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There was never much to do at the Ghostbusters HQ when the core members weren’t around.
The ladies had been called to exorcise some dangerous spirit haunting a college campus in Manhattan, thus leaving their secretary to his own devices for the afternoon. Kevin didn't love spending time alone. Really, he felt like an abandoned dog; a painful knot twisted in his stomach every time they walked out the door and left him there to man the phone. But this was his job, the responsibility he decided to take on, and he was content to stay behind knowing he could support his courageous employers (and friends) from afar.
Kevin had spent the afternoon doing anything and everything to keep himself occupied. Sketching up design ideas for their new website, singing along to pop songs on the radio and cleaning their equipment, seeing how many times he could spin in his desk chair without getting sick. He even tried looking through one of Holtzmann's textbooks, but it couldn't hold his attention (although the pictures were pretty). He was sure he'd killed a couple hours, until the clock told him otherwise.
12:16 pm.
"Fuck." He groaned and rubbed his eyes through the frames of his glasses. The team likely wouldn't be back until late evening.
Deciding he was a bit peckish, he wandered over to the fridge. He found it depressingly empty, save for some condiments in the door and some very old boxes of Chinese takeout with Abby’s name scrawled on them. But behind them, he spotted something that (even with his poor eyesight) was impossible to miss: a huge, clear container of some kind of neon green substance.
He pulled the heavy jar out with both hands and examined it. Hmm. It almost looked like lime jello, but it was filled with bubbles, like a viscous jelly. The color was insane, too—it was literally glowing, casting his hands in an alien green light. He shook the heavy container and amusedly watched its contents jiggle.
He had no idea what it was, but hey, it looked edible and he had nothing better to do. Plus nobody's name was on it, so they wouldn't mind, right? Finders keepers.
He unscrewed the lid and dug out a spoonful of slime, popping it into his mouth. It wasn't half bad. It actually did taste similar to lime jello, but with a more slippery texture and sweeter aftertaste.
He mindlessly chomped down another big bite, letting it coat his tongue curiously before he gulped it down. Fuck, no, it was delicious.
Kevin hastily shoved more into his mouth, moaning at how perfectly the viscous goop satisfied his hungry cravings. He could actually feel it sliding down into his stomach, sloshing and wobbling like thick jelly. And although the chilled slime had just come out of the fridge, it felt warm in his tummy, and almost ticklish. Oh, that felt nice. He giggled at the sensation, gulping a couple more big blobs.
He lifted up his shirt to look down at his belly, already a little bloated with the thick ooze inside it—and it was probably his imagination, but he could have sworn the slime was glowing through the pale skin. He might have been a little concerned if this jelly wasn’t sooooo good. He giggled and hungrily slurped down more, more, barely paying any mind to the neon goo dripping onto his white v-neck. He paused for a moment to breathe, quickly realizing the container was half empty.
Maybe there was alcohol in it, or something, because he suddenly felt woozy. Kevin slumped down to the kitchen floor and sat leaned against the cabinets. He couldn’t stop giggling. Oh man, it was just so delicious, unlike anything he’d eaten before. He’d have to ask the girls for the recipe when they came back. Erin was a good cook, maybe it was a new kind of dessert she whipped up? Or Patty? He probably shouldn’t eat all of it, maybe they’d want some when they got back.
Eh, they could always make more if they wanted some. Besides, he’d been a good secretary, he deserved a little treat. He laughed to himself and tossed aside the spoon, digging his hand right into the cold slime and shoveling it into his mouth. He was in heaven, slurping down mouthful after mouthful of the goop, leaving his cheeks and chin coated in a messy green glow. After each bite he sucked his fingers clean and let out a giggle of joy.
Oof. Something hurt all of a sudden, something tight and rough. He looked down and realized it was his pesky jeans; the cruel waistband was keeping him from filling his tummy with more gooey deliciousness. How annoying.
He reached down and popped open the button. He smiled and let his eyelids droop closed, rubbing the curve of his freed gut while he filled his mouth again. He couldn’t stop grinning. This was his new favorite food for sure. He tipped the girthy container up to his lips and let the rest ooze into his mouth, humming in ecstasy.
Filled to the brim, Kevin tossed the tub to the floor and rubbed the sides of his gorged belly. For some reason the sight made him laugh. He didn’t usually pig out like this. He was a trim guy, and the new round gut on his middle was a strange addition. He found it hilarious, a little cute, even. Feeling sleepy and warm, he slinked down further on the floor and rubbed his new tummy, curiously fingering his belly button. As the huge volume of jelly settled in his guts, a few burps worked their way up, along with more delighted laughs. He felt wonderful, so warm and tingly all over like he’d chugged a case of his favorite beer. He couldn’t wait to tell the girls how goddamn good he felt.
The girls… ah, shit, he should probably stumble back to his desk in case the phone rang. They were counting on him to be responsible and do his job while they were out saving innocent people. But, oh man, the floor was soooo comfortable, and he was so tired and full… surely they wouldn’t mind if he took a little nap. He rested a hand on his belly and let his head fall to the side, giving in to the blissful drowsiness.
“Kevin? Buddy? Are you in h—Oh, shit.”
Kevin blinked his eyes open to see Patty standing over him.
“You guys better come in here right now and see this.”
“Is he okay?” Erin called out in a concerned frenzy, rounding the corner. She stopped in her tracks when she spotted their overindulged secretary, laying on the ground covered in green goop and looking absolutely blissed out. She rubbed her forehead. “Oh, Kev.”
Kevin adjusted his glasses and grinned up at them. He tried to stand, to no avail. His muscles were totally weak all over, and his heavy, stuffed gut wasn’t going to let him go anywhere.
Abby and Holtzmann joined, and, evidently, needed no explanation to piece together what had happened.
“Hellooooo, ladies,” he slurred out happily. “You’re back! I m-missed you so much. Not much happened while you were gone. Except— hic —I did find something very delicious in the fridge.”
Holtzmann gasped joyously and gawked at him. “You actually ate that? Oh-ho-ho, that is so sick! I mean, I can’t say I haven’t thought about taste-testing it. But eating a whole jar of the stuff? Wow, that’s insane, Kevin. Even for me.”
Abby slapped her in the shoulder. "For Christ's sake, Holtzmann! I told you to stop leaving hazardous materials in the kitchen fridge.”
“Hey, it was too big for the mini-fridge in the lab! Besides, I thought a huge vat of glowing slime wouldn’t appear appetizing to anyone. Apparently I was wrong.”
Abby grimaced down at him. "Kevin, sweetie, why did you decide to eat that?”
"Uh, I got hungry? Duh." He laughed at them and licked some of the goo from his fingers. "I thought it was jello or something. But—hic—it was so yummy I couldn’t stop. None of you put your name on it, so don’t get mad at me.”
Holtzmann dropped to the floor next to him, staring with amazement at his bloated midsection. She poked his exposed belly, eliciting a surprised giggle from the dazed secretary. "Spectacular. The guy's got about 4 whole liters of pure ectoplasm in him."
"Ectoplasm?"
"Yeeeep. You stuffed your face with a big, whopping tub of gooey ghost secretions."
"Ah. Whoopsie." He erupted in laughter again, forcing out a few hiccups and burps. Welp, that definitely explained why the jelly was so supernaturally good. He found that the explanation didn’t even bother him (although he could barely think straight, nothing could have bothered him at that moment). He had half a mind to ask if they had more of the stuff, another helping sounded good right about now.
“Is he… drunk?” Patty asked, face scrunched in concern.
"Seems like it had a little bit of a drugging effect on him." Holtzmann lowered her voice to a whisper, "though he's not much more airheaded than usual."
She whipped a small flashlight out of her jacket pocket. "You know, we don't have anything on human ingestion of supernatural material. We could get some really unique data from this.” She shined it in his eyes and he squinted. "Just follow the light. How ya feeling, champ? Queasy? Lightheaded? Hurt? You develop any superpowers?"
"I f-feel fine.” Kevin let out a few burps, humming at the relief. “I actually feel really nice. Like, warm and tingly." He smiled lazily, rubbing a hand over his gut.
He watched as Holtzmann poked and prodded his belly, eventually producing a tape measure and wrapping it around his bulging middle.
"Christ almighty, dude. You are one huge ecto-balloon. How'd you fit that much in here?" She patted his bare skin and he giggled at the sound it made, like slapping a pumped up basketball.
"Alright, come on, Holtz!" Patty stepped in and pulled Jillian away from her specimen. "There's no way that stuff can be good for him. Shouldn't we go make him throw up?"
"Yes, definitely." Abby chimed in and nodded. She leaned down and made eye contact with the oversized toddler on the floor. "Hey, bud? We're gonna go to the bathroom and get all that goop out of you, okay? You're gonna feel a lot better afterwards."
"Mmkay." He grinned sleepily, holding his hands out for them to help him.
Patty hoisted him to his feet. His knees buckled and almost gave out, but Abby was quick to step in and lend another set of hands.
"Hey uh, Erin, will you stop making googly eyes at him and help?" the shorter woman requested, nearly crumpling under the weight of his tall, bloated frame.
“Sorry! It's just, ah…” Erin shook her head and discretely pulled out her phone. “You know, I'm just gonna take a quick picture of him like this. For research purposes.”
“Erin!”
“What? Holtz is allowed to take data and I'm not?”
“Your personal photo album of our secretary is not data.” Abby grumbled at her, and Erin turned bright red. "Now I would ask who's willing to stick their fingers down his throat, but something tells me both Holtzmann and future Mrs. Beckman are both chomping at the bit to do it. So I’ll leave it up to you to decide.”
Holtzmann nudged Erin and raised her eyebrows excitedly. “Arm wrestle you for it.”
“N-no! God, I am not putting my fingers anywhere near his mouth.” Erin rubbed the back of her neck. “I’ve… never even thought about that.”
Patty shook her head. “You guys are sick.”
“We are putting child safety locks on every potentially lethal substance and weapon in this place tomorrow. And you —” (Abby glared at Holtzmann) “—are going to start putting labels on things.”
“Pssh. Labels are for dudes.”
Kevin giggled at their conversation, feeling like a helpless child as they took care of him.
“Can you guys, uh… can you leave me some real food n-next time you go out? I get really hungry. And lonely.”
He felt Erin rub his back. “Oh god, of course, Kev... I’m so sorry we didn’t think of that. That was really neglectful, we’ll make it up to you.”
He smiled at her affectionately. Of course he harbored no negative feelings for any of his amazing employers (except for a few short minutes when they made him vomit, which was extremely unpleasant).
The next time the girls went out and Kevin found himself in the same situation, alone at HQ, he opened the fridge to find it overflowing with all his favorite foods and drinks. The cabinets were well-stocked with snacks and he even had some chocolates on his desk (with a sweet note that looked like it could have been Erin’s handwriting). After that, it was always that way. Patty would bring in leftovers of her baked mac and cheese for him to have at work, and Abby would order a few extra boxes of takeout and write his name on them. Holtzmann said she wasn’t much of a food person, so she opted instead to ease some of Kevin’s loneliness and boredom, lending him her DVD copies of X-Files and Star Trek to watch on his computer. He bubbled over with joy, feeling so incredibly loved by this paranormal-fighting crew who had taken him in as family.