Chapter Text
insaneJackass: hey
insaneJackass: you up?
ectoBiologist: this a booty call?
insaneJackass: no um.
insaneJackass: no its not
insaneJackass: can i. can i come over? maybe
ectoBiologist: uhhh you do know its like. three in the morning
ectoBiologist: but yeah sure! my dad will be fine with it in the morning
insaneJackass: sorry
ectoBiologist: shut up dickwad and come over, do you need a ride?
insaneJackass: that would be great actually
ectoBiologist: sure thing! see you in twenty
insaneJackass: youre a saint
ectoBiologist: yeah yeah love you too
you step away from your computer, anxiously biting at your nails. you need to pack
you get up despite your nerves, you steady yourself enough to get your well-hidden suitcase out of your absolutely amazing hiding spot, not to toot your own horn
and you fill it with the everyday items and items that would be obvious if gone that you couldnt have packed until now.
you hug your cat one last time before youre sure you will never see her again. bye kitty cat. you think to yourself and she love bites your hand, rubbing up against you
youre sure she knows what youre thinking
even if she doesnt, thats okay, you know. thats enough
once your bag is packed you go to the front door, sneakily as you can while holding almost all of your possessions on your weak, weak body.
you should really work out
maybe john has a gym membership you could borrow?
actually fuck that, youre not going to a gym. thats too embarrassing.
maybe you can listen to your grandma and use cans of soup. you hate living a little bit more at the thought
fortunately for your exceedingly fragile will to live gets re-supported by johns navy blue suv pulling up in front of what is soon to not be your house
his lights are off, which isi normal, because he doesnt want to be seen here by anyone who could possibly see him here.
he waves at you, smiling, before he sees that youre holding more then three bags and he looks like a confused dog
you shrug a little and he gets out of the car to come help you carry your things
"whats with the amount of bags?" he whispers to you, reaching out ot grab your two duffle bags and drawstring, leaving you with your backpack and two suitcases
"i uh. lets just get in the car." you say, shaking, as you force yourself to take the ten steps forward to get to the trunk of his car
ten steps and a little more effort and you never have to see this place, the people who live here, ever again. you feel grief more than anything. but you know relief will come.
he helps get your stuff in the car, stacking with ease only someone raised by an army brat can do. you survey the things he put in, go over everything thats in the bags, make sure you have everything you may need
once hes done he turns to you, putting a thumbs up in the air, silently asking for you to reply with it if youre done.
you put your thumb up absentmindedly, and then make your way to the pasenger side of his car
he closes the trunk and then gets in after you, car seat headrest is playing in the car
"so, weve gotten into the car… now do you wanna talk on the fact that youve packed all of your belongings into my car or do you wanna talk later? up to you" he says, not looking at you because he knows it makes you feel better when hes not looking at you
"drive" you instruct, as clearly as you can without cringing at how bossy you sound
he puts his foot on the gas and nods
"so uh. im leaving this place. i guess. i dont want to come back. i probably couldve been more clear about that when i pestered you."
"maybe" he says with a laugh, but hes being playful so some of the tension forcing your shoulders around your ears
"is that okay?" you say, looking over at him to survey his reaction
"of course man! whatever you need, how its always been." he says like its gonna be easy, you will yourself to believe him
theres a pit in your stomach but, the music is helping, but now that you feel okay enough to sit silently in a car you dont know what to do with yourself
john hums along to "fill in the blank" as it comes on
"god you really love this song huh" you tease and he laughs a little
"its a good song!" he says in between lyrics
you laugh at him, he smiles all dumb
you roll your eyes despite the affection warming in your chest
you guys pull up to johns house before the song is over and he frowns over it for a total of three seconds
"okay, so, its saturday which means we can sleep in. do you want to make ice cream sundaes inside and watch steven universe on my bed before sleeping?" he asks and suddenly you feel like the rest of the world doesnt matter
"holy shit yes" you respond and he grins at you
"unpack tomorrow?" he suggests and you agree, not wanting to drag all that through the house and risk waking dadbert up, he doesnt deserve that
you follow him to the kitchen, letting him get out the three flavors of ice cream while you get out the toppings that he keeps all in one place specifically so you guys (you, rose, and jade) find them easier
god you love having middle class friends
you decide on All Three flavors (strawberry, chocolate chip, and chocolate,) because you deserve it. with strawberry and whipped cream on top
john gets all chocolate chip with Hella syrup on tops
"what episodes of su you do wanna watch?" he asks, while piling caramel onto his bowl
"always a fan of log date 7 15 2" you reply, starting to eat already
"mmm fine as long as we get to watch the answer" he responds
you are more then happy about that deal, and you think youd be more then happy about any deal so long as its with john and he keeps looking at you like he loves you
which he will, because he loves you
not quite in the way you want, though
that thought sinks you back into your negative feelings, but you busy yourself with taking your ice cream up to johns room aka the entire fucking attic.
you cannot wait for these stairs to be easier to climb up in a couple weeks when you arent feeling so shit all the time
once youre in the attic you turn on johns tv, hes a couple steps behind you because he turned off the lights/locked the door and stuff
"eager much?" john says and laughs at you, because youre already booting up log date 7 15 2
"very much" you respond, just as teasing as youre getting comfy on his bed, he comes and sits as close to you as he can, clearly planning on cuddling once you guys finish your icec ream
"this okay?" he asks, seemingly remembering that youre fragile right now, but it is okay, way way more then okay
"yeah, totally, now shut up so we can watch" you hush him and he giggles all cute but then shuts up
you relate to peridot HEAVY in all episodes but especially this one. you dont even know why it hits so hard in this episode, but it sure does
maybe its the way she desperately tries to connect to garnet and gets too scared out of it.
well anyways its your favorite so youre gonna stop thinking about why you feel the way you do and focus on the fact that youre watching it
john finishes his ice cream first, you still have all of your chocolate and some strawberry ice cream left
this, however, is not discouraging enough to john and he continues to shift until youre practically sitting on his lap
oh
until youre Actually sitting on his lap
well youre not complaining
you just keep eating your ice cream, grateful that youre facing away from john to hide the flush sitting on your cheekbones
you choose to ignore it all and focus on the show at hand.
john moves his hand to sit on the top of your thigh. you will yourself to simply focus on the show and not on the fact that youre so close to him
it works, for a few minutes, and then you finish your ice cream and john moves your bowl for you, tucking you up against his chest with his arms around your waist
the episode finishes soon after and you dont even have enough time to process it before youre plunged into darkness, johns chest pressed against your back, legs around yours, hands on your stomach
you melt into him, like a kitten being held by its scruff. like you always do
he laughs a little and presses a small, friendly kiss to the top of your head, reaching one of his hands behind the two of you and grabbing the remote
he puts on the answer as quick as he goddamn can and then settles back into cuddling with you.
its really nice, actually, to just be held
you fall asleep half way through the answer, in your crushes arms and bed