Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The school bell rang in Max’s ears like a screeching hawk. He sat by the exit to the school, waiting for everyone to take their leave. The sea of students passed by, moving as one entity, like a hivemind. Hivemind. Max flinched at the word. 

There were many things which had been tarnished in Max’s experiences: words like hivemind; Dungeons & Dragons as a whole; the sound of fireworks…. The strangest, seemingly most innocuous things invaded Max’s nightmares, same as the monsters that invaded had Hawkins; similar also to his feelings of idiocy and selfishness which infiltrated his mind whenever he’d complain of the pain that just wouldn’t stop; At least I lived, Max thought.

As the students poured out of the school, the hallways became quieter and quieter. Once no one else was in sight, Max rolled in his wheelchair to the boys' bathroom.

Once inside, Max flung open the disability stall and locked it behind him. Tears exited his ducts without his permission. His face became dewy with emotion, his nose sniffled, and his hands shook with ferocity. He couldn’t bear it. How much longer do I have to live like this?

Just as Max’s longing for death had ceased, it returned with a vengeance, taking on a new, incomprehensible form, just like the entities from The Upside Down.

He attempted to stifle his cries by burying his face in the crook of his arm, but nothing could stop the tears. How much longer? How much longer? Why can’t it just go away?

Pain was all Max ever knew. Pain was his being. Pain was who he was, and he could not fathom a life without it. Perhaps he wasn’t meant to be happy. Perhaps the reason these feelings had only arisen now was due to it being some sort of punishment for what he felt he’d done to Billy. Perhaps it was a longing for Billy; for a brotherly figure—perhaps, just as Max had feared, he had become Billy.

The restroom entrance squeaked its hinges upon opening, and two pairs of feet stumbled over each other in the gap between the stall door and the floor; Max froze.

“Jesus, Harrington, you’re a maniac,” said Eddie, followed by wet kissing sounds. Max cringed.

“I’m just so obsessed with you. Can you blame me?” Steve replied breathlessly. Max’s cringe reverberated throughout his whole body and being.

“Can you two make out somewhere else before it gets rated R?” Max hollered; he wanted to kick himself for the sound of hoarseness in his voice.

“Woah, shit. Uh. Hey, Maxine,” Eddie exclaimed; Max saw the two pairs of feet separate from each other.

“Max. It’s just Max.”

“Sorry—Max…. What the hell are you doing in the guys' bathroom?”

“Yeah, Max. That’s not very safe,” Steve admonished.

“Some girls were gossiping in the ladies' room and it made me want to blow my brains out,” Max said with a lilt and sardonic chuckle.

“Is everything all right?” Steve asked, approaching the stall.

“No, everything is horrible, Steve. But thank you for asking. Now can you please leave me alone?”

“Nope, no way. Something’s off and we’re gonna get to the bottom of it,” Steve demanded. “Would you come out, please?”

He swung open the stall to find Steve and Eddie wearing concerned expressions. “So, are you two dating now?” Max asked.

“Not important,” Steve replied. “What’s going on here?” He then leaned against the stall with his arms crossed against his chest and his eyebrows furrowed.

“You wouldn’t get it,” Max mumbled.

“Uh, we’ve fought interdimensional beasts. And we’re gay, if it’s about anything like that. I think we’ll get it,” Eddie said.

Dammit. He has a point. Max groaned. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Have you talked about it with your counselor? Or is it about… everything?” Steve asked.

“No, it’s not about the monsters, and death, and everything. It’s about something else,” Max said, then added in a murmur, “you’d judge me.”

“No way,” Steve exclaimed. “We wouldn’t judge you for anything. I mean, seriously, after all we’ve been through, you really think we can’t handle a little… whatever it is you’re going through? Just tell us. Preferably outside of the men's bathroom because this is looking a little sketchy,” Steve said, leading the other two to the door.

“No,” Max interjected. “I don’t want to talk about it where people can hear…”

“But you will tell us about it?” Steve said.

Max inhaled deeply, then released the cloud of oxygen in a sharp exhale. “Fine, I’ll tell you about it. But you have to swear not to tell anyone.”

“Swear on my life,” Steve said.

“Swear on my guitar,” Eddie added.

“I’m surprised you even have the time for Steve,” Max replied to Eddie’s jest. He then let out another heavy sigh. “Okay… God. Goddammit,” Max hissed. “Ugh, okay.”

“It’s all right, Max. You can tell us anything,” Steve affirmed.

“I….” Another sigh. “I don’t like being a girl.”

Eddie and Steve nodded slowly. Then, Steve spoke up. “Well, yeah, being a girl kinda sucks in a lot of ways.”

“No, not like that. I mean—” Max huffed, “I mean that… I wish… I was—I wish I were a boy!” He spat it out like the words weren’t meant to be in his mouth, like they belonged outside of and far away from him.

Steve and Eddie’s nods came even slower than the first ones. Eddie was the first to chime in. “Like, if you could snap your fingers and be one, you would?”

Max was taken aback by Eddie’s deft regarding the subject. “Yeah, exactly, actually.”

Eddie released a knowing sigh, “I’ve been there.”

“What?”

“See, Eddie Munson,” Max rolled his eyes at Eddie’s speaking in the third person, “hasn’t always been the dashing man you see before you,” he spread his arms like he was something to behold. “People used to call me—I don’t feel like saying the name, but you get the point.”

“What point?” Max implored.

“I was born with a body that…. Let’s just say it's not ideal for a guy,” he grinned. “But then I realized I wasn’t a girl like everyone said I was. I realized I wanted to be a guy—and I’ll tell you what, Max, girls who want to be boys, who think a lot about wanting to be boys, usually aren’t girls.”

Max sat still in contemplation. Then, he spoke; “You used to be a girl?”

“Yep,” he said, pronouncing the single syllable as one long word with a heavy breath. “I realized I wasn’t one pretty early on…. That’s why I live with my uncle. He’s one of the only people in my family that accepted me.”

“Screw your family,” Steve interjected.

“Yeah,” he said, letting out a mournful chuckle; his eyes hid behind their gleam a sadness which Max knew all too well. “Anyway, is it anything like that, Max?”

Max fiddled with his hands, digging his nails into the armrests on his wheelchair. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, you know. You’re not a defect or anything like that. You’re just… misplaced. That’s how I think of it.”

“Misplaced,” Max mused. The word sounded right, seemed the correct adjective to describe his predicament.

“But people can do things to become more like themselves. My uncle works so he can help me pay for my hormones.” 

“Hormones?”

“Makes me look more like a dude—there are other changes too,” he said. “And after that, there’s more you can do, but that stuff’s even more expensive, and you’re young, so you don’t need to worry about all that right now.”

“Things I can do to look more like a boy?” Max asked.

“Yeah! Plenty of things! But for now, let’s focus on the simpler stuff.”

“What about this is in any way simple?”

“Touché, touché,” Eddie surrendered. “I’m talking about things like, cutting your hair, or changing your name. Do you want to do any of that?”

“I like Max,” he said, almost smiling. “But a haircut would be nice.”

“Well, you’ve got the guys with the best hair in Hawkins on your side,” Eddie grinned as he slung a shoulder around Steve.

“Thanks, but I don’t want your mop, or your bird’s nest.”

“Ouch,” Eddie said as he wrenched an invisible dagger into his heart.

“They call me Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington—and you’re saying it’s a bird’s nest? Maybe we won’t help you, Max.”

Max laughed—and he needed that laugh. “Hey, just as long as I don’t get Will’s old hair, or Mike’s current hair, I’m fine.”

“I’m pretty talented with a pair of scissors,” Eddie said.

“You cut your hair?” Max replied with incredulity.

“Sometimes! Let me give you a rockin’ new ‘do.”

“Don’t make me look like one of your dorky metal band crushes.”

“Metal isn’t dorky!”

“All right,” interrupted Steve, “now that we’re all situated, can we please leave the bathroom? I’m starting to get the heebie-jeebies with how quiet it is.”

Max had missed his bus home, so Steve lifted the boy into the back of his car and stowed his wheelchair in the trunk. 

“You all good back there?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Max winced. It was a lie, of course. His bones screamed in response to the unfamiliar movement, though he wouldn’t dare let it show. “So… Steve… you’re just okay with all this? You don’t have any questions or? Anything to say?”

“Eddie’s already explained all that stuff to me,” he said. “Even if I didn’t understand, who would bother a kid about it?”

“I’m not a kid.”

Steve looked back and sighed. “Whatever you say, you little shit,” he grinned. Max couldn’t help but smile.

“I do have one question, actually.”

“…Yes?”

“How long have you known?”

“Since… about… when Billy…”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. As if I wasn’t already dealing with enough,” he laughed weakly.

“You’ve kept it a secret for a whole year? Did you at least talk to your counselor about it?”

“Nope.”

“God. Why didn’t you tell any of us?”

“I thought you’d judge me.”

“Hey,” Steve said, seriousness donning his tone, “I’m always here for you. For any of you. For any reason. Remember that.”

“And I am also here,” Eddie bumbled out.

“Thanks,” Max said quietly.

They parked in front of Eddie’s trailer. Max looked towards his former residence; he and his mother had moved once again after the incident which left Max paralyzed below the waist, to a home that was more accessible and easier for him to move around in. It’d been so long since he’d had a home.

“And here we are,” Eddie said with grandeur as they entered; with the door wide open, Steve and Eddie hefted Max in his chair into the home. Eddie then ushered the two to the claustrophobic bathroom and plucked a pair of scissors from a plastic cup sitting in the cabinet. Steve leaned against the wall outside of the bathroom and Max peeked around the corner of it.

“Don’t be shy. Trust me, I’m a pro with these,” he said as he snipped the air.

“Try not to stab me,” Max suggested.

Eddie spun the scissors on his finger and then tossed them into the air, catching them with perfection. Max would not allow himself to be impressed by Eddie’s abhorrent dorkiness. Steve’s mouth was agape in a wide smile, as though Eddie was a cowboy gunslinger and not a nerdy D&D player.

Max rolled his chair to sit in the doorway to the bathroom. “Is this high enough for you? I can sit in an actual chair, but…”

“Don’t worry about it, Max. I’ve got this.”

Eddie knelt to the ground, sitting up on his knees in order to be at a better height. Max felt gratitude reluctantly soar through him in response to Eddie’s effort.

“What do you want, young man?”

His smile grew even wider. “Ralph Macchio,” Max said with wonderment.

“Ol’ Macchio? Okay, I’ll try my best!” 

The process took quite long, as Eddie was determined to make it perfect for Max. Though the time flew by, as they’d exchanged banter, told stories, and made Max feel at home. 

Maybe he didn’t have a physical home. Maybe his home existed in his companions. Maybe he didn’t need a house to feel like he belonged somewhere.

Once it was over, Eddie took a deep breath in. “Can you move a bit forward so I can come out? Only one person can be in here at once.”

Max obliged, and when Eddie was standing next to Steve, biting down on his lip, Max wheeled into the bathroom.

“I can’t see myself in the mirror, dipshit. It’s too high.”

Eddie and Steve held back laughter. Not towards Max, but in response to Max's language.

“Sooorry about that,” Eddie said. He gestured for Max to wheel out of the bathroom once again, and the boy rolled his eyes. Once Eddie was back inside the bathroom, he found a hand mirror in the same cabinet the scissors had been in, the only cabinet. “Here.”

Max took in his own deep breath. He looked in the mirror.

“Holy shit!”

“Good holy shit or bad holy shit?” Eddie said. He was practically chewing his fingernails off.

“I look like Ralph Macchio!”

Eddie released a sigh of relief; Steve patted him on the back.

Before Max could make some joke, or even a vomit-inducing sincere thank you, his eyes stung with something. He blinked a few times, and tears rushed out.

“Hey, hey,” Eddie said. “It’s okay, little man.”

That only made him cry even more. It was the first time in who knows how long that he’d cried tears of joy.

Steve and Eddie enveloped Max in a group hug; now that he could laugh at.

“You guys are so corny,” he said through sniffles.

“Oh, shit!” Steve exclaimed as he broke from the embrace.

“What?” Eddie and Max said in unison.

“The dinner! At the Wheeler’s!”

“Shit!” Eddie and Max exclaimed in unison.

It was D&D night at the Wheeler house, and the three were a little late. The whole party was there: Mike, Will, Jane, Lucas, Erica, and Dustin. The Byers-Hopper family had visited at Will and Jane’s behest, though when Max had embraced Mrs. Byers, she seemed more than happy to be home with the children she cared about, and to see the smile on her own children’s faces, Will in particular.

Steve had borrowed Max’s mother’s wheelchair-accessible van for the night, and he was set to have dinner at the Wheeler home with Nancy, Jonathan Robin, a reluctant Eddie, and the Wheeler parents, plus Mrs. Byers and Hopper.

“Can’t I just go and play D&D?” Eddie whined on the drive there.

“No, you have to do this thing called being an adult,” Steve replied.

Steve and Eddie made sure that Max got out of the van okay. They were both well-dressed for their dinner, though Eddie looked hilariously unnatural in one of Steve’s sweaters.

Steve helped Max to the door and rang the bell.

“Welcome!” Mrs. Wheeler greeted. “Come on in, you three!”

“Hi, Mrs. Wheeler,” they all said in unison.

“It’s so great to see you all!” (Mrs. Wheeler originally was not fond of Eddie, after the ordeal with the police and Hellfire, though when she’d heard that he had saved Dustin’s life, she thanked him, and her whole demeanor had shifted.)

They gave space for Max to roll in, then Steve and Eddie followed.

“Look at you, Maxine! That’s an… interesting new haircut!”

“It’s just Max, actually” Steve corrected.

“Right, sorry. Max. The kids are in the living room. I know you all want to play your board game instead of having dinner,” she laughed. Max nodded with a forced smile.

“They aren’t in the basement?” Max said.

“Well, you can’t get down there, sweetheart. So, they stayed on this floor for you.”

Max smiled. 

“Dinner’s almost ready,” she said as she gestured for Steve and Eddie to follow her. Nancy and Jonathan appeared at the entrance to the kitchen and Nancy embraced Steve. They began to exchange conversation that Max couldn’t hear as he rolled into the living room.

“Holy shit! Look at your hair!” Dustin exclaimed while pointing at Max. Hotness flooded Max’s face; did it actually look bad? Would they make fun of him?

“You look like a badass,” Lucas said in awe. Max could have cried right then and there, but he decided he’d cried too much that day.

“True to that!” Dustin said. “Now you’re really Madmax!”

“It’s awesome, Max,” Will said, and Jane nodded.

“My hair used to be that short,” Jane said in her characteristic friendly monotone.

“Now that everyone’s here, let’s cut the chit-chat and get to this campaign. I’ve been waiting,” Erica said.

“Is it okay if I just sit back and watch you guys play? I don’t know how to.”

“We’ll teach you,” Mike said. “It’s easy! Just watch us and learn.”

“What character is she gonna play as?” Erica said.

“Hey, actually. Can… I say something?” Max asked.

They all brought their eyes on him. He shuddered.

With a sigh, he marched on. “I have something to say.” He spoke quietly, though he was certain the adults couldn’t hear him. “God. Promise you guys won’t judge me?”

“Why would we ever judge you?” Lucas said. “We care about you.”

Max wheeled closer and lowered his voice. “I know this is going to sound weird, and I’m still having trouble with it too, but… I don’t like being a girl. And, if there were some magic spell, I’d… become a boy.”

They all stared in silence.

“Eddie explained to me that he—that some people are like that, and that there are things you can do about it. And he said that sometimes, people change things about themselves to better… match how they really feel. Like cutting your hair. Or going by ‘Max’ instead of ‘Maxine.’”

They remained quiet. Max bit his lip.

“So… if you guys could just—maybe… Eddie said I should ask…. Could you call me a boy? Like, say he instead of she. But not around the parents!”

Another beat of silence.

“All right,” Mike said. “So, is Max still fine?”

“Y-yeah. Max is great.”

“Okay, cool.”

“So, you guys don’t care?”

“Why would we?” Will said. “You’re our friend no matter what.”

Max’s promise to himself that he wouldn’t cry again had failed. His friends rose from the floor and formed a great, big group hug.

“Ralph Macchio,” Jane said, pointing at Max’s hair.

“Does it seriously look like him?” Max said with excitement.

“Yes,” exclaimed all of his friends.

“Now, are you ready to learn how to play D&D?” Mike said. (Maybe Mike wasn’t so bad after all.)

He wasn’t home, necessarily, but he was home. 

Chapter Text

The van was parked outside of Eddie’s trailer.

“Hey, Mayfield. Is your mom gonna have my throat for cutting your hair?”

“Probably not. She may be a drunk, but she does actually love me.”

Eddie let out a breath he’d been holding in. “Okay, good. I started getting paranoid.”

“Glad your mom isn’t planning on killing my boyfriend,” Steve said. Max somehow found Steve’s use of the word “boyfriend” sweet. Nausea filled him in response to his own sincerity.

Eddie exited the vehicle. “Well. I’ll be seeing a lot more of you, Max. If you ever need anything—advice, help, to beat someone’s ass—I’m here, got it?”

“Got it.” Max almost got out of his chair—but of course… “Eddie.”

“Yeah, Max?”

“Can I—” he groaned at himself. He then inclined his body towards Eddie with his arms outstretched. “Hug?”

Eddie obliged with a huge smile on his face.

“Okay, now get away from me,” Max said. Eddie’s grin grew even wider.

“You take care of yourself, Max. See you later,” Eddie said.

“Bye, Eddie.”

Eddie then leaned into the driver’s window and planted a kiss on Steve’s lips.

“See you, sweetheart,” Eddie said.

“Later, doll,” Steve replied.

“You two are the worst,” Max commented.

“Thanks for driving me, Steve,” said Max as he exited the van; Steve was out to make sure he didn’t need any assistance. Steve’s car was beside the van.

“Anytime, Max. Hey, if your mom does give you any shit about the hair, let me know. Want me to wait out here?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

“All right.”

As Steve walked Max to the door and opened it wide enough for him, Max offered a half-hug to Steve, to which he returned in full.

“Stay safe, Max. Goodnight.”

“Night, Steve.”

And with Steve gone, the only sound in the house was the television playing some classic movie about star crossed lovers and forbidden love. But Max’s mother was not crashed on the couch as usual.

“Maxine? My God! What happened to your hair?” Susan said as she appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“I cut it,” Max mumbled.

“You cut it yourself?”

“A friend cut it.”

“Is something going on, Maxine?”

“No, nothing’s going—can you please call me Max?”

“What?”

“Max. Everyone calls me Max.”

“Everyone isn’t your mother, Maxine,” Susan said, though there was no touch of rudeness, only sincere confusion.

“I don’t like Maxine! I like Max.”

Susan took a deep breath in. “Okay. Max. What’s going on with you lately?”

“Seriously? What isn’t going on with me?”

“Maxine—Max,” she said while tilting her head in exasperation. “That’s some attitude.”

“Sorry. I’m just—there are things going on.”

“Well, tell me about it, baby. I’m your mother, you can tell me anything.”

“Not anything,” he muttered.

“Max. You can tell me anything.”

“I…” He changed his mind. “I actually feel a lot better.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… I like my hair short. And I had a nice time with my friends.”

“I’m happy to hear that, baby. Why don’t you get to bed? It’s late.”

“Okay, mom,” said Max as he wheeled into the hallway which led to his bedroom at the end.

“Max.”

“Yeah?”

“You know I love you no matter what, right?”

Max said nothing. Then, “Yeah, I know.”

He wheeled into his room and maneuvered himself into bed (a skill which took him ages to hone, though he did not want to need help getting into bed.) He lay awake in the darkness, the memories and their nightmare evolutions creeping into his mind. And the pain. How could he sleep when his bones were on fire? How could he rest when his body held within it ghostly agony? When the paralyzed part of his body scorched in searing numbness? And no one would ever understand. Not his physical pain, not his mental anguish, not his emotional turmoil, not who he was.

Well. Maybe some people did understand who he was.

He fell asleep and dreamt, not of nightmares or traumatic memories, but of strangers looking at him and calling him “young man” and “sir.” It was the best dream he’d ever had.

And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God

And I’d get Him to swap our places.

Be running up that road, be running up that hill

Be running up that building.

To trade places with a man and live the rest of his happy days in that guy’s shoes; that was what the song meant to him. To even live a day as a man, be perceived as one, treated as one. Maybe he didn’t need a deal with God. Maybe he just needed the help of people like Eddie Munson.

He hauled himself out of bed and into his wheelchair. While his vision had miraculously healed for the most part, he now needed a prescription. He rummaged through his nightstand drawer in search of the case which held his contacts, only to find he was all out. He groaned; he hated his glasses. They looked like the ones serial killers on television wore. Or Mr. Wheeler. Equally chilling.

He hooked his glasses behind his ears. Will and Jane would be staying a few more days, as California’s schools were on spring break a week before Indiana’s.

Max, for a moment, wanted to kick himself for not waiting to cut his hair until break. Now he had to deal with the stares at school. Maybe worse.

There weren’t many students on the accessible bus, and none of them stared at him for his new look. He actually liked being there. The students were kind, mostly non-bothersome, and kept to themselves instead of poking and prodding at the kid using a wheelchair like Max’s other peers. He could listen to his music and stare out the window, daydreaming of a life where he’s a happy, good-looking man in a happy relationship. Wait , Max thought, am I gay now? Was he attracted to guys? Or did he only believe he was because he was taught to? He certainly liked Lucas, but Jane was nice too. He shook his head of the thoughts; he’d had enough identity crises for one week.

But these moments of peace were fleeting, crushed beneath the cruelty of high-school jeers almost instantaneously.

Max had known the hardships of the world, as he’d been dealt more than enough in his short lifetime, but before his paralysis, he couldn’t imagine that anyone would mock someone for their disability. No way anyone could stoop that low , he thought. Lo and behold, idiot high schoolers certainly did so. He wouldn’t dare repeat the things he’d heard in the hallways, and he knew it would only worsen when those same peers saw his new style. He dreaded rolling into school.

When he did enter, the stares began almost instantaneously. He kept his head down; it didn’t help his confidence that he was wearing those horrid glasses. He trudged on, into his first-period class, Biology . Ugh .

“Eddie!” Max mobilized himself quickly towards Eddie’s receding silhouette. He was with the rest Corroded Coffin; Today must be band practice.

Eddie pivoted on his feet to sound of his name. He waved at Max with a big smile. “What’s up?” Eddie hollered from afar.

“Can we talk?” Max hollered back.

Eddie patted Gareth’s shoulder with a nod, and then made his way over to Max.

“Hey, Max. What’s going on? Hey, are you okay? You look upset.”

“Are you busy?”

“Not anymore; what’s up?”

“Really, Eddie, if you’re busy—”

To prove just how much time he had, Eddie plopped down on the concrete and crossed his legs.

Max sighed. “Some guy was bothering me and I just don’t know—”

“Who?”

“I don’t know his name. One of those basketball guys. The ones that tried to kill you last year. It was the one that wears that stupid hat.”

“Andy .” Eddie’s ringed-up hands clenched. “What did he say to you?”

“I don’t want to repeat it,” Max mumbled. “Mean things. Like, really bad things.”

Eddie shot up. “Where is he?” 

“What? Why?”

“He’s the one that hurt Erica last year, and my friend, Gareth.”

“Yeah, that guy. But why do you need to know where he is?”

Eddie cracked his knuckles. “I’m going to have a little chat with him.”

“Eddie, seriously? You don’t have to beat someone up for me—”

“I promised I would,” he smiled.

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“Don’t need to. He has what’s coming to him.”

“I mean, I guess if he was the one that hurt Erica, then, yeah, he does kind of deserve it.”

Eddie nodded. He was off before Max could ask any more questions.

Corroded Coffin approached Max. “Hey,” said Gareth.

“Hi?”

“Where’s Eddie heading off to?”

“To beat up some guy named Andy.”

“Oh,” Gareth grinned, “hell yeah!” He then went after Eddie. “Wait for me, dude!”

Jeff shook his head and chuckled. “Do you need any help getting home?” 

“No, I’m fine, thanks. I just need to make sure I don’t miss my bus.”

When Max arrived home, he’d made a decision. He was going to tell his mom about why he cut his hair.

He was sick of secrets. He couldn’t bear to keep one more locked up inside of him. They would all come bursting forth before he knew it. His secrets were kept in a little jar inside his soul, and they were clamoring to be released; they oozed out of the seams, leaving little hints and forming white lies to cover themselves up. He couldn’t bear it any longer.

Susan was sitting on the couch after a long day of work with a beer in hand. “Hey, sweetie. How was school?”

“Honestly? Bad day. But that’s not the point.”

“What happened at school?” Susan set her drink down and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, I need to tell you something.”

“Okay, tell me,” she smiled.

Max sighed. Here we go again. “If I could snap my fingers and do some magic bullshit, I would become a boy.”

Susan looked at him blankly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means—” he huffed, “it means that—” How could he possibly explain it to his mother? “My friends all call me a boy now. And it makes me really, really happy. I haven’t been happy in so long,” tears welled up in his eyes, “but I’m happy now. I still have to deal with all this bullshit, with my legs and my feelings and the nightmares and the pain, but for the first time in I don’t know how long, I feel happy .”

She nodded. “Okay.” She seemed to be ruminating on her next words. “Is this—do you want to be with girls? Is that what this is about? Because boys get to be with girls?”

“No, Mom, it’s not like that. It doesn’t have anything to do with who I like, it’s just about me. And what I want to be. And what I want to be is… a boy.”

“You want to be a boy?”

“Yes,” he muttered.

Susan took another sip from her beer. “Is that why you cut your hair? And why you asked me to call you Max?”

“Yes.”

“So, you did those things to be more like a boy.”

“Yes.” Max didn’t realize just how much he was shaking.

“And it makes you happy?”

“More than anything I’ve ever done in my life. I haven’t been happy like this since I was a kid. When Dad was still around.”

“That happy?”

“Yes. That happy.”

Susan took in and let out a deep exhale. “All I want is for you to be happy. I don’t understand it, but you’ll always be my daughter—my… kid—no matter what. You know that, right?”

Max hadn’t known that. His chest heaved with cries and his body shivered. “Are you mad at me?”

“I could never be mad at you, dear. I’m just happy that you’re alive, and that you’re here with me,” Susan said as she rose from the couch and enveloped Max in a tight hug. Max squeezed his mom’s body desperately; he never wanted to let go. He could die there, happy in his mother’s arms, and all would be well.

Eddie had a few bruises on him, but he’d won the fight. Andy stood no chance against a furious Eddie.

“You should’ve seen him,” Gareth exclaimed to Max. “It was badass.”

“I wish I would’ve,” said Max. “Bet it was tubular,” he said in that surfer voice that Dustin and Lucas still used to this day.

“It was metal,” Eddie politely corrected as he adjusted the rings on his bruised knuckles. 

“Ohh,” Max said, “metal. Totally.” Max then shifted to a more serious tone. “By the way, Eddie. I had a talk with my mom about… the thing.”

“I love that movie,” Jeff said.

“Not talking about Carpenter, Jeff,” Eddie said over his shoulder. “Anyway, how’d that go?”

Max’s eyes landed on Gareth.

“Oh, Gareth’s cool, by the way. They all are,” he gestured towards the members of Corroded Coffin. “But Gareth especially,” he nudged Gareth.

“Oh! Yeah, you know, I’m… You know,” he smiled.

“Wait, are you?”

Gareth nodded.

“Oh, cool,” Max said. “God. Who knew there were so many of us in this small town?”

“We’re everywhere,” Gareth jested in a menacing voice with claw-like hands.

“So, you told your mom,” Eddie continued, “how’d it go?”

“It actually… wasn’t the worst. I didn’t expect her to react so well.”

Eddie patted Max’s shoulder in a brotherly way. “Proud of you.”

“She said she loves me no matter what, even if she doesn’t really get it.”

“How do you feel now?”

“I feel… I feel like a weight’s been lifted off my chest,” Max said, half sarcastically; he hated to use a cliché.

“I’m glad she didn’t freak out at you, Max. I’d have given anything for my parents to have been that accepting…”

“I’m sorry your parents are dicks.”

Eddie smiled. “Yeah, they’re dicks anyway.”

Eddie and Steve taught Max all the tips and tricks to being a man. Steve taught him how to style his hair, how to project confidence, and Eddie taught him how to deepen his voice. Apparently, it would be a long process, and take lots of practice, but Max was willing to put in the work. Plus, he’d found another guy like him, Gareth. 

“Hey, Eddie,” Max said, a question lingering in his tone.

“Yeah?” 

Steve and Eddie were picking Max up from the Wheeler abode after a rousing D&D session. Max had begun to play as “MadMax,” a barbarian who towered at eight-feet with an unruly beard and, while scary on the outside, was protective of his party members and fond of animals and children.

“So… What about, like, liking people?”

“Like, sexual orientation?”

“Yeah, that.”

“Depends on the person. Me, I only like dudes. Always have. But Gareth, he can swing both ways. The way that you feel—male, female, et cetera—”

“Et cetera?” Steve chimed in.

“Sure, there are people like that. I’ve met a few punks and goths like that.”

“Huh,” Max and Steve said in unison.

“Anyway, no matter whether you're a dude or a chick or otherwise, your sexuality isn’t really the same thing. You can like whoever you like.”

“What if you think you like guys and girls?” Max said.

“Oh, that’s bisexuality,” Steve said, with pride.

“Don’t let Stevie’s deft deceive you; I was the one who taught him that.”

“Don’t steal my thunder, dude,” Steve said with a playful slap to Eddie’s chest.

“So, is that how you feel, Max?” Eddie continued.

“I… think so. I mean, Lucas is still… I don’t like him anymore! But… I don’t know…. Maybe I do. But Jane; she’s really pretty, and—don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Steve said with shit-eating grin.

“Like that.”

“It warms our hearts; young love,” Eddie mused with a dreamy sigh, hands over heart.

“Shut up,” Max spat. “Anyway, maybe that is what I am…. Bisexual. Sounds… cool.”

“It’s the coolest thing ever,” Steve said. “No offense, Eddie.”

“None taken; you’re the lucky one! So many options…”

“Yeah, but… who would want to date someone like me?”

“Um, hello?” Eddie said. “I’m right here, you know.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, maybe a bit, but also…. Look at me. Wheels. Some zoomer I am now…”

“Zoomer?” Steve said.

“Remember when I drove… that car?” Max said with a smile on his face.

“Oh, Christ. That was a nightmare.”

“Wait, hold on, when did you drive a car?” Eddie said with gleeful curiosity.

“Don’t even get him started.”

“I was a really good driver!”

“You could have gotten all of us killed!”

“But I didn’t.”

“He makes a compelling point, Harrington.”

“All right, enough out of you two,” Steve said as he pulled into Max's driveway. Steve’s car was waiting once again. Steve and Eddie waited outside the door from which Max would exit to see if he needed help; he didn’t.

“Goodnight, guys,” Max said as he rolled up the wooden ramp leading to his door. The other boys entered Steve’s car and waved.

“Night,” they said in unison.

When Max entered the home an aroma carried Max into the kitchen. His mother had cooked the first homemade, real meal in ages. And there was not a spirit in sight.

“Mom? What is all this?” Max said with bemusement.

“I just wanted to celebrate you being happy. I want to show how proud I am of you.”

For the millionth time that week, tears tore themselves out from his eyelids. His mother ambled towards him, smelling of fresh seasoning, and hugged him tightly, as though she would never let him go.

“Thank you, Mom.”

“Anything. Anything for my… my son.”

He was home. Actually, truly, physically, home.