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“Lizzie!”
I turned at the familiar voice and smiled as Rebecca stepped into my surgery, breathless and flushed. “You are back quickly,” I said. “But . . . where is your basket?”
The young woman ducked her head, her red cheeks turning even darker. “I . . . I left it at the market. But,” her head flew up and her eyes sparkled. “The King’s ship was sighted off shore!”
My stomach flipped and my pulsed jumped, the pestle in my grasp nearly slipping free as I met her gaze. “You are certain?”
Rebecca grinned brilliantly and nodded. “Saw it myself,” she stated proudly.
I took a breath and wiped my hands on my apron in a desperate attempt to soothe my sudden onslaught of nerves and gave the girl an appraising look. “And what were you doing watching the ships, young lady? When I sent you to gather herbs?”
She faltered. “Um . . .”
“Make sure to retrieve it from Edward’s stall when you visit the market tomorrow,” I said, smirking as she blushed. “Will you be all right here?”
“Yes,” she said, regaining herself and pushing me towards the door with a shooing motion and a knowing glint in her eye. “Go on.”
I chuckled and shook my head, but obeyed. Not that it was any chore. Hal had been gone for nearly six months, negotiating in France yet again. One of many trips he had made over the last several years, ever since we had returned from the field of Azincourt.
Though this journey . . .
I paused. Another deep breath passed my lips as my insides suddenly twisted with pain as I remembered what the ultimate goal had been for this particular journey. With a lingering glance over my shoulder back towards the surgery, I squared my shoulders and continued forward. Despite my extreme trepidation at the sight I knew was likely awaiting me, I pushed forward. My need to see those brilliant blue eyes and that boyish smile that I adored so very much overpowered my fear.
The market passed in a blur as I hurried through it and the familiar sails loomed on the horizon, quickening my steps even more. I noticed nothing but those sails, my heart racing and my lips spreading in a wide grin as I raced closer, the familiar giddy happiness settling over me, my fear all but forgotten.
I reached the docks just as the royal longboat did, skirting the crowd until I found the perfect vantage point. There was a long, painful moment and then Hal emerged. My heart clenched and I inhaled sharply, my hands twitching uselessly at my sides. I wanted to touch him, to brush that persistent wayward curl off his forehead and feel the softness of his lips against mine.
His eyes scanned the crowd and I stood taller, willing him to see me. Our gazes met and the ghost of a smile crossed his features, his blue eyes turning brighter for an instant before he turned away. Hal reached back into the longboat and my heart almost stopped as a beautiful young woman grasped his hand and stepped out beside him.
She had pale blue eyes and even paler blonde hair, her deep green dress made of finest silk and a sparkling coronet on her brow. She looked every bit a queen.
Hal smiled down at her, a gentle expression that I recognized and I bit my lip against the twisting inside my chest. She returned it with a nervous one of her own and then reached up, hesitantly, to brush the hair off of his forehead.
My gasp burst free unbidden and my eyes began to burn, my gaze locked on the pair until they disappeared through the city gates. The crowd dispersed around me, but pain kept me rooted to the spot.
While I had expected courtesy, on Hal’s part at least, the intimacy cut deep and I found it hard to breathe. In the country’s bustling shining city, I suddenly felt overwhelmed and with the intense desire to escape. Escape the noise, the crowds, the constant motion and busyness, and hide away.
* * * * *
I staggered into the surgery, ignoring Rebecca’s look of concern. The only image in my mind was of that slender hand brushing across Hal’s forehead and his gentle smile at the new queen. And every moment it lingered in my thoughts, my pain increased.
“Lizzie?” Rebecca watched warily as I shuffled back and forth, grasping what few remedies I needed and adding them to my basket.
“You are . . . you are more than capable, Rebecca,” I said, fighting against the trembling in my voice. “I shall be away . . . a few days.”
“But Lizzie . . .”
I straightened and gave her a small smile. “Only a few days,” I repeated, a bit firmer. “And do not forget your basket at Edward’s stall tomorrow.” She flushed but nodded, giving me a quick embrace before I stepped into the corridor.
“Elizabeth.”
I froze. Hal’s blue eyes stared down at me, filled with longing and confusion as he took in my basket. His commanding tone made my skin tingle but I quelled the feeling as best I could as I slid my gaze over to the new queen perched on his arm. “Your majesties,” I said, curtseying.
“Elizabeth is our healer,” he said, glancing at the queen. “Um . . . médecin.”
Understanding dawned on her face and she gave me a hesitant, wary smile. She murmured something in French, giving Hal a questioning look.
His jaw clenched but he nodded. “Yes, midwife as well,” he replied.
I swallowed hard and fought to stay upright as the blood rushed from my face and the room began to spin. “Forgive me, your majesties,” I rasped, curtseying again. “I am needed elsewhere.” With a final, brief glance at Hal, I skirted around the pair and hurried down the hall and towards the stables.
It was dusk when I reached the cottage, seeing the familiar building with a burst of relief and a stab of pain. Hal had gifted it to me many years before, as an escape, but this was the first time I had intended to use it alone.
I went through the motions of readying the cozy space, lighting a fire and putting away what herbs I had grabbed. There were dresses and bedding already present and a full enough larder to last me a sennight. Long enough to possibly help me settle my frayed emotions.
With a weary sigh, I collapsed onto the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. I had thought I was prepared but the ache that started in my chest and burned all the way to my toes spoke otherwise. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I finally gave in to the pain.