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The sun was about to rise above the horizon and to blind his eyes, however, Guren couldn't avert his gaze from the sunrise. When was it that he stopped sleeping and started lurking around his apartment until sunrise? Was it when he left or was it even before that? Guren couldn't really tell and even if he knew the reason, he wouldn't be able to prevent himself from not sleeping.
Sometimes, he'd catch an hour or two of sleep, if he was lucky, but even then the nightmares haunted him. Everything haunted him. All the things in his apartment reminded him of Shinya and yet he couldn't bring himself to throw anything out.
How long has it been since Shinya left anyways? It couldn't be that long, right? Guren didn't know anymore.
***
Guren looked at Shinya and Shinya looked back. The light behind Shinya made a halo around his head, making him look nearly angelic. His white hair blended with the blinding light perfectly. Guren smiled and so did Shinya. Suddenly, Shinya looked away. He seemed even more serene as he gazed at the sky reddened by the sunset; he wasn't smiling anymore.
"Hey, Guren, what would you do if I wasn't there anymore?", he asked making Guren's body shoot up a little.
"What do you mean?", Guren questioned with a nervous smile.
"Oh, nothing, it's nothing. Really.", Shinya quickly tried to change the subject.
"Alright..."
At first, Guren was afraid that Shinya would break up with him, but no, it wasn't that. It couldn't possibly be that. Shinya would never break up with him, Guren strongly believed in that. But then, why did Shinya ask him such a question? Was he going to leave somewhere? That couldn't happen.
Right?
***
Guren stood up from the chair on his terrace and stalked back inside. The apartment was dim and gloomy. He remembered when he actually liked spending time in that place, but now it was all gone. It had been a long time since he felt anything remotely close to happiness. Everything was pointless and he didn't know why he even lived anymore. Shinya was the only one who could brighten up the place, but he was gone and he wasn't coming back.
It was just another crippling day which he had to fake through. When did he start pretending he was okay anyways? Was it before Shinya left or after? He couldn't put his finger on it anymore, and, truth be told, it didn't really matter.
Sometimes, he'd get mad because nobody knew and nobody cared, but at the end of the day Guren knew that it was over. Shinya was gone forever and nothing mattered anymore.
***
"Hey, Guren, do you remember how we met?", he asked him all of a sudden while they were lying on the floor Guren's apartment.
They were sharing a bottle of wine, the sun was setting, everything was perfect. The air in the room was a bit stale, but Guren paid it no attention. It didn't matter as long as Shinya was there by his side.
"Yeah, you were a real dick.", Guren answered.
"Ouch. Sorry about that. But you know that I was just testing you with that punch, right?"
"Of course, of course. The Almighty HIragi Shinya got me real good back then."
"Well, at least we bonded really quickly after we got past that little incident."
"Yeah, look at us now."
Shinya laughed.
"Yeah, look at us now.", he repeated and he suddenly started looking really sad.
"Is something the matter, Shinya?", Guren inquired, worried.
"Guren...", Shinya started but started choking as tears escaped his eyes.
"Hey! Shinya! What's wrong?!", Guren quickly jumped to his feet and over to Shinya's side.
"G-Guren!", Shinya exclaimed and threw himself into Guren's arms.
He didn't know why, but Guren felt like crying as well. However, he knew he had to be stronger in that moment. Shinya needed him to be strong.
"What's wrong, Shinya?"; Guren asked him again while gently caressing his white hair.
Shinya didn't respond immediately. Instead he just cried. He cried for a long time. It seemed like hours passed before he managed to calm down, and when he did, Shinya simply separated from Guren and looked him into the eyes.
Guren couldn't remember the time that Shinya looked that sad. As a matter of fact, Guren couldn't recall the time that Shinya was ever truly this sad. Something was wrong. Awfully so.
"Guren, I...", Shinya started but choked up a little again.
"Yes?", Guren encouraged him to tell him.
"I-I'm dying."
***
Everyone pitied him and he knew it, but he didn't care. They could pity him all they wanted but it wouldn't bring Shinya back. It would never bring him back so it was useless like most things in the world. Sometimes, Guren wanted to scream because he wanted to world to know. He didn't want Shinya to be forgotten because it seemed, as time passed by, like Shinya slipped away from him even further, and Guren wasn't going to allow that.
How much time passed? He couldn't tell anymore. All he knew was that it was too much. When was it that he lost everything? Was it before, when or after Shinya died? One thing was sure: a piece of him died with Shinya and he was never getting it back.
***
His body was getting weaker day by day. Even his beautiful white hair started falling out and Guren couldn't stand to see him like that. He thought that they'd be together forever but here they were in the hospital. Shinya was lying in the bed. Guren had never seen him looking that frail. His life was slowly slipping away from him.
"Hey, Guren, please hold my hand.", Shinya demanded.
"Of course.", Guren said and took his fragile, pale hand.
"Why is everyone dancing, Guren?", he asked him.
"Who's dancing, Shinya?"
"I'm tired."
"Try to sleep a little."
"But they're dancing, Guren."
"There's no one here but us, Shinya."
"I can see them, Guren, please believe me."
"I believe you, of course."
"I have go now, Guren, they're calling me."
"Wait, who's calling you?"
Without answering, Shinya simply smiled at him as his eyes slowly began to close and the hold on Guren's hand gradually went limp.
"Shinya! Hey, Shinya! Wake up!", Guren stood up from the chair and started shaking Shinya's lifeless body, "You can't leave me! What will I do without you?! Hey, Shinya, please wake up! Please!"
Tears streamed down his face and he couldn't breathe properly, yet he wasn't giving up on Shinya yet. He couldn't leave so suddenly. There was no way Shinya would die like that. There was no way?
Right?
***
Guren was a haunted man. Everywhere he looked, Guren would see a piece of him, whether it be a smile or an eye or a strand of hair. Shinya followed him everywhere. He entered his life with a punch square in the jaw and left like all those years were nothing.
He wished he could go back in time so he could see him one more time. Guren wanted to touch him again, to see his smile and to hold his hand.
But it was no use anymore. All he had left were memories and Shinya's ashes. Everything else was gone and never to return.
The charming sunsets by the river spent with Shinya became painful sunrises on the concrete balcony of his apartment that he spent alone.
Guren thought that he'd be able to put up with that for a long time into the future.
Right?
The End