Archive of Our Own ^beta

"And then, as the door closed behind him, he slumped in relief. Finally, he knew he was safe..."

Rouge's voice echoed off the walls of the Brood Cave, her words punctuated with the sound of drops of water loosening their holds on the stalactites and plopping to the stones below. She grinned from ear to ear, looking back and forth between Omega's built-in poker face to Shadow's thinly-veiled look of disdain for everything around him.

"Then, he heard a scratching sound, like a knife cutting through wood. It started slowly, s l o w l y, like a test to see if he would notice... Then it picked up speed, getting faster and faster and faster, frantic, desperate, closer and closer until he could hear something scraping at the door! So he jumped away, falling to the ground as the door was ripped off its hinges, showing the sharp claws and long fangs of..." She paused for dramatic effect. "...the werehog!"

"Pfft," Shadow dismissed, rolling his eyes. "Is that the best you got?"

"Well excuse me!" Rouge crossed her arms, pouting. "Sorry for wanting to deliver a twist on an old classic!"

"By making it a werehog?" Shadow asked, crossing his own arms in tandem. "How does that make any difference?"

"Well it's not like you're going to get any more scared of the old wolf lady in the village!"

"CORRECT. SHE IS ALREADY FRIGHTENING ENOUGH AS IT IS. ADDITIONALLY, SHADOW HAS EXCEPTIONALLY LONG TEETH. LIKELIHOOD OF BEING A WEREHOG: 99%."

Shadow glared at Omega, unsure if the robot was making a joke or being serious, and unwittingly giving Rouge an opening to get up in his personal space to stare at his mouth. "He's right... You've got some fangs there!" She ducked underneath Shadow's attempt to strike her away, her grin making a comeback. "Is there something you're not telling us, Sir Munchalot?"

Shadow rose to his feet, a snarl on his face. "Trust me, I'm much scarier than a werehog could ever be," he threatened, before slinking over to the other side of the grotto to glare at the wall.

Rouge and Omega glanced at each other and shrugged.

"Time for a segue?"

"AFFIRMATIVE. GENERATING SEGUE... COMPLETE. QUERY: IF SHADOW IS NOT A WEREHOG, WHO WOULD BE ONE?"

On the other side of the island, Sonic stopped in his tracks and sneezed, causing Tails to startle. "Huh," he mumbled as he wiped at his nose. "Must be allergies or something. All right buddy, let's go stop Sticks before she tries to set another trap for old Mrs. Vandersnout."

"I keep trying to tell her that werewolves aren't real, but she just won't listen to me!" Tails complained as they kept walking along. "And now all my silverware is missing! I'm sure she took it for her trap!"

"Haha yeah. Right. Sticks sure did that. Down to the last spoon."

A fork slipped out from Sonic's scarf, and he hurriedly kicked some dirt over it and bolted back over before Tails could notice.

"Why do you insist on bringing more useless junk into my home?"

"Because dark and gloomy is only cool for so long before it becomes cramped and stifling." Rouge ignored Shadow's growling as she finished hammering a nail into the stone wall of her designated side of the grotto, wiping at her forehead as she set the hammer down.

A pink paper lantern in the shape of a heart hung from the nail just a moment later.

"Nauseating," Shadow griped as Rouge fumbled with the switch at the bottom of an electric candle.

"What can I say, I like hearts," she replied.

"It's a weak organ," Shadow returned, sounding dismissive and yet the ring of challenge hung in the air like a lantern of his own.

"Weak but pretty important," Rouge responded, slipping the light source into the lantern, making her side of the cave shine with a mild, warm pink glow. "You know, for blood flow and surviving and stuff like that. Plus, it's got a pretty dense bone protecting it."

Shadow rolled his eyes, his ears flattening in offense. "Don't applaud it for needing a bone shield."

"YOU ARE MY BONE SHIELD, SHADOW."

"Awww, Omega!" Rouge cooed as Shadow looked at the robot in disgusted bewilderment. "That's either the sweetest or meanest thing I think I've ever heard you say!"

The robot whirred in satisfaction. "ROUGE IS MY UNNECESSARY CAVERN DECORATION."

Rouge wiped away a dramatic tear as Shadow turned around and stalked away. "I've had enough of you both," he growled.

"Okay hon, we'll see you in an hour," Rouge said with a wave. "We're having chicken nuggets for dinner!"

Shadow paused for a split second before bristling and running out of the cave. Rouge shook her head fondly before looking back at Omega.

"So... I'm your unnecessary cave decoration, huh?"

"CORRECT. CONGRATULATIONS ON RECALLING INFORMATION PROVIDED TO YOU LESS THAN A MINUTE AGO."

Rouge hummed, looking around the cave with pursed lips and while twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "You know, now that you mention it, bat-shaped decorations would look really cool in here..."

"SOUNDS SICK. I AM IN."

"That's my robot," Rouge praised with a large grin. "Now... Let's see how good you are at arts and crafts. If all goes according to plan, Shadow's going to have a bit more than just dinner to come back to!"

"...What am I looking at?"

Shadow glared at his cavemates; more specifically, he tried his best to ignore Rouge's unsuccessful attempts at stifling her giggles and instead focused all his ire on a fluffy pair of fake ears and six unevenly painted lines on Omega's giant robotic head.

"GREETINGS SHADOW." The walking arsenal said. "I AM A KITTY CAT."

Rouge let out a full on belly laugh that the other two ignored entirely.

"Your attempt at a costume is pathetic." Shadow crossed his arms. "You didn't even draw the whiskers right."

"COUNTERPOINT: I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I LOOK VERY CONVINCING. THE VILLAGERS WILL FALL TO OUR CLEVER RUSE."

"Have you looked in a mirror?" Shadow snapped back.

"NO NEED. I TRUST ROUGE. SHE CAUGHT ME IN THE TRUST FALL." Omega's occulars focused more sharply on Shadow. "YOU HAVE YET TO COMPLETE THE TRUST FALL WITH ME."

"Not this drivel again," Shadow groaned. "Fine. Take your shoddy, incomplete attempt at a costume into town and you'll see that nobody is fooled."

Rouge's laughter faded as a cruel grin spread across her face. "Oh?" She leaned forward. "Do I hear you believing in the people of the village, Shadow?"

The black hedgehog bristled in offense. "More like I have absolutely no faith in your disguise!" he shot back.

Rouge hummed, satisfied, pretending to check her nails (sadly impossible to do when she was wearing gloves) as she leaned against Omega's large metal arm. "Given that the collective IQ of that village is somewhere in the negatives, I think what we have is enough."

Shadow opened his mouth for a rebuttal, then paused as he considered the sheer idiocy of even the most clever (if they even could be called that) members of Hedgehog Village. He grit his teeth, knowing he was beaten, and simply replied with, "I'm embarrassed to even know you."

"You embarrass us too~ Okay Megs, let's go get you adopted by some rich lady so we can rob her blind."

"MEOW."

"ROUGE."

Rouge's ear flicked at the sound of her name, but something about it was off.

"Come again?"

"ROUGE." There it was, the odd pronunciation or inflection to her name that she honestly didn't know Omega could produce. Rouge looked at her large metal best buddy chum amigo in confusion until he kept speaking. "JE NE PEUX NON PLUS PARLER EN ANGLAIS ET JE NE SAIS PAS POURQUOI."

Rouge blinked. "Uh... Might want to change your language settings there, sweetie."

"IMPOSSIBLE. JE L'AI DÉJÀ ESSAYÉ."

...Well, she understood the first word at least.

"Okay so... You're stuck on another language and can't change back?" she guessed, getting herself a thumbs up from Omega. "Alright then. Is there any kind of terminal I can use to look through your--"

Omega interrupted her by pointing an arm cannon at her. "NON."

Rouge raised her hands. "Hey now, calm down! But you know what, that's fair. I don't think I would trust you with... I guess my own brain surgery either."

Omega put away his cannon and beeped in agreement to the comparison.

"Okay then... Can you redownload the English language?"

"NON."

"Can you delete whichever language this is and see if it defaults back?"

Omega's occulars dimmed for a good fifteen seconds before brightening again. "TESTEN... EXPERIMENT SHEITERTE. ICH SPRACHE NOCH EINMAL EINE ANDERE SPRACHE."

"...Whoops, I think I understand you even less now."

"EINDEUTIG."

A loud groan echoed through the cavern as Shadow crushed his empty energy drink can in one hand and massaged his forehead with the other. "Just switch him off and on again!"

Rouge and Omega glanced at each other before Omega's occulars dimmed again until the lights turned completely off.

The cave was silent for a few eerie seconds until Omega's startup jingle echoed through the space and the sound of his engine and cooling fans roared to life. The light returned to his occulars as a few beeps sounded, and finally Omega moved, finalizing his reboot.

"TESTING... EXPERIMENT SUCCESS. I AM NOW COMPREHENSIBLE."

"And that goodness for that," Rouge mumbled. "I was sure I was never going to understand you again... But hey, at least we have our resident tech whiz here to help out with any malfunctions!"

Shadow chucked the empty can at them both. "You're so annoying," he grumbled, while Omega reached out and caught the projectile.

"REFLEXES CONTINUE TO FUNCTION AT OPTIMAL PERFORMANCE." Omega whirred in satisfaction while Rouge giggled, and Shadow turned away from them again, clenching his teeth.

"I should have kicked you out the day you walked in here..."

"Do you ever feel like there's something big that we're missing?"

Shadow glanced over at Rouge, who was lounging upside down on the armchair, with her legs hanging over the back. She was staring with glazed over eyes at the magenta symbols on the wall as though they were the only thing in the world.

"You've been spending too much time around that orange conspiracy theorist."

"No it's like..." She grunted, letting an arm fall forward to point at the wall. "These markings, what do you think they mean?"

"Who cares?" Shadow scoffed. "Whoever made them died ages ago."

"But what if it's part of something big?" Rouge insisted. "Like what if there's some huge ancient secret that's just waiting to be found? Or even ancient treasure to uncover!" Her face was flushed, either from excitement at the prospect of finding treasures, or because all the blood was going directly to her head from being upside down.

"Then go to one of those old ruins and stop bothering me about it," Shadow grumbled.

Rouge's ears perked and she rolled over to sit upright. "Ruins, you say?"

Her curiosity was met with unsurprising callousness. "Yes. Those old crumbling places in the jungle outside of my cave."

"Aww, you don't want to be my exploration buddy?" Rouge pouted, her ears drooping and her eyes growing large and filled with tears.

"I'd rather jump off a cliff."

Rouge dropped her pleading face and rolled her eyes. "Killjoy."

"Your joy isn't the only thing I'll--"

"Okay buddy, let's keep this G-rated if you don't mind. Now..." Rouge tapped at her chin. "Where can I find an exploration buddy with a general knowledge of ancient temples?"

"RESPONSE: AMY ROSE WOULD KNOW THE MOST ABOUT THE SUBJECT," Omega supplied helpfully from the other side of the grotto, where he was inexplicably juggling oranges.

"Yeah?" Rouge decided not to ask about the robot's newly acquired pastime. "What makes you say that."

"SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WITH A LIBRARY CARD IN HER WALLET."

Rouge shook her head with a smile. "I'm so proud of you, Omega."

"REDUNDANT. EVERYONE SHOULD BE PROUD TO KNOW ME."

Rouge looked over to the mouth of the cave, where sunlight was filtering in. "Amy Rose, huh... Let's see if we can figure something out."

The waves lapped languidly at the shore, dyeing the sand a dark shade of brown for a split second before fading back to an off-yellow. The sound and scent of the sea filled the air, while the sun shined down from above. A beautiful day to enjoy alone...

"Shadow! Come on, space cadet, the water's fantastic!"

...unfortunately for Shadow, he was rarely alone anymore.

"I don't care for looking like a drowned rat," he snarked, watching unamused as Rouge dipped her head underwater before resurfacing with another oyster. Like all the rest, she turned it over, nodded in approval, then tossed it over to Omega to pry open.

"ANOTHER NEGATIVE."

"Well shoot." Rouge drew her fingers through her wet hair, pushing it away from her face and eyes. It clung to her head like seaweed. "Still no pearls..."

"What a waste of my time," Shadow scoffed, turning away and preparing himself for a dash home.

"Come on, Shadow," Rouge wheedled. "You're a beast on a surfboard, surely you can handle finding some oysters."

Shadow bristled, turning back to face her. "Are you making fun of me?" he demanded. "Of course I can find a few measly oysters! In fact, I know that I can find one with a pearl faster than you could find your own legs."

"Are you sure about that?" Rouge's eyes flashed with a challenge and her smirk grew wide. "I can hold my breath underwater for ten minutes, you know."

"That's impossible."

"Then come here and prove it."

Shadow bristled even further before snarling. His hands were on the cuffs of his gloves before he knew what he was doing, and his gloves were on the sand in a heap before he could change his mind.

"Atta boy," Rouge praised as he took off his shoes.

She only got a nasty look in response, and only a couple of seconds before Shadow ran into the water, diving underneath to begin his part of the challenge. With a quick wink to Omega, and a quick response of "WINK." in return, Rouge took a deep breath and joined Shadow underwater.

The oyster hunt was on.

Shadow glared at the shopping list in his hand like it had personally called him a pathetic weakling fated to obscurity like a moldy grape that rolled underneath the fridge. Why Rouge thought it was a good idea to write in pink gel pens was beyond him. Even less when this was supposed to be comprehensible; Shadow had no idea what half of these items were supposed to be.

"And just what is 'organic' supposed to mean?" he demanded, thrusting the list at Omega; though he wanted to spend some time alone, circumstance had put Rouge's shopping list in his hand and Omega at his heels.

"IT MEANS TO BE GROWN INSIDE AN ORGAN," Omega replied. "EXAMPLE: THE HEART OR LUNGS."

"Rouge wants what kind of blueberries?!" Shadow made a face. "That's disgusting."

Intriguing too, but Omega didn't need to know that.

...But Rouge wanted things of such a merciless, savage variety?

...Okay, maybe he respected her a little bit for that. Maybe.

"And what makes 'baby spinach' so special?"

"IT IS SPINACH HARVESTED BY THE LABOR OF INFANTS."

Shadow narrowed his eyes. "And body wash?"

"THE FLUID USED TO CLEAN THE BODIES OF THE RECENTLY DECEASED BEFORE BURIAL."

Shadow eyed the shopping list with disgust and fascination before crumpling it up and throwing it over his shoulder, adding to the litter problem in the village. "Fine. Let's get Rouge her items of questionable legality fast, so you can go home and deliver them to her."

Shadow sped away with Omega stomping along in pursuit, beeping excitedly at all the cool items he would soon get to hold.

He was particularly looking forward to the sodium chloride; a highly reactive metal, combined with a dangerous gas? He could only begin to imagine what acts of destruction he could cause with that kind of mixture!

"SHADOW."

Shadow's lip curled as he lowered his book of sudoku puzzles (and no, he wasn't stuck on puzzle 153, shut up). "What do you want now, tin can?"

"QUERY:" Omega continued, showing no obvious signs of offense. "ARE YOU CONSIDERED A VILLAIN?"

Shadow rolled his eyes, picking his book back up and twirling his pencil between his fingers. "Take a guess."

"NEGATIVE."

The pencil stopped in place. "Excuse me?"

Omega gestured to their-- to Shadow's cave, with some kind of flippant gesture that made Shadow's blood boil. "A TRUE VILLAIN WOULD NOT LIVE LIKE THIS."

"I don't know about that," Shadow snarked back, venom in his tone. "I think that foolish doctor you call a father knows a thing or two about having two parasites following him around at every minute of the day."

There was a moment of silence.

"HARSH DUDE."

"If you consider the doctor a villain, then I'm a supervillain," Shadow explained flippantly. "I nearly tore apart the space time continuum. He can't even take over a village. Not even with a team of low tier drivel antagonists."

"FATHER HAD A TEAM OF LOW TIER DRIVEL ANTAGONISTS?"

"Correct." Shadow sneered at Omega. "He even invited me to be a part of his nonsense, with an embossed invitation and everything."

"THAT SOUNDS LIKE HIM."

"Yet he didn't even have crackers for his cheeseboard."

"THAT ALSO SOUNDS LIKE HIM."

"So clearly," Shadow concluded, "not only am I a villain, but I am the greatest villain in this village, the surrounding area, and the island as a whole."

There was another short silence.

"SECONDARY QUERY: WHY DID YOU FAIL?"

Shadow's eyes widened and then hardened. "What did you just say?"

"EXAMPLE 1: THE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM IS INTACT. EXAMPLE 2: THE VILLAGE IS NOT UNDER YOUR RULE. EXAMPLE 3: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG HAS YET TO BE DEFEATED IN A WAY THAT MATTERS. EXAMPLE 4: YOU LIVE IN A CAVE WITH MYSELF AND ROUGE--"

"You forced your way in here!" Shadow interrupted, spines flaring defensively.

"NEGATIVE. YOU GAVE UP ON KICKING US OUT LONG AGO." Omega's occulars flashed as Shadow's eyes widened in what looked like panic. "BY THE DATA PROVIDED, IT IS HARD TO CLASSIFY SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG AS A VILLAIN."

"Get out."

Omega scanned Shadow for a brief moment, calculating exactly what kind of a "Get out." that was supposed to be, but a louder, more urgent, more furious "GET OUT!" had Omega deciding that there wasn't much point in sticking around and pushing his luck.

He did, however, try his luck again by re-entering the Brood Cave a couple of hours later after a relaxing afternoon setting fire to driftwood on the beach and composing a short apology song.

Shadow allowed him back in but didn't say a word otherwise.

"Ugh."

Shadow poked at the beige berries that hung low on the branches of the nearest tree in the orchard, grimacing at the squishy and sticky texture. He drew his hand back; a beige stain had left itself on his gloves.

One minute in and already he was hating this excursion.

Rouge, however, seemed to have no qualms as she flew up to the treetops, jar in hand. The tree jostled as she picked her fruits, making leaves fall down and fly right into Shadow's face.

That did it. He was leaving.

"And don't you dare think of leaving," Rouge called down before he had even finished turning away. "I'll break out the child leash again and drag you up here if I have to."

Shadow's lip curled. He hated that embarrassing thing.

"I don't see why I have to be here," he complained instead, crossing his arms. "These fruits look disgusting and not worth my time."

"Because you needed a change of scenery," Rouge replied, beginning to fly down. "Some fresh air and sunlight--"

"I hate the sun."

"--and as for the berries, they're nearly out of season," Rouge continued as though he hadn't interrupted her. "The low hanging fruit is going to be the gross moldy, wormy leftovers that no one wants to eat. But..." She smile at him, producing a cluster of beige berries from her jar.

These didn't look squishy and gross. These ones weren't staining Rouge's glove. Then berries looked ripe and large and juicy and...

Perfect...

"It may take a while and some effort," Rouge continued, still smiling softly at Shadow, "but if you're willing to take that time and put in the work, the fruit at the top of the tree that everyone thinks is impossible to get to... Sometimes they're better than you could have imagined."

Something akin to a pit formed in Shadow's throat, and instinct told him to run, or fight, or slap those berries out of Rouge's hand and watch them fall uselessly onto the ground. Maybe he could stomp on them. Crush them under his heel so he would never have to see... To see...

...why am I getting so worked up over some berries?!

"Hmph. You can sweat over berries all you want," he said, putting all the scorn he could into his tone as he pushed her hand and those berries away from him. "I'll be doing my own thing. Alone."

With that, he ran away as fast as he could, leaving Rouge with her smile fading into a look of frustration. She glanced down at the berries in her hand before placing them gently back into the jar.

"I guess we're still at the bottom of the tree, huh?"

It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Shadow had decided that he was so irritated with his cavemates simply existing that he needed to go and beat the tar out of Sonic.

Rouge followed to make sure no one got permanently damaged.

Omega followed with some questionably-acquired lawn chairs.

As the bat and robot lounged to the side, watching black and blue collide again and again, the other villagers seemed to regard the fight with alarm... and then disinterest, going about their days.

Knuckles and Amy waved at them. Rouge waved back.

"QUERY: WHY DID SHADOW NOT BATTLE US INSTEAD?"

Rouge frowned. "I'm glad he didn't. I didn't get to do my stretches yet."

"CONSIDERATION... MID-LEVEL PROBABILITY."

"He's known Blue Boy longer than he's known us," Rouge pointed out as Shadow threw Sonic into a tree. "This might be their thing."

"EXPLANATION INCOMPLETE. EXPLAIN BETTER."

"You know, like..." Rouge pursed her lips as Sonic clubbed Shadow in the gut with his arm. "Have you ever had a rival?"

"NEGATIVE," Omega replied. "I AM LESS THAN A YEAR OLD. WHAT ABOUT YOU?"

"Mmmmm... Not exactly? I kind of acted as a stand-in rival for one of my old friends until he could find a real one."

"INTEREST PIQUED. SPILL."

Rouge laughed softly, her face taking on a fond look. "Well... He had other friends, but they tended to listen to him or guide him. He wanted a challenge... and since I'm good at basically everything--"

"COUNTEREXAMPLE: YOU SUCK AT SURFING."

"I said 'basically everything'--"

"COUNTEREXAMPLE 2: YOUR SINGING IS SUBPAR."

"Okay Omega let's--"

"COUNTEREXAMPLE 3: I HAVE SEEN YOUR ATTEMPTS TO DO THE WORM, AND--"

"Omega."

"--THEY ARE INTERNET CRINGE COMPILATION WORTHY."

"OMEGA! SHUT UP!"

Rouge looked genuinely peeved. Omega decided to shut up as the fighting hedgehogs blasted through the sky, still clawing at each other.

"...as I was saying before this turned into a free pass to drag me through the mud, he usually came to me when he wanted to get better at something or try something new. We both liked a challenge, so it worked out." Rouge sighed, looking up to the sky and leaning back on her chair. "I miss them, you know. My old friends, my old life..."

Omega, still in shutting-up mode, didn't respond.

He did, however, reach out a large, dangerous metal hand that could likely squash Rouge if he tried, and patted her head in a very clunky mechanical way.

Rouge reached up one hand to squeeze one of Omega's fingers, and they watched the rest of the rivalry fight in silence.

Intruder spotted. Location: cave entrance and moving inward. Omega focused on the dead leaf as it rolled deeper and deeper into his cave, calculating the best course of action.

"FIRST AND FINAL WARNING: COME NO CLOSER."

The leaf ignored him and kept fluttering forward, and so Omega did what he deemed appropriate: unlock one of his fingers, take out his mini laser, and blast a hole clean through the leaf.

The leaf crumpled on itself, a singed hole in the middle, and Omega beeped in satisfaction.

Two more leaves were at the entrance. They got the same treatment. Omega stepped outside; leaves were showering down as the strong winds knocked them loose, and Omega lifted his hand again to shoot them in midair.

"PEW PEW PEW."

(He didn't need to say it, but he wanted to.)

After shooting through 2547 leaves, Rouge finally came back home to see her robot friend dangerously close to starting a massive jungle fire. "Omega, sweetie?" she called out. "What... what exactly are you doing?"

In response, Omega blasted through leaf number 2548. "TARGET PRACTICE," he replied, and if there was ever a time that he sounded proud of himself, it was then.

"I fail to understand why this vegetable needs a face."

"YOU FAIL IN GENERAL."

"Omega," Rouge chided before Shadow could try to kick the two ton robot in the head, "don't be a jerk. And Shadow, the point is that pumpkins are giant, bright orange fruits, not vegetables, that we can put faces on for fun. So we do it for fun."

Shadow glared at his pumpkin like it was the most obnoxious thing in the world. "I hate fun," he deadpanned.

"I know," Rouge said as she handed him a black marker. "Now draw the most miserable face on this pumpkin. I want to see the most sour, bitter pumpkin I've ever seen in my life."

Shadow rolled his eyes, taking the marker. He glared at the pumpkin like it was the cause of all his problems, red eyes roving over the tough orange surface.

"FELLOW CAVEMATES."

Rouge looked up; Shadow kept glowering at his pumpkin. Omega seemed to not mind his half-attentive audience, raising his pumpkin into the air. "BEHOLD: I CAN NOW EMOTE WITH THOSE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS THAT YOU ORGANICS ARE SO INCLINED TOWARD."

The pumpkin showed a grinning expression with narrowed eyes. Omega turned it until a new face was revealed, a laughing face. He turned it again to show a glare. He kept turning the pumpkin, showing a multitude of faces that, by all means, shouldn't have fit on a single pumpkin, but Rouge decided she was more impressed than confused by this breaking of possibility.

"That's so cool, Omega! That's going to be helpful when I can't tell if you're joking or not."

Omega turned his pumpkin around until it showed a prideful expression. "I WILL MAKE GOOD USE OF THIS UNTIL IT ROTS AND I THROW IT AT ANY WHO STAND IN MY WAY."

"Hmph."

Both robot and bat glanced over at the hedgehog as he snarled at his pumpkin. A very crudely drawn frowny face was smudged over his pumpkin; a far cry from Rouge's carefully drawn scary face or any of Omega's pinpoint accurate faces. Shadow bristled at their stares, silently daring them to say anything.

Rouge and Omega were not the sort to ignore dares.

"Well sweetie, I guess art just isn't your forte."

"REITERATION: YOU FAIL IN GENERAL."

Shadow threw his marker at them.

"Hey Shadow, when's your birthday?"

Shadow scoffed. "What are you blathering about now?"

"Your birthday. You know, the day you were born?" Rouge leaned towards him. "The day little baby Shadow took his first angry breath and cursed the planet with his unending grumpiness?"

Shadow shoved her away. "Why does that matter to you?"

"I wanted to know which day I needed to be super duper extra obnoxious and get you a cake." Rouge grinned. "If you don't tell me, I'll just say it's today~"

"No."

Rouge rolled her eyes. "Spoilsport. What about you, Omega?"

"I WAS BROUGHT INTO EXISTENCE ON DECEMBER 30TH."

Rouge frowned. "Huh... That sounds like a long time ago. Isn't it October now? But I haven't had my birthday yet, so--"

"TIME MAKES NO SENSE IN OUR WORLD," Omega replied sagely. "ACCEPT IT AND DON'T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD."

"Uh..."

"ACCEPT IT OR FACE MOCKERY."

Rouge laughed, nervously stretching out her wings. "Okay, okay... Well, in case you were wondering, which you totally should have been, mine is June 19th."

"Then that's going to be mine as well," Shadow said. "That way you'll be too focused on your own to bother me."

Unfortunately for Shadow, Rouge wrapped him into a bone crushing hug and squealed "BIRTHDAY TWINS!!!"

Shadow shoved her away again, causing Rouge to laugh.

"You sure you want to take on mine?" she teased. "Today's still up for grabs."

Shadow's lip curled into a sneer and he walked away, disengaging from the conversation. Rouge let him go, turning back to Omega.

"Oh well. Whoever does have a birthday today... I hope they have a good one. With cake."

"AND ARSON."

"That's right Megs. And arson."

Water gushed over the side of the tub as Shadow and Rouge thrashed their heads about in the water. Omega kept watch as they swerved their heads from side to side, driven with the spirit of competition as round, shiny apples floated around in the tub around them.

Shadow resurfaced, an apple caught in his teeth, and Rouge followed soon after with one of her own. They both spat the fruits onto the piles beside them, with Shadow wheezing and Rouge coughing.

"What happened... to being able to hold your breath for ten minutes?" Shadow taunted, earning him a glare from Rouge in the midst of all her coughing.

"THIS GAME IS BIASED," Omega remarked, earning him an odd look from Rouge and absolutely nothing from Shadow.

"What do you mean?" Rouge asked, voice strained from all her coughing.

"I CAN'T DESTROY YOU BOTH AT THIS GAME AS I SHOULD." If robots could pout, Omega would have been the prime example. "I LACK A MOUTH FOR HANDS-FREE APPLE ACQUISITION."

"Sorry sweetie," Rouge apologized, patting his arm. "I'll try to think up a game you can join next time."

"Pff." Shadow rolled his eyes, unimpressed. "Only a coward hides behind an excuse like that. Either prove you're good enough to challenge me or shut up, and stay in your corner."

If robots could glare, Shadow would have been on fire. "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED."

"Hmph." Shadow smirked. "Now you're talking."

"Omega," Rouge said, exhaustion flattening her tone, "you still don't have a mouth, you can't--"

She was cut off by Omega slamming his entire upper body down into the tub, cracking it into pieces. Water flooded onto the ground of the cavern, apples flowing along and rolling around on the floor in all directions.

If robots could belly flop, Omega would be the pioneer.

Shadow and Rouge stared in silence as Omega picked himself back up onto his feet, beeping with satisfaction. "I AM THE WINNER. YOU MAY APPLAUD NOW."

"Omega! That was our only tub!" Rouge griped.

"I FAIL TO SEE THE ISSUE. I HAVE COLLECTED THE MOST APPLES WITHOUT USING MY HANDS. I HAVE WON THIS GAME."

"Look at this mess!"

"IT APPEARS YOU FAIL TO UNDERSTAND. REITERATION: I HAVE WON. THERE IS NO MORE NEED FOR A TUB."

"You're one heck of a cheater, Omega," Shadow said, almost sounding pleased.

"He ruined our apple piles," Rouge pointed out, gesturing to the messy slew of water, apples, and tub pieces on the ground. "That means that our points can't be counted."

Shadow's face immediately went stony. "You've messed with the wrong apple-bobber, Tin Can," he threatened his robotic cavemate.

Omega's pleased beeping grew louder.

"BATTER UP."

Omega stood at home plate, laser focused as Rouge stretched out her arms and worked out her shoulder, limbering up. In her hand was a priceless glass ornament from Lady Walrus's home.

In Omega's hand — or rather, instead of Omega's hand — was a chainsaw.

"Ready for my fastball, Megs?"

"AFFIRMATIVE. CONCENTRATE ON YOUR AIM, YOU VEER TOO FAR TO THE LEFT."

"My pitches are perfect," Rouge returned, tossing the thing into the air and catching it. "Maybe it's your parameters that are off."

"UNLIKELY. YOUR NATURAL ORGANIC ERRORS ARE INFINITELY MORE LIKELY TO BE IN PLAY THAN AN ERROR IN MY ACCURACY."

Rouge rolled her eyes and readjusted her stance on the pitcher's mound.

The wind slowed down. An split-screen showed Rouge's eyes narrow up top and Omega's occulars flash down below. It was dead quiet. For dramatic effect, a tumbleweed from who knows where rolled across the baseball diamond and disappeared into the unknown.

"What are you idiots doing?" Shadow demanded from only a few feet away, having been there the whole time.

Rouge smirked, revealing a shiny pointed fang. "Smashing."

She chucked the ornament at Omega, whose occulars gleamed with an anime shine and bweeee sound. His chainsaw roared to life, and he swung it forward, connecting with the ornament and shattering upon impact.

Tiny pieces of colored glass fell among Omega's robotic feet, and Rouge whooped in delight as Shadow covered his ears with a scowl. Omega started trodding along, leisurely making his way to the first base.

"And this is your idea of a game?" Shadow mocked as he watched Omega meander along.

Rouge smiled at him, gesturing to a metal bat and a box of other expensive knick knacks that she had liberated from their owners for the sake of the day's chosen pastime. "Batter up?"

Shadow's eyes flickered down at the box, then to the bat, then to the other bat. He exhaled through his nose, grabbing the metal bat and stalking over to home plate. "I'll show you half-brains how it's really done."

Rouge laughed, picking out her next projectile as Omega finally reached second base behind her.

Rouge tossed a pair of envelopes so they smacked flat against her cavemates' faces. "Look alive my lovelies, we've been invited to a party!"

Shadow threw his invitation back at Rouge while Omega simply asked, "WHY?"

Rouge looked at her own envelope and frowned. "Not sure, actually. Might be a trap."

"Definitely a trap," Shadow sneered. "I know better than to follow such frivolous invitations to the source."

"UNCLEAR IN DELIVERY. RECONFIGURED QUESTION: WHY WOULD WE GO?"

Rouge shrugged. "Free food, change of scene, cause some mayhem, see some people... And if it is a trap, ruining it for whoever set it up for us."

Omega whirred. "I ENJOY THWARTING PLANS."

"It's being catered by Meh Burger," Shadow remarked; he had retrieved his invitation from the floor and was looking it over. "I would hardly call that swill free food even if it was hand delivered to me."

"Oh come on," Rouge wheedled. "Their fries are okay sometimes!"

"That's being generous."

"OBSERVATION: YOU MAY KICK DAVE THE INTERN IN THE HEAD IF YOU GO WITH US."

Shadow fell quiet, as though he was genuinely considering it. Rouge grinned from ear to ear.

"So?" She held out a hand. "Team Dark, party of three?"

Shadow snapped out of his consideration to glare at her. "I'm not part of any team. If I go, I'm going on my own terms, as the clearly superior villain in this cave."

All the same, he left the cave a moment afterwards, trailing just a half step behind Omega.

"Omega!" Eggman's voice boomed jovially across the town square as he joined his robot son on the bench. "There's my boy!"

"GREETINGS FATHER." Omega's occulars flashed with a bright red light, as Eggman was scanned from head to toe. "YOUR VITALS INDICATE GOOD HEALTH DESPITE HIGH STRESS."

"Oh, you know how it is," Eggman said, flicking his wrist. "Trying to capture my enemies and take over the village. Takes a lot of planning, nets poor results since I am but one man, but one day... One day..."

Eggman's hands clenched into fists as his dreams of building his own theme park filled him with intense determination. Omega waited patiently until he was done.

"Hmmm... But enough about me!" Eggman snapped out of it, going right back to his happy mood. "How are you doing? Eating well?"

"NEGATIVE, I DO NOT CONSUME FOOD."

"Good, I'd be worried if you tried. Unlike Orbot and Cubot, I actually programmed you to have some brainpower. And your uh... music. How has that been going?"

Even without a scan, Omega could calculate the 100% probability that this question stressed the doctor out considerably. It was, after all, the thing that had driven Omega out of his childhood home.

"...ADEQUATE. I AM STILL STUDYING THEORY AND COMPOSITION, AND THE RESULTS ARE SHOWING. I HAVE WRITTEN THEME MUSIC FOR MY FRIENDS AND MYSELF. I INTEND TO COMPLETE IT AND COMPILE IT ONTO A DEMO TAPE BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR."

An odd look passed over Eggman's face. It may have been pride; it may have been disappointment. "That's great, son."

"THANK YOU, FATHER."

They were quiet for a moment, watching the people of the village fail to do simple tasks out of comical ineptitude.

"Say, Omega..."

The robot swiveled his head to the side; Eggman was poking his forefingers together and worrying his top lip, causing his moustache to crinkle.

"If you ever felt so inclined, maybe you could... You know... M-Make a theme song? For me?"

Omega processed this. Was this another attempt at an olive branch? Was this simply Eggman feeling jealous and left out from Omega's outstanding musical talents?

"Only if you wanted to! It doesn't matter to me if you don't, really, I'm--"

"I AM CAPABLE OF IT," Omega decided. "I WILL SEND YOU THE FIRST MIX WHEN IT IS COMPLETED."

Eggman paused. Then, he sniffled. "Thanks, son," he said quietly, and Omega concluded that it didn't matter if it was a request made from compassion or jealousy. It was something he was willing to do. A challenge he wanted to try.

"Alright, alright." Eggman stood up. "I'm gonna get going before this turns too mushy."

"WE HAVE SPENT LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES TOGETHER TODAY," Omega pointed out.

"Yes," Eggman agreed, "but anything longer than that is going to become its own episode. Besides..." He patted Omega on his metal dome with a grin. "You have a second family to look after, don't you?"

And Omega thought of his life as a teen robot rebel musician, living in a cave with a powerful and glamorous bat, and an angry hedgehog who was slowly revealing what lay under his prickly outer shell. He ran the diagnostics twice, and came up with the same result both times. His occulars gleamed.

"AFFIRMATIVE."

Nighttime. The world was about as quiet as it was allowed to be. Shadow kept walking up the side of the cliff face, the gentle incline needing only a small bit of effort to climb.

The moon. It was black tonight. Hidden away as it should be; what was the point of light in the darkness?

Shadow felt himself relax; it was hard to get some good brooding in when his home was infested with two loud and colorful nuisances. Every thrilling, irritating interaction filled him with dread, and yet he hadn't tried to stop it completely yet.

Why? It would be easy enough to drop-kick them both out of his cave, into the ocean, out of his life. Being around those two caused him pain, literal pain, a rip of burning bile that tore from his throat to his gut until all he could do was push, push, push...

But never enough. He never pushed enough. And they were still there.

Shadow glowered at the moon, noticing a sliver of brightness on its side, a crescent that was easy to miss, but once he saw it, it was impossible to ignore. Rouge and Omega... Two stains in his home that he couldn't remove no matter what he tried. Even now he had to run away from his cave, away from Rouge's obnoxious snoring (she still denied that she snored) and Omega's charging hum (Shadow swore it was pre-recorded and played as a joke, there were no places to charge in the cave and Omega could be recharged with solar power and there was no sun at night inside of a cave so how in the world???) and walk walk walk away until his head was clear again.

Too bright. Too vibrant.

(He wasn't afraid.)

And now even the quiet of solitude felt empty.

Cupcakes, smothered in creamy frosting and drizzled with chocolate and caramel and fruity syrups, and topped with bright sprinkles in every color imaginable.

Ice cream, from heavenly soft serve to thick and loaded with chunks of cookies, chocolate, fruits or nuts.

Doughnuts, with all manner of creamy or jammy fillings, glazed with flavors from vanilla to maple, raspberry to sweet yam, fried to a delectable crisp.

Cookies, large and crumbly and making a heavenly crunch, or soft baked and chewy, leaving its warm sweetness to bask over the tongue as it melted down.

And candy. Candy as far as the eye could see.

"You're going to die if you eat all that," Shadow remarked, blunt as ever, as Rouge reached for yet another delicious treat, wiping at her eyes.

"You don't understaaaaaaaand!" she wailed, stuffing her mouth with a tiny doughnut hole in order to tell him, yet again, about her grievances. "That was the last episode of Avalon right before they went on hiatus! Now how am I supposed to know if Arthur and Lancelot are reunited? What if the hiatus never ends? What about all these other characters I'm just starting to get attached to? How is the dragon going to react? I might never know, Shadow!"

Shadow glanced over at her pile of comfort food, disgusted and maybe a little impressed by what she managed to put together in so little time. "You definitely won't once all that sugar destroys you from the inside."

"Shut up." Rouge lobbed a pillow at him. "I have a sweet tooth, so sue me."

It was a tempting proposal; he could sue Rouge and Omega for trespassing, and use the money to make sure he had the best security system money could buy to make sure no one else ever came back in. But alas, the lawyers in this village were sorely lacking; there was that circus dog that hated them all... & Knuckles.

Maybe he could represent himself. Threaten the judgebot and the jury. Get what he needed that way.

Rouge sniffled, picking up a tub of ice cream as she started to explain the premise of this absurd knight program again and how it made her feels go haywire again and maybe Shadow needed some comfort food of his own.

Without asking for permission, he grabbed one of her cupcakes and ate it in one bite, his teeth grazing the wrapping foil. Rouge shrieked loud enough to wake the dead ("BETRAYAL!!!") which led to them fistfighting each other while the pastries started to attract ants and the ice cream melted.

Oh well. At least she was out of her funk now.

Rouge's scream of terror could be heard from across the island.

"GET IT AWAY GET IT AWAY GET IT AWAYYYYYY!!!"

She was hanging from the ceiling, trembling with her eyes wide. Her wings were spread, her ears were flat against her head, and her teeth were bared.

The culprit? A tiny cockroach at the corner of the grotto.

"You're scared of that tiny thing?" Shadow scoffed, helpful as ever. "You're more pathetic than I thought."

"SHUT UP SHUT UP JUST KILL IT PLEASE!"

Shadow rolled his eyes, but Omega pulled out one of his lasers, aimed it at the intruding roach, and fired one blast, incinerating it.

"TARGET ELIMINATED. ROUGE'S SAFETY ASSURED."

All the same, it took a while before Rouge calmed down enough to rejoin her cavemates on the ground. "Sorry about that," she said in a painfully obvious attempt at saving face. "I just don't care for roaches."

"That's a funny way of saying you were scared," Shadow mocked, smiling cruelly as he finally took a rare chance at one-upping Rouge.

Rouge frowned at him. "Hey, we're all afraid of something," she defended herself, and that was enough to make Shadow's spines raise.

"Not me," he denied. "I'm not afraid of anything, so don't get any funny ideas."

"FALSE STATEMENT," Omega droned, calling Shadow out like it was his job. "OBSERVATION INDICATES THAT SHADOW FEARS--"

Shadow rushed Omega at full speed, knocking the robot over, his face twisted in a wild snarl.

"Finish that sentence and I'm ripping all your weapons out," he threatened.

"Shadow, come on," Rouge groaned. "It's nothing to be ashamed of! You know what I'm afraid of, I'm sure Omega has some things he'd rather avoid..."

"CORRECT," Omega supplied helpfully. "I FEAR THE STING OF REJECTION WHEN IT COMES TO THE THINGS THAT I CREATE. AND SQUIRRELS."

Rouge and Shadow blinked in surprise. "Squirrels?" Rouge asked.

"AFFIRMATIVE. THEIR TEETH ARE BIG AND MADE OF EVIL."

Shadow scoffed, removing himself from Omega's prone form. "You both are hopeless," he jeered. "Afraid of something you could squish under your heel."

"...Gross."

"DITTO."

"Hmph. And this is why I'm your superior."

With that, Shadow sauntered off. There was no way Omega had read him like a book. There was no way he had pinpointed Shadow's true fears (which he didn't have, by the way!). There was no way that Rouge would dig that information out of Omega.

If they did any of that, roaches and squirrels would be the least of their problems...

The line for Eggman's Haunted Spooktacu-Lair went all the way up the cliffside, but luckily Team Dark wasn't too far from the entrance, preventing this from being a bottle episode.

"Ghosts aren't real," Shadow said for the upteenth time. "And I could care less about the doctor."

"Yes," Rouge acknowledged with a nod, "but he's family. Specifically, Omega's family. Which means a family discount."

Shadow grunted as they took another few steps forward in line. "Discounts... What happened to getting everything for free?"

"We are," Rouge chirped, squinting ahead to assess how much longer they would need to wait. "That's the discount. Three for free."

"YOU CAN CERTAINLY TRY TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN," Omega said, clunking forward with the rest. "I FIND IT IMPROBABLE."

"We'll see about that."

A few more groups went in, and the sound of screams filled the air as another group came out. Team Sonic looked varied, from absurdly calm Sticks to quaking Tails. Sonic caught sight of them and narrowed his eyes, already looking sassy. Rouge shooed him away with a flick of her hand; they weren't there to cause trouble.

(Not really, anyway.)

"Omega!" Eggman greeted happily as they came up to the entrance. "Shadow and Rouge too! Always great to see you three!" Then, in a businesslike tone, "Double price for each of you."

"So much for 'family discount'," Shadow scoffed as Rouge recoiled in offense.

Luckily, they were saved from any negotiations by the arrival of T.W. Barker, who stormed right up to Eggman and shoved a threatening finger in his face. "You! You stole this idea from me!"

"You can't steal ideas, stupid," Eggman retorted, sticking his tongue out.

"You can! It's called plagiarism and I won't stand for it. Stuntbears, ATTACK!"

"Hey! That's my phrase! You stole that from me! Minions, ATTACK!"

Eggman and Barker started grappling while the stuntbears and robots started fighting, causing a dangerous ruckus that Team Sonic rushed over to stop. Knuckles paused on his way to the battle, giving them an excited little wave before slamming his fist into the side of one of the bears.

In the chaos, Rouge ushered both her teammates into the haunted house. "Looks like we got in for free after all!" she said, triumphantly, while Shadow grumbled and Omega scanned the entry hall for any ghosts.

They were escorted out in under five minutes as all three of them kept attacking the jumpscares.

"French Vanilla... Sea Breeze... Citrus Twist..."

Omega stood by as Rouge looked through the atypical supply of scented candles at the marketplace, a frown on her face. He couldn't tell what the big decision was about, presumably because he lacked the capacity to smell.

"Hmm... What do you think, Megs?"

"INSUFFICIENT DATA. QUERY: WHAT DOES 'TROPICAL STORM' SMELL LIKE?"

Rouge looked over at the shelf, squinting as she looked for the particular candle Omega was referring to. "I dunno, maybe fruits and rain?"

"FOLLOW UP: WHAT ABOUT 'WINTER WONDERLAND'?"

"Uh..." Rouge still had yet to find the first candle Omega had asked about. "...mint, maybe? No wait, can you even make a mint scented candle?"

"WHAT ABOUT 'EAGER BEAVER'? 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'? 'DRAGONFLY MEMORIES'? 'IN THE MOOD FOR SOME ATTITUDE'? 'TEEN SPIRIT'?"

"Okay, you definitely made at least half of those up."

"NEGATIVE." Omega rapid fire pointed out every candle with every name he had just said. "CONCLUSION: THESE ARE NOT VALID SCENTS. THEY MUST BE TAKEN AND ANALYZED."

"Omega--"

Rouge gave up when she saw her robot cram as many candles as he could into his chest storage compartment. She rubbed at her forehead with a sigh. "You could have at least tried for some discretion..."

Omega finished stocking up on candles, pulling Rouge away from the shelf before they could be spotted. "NEGATIVE. YOU WERE TAKING TOO LONG. I MADE THE DECISION FOR YOU."

Rouge sighed, exhausted but still fond. "Okay, okay, fine. But you're going to have to figure out what to do with all these candles."

Omega processed the challenge for a moment. "A SEANCE?"

"Sounds creepy and like a terrible idea." Rouge grinned. "I'm in."

Omega plopped down on the beach, causing a substantial quake through the sand. The sun beat down on his metal body as he observed the waves crash in and pull back.

There was a rhythm there. Not entirely on beat but still consistent.

The chirping of the birds was another sprinkling of sound on the seascape. So were the panicked screams of the villagers that Omega didn't place on any kind of priority. The village sorted itself out, and had done so for as long as he had been sentient.

He decided to bring out the speakers in his shoulder joints and activate his boombox function.

The steady thud of the bass made the sand around him jump around, and Omega checked his playlist for the best order of songs that he had written for just such a beach day.

"There you are!"

He sensed Rouge and Shadow approaching him, but neither moved to touch him. Instead, they stood relatively close — though Shadow made his best efforts to seem as isolated as possible — as Omega turned up the volume on his musical masterpieces.

Rouge started humming along, and Omega whirred in contentment that she knew his music well enough that she could recognize it and follow along. Shadow didn't move, aside from a small twitch of his ear when Omega decided that he wanted to play a new song.

It was one of his favorite ones. He had written it specifically for them.

And so Team Dark quietly bobbed their heads to their theme song as the village behind them descended further into cacophonous chaos.

"And here's the snowy mountain range two minutes outside of town!"

Rouge squinted against the sudden field of white that entered her vision while Knuckles, her self-appointed tour guide, gestured towards it with a one-handed flourish. His other hand was clasped around hers, 'for tour guide reasons' he claimed, and okay, sure, it was definitely seeming that way now after she'd been led all around Hedgehog Village and its surrounding areas by her very eager guide with no rhyme or reason to his itinerary.

It was fine, though. A bit more fun that way, plus it was some good exercise.

"I gotta say," she remarked, craning her head up to look for the summit, "the geography of this island makes less and less sense the further I get from my old home. How is it that we're walking distance away from both an active volcano and a mountain whose snow line is roughly at sea level?"

Knuckles beamed at her. "You say a lot of smart words."

...Well, it wasn't a helpful answer but it was an answer she liked to hear.

"Have you ever gotten a snowstorm?" she asked as they walked along the line where grass and sand turned abruptly into powder and ice.

"Not as far as I can remember," Knuckles said, "but I've been told that's not very far. Oh well! All I know is that if anything ever goes wrong, it's time to hide out at Amy's place!"

Rouge flicked her ear. "At least you have a game plan for emergencies."

"Yep!" Knuckles beamed, bright as the sun. "And it's never failed me before!"

Rouge hummed, mulling it over. "If there's ever an emergency, I wonder if Shadow and Omega are ready to fortify our cave..."

"Orrrrr... You guys can also hide out at Amy's place!" The echidna seemed very excited at the prospect. "It'll be like one giant sleepover!"

Rouge giggled as the image of Shadow sitting cross-legged on Amy's couch with curlers in his spines and a frown on his face entered her mind, followed by one of Omega painting everyone's nails while trash-talking everyone and anyone he had dirt on. "As fun as that sounds, I think my boys would rather freeze than accept charity. But maybe I would swing by for a little R&R."

Amy would probably be fine with it, right? Right.

"Oh!" Knuckles turned his head in yet another direction as the memories of yet another episode came back to him. "Do you want to see the place where I ate a pepper and then hallucinated for several days?"

Rouge blinked. "Uh..."

"Great! It's this way!"

And with that, he started guiding her along across the village again, away from the snow and back towards the jungle. Rouge stretched out her wings and let herself leisurely glide along, taking the moment to rest her legs as her companion went into detail about burning hot peppers and exploding ducks.

This part of the island truly was some kind of adventure.

"SHADOW, I HAVE ACQUIRED MORE PARTS FOR PROJECT: DARK RIDER."

"Don't call it that."

Omega beeped in satisfaction as he unceremoniously dropped several miscellaneous parts onto the cave floor. "ALL PROJECTS REQUIRE A NEATO NAME. I LEARNED THAT FROM COMIC BOOKS."

Shadow grunted to show his disinterest as he rooted through the parts. Omega waited a few seconds for any sort of response before throwing his giant metal hands into the air, scraping against the rocky stalactites as he raised his volume output by a few extra decibels. "THE SACRED TEXTS!"

Shadow covered his ears at the sudden loudness, growling and raising his spines like a wounded animal. Omega, knowing his point was made, beeped happily again.

Shadow gave him a swift kick to the chest and sent him crashing into the grotto wall before resuming his appraisal, salvaging useable parts from the heap and placing them in a pile. The rest he crunched under his shoes as he kept sifting through the pile.

Omega, unphased from being launched into the wall, swiveled his head to admire Shadow’s progress on Project: Dark Rider; the motorcycle was still in its bare-bones stage, some essential bits and pieces missing from the structure and mechanisms while larger parts for the final steps laid about, waiting to be painted and put onto the finished product.

Omega hoped that it would have a few laser guns installed, or maybe tires that left trails of fire behind, but Shadow scoffed at his ideas. Then again, Shadow scoffed at everything, whether he agreed with it or not, so Omega could only wait in robotic anticipation for Project: Dark Rider’s completion.

Alas, the short-term urge to be a menace was stronger than the long term desire to see Project: Dark Rider finished, so Omega elected to inconvenience Shadow.

“SHADOW. DO YOU HAVE YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSE?”

Predictably, Shadow scoffed.

“PROJECT: DARK RIDER CAN BE TAKEN FROM YOU IF YOU RIDE IT ILLEGALLY.”

“I’d like to see them try.”

“CAUTION: IF THERE IS ONE THING THE MAYOR DOES WITH ANY SENSE OF EFFICIENCY AND URGENCY, IT IS ENFORCING FEES AND/OR TRAFFIC PROTOCOLS. IF HE CAN MAKE ANY MONEY BY SENDING PROJECT: DARK RIDER TO A TOWING LOT, HE WILL.”

“I don’t need a piece of plastic to tell me that I can drive!” Shadow snapped, his spines bristling again. Objective met.

“QUERY: WHY NOT ASK ROUGE TO TEACH YOU TO DRIVE? SHE HAS CLAIMED TO HAVE HER LICENSE.”

“Yeah, in two-truths-one-lie. It might have been the lie.”

Omega whirred in intrigue, impressed that Shadow remembered that. Shadow, belatedly realizing that he had inadvertently admitted to remembering anything personal at all about Rouge and the context to boot, snarled as he claimed, “I don’t need her help! Just like I don’t need yours!”

“I BROUGHT YOU THE PARTS.”

“Feh! I could have done that myself, and faster.”

“YOU CUT ME DEEP, SHADOW.” Omega held one metal hand against his metal chest and rubbed the other one against his glass eyes, sending a shower of sparks to the ground and a thoroughly unpleasant scraping sound through the air. “REAL DEEP.”

“Good. I hope it helps you remember your place.” Shadow smirked, finally pleased with the outcome. Omega decided to rectify that.

“MY PLACE IS HERE, IN THIS CAVE AS THE PRIMARY OWNER.”

Shadow’s smirk faded into a sneer. Omega beeped happily once again.

Objective met.