Chapter Text
It wasn’t often the Inner World shifted from daytime to nighttime, but Zan always gave it the awe and appreciation it deserved. The expanse of a dark sky stretched on for eternity, a crescent moon high above the clouds between the sprinkle of stars that dotted the ombre of midnight blue and almost pitch-black violet. He found the night sky just as beautiful as the daytime sky he was used to watching, and the peace that continued on throughout the Inner World made him thrum with joy.
He looked down at his feet and stared at the reflection that looked back upon him. Standing on the large lake that constituted the ‘center’ of the Inner World, he caught the mirrored image of the night sky on the surface of the water, briefly disturbed by a breeze that blew against him. It was only a moment later that a presence placed itself right next to him, the echo of a sonido following. He looked up from the lake and toward his partner.
Getsu looked the same as he usually did, although the scowl on his face and the glare of his gold eyes were a tad deeper than usual. Of course, Zan knew why Getsu was more upset than usual. It was easy to deduce even without any words between the two.
It was the anniversary of Masaki’s death.
“Surprised it ain’t pissin’ rain right now,” Getsu bit out, his head tilted up towards the sky.
Zan followed his gaze and watched the clouds inch their way across the sky, just as they would in the daytime. He supposed if the Inner World was to represent Ichigo’s emotions, nighttime would represent ‘darkness’. He was, at the very least, glad for the lack of rain. Getsu cocked his head as if he heard Zan’s thoughts, and scoffed.
“Don’t get yer hopes up.” He stretched his arms above his head and yawned, full sharp teeth on display. “Won’t be surprised when the clouds start ta get together.”
“Ichigo does deserve the right to cry, no matter how horrible it feels for us,” he retorted, but the words felt false on his tongue. Getsu scoffed once more.
“Least he can do is talk to us about it, or get us the hell out of this place. Still keeps on that damned ‘hero’ shit he’s on no matter how many times we tell him we’re here.” Zan, no matter how he might try to reason it, knew that Getsu was correct.
A gust of wind passed them, stronger than the last. The peaceful silence stretched on as they watched the sky, the clouds, as if to catch the first signs of a rain that would bring down their mood. Zan traced the moon with his eyes, content where he was in both place and time. But with the silence came the thoughts in his mind.
Years ago, he wouldn’t have felt so at peace and calm at Getsu’s side ( the Hollow’s side , as his past self would have remarked), wouldn’t have regarded the Zanpakutou as his partner ( Zangetsu, Zanpakutou, Quincy, who really are you? ). It left the taste of guilt and shame on his tongue whenever he thought of his past transgressions, but he reminded himself of how he had changed.
There was a phrase he told himself every time, a phrase he’d come to believe the more he reasoned through it: To look upon one’s past self in embarrassment and disgust was a sign of change and betterment. And as he looked back on his past, he knew that he was better than his past, that he had changed for the better through both time and his own steps towards that change.
“Yer thinkin’ too fuckin’ loud,” Getsu loudly remarked, an edge of irritation to his tone. Zan glanced at him and only barely managed to dodge the fist directed at his face.
“If ya can dodge my fist, ya can start talkin’ about yer feelin’s.” Getsu turned to look at him fully. Zan had no choice but to match him in turn. “I swear, we can’t be tellin’ Ichigo to talk to us when we can’t talk to each other.”
Zan sighed, but was not able to keep the satisfied smile off his face. “We really have matured, haven’t we?”
Getsu raised an eyebrow at him. “Are ya thinkin’ about how ya were in the past? ‘cause for the record, I wasn’t all that great either.”
“You weren’t as bad as me, however.” He dodged another fist. “I am not saying that in shame or guilt, I am saying that because it is a fact.”
“Good,” Getsu snarled. “I’m tired of you feelin’ shitty an’ then makin’ me feel shitty ‘cause I can feel all of yer shitty fuckin’ feelin’s.”
It was a testament to their close relationship that rather than telling Getsu off for his language, Zan instead tried to kick him through the nearest skyscraper. Of course, Getsu dodged it perfectly. He didn’t expect anything different from his partner. Getsu cackled, delighted at the violent response, and peered up at him with a sharp smile.
“Ya missed.” Getsu kicked at him in turn, to which he dodged. “We talked ‘bout this before. I forgive ya, ya were shitty in the past, I was shitty too, yadda yadda yah. The only reason why yer still thinkin’ ‘bout it is ‘cause yer an idiot.”
“I believe what you’re doing right now is ‘sending mixed signals’,” he retorted. “And I do know that you’ve forgiven me, just as I know that I have changed for the better. I am not the same person as I was before.”
Although, a reminder of those facts never hurt. As if Getsu read his thoughts, and perhaps he had felt the idea even if he had not heard it, he remarked, “Jeez, do I need to remind you every time ya get like this?”
Zan had no response. The question was rhetorical, but they both knew the real answer to the question. Which begged another question... “Should I give you a reminder that I find myself fond of you as well?”
“‘Find myself fond of you’, for fuck’s sake, just use regular words!” Getsu gave a wordless yell to the sky, but in the moonlight the blue blush on his face was clear as day. It gave way for some lighthearted teasing, most of which Zan would blame Getsu for. He fought back a smile.
“Ah, I suppose you’re correct. Should I take a page out of Ichigo’s book and say that I lo-”
“Nope! Uh-uh, we are done here, this conversation is over,” Getsu shouted, cutting off his sentence. He crossed his arms and turned away, the blue tips of his ears stark against the white of his hair.
He felt rather proud he managed to topple Getsu’s emotional walls just a tad and was ready to continue, but decided to push back on the urge. Getsu could easily turn the situation on him, and leave him the one flustered at the end of the exchange. He was fine with where the conversation was at the moment.
“I never should’ve taught you a sense of personality,” Getsu grumbled, “ya piece of shit, fuckhead bastard.”
Zan let Getsu gather back his emotional walls before he spoke again. “Thank you for the reminder, Getsu. I’d like to believe I’ve forgiven myself as well. Sometimes, however, it’s difficult to believe. I know that you weren’t entirely serious earlier, but if you ever find the time... I will always appreciate a reminder. And I am perfectly content to respond in kind as well.”
More than content, perhaps, but when the blue of Getsu’s ears grew deeper in color he knew Getsu would likely keel over if he ever voiced the feeling out loud. Speaking of, Getsu pressed his hands over his ears and threw his head back in a groan.
“Man, fuck you. My ‘open’ meter has been entirely used up, I do not want to continue any more conversations about—” Getsu made an exaggerated gagging noise. “—feelings.”
A chuckle slipped past his lips against his own volition, but between the warmth in his chest and the lightness in the air he let it slide without a sliver of shame. Getsu jerked around to look at him, an edge of surprise on his face.
“Alright,” he agreed. “Should we go talk with Ichigo as well? Force him to have a conversation as you did with me?”
“As if I need to be subjected to more feelin’s. Just ‘cause I got a heart doesn't mean I wanna hear about emotions,” Getsu scoffed. “And I didn’t force you to do anythin’, ya were jus’ bein’ stupid and I made sure ya were less stupid.”
Despite Getsu’s seemingly harsh words and the irritated tone he held, it was obvious he didn’t mean harm by any of it. And for that, Zan felt the twitch of a smile at his lips. “I suppose we’ll save any talks for later. Although, if he does approach us, I assume you’ll be a part of it despite how much you grouse about ‘feelings’?”
“Ya already know the answer to that,” Getsu snapped. The echo of his emotions that came back to Zan told him more than his tone did. A hint of concern, mixed with confidence and trust. “If it ain’t rainin’ yet, he’ll be fine on his own.”
He nodded along to Getsu’s words. Ichigo, for all that’d he been through, was a more stable man than the boy he was years ago. As a whole, the time that spanned Ichigo’s first experience as a Soul Reaper to now wasn’t very long, but it was enough to allow Ichigo to grow, albeit in a more traumatizing and disturbing way.
Zan had full faith that if Ichigo needed them, he would reach out. And as the clouds continued to drift in the clear sky, not a hint of rain in them just yet, he had no reason to question his trust.
“Speaking of Ichigo, I wanted to ask ya something.” He glanced at Getsu, taken aback by the topic brought up and the serious expression on his partner’s face. “It’s about his mom’s death.”
That, to him, caught him off guard even more. “What of Masaki’s death?”
“It’s jus’... have ya ever thought that maybe ya, I don’t know, did exist durin’ that time?” Getsu threw out the question with a tone of uncertainty. And even with their connection to each other, Zan wasn’t able to distinguish what Getsu meant. Getsu growled in frustration.
“Like, after that moment, after Masaki’s death there’s this feelin’ like I know that I existed after that. After her death it was like I knew I existed. But before that? It’s a lot more hazy,” he elaborated. “My brain’s tellin’ me I existed before, but my soul is tellin’ me there was somethin’ more.”
“I... can’t say I’ve ever thought about it before.” Zan looked down at their reflections in the water. The sight of it made him tense . But why?
There was a strange stone in the bottom of his stomach. He couldn’t distinguish the emotion that came with it, but it left him uneasy, uncertain. There was something that was missing, and without that missing piece he couldn’t reason to a logical conclusion. And with what Getsu said...
“Now that you say that, I feel the same way. It’s as if my belief that I existed after Masaki’s death is more solidified, more real to me. But before that, I can’t say for certain my existence was a true fact. Which doesn’t make sense.”
“That’s what I’m sayin’!” Getsu rocked back on his feet and threw his arms out, frustration and confusion a strong echo back at him. “We’re a part of Ichigo. We had ta have existed since the moment Ichigo existed, so why aren’t we sure that we existed before Masaki’s death? What was it about Masaki’s death that made us more real ? Ever since I realized this I- I can’t stop fuckin’ thinking about it!”
Getsu’s yell reverberated throughout the Inner World like the boom of thunder in a storm. For a moment, he thought he saw a strike of blue, like lightning across his eyes. He grit his teeth and focused on Getsu, whose hands were gripped to his hair and his eyes were wide and wild, panicked. The echo of the emotion was strong, strong enough that it felt like his own.
They couldn’t afford to get so strongly affected by a revelation they hadn’t even grasped the full concept of. Soon, Ichigo would catch a whisper of the panic and would come to find out what was wrong. The result of his arrival may be even more consequential than the situation they were in at the moment.
“Getsu? Getsu, can you hear me?” He drew as close to Getsu as he felt comfortable with, careful to keep his hands off of Getsu. “Calm down. Panicking will only make things worse.”
“Astute observation Sherlock, got any more fun facts for me?” Despite Getsu’s whapish words, he started to breathe deeply, following a pattern Zan recognized from Ichigo. He followed suit with Getsu, both to help him and alleviate his own panic. After more than a minute, Getsu straightened up and brushed himself off.
Hair strewn about and eyes wide, Getsu looked about as harried and panicked as he felt inside. He pulled away from Getsu and gathered himself together. It took a moment before he spoke up.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah.” Getsu took one last deep breath before he looked at him. “Ya good?”
“Yes. I am, however, deeply discomforted by what just happened and how fast panic managed to set in at our realization. There is certainly more to this situation than I thought, and I’d never once thought about this before now.” He ran a hand through his hair and let the peace of the Inner World settle around him. Even that was not enough to help the deep-seated unease that gripped him.
Getsu grimaced and shook his whole body, as if to physically rid himself of the panic that had gripped him earlier. “How ‘bout we forget I brought it up and just do somethin’ else? Preferably fight away whatever the hell just happened?”
“We’ll have to talk about it soon. We can’t just ignore this situation, just as we cannot ignore our emotions and feelings.” Getsu’s responding distaste echoed his own discontent surrounding a future conversation, but he knew it was one they had to have later. “However, I do agree. We should take a moment to fully pull ourselves together.”
The grin he got in return was feral, on the edge of desperate for a fight. But before Getsu could jump straight into it, Zan opened his arms and stared down at his partner. It was quite obvious what he wanted, but Getsu continued to stand and glare straight into his eyes.
“Really? Yer kiddin’ me,” Getsu deadpanned. It was quite obvious that he was, in fact, not kidding Getsu.
“I know that you reached your limit on ‘openness’ and emotions earlier and I have no problem with fighting you and the opportunity at catharsis. But I think this would help both of us.” He made a slight motion with his arms, as if to beckon Getsu forward. “Please. Humor me.”
And Getsu, in all his begrudging and annoyed behavior, took one last look at Zan’s open arms before he moved forward. There was an eye roll before they embraced each other, Getsu’s chin on his shoulder and his ivory hair soft against his cheek, Getsu’s familiar grumble near his ear, but it wasn’t enough to stifle the echo of contentment and satisfaction that pressed against him.
“Getsu-”
“If ya thank me again, I will stab ya in the gut,” was the snap-back.
In the embrace, Getsu’s arms wrapped tight around his torso, and he melted just as Getsu did. He felt warm despite the ever-present chill of Getsu’s body. In the midst of the teasing and the panic, it was as if the peace and calm from earlier was finally allowed to settle in him. The unease ebbed away. At that moment, it was just him and Getsu.
Together, as one.
Together.
To... ge... ther...
...ther.........
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(Huh?)