Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

it was a sunny afternoon. the crusaders were mainly just chilling out after most getting out of the hospital and the exhausting and probably traumatizing trip to egypt. however, kakyoin in particular was sitting in front of the tv on his nintendo switch playing the newest addition to the splatoon franchise, splatoon 3. he seemed to be playing a game of salmon run, with the final wave just starting. 

(if you dont know, salmon run is a gamemode where you defeat salmon-like creatures to deliver their eggs at a certain amount with limited time) 

the wave was quite challenging, since he had to deliver 25 eggs and with a bad weapon and teammates who werent so good as well. “what the fuck… there shouldnt be this many bosses on a wave like this…” kakyoin thought to himself. he was the only teammate left alive in the game, with only a few seconds left and 3 more eggs to go, he tried going as fast as he could, but ultimately failed. “FUCK!” kakyoin shouted. “hey quiet down! im trying to read here!” polnareff said from the other side of the room. “well its not MY fault that MY teammates sucked and todays rotation only had backliner weapons!” kakyoin replied back. “i dont even know what the fuck youre talking about.” polnareff repued again, in a confused tone.

kakyoin then entered a demonic hellish state where the gates of hell opened up behind him. ge started explaining what salmon run was and every single piece of lore behind it, while polnareff fell asleep. kakyoin then went on discord to tend to his discord kittens and look for good salmon run teammates. the end.

Chapter Text

it was around three in the morning. kakyoin looks at his tv screen with tired eyes. for an hour now, hes been trying to clear this stage in splatoon 3’s story mode, a one way ride through target town. hes tried every weapon so far, seeming to be doing better with the heavy splatling. “damn it,” he muttered to himself. “why is this taking so damn long? i keep trying and trying, but theres always just one fucking target that i cant hit,”. he keeps trying. suddenly, he hears footsteps. staying quiet, he hopes nobody walks in.

“kakyoin what the fuck are you doing its three in the morning” it was jotaro. guess he even sleeps with his fucking hat on, its probably stuck to his head, or something. “o-oh, hi jojo, uh, i was just playing a game…” kakyoin replied. “GO the FUCK to sleep” jotaro shouted. kakyoin ignored him and kept playing. “you dont understand jojo this us what being an epic gamer is like, you see unlike you, i was BORN a gamer, on my birth certificate instead of listing my gender it says that im a GAMER instead i came out of the WOMB with a controller and headse-“ jotaro fucking kicks the shit out of him with star platinum and kakyoin fucking explodes. he did finish the level though. the end i guess.