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Chapter Text

It was just another day of the same routine they always followed when Lord Hater bumped into his one-sided nemesis. No matter which one started it, Commander Peepers would follow Lord Hater's ridiculous commands until he got the lights punched out of him by Sylvia. 

Peepers was gradually getting better at holding his own as he strengthened himself in preparation for their confrontations. Not that it helped all that much with such a drastic size difference. But he had to try. Even if it was over as soon as he got stuck in a tail-lock. Just like today...

Sylvia yet again had Peepers wrapped in her tail with his arms pinned to his sides and his face held at arm level. She had her fist pulled back, ready to plummel him into next week, when she suddenly dropped her hands and asked, "What's the point of all this? 

Peepers tilted his head to the side. "I mean… you're trying to save your friend, right?"

"Why? Hater's already proved that he's not a real threat."

"Why yoouuu!" Peepers yelled as he rapidly kicked his feet, desperate to get a hit in. Yet all Sylvia had to do to stop him was hold him further from her body. So he quickly gave up on that endeavor. That still didn't make him settle down. 

"Lord Hater's the most powerful villian in the galaxy! Wander's just a weirdo who's lucky enough to keep dodging everything!" 

"Riiight. So, should I punch you until you black out again? Or do you wanna take a break for once in your miserable life?"

Peepers fell silent, clearly deep in thought. It was a tempting offer but… what about his pride as a villain? What would Lord Hater and the watchdogs think if he got caught fraternizing with their second most wanted enemy? 

"C'mon, is it really a hard decision?" 

"Ugh." Peepers glanced over at the watchdogs, who had repeatedly proven that they had no qualms about fraternizing. Then he thought of Lord Hater, who was probably too focused on Wander to notice. After a long pause he sighed. 

"As if I have a choice!"

"Whatever little guy." 

Peepers didn't even justify that with a response. 

They didn't go far before Sylvia found a good spot on the top of a small hill, and unceremoniously dumped the little scuzzmonkey in the grass before flopping down herself. Meanwhile, Peepers looked around to make sure there weren't any traps before slowly, and without taking his eye off her, laying down next to her.

It was hard to relax with his instincts screaming that she'd attack him as soon as he let down his guard. Despite knowing that she had no need to resort to dirty tricks. Yet he had another, more likely worry.

"Is this some kind of ploy to try to make me give up evil with the power of friendship?" Peepers asked, with as much mockery packed into the last few words as possible.

"Eh. Trying to force someone to change seems like a waste of time and energy to me."

Come to think of it, Sylvia's never tried to get involved Wander's friendship scheme. Although he just assumed it was because she hated them. (Okay, that's probably part of it too.)

"Then why?"

"Maybe I can only thrash a nerd so much before I feel like a bully."

Peepers didn't like that answer. Yet he didn't want to push and risk hearing about how she pitied him or some grop. Instead, he took a deep breath to force himself to relax. May as well enjoy a break while he can.

Chapter Text

Nothing ended up changing without Sylvia and Commander Peepers involved. Wander still got away unscratched. Lord Hater still complained about Wander while Peepers assessed the damages and delegated clean-up to the watchdogs.

So the next time Peepers and Sylvia met face-to-face on the battlefield they skipped straight to flarping off. And as Wander and Hater's encounters continued to progress with net-zero results they settled into their new routine.

Neither uttered a single word the first few times. Why bother? Their mutual understanding that they wouldn't make it mean more than it was worked.

But you can only lounge around with someone so many times before you start to feel at ease around them. Even if you should, by all accounts, be duking it out.

"So…" Peepers started one time with as much nonchalance as he could muster. "See anything interesting lately?"

Sylvia sat up while suspiciously eyeing him. "Why, so you can track us!?"

"Hah! I'd only do that if I wanted to avoid you!"

They stared at each other in stunned silence. Even Peepers wasn't sure what to make of what he'd just blurted out.

Peepers cleared his throat. "Which I do but that's besides the point!” He dismissively waved his hand. “Just leave out the details if you must. I'm bored."

Honestly, Sylvia was kinda bored too. But she couldn't think of anything cool, yet nondescript.

…Wait, who said it had to be something that she actually saw?

Sylvia smirked as she started, "So we were on a jungle planet, and there were these flesh-eating fish that go straight for the eyeballs and…" She glanced over at him in hopes of seeing him tremble in terror. But he didn't even flinch.

"Yeaaah I don't even care if it's true. So how'd you manage to survive these totally real fish without getting maimed?"

They spent the rest of their time together with Sylvia spinning her tall tale as she went and Peepers snidely pointing out plotholes. Despite it leading to a noogie every time. Neither would ever admit how disappointed they were when Commander Peepers got a call from Lord Hater ordering his return.

"Same time next week?" Sylvia sarcastically asked.

Peepers scoffed while rolling his eye, then started to walk off. "Probably."

"Have fun with bonehead." Sylvia snickered when he turned around to yell.

Peepers pivoted on his foot to turn around and glare at her. "And YOU have fun with your slippery noodle!"

"Your insults flarping suck!"

"Well at least mine are original!" A sharp beep from his communicator reminded him that Lord Hater was still waiting for him. So Peepers finished their spat with an obscene gesture, before running off without giving her a chance to retaliate.

Chapter Text

Sylvia tried not to bring attention to it. She really did. But maybe some of Wander's nosiness had rubbed off on her.

"I'm dying to know what happened to your leg."

Of course she noticed the limp. Peepers sighed as he rolled up his pant leg to reveal stitches covering deep bite marks and corroded skin. "Guess."

"He hasn't gotten rid of that thing!?" Why would he? "Actually, I'm more surprised you haven't."

"I've TRIED! I tried to convince Lord Hater that it would be happier at a nature sanctuary-"

"Wait, they have those for flesh eating acid spiders?"

"Of course not! But I would have made one if it meant getting it off my ship!"

"Your ship?"

"I mean, technically it's in my name because I'm the one who manages our funds but- UGH, that's NOT important! Stop distracting me!"

"Heh."

"As I was saying: When that didn't work I tried to throw it out the airlock! But it would always come back!"

"Can't you just shoot it!"

"Not when it runs to Lord Hater whenever it sees me with a blaster!"

"Too bad that flarping thing isn't stupid."

"Yeah…" Peepers sighed, before realizing exactly how close the source of his problem was and throwing Sylvia a nasty look. "If it wasn't for you and your pal I wouldn't have to deal with this!"

"Look, I had to unload it somewhere! It tried to reach down Wander's mouth to eat his heart! Watchdogs don't have mouths, and we both know Lord Hater doesn't have a heart!"

Peepers' muttering was barely audible. "Oh what I wouldn't give to see that happen…"

"Y'know what?” Sylvia yelled as she jumped to her feet. “Fair! I'd be furious if I got stuck with that thing too! But that's the first and last time I'll sit by while you talk about my buddy like that!"

The only response Sylvia got was a huff as Peepers turned away. Or at least, that's all he intended. A jolt of pain made him flinch before he shifted his legs to keep his weight off his injury. 

With that they returned to laying in the same awkward, tension-filled silence as their earliest meetings.

It was fun to see the watchdogs run around in terror after being on the other end of it for so long. They deserved whatever Captain Tim did to them and more! ...Buuuut seeing the aftermath firsthand made her realize that giving that spider monster to Lord Hater may have been a tad irresponsible...

Eventually Sylvia spoke up.

"...Would it help if I asked Wander to focus on training it? They did seem to get it… mostly under control. You'd just need to distract Lord Hater."

Peepers jolted upright as he snapped his head around to face her. "HOW!?"

"I dunno, play some video games with-"

"You know that's not what I meant!” Peepers' jumped as if his rage propelled him upwards. “How did Wander manage THAT!?"

"No clue. But he was able to make it sit on command and stuff."

"PLEASE! He owes us at least that much!" Peepers instantly calmed down as he pulled his electronic planner out without letting Sylvia see the display. It was weird how his demeanor would change at the drop of a hat.

"But I'll find a different way to keep Lord Hater occupied."

"Why?"

"Because they need to teach ME how to handle that thing!"

Peepers wasn't exactly trilled about the concept of spending time with Wander. Yet someone had to take the bullet for the sake of his crew! And he was the only one he could trust...

"Fine. But I'm not leaving you alone with him."

"Good!" Peepers stated in a matter-of-fact manner, "I need you to keep him on track."

Sylvia didn't exactly disagree. But she hated the way Peepers said it. Even if there didn't seem to be any malice behind it (this time.)

"Just give me a date."

"The 7th?"

"Wander promised to watch a concert. And yes, it's gonna be an all day thing. Maybe the 10th?"

They continued to play battleship with their schedules until they found a date that lined up. And, of course, they left enough padding to prepare for if and when something popped up.

Chapter Text

"Oh Sylvia... I just cannot BELIEVE that Mister Peepers wants my help!"

"I figured we kinda owed it to him after we ditched Captain Tim on him, y'know bud?"

Normally Wander would object to Captain Tim being treated like anything less than a bundle of joy. And he was about to when he realized something important.

"Gasp! We totally forgot to ask Mister Peepers if he wanted widdle Tim-Tim! I mean, he's basically his pet too!" Wander's voice dropped as he whispered to Sylvia, "I doubt Hater's the one to take him to the vet's and such..."

"You're right on the mark there buddy. And they haven't exactly been...” She paused to carefully consider her wording. “...getting along."

"Oh I'm sure he's just sooooo heartbroken!" Wander dramatically put the back of his hand to his forehead as he bemoaned their misfortune. "All that tender loving care and Captain Tim still isn't ready to open his heart!"

Well Captain Tim had certainly come close to breaking one of Peepers' body parts… Probably on multiple occasions. Yet that microscopic blackened heart was safe as ever.

Sylvia let out a snort. "Tender loving care. Sure." Wander didn't need to know that Peepers had repeatedly tried to kill it. They really couldn't have a worse pet-"owner" relationship…

Commander Peepers had set Lord Hater up with several new video games and three watchdogs of appropriate skill levels to prepare for Captain Tim's training session. As in, just skilled enough to keep him occupied but not enough for them to beat him.

…Yet they were admittedly better at it than Peepers, who only touched video games when ordered to. Which Peepers used as a benchmark because it never took long for Lord Hater to tell him to give up and go away. Or worse, accuse him of either going easy on him or actively sabotaging him (depending on if they were playing versus or co-op.)

Peepers had never expected to have to sneak into the rec room and join the watchdogs in what he knew full well was goofing off as part of his work. Luckily one terrible but not completely horrible gamer came with several similarly-skilled friends.

Actually, many similarly-skilled friends. Peepers definitely didn't silently seethe in jealousy. That just meant they didn't focus on more important things. Like their flarping jobs!

So once Peepers ensured that Lord Hater was engrossed in his new game and backup players were in place, he announced that he was taking Captain Tim on a walk. Hater and his watchdog playmates predictably didn't notice. Everything was going exactly to plan...

Now for the hardest part: Willingly dealing with his least favorite person in the universe.

Fortunately Captain Tim was fairly well-behaved at the moment. Primarily because Peepers had filled his stomach to the brim right before leaving to minimize his hunger for watchdog flesh. So he showed up at their meeting spot with only a few scratches from putting his leash on.

Wander had run over the instant Peepers came within sight. As he grasped Peepers' free hand with both hands and rapidly shook it he exclaimed, "I just cannot WAIT to work witcha two!"

It took all of Peepers' mental strength to not slap Wander's hands away. "It's… a pleasure," Peepers croaked as he gave Sylvia a pleading look.

"Wander, remember the personal space talk we had earlier?" Sylvia gently but firmly said. It hadn't been for Peepers' sake, of course. Just making sure her buddy didn't get a blaster pulled on him.

"Woops! Sorry 'bout that!" Wander let go and took a step back. "Is this far enough for ya?"

"Eh." Peepers motioned with his hand. "Bit more."

Wander backed up a few feet. "How about now?"

"Keep going."

A few more. "Now?" Wander was starting to sound exasperated.

"Getting there..." There was a slight smirk on Peepers' face.

When Wander was about twenty feet away Sylvia crossed her arms while rolling her eyes. And Peepers was always grumbling about everyone else being childish…

Sylvia gave Peepers a judgemental look. "Be reasonable."

Honestly, it has started with him being petty. But then Peepers got curious about how far Wander would go. Now that Sylvia pointed it out he was embarrassed at his behavior…

Peepers sighed as he gestured for Wander to move back towards him, then signalled for them to stop a few feet from him. Preferably they'd be a whole planet's- no, a whole galaxy's width apart! Yet he had to admit that it'd be difficult for Wander to teach him how to handle Captain Tim from a distance.

Captain Tim seemed to agree with Peepers' ideal personal bubble. The first time Wander approached them he'd been too stunned to react. But as Wander slowly came closer he grew increasingly agitated. By the time Wander stopped he was straining against his leash.

Peepers was thoroughly baffled. Wasn't Wander some sort of animal whisperer? He stared down at the terrified beast cowering behind him, then glared at Sylvia. If she thought she could waste his time and get his hopes up to trick him into hanging out with Wander…

"So!" Sylvia noticed Peepers' doubts and stepped between them. Then she clapped her hand to Wander's shoulder. "Why dontcha show Mister Peepers here some of Captain Tim's tricks?"

Peepers narrowed his eye at Sylvia, fully aware that she was toying with him. "It's Commander Peepers."

He worked hard for his title, and he was proud of it! So what if she didn't agree with the whole evil military thing!? He demanded respect!

"Right." Sylvia had a satisfied smirk on her face. It was always fun to see how uptight nerds got their panties in a twist whenever someone mixed up their titles. Yet Sylvia's true aim was to show Wander how Peepers felt about that nickname without him reacting violently. "Commander Peepers."

Peepers smugly smiled at her correction.

"Willll do!" Wander excitedly replied while giving him two thumbs up. Then he cupped his hand to his mouth as he called out in his best serious voice, "Here Captain Tim!"

The arachnomorph hesitated before zipping on over.

"Good boy! Now sit!"

Captain Tim instantly sat.

"Who's a smarty cutie patootie?" Wander briefly cooed before returning to his stern tone. "Roll over!"

Captain Tim tucked his legs in, then flopped over and rolled once before springing back up.

"Huh…" Peepers muttered. "Well whaddya know…"

Wander pointed at Peepers. "Now you try!"

Peepers took a deep breath before imitating what Wander just did. "Here boy!"

Captain Tim dashed towards Peepers, which made him smile in satisfaction.

"Now sit!" Peepers' eye widened when Captain Tim showed no signs of slowing down. "Stay!" He slipped into yelling as he got increasingly desperate. "HEEL! STOPPPP!!!" 

Captain Tim tackled Peepers and grabbed him by the head, then violently shook him as he screamed in agony.

After a few seconds Captain Tim threw Peepers aside in favor of chasing passing wildlife. Peepers squeaked as he bounced off the ground before sliding to a stop.

Wander giggled and started running after Captain Tim. "Awwww, looks like it's playtime~!"

Peepers glared at Wander as he helped himself to his feet. Why that sadistic shabbaroon! His hand hovered over his holster, but he decided against drawing his weapon after he reminded himself how much he needed Wander's help with getting Captain Tim under control.

That and Sylvia would literally kill him.

Once Wander returned with Captain Tim cradled like a baby in his arms he sat in the grass and patted the ground next to him. After a moment Peepers reluctantly joined him. 

Wander brushed Captain Tim's fur as he said, "I think I see the problem now."

"That he wants to kill everyone he sees? I mean, I get the feeling but-"

Wander swiftly cut Peepers off while ignoring the last part. "The problem is that there's no love between you! So we need to develop that bond of yours!"

Peepers rolled his eye. What a Wandery answer… "What bond!?" He threw his hands in the air as he yelled, "All we have is mutual hatred!"

"Aw c'mon... I can see how he's already attached to you! He won't let just anyone put his leash on, will he?"

Peepers let out a bitter laugh. "As if! I've just gotten good at pinning him long enough to do it!"

Wander wasn't willing to back down yet. "Yeah, well, he kept looking for you!"

"To use me as a chew toy again, no doubt."

"Well…" Wander didn't want to admit it, but they'd run out of any reasons to give besides a gut feeling. "...Maybe what you have now doesn't matter as much as what you could have someday?"

"Tell me how that looks like," Peepers flatly said while crossing his arms.

Wander missed the edge in Peepers' voice and thought he geniunely wanted to know what future Wander saw for them.

"So picture this: You come back to the Skullship after a long, hard day of…" Wander paused as he mentally skipped over what would get Commander Peepers tuckered out. "...of work, and Captain Tim runs up for a hug and you joyfully laugh as he licks your face and you pet him and then you go play fetch or something and-"

"Yeeeeaaah, I think tolerating each other is the best we can aim for." Not to mention that there would be nothing joyful about getting acid slobbered on him.

Wander put his hands on his hips and puffed his chest out in determination. "Nonsense! By the time I'm done with you two you'll be the bestest of fri-"

He was interrupted by Sylvia laughing her tush off.

Wander turned around while clenching his fists to his sides. "Sylvia! I'm trying to encourage him and yer not helping!"

"C'mon Wander! He's being pretty realistic about this! Don't set yourself up for failure."

Peepers struggled to hold a neutral expression. Watching them argue was hilarious! If only he had fuel to add to the fire...

Wander crossed his arms and huffed. "Fine! I'll just hafta show you both!" After that he went back to grinning like nothing happened as he rummaged around his hat and pulled out some treats.

Captain Tim perked up to sniff the air, then smiled at Wander while panting and slobbering like a dog. Oddly enough, said slobber seemed to slide right off Wander's fur.

"Whoooo's a hungry fella!?" Wander gave Captain Tim a pat before letting him eat from their hand. "You are! You're the hungry little guy!"

Obviously Captain Tim wasn't that hungry if he was gently using his tongue to pick up the treats instead of chomping Wander's entire hand. Whenever Peepers gave him treats he'd throw them as far as possible before running off. And they were always just used as a distraction.

Then Wander roughed up Captain Tim's fur and to Peepers' surprise, he purred. He'd only heard Lord Hater get him to do that before! Maybe he'd misread their relationship and Captain Tim didn't hate Wander as much as he thought?

Yet it didn't take long for Captain Tim to grow restless. He started to scuttle off and hardly moved an inch before Wander pulled him into a tight hug.

"I suuuuuure did miss my little love bug!" Wander's upper body twisted side to side in excitement. This motion seemed to disorient Captain Tim.

After a few minutes of all this cooing and snuggling, Peepers noticed how Captain Tim settled down and accepted it.

"So that's the trick!" Peepers grinned as he jotted notes down on his phone. "You just have to overwhelm him into submission!"

"What!?" In his horror Wander squeezed Captain Tim closer to his chest, forcing out a pained squeak. "No! Whatever gave you that idea!?"

Captain Tim gagged and weakly held a limb out towards Commander Peepers. Anything was better than this!

Peepers glanced over Wander's shoulder to Sylvia, who simply shrugged. It wasn't like he was completely wrong…

Although that wasn't the entire picture. Peepers had observed both Wander and Lord Hater's complete lack of fear towards Captain Tim. That was something he'd have to emulate. Even if both his instincts and rationality screamed against it.

Peepers faked a grin as he held his arms outstretched. "Heeeere Captain Tim! Who's a good boy!?"

Wander released him and Captain Tim used their body as a springboard to launch himself into Peepers' arms. Finally, he was free! He held out a thin hope that the obnoxious eyeball would be able to protect him from that menace.

"You're the good boy!" Peepers spun as he caught him to reduce the impact, then gently stroked Captain Tim's fur. "And you're sooo soft!" This time Peepers' smile was genuine. Huh, he was actually kinda cute when he wasn't-

Just when Peepers started to let down his guard Captain Tim engulfed his entire arm. Peepers' body tensed and he clenched his eye shut as he held back a blood-curdling scream. If he showed any weakness he'd have to start all over!

"Awww, he's giving you a love bite~!"

Sylvia ignored Wander's cooing to grab at Captain Tim. But to her surprise, Peepers turned away while clutching him with his free arm.

"It's- 'm fine!" That was totally convincing when Peepers was shaking like a leaf and doubled over in pain.

Sylvia rolled her eyes and tapped her foot. Any second now…

"PLEASE HELP ME!" Peepers hollered as he desparately struggled to pry his arm out. Sylvia immediately pressed at the corners of Captain Tim's jaws to force him to open up and pulled him off Peepers.

Once Captain Tim was safely pinned against her side Sylvia yelled, "What were you thinking!?"

"Well…" Peepers winced when caught a glimpse of his arm. "...Lord Hater and Wander aren't scared of him so I figured if I endured it he'd just… let go and start respecting me too?"

Except there was one vital thing Peepers lacked that was necessary for that plan: A sturdy body. No matter how hard he trained he'd always be made of soft flesh instead of pure bone and… whatever was going on with Wander. Why did he ever think he could ignore that?

Sylvia sighed. While she could understand his train of thought, that was rather reckless. "How're you feeling?"

Peepers held out his arm while using the other to prop it up. Oof, definitely a bit of exposed bone there…

Wander had come over to take a peak. They were genuinely shocked by how bad it looked. "Is that… what his bites usually do to watchdogs?" As they spoke he pulled medical supplies out of his hat.

"Um…" Peepers couldn't understand how someone could be so oblivious. "Yeah? Although his acid had more of a chance to soak this time…"

"Wander. He has that effect on most aliens."

"We're actually somewhat resistant."

Their species had developed that trait through encounters with acid pits on their homeworld. Nowadays it kept Captain Tim's kill count down as the watchdogs held out long enough for him to lose interest.

"Ohhh…" Wander felt a chill go through his spine when he realized the implications. So that's why the wreck he found Captain Tim in was so empty! And Wander brought Captain Tim onto Lord Hater's ship! It could have easily turned out the same way!

No wonder Wander's watchdog pals had avoided him for a few weeks after he offhandedly mentioned how he found Captain Tim! He owed them an apology…

Starting with the watchdog sitting in front of him. "Mi… Commander Peepers sir, I am soooo sorry about bringing Captain Tim into your quaint little home without considering the consequences! Why, if I had known…" Wander continued talking but Peepers ignored them as he latched onto one part.

Peepers blunk in disbelief. Wander was… genuinely clueless? It hadn't been a plot to weaken them from within? ...Nah, Peepers knew full-well that Wander wasn't the sly and crafty genius Lord Hater made him out to be. But he really didn't have any malicious intentions?

"The watchdogs told me what happened to the last ship he was on!" Peepers exclaimed. "How'd you not pick up on that!?"

Wander nervously glanced away, then focused solely on the task at hand. "Gosh, I just thought he looked like such a poor, scared, helpless 'lil fella, y'know? The idea of him being the source of it all didn't even cross my mind..."

Sylvia and Peepers simultaneously groaned. Only Wander could see a vicious flesh-eating monster and think that it's just a poor innocent baby… Sylvia admired his ability to sympathize with anyone and anything. Even if she hated how that trait often ended up putting their lives in danger.

Peepers simply thought it was foolish. There was no point in trying to talk reason into them, was there? It was just like when Lord Hater got his mind set on some nonsense! Peepers' heart ached as he gazed at Sylvia. They weren't so different, were they?

At that point Wander had almost finished cleaning his wounds and was applying an antiseptic rinse. Sylvia thought the look Peepers was giving her was related to that. Why would this be the part of this ordeal that pained him most?

"What?" Sylvia's confusion and concern were buried by a mocking tone. "Can't handle some disinfectant?"

Peepers scoffed and quickly looked away. Ugh. Brief moment of empathy cancelled.

"I promise I'm almost done!" Wander had slowed down to be more gentle. "Just gotta make sure I've flushed out all the acid!"

Peepers rolled his eye. "Oh take those kid gloves off! I'm a soldier for glorn's sake! I can handle whatever you've got."

Wander glanced down at his disposable gloves. Well they were made for children, with his species being on the small side and all. But why would Peepers hate them enough to risk getting fur in his wounds?

Not to mention whatever he'd picked up during their travels. Baths were hard to come by when you were always roughing it.

Still, Wander wasn't one to refuse to comply with a request. "If you insist…" He shrugged and started to peel them off before Peepers shouted at him.

"NOT LITERALLY YOU-" Peepers stopped himself just in time as he met Sylvia's eyes, who crossed her arms and slowly shook her head. Then he groaned. "Just stop worrying about being rough and get it over with!"

Wander grinned as they did a half-joking salute. "Will do, sir!"

Soon Peepers' arm was bandaged and they decided to call it quits for the day. Wander was roughhousing with Captain Tim while Sylvia and Peepers worked on scheduling the next session.

"Y'know, I'm surprised you're willing to give this another go."

"Do I really have a choice?"

"Guess not. So why do you wanna go so far out anyways?" Sylvia was caught off guard when she realized that the first date Peepers suggested was several months away.

"Got a project for acid-proof puncture-resistant uniforms due around then."

Sylvia couldn't decide if she was more shocked that Peepers seemed like he wanted to try that plan again or that he expected to have such a thing within such a short timeframe.

"I've watched that thing's spit eat through METAL!" Sylvia exclaimed. "There's no way some dinky fabric's gonna withstand it!"

Peepers did a watchdog's approximation of raising a brow. "Nothing about it will be dinky with me working on it."

Sylvia snorted at his arrogance as she wrote down their agreed upon date. "Whatever. Just let me know if you need to reschedule."

At that Peepers stormed off while grumbling about her questioning his competence, caught Captain Tim's leash without stopping, and marched towards the flying saucer he'd driven there. Wander ran after him.

"WAIT! Are you sure you don't need help getting him home!?"

Peepers didn't even slow down. If anything he'd sped up to match Captain Tim's increased pace. "Of course I am."

"But how're you gonna drive and hold onto Tim-Tim at the same time!?"

"I'll manage!"

"I insist-"

Peepers quickly dug his heels in the ground and turned around to face Wander.

"Look, I appreciate your… help– even if it's with a problem you created– and I've been trying to be nice... But I can't be seen with you! So if you take one step closer I WILL use force!"

Sylvia stepped in front of Wander and nudged him back while holding up her hands. "Woah, easy there guys… Can you not threaten him while I'm standing right there!?"

Peepers narrowed his eye. "How else was I supposed to get rid of him?"

"Oh I dunno, ask me to step in when they're not listening instead of making me jump in to protect them!?"

All Peepers did was roll his eye and groan.

Then Sylvia turned around to face Wander. "And c'mon buddy, he said no! Just leave him be."

"But-"

Sylvia let out a sympathetic sigh and patted Wander's back. "Look, he can make his own decisions. If anything happens that's on him. Not you. So don't worry about it."

Sylvia briefly glanced back. She'd expected a quip from Peepers by now. But apparently he decided to use her as a distraction and ran off.

Smart move.

"You're wrong Sylvia! It would be my fault!" Wander still thought Captain Tim was a loveable little scamp. And he made Lord Hater so happy! But now that they knew just how deadly he was they worried about their little eyeball friends.

And Mister Peepers. They hadn't gotten through to that guy yet but cared for his well-being all the same. 

Sylvia grimaced and averted her eyes. "Look, Wander, I… didn't exactly encourage you to give him to Hater because I wanted to see him smile."

Wander glanced away. They well-aware of Sylvia's vindictive side, even if they didn't like acknowledging it. Then he put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath as he made direct eye contact.

"No!" Wander stomped his foot for emphasis. "I refuse to play the blame game like we're passing around a hot potato! I was the one that insisted on rescuing Captain Tim! And maaaaybe things could have gone better with a 'lil more thought but…"

Wander puffed out their chest in determination. "I take full responsibility for making sure everyone involved is happier than they would be otherwise!"

Sylvia softly smiled and ruffled his hair, returning him to his usual demeanor with a giggle. "Y'know bud, in hindsight, I'm not sure there were any better options. We really lucked out there."

Wander gave Sylvia a confused look, not sure what she meant by lucking out. So she decided to elaborate.

"Look, the Skullships' the same as ever aside from some extra screaming. And I doubt the watchdogs would get over you bringing him aboard if he was, y'know, a serious threat to them."

An uncertain relieved smile danced at the corners of Wander's lips. "...Are you sure?"

"Course I'm sure!" Sylvia confidently grinned. "And I'll find a tactful way to confirm it with Peepers!"

She wasn't quite sure if he saw his troops dying as any more than an inconvenience. Yet she wasn't gonna share that thought with Wander. Couldn't hurt to treat the matter delicately just in case he wasn't as much of a heartless bastard than she thought.

"Thanks Syl!" Wander pulled Sylvia into a hug. He wanted to believe that she wasn't lying to spare his feelings and easily did. What she said lined up with what he learned today. It made as much sense as anything in this wacky universe of theirs.

"Anything for you buddy." Sylvia softly smiled as she picked Wander up and placed them on her back. "So what should we do with the rest of our day?"

"Wellll… I did see some mighty fine lookin' berries when that rodent gave me and the Timster a tour of the woods…"

"Hey Syl?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I say something a little…" Wander looked around and cupped their hand around Sylvia's ear as if they was about to tell her a deep, dark secret. "...mean?"

"I have a feeling that we have different standards. Spill it."

"How do you manage to chill with him when he's just so prickly?"

Sylvia let out an amused snort. "Would you believe that he settles down some around me?"

Well, yeah. Sylvia did have a calming effect and rough charm that he lacked.

Occasionally he'd catch himself getting jealous when she hit it off with people he could never comprehend. Yet he'd soon remind himself that that was the beauty in being partners with someone so different. Neither of them had to be the best person for every situation.

"Sure I can! It's you after all!"

Chapter Text

The next time Peepers met up with Sylvia after he and Wander parted on bad terms was awkward. What do you say after you threaten to beat up your… acquaintance's best friend in front of them?

Not that Peepers was planning to apologize when he didn't see a problem with how he reacted. Even if he did, directly bringing it up wasn't his style. So instead he brought an icebreaker (or distraction, depending on how you look at it) to their following hangout.

"Let's find a park," Peepers said as soon as Sylvia got within hearing distance. "This will be easier with a table."

Sylvia had no clue what Peepers was talking about. Yet she followed along anyways just to see what would happen. It was the first time he showed interest in choosing where they'd go or what they'd do before.

Kinda annoying how he wouldn't just say what he was up to like a normal person though...

Once they found a picnic table that fit Sylvia he stood near the edge, dealt them both a hand of cards, and put the remaining stack in the center. His hand of cards was angled downwards to keep her from looking over the top.

"Huh," Sylvia said as she sat down opposite from him. "Y'know, I was expecting something bigger with you being all cryptic about it."

Peepers raised one side of his eyelid. As if he'd enthusiastically run up to suggest playing a game like he'd do with Lord Hater. He was still trying to play it cool with her. "What, like checkers?"

Sylvia shrugged. "Gotta admit I couldn't come up with any good guesses."

Peepers decided to keep it simple with a galaxy-wide classic. "I take it I don't need to explain the rules for Glador."

"Are you flarping kidding me!?" Sylvia flashed a cocky grin. "I used to be known as the Queen of Glador!"

Peepers chuckled. "Oh I'm gonna rip the wind out of your sails!"

"Uh-huh." Sylvia rolled her eyes as she smirked. "Suuuure you are."

"So how much do you wanna bet?"

"Zilch."

"Huh." Peepers figured she didn't have enough to spare and moved on. "Well alright then."

The first game started out well, with Peepers winning for the bulk of it. By the time they neared the end he had that classic, extremely punchable smirk on.

"Were you queen of the kid's table? This is absolutely pathetic!"

"Watch." In one move Sylvia completely reversed their positions by taking the long combo Peepers had been setting up for herself. With no valid moves left he was forced to admit defeat.

"What!?" Peepers dropped his cards in shock. "How!?"

Just when Sylvia was about to explain Peepers threw back his head and let out an exasperated laugh. "Glorn! You really lured me into a false sense of security there!"

Huh. Sylvia was surprised that Peepers was being such a good sport about it. She'd half expected to get into a fist fight over that maneuver.

"Best two outta three?"

"You're on!"

After Peepers won both the next match and their tiebreaker he demonstrated that he was a sore winner by doing some obnoxious victory dance and taunting Sylvia. Apparently he wasn't just mirroring Hater during their weird little victory celebrations...

Sylvia huffed and rolled her eyes as she watched Peepers while tuning out whatever corny insults he was saying now. She was about to shove him off the table to get him to knock it off when she realized that she shouldn't waste his good mood on that.

"So how many watchdogs has that menace killed?"

Peepers immediately stopped to scowl at the thought of him. Then he put his hand to his chin and started to pace.

There had to be some, right? That thing Hater called Captain Tim was a vicious predator! Yet no matter how hard he tried he couldn't recall any specific instances. And if anyone knew what was going on in the Skullship, it was him.

"Well nobody's reported anything past injuries to me, and I haven't noticed any disappearances, so… zero?"

"Huh."

Peepers paused to give Sylvia a hard look. "...You don't seem surprised."

Sylvia shrugged. "I mean, I kinda am. But your ship still doesn't look anything like the one Wander found him on."

"You've never been in the wing he took over?"

"He WHAT!?" Sylvia was more amused at the idea of them conceding a part of the ship to him than anything. "You gotta show me!"

Peepers scoffed. "Do you really expect me to give tours to trespassers?"

Sylvia playfully elbowed him and winked. "It's not trespassing if the guards let us in!"

"I'd fire them all if I could…"

Peepers wasn't able to prove anything but Sylvia had suspiciously good luck. And not just for playing against the guy who suspected that he was the universe's punching bag.

No, this was different. She always had the right card for every situation. Peepers wanted to call her out for it but without proof she'd just call him a sore loser.

So he watched her hands closely during the next round. He was just starting to doubt his suspicions when she reached to itch her leg and suddenly had an extra card.

"Ha! I knew it!" Peepers lept on the table and pointed an accusatory finger at her. "You dirty rotten cheater!"

Sylvia rolled her eyes, then tore off Peepers' gloves and they both watched as cards spilled out. How he squeezed them all in was a mystery. "Don't be a hypocrite."

"I don't have any moral standings! But I thought you were too much of a goody two-shoes to cheat!"

"Normally I don't. Not anymore, anyways." Sylvia used to be a pretty mean card shark in her pre-Wander days. "But when I'm playing against villains like you all bets are off."

Peepers sighed and dropped his hands to his sides. "...At least you're being literal about that."

"Right!?" Sylvia let out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a snort. "I probably woulda gotten half your paycheck by now if I didn't! It'd be like shaking down a nerd for lunch money."

Sylvia could've sworn that groan was more of a growl. Time to stop messing with the pipsqueak.

"So…" Sylvia leaned forward as she asked, "Why'd you bother anyways? You seemed to be doing well before you started your little magic tricks." She hadn't started herself until he did.

"A normal card game is just too boring, y'know? Cheating adds another dimension to it."

"That's such a you thing to say!" A weird self-titled evil genius thing.

Then Peepers sighed and rested one hand on his cheek. "It's hard to find someone to play with though…"

"Oh I'm sure! Can't say I feel sorry for you."

"I don't expect you to." Peepers paused. "Actually, I'd rather you don't. It was fun to join the watchdogs for a few rounds every once in a while before they banned me though."

"Wait, they banned you!? I didn't think they had the guts!"

"Well, not directly, no. But they'd all clear out once they realized that I was back. Or find reasons to turn me away while pretending that they didn't know who I was."

"Oh I'm sure your voice tipped them off…"

"That's why I played the strong silent type."

"Wow. I'm sure shutting up was hard for you."

It… actually was with how his thoughts kept leaking out. But she didn't need to know that. "Oh?" Peepers crossed his arms and glared. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you're pretty talkative for an introvert."

Peepers narrowed his eye, but decided to drop it before she explicitly said it. "Anyways, that worked for awhile but-"

It hit Sylvia like a load of bricks that his other distinctive feature would explain a few oddities she'd noticed on the Skullship. "Wait, are you why the watchdog saloon has a measuring stick taped to the door!?"

Peepers sighed. "If you mean the repurposed storage room, then yes." Calling that cardboard bar anything more was charitable.

"And the platform shoe ban?"

"Yep."

"And the high-heels?"

"Also me."

"And the stilts?"

"Honestly, I ran out of ideas by then. It was too obvious anyways."

"But why go through all the trouble!? I thought you hated hanging around the other watchdogs!"

Peepers leaned in and smirked. "The first reason is simple: I don't get paid much and they're easy marks."

Wow. If the top dog was saying that Sylvia could only imagine what peanuts the rest of the watchdogs worked for. "Don't you make the budget? Why don't you just give yourself a raise?"

Peepers was caught too off-guard to even know what to think. Was she encouraging him to commit a crime? "Would you embezzle from Lord Hater!?"

"Honestly, if I was in your shoes? Heck yeah I would! I'm sure he wouldn't even notice."

"Ehhhh, that's a pretty big risk for having room and board covered..."

"You work hard enough to deserve it! Besides, what's he gonna do, fire you?"

"Probably not?" Despite his occasional worries, Peepers was confident that he had great job security. "But I'm more worried about getting zapped."

"Oof."

"Yeah."

"What's the second reason? Because it's evil? Gotta admit that robbing your subordinates blind in rigged card games is an… interesting act of villainy."

"Because it's funny."

Sylvia blunk in shock. "...What?"

"Picture this: You're having a nice evening with your work pals and you realize that something's... off. Maybe you catch the new guy pulling a fast one. And suddenly everyone looks a little shifty..."

"Oh glorn…"

"You could expose him right then and there! But he's mostly targeting that one jerk that keeps boasting about their wins. You don't mind him taking out the competition."

Peepers smirked as he sat down on the edge of the table in front of her. "Eventually you figure 'Hey, if this guy's getting away with it, then it's not fair that I have to play by the rules!' And that's when things get interesting."

"...Don't you have any hobbies?"

Peepers chose to ignore that. "Eventually someone figures out what you're up to. Or maybe nothing you did or thought was unique. Regardless, someone addresses the elephant in the room."

Sylvia groaned as she felt a pang of sympathy for whoever happened to be the bouncer when Peepers showed up.

"Lemme guess," Sylvia flatly said. "They start arguing. It turns into a brawl. It spreads as they slam each other around, hitting everyone in their path. And soon it's a total free-for-all."

"Yep!" Peepers chirped, with his tone not matching his full-grown evil grin. "Then I just find a spot safe from the carnage and enjoy the show!"

"Seriously, what!? I didn't peg you as the type of guy who'd have a chaotic streak!"

"Well we've both surprised each other tonight, haven't we?" He wasn't the hero who tried to convince a villain to commit a crime.

"Huh." Sylvia shrugged. "Guess so."

After another round Peepers asked, "So how didja hide your cards without any clothes?"

Sylvia smirked. "Look under the table."

Peepers clutched the edge of the table and ducked his head to get a good look, then gagged when he saw that the cards were stuck to the underside by old, used gum. "What the flarp is wrong with you!?"

"Hey, if it works it works," Sylvia said with a shrug.

Peepers immediately sprung up and threw his cards down. One stuck to his hand and he had to shake it off. Oh he was so glad he wore gloves…

"I'm done!" He slammed his hands on the table. "And you better bring me a new deck next time!"

"You're folding already?" Sylvia smirked as she put her hands behind her head and leaned back. "Guess that's one more point for me."

"Being too disgusting to play with doesn't mean you win! If anything that's your loss!"

"Since when was there a rule against using your environment?"

"We haven't even been USING rules!"

"So?"

"You're impossible!" Peepers hopped onto the ground. "And I'm not gonna waste my time with sticking around and arguing with you any longer!"

"Then why are you still here?"

Peepers shot her one last glare before running off. 

Chapter Text

The first thing Sylvia did when she saw Peepers was hand him a new deck of cards. "You're not still mad about that, are you?"

Peepers looked over his replacement deck before answering. Wow, were these hand-painted? Was that real gold on the edges? And to think he'd expected dollar-store fare from her! Just like the deck that Peepers swiped from the food court after some watchdog forgot it probably was.

"Wheredja even get these?"

"Eh." Sylvia shrugged as if she hadn't just casually handed over luxury goods. "Some fortune teller we helped a while back insisted that we take them. I just had to go persuade hatty to cough them up."

"So we're good?" Sylvia patiently waited for an answer.

Quite honestly accepting these would put him in her debt. But that only applied if he acknowledged their value.

"Ehhh, I suppose they'll do."

"Great! So, any plans?"

That ended up being a no. Fortunately both of them were up for more cloud watching. Peepers laid near Sylvia's head so it was easier to show each other what they saw.

Frankly, it was turning out to be an interesting Rorschach test on Sylvia's end with how many of Peepers' observations involved death and violence. He'd just pointed out the fifth skull when Sylvia let out an amused snort.

"Hey. Look at that one," she said with a wink as she pointed at two clouds lumped together in an interesting position.

Peepers chuckled despite himself. Normally he hated immature jokes. But there was something about how casually, how abruptly she presented it.

Sylvia turned her head to the side to face Peepers. "Did you just… laugh?"

"What's the big deal?" Peepers defensively crossed his arms. "You've heard me laugh before."

"Yeah, but I've never heard a happy one from you."

Peepers raised a finger to signal that he was about to object.

"...Or one that's not evil."

He put it back down and sighed. "You make me sound utterly joyless."

"I mean… aren't you?"

It was hard to argue with that. Peepers rolled his eye and groaned. "Fine. I'm a sad, miserable man who lives only to make everyone else's life worse. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Sylvia tried hard to hold it back, yet couldn't help but snicker. "You said it. Not me."

That earned her a glare regardless.

"Would a huuug make you feel better?" Sylvia spoke with a sing-song voice and batted her eyes as sat up and held her arms towards Peepers.

"Ew, gross!" Peepers was grinning despite his words as he pushed Sylvia's steadily encroaching arms away. "Save that mushy crap for Wander!"

"But he doesn't need it as badly as you~!"

Peepers' body started to tremble as Sylvia got more and more in his personal bubble. So Sylvia drew back, and was caught off-guard when he burst into a laughing fit.

"Oh that is RICH!" Peepers exclaimed as he clutched one hand to his stomach and pounded the ground with the other. His snickering started to subside as he said, "You're so good at that happy-go-lucky act!"

"Hanging out with Wander will do that to ya."

"So how did you feel about his whole…" Peepers airquoted the next phrase. "... aggressive positivity thing at first?"

"Gotta admit it creeped me out. Y'know how I was: All rough and too tough to accept anything soft."

Peepers nodded. Even if he'd never mentioned it they both knew that he'd thoroughly researched Sylvia's past. Although he hadn't bothered to go any further after they'd hung out a few times. Felt a little invasive when he started seeing her as a person and not just a force to be reckoned with.

"But I warmed up eventually. Turns out affection is actually pretty nice."

Peepers made an exaggerated gagging sound. "I'm glad that'll never happen to me!"

As if she hadn't caught glimpses of his and Lord Hater's more tender moments. Sylvia shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe life will surprise you."

"AHAHAHA!" There was that evil laughter again. "NEVER!"

Sylvia softly smiled and rolled her eyes as she muttered under her breath, "You flarping edgelord…"

If Peepers caught that he didn't acknowledge it. Hard to tell what that guy tuned out. 

Chapter Text

Sylvia could have sworn that she saw a ghost of a smile when Peepers spotted her. He quickly shooed the watchdogs away while ordering them to minimize damage aboard the ship, then trudged on over to her.

Frankly, he looked like he'd gotten crushed by a barge. If it was anyone else she'd ask if they were okay. But that involved implying that she cared even the slightest bit about his well-being.

What ended up coming out of Sylvia's mouth was, "You're looking even nastier than usual."

Peepers scoffed and rolled his eye. "Gee. Thanks."

They walked along the beach until they found a spot where they could comfortably sit on the rocks, shaded by the overhang of the cliff above. Once they were settled in Peepers pulled a bottle as big as his entire torso out of his pocket. He dug out and filled a wine glass before passing the bottle itself to Sylvia.

Sylvia was a bit confused by his sudden offer. But hey! Free booze was free booze. She sniffed it to check for any obvious poison before hesitantly taking a sip.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Seriously. Don't." Peepers didn't want to acknowledge that he technically just did something nice for her.

Sylvia shrugged, then turned the bottle around to get a good look at the label. If her memory from her bouncer days served this was pretty strong stuff by watchdog standards. Or for most species that weren't zbornaks.

Which was probably why Peepers was letting her drink straight out of the bottle. Well, aside from the off-chance he cared about her size and corresponding alcohol tolerance.

"Rough day?"

"Rough week."

"Oof."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No."

An obvious lie. Sylvia had seen that look in Wander. All fidgety and wound up like a spring as he struggled to keep his trap shut. She wasn't going to prod him. But if he wanted to take care of that tension before he snapped she was there.

It didn't even take a minute.

Peepers chugged his drink and chucked his glass at the rock wall behind them where it shattered upon impact. Despite it being plastic instead of real glass.

"Urgh, YES!"

Enough had gone down that Peepers had plenty to complain about even leaving the conquering business aside. Telling Sylvia about how the latest target fiercely fought back and won would be a hassle at best. At worst, it would shake up their conditional truce.

Unfortunately, Lord Hater and the watchdogs combined had done enough for an hours-long rant. Their behavior both led to and was worsened by their crushing defeat. Peepers' first complaint was about the big man himself.

"Lord Hater suddenly ordered massive renovations! We're gonna have to shuffle everything around to fit all these new rooms! And he won't even tell me what half of them are supposed to be for!"

Wait, shuffle? "How does space work on that ship!?"

"Don't ask. Don't even think about it..." Peepers sounded less like he was withholding information and more like he was at a loss himself.

"How do you manage to find your way around?"

"Memory."

They both knew that was a load of malarkey with how both Wander and Sylvia had occasionally caught him being as confused about his own ship as them on multiple occasions. Yet Peepers wasn't in the right mood for Sylvia to push it.

So Sylvia decided to change the topic. She held her bottle up while idly shaking it to watch the liquid splash and swirl inside.

"I'm surprised you brought the cheap stuff."

"I can take it back if you don't like it."

"Hey, I'm not complaining! It's just, I expected you to buy fancy wine or something snooty like that."

"I didn't buy it."

"Of course not, your evilness. Steal."

"Confiscated."

Sylvia sprung up. "Oh my glorn, did you seriously ban alcohol!? You're such a hard-"

"NO! I don't care what they do on their own time! But when they're flying the ship or some grop-!"

"So that's why it gets all wobbly sometimes! And here I thought your pilots just sucked."

"EXACTLY! You're not the only one that's noticed and it's such an embarrassment! Not to mention the damages they've caused before…"

"Like the time on Bingleborp?"

Peepers silently glared. They both knew full well that the watchdogs weren't involved that time.

"Anyways..," Peepers said as he overenunciated each syllable. "Whenever I catch watchdogs drinking on-duty I confiscate it and throw it with the rest."

"Does that happen a lot?"

"I've broken up THREE parties this week! There's a whole room FULL of it and I'm sick of them treating it like a dragon's hoard!"

Sylvia whistled. "So you're the dragon. Of booze."

Peepers massaged his temples. "Look, if you find it, do me a favor and take whatever you can carry. I can't deal with guarding it anymore..."

"Wait, you!? Isn't there someone you can delegate it to?"

"NO! Every! Single! Watchdog! I've handed the keys to has either gotten wasted or used it to make themselves the hero of the evening!"

"Dang."

"Right!? I swear I'm the only one around who cares about my job!"

"So…" Sylvia smirked, "...what would you do if me and Wander used it to hel-"

"Knock it off before I change my mind."

Sylvia shrugged. Good thing Peepers was desperate enough to overlook it, because she had no idea how she'd use it up otherwise.

Sylvia listened with only brief interjections for a while. There was so much packed in there, yet nothing about anyone interrupting his personal time. Probably less because they respected his boundaries and more because it didn't exist.

"When's the last time you had the day off?"

Peepers tilted his head as he struggled to come up with an answer. Finally, he recalled something that wasn't an outright lie.

"Last month."

Sylvia flatly stared. "The fourteenth?"

"How'd you know!?"

"Whoddya think brought you soup!?"

Peepers didn't recall getting any. Granted, he'd been too disoriented to register anything that happened that day at all. And they both knew that was the only reason he couldn't even get paperwork done.

Peepers sighed with a tinge of defeat. "Who told you I was sick?" He wished he could be more surprised about it…

Sylvia started to open her mouth, but Peepers cut her off before she had a chance to speak. "Actually, I'd rather not know."

Yeah Peepers was better off not knowing about the watchdog groupchat Wander was in. For everyone involved. Even if it'd be funny to see his reaction.

"Why does he work you so hard anyways? There's so many other watchdogs!"

"I set my own hours."

"Ah." That made a… startling amount of sense. Well, as much sense as willingly destroying yourself for the sake of your goals could make to her. Sylvia briefly wondered what Peepers would think if he knew he'd reminded her of Wander for the second time today.

On second thought Wander would be the one more offended by that comparison. They'd always shrugged off her calling him a workaholic by saying he didn't have a job, but…

"So…" Sylvia held up her bottle. "You sure you don't want a refill?"

"HAH! If I wanted more I wouldn't have let you get your zbornak germs all over it!"

Sylvia shoved him over for that.

At one point Sylvia gave Peepers a comforting pat on the back out of habit. She froze when she realized what she'd done, ready for him to chew her out for daring to touch him, but… nothing happened.

After that Sylvia experimentally patted Peepers a few more times at moments where he looked like he could really use it. It was admittably as much out of wondering how much he'd allow as hoping it'd work on him. And surprisingly enough, it did.

As Peepers continued to rant it slowly dawned on Sylvia how much was on his plate. Sure, she was already aware that he did far more than his fair share, but hearing it laid out like this was overwhelming. And it made her think about the source of much of his complaints.

Once Sylvia realized how pathetic Lord Hater was and stopped fearing him she started wondering what both Peepers and Wander saw in him. He could admittedly be quite impressive when he put his mind to it. Although that happened less and less in his waning glory.

But what about his personality, huh? The more Sylvia got to know the pair, the more Hater's treatment of his supposed best bud bugged her. On principle alone, of course. Why would Peepers deserve her sympathy? He certainly passed the worst of it onto the watchdogs.

At least Peepers was nice to Hater, if nobody else. Even if it was in a coddling, enabling way. And Peepers just let him walk all over him.

Sylvia sharply breathed out her nose after Peepers got done telling her about how Hater kept ruthlessly trashing his plans without even looking at them. "Why do you like him anyways?"

Peepers fondly smiled as he started listing his reasons, while counting them off on his fingers. "He's cool, he's powerful, he's handso-"

Sylvia rolled her eyes. "Lemme rephrase that. Why are you friends?"

That was harder to answer. Peepers had a far-away look in his eye as he thought about the past. "Look, I know it doesn't look good now, but we used to get along well…"

Then he beamed up at Sylvia. "And he's getting better! He even told me 'not bad' a few days ago!"

Unlike Wander (and apparently Peepers), Sylvia didn't judge people for who they were, or who they could be. She judged them for who they are. And nothing about the present Hater impressed her. 

"Yep. Reeeaaal high praise there. Not like you work your retina off for him or anything…"

Peepers leapt up and clenched his fists while yelling, "Shut UP! You don't know anything about us!"

"Guess not. Because I don't get how you can put up with that," Sylvia said with a shrug.

With that Peepers clammed up. His silence made Sylvia feel guilty, and worry that she crossed a line.

But nah. Sylvia repeatedly reminded herself that she was doing the right thing. Someone had to tell him that this was neither normal nor acceptable. And she was the only one who wouldn't get shot for their efforts. 

Usually they'd start heading off about when their partners normally wrapped things off. This time, they stayed with only the sound of the waves filling the air until Peepers' communicator interrupted their rest and relaxation.

Peepers walked a few paces away so Sylvia couldn't hear what Lord Hater had to say. He kept his back turned to her as he did his normal soothing-Hater-after-a-Wander-attack routine. Once Hater's frustration was back to a manageable level he hung up.

Then he turned around to walk back to he Skullship. He had just passed Sylvia when she used the bolt on his helmet to turn him around.

"Pick that up." Sylvia pointed at the shards from his discarded glass.

"Oh c'mon!" Peepers rolled his eye. "It's just a glass!"

She sternly crossed her arms. "It's littering."

"This planet isn't even inhabited!"

"So?"

"Nobody cares."

"Well I do." Sylvia stated as she cracked her knuckles.

"Okay, okay! Sheesh!"  Peepers swept it up with a small broom and dustpan he pulled out from grop knows where while muttering something about hippies under his breath.

Peepers wasn't actually that mad about it. He just didn't like people telling him what to do. (Aside from Lord Hater, most of the time.) And there was just a tiny smidge of evil in petty crimes like this he was reluctant to undo.

But it was no big deal. And he was fully aware that refusing had just made him look like a whiny child.

After Peepers finished sweeping it into a bag Sylvia came over to add the bottle she emptied to it. "There. Was that so hard?"

"No, but if you don't shut up I'm dumping it back out."

"Eh." Sylvia dismissively shrugged. And that was the last of either of them talking before they got back to the Skullship.

But just before they parted ways Sylvia muttered, "Good luck." Peepers wasn't sure if she was being sarcastic or not. 

Chapter Text

The surprisingly clean and well-maintained porta-potty in the middle of nowhere shoulda tipped Sylvia off. But why would she stop to think about how suspicious it was? When a zbornak's gotta go they gotta go!

The first time the porta-potty got jostled she calmly started to tell whoever was waiting in line to go find somewhere else. Then it left the ground and that's when things got weird.

Ironically, hearing Hater boost about how he captured her added some normalcy to the situation. Whatever was going on was something she could handle. For now she'll take advantage of them kindly providing classy amenities.

It was still strange though. Hater rarely focused on her because he saw her as either an afterthought or extension of Wander. Yet Peepers' plans usually weren't this… juvenile.

There was something else nagging Sylvia too. It may be foolish but she thought they actually bonded! And she let him pour his heart out just to get this in return...

After Hater left while telling Peepers to call him if Sylvia contacted Wander, Sylvia took the chance to confront Peepers.

"I thought you were better than this," Sylvia sneered through the door's moon-shaped window.

"Look, I know this doesn't hold up to my usual standards… But this was Plan Z-Gamma! At some point you just have to go if it works it wo-"

Sylvia let out a loud exhale through her nostrils. "Didn't we have a deal going on?"

Peepers rolled his eye. "What, you're surprised I backstabbed you? You've always known I'm evil."

"Not surprised…" Sylvia muttered as she slammed the window shut. "...Just disappointed."

Peepers didn't immediately respond. He let out a deep sigh before coming over and leaning against her stall. "It's really not bad for a holding cell. There's even running water!"

"There's no toilet paper."

"Well obviously. Gotta give you a reason to stay and Wander a reason to come running."

"I could take my poopy butt and beat yours if I really wanted to."

"But you don't, do you? There's no need to. We both know Wander will slip away from Hater and you'll both continue on your..,"

Peepers' switched to a light sarcastic tone, "...merry little way to spread peace and love across the galaxy!"

"Then why bother?"

Peepers nervously shifted his weight. "I think Hater's starting to notice that I'm never around when he's trying to capture Wander."

Sylvia snickered at that. "Really now? How unusually observant of him."

"He's a lot smarter than you give him credit for!"

"That's still not much."

Peepers kicked the side of the stall. For all the good that did him.

"Can you just leave already? I've been holding back a big one and glorn knows neither of us want you around for that."

Peepers gagged at her frankness.

"See? An upright nerd like you can't even stand hearing about it."

Peepers made a prissy little scoff that totally didn't prove her point. "Lord Hater told me to guard you and some noxious fumes won't stop me!"

"Riiiiiight. Didn't someone just finish telling me this whole thing doesn't matter though? You've already put in more than a token amount of effort."

Sylvia patiently waited for a response before realizing that it would never come. Finally, she was free to let it rip!

Ahhhh. That felt much better...

Sylvia waited until she was almost done to ask for Wander's help. No need to worry him when they knew she wouldn't be back for hours.

…Alright, that wasn't actually why she held off. As far as Wander was concerned the Skullship was a safe, fun home away from home. It was just nice to do her business in peace. And as much as she loved them he could be a bit much at times.

Eventually Sylvia called up Wander to tell him where she was, and Peepers to tell him where Wander was so he could hitch a ride. It didn't take long before she heard a loud crash followed by the sound of her buddy's voice.

"Sorry I'm late Syl! I meant to get here earlier but Hatey was just begging for my attention! I promise that next time I'll keep my eye on the prize or my name isn't-"

"You're actually right on time." As in, they showed up about as long as it normally took for Hater to run out of steam in more ways than one. "You got the goods?"

Wander knocked on the door and Sylvia opened it a crack so she could accept Wander's sweet, sweet gift of toliet paper. After a few minutes she came out to join him.

They had just started leave so they could take advantage of the chance to hit the showers and stock up on food when Sylvia suddenly stopped and turned around. She stared back at her so-called "holding cell."

"Do you think it's possible to take it with us?"

Wander wobbled before setting their hat on the ground. It's brim strained with effort until a barfing baby doll that was popular with a species of giants a few years back emerged. That nasty doll was only a half of the porta-potty's size.

They both paused to stare at it. Finally Wander put the hat back on his head and said, "Hattie says no. For… various reasons."

Sylvia uproariously laughed and patted Wander through Hattie so she could get them both. "Geez! You two really thought I was serious!?"

Wander joined her, and Sylvia noticed that Hattie's brim was turned upwards into a grin. "I mean yeah. You really had us going!"

"I'd never ask that of her! Annnnyways wanna go see if the food court has triple pickle pies today?"

Wander took off like a jeffrabbit who was just told that they have an hour to prep for a presentation while yelling, "Oh do I ever!"

Chapter Text

Normally after Wander and Sylvia escaped Peepers would come find her as soon as he realized that there was no deterring Lord Hater. This time she lost sight of both Wander and Peepers after Hater accidentally busted a hole in the Skullship's boiler.

Looks like they were back to the old routine... Sylvia frantically searched for the only ones here she was either worried for or worried about while swearing under her breath.

When she faintly heard them yelling at each other she dashed as fast as her legs could carry her. Then they abruptly stopped before she could figure out where it was coming from. That's when she feared the worst.

Sylvia's comb was slicked back as she listened closely in hopes of picking up something, anything. A sudden clanging sound coming from the vents made her jump, and Peepers tumbled out soon afterwards.

He immediately picked himself up and shook his fist up at the vent's opening while yelling, "Why you-"

Then Peepers jolted at the sound of her cracking her knuckles. "Heeey Sylvia…" he said with an awkward chuckle as he turned around. "How's it hanging?"

"How 'bout you tell me. Now what'd you do to Wander?"

Peepers and Wander responded at the same time. "I didn't do anything!"

"I'm fine! We just had a 'lil chat!"

Sylvia relaxed at Wander's voice, even if it wasn't enough to clear Peepers. Glorn knows Wander would cover for anyone. "Did he threaten you?" she asked in a low tone.

"What!? No! Of course not!"

Uh-huh. Peepers was looking mighty guilty for someone who wasn't rightfully scared of getting beaten up.

Sylvia huffed and rolled her eyes. "Can you just get down here already?"

"Well… as much as I'd love to stay a' chat, I really gotta get going soooo-"

"NO YOU DON'T!"

The clanging in the vents receded until Sylvia was sure that they weren't coming back. She picked Peepers up by the back of his shirt and held him at eye level. "What's the deal with you two?"

"It's nothing," Peepers said while averting his eye. "Don't worry about it."

Sylvia continued to stare at Peepers in hopes of intimidating him into submission.

"Sooooo, you hungry? There's a Bloyd's near here."

Not giving up until she gets some answers.

"I'll pay."

…That shouldn't be as tempting as it was. But hey. Who was she to turn down a free lunch? Especially when she missed breakfast thanks to this bozo and his bonehead. He owed her for at least that!

"Fine," Sylvia said as she unceremoniously dropped him. "Just don't think this is over..."

Peepers' nervous gulp was audible. 

Why Peepers picked somewhere a few parsecs out was beyond her. Not that Sylvia was about to complain about a trip to her favorite restaurant. Still, weren't there diners far closer to the Skullship?

The ride over sucked. It was one thing to plan on using one of those saucers as a getaway vehicle in a pinch. Cramming into one just to grab a bite to eat was a whole 'nother ballpark.

There was one other, theoretically more comfortable option. But Sylvia had staunchly refused the prisoner transport vehicle for obvious reasons. Better keep him within her sight and in close quarters.

When Peepers opened the dome they spilled out like water from a popped water balloon. Sylvia had sat up and started to look for him when she heard a small, muffled squeak from under her. Followed by some choice words she couldn't repeat around kids.

Sylvia quickly got off the squashed, sad pancake of a man. He glared at her as he popped back to his normal shape.

"We didn't have to pack overselves in like sardines…"

"Well excuuuuse me for not wanting to get locked in a box after last time!"

Sylvia expected a retort. Instead Peepers turned on his heel and headed towards Bloyd's.

She didn't notice at first, had to stretch before she went anywhere. Once she'd gotten a bad crick out of her neck she glanced towards him and trotted to catch up with him.

When Sylvia neared Peepers she overheard him muttering, "...still can't believe I'm doing this…"

"Doing what? We've gotten lunch before."

"I didn't say anything."

"Yes you did!"

"Musta imagined it," Peepers calmly said with a shrug.

Sylvia rolled her eyes and groaned. Was this flab crabbin' hamspangler seriously denying it? She wasn't sure if he was suspicious or just childish.

"Whatever weirdo."

It didn't take long to get seated. As they read over their menus Peepers tried to act like everything was normal. But it was hard to chat her up when she refused to respond. By the time their food arrived he had given up and focused on his meal.

Normally they'd enjoy having the whole place to themselves. Yet the lack of any indistinct chatter– or even crying children– only served to heighten the heavy atmosphere hanging between them. The world had shrunk down to the soft clinking of their utensils against their dishes.

Sylvia set her fork down and crossed her arms. "I'm waiting…"

Peepers tilted his head like he was confused. Probably trying for the clueless act. "For what?"

"For you to tell me why you were yelling at Wander."

Peepers chuckled with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Oh that's what you're mad about? It's really no big deal..."

"I'll be the judge of that."

Peepers sighed and sunk in his seat while staring down at his plate. "...They said I was getting soft."

That got Sylvia's attention. She raised a brow as she leaned over to loom over him. "And why'd he say that?"

Instead of answering Peepers grimaced and rubbed his forearm.

Wait a minute here… A smile slowly spread across Sylvia's face as the pieces neatly slotted into place.

Wander refusing to tell her about their chat and literally pushing Peepers towards her. Peepers being all meek and fidgety. Him going out of the way to bring her to what just happened to be her favorite restaurant. It all made sense!

Sylvia lowered her head and propped it up against the table with her arms. Her smile took on a sharp edge. "You're trying to apologize, aren't you?"

"What?" Peepers said with a nervous laugh. "Why would I be sorry about last time!?"

"I didn't say what for."

…Alright, maybe getting the upper hand on her didn't feel as great as it used to. Peepers wasn't even sure why the idea of going back to being purely enemies put a sour taste in his mouth. It… would be inconvenient, wouldn't it? There was no other reason?

Peepers crossed his arms with a huff. "Look, the whole thing was an embarrassment, okay? Can we just agree to never talk about it again?"

Sylvia didn't expect Peepers to actually be honest for once. Especially about anything challenging the idea of him being a heartless monster. It would be nice to hear him say it but eh, actions spoke louder than words.

And sometimes actions were all you'd get from emotionally constipated losers. If Wander could be patient with Sylvia when she was one of them, well, she could read between the lines and agree to bury the hatchet.

Just not without some teasing first.

"I dunno Peeps, it was pretty funny in hindsight… Who'da thunk that that's the best Commander Peepers– the great strategic genius– could come up with?"

"You didn't exactly make things easy!"

"Was it ever even locked?"

"Technically…"

She stared at him until he finished.

"...from the inside."

Sylvia promptly burst into laughter while hitting the table with her first. "Oh my glorn, seriously!?"

Peepers leapt onto the table. "You've ripped through steel walls before! Clearly a psychological trap was more effective!"

That only made Sylvia laugh harder. "That's what we're calling it now!?"

Peepers glared at her as he pulled out his wallet. "So how much would it take to pay you off?"

"Hm… I dunno, it is a pretty good story…"

Peepers started to open his wallet and Sylvia subtly peered into it. Guess he wasn't lying about not being paid much.

"Money doesn't mean much with Wander charming everyone anyways. What I want is something equally priceless."

Peepers sighed. Why did he have a bad feeling about this? "Like what?"

Sylvia double-checked that this Bloyd's sourced a certain delicacy from Slarnack's Deli before putting her menu down. "I want a whole pie-"

"That has a clear price."

"And I want you to have a slice."

Peepers gave her a relieved smile. Huh, guess they were back on good terms if she wanted to share food. "No problemo! What flavor?"

"Jellyfish."

"Interesting." Peepers has never heard of that before. "Like a fish pie?"

Sylvia flashed a shark-like grin. "For dessert."

Peepers shuddered in disgust at the idea, with his face scrunched up like he just ate a whole lemon. "You can't just put something savory in something sweet!"

"Is that one of yours and Hater's dumb made up rules?"

"It's common sense!?"

"I'm sure glad it's not as common as you think or my favorite food wouldn't exist. Can't you just give it a go? For me?"

Peepers sighed as he flagged down their waitress. "More like for your silence."

"Eh," Sylvia said with a shrug. "Whatever you wanna call it."

Soon Sylvia was happily chowing down while Peepers picked at his slice with his fork. That so-called food looked even worse than it sounded…

It was slimy. It smelled bad. It made a faint slorping sound when he touched it. It seemed to be haphazardly thrown together. And if it wasn't for the crust he'd swear that they never baked it. How else would the jellyfish stay so intact?

"C'mon, you don't get to try a delicacy like this everyday!"

Peepers muttered under his breath, "I think I see why hardly anyone stocks it…"

"You sound just like Wander when he thinks I can't hear him."

That got Peepers to perk up. "Wait, really?"

"Well it's certainly a lot less constant with them…" Sylvia shot Peepers a judgemental look. "Just take a bite already. I wanna see the look on your face."

There was no getting out of this, was there? Peepers wasn't sure if Sylvia was hoping he'd fall in love with it or throw up, although he suspected that she'd be fine with either. He scooped up the smallest amount that could count as a bite and…

Once he swallowed it Peepers said, "Huh. Not bad."

Sylvia shook her fists in excitement and cheered, "Finally someone gets it!"

Peepers narrowed his eye. "I didn't say it was good either."

At least he didn't make a mad dash to the bathroom unlike someone… Sylvia let out a disappointed sigh. "And here I thought you had a refined palate."

"Didn't they get this from a deli?"

"What about it?"

"Nevermind."

This seemed like the kind of thing that would get Sylvia on a stupid rant about how high culture was unimportant and low culture ("for lack of a better term," in her words) was where it was at. And Peepers didn't want to sit through that again.

They made small talk as they ate, catching each other up on safe topics that had nothing to do with evil or Lord Hater's rivalry. Which meant that– like always– Sylvia had more to tell.

Not that Peepers stayed quiet. He had more than enough comments to add to keep their conversation flowing. Yet there was something important that he had to bring up.

Peepers didn't want to make it look like he made up with her just to get this favor. It was too urgent to continue to put off though. The watchdogs were counting on him.

So when Sylvia's pie was almost gone Peepers said, "Hey, can I ask something real quick? I promise it isn't as weird as it sounds."

Sylvia put her fork down and nodded.

"Can I have some of Wander's fur?"

In her shock Sylvia choked on her food. Peepers awkwardly pushed his untouched glass of water over to her, which she downed in a single gulp.

"What, so you can hex them!?"

"I'm pretty sure Wander can't be cursed any-" Peepers cut himself off before he could hint at any past, last-ditch attempts to take care of the Wander situation. "I mean, NO!"

"Alright." Sylvia leaned back and crossed her arms. "Explain how this totally isn't a weird thing to ask."

"You know how Captain Tim's never hurt Wander?"

"Yeah, somehow Wander charmed it."

Peepers shook his head. "I don't think its just that it doesn't try. That thing drools, Sylvia. And there's no way to carry it without getting at least a little acid spit on you!"

"Never heard you complain about that before."

Peepers shrugged. "Acid resistance, remember? As long as I wash off a few droplets I'm fine. But I think Wander's got one better."

Now it was starting to make sense. "So you think Wander's immune?"

"I coulda sworn I saw slobber slide off him like rain on a tarp!"

"You're not even sure?"

Peepers sighed. "Look, I haven't exactly gotten any other leads. Just hand me a few strands so I can test that theory."

"And why didn't you ask Wander?"

"Eh… I think they'd take it the wrong way."

Yeah the only usual reasons for asking for someone's hair was magic and being a creep. For whatever reason Wander seemed to trust that Peepers wouldn't try the former. But he would flirt "back."

Well, that's probably what Peepers worried about. Sylvia was more worried about worsening Wander's existing fur-plucking issue.

"And what would you do if you're right? Shave Wander?"

Peepers rolled his eye and scoffed. "Obviously we'd need to synthesize it to get enough anyways."

"Maybe stop acting condescending when you're trying to ask for help."

Peepers sheepishly rubbed his head and muttered something he didn't seem to expect Sylvia to hear. Guess he was capable of saying sorry. For little things, anyways.

"... Alright. Can you please give me a bit?"

Sylvia slipped her saddle blanket off and exchanged it for Peepers' half-eaten slice of Jellyfish pie. "Pick at this instead of that."

Sounds like a win-win for both of them. Peepers nodded, then pulled a small ziplock bag out and got to work.

They soon settled into a comfortable silence as this planet's sun started to set. Sylvia had to admit (only to herself, of course) that it was impressive how quickly his tiny hands cleared that stubborn hair out.

"Maybe I should get you guys to dryclean that next time I come over," Sylvia said with a smirk.

"Could probably just throw it in the wash and…" Peepers' eye widened as he realized that it'd actually be a better way to go about this. He closed the bag and shoved Sylvia's saddle blanket back towards her.

"Y'know what? Let's let the lint trap take care of it."

"Wow. You're actually offering to do my laundry?"

"Just for extraction purposes. And yes we will use double-!"

This time Peepers' eye widened for an entirely different reason as his communicator cut him off. He frantically dug it out before answering the call.

"Hello?"

"PEEPERS! WHERE ARE YOU!?"

Peepers awkwardly chuckled as he held it away from his face. "Oh y'know, just taking care of things while you take care of Wander!"

"Well Wander destroyed my Funstation and the watchdogs can't find you ANYWHERE!"

…Ohhh shrebtank. Peepers sure was in for it now…

He forced his tone to be extra peppy as he said, "I promise I'll be there in a jiffy, sir!"

"YOU BETTER BE!"

And with that Hater hung up with a resounding clack. Probably slapped his hand phone down on something just to imitate that sound for dramatic effect.

Both Peepers and Sylvia were frozen in place.

"Yikes."

"Yeah..."

After a long pause Peepers leapt up. "What are we doing!? I needed to be back there an hour ago!" Thank glorn he already took care of the check!

"Right!?" Sylvia scooped Peepers up and rushed back to the watchdog saucer. "Let's gogogogo GO!"

Peepers put the pedal to the metal the instant Sylvia got crammed in. "Can you skip the good guy talk and watch out for cops!?"

"I don't care about them! Why do you!?"

"They're a hassle! Now shut up and let me know if you spot one!"

If this wasn't an emergency she'd deck him.

With the power of copious disregard for galactic traffic laws teamwork on their side, Peepers and Sylvia were able to reduce their travel time to a quarter of what it would be otherwise. Still, it had taken long enough that Hater was bound to have questions.

Peepers figured it'd be easier to explain running in looking like he got crushed by a (blue) barge and retrieving his saucer later than flying it in with her, so he ditched it behind a hill and dashed off. Sylvia chased after him just as much to complete the look as to get back to her favorite buddy. 

Chapter Text

This whole situation was…. unnerving. Normally when Peepers was late Lord Hater would wait to chew him out when he got back. (For not being around when he needed him, at the very least.) Yet this time he hadn't even seen him.

At first Peepers assumed he'd gotten distracted by some other issue. That theory was shot down when he slowly realized that Hater was avoiding him.

Why? If he knew that Peepers had been hanging out with Sylvia he'd be angry, right? Not moping and giving him the silent treatment? Guess it had to be something else?

But Peepers couldn't figure out what that something else could be! Did he disappoint Hater? …Nah, there was nothing aside from the usual failing to meet unreasonable demands. Then what's his deal!?

By the time Lord Hater summoned Peepers to his throne room it was almost a relief. Almost. Peepers crept in, looking anywhere but his ruthless superior as he drew closer.

Suddenly, Lord Hater spoke in a slow, low tone. "Do you know why I called you here Commander Peepers?"

"No sir, no I do not."

Peepers struggled to stay calm while sweating bullets. Nothing made him more nervous than when Lord Hater was in his serious mode! Especially after it had gradually become a rare sight…

"I've heard some rumors about you hanging out with Sylvia from the watchdogs."

"From who!?" Peepers yelled, while making a mental note to hunt the rats down later. If there was a later...

"Not important. What I'm concerned with is…" Hater turned around, revealing the tears and runny mascara running down his cheeks. "...that you've been hanging out with a girl!? And you didn't even tell ME!?"

Oh, so this was what this was about. Peepers almost outed himself to reassure Hater that there's nothing between them, and there wouldn't be even if they weren't sworn enemies. Then he realized in the nick of time that he didn't need to.

"Sir, it's Sylvia."

"...So?"

"She's a lesbian." Peepers swore that Lord Hater had to be the last person in the galaxy to find out.

"Ohhh." Hater stifled a sniffle as he wiped his face on his cloak. "Yeah I totally knew that!"

"Will that be all, sir?"

"Yeah, yeah." Hater nodded. "We're cool."

"Great!" Peepers cheerfully pumped his fist. "Then I'll be getting back to work now!"

Hater was so relieved that Peepers didn't have a girlfriend that he forgot to be mad about exactly who his best bud had been spending time with. 

"Lord Hater found out."

"So I assume it went well?"

Peepers sat up to squint at her.

"I mean, you still showed up."

Peepers flopped back down. "Honestly? He didn't care nearly as much as I expected."

"Huh."

"You wanna know why?" Peepers asked with a smirk.

"Why?"

"Because he thought-" Peepers' chest heaved as he held back a laugh. "HE thought we were dating! And he was just that relieved that I didn't get a girlfriend!"

Sylvia started to lose it. "OH MY FLARPING GROP!?!?!?"

"I KNOW, RIGHT!?!?"

Neither of them could take much more than a shallow breath as they rolled on the ground, wheezing at the thought.

"I can't believe-" Sylvia was cut off by the aftershocks of their fit. "I knew he was pretty oblivious with missing your big obvious crush but-"

Peepers immediately froze and jolted upright. "I thought I was hiding it well!?"

"...Wait, you were HIDING it!?" Sylvia was genuinely shocked. "But you're always making heart eyes at-"

"ANYWAYS!" Peepers cut her off before quickly saying, within a single breath, "He remembered the whole enemy thing a bit later and I calmed him down by saying I've been distracting you."

"HA! I mean, you're not wrong! But doesn't that mean I'm distracting you?"

Peepers shrugged. "Doesn't matter as long as you're not punching watchdogs."

Sylvia muttered, "But I kinda miss duking it out with you..."

Oddly enough, Peepers was inclined to agree. Beating Sylvia had been a nice goal to work towards. And their rivalry felt unresolved under their unconventional truce. 

At first Sylvia had only been decking Peepers because he was trying to help Hater kill Wander. Yet she had genuinely grown to enjoy their battles.

She missed his goofy banter, shouted with utmost sincerity. His desparation as he fought to bring down a foe far greater than he could hope to contend with, while never getting discouraged. The new tricks and strategies he'd entertain her with.

What she missed most was the way he slowly yet surely grew stronger. It was charming, in its own unique way. Maybe even a bit flattering. Glorn knows who or what he fought while building that dumb empire before he decided that she was the first one worth pumping iron for.

The little guy probably kept it up, just in case their arrangement broke down. So how tough was he now? Last time he'd actually made her break a sweat!

"Hey Peepers."

"Yeah?"

"What do you call a watchdog using a spyglass?"

"What?"

"A-" Sylvia stopped to snicker at her own upcoming punchline. "A seeing eye dog!"

Peepers sighed as he rolled his eye. He could appreciate a good pun but this was not it. Actually, it had to be among the worst eye puns he's ever heard.

And that's saying something.

"Y'know, you can just ask for a fight." This already qualified as begging for one. "Directly."

"Oh pardon my manners sir!" Sylvia did a mock curtsey. "May I have this brawl?"

Peepers smirked as he did a formal bow back, then held out his hand. "It would be my pleasure, milady."

Sylvia started to gently reach for his hand, but stopped in her tracks when he dashed past hers and socked her in the jaw. 

She won, of course. Yet he'd gotten strong enough to make it a hard won victory.