle around him to praise him after his catwalk. Also all the little conversations filled with compliments because he looked breathtaking with that outfit. And lastly, the contagious joy of doing something that used to make him happy without the bitter taste of hearing his sister or his parents’ names. 

One of his rings caught on a braid and Felix tsked as he reached the end of the stairs and turned left to walk towards the bathroom. He was so focused on his hair that his body didn’t react quick enough to avoid colliding against the person that was leaving the bathroom. 

“ Ah, shit, sorry, ” The English slipped out of his mouth at first. And Felix was exhaling and murmuring the same words but in Korean when he heard a chuckle.

“It’s okay, darling.”

Of course it had to be Hyunjin. 

Felix leaned against the wall next to him and tilted his head towards the other, noticing almost instantly how flawless his make-up and outfit still look, even after so many hours. The only difference from the Hyunjin he saw when he arrived was the little crown that Yeji had put on his head a while ago. 

“Thought you left,” Felix whispered, and he couldn’t tell if he was lying or telling the truth. Because maybe, by accident, he had followed Hyunjin with his gaze a few times during that party. And maybe, because of it, he noticed that he had been missing for what felt like half an hour. 

But Felix didn’t know if that was his distorted perception of time or just Hyunjin spending too many minutes in the restroom. 

“Aw, did you miss me?” Hyunjin purred whilst Felix’s back rested against the wall entirely and the other boy practically hovered over him without touching him. 

Felix crossed his arms against his chest, failing in his attempt to build some kind of shield between Hyunjin and him. The future stylist was too close to be able to escape from him. Felix could even catch the mild smell of Hyunjin’s sweet perfume. 

“Not at all. I just wished you were gone.” 

Why did their conversations always have to be like that? How could Hyunjin crawl under his skin without even putting any effort? Felix had tried to put into words the hurricane of emotions that man provoked inside him and he always ended up groaning and thinking about something else. 

“Come on, Lix. We both know you haven’t been able to tear your gaze away from me. Did you really want me gone?”

Felix rolled his eyes.

The freaking nicknames. 

“What can I say? You are wearing a gorgeous skirt.” Taking advantage of their closeness, Felix’s hand caressed the laces of the side of said skirt, his fingertips brushing also the bare skin underneath them. “You designed it, didn’t you?” 

There were little details that proved Felix’s theory —the first one was how it seemed to be made for Hyunjin’s body. It hugged his narrow waist casually, the side-cut began exactly where his middle thigh was and the length was perfect for his height. The other one was the mix of fabrics, colours and textures. From up close, the fabric of the skirt wasn’t plain black but something more complex. Some kind of black with hints of purple, like his crop top. 

If Hyunjin didn’t design it. Someone made it for him. 

A proud smile tugged at the left corner of Hyunjin’s mouth. “How much have you been staring at it to notice it, hm?” 

“Answer my question.”

It was a yes. 

“Even if you know what I’m going to say?” 

Felix’s fingers trailed up Hyunjin’s body, touching his exposed stomach and finding the fabric of his crop top. His palm curled ever so slightly around the other’s neck, his thumb sliding down Hyunjin’s throat, falling onto his collarbones. 

“Why do you resist so much all the time? Just admit I was right for once. I won’t tell anyone.” A pout. “And I’ve praised your skirt and your design skills. I think I deserve it.” 

“I guess, I enjoy too much hearing you beg for it, babe .” 

Was it because he truly was a spoiled prince? Someone who most of the time got what he wanted from everyone around him. Someone who was used to people kissing the floor he stepped on, not people resisting his advances and playing hard to get. 

He was the one that was hard to get. 

Hyunjin shouldn’t be so good at Felix’s game. 

Felix leaned into the tip of his boots, lifted his head up and pressed his fingers against  Hyunjin’s chin until the latter was tilting his head down. Their noses brushed and Felix wondered if someone could really get intoxicated by breathing in the air that left someone else’s lips. 

“You are fucking annoying, you know that?” 

Hyunjin’s hand gripped Felix’s hip, as if asking him to not move one inch. 

“You are one to talk.” Hyunjin’s fingers moved over the fabric of Felix’s clothes. His palm pressed against Felix’s back and pulled him closer. “I like your boots, though. Your legs seemed to have no end while you were doing the catwalk.” 

“Who’s the one looking at the other now?” Felix grinned almost against Hyunjin’s mouth. They were talking in whispers, the music from the first floor louder than their voices. It made Felix feel as if he was doing something he shouldn’t. Something that should remain a secret. 

For sure, he wouldn’t want to remember how close they were. 

Nor how fucking well Hyunjin’s palm felt against his back. 

“It was hard not to do it. All eyes were on you, just like you like.” 

Felix lifted his other arm and touched the crown atop Hyunjin’s head. 

It was ironic, somehow. 

Like implying that even if he was hidden in the shadows back then, he would still be royalty, just like him. Two equals. Two beasts fighting for an attention and a recognition they weren’t willing to share. 

“You didn’t come closer like the rest did.” His index finger traced the form of the crown whilst his other hand stayed against Hyunjin’s neck.

But they were now. Really, really close.

“Sorry to break your heart, angel .” 

Did he have a long list of petnames or what?

They stared at each other in silence after that. Their chests were heaving as if they had run a marathon and Felix felt breathless. He licked his lips and Hyunjin’s eyes dropped to them, making the air get thick between them. 

Felix cocked his head to the side and he whispered against his ear, “It’s going to be so exhilarating to see you fall.” And before his own gaze looked at Hyunjin’s plump, tempting lips, Felix gave him a light caress along his jaw and broke free from his hold, walking towards the bathroom and closing the door behind him before Hyunjin could even say a word.

His lungs emptied as he leaned against the door. 

And he finally breathed.

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“I summoned you, please come to me.
Don't bury thoughts that you really want.
I fill you up, drink from my cup.
Within me lies what you really want.”

Felix was playing with the two thick braids that fell over his shoulders when Seungmin got to his flat. He would like to say that the idea of changing his hair left his mind after talking to his best friend but every day it was as if it only grew stronger. His original purpose was long forgotten and the worst part was that Felix couldn’t decide on another hairstyle because those extensions were the first real decision he made regarding his hair. 

“Hey, bitch,” Seungmin said as he plopped down on the couch. 

Should he get a silver mullet? 

Or what about cutting his hair short and dyeing it black?

But if he turned it black then it would be impossible to bleach it again until it grew and Felix wasn’t a patient person when an idea got stuck in his mind. If he wanted something, he wanted it as soon as possible. In seconds. 

“H-hm. You are early.” Felix flexed his legs and wrapped an arm around them while the fingers of his other hand kept running along one of the braids. “You didn’t have work at the vet?” 

Seungmin shook his head. “We had scheduled a surgery for this evening but the dog just…” He sighed. “They let me go home and rest.” Another sigh. “I really thought we could save her and give her some more years.”

Felix smiled, without real words of comfort. He got up from his seat and sat beside his best friend to squeeze his knee. 

“You know how this goes. It wasn’t your fault, Seungmin-ah.” 

Guilt didn’t work like that, Felix knew it. Yet it was the best he could say in a situation like this one. And it was actually more than what his father said to Anne and him when their grandmother got sick a few years ago and her entire personality faded away in months. 

Felix would always regret not visiting her even more than he did before he got the diagnosis. It was so heartbreaking to miss someone that was physically still there. 

Seungmin gave him a smile and Felix squeezed his knee again, aware that his friend wasn’t a fan of skinship. 

“We can order dinner from that place you like so much. My treat.” 

“Always finding excuses to not use your kitchen.”

“Let me cheer you up with food, bastard.”

Seungmin leaned completely against the cushions and raised his arms, defeated. 

“Fine, fine. Treat me as much as you want, my sexy and rich sugar daddy.” 

Felix pointed a finger in his direction. “Shut up.”

Although Seungmin wasn’t entirely wrong —Felix did spoil him as if he was his sugar baby. He did it happily. His parents gave him too much money anyway and he still got some savings from the campaigns he did in Australia when he was younger. It sucked but people were so ready to welcome his sister and him with open arms just because they were the children of the famous couple of models. It had been so easy to step professionally into the industry they were born in.

“By the way,” Seungmin suddenly commented whilst they set some plates and glasses on the coffee table Felix had in the living room. “I saw Hyunjin’s friend earlier. In the lift.” 

“Minho?” 

His friend . 

Felix had to snort at that. 

“Yeah. We arrived at the same time to the building and waited for the lift together and all of that. He recognised me,” Seungmin kept saying and Felix hated how obvious it was that he was waiting to drop a bomb. Whatever that bomb was. 

“Just say it, Min.”

Seungmin turned his head in Felix’s direction with an amused expression crossing his face. There was an annoying smug grin hanging from his lips and Felix almost considered the possibility of shaking his body until the words spilled out of his mouth. 

He couldn’t have less patience, especially with things like this. 

“He’s just his best friend.” Felix made a gesture with his head, kind of lost. So what? They could be friends with benefits or friends that were in love or a mix of both for all Felix cared. “I mean, you seemed interested in their relationship. I’m just telling you they are like us. Literally.”

Felix’s eyebrow arched perfectly over his left eye. “Interwhat? And how long did the lift take to get to our floor? Seems like you had a full conversation there.” 

The least he intended was sounding defensive and yet his tone was harsh when he spoke, sadly not taking Seungmin off guard. Felix had outbursts of anger more often than not, if that could be called anger . It was a sensation Felix didn’t like, like a monster that lived right in his stomach and woke up without warning. 

He fisted the hem of his long sweater and avoided Seungmin’s gaze. 

“Actually, we had to wait a lot for it so we just talked while we waited.”

Seungmin poured some water into their glasses and took a short sip, unbothered by Felix’s previous reaction. 

No wonder people always pick her when you treat them like that, Felix . 

 “Their parents are friends so they met when they were super young.”

“Why are you giving me all the details, though?” 

“Because I can?” 

Seungmin never did anything casually but Felix refused to read between the lines. There weren't any hidden intentions. It was like any other day where Seungmin came to tell him something about someone else even if Felix hadn’t asked for it. 

It wasn’t weird . 

“You are unbelievable,” Felix huffed.

Seungmin nodded approvingly. “So, as I was saying… They are basically like us. Your partner theory was funny but someone had to tell you the truth.”

But why? Felix would have liked to ask.

Why did he feel like Felix needed that information? He didn’t care at all about Hyunjin’s personal life. Whatever he did behind closed doors was his business and Felix had nothing to do with it. 

“It was already surprising enough to think that someone could fall in love with that prick but it’s even more shocking to know someone has been by his side all his life. That Minho deserves a successful life and a special place in Heaven.” 

Like Seungmin did. 

“It’s so funny to see you so annoyed.” 

“If you had to deal with him, you would understand.”

Seungmin grinned again. “Probably.”

Felix grabbed his phone to check if their food had left the restaurant yet and also to keep avoiding looking at Seungmin for longer. Why were they even talking about Hyunjin on a Saturday? It was enough to see his face from Monday to Friday. 

And what was worse —what was that relieving sensation that was twirling in his stomach and how the hell could Felix kick it away? It was more annoying than Hyunjin himself.  

Ugh.

He couldn’t stand that London boy nor how much he messed with his mind. 

***

It was pouring . 

And if there was something Felix feared more than anything in the world, that was driving with rain. It made him feel out of control, as if he could cause one, five or even ten accidents in a row. It was an irrational reaction but also a fear he didn’t have to face because he could always catch a taxi. 

The problem was that the traffic was clogged because of the heavy rain and unless the driver got there in less than ten minutes, Felix was so screwed. He adored arriving late to parties but to his internship? No way. 

He tapped his foot against the asphalt, checking his phone with one hand whilst he held the umbrella with the other. 

“Come on,” he sighed, getting more annoyed the more the minutes passed. The bottom part of his jeans would be dripping wet when he got to MOD and he would be lucky if he didn’t catch a cold by waiting under the rain for so long. 

Was the traffic really that bad or he just had the clumsiest and most stupid driver ever? 

God.

Messages:

lix [9:10]: 

I’M PISSED

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TAXI

bitchmin [9:11]:

i’m afraid i don’t have the answer to your questions

lix [9:11]: 

I KNOW

I’M GOING TO ARRIVE SO LATE I HATE THIS

He was too caught up looking at the screen of his phone to notice the car slowly approaching him. Felix’s small frame was hidden between two vehicles yet his yellow umbrella was easy to spot so the future event planner wasn’t too preoccupied about the driver not finding him. He had given enough indications. 

A soft melody seemed to merge with the sound of the rain and then… 

“See you later, pretty thing ,” 

Oh, no. 

Felix tilted his head up, looking at the car before him. Staring at the unbearable smirk that was adorning Hyunjin’s lips because he was freaking enjoying his sweet, sweet revenge. He even stretched the moment, instead of just passing by with his car and kept driving. His eyes roamed Felix’s body and he chuckled at the sight of his wet jeans. 

“I’ll keep your seat warm.” 

Did he deserve that? 

Probably.

Was Felix happy to know that Hyunjin could offer him a ride but instead he was safe and sound inside his car, ready to leave him behind, knowing damn well that Felix would arrive late? 

Obviously not. 

Who the hell did Hyunjin think he was to tease him like that? 

Felix smiled and raised his arm to wave his hand at him but his fingers froze when Hyunjin’s car started moving again and the latter pressed his palm against his mouth to blow him a kiss while the same smirk kept curling his lips. 

“Bye, Lixie.” 

Only when the car was out of sight did Felix notice that his arm was still in position to wave at him and that he hadn’t even utter a word. 

Messages:

lix [9:18]: 

have i tell you today i hate hwang hyunjin? :))))))

bitchmin [9:18]:

we are opening the hating hyunjin hours early today

i’m not surprised though

let me guess

did you see him while you waited for the taxi?

lix [9:19]: 

😑😑😑

***

Some days, Felix liked to have faith. 

He told himself that his parents would actually listen to him and he gathered all his bravery to share with them something that had happened with them, like he did the first day he went to MOD. That usually led to heartbreak and to the I will never do this again promise he had been ignoring for years. 

It was easy to excuse them when Felix was aware of the busy life his parents had. Also, when he remembered that he wasn’t a model anymore, which somehow explained to him why now more than ever their attention was mostly focused on his sister. 

It was fine. Felix was happy with the little pieces of attention he could grab. 

Because for his parents, he was willing to make exceptions —he didn’t mind standing in the shadows. He didn’t mind being invisible. He didn’t mind being a little head in the middle of thousands as long as they listened to him for more than a few seconds. 

Other times, he felt mean and petty and only wanted them to open their eyes and see that even though his sister was an angel, she also made mistakes. Felix couldn’t even count the times that Anne had called him to ask him to cover her up after she had done something that their parents wouldn’t approve of. 

“Lixie?” The characteristic voice tone of his mother made something swirl in his guts. 

“Hi, mum. Are you busy?”

His mother made a non-committal sound, indicating to Felix that she could talk to him. 

Felix leaned against the wall beside the door to their classroom. They were on their lunch break and Felix had eaten at lightsteep just to be able to call his parents for a few minutes, too excited to wait until he got to his flat later. 

“I got some good news,” Felix whispered as he nibbled his lip. “Is dad there too?”

“Yes, prince. He’s here too.”

A smile tugged his lips and Felix took a deep breath. He was so excited that he felt even nervous, his fingers trembling around his phone. Hopefully, his parents would appreciate how hard it had been to get a recognition like this one all of a sudden. 

His free hand twirled his purple hair around his fingers whilst he switched the weight of his body from one foot to the other. 

“Apparently, every few weeks the professors can congratulate students by giving them free passes to important events.” With his parents, the worst mistake Felix could make was waiting for a reaction as he was telling something. It was best to blurt everything as quickly as possible and then just wait and see what happened. “These past weeks I’ve done some good researches and presentations and Professor Kim, who’s an amazing event planner, has invited me to go with him to Daegu next weekend.”

Silence.

Felix looked at his shoes, his green boots contrasting with his ripped, white trousers and matching with his green sweater. Perhaps for his parents this wasn’t a great achievement, since they had been in the industry for decades, but Felix was over the moon when the coordinator surprised them with the news. 

Kim Hyunah had picked Ryujin to go with her to Daegu too and apparently they both would share a room there. Felix wondered how all his happiness could fit inside his body. 

“Oh, baby. How nice.”

“Yes, son. That’s amazing,” his father finally spoke. “We also have some good news to share with you, although maybe your sister has already told you.”

No more questions asked. And obviously, not even one more praise. Those two short sentences were all Felix was going to get for sharing his good news. His heart clenched, making him choke down an unpleasant sound. His smile shattered, just like his excitement. 

He should have called Seungmin or Nayeon. 

Or his sister. 

“Oh. Sure.” His voice cracked slightly at the end and Felix cleared his throat. “It’s about the perfume campaign?” 

He could hear his mother’s smile through the phone. “Yes, prince. Also, some of our models will be the face of a new Versace collection.”

Felix nodded, ignoring the fact that his parents couldn’t see him, faking an interest he didn’t feel that day. It was his big moment. They could have waited until the next day to tell him, it wasn’t necessary to put aside his own news like this to talk nonstop about something that Anne already told him. 

At some point, his parents’ voices turned into white noise to him and Felix mumbled a rushed apology, explaining that his break had ended and he had to go back to the classroom, and hung up with his fingers still tightly wrapped around his phone. 

He wished he could call his grandmother to tell her.

“What a little liar you are, hm?” A voice murmured in English. “We still have ten minutes left to rest.” 

“Your life is so boring you need to eavesdrop on my conversation, Hyunjin?” 

Hyunjin was leaning against the wall right beside him. Their arms would brush if Felix turned his body in his direction. He was also gripping his phone yet Felix couldn’t pinpoint if it was because he had also had a tense conversation or if that was just his regular way of holding it. 

“In my defence, you were talking loud enough to hear you while I came back to the classroom, dear.”

Fantastic. Did that mean he had noticed how his parents basically ignored him? Because Felix wasn’t in the mood to handle his teasing if Hyunjin dared to make any comments. It was already bittersweet enough to remember that if Anne would have been the one calling them, probably their answer would have been different. 

“Okay, and? You could have just entered the room and left me alone.” Felix hissed through clenched teeth, feeling exposed and vulnerable in front of someone who could use it against him. “I really don’t want to deal with your bullshit today.”

His tone was especially harsh; rude, to be precise. 

Felix wasn’t intending to be gentle after Hyunjin had announced so cheerfully that he had been listening to his private conversation. Who did he think he was to do something like that? That was disrespectful even for a piece of shit like him. 

“Damn, fine. No need to get like that.”

Hyunjin retreated easily, which was weird, confusing and suspicious. 

Was this just some information he would store in his brain for the day he could use it to attack Felix? It was that, right? Hyunjin didn’t come to tease him, just to make sure Felix knew he had heard him. He knew . 

He had seen him, for once, away from the spotlight. Like a mundane person. 

The sensation of being completely bare before him suffocated Felix as they locked eyes, parting his lips ever so slightly to take in a deep breath, holding the air in his lungs for a few seconds. 

“You started it.”

Honestly, Felix was upset and he didn’t have energy left to bicker with Hyunjin. He only wanted to forget how quickly his parents had switched topics as if Felix hadn’t given them some good news. He didn’t doubt that they were proud of him for deciding his future but… It was such a lonely path to walk through without them. 

Or at least, without how they were with his sister. 

Hyunjin tilted his head back until it was resting against the wall and Felix sighed, not moving one centimetre either. Were they going to share the same space for once whilst remaining in silence? Was that a miracle? 

“Lixie!” A voice yelled from the other side of the corridor. “We are going to Daegu!” Ryujin was practically running towards him until her arms were wrapped around Felix’s body and her face was tucked in the curve between Felix’s shoulder and neck. “I’m so excited! We are going to have the best time together.”

And as soon as it came, Felix’s emptiness faded while his mask of joy covered his face and drew a warm smile at Ryujin’s enthusiasm. The contrast was loud , and not only because his friend was yelling. But Felix didn’t overthink it and opted to get infected by Ryujin’s happiness. 

“You’ll witness my super long skincare routine,” Felix joked, his arm circling Ryujin’s waist and his cheek pressed against the top of the fashion designer’s head. “I was so happy when I saw we were going together, Ryu.” 

“Me too!” 

Felix’s gaze travelled to Hyunjin’s face for a second, and it soon came back to Ryujin when he spotted a small smile on his lips too. 

***

Felix hid his big yawn behind his sweater paw, his bones cracked as he stretched his back and his eyes begged for a break. For some spare hours of sleep. Whatever Felix preferred as long as he rested. 

Felix arrived at Sunwoo’s place more than five hours prior and since then, they had been working without breaks on a hypothetical event they were preparing. To no one’s surprise, the group was formed by Sunwoo, Felix and… yeah, Hyunjin. Those two weeks they were learning more about the other disciplines so they three had to approach the event from the make-up artist and hair stylist perspectives. 

“God, I never imagined make-up could get so complicated,” Felix confessed. “I knew it was complex but my brain is going to explode.” 

The internship hadn’t started with their practical part and Felix had already learnt to appreciate so many other aspects he never took into consideration. 

“Make-up? I was ready to cry thinking about the wigs,” Sunwoo groaned while he handed Hyunjin and Felix their glasses of water. “But it’s done and now I can take a shower and run to the club where a friend is celebrating his birthday.”

“I still wonder how you always find the will to go out, Sun-ah,” said Hyunjin as he gulped down his glass and poured more water into it. “I’m dreaming about getting home, taking a long shower and reading a little bit before falling asleep.”

“Boo, who are you? My grandpa?” Sunwoo wiggled his hand in front of Hyunjin’s face. “I’m twenty-three, it’s my time to study during the day and get drunk during the night.”

Felix chuckled. 

He wasn’t a fan of clubbing, especially after a long day. Like Hyunjin, Felix couldn’t wait for the moment he entered his flat. Although instead of reading, Felix would keep watching a reality he started a couple of days ago. 

“Felix from the future will be happy after I sleep my good eight hours.”

“Felix from the future could totally survive with a mug of coffee and three hours of sleep,” Sunwoo pointed out, grabbing his phone from the table to check the time and also his messages. “Ah, fuck.” Sunwoo looked at them with an apologetic expression. “I think I’m going to order you a taxi because my friends changed plans and if I drive you home I’ll lose so much time. I pay, of course, since I promised I would drive you.”

Wait.

Wait .

The idea of sharing a car with Sunwoo and Hyunjin was nice because Sunwoo was easy-going and Felix laughed a lot with him but… sharing a taxi only with Hyunjin? After spending a bunch of hours together and feeling so exhausted they both had no filter left? 

That smelled like problems. 

“Oh, don’t worry,” Hyunjin promptly commented, emptying his fourth glass of water in a row. “We can order taxis on our own, right, Felix?” He turned his head in Felix’s direction, clearly waiting for Felix to agree with him.

But Sunwoo cut him off before any of them could say a word.

“Shut up. You are my guests. I made a promise and I’m going to keep it. More or less.” He got up to walk towards his bedroom, Felix guessed to grab his outfit for the night before getting into the shower. “And you live in the same building. I don’t even need to order two different ones or ask the driver to make two stops. Also, black crop top or red one?” 

“Red!”

“Red!”

Silence.

“Good!” Sunwoo yelled from his bedroom. 

Before the situation got awkward between them, Felix got up from the couch and walked in the direction of Sunwoo’s room to see the outfit he was planning on wearing, leaving Hyunjin in the living room replying to messages. 

At times, Felix wondered if he had a million friends because it was abnormal the amount of time he could spend texting people. Perhaps, he was just scrolling through Pinterest or Instagram or any other social media. But it never seemed so, judging by his face nor the way his fingers tapped the screen.

 “Have fun with your boring plans,” Sunwoo joked with a cheeky smile after the taxi arrived and Felix and Hyunjin grabbed their bags. “And sorry again. My friends are idiots and we can’t say no to anything Chanhee suggests.”

“It’s fine, Sun-ah,” Felix assured.

“Yeah. You shouldn’t even be paying us the taxi.”

“It’s nothing.” 

The door closed after Sunwoo winked at them and Felix sighed and approached the taxi, feeling annoyed one more time by the fact that they were neighbours. They wouldn’t be in the same car if it wasn’t because of that. Felix would have found an excuse to pay one for himself. 

The driver repeated the address one more time and Hyunjin replied for him. Felix melted in the seat and pressed his body against his door, stupidly building an invisible wall between Hyunjin and him. 

In MOD, Ryujin’s party and even at Sunwoo’s flat, they were close too but the air could get so dense inside a car. The taxi driver turned up the music and focused on the dark roads, not noticing the growing tension between them. 

It wasn’t a big car, the middle seat so small that nobody could sit comfortably there, so if Felix tried to spread his legs or find a better position, his body brushed Hyunjin’s. It wasn’t a long ride to their respective places but Felix couldn’t stop fidgeting in his seat.

“You are worse than a child,” Hyunjin whispered, so quietly that it was hard to understand him with the loud music in the background. 

“I’m not moving that much.”

Hyunjin turned his head to look at Felix, his eyebrows raised and his lips pressed in a thin line. His dark eyes seemed to be black with the lack of light in the vehicle and Felix kind of missed the sight of his famous mole. 

“You are not still either.”

Felix rolled his eyes.

“Are you really so annoyed? I would have loved to see you sharing the back seat with a sibling like I’ve done with my sister.”

An airy laugh escaped Hyunjin’s mouth as his whole body turned in Felix’s direction and his hands played with the strip of his backpack. “Your poor sister.”

Felix’s mind flew to the time where Anne and him were still little children that spent all days together —posing in front of cameras, sitting in the corner of a dressing room while their parents were working, watching a film in the living room, sliding into the back seat of their parents’ car when they had to go to school.

He remembered her small hand wrapped around his equally small one, and her wide and contagious smile as she dragged him with her. 

Was Anne’s dream becoming a model or she was so complacent and non-greedy that she just didn’t mind while it didn’t ruin her happiness? 

And were those thoughts genuine or was it just Felix’s selfishness? 

Maybe if he had been more like her, his parents would adore him like they adored Anne. He couldn’t judge them, his sister had that magic that made it impossible to hate her. But parents were supposed to conceal their favouritism better. 

At least they told him from time to time how proud they were of him.

And Felix chose to believe them. 

“She never complained, unlike you.”

“Bet she didn’t want to make the prince sad.”

“Or she has the patience you lack.” 

Hyunjin tilted his head again, this time to look through his own window. His temple found the glass and his eyes fluttered, staying in a position that couldn’t be defined as open or closed. 

“I’m more patient than you think, just selective.”

In all honesty, how much did they know each other after over three months? 

Felix could list Jinsoul’s favourite singers and also the names of Huening Kai’s sisters. Ryujin and Yeji had invited him to multiple sleep-overs and they had spent the night talking about fashion, gossiping about their classmates and also talking about their lives.

Yet Hyunjin… 

He was and also wasn’t a mystery to Felix. 

If Felix made an effort, he could recall Hyunjin saying he painted sometimes and that he loved using watercolours. He went to sleep really late during the weekends, if the time he sent messages to the group chat was something to go by. The friend of his best friend that was living in London was named Park Seonghwa and they lived together for a couple of years. 

What else? 

Felix frowned, still looking at the other man even if Hyunjin wasn’t looking at him.

From what he had seen all the times they had met up with their classmates, Hyunjin wasn’t the type to smoke nor get wasted. He enjoyed being the centre of attention a little too much and he was too smart for his own good, knowing how to play with everyone so nobody could deny his wishes. 

“Stop staring,” Hyunjin muttered. 

“I’m not staring.” 

The smile turned Hyunjin’s tone softer. “Lies sound sweet in your lips, darling .” And there it was, their familiar English. 

Felix also knew that —Hyunjin would switch into English at any given occasion, preferably if Felix was around.

“Calling me by my name will never be in your plans, hm?” 

Hyunjin didn’t reply.

Felix rested his head against the glass too, though his gaze still wandered in the space between their bodies. The air wasn’t thick like it had been during Ryujin’s party but Felix couldn’t feel comfortable. Not with Hyunjin so close to him. 

Their dynamic was so unpredictable. 

One day they were swimming in the sea of cordiality and the next one they turned into beasts trying to tear each other apart. It was concerning because their words were caresses and also daggers. Flowers and guns. Warm and cold. 

And for some sickening reason, Felix was getting used to it. 

***

Felix was having the worst week ever —his parents called him on Monday to tell him that, apparently, his grandmother was doing worse and the doctors thought that it would be impossible to maintain long and logical conversations with her anymore. And his sister, who was on a roadtrip with his friends, called him too hours later in the middle of a meltdown, her voice muffled against the pillow but her sobs loud through the speaker. 

Apart from that, he had been having nightmares for days and every morning his head hurt so much that it was hard to keep going with his day without taking painkillers. The washer ruined one of his favourite blouses just because Felix forgot to press the button that set the cold water. He had bumped into Hyunjin a couple of times before going to MOD. And now they were again in the same group, doing another assignment that was threatening to take all his sanity. 

They had attended a two-days long workshop on green fashion politics; starting with ways of saving power in big events but also touching interesting topics such as materials that didn’t damage the environment as much. 

Felix enjoyed it. He really did. 

But now their professor had put them in groups, given them some brief information and then left them by themselves to organise an event that followed some of the advice from the workshop. 

“Scratch that,” Chaeryeong mumbled, pointing at a paragraph where they explained the materials they would use for the designs. Her lips were pulled into a frown and her eyebrows were almost touching in a completely defeated expression. “I’m going to rewrite it while you discuss the timing.”

Felix had to bite his tongue to not snap at her. 

It was… what? The fourth time she decided to rewrite something? Felix understood her frustration because it was difficult to put together their thoughts after two intense days of getting stuffed with new information. He could feel his own brain boiling as he tried to put some sense into their assignment. 

“That’s not enough time,” Hyunjin repeated as he shook his head. 

Felix took a long sip from his bottle and cocked an eyebrow. 

“Still? We’ve just added more minutes, Hyunjin.”

He was in such a bad mood. Doing a group project was like avoiding a thousand bullets aimed at him and pretending to succeed. Felix licked his lips, wishing they weren’t together this time. Not because it was Hyunjin but because his patience was so short when it came to him. 

Felix could take deep breaths for the rest of his classmates yet the moment Hyunjin commented on something that annoyed him, Felix felt the urge to slap him. 

God. 

That morning he promised himself he would take a long bath to celebrate surviving this week. Hours later, in the middle of their brainstorming, it was time to ignore that idea and accept that what Felix needed was a bottle of white wine. 

He could also paint his toenails. Nayeon gifted him a really beautiful turquoise nail polish he hadn’t used yet. 

Was this the sign to do it? 

“I know but considering the idea we are discussing, the possible outfits and the amount of models, I don’t think the hair stylist and the make-up artist have time enough for everything.”

Each group had a different dynamic. 

There was a group with all the fashion designers, so they could talk about the different fabrics and explain to the rest why they thought ones worked best for the event than others. The social media managers were also together, developing a whole campaign to sell the new green politics. 

Then, there was the rest. 

In their case, after defining a draft of their idea, the make-up artist, the hair-stylist and the photographer were taking a break and leaving the stylist and the event planner fighting to see who was right. 

Chaeryeong, who was part of the production team and theoretically would only follow Felix’s instructions in a real event, wasn’t even paying attention to the tension between them. She was too busy finding the most obnoxious words in the dictionary to explain the simplest things. 

Any other day, Felix would have found that adorable. 

Today, that was just irritating. 

“Then maybe when the models are preparing for the second catwalk, they shouldn’t be so ambitious and keep it simple.”

“You literally agreed with them twenty minutes ago when they suggested taking the risk, Felix.”

So now he was Felix.

Hilarious. 

“Exactly. Twenty minutes ago. Do you even see them here to defend their ideas? I doubt they will be too hurt if I decide to change their initial plans.”

The internship was meant to provoke situations like this one, Felix was well aware of that. After all, in no time they had to make drafts that usually took people weeks. If not months. 

It was a constant countdown. A career to see not who arrived first but who didn’t give up.

It was also competitive and kind of cruel somedays. 

“That’s not how this works. And anyway that should be my decision,” Hyunjin hissed. “So do me a favour and listen to someone that’s not yourself for once.”

Any other day, their conversation wouldn’t have escalated so quickly. 

Felix would have reminded himself that he wasn’t supposed to get so mad in public. That even though Hyunjin had seen through him plenty of times, most of his classmates had only met the brightest and less real side of himself. 

That afternoon, his tongue was sharp and he was reaching the point where he didn’t know if he wanted to be right or just wanted to see Hyunjin break before his eyes. If he was losing his goddamn patience, then he would drag the stylist with him. 

Doing things together helped people bond, right? 

It wasn’t a bad idea, after all. 

Twisted, perhaps. Toxic, possibly. 

But he was having such a bad week . 

It was excusable. 

Actually, everything he did was excusable, even if he wasn’t having a bad week. 

“Really? And you are telling me that?” His tone was so low and deep, almost a growl. Thankfully, they were in separate rooms and there was only another group on the other side of the one they were occupying. “Don’t think I didn’t see you convincing poor Yuna to do what you wanted for the hairstyles.”

“That’s literally part of my job? And I didn’t impose my ideas on her, she literally told me she liked my suggestion, or you have selective memory now?” 

Felix rolled his eyes. 

“I wish I had so I could erase you from my brain.”

Their murmurs were turning quieter the more they forgot how they normally behaved when they were in MOD. And somehow, that was worse because it was like seeing his nightmares coming true —the beasts showing themselves just like they were. All their polite bickering and their mean comments shoved aside to make room for the raw honesty and their ruthless and arrogant personalities.

Hyunjin snorted. 

“Is it really so fucking hard to sit down and listen to my whole explanation? I just need fifteen minutes, Felix. Fifteen.”

“You might be surprised but I did hear you the first time you said it.”

“Then what? Are you going to keep being stubborn and ignoring the needs of my team?” 

“Your team,” Felix repeated, amused, still in Korean. Until the English took control and the tone got harsh. “Don’t make me laugh. Your team is so responsible that they have left you here to do all the job. Are you really defending them?”

Hyunjin’s nostrils flared as Felix’s nails tapped over the table. 

Their eyes were unable to leave each other’s and Felix bet that if they touched each other, they would bolt. 

One bottle of wine wasn’t going to be enough to calm him down after this.

“As I said, that's my job! We all agreed and I’m sticking to the plan. Can you, at least, tell me why it is so freaking impossible to add those minutes?”

Felix crossed his arms against his chest, totally defensive, not wanting to have that conversation anymore. Why couldn’t he shut up and do as he pleased? Why was he the only human on Earth that didn’t bend when Felix asked him to? 

Who the hell did he think he was? 

“Honestly, I don’t even know why we are going back and forth with this when it’s obvious neither of us is going to give in. And, hey, that’s amazing, we are defending our ideas, but it pisses me off to see you doubting my ideas when I’m the one organising the event.”

“That’s not-.”

“And you are not even giving solutions. You are just repeating the same thing over and over, making me waste my time.”  

Any other day, Felix would be teasing him and doing his best to lure Hyunjin until they found some kind of middle ground. Felix was sure they would likely find one and move on, not wanting to fight like they were doing that day. 

Their group projects had always been like that —they didn’t really praise the other nor admit out loud when the other had a better idea but they didn’t cause problems either. It wasn’t a real collective effort, though it wasn’t a bad thing either. 

It worked for them and their immense egos. 

The same egos that now were clashing over the tiniest detail of their project. 

“Maybe it would have been best if you stayed as a fashion designer. With your shitty personality, I doubt you’ll get far. And so far, during all these past months, you hadn’t even had any incredible ideas whereas you had fixed issues related to fashion design.” Was that a lie? Was that true? His rage was so irrational that Felix couldn’t even think. “I know your parents will always be there to support you, as you’ve said before, but come on, pursue something truly approachable, hm?” 

Was he overreacting?

Hyunjin’s eyes widened. He clenched his jaw. He inhaled through his nose. 

And his retort was only silence. 

Not a furious one, just… silence. Weird and bitter silence. 

The chair almost fell to the ground as Hyunjin got up and gathered all his belongings, throwing the strip of his backpack over his shoulder and giving him one last look. 

“Sorry to tell you you are the one wasting my time. Enjoy your fucking event.” His gaze softened when it landed on Chaeryeong, who was sending them quick glances. “Call me if you need anything and if not we’ll continue on Monday, yeah? Sorry for the second hand embarrassment.”

Hyunjin turned around without adding any more words and Felix’s eyes dug holes in his back as he disappeared from his sight. 

That was the worst day of his life since he started that stupid internship. 

***

“You dickhead,” Seungmin huffed from the other side of the line. “Knock on his door and apologise like the decent human being you wish you were.”

Felix snorted, sitting on the couch of his flat. 

After Hyunjin left MOD, Felix called the rest of their group and they discussed a few details briefly, leaving some questions open for the next week, when hopefully Hyunjin would be there with them. 

He seemed to have disconnected the data because when his classmates messaged him, those messages never reached his phone. Felix didn’t pay attention to it, convinced that it was Hyunjin making a scene, but now his best friend was treating him as if he was the villain.

Really?

Couldn’t Seungmin pick the good side of the story?

“He was being a pain in the ass, why should I apologise?” 

“Because you also were a pain in the ass? Because you basically told him he wouldn’t work as a stylist, when, excuse me, you are also no one right now? Yongbok, I swear to God.” 

Yongbok . 

Most of the time, Seungmin called him Felix. Lix-ah. Lixie. Lix. He used his Korean name for special occasions; good ones and bad ones. It sent shivers down Felix’s spine when it wasn’t because he was getting sappy. 

It sounded so serious. 

Felix sighed and did his best to not feel hurt by his sincere comments. Though it stung to hear Seungmin saying he was no one . Because it reminded him that, at the moment, he was, indeed, someone —the son of the famous models that now had an agency and lived in Sydney. 

It wasn’t a mean comment but it made his stomach drop. 

It stole his voice for a long second and it gave Seungmin the opportunity to keep talking without interruptions. 

“I get that you like things your way but sometimes listening to other people can give you a different view and you have told me before that Hyunjin usually has good ideas.”

“I haven’t said that.”

Seungmin chuckled. “Fine. You’ve told me that his ideas don't annoy you as much as they should. Better?”

Felix found himself pouting whilst Seungmin’s voice filled the living room since he was on speaker. Had he really been that cruel? His waves of anger were like that —he meant half of the words that left his mouth. It was obvious . And Hyunjin shouldn’t even be surprised to have been the victim of it. He could pull Felix’s strings like no one else. 

“His ego is immense. Why the fuck would he get affected by what I say anyway?” 

“You are so fucking dense,” Seungmin grunted.

Really?

“Imagine he had said the same thing to you, after how much you’ve fought for your future. You have no idea about his background. You don’t know how he feels about any of this. It’s just…” Seungmin sighed. “You’ve crossed a line there. From what I’ve gathered, you have never attacked each other like this and I don’t think it’s time to start either.”

Fair point.

Felix remained silent and Seungmin chuckled again.

“You know I’m right.” He was . “I don’t need you to admit it.”

If Felix had inherited something from his parents, that was the way his words buried holes under the skin, staying there until they rotted. He hated to call it cruelty because that was a strong thing to say but, at the same time, he knew that was exactly what it was. 

Thankfully, Anne wasn’t like that. Too good to even get properly annoyed by anything. 

But Felix? 

All the bad traits his parents had were injected in his DNA. He had tried to escape them and it had been impossible to run away from them. Ironically, it was as if everything was forcing him to never forget his roots. 

You are the son of Lee Miyoung and Lee Jihoon. 

“He’s going to laugh at me if I apologise, Seungmin-ah.”

“That’s his problem, not yours,” Seungmin pointed out. “And also, you would be so classy if you went to his flat just to say ‘sorry’. It would be such a smart move too. Think about it. You both desire to be perfect, to never make mistakes, and after making one you are going there to apologise. That says so much about you. He doesn’t need to know you are not truly sorry.”

That was the problem —Hyunjin would see through his lies.

“He won’t buy it.” 

“Make him.” 

Did Felix feel guilty, though? 

If he thought about Hyunjin sending those daggers at him, Felix sure understood Hyunjin’s behaviour. He would likely be opening his second bottle of wine and asking Seungmin to reassure him that he wasn't mediocre. That he could shine. 

He bit his lower lip. 

What if he actually crossed a line?

What if he felt like apologising was the right thing to do but he didn’t want Hyunjin to remind him he did it?

His pride would shatter if the stylist dared to tease him in the future about it.

Felix swallowed, his throat staying just as dry. “Fine. Brace yourself because if he sends me to Hell, I’ll call you in a few minutes to curse you.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

And the asshole, then, hung up. No goodbye’s, no good luck’s, no I love you’s, no I’ll be there’s. Nothing. He hung up the phone as if Felix was, as he said, no one. However, it was Seungmin and they had been best friends for years, so Felix just giggled and shook his head whilst he considered different options to approach Hyunjin.

Felix gulped down a glass of water and checked his make-up on the bathroom mirror just to make some time. He walked around his flat for almost fifteen minutes and after tiring himself with a thousand possibilities and held his breath as he stopped in front of Hyunjin’s door, his hand knocked and it felt like an out of body experience, seeing himself really there . 

Fuck.

Did he have time to run back to his place?

What was he doing? 

The door swung open before he could make a decision and Felix straightened his back, air leaving his body and doubts filling that space instead. 

“Felix.”

Hyunjin had removed his light make-up and had changed into comfortable clothes, replacing his jeans with some sweatpants but keeping his oversized low cut tee. His red-rimmed eyes weren’t easy to digest, though, because they only confirmed that Seungmin was fine and he had hurt him to the point of making him cry.

Heated comments shouldn’t be taken seriously. Why had nobody told Hyunjin that?

“Hi,” Felix whispered, sliding his hand into his pocket. “Can we… talk?” 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “We are talking already.”

Amazing start. 

“You know what I meant.”

Hyunjin leaned against his door frame and made a gesture with his hand as if inviting Felix to keep talking before he could regret it. 

It was now or never.

“I wasn’t thinking, okay?” Was that a good beginning? “I’ve been having a tough week and I wasn’t in my best mood to do a group project.” It was so hard to apologise to someone. It was like baring a part of himself. Like being exposed and vulnerable. And that was a power Hyunjin didn’t deserve. 

“So what? You decided to take your anger out on me? Do you think I’m your punching bag?”

Felix crossed his arms, gathering his nonexistent patience to not get defensive too. 

One of them needed to try. 

“No,” he murmured. “I mean, you annoy the hell out of me but I didn’t mean to attack you like that. I didn’t…” 

Hyunjin crossed his arms too. “‘You didn’t…’ Hurry up. I don’t have all the time in the world.”

Felix clenched his jaw. 

For real, why so annoying?

His nails sank slightly into the flesh of his arms to keep himself grounded. Felix doubted it really worked but it did something. 

“Oh, shut up. At least I’m trying. I could have stayed in my flat and I’m here. Do you think it’s easy for me to be here talking to you?” 

There he was again. 

Felix closed his eyes and raised an arm to massage his temple. 

“See? So fucking annoying. You ruined my apology.”

“Apology,” Hyunjin mocked him. “You don’t know how to say ‘sorry’, don’t fool me.” 

His words wouldn’t have hurt so much if they hadn’t been true. Felix liked to blame his parents for it but his sister could admit her mistakes as if it was nothing, her pride an invisible creature that once again only made her the purest human being alive. 

No wonder his parents preferred her. 

Felix called her his best half for a reason. 

“Isn’t it enough to tell you I didn’t mean it?”

Hyunjin shook his head as a twisted grin bloomed on his lips.

“Apologise properly and I’ll think about it.”

If Seungmin knew how unbearable Hyunjin was, mayhaps he would have suggested that he stay home and move on from their argument. It was useless to explain how much he regretted part of his accusations if Hyunjin was only going to pay attention if he said ‘sorry’. 

That word was so empty if it didn’t come from the heart. 

The voice of his parents apologising to him replayed inside his head, filling it with images from his past; from all those few times where Felix had heard them admit a mistake and apologise properly but without meaning it. 

He didn’t want to sound like that. 

“I am apologising properly. Can’t you see it?” Felix stepped closer and tilted his chin up to try to match Hyunjin’s height. “But if you want me to kiss the floor you step on to prove how regretful I feel, just tell me.” 

Hyunjin leaned in as he laughed at the last remark. “Do you want me to put on my glasses, prince ? Because I only see you being an idiot, again.” 

The tip of their shoes brushed and one of Felix’s hands stretched out in the space between them to grip Hyunjin’s t-shirt, pulling him closer. 

“Is this when I laugh or…?”

“Thought you were going to apologise but you do you.”

Felix groaned. “I can’t stand you. I was really trying, you know?” 

Hyunjin’s fingers closed around his wrist.

His gaze dropped to Felix’s lip and jumped back to Felix’s eyes. 

“Try harder next time then.”

Felix tilted his head even more and their noses touched. 

“Next time I’ll fucking choke on my apology before knocking on your door.”

Time froze as his voice echoed through the small corridor that separated their flats. Hyunjin’s fingers tightened around his wrist, Felix’s nails almost dug holes into the fabric and they both breathed against each other’s mouths.

The funniest part of it all was that when their lips collided, Felix could only think fucking finally before pushing those thoughts aside and wrapping the fingers of his free hand around Hyunjin’s nape to get choked not on the apology but on his arrogance and the stupid sweet taste of his mouth.

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“You might be someone I could love.
Or you're just somebody I fucked once.”

His teeth sank into Hyunjin’s lower lip, stealing a groan from the other whilst his nails scratched his nape and his body pressed against Hyunjin’s. Possibly, that wasn’t the best way of fixing their mess since it only made it worse, but Felix couldn’t find a rational thought in himself asking him to pull away. 

He needed Hyunjin to burn with him. 

To be as obsessed as Felix felt some nights, when he accidentally remembered something he had told him in the morning. 

Hyunjin’s arm closed around his waist, his fingers pressing Felix’s skin like his own were doing with Hyunjin’s nape. 

“Who would have imagined you could shut the fuck up,” Hyunjin mumbled against his lips as he walked back into his flat to ram Felix against the wall, slamming the door closed after that.

Their mouths crashed again and Felix’s tongue teased Hyunjin’s lips until it could slide inside with force, all gentleness replaced by need and dominance. It was a statement. It was Felix telling him that he didn’t need to say a word to keep winning. To be better than him. 

It was also Felix refusing to follow Hyunjin’s instructions. He was the guide. 

This wasn’t some sort of truce, more like another territory where their push and pull ruled. 

All the tension that had been boiling at the pit of his stomach all these weeks was now flying free around them and Felix just didn’t have enough —shoving his tongue into his mouth wasn’t enough. Leaving the mark of his nails on his nape wasn’t enough. Growling against his lips the more Hyunjin pressed him against the wall wasn’t enough. 

He was greedy by nature so maybe it was simply that nothing was enough. 

Felix switched positions, pinning Hyunjin against the wall and sliding his leg between his, his lips getting attached to his neck right away. He sucked the skin and grazed it with his teeth as his hands trailed down his chest to grab the hem of his t-shirt. 

“Take this off.”

Hyunjin looked at him with lidded eyes. “Do it for me.”

“Don’t you know how to use your hands?” Felix tugged at the fabric and peeled it off Hyunjin’s body. “So useless all the time.” The silver jewellery over Hyunjin’s belly button widened his eyes, and he barely noticed the way he licked his own lips. 

“Are you gonna do something or keep drooling in silence?”

Felix kissed him again to stop listening to his exasperating comments and he gasped at the feeling of Hyunjin’s palms on the back of his thighs, lifting him off the floor to walk through his flat without breaking the contact. Their tongues twirled, their teeth marked and their hands claimed yet their sounds were still cut off, only groans and gasps filling the place. 

He closed his eyes harder to not think about how helpless it made him feel to be manhandled like that, as if he was a ragdoll. It was the fastest way to reach Hyunjin’s bedroom. Because Felix hoped that was Hyunjin’s destination, he wasn’t going to make out with that idiot in the middle of his kitchen nor his living room.

Especially the kitchen. That was fucking gross.

Hyunjin tossed him on his bed, giving Felix no time to look at his surroundings before he was crawling on top of him to unbutton his jeans and push them down his thighs enough to press the heel of his hand against the bulge in his briefs.

“To be so useless, you are so wet just with a few kisses.”

Felix spat his hand away. “Tease me one more time and I’m leaving.”

“Sure, darling ,” he purred in English, leaning down to close his lips around the head of Felix’s cock through the fabric of his underwear. 

A moan got stuck in Felix’s throat as he tilted his head back, his extensions all over the mattress as Hyunjin’s tongue lapped his length without removing his briefs. 

That teasing should be forbidden. 

And he should stop him from turning him into a mess but when Hyunjin replaced his tongue with his hand and he began kissing his thighs, Felix forgot for a second that he wasn’t supposed to let him do whatever he wanted with him. Did it count as losing control if it was just for a few minutes? 

Was it that bad if he wanted to… forget about everything and get lost in the pleasure a little bit?

Hyunjin bit into his thigh hard enough to leave the imprint of his teeth there and Felix whined, his hand flying to his dark hair and pulling at it to force him to look at him. Hyunjin’s pupils were blown out and Felix saw himself in them. 

“Don’t you dare leave marks where people can see them. I don’t have time to cover them in the morning.”

Hyunjin scoffed. “I didn’t see you asking if I minded before you bit my neck, Lix-ah.”

“That’s your problem, love.”

Hyunjin shivered ever so slightly at the sudden English and Felix smirked as his grip loosened and Hyunjin came back to his other thigh, catching the flesh between his lips and sucking on it, so close to his cock that Felix could feel the vibrations through it. 

He was so uncomfortable inside his jeans that were still wrapped around his knees, but at the same time he couldn’t care less about them when Hyunjin bumped his length as he kept kissing his thighs, climbing up and up until he was back to his underwear and the place where Felix needed him. 

However, as annoying as he usually was, Hyunjin didn’t give him what he wanted and kept playing with him. Over and over. His lips began worshipping his abdomen whilst his fingers moved to his balls to caress them through the fabric too. Hyunjin unbuttoned Felix’s blouse with one hand as his lips conquered every new area of skin that got exposed. And for some reason, Felix was hypnotised by the sight. His glistening lips looked so tempting while they kissed him that the moment Hyunjin reached one of his nipples, Felix pinned him over the mattress and straddled him after getting rid of his jeans. 

He rolled his hips against Hyunjin’s crotch and his hands trailed Hyunjin’s arms until he could lace their fingers to put his hands over his head. Hyunjin grinned, letting him do as he pleased, and when Felix’s face was close enough to his own, he tilted his head and captured his lips again. 

Hyunjin freed one of his hands from the hold and he grabbed Felix’s hips to encourage him to grind against him again as they kissed. Felix grasped his dark hair and tilted his head further to deepen the kiss even more, until they were so out of breath they thought they could pass out in the middle of their biggest mistake. 

Because that was what it was, wasn’t it?

A freaking mistake.

Something they would regret after coming down from their high. 

They kept grinding their hips whilst their mouths fought to see who bit harder and whose tongue slipped into which mouth. They were panting, the atmosphere so heated that even the thin layer of his underwear was uncomfortable for Felix. He wanted to feel skin against skin. 

And secretly, he wanted to see Hyunjin devouring him with his eyes, admiring him like the deity he dreamt to be. Felix wasn’t looking for words because his consumed irises told enough. 

“Fuck, Felix,” Hyunjin finally moaned, the sound muffled against Felix’s throat, after a particular movement of their bodies that pressed their cocks together. The indirect praise made Felix rumble above him and Hyunjin smirked, licking his collarbones and throwing him over the mattress again while their hands stayed intertwined.

The fingers of his other hand curled around the waistband of Felix’s underwear and pulled it down his legs. His gaze roamed Felix’s naked figure underneath him, with their hands pinned atop Felix’s head and part of his long, purple strands falling over his shoulder and chest. Hyunjin tilted his head and his fingers brushed the tattoo that was always hidden below his belly button. 

Felix bit his lower lip. 

“‘Piece of art’, sunshine?” Hyunjin read the inked words with a funny undertone sewed to this tone. “You like praises so much you had to get one on your skin?” Felix didn’t reply while Hyunjin’s fingers caressed the tattooed skin again. “But you don’t want people to know it, hm?”

“Has nobody ever told you that analysing other people’s tattoos is invasive and kind of rude?” 

“Snapping at me only confirms my theory.”

Felix’s foot found Hyunjin’s chest and Felix pushed him back as he leaned onto his free arm to switch to a sitting position. He broke the hold between their hands and tugged Hyunjin’s sweatpants down his thighs.

“Do you even want to talk about your flowers?” Hyunjin tensed above him and Felix cocked an eyebrow. “Must have been an important tattoo, judging by how big it is. But hard enough to understand that you don’t mind having it there, for everyone to see.” 

Felix’s tongue tasted bittersweet. Just like he didn’t want anyone trying to find the meaning behind his small tattoo, he avoided commenting on other people’s ones. It wasn’t his place to find the reasons behind the ink. That was a secret between the owner and the tattoo itself. 

“You have no fucking idea.”

“Oh,” Felix pouted. “Look at how the tables turn.”

Hyunjin pursed his lips, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. 

“I swear I can’t wait until I can only hear you beg and whine.”

“That’s not going to happen, baby .” With rushed movements, he pulled Hyunjin’s sweatpants along with his underwear out of his way not without some little struggles due to their position. “And now shut up and do something about it, won’t you? I’m bored.”

His eyelashes fluttered as he flexed and spread his legs, leaning back onto one arm and letting the hand of the other wander down his figure. His fingertips fell from his ribs to his inner thigh and Felix pouted.

“Come on. Show me you can actually do something for once and don’t make me come by myself.”

Hyunjin’s hands grasped Felix’s knees, spreading them even wider. 

“Not gonna lie. I’m not sure you deserve something better than that.”

Felix snorted then. “Do you think I can take you seriously when I can see how hard you are and you haven’t taken your hands off me?” Felix’s hand landed over his length. “But if you want me to put on a show for you, you should have just told me.”

Felix wasn’t shy when it came to getting what he wanted, no matter if he was damn naked in the middle of Hwang Hyunjin’s bed. If Hyunjin thought he could resist him and pretend that Felix didn’t affect him, truth was going to come back to bite his ass. 

He was aware that this was like playing with fire and that, perhaps, he would end up getting burnt too. 

But he couldn’t think of a better way to turn into ashes if Hyunjin perished with him. 

An exaggerated moan vibrated on his throat as Felix wrapped his fingers around his cock. Hyunjin’s fingers trembled around his knees and Felix locked his gaze with Hyunjin’s while he smeared the precum over the head and down the shaft. 

It was stupid how worked up he was and how little it helped him to have Hyunjin with all his attention focused on him; staring at him as if he was, indeed, a piece of art he had never seen before. 

It sent him over his edge to feel his hands on his knees slowly loosening the grip. His self-control slipping more and more. His parted lips and his dishevelled appearance. Did he look as wrecked as him? Was it because their inner monsters were completely unleashed, free to do whatever they wanted? 

Felix's hand kept moving between his legs and soon his performance faded to welcome the raw pleasure that had been intoxicating him since way before they kissed. 

And then, the asshole tried his luck as his fingers caressed the skin above his knee. 

“So beautiful for me.” His hands slid down further, getting close to his hips as he hovered over him. “If you could only see how gorgeous you look right now.”

Felix hated him so much. 

More than ever when his genuine reaction was moaning, needy and more affected than he should by such a simple praise. 

His bigger hand engulfed Felix’s while he leaned part of his weight against Felix’s body and he pressed his lips against Felix’s neck. 

“And you sound so fucking pretty too.”

Felix gulped. “Shut up.”

With Hyunjin’s hand around him, quickening the pace and kissing him just right along the column of his neck, Felix barely managed to hold onto his shoulders with one arm, as if scared that he could melt into the mattress if he let himself go. 

“Make me.”

Felix turned his head at the response and their lips smashed again, sliding together like two pieces of the same puzzle. He was dizzy, his mind spinning with everything that had happened in the last minutes, with the burning pleasure eating him alive, with the rampant attraction that was only pushing them closer and closer and closer. 

It should feel like a loss to mumble against Hyunjin’s mouth a breathy, “I’m going to… I-.” 

And then spill all over his stomach and Hyunjin’s hand, his body trembling while the latter kept jerking him through it, until Felix hissed at the oversensity and a curse left his lips. 

Gathering his thoughts was a task harder than he liked to admit as he processed that Hyunjin was still there; his hands on his body. His cum sticking to them like some perverted proof that the person he so willingly proclaimed to hate had torn him to pieces with his hands. 

God. He really, really, really couldn’t stand him.

Felix pushed him away with one shaky hand and slid towards the edge of the mattress. 

Hyunjin already hated him so he wouldn’t mind if he left him like that, right? 

“Where the hell are you going?” Hyunjin grunted. Felix got on his feet and pretended not to hear his quiet, raspy voice. “The bathroom is the door on your left, not that one.”

The what . 

Felix was crouching down to collect his clothes when he felt a ping in his chest. 

“Oh, fine,” Hyunjin scowled. “No talking or what?” 

“I remember I told you to shut up.” 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes as he sat close to where Felix was. And it only got worse the moment Felix tilted his head to look at him, and he thought about the expression he would make as he got completely lost, as he burnt like he had just done. 

It got worse because Hyunjin grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer and he didn’t resist him. 

“And I told you to make me.”

Why was he straddling him again and wrapping his fingers around his chin? 

“I should have stuffed that mouth of yours with my cock.”

Hyunjin thumbed Felix’s lips. “Too late for that, angel .”

Felix hummed as he leaned in, ghosting over his lips. “Hope you do know how to put on a show for yourself, though.” He winked at him as he pulled back and Hyunjin’s eyes widened as he understood the hidden meaning behind Felix’s words. 

“Piece of shit.”

Maybe he was. 

But Hyunjin laughed and he took the chance to jump off his lap, put on his briefs and his shoes and slid his arms into his open blouse, pressing his jeans against his chest. He had dry cum against his tummy and his whole body was sweaty and spent. 

He needed to run before Hyunjin convinced him to join him in bed again. 

Felix could survive without seeing his face twisting and hearing his moans. 

It was selfish to leave him like that. 

Yet it wasn’t as if Felix had bragged about being the epitome of goodness in the past. 

The door of Hyunjin’s flat closed behind him and Felix ran as his life depended on it until he was safe in his own house, away from someone that he knew would now plague his mind even more than before. 

Fuck. 

Felix only wanted to apologise, not to make everything worse.

Messages:

bitchmin [18:22]:

how did it go

lix [20:04]: 

i’m not sure if i fixed it or not

but i tried

sorry i was watching a reality

bitchmin [20:06]:

proud dad

lix [20:07]: 

<3

i think i’m changing my hair tomorrow

***

Felix took a deep breath whilst his fingers caressed his long extensions. Was he overreacting? Was he taking everything too far? He bit his lower lip as he stared at his bare body, only his silky underwear covering his skin and yet not leaving space for imagination. 

At the beginning, the long hair reminded him who he was. His first act of real rebellion. For once, it filled him with joy to know that his parents would have preferred that he stayed blonde and his extensions were kissed by the sun too, instead of being painted in that purple that ran from the roots to the tips. 

But, somehow, he felt as if those extensions hid another meaning after what happened; after all these months and particularly the night before. 

His fingers brushed the hickey that sat on the inner part of his thigh and Felix shivered at the memory of Hyunjin moaning his name. His slender figure all for him to devour, even though Felix escaped the trap before it was too late. 

He had even dreamt about it —about what could have happened.

And it was concerning how if he closed his eyes tightly, he could go back to that fantasy where he stayed in his bedroom just to see him fall apart under his tongue and hands.

God.

That mistake couldn’t be repeated. 

It was going to live in his mind. In his dreams. 

After all, Felix didn’t start that internship to get a fuck buddy but a job. 

His extensions trembled as his nails scratched the hickey he had on his other thigh. 

“Love?” His father’s mocking voice shattered something inside his chest yet Felix kept smiling while they drank tea. “That’s the most overrated thing in the entire world.”

How old was he then? Fifteen, perhaps?

“I… didn’t say I love him. I was just telling you that a classmate asked me out on a date.”

His father sighed with his lips pressed against the rim of his mug. 

“That’s how it starts. You meet someone, you think you are feeling something and the next thing you know is that you’ve left all your goals behind to pursue a shared happiness. A future together.”

Felix gulped as his eyes stared at the lemon tea he was drinking. Suddenly, it didn’t taste as sweet anymore. 

“But what about… mum and you?” 

Jihoon leaned back on the chair, running a hand through his black mullet like every time he needed a couple of seconds to put his thoughts into words. 

“Well. It wasn’t because of love, not mostly, that’s for sure.” Felix bit the inner part of his cheek. Then what? Why spending the rest of your life with someone if the reason wasn’t love? “We had the same ambitions and our goal was exactly the same. Also, the press loved and still love to see us together so that played in our favour too.”

It was true that his parents weren’t affectionate, that they spent more hours working together rather than living together, yet… Felix truly thought…

“Hey.” His father placed his hand atop Felix’s smaller one. “Don’t be sad. We love each other. I’ll be with her till death do us part. But that’s just because our priorities are the same and neither of us is here just because of the love.”

Jihoon poured more tea into his mug. 

“Love doesn’t feed you anyway. Only success and money do.” He squeezed Felix’s hand but his heart remained cold. Absent. “In fact, love ends up giving power to the wrong people. And, my prince, you are the only one who should have enough power to hurt anyone around you. Make them cry for you.”

His father forgot to tell him that if power was addictive, so it was seeking people's adoration and blind admiration. He forgot to explain to him that if he drank too much from that poison, he would wither the day people stopped paying attention to him. 

With a small frown on his lips, Felix wondered if his father was aware that he was throwing him into quicksands that never let him breathe because Felix needed attention, not love, but if people adored him too much, then Felix wanted them to love him too. And if for some reason they stuck around enough, he began loving them too and panic paralysed his body, and he ran before nobody could catch him.

It was so exhausting. 

There wasn’t any middle ground. 

It was a spiral without end. 

And the most dangerous side of it was that little voice that always used the sweetest tone to whisper into his ear — they will leave. 

Why did he have to sleep with Hyunjin? 

Messages:

lix [10:31]: 

i behaved!!!

lix sent a picture

bitchmin [10:34]:

i don’t trust you

send me a pic before going to bed tonight

i’m the captain of the squad keep the purple braids

What Felix didn’t know was how long he would be able to keep them if he kept thinking about Hyunjin when he looked at them. Hopefully, the intensity of his thoughts would decrease until his extensions meant again that he was free. 

Living on his own for the first time and building a name for himself. 

***

It was just sex. 

Their anger and all their unresolved tension found a way to burst out of their bodies and neither of them had the guts to cut the situation before it got out of hand. It was fine. Mistakes happened even in the best families.

Felix couldn’t really think properly most of the time when he was close to Hyunjin so he would blame that on the other boy too. 

Secretly, Felix didn’t take him for an empty brain man so he guessed that Hyunjin would also pretend that they had never made out and that was all. No reasons to overthink it. Anyone would sell their soul to see him naked. Hyunjin had just been extremely lucky. And he had taken a good orgasm home. 

So… more or less, it could also be considered a win-win situation. 

More or less. 

He tied the upper part of his hair in a messy bun and wrapped himself in some of his favourite clothes —a yellow cardigan and a pair of high-waisted black jeans. Puckered his lips as he applied his tinted lip balm and curled his eyelashes before applying his mascara. Slid his feet into his creepers and flew down the stairs to try to avoid bumping into Hyunjin. 

“You are early!” Jinsoul greeted him when he arrived at the cafeteria and took a seat next to Huening Kai. 

“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep.” 

How was he going to explain that he left extra early to make sure he would only see Hyunjin the moment he was in the classroom? 

“Hey, hm…” Huening Kai murmured after taking a sip from his coffee. “We heard about what happened last Friday and…”

Felix’s heart skipped a beat, soon remembering that they meant the fight, not the way they fucked everything up in Hyunjin’s place hours later. Nobody knew about that. Not even Seungmin.

The less Felix thought and talked about it, the better.

“It was nothing,” Felix assured with a smile. “I was having a bad day, he didn’t agree with me on something and I snapped without reason. I already talked to him about it.”

His classmates hummed while Jinsoul’s eyes widened ever so slightly as she stared at the entrance. The blonde haired girl turned towards Felix and poorly hid her smile against the material of her cup. 

Felix shouldn’t have turned around after that. 

Not after hearing, “Morning, Jinnie,” coming from Yeji’s mouth. 

But if curiosity killed the cat, Felix hoped he still had enough lives left to survive. 

Hyunjin was wearing a turtleneck that only heated up Felix’s cheeks, a clear reminder of what he did constantly there, and he was giving Felix his back as he sat next to the photographer and ordered his usual iced Americano. 

“So…?” Jinsoul snapped him out of his trance. “Everything’s fine then?” 

Felix recalled Hyunjin’s lips pressed against his neck and his hands holding his body and he had to swallow to be able to form words. It was still surreal to think they let the situation get so far. 

“Yeah. I mean, you know how we are. We are as fine as we can be.”

Hyuka wiggled his eyebrows. “Try not to snap today when we have our second meeting for the project.”

Felix pursed his lips and lifted his chin up. “Who do you think I am?” 

“When it comes to him? You are dangerous.” 

“I don’t know what you mean. I’m an angel.”

Huening Kai made a choked sound that turned into a funny giggle. “Yeah, with us.”

It wasn’t a secret that Hyunjin and him were always competing to see who was better than the other. What people had no idea about was how cruel they were when they spoke in whispers nor how much they pushed the other, seeking for some kind of response. 

They moved to their classroom some minutes later, all the groups merging and everyone occupying their seats. Felix was pulling out of his backpack his laptop when he heard the chair on the other side of the table sliding across the floor yet his gaze stayed glued to the screen of his laptop.

Usually, they muttered a quick “good morning.” Or any teasing sentence they came up with so early in the morning. That day, though, there was only silence and two pairs of eyes that avoided each other at all costs. 

It wasn’t tense. Which only made it worse. 

The minutes began running incredibly slow after that and before their first break, Felix shivered when Hyunjin made a sound with his throat next to him to catch his attention. God, he missed their normal bickering. One thing was ignoring what they did last Friday and another was blatantly ignoring each other all day. 

He needed attention.

“Chaeryeong told me earlier that we are meeting at her place since her flatmate is not home this week. It’s close to MOD.”

Felix nodded. “She could have sent a message.”

Hyunjin licked his lips and Felix’s gaze stared at them for a second. Why did they have to be so… beautiful? So perfectly shaped, so tempting and so… soft . 

“Apparently they talked about it last Friday after we left but forgot to put it on our group chat.” 

“Oh. Yeah.” So their classmates were being responsible while they were fooling around, basically. Awesome. “I would have probably forgotten about it after everything that happened and considering how we left and…”

“Yeah.”

Everyone around them started leaving the classroom since the break had already started and Felix closed his laptop and dropped his phone inside his tote bag. 

“Okay. Thank you. See you there.” 

And again, he didn’t wait to listen to what Hyunjin had to say and just ran away as if he was scared of what he could do if he stayed around him more minutes than necessary. But that wasn’t the case this time, of course, he just wanted to keep listening to Huening Kai’s story about his eldest sister’s wedding. 

He wanted fresh air too. 

It wasn’t because of Hyunjin at all. 

***

Two weeks had passed since the tragic Friday. 

Their banter hadn’t fully come back yet their conversations weren’t as awkward as they used to be the first week. Felix called it progress and privately wished they could leave behind that evening as soon as possible. 

And that included his subconscious, that every couple of days filled his dreams with Hyunjin’s broken voice moaning his name whilst Felix ground his hips against his crotch. 

The side effects of barely getting laid were so weird sometimes. Weird and annoying.

“The diva arriving late again,” Ryujin laughed when Felix stepped into her kitchen to get a glass of wine.

“Is it really possible to arrive late to a party?” 

“True.” Her eyes dropped to the bottle of wine Felix was holding and Ryujin shook his head, still laughing. “There’s no way I can convince you to get wasted with me, hm?” 

Felix giggled. “That rarely happens, Ryu-yah.” 

“I’ll have to drink for you and me, then.” The fashion designer stretched her arm and took Felix’s hand between her long fingers. “At least, am I lucky enough to have this dance?” She winked at him exaggeratedly, as if flirting with him, and Felix pressed the hand with the glass against his chest. 

“That would be such an honour.”

“Jinsoul will kill me when she sees I’m dancing with you before her.”

“She will probably be too busy dancing all the songs with Hyuka.”

Felix turned towards the improvised dance floor in the middle of the living room, Ryujin walking right behind him and their laced fingers flying above their heads. The disco lights reflected on his black sheer blouse, making the floral pattern even more noticeable. His leather trousers hugged his legs in the right places and his creepers kind of contrasted with that look that seemed to ask for some stomping boots. 

Disturbia was playing in the background when Felix faced Ryujin to dance with her. A pair of arms slid around his waist and he tilted his head to find Yeji’s red hair. She cornered him between her body and Ryujin and Felix asked loud enough to be heard if they were trying to seduce him while they swayed their hips and shoulders following the rhythm. 

He sipped from his glass and his eyes widened when he saw Huening Kai dancing right next to him, the glitter around his eyes shining as much as the smile hanging from his lips. A smile aimed at… 

Felix’s mouth opened in sheer surprise and Yeji laughed in his ear. 

“You didn’t know?” 

Rihanna faded into Arctic Monkeys and with an expression more collected than before but just as shocked, Felix saw Sunwoo slide his arm around Hyuka’s waist to pull him closer so he could sing the lyrics against his cheek. 

“Since when?” 

“They did weird things in the last party too,” Ryujin hummed, hugging Yeji and Felix with her arms and resting her head against Felix’s shoulder. Yeji propped her chin on his other shoulder and Felix suppressed the smile that threatened to curl his lips at the sudden display of affection.

It felt so good. 

So right . 

“But where’s Jinsoul then?” 

His eyes travelled around the living room until Felix spotted Jinsoul’s blonde hair dancing in the air as she twirled around before making her dance partner twirl under their intertwined hands. And although said partner had the hair as black as Hyuka, it didn’t end in a long mullet. And he didn’t have an adorable elf nose but a mole under his eye. 

Their gazes locked while they kept dancing with Jinsoul, Yeji and Ryujin. 

Felix wondered how long they stared at each other as if they could communicate like that until their attention went back to their dance partners, Felix’s cheeks getting slightly redder after breaking eye contact. 

Why had that been the first time he had felt naked again under his gaze after two weeks? 

The couple laughed when Felix grumbled, “Nevermind.” 

Just like the last time, they gravitated around each other —Felix began dancing with Jinsoul when Hyunjin disappeared to refill his glass of wine. Sunwoo kidnapped him the moment he came back from the kitchen. Huening Kai joined Jinsoul and him right before Ryujin dragged Hyunjin to the balcony while she smoked. 

“Bitch,” Jinsoul slammed the bathroom door closed. “You and Sunwoo?” 

Felix chuckled, facing the mirror to fix his make-up, that was still sitting decently on his face, except for his lipstick that was completely gone. Both Huening Kai and Jinsoul sounded surprisingly sober to be more than tipsy, holding their liquor like experts.

“Yeah?” Huening Kai was stunning against the bathroom door, with his hair slicked back and his glitter still stuck to his lidded eyes. “I don’t know. We slept together during the last party and talked about it the day after and it was nice? I thought,” Hyuka hiccuped, covering his mouth with his hand. “I thought it was a one night thing but now I’m not so sure?” 

“Get that dick,” Jinsoul encouraged him before puckering her lips so Felix could retouch her lipstick too. “God. You and Sunwoo. I’m still… wow. Imagine all the spicy things we are missing. I mean. You are like my closest friends in the internship and I had no idea .” 

Felix placed his fingers under Jinsoul’s chin to prevent her from moving while he traced the form of her lips with the red lipstick and applied gloss on top. 

“So nosy,” Felix said. And it wasn’t a bad-mouthed comment, the affection warming his tone. 

If only Jinsoul knew that she was missing out on what happened between Felix and Hyunjin. 

She would probably strangulate him with his long extensions. 

Telling her wasn’t an option, though. Not even Seungmin suspected what they did that evening. Felix preferred it like that. What would he say anyway? Everything got out of hand and for sure, judging by their behaviour these past weeks, neither of them was precisely proud of it. 

On the spur of the moment, they turned their verbal fight into a sexual one, until both of them were a mess and their limbs were tangled over Hyunjin’s sheets. End of the discussion.

The least Felix wanted was to give that moment more attention. 

“My life gets boring sometimes,” Jinsoul pouted. “I need to live through other people’s experiences.” 

“Shush,” Huening Kai suddenly cut them off. “God, I love that song.” 

Felix squinted his eyes. The song was like a vague sound at the back of his head. Something he couldn’t recognise, although Jinsoul jumped before him when she also heard it. 

“Me too!”

They opened the bathroom door and Huening Kai looked at Felix when he stayed right where he was. 

“You are not coming?” 

“When I finish here I’ll join you.”

“We’ll be waiting!” Jinsoul promised.

Felix looked at his reflection again and turned the tap on to try to comb his hair with his wet fingers until he could pull the upper part of it into a bun. He sighed, struggling to style it like he imagined it in his mind. He should have tied it up at home. 

Fed up after some agonising minutes, Felix decided to braid the part of his hair he was trying to tie up. He wouldn’t leave that bathroom until his hair looked flawless again, so it better behaved before his mood got sour.

He was almost done with it when someone pushed the door that had been left ajar.

Hyunjin wasn’t paying attention until he almost ran over Felix. 

Felix took a step back and Hyunjin gasped. 

“God, I thought it was empty.”

“You could have knocked first.”

Contrary to Jinsoul and Huening Kai, Hyunjin didn’t slur lightly nor had glimmering eyes. Felix didn’t even recall him drinking anything that wasn’t rosé wine, just like him with his white wine. Which meant that there was no excuse to explain the way Hyunjin checked him out before cocking an eyebrow. 

The tension was simmering between their bodies.

“Do you mind if I use the mirror? I just wanted to check if my eyeshadow was smudged.”

“Would you take ‘no’ as an answer?” 

Hyunjin looked at him through their reflection. “In this context and when it’s obvious you are fixing your hair? I doubt it.” He grinned. “It’s a yes, then?” 

Felix rolled his eyes, as always when he was near. “Sure.”

Maybe, the best idea would have been to go back to the dance floor with Jinsoul and Huening Kai. He could sacrifice his hair if that meant running away from Hyunjin; from time alone with Hyunjin, something that hadn’t occurred since… that day . 

Felix went back to his braid and ignored Hyunjin as much as he could, tilting his head to the side to make sure that the braid looked good. It wasn’t his best hairstyle but it wasn’t his worst one either. He could go on with his life like that. 

He checked his make-up again and accidentally his gaze landed on Hyunjin’s reflection, finding him already looking at him. 

Hyunjin was dressed in white from head to toes, his white trousers practically becoming one with that long-sleeved top that was cut over his sternum and then had two white strips that covered part of his abdomen. Felix wished his belly button piercing was visible. 

His eyeshadow was dark like the night in contrast and Felix, for a really brief moment, wished he was the reason said eyeshadow was smudged. 

Fuck. 

“What?” Hyunjin murmured.

“You are making it worse.”

“I am not.” Hyunjin pressed the tip of his finger under his eye and Felix cackled when he accidentally messed up part of his eyeliner in the process. 

“Are you sure?”

“It’s your fault. You jinxed it.” 

Felix grinned as he fluttered his eyelashes. “Want me to help you?” 

It was an automatic response. It was his obsession to make everything perfect. It was Hyunjin messing with his thoughts one more time. It didn’t mean anything, Felix repeated to himself while Hyunjin quietly turned in his direction and crossed his arms against his chest. 

It felt like a challenge. 

And his brain screamed run as he stepped in and raised a hand. 

“Are you so wasted you believe I’m not going to poke your eye or ruin your make-up more?” 

“I like to think miracles do happen sometimes.” The smug grin was like a punch on Felix’s stomach. “Pretty blouse, by the way.”

Why were they so casual? 

Was it so hard to compliment someone genuinely? 

“Thank you. Hope it hasn’t distracted you too much.” 

Felix raised his arms, holding Hyunjin’s face with one hand and carefully pressing the pads of his free fingers under the eyeliner of his right eye. It wouldn’t look as sharp as before but he could make it look like some sort of smokey eye make-up. 

“It has been terrible,” Hyunjin dramatised whilst Felix kept grabbing his face and fixing his make-up as if that was normal between them. “Couldn’t take my eyes off you. I’ll have nightmares.”

“Idiot.”

Hyunjin’s grin grew wider. “You aren’t any better.”

“Fuck off.”

“You will not compliment my outfit this time?” 

Felix raised his eyebrows, amused, his lips only curling on one side as he focused on Hyunjin’s left eye. He could write a whole essay on his clothes, starting from his white boots and without forgetting that mole he was brushing with his finger as they spoke. 

“Sorry, I’m still thinking about your long skirt. You need to upgrade the level next time if you want some nice words.” Felix scrunched up his nose. “You didn’t set your make-up?”

“I ran out of it yesterday and the new one hasn’t arrived yet.”

“H-hm.” Felix gulped as his gaze trailed his face and the beginning of his neck. The shadow of the hickey he left there was starting to get visible under the layers of make-up. “So brave of you to wear heavy dark make-up without it.”

Hyunjin’s hand covered the hickey. “Stop looking at it as if it wasn’t yours.”

So now they were addressing it. 

After two weeks. 

“My thighs look worse.”

Hyunjin’s fingers hooked the waistband of Felix’s trousers. His own hand gripped Hyunjin’s face tighter and he took a small step forwards. Looking at his thighs was the biggest reminder of how easily Hyunjin tore him to pieces with a few kisses and his hands. 

Felix hated to admit to himself he had a good time with him. 

A really, really good time. 

He wouldn’t be dreaming about it if it hadn’t been that good, right?

“My bad,” Hyunjin purred. 

“Stay still, asshole.”

Hyunjin’s hands trailed the waistband, circling his waist and resting atop the curve of his ass. Felix had never felt more thankful for wearing heavy foundation for once, even though most of his freckles were nowhere to be seen because of it. 

He bet his cheeks would be bright red because of the burning blush he could feel creeping across his face. 

“I’m still.”

“Your hands included.”

Casually, Felix’s grip morphed into a caress along his jawline and just as casually Felix leaned onto the tip of his creepers whilst his fingers buried in the black strands. He compared both eyes and his free hand returned to his left eye to brush the eyeliner softly until it looked like it did on the other eye. 

“Are you trying to get all over me?” 

“I’m just trying to help but you are a fucking pain.” 

“I don’t know if you are much different considering how you left me.”

Felix bit his lip and his fingers dug harder into Hyunjin’s nape. 

“I let you into my house…” Felix pushed him slightly. “Treated you gently.” Another push. “Made you come.” Hyunjin’s back hit the door and Felix clenched his jaw. “But I am the pain?” 

“I treated you gently too.” Felix hissed, the hand that was retouching his make-up resting flat on Hyunjin’s chest. “And big boys know how to finish things by themselves too.” He should have stepped back, left the bathroom and let the conversation die before they said anything else, but his feet were glued to the floor. “Don’t tell me you didn’t like it.” English slipped through his lips in a whisper almost against Hyunjin’s mouth.

Say yes. 

Felix tapped his fingers over Hyunjin’s chest while he waited. 

Was he too selfish? Was Hyunjin mad at him? 

“I haven’t said a thing.” Hyunjin murmured with his lips practically pressed against Felix’s jaw. “Though I bet you liked it more.”

“H-hm. It wasn’t bad.”

Hyunjin pulled him impossibly closer and lifted his leg enough to slide it between Felix’s and after that pressed his knee against Felix’s hardening cock. Felix’s breathing hitched, not only because of the sudden contact but also because he hadn’t even noticed how hard he already was. 

“Yeah? Want to give a detailed review so I can improve the service?” 

Holding onto the last straw of pride to not grind his hips against his leg was taking away the remains of his sanity. His fingers closed around the fabric of his top and Felix bit his lower lip. 

“Perhaps more compliments and also better sheets for next time. Those ones were boring.”

Hyunjin took advantage of his position against the wall to move his knee against Felix’s length, his hands still resting on the latter’s hips while Felix felt his throat getting dry. 

“For next time?” Hyunjin smirked whilst his nose traced Felix’s cheek. “You miss me that much, babe?”

Felix panted quietly, his hand falling down Hyunjin’s body until he could cup the bulge in Hyunjin’s trousers. At least, they both were equally affected by each other so Felix didn’t feel ashamed for rolling his lips ever so slightly just to get some relief. 

“Do you?”  

Felix pulled back to look at him and Hyunjin pressed his knee harder. 

“Fuck, Hyunjin. Stop.” His legs were caging Hyunjin’s between them so Felix was wide aware of how silly he sounded and probably looked —trapped in Hyunjin's spell again. Unable to push him aside to leave that bathroom. Thinking about his hands on his body, his lips hovering his own, his voice dropping lower and lower the more the control slipped through their fingers. “I’m not going to moan in a bathroom.”

“You prefer Ryujin’s bed instead?” His thumb trailed Hyunjin’s hardness and the ending of the sentence almost got caught in Hyunjin’s throat. “Want me to kneel before you too, Your Highness?”

Their noses touched again, like that day. 

“Only if you unzip my trousers after that .” 

If Felix never forgot his goal, was it a real mistake to fall into Hyunjin’s bed again? Even if he hated to admit it, his skin had been craving that touch again for the past two weeks and Felix was so stubborn when something got in his head. 

This wasn’t about feelings.

It would be just sex.

Hyunjin smirked as he leaned his head back against the door. 

“Noted .” 

Felix took the chance and leaned in to kiss Hyunjin’s exposed throat once. “That’s all you are going to say?” He kissed the skin again, closer to the shoulder. “‘Noted?’”

Hyunjin pushed Felix softly to free his leg and Felix repressed a whine at the sudden loss of the pressure against his cock. God. That wasn’t the best night to be wearing the tightest trousers in existence. 

“That, and that I hope that you, as the big boy you are, know how to finish things by yourself.”

Felix licked his lips whilst one of Hyunjin’s hand moved towards the doorknob. 

“Good night, Felix ,” he murmured before placing a kiss right on the corner of his lips. 

A second later, he was gone. 

And Felix wondered how he was going to go back to the party after what Hyunjin just did to him. 

***

The whispers became louder and louder as his classmates read the feedback they got via email about that project they spent ten days planning. The same project that led Hyunjin and him to have an argument and fix it between the sheets. 

They had a conference after lunch so most of them were eating in their classroom and waiting there before they had to move to the big room where all the conferences were held in MOD.

Felix re-read his email and looked at the empty space beside him. 

Again, Hyunjin’s mother had called him in the middle of a lecture and Hyunjin had rushed out of the classroom after their professor bid their goodbye. It wasn’t the first nor the second nor the third time that Felix had seen him talking to his mother and the more she called him, the more Felix wondered why she couldn’t wait until Hyunjin was home. 

 Chaeryeong approached him and she smiled brightly. 

“Did you read it?” 

The internship they were doing was based on a system of feedback . All of them had grades, yeah, but most of the time and especially during those first months where they were bombarded with theory to be able to do a good job when the practical part started, the professors were focused on teaching them what was correct and what was wrong. 

In this case, they got a group feedback and an individual one via email. 

The part Felix hated the most was the ranking after that, showing what group did the best job and what group did the worst one. It was anxiety inducing, even though he trusted him and his group more than enough to not be really worried about it.

In fact, they were number one for that assignment. 

“Yes. Our group feedback has been incredible,” Felix commented with a wide smile. “Was all your suffering worth it for the individual feedback?” 

Chaeryeong blushed. “It was. Professor Jung said that all my effort has paid off and that she hoped I hadn’t ended up hating all this green politics because I could be really good at it.”

“That’s amazing, Chaeryeong-ah. Have you told your parents?”

The rest of their group, beside Hyunjin, was in the cafeteria so Felix guessed they would talk to them later. Possibly after the conference. 

“No. They are working but I’m going to call my brother.” She was still blushing and smiling nervously, as if she couldn’t believe the result of all their research and hard work. “I’ve loved working with you, Felix.”

Felix’s smile got warmer at the compliment. 

That was what he wanted to hear every time he did a group project —that people adored him as much as they adored working with him.

Felix’s gaze dropped to his phone again to read the feedback and a figure plopped down on the seat next to him, not in the one on the other side of the table. 

“What did I miss? Chaeryeongie hugged me when I was about to enter the classroom again.”

“Check your email.”

From his peripheral view, Felix could spot Hyunjin fumbling with his phone, his fingers incessantly pressing the screen until he found the message their professor sent them. His brows furrowed and Felix tilted his head completely in his direction when the shadow of a smile made its appearance.

His tongue was willing to ask one question.

Yet Felix waited a bit longer.

“I knew it,” Hyunjin said, the smile forming entirely, painted with his usual cockiness. He chuckled. “What does your individual feedback say?”

Hyunjin cocked his head towards him. Their smug expressions matched and Felix wondered how full of themselves they look as he leaned closer to murmur:

“Professor Jung praised all my decisions, even the risky ones, and told me that although she has heard we had a few disagreements, she’s positive that we could become a dangerous duo and that she’s willing to see us together when the practical assignments begin.” Their legs brushed under the table. “Did she say the same to you?” 

Months ago, Felix would have felt offended after reading a message like that one. The insinuation that someone was on his level would have wounded his ego so deeply that he would have struggled to keep his mask on around their professor. 

He couldn’t say it made him happy to know that someone was as ambitious and good as he was but it seemed right that said person was Hyunjin. 

It was fate. 

“H-hm,” Hyunjin nodded. “She put special emphasis on the last part about her looking forward to us organising real events together.”

“She adores us.”

Hyunjin shrugged. “Can you blame her?” 

Felix leaned against his chair, tilting his head back slightly with the arrogant smirk still on his lips. 

“I understand her. I would adore myself too.”

Still, Felix wasn’t prepared to share his throne. And he doubted he would ever be. But if Hyunjin had a throne of his own, far away from him and where he didn’t bother him, Felix couldn’t say he wasn’t fine with it. 

The memory of Hyunjin wearing the crown in the first party flashed before his eyes. 

He was so pissed that night. Pissed at Hyunjin ignoring him, pissed at Hyunjin wearing a crown and not him, pissed at Hyunjin because he thought about kissing him for a split second, pissed at Hyunjin for existing. 

Hyunjin rested his elbow on the table and then moulded his cheek against his palm, his eyes locked on Felix’s face. The latter stared at his deep, brown eyes. At the mole he knew by heart. At his full and soft lips. And pictured the crown again, atop his black hair. 

“I suppose she adores you too because all of us have our flaws.”

“I can’t stand you.”

Felix blew him a kiss and Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

The crown would really look as if it belonged to him.

And Hyunjin would be stunning with it.

***

Felix parked his white car with smooth and calculated movements, still buzzing from excitement. Proud of himself but also satisfied because his hard work and his value had been recognised. It was useless to be the best at something if nobody acknowledged it. 

It was as if he was floating in a bubble. 

Messages:

lix [13:11]: 

we got the highest score <3

and the feedback was amazing

bitchmin [14:44]:

YESSSSSSS

the infamous assignment that almost made you commit murder

congrats lixie

lix [14:50]: 

hahaha

i’m so happy min

bitchmin [15:03]:

you deserve this and more

lix [19:21]: 

ily

This time, Felix had messaged Seungmin, Nayeon and his sister. And Hyunjin, Ryujin, Yeji and him had been goofing like idiots on their group chat because Ryujin’s group project was the second one —deserved too considering she had been working with Jinsoul and Huening Kai because the logistics of their event needed two event planners instead of one. Of course, Jinsoul and Hyuka were also bragging with him during the conference. 

Had Felix surrounded himself with the smartest people in his internship? Probably.

He had a sixth sense for that. 

People that couldn’t connect two brain cells the majority of the time were people meant to make someone like Felix waste his time and life was too short to spend seconds on people like that. 

Perhaps, because of that he had missed the opportunity of meeting the sweetest and good-hearted individuals yet it wasn’t as if Felix cared. 

Felix gripped the strip of his bag and walked towards the lift of his building. He was so euphoric that even thinking about waiting a couple of seconds to arrive to his flat seemed like too much. However, he wouldn’t be waiting alone. 

“You drove fast,” Felix noticed, standing next to Hyunjin. 

“Or you too slow.”

Idiot.

The energy around them was different. The contagious happiness they both radiated was, somehow, feeding each other to the point that Felix wasn’t sure they would fit inside the lift. The mix of their pleased egos and the praises that were still dancing inside their skulls made Felix feel drunk . 

Not in a typical way —he wasn’t dizzy nor slurred if he tried to speak. It was a sensation at the tip of his fingers, like little vibrations running through his veins; the confirmation that he was at the top of the world. 

Felix didn’t need to ask Hyunjin to see in him all the signs that proved he felt exactly the same. 

And maybe, from an external point of view, they were annoying. Two spoiled kids willing to show off how fucking good they were at what they did. 

The best . 

Felix leaned against the wall of the lift whilst they reached the fifteenth floor. He cocked his head slightly and found Hyunjin looking at him through his eyelashes. 

“Are you going to celebrate it?” The stylist asked. 

“I think I'll order dinner from one of my favourite restaurants and open a bottle of wine.” He gestured towards Hyunjin. “What about you?” 

“I'll take a long bath and videocall my best friend if he's not busy. He always hates when I get good news because he says I turn into the biggest narcissist asshole he’s met, so I want to annoy him a bit.”

“Sounds like a good plan. My best friend just lets me be.”

“He lets you be another narcissist asshole?” 

“I like to call it ‘brutally honest’.” Felix’s eyes switched to the number panel, reading a nine on it. “It’s not my fault I’m better than the rest.”

Their bodies have turned entirely towards each other, like magnets slowly attracting the other. Like a fate that was written way before they left MOD that morning or even read their email. Probably since the last party at Ryujin’s place. 

“That’s what I say,” Hyunjin whispered, his voice so low it sent shivers down Felix’s spine. 

Their gazes fell to their lips; to their similar cocky grins. 

“Maybe we really are the biggest narcissist assholes,” Felix exhaled. 

They took a step. 

“And what about it?”

Another.

Felix’s hands fisted Hyunjin’s black blouse and one of Hyunjin’s hands curled around his waist. Did the lift always take so long to reach their floor or was Hyunjin playing with time as they spoke?

“What did you say you were going to do to celebrate?” Felix asked as they leaned in. 

Hyunjin laughed. “I’ll show you later.” 

Like part of a choreography that was engraved in their brains, they tilted their heads at the same time and their lips touched whilst Felix’s hands climbed up his chest to hook around his neck. 

Felix gasped at the feeling of Hyunjin’s teeth digging into his lower lip and they both pulled back automatically when the lift doors opened, revealing their floor. Felix giggled at their reaction and after getting out of it, their hands pulled at each other’s bodies again. 

“Want to see my beautiful bedsheets?” Felix teased with his fingers gripping the black fabric again. 

“Sure. Show me your preferences so I can take notes and do better.”

Felix walked backwards in the direction of his main door and introduced the door code practically trying his luck, too busy looking into Hyunjin’s eyes and considering the risks of forgetting the world again with him. 

They were celebrating. 

It was justified. 

They both dropped their backpacks to the floor and kicked their shoes away before their lips collided again. The anger from their first time was just as intense as the bliss that filled them as they felt each other up, their hands hungrily roaming their bodies. Almost making sure that what they remembered was true. 

Felix’s fingers unbuttoned Hyunjin’s blouse, immediately tilting his head down to catch one of his nipples between his lips, pining Hyunjin’s body against the door as he bucked his hips against his own. 

Hyunjin arched his back and Felix twirled his tongue again around it. 

“I’m just starting,” Felix warned with a promising smile. “And you are already whining?” 

“I’m just sensitive,” Hyunjin squirmed when Felix’s lips wrapped around his other nipple. 

Felix kissed up his chest and licked along his collarbones as he raised his arms to help Hyunjin discard his tight light blue top whose long sleeves seemed to be sewed to Felix’s skin. 

“Tell me something,” Felix said against Hyunjin’s throat. “You didn’t last after I left last time, did you?” 

Hyunjin’s body shuddered beneath Felix and the latter hummed, not needing a verbal confirmation when Hyunjin was tilting his head harder to the other side to give him more room while his whole body couldn’t stay still under his attention. 

It was so… hot to see him like that —uncontrolled, burning in a pit of lust. 

“You didn’t last much either, angel ,” was Hyunjin’s answer. “And I bet today wouldn’t be much different if I dropped to my knees right now.” Hyunjin cupped Felix’s cheek, his thumb tracing Felix’s parted lips before he got closer to talk right against his mouth. Lips brushing with each word. “In fact, I’m sure you would be a fucking mess the moment I call you ‘beautiful’ with your cock in my mouth.”

“If you want to suck me off so much, just do it, love .”

The back and forth couldn’t be compared to that day either. They both were teasing each other and pushing the other to the limit but… for once, Felix wasn’t thinking about winning. It genuinely felt like celebrating; like having fun to the point of blacking out. 

Like cheating on all the rules he had always followed and giving a shit about it. 

“Make me cum first.”

Felix unzipped Hyunjin’s trousers and slid his hand into his underwear as their lips brushed again. It was always so satisfying to see their bodies syncing, even if it was because of the hardness between their legs. He thumbed at the head, enjoying the rumbling sound vibrating inside Hyunjin’s chest. 

“Are you giving me orders in my own house?” 

“I’m such a rude guest.” 

“I should kick you out.” His fingers gave Hyunjin a squeeze and the delicious sound that escaped the stylist’s lips… That sound … Felix’s eyes widened slightly at the new discovery. “Or I could be gentle, and first come all over your face. I’m sure you would come untouched.”

“Or you could let me fuck all that boldness out of you.” Hyunjin’s hand covered Felix’s, guiding it until it was wrapped around his length. “Don’t you want to sit on it?” 

They were unbearable. 

Irritating. 

Constantly fighting to see who stole the sanity of the other first. 

Felix shouldn’t like it, because nobody should be that good at his own game, but it was so alluring. If Hyunjin dirty talked to him for a few more minutes, all of a sudden Felix would be naked on his bed, his own pride ignored in the living room because, truth be told, he had actually thought about Hyunjin ruining him. 

As much as he could allow anyone to ruin him anyway. 

In the end, he was a person who preferred to order around, to ride anyone or just pounded into a stranger’s body because the mere idea of losing grasp of his self-control terrified him. He enjoyed ravaging skin and memories until nobody was able to forget the demon with a fairy face they slept with the night before. 

He was a poison worse than death. 

Although around Hyunjin it was hard to tell who was closer to slip. 

Who was the real demon of them both? 

“If I sit on it I’ll only get bolder. And I would try to edge you until you begged.” A kiss against Hyunjin’s jaw. “Is that what you want?”

“Less talking and more showing.”

“Someone’s eager, uh?” Felix teased Hyunjin, retreating his hand from his underwear and turning around to walk towards his bedroom while he took off his mum jeans. He kicked them away with his left foot and waited until Hyunjin was closer to his bed to push him onto it. “See? Wonderful sheets, with floral patterns and vivid colours.” Felix kept saying with his fingers grabbing the bottom part of Hyunjin’s trousers to pull them down his legs too. 

“And now they have a gorgeous human on top of them.” Hyunjin commented, sliding up the bed after Felix removed his trousers to rest his head over one of the multiple pillows. “Some fever dreams start with less than this.”

Felix rolled his eyes. 

Though he didn’t contradict him. 

Because Hyunjin was, indeed, a gorgeous human, especially sprawled over his expensive sheets. His astonishing body proportions were even more noticeable when his body was barely covered by his thin underwear and his natural beauty was almost breathtaking as he stared at Felix from such a compromising position. 

So calm that it was as if that bed was actually his. 

“What happens in those dreams?” Questioned Felix, his legs straddling Hyunjin’s and his hands resting on the other’s shoulders after retrieving the lube and a condom from the drawer of his nightstand. 

“Actually, many things…” Hyunjin uncapped the bottle of lube and poured some onto his fingers, warming it up between them while the fingers of his other hand pulled aside Felix’s white panties. “I could just stroke you like last time. Or I could finger you to see how long it takes to tear you apart.” Hyunjin’s fingertip circled Felix’s rim while Hyunjin’s tone remained unaffected, pretending that he wasn’t doing that . 

“What… else?” 

“I could stuff your mouth full with my fingers so you keep your mouth shut while I do whatever I want to you. Or maybe stay still while you do whatever you want with me.” He slid the first finger mid-sentence, and Felix’s nails scratched Hyunjin’s shoulders. 

Perhaps, for any other person, all this talking was unnecessary. But Felix was a sucker for all of it. The filthiest, the better. Normally, he was the one initiating it and also the one that took the lead, so it was refreshing to hear Hyunjin shoot one insinuation after another. 

“You talk so much… God ,” English accidentally mixed with Korean at the feeling of a second finger alongside the previous one. “You talk so much for someone that probably wouldn’t know how to use his dick.”

Hyunjin crooked his fingers just right and Felix couldn’t help the squeak that escaped his mouth, his body bending down to slide their lips together again before Hyunjin could make a single comment about it. 

“At least,” Hyunjin mumbled between kisses. “It seems I can do a decent job with my fingers.” He nipped Felix’s lips. “You know, my useless fingers.”

“You bitch,” Felix hissed with a choked voice, his body pliant and sucking in a third finger. “I’m gonna… Fuck. Bite that tongue off.” 

Hyunjin’s free hand grabbed his extensions and made Felix tilt his head up. “We can leave that for later, love .” 

Felix hadn’t even noticed how he was rocking his hips back onto Hyunjin’s fingers every time he pulled them off before thrusting inside again. 

“It would be a dream to never hear you again,” Felix practically babbled before sinking his teeth into Hyunjin's neck, right on the same spot where he left a hickey last time.

“The dream is going to be hearing you only moaning. Repeating my name like a chant.” Felix licked the renewed hickey and Hyunjin chuckled. “Marking me again?”

Felix stretched his back and took the condom next to them, ripping it open while Hyunjin placed his hands on his thighs after they removed the remaining clothes.

“Just in case you dare to forget this.”

He rolled the condom down Hyunjin's cock after pumping it a couple of times and poured more lube onto it. Hyunjin's fingers dug into the flesh of his thighs as Felix aligned himself up, his hand still wrapped around Hyunjin.

“We are not people easy to forget, Felix.”

Hyunjin pressed the tip against Felix's hole and the latter parted his lips, emitting a high-pitched sound when Hyunjin bottomed out. His eyes widened, surprised at the tone of his own voice, whilst his body adjusted and Hyunjin ran his fingertips along his thighs.

“What was that sound, hm?”

Hyunjin's hands slid up Felix's legs until they grabbed his waist. He bucked his hips up and Felix did his best to stay quiet, even though a broken moan still found a way to his lips. 

His small fist hit Hyunjin's chest.

“Revenge is going to be so sweet.”

It should have sounded threatening.

But Hyunjin just licked his lips and murmured, “I'll be waiting.”

And he turned it into a promise instead. 

Felix dropped his weight over Hyunjin, feeling him get even deeper, and with another moan rolling down his tongue, he began bouncing against Hyunjin with abandon. Building up a quick pace in no time just to finally see Hyunjin’s face twist in pleasure. 

His eyes consumed by lust, his fingers burying holes into his waist and his own hips joining every move of Felix’s body, hitting deeper and deeper and deeper each time. Felix arched his back, leaning down to bite Hyunjin’s lips to suppress another embarrassing sound, and then his cock pressed right against his sweet spot and Felix writhed. 

“Shit,” he mewled in English. 

“There?” Hyunjin thrust again and Felix’s moan cracked. “So fucking hot.”

His brain was clogged with a pile of thoughts that couldn’t be put into words. Also with a small, rational voice that was reminding him to not lose control completely. To grasp the world around him even as he orgasmed. To really not think about repeating this again for a third time because that would be like a dead sentence. 

His parents taught him this lesson so long ago. 

Though it was hard to follow the rules when Hyunjin was so… him . So perfect to get a good fuck and goodbye. They were too ambitious and egocentric to let feelings get in their way. It was just their insane sexual attraction and, that day, also their euphoria. 

Their shared celebration. 

Felix’s legs were burning from exhaustion, his nails almost scratching his high even though his body couldn’t keep the pace. 

Hyunjin circled his waist entirely with his arm and pulled out of him to pin Felix to the mattress, throwing his legs over his shoulders before burying himself into Felix again. The new position was like an explosion for them both, the desperation consuming their movements, their voices and even their brains. 

“Hyunjin.” It wasn’t a chant. It was a plea. “You better… don’t stop.” 

“Getting bossy even now?” 

Felix grabbed Hyunjin’s chin. “Do you want me to say ‘please’?” He murmured, breathless, with a voice that didn’t sound like himself at all. Or, maybe, with a voice that sounded exactly as he should sound. 

Bare and honest. 

Still arrogant, still on the top of the world, but with all the fake layers erased. 

“God, stop clenching or I’m going to cum.” 

Felix smirked. “H-hm.” He had been testing the waters since they left the lift, trying to decipher if his theory was right. So far, everything seemed to be in his favour. But the last proof he needed appeared in the form of him saying, “See? So useless overall. Not even lasting enough to make me cum.” 

“Felix.” 

“Yes, love?” 

Hyunjin’s moves faltered for a second. 

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Why?” He whined when Hyunjin pulled out to the tip and pushed back in. “Because you’ll cum faster if I keep talking like that?”

What Hyunjin didn’t know was that it boosted Felix too to have so much power over him just with a few words. He could scream thinking about how privileged he probably was, getting to see this side of Hyunjin —a side that didn’t bathe in praises but quite the opposite. A Hyunjin that preferred to be called mediocre rather than extraordinary. 

It was such a turn on. 

“Because I don’t want to hear you bragging about it for months.”

“Is that how London boys say ‘yes’?” 

Hyunjin groaned and kept thrusting into him. The sound of their skins slapping filling the room and mixing with the sounds that managed to leave their lips. Felix was so close that he could only pull Hyunjin even closer, biting into his shoulder when the latter took his cock into his hand to stroke him right before he cummed. A spasm made his body squirm and Felix left out a choked sound as he spurted all over his stomach while Hyunjin jerked him off through it.

“Don't think… I don't know… what you did, cheater.”

Touching me so I would come first.

Hyunjin rocked his hips a few more times and Felix bit his throat as he filled the condom, deep buried inside of him. Their agitated breathings merged like their bodies just did and Felix became too aware of what had happened.

Of his words and kisses.

Of the sensations and lack of regrets.

Felix's mind spun. “Can you…?” He gestured between them and Hyunjin slid off him, making Felix wince.

Ugh.

Why did he have to feel so fucking empty as he got onto his wobbly legs to walk towards the bathroom.

“You can use the other bathroom if you want. It's the second door.”

Felix closed the door behind him and blocked the image of Hyunjin panting in his bed from his memory as he got into the shower to erase any trace of what he had done.

Hopefully, Hyunjin would be gone by the time he left the bathroom.

Promising each other a thousand filthy things was one thing and cuddling after sex was another completely different.

And what the fuck were Hyunjin and him doing cuddling anyway?

They were… rivals. Or something like that.

Two people that were doing their best to tolerate each other.

Having sex was an extra and didn't mean anything. They were hot and successful and apparently they understood each other in bed. 

Fuck. This time, perhaps, he should tell Seungmin.

Felix closed his robe after leaving the bathtub and took a deep breath before opening the bathroom door that connected with his bedroom. The shower was still keeping his skin warm yet a strange shiver hit him when he found the bed empty, just like the rest of his flat.

Shit.

Did he actually regret it?

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“All night, my confidence is wearing thin.
They're waiting for me in the dark.
Wait until I fall apart.”

“So you are telling me you had sex with your worst enemy, your nemesis and not only once but twice in the past month?” Seungmin questioned before taking a long sip of his iced coffee. “And you haven’t told anyone until now?” 

“I don’t want to talk much about it,” Felix confessed, hiding his freckles behind his mug and also the way he’s pouting. “But I hate having secrets with you.” 

Seungmin nodded, clearly at a loss of words.

Felix couldn’t judge him. Where did Hyunjin and him stand now? Far from friends, that was sure. Maybe, less close to enemies than before. Something similar to rivals. 

Felix huffed as he hung his umbrella from the wall rack at the entrance of the classroom, his creepers were drenched after he had accidentally stepped into a puddle walking from the taxi to MOD and his curls had turned into a monster that could have only been saved if Felix pulled all his hair into a ponytail. 

The fact that in July it rained the most was something that annoyed Felix more than it should. Some days he just had to sacrifice his stunning Summer outfits in order to survive the rain and avoid ending up like a wet rat. 

And honestly? Felix would love to sue the clouds for it.

 “Did you walk all the way here from your flat?” Hyunjin commented when Felix sat next to him. The latter shot him a cold look and Hyunjin pointed at his wet creepers and the way the bottom part of his cargo trousers were not precisely dry. “I think it’s a fair theory.” 

“A theory that’s clearly wrong,” Felix grunted as he brushed his hair to tame it as much as possible before ruining his curls completely. Nayeon spent so many hours the day before styling them and Felix was so careful sleeping. And for what. “I just didn’t see a puddle and umbrellas don’t protect you from that.” 

And what was worse —he couldn’t go back home because they are in the last days before the Summer break and they are doing multiple presentations, attending conferences and doing group assignments. 

If Felix didn’t think about it enough, he could pretend he didn’t look so messy. 

As if he was a random nobody. 

God. 

“And… what now?” Seungmin asked all of a sudden after switching topics so many times that the question caught Felix off guard. “Is this a new norm? Are you… friends? Or something with benefits?” 

Nervously, Felix grabbed a handful of his extensions and began braiding it to keep himself slightly occupied whilst Seungmin brought up again something he clearly didn’t want to talk about. Because thinking about it couldn’t be healthy. It would only fuck up his mind. 

And this had brought enough chaos already.

“It’s nothing, Min,” Felix scoffed. “It might happen again or not and yet it would still mean nothing.” Felix leaned against the backrest of his couch, seeking some kind of safety to shake off his skin the sensation of sticking a dagger right into his guts. “We are competitive, greedy, arrogant and too selfish to let any of this affect us.”

“Since when do you know so much about Hyunjin?” 

Felix stared at his best friend and Seungmin shrugged. 

“And you are more than that anyway.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not all those things too.”

Felix’s index finger brushed the nail of Hyunjin’s middle finger, admiring the navy blue thunder that merged into the black nail polish. They were in one of their small breaks and neither Hyunjin nor him had moved from their seats. 

Felix took Hyunjin’s hand to see the designs of his other nails whilst Hyunjin kept scrolling through Twitter with his other hand, unbothered. 

“Ryujin dragged me with her to the salon the other day,” Hyunjin explained before Felix even asked about it. “You should see the ones she got.”

“I’m curious now.” Felix’s nail scratched the surface of one of the nails that had a snake on it, his lips parting in surprise at the revelation that it had been painted over the nail and it wasn’t a print. “I should go to get mine done someday.”

“Don’t tell Ryujin.”

Felix’s thumb also caressed one of Hyunjin’s rings, breaking the contact instantly and giggling softly. Too softly to be talking to Hyunjin. 

“I like them.”

Hyunjin raised one eyebrow in disbelief. 

“But…?” 

“No but.”

A small smile curled one side of his lips. “I knew sometimes you had good taste too. Not only to pick pretty bedsheets.” 

Felix rolled his eyes and Hyunjin laughed. 

“I was trying to say something nice for once.”

“Am I your charity work of the day?” Hyunjin pressed his hand against his chest. “Oh, I’m so touched.” 

“Do me a favour and shut your fucking mouth.”

“I think my sister broke up with her boyfriend again,” Felix murmured, sounding less exhausted as he actually was. 

“And your parents still know nothing about it?” 

Felix nodded. “It’s been almost four years and she still makes up the most complex lies to not tell them they are spending a weekend together. And I don’t even know why they broke up this time.”

“It sounds like he got fed up again with all the secret relationship thing.”

Silence filled the living room and Felix tilted his head down. He couldn’t blame Sangyeon for wanting something else. Especially when they were reaching an age where they could, perhaps, consider moving in together and keep building a future together. 

Seungmin scratched the back of his head, sighing. “I’m going to feel so bad for her if they end up breaking up forever. He’s such a good guy.”

“But I understand her,” Felix murmured, slowly, still looking down. “It’s hard to go against our parents. You know how they are.”

If someone knew every little detail about everything that happened behind closed doors in Felix’s parents mansion, said someone was Seungmin. Since Felix started calling him in the middle of the night to spill what had happened years ago, he had never been able to bite his tongue anymore, finding comfort in Seungmin’s voice. In his sweetness as he promised Felix his parents didn’t mean it. As he reassured him he was more than what his parents had insinuated. As he explained to him why listening to his parents was, usually, pointless. 

“Yeah, but it’s not impossible. You would still be a model if you hadn’t talked to them.”

“It's worse when it's about feelings.”

His parents could understand wanting a different future while it was successful. But love? They would probably laugh and call them innocent.

In fact, Felix did call himself worse things when his first and only boyfriend turned out to be a talentless person playing all his cards to be a model, even if that meant dating Felix to see if that worked.

Felix was so wise never trusting him too much. 

“I know. But Sangyeon can't be patient forever.”

“Felix.”

He stopped at the reception, feeling his heart drop to his feet when he saw it was raining even harder than before.

“Hyunjin.”

The other boy walked towards him and shifted the weight of his body from one foot to the other, running his fingers through his black strands while Felix stared at him expectantly.

“You can go in my car.”

Felix snorted. “Am I your ,” the emphasis was almost comical. Hyunjin had sounded so genuine, “charity work of the day? Taxis exist, baby.”

“My car is in the parking lot and the weather is awful outside.”

Why was he so polite? 

They might not hate each other like they used to but Hyunjin didn't need to get out of his way to drive him home, even though they were neighbours and it wouldn't cost him anything.

What was he trying?

“I have my umbrella. I can wait a few minutes under the rain.”

“Don't be so stubborn.”

“I wouldn't have to be if you weren't acting weird.”

“You are fucking dense,” Hyunjin groaned as he tugged at one of Felix's thin braids. “It's raining. We are neighbours. You were soaking wet this morning. Surprise, I'm not a monster. I can be nice sometimes.”

Felix scrunched up his nose. Still suspicious.

Why today?

Did he feel pity for him?

Felix hoped not.

However, he decided not to fight the surprising kindness.

“Of course you are not a monster, just an idiot.” Felix crossed his arms against his chest. “Thank you for the offer, though. I'll call a taxi anyway.” One of his arms stretched and his fingers tapped Hyunjin's jaw. “Be careful with the car, darling. ”

Hyunjin leaned into the touch for a moment. 

“I think you are the one who needs to be careful today. Try not to step into any more puddles, hm?” 

“I’ll do my best.”

Messages:

lix [17:45]: 

he offered to drive me home because it was raining

bitchmin [17:50]:

what a gentleman

sticking his dick into you put some sense into his brain or

lix [17:52]: 

it sounds terrible when you say it like that

bitchmin [17:53]:

stfu

did you say yes?

lix [17:54]: 

no

it felt weird

Felix peeled his wet clothes off his body, considering the possibility that the universe was messing again with him because it had to be a joke that his umbrella broke whilst he waited for the taxi at MOD. 

Jinsoul had waited for him to get into the taxi so he didn’t get wet then but the moment he put a foot out of the vehicle, it didn’t matter how close the taxi was from his building that the rain got deep into his bones in less than ten seconds. 

The only break he had got that day had been not seeing Hyunjin after he offered the ride. 

He would laugh so much if he saw the state in which Felix had arrived home. 

Doing his best to not get annoyed at the weather, because that was literally pointless, Felix undressed himself and cursed quietly as he got under the shower spray, shivering from head to toes. 

Should he message Hyunjin to thank him again for the offering?

Should he tell him that, maybe, he should have said ‘yes’?

Felix shook his head under the water. 

They weren’t friends. 

And likely the reason why he did it was because they were neighbours. 

It was nothing special.

***

The next morning, Felix arrived at MOD with swollen eyes and a runny nose. His head hurt slightly and he was wearing a cardigan that any other day would be too warm to wear in Summer. Fever hadn’t knocked on his door yet and Felix had stuffed himself with meds to try to keep it away. 

“Don’t laugh,” he muttered after Hyunjin sat next to him. 

Hyunjin sighed and instinctively raised his arm to palm Felix’s forehead and neck, checking his temperature like a parent would do with their child. Felix smacked his wrist but Hyunjin didn’t remove his hand until he was satisfied.

“I told you to say ‘yes,’ you stubborn piece of shit.” 

“Insulting me won’t make me want to accept your offer if this happens again.”

“Excuse me, Your Honour, my bad. Before I punish myself for it, could you please reconsider your answer if this happens again in the future?” 

Felix smacked Hyunjin’s arm now and the latter winked at him with a cute giggle falling from his lips. 

“It’s so rude to laugh at sick people. You should be taking care of me.”

“I literally tried to see if you had a fever and you slapped me,” Hyunjin reminded him, pointing at him. “What kind of mixed signs are those?” 

“None. I’m just sick,” Felix pouted while he turned his head towards the front of the classroom. “And you are stupid.”

“I swear I can’t believe you.”

Felix mimicked him, mouthing the same words he just said and Hyunjin groaned. 

“You are even worse than normal.”

“You are exaggerating.”  

“I’m not.”

“And by the way, you are the one who’s worse than normal.”

“Now it’s my fault.”

Felix hummed, his eyes following the figure of their professor as she entered the classroom and closed the door behind her. He saw Hyunjin rolling his eyes and hid his grin behind his fist.

He was, indeed, way worse than normal when he was sick. 

The most terrible whiny baby in the whole world, but Felix would rather bite his tongue until it bled than admitting out loud that Hyunjin was right. 

***

It was Friday evening and Felix was peacefully resting on the couch, watching a TV series and also scrolling through social media, when someone knocked on his door. Felix furrowed his brows, secretly wishing this wasn’t another delivery man mistaking Hyunjin’s address and his own. 

The door swung open and Felix froze, mouth agape and wide-eyed. 

He blinked once.

He blinked twice. 

“Bokkie!” The person before him exclaimed. Long arms wrapped around his neck and Felix was hit by a perfume that teleported him to Australia. To what he used to call home. “I wasn’t sure you would be here but I wanted to surprise you.”

Still shocked, Felix’s arms circled her waist and he pressed his lips against the top of her head.

“Hi, sis.” 

Anne pulled back sporting a sweet smile, even though Felix was more focused on her newly long hair. His fingers caressed the long strands, almost hypnotised, and Anne giggled, twirling so Felix could see her new hairstyle in all its glory.

“It’s so similar to yours, isn’t it? I think mum and dad got inspired by your extensions. So now we are almost twinning again.” 

A bitter sensation settled at the pit of his stomach. 

Back in the day, what his parents told him was that they would have preferred that he kept his blonde hair. The backhanded compliment both of them gave him was that he was lucky that everything suited him. And now Anne had extensions practically as long as his too and was still blonde. 

Felix smiled as genuinely as he could.

“I thought they were thinking about you getting a pixie.” 

“They changed their mind. I mourned the new decision for a couple of days, to be honest. But I look good anyway, right?” She twirled again, moving her head graciously to make the long curls wiggle. “I think I’ve never had my hair so long.” 

The sensation grew. 

He guided his sister to the living room after she took off her shoes and left her little suitcase next to the coat rack. Were their parents coming too to spend the weekend all together? That wasn’t something they normally did, never caring much about surprises nor paying attention to really small details. 

“You look amazing,” he promised. “Do you like it?”

Anne sat delicately on the couch, playing with the rings around her fingers in silence.

“I haven't thought about it,” she admitted, in a voice tone that shattered parts of Felix's heart. “I wanted the pixie, that's true. But I don't really care? I've never decided anything about my hair so. I just adapt.”

It was heartbreaking.

It shouldn't be normal that the first time Felix made a decision about his hair was just some months ago. It shouldn't be normal to never wonder if you liked the new hairstyle or not.

Felix was always surprised that Seungmin went shopping by himself all the time, when many of his clothes were items his parents bought for him. But after starting the internship and moving far from Australia, Felix hadn't been able to ignore the sensation that his wardrobe looked like him. But also like the person his parents thought he was.

“If it's for a photoshoot, they could have given you a wig so you had your pixie cut.”

Anne shook her head, smiling. She placed her hand on Felix's knee and the latter grabbed her fingers.

It shouldn't be normal either how their identities just… didn't exist. Especially Felix's. 

That was his hair, not an idea they had found looking for inspiration on magazines and Pinterest. 

They weren't… toys.

“I promise it's fine.” 

Was it?

“Also! Damn. ” She moved their laced fingers in the air. “Who's that handsome neighbour that lives on your floor?”

Anne and him were different in many aspects but also the same person in so many others.

Nobody switched topics like they did.

Although it took Felix completely off guard to hear that question, Hyunjin managing to be even on his sister's lips because it was impossible to get rid of him.

“Hm?”

It's Hwang Hyunjin. An asshole.

“We took the lift together and he laughed when I told him the floor I was going to. He said he should have guessed it because we have the same nose and smile.” 

Well. He should have guessed it too because Anne's face was everywhere. His sister was achieving Felix's dream —building her own name.

“We go to MOD together,” Felix said. 

“Oh. He's your classmate too? That's cute.”

Felix caressed the back of Anne's hand and quietly fought back a sensation that was too bitter to be so familiar. He swallowed the saliva in his mouth, feeling cold all over.

Anne always got everything without even trying —the love, the attention, the friends.

It was her welcoming aura and her soft voice. Everyone felt drawn to her.

And that made Felix wonder, even if briefly, if Hyunjin was wishing now Anne was the Lee sibling sitting next to him every day.

Which was stupid, per se, because Felix didn't care about what Hyunjin thought. And he would understand him if that was the case.

However…

This was starting to become his world. 

And it was scary to imagine his sister ruining it just by existing in it.

“He's a stylist, but he also designs or used to design clothes.”

Don't ask more about him.

“Oh. That's impressive. He could be a model too, though.”

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

“Actually, we did a photoshoot together for a classmate.” And Felix forgot completely to tell her about it because dealing with all his memories that day was more than enough. “His name is Hyunjin.”

“I know. He told me.” Anne tapped their laced hands against Felix's thighs. “But you've never told me about him, right? I remember Jinsoul, Huening Kai, Ryujin, Yeji…”

He's the person I was always talking about at the beginning.

“I don't think so. I'm not close to him.”

Anne sighed. “If I was you, I wish I was.” 

“You can always knock on his door. I'm sure he wouldn't be able to believe how lucky he is to have Lee Anne there.”

Don't.

It was such a normal thing to do —take a step back to let Anne occupy a space that was previously his. Felix did it unconsciously and the moment he processed what he had said, he felt so stupid.

That time, for more than one reason.

The first one, because it was Hyunjin and he really didn't care. His sister could do whatever she wanted, especially if that helped her with the breakup. And the second one, because, even if it was Hyunjin and he annoyed Felix more than anyone had before, their relationship was… something between Felix and him.

And they were… making progress? Weird progress but…

Whatever.

Not everyone could be like Seungmin, who met them both and decided to stay by Felix's side.

Anne blushed. “He would wonder why his classmate’s sister is knocking on his door like some kind of creep.”

When it came to silly crushes, Anne got all the awards. 

Although Sangyeon was, in Anne’s words, the love of her life , that had never prevented her from crushing on several people in the past years. Often, she just told Felix or one of her friends and moved on after gushing for some intense minutes. 

Other days, if she was in one of her famous bitchy eras because Sangyeon and her were taking some time apart or whatever excuse they were using to not clearly say that their secret relationship was killing them, Anne considered if it was safe to take that person to bed. 

If they would recognise her. If they would sell what they did behind closed doors to the press. 

In comparison, Felix had always been much more careful. 

Also, much more arrogant to be able to pick someone by their looks and think that person deserved to see him naked. 

Please. 

“So… Sangyeon and you…”

Anne shrugged and freed her hand from the grip to tuck some blonde strands behind her ear. Her eyes lost all the light within seconds and she tilted her chin up in a way that resembled their mother. 

“He’ll be back.” Anne glanced around the room just to not face Felix. “Nobody stays away from me for long. Especially him.”

Felix envied the calmness and confidence that his sister’s voice emanated even if it was clear that she wasn’t happy with the decision of her “boyfriend.” Their egos worked in opposite ways too, like everything else —Felix was fully aware that he was the best. A miracle among mortals. A blessing to everyone he crossed paths with. Nevertheless, that didn’t mean people would appreciate that. So Felix, too paranoid to trust and give opportunities, mostly had superficial relationships and destroyed the ones that could hurt him. 

Anne trusted wholeheartedly, convinced that nobody could leave forever. Because once you met Lee Anne, life was meaningless without her. It hurt more to be like that, Felix had seen it with own two eyes after wiping off her sister’s tears a bunch of times, but it was more rewarding in the end. 

“Maybe I should really knock on your neighbour’s door since he broke up with me a week prior to a short trip to celebrate my new portrait.”

Felix emitted a short, nervous laugh. 

“What.”

Anne inspected her nails, engrossed in the designs of all of them while her attitude morphed entirely until she covered all her sweetness with resentment. With the need to be the centre of attention again. 

“What you’ve heard. I should be in Busan right now.” 

“So I’m a replacement.”

“We were supposed to visit you before going back to Australia,” Anne pouted. “Don’t say that. I just had to visit you sooner than planned.”

Felix ignored the real reasons why he smiled at his sister and murmured, “Call him. I’m sure he just… had a meltdown again. You know how hard this is for him.”

Anne smiled back, a sigh escaping her lips whilst she played again with her rings. 

“Since you embraced how much you adore him, you can’t stop encouraging us to make up when this happens.”

“Well.” Felix got up from the couch to walk towards the kitchen. “We know he won’t leak your relationship, and he makes you happy. I still don’t understand how you could let that go so far but he’s not a bad brother-in-law.” 

He took the huge bowl of fruit he had on the fridge, two glasses and a bottle of white wine. 

“We will never be able to understand the decisions the other makes, will we?” Anne questioned, standing next to him in the kitchen to help him take everything to the living room. “It’s been years and I still miss you modelling with me.”

“You shine enough for us both, Jinnie.”

Anne rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disapproval. “ I do shine but not enough for us both. And…” She raised a finger and tilted up her chin again. “The day you fall in love you’ll understand me.”

Felix snorted.

“I fell in love with myself many years ago. I’m afraid I don’t have space to love anyone else.”

“There’s always space for that.”

*

“Annie!” Felix called out from the bedroom. His sister was waiting for him at the main door. “Did you grab my phone? I can’t find it.”

“Yes!”

Felix could hear his sister chatting animatedly, though he didn’t pay any mind as he finished checking his make-up on the mirror he had in his bedroom. The lift took a long time to get to their floor so he didn’t need to run. 

“Come on, Lix-ah. The lift is here.” 

That wasn’t Anne. 

The conversation he just had with his sister replayed in his mind while Anne’s sweet giggles filled the corridor. Felix took a deep breath, kind of waiting for the classical star-struck and enamoured face people had around Anne. It wasn’t a reaction that suited Hyunjin at all, his ego too big to get affected by the presence of anyone, but it was Lee Anne after all. 

Awesome. 

Why couldn’t they meet Seungmin in peace? 

Why was Hyunjin everywhere?

Felix closed the door of his flat and walked in the lift’s direction. He was so tempted to pretend he had to make a call and ran down the stairs. 

“Sorry, sorry. I’m here.”

Hyunjin grinned as he leaned his body against the wall of the lift and Anne made a gesture with her hand. 

“Next time we’ll leave without you,” the stylist teased him under Anne’s surprised expression. 

Any excuse was good to spend time alone with his sister. Typical.

“I would have walked down the stairs. No big deal.”

Anne remained quiet.

“Oh, really? I remember what happened last time I left without you by accident.”

Was he trying to embarrass Felix in front of his sister or something like that? Was that why he was focused on getting on Felix’s nerves instead of keeping talking to Anne like he was doing before he left the flat? 

Hyunjin was such a fucking mystery. 

“That day I was wearing shoes with big platforms and it was uncomfortable to run so many stairs down.” Idiot . 

“It’s not my fault you wanted to arrive so early that day you couldn’t wait for the lift.” Hyunjin sighed after rolling his eyes. “And by the way, your sister was telling me that you have a really good relationship with the Fortier sisters. And that you have lots of exclusive designs. And you have been keeping that information away from me when they are my favourite European fashion designers?” 

What the hell was wrong with him. 

“You never told me they were your favourite ones.”

“And you haven’t worn their clothes around me until…” Hyunjin looked at Felix’s floral, pastel high waisted trousers. “Now.” 

Anne cleared her throat as he adjusted her belt. 

“You should ask him to show you the blouses and skirts the sisters gifted us last year.”

Hyunjin’s gaze didn’t leave Felix, though his grin turned into a smug grin. 

“Can’t believe you invited me to your flat and forgot to tell me about this.”

Piece. Of. Shit.

The lift reached the main floor and the three of them exited it while Anne poked Felix’s arm with her fingers. 

“If you are free, he could come tomorrow. I brought some of their designs here too.” 

As if dealing with Hyunjin wasn’t enough, the least Felix needed was also having his sister on flirt mode with him . Why? She could pick anyone at a club or a bar. Felix would party all night with her if she was looking for a hookup. 

Why Hyunjin?

The latter’s gaze moved from one sibling to another. 

“It’s okay. I don’t want to interrupt your weekend,” he promised with a soft smile. 

“You are not interrupting,” Anne interjected with her fingers closed around Felix’s arm. She was so convincing with that sweet voice and her alluring aura. 

Ugh.

Perhaps, he should have told her… 

Told her what .

Felix had repeated incessantly that Hyunjin and him were just having sex. There was nothing to tell. And she would likely misunderstand him since Anne didn’t believe that people could mess around if they were also friends or, at least, not strangers without getting attached. 

A sigh broke the silence.

“You can come if you want. I need to take some make-up to a friend’s house but you can stay with Anne and I’ll join you later.”

The silence surrounded them again, suffocating and also accusing. Pointing fingers at him because Felix sounded genuine but he was starting to feel… weird inside. 

It had been so amazing to pretend that Anne didn’t exist these past months. To just mention her without having to deal with the effect she had on the rest. 

Welcome to reality, Felix. 

“Anyway, Seungmin will kill us if we don’t leave now.” Felix wasn’t even smiling at that point. “See you tomorrow I guess?” He waved his hand at him as he turned towards the door and left him behind, followed by Anne. 

He needed some relaxing iced tea and also the comfort of having Seungmin beside him. 

***

“She hasn’t changed one bit,” Nayeon commented after taking a sip of coffee. “That Hyunjin doesn’t know the person he’s going to deal with.”

Felix snorted, although the weird sensation that settled on his stomach the day before was only growing bigger. “He’s used to dealing with me. He’s an expert in the art of the Lee siblings.”

Nayeon’s eyebrows arched and her eyes looked at Felix from head to toes.

“Did you just compare yourself with Jinnie?” Her hand flew to her mouth, covering it as she cackled behind it. “Sweetheart, I know you adore her but your sister is a little diva with an angel complex.” 

Felix pursed his lips at the definition. Seungmin also said that Anne had an ego that was as big as Felix’s but that she was just better at concealing it. 

“Don’t look at me like that, I met you both when we were kids. I know what I’m saying.”

“You just never liked her,” Felix shook his head with a tiny smile on his lips. 

Neither Nayeon nor Seungmin vibed with Anne like they did with Felix. 

“I wouldn’t put it like that. That sounds mean ,” she said cutely in English, making Felix laugh. “I do like her. She knows how to have everyone wrapped around her fingers and doing whatever she wants.” Nayeon pointed at Felix. “You included.” It was true. “But when I look at her I just see a pretty face and a head that only wants attention and not having to make a real decision in her entire life.”

Felix spinned his tall glass of iced peach tea.

It was true that Anne was the result of his parents’ effort and that, more often than not, it was hard to separate or even recognise what ideas were Anne’s and which ones had popped in her mind influenced by their parents. 

But… 

Felix didn’t see her like that. 

“She also wants to be loved.”

Nayeon grinned and drank again. “May I remind you love is also a different type of attention, among other things? That’s why her relationship with Sangyeon works so well until he gets paranoid over the same thing again. That boy would take the stars down the sky even before Heejin finished asking for them.”

“Isn’t that how relationships should work?” 

“You know what I meant.”

Nayeon and Felix’s parents had been business acquaintances since before Felix was born so apart from his parents, his sister and his grandmother, the only person Felix remembered in his life since he could recall was Nayeon. 

So it was slightly pointless to discuss with her how Anne was when Nayeon had also grown up with her. 

“If she wasn’t so addicted to attention, she wouldn't be bothering your classmate right now.” Nayeon narrowed her eyes, tracing the rim of her mug while she clearly considered the best way to express what was in her mind. “You know you can go back to your flat whenever you want.”

“Honestly? I’ve grown past the phase of third wheeling my sister and her new victims.”

Felix was glancing at his glass as he said so, uncomfortable in his own skin and also trying to swallow the bitterness plaguing his tongue after saying those words. Even if Hyunjin wasn’t technically his friend, it had been almost half a year since that day where they both were running late to their presentation day. 

He was part of his world in Seoul.

Of his new life away from his parents’ influence.

Or, better said, away from his family’s influence.

“What you need is to grow past the phase of accepting every decision she makes. You haven’t changed one bit either when it comes to any of them, have you?” Nayeon’s voice was harsh though Felix knew she meant no harm. This was the type of conversations they were starting to have right before she moved out of Australia and he cut her off. 

Back then, Felix got defensive and they got into messy arguments.

After such a long time feeling left out, however, even the sky looked a different shade of blue. Nothing was actually the same, except his tendency to always please them.

“I just…” Nayeon’s eyes softened and she reached out to grab Felix’s hand. “We both left you at the same time, uh?” 

Felix's smile faltered, a deep sting blooming in the middle of his chest and expanding throughout his body, filling up his veins and suffocating his lungs. Perhaps, that was also why it had been so hard to not feel simply hurt when she decided to leave Australia, because Nayeon told him a couple of months after his grandmother’s personality… changed . 

“You came back.”

“Ah, Yonbokkie, you don’t need to be a model if you don’t want to.”

His grandmother was swaying her body in her single sofa with that smile that was so similar to Felix’s. It was Summer and they were sitting before the huge window of her living room, staring at her garden and drinking iced tea.

She had one of Felix’s small hands between hers. And Felix could only wonder how they could be so comforting and soft.

“But I want them to be proud.”

Jungsoon sighed, the wrinkles around her eyes deepened as her smile grew wider and her head turned towards Felix. After she married Felix’s grandfather, decades ago, they moved to Australia and, like it happened to the next generations, they spent most of their lives travelling between Sydney and Seoul. 

That was until Felix and Anne were born and they decided to stay in Australia until their last day.

His grandfather passed away three years later.

“They will be. They are already.”

Felix was a teenager when he found out that he didn’t share the vision his parents had regarding his future. He enjoyed modelling but it felt as if he was just fulfilling expectations, following an easy path that had been drawn just for him since he was a baby.

It was suffocating and pressuring.

It didn’t make him feel alive but empty.

“I’m not so sure.”

“They are… special. It takes them time to accept that not everything will go as planned. They might have wanted to have model children but seeing you pursue your dream only reminds them of themselves.”

Jungsoon caressed Felix’s knuckles. 

“Their egos are bigger than their hearts but if you ever need someone to tell you, I’ll always be here to remind you how proud I am of you.”

“And I’m not leaving again but can you, please, drive that ass of yours back to your flat and remind your sister this is your life?”

“Hyunjin can do whatever he wants.”

“Yeah. You too. And since you arrived you haven’t been able to stop fidgeting or looking around the café.” Nayeon got up and leaned over the table to kiss Felix’s cheek. “My treat. Go. See you next weekend to celebrate your Summer break.”

*

Felix took his creepers off after getting into his flat, hanging his tote bag from the wall rack and following the sound of Anne and Hyunjin’s voices coming from the living room. 

While driving back to his building, he had imagined several scenarios, each one worse than the other —Hyunjin and Anne so engrossed in their conversation about fashion that they wouldn’t notice he had arrived. Hyunjin and Anne not even in his flat because everything was just an excuse to spend time alone. Hyunjin and Anne forgetting about the exclusive designs, making out in the very same bed where Felix and him had sex. 

However, what Felix found when he stepped into the living was Hyunjin giving Anne a really long and detailed explanation about why the 4Tier Spring-Summer collection of that year was going to be so revolutionary for the industry and for the brand itself. 

“They hinted they liked to see every item worn by everyone a couple of years ago,” Felix added, walking towards the couch where they had laid out all the clothes. “It was the year they designed those overalls for the male collection that looked like dresses.”

“In fact, the legs were so wide that it was practically impossible to pinpoint whether it was a dress or not.”

Felix grinned, caressing the fabric of a sheer bodysuit the sisters gifted him last year. Without doubts, the best part of growing up in the fashion industry was all the contacts he had made within it. All the people that still remembered him even if he was a former model. 

“You bought it.”

Hyunjin shrugged. “I never miss the chance to wear something that can make a stranger uncomfortable.” 

“You must look stunning with long skirts,” Anne stated, her professional voice taking over and leaving behind the excited tone she had the day before when she invited Hyunjin. “And with corsets.”

“During my degree, I designed so many corsets because I was obsessed with them. Most of them are at my parents' but I think I have pics on my Instagram.”

Felix didn’t feel like third wheeling while they showed him the rest of their clothes nor when they put it aside to order dinner and drink a bottle of wine. It even seemed like Hyunjin was more focused on their usual banter than on the presence of Anne. 

And what was more surprising —Anne didn’t flirt openly with him. Not even once. She was her usual sweet and talkative self, focused on talking about fashion and sharing with Hyunjin some funny stories from when Felix was still a model and worked with her. 

“Everybody misses you in the fashion shows,” Anne pouted with her head against Felix’s shoulder, after having drunk enough to be slightly tipsy. “I know they haven’t told you. But they do it too.”

A tiny flicker of faith appeared on Felix’s eyes, even though his heart remained calm. Cold.

They.

His parents didn’t have time to miss him when their little princess was by their side.

“Shut up,” he whispered in English. “Nobody notices I’m not there when they have you.” His fingers caressed his sister’s scalp as if Hyunjin wasn’t literally next to him. As if they were in their tiny, private bubble, with all their secrets and all those things they had never said.

Anne hummed. 

“I’m the one who misses you more.” His fingers twitched imperceptibly. 

Felix chuckled. “We are boring Hyunjin with our sappy moment.” 

Anne hummed again and her smile almost transferred to his skin, pressed against his shoulder. Felix’s eyes landed on Hyunjin and found him staring at them in silence. He wasn’t bored nor didn’t throw him a funny remark. He was just staring. 

And Felix would have bet he looked even sad.

Careful and impulsive, Felix pinched Hyunjin’s thigh. 

“Hey, drunk after two glasses of wine?”

Hyunjin blinked and it took him a couple of seconds to sport his usual smirk.

“I would need more than a bottle for that. And you should know I don’t even drink that much.”

Are you okay?

Anne curled up better against Felix’s body and the latter manhandled her softly until her sister’s head was resting on his lap, his arm around her chest and his hand brushing one of hers.

“Hm. True.” Why was the atmosphere so awkward? So unlike them? “Do you want to use me as a pillow too or are you going to be useful and help me to move my sister to the room before cleaning all of this?

“I thought I was your guest, not your slave.” Hyunjin got up from the couch and bent down in front of them, sliding his arms under Anne’s figure without saying anything else. “Is she sleeping in your bedroom?” 

Felix helped him to accommodate Anne better in his arms and then gestured towards the guest room. 

“Nobody sleeps in my bedroom.”

Hyunjin’s face morphed into a mischievous expression as he leaned closer to Felix to murmur, “Guess people only enter your bedroom for other things.”

“I’m not inviting you again,” Felix uttered the words inaudibly, in English.

After that, they tucked Anne into bed and took the leftovers and the dirty dishes to the kitchen. They cleaned the living room in no time and not even fifteen minutes later Felix was leaning against his door because, stupidly, his brain had thought that Hyunjin needed someone accompanying him there, as if he didn’t live on the other side of the corridor. Literally next door. 

“So…” Felix began.

“Thank you.”

“Uh?”

“I mean…” 

What the hell.

“I adore them. They were the main reason why I studied Fashion Design and…” Hyunjin cut himself off before rambling any longer and Felix found him terribly endearing, with his eyes shut and his teeth sinking into his lip. “I know it was your sister’s idea but you invited me to have dinner and told me things I didn’t know about Gabrielle and Tara Fortier.” 

“It’s… nothing. Try to not get lost going home.” 

Hyunjin smiled. “Idiot.”

“Night, Hyunjin.” 

“Sweet dreams, Felix.”

Messages:

lix [21:50]: 

wtf

bitchmin [21:55]:

did annie hit on hyunjin too much or what

lix [21:56]: 

not really

at least after i came

it’s just…

bitchmin [21:57]:

felix 

i’m watching the last episode of a drama

hurry the fuck up

lix [21:58]: 

he was cute

now at the end

idk

bitchmin [21:58]:

oh no he killed you w cuteness

lix [21:59]: 

lowkey??

god

enjoy the drama ily

***

“You wore it,” Hyunjin finally pointed out when they got into the taxi. 

It had been an unspoken request —one second they were in the middle of a boring event and the next one they both were not-so-casually walking together towards the exit to abandon that place for good.

“Not gonna lie, my idea was wearing another outfit but you repeated so much how much you liked this blouse.” Felix glared at him in the middle of the darkness, only to find Hyunjin already looking at him. “I wanted to remind you I have some 4Tier exclusive designs.”

“Just say you wanted my undivided attention. It’s more honest.” 

Felix chuckled, tapping his fingers against Hyunjin’s thigh. “I wanted yours and everyone’s undivided attention. But let’s say you’ve been lucky enough to take me home.”

“Does that mean I’m your chosen one? The one that oh-so-deserved to be close to you? Please. How could I be so lucky?” The blatant sarcasm painting his voice instead of annoying Felix, only fueled him to run his fingers up Hyunjin’s thigh, casually. 

“Drop the mask, darling . You can stop being humble around me.”

Hyunjin’s fingers wrapped around his hand, whether to encourage him or to stop him, Felix couldn’t tell.

“What do you want me to say then? That I’m not surprised you are with me in this car? That I know nobody else was interesting enough for you because you spent most of the event following me around and bickering with me?” Felix saw the flash of Hyunjin’s shit-eating grin. “I’m irresistible even for you, Lee Felix.”

It wasn’t a revelation that Hyunjin and him were magnets that couldn’t be too far from each other without crashing again. Felix had accepted that Hyunjin was addictive, the nature of that dangerous feeling still unknown, moving in the thin line between what was sane and what wasn’t. 

However, far from turning off his brain for the night and drowning in the moment, Felix was hit was a revelation that did make his stomach twitch. 

“I think you are talking about the wrong sibling.” There was still some bitterness clinging onto his words, the events still too recent to not sting. “And anyway, ‘irresistible’ is a word too strong even for her. It’s the people who find my sister and I irresistible, not the other way round.”

Hyunjin leaned into his space, his lips ghost kissing Felix’s jaw and breaking his skin into goosebumps. 

“I could use any other word and still the meaning would remain the same.” Hyunjin licked his lips and Felix’s fingers tightened around Hyunjin’s thigh. “Trying to set me up with your sister to take me out of your way? You hate me that much?” 

Felix swallowed the thick lump in his throat to not moan out loud at the sultry voice caressing his skin. 

What he actually hated was imagining Hyunjin with his sister. 

Even though Felix wasn’t remotely ready to admit it out loud. 

Anne had stolen countless dreams from Felix’s hands, and he had accepted it. Because denying his sister anything she wanted was even harder than standing his ground. Because she was Lee Anne. Because, at times, Felix was also wrapped around her fingers even if he didn’t mean to. 

But what if Felix clutched his new life against his chest tight enough to keep everything just like it was, even after Anne stepped into it? 

What if…

“You say it as if that would be a torture,” Felix whispered without cocking his head in his direction, Hyunjin’s lips still against his jaw. “As if you didn’t hate me just as much.”

What if Hyunjin preferred him?

“I would have to see you often. Of course it would be a torture.” 

Hyunjin’s fingers cupped Felix’s cheek to make their lips brush. 

“Though I don’t know how well she would take to know that I turned her down the other day and today I’m here with you.” His long fingers spread across his face, as if attempting to catch all his freckles with them. 

I turned her down .

Did he?

Was that why Anne was so dry about Hyunjin after he left Felix’s flat?

Why would anyone…?

Felix’s heart jolted.

“We are just sharing a taxi, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin smirked against his mouth. “Want to see the excuse you make when I have you naked in my bed.” His fingers buried into Felix’s purple hair and their lips merged so smoothly that Felix wondered how a mouth could fit so well against his own. 

“Did you buy pretty sheets?” Felix asked between kisses. 

Hyunjin used his teeth to shush him and didn’t waste a second before kissing him again.

“What’s got into you?” Felix gasped when the lift doors closed behind them and Hyunjin’s lips traced his exposed shoulder. 

Behaving during the rest of the ride had been one of the hardest tasks of his entire life, his fingers constantly itching to climb up Hyunjin’s thigh and land on his crotch and his lips unsatisfied with the few kisses they shared every few minutes. 

If the first time they fooled around they were annoyed and the second one euphoric, that night they both were pure lust. An indescribable sense of safety had overpowered their usual defensive mode; and for Felix, it was like looking at Hyunjin with different eyes. 

There wasn’t space for venomous comments nor any kind of malice. 

In fact, there hadn’t been room for any of that in weeks. 

And this progress was palpable in the way Hyunjin gripped his waist with one hand and tilted his head to the side with the other, using all the time the lift took to reach their floor in working Felix up even more. 

It was also palpable in the little resistance Felix opposed while Hyunjin manhandled him from the lift to the hall of his flat, his sandals practically flying some centimetres above the floor until they hit it roughly when the door slammed closed. 

“Didn’t know a brand could turn you on so much,” Felix commented, amused and also so hard in his flare trousers. “If it wasn’t because I hate ruining my clothes, I would let you fuck me with it.” 

Hyunjin smiled, letting Felix get rid of the leather vest he was wearing over a long-sleeved fishnet crop top. The event planner groaned. It was so tempting to rip the fabric off to be able to press his palms against the expand of his chest, but he treated any clothes equally. Like delicate masterpieces that should be treated with care. 

“What if I want you to fuck me tonight?” 

Felix pulled back. “Ask me properly.”

“Please?” Hyunjin taunted him.

There was a certainty between them, even if nobody had voiced it out loud —they actually didn’t hate each other anymore. This wasn’t a fight between an insane sexual attraction and their rage. 

This was another place. 

One that Felix wasn’t sure he could explore at the moment. 

“Fucking brat,” Felix laughed. 

Hyunjin laughed with him as he pressed his body against him to pin him better against the wall of the hall. His eyelashes fluttered, his fingers slid under Felix’s blouse and followed the waistband of his trousers, his lips barely contained the smirk. 

“Don’t make me beg when I know you want it too.” Hyunjin’s hands came back to the front of Felix’s body and he stepped back before touching him thoroughly. “I’d let you order me around a bit.” 

Hyunjin’s fingers unzipped his own jeans, kicking them off his legs. His throbbing cock was staining his pantied and Felix had to swallow to not emit a low sound, as if he was an untamed beast. 

“You promised to edge me last time and I’m still waiting.”

The only problem was that this new territory was so warm and safe that even though Felix was reluctant to fall into it, he noticed too late that he was already too deep. It was a space where Hyunjin could be a freaking brat and Felix would grin like a wolf, more than ready to put him in his place. 

A space where they could set boundaries.

And bicker, as always, but also talk. 

And claim, and mark, and bite, and… moan. Moan like Felix didn’t do the first time. 

It was a space that created a secret over a secret. An inner joke over another. 

Hyunjin threw his crop top in Felix’s direction, the item falling close to Felix’s feet. 

“I can call your sister if you want.”

Felix lolled his head back, a deep groan resonating in the hall. 

“Don’t be a shit.”

Hyunjin kept walking backwards, grinning shamelessly as if he actually was aware of the effect a comment like that could have on him. 

“You brought her up earlier, not me.”

“And you said you turned her down.” Felix’s gaze wandered Hyunjin’s figure, from his messy hair to the piercing on his belly button to his narrow waist to that tattoo Felix lately felt the urge to worship. “But I can leave if you want.”

“What I want is for you to come here and touch me.” Hyunjin was still smiling, confidence exuding his body, making him glow under the dim light of the flat. “Don’t you think we’ve talked enough today?”

Hyunjin was like him in several things, and getting what he wanted when he wanted was one of them. For once, Felix didn’t resist. Because, as Hyunjin stated, Felix was the one there with him. 

Hyunjin picked him . 

There wasn’t a bigger praise. 

Nor an easiest way to have Felix pliant and without his shield. 

The blouse hung open from his shoulders, not abandoning him yet since Hyunjin seemed to be so turned on by it, but his trousers joined Hyunjin’s jeans on the floor within seconds. And barefoot, Felix practically strode towards Hyunjin. 

“But I love to hear what that filthy mouth of yours has to say,” Felix said through a pout before grabbing Hyunjin’s face and pulling him in for a bruising kiss that had the other whimpering against his mouth. “Did you make the vest?” 

They didn’t stumble walking towards the bedroom because luck was on their side. Their lips only separated to breathe or mumble words desperately before kissing again. 

“How did you know?” 

“It reminded me of the skirt.” Felix’s hands were perfectly curled around Hyunjin’s hips, making him walk backwards into his room. “I like it.” 

The back of Hyunjin’s leg hit the bed and he sat on the edge of it, tilting his head up to look at Felix. He looked particularly sinful and stunning with his dangle earrings contrasting with his black and golden eyeshadow, enhancing his skin tone, and those panties that were barely holding together to hide his boner. 

Felix tried to hold himself back and shut his mouth but Hyunjin’s eyes were locked on him and he was… 

“You weren’t as stunning as me but you didn’t look bad at all.”

Hyunjin pulled him closer until he was between his legs and mouthed at his nipple, the cocky smile permanently sewn to his lips since he heard Felix. 

“You are not going to combust if you praise me directly, you know?” 

Felix’s fisted Hyunjin’s black hair to tilt his head back. 

“Yeah, but it could get into your head and you are already full of shit.” Felix’s eyes glanced at the bed. “And the sheets are still terrible. Do you want me to buy them for you?” 

Hyunjin let out a dreamy sigh. “So romantic, buying sheets to ruin them together.” 

Felix’s grip on Hyunjin’s hair got rougher and Hyunjin moaned loudly, as shamelessly as everything he had done since they got to his flat. Felix had been suspecting he had the soul of a brat since the first time they saw each other naked yet that day it was as if Hyunjin had no filters. 

As if his main goal was teasing Felix and turning him on until he fucked him to oblivion. 

And, honestly, considering how hard Felix was, he could count with his fingers the minutes it would take him to snap. 

“Weren’t you the one saying we’ve talked enough?” 

It was shocking to think that they had only had sex twice, considering how naturally they moved around each other. How familiarly Felix pushed Hyunjin onto the bed and the latter wrapped his legs around Felix’s body to keep him on top of him as they kissed. 

Felix had never felt such an insane attraction towards anyone before. 

Or, at least, nobody had ever matched his energy like Hyunjin did. 

“Nobody would believe how helpless you really are,” Felix murmured with Hyunjin on his hands and knees in front of him. He hadn’t lasted a second supporting himself with his arms after Felix circled his waist with one arm to stroke him while the fingers of his other hand teased his rim. “Look at you.” His voice sounded deeper than normal. “You can’t even clutch the sheets.”

Getting there had been a long ride.

Felix didn’t actually expect Hyunjin to be so sensitive. Not even in his filthiest dreams he had pictured Hyunjin arching his back and taking deep breaths to not come yet at the constant stimulation of his nipples and the warm and wet touch of Felix’s tongue against his belly button piercing. 

At one point, right after a really needy moan and the swift move of his hands removing Hyunjin’s panties, Felix had hovered over him and kissed his neck, reminding him in a whisper that he didn’t mind if he couldn’t hold back. It had been a brief moment of weakness that soon vanished when Hyunjin had murmured through his gone smile that he wanted to wait until Felix was inside. 

A hiss parted his lips when Felix rubbed his still clothed cock between Hyunjin’s cheeks. If Hyunjin was at his limit, he wasn’t doing so much better. And he hadn’t even touched himself yet but Hyunjin was such a sight —his dishevelled hair sticking to his forehead, his smudged make-up staining his pillow, his body squirming as if he was about to come at any second.  

“Is this what you want?” 

Hyunjin had seen his orgasm slip through his fingers almost three times and Felix wasn’t sure neither of them could keep stretching the moment any longer. Realistically speaking, Felix wasn’t even sure he could pound into Hyunjin for more than a few minutes without spilling inside him, but he doubted Hyunjin would care. 

Pressing his hands against the mattress, Hyunjin raised his head and turned it towards Felix. He might be wrecked but he was still the same brat that undressed himself in his hall and wasn’t content until Felix was pushing him onto the bed. 

“Fuck me and stop teasing me.”

Felix rolled his hips, his cock again pressing against his hole as he sneaked his still lubed up finger alongside his length to push slightly into him. He was more than prepared already, his rim puffy and willing to suck in whatever Felix gave him. 

Shit.

Hyunjin was so hot like this.

“Felix,” Hyunjin’s face fell against the pillow again. “Please.” The sudden English made his hips jerk and the plea had his hands pushing his underwear down his legs to grab the condom and the lube again. 

“This is what you are really good for, aren’t you?” Felix smirked whilst he pressed the tip against the rim, slamming into him until his pelvis hit Hyunjin’s skin. He clenched around him and Felix grazed Hyunjin’s hips with his nails to not growl. 

It was so… overwhelming. 

Hyunjin stayed still, clutching the sheets harder, and Felix took a deep breath to not snap into him again. 

“Hyunjin.”

The other hummed, whispering a weak, “M-move.”

Felix rolled his hips a couple of times and although Hyunjin’s muffled moans were sign enough that he was enjoying it as much as he had enjoyed everything Felix had done to him before, Felix hated to not see his face anymore. 

Why was he hiding? 

Felix wanted to see his parted lips and the drool running down his chin. His make-up completely destroyed yet still looking gorgeous around his eyes. His blown-out pupils and his gaze unable to focus anywhere. 

He wanted to see him approaching his orgasm again. 

And how it left him spent and ravaged. 

His conflicted thoughts helped him to last longer, even though Felix wasn’t satisfied yet. So he hovered over Hyunjin’s body, his chest meeting Hyunjin’s back, wrapped an arm around his figure and pressed his other hand next to Hyunjin’s head. 

“You are not going to look at me?” Felix said through gritted teeth. 

Hyunjin whimpered when Felix rocked his hips with this new angle and slowly turned his head again. His fingers grabbed Felix’s wrist next to him and Felix almost convulsed when he saw why Hyunjin was hiding from him. 

The streak of fresh tears had ruined the make-up even more and his wet eyelashes only confirmed that he hadn’t even stopped crying yet. 

“Fuck.” His movements grew quicker, hitting the spot he tortured earlier with his fingers and making Hyunjin mewl underneath him. “Helpless and useless but so stunning for me,” Felix said against Hyunjin’s shoulder. Nobody even noticed that was the first time he really praised him. 

“Felix,” Hyunjin cried out as Felix thrust against his prostate dead-on. “So good. S-o…” 

His whole body lost its strength as he came untouched, with Felix still thrusting his hips until his own orgasm rammed through him like a hurricane. Their unsteady breathing was the only sound in the room, his bodies still pressed and Felix buried deep inside Hyunjin. 

Felix pulled out carefully and Hyunjin rolled onto his back. 

Felix’s heart caught in his throat. His fingers twitched, begging him to wipe the remaining tears from his cheeks. His lips moved but didn’t form any words.

The ghost of a smile tugged Hyunjin's lips and Felix held back to not lean in and kiss him again.

Hyunjin's gaze dropped to his mouth.

And they snapped out of the haze at the same time after that. 

Felix discarded the condom and Hyunjin locked himself in the bathroom after handing Felix a towel. 

It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but after wiping his skin with the towel and getting dressed again, Felix couldn’t turn around and leave Hyunjin still in the bathroom. Something inside him didn’t allow him to do so. 

Not after how intense everything had been. 

Not after waiting for a couple of minutes for him to go out after he had stopped hearing the sound of the shower.

His own body felt… cold after losing Hyunjin’s heat. 

His knuckles knocked on the door and Hyunjin opened the door with furrowed eyebrows and a robe around his clean body. The smell of Hyunjin’s soap filled Felix’s nostrils and the event planner folded his arms against his chest. 

“I was just making sure I didn’t commit murder by accident or anything.”

Hyunjin chuckled, walking past Felix to remove the thick cover from the bed to throw it inside the washer he had in another room. 

“I’ll sleep like the dead but your dick hasn’t killed me yet, love .” He could hear Hyunjin saying from the kitchen. 

Felix followed him in silence but his retort vanished at the tip of his tongue when he saw Hyunjin pouring two glasses of water and pushing one in his direction. 

“I’ll ask you to pay for my next massage, though, because I’m sure you pulled a muscle on my back.” Hyunjin was talking in whispers, his eyes barely open, now without traces of make-up of any kind. “And now leave, don’t you? I’m sleepy.” 

Felix rolled his eyes. 

“Forget what I said about buying you new sheets. I’ve changed my mind. You don’t deserve it.” 

The next sound wasn’t a sentence but a soft laugh. 

And then, silence.

Even though Felix felt as if they both were wishing each other a good night. 

***

TW: vomiting

Goodbye to the intense and long theory sessions.

Summer break arrived in the blink of an eye and with it the surreal news that a small group of students were attending the Paris Fashion Week in September with a few professors; Felix among them, of course. 

Innocently, after calling Seungmin and sending Nayeon a million voice notes about it, Felix had called his parents too. He did it without expectations, just sharing another achievement he’d had since he started his internship. 

They were his family after all. It was normal to want to tell them. 

However, after his father repeated three times in a row how busy they were with a photoshoot and if it was important, Felix felt his enthusiasm turn into anger. A stupid photoshoot was nothing against this. They could start without them, either way. It was going to be a two-minutes call. Something quick. 

He ended up hanging up and messaging Anne, who soon was calling him and screaming into his ear. 

But it wasn’t the same. 

In some way, he blamed that call with his parents for his current state but Felix was the one who did it to himself. 

It all started around five, when Nayeon’s friend, Jihyo, had arrived at Nayeon's place with a trolley filled with all her hairdresser products. The idea was retouching his roots and getting Nayeon a new hair colour, though for some reason Felix ended up agreeing to cut his extensions and dye his hair silver. 

For some reason called I don’t want to have her hair.

For some reason called let me feel like myself. 

“You can pull everything. I hate you so much,” Nayeon had pouted after Jihyo styled his new silver mullet and his bangs. Felix stuck his tongue out of his mouth, caressing Nayeon’s fish braid.

The spiral, the real one, trapped him after that. 

Precisely after he opened Instagram and the first pic that loaded was one of his family having dinner together in a restaurant with a physical copy of the last Vogue Australia, where Anne was not only on the portrait but also in a long interview inside of it. 

Apparently, the dinner was a couple of days ago but his mother had decided to brag about it that night.

His classmates were more excited for him than his own parents.

How pathetic was that.

At least, he didn’t look like the copycat of his sister anymore, having a radically different hairstyle again. That felt good. It reminded him who he was; the identity he was still building. 

Did that justify how intoxicated he was when he arrived home several hours later? 

Maybe.

And if it didn’t, Felix didn’t give a shit.

He would the next morning, hungover and mad at himself for being so weak . He had lasted such a long time without drinking so much, always staying in a tipsy state that didn’t harm him. 

Felix hiccupped as he punched the code of his door, frowning when, again, it didn’t unlock. 

His fist hit the door one more time and his forehead found the surface as he repeated each number in his head. 

Was he missing something?

“Focus, idiot,” he hissed to himself.

The door opened magically when he was about to try again and Felix almost lost all balance and fell onto his face, colliding against a warm chest instead. An arm wrapped around his shoulders and Felix pulled back slightly, confusion painting his face.

“What are you doing in my flat?” 

Hyunjin smiled. “I’m pretty sure this is my flat, Felix.”

Felix pressed a finger against Hyunjin’s chest. “Excuse me?” He slurred in English. “Are you insinuating I don’t know where my flat is? And how did you know the code? Is that why I couldn’t get in?” 

Gently, Hyunjin repositioned his arm around Felix, who was still leaning against him, and walked towards the door on the other side of the small corridor. Felix whined against him but he was so drunk that it only made the world around him spin in a way that wasn’t funny for his stomach. 

“Try now.” 

“Hyunjin, I don’t know the code to enter your flat, you know?” 

Hyunjin chuckled. “I said ‘try,’ big baby. ”

Felix sighed but was too exhausted to repeat what he said so instead he followed the instructions in silence. His fingers moved slowly from one number to another since Felix’s vision was blurry and it was hard to pinpoint what he was actually pressing.

But he introduced it all successfully under the attentive gaze of Hyunjin, who kept holding him as if he didn’t trust Felix to stay on his feet by himself.

Surprisingly, the door opened after that and Hyunjin walked him inside. His arm finally unwrapped from around his body, leaving Felix against the wall of the hall, yet Hyunjin didn’t move from the doorframe. 

“If you think,” Felix had his eyes closed as he rested his head against the wall. “If you think… that I’m going to apologise for accidentally trying to sneak into your place… Just…” Felix shook his head and his eyes fluttered open again as he remembered he had to take off his shoes and remove his make-up. 

He bent down to reach his sandals and the floor got closer and closer and closer and…

“Careful there.” A warm hand grabbed his arm and helped Felix to lean properly against the wall again. “I’ll do it, okay? I don’t want you to kill me tomorrow because you broke your nose removing your shoes.” 

Felix groaned. “I’m a bit drunk, not stupid.”

Hyunjin’s laugh sounded particularly beautiful as his fingers moved over his sandals to free his feet from them. Felix tilted his head to look at him through his fake eyelashes and the sudden move of his head was like a punch right in his gut. 

Felix swallowed. 

“I know. Let me pretend I’m a gentleman, hm? Indulge me.” 

#

“Hyun-jin.”

His feet found the cold floor and Felix swallowed again, feeling that everything was spinning even more than before. A thin layer of sweat clung onto his skin and his body shivered. 

Still kneeling in front of him, Hyunjin hummed and put his sandals aside, perfectly aligned with the rest of his shoes in the shoe cabinet. 

“I’m…” Felix gulped down all the saliva pooling in his tongue and dragged his feet towards the bathroom to not throw up in the middle of the hall. 

His knees hit the floor and Felix hugged the ceramic of his toilet as he emptied his stomach in violent waves. His eyes burnt with unshed tears and he still felt so dizzy. Why did this have to happen to him? Felix was doing his best to have a good night. He was fighting so hard against himself to focus only on the good news. On the euphoria and the sensation that he was on top of the world. 

Falling from the throne always hurt so fucking much.

Felix coughed, taking deep breaths through his nose, and flinched when Hyunjin left his metallic bottle filled with water next to him on the floor. 

#

“Drink a small sip.”

Felix’s eyes widened. 

“G-get out.”

“Hm?”

He covered his face with one hand, still hovering over the toilet in case a new wave hit him. 

“Get. Out.”

Hyunjin took a step back.

“I’ll be leaning against the door.”

The idea of Hyunjin seeing him like that didn’t help his current state. It was like a slap. It was, also, a cruel reminder. Something in the lines of he picked you and you already ruined it . Something that also sounded like Annie wouldn’t have embarrassed herself like that . 

The first tear rolled down his cheek. 

“D-don’t look at me.”

Felix was sure he looked pathetic —hugging the toilet like a lifeline, barely holding himself together after throwing up even the breakfast he took so many hours ago, with his make-up more than likely smudged around his eyes and lips. 

Just thinking about how he looked made him feel so disgusted. 

So unworthy of being picked over his sister.

“I’ll turn around but I’m still here, okay?”

This situation reminded him why he avoided drinking this much at all costs —his dignity was nowhere to be found and instead he turned into a fucking mess. He was impulsive, intense, an emotional rollercoaster, a void of self-deprecating thoughts that were hard to ignore and… obviously, so pathetic. So, so, so pathetic. 

He couldn’t even tell if Hyunjin was still there to laugh at him or out of pity. 

Another tear fell. 

And another. 

“P-promise m-me… you a-re n-not looking.” 

“I promise I’m not looking.” Since when was Hyunjin so sweet? “Can you take a short sip now?” 

“Okay.”

Felix stretched out his hand and took the bottle from the floor. His lips pressed against the rim and the water soothed his throat. However, he didn’t risk it much and capped it again before the water bothered his stomach again. 

His cheek plonked against the ceramic. His eyes closed again. 

His breathing got steady. 

“Angel.”

“H-hm.”

“You can’t sleep there.” 

“I can.”

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

“Let me take you to bed. It’ll be a second.”

“No.”

Felix heard Hyunjin turning on the tap and gasped when his hands carefully moved him into a sitting position, with his back against the wall and the toilet still close enough to him. His eyes snapped open to find Hyunjin crouching down before him. 

“No. No.” Felix panicked as his hands covered his face again. “Told you. No. You shouldn’t…” His voice and lips quivered. “Please.”

Hyunjin’s fingers caressed his thigh. “Okay. Just…” He took one of Felix’s hands and made him grab a wet towel. “Can you clean your mouth and your cheeks with this? I promise I’ll close my eyes.”

Felix wasn’t self-conscious of his bare face but the perspective of having Hyunjin looking after him until he got to bed, in his pyjamas and without any make-up, suddenly was making him feel so uneasy. 

What if this opened his eyes? 

What if he saw his mistake and ran after Anne? 

Or just got bored of him and all the secrets he bottled up. 

There were so many ugly sides of himself that could only be seen at night, when he was vulnerable and had no energy to be careful.

Felix nodded and tapped his face with the towel a few times, unsure whether he was actually cleaning his skin or making it worse. His gaze found Hyunjin still before him but, as he said, with his eyes closed. 

He looked so naturally beautiful in his silky pyjamas. Felix couldn’t help but imagine how warm it had to be to curl up against him and fall asleep like that.

“Done.” 

“Where do you have the make-up remover?”

Felix groaned. “What are y-you doing?”

“Removing your make-up. Help me a bit with it.”

It wasn't necessary. He was feeling more like himself after throwing up and the only thing in his mind now was getting into bed to sleep.

Hyunjin could leave.

He had seen enough of him being drunk and messy.

Hyunjin's eyes were still closed and Felix looked at the mole under his eye. Also at his slightly parted lips while he waited for Felix's answer. And found himself smiling mostly to himself.

“Go to bed, Hyunjin.”

“I’ll go sooner if you help me.”

Felix sighed. “It’s in the cabinet.”

Hyunjin got up and rummaged through all his products until he sat down again, holding the cleansing balm with one hand.

“Can I look at you now?”

Could he?

Felix nibbled his lip. “I look awful.”

“You look drunk,” Hyunjin corrected him. “Drink another sip.”

Did that mean that he didn't care? That, still, didn't explain why he was taking care of him as if he was one of his closest friends.

Felix didn't have several stories of himself drinking too much yet Nayeon and Seungmin were usually in most of them.

Also his ex. But only once.

And he didn't crouch down on the floor like Hyunjin was doing. That was more what Nayeon and especially Seungmin had done for him.

Oh. And Anne.

Anne also had taken care of him a couple of times, even though Felix was more used to being the one that helped her get into bed after some of her parties.

“Felix,” Hyunjin called. “Can I open my eyes?”

It scared him more than it should to think about losing Hyunjin. Felix would… miss bickering with him, calling him annoying, feeling him against his body, bumping into him waiting for the lift.

Hyunjin had accidentally become part of his routine.

Even if Felix couldn't exactly tell what type of relationship they had at the moment.

He was something .

“But you can never talk about t-this.”

His dark eyes softened when they opened and Felix's stomach twisted differently than before.

“No?” Hyunjin questioned, pouring the substance on the palm of his hand and leaning closer. “I can't talk about how much that skirt suits you?” His fingers massaged Felix's eyes to remove the product. “Or about your new haircut?”

Felix could feel his cheeks heating up.

Who was this person and where was the Hyunjin that teased him? This version was confusing and inviting and so comforting.

It almost erased the fears from his brain.

“H-hm. Praises are… allowed,” he whispered, his tiredness growing as seconds passed by. He could pass out sitting against the bathroom wall while Hyunjin removed his make-up. 

Hyunjin kept massaging his cheeks to remove the highlighter and the blush and slid down to his lips, tracing them with his thumb a few times, although Felix was pretty sure that after cleaning it with the towel his lips were bare. 

“Time to get up to wash that face and go to the bedroom, hm?” Felix nodded with eyes still closed. “Lean against me,” Hyunjin said as he circled his waist with his arm and lifted Felix off the floor as if he weighed nothing. Felix wrapped an arm around Hyunjin and his eyes opened slightly, facing his reflection. 

Hyunjin was also looking at them in the mirror. 

“It looks like clown make-up after using the cleansing balm, I know.” He turned on the tap and prompted Felix to wash his face while he held him. Felix whined, really, really , wanting to tell him to get out and never look at him if he was like this but it was as if Hyunjin could hear his thoughts because he pressed him against his body. 

Hyunjin handed him a dry towel and took the bottle from the floor before accompanying Felix to his bedroom. 

“You can leave, Hyunjin,” Felix mumbled, sitting on his bed with his eyes half closed again. 

“Not yet.” 

Felix huffed and curled against the headboard of his bed, sliding down it until he was almost lying down. 

“Eh, eh. No lying down tonight.” Hyunjin arranged his multiple pillows on the bed while Felix sulked, sitting again against the headboard. He was so sleepy and Hyunjin was still moving around him and Felix didn’t understand why . Wasn’t he sleepy too? 

He could even sleep next to him for all Felix cared while he let him in peace. 

“You are going to get dizzy again if you lie down. Stop pouting and raise your arms.” 

Felix groaned and, again, followed the instructions in silence. 

“I’m going to take these off, yeah?” Hyunjin warned him as he touched Felix’s long skirt and crop top.

“Why are you… treating me like a child?” 

“‘Cause you are a big baby tonight.”

Slipping into his sleepy side was even worse than overthinking about the opinion Hyunjin could have about him from now on. His tongue was so loose, all Felix’s usual filters were put aside and his mouth shot the first thing that came to mind. 

It was a genuine version of Felix, that was true. 

But also a vulnerable one Felix didn’t like to share.

“I like it,” Felix mumbled, shivering under the delicate touch of Hyunjin’s arms.

“What?” 

“Hm.”

Hyunjin’s hands tapped his hips to ask him to lift them up for a second and he took the skirt off too, putting it aside with the crop top and brushing ever so casually the tattoo below Felix’s belly button.

Piece of art.

It was so brief that Felix wasn’t sure if he had imagined it.

“What do you like, pretty ?” 

Felix squirmed. 

“The nicknames.”

Hyunjin pulled up Felix’s legs his pyjama shorts, his soft laugh sounding really loud in the quiet room. Felix wasn’t actually thinking what he was saying, buried too deep in a state close to dreamland. 

Finally, he wrapped Felix in the pyjama shirt too and helped him to sit in his towel of pillows, covering his legs with the sheets and leaving the bottle of water on Felix’s nightstand after refilling it.

Hyunjin was sitting on his bed too as he settled all the pillows accordingly around Felix and unconsciously, Felix put a hand over his thigh. 

“That’s it. Goodnight, Felix,” he murmured, close to his ear. 

His fingers twitched over his leg. 

The fear knocked on his skull again when he attempted to get up from the bed. 

“Hyunjin,” Felix called, his voice so quiet that it was hard to hear. His hand caught Hyunjin’s fingers and Felix forced his eyes to open one last time while Hyunjin leaned in, probably thinking Felix was going to ask him to grab his painkillers or any other random item from his flat. 

Hyunjin laced their fingers, waiting patiently.

“You are… staying… with me, r-right?”

Felix’s eyes fluttered closed again when Hyunjin chuckled.

“I’m not sure sober Felix would be happy to find me here.”

Felix giggled, even quieter now. His consciousness slowly fading. 

“That’s… n-not…”

What I meant.

That was what he was supposed to say but the sentence fell asleep in his mouth just like he did still clutching Hyunjin’s hand.

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“'Cause I'm already high enough.
You got me, you got me good.
I'm already high enough.
I only, I only, I only got eyes for you.”

A week after the drunk night and after sending a really awkward message to Hyunjin that didn’t sound like Felix was thanking him but blaming him for not leaving Felix there and going to sleep, Felix had put those distorted memories aside and decided to not dive into them because they made him feel… too warm inside.

Not because Hyunjin took care of him wholeheartedly but because of his softness and patience. Because he didn’t laugh when Felix asked him to not look at him. Felix barely recalled anything vividly yet the image of him perched over the toilet, with tears streaming down his cheeks, begging him to not look at him was something Felix doubted he could forget. Nor how Hyunjin assured him he was there but looking somewhere else.

After that, the memories blurred. He remembered Hyunjin removing his make-up and also his arm holding him while they walked to the bedroom. Felix guessed Hyunjin was who put on his pyjamas and wrapped him in the bed covers but the next thing he remembered was waking up the next morning alone in his bedroom. 

Apart from the message and that time Felix took the lift to go to his floor and found Hyunjin waiting for it there, they hadn’t talked again. Not that Felix had thought much about it, busy as he was going out with Seungmin and inviting Jinsoul and Huening Kai to his flat because, in Jinsoul’s words, he owed them a house tour. 

Nevertheless, all of that changed on Sunday morning. 

Felix hung up the phone and stared at it, confused and slightly pissed, a reaction that was starting to get normal every time he talked to his parents. He still couldn’t believe they had called him to tell him they were spending some days in Seoul and that they wanted to have dinner with him that same night to tell him something important . 

Judging by the messages that never reached his sister’s phone after that, Felix kind of supposed that she was joining them. 

What the fuck?

If they were spending some days in Seoul, why couldn’t they call him earlier? 

Did they expect Felix to be willing to meet them at any moment? 

What if he had been busy? 

And why did they need to insist so much on how important that dinner was? 

His skin was still flushing because of the hot water of his shower when Felix slid his feet into his slippers, wearing only his robe and his favourite black panties because, stupidly, they made him feel both brave and calm enough to face his parents. 

Unlike the first time he did this, Felix was fully aware of how naked he was under his robe. In fact, that was precisely why he wasn’t wearing his bathroom robe but the silky one instead. Because it was always entertaining to tease Hyunjin. 

The door swung open almost violently. 

“Good morning to you too,” was how Hyunjin greeted him. He was only wearing a long t-shirt that poorly covered his legs and Felix’s eyes wandered more than necessary on the tattoo that adorned his thigh. 

“You want to be a stylist,” Felix blurted. “Right?” 

Hyunjin burrowed his eyebrows. “Yes? Did you just have an epiphany about it?” 

Felix rolled his eyes and pressed his index finger against Hyunjin’s lips. “Shush. Let me finish.” He sighed. “I need you to help me with an outfit. For dinner. It’s important.”

Hyunjin took his hand and removed it from his lips but before he could even decide if he could help or not, Felix was adding, “Pretty please? I’ll behave.”

A smirk bloomed on Hyunjin’s lips within seconds. “Are you begging?”

“Only if it’s working.”

Hyunjin took advantage of their laced fingers to make Felix twirl, his eyes checking him out as Felix did so. He pulled him forward and ran his fingers up Felix’s arm until they were touching the material of his robe. 

“How am I supposed to believe you’ll behave when you are dressed like this?”

Felix let the fabric slip down one of his shoulders, exposing the bare skin as he battled his eyelashes dramatically.

“Like what? I just finished my shower, Hyunie.”

“Liar. Wait a second.” 

Hyunjin turned around to get into his flat again and came back a couple of minutes later with another big t-shirt, some baggy trousers and his phone. He looked so adorably domestic that Felix almost felt ashamed for wearing a robe. 

Almost. 

“Are you sliding into your stylist persona or something? Because I preferred your previous outfit.” 

“Is this how you behave?” 

Felix could have videocalled either Seungmin or Nayeon like he had done countless times before but he was sure that his usual banter with Hyunjin would also help ease his bubbling nerves and simmering rage; so in one of his impulsive moments, he had trusted his guts. 

Hopefully, Hyunjin didn’t overthink it. 

They were… on good terms. 

Weren’t they?

Ugh.

Felix couldn’t be the one that ended up overthinking his own decision.

“So… You are free to go through my wardrobes. I’ve tried a few combinations and I’m not convinced.” He sat on his bed and his fingers played with his silver mullet as his eyes followed Hyunjin’s figure. “The dinner is with my parents and I think my sister is joining us too. I don’t know if that inspires you but I hope it does.”

Likely, Felix was so blocked to decide what to wear because it was his parents. And not only that. It was his parents saying that something was important and that meant Felix had to pick his best clothes because regardless of what it was, his parents would be dressed heavenly. Like non-mortal creatures.

“You think?”

Felix nodded. “My parents called this morning but didn’t mention her. I messaged her and she has no data so…”

“If it’s so important, she’s probably coming.”

Felix nodded again, slightly uncomfortable in his skin. 

Precisely he wasn’t talking to Seungmin at the moment because he would be making hypotheses about the dinner and the reason behind it. Hyunjin was supposed to tease him, to make him want to scream at him but also kiss him, to annoy him but never enough. 

“Are these yours?” Hyunjin asked all of a sudden, gesturing towards the right side of his wide wardrobe. Hyunjin scrunched up his nose as he pointed at a dress and a top Felix couldn’t despise more. 

“Yeah, my parents bought them. I barely wear them, so maybe that’s why you are so confused.”

“Are you joking?” Hyunjin moved onto another side of his wardrobe, ignoring that part filled with Felix’s parents’ decisions. “I’m confused because they are not like the clothes you usually wear.”  

Felix shrugged. “They like to pick our outfits for official events like catwalks or interviews or whatever. Sometimes they make good decisions and other times I just sit uncomfortably in a corset that’s too tight for me.”

Hyunjin looked at him in silence with an indescribable expression all over his face.

“What?”

He turned towards the wardrobe again. “Nothing.” 

Felix could sense the questions piling up inside Hyunjin’s mind. Being the son of someone like his parents was a life tougher than it seemed, yet Felix had normalised so many of their little quirks that Felix could never guess what had sounded out of the norm from everything he had said. 

It could be so much worse. 

He could still be a model, forced to do catwalks and pose in front of cameras. Forced to follow all the insane rules Anne still followed. Although some of them still stuck to Felix, likely forever glued to his skin. 

“Oh God. This Prada.” Hyunjin grabbed a pair of short trousers with a matching blazer. “This is an option.” He laid the outfit on the bed, close to where Felix was. “Were you obsessed with the brand a few years ago?” 

“Is it too obvious?” 

“It’s not subtle at all.” Hyunjin pulled out of the wardrobe a strapless jumpsuit. The fabric was dark red and certain parts were scattered with something that resembled silver glitter. “Option number two.” 

Again, Hyunjin left the piece of clothing on the bed and walked back to his wardrobe. He did naturally, just like someone that had helped Felix with his outfit so many times that he didn’t even have to think. The sight of the stylist going through his wardrobe twisted his insides, even though Felix wasn’t uncomfortable by that feeling. 

“I have a bodysuit that would look terrific with these ones,” Hyunjin commented as he showed Felix a pair of high waisted lime trousers. “And with a white eyeliner you would look so good.”

Hyunjin nodded to himself, not noticing how his voice changed when he was truly focused on just enhancing the best features of a body. He wasn’t teasing Felix nor conversing with him and instead of whining at the lack of attention, Felix was so fucking mesmerised. 

“Oh, I have this one too but in green.” Hyunjin let out a high-pitched giggle and Felix smiled, his nerves slowly calming down. “Okay. This one might be too much for a dinner with your  family but you need to wear it to one of Ryu’s parties.” Hyunjin turned around with a sleeveless black vinyl bodysuit whose upper part was wrapped around the neck. 

“What my stylist wants…” 

Hyunjin raised a finger. “And wear dark lipstick with it.”

“So you can ruin it afterwards? No, thank you.” 

“I can always do anything but kiss your lips, darling .”

Felix was lying on his side, his body half hugging a pillow while the robe riled up his legs and exposed most of his thighs. He could be trying on the different options Hyunjin was putting up for him but it was so entertaining to see Hyunjin analysing his clothes. 

He was so cute. 

An adjective Felix would have never attached to Hyunjin before. 

“H-hm. But then I couldn’t kiss you. What’s the fun in that?” 

In which exact moment they had assumed it would happen again? 

And more importantly, why couldn’t Felix be more unbothered by the possibility? 

Why, instead of worrying, his body was thrilled to feel him again? 

Was it because they had proven that their goals hadn’t changed in the slightest? Was their ambition keeping Felix calm? 

“I would have a blast seeing you struggle. Wanting to mark me up like you always do but having to hold back.” Hyunjin tilted his head towards Felix, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Although neither of us like to do any of that in public so you could always remove it when we get here.”

Felix chuckled. “May I remind you you almost jerked me off in Ryujin’s bathroom last time?”

“ Excuse me ,” Hyunjin exaggerated the tone, switching to English. “It was your hand that was the one pressed against my trousers. I was just casually lifting up my knee.” 

“Resting it against my cock?” 

“It’s a place like any other.”

Felix rested his head against the pillows with a loud groan, without missing how Hyunjin had finally caught up on all the skin that was on display. His cock twitched under the robe and Felix had to hold his breath to not emit any sounds when Hyunjin licked his lips.

“Always so annoying. Why don’t you go back to my wardrobe, hm?”

“Why? Am I bothering you?” Hyunjin’s hands came back to jumping from one item to another. “I can’t remember good old memories with you?” 

Honestly, after six months, Felix should have seen this coming. 

Especially after how he pushed Hyunjin through his limits the last time they ruined the sheets together. 

“For example, how wrecked you looked when I sucked you through your underwear.” Felix did his best to block the memory from that first day. It had been the only time that Hyunjin had made an attempt at blowing him and it was humiliating to admit all the times Felix had repeated the memory in his mind. “You looked so pretty all sprawled in my bed,” Hyunjin was practically purring and Felix was getting so hard just listening to him. “You were trying so hard to pretend I had no effect on you but you almost stayed with me at the end.”

Felix’s breath hitched. 

They had never addressed that. Felix had teased Hyunjin for actually enjoying being left hanging, yet Hyunjin hadn’t struck back until then. 

“But I left.” 

Hyunjin smirked, his head tilted again in his direction.

“You ran so I couldn’t make you stay.” 

Felix was left with no pride as he whispered, “I wanted to ruin you so bad and I spent days thinking about it.” He shifted over the mattress, seeking some kind of friction against his hard length. “I didn’t think you deserved it, though. You pissed me off so fucking much.”

“Did you mean ‘turned on’?”

“Asshole.”

Hyunjin walked casually towards him, lifting a knee to lean it against the bed while he made Felix roll onto his back. The knot of his robe had loosen enough to expose not only most of Felix’s bare chest but also the prominent bulge pressing against his panties.

But Felix didn’t fix it nor hide it. He stared back at Hyunjin as if inviting him to take all of him. 

Hyunjin’s fingers ghosted over Felix’s leg, avoiding his groin and working on the knot instead until the robe was hanging open and the only part of Felix’s body that was covered by it were his arms. 

“Shh. Pretty angels don’t curse like that.”

“Cut the shit.”

“What shit?” Hyunjin gripped Felix’s thighs and dragged him to the edge of the bed until his legs were hanging. He crouched down between Felix’s legs and kissed one of his knees. “As if you didn’t know how pretty you are.”

Felix whimpered when Hyunjin kissed his other knee. 

“What are you doing,” he exhaled. 

Hyunjin’s lips kept going from one leg to the other, each time kissing an upper spot. 

“Do you want me to stop?” Hyunjin whispered against his inner thigh. “I’m just helping to loosen up a little bit.” He hovered over Felix’s length and had the audacity of locking eyes with him before darting his tongue out of his mouth to lick a stripe from the clothed base to the tip. “Tell me. Should I stop, babe ?” 

Felix’s needy response rasped his chest. 

Maybe he had been more pent up than he had anticipated with the sudden stress of meeting his parents in less than twelve hours. That was the only explanation Felix could find for his behaviour. 

Hyunjin grinned as he bent down again and Felix pulled at his hair. 

“Wait.” With slightly shaky fingers, he slid his panties down his legs and placed them carefully next to the possible outfits. “I want to wear them later.”

Hyunjin chuckled. “What my prince wants.”

In the past, Hyunjin used to whisper that petname in a derogatory tone. It didn’t awaken in him the emptiness that came back to life when his parents said it those days but Felix was never comfortable with it, always preferring any other one from his long petname list. 

But that afternoon, in the intimacy of his bedroom, with Hyunjin kneeling between his legs and his pupils already blown out, Felix could only shudder while precum leaked from the tip.

“I’ve been wanting to touch you since I opened the door.”

Hyunjin’s fingers closed around the base of his cock and he sucked on the head for a brief second, stealing another needy sound from Felix’s parted lips. 

“But you know how much I like to pretend I’m a gentleman.”

Felix smirked. “You don’t need to pretend with me. I know I drive you insane.” 

“You are not better than me.” 

Hyunjin tugged Felix’s length and smeared the precum before wrapping his lips again around the head. Felix moaned brokenly, unconsciously thrusting into Hyunjin’s heat and making him gag. 

“Fuck. So-.”

Hyunjin pulled back with a wet sound, his hand still moving up and down the shaft, loosening and tightening the grip to see what pleased Felix more. Although the latter could barely think, numb in the moment and justifying it by telling himself that it had been too long since someone blew him. 

That and also that pent up tension, for sure. 

The fact that he had been dreaming about coming down Hyunjin’s throat was simply the cherry on top. A silly detail. 

“Leave that for another day and stay still for me, hm, pretty?”

“Hold me down then, London boy.”

“Gladly.”

Hyunjin pressed his arm over Felix’s hips and kept bumping his other hand, leaning down once more to go back to work him up with his mouth and tongue, covering with his fingers that part of Felix’s cock he couldn’t reach with his mouth. 

Felix’s moans got breathy and louder the deeper Hyunjin took him in his mouth. In a certain moment, his tip touched the beginning of his throat and Hyunjin whined around his cock, pushing Felix towards the edge, his body squirming under the stylist’s arm.

“Hyunjin.” Felix stretched his arm to try to tap Hyunjin’s head. “Close. I’m…”

With the arm that Hyunjin had crossed over Felix’s hips, he caught Felix’s hand between his fingers and didn’t resume his movements but put more enthusiasm into them. 

The slurping sounds had Felix trying to kick his hips every few seconds, though what made him finally spill in Hyunjin’s mouth was him babbling around him how good he tasted and how gorgeous he was. 

He kept him in his mouth until Felix whined, feeling too stimulated even though he had simply sucked him off. 

What the hell happened to him that day?

“Fuck.” His chest heaved. “Good to know you can do more things with that mouth than talking shit about me.”

Hyunjin laughed before placing a last kiss over the tip of his now soft cock and another right atop his tattoo. His thumb ran over his knuckles before letting Felix’s hand go and he reached out to grab Felix’s panties, tucking him in them again as if he hadn’t left him boneless in his bed.

“I’m full of surprises.” 

Felix sat on the bed and pulled Hyunjin onto the bed, not fully processing what he was doing until his fingers were massaging Hyunjin’s knees and jaw. Hyunjin didn’t jolt nor widen his eyes at the contact, opting to melt and let Felix be as if that was their usual dynamic.

Perhaps, on days like that one, it was.

“Yeah.” Felix’s voice was so soft in contrast to the teasing undertone. His fingers were still tracing circles against his skin. “I really wasn’t expecting you to be such a cockslut.”

Hyunjin averted his gaze as Felix’s hand around his knee sneaked up his leg until it was buried between Hyunjin’s legs.

“Look at me.”

Felix’s trailed the bulge hidden under layers of fabric. Hyunjin’s gaze met his eyes and his thumb caressed his cheek.

“If it makes you uncomfortable I won’t say it.”

Although Felix was so sure that Hyunjin wasn’t uncomfortable . His cheeks were slightly flushed and he was rock hard under his palm. 

“It doesn’t.”

“You like it then?” Felix purred as he leaned closer to finally breathe the air that left Hyunjin’s mouth. “Hm? You like when I call you all those names?” 

Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered closed for a second when Felix unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them down with his underwear to be able to free his cock. A sigh escaped his lips and Felix turned the caresses along his jaw into a firm grip, making Hyunjin open his eyes again.

“Yes or no, darling ? I’ve never asked before.”

And since that day they were talking more than any other day, Felix kind of needed a verbal confirmation. A simple answer. The permission to run as wildly as Hyunjin allowed him to. 

“Yes.”

“Good.”

Their lips crashed with the urge to seal their unspoken pact, the explicit consent burning hot in Felix’s mouth when Hyunjin thrust his tongue inside and moaned against his lips at the movements of Felix’s hand. 

He wasn’t wrong when he picked the stylist to keep him company and help him choose what to wear for his parents’ dinner. Perhaps, the final outfit wouldn’t be the best one he had ever worn yet he was too giddy inside to care. 

***

Felix shuffled around in Seungmin’s couch. It was one of those couches that could also be turned into bed so they were practically lying on their backs while Felix sipped nervously from the straw of his iced tea. 

“It wasn’t important,” was how he started rambling. “Or it didn’t feel important to me, at least. I didn’t even know why I was there.”

Seungmin didn’t talk but he rolled onto his side to show Felix that his attention was focused on him. 

“Since some of the models in their agency will be in the upcoming Fashion Weeks and Jinnie seems to be in the peak of her career, a couple of big magazines have contacted them to talk about all of that and about the success of the Lee family.”

Seungmin’s widened ever so slightly at the realisation.

“Without you.”

Felix raised his glass as if it was a shot of something stronger than tea and let out a bitter winning sound before gulping down the rest of his drink, laying the glass down on the coffee table next to the couch and then falling back on his back. 

“They preferred to tell me before I saw the previews. To be honest, I’m not sure they are even sad, and it sounds like my sister was the one who suggested doing the dinner since she was also the one who brought up the fact that I’m going to Paris for the Fashion Week.”

Felix rolled his eyes, remembering the dinner from the day before and how uncomfortable he had felt after spending the previous hours feeling seen with Hyunjin.

“Sometimes I don’t know if it would have been better if they ignored me for real. Because I still got happy when they told me they expected me to attend even more Fashion Weeks next year and they even insisted on that suggestion the Fortier sisters made years ago.”

“The ambassador thing?” 

“H-hm. Which is stupid because if they start leaving me out from their interviews, people will forget about me and it wouldn’t make any sense that I was the ambassador of anything but I don’t know. I guess they are trying? Not everyone can be a good professional and a good parent.”

Seungmin tapped his arm with a smile. 

They had got into so many arguments because his friend couldn’t understand why Felix justified his parents’ actions so much. One time Felix was so mad that he almost blocked Seungmin everywhere but eventually, after calming down, he noticed how childish he was and called Seungmin to apologise for not making an effort to understand his point of view. 

The mere idea of losing Seungmin terrified him so much. 

“I’m so sorry, Lix.”

“It’s okay. Maybe I should really call the sisters and talk again about being the ambassador of their brand.”

“And play your parents’ game?” 

“It could be a good promo for them and for me. So people don’t forget me.”

Careful, Seungmin sat on the couch and drank from his glass of water, his gaze locked on Felix’s figure. The latter could tell there was something at the tip of his best friend’s tongue, like many other times they had talked about his parents, so he made a gesture to encourage him to blurt it out. 

It had been months since Felix stopped blindly defending them anyway. 

“I just want to say that it doesn’t have to mean anything if people forget you for a short amount of time. They can learn your name again and only remember you for who you are now.”

But what if they don’t want to learn my name again.

What if I can’t live in the shadows for long.

The blue light on his phone that signalised that he had messages to read got more intense for a second, indicating that he had just got another message, and Felix sighed as he unblocked it. It was likely Nayeon sending him pics of the designs she liked most since in a couple of days they were going to get their nails done.

Messages:

hwang hyunjin MOD 🙄 [17:13]:

i’m deeply wounded

was sincerely expecting a thank you hyunjin i killed it with the outfit

Felix rolled his eyes but a smile bloomed on his lips anyway.

“Is Nayeon-noona spamming you again?” Seungmin asked without moving from his position. 

“It’s Hyunjin.”

“In the middle of your Summer break?”

Felix shrugged as he nibbled his lips, forgetting to explain a little detail to Seungmin for being so trapped on his parents’ nonsense. His fingers scratched his cheek and Seungmin sighed. 

“Does he know?” 

“About… all of this? Nah.” Felix shook his head, his neck burning just by thinking about sharing with Hyunjin the real face of his family. Even though he didn’t hate him anymore, their trust wasn’t like that. They didn’t talk about any of that. “He helped me with the outfit and kept me company for a few hours. We aren’t friends, Seungmin-ah.”

“So you fooled around again.”

Messages:

lix [17:16]: 

🙄

hunting praises?

the outfit was gorgeous but because i was wearing it

“We did.” 

Seungmin drank again from his glass. The silence was not only dense but loud and Felix had spent enough years with him to see him coming. Especially because it was something he had also wondered about in the last weeks, although he hadn’t voiced it.

“Just say it.”

“Are you…? I don’t know.” Seungmin raised his arms, the palms of his hands facing Felix. “I think I’m going to shut up.”

Felix leaned closer and pinched Seungmin’s ribs. 

“Don’t be boring! You have never kept shit to yourself. You can roast me if you want. I know I deserve it.” His index finger now pressed over Seungmin’s chest. “Just don’t get used to it.”

“Fine. God. Put that hand away.” Seungmin smacked Felix’s hand away. “I was going to say that karma really bit your ass there because not long ago you were cursing him every damn day and you are picky like anyone else. So yeah, once can be a mistake, twice a stupidity, but this?”

“It’s nothing. We surprisingly understand each other in the bedroom.”

“So to no one’s surprise the hate you theoretically felt months ago was just repressed sexual attraction?”

Felix chuckled as he got up to refill his iced tea, not subtly indicating that this was the end of this conversation. Even though Hyunjin and him were on good terms now, he still didn’t enjoy talking about him much. 

“He’s still an annoying piece of shit. I guess I just find him amusing these days.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “Whatever helps you sleep at night. And bring me a beer from the fridge, please.”

“Sure.”

Messages:

hwang hyunjin MOD 🙄 [17:20]:

shhh stop talking shit

did your sister go?

lix [17:21]: 

yeah

i guess it was her idea

tbh if i had known what they were going to tell me, i would have stayed at home

hwang hyunjin MOD 🙄 [17:21]:

at home with me you mean?

i’m flattered angel

lix [17:21]: 

i always want to be with you my cockslut <3

“Did you get lost in my minuscule kitchen?” Felix heard Seungmin ask from the living room and only then he noticed he was smiling at his phone screen because Hyunjin had temporarily blocked his contact so he couldn’t message him again.

What a piece of shit.

***

If Felix adored one thing about Yeji and Ryujin, that was how extra they were all the time. Although he was widely aware of how Hyunjin and him hyped them up a month prior when they commented on the idea.

“We are going to Jeju!” Ryujin did a little dance after they passed the security control. A group of boys that could be their age stared at her and Ryujin did a finger gun pose and winked an eye, making Yeji giggle while Felix and Hyunjin walked away from her. “Eh! Okay! I’ll stop!”

“Don’t be so loud at nine in the morning,” Felix whined as he linked his arm with Ryujin’s and rested his head against her shoulder. “Where do you get all that energy from?” 

“I’m just excited. Until we met you, we used to struggle so much for our shoots.”

“And for sure nobody would have joined us on our trip to Jeju,” Yeji added. 

“There are idiots everywhere. I like helping you but even if I didn’t, Jeju is wonderful,” Hyunjin commented as he carried his trolley with one hand and drank his smoothie with the other. “I haven’t visited it in years.”

The contrast between that day and the first time they did a shoot together spoke volumes and portrayed better than any word how much his relationship with Hyunjin had developed. It was evident in details as insignificant as their quiet chuckles when they got to the business part of the plane and they sat next to each other. 

“Not even during Summer break I stop having you beside me, hm?” Hyunjin snickered. “What a nightmare.”

Felix pulled his sleep mask out of his bag and lifted his chin up. 

“Shh. Less lies and more letting me sleep.” Felix accommodated on his seat and covered his eyes with the mask. It was a short flight but he barely got any rest the night before. “And you are the luckiest person in this plane having me next to you. Goodnight.” 

Felix was starting to melt in his seat, his eyelids growing heavy before the plane had even taken off, when a warm body pressed against his side and a head found his shoulder. 

He was startled at first and then he inhaled Hyunjin’s familiar perfume and his body sank again into the seat.

“Do you think I am a pillow?” Felix groaned. “You can bend your seat back.”

Hyunjin rubbed his cheek against Felix’s shoulder. “Do you need to whine all the time? I’m trying to sleep.”

“I didn’t miss sitting next to you.”

“Don’t make me say something filthy at ten in the morning,” Hyunjin murmured, so low that only Felix could listen to him. “Sweet dreams, darling .”

Felix didn’t manage to fall deeply asleep but with Hyunjin curled up against him, he entered a particular state of relaxation he refused to leave when the plane landed. He heard the sounds getting louder around him but his eyes only cracked open after feeling fingers tickling his cheek. 

“Hey, sleeping beauty.” 

Hyunjin’s fingers slowly pulled up Felix’s eye mask and their eyes met in the short distance between their faces. 

“Morning,” Felix murmured with a hoarse voice. “You smell so good.”

“Getting soft before noon?”

Felix pouted as he put his mask into his bag again. “Always ruining the moments when I try to be nice.”

The ride from the airport to the house they were staying in for the weekend was even shorter than the flight. Yeji slid into the driver seat of their rental car while Ryujin and Hyunjin fit their suitcases into the boot. Felix took the passenger seat and connected his phone to the speakers, picking one of his playlists and introducing the address of their apartment into his GPS. 

“Oh, the light is so nice. Maybe I’ll take pics here too,” was the first comment Yeji made when they got to their apartment. It was really close to the beach and also part of a holiday resort. “The views are so beautiful.”

“Our bed is huge!” Ryujin yelled from their bedroom.

Before booking anything, Hyunjin and Felix insisted on having different bedrooms and whilst Felix inspected his temporary bedroom with two single beds, he considered the possibility that, perhaps, that had been a really stupid idea. 

Not only Hyunjin and him could share a room at the moment without trying to kill each other but also Felix doubted he could face a night all by himself after a tiring day doing a photoshoot. The dinner he had with his parents and his sister a week ago was still haunting him and the least he wanted was spending the night overthinking. 

Ugh.

He should have prevented this. 

He knew how much this affected him, even though he enjoyed it.

At least they had that day to relax at the beach or the pool and mentally prepared for what was coming. It wouldn't be that terrible if Felix prepared himself.

He could do it.

“Lix-ah!” Yeji called out from the hall. “Pool or beach?”

“Pool!”

Felix changed into his swimming clothes, covering his head with a big bucket hat and bathing himself in thick layers of sunscreen, and followed the couple after Hyunjin told them he was going to call his family first.

It was so surprising for Felix how much Hyunjin actually talked to them.

He wished his relationship with his parents was like that.

Messages:

lix [11:01]: 

lix sent a picture

bitchmin [11:17]:

enjoy the jeju time

and take care tomorrow w the photoshoot

lix [11:43]: 

we should go on holidays together too ):

i will <3

bitchmin [12:05]:

call me tomorrow if it’s too much

Felix checked the time after emerging from the bathroom with his summer pyjamas, which were basically a pair of shorts and a top with a zebra pattern. It was past nine and neither Yeji nor Ryujin had come back from their walk along the beach so Felix decided to open one of their bottles of wine and drink a glass on his own. 

He was about to walk down the stairs when he noticed Hyunjin’s door ajar. Felix bit his lower lip and peeked out from behind the door, expecting to find Hyunjin reading or scrolling through Twitter but instead he found an empty room. 

Felix furrowed his eyebrows.

Did Hyunjin leave to take a walk too while he was in the shower?

Felix came back to his room to check his phone again in case he had missed any messages from their group chat but there was only a pic of the beach under the moonlight taken by Yeji and also a message from her saying that they should have joined them. 

He was typing a reply when he caught the muffled sound of Hyunjin’s voice. 

Messages:

lix [21:14]: 

i’ll drink all the wine without you <3

have fun

Felix followed the sound of Hyunjin’s voice until he recognised his figure in the balcony, sitting on the bench and with his phone squeezed between his cheek and his shoulder. The least thing Felix intended was eavesdropping as he approached him so he tried to be loud enough so Hyunjin could hear him. 

However, Felix could still understand part of the conversation.

“Yeah. It’s as beautiful as back then. I also miss…,” he was saying when Felix’s fingers curled around the doorknob. “Ssshh. Hey. Mum.” 

His voice was so sweet that Felix considered turning around and leaving him with his phone call but when Hyunjin’s eyes landed on him, he slid further on the bench to leave space for him.

“I’ll call you on Monday when we arrive, yeah? My friends are back. Don’t think about it much.” 

Felix felt like such an intruder whilst he stayed leaning against the doorframe, unable to take a seat while Hyunjin was still talking. 

“Love you too.”

A long sigh escaped Hyunjin’s lips and then only the sound of the sea surrounded them. 

“I didn’t mean to…” Felix started, in a whisper. 

“I know.”

“Want a glass of wine? The girls are not coming back yet.”

Somehow, there was something about that version of Hyunjin that made Felix want to crawl out of his skin. His head was lolled back against the wall, his legs flexed over the bench and his shorts riling up to show part of his thigh tattoo. The same tattoo that Hyunjin had been tracing with his fingers since Felix found him. 

Where was… the usual sharp tongue, fierce gaze Hwang Hyunjin? 

And why did this one, even though he looked more vulnerable, kind of affect Felix more? 

“Rosé?” 

Felix nodded with a small smile. “Be right back.”

The indescribable sensation that began blooming when he pushed the balcony door open settled entirely inside his ribcage when Felix got to the kitchen. Was it out of place to… get worried? To wonder if Hyunjin was doing well? 

They weren’t strangers anymore.

Felix didn’t hate him anymore. 

He was… unironically one of the few people he liked to have close at MOD and even outside of that place. And they were part of the same group of friends , if Felix could call all of them friends after half a year.

He was still unbearable at times —arrogant, annoying, disgustingly smart and extremely attractive and convincing. 

But Hyunjin was mostly something Felix couldn’t avoid. 

“Did you miss me?” Felix joked as he stepped into the balcony again. 

Hyunjin was exactly in the same position Felix left him yet his eyes were closed now. 

A half smile curled his lips.

“Badly.”

The bench cracked when Felix sat beside Hyunjin after pulling close the wooden coffee table that was on the other side of the balcony. He handed Hyunjin his glass of wine and took a short sip, looking for the moon to have an excuse to not stare directly at Hyunjin. 

“Were you getting nostalgic under the moonlight?” Felix broke the silence, unsure if he had picked a good combination of words or not. God. Why was he even so aware of everything around them? It was just Hyunjin. 

“Something like that.” 

Any possible teasing reply got caught on Felix’s throat when Hyunjin tilted his head in his direction and a pull forced him to meet his eyes. 

“Want to share or should I start playing a Lana del Rey playlist?” 

Hyunjin laughed but his demeanour didn’t change. He still looked so vulnerable. In a state that Felix wasn’t supposed to see. Hyunjin should be locking himself in his room or kicking Felix out of the balcony, not drinking wine with him. 

It was… too intimate. 

It was out of the norm. 

And fuck, Felix was getting so concerned .

“I was remembering the last time I was here with my family.” 

Where were his usual jokes? 

“Was it long ago?” 

Felix licked his lips, feeling as if he was walking over ice. Their relationship wasn’t like this. Should he message Ryujin and Yeji so they could keep Hyunjin company? He could be several things and for sure he collected toxic traits like an expert but taking advantage of someone that was clearly off … 

If Felix still couldn’t stand him, perhaps he would have used the opportunity to know more about him to hurt him in the future.

But… it was… the other way round.

It hurt him to see Hyunjin like this.

Felix was the one missing him on that balcony. 

“Eight years ago. My mum was writing the first draft of a script for a film and we spent a whole month here because she said she wanted to be near the sea.” Hyunjin talked quietly and slowly, and Felix noticed how mesmerising he was. Suddenly, he just couldn’t tear his gaze away. “It was a nice Summer.”

Maybe, it was the atmosphere. 

Felix would blame this vulnerable Hyunjin too.

The air of Jeju.

The full moon above them.

To be fair, he would blame anything just to justify the way his lips murmured without permission, “We’ve never done anything like that.” Felix’s eyes widened imperceptibly. Fuck. “I mean… My parents are usually so busy that my sister and I go by ourselves to hotels or other cities.” 

Hyunjin was staring at him like someone who would hear the most stupid story coming from his lips and would believe it right away, his eyes fixated on his face and his calm expression filling Felix with mixed feelings. 

In fact, Hyunjin was staring at Felix like Felix had always liked to be looked at —as if he had put every star in the sky. As if he had come to this world to be adored.

The realisation made him flinch slightly, breaking eye contact with him to look at the empty table before them. 

His cheeks and neck heated up and Felix drank again from his glass. 

“We don’t go on vacation like that anymore,” Hyunjin added, matter-of-factly. “We are… busy too.” 

“They didn’t visit you while you were in London?” 

Hyunjin’s fingers tightened the grip around the glass and Felix just felt like running . Like leaving that balcony before this situation got into his head and he spoke too much again. Before he truly crawled out of his skin but to make space for Hyunjin to slide there. 

What the hell. 

“They visited me while I was there but we went to other cities. Seonghwa-hyung joined us a couple of times.”

On one of those times that they went to have some drinks after MOD, Hyunjin explained that he actually moved to London after his first year studying Fashion Design, not only for his postgraduate courses. Felix guessed his parents visited London once with him and then kept visiting him to do small trips around the island. 

“Minho-hyung visited us way more and he spent a Summer with us there.”

Felix hummed, drinking one last time and leaving the glass on the table. 

A part of him felt the urge to ask more, to know more, to talk more; the other part screamed go away. Stop this. What are you doing.

Meanwhile Felix stood there, halfway, without any capacity to decide what to do. 

“Did you miss those holidays?”

Hyunjin sighed loudly after that. 

He shifted on the bench and gulped down the rest of his wine, emitting some kind of quiet chuckle. Was it that funny? Felix would have liked to ask. 

“I miss many things.” Hyunjin shrugged and again, there was something around him that Felix couldn’t grasp that was so raw. “I guess I’ll miss them forever.”

Speechless and more concerned than before, Felix moved closer again to rest his head against Hyunjin’s shoulder. 

“I really should have played Lana del Rey,” he whispered, as if asking for help. Gasping for air in an ocean of unknown emotions and bare hearts. 

“I would have cried.”

Felix smiled. “Because of the music?”

Hyunjin nodded and Felix pulled back to look at him. 

So cute .

Felix leaned in again. Although this time his head didn’t rest against Hyunjin’s shoulder. Their lips were so close to touch each other and it would be the best way of cutting that conversation and going back to something familiar and manageable. 

If he only got a bit closer. 

His hand rested flat against Hyunjin’s chest and Felix barely breathed as he stayed still. The spell that had trapped them seemed as fragile as Hyunjin himself and even though Felix needed to break free, the way his skin bubbled was so new. He couldn’t say he disliked it.

“Kissing me under the moonlight?” Hyunjin mumbled. “Do you think we are in a movie?”

Felix’s hand pressed harder against Hyunjin’s chest. 

Was it out of place to just want to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until their lips were swollen and there was no space to talk but pant against their mouths? If that could comfort him —comfort them— nothing else mattered, right? 

It wasn’t about undressing each other. It wasn’t about sex or lust.

Felix was accidentally seeking the warmth and embracing Hyunjin with that same feeling. 

Why? His brain questioned, incessantly. 

Why are you doing that.

Why don’t you run.

Why are you still there.

“We would look good on a big screen,” Felix commented with a swift raise of his eyebrows.

Slow like never before, Hyunjin tilted his head and captured Felix’s lips between his plump ones. A soft sigh caressed Felix’s mouth, Hyunjin’s fingers curled around his nape to keep him against him and Felix tilted his head further to deepen the kiss, noticing how that tingly sensation that was heating up under his skin exploded into thousands of shivers. 

The approach was so different from any other kiss they had shared before. 

The soothing sound of the waves merged with their breathing and Felix considered the possibility of falling asleep mid-kiss, tucked into all that warmth, into that safety that was threatening to bury him.

There weren’t tongues involved, just lips claiming and dancing and melting. And it felt so insanely good . Like it was the only right thing to do that night. 

It was the closest Felix had been from feeling perfect in such a long time. 

But before he could dive in it, the sound of the main door slamming open got to the balcony, followed by the loud laughs and voices of Ryujin and Yeji. 

“Don’t drink the wine without us!” 

“We are back!”

The space grew between them again and Felix got up after taking their empty glasses. The tingly sensation should have disappeared now that the spell had been broken and yet his fingers trembled around the glasses when he glanced at Hyunjin one last time. 

“I’m going to refill them and tell them we are here.” 

Hyunjin nodded and Felix came back to the real world, with his heart still heavy in his chest. 

*

“I’m sure this is considered modern torture,” Hyunjin said while Ryujin adjusted the crown atop his head. “I’m regretting coming here with you.”

“Why don’t you shut up and look beautiful for a couple of hours?” Ryujin replied as she batted her eyelashes. “We’ll treat you to lunch. Promise.” 

“You should treat us to lunch for the rest of the Summer,” Felix whined, although he had done photoshoots in worse conditions and without having much to say about it. At least, this time he accepted to be here. 

The theme was royalty, again, though this time the couple had taken it one step further —they both were wearing gorgeous crowns, Hyunjin’s was silver and Felix’s black, contrasting with their hairs. Felix had a black and emerald corset wrapped around his upper body, enhancing his narrow waist and his petite figure, whereas Hyunjin had only an open blazer with the same colours. Down their waists, they were only wearing black panties and Hyunjin’s legs were hidden under fishnet stockings. 

It was still dawn and Yeji couldn’t stop rambling about how beautiful the natural light was that morning as he snapped one pic after the other. After they got back to their bungalow the night before, they went through all the details of the first part of the photoshoot so they could move quick enough to have as many pics as possible with that light. 

It was smooth at the beginning, while the water was touching only their ankles. However, the moment they walked into the water, both Felix and Hyunjin had to gather their best acting skills to not shiver from how cold it was. 

They faced each other, like Yeji had instructed them, and Felix’s fingers rested over Hyunjin’s bottom lip whilst Hyunjin’s palm was pressed against Felix’s back. Then, his hand jumped to the crown and Felix had a flashback of the first party they attended. The tension building up like a spiderweb that was grabbing them by the neck even if they were doing their best to ignore it. 

Hyunjin’s index finger tilted Felix’s head up, pressed against his chin, and Yeji made a thumbs up gesture at them. 

Their postures changed organically, as if they had worked together for such a long time that they both followed each other without questions, adapting to the next pose within seconds. Felix didn’t even notice the cold water anymore.

“For a hot second I thought you were going to kiss,” Yeji confessed as they walked back to their place. “I think I’ve never taken pics that fast, god. Are you sure you just want to warm yourselves a bit before going to the pool to do the second part of the shoot? I don’t mind waiting until the evening.” 

Felix shrugged. “Letting out your impulsive thoughts, noona?” 

“You would have made my day if you would have kissed. Not gonna lie here.”

“You insisted on how much you wanted to use the light before noon for your shoot and you even emailed the reception weeks ago to ask if we could use the pool before nine. Just let us dry and change clothes and we’ll be ready,” Hyunjin said after giggling at Yeji’s comments. “Maybe we’ll kiss under the water this time. What do you say, Felix?”

“Please, I don’t want to be a widow this young,” Ryujin interjected with her arms full of photography material and also a bag with the previous clothes Hyunjin and Felix were wearing. 

“Looking for excuses to kiss me, baby ?” 

As if Hyunjin needed them.

“In your dreams, my darling. ”

“My legs are numb,” Annie pouted as she sat on the edge of the pool and her tiny hands kept the towel wrapped around her body. “They promised the water would be warm.”

Felix ran his hands up and down his sister’s thighs, although his own legs were also numb from the low temperature and the amount of time they had been in the water. It was a Summer campaign but they were taking the pics in Spring and that day was especially cold to be the beginning of May. 

“Five minutes!” Their mother informed them.

“I want to rest,” Annie whispered, moving her legs to try to shake that sensation away. “We’ve taken so many pics. Why can’t we rest fifteen minutes?” 

Felix swallowed and lifted up his hand to squeeze Anne’s. 

“Can I go to the toilet? I promise I’ll be quick.”

“Again?” His father rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I won’t drink so much tea before a shoot again. I promise. Just one more time.”

“You better be here before I notice you are gone, Yongbok.” Felix nodded multiple times as he whispered another apology, struggling to walk fast on his wobbly legs. 

His parents didn’t praise him after the shoot was done for staying such a long time inside the water, even though Felix saw his mother kissing Anne’s head for the same exact reason. Instead, they gently reminded him to, please, not drink so much tea next time because they wasted some minutes because of him and not all photographers were so patient. 

That night, Felix slept at Nayeon’s place and it was one of the first times that he confessed out loud how invisible and replaceable they made him feel. 

Nevertheless, it was easy to forget that cloudy day when his grandmother framed their pics and hung them in her living room, repeating like a promise she wished neither of them forgot that she was proud of them for always working so hard despite how young they were.

The second part of the photoshoot was more complicated than the first one, since Yeji had decided to be extremely ambitious and do it under the water. They managed to get a few good shots after several takes and contrary to previous experiences, the couple of times that Hyunjin and him asked for a short break, Ryujin had approached them with bottles of water and had jokingly flirted with them for being so hot in front of the camera. 

It wasn’t the professional and pressuring environment Felix was used to and he was so glad . 

He didn’t imagine himself getting into a professional photoshoot again. Unless he was sure that his experience was going to be similar to the ones he’d had with Yeji and Ryujin. 

“So, tomorrow breakfast at eight so we spend the morning at the pool before going back to Seoul?” Ryujin asked again after chatting at the balcony for a couple of hours and finishing the other bottle of wine they bought. 

Hyunjin agreed one more time and Felix nodded before wishing the rest a good night and closing the door to curl up on his bed. He had pushed away any memories throughout the day, surviving their exhausting photoshoot and almost falling asleep in the middle of his warm shower and also later under the umbrella at the pool. 

He didn’t regret flying to Jeju nor accepting to help Yeji and Ryujin. 

But it wasn’t going to be an easy night for him. 

Felix shuffled for an entire hour, lying on his bed with the lights off and the window open to hear the sound of the sea. If he breathed deep enough, he would fall asleep. This wasn’t a new situation, he had dealt with his memories in the past. 

Almost another hour later, Felix got up to take a long drink from his bottle of water and he recognised the sound of Hyunjin’s door opening and his quiet steps going down the stairs to then come back and close the door again. 

Felix bit his lips. 

Should he…? 

He wasn’t asleep either…

Bickering with Hyunjin sounded so much better than waiting for his brain to shut down. Felix bet Hyunjin would successfully kick any unwelcome memory just with his presence. By accident. Without knowing what he was actually doing. 

He was annoying like that.

Felix tiptoed in the direction of Hyunjin’s bedroom and knocked twice, waiting until he heard Hyunjin inviting him to come in. He didn’t look surprised to find Felix leaning against the closed door. 

“You are awake,” Felix stated the obvious.

Instead of two single beds, Hyunjin had another double bed, like Yeji and Ryujin. He was in the middle of it with his iPad on his lap and his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. 

“I was watching a huge make-up haul.”

“H-hm.”

Felix walked to one of the sides of the bed and didn’t ask for permission before falling delicately right next to Hyunjin, his body turned in his direction and one of his hands sliding under the pillow. 

“I’m keeping you company tonight,” Felix explained, too cryptic and at the same too transparent for his own good. “Your bed is too big to be alone.”

“So considerate of you.”

Felix internally prayed to not have to argue with Hyunjin about the reasons why it was obviously beneficial that he spent the night there. Especially when he had repeated so many times in front of him that he didn’t share the bedroom with anyone and that he was really particular with all of his bed rituals, between his multiple pillows and his repulsion to sleep without any covers above his body. 

But that night was an exception.

If neither of them were sleeping yet, they could talk a little bit. And if Hyunjin was too uncomfortable Felix would go back after his mind had stopped racing. 

He would behave, eventually.

“I put the extra pillows in the wardrobe if you need them,” Hyunjin added before pressing play again to watch the last minutes of the haul. 

“Are those Amber and Petra?” Felix asked as he shifted closer to Hyunjin, his head almost resting against his shoulder and his legs brushing over the mattress. 

Hyunjin nodded. “It’s been so long since the last time they filmed something together. I’ve been wanting to watch it since I got the notification this morning.” 

“I binge-watched all their Shop With Us episodes last Summer. They are so funny.”

“Have you watched their vlog in LA from two years ago? It’s gold.” 

Felix giggled, remembering the chaos the duo of best friends caused in a Gucci store because they couldn’t decide what to buy for a dinner they had the day after. Petra ended up speaking Spanish by accident and they had to add subtitles to that part of the video afterwards. 

“I think I prefer the one where they go to London and it’s the first time Petra goes and she’s like a little child while Amber tries to hide her fond smile.”

“Have you visited it, though?”

Felix furrowed his eyebrows, craning his head enough to look at Hyunjin.

“London.”

“Ah, yeah. Many times. I went to the Fashion Week once too a few years ago.” 

The video finished and Hyunjin left the iPad and his glasses on the nightstand before rolling onto his side to look properly at Felix. 

“Australian boy visiting my land?” 

“If I had known you were living there, I would have stayed in Sydney.” 

Hyunjin chuckled, raising a hand to trace the map of freckles across Felix’s cheeks and nose. 

“You couldn’t sleep?” 

Felix shook his head. 

“So you came to bother me?” 

“I’m not bothering. Don’t take this moment for granted.” 

Hyunjin’s fingers fell to Felix’s lips, trailing his jawline after that like a feather that only broke Felix’s skin into goosebumps. 

“You are the one who sneaked into my room to get into my bed without even asking me about it, so I think you are the one who shouldn’t take this moment for granted.” His typical shit-eating grin bloomed on his lips. “Not everyone can sleep in the same bed as Hwang Hyunjin.”

Instead of rolling his eyes, Felix let out the loudest dreamy sigh.

“Oh, lucky me. I’ll cherish this moment forever.”

Hyunjin’s hand moved to his neck and then slid down his spine. The nostalgic atmosphere that accompanied them the night before had been replaced by that particular comfort that Felix was still trying to decipher, because it couldn’t be compared to the one he felt with Seungmin, Nayeon or even his sister. 

His mind was still spiralling but it was like a far sound he could ignore. 

“Do you want me to cuddle you to sleep?” Hyunjin inquired, still in English, with his characteristic posh accent. “Maybe tell you a fairytale first?” 

Felix threw his leg over Hyunjin’s waist.

“Always such a gentleman but why don’t you do what you want to do, London boy?” 

Hyunjin’s hand promptly pushed Felix away from him, almost kicking him off the bed and earning the most sincere and unapologetic giggle from Felix. Hyunjin parted his lips, as if ready to add a funny remark; ready to jokingly invite Felix to leave his room. But Hyunjin could only laugh with him before Felix was grabbing his arm to pull him closer and smash their lips together. 

“You are such an idiot,” Felix smiled against his mouth. “You’d have been knocking on my door in ten minutes.”

“You could leave me once but not twice, angel.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “Full of shit.” And they kissed again, with more hunger and more tongue, not like the night before. 

It was also tender, the softness shining in the way Hyunjin held Felix’s face or how Felix’s leg was still around Hyunjin’s waist, as if they were lazily making out one more time before going to bed and that was their normal. 

“You look so good in those pyjamas,” Hyunjin confessed with his lips trailing Felix’s jaw and one of his hands kneading his asscheek. 

Felix’s small fingers were already unbuttoning the upper part of Hyunjin’s pyjamas, smirking while he tentatively rolled his hips to make their crotches brush. 

“You look as if you have just walked out of a magazine so…”

“Are we really praising each other?” 

Hyunjin’s shirt hung open and Felix moved his hand to his shoulder to push him onto his back and straddle him. Hyunjin was smiling at him with his palms on Felix’s thighs and Felix could only reciprocate the smile. 

“Should we be worried?” Felix bent his back to kiss Hyunjin’s lips. “Should we go back to hating each other again?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever hated you.” Felix pulled back, a pout adorning his mouth. “What? You annoyed me and I wished I could shut that mouth of yours forever. But hate?” Hyunjin shook his head. “You weren’t that special, darling .”

The wording reminded Felix of how he had told Hyunjin exactly the same thing before.

However, months later, the important question was… 

“Am I now?”

Hyunjin’s hands travelled to his hips again as he stole another kiss. 

“You are just different from anyone I’ve ever met before. But that’s something you already know.”

Felix had to gulp down the embarrassing and pleased sound that almost blurted out of his mouth at the particular compliment. He brushed Hyunjin’s dark hair off his forehead and leaned forward again to kiss the mole under his eyes. 

“London boys really have their own ways to flatter people, uh?” 

“Oh, did I really flatter you, angel ?” 

Felix kissed his eye. 

His fucking eye.

His cheek.

He snickered. “Yeah. I don’t know how I’ll go on with my life after this. I’ll be always thinking about it.”

Another kiss on his lips.

On his neck and collarbones.

“Don’t pretend I wasn’t already plaguing your mind, Lix-ah.”

Felix circled his hips and they both sighed at the same time when their clothed cocks rubbed together. What had got into them since they arrived in Jeju? Why did it seem like they were setting new boundaries, finally talking about the type of relationship they had now?

Lips mouthing Hyunjin’s nipple.

“H-hm. But months ago I was planning how to ruin your life.” 

His tongue flickering over the piercing on Hyunjin’s belly button.

“Guess I still want to ruin your life.” His hand pulled down the pyjama shorts to find no underwear, although he should have noticed it by the way the outline of Hyunjin’s length pressed against the fabric. “I’ve just changed the approach.” 

Hyunjin was holding his breath as he stared at Felix. 

“Hope you don’t mind that I focus on my evil plans now.” Saliva was pooling on his tongue and Felix was vibrating from anticipation. There were so many ideas floating in his mind. “You know how ambitious I am.”

He tilted his head down and drooled all over Hyunjin’s cock, spitting on it as if he was nothing but a toy for him.

All air turned into a shaky whine and Felix’s wrap his hand around the length, sliding his fingers up and down to smear not only the precum but also his saliva. 

Felix had never been a person that used sex to express what he actually thought and felt, always too bored of anyone around him to stick around much. His ex-boyfriend barely touched him like this during the months they dated and Felix never even considered if he had fallen in love with him. 

He proved romantic relationships weren’t for Felix, though. The only useful thing that bastard managed to do during all those months.

However, instead of telling Hyunjin that he was also different from any other person he had ever crossed paths with in the past, Felix searched his eyes and smirked darkly. 

“I’m going to make you feel so good you’ll never come again unless I’m with you.”

Maybe it was also his way of pampering Hyunjin a little bit after the strange night they had the day before. 

Felix would never admit it but it felt good to take care of him. 

Even if it was by leaning down to take him in his mouth. 

It should have been obvious that they would end up like this the moment Felix got to his room, but Felix had been so focused on pushing away memories that he hadn’t even noticed how much he had been wanting to do this since he had started kissing down Hyunjin’s body.

Hyunjin was so alluring and beautiful like this.

“Big promises,” Hyunjin murmured. 

“Told you. I’m ambitious.” Felix spread Hyunjin’s legs to fit between them. “How long do you think it will take you to become a mess?” 

Hyunjin licked his lips but didn’t reply. 

And Felix took his silence as a challenge. 

“I say less than a minute.” Felix leaned onto his knees, resting his hands on Hyunjin’s thighs. He could do so many things to him, so Felix had to pick carefully. They had all night and no rush. And Felix’s goal was just seeing Hyunjin break under him. “Turn around, darling .”

Felix’s cock twitched at the immediate response, Hyunjin soon rolling onto his front in silence. Felix lifted Hyunjin’s hips off the bed and slid under them, his face right below Hyunjin’s length.

The possibilities were crashing inside his head and this one escaped his original idea of worshipping Hyunjin’s figure until there wasn’t an inch of skin untouched. But the way he had followed his instruction had sparked something else in his mind. 

And the thought was so hot to not try it.

His arms wrapped around Hyunjin’s thighs, after grabbing a pillow and putting it under his head, his palms pressed against the small of Hyunjin’s back. He guided his hips down again and Felix stuck his tongue out of his mouth, feeling Hyunjin propping onto his arm to be able to look at him. 

Felix’s lips parted when his tongue brushed Hyunjin’s cock. 

“Do you think you can stop being a whiny dumb doll for once and fuck my mouth until you come?” 

“Fuck, Felix.”

Felix hummed against Hyunjin’s length.

“Can you do it for me?” 

“Y-yeah. Yeah.” His voice was already so needy , his pitch slightly higher and his thighs quivering without even starting.

God.

Felix doubted he would ever get tired of this. 

Not with how responsible and sensitive Hyunjin was. 

“But be quiet, hm? We don’t want to bother the girls.”

Hyunjin bit his lower lip. “Can’t promise anything.”

It drove Felix insane how easily Hyunjin let him take control. How little he resisted him, willing to please him and melt under Felix’s attention. Maybe, he found it particularly hot because Felix could never do something like that. 

But fuck. He could stay with his mouth open for hours, no matter how much his jaw hurt, if that meant having Hyunjin all to himself. 

“Come on.” His mouth closed around the tip for a second. “I promise I’ll tap your thigh if I need you to stop. Don’t hold back.” 

Hyunjin tentatively moved his hips until his cock slid into Felix’s heat. Felix’s arms were still around his thighs but making no pressure at all, just accompanying his movements. 

Hyunjin kept his thrusts shy enough to barely push his length into Felix’s mouth at first, his sounds poorly muffled against his pillow. However, the shallow thrusts morphed into deep ones when Felix’s jaw relaxed further and his cock accidentally hit the back of Felix’s throat, making him gag around the shaft. 

A high pitched whimper left Hyunjin’s mouth and he stayed still, still buried inside Felix as if he was trying to calm down. And then, he pulled back and pushed back in, less shy than before and seeking that sensation again. 

Felix breathed through his nose while drool wetted his chin since his head was resting on a pillow. It wasn’t the best position to do something like this since it was really hard for him to not choke on his own saliva but Hyunjin’s sounds were like fucking honey. Too good to cut them off before he was done. 

“F-felix,” Hyunjin panted, repeating his name like an enigma he had just deciphered. As if it was fascinating. As if it drove him as insane as Felix felt. “Ah. Fuck. S-so good.”

His hips jerked and Felix’s nails sank into the skin of his back when the quick and short thrusts came back, sloppy and desperate. Hyunjin was babbling against his pillow, swallowing moans and curses until Felix couldn’t even understand what he was saying. 

The tip retrieved until it was touching Felix’s lips and when Felix was about to tease him about it, Hyunjin rocked his hips again, causing Felix’s teeth to scrape on his cock. Felix’s breath caught in his throat for a second, although he reacted fast enough to keep his teeth away again, but Hyunjin sobbed, trembling even more as he buried himself again to shoot in Felix’s mouth. 

Just when Felix thought he couldn’t get more fucking attractive.

He pulled back and fell onto the mattress next to Felix, still shivering and trying to catch his breath. Felix crawled up the bed to brush the hair off his face again and their eyes locked before he leaned in to link their lips. 

“You are just,” Felix whispered in the middle of the kiss. “So hot. And you did so well. God. I thought I was going to cum just from listening to you.”

Hyunjin smiled. “I thought I was going to cum when you told me to fuck your mouth,” he murmured, softly, trailing Felix’s cheek with his lips until he reached his ear. “If you give me a few minutes, you can use me now. However you want. I have lube and condoms in my suitcase.”

Felix palmed himself through his shorts.

“I’m not sure if you really like to pretend you are a gentleman or if you just love my dick too much.”

Hyunjin kissed his jaw. 

“I just want you to fuck me silly.”

“You are insatiable.” 

Felix got up from the bed to look for the condoms and the lube and Hyunjin got onto his back again after murmuring a sweet I just want to be good for you that had Felix jumping back onto the bed in seconds.

The irony of thinking that he would never be able to let anyone have control over him when Hyunjin had him wrapped around his fingers the moment he got like this was a thought that disappeared under whispers and kisses when Felix started stretching him. A thought that didn’t even bother him as much as it should have when Hyunjin writhed beneath him as he bottomed out. A thought that was so raw and real that Felix could only snap his hips with a purpose that wasn’t pleasuring himself but watching Hyunjin turn to ashes again instead. 

And most importantly, a thought that was more dangerous than remembering his parents but that filled Felix with a bubbly sensation that he, one more time, couldn’t identify. 

“What are you doing?” Felix questioned as he saw Hyunjin throw his extra pillows onto the bed after they both had shared the bathroom to quickly wash up and go back to his bedroom.

Felix didn’t even know why he entered his bedroom again when he could have just come back to his bedroom, his memories finally harmness and quiet at the back of his mind. 

“Giving you the pillows you need to sleep?” 

Felix pressed one against his chest and followed Hyunjin with his gaze as he walked around the bed to lie down on the other side. 

“You want me to sleep here?” 

“Thought that was what you wanted when you came here hours ago.” His hand grabbed Felix’s arm to drag him in his direction, his nose brushing Felix’s nape when the latter leaned onto his side still hugging the pillow. “Enjoy your luck.” 

What.

“Goodnight, Lix.”

And the idiot lifted his arm to circle Felix’s waist with it, keeping him against his chest while Felix stared at the extra pillows Hyunjin had just given him. He clutched it harder against his body as if it was a shield, pushing the other pillow out of the bed, and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. 

“Say goodnight, asshole,” Hyunjin muttered against his nape. 

This was… new.

In every aspect. 

Although Felix didn’t fight him, curling against Hyunjin’s figure and basking in his body heat. He just needed to come back to his bedroom before Hyunjin woke up. He wasn’t sure he would be able to face him first thing in the morning. 

“Good… night, Hyunjin.”

It was fucking embarrassing and concerning how fast Felix passed out after that.

The next morning, he did leave the bedroom while Hyunjin was sleeping next to him, his features relaxed as his steady breathing escaped his slightly pouty lips. The light was starting to filter through the curtains and it only made Hyunjin’s skin look as if it had been kissed by the sun.

He was so gorgeous.

At least, Felix didn’t lie to himself and admitted once he arrived at his flat in the evening, after hours at the beach and another flight next to Hyunjin, that he had slept peacefully in Hyunjin’s arms.

But he never told anyone about it.

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“Summer's in the air and baby, heaven's in your eyes.
I'm your national anthem.”

“Since Hyuka doesn’t have the balls to ask the question, I’ll do it,” Jinsoul said one afternoon after taking a long sip of soju. “How many times have you slept with Hyunjin?” 

Felix almost choked on his mojito, his fingers abruptly gripping the glass like a lifeboat whilst he did his best to keep his expression as unreadable as possible. He eyed his two friends, who were sitting on the other couch and looking at him expectantly. 

Unconsciously, Felix recapped all the moments where it could have been obvious what was happening between them and the only result that came to his mind was that, maybe, everyone had noticed how their tension had evolved. Now it wasn’t sharp and poisonous, leaning more onto a friendly banter. A shared intimacy made for them both. 

Yeah. He guessed that anyone that knew them enough could have totally noticed that.

But to be so sure that they’d had sex more than once? 

God.

“I told you to not blurt it out,” Huening Kai scolded her as he got up from his couch to sit next to Felix, still throwing dead glances at Jinsoul, who was rolling her eyes from her seat. “Hey. We don’t have to talk about it.”

It didn’t matter if they didn’t talk about it, they knew.

Felix sighed. “I haven’t counted them. Seven? Eight? I’m not sure.”

It had been two weeks since they flew to Jeju and in that time they had found a few more excuses to end up between the sheets together. The first one was right after coming back from their trip. The second one was after going out with some classmates, including Huening Kai and Jinsoul. The third one was the day they took the lift at the same time. And the last one was a night a couple of days after, when Hyunjin knocked on his door because he wanted to keep watching the reality show Felix was starting the previous time they fooled around. It had been a blunt and funny request and Felix didn’t even find him out of place on his couch, sharing dinner with him and commenting on the reality show until past midnight. 

And at this point, Felix had decided that it was better if he didn’t overthink every encounter they had. Especially when they were on their Summer break and they were supposed to rest. Hyunjin wasn’t distracting him from anything. If so, he had helped Felix avoid those waves of loneliness that often visited him if he spent long periods of time with little things to do. 

“I barely talk about it,” Felix admitted as he tucked his freshly dyed purple hair behind his ear. The silver life had been wonderful but something was off without those purple strands and Felix wanted to have the best hairstyle possible for his upcoming birthday. 

It was still silver on the top part but now if Felix carded his fingers through his hair, everyone would get surprised by the flash of multiple purple strands.

“I’m not ashamed or anything. Just…”

“You have never even talked about previous relationships,” Jinsoul commented as she shrugged. “Which is nice. I wish I could keep my mouth shut like that for my own good. That’s also why Hyuka and I debated for so long whether to ask you or not.” 

Huening Kai shot another quick glance in her direction and Jinsoul groaned.

“Fucking fine. God. Sorry if we made you uncomfortable. Are you happy now, Huening Fucking Kai?”

“I very much am. Thank you for asking.”

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable. I wasn’t expecting the question,” Felix explained, and he was shocked by how sincere he was. He didn’t actually mind sharing this with certain people from his internship. He just wasn’t used to talking about it . 

“We can torture Hyuka instead if you want. Did you know Sunwoo asked him on an official date and he replied ‘thank you’?”

Felix giggled, turning his head towards his friend, his skin getting redder and redder the more Felix stared  at him. In all honesty, Felix thought they were dating after he caught Sunwoo pecking Huening Kai’s lips before getting in his car some weeks ago. 

“First of all, it wasn’t like that. And secondly, Lix-ah, from one to ten how uncomfortable you truly are talking about Hyunjin? Save me from this monster.”

Felix played with the straw between his lips as he leaned onto the backrest of the couch, his legs crossed and his hand now comically holding his glass whilst he looked between his friends. 

“It depends on the question but care to explain what actually happened first?”

The other event planner gasped, jumping to the side of the couch as if trying to add physical distance between Felix and him.

“Betrayal? I was protecting you earlier.”

“So you are admitting that you did it so I could save you now? That’s not nice, babe.” Felix put the straw out of the glass to point at Huening Kai. “And anyway, what do you want to know about us? There’s not much to talk about. We had sex once and then things got out of hand.”

But it had been such a controlled chaos. Something unplanned but welcome. 

Hyunjin was easy , and not in a bad way. He didn’t make anything harder for Felix and he had learnt quite fast the complex language of Lee Felix. And which was even more fascinating —he was becoming an expert in the impossible art of dragging Felix out of his head. 

“Out of hand,” Huening Kai repeated, sceptical. 

“Call it what you want. I’m glad to see my friends living my dream and finding hot guys when I’m still looking for a queen for me.” Jinsoul poured more soju and kept drinking through her pout, pretending to be upset. “Although I gotta say that Hyunjin promised me months ago that since he was a person with no time for any of this, he would help me.” 

Jinsoul narrowed her eyes.

“He straight up lied to my face?” 

Felix giggled and winked an eye at Jinsoul.

“Everyone makes time to be with me, princess. Even Hwang Hyunjin.”

His confidence didn’t match the way his heart skipped a beat because, funny enough, it was a lot to process to be so certain that Hyunjin would make time for him if Felix asked him to. He proved it the day he knocked on his door to ask for outfit advice and also in Jeju when he couldn’t sleep and Hyunjin forgot his iPad in order to pay attention to him. 

When did Hyunjin turn into the kind of person Felix had always sought? 

He praised him casually, like singing siren songs into Felix’s ears to have him always looking for more, making him sink more and more into his trap. He was gorgeous, and not only physically. His brain was a place Felix would visit if that was possible. And for some reason, Hyunjin managed to be always listening. Always looking. Always there .

He was truly the most annoying bastard on Earth.

“Nobody can resist you, Lixie,” Huening Kai half-joked.

Felix pointed at Hyuka with the straw again. 

“Stop trying to make me defend you.”

Huening Kai rolled his eyes.

“Are you having fun then?”

Felix couldn’t help but smile at that. 

And not even because of the sex.

He thought about Hyunjin going through his wardrobe; Hyunjin and him talking about Amber and Petra and their videos; Hyunjin helping him get Anne to bed even though she was a stranger; Hyunjin blocking him as a joke if Felix teased him too much.

If he wasn’t sure before —not even after Jeju—, Felix could say he was now. 

They were friends . 

Real, arrogant and spoiled friends.

“We are.”

***

“And she literally ignored me?” Huening Kai was saying as he rolled his eyes. “I still don’t know how she, and her friends, ended up in our internship when they have literally zero brain cells.”

Felix snorted, the food between his chopsticks falling back to his plate from the movement of his body as he laughed. Hyuka wasn’t a person that tended to talk behind the back of anyone unless he considered it necessary and Felix had never heard someone be so savage whilst talking about someone. 

“I was looking at her like… ‘Hello? Are you listening to yourself? Seek help or something?’” 

Jinsoul’s cheeks were glistening because of the tears that didn’t stop falling from laughing so much. 

Felix’s MOD group had gathered at a BBQ place to talk about their Summer break and to comment on their first week at MOD after said break. Sunwoo had dragged some of his friends and they were still waiting for Hyunjin and his friends, Minho and Seonghwa. The latter was spending a couple of weeks in Seoul and Felix couldn’t ignore how giddy it made him to meet Seonghwa. 

“Like… Please, babe, I know I look friendly and adorable but I’m not a fan of lost causes. I’m not into the ‘I can fix you’ shit. Bye.” 

“Meanwhile she was looking at Hyuka with her smile, not catching on the sarcasm and I was having the worst time of my life trying to not laugh out loud,” Ryujin commented. “I’ve never seen you so pissed.”

“Because it’s exhausting. But she deserved it.”

“Who deserved what?” Hyunjin’s voice startled them, appearing from behind Jinsoul’s body, his hands dropping to the girl’s shoulders to give them a squeeze while Jinsoul lolled her head back to smile at Hyunjin. 

“Kat,” Huening Kai whispered with another roll of his eyes. 

“ Lord. Her and her cult.”

All of them laughed again while Huening Kai replied with a simple, “Exactly.” 

Because neither of them needed to explain anything else. They have talked about that “stylist” a bunch of times and their conversation always led to jokes about how glad they were that Hyunjin was a decent one. Kind of mediocre but not a complete idiot. 

“Okay, guys,” Hyunjin pointed at his best friend on his left. “This is Minho.” His finger now pointed at the other boy that was with them. “And this is Seonghwa. This grandpa has spent so many years in London that his brain sometimes combusts while speaking Korean.”

Seonghwa smacked Hyunjin’s arm. “Don’t lie to your friends.” He bowed at the group. “Nice to meet you.” 

They filled the empty chairs next to Sunwoo but before that, Hyunjin got closer to Felix to tease him with a simple, “Hope you don’t miss me sitting next to you.” 

Felix cocked his head in his direction, resisting the urge to smirk at him. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart . I’ve never been happier.”

Jinsoul giggled next to him and Felix made a sound to shush her, earning only an even louder giggle coming from her.

They ordered more food now that all of them had arrived and another round of drinks, Felix’s lips soon curling around his new beer. He wasn’t a big fan of it, always sticking to either water, tea or wine but he had to endure it. 

“By the way, Lix-ah,” Sunwoo suddenly exclaimed. “I read the interview that Vogue Australia did to your parents and your sister.” 

His lips twitched, even though his smile didn’t move one inch, plastered to his mouth by the force of his stubbornness. It was only a matter of time that someone from his internship talked about it. His family was important. And it was huge to appear in various magazines right before some of the most important Fashion Weeks. 

“And let me guess,” Felix replied with a joking tone that tasted like ash. “Are you going to tell me that my sister and I are the same person with different hair?” 

Don’t talk about the interview.

Don’t ask about the interview.

“You are not, though,” Hyunjin murmured after chewing on his rice. “You are slightly smaller than her and your lips are fuller.” He filled his mouth with more rice. “And your eyes are way more fierce than hers.”

“Wait,” Yeji looked at Hyunjin. “Did you meet her?” 

Minho chuckled behind his fist and Felix pouted, not understanding what was so funny about that question. He met her, yes. They were neighbours and Anne invited him. That was it. 

“H-hm,” Hyunjin nodded, chewing again. “She visited Felix some weeks ago and they were showing me some clothes they have.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Sunwoo was wide-eyed. 

“Why do good things never happen to the right people? I would sell my kidney to take pics of her and Lixie together.” That was Yeji. 

Felix tilted his head down and his chopsticks moved the food around his plate while his brain blocked the conversation, turning it into a buzzing that didn’t sting as much. Anne hadn’t even met the rest of the group and all of them were simping over her. 

He took his glass and gulped half of the beer. 

He missed Nayeon and Seungmin. 

“It’s so crazy to think that she’s Felix’s sister,” Ryujin commented. “It’s like I know who his family are. But fuck. Lee Anne. She’s kind of everywhere now.”

To be fair, Felix wasn’t the only one in the internship whose family was deep in the Fashion business. However, they didn’t have the impact that the Lee family had. So, in some way, Felix had been patiently waiting for a conversation like this. 

But he would have loved to skip this. 

“She’s really cute,” Hyunjin admitted when they asked him about his first impression. “And Felix is even cuter when he’s with her. I’m afraid we only see the worst of him.” 

Felix remembered Hyunjin kissing him whilst he confessed how he turned Anne down. Felix had never asked about it, preferring to stay ignorant, but he knew how his sister was when he was hitting on someone. 

And cute wasn’t the right adjective to use. 

“You especially,” Felix muttered before drinking again. 

“Aw, Lixie best brother,” Jinsoul cooed. 

The smile came back to his lips and Felix found in that comment his salvation. He couldn’t handle a conversation about Anne surrounded by so many people. It was going to be so draining, despite how much he loved her. 

“I bet many of you have soft spots for your siblings too.” 

“If I had one…” Hyunjin was the first one to reply. 

And again, Minho did something Felix couldn’t decipher when he slapped Hyunjin’s thigh and Hyunjin didn’t even look at him as he shrugged. Felix even saw Seonghwa shaking his head at the interaction. 

“I’m the little baby of mine. So it’s different,” Huening Kai added. “I am the soft spot of all of them.”

“Wooh,” that was Jinsoul. “The privilege. I want to be the soft spot of all those gorgeous women too.” 

Their laughter overlapped and Felix breathed again when everyone seemed to forget his sister and his parents to talk about the siblings of the rest. His throat was still dry and there was a thin, cold layer covering his stomach and making him want to stop eating for the night, but he took a deep breath and pretended everything was going well. 

His turmoil was a problem between his brain and himself. 

“I didn’t picture you like this,” Felix confessed, having somehow switched places with Sunwoo when Felix left to go to the toilet. Sunwoo seemed engrossed in a deep conversation with Jinsoul, so Felix supposed he took his seat just to talk easily with her. 

Seonghwa scrunched up his nose. “Hyunie didn’t describe me properly?” 

Felix smiled. “Guess I just haven’t got yet why this idiot seems to have the sweetest friends.” 

The sudden compliment painted Seonghwa’s cheeks bright red and Minho cackled as he wrapped his arm around Seonghwa’s shoulders to bring him closer to his side. 

“Are you calling me ‘sweet’, too?” Minho inquired with a mischievous smile that had Hyunjin sighing and drinking from his water. 

“Don’t reply to that,” Hyunjin warned. 

Minho made a gesture to ask Hyunjin to shut his mouth. “Let him speak his truth. I like people who see me for who I am. You should keep him, Hyun.” 

You should keep him, Hyun.

What.

“I don’t need to keep anyone. He can’t live without me,” Hyunjin teased, cocky and too comfortable with his friends. Felix liked this Hyunjin that let his friends say and do whatever they wanted. It was endearing. He didn’t snap at them, just sighed, ignored them and held back smiles. 

Now that their big group had splitted in a few smaller ones and Felix had stuck to them, he couldn’t ignore how neither of them made him feel left out, always including him in every joke and comment. 

Felix guessed, considering the nature of the relationship Hyunjin had with Seonghwa and Minho and how close they all were, that they knew . So, maybe, Minho was just supporting whatever they were doing. 

His teeth tortured the flesh of his lower lip at the thought. 

“Big boy with his big dreams,” Felix whispered in English.

Seonghwa choked on his beer and almost knocked Minho, who was still holding him with his arm, off his chair. All eyes landed on them and Hyunjin raised his arms to indicate nothing serious had happened. 

He tilted his head towards Felix, a smile making its way to his lips. 

“Can you, please, behave for once and not attempt to murder my friends?” 

“Oh, saying ‘please’ and all. Cute.” 

Seonghwa set his glass on the table, still coughing, and Minho shoved more food into his mouth, pointing at them with his chopsticks like a parent that was scolding their child. 

“Cut the tension, for God’s sake. I promised Seonghwa’s parents that I would take care of him while he stayed at my flat so he could return safely to London.” 

Felix lifted his chin up whilst one of his hands brushed his silver and purple mullet, the grin unable to remain hidden behind his lips for more than a couple of seconds. It shouldn’t feel nice to be called out on their dynamic. It shouldn’t feel thrilling to see that Hyunjin’s friends got along with him. 

“Leaving poor Hyunie alone?” 

It shouldn’t feel delirious to lock eyes with Hyunjin right then; promises and plans drowning in their deep pupils. A conversation flowing between them without pronouncing a word.

“I don’t think he’ll miss us,” Seonghwa whispered.

And yet, it did. 

Just like it also felt heavenly to come back to his flat hours later to have Hyunjin all over him, kissing his neck and sucking on his collarbones. Chuckling quietly against his neck when Felix said he was the gentleman that night, keeping him company since his friends had left him alone. Gasping and moaning and grabbing him as if, for a second, Felix was the one who had taken Minho’s suggestion too seriously and he was trying to keep Hyunjin by his side. 

***

Felix pursed his lips as he looked through the window of his bedroom, the sky all cloudy and the first raindrops hitting the glass. It wasn’t pouring and Felix doubted it would get to that point considering the colour of the clouds but still, he didn’t want to risk it and get into his car. 

They had a really interesting conference that day and Felix had woken up sooner than usual to get to MOD early and sit in one of the first rows since it was a conference for different students, not only them. 

And suddenly, surprise —rain.

He shouldn’t be surprised. That day of the year was never a good one. 

Felix ran around his flat, cursing under his breath and throwing his blouse to the bed to change into a long sleeved lime green top with his beige cardigan. He set his make-up again and remembered in the middle of the chaos that he still hadn’t drunk his black tea. 

His parents had never liked to have strangers constantly at home and that was the reason why Felix only had an elderly woman cleaning his flat once a week but in mornings like that one, he wished he also had someone cleaning and tidying after him, reassuring him and also reminding him of anything he could be forgetting. 

“Shit,” he groaned when he burnt his tongue with the tea at the same time as the screen of his phone lit up. He read the name of the contact that was calling him so early in the morning and the surprise wrinkled his nose. 

Confused, Felix took the phone from the kitchen counter and brought it to his ear. 

“Hyunjin-ah?” 

“I leave in ten minutes.”

“Hyunjin, it’s Felix. What the fuck are you saying?” 

Stressed for no reason because he still had time to arrive at MOD in time to get a good seat, Felix began blowing over the surface of his tea and decided to drink until the last drop. He was going to finish his breakfast and he would have time enough to get a snack at MOD, find Jinsoul and even pick his seat. He could do it. 

“I know. And I said I leave in ten minutes.” Hyunjin repeated, extremely calm in comparison to Felix. “It’s raining and I know you wanted to get there early. Move your ass and meet me in the corridor.” 

He hung up and Felix frowned at his phone. 

The last time Hyunjin offered to drive him, he whispered the question shyly, leaving too much room for Felix to overthink it and back off. His mind spiralled out of control in the span of a couple of seconds and Felix found himself declining the offer, even though it was more tempting than catching a taxi. 

In comparison, that call hadn’t been filled with hesitation. 

Hyunjin called him after making the decision that he was driving Felix to MOD. Probably, that was why he had called him merely a few minutes before leaving. 

Felix shook his head, smiling as he checked his bag after finally drinking his tea. 

Let me pretend I’m a gentleman , he could picture Hyunjin saying if he dared to call him again. 

“Willing to brag about driving Lee Felix to MOD?” Felix joked as he closed the door behind him, Hyunjin already waiting for him in front of the lift. 

“And you? Willing to brag about Hwang Hyunjin driving you in his car?” 

Their arms brushed. They faced the lift and Felix grinned.

“How lucky we are.”

“The luckiest ones.”

Felix got into Hyunjin’s BMW, occupying the passenger seat and not wasting a minute to plug his phone. He would be in charge of the music. No questions asked. He had several playlists for different moods and he wasn’t keen on letting other people pick his music. Especially if he was in a car. 

“Lana del Rey?” Hyunjin was smiling, his voice softening around the edges. 

“We never listened to her in Jeju.” Felix palmed Hyunjin’s arm tenderly, his hand brushing from down the shoulder to his elbow. “If you cry, I have tissues.” 

“So thoughtful of you.”

“Always taking care of my gentle neighbour.” 

Hyunjin made a pleasant sound at the compliment and Felix turned up the music, indirectly asking Hyunjin to not make any comments about it. The voice of Lana del Rey echoed around the car, creating an atmosphere that was incredibly soothing to be inside a car. 

“Tell me I’m your National Anthem,” Felix murmured with his temple leaning against the window and his eyes wandering Hyunjin’s figure. From his perfectly styled hair to the way he tucked his short sleeved maroon shirt into his jeans. His rings looked even more attractive over the steering wheel and for a split second he pictured one of said hands resting on his thigh instead. 

The car stopped under a red light and Hyunjin craned his head in his direction.

“Money is the anthem.” He mouthed. Felix wasn’t sure he was even talking but it wasn’t complicated to understand the words his mouth was forming. One of his hands left the wheel and tucked a purple strand behind Felix’s ear. “God, you are so handsome.” 

A wink. 

“Money is the anthem… of success.”

Nobody should be so attractive before nine.

Felix licked his lips and looked at the road again, not paying attention to the lingering contact making the skin of his ear tingle. It was much more entertaining to go to MOD like this.

The conference was better than Felix had expected and he had surprisingly ended up sitting between Jinsoul and Hyunjin, who spent the entire three hours commenting in whispers everything they said. Time flew like it tended to do when he was enjoying what he was doing and for Felix it was as if he had just blinked when he had actually spent more than six hours out of his house.

He had to remember to call his sister later. 

He did it at midnight but he wanted to ask her what she had done that year to celebrate. He also wanted to apologise because he wouldn’t be able to get to Sydney until the weekend and it was still Tuesday. 

Hyunjin and him were heading towards the parking lot when one of the professors from the conference approached them. Felix’s mind was clouded with all the questions he couldn't forget to ask Anne so he struggled to grasp what the man was saying. 

He caught on to various sentences but his attention went back to reality when he heard Hyunjin thanking him for his words and promising Professor Kang that they wouldn’t disappoint him. Felix nodded and practically repeated the same message with different words. 

The other man smiled at them and only when they left him behind and Felix was safe inside Hyunjin’s car, he allowed himself to admit one of his worst flaws. 

He was convinced that Hyunjin wouldn’t laugh nor tease him. 

“What was he saying?” He almost lied and said that he was sleep deprived but Hyunjin would have caught on to his lie. “I was thinking about something else and he spoke too fast to catch up.” 

“He was congratulating us. Apparently we asked the most interesting questions of the conference and since he was the only one that knew us personally, he wanted to tell us.” The car roared softly as Hyunjin drove out of MOD. “He also remarked how much he was looking forward to us working together to plan an event.”

Felix snickered. “That gives me deja-vu.” 

“Of the email we got before the Summer break or of our huge argument while we were organising the green event?” 

Neither of them made a comment about the weather, that had changed from rainy to just cloudy.

“Of the things we did after both events.” 

“Naughty.” 

“I’m sure you remembered them too.” 

“H-hm, I think I’ll need you to remind me some details I’ve forgotten… unless you are busy later.”

“I’m not.”

***

Felix checked his messages as he entered his flat. His phone was blowing with different notifications but he had muted them all to not hear a sound the whole day. People were used to Felix feeling overwhelmed that day so nobody was surprised if he didn’t pick up the phone. 

People , as in Seungmin and Nayeon. 

Felix took off his cardigan and left his phone in the back pocket of his jeans, leaving most of his messages without a reply. He would have time for that during the rest of the week. Focusing on Hyunjin for a couple of hours was way more tempting. Less stressing. 

It didn’t fill him with uneasy feelings.

And that was already quite a lot to say in a day like that one.

After introducing the code to Hyunjin’s flat —they gave it to each other during Summer, and just because Hyunjin joked about him knowing Felix’s code after The Tragic Night where Felix tried to break into Hyunjin’s place by accident because of his intoxication—, Felix took off his white creepers and placed his phone on the cabinet that was in the hall. 

Deep down, it also felt refreshing to be with someone that didn’t know it . 

“The conference was fascinating,” Felix could hear Hyunjin say. “I’ll tell you better this weekend when I visit you.” 

Like he did in Jeju, he followed his voice until he found Hyunjin in his kitchen, two small teacups in front of him and his phone perched between his cheek and his shoulder whilst he poured the red tea into the cups. 

“Yeah. This weekend. I told you, remember?” 

Felix approached him to help him with the honey and Hyunjin moved to another room to keep talking, his voice quieter now, even though Felix could still understand what he was telling his mother. 

His voice was so sweet when he talked to her. It had to be the third time he heard him on the phone talking to her within a little over a month and Felix hadn’t needed more calls to learn that Hyunjin adored his mother and that his voice tone could only be so soft when it came to her. 

“Love you.” 

And he said those two words every time before hanging up. 

It was so strange and Felix felt like intruding every time she called him. He couldn’t imagine having a relationship like that with his parents. They hadn’t even called him that day, opting for sending him a voice note and also a picture with his sister. 

It had been a surprisingly adorable voice note, that was true, but still. 

Felix heard Hyunjin’s footsteps first and felt his chest melting into his own back after that, his arms finding the kitchen counter and caging Felix against it. His lips pressed against his neck. Against his shoulder. Against his jaw. 

Felix tilted his head back against Hyunjin’s shoulder, and Hyunjin stared at him for a second before covering his lips with his own. 

“I bought the tea yesterday and I wanted to try it.” Lips brushing with every word. “Thought you might want to try it too.”

Felix faked a dreamy sigh. “My gentleman.” His fingers took his teacup and he turned around in Hyunjin’s embrace to look at him. 

After having sex more times than they could count with the fingers of two hands, Felix had got used to their different dynamics. To how easily they adapted to the other to make it memorable and pleasurable. They seemed to be on the same page every damn time. 

Perhaps, that was why Felix couldn’t stop falling, seeking that high and that indescribable comfort that being skin-to-skin with Hyunjin brought him. 

“Will you make me feel good?” He whispered with round eyes. 

It wasn’t a challenge. It wasn’t Felix insinuating that Hyunjin was useless. 

Just a sincere plea dressed as a question.

Make me forget.

Make it different this time.

Make it better.

Hyunjin’s hand trailed the waistband of his jeans until it was resting flat against his back. He didn’t shut him up with a kiss nor smile at the sudden petition, just leaned in to murmur over his mouth, “Isn’t that what I always do?” 

The impact that this day had on him was worse this year since it was the first time he was actually living abroad. The wounds hidden under his skin were bleeding, leaving Felix drained and afraid of the moment he came back to his flat. 

Feeling as alone as he had felt every year. With the simple difference that he was physically alone too. 

Who the hell said that birthdays were a happy event?

“Kiss me, won’t you?”

“Gladly.”

Hyunjin’s free hand grabbed Felix’s chin gently, caressing the skin before closing the gap between their lips with half-closed eyes and a tiny smile. Felix left the cup behind him and hummed into the contact as he gripped the front of Hyunjin’s shirt. 

The kiss was slow and filled with intention. It made Felix’s toes curl from how good it felt, although it was just the simple touch of their mouths together. But that along with the hand holding his face, the other pressed against his back and the raw intimacy eating them alive was a cocktail capable of sending anyone to Heaven. 

How could such a delicate kiss turn his guts outside down like that?

“I still want to drink the tea, angel .”

Did Hyunjin notice that he wasn’t having a good day, although Felix had concealed every negative emotion with a smile? 

Did he know him that well?

“It’s still burning.” Felix puckered his lips and pulled Hyunjin closer. “Kiss me again?” 

A peck. 

“It’s not burning.” Hyunjin’s hand on Felix’s back moved to the kitchen counter to wrap his fingers around the teacup and take it to his lips, drinking from it and emitting a pleasing sound. “Drink and stop pouting, hm? It’s so tasty.” 

Felix was particularly needy on his low days and the spoiled kid behaviour that inhabited him came back with renewed force. He wanted attention and he wanted it now .

Even if he hated his birthday, he was still the birthday boy .

Should he tell him?

“I’ll be pouting ‘till you kiss me,” Felix mumbled, taking his cup and sipping from it without breaking eye-contact with a Hyunjin that was clearly holding back a snort. “And don’t laugh. Idiot.” 

“It’s good, isn’t it?” 

The red fruits mixed in his tongue and filled it with an intense, sweet flavour that kind of asked for a blanket and a long evening lying on the couch with one of his reality shows playing in the background.  

“I’ll steal this tea while you visit Minho-hyung.”

“From all the things you could steal from my flat, that’s what you are picking?” 

The pout broke into a wide smirk. “You know what they say —never let them guess your next move.”

“Does that mean I should kiss you and give you a massage?” Hyunjin was pressing against his body again, his arm circling around Felix’s body to leave his empty teacup on the kitchen counter again. “Or just go to the living room to watch a movie. H-hm.” Hyunjin brushed Felix’s cheek with his lips. “Will you kill me if I do that?” 

“No. I’ll whine and annoy you until you have to shut me up.” 

Felix’s hands not so casually landed on Hyunjin’s ass. He didn’t do anything else, just rested his palms over his buttocks and tilted his head back to look at Hyunjin. 

He needed him near . Suffocating him. 

And he was so sensitive that day, his emotions running through his veins like some kind of poison that had him feeling everything and also nothing at all; the voices in his head getting louder and causing echo. Disappearing. Coming back. Laughing loudly and pointing fingers at him, reminding him of all those years where Anne looked like a princess next to him and he just wanted to go home. Even though most of those times he was already at home . 

Fuck.

That day made him feel so miserable.

So lonely and left out and unworthy of anything good and…

His demeanour dropped.

He hated that day so much.

Warm fingers cupped his cheek and Felix blinked, his gaze focusing again on Hyunjin’s face.

“Hey.”

One of Felix’s hands flew to the one Hyunjin had against his cheek and grasped his wrist. That year he wasn’t in Sydney. He wasn’t going to feel like a secondary character on his birthday because there wasn’t even a birthday . He was safe. 

How safe can you be from something that lives inside of you?

Felix averted his gaze and Hyunjin’s thumb traced the constellations of freckles he had on his cheek, somehow keeping him present; keeping him there. 

The way he had automatically adapted to Felix’s unexpected sadness filled his eyes with tears. Because Hyunjin wasn’t judging him nor forcing him to pretend he felt fine. 

He wasn’t asking questions either.

He was… with him. By his side. Without needing to know anything else. 

And Felix felt so vulnerable and seen at the same time.

So free to feel.

Even if the emotions tasted bitter and the best he could do was bury them inside his heart.

But the only thing Felix needed was…

“Can you hold me? Just…” 

Make it better.

Please.

Hyunjin shifted even closer, if that was humanly possible, and his arms became the armour Felix hadn’t been able to put on that morning. His familiar perfume embraced him and for once, Felix ignored everything his parents had taught him and allowed himself to feel bare. 

But not any type of bare; this one was the type that showed his imperfections. It was a side that not even Seungmin usually saw, because when Felix was like this he preferred to call him or send him a message. 

He closed his eyes to prevent any unnecessary tears —Felix hated to cry, especially if he wasn’t alone. 

“You have to look perfect,” his mother whispered while her thumbs wiped off Felix’s tears. “Remember?” 

Felix hiccupped, nibbling his lower lip until her mother tapped on it to remind him to release it because, as they always said, their bodies were their temples. And at the end of the day, that was what people actually saw —how they looked on the outside. If they were shattered inside, that was their own secret to hide. 

“But I don’t feel pe-perfect. It hurts.”

Miyoung smiled with her hands still caressing her son’s face. They were small, like Felix’s, and from up close, Felix could spot the freckles she had adorning not only his cheeks but also her neck. 

She was perfect. Not Felix. 

“And that’s exactly what this is about, my sweetheart. You have to pretend. Because if you show yourself in a vulnerable position, people will take advantage of it.”

Felix tilted his head down as he nodded. 

“Not even around you? I shouldn’t… I don’t want to lie to you.”

“Listen to me, baby.” Miyoung dropped her hands to hold Felix’s softly. “Nobody should see all of us. What have we always told you?” 

Felix took a deep breath, feeling like what he needed was a hug, not the reminder that he couldn’t even talk to his parents about how he felt. Life sounded like such a lonely journey if he could never trust anyone like that. 

“That we are the ones who make people cry, not the other way round.” He swallowed, all his ugly feelings soon overflowing his insides from gulping them down so much. “T-that… we should never… w-we…”

“That we should always be above everyone else.”

“I’m sorry, mum. I’ll do better next time.”

Even if that day it still hurt to remember what the photographer had told him while his parents weren’t around. The comments sharp like daggers, purposely going after his heart and sinking into it like scars that had found a new home. 

“It’s fine, prince. You are with me now. You are still growing. It’ll stop hurting. I promise.” She caressed his hands. “If you ignore it enough, you’ll even forget what made you cry.”

Theoretically, Felix wasn’t showing all of him, even if it felt like that. Hyunjin had no idea of what was crossing his mind nor the reasons that led him to ask for a hug when not even two minutes prior he was pouting and waiting for a kiss. 

Some days, Felix wondered if his feelings took over him like this because he was rotten inside from swallowing all his pain. Could his feelings perish inside if he never let them out? That had to be the reason why it hurt so fucking much . 

Hyunjin’s fingers buried in his purple strands and his lips brushed Felix’s head whilst the latter sighed and melted within his arms, taking a deep breath that seemed to finally reach his lungs. 

What hurt the most was the suspicion that he would have been happier if he was a regular citizen. If nobody knew his name and fame had never knocked on his door. If his parents’d had more time to mend his wounds instead of looking away. 

Felix didn’t regret being born, yet, in low days, he dreamt about being someone else. 

Or about being Lee Felix, just in a different way. 

Or maybe about having some kind of remote control that let him rest from his life when he needed to. 

His nose trailed Hyunjin’s neck until it reached his jaw and Felix nuzzled against it, his arms trailing up his figure until they circled Hyunjin’s shoulders, his body leaning onto his tiptoes to be able to press himself entirely against Hyunjin. 

“Thank you.”

Hyunjin turned his head and their gazes locked. It was scary to look into his dark eyes, though Felix only found warmth in them. There wasn’t a trace of pity and that paralysed Felix. Because he would have deserved it . Pity and a judgemental stare and two firm hands pushing him away and asking him to put himself together. 

“What?” Hyunjin whispered.

Are you staying with me?

“It’s…” 

Felix swallowed. 

He could say part of the truth and let Hyunjin imagine the rest if he might. 

“Today…” 

How could Felix tell him that it was his birthday but that he didn’t like it without actually explaining why? How could anyone say it without sounding like a fucking idiot?

“It’s a lot. I… This day is a lot. It has always…” Felix drew a smile that barely curled his lips. “Thank you,” he repeated.

“You don’t need to thank me for this, Yongbok.”

His Korean name stretched the smile beyond the limits of his face and Felix let out a soft giggle. Using it seriously for the first time after what had happened was like implying that he had seen through him. That he saw under all the layers. 

It was terrifying, as if the world was spinning around him. 

The alarms should be ringing in Felix’s head, asking Hyunjin to never use it again, running away from those arms that held him so tightly, so tenderly. 

“You’ve been waiting for it, hm?”

“I warned you.”

You are not that special, yet , Felix had said that first time at that event.

The world spun faster but his arms stayed around Hyunjin’s neck. 

“Guess you’ve behaved well enough to deserve the honour.” 

His voice was barely audible.

It truly was so terrifying to let someone else in. To trust; to care.

But it was even more terrifying to notice how the world stopped moving when Hyunjin leaned in and, finally, finally , slid their lips together in a kiss.

“Better?” He whispered.

Was Hyunjin that special? Felix asked himself once again but no answers came to him because soon Felix was nodding and kissing him again. 

They kissed until Felix couldn’t feel his lips, panting against Hyunjin’s mouth and yet chasing his lips every time they broke away from each other. It was like flying, somehow. And also like crashing. It was intense and sweet, and Felix wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. 

“You are so gorgeous,” Hyunjin murmured with his lips glued to Felix’s collarbones. “So beautiful.”

Considering how awful Felix had been feeling since he woke up, the praises dug into his bones deeper than usual. Like a kiss over open skin. 

He whimpered, tilting head and letting Hyunjin decide what came next. He couldn't lead that day. He just wanted to drown until no oxygen filled his body.

Hyunjin could drag him out of the void in a couple of hours. For now, it was fine like that.

His big hands gripped his thighs and Felix held onto Hyunjin when his feet stopped touching the floor, his legs wrapping around Hyunjin's waist unconsciously.

Felix nuzzled against Hyunjin's jaw again and ran his teeth over the skin, softly. 

“You make me feel small.”

“Well, love , you are, indeed, physically small,” Hyunjin replied with the familiar teasing undertone impregnating his voice as he walked towards his bedroom.

Felix pressed lazy kisses along Hyunjin's neck.

“Physically?”

Hyunjin lay Felix down onto his mattress and Felix looked up at him, expectantly. Usually, he would be hunting more praises, addicted to the high they brought him. To that instant shot of serotonin.

But Felix was only waiting for Hyunjin to keep talking. 

“You know the effect you have on people.”

“Just say it.”

Because you are not ‘people’.

You didn't fall right away like everyone else.

“It’s hard not to see you.” Felix couldn’t tell if Hyunjin avoided talking exclusively about himself on purpose. “You might have a small body but the moment you enter a room, everyone turns around to see you.” Hyunjin hadn’t torn his gaze away from Felix’s face. “Enough?” 

A burning hot blush ran down his neck but Felix didn’t look away either. 

He shook his head. “What else?” 

Hyunjin crawled onto the bed, his legs on both sides of Felix’s thighs as his hands snaked under Felix’s top, pulling it up his body with calculated slowness. Not because he was teasing Felix, but because that was their pace that day. 

“H-hm,” he pretended to think whilst Felix freed his arms from the top. “I’d say you have been gifted with the power of never being invisible. People hate you, adore you, want you in their beds or just want to be you but there’s always an opinion.” Hyunjin made a pause to toss the top aside and bent down to kiss Felix’s shoulder. “But again, you already know that.” 

Hyunjin kissed his other shoulder. 

Felix was afraid to speak. The spell had replaced his blood, his eyes incapable of not looking up at Hyunjin in awe, not expecting such an honest reply from someone like him. 

Even though he wasn’t completely right. 

Felix had been invisible more than once in the past.

“It feels better to hear it on someone else’s lips.”

“Are you calling me ‘someone else’?” 

The problem of being vulnerable was how honest that made him. Even if temporary, even if it was just a silly slip. At some point, his tongue betrayed him. 

Like it did then.

“You know you are not ‘someone else’. That’s why I wanted you to say it.” Felix sighed when Hyunjin kissed his sternum and his tongue darted out of his mouth to lick a stripe along his collarbones. “That’s why you are here with me.” His voice quivered like his body wasn’t doing yet. God. Hyunjin was taking all his time and Felix was simmering inside. “Again. And again. And again.” 

Felix smiled. 

“But you also know that, don’t you?”

Hyunjin smiled back. “It really feels better to hear you say it.” His lips descended Felix’s body until they reached his belly button. “Does my prince want me to praise him a little more?” 

His prince.

“I prefer when you call me angel .”

“Because you know you are not one?” 

That could be a good reason, yes, but it wasn’t the real one. 

“And because it implies I’m not from this world.” 

Hyunjin grinned as he unzipped Felix’s ripped jeans and pulled them down his legs, brushing his skin with his nails in the process. His lips left kisses on his thighs, his knee and his calf. Also on his ankle after getting rid of the jeans.

The gentle and delicate touch reminded him so much of what being a deity must be like. It was as if Hyunjin was making sure Felix felt how much he adored him. How his world wouldn’t be the same if he wasn’t in it. How his attention would always be focused on him. 

“Who’s the sensitive one today?” Hyunjin teased when Felix squirmed underneath him after Hyunjin sucked a mark below his nipple.

He hadn’t touched him there yet and Felix was feeling so high already. He didn’t even have a coherent thought to reply to him because he was completely lost in that sensation of being… cared for. Of being important. Of being worth the time to cover his body in kisses and still do it for a second time. 

“Undress for me.” Felix panted against Hyunjin’s neck. 

Hyunjin leaned onto his knees, still straddling Felix, and rested his palms on his own legs. 

“Asking for private shows, I see how this goes.”

“I deserve it.”

Hyunjin’s fingers undid the buttons of his short-sleeved blouse, slowly again, playing with Felix’s patience until Felix could only beg but also stared at him. 

“You deserve it?” 

And in his state, feeling so drunk of all that attention, Felix murmured, “Yeah. You can be my birthday’s present.” 

In that party that was only for them both. In that party that Hyunjin didn’t know they were having but in which Felix was, for once, the main character. In that party that made Felix hate this date a little less. 

Hyunjin’s eyebrows lifted up for a brief second. And yet, even though he dropped the information without any warning, he didn’t ask any more questions, just let the blouse slide down his arms as he removed his trousers too. 

“Tell me then,” he ended up purring, his body only covered by his panties and his legs still on both sides of Felix’s body. “What else do you want?”

Felix sat up on the bed and their chests merged as he leaned in and his hands settled on Hyunjin’s back. 

“Just you.” Felix beamed, unaware of the possible implications that his words might have. 

“Me making you feel good?” 

Felix got even closer to whisper into his ear, “Didn’t you say that’s what you always do? Now prove it.”

Hyunjin pushed him onto the mattress again but Felix fell deeper than that. He sank within seconds in the pool of indescribable sensations and dangerous thoughts whilst Hyunjin slid a finger inside him and bent Felix’s knee to also kiss his thigh. 

Still softly. Still with no rush. 

He took his sweet time fingering him open, shushing Felix with more kisses every time he whined, asking him to be patient and calling him “beautiful” when he moaned Hyunjin’s name. 

“Can you…” Felix whispered when Hyunjin bottomed out, filling him up until he was everywhere. A quiet sigh escaped his lips. “Do it slow.” 

I want to feel you.

“That was the plan, babe .”

Felix was convinced that it couldn’t be physically good to feel so much but the moment Hyunjin pulled out to push back in, the pace still gentle and tender, and their bodies tangled even more than ever before, his stomach twisted and his whole body shuddered. 

Because he truly was every-fucking-where, even inside his mind, resonating inside his ear, breathing over his lips, gripping his body, rocking his hips against him in slow motions. 

It was a lot. 

More than enough and more than what he had ever had. 

It was so much more that Felix ran out of explanations; out of words; out of sounds. 

He didn’t even last after Hyunjin took his length in his hand and his consciousness almost slipped through his fingers as he painted his body white. His eyes fluttered closed and his hands grabbed him. 

“Don’t pull out ‘till you come too.”

And Hyunjin obeyed, capturing his lips with his own and groaning in the middle of the kiss, burying himself even deeper as he climbed that high too, catching Felix in the aftermath. In the free fall.

They kissed each other through it. 

And they kissed again several minutes after that, still tangled and riding a high that nothing had to do with sex. Felix was so overwhelmed that he didn’t fight Hyunjin when he dragged him to the shower before he got into the bathroom that connected with his bedroom. 

“See you soon, birthday boy,” Hyunjin murmured after drinking another cup of tea together and giving Felix a little recipient with part of it so he could make it at home. 

“Tomorrow you mean?” 

Hyunjin tucked a wet purple and silver strand behind his ear with a grin hanging from his lips. 

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

He only closed the door after Felix punched the code to enter his place and even then, Felix still could feel him everywhere.

*

Upon entering his flat, Felix noticed something weird . 

It smelled like peaches from the hall and he was completely sure that his perfume didn’t smell like any fruit. He scrunched up his nose and got startled by the presence of Nayeon and Seungmin sitting on his couch.

“Hi, babe,” Nayeon greeted, winking an eye. 

“Happy birthday, king,” Seungmin added whilst Nayeon raised her arm and revealed the outfit they were hiding behind their bodies. 

Felix could barely process his surroundings, not used to having anyone waiting for him to clearly… celebrate his birthday? He stayed at the entrance of the living room, sceptical, as if awaiting his best friends to disappear before his eyes if he dared to blink. 

“Hello? Move. You are changing your clothes and putting on some make-up and going out with us. We made a reservation in a place you are going to adore.” 

Nayeon got up from the couch as she was talking and her long nails practically dug into Felix’s arm before she began dragging him to his own bedroom. 

“B-but-”

“Less overthinking and more hurry the fuck up,” Seungmin sighed, rolling his eyes.

Had they thrown a mini-celebration for him? 

Just for him?

Nayeon closed the door behind them and her lips touched the top of Felix’s wet hair. 

“Taking showers outside your flat, you little bitch?” 

Felix pushed her softly and took the clothes from her hands.

“I was testing if Hyunjin’s shower was as good as mine.” 

Nayeon took a seat on his bed and played with a long curly strand, a wide, twisted grin blooming on her lips as he wiggled her eyebrows. 

“Rearranging your guts for your birthday sounds delicious, not gonna lie.”

When Felix told Nayeon about everything that had happened between Hyunjin and him some time after Jeju, his friend had, first, expressed her surprise, because that was a weird behaviour coming from him. And after that, she had asked all the filthy questions whose answers Seungmin had never wanted to hear. 

“I told him it was my birthday.” 

Felix inspected the outfit his friends had prepared for him, his critical eyes running from the red bodysuit that was tied around his neck and left all his back exposed except for the thin strings with shiny pearls crossing it from one side to the other, to the black, short trousers that had an extra layer of fabric above it, which made them look like half a skirt, half trousers.

“So he fucked you harder?” 

He giggled. 

“Something like that.”

Felix undressed in silence and after a couple of minutes, Nayeon whispered, “I’m proud of you for talking about it with someone else.” 

Because even back in the day where they both were in Sydney, his birthday was a sensitive topic that Felix avoided at all costs.

“Felt good to say it.” As expected from his friends, the clothes fit his body perfectly, hugging every inch and curve, making him look not only expensive but also unapproachable. It was perfect. “Heels will be too much? And what about the make-up? I need hints.”

“Just wear what’s going to make you feel flawless, Bok-ah.” 

“I am flawless.” He glanced at her, offended. 

“That’s why I said ‘feel’.”

Felix couldn’t contain a shy smile from curling his lips, because the difference was so small that any other wouldn’t have caught on to the implications; the message behind that change of verb. But they both did. 

It was useless to be flawless if you didn’t feel like it. 

It was useless to be flawless if everything was shattered inside. 

As if he was trying to break his own record, Felix sat in front of his dressing table and pulled out of one his make-up bags the black eyeliner and also the white one, quickly doing a short wing with the black one and continuing it above his eye with the white one. He applied some gloss over his lips and barely used blush, in contrast to the high amounts of highlighter. 

Foundation and any type of contouring got ignored in order to style his hair with his own fingers, deciding to skip the hairdryer step and let his hair be slightly wavy. 

His hands took his black platform heels, the ones that weren’t particularly high but crazily comfortable instead. 

“Ready,” he announced as he got up from the chair and twirled to show Nayeon the final result. “How do I look?” 

“Like you could rule the entire world.”

His hand rested over his hips as he posed for Nayeon.

“Yeah?”

“Promise.”

They opened the door of Felix’s bedroom again and he found Seungmin with a black tiara with red stones that was very similar to the one he wore for Ryujin and Yeji’s photoshoot. What were the odds? Did Seungmin, perhaps, message them and ask them for a favour? 

Felix let Seungmin put it atop his head. 

“For the king.” Felix tilted his head to the side. The king . “Will you promise you won’t hate me when I confess to you what I’ve done?” 

Oh, fuck. He actually contacted the couple and also told them it was his birthday, right?

“I’ll ask my royal guards to cut your head.”

Seungmin laughed and added in a soft whisper, “You’ve always told me how much you would have wanted to be the main character. Even if you hated your birthday.”

Felix furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Wait. Don’t talk. I know I took liberties and if you want to be mad at me for days after this, fine. I really don’t give a shit. I’ve been wanting to do this for so long .”

“Seungmin-ah, what the hell are you even t-”

“Happy birthday!” The door of his guest room swung open and Felix got startled by the presence of Jinsoul, Huening Kai, Ryunjin, Yeji and… of course, Hyunjin. 

Felix covered his mouth with his tiny hand and took deep breaths to prevent any tears from reaching his eyes at the sight of all of them in his living room, putting out of the bedroom two tables that Felix didn’t know where they had come from, full of snacks and drinks. And a small third one with an unstable towel of presents. 

“You are joking,” Felix muttered against his palm. 

He was kind of waiting for Anne. 

Where was the slap of reality? 

There wasn’t any?

“Happy birthday, Lix,” Seungmin replied as he took Felix’s hand out of his mouth to squeeze his fingers.

Felix pulled him closer while his other friends organised the tables and Felix shook his head, still in deep disbelief. Because… that clearly wasn’t happening. 

“Is this… for me?” He whispered as he raised a hand to touch the tip of his crown. “Like… you all did… You . For me?” 

“Actually, it was my idea but I got help.” Seungmin’s gaze travelled the room to look at all the… friends Felix had made in the past months. “Nayeon-noona was thinking about throwing a small party just with us three. And Hyunjin told me he would tell your MOD’s group and keep you busy while we organised all of this.”

Music started playing and Felix leaned his head against Seungmin’s shoulder like he barely did since Seungmin didn’t enjoy physical contact. His arms circled his body and Seungmin smiled. 

“Huening Kai and Jinsoul entered their event planner selves and literally fixed everything in a couple of days. And the girls made your tiara.” Felix sniffed as subtly as he could against the fabric of Seungmin’s sweater. “Hey, don’t ruin my outfit with tears, hm?”

Felix chuckled, although it sounded like a wet sound. “Thank you.”

Seungmin made them sway, following the beat, and Felix repeated it again as he pressed himself even closer. 

“They don’t know a thing, though. Just that… you don’t talk about it.”

“Where’s the birthday boy?” Ryunjin yelled, opening a bottle of wine and pouring the first glass. “Lixie, this one is yours, babe!”

Felix pulled back from Seungmin’s body as he ran his fingers under his eyes, wiping his unshed tears and tilting his head to ask in silence if he looked collected enough. Seungmin adjusted the tiara and gave him a nod before pushing him in the direction of the tables. 

“Happy birthday!” Jinsoul said when he was close enough, hugging him and kissing his hair at the same time. “Hope you appreciate our acting skills. This morning I almost wished you a happy birthday but Hyuka literally kicked me under the table.”

“And she has been whining about it since. You should count all the times she has sent me the knife emoji today,” Huening Kai commented, getting closer to them. “Happy birthday, Lix-ah. We bought extra Taylor Swift balloons so you can put them in your bedroom or something.”

Felix giggled with his arms around his friends’ bodies. 

“Nothing better than having a Taylor balloon looking into my soul when I’m about to sleep.”

“Less talking and more dancing,” Yeji interrupted, taking Felix’s arm and shoving his body between her and Ryujin. “Happy birthday, Lixie,” they said at the same time before leaning closer to him, their three faces practically merging into one. 

“Did you know you have a hickey on your thigh?” Ryujin whispered and Felix’s hand flew to his leg.

“Not you too,” Felix grumbled. Because after Jeju, the couple had to be dumb to not notice that something was happening between them. “I’ve had enough with Jinsoul and Huening Kai.” 

“Oh,” Yeji exclaimed. “So you talk about this with them but not with us?” 

“I bet you already interrogated Hyunjin about it.”

Ryujin made Felix twirl under her arm. “And if we did?” 

“Then I’m not saying a word.” 

Someone coughed beside them and Felix tilted his head to find Hyunjin cocking an eyebrow and sporting a smirk. 

“Does the birthday boy want me to save him from these demons?” 

No wonder why he was suppressing a smile when Felix told him they would see each other the next day. He even knew that it was his birthday by the time Felix confessed it to him. If he had to congratulate someone for his acting skills, that person was Hyunjin. 

“You, asshole,” Felix said through a pout as he took Hyunjin’s hand.

“Yes, darling?”

“You knew it.”

Dramatically, Hyunjin brought their laced hands to his lips to leave a lingering kiss against the back of Felix’s hand. 

“I beg your pardon. Seungmin insisted on how this was a surprise.” Hyunjin’s other hand pressed against Felix’s lower back. “But I won’t forget that you told me about it too.”

Felix tilted his head as if flustered, but his previous emotions were under control again. The usual and confident Felix was in that party, feeling like a king while inside he felt like he could cry until his eyes were dry. 

He didn’t recall the last time he cried that hard, always avoiding to bare himself like that even when he was alone. His insides weren’t something pleasant to deal with. There were so many monsters and voices hungrily waiting for Felix to unleash them. 

“Does that mean I’m getting a birthday present from you too?” Was what Felix said after he made Hyunjin turn around, his chest against Hyunjin’s back and his lips dancing closer to Hyunjin’s ear. “Did you buy me a set of bedsheets?” 

“It’s a simple ball gag for the days when I want you to stay quiet.”

Hyunjin twirled again and they faced each other. 

Felix was smirking now.

“Talking about ball gags in the middle of my birthday party, surrounded by our friends? So reckless of you.” 

“You know what’s worse?” Hyunjin’s fingers traced the side of Felix’s red bodysuit, from his ribs to Felix’s waist. “I talked about it but you’ll be the one thinking about it.” 

“Yeah? Because you’ve already pictured me enough?” Felix raised his hand to palm Hyunjin’s cheek. “Reckless and such a goner for me.” He winked and turned around to dance with Nayeon. 

Having a real birthday party for himself after twenty-three years had been shocking at first but after the first hour and a bunch of “you look gorgeous, king,” “happy birthday, babe,” “you are not going to dance with me, bitch?” Felix learnt that, perhaps, the day he was born could actually get celebrated in its own way. 

At home.  

With a small circle of people.

Without strangers around. 

Without paparazzis.

And without IG posts about it.

Felix, who had grown up sharing all the positive moments of his life, found himself taking pics that were going to be always treasured and also always safe and sound in the gallery of his phone.

“Open mine first!” Jinsoul said as she took a big box from the table and practically shoved it onto Felix’s hands, the rest immediately erupting into laughs and eyes that rolled tenderly, because Jinsoul was extremely adorable with her big eyes and her even bigger smile. 

“Okay, okay, okay.” 

Felix’s hands trembled over the colourful gift wrap Jinsoul had used for his present. 

They were all in a circle around him. Their attention was on him . 

The spotlight was actually… his. 

As it theoretically should be in any context, except when… his sister was around too. 

But Anne wasn’t there, only inside his mind. 

“You are making me nervous!” Jinsoul screamed. 

Felix grasped reality again as his fingers pressed against the box, his wide grin pushing to the back of his head any other negative emotion that could show on his face. One of his hands ripped the wrapping paper and Felix gasped. He clutched it to his chest for a whole second and then looked down at it again. 

“Is it…?” Felix giggled. “Jin-ah, what…” 

“Were those ones, right?”

Felix giggled again. They talked about those shoes before their Summer break when Felix commented casually on the urge he had to buy one of the creepers from that collection. If he did recall it correctly, Jinsoul and him talked about it for less than ten minutes. 

How did she remember such a tiny detail? 

“They are and they are even more gorgeous in real life.” 

“Can you believe I bought them for you even before I knew it was your birthday?” 

Felix smiled. 

“Trying to win my heart by buying me pretty shoes?” 

Jinsoul was already wrapping her arms around him and smiling against Felix’s temple. 

“I just like to make my friends happy, Lix-ah.” 

His heart fluttered as he pulled back to keep unwrapping presents, getting more and more surprised by every one of them —Hyuka got him a small card that said “Purple Hair Until The End Of The Year” which basically meant that he could get any hair appointment he wanted until the last day of December for free . It didn’t have to be to keep his purple hair, even though in Huening Kai’s words he couldn’t picture Felix with a hair that didn’t have some purple strands. 

Yeji gave him a photobook with pictures from his first photoshoot with Hyunjin and also the trip to Jeju. Some of them were the official pics she had posted on her Instagram but others were new ones that she had edited just to add them to the photobook. At the end, there were also a selection of pics from different days where they had gathered and Yeji had taken her camera. And if that wasn’t enough, she had stuck a small note to the last page of the photobook. 

“Never saw someone that could make the sun look so pale. Happy birthday, Lixie.”

Felix couldn’t count the amount of times he had taken a deep breath since he grabbed the first box from the table but he was pretty convinced that by the time he reached Seungmin’s gifts, the tears would be even choking him up.

Assholes, making him cry. In public. On his birthday .

As if Felix didn’t hate to cry in front of other people, or by himself, with all his being.

But he was so overwhelmed. 

He felt so loved.

“You terrify me,” Felix murmured, taking Ryujin’s present from the table. 

Ryujin winked at him and Felix’s fingers carefully removed the gift wrap. There was a tiny box with two things and Felix recognised the back part of the Reputation album, by Taylor Swift. 

His favourite album by her.

Felix’s heart jumped to his throat when he turned the album around and saw Taylor’s signature on it, accompanied by a snake ring that was part of the official merchandising and that sold out within minutes. 

He did his best to keep the cocky attitude but it faltered as he looked at the signature again, Felix smiled behind the album and shot Ryujin a long look. 

“The Taylor card is always the winning one.” 

Ryujin did a quick dance, following the beat of the song that was playing in the background and sipped from his glass. 

“Did you listen to him? I won.” 

“Oh, shut up,” Hyunjin shushed her with a roll of his eyes, handing Felix his present. 

Felix licked his lips and his fingers brushed the velvety texture of the gift wrap. The box was huge in comparison to others and that only made his curiosity spike. What could it be?

First, his fingers found the soft fabric of a long and silky baby pink robe from Agent Provocateur. His eyebrows raised and a chuckle escaped his lips whilst he set the box on the table again to be able to see the robe better. 

Jinsoul whistled and Yeji snorted. 

“If I hear a single word you all get kicked out,” Felix warned. “You don’t understand the joke behind it.”

There were two small cards and another tiny box left inside the big one. The tiny box had a golden earring that connected his helix piercing with the one in his earlobe. It had a small snake, too, but it looked elegant enough to be a perfect option for any event he attended. 

The first small card had a bedsheet discount that made Felix laugh. The other one promised that he would get his last present during the Fashion Week in Paris.

“I hate mysteries,” Felix pouted after folding the robe and leaving it carefully into the box again. 

Hyunjin shrugged. “Then suffer, babe.” 

Without saying a word out loud, he mouthed in English, “Hate you.”

His body was about to collapse from all the emotions he was carrying inside when Nayeon took his wrist between her fingers and left a small envelope on top of his palm. Felix’s fingers trembled again as he opened it, because Nayeon and Seungmin knew him too well.

Their gifts always left him speechless.

And it had been a long time since the last time Nayeon bought something for his birthday.

The first present was a delicate necklace with the words piece of art that automatically reminded him of Nayeon telling him to feel flawless, but also of his friend asking him to say it out loud and not hide it on a tattoo that was always covered by his underwear. 

Felix took another deep breath. 

God, he really didn’t want to cry. 

Along the necklace, there was a silver ring with a large and beautiful ruby. Felix brought it close to his eyes when he caught the reflection of some letters engraved in the inner side of it. 

“There are always flowers for those who want to see them.”

He slid it along his middle finger and threw his arms around Nayeon’s neck. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” was what Felix whispered, low enough so anyone apart from his friend could listen to him. “So, so much.” 

Nayeon stepped back and tucked a silver strand behind Felix’s ear. 

“Missed you more.”

Felix crossed his arms against his chest and turned to face Seungmin, who was looking at him with a side-smile. His present was another envelope, but his was larger than Nayeon’s. 

His teeth dug for a second into his lip before he remembered not to torture his body with his nerves. 

“What.”

His eyes read the long letter and the other papers that were inside the envelope. He covered his face again and his shoulders shuddered ever so slightly whilst Felix focused on his breathing.

Inhale.

Exhale.

He wasn’t going to cry.

“Seungmin-ah?” 

“Yongbok-ah?” 

The stupid Korean name. 

Why was everyone using it that day?

Felix hit him with the envelope, a pout twisting his lips and his glossy eyes fixated on his best friend. 

“You are. A Bitch.” 

“So I’ve been told.”

If there was something Felix hated as much as his birthday, that was Christmas with his family. The different events, the tense smiles, the backhanded compliments, the strangers treating him as if he was only the son of his parents and the brother of his sister. 

Felix could roll his eyes until he could only see his brain thinking about it. 

Seungmin’s gift was a trip to Vienna during those days. Everything was booked already and the envelope had different information about everything, from the hotel to their flights. 

The last line of the letter where he explained the gift said, “Always by your side. Always proud of you. Always thankful for your existence. Happy life.”

“Vienna?” Felix whispered with a thin voice and a lump in his throat. 

“You used to say that Vienna looked like a city that-”

“... Made you feel on top of the world. Like humans shouldn’t feel.”

Seungmin smiled and so did Felix before the latter stretched his arm and Seungmin laced their fingers together. Felix’s free hand pressed gently under his eyes to keep the tears right where they were and he tilted his head down.

“You are the best, you know?” 

“So I’ve been told too.” 

Felix laughed, the sound sweet and natural. Most transparent that any word he could say. He looked at all his friends and let his façade fade, the cockiness and the confidence melting as he smiled. 

“Thank you so much. I really…” 

He pressed Seungmin’s envelope against his chest.

“I won’t forget this birthday.” He smiled wider. “Never.”

The party kept rolling after that. Felix blew candles and hid the happiness under his layers of make-up at the sight of a real cake, not the big towers that his parents bought them that looked stunning in pics but tasted awful. 

They only started leaving when it was past midnight and somehow they remembered that the next day was actually Wednesday and all of them had to wake up soon. 

Felix hugged all of them and thanked them for the surprise. They all even helped him to clean and leave his flat as tidy as it was before they brought the tables, the lights and the speakers. 

“Thank you for this,” he told Seungmin and Nayeon while Hyunjin took the small table to his flat, since apparently it was part of his studio. “Really.” 

Felix didn’t think about spotlights nor main characters that evening, too overwhelmed by raw happiness to consider anything else. But now that the party was over, he could see that he had been the real protagonist. A role made for him and only for him.

His fingers brushed his tiara one more time.

A king .

“You don’t hate us then?” Nayeon questioned with a warm smile.

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that, noona. I think I’m keeping you both forever if you let me.”

I love you, I love you, I love you.

“Yongbokkie…” 

Seungmin’s arms embraced him before Nayeon could reach the other side of his body and Felix hid his face in the crook of his best friend’s neck just like he did at the beginning of the party. 

He could allow himself to express his feelings for once. 

For real. 

With all the words. 

It was Seungmin and Nayeon, there was nothing that could scare them away. 

A couple of tears broke free and Felix made a choked up sound. 

“I promise. Forever.” He shook his head, gripping his friends’ clothes with his hands, bones and soul. “I will never try to leave any of you again.”

Perhaps, it shouldn’t be so cathartic to let everything out like that after such an intense day. Felix could picture the disapproval on his parents’ faces if they found him clinging to Nayeon and Seungmin in his hall, with tears wetting his cheeks but his eyes filled with stars like never before. 

“Ugh,” he huffed, pulling back after a couple of minutes. “I hate that you’ve made me cry like this. I survived the whole party.”

Nayeon cupped his cheeks and wiped off the tear streaks with her thumbs. 

“We are not leaving you either.”

After years of friendship; of fights and long nights on the phone; of comfortable silence and cruel remarks. After and despite all of that, Felix couldn't remember a day where they had been as honest as they were in his hall that night. 

They preferred to show how much they cared in different ways. 

Just staying. 

But it was special to voice the truth at least once. 

“It’s a promise,” Seungmin murmured.

Felix pushed both of them without any force and giggled, relieved and stupidly happy. Feeling so much shouldn’t be even healthy. Not when everything was so… good. So surreal. Like a dream that might end if Felix didn’t grasp it fast enough.

“God, shut the fuck up and go. I’m not crying again.” 

Seungmin and Nayeon wished him a good night after teasing him for a few minutes and Felix stayed leaning against his doorframe, with his fingers again tracing the tiara and his heart so warm that he bet nobody could touch it with the hands without getting burnt. 

He was so lost in his thoughts that didn’t notice Hyunjin standing before him until the latter cleared his throat to catch his attention.

“I… actually didn’t say goodbye.”

Felix’s hands tapped his cheeks again, even though Hyunjin could probably guess he had cried. 

“The gentleman is possessing you again?” 

Hyunjin lifted up his arm to adjust the crown over Felix’s head, the shadow of a grin curling his lips. 

“This is just Hyunjin being polite with the birthday boy.”

So cute .

“Then what are you waiting for? Say goodbye and leave. I need to get my good amount of hours of sleep and it’s already late.”

“Ordering people around like a real king?”

Felix tilted his chin up and stretched his arm to offer Hyunjin his hand. 

“H-hm. Kneel before me, kiss my hand and show respect.”

Barely containing his smirk, Hyunjin pretended to crouch down, bending his back and bringing Felix’s hand close to his lips. His breath caressed the skin of Felix’s knuckles and for a stupid reason, Felix held his breath as he stared at him. 

“Goodnight, Your Majesty.” His lips finally kissed the skin. “Have the sweetest dreams.” 

Their eyes locked and Hyunjin’s smirk bloomed, dangerous and filled with that freaking sensation that had Felix always asking for more. 

“Meanwhile, I’ll try not to disrespect you by dreaming about you wearing simply a certain pink robe.” 

Felix shivered at the low voice. 

His fingers twitched in Hyunjin’s hold. 

“What a scandal that would be.”

Hyunjin returned to his previous position yet their fingers stayed intertwined. And the air and the silence and everything around them grew so thick again. Like it had happened multiple times since… when? Before their Summer break? 

“It would be even worse if you wore it for me. Although I wouldn’t have to dream about it then.”

Felix pulled Hyunjin closer and drew another smirk. 

“Maybe, we could arrange that.” He kissed Hyunjin’s jaw, a mere caress of his lips against his skin. “Goodnight, peasant.”

He stepped backwards, letting go of Hyunjin’s hand, and gave him a last smile before closing the door. However, he didn’t walk to his room until he heard Hyunjin getting into his flat too.

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“Yo era ateo, pero ahora creo.
Porque un milagro como tú...
Ha tenido que bajar del cielo.” 

“Yes, I’m keeping the purple strands,” Felix said, sitting in front of his phone, the screen showing the faces of his parents. “I think the hairstyles will look more unique thanks to them.” 

His mother sighed and Felix sank his nails slightly into the flesh of his thighs, not too much, scared of leaving a mark by accident, but enough to remind himself to remain calm. They weren’t going to make decisions for him. This was his Fashion Week . 

It was his first big opportunity to be Lee Felix. 

And no one else.

“And what about the outfits?” His father inquired, although Felix had already sent them multiple pics with the options he had. He would decide when he got to Paris, depending on how he felt in the morning. “Hope you don’t forget to greet all of our business acquaintances. I’ll send you later the list of the ones that I know will be there.”

Felix bit his tongue to not sigh loudly. 

What part hadn’t they understood? Felix was attending the Paris Fashion Week because he had put all his effort into his internship and his professors had decided to reward him and other students with such a huge opportunity. 

This had nothing to do with the fact that Felix was the son of the famous Lee Miyoung and Lee Jihoon. 

He was so irritated. 

But that wasn’t new, what was different from any other day was that Felix didn’t have the energy to keep the mask perfectly settled over his face. His smile had been cracking around the edges since his mother scrunched up her nose the moment Felix told them he was sharing his hotel room with a classmate. 

A classmate that, by the way, was Hyunjin, since Jinsoul —the original Felix’s roommate— stated that she refused to be third wheeling or, worse , to listen to their shenanigans. As if Hyunjin and Felix were rude and untamed animals that couldn’t keep it in their trousers or something.

However, Jinsoul wasn’t up for a discussion. 

“I’m just informing you both that I am sharing the room with Ryunie,” was what she had said. “Scream, cry or hate me for all I care.” After that, she had proceeded to kiss their heads under the stunned stares of them both. “I still love you though. Don’t look at me like that.”

“There’s an outfit that will be a surprise.”

“A surprise?” Jihoon repeated, the nerves tracing lines on his forehead. Felix almost enjoyed seeing them so close to snap at him. “Don’t joke with something like this.”

Felix took his glass of orange juice and grabbed the straw between his lips, slurping in a way that was annoying even to himself. But he really was so, so pissed that he felt the need to make it clear. 

The need to behave like a misbehaved child. 

“I’m not joking.” Felix carded his fingers through his mullet while he accommodated himself on the couch. “A friend gifted me an outfit for my birthday but he’s not showing me anything until we get to Paris.”

“A friend.” 

Miyoung’s lips twitched as she exhaled as loudly as Felix had slurped, tucking a long, black strand into her ponytail. 

“What have we said about trusting people, hm? Or the friend is Seungmin?” 

In all honesty, Felix could never tell if his parents trusted Seungmin or if they had just given up, accepting their defeat and leaving Felix to enjoy the company of his best friend. 

“It’s not. It’s a friend from the internship and before you say something, if I consider that the outfit is inappropriate, I won’t wear it. But I doubt that will be the case.” 

It was kind of alarming how his parents were talking as if Hyunjin was going to point a gun at him and force him to wear whatever he had picked. Although it said a lot about how used they were to Felix never complaining when they gave him outfits.

“You hadn’t told us you were making friends in Seoul,” his father commented, clearly surprised by the revelation. 

Felix licked his lips and his gaze dropped to his glass of orange juice.

This part of the conversation didn’t even feel satisfying. 

“I actually did. I told you I was meeting new people in the internship that seemed worth keeping around.” The fake smile stretched his lips again, yet his eyes were filled with a sadness his parents always ignored. “I guess you were busy when I told you.”

Felix heard the sound of his main door and the quiet steps of Seungmin. 

Then, he entered the living room, rolling his eyes the moment he realised Felix was videocalling his parents. 

“Seungmin is here so I need to hang up,” Felix informed. The relief bathed him now that the call was almost over. “I promise I’ll behave. I’ve learnt from the best ones.”

For a second, Felix remembered Hyunjin saying “I love you” to his mother and his heart ached. 

He didn’t wait for his parents to react.

“Bye. See you for your birthday, mum.”

And the screen turned black. 

“Let me guess. They were asking you about your outfits and lecturing you on what to do in Paris?”

“You are so good at making summaries.” 

There wasn’t a fake smile curling his lips anymore.

Felix wasn’t even smiling since he ended the call. 

“You okay?”

Felix nodded, taking the last sip of his juice. 

“Some days it’s just harder than others. It’s fine.” Felix got up from the couch and checked his make-up on the mirror. Apart from the lipstick, everything seemed perfect. Nobody would even smell how upset he actually felt. “We are going to that restaurant we said after the cinema, right?” 

“We’ll have to go directly to the restaurant if you don’t hurry the fuck up.”

Felix waved his hand in the air between them. “Shush. Let me get prettier first. The film can wait for us.”

It was one of his strange coping mechanisms —making sure he looked unapproachable, gorgeous and out of everyone’s league every time his parents reduced him to a toy that couldn’t think nor make decisions by himself. 

It was better than sinking in his bathtub or changing his hair. 

It was also better than not sleeping at all because he was overthinking everything they had said. 

“You are the prettiest. Let’s go.”

Felix rolled his eyes.

“You are so convincing. Wow.”

“Fucking hell, Felix.” 

“Just a minute. I promise.”

Wasn’t it sad how concerned his parents were about the mysterious outfit Hyunjin had picked for him when Felix was thrilling to see what the other boy had come up with? 

He didn’t even doubt it was going to be one of his favourite outfits from those days.

***

Flying to Paris had been draining, to say the least. 

Professors Jeon Soyeon and Cho Miyeon, the ones that had organised the trip and announced who were attending the Fashion Week, sent them an email with the official schedule at the beginning of their Summer break. 

There, it was stated when they had to be in Paris but they didn’t have to fly together if another flight suited any of them better, which had been the case of Hyunjin, who was arriving in the city of love five hours after everyone else. 

Apparently, he had a doctor appointment whose date was impossible to change. 

Same had happened with their hotel rooms.

Since MOD had made group reservations before, they got a huge discount on the rooms they booked, but the professors had let them decide the distribution and type of room. They were all adults after all and while they all were staying at the same hotel, neither Soyeon nor Miyeon cared about what their students did. 

Needless to say, Hyunjin and Felix had picked some sort of luxury room that wasn’t exactly a suite but still had a huge bedroom, a balcony with good views and a large bathtub with a jacuzzi. If they were going to spend almost six days in Paris, they both agreed on having the best room possible so they rested perfectly during the night and still enjoyed their time when they had spare hours to spend at the hotel. 

From his group, apart from Hyunjin and Felix, only Jinsoul and Ryujin were attending and they had already informed Felix that their plan to fight the jetlag was going to the pool for a couple of hours, so Felix had just followed them and ordered a coffee the moment he took a seat on a table close to the pool. 

They didn’t have anything official to do until the next morning and Felix was glad that their professors had been so considerate because after such a long flight, Felix couldn’t tell if he was so exhausted because of it or because his brain was convinced that it was past midnight. 

“Hyunjinnie had been smarter than all of us. He will arrive on time to go straight to bed,” Ryujin complained after they had dinner in the restaurant of the hotel with the professors and their other classmates. 

“And he has also missed all this boring dinner going over our schedule for tomorrow, as if we didn’t have a bunch of emails talking about it,” Jinsoul groaned, her arm linked with Ryujin’s and her head resting on the other girl’s shoulder. “God, I feel like I’m going to pass out when I lie down.” 

“You totally will,” Felix laughed. “You almost fell asleep at the pool and that was hours ago.” He stopped in front of his room number. “This is mine.” 

“Night, night, Lixie.”

“Goodnight, queens.”

He opened the door with the exhaustion getting heavier the closer he was from his bed and internally thanked his past self for organising all his belongings before joining Ryujin and Jinsoul at the pool. 

After changing into his silky autumn pyjamas —a pair of long, green trousers and a short-sleeved blouse—, Felix threw the extra pillows he found in a cabinet onto the mattress, turned on his nightstand lamp and made himself comfortable on the bed. 

Hyunjin’s key card was at the reception so if he fell asleep, he could still get into the room. However, Felix fought himself to stay awake, not noticing he was starting a war he had already lost, his eyelids so heavy that his phone slid between his fingers and he didn’t even react. 

All sense of reality disappeared, Felix’s body slowly curling up and sinking into the pillows around him. 

His eyes fluttered open when a familiar perfume filled his dreams. 

“Hyunjin?” 

“Ah, shit, sorry,” Hyunjin murmured, Felix felt the ghost of Hyunjin’s fingers brushing his hair off his face. “You can go back to sleep, Lix.”

Through his lashes, Felix recognised Hyunjin’s features, his body opening his suitcase to grab his pyjamas and also his toiletry bag with his skincare routine products. But something was different. 

Felix hummed, hugging the pillow even harder and getting up to follow Hyunjin to the bathroom, still clutching the pillow. He leaned against the doorframe while the stylist removed his clothes. 

“Do you need to use the bathroom?” Hyunjin questioned, buttoning his long, crimson sleep shirt. 

Felix scrunched up his nose and shook his head, his eyes fixed on Hyunjin’s face. 

“You are keeping me company while I do my skincare routine then?” 

Felix didn’t answer that, going over every little detail on Hyunjin’s face —his mole, obviously, was still under his eye. His eyeshadow was slightly smudged. His lips seemed surprisingly hydrated despite the long flight. And his dark blond-ish hair looked as soft as…

Oh.

He walked into the bathroom and one of his hands buried in the long strands, caressing Hyunjin’s nape. 

“Found it,” whispered Felix with a sleepy smile. 

Hyunjin chuckled as he massaged his face after applying the cleansing balm to remove all his make-up. Their eyes met through the mirror and Felix’s stomach twisted at the sight —they both wearing their clothes to sleep, his arm still grabbing his pillow while his other hand was touching Hyunjin’s hair and Hyunjin looking incredibly adorable with his half-removed make-up. 

“You like it?” 

Felix leaned in until his cheek was resting against Hyunjin’s shoulder blade. 

“H-hm. Ask me tomorrow. I’m sleepy.”

With the mystery solved, Felix let his eyes flutter close again and he only was shaken back into the world when Hyunjin was turning off the lights of the bathroom and guiding him to the bed again. 

“You really are the biggest baby I’ve ever seen when you are ready to sleep,” he was murmuring with a sweet voice that could compete with the one he used to talk to his mother. “Do you need to keep all those pillows now that I’m here?” 

Felix crawled onto the bed and tossed to the floor all the extra pillows except the one he was hugging. He got under the covers and closed his eyes again while he waited for Hyunjin to get in bed. 

His arms left the pillow on the edge of the bed and Felix turned in Hyunjin’s direction, seeking a warmth that the pillow couldn’t give him. He still remembered how heavenly it had been to sleep pressed against him in Jeju. 

Was it going to be like that again?

“What you doin’,” Felix mumbled with half of his face practically digging a hole into the pillow. “Come here.”

He heard Hyunjin rummaging through his suitcase, his hands frantically running under every item in it, as if searching for something. Felix tried to focus his gaze but he was way too sleepy to keep his eyes open for more than a couple of seconds. 

He heard a sigh. 

The sound of Hyunjin’s metallic bottle of water as he opened it.

Also what seemed to be the zipper of another toiletry bag.

And then the sound of a pill getting popped out of a tablet.

Hyunjin took a sip and the next thing Felix felt was the bed dipping and Hyunjin’s hand lifting up the blankets to cover their bodies properly with them. 

Felix snuggled up against him, throwing his arm over his waist and brushing Hyunjin’s nape with his nose. 

“Are you in pain?” Felix murmured and Hyunjin tensed against him. Or so Felix thought because he relaxed so swiftly after a second that he couldn’t tell if he had just imagined it because he was still half asleep. 

“Got a little headache after the flight.”

Felix hummed. “Hope you can sleep… and feel better tomorrow.”

Hyunjin laced their fingers together. “Hope so too.”

***

Since Felix was a pre-teen, the idea of sharing his bed hadn't been appealing to him. He did it a couple of times with Anne and he had taken naps on the couch with Nayeon but it had been an exception.

The reason, at first, was how methodical he was to sleep. However, with time the real reason was actually the domesticity of sharing a bed.

The idea of trusting someone so much that there was no fear of falling asleep next to them.

Many people didn't make a big deal but to Felix it was really a lot.

He even hesitated a little bit when Hyunjin and him were discussing what room to book and they talked about the bed.

And yet, Felix clearly recalled how he had clung onto Hyunjin the night before, pressing himself against his body and drenching in his perfume.

His arm was still wrapped around Hyunjin's body when he woke up, though his body had climbed on top of Hyunjin during the night.

Felix didn't open his eyes at first, surprised by how he could feel Hyunjin's heart beating against his chest, but eventually he tilted up his head to stare at him like he barely did in Jeju.

Hyunjin's lips were slightly part and his recently dyed hair was like a waterfall all over the pillow. His skin still looked gorgeously tan, even more than usual, after the Summer break and it was almost magical under the dawn light that filled their room.

The shirt had slipped down his arm and one of his shoulders was exposed while the hand of the other rested flat on Felix's back.

He was so relaxed and beautiful.

And Felix wanted nothing more than cuddling against him again and sleeping a few more hours.

But in the morning everything was so different.

It was easy to succumb to his secret wishes in the middle of the night but it would be a death sentence to snuggle again on purpose at six in the morning.

Especially when he was wide awake.

So Felix untangled himself from him and rolled onto his side to give his back to Hyunjin, taking his phone from the nightstand and checking his messages.

Messages:

lix [21:22]: 

we got here a few hours ago but i will not process i'm actually in paris until tomorrow

jet lag is hitting me like a truck 

gaby 4tier 🌹 [23:11]:

Jet lag is the worst thing that has ever been invented

I was talking to T and you and your classmates can come to the catwalk

And the private party starts at 8pm, but sadly you can't bring anyone with you

lix [6:11]: 

I told you I'd be happy just bringing my friends :( Why are you and your sister always like this? My other classmates can suck it up!

Felix's fingers hovered above the keyboard while an idea crossed his mind. Asking was free and the worst thing that could happen was that Gabrielle repeated that it was impossible.

But they had never actually talked about the private party. It was the first time she brought it up officially.

Messages:

lix [6:14]: 

would it be impossible to go just with one friend? i know it would make him really, really happy to meet you and t

gaby 4tier 🌹 [6:30]:

Bonjour!

It was actually Tara's idea to get invitations for all your classmates, you know how she is

And only one friend is perfect :)

Are you surrounding yourself with 4Tier fans or is he the same person you told me about?

lix [6:33]: 

everyone should be a 4Tier fan<3

can't wait to see you both after so many years

and yeah, he’s the same person

hwang hyunjin

Felix got into the shower right after replying to a message from Seungmin and instead of groaning because he was unable to sleep a bit more, he used that time to take a long bath and put on a face mask.

He applied his body lotion and opted to leave his hair dry by itself since Hyunjin was still sleeping. His cheeks burnt when he tied the knot of his pink robe, wearing only his also pink panties underneath. 

It was the best and softest robe he had ever had. Felix would have taken it to Paris even if Hyunjin hadn't asked him to do it.

He was sitting in the balcony listening to a podcast when Hyunjin's face peeked around the door.

“Good morning,” he murmured, rubbing his eyes with his fingers.

Felix paused the podcast and took off one of his airpods. “Hey. I was going to wake you up soon. We need to have breakfast in forty minutes.”

“H-hm. ‘know. I'm going to take a quick shower.”

He looked so adorably sleepy that Felix almost got up to ruffle his hair.

“Beautiful robe.”

Felix chuckled and kept listening to the podcast, ignoring the small voice at the back of his head telling him that it shouldn't feel so familiar to do this .

*

“I have a surprise for you,” Felix confessed after going back to their room in the evening. 

Their morning consisted of two catwalks from local designers and then a long break until an interview with the head designer of Saint Laurent. Fashion Weeks were an incredible but also terrible concept precisely because of that —it was impossible to fit everything in a tight one-day-schedule. It forced everyone to stay, at least, a couple of days in the chosen city unless they didn’t mind missing several events. 

“Another?” Hyunjin said, now way more collected than how he was when Felix told him, Ryujin and Jinsoul that they could attend the 4Tier catwalk the next day at four. “Must be funny to be able to use the I Was Born In The Fashion Industry Card, knowing how all your friends are going to react.”

Felix was sitting on the edge of the bed and Hyunjin was leaning against the console table right before it, waiting for their water to boil to prepare a mint tea for them both. They had changed into their pool clothes since they were going to have some drinks with Jinsoul and Ryujin there in half an hour but first Felix needed to drop the bomb. 

“Believe me, that card is such a hassle. You are only seeing the good part of it,” Felix admitted, his gaze locked on their empty cups instead of looking at Hyunjin’s face. “We have plans tomorrow night.”

“We.”

Felix nodded, stretching his arms behind his body and leaning onto his hands, that were pressed over the mattress. 

“Yes. We. You and me.”

Hyunjin crossed his arms. “That’s all you are going to say?”

Finally, Felix’s gaze travelled to Hyunjin’s face and he shrugged, kind of amused by how loud he could hear Hyunjin’s thoughts, trying to decipher whatever plan Felix had in mind. It was pretty cute to see his pursed lips and the creases on his forehead. 

“A car will pick us up at half past seven.”

“I can’t stand you.”

“Shut up and wear your best clothes for me, can you? I promise you are going to love it. ”

Hyunjin sighed and twirled a strand around his finger, nibbling his lower lip for more seconds than Felix considered necessary, the temptation to stand up and force him to free his lip nudging his brain. 

“Can you, at least…” Hyunjin’s fingers moved to his nape, scratching it lightly.

Felix made a gesture with his head, prompting Hyunjin to finish his question. 

“Forget it. It’s stupid.”

“Any of the outfits you’ve brought to Paris are perfect for this, if that’s what you are wondering.”

Hyunjin turned around to face the console and pour the hot water into their cups to prepare their teas. “It’s not that but it’s nothing. Really.”

Felix found it hard to follow his train of thoughts so he got up from the bed and leaned against the wood, standing right beside Hyunjin and staring at him with a questioning, raised eyebrow. 

“You can tell me, you know? I might judge you but not much.”

Hyunjin shook his head and Felix swallowed. 

Was it actually so stupid that he felt ashamed for even thought about it or quite the opposite? What if it was something serious ? Felix wasn’t sure what type of serious question Hyunjin could come up with after what he had said but his strange reaction wasn’t helping to calm his racing mind.

“I promise I’m not going to kidnap you.”

Hyunjin chuckled. 

“It’s not that.”

Hesitantly, Felix’s index finger brushed the back of Hyunjin’s hand. 

“Hey. If it’s so stupid, I’m sure we both can laugh at it.”

Insisting wasn’t Felix’s thing at all , though he guessed his options were limited when Hyunjin had suddenly closed off and that had only settled an unpleasant sensation at the pit of Felix’s stomach. Because most times, Hyunjin used any type of teasing or joke to avoid anything. No matter if it was good or bad. 

This was new. 

And at the same time, similar to that night at the balcony in Jeju. 

There was something separating them; something huge that Felix was starting to grasp after months of knowing each other. 

Should he be worried?

“It’s just that I…” Hyunjin was looking at their tea. “I am not good at surprises. I wish I was. Like.” 

Hyunjin huffed and his hand rubbed his nape again. He really looked like he did in Jeju with the simple difference that Felix could sense how nervous he was in their hotel room. In Jeju he seemed sad. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I know that if you say we are going to have fun, that’s true, but I…” 

But he needed to have everything under control? He needed to know every little detail regarding his life because if not he couldn’t be totally calm? Because if that was the case, Felix could relate to a certain extent. 

“It’s a private event. You can only enter with an invitation because it’s really exclusive.” Felix poked the back of Hyunjin’s hand with his finger. “Better now? I would really want to keep the rest of details to myself.”

Hyunjin flipped his hand and caught Felix’s finger in his own hand. 

“Yeah. Better.” He drew a tiny smile. “See how it was really stupid?” 

Felix swallowed again. 

He was so bad at this type of conversation. 

Comforting other people wasn’t something he excelled in. 

“You are not precisely the smartest person I know, so I wasn’t expecting you to ask something smart.”

Hyunjin’s smile grew ever so slightly.

“True.”

“So, speaking of surprises…”

Hyunjin took his cup and shook his head before Felix could finish his sentence.

“I won’t say a thing about your outfit.”

“Unfair!”

Perhaps, he should tell Hyunjin to give it to him for the event.

And if the sisters asked, he could actually brag about Hyunjin dressing him up. 

*

“Pinch me. Pinch me. Pinch me,” Jinsoul repeated, sitting behind Felix and Hyunjin. It was like a mantra and Felix could only hold back his laughter to not embarrass her.

They were sitting in a corner, Felix and Hyunjin in the third row and Ryujin and Jinsoul in the fourth one right behind them. That morning they had a presentation and another catwalk that didn’t need an invitation. After that, their professors invited them to go with them to take a walk but they declined since they had invitations to attend one of the most famous events of the Fashion Week —the 4Tier collection. 

“I still can’t believe you can actually send messages to Tara and Gabrielle Fortier,” Ryujin whispered, still in shock, even though they all knew about Felix’s friendship with the French sisters. “Their designs are so revolutionary yet elegant. It’s unbelievable to think that they launched their brand just a few years ago.”

“Hyunjin, are you still with us?” Jinsoul tapped Hyunjin’s shoulder. 

“I think so? Honestly, I feel like this is a dream.” 

Felix suppressed the smile again. 

They were so excited about the new 4Tier collection. 

It had taken Hyunjin a whole hour just to decide what outfit and make-up he was going to wear to the catwalk and Felix doubted he had ever encountered such an endearing situation. Felix had to reassure him he looked gorgeous several times and while they were walking to their lift, Hyunjin had asked one last time. 

Rationally, Hyunjin had to know how dazzling he was with the transparent bodysuit filled with jewellery, the half-buttoned white dress shirt that showed part of said bodysuit and the combination of his dark green and silver trousers and blazer. And that without counting all the little details, like the silver jewellery snake that was twirling around the central part of his belt or his dangling earrings. 

Felix’s hand casually landed on Hyunjin’s thigh. 

“I doubt you could dream something like this, dear .”

The catwalk floor was bright pink and there were multiple semi-transparent curtains hanging from the high ceiling that shimmered under the lights. It wasn’t anything particularly ambitious at first sight, but the Fortier sisters were known for leaving everyone speechless so Felix couldn’t wait to see their work. 

Also, it was the only opportunity to still see Tara Fortier in a catwalk since her model career came to an end a year before they launched their brand. And many people would actually sell their soul to see Tara Fortier walking down a catwalk with their own eyes at least once. 

Felix included. 

“Shit, it’s starting,” Hyunjin mumbled when a soft melody filled the room. It sounded like a cover of a The Weeknd song, the melody sensual and inviting. Alluring like the sisters were. 

The lights changed and with them, it also changed the way the curtains reflected said light, making everyone gasp quietly as the first model appeared on the catwalk. 

It was Jennie Kim. 

One of the biggest goddesses of the catwalks. 

She was wearing a huge crown over her head and it was as if the crown started inside her own head, the material merging into her black hair. It was as if it was melting into her hair, to be specific. And same happened with her dress, the material was so thin that Felix was impressed to not see Jennie’s skin through it. 

But that wasn’t what truly left him out of words. 

It was, again, that visual effect. The way it seemed like the dress was melting —it was made with tiny shiny stones that looked like raindrops and they hugged Jennie’s body in all the right places, falling gracefully from her shoulders to her ankles. 

It was mesmerising. 

And it got more magical the more the different lights caught on the material, making the dress and the crown look silver, white and soft pink at the same time. 

Felix heard Hyunjin sighing next to him when the next model appeared. 

“You okay?” He whispered as he leaned towards him with his eyes still fixed on the catwalk. Felix noticed then that his hand was still on Hyunjin’s thigh, but he didn’t move it. 

Hyunjin nodded, his eyes glistening with admiration and what Felix thought was pure happiness. 

“I’ve studied all their work for so long,” Hyunjin murmured, hypnotised and with a trembling voice. “I could literally recognise anything made by them and now I’m…” 

Hyunjin swallowed. 

“I can’t… explain… this. It’s…”

Felix chuckled, softly. “You don’t have to.”

Contrary to Ryujin or Hyunjin, Felix wasn’t an expert in fashion design but after reading multiple articles and watching a good amount of interviews, plus knowing personally the sisters, he could also see what was the essence of their work. 

The magic that made them so unique. 

The reason why there was only one Gabrielle and Tara Fortier. 

And it was breathtaking to experience their talent in real life. 

They were also firm supporters of the philosophy that everyone deserved to be on a catwalk, and that was also so fresh to see in a Fashion Week. It proved that their designs were versatile and capable to adapt to any type of body. 

“Wow,” Hyunjin sighed when a plus sized model walked in. 

Anne worked with her for a campaign a few months prior. Natasha Spring was her name.  Her crown was filled with melting flowers that, again, disappeared into the strands of her hair. Her dress had only one long sleeve and the fabric actually looked like millions of raindrops were sewed to the model’s skin. Raindrops that were yellow but also silver and even lime green.  

Felix was captivated by how differently the raindrops from every clothes item reflected the light. 

But there weren’t only dresses walking from one side to the other. 

There were also crying blazers and trousers that seemed to disappear since around the waist the fabric was filled with those crystals but then their amount was decreasing until they reached the feet of the models. 

“And there goes the queen,” Felix could hear Jinsoul say when the last model revealed herself. 

Tara Fortier. 

Her crown had sharp edges and its raindrops seemed to have turned into the tear-shaped rhinestones that adorned the space below her eyes. Her dress had really long sleeves that swayed as she walked and whereas one of her legs was completely bare, the other was trapped in more crystals that ended up kissing the floor she was stepping on from how large the dress was. 

Hyunjin turned his head to look at Ryujin and he looked at Tara again.

“What the…” 

“I know,” Ryujin replied. “Gabrielle’s designs always blow my mind.”

“I’d kill to have that crown,” Hyunjin confessed, earning a sweet giggle from Jinsoul.

Although it was Ryujin who said, “God, me too.”

The lights changed again now that all the models were coming out of the backstage to walk together, leaving the sisters for the end. Seeing all those designs together at the same time had Felix’s mouth slightly agape in awe. They were so young to be so good . 

How old was Gabrielle? Twenty-eight? 

Felix wished people admired him as much as he admired the sisters.

A smile curled his lips when he saw them, Gabrielle's smaller figure gently holding Tara’s hand as they walked between their models. They bowed when they reached the end of the catwalk and took their time to go back to the backstage, waving at certain people and also clapping their hands while they bowed a few more times. 

Gabrielle’s eyes scanned their section and Felix raised his arm to wave at them. Tara’s face lit up when she recognised him and they both waved at him swiftly before walking towards the backstage.

“Flexing the card once again…” Hyunjin mumbled, shocked and paralysed on his seat. “God. They probably saw us with you.” 

They will totally see you later, Felix would have liked to say. 

Instead, he tilted his chin up and smiled proudly. 

“My card, as you called it, took you here. So treat it nicely.” 

“Your card needs to pay for my therapy because I’m not recovering,” Ryujin murmured. “Like, it was already a lot to be at the Fashion Week but obviously we didn’t get invitations to see the important collections except for Elie Saab so now… Fuck.”

Jinsoul wrapped her arms around Felix’s shoulders from behind. 

“Thank you, Lix.”

“It’s nothing. I’m happy I could share this with you.” Felix lowered his tone and added, “The sisters actually invited the others but…” 

Hyunjin snorted, Ryujin giggled and Jinsoul pulled back with her lips forming a perfect circle. 

“What a bad bitch,” she said, yet it sounded like a compliment coming from her lips. 

“I just thought that my friends were the only ones that deserved it.”

My friends .

Were they really? 

Felix felt bad every time he had doubts. 

But he wasn’t famous for keeping people around for long.

And people weren’t famous for keeping him around for long either.

“Well, your friends think you deserve to be treated to dinner. We already made a reservation for our last night since you told us you are busy tonight and tomorrow we have that event the professors told us about,” Ryujin informed while they crossed the exit door. 

Felix rolled his eyes. 

“You didn’t have to.”

“It’s done already, babe.” Ryujin winked. 

They would break his heart if they didn’t stay by his side. 

*

“This event…” Hyunjin trailed off when they came back to their room after drinking some iced tea with Ryujin and Jinsoul by the pool. “Deserves that I finally show you your outfit?” 

Felix was leaning against the balcony door after discarding his tight trousers, his body sporting only his underwear and a blazer that was hanging open. The mere thought of changing to another outfit was already sucking his energy like a parasite, but the reminder that in a couple of hours they would be at the Fortier sisters event was fuel enough to keep him awake until the next day.

He had never had the chance to attend their events, and he had been invited many times in the last few years. 

So although Felix was giddy to see Hyunjin’s reaction, excitement was also bubbling inside him. 

“This event deserves everything.”

The Fortier private event was so exclusive that nobody even knew if it was going to be the same night of their catwalk, the next one or even a week later. The date was different every time so it was impossible for the paparazzis to discover where they were going to be or what they were going to do. 

“I supposed.” Hyunjin nodded to himself and walked towards their shared wardrobe, where both of them had put all their clothes so they didn’t have wrinkles when they wore them. 

He took one of his suit carriers and laid it on the bed whilst his tongue ran across his bottom lip nervously. If he kept feeding the expectation, Felix was going to implode, yet he stayed still against the balcony door. 

“Okay. Before I show you, let me tell you the story.” 

Hyunjin turned in Felix’s direction and Felix smiled at the sight of the other boy, who was not-so-smoothly kicking his feet and fidgeting with the snake that was attached to his belt. 

“During my last year studying Fashion Design, I dedicated my time to perfecting my skills to add corsets to every possible outfit. I was… completely obsessed with them.” 

His facial expression was so tender as he remembered those times. Felix couldn’t even suppress the way his own smile grew wider.

“At first, I used my own measurements for all of them but eventually I started using Seonghwa’s sister’s because then it was easier to take pics. She was living in Scotland and visited us quite often so I thought that it was perfect.” Hyunjin smiled wider. “The thing is that your body and hers are really similar. I noticed it since the first time I saw you but I never had the chance to actually show you all the designs I did in London because most of them were at my parents’.” 

“But you visited your parents the week of my birthday.”

“Bingo.” Hyunjin’s fingers reached the zip of the suit carrier. “I asked Ryujin for all your measurements and did some minor adjustments but maybe there are little details that don’t fit you perfectly.”

Hyunjin unzipped the carrier and carefully pulled out the outfit, hanging it in front of his body to show it to Felix. 

“This colour looks gorgeous on you and the corset will accentuate your slim waist. Also, with your white platform dolly shoes you’ll be the centre of attention of the night.”

Felix's eyes widened when the outfit was in his view —it was a short, tight and emerald velvet dress. It had a short cut on the side and the fabric ran up to the neck, where it connected to what, at first, Felix thought was a green cape too. But it was something similar to really wide sleeves, although Felix didn’t actually need to slide his arms inside them. They just fell over his arms. 

That wasn’t all of it, though. 

Around the neck of the dress, there was a spider web of pearls that grew bigger and bigger until it also fell over the arms and ended in a couple of long pearl strings. The pattern was so carefully made that even from that distance, Felix could notice the different sizes of the pearls and how perfectly they fit the rest of the dress. 

“Hyunjin…” 

Even though Hyunjin’s dream wasn’t to become a fashion designer, this was still his design. It was personal . It seemed ridiculously important to give him one of his dresses as a gift. 

“You want me to keep this?” 

Felix’s fingers brushed the material of the corset, his heart tightening in his ribcage. 

“I do. You are going to be stunning with it.” Hyunjin took Felix’s hand and closed his fingers around the hanger. “Did it come up to your expectations?” 

“It’s even better.” Felix stepped closer and tilted his head to the side, his cheeks flushed and burning . “Thank you for giving me one of your designs. I’m not taking it for granted.” 

There wasn’t space for their banter in that room; not when Felix felt so lucky having one of the limited Hyunjin’s designs. Who knew how many more he would make in the future? What if he never tried anything like this again because his future was far away from this? 

“You’ve told me before how much you like them.”

“I can’t picture anyone not liking them, to be honest.”

“Praising me much today, hm?” 

Felix rolled his eyes and laid the dress over the mattress again, ignoring Hyunjin and considering his hairstyle and make-up options. They had around an hour and a half to take a shower and get ready for the event. 

It might seem like it was time enough but Felix knew better. 

It was never enough . 

“What are you wearing?” 

Hyunjin walked back to the wardrobe and picked another suit carrier to place it next to Felix’s dress. 

“Another design I made with a corset. Mine is a long dress, though.”

“Sounds like I won’t be the centre of attention.”

Felix processed his own words several seconds after they escaped his lips. 

He kind of waited to freak out. He waited for the need to clarify that wasn’t true. He waited and waited and waited, and somehow Hyunjin waited with him for a remark. 

Because Felix couldn’t have said that seriously . 

But the memory of Hyunjin wearing a long skirt for the first Ryujin’s party they attended was still too present in his mind to not be convinced that everyone in that place would devour Hyunjin with their eyes if he was wearing a long dress. 

Felix’s index and middle finger climbed Hyunjin’s arm slowly, as if they were legs, until they reached the stylist’s chin and turned his head towards Felix whilst Felix leaned in. 

He should say it then. 

He should chuckle and remind Hyunjin that this was an exception, that Felix was going to steal multiple hearts either way. 

Instead, Felix purred, “I don’t mind sharing the spotlight if it’s with you.” 

Hyunjin stared at him, expectantly. Maybe still waiting for the classical Felix remark. 

Felix’s fingers spread across Hyunjin’s cheek and his gaze fell down Hyunjin’s nose to land on his lips. He parted his own as his gaze came back to Hyunjin’s eyes and he caught the other boy moving forwards to silence any possible comment with the force of his mouth. 

Their arms wrapped around each other and Felix tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss, his tongue slipping past Hyunjin’s lips to twirl around Hyunjin’s while their bodies pressed as if they only wanted to be one. 

“You know,” Felix mumbled against Hyunjin’s mouth, making no effort in pulling away. “We should… Take a shower. G-get…” He sighed when Hyunjin bit the beginning of his neck. “Get ready.”

“We should.”

“Hyunjin,” Felix moaned with Hyunjin’s fingers palming him through his underwear. “I’m serious.”

“I know.” 

Since he was born, Felix had been a person that never got carried away. How was he supposed to when most times his parents had decided what was coming next? Even when he started studying his degree, away from modelling, they were still like shadows haunting Felix. 

#

They bought most of his clothes, decided when Felix was free to join them in whatever event or dinner they wanted and made comments about Felix’s health if he “wasn’t careful” with his diet, which basically meant that Felix couldn’t skip meals but also couldn’t eat whatever he wanted. Same happened if he forgot to go to the gym or to do yoga at home for a long time.

Our body is our temple, prince. 

#

Even now that Felix lived away, he still heard them inside his mind, especially when he dressed in a way they would have never approved. They videocalled him just to see the outfits he was planning on wearing for the Fashion Week for a reason after all. 

It was sickening. 

And so normal for Felix.

It was ironic, too. Because his parents managed to be absent and also so suffocating. 

He was exhausted; exhausted from turning down plans because his parents had decided they had to go somewhere. Exhausted from seeking their approval and fearing their disappointment, when Felix had never been the reason why they were proud of their twins . Exhausted from not listening to himself, preferring to do what he thought would make his parents happy. 

Felix knew damn well what they would say if they saw what they were doing right before the Fortier event. Yet Felix wondered… how bad would it be to give in if they arrived on time? He could bask in Hyunjin’s attentions for a few minutes. It wouldn’t do any harm. 

Tilting his head back so Hyunjin could trace the column of his neck with his lips, Felix suggested in a whisper, “Get in the shower with me.”

Hyunjin’s hands slid under Felix’s blazer, getting rid of it and leaving it over the bed. He looked at him for a long second and Felix’s hands did a quick work undressing Hyunjin too. 

“The bathtub is big enough for both of us.” 

Again, there was no teasing. Hyunjin didn’t point out how swiftly Felix had accepted, forgetting the fact that they should focus on getting ready. Likely, because they were hyper aware of how intimate it was to share a shower with someone else. Even if they were just saving some time by showering and fooling around at the same time. 

It was like going a step further in their relationship. 

It was like saying out loud that they weren’t strangers having sex. It was something different. 

It was the fire of their attraction and also the safety of their friendship mixing together. 

Despite the sheer intimacy, Felix didn’t find them out of place as they got into the bathtub and kissed again under the water spray. At first, that was all they did —kissing and massaging their scalp with their shampoos. Caressing each other’s figures with touches that lingered too much to be taking a shower. 

And in the midst of it, while they rinsed their hair to apply their hair masks, Felix smiled as his eyes caught on the way Hyunjin scrunched up his nose when the water hit his face. 

He was handsome even barefaced, with his hair glued to his scalp due to the hair mask and his thick eyebrows all messy. Perhaps, in bed it could be easier to hide certain parts of their bodies thanks to their positions but standing like that it was impossible to not appreciate every little inch of skin. 

From his tempting belly button piercing to that tattoo that Felix hadn’t kissed enough yet. And without forgetting his narrow waist, his long legs or his gorgeous skin tone. 

God. Felix would never get bored of looking at him. 

His fingers ghosted over the tattoo.

“What?” Hyunjin murmured in the quietness of the bathroom, the tap closed while they waited the required minutes for their masks to sink in their hair. 

“I think I’ve never told you how much I like it.” 

Hyunjin beamed. “I got it for my family.” 

“For your parents?”

There was a brief hesitation that Hyunjin tried to hide by pressing their lips together in a soft peck. “H-hm. I got it during my first year in London so they would always be with me.” 

The contrast between Felix running as far as possible from his own family and Hyunjin wanting to keep his family forever in his skin knocked all air from Felix’s lungs, or maybe it was the next kiss Hyunjin gave him, holding his face with one hand and licking his mouth as if he was conquering it and making sure nobody else would ever kiss him again.

“I hate how little time we have because I want to do so many things to you,” Hyunjin said with his fingers over Felix’s hipbone. 

“You can do them later.”

Hyunjin’s fingers took Felix’s cock. “I can still do things now.” 

“Leaving me with wobbly legs is what you can do now?” Felix sighed at the feeling of Hyunjin’s hand around his throbbing length. 

“And probably using body lotion as lube because I’m not leaving the shower to grab it.”

Felix laughed, reaching out to take the body lotion himself and pour some on Hyunjin’s hand and on his palm. It wasn’t the most hygienic decision but Felix wasn’t in his right mind to complain much about it as one of his hands grabbed the base of Hyunjin’s cock and the other moved behind his body to tease his rim with a finger. 

“Fuck,” Hyunjin whined, supporting himself by leaning his shoulder against the tiles. “What were you saying about wobbly legs?” 

Felix playfully nipped Hyunjin’s collarbones, careful enough to not leave marks because they would waste time covering them for the event.  

“You should know I don’t play fair.”

Their voices morphed into gasps and moans that sometimes got poorly muffled in a kiss that was all teeth and tongues invading the space of the other. It was as if they were chanting each other’s names in shaky whispers until they spilled all over their hands and abdomens. 

Felix chuckled with his forehead against Hyunjin’s shoulder and Hyunjin’s fingers dancing down his spine. 

What if his parents had been wrong all along? 

Or what if his parents had been right but there were also more ways of still being himself whilst also doing all those things they would never approve of? 

Something that felt so immensely good couldn’t be that bad. And Felix didn’t even mean the sex but… all of it —Hyunjin’s body against him, Hyunjin’s fingers carding his hair as he removed the mask, Hyunjin entering his life to occupy a space that Felix hadn’t noticed that it was empty. 

Maybe, what his parents failed to explain was that the more attached he got, the harder it was to keep all his sides, his wounds and his demons to himself; less and less afraid of showing himself just like he was. 

Giving too much power to someone else , his mother would say. 

But Hyunjin wasn’t someone else.

*

Felix knocked on the bathroom door after checking himself on the mirror they had in the bedroom. 

“Hyunjin, are you ready?” 

After spending his good fifteen minutes sitting in bed with his portable mirror doing his eyebrows, Hyunjin decided that he was too nervous to get ready in the same room as Felix and locked himself in the bathroom, where he had been playing soft music for almost an hour. 

“Five minutes!” 

They still had around ten minutes until their car arrived but Felix was starting to get nervous too, especially at the prospect of bumping into some of his parents’ business acquaintances. He wasn’t keen to spend the event talking about his family. 

His fingers followed the pattern of the braid he had on the side of his head. He hadn’t missed his extensions as much as he was doing then. The braid would have looked so much better, just like the pretty waves he had on the rest of his hair. 

Felix still looked breathtaking, he wasn’t stupid, but mourning his extensions was part of his routine. 

He had rhinestones under his eyes and a very natural eyeshadow that contrasted vividly with his freckles —he had even drawn over them to make them more prominent— and his glossy, dark lips. 

Usually, Felix avoided any outfit or make-up that could remind him of Anne but when he checked himself on the mirror again, he only saw his silver and purple hair, his fierce eyes and a lipstick that Anne would avoid, preferring nude colours instead. 

The bathroom door cracked open and Felix craned his head in its direction. 

“I need to tell you that not sharing any more details about the event is the cruellest thing you’ve ever done to me.” 

Hyunjin stepped out of the bathroom and stood in front of the door like a mannequin, his body tense and his teeth clearly torturing the inner side of his cheek. 

“Please, tell me I nailed it.”

For a split second, Felix was convinced he was having a vision. 

A vision of a freaking demon in his human form. 

Hyunjin’s hair was slicked back, except for a few caramel strands that fell perfectly over his face. His eyeshadow was dark like the night, a perfect smokey-eye make-up blending with a white eyeliner Hyunjin had only used in the inner corner of his eyes. It was subtle and it only added some light to his eyes. Although what was really, really subtle was the colour of his nude lipstick. 

Felix’s throat got dry as his gaze trailed his figure again. 

The sheer fabric of the dress had a flower pattern that covered his body but also left most of his skin on sight. It had a deep low-cut, his sternum practically uncovered by the fabric. Its long sleeves finished around Hyunjin’s thumbs, like some kind of gloves that didn’t reach the rest of his fingers. And if that wasn’t enough to kill any mortal, the black corset circled his silhouette from right below his chest to the beginning of his hips, making his waist look so insanely small that Felix’s hands itched with the need to hold him. 

From his waist down, the dress fell like a cascade, not having to constrict his long legs to still show them through the fabric. And the cherry on top wasn’t his heeled ankle boots but the velvet choker with the pearl necklace, and the long earrings. 

Felix took a step closer and his hand traced the corset. 

“Say something, Felix.”

“This dress is glorious,” Felix complimented him, slowly. Every word escaping his mouth as if he was under a spell. Maybe he was. “I hope you got a good grade for it.” 

Hyunjin tilted his head to the side. 

Was he embarrassed? 

“I… did some modifications to the original design. But I got a really good grade, yeah.”

“You look…” Felix blinked, at a loss of words. “You are…” 

His hand gently held Hyunjin’s cheek and their eyes met. 

“The Fortier sisters should have made a crown for you too.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, although Felix wasn’t really trying to hint where they were going. He was just picturing a crown on top of Hyunjin’s head, like the one he wore for his birthday or the one Hyunjin had during the first Ryujin’s party. 

“Are we…”

Felix’s phone started buzzing over the mattress and Felix turned around to pick up the call, quickly confirming the driver that they were ready. 

“The car is here.”

Hyunjin was still looking at him with wide eyes. 

“Felix.”

Felix laced their fingers together to drag Hyunjin out of the room, ignoring the soft and uncompleted questions that didn’t stop leaving the stylist’s lips. They got into the lift and Felix giggled at Hyunjin’s panicked expression. 

“We are going to their private event. Yes. And you look perfect for it, so don’t overthink it and let me know if at some point it’s too much and you need to leave.”

“Felix.”

His thumb caressed Hyunjin’s hand. 

“They are going to see my designs,” Hyunjin muttered in English. 

The lift door opened and before Felix guided Hyunjin towards their car, he replied, “And they are going to adore them.”

Felix’s attention was so focused on Hyunjin’s well-being that he didn’t notice that Hyunjin never got to compliment his look nor how insanely good the dress actually fit his body. 

*

“You okay?” Felix asked after the car parked in front of the building where the event was taking place. During the ride, Hyunjin had been reconsidering all his outfit choices and muttering a thousand possibilities to himself while Felix assured him he looked gorgeous. 

“I don’t know.” 

They left the car and Felix offered Hyunjin his hand one more time. 

“You can leave whenever you want. Really.” Hyunjin intertwined their fingers and nodded silently, the panic still painted all over his eyes. “But it would be a shame that you ran away before you got to meet the sisters in person after all the time you put into your outfit.”

“What if it’s too bold to wear my own design? If I had known…” 

Felix emitted a sound as he shook his head. 

Knowing Gabrielle and Tara, particularly Gabrielle, Felix was convinced that they would be engrossed in a deep conversation about fashion design, the 4Tier collection they saw a few hours prior and Hyunjin’s inspirations to come up with his designs. 

Surprisingly, to be so famous, the sisters were still part of the group of the sweetest people Felix’d had the pleasure to cross paths with. 

So, there were no doubts that Hyunjin should meet them. 

“God, Lix.”

Felix raised his other hand to caress Hyunjin’s choker.

“I’ve never seen you so uptight.” His fingertips brushed Hyunjin’s neck. “I’ll be next to you all the time if you need me. And if you don’t feel okay, I promise we can leave. Don’t feel forced to stay just because it’s a Fortier’s event.” 

Hyunjin took a couple of seconds to react, until he nodded with his gaze locked on Felix’s face.

“I don’t want you to leave soon because of me.”

Felix smiled. “Maybe you would actually save me from talking to many people I don’t really want to talk to if we leave soon.” 

“Just promise me that if you want to stay and I want to leave, you will let me call a taxi and leave by myself.”

Felix’s small fingers played with Hyunjin’s earrings, his smile still curling his lips. 

“I can’t promise that.”

Because maybe I won’t want to stay if you leave.

Felix gulped at the thought and turned towards the entrance of the building. 

He should feel more excited for getting invited to something like this yet the prospect of talking to all those strangers and repeating the same words like some kind of broken record ruined any possibility of having a really good night. 

Introducing Hyunjin to the sisters was the only reason why he drew a wide smile and guided Hyunjin towards the lift after telling their names to the security guards that were waiting at the reception of the building. 

They took the lift to the last floor and Felix made sure to never let go of Hyunjin’s hand as they exited it. 

The music reached their ears before they actually got to the real place. It wasn’t a roof since, apparently, they had to take the stairs to get there, but it was huge and although there were multiple curtains, the beautiful city of Paris could be seen through the windows. 

It was decorated similarly to the catwalk —the floor was pink but there were white, purple and pink flowers hanging from the ceiling, like some kind of upside down garden that threatened to fall over them at any given moment. The lights were hidden behind those flowers, casting the most beautiful shadows over the vast room. 

There were waiters moving around the room offering different drinks or food and also a small bar counter in one of the corners, likely for any guest that preferred a more specific beverage. Felix could also spot the area where the sisters had all their collection as if it was a gallery. From what he had heard from his sister and Gabrielle herself, they usually added previous versions, sketches and even pictures of their models trying on their various designs. 

“This is so Fortier,” Hyunjin commented before a waiter approached them with a tray with different types of wine.

Felix took a glass of white wine and felt like melting inside when he heard Hyunjin asking the waiter if he could get him a glass of water or if he had to go to the bar counter. The waiter asked them to wait there so he could get Hyunjin his glass of water and Hyunjin thanked him with a polite smile. 

The confident and playful Hyunjin Felix had seen in previous events were nowhere to be seen and Felix didn’t know what to do to bring that Hyunjin back. 

This one looked so… fragile for someone like Felix, who knew how Hyunjin usually behaved. 

The waiter came back not even twenty seconds later with a glass of cold water and Hyunjin thanked him again before Felix made a gesture with his head in the direction of the designs. 

Surprisingly, there weren’t many known faces in the event, or they hadn’t arrived yet, so perhaps Felix could avoid the uncomfortable moment of asking and replying to the same questions throughout the night. 

“Oh,” Hyunjin admired as they stood in front of the glass with the first idea for the collection. “They were actually flowers, not raindrops.” 

He tilted his head to analyse the dress in front of him. It was protected behind a glass but Hyunjin was staring at it as if he could even touch it. 

“At the beginning it was focused on the flowers that bloom after the rain,” Hyunjin read the explanation that was attached to the glass, as if Felix couldn’t understand English. “So, at some point, they decided to focus on the rain instead,” he murmured to himself as if cracking some kind of secret code.

Hyunjin moved to the next one squinting his eyes and completely absorbed by the information he was reading. 

“Oh. Look at this.” He pointed at the crown the mannequin was wearing. “It started because of them. They are clouds melting and leaving all their raindrops behind.” 

They weren’t holding hands anymore while Hyunjin read every little description and compared what he had read with the design in front of him. His eyes were impossibly sparkly and big as he pointed at certain details that weren’t explained on the notes. 

“I think they were portraying all the types of rain you can encounter. But instead of chasing the sensation of being soaking wet, the models were those flowers finally blooming thanks to it.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s about the different types of rain but more about the way the rain embraces a body, always doing it differently and yet making everyone shine,” a soft voice with an even softer French accent commented. 

The small figure had taken advantage of the space between their bodies to get between them. Felix didn’t need to look at her to know it was Gabrielle. In fact, his gaze lingered over Hyunjin’s face, not wanting to miss the moment Hyunjin processed who had just joined them. 

He clenched his jaw and Felix saw him physically struggling to not widen his eyes.

Gabrielle turned towards Felix. 

“Hi, Lixie.” 

“Gaby.” 

The fashion designer leaned onto the tip of her heels to press her cheek against Felix’s in a quick kiss after circling her arms around Felix’s body for a brief second. 

“For a second I thought my eyes were deceiving me,” she joked as she turned towards Hyunjin. “Excuse my manners.” She stretched her arm between her and Hyunjin. “Gabrielle Fortier. I suppose you are Hwang Hyunjin.” 

Hyunjin shook Gabrielle’s hand as if in disbelief, although he masked it perfectly under a practised smile that surprisingly hid the nerves Felix knew were eating Hyunjin alive. 

“You are right. I’m Hyunjin. Thank you for allowing Felix to bring me here. It’s an honour.”

Gabrielle made a gesture with her hand. “It’s my pleasure to have you and Felix here. My sister and I have been inviting him for years and this is the first time he can actually make it.”  

Felix giggled. “You make it sound as if I purposely was turning you down.” 

“May I remind you that Anne and your parents took a flight last year to be able to come?”

Contrarily to when any other person mentioned them, Felix didn’t feel it like an attack. His rational mind always held onto the certainty that he was the favourite Lee member of the sisters. He was the only one that actually messaged the sisters not only to talk about business but also to know about their lives. 

Neither Gabrielle nor Tara made him feel as if he was there because of them. 

“That’s mean,” Felix whined. “You know I was sick.” 

Gabrielle laughed as her eyes scanned Hyunjin and Felix’s outfits. Her fingers caressed the pearls that fell over one of the long sleeves of Felix’s dress and then brushed the corset that was ingrained in the dress. 

“You forgot to tell me you were dressed to kill tonight.” 

Gabrielle’s blue eyes landed on Hyunjin’s face. 

“Are these your designs? Felix told me about them.” 

Felix could almost spot the blush creeping across Hyunjin’s cheeks and down his neck, even though his skin was hidden under thick layers of make-up. 

“Did he?” 

Gabrielle nodded. “He told me he showed you our exclusive designs and some other things about your designs that he should tell you himself.”

Felix rolled his eyes with a sign. “You really are so mean.” He looked at Hyunjin with a reassuring smile. “I promise everything I said was good.”

Hyunjin was like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Honestly, I barely design like I used to anymore. But Tara and you were one of the reasons why I studied Fashion Design.”

“You didn’t like it?” 

Hyunjin seemed to relax thanks to Gabrielle’s soft voice, probably noticing that the fashion designer wasn’t going to rip his designs apart nor laugh at him for coming with them to the event. 

“I did. And I still do. But I feel like I prefer to be a stylist.” Hyunjin avoided staring for too long at Gabrielle’s face, though. Felix never thought he would see Hyunjin like that. “Maybe in a couple of years I will change my mind again.”

“I’m a loyal supporter of chasing our dreams. Look at my sister and I. We’d probably be working for our parents if we didn’t decide to launch our own brand.” 

Gabrielle spoke like someone who always was sharing important information. Felix was so fascinated by the way she caught the attention of everyone around her just with her voice. She didn’t need to be a tall person to have all eyes on her in a second. 

“However, I really like how you have incorporated the corset in both dresses. They are so different and yet the corset ties them together so perfectly, making clear the designs came from the same mind. Did you use corsets in other designs too?” 

“I did. During my last year I tried to build all my designs based on that common element.”

“That’s interesting. Every designer always has something that differentiates them.” 

“He has other distinctive elements in his designs,” Felix noted as his fingers pointed at the cut his dress had on the left side. “This is one of them. From what I’ve seen so far, not only there are side cuts but also strings or any other material kind of keeping each side of the cut together.”

Gabrielle pursed her lips, concentrated, while she turned to look at Felix. 

“And I also think he likes to experiment with fabrics.” Felix’s gaze landed on Hyunjin’s face. “Am I right?” 

Hyunjin chuckled, rubbing his cheek with his knuckles. “You are. Apart from the corsets, I tried so many things with various fabrics just to see how they worked together.”

“So you like taking risks,” Gabrielle summed up. “I’m curious to see you working as a stylist now that I know this.” 

“I’d say I still like taking risks.”

“Can confirm,” Felix chuckled.

Gabrielle looked alternatively from Hyunjin to Felix, still sporting her characteristic smile; her eyes absorbing their interactions as if Gabrielle was analysing them. 

“Why am I not surprised to know you are surrounding yourself with people whose ideas are as risky as yours, Lix?” 

“It’s entertaining to work with someone that likes challenges as much as I do.” Felix didn’t think it was so surprising. Gabrielle was aware of how easily people bored Felix. “And anyway, we are here to talk about you and Tara. Where is she?” 

“Arriving just in time,” Tara suddenly said, slightly breathless and brushing back her long hair. “Tara Fortier,” she introduced herself, bowing like a ballet dancer that had just finished their performance. Or like a princess. 

“Hwang Hyunjin.”

In comparison to Gabrielle, Tara was like a skyscraper. She was even taller than Hyunjin with her high heels, although it was her body language that made her so huge . Both sisters had different approaches to fill a room. It was impossible to not look at them. 

“I know.” Her gaze found the event planner. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Lixie.” 

“It’s a pleasure to see you , T.”

“I’d like to talk to you but I actually came to kidnap my sister because our parents have just arrived.” She stretched her arm and Gabrielle circled her own around Tara’s. “Talk to you later, yeah? You both look stunning, by the way. Love the corsets.”

Gabrielle made a gesture with her head and the sisters began walking away from them, quietly talking in French to each other. 

Hyunjin brought his glass of water to his lips and gulped all the content down his throat. 

“Oh my god.” 

Felix smiled. 

“Are you still with me or are you on cloud nine?” 

“I feel like I’m going to wake up.” 

“You are so cute.” Felix raised his arm to pinch Hyunjin’s ribs, startling the stylist. “See? You are pretty much awake to me. Do you want to get more water and keep seeing the designs?” 

“Please.”

Hyunjin seemed to relax after talking to the sisters, his usual teasing slowly coming back and pushing away the nerves that’d had him panicking inside since they got into the car. Felix listened to him attentively while Hyunjin read all the notes explaining the different designs and the decisions the sisters made and Hyunjin mocked him in a whisper when Felix tried another white wine and didn’t like the taste, his lips pulled back in disgust. 

“Do you see it?” Hyunjin asked, his voice low and his body closed to Felix’s so they could comment on the outfits around them without anyone hearing them. “It’s hideous. There’s no way to save that dress.” 

“Why can’t I find them?” Felix muttered as he tilted his head in the same direction as Hyunjin. “Oh, wait. Oh. Oh .” Felix let out a high-pitched sound and pressed his forehead against Hyunjin’s shoulder. “I can’t stop laughing. Oh, god.” 

“But look at the person next to them,” Hyunjin prompted with his hand resting on the small of Felix’s back. “That blazer has gone through Hell and back. What is that? And I don’t even know what to say about that hairstyle.” 

“I’m not sure if I want to see it,” Felix mumbled against Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Will I have nightmares?”

“Of course you will.” Hyunjin’s fingers climbed up Felix’s spine until he was scratching Felix’s nape absently. “Turn your head and join this circus, angel .” 

Felix hummed when he felt Hyunjin’s nails against his skin and slowly tilted his head, his temple still pressed against Hyunjin’s shoulder. He gasped dramatically and covered his mouth to quieten his giggles.

“I’m so sorry for them,” he babbled against his palm. “But you know, I’ve always thought that some people are meant to be ridiculous so others can shine even more.” 

“Or they are just ridiculous to give us a good time.” 

Judging everyone’s outfits at an event was part of Felix’s hobbies. There was always a group of people who seemed completely out of place and another who played too much with their clothes, to the point where the eyes teared up from how horrendous the outfits were. 

“Seungmin says I deserve to go to rot in Hell every time I bitch with him when we go to an event.” 

“Minho-hyung ignores me because he’s always busy searching for food and drinks.” 

“They don’t understand it.” Felix sighed, holding himself back to not close his eyes and dive in how good it felt to have Hyunjin’s nails against his nape.

“They are missing out on all the fun, to be honest.” 

“I kn-. Oh, shit. I think an unwanted conversation is coming,” Felix groaned as he pulled back from Hyunjin’s body and sipped from his wine. “Let me spare you from the torture because this couple is unbearable. Wait for me at the bar?” 

Felix rolled his eyes and his playful demeanour switched to the controlled and perfect son of the Lee family. 

“Felix! Oh, hello, dear!” 

His fake yet warm smile widened. “What a surprise to find you both here after such a long time!” 

Surprise his ass, but playing this game was like breathing for him. He entered his autopilot mode; no thoughts in his mind, just automatic responses, smiles that looked genuine and specific questions that would give his parents any information they might want. 

It was boring since he wasn’t lurking for information for himself .

It made him feel like a puppet; like a stranger in his own body. 

But Hyunjin, like Seungmin, was there to bring him back to reality. 

Messages:

lix [22:14]: 

you are probably sleeping but god

i’m so done of talking to my parents’ colleagues 

i just want to have a good time w hyunjin

forgot to tell you ): he gifted me the prettiest dress ever

lix sent a picture

Not expecting to bump into other business acquaintances of his parents, Felix found himself walking towards the bar almost twenty minutes later and with a mild headache that was basically all his anger accumulated inside his brain. 

Felix frowned, confused, when he didn’t spot Hyunjin’s dark blonde hair around the bar. He ordered another glass of wine while his eyes kept scanning the full room and within seconds, he recognised Hyunjin’s long dress. 

At first, Felix contemplated staying right where he was since Hyunjin might be talking to one of the local fashion designers that always attended the sisters’ private event. He wasn’t versed in the art of recalling every face of every designer after all. 

His eyes stayed glued to them, though. 

And probably that was the reason why Felix noticed it —the stranger was hitting on Hyunjin. 

It was subtle. 

Their eyes scanning Hyunjin’s body from time to time. The way their body leaned more and more in Hyunjin’s direction. The too-friendly-smile to have just met each other. And what made Felix snapped and got closer to them, the hand trailing the corset of Hyunjin’s dress. 

What the hell.

Felix had only got really possessive over three people in his life —his sister, Nayeon and Seungmin. 

In those cases, Felix moved out of fear of losing them. He thought they could disappear from his life and acted irrationally, causing quite a few interesting scenes in the past ten years that Felix preferred to forget. 

In this case, however, it wasn’t the same. 

Felix wasn’t scared of Hyunjin leaving with that whoever . 

But he couldn’t stay sitting at the bar while they were touching the fucking corset. 

Apparently, that was his limit. 

Felix didn’t even know he had one. 

Maybe he was really sensitive after talking for so many minutes about his parents, their agency and his sister’s career. 

Maybe he was the biggest asshole for approaching them when he wasn’t even sure if Hyunjin was uncomfortable but Felix and being impulsive were two concepts that went hand by hand. And, fuck, they were touching the corset and their eyes were now looking at the low cut of Hyunjin’s dress. 

No .

“Did you forget where the bar was?” Felix asked nonchalantly.

The stranger’s attention jumped to Felix and the event planner didn’t even hide his disgust when they acted as if Felix had interrupted the conversation of their life. He rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow as he looked at Hyunjin.

“Excuse me?” The stranger said. 

And well, Felix was really, really trying to be polite. He just wanted Hyunjin back. Nothing else. But the irritated tone of that jerk aniquilated any chance of going back to their home without feeling humiliated. 

What a fucking shame. 

“I am not talking to you, sweetheart.”

“No, but I was talking to him.” 

Oh, god. So annoying.

“So what? Nobody else can come and talk to him now? Please.” 

His head turned towards Hyunjin again and Felix caught him biting back a grin. 

The piece of shit. 

That was the indicator Felix needed to know Hyunjin wasn’t going to intervene, too amused by Felix’s sudden appearance. And that was good, Felix thought, because if not Hyunjin would have invited him to leave them alone.

The possibility made him feel uneasy inside. 

The stranger clenched their jaw and Felix rested his hand against his hip as he waited for a reply. 

“What I’m saying is that your friend was having a conversation.”

“My friend has a name and believe me, if he had been so interested in said conversation, he wouldn’t be letting me talk so much.” Felix pouted, not feeling an inch of guilt. “So if you don’t mind, the conversation is over. Want to say goodbye?” 

At that, Hyunjin finally reacted, his laugh clear and loud like the music filling the place. He shrugged, as if that justified Felix’s behaviour, and slid his fingers between Felix’s to take his hand and turn around after muttering a farewell between giggles. 

“What’s so fucking funny,” Felix hissed through his now genuine pout, still speaking in English. 

“How you ended him while looking so hot.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “He was touching your corset.” 

“He really thought he was doing something there.” 

Now it was Felix’s turn to giggle. 

“I can’t blame him for trying. You look so gorgeous.”

Hyunjin’s side-smile stretched his lips whilst he tilted his head to lock eyes with Felix.

“I can’t blame him either. Sadly, somebody else already stole all my attention.” 

It was like a shot of confidence. 

A smirk pinched the corners of Felix’s lips. 

“I’ve been dreaming about you taking off this corset since I put it on,” Hyunjin confessed.

Their hands were still grasped together. 

“I’ve been dreaming about many more things since I saw you with that dress,” Felix confessed, too. “Things that probably that stranger would never imagine.”

Hyunjin sighed, his fingers squeezing Felix’s hand. 

“How long did you say we had to stay here?” 

“Now that I know how much you want me, what about two hours?” Felix said mischievously while batting his eyelashes. 

“I say one.” 

“One and a half.” 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “You’ll drag me into a taxi sooner than that.”

The chances were high, but Felix actually didn’t mind how long it took them to reach their hotel nor how many more uncomfortable conversations he had to go through until then.

They still had a long and promising night ahead.

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“These are the games of the weekend.
We pretend that we just don't care.
But we care.”

They lasted exactly seventy seven minutes. 

Tara came to talk to them again and to apologise for such a rushed introduction, Felix had to plaster his best smile to survive another boring conversation and Hyunjin and him found their favourite spot at the corner of the bar counter, where they ate a few of the different dishes that the waiters were moving around the place and also had the best views to keep judging every outfit that didn’t fit their standards. 

The tension was sitting between them in the taxi they took to the hotel and it even hit the number panel of the lift when they got inside. 

It was a miracle that they hadn't touched yet.

Felix was losing his mind. 

Hyunjin slid their key card to open the door and it was as if the room sucked them in, the door slamming closed behind them and Hyunjin’s back getting shoved against it. 

Felix pressed against him like a hungry beast and Hyunjin whimpered. 

“I’m going to remove my lipstick to not make a mess.” He licked his lips, his hand pushing up the fabric of Hyunjin’s dress until he could grip Hyunjin’s thigh. “So why don’t you behave like a good doll, take off your shoes and wait for me in bed?” 

“Fuck.”

Felix’s fingers dug harder into the flesh of Hyunjin’s thigh. 

Hyunjin might have pictured Felix removing his corset but Felix had already railed him to next Monday countless times in his mind. He wasn’t going to sleep until Hyunjin was a wrecked mess next to him. 

And god, since the day Hyunjin confirmed he liked when Felix treated him like this, Felix’s ideas had been only piling up. One after another. Each one worse than the previous one. It had been like a secret door that had been unlocked. 

Like a real beast awakening inside Felix. 

A beast that would call Hyunjin names, push his limits, had him babbling and writhing, and try several things with him. 

But also a beast that was so confident in its wild state because Hyunjin would stop everything if he wanted to. 

“Yes. Fuck,” Hyunjin exhaled with lidded eyes. 

Felix spun around and disappeared into the bathroom, taking more time than necessary to remove the lipstick and apply lip balm. He could hear Hyunjin shuffling until the room got silent. 

God. 

He was half-hard just by imagining Hyunjin beautifully lying over their mattress. 

Air got stuck in his throat when he went back to the room and was welcomed with a sight that was going to fill his darkest dreams. Felix didn’t think it was possible to feel lucky to have someone so willingly waiting for him but there wasn’t another way to describe that sensation. 

He stood close to the edge of the bed. 

“You are so needy,” Felix commented. “Can’t even stay still now that I’m here.”

Felix took off his shoes and crawled onto the bed until he was hovering over Hyunjin’s body, making a soft sound of disapproval when Hyunjin moved his hand to touch him. 

“Hands off, love .”

Hyunjin whined but his hand returned to the bed under the pleased gaze of Felix. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Felix started in a lower voice than usual. “And since you’ve barely praised me today, what if you make up for it by doing only what I want you to?” 

It was a blatant lie. 

During the past hour, Hyunjin had melted Felix’s ears with sweet praises and promises. He had set a fire inside him and Felix was just searching for a remedy in the form of one of his most cherished ideas. 

He got it that night in Jeju after Hyunjin literally asked him to use him however he wanted. 

Nevertheless, the opportunity to voice his wish hadn’t shown up until that night. 

“Only what you want?” Hyunjin repeated.

Felix leaned down, his breath ghosting his lips. 

“Yes.” He drew back to keep eye contact with him. “What do you say, hm?” 

Hyunjin’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. 

“What do you want me to do?”

Fuck .

Felix stretched his back and leaned onto his knees, his legs on both sides of Hyunjin’s hips. 

“Help me remove my clothes.” Hyunjin sat up and when his fingers reached the fabric of the dress, Felix added, “Only that. No kisses, no unnecessary touches, no late praises.” 

Were they going to be close to exploding by the time they could kiss? Most likely. That was why Felix was going to play with their self-control until a thin string was holding them together. 

It would feel more rewarding afterwards.

Although to him it was already satisfying enough to have Hyunjin trusting him like this; automatically giving him the power to decide how their night was going to go, offering no resistance and turning into the good doll he seemed to be with that dress.

If Felix didn’t give him the night of his life, he would never forgive himself. 

Hyunjin’s hands sneaked around Felix’s neck, popping out the buttons at the back of the collar of the dress. He moved meticulously, as if he had an important task in his hands. The delicate touch of his fingers against the little hairs of his nape sent shivers down Felix’s spine but he remained frozen in place. 

His hands slowly descended his back until they found the small zipper in the middle of it. Hyunjin licked his lips and pulled it down at the same pace, moving to Felix’s shoulders next and sliding the fabric down his arms. 

His fingertips were like butterfly’s wings brushing his skin, leaving fire trails across his body to match the one he had inside. 

Hyunjin pulled at the lower part of the dress until it was around Felix’s knees, his eyes looking up at Felix whilst the event planner lifted his legs to toss the dress to the edge of the bed. 

He was wearing nude tights and his hard cock was painfully visible through the fabric of his underwear. 

“I’m still half naked and you are already acting dumb?” Felix chuckled. “Finish undressing me, Hyunie.” 

Hyunjin sucked in a shaky breath and nodded, his hands going for the waistband of Felix’s tights and trailing it until his thumb traced the first word of Felix’s tattoo. 

Felix made a sound of disapproval and Hyunjin whined a quiet apology. 

“It’s okay, baby. You can’t be smart and pretty at the same time, can you?” 

Hyunjin’s fingers twitched over Felix’s hip bones before slipping under the thin fabric to slide it down Felix’s legs, waiting until Felix finished getting rid of them. 

“The panties too.”

It was so arousing to be the one in charge but also the one naked while Hyunjin was completely dressed besides his shoes and socks. God, he was so damn hard and his most primal side only wanted to rip Hyunjin’s dress and bounce on his cock until neither of them could breathe. 

But Felix needed to test how much being neglected could spur Hyunjin on. 

The first time they fooled around, he did it by accident when he left Hyunjin’s flat. 

Now he was going to do it on purpose. 

“I wasn’t going to be mean but since you left a stranger touch your corset…” 

Hyunjin whimpered. 

“Don’t make sounds when I had to go there to put you both apart.”

During the times they had sex in Summer, they both had navigated how far Felix’s words could go. What nicknames worked and which ones should be forgotten. They hadn’t done the biggest research yet but Felix wasn’t concerned as he kept bombarding Hyunjin, convinced that he was as on board as he was. 

Perhaps, in the future, if they kept adding up elements to their encounters, they should talk about safe words. But Felix was positive that they didn’t need one that night. 

“That’s why I think I deserve to come once before you even get to touch yourself.” 

Hyunjin stared at him and Felix snickered. 

“Can you help me with that too?” His fingers tucked one of the strands falling over Hyunjin’s face behind his ear. “You are doing so well so far.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes. So well. Doing what I ask you to,” Felix whispered as he caressed Hyunjin’s cheek until his thumb pressed against his chin. “Open up.” 

Hyunjin parted his lips and Felix considered the possibility of reaching his climax by looking at those big eyes that were staring back at him as if he would do anything Felix wanted. 

He was such a dream. 

“Can you leave it nice and wet?” Felix’s husky voice asked, leaning closer and wrapping his fingers around his cock to aim it at Hyunjin’s lips.

Felix let out a growl when the heat of Hyunjin’s mouth embraced his length after spending the past hours alternating comments about fashion with filthy propositions that hadn’t helped Felix to calm himself down. 

Hyunjin’s tongue licked at the slit and Felix rocked his hips to thrust further into his mouth. He didn’t bury himself much, knowing Hyunjin preferred to be the one deciding how far he could take Felix, but encouraged him without words to bob his head and wet his shaft as much as he could. 

The slurping sounds while Hyunjin relaxed his jaw and the drool fell down his chin had Felix closing his fingers in a fist around the hair at Hyunjin’s nape. He moaned when the head of his cock hit the back of Hyunjin’s throat. 

“Fuck, your mouth…” Felix murmured. “Was made to suck my cock.”

Hyunjin closed his eyes, clearly holding himself back to not react at the praises, his hands gripping the sheets underneath him and his head practically letting Felix guide him. 

Felix pulled out, a string of saliva connecting his length to Hyunjin’s glistening lips, and his hand closed around the base. The glide was smooth and Felix sighed with his eyes glued to Hyunjin, whose lips were still parted as if he missed him in his mouth.

“Or maybe it was made for any mouth, since you are such a cockslut.” 

Hyunjin shook his head. “No.”

His tone was so vehement that Felix had to bite back a whimper.

“No?”

“Only for you.”

Shit.

Felix could be the one who controlled what they were doing but every day Hyunjin reminded him that he could make Felix melt and weak on the knees with just a couple of words. 

He didn’t have to do much.

The combination of his needy voice, how stunning he looked and how pliant he was under him was something that disarmed Felix every time. 

“Is that what you say to everyone?” 

A dreamy smile crossed Hyunjin’s face. “No. Just you.”

Felix raised an eyebrow and got closer again until the head of his cock was right against the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth. He drew the shape of his lips with it and let out a mocking chuckle when Hyunjin attempted at licking the precum painting his lips.

“Why should I believe you when you get like this the moment a dick is close to you? So fucking pathetic. Can’t you hold back a little bit?” 

Hyunjin moaned at that. “Please.”

“Please, what?” 

“Let me touch you.”

Felix shook his head as his hand slid up and down his shaft, still next to Hyunjin’s face.

“I said hands off, doll .”

Hyunjin pursed his lips and gripped one of his thighs with his hands, likely preventing himself from touching himself either. He looked so helpless with his mouth agape and his eyes following Felix's every move. 

Felix kept moving his fingers, letting out gasps the more his body approached his orgasm. He was going to reach it so quickly with Hyunjin looking like that and making little sounds at the touch of Felix’s cock against his cheek or mouth. 

“Can I come on your face?” 

Another moan ripped through Hyunjin’s throat. 

“P-please. Yes.”

Felix smirked, drunk on how receptive Hyunjin was and how much that affected him. 

“Then pull this down,” Felix commanded, pinching between two fingers the fabric of the dress over Hyunjin’s shoulders. “I’m not going to ruin your dress, even if you don’t give a shit about it. You look too stunning with it.”

Slowing down the pace, Felix saw Hyunjin struggling to take off the corset, his fingers trembling so lightly that Felix only caught on the detail because all his senses were focused on him. 

Hyunjin’s hands moved up his figure to take the zip that ran from the nape to the middle of his back and his eyes bored into Felix’s face as he pulled it down. Felix had come back to lazily stroke himself as he waited, though the ball that had been growing inside him didn’t seem to want to wait for Hyunjin. 

Felix didn’t think he could get so heated just touching himself and having Hyunjin right where he wanted to. But he felt delirious whilst the dress uncovered Hyunjin’s upper body, falling over his thighs. 

The hand he didn’t have around his length pushed Hyunjin back. 

“Leaned onto your arms.”

He did as told and Felix tightened his fingers around himself, really feeling as if he was going to float out of his body the moment he came. His whole body seemed to be vibrating under the attentive gaze of Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin couldn’t even stay still anymore, his legs pressing together as if that could give him some kind of relief. 

Felix’s free fingers pressed again against Hyunjin’s lower lip to open his mouth and Hyunjin stuck his tongue out as if that was an ingrained habit he couldn’t shake off. 

A hoarse sound escaped Felix’s lips when he locked eyes with Hyunjin again and his body stilled as he painted Hyunjin’s face with white ropes. It landed on his cheek, the corner of his mouth and down his chin, and Felix almost fell down to the mattress, no longer capable of supporting himself on his knees. 

The hand he still had around Hyunjin’s chin dug harder into the skin while Felix caught his breath. The fingers of his other hand collected the cum on Hyunjin’s face and brought it to his lips.

“Here,” Felix purred. “Taste how good you make me feel.”

Hyunjin mewled around his fingers and Felix pressed down onto his tongue, wanting to hear that sound again. 

“F-felix,” he babbled around the digits. “I-.” 

Felix pulled out and wiped the rest of Hyunjin’s face with his thumb. 

“What is it?” 

“I almost… But I didn’t. I just…” 

At first, Felix didn’t follow him, but Hyunjin squeezed his legs again and Felix leaned closer until their noses were almost touching. 

“You were close?” 

“Yeah. I still… it’s…”

Felix caressed his cheek, more tender than he had been since they arrived.

“Do you want me to stop?” 

“N-no. Keep going.”

Felix nodded, muttering an “okay” against Hyunjin’s lips before kissing him briefly. There was no right answer to his question and Felix would have kissed him either way. Because although he was always pointing out how pathetic Hyunjin was, the truth was that…

“You are doing so well. Waiting until I let you come. Maybe you are a little less dumb than I thought.”

“But I d-don’t… think I can hold back any longer.” Hyunjin swallowed. “It’s… so much. S-so much.”

“You can’t wait until you fuck me?” 

Hyunjin swallowed again, closing his eyes. 

Felix didn’t mean to be cruel, so he still hovered over his body, avoiding sitting on top of him because he knew Hyunjin wouldn’t last if he felt Felix’s ass over his hard length. And Felix really needed to push him a little more. Just a little more. 

Until Hyunjin thought he was going to explode if he didn’t come.

“Answer me. Can you wait for that?” 

“I’ll try.” 

Felix’s hands took Hyunjin’s dress and his underwear and tugged them down his legs as he shook his head, showing discontent. 

“That’s not a valid answer, Hyunie.”

Hyunjin exhaled, his body shuddering over the blankets and his length leaking and painfully hard. It looked so uncomfortable and so tempting. Felix had to gulp down the saliva pooling on his tongue at the sight.

“I can wait. I c-can.” 

“Good doll.” 

Felix crawled over the bed to take the lube and a condom from the first drawer of the nightstand and mentally thanked his past self for leaving them there when he unpacked all his belongings because if he’d had to walk to his suitcase, he would have lost his last bits of patience. 

He straddled Hyunjin again and handed him the bottle of lube. 

Hyunjin uncapped it, decided to pour some on his fingers when Felix let out a high-pitched laugh. 

“What are you doing?” Felix extended his arm, the palm of his hand waiting beside the lube. “You are not going to touch me yet. Calm down first and maybe I’ll let you kiss me.”

Hyunjin suppressed a whine as lube coated Felix’s fingers.

Felix reached behind his body, not wasting time before thrusting inside with one finger. He sighed, noticing how sensitive he was and not only because he had just come down from his orgasm. 

It was… everything. 

Felix wasn’t doing much better than Hyunjin.

Hyunjin tilted his head back against the headboard, averting his gaze from Felix’s figure after he pushed his third finger inside with a long drawn-out moan. 

“Look at me.”

God. Could someone suffocate in a situation like this?

Because for Felix it was getting hard to breathe.

“Can’t.” 

Felix arched his back to have better access and his other hand curled around Hyunjin’s shoulder. 

“No? Do you want me… Ah. To come again and leave you like this?” 

Hyunjin tilted down his head, albeit hesitantly. His eyes roamed Felix’s chest and how his hand got lost between his legs before snapping back to Felix’s face. 

“Just… breathe, dumb thing,” Felix murmured. “I’m almost ready.”

The lube had fallen onto mattress and Hyunjin’s hands were torturing the blankets to not touch an inch of his body. There was a thin layer of swear covering his skin and he looked so stunning with his bitten lips and his glossy eyes. 

Felix pulled his fingers out and pressed their chests together to reward Hyunjin with a kiss longer than the ones he had given him. 

“See how you could wait? I told you.” 

“You happy?” Hyunjin whispered in a thin voice and with his eyes half closed. 

“I’m so happy and so proud I’m going to kiss you again.” 

Their lips moulded and Felix licked into Hyunjin’s mouth, breaking the kiss when they both were tilting their heads to deepen the contact. It wasn’t the moment to play with their limits even more. 

Felix lay down beside Hyunjin and placed a pillow under his back, his legs started to ache now that he had stopped leaning into his knees after so long. 

“Come here and fuck me.”

Neither of them were going to last more than a couple of thrusts so Felix selfishly wanted to see him falling apart on top of him. 

Hyunjin positioned himself between Felix’s legs after rolling down the condom and pouring more lube onto his length. He seemed hesitant for a second, his hands awkwardly moving in the air between them, and Felix smiled. 

“You can touch me however you want.”

Hyunjin nodded and hovered above him, pressing the head against Felix’s rim whilst one of his hands gripped Felix’s thigh. 

“Keep going, silly.” 

Hyunjin clenched his jaw and pushed inside steadily, a rumble vibrating in his throat until his hips hit Felix’s pelvis and the sound turned into a broken moan. 

“F-fuck.” His hips stuttered and Hyunjin bent down to press his forehead against Felix’s. “Lix. Fuck.” 

Felix had to gather all his will to not burn to the core like Hyunjin was doing. 

His lips caressed Hyunjin’s jaw.

“It’s okay, Hyune. You can come.”

Hyunjin cried out as he rolled his hips, almost burying himself even more . 

“Shit,” Felix gasped when the first tear fell from Hyunjin’s eyes to his cheek. He wrapped one of his legs around Hyunjin’s hips and choked down a hiss at the mild pain running up his thigh. “Stop… h-holding back, baby. Come for me.” 

Hyunjin pulled out one last time and pushed back in with abandon, sobbing even harder as he spilled inside the condom, dragging Felix with him in the high. 

The sensation was so intense that Felix almost lost grasp of reality but his nails sank into Hyunjin’s back while his leg dropped to the bed. 

Hyunjin collapsed on top of him and Felix’s arms closed around his body. Hyunjin nuzzled against his neck with wet eyelashes, leaving a few lazy kisses over his skin. Felix’s lips brushed Hyunjin’s hair and their chests heaved. 

“You okay?” He murmured over the mope of dark blonde-ish hair.

Hyunjin made a noncommittal sound. 

Felix smiled and kissed his head properly. 

“So good,” Hyunjin finally slurred. “You make me feel so good.” 

The question was a double weapon —it confirmed Felix that Hyunjin was doing well but it also reassured Felix that he had treated Hyunjin how he liked, relief washing over him when Hyunjin snuggled against his body. 

“You make me feel so good too. And you did so well. I thought you were going to touch me or kiss me so many times but you did as I said.” He kissed Hyunjin’s temple. “My pretty thing.”

Hyunjin squealed.

Felix was getting so dangerously addicted to this peace that saturated his senses right after making out with Hyunjin. These minutes right after coming down from the high were even more intense than the high itself. 

Long forgotten were the times when Felix could only think about running away from him. 

He would drown in this soothing sensation if he could. 

“Let’s take a bath, remove the make-up and get into bed, yeah? I think we managed to not ruin the blankets.” 

Hyunjin resisted at first but after a few tries, Felix got him up on his feet and pushed him to the bathroom. Felix turned on the tap, letting the water warm before filling up the bathtub. He threw inside one of the small bath bombs that were stocked in the cabinet and when the bathtub looked inviting enough, Hyunjin and him slid inside. 

The bathtub was so huge that Felix could sit with his back against it and Hyunjin with his legs wrapped around Felix’s body and his head against the crook of Felix’s neck, chest-to-chest. 

“You are going to fall asleep,” Felix said several minutes later, pointing the spray at Hyunjin’s head to rinse his hair and remove the product Hyunjin used to slick it back earlier. 

“I’m trying not to,” Hyunjin pouted with his lips over Felix’s cheek. “But I’m feeling so… warm.”

Another kiss, this time on Hyunjin’s forehead.

Felix reached out to take the cleansing balm that he luckily remembered to leave close to the bathtub before taking the bath and poured some of the substance on his palm, having pretty defined flashbacks of that day at the beginning of Summer break where Hyunjin did this for him. 

He was too hammered to remember everything but Hyunjin tracing circles across his face was a memory carefully saved in his mind. 

“Pull back one second, Hyune.” 

His heart jolted in his chest, Hyunjin’s relaxed and half-asleep expression filling him with a fuzzy feeling that added an extra layer of tenderness to his movements. He didn’t want to wake him up by accident. 

The tables turned then. 

Now it wasn’t Hyunjin tracing his face nor undressing him slowly like he did in the room. 

It was Felix’s fingertips the ones following Hyunjin’s eyebrows, sliding down the curve of his nose, pressing the mole under his eye and trailing the structure of his cheek bone. It was also Felix’s fingertips the ones making promises; whispering fears. 

Touching him as if he was the most precious thing Felix had ever had in his life. 

Felix leaned in after washing Hyunjin’s face and removing the make-up from his own too. His lips hovered above the mole until he kissed it and Hyunjin exhaled as he buried his fingers in Felix’s purple and silver strands. 

He kissed the same space under the other eye. 

The tip of his nose trailed the area above his eyebrows and fell down the side of his face as he scattered more kisses here and then. Soft and barely noticeable but still present enough to draw a smile on Hyunjin’s lips. 

Hyunjin tilted his head and their lips merged together. 

It was nothing compared to everything they had done, but it hit Felix more than anything else. 

“Yongbok.”

His heart jolted again. 

“Yeah?”

Hyunjin’s eyes were crescents as he withdrew to look at him with one hand still carding through Felix’s hair and the other resting atop his chest. 

“Thank you for taking care of me,” he whispered and Felix could see the walls Hyunjin always had around him falling apart before his eyes. He saw the exact moment where Hyunjin just decided to stop caring about what part of himself he was showing. 

And fuck.

Fuck .

His arm pulled him even closer and his other hand caressed his thigh tattoo under the water absent-mindedly. 

“Thank you for letting me.” 

Thank you for trusting me.

Thank you for letting yourself go. 

They kissed again, as softly as they were talking, at an alarming and slow pace, sinking into a hurricane of sensations that neither of them were addressing but that it was getting impossible to ignore. 

Because although Felix had fought to push those ideas away, it was so hard to ignore how important Hyunjin was becoming to him or how he made Felix feel. And it was starting to mess with his mind, because Hyunjin didn’t fit anything his parents had ever taught him. 

He wasn’t a regular friend, like Seungmin nor Nayeon. 

And he wasn’t that insane and unpredictable storm of emotions that apparently overflowed you when you fell in love. 

Hyunjin didn’t make Felix forget who he was nor who he wanted to be in the future.

Hyunjin made him feel valid like he was. Cared for, special, worth it. 

It was… so different from anything he had ever experienced.

Because Seungmin and Nayeon also made him feel all those things and after running away from his fears, Felix truly believed that his best friends loved him just like he was and wouldn’t leave his side. 

However, it still wasn’t the same.

And he couldn’t pinpoint why. 

Where the hell did Hyunjin stand for him? 

What was his place in his life? 

Could he be just special? Someone that was so similar to himself that they were irrevocably attracted to each other, to the point that they fit as if they were two halves of the same whole. 

Could that be possible?

They got out of the bathtub after a few more kisses, their hands clumsily putting on their underwear and ignoring the rest of their pyjamas, and got into bed with their hands still glued to each other’s bodies. 

Felix lay on his back and Hyunjin moved closer until half of his weight was on top of him, his fingers caressing the tattoo below Felix’s belly button as if Hyunjin had learnt the placement by heart. 

Their breathing got steadier. 

Even though Felix’s mind was racing as he held Hyunjin with one arm. 

“I lied the first time I saw it,” Hyunjin mumbled, his fingers still over the tattoo. 

Felix didn’t reply.

The day you fall in love you’ll understand me, Anne had said. 

But still, it couldn’t be that. 

Felix had seen his sister making a handful of terrible decisions for his boyfriend. He had seen her wanting to ignore her responsibilities if that meant spending more days with him. 

Anne’s relationship was, somehow, similar to the definition his parents gave him. 

Or that was what Felix had told himself through the years. 

Hyunjin’s fingers caressed the tattoo again.

Piece of art .

“You… really are.” 

Hyunjin nodded against Felix’s body, as if talking to himself.

Did he think Felix was asleep?

“You really are.”

***

Denial was sweet like a deadly poison.

Although Felix didn’t even notice how strongly his own brain was avoiding every thought related to the night before. 

They tried something new, they both had fun and since it was so intense, they took a bath together and shared some kisses before going to bed. It was nothing . There was no reason to overthink it. 

I lied the first time I saw it.

Felix’s fingers caressed his tattoo absently, not paying any mind to that comment either. 

You really are.

They didn’t hate each other. They were friends —close to becoming best friends, perhaps?

It was totally nothing. 

And the inexistent change in their relationship after that night only supported that theory. 

“Do you need us to rescue you?” Ryujin asked after Felix came back from talking to another of his parents’ acquaintances. It was the fourth one in less than eighty minutes. It was as if all of them had gathered in that event for some absurd reason. 

Felix wished he could set the whole building on fire and run away. 

“I need you to commit murder. This woman didn’t even remember my name and called me Francis.” Felix pointed at himself. “Do I have the face of being called Francis? Because I don’t think so.” 

They were in some kind of private event that wasn’t as exclusive as the Fortier’s sister party was. Several famous faces had gathered there along with the press, the sound of the shutter catching Felix’s attention from time to time. 

He had been smart enough to wear one of his parents’ favourite outfits just in case they saw a pic of himself there. 

The sheer black fabric of his long-sleeved top was adorned with golden motives that ran down the wide-leg trousers. The top had a deep neckline that disappeared below his sternum and his black and golden belt kept the trousers in place but gave freedom to Felix’s favourite part —that kind of long tail dress that added a special touch to his outfit. 

“What are they even talking about?” Jinsoul said as she rolled her eyes.

“Mostly about the models working at my parents’ agency. Their last photoshoots, future campaigns… Some people ask how my parents and my sister are doing. Just boring stuff.” 

“Can’t they fucking call them?” 

Felix sighed. “I wish it worked like that.” He motioned towards the bar counter. “I’m going to get something to drink.” 

“We’ll be here!” Jinsoul promised with a smile. 

Hyunjin went to the restroom when Felix had fallen captive into another unwanted conversation and he sent them a message some minutes after that telling them he had bumped into a former classmate from London and that it would take him a few to come back. 

“Do you have any cocktails without alcohol?” Felix asked the bartender with his best-boy smile. His mind had already been feeling funny enough without the help of the alcohol. 

“We have Piña colada, Sex on the beach, Cinderella, Margarita, Mojito…” 

Felix considered his options playing with a purple strand. 

“I think I’m going to try Piña colada.” 

“Good choice,” the bartender smiled before turning around to prepare his drink. 

Felix was patiently waiting for the bartender to come back with his Piña colada when a voice he didn’t recognise said right beside him, “I can’t believe what my eyes see.” 

Not another one . 

Couldn’t they wait until he got his drink, at least? 

Didn’t they have manners? 

God.

Felix was so annoyed that he was going to return to the hotel soon. 

“Excuse me, may I know you?” He questioned as he tilted his head towards the voice. 

And his blood turned to ice when he recognised the two faces looking at him with smiles sharp like knives. 

His throat got dry.

A cold sweat covered the palms of his hands. 

Yet his smile remained perfectly placed on his face. 

“Oh. My bad. I didn’t recognise the voice.” He shouldn’t have come. “It’s nice to see you both again.”

Kim Bae and James Taylor were a really famous Korean-Australian couple that were settled in Melbourne. She was a Fashion reporter and he was a Fashion photographer. “A match made in Heaven” was what every article proclaimed. 

What those articles didn’t comment on was that they were two demons in disguise. 

A type worse than his own parents when they were mad. 

Because neither Bae nor James needed to be pissed off to treat everyone as if they were nothing. 

“It’s okay, sweetie. Guess that not working in Fashion anymore does that to people,” Bae excused him with a fake smile whilst Felix took his Piña colada and took a sip to clear his throat. 

“Yeah, we were surprised to find you , among all your family members, here.” 

Felix took another sip. 

“I actually still work in Fashion. I am just not a model anymore.”

James cooed and raised a hand to brush the pattern of Felix’s top. 

“Oh. Do you really think people from the industry won’t know where you come from?” He was talking through a pout with a voice that seemed to be sticking to all Felix’s bones. “I still don’t know what was crossing that little head of yours the day you quit.” 

“I don’t hide where I come from, I simply prefer to do something else.” 

The couple snorted at the same time, though it was Bae who replied.

“Lixie, we and everyone who followed your career know that the real reason was that you could never be Anne.” 

Felix really wanted to excuse himself and walk outside to breathe some fresh air but his feet were glued to the floor while he stared at them without actually seeing them. 

“Why do you think your parents allowed you to make such a silly decision? Because they have her. Because they also knew you would never be like her.”

“Didn’t know you could read my parents’ minds, Bae.”

Bae rolled her eyes. “Please. As if you didn’t know that I’m right.” 

Altogether, the couple weren’t talking about anything Felix didn’t already think. Instead of making a new statement, their words were like honey calling all the voices that inhabited Felix’s brain. A million of tiny eyes opening inside his skull, cackling, pointing fingers, whispering so fucking loud that Felix needed to blink to focus. 

People know you are nothing without your family.

“It’s a shame though,” James sighed. “Because you did look so good in front of the camera.” 

“Yeah? That’s why you body-shamed me last time we worked together because I wasn’t tall nor buff enough to be a man?” 

At least, despite how hard the whole universe had tried, the idea that his body was his temple had kept Felix sane enough to not end up hating how he looked. Even if the whole concept of turning his body into a temple wasn’t healthy at all. 

Even if he still was obsessed with it because it had conditioned his entire existence. 

“I just noted that your sister was taller than you.” 

Felix took a longer sip. He needed to go . 

“Are you actually going to say something interesting?” 

You are so pathetic.

Everybody knows it.

“Good luck, I guess,” Bae wished with a fake smile. “You are going to need it.”

Felix gulped down the rest of his Piña colada, feeling a concerning twist in his stomach that expanded to the centre of his chest, constricting his ribs. 

The opportunities you get are because you are a Lee. 

“You are done?” Every syllable sounded more and more distant, the floor getting less solid under his feet. “Bye, bye.” 

He walked around the couple to go towards the main door. 

His eyes were burning from all the tears that were threatening to ruin his make-up yet Felix managed to keep a straight face as he moved between people, ignoring the voice that was calling him as he mentally begged for the door to get closer faster. 

His mother knocked on his door before stepping into Felix’s room. 

Felix was typing on his laptop, finishing the first assignment from his degree, and although there was nothing that irritated him more than getting distracted when he was being productive, he typed the rest of the paragraph and turned around in his chair. 

“Mum?” 

“Hi, prince.” She came closer to him and sat on the bed beside Felix, showing him what she had in her hands. “I was going through old photo books and thought you might want to see some pics with me.” 

At first, Felix found it adorable. Heartwarming even. 

His mother only brought back previous photoshoots to comment on how they could pose better. Well. How Anne could pose better, since Felix stopped modelling a couple of years prior to pursue a different path. 

Felix sat next to her and Miyoung started going through the pages with him. 

“It was nice when the four of us went to the studios.” 

To be honest, his photoshoots with his parents monitoring them weren’t part of his most cherished memories, but Felix was incapable of contradicting his mother. 

So he nodded.

And lied. 

“I miss it sometimes.”

Felix should have said, “I miss when it was easier to pretend you care about me.” But it was easier to keep that to himself and leaned his head against his mother’s shoulder while she carded her fingers through Felix’s hair. 

“But Anne is amazing, right? She’s going to be the next ‘it girl’.” 

An empty smile curled Felix’s lips. 

“She’s perfect.” 

He was the only one that wasn’t.

And sometimes, Felix couldn’t even begin to explain why. Because he had felt like a broken toy since he could remember.

Felix reached the restroom and let out a shaky sigh when he saw that it was for one person. He could lock himself in it without hearing people entering and leaving. He could leave the whole world outside for a few minutes. 

If he only could push all those voices away too. 

With a blurry vision and feeling like every little movement was heavy, Felix’s fingers grabbed the doorknob to close the door but a hand stopped him before the door closed entirely and Hyunjin slid inside. 

The tears had spilled after he exited the main room and Felix couldn’t begin to imagine how miserable he had to look, falling apart while everyone was having fun less than ten metres away. 

“L-leave me alone,” he stuttered in English. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave you alone when you look like that.”

Felix pressed the heel of his hands under his eyes, drawing a hurtful smile. 

“Like what? Like shit?” Felix tried to snort but the sound didn’t reach his lips. “L-like a f-fucking joke?” 

His fingers palmed the pockets of his trousers until he could pull out his phone. 

“I n-need…” 

Air got stuck in his throat and Felix gasped as his phone almost fell to the floor, getting caught by Hyunjin’s hands. 

“What do you need?”

“Se-ungmin. Call. Seungmin.”

Felix remembered all the tips he had learnt to calm himself down when he got like this. Seungmin searched them with him after one day Felix genuinely believed he was going to choke on his own breathing from how much he was hyperventilating. 

But he couldn’t physically do any of them, too unfocused and shaky to do something as simple as sitting on the floor, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. 

He couldn’t. 

Because he was too pathetic to even do something as simple as that. 

He deserved to be alone and left behind. 

Why did Seungmin put up with all of this?

And Nayeon?

What would his new friends think if they knew he was here like that ?

Felix swallowed, unsuccessfully trying to fight the nausea that was crawling up his throat. The floor didn’t seem stable enough for him to sit on it. Or was Felix who wasn’t stable enough? 

“Okay. I’ll call him. But can you sit down with me in that corner?” 

“Hyunjin,” Felix croaked as more tears rolled down his cheeks. “L-leave.”

Hyunjin’s hands closed around Felix’s shoulders, somehow grounding him slightly, and turned him around slowly, guiding him towards the corner in silence. 

“I’m not going to leave you alone in the middle of an anxiety attack, Felix.”

Felix regretted drinking that last drink. 

He was feeling so uneasy. 

And the bathroom walls were so close to falling on top of them, bending until the bathroom grew smaller. Suffocating. Like a little box. 

Like a toy box, probably. 

Felix didn’t reply, too overwhelmed to find his tongue. Hyunjin took his hand and left his own phone over his palm after pressing the correct combination of buttons to call Seungmin. 

“Hyunjin?” 

Felix cried out when he heard Seungmin’s voice.

“N-no.”

“Hey. What happened?” 

The restroom was so silent that although Seungmin wasn’t on speaker, his voice was totally clear not only for Felix but also for Hyunjin. 

Felix’s lower lip wobbled. “D-do you think…” 

He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. The whole room was moving so fucking much .

“Should I s-still be a model s-so my… s-so…” 

“Felix.” Seungmin’s voice was so soothing when his mind got so loud. Felix could have heard him anywhere. “You are having one of your attacks, okay?”

Felix nodded with his eyes still closed and the wall pressed against the top of his head. 

“Are you with Hyunjin?” 

“H-hm.” 

“Good.” Seungmin paused. “I need you to remember with me why you decided to quit.” 

Because you weren’t like Anne.

Because they made you feel invisible. 

Because it was digging a hole in the middle of your chest and you were too weak to overcome it. 

Because you can’t make anyone proud. Not even yourself.

A sob ripped through Felix’s lips. 

“C-can’t. Can’t. Seungmin. I… They…” Felix said, agitated. And Hyunjin lifted up his arm to caress his leg in soothing motions. He was breathing so steadily next to Felix. 

“It’s okay. I am going to ask you questions while you take a deep breath, okay?” 

“‘Kay.” 

Felix’s hand weakly grabbed the one Hyunjin had over his leg. 

The walls aren’t moving. The restroom isn’t moving. You are sitting on the floor with Hyunjin. 

Nothing is moving.

“How did you feel after your photoshoots?”

After years, Seungmin had perfected his questions and he always asked the same ones to try to bring Felix back to him faster.

Felix repeated the question inside his head. 

How did he feel?

Awful, empty, unworthy, ignored…

“Numb.”

 “Okay. Breath again with me. Come on, you are doing so much better already. Inhale, Lix.” 

Air slowly moved further into his body. Not much. But there was progress. 

“And how did you feel when you decided to stop modelling?” 

He didn’t have to think that time. 

“Relieved.”

Such a fucking loser.

You really picked your happiness over your success. 

So pathetic. 

More tears kept wetting his top, though his sobs had got quieter.

“I’d also f-feel ashamed of me i-if I was… if I…”

“Shhh. I am proud of you. Noona is proud of you. Your grandma is proud of you.”

His grandmother.

Felix could feel his heart breaking a little more. 

“M-miss her s-so much.” 

“I know. But you know she is. She told you so many times.”

Felix noticed how clearly he could hear the deep breaths Hyunjin was taking next to him and let the sound lull him whilst letting their hands over each other. 

“Lix, can I talk to Hyunjin?” 

“Yeah.”

He inhaled, way more calm than before after Seungmin assured him one last time that they were proud of him and reminded him of the party they threw when Felix visited him right after quitting. 

It still hurt. 

But the world wasn’t spinning anymore. 

“Trust me. I know quite a lot about this,” Felix heard Hyunjin say. “Yeah. This is hell. I know.” Their eyes met and Hyunjin smiled at him. “I will. You don’t need to worry about that. We are close to the hotel. H-hm. Okay.” 

The phone came back to Felix’s hands. 

“Min?” 

“Hyunjin is taking you to the hotel. It’s three in the morning here but if you need me, call me, okay?”

Felix nodded, even though Seungmin couldn’t see him. 

“Love you,” was what Felix whispered.

Seungmin’s voice got sweeter when he whispered back, “Love you too. I’m going to hang up now. Call me if you need me, okay? Promise.”

Felix exhaled, the air was starting to reach the lungs again. 

“Promise.”

*

Felix was still slightly agitated, although the dizziness had disappeared and the world wasn’t spinning anymore. His body felt weird and now that his mind was quieter again, he was only ashamed of the problems he had caused earlier. 

He probably woke Seungmin up when he was about to fall asleep. Or when he was already sleeping. 

And he bet Hyunjin didn’t imagine what he was going to find when he followed him to the restroom. 

God.

It was only nine and they were already in their room.

Hyunjin could be with Ryujin and Jinsoul having fun. 

But instead, he was babysitting stupid Felix. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled with rosy cheeks as he took a seat in the balcony, where Hyunjin had settled their dinner that consisted of two big mugs with chamomile tea and a ridiculous amount of pancakes with banana, strawberry and vanilla ice-cream. 

The shower had helped with the uneasy sensation inside his bones but now it had been replaced with the idea that he was such a burden. 

“You should be at the event, not here,” Felix added, tilting his head down and bringing the mug to his lips to take a short sip. 

“I prefer to be here with you.”

“I’m really sorry,” Felix continued, trapped in his own spiral. “You shouldn’t have seen me like that either. I should have called a taxi or just… be stronger instead of…”

Hyunjin took a sharp breath through his nose, pinching a piece of his pancake and chewing on it for longer than necessary. 

“Are you mad at me?” Felix’s voice was getting lower and lower. The embarrassment and the sensation of being a disappointment closing their claws around his throat until air struggled to reach his lung completely again. “Y-you can pretend it never happened. I swear it d-doesn’t happen often. Just…” 

“Felix.”

His head snapped up to look at Hyunjin. 

He was already staring at him, his expression rather sweet. Not an ounce of… disgust on sight. He didn’t seem to be angry either. It was strange. 

“I used to have anxiety attacks on a daily basis when I was younger,” Hyunjin confessed as if it was nothing, his voice clear and his eyes boring into Felix’s face. “I would never get mad at you for having one. Or for having several ones in just a week. It can happen and it fucking sucks enough by itself for you to… think you need to apologise.”

Felix raised his eyebrows. 

“On a daily basis?” 

Hyunjin nodded. “It was during my last years of high school. It was… a rough time and I was such a mess.” He smiled. “But we are not talking about me. What I’m trying to say is… that sometimes, for different reasons…” 

Hyunjin let out a long sigh.

“If someone makes you feel like you need to apologise for going through something like this…” 

Felix shook his head. “It’s not that.”

His brain was still too foggy to yell at him to run away. To shut up forever. To switch topics until he was talking about something safe. 

Or was Felix, perhaps, too tired of sporting a mask with no cracks around everyone that wasn’t Seungmin and Nayeon? 

“Do you want to tell me?” 

Felix licked his lips. 

Did he?

“I don’t…” His breath hitched and his fingers trembled over the table. “I don’t want you to look at me differently if I talk about it.”

“Why would I?” 

“Because I’m going to sound like a whiny baby who doesn’t know how to deal with his problems. And that’s… pathetic. My parents would be so…” 

Felix clenched his jaw and turned his head towards the table. 

Although Seungmin had heard several stories in the past years, not even with him Felix had been able to talk about it freely. Because this topic cut deep into places that the hands couldn’t reach. Places that were hidden inside him and had been bleeding for more than a decade. Places that seemed abandoned but were actually filled with broken dreams. 

“Can you stop thinking for a second that I’m going to… get mad at you or change my vision of you or think you are pathetic or anything of the sort? I have…” Hyunjin chuckled. “God, this is going to sound so cliché but… I have many flaws and judging people for the things they have to fight is really not one of them.”

“Maybe you are a gentleman after all,” Felix whispered with a tiny smile.

“Or maybe people did judge me too much in the past.” 

The conversation was like walking over thin ice. 

Felix wasn’t sure he was prepared enough that night to finally see part of everything Hyunjin had been hiding. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was the reason why his mother called him so much. If that was also the reason why Hyunjin said I love you before hanging up. 

Could he ask questions or would that be too much? 

Felix cleared his throat with a sip and bit a strawberry. 

“Did that happen while you had the anxiety attacks?” 

Hyunjin pinched another piece of pancake. 

“Something like that.” Hyunjin’s spoon sank into the ice-cream. “Let’s say I… surrounded myself with people that sucked. Minho never liked them and I should have listened to him but I didn’t. They made shitty comments when…” 

Hyunjin shook his head. 

“I thought we were best friends and they dumped me when I stopped being funny to them.”

Felix stretched his arm until his hand could squeeze Hyunjin’s thigh. 

“That sucks. Although I guess some people could say the same thing about me because I’m an expert at disappearing from people’s lives. All the time.”

Hyunjin placed his hand on top of Felix’s smaller one, sliding his fingers between Felix’s until they were, somehow, holding hands. 

“What about Seungmin?”

Felix beamed. “He refused to leave. And never let me leave either.” Seungmin was truly one in a million and Felix had been so lucky to meet him. “He understands me better than I understand myself sometimes.”

“Why do you… disappear?” Hyunjin glanced at him. “You don’t have to reply if you don’t want to, I was just wondering.”

Loving too much will kill you, son.

Wasn’t that what his father used to say?

“Because…” 

Honest conversations were so hard to have. Felix was bare , even if Hyunjin could only see what he shared. He was sticking his hand right into his heart to present to Hyunjin all his little secrets and it was so scary, tiring and out of the norm. 

Apart from Seungmin and Nayeon, Felix had never trusted anyone this much. 

“I care too much. I get too attached. I… do it wrong.” Felix shrugged. “And it scares me to get so attached because I know people will hurt me if they know so it’s… yeah. Easy.”

Felix flipped his hand to lace their feelings properly. 

“It’s been different since I moved to Seoul, though.”

Because my parents weren’t waiting for me at home so I could just pretend I didn’t notice how important you all were becoming to me.

“I… don’t think I could run away from you even if I wanted to.” 

Was it a good sign if it felt relieving to say it out loud? 

Was it even clever to admit it?

His heart was beating in his ears, in his throat, in his stomach, in his hands. 

“I’m so sure that you would find a way to be faster than me. Like… even at the beginning, no matter what I did, you were always there. I guess you are annoying like that. To the point that I’m sure that if we were in a room full of people, you would bump into me within minutes. Because you are… there. Always there.”

What the hell did he just say?

Felix blushed and covered his face with his free hand. 

“That didn’t make any sense.” 

“It made sense. I don’t think I could run away from you either.” Hyunjin’s thumb brushed the back of Felix’s hand. “But it wouldn’t take us minutes, just a few seconds.”

Felix cut a long piece of pancake and buried it into the ice-cream before sticking it into his mouth. Trusting new people was such a dangerous experience; one Felix avoided at all costs, decided to live his life in solitude, surrounded himself with people that adored him like his parents never did and with his two best friends. 

But it was so lonely. 

Every time he began getting attached and he cut the string, a new scar was added to his collection. And slowly, his heart had stopped howling, had stopped hoping, had stopped searching for a real connection. 

Felix should have expected Hyunjin to be able to demolish all his defences. 

Felix should have expected Hyunjin to come and show him feelings that didn’t fit anywhere because the fucking idiot had to be special even with that. 

“It was my parents’ fault,” Felix murmured after some minutes eating in silence with their hands still over Hyunjin’s thigh. “The first time I collapsed like this we were attending an event. I was… fourteen? I don’t remember.” 

Felix let the sweetness of the ice-cream cover the bitterness at the tip of his tongue. 

“My sister couldn’t attend so…” 

It was as if the memory wasn’t his . Felix was so detached from it, used to mute his real feelings when he remembered something his parents had done in the past. The wounds didn’t hurt the same when he did it.

“I spent three hours following my parents like a dog, hearing them talk about Anne and how much they missed her. They barely let me speak and, at some point, they even asked me to twirl to show someone the outfit I was wearing because they were casually talking about that brand.”

It wasn’t neither the first nor the last event where they made Felix feel like an accessory. 

Like the pretty son they took to events to remind his existence when needed.

“I didn’t notice it building up. I was too lost inside my head to notice anything.” 

It was the first time he told the story like he was doing —calm, giving all the details because it had passed time enough to be able to recall everything that happened without falling into the sensations that overwhelmed him that day. 

“I broke down in the middle of the event when someone tried to praise my sister and I for a photoshoot we did and my parents didn’t let me thank them. To be honest, I don’t even think they noticed I was trying to talk.”

Felix ate another strawberry.

“I remember to grip the sleeve of my father’s blazer and stare at him wide-eyed, gasping for air and feeling as if something was wrong inside me. I don’t really know what I said or what I did. I just know that my father guided me to the bathroom and scolded me for interrupting such an important conversation.”

Ah, shit.

Maybe he wasn’t as detached from that memory as he thought.

Or maybe it just brought back another good number of memories where Felix had felt like a disappointment. 

His vision got blurry but no tears streamed down his face.

“He called our driver after lecturing me about keeping those kinds of meltdowns to myself because they were…” Felix pursed his lips. He didn’t remember the word his father used. He only remembered the pain . “They both talked to me the next day too and repeated the same shit. As if I did it on purpose. And that night I had another, but I didn’t bother anyone with it.”

Felix chuckled. 

“I really thought I was going to… die that second time but I learnt that those… episodes didn’t actually kill me.” 

He tilted his head to meet Hyunjin’s eyes. 

“I’ve never told them that I’ve had a million more afterwards.”

Hyunjin looked horrified, sad eyes locked on him and lips twisted downwards. 

“I…,” he whispered.

“I know what you are going to say.” Felix slid his fingers over Hyunjin’s knuckles. “My parents don’t actually fit the standard of ‘regular parents’.”

“I was going to say that I’m glad you ignored what they taught you and called Seungmin tonight. I don’t even know what to say about what your parents told you. I can’t even… understand how a parent can see their child suffering and yet decide to scold them. It’s… heartless.”

Felix averted his gaze to drink from his tea.

“I’m so pissed,” Hyunjin muttered. 

“Seungmin got really pissed too. He…” Felix drank again. “He’s not precisely a fan of them.”

“Can imagine why.”

Felix took a deep breath to not defend them. 

He took a deep breath and reflected on the simple story he had just told. He didn’t have to hold himself back much, though, his body still too exhausted to even consider the possibility of defending his parents when they hadn’t even messaged him to ask him if he was having fun in Paris. 

“You know,” Felix whispered, his voice now growing shy; his cheeks burning up. “I was so shocked when I heard you talking to your mum for the first time. I-I still am but it doesn’t surprise me anymore.” 

Hyunjin let out a soft laugh. 

“You’ll be surprised to know we didn’t get along at all when I was a teen.”

“You didn’t?” 

Hyunjin played with Felix’s fingers absently, catching each finger between his own and then releasing it. It was as if they had opened a door that was closed and the secrets that were hidden there had just spilled everywhere. 

“I was an idiot,” Hyunjin confessed with a tiny smile. “Worse than how I am now.” 

“Is that possible?”

Hyunjin kicked him softly under the table. 

“Shut up,” he was still smiling. “I was spoiled and greedy and too arrogant to care about anything. I was pretty much influenced by those ‘friends’ I told you I used to have. I almost lost Seonghwa and Minho because of them.” 

“Was it that bad?” 

Hyunjin nodded. He was staring at his pancakes, pinching different pieces of fruit to fill his mouth with them whilst he contemplated how to continue his story. 

His confession of the night. 

“I was really turning into a monster. I am so ashamed of many things I did and said back then.” He sipped from his mug. “I wasn’t bad , you know? And I was mostly a dick when I was with them. When I was alone I was… slightly better.” 

It was so insane how some people had so many layers on top of them that only the moonlight could actually show the real colour of what’s hidden underneath them all. 

Vulnerability was scary, and Felix wasn’t fond of it.

Yet it added a different light to Hyunjin’s eyes. 

Likely because Hyunjin didn’t seem scared of being vulnerable. He looked serene as he pushed his own walls and invited Felix inside. 

It was admirable, Felix noticed. 

Accepting your vulnerability and letting the world see you disarmed and raw was… admirable. 

“I really love my hyungs and my parents and I was never trying to hurt them purposely. But I did. Over and over and over. Especially when I was partying and I was so… wasted that I really thought the world was…” Hyunjin sighed. 

Felix swallowed.

Wasted as in… what exactly ?

Too many beers, a bottle of vodka or…? 

He almost preferred not to ask. 

He would do it another day. 

“And then… well. Everything spiralled out of control. It was…” Hyunjin sighed again. “I had to learn a lot. I changed a lot, too.” 

Felix moved his chair closer to Hyunjin to lean his head over his shoulder, his other hand now joining the ones they had laced. 

“Is it weird if I tell you I’m proud of you?” Felix murmured. “For making the effort to be better, for admitting to me you were wrong, for… going through all of it. You are amazing, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin cocked his head and his free fingers pressed Felix’s chin until they could look at each other. 

“You are amazing too.” 

Felix wished he was half as amazing, but he didn’t retort because his mouth was too busy asking in a really low whisper, “Can I kiss you?”

Hyunjin moved even closer to wrap his arm around Felix’s body and dragged him onto his lap. Felix straddled him and cupped his cheeks with his hands, surging forward delicately and only inhaling again after feeling the press of Hyunjin’s lips against his own. 

Technically, Felix was wide aware of how pointless it was to ask for permission to kiss him, when they were used to it. But after everything they had shared, this kiss came from such a different place. 

Who would have thought balconies had such magic during the night. 

“You taste so sweet,” Felix muttered whilst his arms circled Hyunjin’s neck to press entirely against him and kiss him again. 

Kissing someone with nothing to hide was a crazy rollercoaster. 

It made time slower. It made every second eternal. 

It made Felix believe that they could kiss until the world ended. 

Until they had poured every emotion down each other’s throats. Until they had confessed everything through kisses and touches, without words. Until they had written countless letters on each other’s bodies with their lips and tongues. 

Until that fragile atmosphere around them morphed into the new layer that would protect them from everything. 

“Are you feeling better?” Hyunjin asked when they were under the blankets, his arms perfectly wrapped around Felix’s body, that was on top of him. 

Felix nuzzled against his jaw. 

“Yeah. There’s nothing that pancakes and ice-cream can’t fix.”

Hyunjin laughed. “I think it was the power of the strawberries.” 

“H-hm. True. How could I forget them?”

Hyunjin’s fingers danced over the skin of Felix’s back and Felix’s fingertips caressed the column of Hyunjin’s neck. 

Their eyes closed.

Their voices mere murmurs.

And their disclosed secrets tucked somewhere between the brain and the heart. 

“Goodnight, Hyunie.” 

Felix lifted up his head to slide their lips together one last time. 

“Night, Lix.”

Another lazy kiss. And another, and another. 

Fuck. 

Felix did get so attached. 

And words would fail him if Felix tried to explain how much he refused to picture a future without Hyunjin by his side. 

Maybe that’s why he held him even tighter and smiled in the middle of the last kiss, because that night Felix wanted to believe that Hyunjin refused to picture a future without him either.

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“Everybody told me love was blind.
Then I saw your face and you blew my mind.”

Felix had been so wrong when he thought the days in Paris had been a lot. 

Visiting his family for a few days was what truly had been a lot . 

He was absolutely drained, as if all his energies had been sucked out of his body and now he was empty inside. He had survived his mother’s birthday but at what cost. 

“She’s not going to remember you visited her,” his father said, matter-of-factly, furrowing his eyebrows and staring at him as if Felix had just grown another head. “Are you sure you don’t want to go with us to the spa?” 

Felix checked his reflection on the mirror before tilting his head in his father’s direction.

“I know. But I called the nursing home this morning and they told me she’s so calm today. I’m afraid she might be agitated tomorrow or the day after,” Felix explained like he always did when his parents showed confusion at Felix’s enthusiasm for visiting his grandmother. 

Jihoon raised his eyebrows, clearly unable to understand his son’s point of view. 

“The doctors say she will probably live a few more years but now that I don’t live in Australia I’m scared of losing her while I’m away so I just prefer to visit her as much as I can.”

An airy chuckle left his father’s lips. “Always caring too much. You are just like her.”

“Hey,” a familiar voice said when the lift doors were closing. 

Felix tilted his head up, tiredness painted all over his face and also in the way he moved. The long flight had almost felt like a blessing after all these days dealing with his family, their comments and the way said comments made him feel. 

“Oh, hi, hyung,” Felix whispered as he smiled at Minho. “Dinner date?” 

“Yeah. I was feeling inspired and came here to cook dinner for us both.” 

Felix leaned his temple against the wall of the lift, his smile barely hanging from his lips from how exhausted he was. 

“And even though I’ve spent the last two hours cooking, this brat still sent me to the store to buy him some pineapple juice.” Minho rolled his eyes and Felix giggled. “I’ll be lucky if he hasn’t set a fire in the kitchen.”

Felix wasn’t a mess in the kitchen but he wasn’t versed either. Since his parents didn’t cook except for a few basic meals and they ordered the rest of their food from a catering company they had a few streets away from their house, Felix grew up not paying attention to it. 

Only after moving to Seoul did he start experimenting a little bit.

But he was mostly focusing on desserts. 

The lift doors opened and Felix dragged his trolley towards his door. 

“Hope you both have fun. Tell Hyunjin to send me pics of the dinner, I want to see what you’ve cooked.” 

“Or you can join us and see it yourself,” Minho offered instead with a grin as he introduced the code to Hyunjin’s flat. “I cooked enough food to feed the whole neighbourhood.”

“Oh. I don’t want to interrupt your best friends’ night,” Felix murmured as he shook his head, not wanting to intrude when he wasn’t even the funniest person to have around that night.

“Leave your stuff and join us later,” Minho commanded as he raised a finger to point at him. “I’m sure you haven’t even had dinner yet and after a flight there’s nothing better than homemade food.” 

A sight left Felix’s mouth.

Minho’s stubbornness competed with Seungmin’s. 

“Fine. I’ll take a quick shower and go.”

“Perfect!” And the door swung close. 

Felix walked into the nursing home with his heart in his throat and a mild tremor making the bouquet of flowers between his fingers shake. Every time it got a little bit harder to go there. And every time it also got a little bit harder to say goodbye. 

“Hi, again, Felix,” the nurse said as she guided him down the corridor. “Spending some days in Sydney again?” 

They picked that place because there were two nurses that could speak Korean. Felix’s grandmother was fluent in English but as her illness progressed, during her bad episodes, she felt more comfortable speaking in her mother tongue. 

“Yeah. I’m leaving in two days.” 

They stopped in front of Jungsoon’s room. 

“How is she doing?” 

The nurse smiled. “She’s doing well. I… know it’s hard to believe because it’s been months since she recognised any of you but she’s really doing so well, Felix.”

The reminder that his grandmother would never remember all the times they had spent together stung. It was like a dagger digging into the middle of his chest and sinking deeper and deeper. 

But Felix tried to push his own feelings aside.

If they said she was doing well, that had to be good, right?

“And she will love those peonies.”

“I hope so.”

They opened the door and the nurse stepped in first, drawing a smile sweeter than the one she had whilst she was talking to Felix. 

“You have a visitor, Jungsoon.”

“A visitor?”

“Yes. He took a plane just to see you.”

“Oh.”

Felix walked inside and waited by the door. 

“Hi.” Their eyes met and Felix’s heart cried when her lips didn’t automatically say his name. As if that hadn’t happened a couple of times already. “I’m Felix. Your grandson.” 

Jungsoon’s eyebrows lifted up and her mouth opened in surprise. 

“Oh. My grandson.” Her eyes turned into crescents then. A warm smile stretching her lips. “I’m sorry. My memory is a disaster these days.”

“It’s okay. Can I sit with you?” 

Jungsoon nodded and tapped the empty space beside her on the couch she had in her bedroom. Felix didn’t even notice the nurse exiting the room and leaving them alone. 

“Are those for me?” 

“Yes. I thought you might like them.”

Illnesses like the one Jungsoon had were so illogical for Felix. It was as if her brain was letting go of the memories that were heavier first but then clutched tightly onto the irrelevant information that any of them could have told her.

“They are my favourite flowers. Of course I would like them.”

Selfishly, and although those details also defined who Jungsoon was, Felix would have sold his soul to talk one last time to his grandmother right before she started struggling to remember who he was.

“You fell in the charms of this little shit?” Hyunjin asked when Felix came to his flat fifteen minutes after promising Minho he would join them for dinner. 

For once, Felix didn’t spend an unnecessary amount of minutes hiding the dark circles under his eyes with concealer nor applied some blush onto his tired face. He grabbed a pair of mom jeans and a comfortable oversized t-shirt that was tucked into said jeans. 

“He promised me homemade food.”

“And you’ll have it,” Minho yelled from the kitchen whilst Felix helped Hyunjin to set the table. 

Felix giggled at first but ended up hiding a yawn behind his fist. 

“Are you too tired?” Hyunjin whispered, his fingers brushing some blonde strands away from Felix’s forehead and then carding through his hair. 

Felix could melt under his touch. 

“My brain has turned to mush,” he confessed through a pout. “But Minho-hyung insisted and actually I…” 

“You are hungry?” Hyunjin smiled.

Felix nodded and leaned closer to rest his cheek against Hyunjin’s chest, keeping to himself that what he was going to say was that he preferred to see him rather than be alone with his thoughts after a few days with his family. 

He had missed him. 

In some way. 

“I’m not bothering you, right?” Felix whispered. “I mean… you are lucky I accepted and decided to bless you with my presence but… I’m not interrupting an important night or anything…, right?” 

“You are saving me from the grandmother spirit that lives inside him.”

“I can hear you, Hyunjin-ah!” 

Hyunjin wheezed. “Oh, no.”

“I think nothing can save you now, baby. ”

Jungsoon stared at the pics Felix was showing her with his phone, her smile was brighter than when Felix got into the room half an hour ago. She had been asking him what he was doing and why he was living in Seoul. She also discreetly asked him about the rest of the family without confessing that she didn’t remember any of the names he was saying. But Felix had managed to focus the conversation on his new life in Seoul.

“His name is Hyunjin.”

When Jungsoon had asked him for his closest friends, it had been so natural to add Hyunjin to the list. And if it hadn’t been, Felix would have found a way to talk about him because he needed to tell her about him. 

Talking to his grandmother about the people that made him happy was always one of his favourite types of conversations. 

And Felix would be lying if he didn’t admit to himself that Hyunjin had brought so much joy to his life. 

“He’s really handsome.”

Felix giggled. “He is.”

“You two look happy together,” she added, looking at a pic of Hyunjin and Felix on the balcony of their hotel in Paris. They took it right before joining Jinsoul and Ryujin for that dinner they organised to thank Felix for the Fortier invitations. 

That Fashion Week had been intense and Felix would love to forget certain moments but overall he had made so many good memories with Hyunjin, Ryujin and Jinsoul. Especially with Hyunjin. 

“I don’t think you understand the consequences of introducing the Fortier sisters to him but my phone was blowing for hours,” Minho commented after taking a sip from his tea. 

“You are so dramatic.”

“We’ve been friends since you were born, I can be as dramatic as I want to.”

Felix chuckled. He had eaten so much that he felt like exploding but Minho’s food was so tasty that it felt disrespectful to not eat as much as possible. Felix knew it wasn’t a wise idea and that he wouldn’t be able to get into bed until he didn’t feel less full but he could make time watching another episode of his reality show. 

His parents would get so mad if they saw how much he had eaten for dinner . When he was supposed to get into bed soon. 

But they would never know. 

“Did he tell you they praised his designs? Gabrielle even messaged me the next day to tell me she fell in love with the dress Hyunjin was wearing.”

Hyunjin blushed, his bare face unable to hide that red shadow that was creeping across his skin, from his hairline to his collarbones. 

“She did?” 

“I didn’t tell you?” Felix smiled around the rim of his mug. “She told me it was gorgeous and that she loved how you used the corsets in both designs.”

Hyunjin let out a nervous giggle. “God.”

“I am going to call the emergency services before he passes out in the middle of the dinner,” Minho declared, taking his phone from the table. “If I had known you were planning on murdering him, I wouldn’t have invited you, Felix-ah.” 

Jungsoon laughed loudly whilst her fingers caressed the petals of the peonies Felix had gifted her. Her black hair framed her face gorgeously and her eyes looked at Felix so intensely that if Felix didn’t pay attention enough, he could almost pretend that nothing had changed. 

That he was talking with the Jungsoon that used to take care of him when he was a child. 

The Jungsoon that drank tea with him when he was a teenager. 

“Your grandfather and I used to be like that too. I remember I was dating someone else. I don’t remember his name.” Jungsoon tapped her lips with her index finger. “But I could only think about how unbearable your grandfather was.”

Felix cackled when his grandmother rolled her eyes. 

“I’m sure you can ask him to tell you the story. He loves to tell how I was dating someone else when I was actually in love with him.”

How was he supposed to explain to her that his husband passed away a long time ago? 

Felix laughed again, for once pleased with how easily he could lie. His eyes still warm and his lips still curled as if he wasn’t going to pretend that his grandfather was still alive.

“I’ll ask him next time I visit him. I don’t know why neither of you had told me the story before.”

Probably, Felix decided to forget the story, which was different. Because his parents told him that love was an illusion and he still hadn’t got over the fact that his parents weren’t in love with each other. 

He didn’t want to go through the same disenchantment.

But that day he needed… answers.

That day, since she seemed to remember traces of what her past was, Felix wanted to ask certain questions he had never asked before. Questions that, in some ways, had been eating him alive since that night in Paris where Hyunjin and him took a bath together after having sex.

“Do you remember… how did you know?” 

“How did I know what?”

“That you were in love with him and not with your partner.”

Jungsoon furrowed her eyebrows as she touched the petals again with all the care she could gather. Felix should have asked this years ago. 

He should have listened to all the stories his grandmother had to tell, instead of filtering out any information that didn’t fit what his parents taught him. 

Time would never give him another opportunity to fix that huge and stupid mistake. 

“I’m not entirely sure,” she whispered, sinking into the cushions she had behind her back. “I think I just knew. I knew he was… the one for me.”

Felix’s gaze dropped to his hands, that were resting on his lap. 

“Nobody made me feel like him.”

That simple definition didn’t differ much from the one his parents gave him. However, whereas his parents had said it with negative connotations, his grandmother was talking about it with a dreamy smile that was heartwarming to see. 

“But…” 

Jungsoon tilted his head in his direction and Felix looked at her through his eyelashes. 

It was tough to find the words to voice what he wanted to say when he had spent so many years avoiding conversations like this one. 

“What if he was just a really good friend? What if… Weren’t you scared of how that could… affect you? I…” Felix sighed. “I don’t understand it.”

“You don’t understand?” 

Felix shook his head, his blonde bangs swaying over his forehead. 

“I don’t understand how you just knew it. Or why you are talking about it as if it had been one of the best things that had ever happened to you. I really… don’t understand.”

“You’ve never found someone that made you feel special?” Jungsoon tilted his head back until it was resting against the back of the couch. “It’s beautiful. Any type of love is beautiful, I think.”

She stretched out her arm and placed her hand atop Felix’s. 

“You don’t need to understand it. Just let yourself feel.”

“Uh.” Felix stood awkwardly under the doorframe of Hyunjin’s main door while the latter stared at him. “Thank you for the dinner. It was really good.”

Hyunjin smiled. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep here? There’s plenty of space for you too.”

“No. No, no.” Felix averted his gaze and refrained himself to not bite his lower lip. “It’s fine.” 

Hyunjin raised his arm and his fingers cupped Felix’s cheek, turning his head in his direction as he stepped closer and lowered his voice. 

“Did it go well in Australia?”

Felix shrugged and nuzzled against Hyunjin’s palm, seeking that sensation of being at home and safe he hadn’t felt during the last days. Except when he was with Jungsoon or alone with Anne. Although his sister didn’t make him feel safe, only at home. 

A home way different from the one he had when he came back to Seoul.

“I saw my grandmother. She made it worth it.” 

“That’s good.”

Felix licked his lips instead of biting them. 

“I told her about you.” 

His hands settled over Hyunjin’s chest. When did they get so close to each other? 

“Yeah? Were you complaining about me with your poor grandma?” 

“H-hm. I was telling her how much I can’t stand you.”

Hyunjin’s fingers slid down Felix’s face and caressed his neck too, curling softly around the side of it and brushing Felix’s nape with his fingertips. He rolled his eyes and Felix giggled.

It was as if they were alone in the world. 

“Have a good night,” Felix whispered, resisting the impulse of leaning in to kiss his jaw. 

To kiss his lips.

“Knock on my door if you miss sleeping next to me.”

Now, it was Felix’s turn to roll his eyes. 

“So full of sh-.” 

He gasped quietly when Hyunjin read his mind and erased the distance between them to kiss the corner of his lips. 

“Good night, angel.”

***

“Do you think…” Felix whispered with his phone pressed against his head and his body curled up in his bed. “Do you think that someone can become really important in just a few months?” 

It was close to midnight and it had been roughly thirty minutes since he wished Hyunjin and Minho a good night but his mind hadn’t stopped thinking and thinking. And that had led to him messaging Seungmin and Seungmin deciding that it was best if he called Felix. 

“Are we talking about who I think we are talking?” 

Felix groaned. “I guess? That’s not the question, though.” 

“Why are you overthinking it?” 

Felix made a whiny sound. 

He wasn’t helping .

“Seungmin.” 

His best friend sighed loudly, even though he was used to hearing Felix finding problems where there weren't any. Felix wasn’t precisely the wisest one between them both, no matter how much he pretended he was. 

Especially when it came to managing and understanding feelings. 

Felix panicked all the time.

“I think there’s not a correct amount of time to become important, if that makes sense. If you click with someone, that’s it.” 

“It’s been just a few months.”

“You met in February and it’s October.” 

“But we didn’t actually talk and began knowing each other until months later.” 

Silence settled between them and Felix got up from the bed to walk towards the kitchen. He needed another tea to keep himself busy while he talked about this. Since they came back from Paris, it was as if he was always going from indulging himself and enjoying Hyunjin’s company without thinking to overthinking every little interaction between them. 

It had been terrifying to be so honest in Paris. 

To confess so much.

Felix didn’t regret it, but the memory kept him awake at night. 

“I think that before your mind shuts down and forces you to run away from him, you should try to accept that sometimes people appear in our lives to stay. Like Nayeon and me. And it doesn’t matter if it takes us weeks, months or years, our lives are better with them.”

Felix’s fingers tapped his small jars with tea, still deciding on what tea to prepare. 

“We talked about my parents and about his life when we were in Paris.” He ended up grabbing the jar where he had stocked that tea Hyunjin gave him in his birthday. It wasn’t precisely relaxing but Felix doubted he could actually relax. “And we shared the bed all those days and we even showered together and he’s…” 

Seungmin remained silent. 

Interrupting Felix while he was vomiting everything he had been keeping inside was the worst move possible because usually Felix shut his mouth and didn’t add anything else if that happened. 

So Seungmin waited, patiently listening to Felix’s rambling. 

“I told my grandma about him as if she was going to remember what I was saying.”

The water boiled and Felix poured it into his mug.

He didn’t confess how good it had felt to talk about him with Jungsoon. 

“If I had to explain, I…” Felix watched the water changing its colour to a vibrant, dark red. “It’s as if I had come home one day and Hyunjin was already here, with a room for himself and no intention of moving out. One day he wasn’t here and the next one I was too used to having him around.”

“Felix…”

“I know.” Felix sighed, slightly nervous after his confession and with a weird knot at the pit of his stomach. “I never learn. I get too attached. I trust too much and then…”

“No,” Seungmin cut him, gently. “You know that’s not true. You do get attached but you barely trust anyone beside yourself. So… if you thought that he deserved your trust, why are you panicking so much? There must be a reason. You must have seen something in him. And that’s… good. Because with any other person, you would already have a whole list of reasons to cut them off.”

Felix added honey to his tea, his cheeks burning for a reason he didn’t understand.

“I can’t think of reasons to… leave him behind. I like to be with him too much.”

“And that’s bad because…?”

Was it bad?

It felt bad.

Concerning. 

It felt like a mistake, sometimes. And like a miracle the rest of the time. 

“Because apart from Nayeon and you, I’d never felt like this with anyone else.” Felix let out a sad chuckle. “And not even with you I do some things I do with Hyunjin. And I know that my parents wouldn’t approve any of this and…”

“Your parents and their toxic mindset can honestly fuck off.”

“Min.”

“What?” 

Again, and like it had happened during the past months they had discussed anything regarding his parents, Felix couldn’t gather any energy to defend them. He just sighed, loudly; exhausted of pretending he didn’t notice how much his parents had fucked him up with everything. 

The gorgeous broken toy Lee Felix.

A toy that was precious until you got to know him and accidentally found him falling apart in a bathroom. 

Felix was still surprised he didn’t scare Hyunjin away that day. 

“You are literally telling me that being with Hyunjin makes you happy. Because that’s what you are saying. And yet you are having a meltdown over it because your stupid parents made you think you can’t have that. Because that’s… weak or dangerous or whatever bullshit they said.”

They would be so surprised if they found out all the things Hyunjin and Felix did together. 

So ashamed and disappointed.

So upset. 

And Felix really wanted to make them proud but he also wanted to pursue that emotion. To see how happy Hyunjin could make him. To follow, for once, his own instincts without thinking about what his parents would say. 

He wanted to be free and be himself , not the version of himself that he thought would suit his parents' dreams. 

“If someone makes you feel like that, you would be an idiot letting them go.”

“You think so?” 

“I do.” Felix could hear Seungmin’s smile and he smiled too. “Don’t be so harsh on yourself. It’s a good sign that for once you want to stay. I’m proud of you, Lix-ah.”

“It’s scary.”

Seungmin laughed, but not at him. It was that type of laugh that was meant to be sweet, to be comforting. Felix smiled wider. 

“I’d be concerned if it wasn’t. Hope you know I’ll fight him if he tries to steal my ‘best friend number one spot’.”

“That spot is made for you.”

Seungmin laughed again. “I’m sure his spot is also made for him too.”

“What do you mean?” Felix said with a frown before taking a tentative sip from his mug. 

Seungmin didn’t reply at first so Felix drank again, not over-analysing the time it took Seungmin to answer a simple question. If Seungmin could be patient with him, Felix could be patient too. 

“Nothing.” 

Oh.

“It was just me trying to say that I know neither of us are replacing each other.”

That would be such an awful move coming from Felix.

“Of course not. I’ve felt replaceable enough all my life to do that to anyone.”

Seungmin made a displeased sound. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to imply…”

“I know. It’s okay. You are still my number one.”

That time, Seungmin made a dramatic sound of relief. “I feared for my life for a second.”

“But from now on, you’ll never be safe.”

They both laughed and Felix took another sip.

That tea was the best thing that had ever been invented. He needed to ask Hyunjin where he bought it to get more. 

“I’ll sleep with an eye open.” 

“I wouldn’t sleep at all if I was you.” 

Was it not stupid then to nurture his feelings for Hyunjin and dive into all that warmth he brought to his life? 

Was he actually learning how to let people in? 

Keep your heart to yourself, son.

Well, not this time, it seemed.

Not with Hyunjin.

***

Messages:

idiot (hyune) [22:23]:

save me

lix [22:27]: 

thought you were going out tonight

WITH YOUR BEST FRIENDS ???

idiot (hyune) [22:30]:

and you are correct

but they are flirting disgustingly

and today i’m not in the mood to handle that

lix [22:32]: 

i told you if you wanted to join me

because i was starting a new reality show

and you said no :))))))

karma

idiot (hyune) [22:34]:

is the invitation still up?

lix [22:34]: 

no <3

Felix was lying on his bed surrounded by multiple pillows and with a mug of tea between his hands. He was wearing long pyjama trousers and a short sleeved blouse, like he did in Paris, but this time his pyjamas were soft pink and white. 

Seungmin had the matching pair in a bright yellow tone. 

Since he got Hyunjin’s message, he had been scrolling through social media and replying to other messages. He could have kept watching the reality show but Hyunjin would have pouted until Felix agreed on starting the reality show again or, at least, that episode, so it was pointless to not wait for him. 

Almost thirty minutes later, he heard the main door opening and some cautelous steps walking towards his bedroom. Hyunjin knocked on the door, although it was ajar, and Felix invited him to come in. 

“You changed clothes,” Felix noted, not only because it was obvious Hyunjin was wearing his pyjamas but also because the stylist sent him a pic before going out and his current oversized black blouse and his shorts didn’t look like the outfit Felix saw earlier. 

He was even wearing his glasses. 

“I learnt my lesson that day I came to watch the other reality and you told me that if I had been outside with that outfit, I didn’t deserve to lie on your bed. Thought it would be even worse if I had also been in a club for the past two hours.” 

Felix smiled. “I would have murdered you if you had tried to get into my bed with the same clothes you took to the club. Yeah.” 

“I would have helped you. They smelled like smoke and alcohol. Ugh.” Hyunjin crawled over the mattress. “I took a shower when I got home but I still can smell the vodka a guy spilled all over my chest.” 

Felix rolled and slid closer, casually sniffing the collar of Hyunjin’s pyjamas and also the top part of his chest. 

“I can only smell that vanilla scented soap you use.” 

Hyunjin chuckled, his fingers naturally flying to Felix’s head to caress his wavy hair, buried between his purple and silver strands, and somehow keeping Felix right there —leaning against his body, pulling him even closer until Felix’s leg slipped between Hyunjin’s and Hyunjin’s hand stole the mug from Felix’s fingers. 

“Eh. That’s my tea.” 

“Shh,” Hyunjin whispered as he took a sip. “Mint?” 

“It’s a different Moroccan Mint one and I wanted to try it. I like the other one more, I think.” 

“But this one tastes good too.” 

Felix propped himself on his arm, that was pressed over Hyunjin’s chest, and extended his other arm to grab the mug and took a long sip whilst he squinted his eyes to look at Hyunjin. 

“I didn’t say it didn’t. But the other one was a little less bitter. I have a big teapot with more, do you want a mug for yourself?” 

“Where's the fun in that if I can't steal your tea?”

“So you don’t want to drink some tea, you just want to annoy me.” 

“Are you surprised?”

Felix rolled his eyes and leaned even more against Hyunjin’s body to leave his almost empty mug on the nightstand, going back to his previous position after throwing a last judging glance at Hyunjin, who only chuckled.

“Are you surprised?” Felix repeated, making a mocking attempt at copying Hyunjin’s British accent, exaggerating every syllable just to annoy Hyunjin. 

“I knew this day would come.”

“I’m kind of fond of it.” 

“Are you?”

Felix nodded, accommodating his head against Hyunjin’s shoulder. 

“Don’t get excited. I’m not too fond. But I’m making some progress.”

“Give me a few more months and you’ll love it.”

Felix rolled his eyes but also giggled, his fingers tracing the buttons of Hyunjin’s blouse absently while he opted to not reply. Because, sadly and considering how endearing he was starting to find that accent, there were high chances that he would be head over heels with it before the year ended. 

Hyunjin’s fingers massaged his scalp and Felix hummed quietly, nuzzling against Hyunjin’s neck and feeling his eyes threatening to flutter close. 

He wasn’t sleepy , but it was so relaxing to have Hyunjin’s fingers moving over his head. 

“I didn’t know Seonghwa and Minho had something going on between them.”

Hyunjin sighed. “Because officially they don’t. But they do.” 

“Because Seonghwa lives in London?”

Hyunjin’s fingers fell down Felix’s spine, following each vertebra, jumping from one to the other, and Felix finally closed his eyes. It was getting abnormally normal to have Hyunjin’s hands caressing his skin without reason. 

Sometimes it was just his palm against Felix’s back. Others, it was his fingers carding through his hair. Or caressing his nape. Or sliding down his back until he slipped under Felix’s clothes to feel his skin.

“Yeah, something like that. Minho considered moving to London with him but he thinks his level of English is not good enough and also, it would be harder for him to find opportunities since he wants to be an actor.”

“And Seonghwa? Could he maybe come back here?” 

Hyunjin shook his head. “He’s doing a really good internship and if everything goes well, he won’t finish it until the end of next year.” 

Felix’s lips formed a line. 

The definition Hyunjin was giving was pretty similar to the one he had learnt towards the years —two people refusing to let go of their dreams even though they had feelings for each other. 

But it didn’t sit right with him. 

It didn’t sound like something that should be celebrated. 

It was saddening. 

“I feel like I should be happy for them but I just can’t.” Felix caught one of the buttons between his fingers. “It’s not like I have experience or anything but I guess it must be hard to pick between your professional life and your romantic one? I don’t know. I always thought the first one should be over everything but I already dropped my professional career once to pursue something different.”

“I can’t talk because I’m a hopeless romantic but love, relationships and all of that scare the shit out of me so… I’m a joke.” 

Felix grinned. “Yeah? Would you give flowers and take your partner to see the stars and all?” 

“Among other things.” Hyunjin pressed his fingers against Felix’s spine. “You have never dated anyone before?” 

A snort escaped his lips. 

That was such a funny question. 

“In theory, I did. But I tend to forget he even exists.”

“Was it that bad?” 

“I was a teenager and I wanted to understand why people were so obsessed with romance and… I just settled with the first idiot that praised me for who I was and not for the family I had.” Felix laughed again. “I never liked him much and eventually I found out he just wanted me to help him get a spot in my parents’ agency. It was really an experience.” 

“He did what.” 

Felix tilted his head and propped himself on his arms again to look at Hyunjin, smiling at him as if that would assure the other that Felix was fine. Because he was. That situation hadn’t affected him at all. 

“He wasn’t even the first one to try something like that. Although I think the worst ones are the ones that hit on me because I look like Anne.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes widened.

Felix was so used to all that bullshit. 

It had been part of his life since he could remember.

“A guy once told me that I looked feminine enough for him to pretend I was a woman. In fact, he said that I looked so feminine he thought I was my sister.” 

“That’s…”

“Nayeon threw her drink all over him and asked him if he got paid to be a walking piece of shit.” 

Hyunjin raised his free arm to cup Felix’s cheek and Felix ignored how much he wanted to tilt his head to the side to kiss his palm. 

“It’s okay,” he promised. “I’ve barely been interested in anyone so I can’t say they hurt my ego. At the end of the day they went home wishing they had kissed me, I guess.” 

“It’s fucked up anyway.” 

“Well. I’m doing a bit better now, don’t you think? The only one that visits my bed is an idiot but, at least, he has more than two brain cells and treats me like I deserve.” 

If not better than that .

“Lucky bastard,” Hyunjin murmured, making Felix giggle. 

“What about you? I bet you were a heartbreaker.” 

Hyunjin dug his fingers in Felix’s side after making an offended sound, his eyebrows knitted and his lips forming a cute pout. 

“I did turn down some people but I wasn’t an asshole. I used to fool around a lot when I was a teen but I never gave anyone false hope. And eventually I just lost interest in anyone. The last time I fooled around before you I think it was more than a year ago.”

“So what I’m getting is that I caught your attention and you couldn’t resist.” 

“Hunting praises one more time, darling ?” 

With Hyunjin, Felix had learnt something terrifying —at times, for different reasons that might vary depending on the case, the limits got blurry due to the force of a new routine. You stopped kissing to have sex to instead kiss because you could . You stopped dragging the other into your flat to undress him but to also spend some time together . 

Their relationship was evolving out of control. 

And the changes had happened so gradually that Felix only noticed how different everything was on nights like that one. 

“Tell me I’m irresistible.”

“Kiss me first and maybe I’ll do it,” Hyunjin retorted. 

And the one who didn’t resist was Felix, his body leaning in until their breaths merged, followed by the touch of their lips. The peck got larger and Felix grinned against Hyunjin’s mouth.

“This only proves how irresistible I am. Searching for excuses to kiss me.”

“I don’t need excuses.”

Their lips met again in another peck. 

“So…” Felix murmured, going back to Korean whilst an intense and burning blush covered his face. “You are only sleeping with… me?” 

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “I could ask you the same.”

The blush conquered his neck too but Felix didn’t tear his gaze away from Hyunjin’s face. 

Where was he trying to go with that question? Even though Hyunjin hadn’t confirmed it before, it was pretty obvious that neither of them were seeing someone else. And Felix was aware that it shouldn’t feel so rewarding. That he shouldn’t expect Hyunjin to be only with him. 

But deep down, he did. 

Because Felix was only with him.

“People bore me,” Felix answered, his tone unbothered while his face was bright as the sun. “And it annoys me how many of them think they are on my level.”

Any other person, apart from Seungmin and Nayeon, would have likely rolled their eyes at such a strong and arrogant statement. 

Hyunjin took off his glasses, leaving them beside the mug on Felix’s nightstand, and pushed Felix onto the mattress to get on top of him with a smirk that Felix wished he could bite.

“Poor angel, nobody is on his level,” he purred with his fingers framing Felix’s face. “But are you surprised?” He leaned down and his lips brushed Felix’s earlobe as he whispered, “Not everyone can be like us, you know?”

Felix wrapped his legs around Hyunjin’s body and tilted his head to face him. 

“You are so hot when you get cocky,” Felix confessed before his teeth sank into Hyunjin’s lower lip. “And even more when you are also right.”

“When have I been wrong?” 

“Shut up,” Felix laughed whilst their lips smashed. “And I was really invested in my reality show, I hate you.”

Hyunjin was trailing the side of his neck with his lips, leaving small bites and kisses all over the skin. 

“Put the episode you were watching.”

“No. I won’t be able to focus if you are…” Felix moaned softly when Hyunjin bit his collarbones. “Doing that. God.”

“Tell me the plot while I entertain myself here.” 

“Hyunjin,” Felix whined.

“Do I need to say ‘please’?”

“If I get hard, you better blow me,” Felix warned, not stopping Hyunjin’s fingers from working hard on the buttons of his blouse. 

Hyunjin chuckled against Felix’s shoulder. 

“Your wish is my command, Your Majesty.”

Felix pressed the heel of his feet against the lower part of Hyunjin’s back, as some kind of punishment for what he had just said, and Hyunjin hissed before wrapping his lips around Felix’s nipple.

“S-so, the reality show is… Fuck… It’s called The Circle a-and it’s about…”

*

“Are you sleeping here?” Felix asked ever so casually for someone that never invited anyone to sleep in his bed. 

“‘Here’ as in… your guest room?” 

Felix chuckled and shook his head. “‘Here’ as in literally here. In this room. With me.” 

Hyunjin stared at him, his eyes blinking slowly, resembling a person that was too scared of doing it swiftly and missing the moment. 

They both knew how important that invitation was, even if neither of them pointed it out. 

They had talked enough about themselves that night to also mention out loud the reasons why Felix felt comfortable with Hyunjin sleeping beside him. 

“I know your flat is next door and that probably you prefer your bed but we could try to watch another episode maybe? And then sleep?”

Was he nervous?

God. It was just Hyunjin. 

Even if he turned him down, Felix wouldn’t take it personally. 

“Hyunjin?” 

Hyunjin squinted his eyes and cupped Felix’s face with his hands. 

“I’m trying to find any weird sign, just in case you got kidnapped while you were brushing your teeth and this is a clone.” 

Felix pouted. “Suddenly I think I want you to leave.”

A grin adorned Hyunjin’s lips. “There you are.” His thumbs traced the map of freckles across Felix’s cheeks. “I’m staying. I need to know if the lady pretending to be a straight gym dude survives another round.” 

“Good doll.”

Hyunjin groaned and Felix giggled as his small fists pulled Hyunjin closer enough to kiss him one more time.

*

Felix cursed, his hand unconsciously searching for his phone on his nightstand to turn off his loud alarm. Beside him, another voice groaned at the sound and Felix turned his head towards the limp body next to him in bed to find Hyunjin melting again into the mattress. 

His eyes were closed and his breathing too deep to have fully awakened with the alarm. Felix beamed, irrevocably endeared by such a privileged view —Hyunjin’s hand was tucked under the pillow and the other was closed loosely around the fabric of Felix’s pyjama blouse, possibly having moved after Felix stretched to grab his phone. His dark blonde hair was glued to his forehead and also covering part of the pillow, and the blankets were wrapped around his waist. 

Carefully, Felix freed his blouse from Hyunjin’s grip and pulled the blankets up Hyunjin’s body. The latter hummed in his sleep and tried to find Felix’s body over the mattress, which brought a small smile to Felix’s face. 

If he didn’t have an early hair appointment, he would snuggle against Hyunjin for a little longer.

Felix closed his bedroom door and changed clothes in the bathroom, preparing a quick breakfast. He still had some kimchi fried rice leftovers from two days prior so he heated it up in a pan and cooked two eggs to add them on top of it, just in case Hyunjin wanted to have breakfast there even though his flat was literally less than a minute away. 

He also added some ice to the teapot with the mint tea he made the night before and poured himself a mug before fully focusing on his breakfast and all the messages Nayeon sent him the night before listing the plans she had for that day and also wishing Felix’s appointment didn’t take long so they could get early to the mall before it got crowded. 

There was also another message from Gabrielle informing him that the package they sent him with some designs should arrive in Korea in a few days. Felix nibbled his lower lip briefly as he recalled the messages the youngest Fortier sister sent him a week ago. 

Hyunjin was going to freak out. 

He opened his bedroom door to find Hyunjin in the same position he left him. 

Felix walked closer to him and pulled at the blankets again, barely brushing Hyunjin’s face with his fingers after that. He had hoped to find him awake so he could wish him a good day before leaving.

It was almost as if that was Hyunjin’s flat too.

As if he always slept there and he would be waiting for Felix in the living room when he came back later. 

Messages:

lix [9:02]: 

sleeping beauty

i have a hair appointment in 18 minutes

so i left

i was going to kick you out

but i decided to do my good action of the week

you looked so cute and comfy

you have breakfast in the pan that’s in the kitchen

<3 you better leave my bedroom and kitchen clean and tidy

***

What was wrong with him? 

That was what Felix had been asking himself since the package got delivered. 

Hyunjin was spending the day at his flat, sketching some ideas he’d had after they came back from Paris, and eating ramen. Those were his exact words when the day before their group was hanging out and they all talked about their plans for the weekend.

So the question was… Why?

Why was Felix nervous as if this was a one in a million opportunity? 

He was simply going to knock on Hyunjin’s door. 

Perhaps the nerves were tormenting him because Felix wished they could open the package, try the clothes and then have dinner together. He had waited until the evening for a reason. But what if Hyunjin wasn’t up to it? What if he preferred to keep sketching? 

At least, Felix was sure the gift would make him happy. 

Wearing only his white short pyjama trousers and the robe Hyunjin gave him for his birthday, Felix clutched the package to his chest and walked towards the other boy’s door. He took a deep breath and his fingers rang the bell.

Within seconds, Hyunjin was opening the door with another robe. A bathroom robe. His hair was still wet and the robe was clumsily tied around his waist, in a way that revealed the skin of his chest in certain places. 

Felix had to will himself to not stare for too long and focus on his face. 

“Shit. Hi.”

Hyunjin grinned. “Hi. I kind of guessed it was you.”

“That’s why you are half naked or you welcome all your guests like that?” 

“Usually, my guests don’t knock on my door when I’m not expecting them, so they don’t catch me in the middle of applying my body lotion.” 

“Do you need help with that?” 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes with a smile and opened the door entirely to invite Felix to come inside. 

“What happened?” He gestured towards the box Felix was holding. “Are those… clothes from your parents or something?” 

From all the questions Hyunjin could have asked, Felix didn’t see that one coming. 

Although it wouldn’t be weird since his parents shipped clothes to his flat every month.

And considering that Felix had told him that his parents did not always make the best decisions regarding his outfits, Felix guessed Hyunjin thought he was making him part of the shit show of discovering what his parents had picked this time.

Fortunately, it was something so much better.

“It’s from the Fortier sisters.”

Hyunjin’s gaze dropped to the box to read what it said and Felix’s smile grew as realisation crossed Hyunjin’s face, first widening his eyes and then parting his lips with sheer surprise. 

“You haven’t opened it yet?” He placed his hand atop the box, brushing the surface almost with fear. 

“I wanted to open it with you. If you want.” 

“So that’s why you are half naked? Because you are going to be trying on clothes?” 

Felix walked past Hyunjin after winking an eye at him.

“Maybe also because I know how insane this robe drives you.”

“I played with fire the day I bought it for you.” 

He did. And they both burnt. 

Felix set the box on the coffee table Hyunjin had in front of the couch and Hyunjin took the kitchen scissors to remove all the tape that was helping to keep it closed. His fingers were trembling ever so slightly but Felix didn’t point it out and instead grabbed the top part of the box and pulled at it until it was open. 

Inside, there were multiple clothes items perfectly folded and also a small envelope on top of them. 

Felix put the envelope aside to read it after they had seen everything the sisters had sent them and proceeded to take every piece of clothing out. 

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” Hyunjin confessed, standing like a statue beside Felix and quietly watching him pile the clothes on the table. “I feel like I’m seeing something I shouldn’t see.” 

Felix melted inside. 

Hyunjin was so lovable when he talked about the Fortier sisters. 

The mix of adoration and admiration changed even his voice tone, turning it softer, and his eyes shone as if they were made of crystals; as if they were made of the gems the sisters used for their collection. 

Felix took the first item from the table —a pair of trousers with a floral pattern. They were part of a suit and Felix fell instantly in love with how well the white background merged into the yellow flowers. 

Hyunjin found the blazer that accompanied the trousers and put it beside them. 

“It’s so beautiful. The pattern is so Fortier. So delicate. And the fabric too,” he commented as he rubbed the fabric between his fingers. “You could wear this with purple eyeshadow, matching your hair.”

Felix hummed, content. “I love to have a personal stylist.”

They laid the suit on the couch and Felix grabbed what seemed to be a skirt. It was long and it seemed to have two layers, one with a black and white pattern and another on top of that one completely black. The top one was shorter, only covering until the thigh of one leg and down the knee of the other. 

Felix didn’t have to hold it close to his hips to know that skirt wasn’t for him. 

He tilted his head towards Hyunjin and found him inspecting the skirt. 

Felix stepped in his direction and Hyunjin’s gaze locked on him. 

“Gabrielle asked me for your measurements after we came back from Paris. Maybe I insisted on how much you liked long skirts and making people uncomfortable.” He drew a hesitant smile. “Do you like it?” 

Just as hesitantly as Felix was handing him the skirt, Hyunjin held it between his fingers whilst a million questions painted his face.

“It’s… for me?” 

“Yeah. And I’m sure there are more things for you in the box.”

“But I’m not… a model or…”

Felix’s hand wrapped around Hyunjin’s wrist, giving it a reassuring caress. To be fair, many models would kill to have the presence Hyunjin had. That confidence and that aura that surrounded the stylist whenever he went were part of the multiple reasons why Felix was so drawn to him. 

“The sisters don’t gift their designs only to models. You seem to forget I’m not even a model anymore and they still send me things twice a year.” 

Hyunjin opened and closed his mouth like a fish caught out of the water. 

“But you were and… you are friends with them…” 

Felix squeezed Hyunjin’s hand. 

“They liked you.” It was that simple. “They liked your dresses and talking to you.” His other hand found Hyunjin’s chest. “The sisters trust their intuition and you deserve to have these exclusive pieces even more than me.” 

Hyunjin’s lower lip quivered and Felix’s fingers climbed up his body until they could tuck a wet strand behind his ear. 

“I’m sure they saw all the talent that’s hidden inside that silly head of yours.” 

After that, a sound similar to a sob left Hyunjin’s lips. He tilted his head down and his shoulders shuddered as if he was a tree resisting a storm. His eyes closed yet the tears broke free either way, licking the skin of Hyunjin’s cheeks. 

Felix was stunned.

He wasn’t used to seeing the people he cared for cry. 

“Hey, d-don’t cry,” he spluttered. 

The hand that had just tucked a strand behind his ear glided to his cheek and the other joined it, cupping his face between his tiny hands. He tilted Hyunjin’s head up and their gazes met in the strange space between their bodies. 

A space where Hyunjin could cry and Felix could accept that he wasn’t the best example of how to comfort someone. 

Contrary to what Felix did when he cried, Hyunjin didn’t hide. The tears kept streaming down his cheeks, reaching Felix’s fingers, but his eyes were fixed on Felix’s face. 

“That’s not how you are supposed to try on the clothes, you know?” Felix joked as his thumbs caressed Hyunjin’s cheeks. 

Hyunjin laughed, though it sounded more like a wet sob. 

“I just…” He sniffed. “You…” 

Holding the skirt with one hand, Hyunjin placed his other one over Felix’s. 

“You really are that t-type of person, h-huh?” 

Felix scrunched up his nose, not following what Hyunjin meant.

“Y-you know. You do so much a-and pretend i-it’s nothing.”

“I don’t do ‘so much’,” Felix murmured. 

“You do.” Hyunjin looked more collected after a couple of minutes, even if his eyes were slightly swollen and his lips still trembled every few seconds. “And it’s so… hilarious. B-because when you do all these things uninterestedly is when you are just…” 

Felix didn’t even know what to say.

Why was Hyunjin even praising him? 

And what was worse, why was Hyunjin complimenting his personality and how he behaved with other people when Felix was sure that he had characteristics way better than those ones?

“Thank you,” he said. His voice was barely audible. “I’m almost glad you shoved me against the lift wall that first day.” 

Felix swallowed. 

When did his heart reach his throat?

Why was it there?

Why was Hyunjin so fucking complex, so hard to be read?  

Not him, the feelings Felix had been harbouring for him. 

“I also slammed the door closed as if I didn’t know you were walking behind me,” Felix muttered through a smile. 

“And your eyes almost popped out of your head when you saw we were neighbours.”

“And when you sat next to me.” 

“It was the best seat available.” 

It was.

Trapped in the atmosphere that surrounded them, Felix moved closer until they were breathing the air the other exhaled. 

“I think I’d do it all again if we end up here,” Felix confessed.

They were almost kissing whilst Hyunjin whispered, “Me too.” He pulled back, his lips curled in a pout. “Can we go back to the clothes? I didn’t mean to… make a scene.” 

“It’s fine, baby .”

Even that regular word in English tasted especially sweet and different after that moment. 

*

The Fortier sisters sent them a total of thirteen items and all of them fit them as if they were made specifically for them. Felix’s mouth still watered remembering the crimson blouse whose front part was tied together by strings forming crosses, showing a good portion of Hyunjin’s skin. It reminded Felix of Hyunjin’s own style and they both reached the conclusion that they sent it on purpose because it was a really old design from a couple of years prior. 

“Dear Felix and Hyunjin,” Felix read out loud after putting everything into the box again and sitting on the couch. “We hope that everything we’ve sent you fits you and that you make wonderful memories with them. It was delightful to see you again after such a long time, Lix. But it was even more rewarding to see you with someone that shines as much as you.”

Hyunjin’s fingers dug holes into Felix’s things as he held his breath next to him. 

“We loved seeing you so happy. We don’t know if you remember when Tara told you that your ambition and your talent would take you wherever you wanted but that people would have to fly to catch you. Well, it seems like you have found someone as swift as you.”

Not only were they talented designers, they also were so good at expressing themselves. 

Their letters were always as delicate and elegant as them. 

“Please, if you are not reading this together, tell Hyunjin we would like to see all his corset designs. We hope we get to meet again soon. Take care and keep shining and growing. With all the love. T. and G. Fortier.”

Felix looked at Hyunjin, a proud and warm smile hanging from his lips. The Fortier sisters never said it directly but they always made sure Felix didn’t forget he belonged to the industry, no matter what he was doing in it. 

There wasn’t a single mention of his family in the letter. 

It was about him and Hyunjin. 

“They want to see my other designs.”

“Remember how much you panicked because we were wearing them for the event?” 

Hyunjin chuckled and Felix ran his fingers over the fabric of his bathroom robe. 

“Do you want to… order some dinner?” 

The stylist moved closer and all of a sudden Felix found himself with a lap full of Hyunjin, his legs on both sides of his body and his arms around his neck. Felix wasn’t even thinking as his hands sneaked under the robe to touch Hyunjin’s thighs. 

“We can start with the dessert.”

Felix raised his eyebrows, pressing his lips together to not cackle. 

“The dessert. Did you really use that line on me?” 

“Excuse me, sir.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes. “I forgot you are more into heavy dirty talking.”

In the path of becoming friends, their attraction had gone from uncontrolled and unexpected to completely unavoidable. Felix was painfully aware of how their bodies gravitated towards each other. The moment they were in the same room, the countdown began. 

They didn’t last long without touching or kissing. 

It was a pattern. And Felix adored to repeat it every damn time. 

He adored seeing how they fell every time. 

He looked forward to it.

“Although what I want to tell you can’t be considered dirty talking.”

Felix’s hands found Hyunjin’s underwear and he kneaded his buttocks, feeling his cock stirring under his own robe. 

“What is it?” 

Hyunjin licked his lips before whispering, “Are you clean? Because I am.”

Ah, shit. 

If he wasn’t hard before, for sure Hyunjin’s question had awakened his cock completely. 

“I am clean, yeah.”

Hyunjin swayed his hips over Felix’s length, drawing circles with them as his fingers played with the collar of the robe Felix was wearing. He was so fucking alluring with his lidded eyes and his confident smirk. Felix couldn’t tell which version of him railed him more easily —the needy one that was waiting for Felix to do everything he wanted to him or the cocky and brat one that would still love to have Felix putting him in his place but focused on being a menace anyway. 

He was such a goner.

But Hyunjin was worse than a demon, so it was, somehow, justified. He was the reason why several people would sell their own souls. A siren sweetly singing into sailors’ ears before eating them up. 

“I want to ride you and feel how you fill me up.” 

Hyunjin pressed his index finger against Felix’s lips, keeping him with his mouth shut. 

“I want to feel it leaking out of me. And I want you to feed me with it.”

Felix’s hips bucked up whilst his fingers gripped Hyunjin harder, close to ripping his underwear as if he didn’t hate to ruin clothes. 

“Sounds like you’ve been thinking about it.” One of Felix’s hands undid the knot of Hyunjin’s robe and tugged at it until he could throw it carelessly to the floor. “Have you been thinking about my dick? H-hm, slut? Have you been thinking about me using you until I was satisfied?” 

Hyunjin kissed Felix's jaw, a whimper dying against Felix’s skin when their cocks touched. 

“I want you to tie me up one day, if you want,” he confessed, pressing another kiss under Felix’s ear. “Or blindfold me. I know you would make me feel so fucking good.” A moan parted his lips when Felix’s fingers trailed his clothed hardness. “And I really, really, really want to feel you inside. I’ve been wanting to ask you for weeks.”

The ideas Hyunjin was putting in his mind were so tempting that if it wasn’t because Felix was too giddy thinking about not using any protection, he would drag Hyunjin to the bedroom to tie his hands to the headboard of his bed. 

He didn’t have a long list of sexual encounters and apart from his ex-boyfriend —and Hyunjin—, Felix hadn’t had sex more than once with the same person. In fact, Hyunjin was the person that had undressed him more times than anyone else. 

So he had never felt comfortable enough to consider the possibility of doing it raw. 

It was such a foreign thought that until Hyunjin hadn’t brought it up, Felix hadn’t noticed how appealing it sounded. 

“Maybe I should blindfold you and see how much you squirm if I slide some ice cubes over your skin.”

Since the first time he saw how sensitive Hyunjin was, Felix had been considering different ways of making him feel overwhelming pleasure. And so far, from all the ideas that had crossed his mind, that was his favourite one. 

Hyunjin shuddered, a high-pitched whimper hitting Felix’s collarbones. 

“Would you like that?” Felix asked with his fingers sliding over Hyunjin’s perineum over the fabric of his underwear.

“Y-yeah.”

Taking advantage of their position, Felix tilted his head until the tip of his tongue caressed Hyunjin’s earlobe. 

“We can talk about it while we have dinner later,” Felix suggested as he kissed Hyunjin’s temple. “I bet that no matter how exhausted I leave you now, you’ll be asking for more after dinner because you are so insatiable.” 

“Stop blaming me when you never have enough of me either.” 

Felix’s hand grasped Hyunjin’s hair and pulled his head back as he arched his brows.

“But who begs for it? Not me.”

Hyunjin smirked. “You will.”

“I’d like to see that.” He sucked on the skin of Hyunjin’s neck, without leaving a visible mark yet . “You know, this is when I should carry you to the bedroom but I really don’t want to end up dropping you by accident.” 

Hyunjin grabbed the hand that was gripping his hair and guided Felix in silence to the bedroom after chuckling with a mischievous expression. He was walking backwards and his free hand reached the knot of Felix’s robe and undid it. 

His legs hit the bed and he sat on the edge, tilting up his head to look at Felix. 

“If you don’t mind…” 

His hands pulled Felix’s shorts and his underwear down his legs.

Hyunjin’s gaze dropped to Felix’s cock after that, his pupils blown out as he leaned in to press a chaste kiss right on the head. He tilted his head up again and batted his eyelashes.

“I don’t want to tease you too much or you’ll come on the spot the moment I sit on you.”

“Then get on the bed and finger yourself for me instead, doll.”

Felix adored when Hyunjin behaved like a brat but it did things to him to see the way he held his breath every time Felix gave him a command, his eyelashes fluttering and his lips parting as if he was trying to decipher his own thoughts. 

“And what about you?” Hyunjin purred. “Will you stay there, looking at me?” 

Gentle like he usually wasn’t, Felix raised an eyebrow. 

“I don’t know. Where do you want me?” 

Hyunjin stared at him blankly, not expecting that answer, and Felix bent down until their faces were in front of each other. 

“Tell me.” 

“I want you between my legs, on your knees, while I’m lying down.”

“Okay,” he whispered and his hands pushed Hyunjin onto the mattress so he could get on top of him and kiss him like he had been wanting to do since they were on the couch. 

Hyunjin moaned as Felix’s tongue invaded his mouth, rougher than anything he had done that day, with his fingers gripping Hyunjin’s chin as if he was truly scared that Hyunjin would go away in the middle of a kiss. 

As if he was reminding him… reminding them … 

As if Felix was stating something that he couldn’t put into words. 

Was it even normal to want to mark him up so everyone knew he had him already?

Felix hadn’t been so obsessed with it before but after they confessed to each other that they had been accidentally exclusive, something had shifted inside him. 

Maybe it was that beast that lived inside him, pleased with the news. 

Mid kiss, with their tongues twirling and their lungs begging for air, Felix’s hand travelled down Hyunjin’s body to shove down Hyunjin’s legs his underwear. He broke the kiss for a second to push it completely out of the way and hovered over him with a renewed hungry smirk and glistening lips. 

“Want me to take the robe off?” Felix asked, letting the stylist decide again.

Hyunjin’s fingers danced over the silky fabric. 

“Don’t you dare.”

To have said that he didn’t want to tease him, Hyunjin did exactly that as he moved up the bed after retrieving the lube from the nightstand. He spread his legs and waited until Felix was between them, with his hands on Hyunjin’s knees, to coat his fingers and circle his rim. 

His eyes seemed unfocused and at the same time locked on Felix’s face. 

He looked sinful and like some kind of divine creature. 

If Felix was a piece of art, Hyunjin was the whole museum. 

He was such a fool at the beginning, closing his eyes at such an undeniable truth. 

In a daze, Felix saw Hyunjin sliding one finger, and then two. He heard his moans and his pleas. He recognised his own name falling from his lips. And yet, even though he wasn’t touching himself, it was as if the one that was on fire was his body.

He felt like he could touch the clouds if Hyunjin brushed his skin. 

He would explode if Hyunjin kept staring at him like that whilst he thrust his fingers.

“Felix,” he panted with three fingers inside. “Need you.”

How long had he been drinking on such a delirious sight? It was as if he had just blinked and Hyunjin was loose enough for him. 

“I’m here, baby.”

Hyunjin whined and shook his head. “Need you inside.”

Fuck, his cock was pulsing, aching after being neglected for such a long time. Felix wasn’t sure that was true but it really felt as if he had never been this hard before. This needy . Absorted and trapped, letting control slipped briefly through his fingers.

Not much, though.

But enough for him.

“Do you still want to ride me?”

Hyunjin motioned him to come closer and Felix hovered above him, his hands resting on both sides of Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin circled his neck with his teeth grazing the skin of Felix’s jaw. 

“Let your doll take care of you.”

“Fuck, Hyunjin.”

“Let me… just…” His hands clumsily removed Felix’s robe, likely because of Felix’s preferences and not because Hyunjin wanted it gone considering how obsessed he was with Felix wearing that robe. 

They switched positions, Felix’s back hitting the bed whilst Hyunjin settled on top of him. 

He pressed his hands against Felix’s chest and when their gazes locked, the weight of what they were about to do ripped through Felix, tightening his guts and knocking the air out of his body; fingers trembling slightly over the skin of Hyunjin’s thighs and eyes begging to look away. 

There wasn’t room for any teasing as Hyunjin seemed to read him like an open book. 

All their playful dynamic had vanished, getting replaced, even if briefly, by that insane and scary trust they had built together. By the comfort and the safety and… something else . 

The same “something else” that always made him combust when he tried to identify what Hyunjin meant to him. 

“Hyunjin…” Felix struggled to push any sound out of his mouth but, at least, he had to try . “I’ve…” 

One of Hyunjin’s hands moved up his body to caress his neck in soothing motions. 

“I’ve never done this before so I have… no idea about how I’m going to feel or if I’m going to last or anything and…”

The same “something else” that was beating inside his chest like a second heart ran through his veins when Hyunjin bent down and leaned his forehead against Felix’s. 

“I’ve never done this before either. It has only felt right with you.” 

It was mind-blowing, to say the least, how in twenty-three years nobody had come closer to this fascination that overflowed Felix when he stared at Hyunjin. How he didn’t fit into any box he had previously customised in his head. And he didn’t seem to fit into anything nobody had ever described to him. 

His stomach twisted. His heart clenched. 

In fact…

He did fit into certain definitions. 

When his grandmother asked him if nobody had ever made him feel special, he thought about Hyunjin. 

When Yeji confessed to him in a giggle, while she was tipsy, that she was so smitten with Ryujin she could stare at her for hours, he thought about Hyunjin. 

And when Anne said that Sangyeon’s mere existence filled her with joy, he…

But.

It didn’t make sense. 

Because apparently, people knew . And Felix wasn’t that fucking dense, he was wide aware that he loved Hyunjin, but… like that? What if they had just made a different box for them? What if… it was something else?

It had to be something else. 

He was pretty much himself around Hyunjin. He didn’t lose his identity nor forget his goals. He hadn’t changed, apart from that bubbly sensation that had built a home inside him. 

At least, he had fully embraced one undeniable fact —he doubted nobody would ever make him feel like this. So, selfish like he had always been and scared of the impulses of the demons that lived inside his mind, Felix drowned in the feeling instead of trying to understand it. 

It was better like this.

For now.

Their lips slid together whilst Hyunjin took the lube from the bed. The cold substance made Felix squirm but Hyunjin wrapped his fingers around him to pump his length a few times before aligning himself up. 

The head teased the rim before Hyunjin pushed it inside.  

Felix’s eyes rolled back while a deep sound clawed his throat. 

“Shit,” he muttered, holding onto Hyunjin’s thighs as if the whole world was escaping him and the only thing that could keep him present was Hyunjin’s body on top of him. 

The mix of emotions was so intense that Felix couldn’t even tell if he was close to coming or he could fuck into Hyunjin until the next day. 

“T-talk to me,” Hyunjin slurred after sitting on Felix’s pelvis. 

Felix caressed the skin of his thighs, following the pattern of his tattoo while wondering why Hyunjin was so focused on him when this was a first time for him too.

“Feels so good,” Felix croaked out. “So fucking good. Move… whenever you want.” 

“Gimme… Fuck,” Hyunjin let out what sounded like a giggle and also a moan. 

At first, Hyunjin lifted himself tentatively, testing the waters. He set a pace that was fast enough to fuel them but also slow enough to help them get used to it. Not only physically but mentally. 

Because it was as if for both of them that moment was even more important than it seemed. 

Felix noticed it in the way their fingers intertwined over Hyunjin’s tattoo. Also in the small pauses Hyunjin made with his body trembling softly. And mostly in the neverending praises and the filthy and sweet promises murmured as one. 

“F-fill me up,” Hyunjin mumbled, the sound of skin slapping echoing the room. “I’m s-so close.” 

Felix had started meeting his thrusts, their bodies moving in a synchrony that was even worse than feeling Hyunjin’s walls clenching around him. His heat engulfing his cock as if Felix was bound to bury himself inside and never pull back. 

“Then come but don’t stop looking at me,” Felix replied as his fingers wrapped around Hyunjin’s throbbing cock. 

They reached their climax with seconds of difference after that. 

While Hyunjin spilled all over Felix’s stomach and chest, he clenched so hard around Felix that the latter thrust deeper than ever as his orgasm rammed through his body until almost stealing his consciousness. 

He saw white for a moment and had to blink a couple of times to focus his gaze on Hyunjin again.  

Fuck, he felt even dizzy from how intense it had been. 

And it didn’t help at all to see Hyunjin lifting his body up until Felix’s soft length pulled out. 

He could barely support himself on his knees but he remained in that position while Felix’s cum leaked out of him, dripping down his thighs more sensually than Felix had pictured it. 

“Ah, fuck,” Felix growled as he circled Hyunjin’s waist with his arm and gathered all the strength he had left to pin him onto the mattress. His face pressed against the pillow and his ass up thanks to Felix’s grip. “I know you told me you wanted me to feed you but I prefer to taste it first.” 

Felix’s lips sucked on the back of Hyunjin’s thigh, drawing a purple mark on it. 

“Don’t be a dick,” Hyunjin begged with a hoarse voice. 

“Sshhh.” 

His tongue found his skin and ran up his thigh to collect the cum on it. The taste wasn’t particularly pleasant and yet it turned him on so much to feel as if he was drinking from Hyunjin . It didn’t matter that it wasn’t like that. It still felt like that. 

His hands manhandled Hyunjin’s body again until he was on his back and their lips crashed desperately. All teeth, spit and lust. They moaned into each other’s mouths and pulled back with shallow breaths, the exhaustion finally catching up even though they could probably keep going if they tried. 

“That was…” Hyunjin panted. “So hot. I would be hard again if I could.” 

Felix laughed, sliding his fingers over his sticky stomach, collecting as much as he could before tracing Hyunjin’s lips with them. The stylist darted out his tongue and Felix winked at him whilst he slipped his fingers past his own lips to suck on them without breaking eye contact.

“You are going to kill me.”

“Not if you kill me first.” 

Their lips found the way back to each other again, calmer than before yet still painted with their insatiable need and that feeling that Felix avoided to touch. Because what if it exploded and grew even bigger. 

What if he had to put a name on it. 

“Let me give you some clothes so you can shower here.”

“I live next door.” 

Hyunjin kissed him again. 

“I said you are showering here.” His fingers disappeared into Felix’s hair, brushing it off his face and caressing his scalp. “Do you want sushi for dinner?”

Felix hummed as his skin broke into goosebumps. 

“Sounds good. God, it's been so long since the last time I had sushi. Want to keep watching The Circle ?” 

“Please.”

*

Felix scrunched up his nose as he read the notification that had just popped up on his phone. 

“We have a problem,” he said, loud enough for Hyunjin to listen to him from the bedroom, where he was changing clothes after leaving the shower. Felix placed his phone next to Hyunjin’s on the table and walked towards the bedroom too with crossed arms. “Apparently the delivery guy for our area had a problem with his bike and can’t make it here. They said they can either refund us or wait for us to pick up the food at the restaurant.”

Hyunjin stared at his open wardrobe and tilted his head towards Felix. 

“Want me to drive there real quick? It’s less than ten minutes away by car and we both were craving sushi.” 

“We can just order from another place.” 

“And wait another forty minutes when we are starving?” Hyunjin shook his head. “I’ll go. You can set the table and get the episode ready.” 

Felix sighed. “Fine.” 

Hyunjin left his pyjamas on the bed and picked the first outfit he found in his wardrobe while Felix walked back into the living room to reply to the restaurant, telling them they would pick up their order in a few minutes. 

They replied within seconds and Felix sighed again, dropping the phone on the table. 

It wasn’t even late or anything but the prospect of Hyunjin taking the car because the restaurant had a problem when they could be on the couch, waiting for their sushi, didn’t precisely make him happy. 

He didn’t blame them. Accidents happened. 

But he could be slightly pissed anyway. 

“What do you want to drink?” He ended up asking as he walked in the kitchen’s direction to keep himself distracted. 

“Iced tea?” 

“I think I have a bottle with some in my flat. I’ll grab it later.”

“Okay.” Hyunjin stood under the doorframe of the kitchen. “Be right back. Don’t continue the episode without me.” 

“I can’t promise anything!” 

Hyunjin was still laughing as he closed the door. 

Felix took the plates, the chopsticks and the glasses and set them meticulously on the coffee table in the living room. Afterwards, he searched for the episode they didn’t get to finish the last time they watched the reality show together and when he was going to click on the thumbnail of the episode, the phone on the table lit up. 

Only then, Felix noticed the mistake —that wasn’t his phone. 

That was Hyunjin’s. 

Felix cursed under his breath, taking the phone to read the name that appeared on the screen. 

Mum.

Shit. 

Theoretically, it would take Hyunjin less than twenty minutes to get to the flat again so Felix hoped his mother understood he was busy and waited until he called her back. However, something inside him told him, judging by the way Hyunjin dropped everything to pick up the phone when she called, that maybe he should pick up and inform her that Hyunjin would call her soon. 

He stared at the phone for a few seconds until the notification of a missed call filled the screen.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

With the phone clutched between his fingers, Felix went to his flat to grab the bottle of iced tea. He wished that Hyunjin’s mother didn’t call again but he was also kind of waiting for the next call. 

From what he had gathered in all these months, she wasn’t a person that stopped calling unless Hyunjin told her he was busy or that he would call her later. 

His fingers hadn’t closed entirely around the bottle when the phone lit up again. 

Was it even okay to pick up the call?

He didn’t want her to get worried. 

Felix took the bottle and left it on the kitchen counter, pressing the phone against his ear. 

“Hi,” he murmured, his heart stammering violently inside his ribcage. 

“Hi…? Who… who are you? Where…?” 

In some way, Felix had expected a voice as soft as the one he was hearing. However, he wasn’t expecting such an alarming tone, as if she hadn’t heard from his son in weeks. Felix couldn’t decide what was more shocking —the sudden concern or the fact that Hyunjin’s mother got so worried about him. 

“I’m Felix. Hyunjin took my phone by accident but he will be back soon.”

“Oh.” Her tone relaxed ever so slightly. “Is he… okay then?” 

“Yeah. We ordered some dinner and he’s going to the restaurant to pick it up. I’m sure he’ll be here in… ten minutes? More or less.”

“Okay. Okay. Sorry.” 

Felix smiled. Even hearing her apology was weird . Why was she even sorry? For loving her son enough to get worried about him? 

“He was supposed to call me earlier and it started getting late and I guess I overreacted after he didn’t pick up the first call.” 

And now she was explaining herself? 

Felix was so confused and so endeared at the same time.

“I think that was my fault?” Felix confessed as he grabbed the bottle and came back to Hyunjin’s flat. “I showed up unannounced and we lost track of time.” 

Felix was referring to the box with clothes but his mind also reminded him of what they did right after that and his neck heated up. He wasn’t a person that tended to get embarrassed easily but talking to Hyunjin’s mother was a challenge he hadn’t planned at all. 

“That’s nice,” she murmured, extremely sweet. And again, unprovoked, she kept disarming him. “Did you have fun?”

What?

Why was she asking him questions and showing interest as if he was her own son?

“We did,” he smiled, shyly. “The Fortier sisters sent us some clothes and… Well. I don’t know if you know who they are but…”

“I wouldn’t be Hyunjin’s mother if I didn’t know who the Fortier sisters are.”

How fucking ironic . 

His parents didn’t even remember the names of the professors that went with him to Paris.

“Did you say they sent you clothes? Jin told me you were friends with them.” 

“Did he…” Felix poured some tea into his glass. Saying that he was flabbergasted would be an understatement. “Did he tell you about me?” 

He was equally shocked the first time he visited Seungmin while he was living in Australia and Seungmin’s parents told him they had missed seeing him around. 

What the actual fuck.

Hyunjin’s mother hummed. “I know you went together to Jeju and Paris. And also that you live next door and have the same friend group.” 

How could someone have such a soothing voice? 

Felix understood now why Hyunjin’s voice was so soft when he talked to her. 

“Oh. That’s… nice. I didn’t know… That’s really nice.”

“What were you saying about the Fortier sisters?” 

Was that call some kind of twisted joke? 

Felix cleared his throat with a long sip of tea and begged his body to relax. He was so tense , not used to having a parent asking him what he supposed were regular parent questions. Unconsciously, he was waiting for the moment where Hyunjin’s mother started bombarding him with information about her, dismissing everything Felix was saying. But that never happened, she listened to him attentively and also asked about the clothes the sisters gave them, letting Felix ramble about each item as if it was the most interesting topic in the world. 

He was engrossed in the conversation when the main door swung open, revealing a slightly nervous Hyunjin that soon was striding into the living room with the bags in one hand and Felix’s phone in the other. 

“Lix-ah, has my mo-.” 

Felix pointed at the phone and Hyunjin let out the longest relieved sigh before his eyes widened imperceptibly. 

“Hyunjin is here,” he informed Eunkyung. She had introduced herself properly after Felix had confessed that he didn’t know her name because Hyunjin never used it. 

“Oh. We’ve been talking for ten minutes? Oh, god. I’m sorry. My husband always says I could talk non-stop for the rest of my life and that he would listen to my rambling happily.” 

“That’s pretty cute, actually,” Felix whispered. “And don’t… apologise. I was talking a lot too. Uh… nice to meet you, Eunkyung-ssi.” 

“Just Eunkyung is fine,” she replied after letting out a giggle that sounded really similar to Hyunjin’s. “Nice to meet you too, sweetheart.”

Felix blinked whilst the petname bloomed inside him like a garden full of flowers. 

“B-bye,” he murmured as he handed the phone to Hyunjin. 

Felix was floating as he took everything out of the bags and finished setting the table. There were more food containers than expected in the bags and Felix checked everything in silence, trying not to fall into a spiral after having such a heartwarming conversation. 

He pursed his lips. 

The restaurant had probably given them extra food to apologise for what happened. 

Felix poured tea into Hyunjin’s glass and shifted over the couch, feeling fidgety and restless. Groaning, he took the food containers with the food they didn’t order and walked towards the kitchen to leave it in the fridge. 

They ordered enough so Felix doubted they could even touch those containers without exploding. 

To be fair, he just needed an excuse to not wait for Hyunjin sitting on the couch. 

“Sorry, I didn’t know I was taking your phone and I noticed it while I was waiting at the restaurant,” Hyunjin apologised as he entered the kitchen. “You okay? Did my mum make you uncomfortable? Sometimes she…”

Felix was standing in front of the fridge . 

Doing nothing. 

Just spacing out.

“No, no. I mean, yeah, I’m fine.” Was he? “I’m the one who’s sorry because I shouldn’t have picked up the phone but she called twice and I’ve seen you even leaving in the middle of our lectures to talk to her so I don’t know. I thought… I’m sorry.”

It was surprising how little Felix apologised for his mistakes on a daily basis and how fast he did it when he was like this. 

Hyunjin stepped closer.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you did it. She would have freaked out if you hadn't explained to her what happened.” 

Felix smiled. “She was already freaking out a bit when I started talking to her.” He pouted and raised a finger to poke Hyunjin’s chest. “I wonder what you were doing to forget you promised you’d call her.” 

“Don’t make me say out loud what I was actually doing when I should have been talking to my mother.” 

“She’s really sweet,” Felix murmured after chuckling. “Really, really sweet. I would talk to her all the time if I was you too.” 

His words casted a sad shadow on Hyunjin’s eyes, but Felix ignored it and kept talking. 

“I was so embarrassed because she knew so many things about me and I didn’t even know her name.” Felix covered part of his face with his hand. “And she even let me talk non-stop about all the things the Fortier sisters gifted us. She’s really so cute.”

Hyunjin swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. 

“What do you… usually talk about with your parents?” 

Felix shrugged. Did he even have conversations with his parents? 

“Usually, they talk about themselves.” He didn’t want to get upset after having such a wonderful conversation, so he quickly added, “It was nice to see your mum actually listening to me. Can you… tell her? That I really had fun. Please?” 

The shadow disappeared to leave space for a smile that stretched Hyunjin’s lips. 

“She will try to talk to you again if I tell her that.” 

“I’m going to steal your mum’s heart.” 

“Are you collecting all the members of the Hwang family?” 

Felix pressed his finger harder into Hyunjin’s chest. 

“And if I am?” 

Hyunjin lifted up his brows, amused, and Felix laughed, loudly and with his whole chest. His heart was stammering again but he wasn’t nervous like he was when he picked up the phone. He was just… stupidly fond. 

Hoping that a moment could last forever so he could laugh a little longer while Hyunjin pretended to be annoyed, rolling his eyes and making Felix only laugh even louder. 

Would it be that bad if Felix was really developing that type of feelings for him? 

Would it be that bad if Felix already loved him like that ?

Chapter Text

moodboard by encie

“I don't want it.
And I don't want to want you.
But in my dreams I seem to be more honest.
And I must admit, you've been in quite a few.”

“Please,” Hyunjin mewled as he squirmed over the bed. “I-I’m so hard.”

Felix chuckled darkly, the ice cube sliding down his chest and licking the skin around his nipples. “I’ve just started, doll.” 

They talked thoroughly about this —where the limits were, if they should actually add a safe word to indicate that Hyunjin needed to stop and what they were going to use to immobilise Hyunjin. 

They talked about it on different occasions and even set a date for it.

It had been a nerve-wrecking week, each day getting longer than the previous one whilst the Friday refused to arrive. And with his impatience, it also grew his lust. He craved Hyunjin as if he had been deprived for months. 

Their provocative messages didn’t contribute to the hard task of keeping himself collected. He almost came untouched one night when Hyunjin called him, needy and desperate, after they had been teasing each other for half an hour. 

But what dynamited his self-control control was the message Hyunjin sent him before he got into the shower that same Friday.

Messages:

idiot (hyune) [17:11]:

what if i start without you?

Fucking.

Brat.

Messages:

lix [17:12]: 

you don’t need me then?

idiot (hyune) [17:12]:

idiot (hyune) sent a picture

of course i need you ):

Felix had cursed under his breath at the picture, staring at Hyunjin’s half-naked body, his new lingerie —he literally told him a couple of days ago that he bought it specifically for that day—, the tent poorly hidden inside his underwear and… his pout . 

He knew so well how to press all Felix’s buttons until all softness was forgotten and only roughness painted everything he did. 

However, Felix doubted he would have been more gentle without those messages. 

How could he when he had Hyunjin’s naked body sprawled on his mattress, his arms stretched over his head and tied to the headboard of his bed with the black, soft and elegant handcuffs they both bought together the week before, and his eyes hidden under one of Felix’s sleep masks. 

“B-but I’m so sensitive and you are teasing me s-so much.”

They called it their trial and error in a joking tone the first night they discussed everything they were going to do and Felix found himself freely confessing what he would like to try in the future if Hyunjin was up to it. They promised to be sincere with each other while experimenting together to find out what they truly enjoyed and what they should never try again. 

And Felix was so turned on by all of it.

His hand kept Hyunjin’s hips pinned to the bed while the other slid another ice cube down Hyunjin’s thighs, close to his crotch but never enough to satisfy him. A strangled noise got stuck in Hyunjin’s throat, his mouth hanging open and his hands desperately trying to free themselves, making the headboard hit the wall every few seconds. 

“Stay still,” Felix commanded. “Or I’ll leave you here, leaking and unable to touch yourself.”

Hyunjin whined. 

“No. N-no.” 

Felix’s hand wrapped around Hyunjin’s cock as he let the rest of the cube melted between his own lips. Hyunjin sighed and Felix held back a snort before sucking the precum collected at the head. 

The stylist contorted underneath him at the touch of his freezing cold lips but that didn’t prevent Felix from sticking his hand into the ice bucket to alternate warm caresses with cold ones. 

He didn’t want to skip steps and ruin the experience for him but the need to play with the ice cubes all over his length and inside his hole was eating him alive. The proof of his need had manifested in the form of the several marks that adorned Hyunjin’s collarbones, hips and thighs. 

But nobody could blame him when Hyunjin moaned like that every time Felix sucked his skin between his lips to leave a new hickey. God. He was so obsessed, so consumed by his privileged views and the effect Hyunjin’s broken voice had on him. 

Felix’s knees were pressed over Hyunjin’s thighs, also keeping him as still as possible, especially now that his hand had abandoned his hips to take a small ice cube after playing with the different temperature of his palms until Hyunjin had begged for more. 

The ice cube brushed the head of his cock and Hyunjin’s hips attempted to buck up. 

Felix did it again and Hyunjin groaned, frustrated, as his body chased the sensation. 

“Such a slut,” Felix laughed as his free hand smacked Hyunjin’s hip without any force. Like a warning that only made Hyunjin’s body shudder. “You are making me want to play by myself. You don’t deserve my kindness nor how good I make you feel.” 

Hyunjin caught his lower lip between his teeth.

“N-no,” he whispered. “Sorry. I’m just… I’m so…”

Felix brought the ice cube to his shaft again, barely touching the skin before pulling it away. 

The headboard hit the wall again. 

“I can’t. I c-can’t.” 

One of their new rules was that Felix wasn’t going to stop if Hyunjin said something like that. Yet Felix still leaned down to drag his tongue from the base to the head after biting into the ice cube he had been using with his eyes locked on Hyunjin’s face. 

“Always the same lies. I’m so tired of them. I won’t fuck you sooner, no matter how loud you beg.” 

With his lips wrapped around the tip, Felix ran a small ice cube down the throbbing length, feeling it pulsing inside his mouth, growing even more until it reached a hardness that Felix would love to feel inside. 

Hyunjin writhed with his mouth agape and his back arched off the bed, the sensation so intense that no sound left his lips after a couple of seconds. Felix didn’t miss any single move he made, always checking that the stylist was revelling in Felix’s ministrations and not dipping his toes into unpleasant territory. 

He had confessed to Felix while they discussed all of this that he found an inexplicable pleasure in feeling a small amount of pain. Felix could repeat word by word his sentence, because it got automatically tattooed in his bones. 

“I like it when it… stings? But it barely lasts a second. I don’t know how to put it into words.”

It made Felix remember that time where he squeezed Hyunjin’s cock and the latter let out a pleasured, high-pitched sound. 

Felix grabbed the flask from the table beside the bed and took a sip of hot tea, letting it warm his tongue while his cold fingers ran down his perineum to circle his rim right before Felix pressed his warm tongue against it.

“Ah, shit,” Hyunjin cried out, his body spasming for a second and his arms fighting the handcuffs. 

The event planner grinned as he let Hyunjin sink in the sensation, thrusting his tongue inside and sucking his rim between his lips; waiting until the stylist had relaxed further, until he wasn’t expecting another ice cube.

Felix was convinced that Hyunjin had even forgotten that they agreed on using warm lube. 

He was so gone by the time Felix reached his lower body.

Felix could play music with him until he couldn’t feel his tongue. 

It was so heavenly to be trusted like that. To hear Hyunjin promising him that he was doing all of this because he knew Felix would never betray him. Because he knew Felix would always take care of him, even if the experience got so intense that Hyunjin got lost in a hurricane of emotions and he struggled to be fully there with him.

Felix stretched the moment, pushing Hyunjin more and more towards his climax to suddenly wrap his cold hand around his cock again. 

“Fuck, fuck,” Hyunjin rocked his hips to accompany Felix’s strokes. He was slurring and Felix was almost sad to find the sleep mask blocking the tears that he was sure would be running down Hyunjin’s cheeks at the moment. “I want to c-cum. Need… It’s…”

Felix retrieved the lube and with his hand still around him, he poured the substance over the base of his cock. It wasn’t burning hot but it was way warmer than Felix’s mouth after taking a sip of tea. 

“You look so helpless,” Felix snickered. “Willing to take whatever I give you like a good doll. Makes me want to use you until you don’t even remember your name.” 

“D-do it.” 

Fuck .

Hyunjin could say those same words countless times that it would affect Felix just the same. 

“Yeah?” 

Hyunjin hummed, nodding absently with his head tilted to the side and his body getting pliant while Felix kept dragging his hand up and down his shaft. 

“M-make… make me yo-urs.” 

Felix collected the excess of lube with his other hand and slowly pushed a finger inside. He was going to combust even before fingering Hyunjin properly if the latter kept saying those things. If he kept giving Felix everything and more. If he kept proving that his trust went far and beyond. 

His mind was foggy, boiling with promises he shouldn’t say. 

With whispers that implied too much. 

“You are already mine.” 

Shit.

He bit into another ice cube, a shiver falling down his back when his teeth sank into it harshly. And his body crawled over Hyunjin’s to lick the seam of his lips, eliciting a whimper from Hyunjin that travelled straight to his neglected cock.

“My gorgeous and silly doll.” 

Felix’s hand massaged one of Hyunjin’s arms. 

“Do they hurt?” 

He had been in that position for such a long time. His arms had to be numb, even if Hyunjin hadn’t protested about it. But the clock they left next to the flask didn’t lie and although Felix promised to untie him when he bottomed out, Hyunjin was starting to get too pliant, his words even turning into a soft babble. 

“No,” he whispered. “S’fine.” 

Felix massaged the other arm and glanced at the clock again. 

He could keep playing for a few more minutes and if he hadn’t sunk into him by then, he would untie him. Even if Hyunjin whined about it. 

They kissed again, their tongues twirling and Felix’s gut tightening at the breathy sounds Hyunjin exhaled against his mouth. 

“You are so perfect,” Felix murmured as he withdrew to let his hand dip into the ice bucket. He coated his fingers with the lube that wasn’t warm but slightly cold too and shoved two digits inside without warning. 

“Hh-hn,” Hyunjin gasped. “Y-yeah?” 

“Yeah. So perfect for me. Doing so well.”

In their inexpert minds, this wouldn’t be this intense , so Felix drank another sip of his hot tea and leaned down to fuck him open with his tongue too, his fingers sliding alongside it and giving Hyunjin his last experience of the day with the contrast of temperatures. 

Felix couldn’t decipher the words that were falling off his mouth, a messy mix of his name, “more” and “please”. It sounded as if he was sobbing but when Felix lifted his head up to look at him, he only found Hyunjin’s expression contorted in sheer bliss.

“Lix,” he mumbled after Felix thrust into him with three fingers. “C-can’t. Uh. ‘M… I…” 

He pulled out after feeling little to no resistance around his fingers, his other hand giving Hyunjin’s thigh a soft tug whilst he began hovering over him to get rid of the handcuffs. However, not so unexpectedly, Hyunjin’s entire body shuddered violently. 

His teeth sank into his lip until almost drawing blood. 

He whined again, clearly fighting against himself. 

But it was over for him when Felix’s cold palm spread over his neck without pressing the skin, just resting there, caressing the spots where he should dig his fingertips if he actually was trying to restrict the air that entered his lungs. 

“You don’t have to resist it. I want to see your pretty silly face while you cum.”

“In-side. Gnngh,” he choked out. “Pl-ease.” 

Felix spread Hyunjin’s legs even more, bending his knees and brushing his rim with the tip of his cock. He felt in a daze as he coated his length and pushed inside, his body still as he looked for any sign in Hyunjin’s body but the latter only let out a drawn out moan. 

It was a mystery how Hyunjin was holding back so much .

Struggling and feeling his own body too close to explode, Felix reached the handcuffs and threw them on the table, helping Hyunjin to move his arms again. With his help, he flexed them over his chest and Felix leaned on them as he rocked his hips tentatively. 

“T-tell me. Again. Tell-me.” 

Felix laced their fingers together, still resting over Hyunjin’s chest. 

“Tell you what, doll?” 

“That I’m… I-. Please.” 

Their lips were brushing as Felix grinned and murmured, “Mine. You are mine.”

Hyunjin fell apart underneath him, his figure practically melting into the mattress as he shot his load on his stomach, some drops even reaching Felix’s arms and hands. 

“Yours,” Hyunjin whispered as Felix snapped out of his daze to help him ride out his orgasm with his fingers, sliding them up and down his cock. 

He barely processed his own climax ramming through his body. He was too high on the way Hyunjin had murmured those words to reconnect to the world around him. Felix was always so turned on after playing with Hyunjin that by the time he gave himself some attention, he was gone within seconds.

And it always felt like an experience out of this world. 

As if he was going to lose his conscience. 

Felix collapsed on top of Hyunjin’s body and he removed the sleep mask, smiling tenderly when he saw Hyunjin blinking slowly and getting used to the light again as he whined.

He nuzzled against Felix’s neck. 

“Yours,” he repeated, dreamy.

And Felix’s gut tightened for a different reason that time. 

Because he wanted everyone to hear it. To understand it. 

He wanted to tell the world that he was the lucky idiot that had Hyunjin wrapped around his fingers. Even though, despite how much Felix would deny it out loud, the one that was on his knees for the other was him. 

*

It was like being in Paris again, but worse. 

Hyunjin was less talkative that night, clinging onto Felix’s body as the event planner guided him to the bathroom and smiled when Hyunjin nuzzled against his neck again. 

He even snoozed for a couple of minutes, letting Felix wash them both with all the softness he could gather. His hands massaged Hyunjin’s arms and his lips whispered endless praises into Hyunjin’s ear. 

His muscles screamed when he had to get Hyunjin out of the bathtub almost by himself. But, at least, Hyunjin stood on his feet and didn’t complain whilst Felix wrapped their bodies in their silky robes. 

Felix guided him back to the bedroom, Hyunjin’s eyes closed again as he walked. He made sure that the blanket was covering them properly and kissed the top of Hyunjin’s head when Hyunjin pressed his lips over the base of his neck. 

He hugged Hyunjin with one arm.

“Feels… good,” Hyunjin slurred before falling asleep again with his head tucked under Felix’s chin and his arm clutching the fabric of the robe.

Hours later, long after Felix had awakened from a nap and decided to watch one of his comfort movies with a very asleep Hyunjin wrapped around him as if he was his second blanket, the stylist stirred over Felix’s body. 

“H-hm,” he hummed at first, sweet lips pressed over Felix’s collarbones. “Hi.” 

“Hi, Sleeping Beauty.”

Hyunjin lifted up his head and blushed adorably at the nickname. He looked breathtakingly beautiful with his unstyled hair, his sleepy eyes and the shy smile curling his lips. Felix would kill to spend the rest of the night praising him until they fell asleep again. 

“How do you feel?” 

Felix caressed one of Hyunjin’s arms. 

“Do they hurt now?” 

“I feel good. I could sleep for days, though. And my arms seem to be a bit sore, I think. I’m still… floating a little bit.” 

Should they talk in the morning about what they said while they were fooling around? 

Or, at least, commented on how much Hyunjin repeated that word even after coming down from his high? 

Should they?

“‘M sleepy,” he added with a cute voice, leaning in to kiss Felix’s jaw. “How are you? I’m always… you always do so much. I don’t want… I…”

“I like it. I… love it when you let me do all those things and I can see you are liking them as much as I do. It feels… so good,” Felix assured as he secured his arm again around Hyunjin’s body. “Sometimes I feel like I’m going to come just looking at you.” 

Hyunjin chuckled. “I drive you… crazy. H-hm?” 

“You wish,” he lied as he rolled his eyes. 

Because he did . 

In so many ways that Felix doubted he could count them with the fingers of one hand. 

“Do you want me to heat up the dinner and make more tea?” 

“Can’t promise I won’t fall asleep again while I wait for you.”

Felix beamed. “I’ll wake you up. It’s okay.”

He grabbed his phone and walked towards the kitchen to take the food containers Hyunjin told him he had in the fridge. Moving as familiarly as he would move in his own flat, he put the kettle on and took a pan from the cabinet to get their dinner ready. 

After putting one of his multiple playlists, he hummed the lyrics to himself whilst he decided what tea to prepare. Camomile, perhaps? Hyunjin had one that was also mixed with anise that was perfect for that night. 

The music stopped abruptly. 

Felix scrunched his nose, the tea half filling the filter.

Was Spotify doing weird things again? 

The phone buzzed after that and Felix turned his head in the direction of his phone to find an incoming call from his parents. 

Really? 

So late? 

“Hello?” He said, propping his phone between his ear and his shoulder to keep making the dinner. 

“Hi, prince,” his mother replied. “Your dad and I completely forgot to tell you that we are spending the day in Seoul tomorrow. We are having dinner whenever you want so you can tell us about the people you met in Paris.”

In Paris.

He came back from Europe weeks ago. 

And they had barely asked questions since. 

Also, he had plans the next day. Not only for dinner but also for breakfast and lunch. 

Felix pursed his lips. 

“Felix?” That was his father. 

Rage burnt his tongue.

“I can’t.” 

“What?” 

Felix licked his lips. His hands trembled around the kitchen counter. His heart kicked inside his chest. 

“I… can’t.” He let out a quiet sigh. His throat was so dry. “S-sorry,” he stuttered lightly. “I have a really busy day tomorrow and I can’t cancel anything.”

Actually, he could .

Hyunjin wouldn’t say anything if he skipped breakfast.

Nayeon would understand if he didn’t have lunch with her. 

And Seungmin and his parents were more than used to Felix’s parents anctics to even bat an eye if Felix explained to them what had happened.

But he didn’t want to .

“Oh,” his mother murmured, clearly at a loss of words. “But I’m sure you can… call whoever you are seeing tomorrow. We are your parents.” 

He took the kettle to pour the boiling water into the mugs but his hands were shaking so much that he gave up after filling half of the first one. He didn’t even notice Hyunjin approaching him and taking the kettle from his hand to pour the water into the mugs himself. 

“I was thirsty,” he mouthed when Felix stared at him wide-eyed. 

“I really can’t. I’ve been looking forward to all the plans I have tomorrow and I don’t want to back out at the last minute.” 

There was no answer for a second. 

“I’m sorry. I… really am.”

He fucking wasn’t. He was just pissed. 

Hyunjin held his hands between his own to stop them from trembling. 

“I gotta go. Call you on Sunday if you want.” 

Why the hell were they even spending the day in Seoul? 

Were they in South Korea at the moment? 

“But, Felix, we-.”

“Bye. Goodnight.” 

He hung up and placed the phone over the kitchen counter in silence. 

Fuck, should he call them again? 

His hand reached out to take the phone again but Hyunjin was faster and grabbed it before Felix could. He didn’t say a word, though. He just gripped it as if he was protecting it from Felix’s hands. 

Their gazes locked and Felix’s lower lip quivered. 

There was a lump in his throat and he felt like throwing up. 

But he didn’t want to see them .

He didn’t want to cancel anything for them .

He hadn’t done anything wrong. 

Right?

Hyunjin smiled and Felix stepped closer to link their arms together and rest his head against his shoulder, still quiet. Talking about it wasn’t a real option. It would be impossible to explain. Though Hyunjin seemed to understand. 

He always did. 

“Camomile with anise?” Was what Hyunjin ended up pointing out when he saw the jar on the kitchen counter. 

“You should have come sooner if you wanted to pick your tea flavour.” 

Hyunjin snorted. “This one is perfect.”

His lips kissed Felix’s head afterwards and even though the lump in Felix’s throat didn’t disappear, it decreased enough to let his body relax again. 

***

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Jinsoul insisted after they left the classroom. “You don’t want to brag with Lixie about Professor Kim congratulating both of you again the other day?”

Felix chuckled as he rolled his eyes beside Jinsoul. 

The situation had brought several flashbacks to his mind. 

He hadn’t forgotten the day he was doing his first presentation and Hyunjin decided to ask him multiple, tricky questions just to try to prove that Felix hadn’t done proper research. 

This time it had been so different. 

First of all, because it was Hyunjin the one doing the presentation. Also because he had been working with real clothes and real models. Said models were there while Hyunjin was explaining his decisions and why he had to reconsider his approach a couple of times before reaching his final conclusion. 

But most importantly because when Felix had raised his arm to ask a couple of questions, he was just curious. Hyunjin always took care of every little detail so Felix was sure that nothing he could ask would catch him off guard. 

They hadn’t even noticed that they had started bantering playfully until Professor Kim had interrupted them to tell them that she had missed their discussions. 

That night, while Felix was sitting before his desk trying to finish his own presentation, Hyunjin had sat on his lap and kissed his neck while repeating Professor Kim’s words until Felix had huffed and shut him up with a kiss. 

Well, with a million ones. 

“I think Lix will have to brag for the both of us today,” Hyunjin replied with a smile. “I haven’t been sleeping well these past days and I’m not sure if I’m catching a cold or something.”

Felix furrowed his eyebrows.

He had noticed that Hyunjin had been wearing more make-up than usual and also that he wasn’t as talkative but… a cold? It looked more like exhaustion to him. 

Or like something was bothering him and he was deep in his mind thinking about it.

In fact, that was the excuse he had been using to not bring up what they said to each other the week before. 

You are mine.

Yours.

However, he didn’t comment on it and played along. 

He could message him the next day and ask if he actually had a cold or if it was something else. 

“Take a warm shower and try to rest.” 

“Call us if you get worse or anything.” Ryujin poked Hyunjin’s arm with her pointed nail. “Or at least, knock on Felix’s door.”

“Do I look like a nurse?” 

Ryujin tilted his head in his direction and raised an eyebrow. “I could make so many metaphors about thermometers…” 

Yeji snorted and Huening Kai covered his mouth with his hand to laugh against his palm.

“I can’t stand you,” Hyunjin murmured in English. 

“Don’t start speaking English when you know I’m so bad at it!” Ryujin whined as she poked Hyunjin’s arm again. “And you both know I’m right. Jokes aside. Lixie would take care of you if you needed it.” 

Hyunjin pinched Ryujin’s waist, making her laugh. 

“Was it so hard to just say that?”

“We shouldn’t have told them anything,” Felix sighed dramatically, although he didn’t regret telling his friends that he was fooling around with Hyunjin. Apart from some moments where they made jokes, they usually behaved and respected their privacy.

Likely because Hyunjin and Felix were so private with their lives that they knew they wouldn’t get more information, despite how many questions they asked. 

“Excuse me but…” Jinsoul raised a finger. “Theoretically, you didn’t tell us anything, we guessed it.”

“Maybe I should go home too,” Felix murmured to himself. 

“Eh, bitch, I do understand English.” Jinsoul smacked Felix’s arm. 

“Sorry to leave you alone with the beasts, angel ,” Hyunjin apologised with a smile that only made Jinsoul and Ryujin roll their eyes and pretend to be annoyed at the comment.

Huening Kai raised a finger to point at them. 

“You say it as if you didn’t feed the beasts every fucking day with your behaviour.”

“We don’t,” Felix retorted, offended. “You’ve never seen us do anything.”

There was a brief silence after that and soon it was followed by the giggles and snorts of his friends. Felix was really considering going back home to spend the evening testing the make-up Nayeon gave him some days ago. 

For sure, those eyeshadow palettes wouldn’t make jokes about his relationship with Hyunjin.

They really did nothing in public. 

Felix bet that apart from their friend group, nobody else suspected that they have shared the bed more times than Felix could actually count or even recall. 

Those pieces of shit. 

“Trust me,” Yeji said after clearing her throat. “Seeing you eat each other with your eyes is more than enough.” 

“Can I ask why are we even talking about this?” Hyunjin groaned, adjusting his backpack after grabbing his car key. “I was just trying to say goodbye. Assholes.” 

“Promise to message us if you need us,” Ryujin poked his cheek now. 

Hyunjin smiled. “Don’t get so worried, Ryujin-ah. I’ll be fine.” 

He turned around to walk in the direction of the parking lot and neither of them said anything about that possible cold, yet Felix noticed way too late that Hyunjin hadn’t promised that he would reach out if he needed them. 

It was a stupid detail and Felix shouldn’t overthink it. 

But when he woke up the next day to find a message from Hyunjin in their group chat saying that he was sure he had a cold and that he would stay at home until he felt better, somehow, Felix knew that something was wrong. 

Even if he didn’t understand why he was so sure about it.

***

It was a couple of days later when Felix couldn’t stand it anymore.

He didn’t want to jump to conclusions but Hyunjin’s behaviour had been concerning enough to fill him with an uneasy feeling. He didn’t have any symptoms of a cold the days before. If so, he looked exhausted; with his mind somewhere else. 

After sending a few messages and getting no answers, Felix had ordered his favourite soup and prepared one of Hyunjin’s favourite teas. He had got so used to messaging Hyunjin on a daily basis that he wouldn't feel calm until he made sure that the stylist was doing well. 

Maybe he was just buried in blankets in his bed and he hadn’t checked the phone. 

Felix pushed the door of Hyunjin’s flat open and called his name with a soft voice. 

And again, there was no answer. 

Quietly, Felix walked into the kitchen to leave the food container and the flask over the kitchen counter. He considered one more time if, perhaps, it wouldn’t be better to just go back to his flat and message Hyunjin to tell him about the soup and the tea he brought there. 

But every time he pictured himself doing that, his stomach twisted. 

So Felix took a deep breath and stepped towards Hyunjin’s bedroom, whose door was closed. 

“Hyunjin-ah?” Felix whispered as he knocked on it. “Are you awake?”

One more time, Felix was welcomed by silence. 

But after a few seconds, he could hear the sound of Hyunjin’s feet over the floor. The door opened and his heart dropped when his eyes landed on him. 

Hyunjin’s eyes were puffy, as if he had been crying not for hours but for days . He looked drained, the shadow of dark circles pinching the space below his eyes and his lips not even trying to draw a smile. 

“What are you doing here?” He croaked out. 

Fuck, if his heart dropped earlier, now it literally broke . 

“I was worried. You said you got a cold and you stopped replying to my messages so I thought I could just check in on you.” 

Hyunjin tilted his head to the side, his fingers rubbing his neck. 

“Sorry. I haven’t checked my messages. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s okay. I… brought soup and tea.” Felix was mumbling, too embarrassed to confess that he was so stupidly worried that he knew he wouldn’t feel better until he saw that Hyunjin was fine.

A small and temporary smile finally bloomed on Hyunjin’s lips.

“You didn’t have to. Thank you.” 

Softly, Felix raised his arm until his hand was pressed over Hyunjin’s forehead, sliding it down his cheek and finding the beginning of his neck. His body temperature was totally normal, as Felix had expected after Hyunjin had opened the door. 

Because Hyunjin didn’t have a cold. 

It was… something different. 

It was like seeing a grey cloud surrounding him and stealing all the light that usually emanated off his body. 

“Do you… want some company or should I go back to my flat?” 

Please, let me stay.

Let me stay.

“I’m not sure I’m the best company today, Lix.”

“I asked if you want me to leave or stay, Hyune.” 

His thumb caressed the skin of Hyunjin’s neck while Hyunjin pressed his lips together and seemed to reflect on his possible answer. He swallowed, the seconds passing at an erratic rhythm, and Felix cleared his throat to tell him that he would go back to his flat. 

That he didn’t mean to bother him with such a simple question. 

“Stay.”

Wait.

“Hm?” Felix blinked. 

“If you want. Stay.”

A smile stretched Felix’s lips. “Okay.”

Felix couldn’t say he was precisely more relaxed after seeing Hyunjin but, at least, he would be next to him in case he needed to… talk? It seemed like something was consuming him from the inside yet Felix was afraid of asking directly about it. 

Hyunjin came back to his bed, plopping down as if the weight of exhaustion was too much to carry it anymore. Felix curled up next to him and his gaze glanced towards his nightstand, where Hyunjin had a really particular bouquet of flowers. 

It had four different types of flowers. 

“Those flowers are so beautiful.” 

Hyunjin snuggled against Felix’s body until his cheek was resting on Felix’s shoulder. 

“It’s a gift from my mum.” Hyunjin nuzzled against Felix’s neck. “I was actually visiting them these past days and I came back this morning.”

Some time ago, Hyunjin told him that his parents lived in Daejeon but that he didn’t visit them much because after moving to London he got used to living by himself. That was almost at the beginning of their journey, when they still refused to admit they were becoming friends, so Felix wondered if Hyunjin’s answer would be the same if he asked him now why he didn’t visit his parents much.

Felix had seen multiple times how much he loved them and how close he was to his mother so it made no sense to not try to see them, at least, every couple of weeks. 

Perhaps, that was his view because he wished he had a relationship like that with his parents. 

“Why… didn’t you tell us?” 

“Because I know you’d have asked me if something was wrong. I’ve skipped some lectures to go there.”

Felix’s fingers carded through Hyunjin’s long hair, keeping him pressed against his body. Almost as if he was hugging him with one arm. 

“And…? Something happened?” Felix asked softly enough for Hyunjin to understand that he wasn’t forcing him to reply unless he felt comfortable. After all, he hadn’t explained deeply to him anything regarding his grandmother’s illness. Everyone was allowed to have their secrets.

“Something happened,” Hyunjin whispered as his hand clutched Felix’s t-shirt. “But it happened some time ago.” 

Hyunjin was so cryptic about it that Felix couldn’t tell if the stylist just couldn’t find the words to explain himself or if he preferred to talk about something else. He had been so open and vulnerable in Paris that the contrast was like a slap for Felix. 

What happened that affected him like that?

Felix’s hand moved along Hyunjin’s spine while the other stayed buried into his blonde strands, giving him all the time he needed to keep going or not. 

Or was he supposed to ask another invasive question? 

“Do you… recognise the flowers my mum bought me?” 

Felix looked at the bouquet again. What did he mean by recognise ? Felix wasn’t an expert in flowers. He could identify the violets because they were literally violet and his grandmother used to have them at home. 

He had no idea about the name of the rest. 

Felix stuck his tongue against the inner part of his cheek. 

Then, slowly, Felix understood. 

The patterns of those flowers were familiar. But the tattoo where he used to see them was so detailed and the flowers were so perfectly intertwined together that Felix hadn’t noticed until that moment that Hyunjin had only tattooed the same four flowers over his thigh. 

His fingers trailed down Hyunjin’s spine until they reached his thigh. 

“They are the same ones…, right?” 

Hyunjin hummed, nodding against Felix’s shoulder. 

He seemed way smaller than Felix, his tall body suddenly reduced to a fragile gem that fit perfectly between Felix’s arms. 

“They are…” 

Hyunjin’s voice cracked but he only gripped Felix’s clothes tighter. 

Felix felt like his heart was going to jump off his chest. 

“They represent the members of my family. They are our birth flowers.”

At first, Felix didn’t get it . He was so worried and confused by Hyunjin’s behaviour that it took him way too many seconds to connect the dots; way too many seconds to process that the bouquet and the tattoo had four types of flowers. 

Four. 

But Hyunjin always talked about his parents. 

He had insisted on having no siblings. 

Felix had to mentally count to five to not pull back until he could look at Hyunjin. 

If he was hidden in the curve between his shoulder and his neck, the least Felix could do was respecting his decision. No matter how much he wanted to look into those dark eyes. No matter how much his own body begged to face him properly. 

“But…” He managed to mumble, yet the rest of the sentence perished at the tip of his tongue. 

“I used to have a brother.” 

Felix could almost see that puzzle piece falling into place. 

The enigma that Hyunjin never revealed in Paris when he was talking about his adolescence. 

Because… it had to be that. 

The reason why Hyunjin went through a rough time during his last years of high school. 

“It’s been… seven years since…” Hyunjin’s voice trembled and Felix painfully heard him take a sharp breath. “It’s been s-seven years since he passed away.” 

Seven years since his brother passed away. 

Hyunjin was sixteen seven years ago. 

How old was his brother? 

God. Parents weren’t supposed to see their child die . And a teenager wasn’t supposed to see their sibling leaving this world either. 

Felix remembered the urgency that always possessed Hyunjin every time his mother called him. Or the concern painting his mother's voice when Felix picked up the call. Or the conversation they had in Jeju, where Hyunjin told him that there were things he would always miss. Or Minho scolding him at the bar when he made a joke about not having siblings. 

Hyunjin lifted his head up and Felix stared at his red eyes, at his unshed tears because he likely had already cried enough. 

“Sorry. I told you I’m not the best company today.” 

“Eh.” He raised an eyebrow. And he could picture Seungmin’s proud expression as he added, “Don’t apologise for that. We can’t be… happy every day. Not all days are good.” 

He licked his lips. This was so out of his comfort zone. 

Since when had Felix praised someone for being vulnerable? 

“And I want to see all your days, you know?” Felix smiled as he fell into the pools of Hyunjin’s eyes. “All of them. Even if they are not good.”

A tear escaped the cage, running free down Hyunjin’s face. 

“I miss h-him so much.” Hyunjin looked so desolated. Felix’s arms pulled him fully over his body and traced circles over his back. “Nobody ever tells you that when someone leaves like that, the space remains empty forever. A-and… even though you are d-doing better, sometimes it hurts like the f-first day.”

Felix’s arms hugged him entirely, keeping him safe. 

Transparent and with nothing to hide, they kept looking at each other. 

There wasn’t any awkward silence nor growing tension while what Hyunjin had said sank in Felix’s mind. 

And unexpectedly and at the worst moment, whilst their gazes were still locked and Felix's arms were still around him, the universe surprised him with a piece of information that shattered all his bones to put them back into place. 

As if he was being reborn. 

As if he had been living for too long with his eyes closed. 

His father told him countless times that love was dangerous. That it gave power to the wrong people and that he should be the one making people cry. But… How could he even know that? How could someone that had never even loved like that knew any of that? 

Love should be about wanting to keep your chosen one safe and sound.

Love should be about letting your walls fall so that special person could come in.

Love should be about telling your person that you wanted to see all their days, even the bad ones, and meaning every single word. 

Fuck .

“I’m… not going to give you any kind of motivational speech nor to tell you that time heals or anything of the sort but… thank you for not spending the day alone and letting me be here with you.” 

Hyunjin smiled even though his cheeks were still wet and there were still a couple of silent tears streaming down his face. 

“He should have turned twenty-nine yesterday. And… he loved to make the countdown and he repeated and repeated and repeated that his birthday was going to be soon and I used to find it… so annoying. I was like… ‘yah, hyung, shut up’ and now I can’t stop counting days when October begins.” 

“Do you still celebrate it?” 

“We order food from his favourite restaurant and watch one of the movies we all used to watch together.” Hyunjin’s tone was bittersweet but he didn’t look as sad as he did when Felix arrived. “Our…” He hesitated. “Our therapist wasn't a fan of the idea at the beginning but three years ago we celebrated his birthday again for the first time and it felt… better.”

There were so many questions overlapping in Felix’s mind. 

There were questions about his brother —what was his name? How was he? Did he look like Hyunjin? Did he also have beautiful moles on his face and walk as if the world belonged to him?

There were questions about his passing —was he sick? Did they expect it? Was it the most terrible surprise?   

There were questions about Hyunjin’s past —was that the reason why his shitty friends didn’t find him funny anymore? Did his brother’s passing cause his anxiety attacks or something else happened? What did he do back then that was so awful?

And there were questions about Hyunjin and his parents —did therapy help? Were they more sincere with each other now? Was all of this what caused all those phone calls and all that urgency to pick up the phone when his mother called?  

But Felix didn’t mean to pry. 

Hyunjin was already sharing enough about his life with him. 

“Do you… still go to therapy?” 

Felix’s finger twitched over Hyunjin’s back.

“Sorry. I don’t know if I can ask that. I… don’t know what I can ask or if I can make you feel worse or uncomfortable or…” Felix exhaled. “I don’t want to hurt you by accident.”

Hyunjin’s hand caught a purple strand and twirled it around his fingers. 

“I’m just not used to talking about this. Seonghwa and Minho have gone through all of this with me and after what happened in high school I avoid talking about this. Because it’s…”

Hyunjin darted his gaze. 

“Scary?”

“Yeah. Minho would yell at me if he heard me saying this but this is not the Hyunjin people are used to see. And it’s not even an interesting topic nor a story you can laugh at. Some teachers looked at me with pity back in high school and some classmates did the weirdest things.”

Hyunjin shook his head, the tears dried all over his cheeks but his eyelashes just as wet, as if waiting for more tears to come. 

“We’ll stop talking about this when you want to.”

His parents also taught him that it was forbidden to show himself this bare. That it was like a death sentence; like giving someone a dagger and pointing it to the heart. 

But there was so much tenderness in the air of that bedroom. So much courage, too. 

Felix would never use anything that Hyunjin was saying against him and the opinion he had about him wouldn’t change either. 

“And you are still the same Hyunjin I’m used to seeing.”

Hyunjin smiled as his eyes landed on Felix’s face again. 

He took a deep breath and whispered, “To answer your question, yes, I still go to therapy. But now I only go every three months and twice a year with my parents.” 

As expected, even that was surprising to him. The first time someone talked to Felix about therapy in a positive way, he was still a teenager and he couldn’t read between the lines while Seungmin told him that his cousin had been going to therapy and that he felt better now. 

Years later, Felix asked his best friend if he was suggesting he should find a therapist and Seungmin laughed and admitted that he should have tried another approach or been more direct.

Felix could imagine the opinion his parents had about that. 

“Did it help?” 

“I’m here with you. That should tell you enough.” 

He said it too casually to have insinuated something so serious. He didn’t stutter nor stop looking at Felix as he confessed it, perhaps proud of his achievement or perhaps just wanting Felix to see that he wasn’t ashamed of his past, even if it wasn’t easy to talk about it. 

Felix’s eyes widened and the hand Hyunjin had playing with his hair moved to cup his cheek. 

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m doing so much better now. And I’m such a better person too.” 

“And… your parents?”

Your mother.

“Do you really want to hear about them?” 

Despite the sad topic, Felix felt so… special. Not special in the way he always meant it but in a completely new one. Confiding someone a secret that not only had affected yourself but also the rest of your family was huge. And Hyunjin had said that he didn’t talk about this regularly, so Felix imagined it had been years since the last time he said all of this to someone. 

Many, many years.

Probably since high school. 

Felix nodded before turning his head towards the hand that was pressed against his cheek, leaving a soft kiss on the palm. 

“It’s… complicated.” Hyunjin reorganised his ideas before continuing and Felix focused on his breathing to try to calm his own heartbeat. “Today it’s not the best day to tell you the full story because I feel like my brain is slow and I can’t form words properly but… maybe tomorrow or… another day, if you want, I can tell you what really happened.”

The scary side of all of that wasn’t that Hyunjin was doing exactly what his parents had always hated and Felix didn’t mind at all. The scary side was wondering every few minutes if he deserved it. 

Felix, the person who at the minimal inconvenience panicked and pushed people away, treating them like jewellery that no longer catered to his needs. 

Did that mean that Hyunjin believed he was going to stay?

“The important part is that my mum is doing better too. She’s not fine but she’s not doing bad either. And my dad is finally resting a little bit. He has been taking care of her for so long. Which is unfair, because it was… my fault that everything spiralled like this but back then we just… we both were not the best influence for each other.”

“Your… fault?” 

A sob parted Hyunjin’s lips and Felix’s hands framed his face whilst guilt overcame him. 

“Sorry. Fuck. Don’t talk about it. F-forget I even asked.” 

Why were tears so terrifying when they were so inherently human? 

Hyunjin sniffed and Felix pulled him closer until he could kiss his cheek, and his nose, and also his eyelids. 

“Don’t cry, baby.”

Unfortunately, the action only brought another sob to Hyunjin’s lips, the tears wetting his face again while Felix wished he could take all that pain off his chest. 

Why the hell did his father tell him that he should make people cry? 

That people should cry for him . 

If so, Felix only wanted to hear Hyunjin’s adorable giggles. 

He wanted to be the cause of all of them. 

“I’m s-such a hypocrite because I told you in Paris that nothing you said would change what I think about you but n-now I’m so s-scared of telling you what happened. I… I’m so a-ashamed and I wish I c-could go back in time to stop m-myself but i-it’s impossible and…” 

“Then I’m a hypocrite too, because nothing you say will change the way I see you.”

His thumbs caressed Hyunjin’s cheeks. 

“I’m not leaving you, Hyune.”

“How can you be so sure when you’ve told me how easily you just… disappear?” 

Felix had seen this moment in movies and novels a million times.

And he had said these exact words to Seungmin and Nayeon a million times more. 

However, when the answer to that question materialised inside his head, Felix was left speechless for a long second. 

His mind went through all the moments they had shared together; from the first fight to their time in Paris. He remembered Hyunjin tucking his extensions behind his ear, the first time he called him ‘angel’ with a sweet voice and also that night in Jeju where they slept in the same bed as if they had done it forever. 

His mind reproduced, again, that past Friday in Hyunjin’s bedroom.

His heart jolted. 

Because I love you .

And his eyes sparkled as he whispered, “Because I’d miss you too much.”

Hyunjin pouted yet he stretched his neck until his lips could touch Felix’s and Felix, still stunned by his own revelation, smiled against his mouth. 

In all honesty, falling in love wasn’t in his plans. Felix wasn’t made for love , even though he got too attached and his feelings grew without control. Felix was afraid of love. Afraid of becoming someone he wouldn’t recognise. Afraid of giving all his being to be left behind. Afraid of being replaceable and disposable. 

And mostly, afraid of ending up like his parents. 

Pretending to love someone else when they could only love themselves. 

Surprisingly, nothing like that filled him as he stared at Hyunjin. There was only peace after wondering for so long what Hyunjin meant to him. 

And probably, he had known the answer for just as long, he just needed some time to accept it. 

Some time to push aside all his previous lessons because neither of them made justice to his feelings for Hyunjin.

Stupid London boy. 

“I w-would miss you s-so much too,” Hyunjin murmured as their lips brushed. He accommodated himself over Felix’s body and his nose caressed Felix’s cheek as his hand touched the other side of his face.

Like someone that still wanted him impossibly close but couldn’t bear to face him. 

“When he passed away, I was… going through the typical rebel phase every teenager has. All the problems that my brother never caused were all the problems I brought home.” 

Felix’s fingers kept moving over Hyunjin’s back, indicating in silence that he was paying attention. That he was there. With him.

“And after he left…” Hyunjin gulped, loudly, and Felix cocked his head to kiss his forehead. “The first months were awful. I was… angry. I didn’t know why. And I thought that… t-that the only thing t-that could make me feel better was going out even more. Taking… drugs even more. Fooling around until I didn’t remember who had slept with me.”

Hyunjin let out a dry chuckle.

“I know I was t-too young for all of that.”

You also were too young to lose your brother.

“I r-really thought my parents didn’t miss him, you know? I was…” He paused. “I was so hurt because he left me after all the promises he made that I didn’t see the real world around me.” 

Felix could try to picture how harsh that time was for him but he could only grasp tiny bits. Small pieces of that past that had turned into an invisible weight that Hyunjin and his family carried with them. 

“My mum broke down one night after I came home really wasted w-when I was supposed to be studying for an exam with a friend.”

Hyunjin sniffed and his tears fell on Felix’s hair and neck. 

“I… F-fuck.” 

“Sshh. It’s okay,” Felix assured as his fingers got lost between the strands of Hyunjin’s hair and his other arm wrapped tighter around his waist. “It’s okay.”

“I insinuated that s-she was faking it. I… It was…” His body was trembling and his voice was lower than a murmur. “It all blew up and I… She said something. She…” A small pause, the sound of a deep intake of air. “I thought she was telling me she wished I was the one that was…. d-dead.” 

An accidental, shocked sound slipped through Felix’s lips as he took Hyunjin’s face between his hands and pulled him back enough to meet his gaze. 

That was so fucking much . Not only for him, but for his parents too. 

It had to be so terrifying to lose a child and see the other spiral out of control. 

He couldn’t convey how heartbroken he felt, even though Hyunjin had assured him that they were doing better now. What was someone supposed to say in a situation like this? 

“I’m…” 

Felix licked his lips. 

“I… can’t talk about what happened. And I don’t think that’s going to change anything anyway. But… knowing that, I hope both you and your mum have made peace with what happened. You really… seem so close now.” For a brief second, Felix nibbled his lip. “I suck at this. God. I’m sorry. It had to be so hard and I… It's like I don't care but I really do, it's just that…”

He shut his mouth when Hyunjin smiled until his eyes formed crescents. 

“You don’t suck. I’m… rambling. There’s not much you can add,” Hyunjin assured. “Thank you for coming and listening. I feel better with you here.”

The warmest feeling squeezed his heart.

“I still see the same Hyunjin, you know? You haven’t changed in the slightest to me.” 

Hyunjin took one of Felix’s hands and laced their fingers as he leaned down to rest his head over Felix’s shoulder again, his fingertips softly dancing over Felix’s knuckles. The only sound that could be heard in the room was the air entering and leaving their lungs.