Chapter Text
"Well of course every year at Hogwarts we're sorted into more and more categories. We arrive in year order so the 7th years can have their sorting and then the sixth, and so on down to the first years, and no one from the younger years gets to see the upper years sorting."
"But Ron and I missed the 2nd year sorting"
"Yes, and we were all bound to secrecy not to blab to anyone who was not there. Although of course if you ever bothered to read Hogwarts A. History you'd know all about it anyway."
"So, what are they sorting us into this year? I did not notice any other clicks last year? Is there an evil house to avoid like Slytherin? What's the best one? Where do you think we should be sorted?" Harry asked worriedly.
"It's not like that, this year we're being sorted by the Scarf of Gender And Sexuality. It's just a quick check in really so we know what we're about. Hogwarts does not want to let kids go by without even being aware that it's possible to be trans for instance, or how easily gender dysphoria can be treated in the wizarding world with sex-change potions or puberty alteration spells."
Harry had never heard of such a thing, but from the sound of it Uncle Vernon would hate it so he was quite pleased that it existed especially as Hermione seemed to approve.
Flitwick called the students to attention and they lined up at the door in a randomized order, before he marched them into the center aisle of the great hall. The older students mostly seemed to ignore them as they came in, continuing to catch up and discuss whatever latest sorting they themselves had been subject to in oblique code.
Harry was not terribly interested in the proceedings himself. He had bigger things to be concerned about what with dementors and Sirius Black, and the summer reading he had not managed to do. He idly watched the stars and clouds swirling above the great hall and listened with half an year as names were called and various announcements made.
"Susan Weatherbee" and a long pause, "Is a bright young boy looking for love with and sexually attracted to other boys. He also would prefer to look like the handsome young wizard that he is, and kindly requests access to the potions and spells that are his due. Scarf Colors: Gay, Trans, Boy"
"Laura Hamiltonian" and another long pause "is a bright young girl looking for love but not sexual ventures with any peer she finds funny, intelligent, and kind. Scarf Colors: Pan, Ace, Girl"
"Marcus Tithebearer" another pause, "is a bright young boy looking for love and sexually interested in girls. Scarf Colors: Straight, Cis, Boy "
It went along like that for a while. Harry noticed that a group of Ravenclaw girls were taking notes. He thought it was a bit weird until he saw them pull out graphs and data from the previous years, and comparative statistics. He nodded to himself; so it was a nerd thing.
"Marrissa Hedgecombe" pause, "is a bright young girl whose romantic and sexual inclination is caught for now on a very special girl by the name of Anne Brewer. Scarf Colors: Lesbian, Trans, Girl."
"Juliette Dupont" pause, "is a bright young child who is neither a boy nor a girl, and is utterly devoid of gender. Juliette has not decided on a set of pronouns to use, but is ok with 'they' or being referred to exclusively by name without usage of any pronouns at all. Juliette is also not interested in any romance and never will be. Scarf Colors: Pan, Trans, Aro, Nonbinary."
"Stephen Connor" pause, "requests I keep my knowledge to myself, so he can tell his lady love how he feels himself. Scarf Colors: Straight, Cis, Boy."
"Draco Malfoy," pause, "requests I likewise keep my knowledge to myself lest he be publicly humiliated and be forced to retaliate by burning me to cinders, though he will never, ever, ever express his feelings out loud. In this scarf's opinion he should simply express how he feels, as he is hung up, obsessed and emotionally unavailable, and he might feel better if he said something, or learned to take rejection gracefully. And so I must reveal, he has a crush on" a brief struggle ensued where Malfoy attempted to smother the scarf, "Harry Potter!" the scarf exclaimed loudly, before composing himself, " Malfoy's Scarf Colors: Gay, Cis, Boy."
Harry blinked in shock. Malfoy was not the first the scarf had mentioned having a crush on him, but he was certainly the most unexpected.
The boy in question burned scarlet and then with exaggerated hauteur walked in some mimicry of casual aloofness away from the sorting platform. So, that was gonna be different. Harry thought.
The scarf continued on.
"Gregory Goyle," it assessed, "is a girl who is attracted to girls and others romantically and sexually but not boys. She'd also like to take this time to announce a name reversal back to what she was using before she tried out masculine gender expression and pronouns. Please refer to her from now on as Gillian Goyle. Scarf Colors: Bisexual, Lesbian, de-trans, Girl"
"Hermione Granger is a trans girl who is attracted to boys. Scarf Colors: Straight, Trans, Allo, Girl"
"Ron Weasley is a trans boy capable of romantic love regardless of gender or sexuality but only sexually attracted to those outside the gender binary. Scarf Colors..."
Harry was bored. None of this was particularly revelatory or of interest to him, and he did not know what trans or cis meant. But he certainly already knew that Hermione was a girl and Ron was a boy what with the sliding staircase and all that.
Finally it was his turn, and there were only one or two more students left.
"Harry Potter", and the scarf was wrapped around him and it felt like belonging and comfort and being whoever you happen to be, 'I'm not seeing any attraction in here at all' the scarf remarked. That could not be right, Harry thought. He was attracted to girls was not he? He was straight like most of the others right? Or might he be gay like Malfoy? That seemed fairly common and normal. But to have no attraction? That seemed rare and maybe a bit strange?
But the scarf was talking, "is a bright young boy who is not attracted to any gender or sex romantically or sexually, but wishes he could be if only to be perceived as 'normal.'"
In the next moment he was pushed along to his table, and the sorting continued but Harry's head buzzed.