Chapter Text
“That’s pretty optimistic.”
When Ren’s voice hits his ears, the beating he felt in his chest intensifies until he feels it in his feet. His sharp tone laced with dry amusement sent shivers down his spine. It wasn’t like when he’d tease Tokiya in class, far from it.
“So you finally decided to show up, but it was to complain to the little lamb?” It was a jab at Tokiya’s pride. He was the bullseye on a dart board and Ren had aimed and fired. He was true to his word; he never misses his target.
Nanami stepped up from beside Tokiya, ready to retaliate and defend him, when Ren bluntly silenced her.
Ren looked at Tokiya and he looked Ren in the eyes for the first time that night. “Tokiya, I want to hear it from you.”
His heartbeat only quickened as Ren addressed him by his given name, rather than the familiar nickname he was so used to. Ren had that effect on people, sure; he would speak sweet words and fluster-- or anger-- those around him, but in this very moment all he felt was fear.
“Why didn’t you tell us, Tokiya?”
Then Otoya spoke. He looked to his roommate and felt his heart begin to crack as he stared at the boy’s downfallen expression. The words that fell from his lips were just another rock thrown to his heart of glass, each syllable holding a deep rooted hurt.
“..I’m sorry.”
He wasn’t sure what else there was for him to say. He couldn’t articulate the words to show how he felt, to say how apologetic he really felt.
When those words left his mouth, he could hear his other classmate seething. Syo piped up and began to yell at him, talking about how their debut was important to them and that, unlike him, they needed to work their way up to get where they wanted, while he was already there.
He tried to explain his side of the narrative, praying to every god there was that his voice didn’t break as words narrowly slipped past the lump in his throat. He really didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want “weak” pinned to his chest alongside “liar” and “selfish.”
“..Please let me sing together with all of you.”
At the very least, his plea hadn’t fallen on deaf ears. Otoya’s eyes widened while Hijirikawa’s closed, looking down in what appeared to be thought. Maybe they’d accept his apology and they can all put this in the past. Maybe-
“Together?”
Those three syllables felt like Ren had punched him in the gut. The breath he was holding escaped him, his eyes widened from where he was bowed. He looked up only to meet sky blue eyes glaring daggers at him.
“Can we trust you? You’re saying this to us now, after all this time,” though covered by anger, Tokiya doesn’t miss the expression of pain he hears in Ren’s voice. “‘Each of us thinks we can sing the lady’s songs best,’ your words, were they a lie?” there’s a pause of silence before he says, albeit more aggressively, “Well?”
He did say that. Tokiya said that when he was still afraid to let people get close to him. He’d let Nanami in, and selfishly he wanted her and her music all for himself, but she changed his mind. She showed him that working with a team may be worth a try, and he really didn’t want to lose this opportunity.
“Certainly that’s how I felt before, but I’ve changed! I-”
“Have you?” Ren cut him off, “You’re running around doing things for yourself, leaving us to wait for you to get your life together. Syo and I had to endure it in the S class, now you want the rest of them to sit through it as well?
Your ‘new start’ is bringing the rest of us down. I’m all for your new beginning, but it’s not going to be with us.”
Those words had been the last stone to shatter his fragile heart. Honestly, he shouldn’t be surprised; people he cared for have already left him once because he was selfish. What was stopping them from doing so now?
The others around him stared in shock as Ren’s decision settled in.
“Hey, Ren.. Maybe we should talk this out a bit more-”
“No, Ikki, I’ve made up my mind.”
He’d have to thank Otoya later for trying to help him, but that’ll be an endeavour for when he’s packed his bags. “It’s alright, Otoya, if this is what you’ve decided, I’ll respect your wishes.”
He’s finally giving up for good. He’d watched his parents leave one by one and let it happen so he could follow his childish dream, and when things didn’t go his way he tried to end it all. He finally thought he’d gotten his life together, terminating his contract as Hayato to sing with Starish full time, only for that dream to be crushed under jet black shoes belonging to his former classmate.
He pulled his bag back up his shoulder and made his way towards his dorm. Faintly, he could hear Otoya yelling at him to turn around, but the ringing in his ears was too strong to hold anymore conversations tonight.
He’s tired. He knows he has many things he’ll need to do tomorrow, but right now all he wants to do is sleep.
When he enters his shared dorm, he kicks off his shoes and places his bag at the foot of his bed before flopping on top of it and passing out, letting all the stress he was feeling sink into the mattress along with him.
He didn’t go to class that day. He’d spent all his time packing his things. He’d hoped to be out of the school by dusk so he could find a decent hotel to stay in to start planning his next course of action.
He mentally thanked Otoya for not returning while he packed.
Due to his absence-- and most likely Syo and Ren-- Saotome had called him to his office. As he finished packing his bags, his mind raced with the possibilities of what Saotome might say.
When he reaches Saotome’s door, he hesitates. He knows what’s to come when he opens this door, yet he fears doing so all the same.
He wonders maybe if he’d waited a few more years to debut if he could enjoy the happiness he’d found with Starish. Maybe he could have gotten a few more years with his parents; though, if they stuck around he thinks his idol path would no longer be an option.
He knocked on the door leading him to his end, pushing it open when permission was granted.
“Mr. Ichinose.”
“Principal.” He responded.
He walked up to his desk and gave himself a second to breathe before he spoke.
“You wished to see me?”
“I believe you know why.”
Tokiya knew he couldn’t hide anything from Shining, no matter how hard he tried, nothing got past him.
“Without a partner you cannot participate in the graduation audition, and time has long past the due-date for choosing a partner,” Tokiya nodded, looking down at his feet. “And with your contract as Hayato being terminated, you no longer hold your end of our deal.”
The other students used to bully him, saying he only got into the Academy due to his “brother’s talents,” and while those were technically his talents, they were right. Saotome let him in without having to do the entrance exam, saying he wanted to help Tokiya. Talent like his shouldn’t go to waste.
“I understand.” Like the previous night, Tokiya found himself at a loss for words. He had no place to argue, and he’d already received his second chance when he was allowed back into the S class.
Tokiya bowed at the waist, rising shortly after. “Goodbye, Saotome-san, thank you.”
Shining’s chair turned to face away from Tokiya, his hand peeking out the side in a wave. “There’s always next year.”
Tokiya left the office and took a deep breath he didn’t know he needed.
He doubts he’ll try entering Saotome when next April comes around. He looked down on every one who will be graduating without him now, trying again next year would be embarrassing. Every sign he comes across tells him to turn around and give up on this silly dream he’s had since he was a child. After 17 years, he’s finally decided to listen.
“Is this really it?” As much as he wishes hearing Otoya’s voice was a surprise, he is less than shocked when the boy speaks.
The red head stands before him, eyes glassy with unshed tears. He’d worked so hard to break down the wall Tokiya had created, only for his unfinished work to all be thrown down the drain.
“Yes.. It was nice staying with you, Ittoki-san.”
Tokiya could almost see Otoya’s heart shatter behind his eyes as he addressed him by his family name.
“Tokiya, wait!” When the first tear fell from Otoya’s eye, Tokiya turned and began to walk. He went to Otoya’s dorm and grabbed his things before quickly making his way out and calling a car.