Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Leonora Lesso didn’t do feelings.

She had learnt, with time, to shut all of her emotions down, to squish them inside a bottle and keep that bottle very close to her heart.

She was still unaware, however, that the bottle was made of thin glass.

It all started when Rafal betrayed her for Sophie. He was actually the one who made her so cold, in the first place, so it made sense he was also the one who started cracking her hidden bottle.

Still, she managed to hide that crack and glued it all back together in some way.

Thus, when Leonora Lesso found herself staring at Clarissa Dovey’s collarbone and wondering how would it feel to kiss it, she thought she had gone mental.

"…Or maybe we could… Lesso? Lady Lesso, are you listening?".

Dovey snapped a finger in front of them and made them almost fall from the chair they were currently sprawled onto.

"Fu… yes, no. I’m… no, I’m lost".

Did I fucking stutter?

"I was saying that we could modify some courses to make them accessible to both Nevers and Evers". "Uh. Yeah?".

She forced herself to tear her gaze away from that very cute little mole on Dovey’s neck, focusing on her colleague’s words.

"I think we could make Sword Fighting and Potions shared classes".

Leonora looked down at the papers scattered on her desk. She wondered how did they ended up in that situation in the first place, but then she remembered: she and Dovey were given the impossible task to make the transition to the blending as smooth as possible.

Which was still very close to impossible.

"Aaand I’m losing you again, ain’t I?".

Leonora scoffed. "Nonsense, I’m just thinking. You know, that’s what brain is used for".

They were trying to do sarcasm in order to avoid listening to their body and its unexplainable need to look at Dovey’s necklace, placed strategically between her glorious breasts.

"So. What were you saying about merging classes?". She hoped she would go back to ramble about nonsense, but Dovey stayed silent, instead looking straight into her eyes.

"Is everything alright, Lady Lesso? You look…". "What?".

Please say beautiful.

"Flushed".

For fuck’s sake.

"It’s just… very hot in there".

She waved her hand nervously, slamming the window open and having the sudden gush of night wind blow all their paperwork off the desk.

"Lesso!".

She thought, for just a second, that her colleague was on the verge of cursing, but she somehow regained her composure.

"Stars. Alright, it’s getting late and we should rest". "We did almost nothing" they objected. "We did a lot, actually! We found out that Lady Lesso doesn’t give a flip about the task they have".

She’s so cute embarrassing when she tries not to curse.

"Was that a bad word, princess?". "I said flip. However, I’m tired and you should get some rest, too. I know you didn’t sleep last night".

Shivers crawled up her spine. "How do you…". "I woke up at three in the morning. Your lights were still on". "How very… observant of you".

She was blushing again at the thought of Clarissa waking up in the middle of the night, her body only hidden by her night gown, her hair down, skin warm and…

Crap. Finish it, Lesso!

"Uh. Yeah". "I’ll see you tomorrow, then?". "Yeah. See you tomorrow, princess. Goodnight".

Dovey squeezed her hands before leaving, and the feeling of her slender fingers intertwined with hers made her shiver again.

Oh Jesus. What’s happening to me?

She tried to go to sleep, she really tried. But all she could think about were soft curly hair and dark skin and brown eyes smiling at her.

She shook her head various times and groaned, flustered.

She thought about that bottle again. In her hopes, it was still perfectly intact.

In reality, it was slowly breaking and feelings she didn’t recognize were slowly dripping out.

Feelings for Clarissa Dovey.

Chapter Text

She groaned and went straight to bed, slipping into her shorts and top, very careful not to look into the only mirror in the room.

She dug under the blankets and closed her eyes. However, when she fell asleep, she found herself in her office again.

Marvelous. A dream. Just what I needed.

They were facing the window: the first rays of the sun shone through the glass.

A sight that they would find disgusting, if it wasn’t for the familiar figure sitting on the said window.

"Princess?". "Leonora".

How sweet their name sounded on her lips. "What… what are you doing in my office?". "Nothing in particular. Come here, darling".

She wanted to stay right where she was, but her dream-self had other things in mind, moving closer and closer to the window.

She started noticing things about her co-dean. Her dress was a dark shade of purple with some black on her bodice. Her shoulders were bare, and Lesso’s gaze drove from her clavicle to her stern.

"Enjoying what you see?". "Uh…". She tried to speak, but what Dovey did next knocked all the air off her lungs.

She snapped her finger and there she was, all naked except for a transparent chemise.

She could see all her world under that… outrageous piece of clothing.

And Lesso found themselves not minding the sight. At all. The ache in their belly turned into heat that soon spread to her cunt.

Jesus Christ.

Dovey grabbed their hand, placing it on her breast.

Lesso gave up, cupping her face with their other hand and kissing her hard on the lips.

They didn’t expect her to taste like ashes.

She drew back immediately when Dovey’s hands turned cold and pale.

"Princess?". She was still smiling, but something was definitely off.

"Clarissa, what’s happening?".

You don’t deserve her.

That voice. Lesso would recognise it among a crowd of thousands. Her leg gave her a shot of pain she wasn’t expecting, and when she tried to use her cane to stand up she found out she didn’t have it.

She fell as Clarissa disappeared.

No. Go away, please.

But Rafal appeared right in front of her, walking slowly and smiling coldly.

"Now now, what do we have here? Little, helpless Leonora is being sentimental?". "You’re dead. You can’t hurt me or anyone anymore! Go away!".

He kneeled in front of her, sliding a cursed hand inside her red curls and yanking her face up so she was looking right in his eyes.

"I can hurt you whenever I want. In whatever way pleases me. Because you are mine, Leonora". "NO! STAY AWAY! PLEASE, GO AWAY!".

She woke up screaming and scratching her face and arms, trying to get rid of the hideous feeling of his hands on her.

Her breathing was incredibly fast, her heart pulse racing even in her fingertips.

He’s not here. He can’t hurt me, he’s not here.

Her leg twitched, and she had to bit her lip because the pain struck her suddenly.

Shit. Fucking leg.

Sometimes she wished the healers cut it instead of trying to heal it.

It would have been so much easier to walk around with a fake steel leg (which, by the way, would look much cooler).

It took another good hour to calm herself down completely, and in the end Lesso was able to reflect on her dream and all the emotions that came with it.

Rafal was a constant presence in their nightmares, but this time it was way worse. Not because of what he did to them.

Because of what he did to her.

She didn’t want to focus on that. On the feeling of unbearable cold she had felt touching her skin. On the ashes she had tasted on her lips.

Lesso let her mind wonder about the first part of her nightmare, a part in which she wanted to stay all night. Anything to forget Rafal. 

Slowly, the feeling of Rafal’s presence disappeared, replaced by Lesso’s own arousal at the mere thought of the blonde Ever, naked and hers.

Hers.

Their hand trailed down her body, reaching her throbbing clit and rubbing it.

The feeling of Clarissa’s breast under her hands.

She moaned, letting her imagination picture a heavenly sight. Full breasts, dark nipples, a tuft of blonde curly hair hiding her reward.

She came with a muffled scream, drawing blood from her lip as she bit deep into it.

What would I give to do that to Clarissa’s.

Sleep was not an option anymore, so she just got up and started working again on the transition.

The main problem was that many courses were so different that it would be impossible to merge them.

Fuck. How does she manage not to throw herself out of her window? This is frustrating!

Thinking about windows, Lesso moved her activity to her own, opening it and letting the cold night breeze enter her already cold office.

Her outfit didn’t shield her from the cold, but she didn’t mind it.

They found themselves looking at one particular window on the Ever’s side of the school.

A window that was exactly opposite to hers. Clarissa’s office.

I wish you were here.

Chapter Text

"What about we merge Beautification and Uglification classes?".

Dovey almost spat her morning tea.

Leonora hadn’t been able to sleep the whole night, so she used that time to work.

"Merging what now? How…". Leonora snorted and rolled her eyes, silencing her colleague with a hand on her mouth.

"Let me finish".

However, she stood there another good three seconds, the proximity between her and Dovey almost intoxicating. Was her co-dean blushing?

She could feel her amazing scent. Cinnamon and… vanilla?

"Ahem". She removed her hand. "As I was saying. Obviously we can’t merge the courses as they are. We can, however, change the curriculum a little".

Dovey’s whole attention was on them, now, and Lesso felt a blush creeping up their neck.

They got up from the chair. "Obviously your Evers think that beauty is power".

And you’re so beautiful right now.

"And my Nevers are taught that not caring about their look sets them free. Those are things that could be put together, you know? Beauty is power, for both Good and Evil, but confidence beyond physical appearance is empowering. For both Nevers and Evers".

She looked at Dovey again and her breath stopped. Her colleague was still sat at her desk, but the sun was making her dress and skin shine with pure gold.

Stop drooling over an Ever. A very cute one .

"Lesso, I… that would be amazing, but… who will teach them? Anemone and Manley…". "We could just call an external teacher. I have a name that could do the trick".

An old friend of hers. A friend she hadn’t seen in… ages.

"Well… let me know. But what about Manley and Anemone? We can’t fire them!". "Let’s give Manley a place in the library. He’s been dying to get away from that class". "Manley in the library? Now that’s new".

Lesso laughed.

"You’re being quite snarky for an Ever, princess".

Dovey cleared her throat. "Yeah. Well, what about Emma?".

"Let Beauty teacher retake her place as History teacher. Let's bring the course back" she proposed, eyes caught by the shine of Dovey’s golden necklace.

Focus, Lesso, focus.

She was focusing. On Dovey’s breast .

Dovey got up from her seat, yawning. "I need to think about it. Call your friend, we’ll see if this can work. What time is your first class?". "10 a.m. Yours?". "Same".

Lesso looked at the clock.

"You still have a couple of hours. Go to sleep, princess".

Her tone was far too much caring for her standards.

"You look like crap".

Definitely better.

"Says who. You look like a zombie, darling". They felt butterflies in their belly at the nickname.

"Uh. Bye".

They rushed to the door.

"Lesso, wait!".

Ask me to stay.

"Your coat". "Ah. Yes, I… forgot. Thank you, princess".

Dovey rolled her eyes. "Will you ever stop calling me that?".

"Never. Princess".

Making her way to the bridge she didn’t encounter anyone.

Luckily, because she was smiling like an idiot. She didn’t even know why, she had never felt like that before.

Well, there was a possible explanation for her sudden… Everness , but she refused to even think about it.

They could still fill her perfume on their coat. Normally, it would disgust her, but not this time.

They were halfway through the bridge when they heard the scream.

They abruptly turned around and cold fright ran through their back.

When they saw the golden dress fall from the window of Clarissa's office and in the water, they didn’t even flinch. They dropped the cane, got rid of the coat and dove into the freezing water.

Luckily the water was clear enough for them to see, and Clarissa’s form was soon in sight, wrapped in her exaggerated gown. They reached her and tried to swim back up, but the dress weighted them both down.

Damn you and you Ever taste in clothes!

Her lungs burned. Fuck. She ripped through the fabric with her nails, getting rid of that cursed dress and finally being able to swim back up.

Her leg twitched, she was out of breath.

Don’t you dare give up, Lesso. This is not about you.

It was about the woman she was clutching in her arms, who was unconscious and drowning more with every passing second.

Finally, they broke out the surface and their first breath was painful and sweet at the same time. They reached the shore, gently placing Clarissa on the sand.

Her dark skin had taken a sickening shade of ash grey. They panicked.

"Princess?". They shook her, but she didn’t respond. Her lips were purplish, they tried to feel her pulse but…

Oh crap. No no no no no.

"Clarissa, don’t you dare die now!". She used her magic to withdraw the water in her lungs out, but even though a trickle of water came out of her mouth, she remained still.

You can’t die. Please, don’t die.

"Clarissa, please!". Their heart sunk in their chest, and they tried one last desperate attempt: they leaned down and placed their lips on hers.

The fuck you doing, Lesso? She needs to breathe!

But before they could even think about starting mouth-to-mouth, they felt her lips warming up and saw her delicate eyelashes starting to rise.

She drew back, relieved but also scared. She was scared to death, because she knew what that could mean.

I gave her True love’s kiss.

Clarissa’s eyes fluttered open and she coughed.

Lesso just hoped no one had seen them.

Kissing.

But they shook their head and tried to wipe that thought out of their head.

It was just a case. Just a case, she was already waking up when…

She didn’t want to believe that. She refused to. Nevers can’t love.

"Oh… Jesus. What… what happened?".

She got closer to her colleague, who was now trying to sit up properly.

"Don't stand for now. You had it rough, princess".

She kneeled in front of her and helped her up, trying to shut down her screaming heart who was telling her to hug her close, closer than she had ever been, to tuck a strand of wet hair behind her ear and…

"Lesso?". "You… you fell into the lake. I dove in and saved you".

You died.

"You lost consciousness".

I kissed you brought you back to life.

"I… I used magic to take the water out".

Dovey blinked a couple of times, as if to process the information. "Oh… I… Lesso, you… you risked your life to save me".

I would do that again. A million times.

"Yeah, yeah. You own me a big one, princess". "Thank you. I mean it".

Then she put an hand on their shoulder, and Lesso short circuited for more than a second.

The fuck. The fucking fuckingly fuck. The fuck is happening to me.

"Ah… uh… I… I took off your dress. You should… get dressed again. I… I have to go. Bye".

I did not just panic in front of her.

I did not.

She got up, but her leg gave out under her and she tumbled right onto Dovey.

Fanfuckingtastic.

"Ugh! This stupid leg!". She tried to get up, but ended up in a very compromising position: she was straddling Clarissa’s lap, her legs and arms on both sides of her, and the Ever’s hands were placed on her shoulders.

Time stopped. In a split second, Lesso took in Dovey’s messed appearence: her makeover ruined, her hair dump and out of her usual hairstyle, her cheeks flushed with an unbelievably cute shade of dark red.

And her eyes. Oh God, her beautiful chocolate eyes were fixed in Lesso’s green ones and the Evil Dean thought they could pierce into their soul.

Fuck.

She internally screamed and tried to regain her usual sassy attitude. "Are you blushing, princess?".

It came out with less sarcasm than she had intended, but it seemed to work as Dovey looked away, embarrassed.

"Can you please move?". It was Lesso’s turn to blush, noticing she was still straddling her.

Her leg was working properly now, so she managed to get up. She held out her hand for Dovey to grab it, helping her up.

She wiped a couple of granules of sand out of her face, in a far too gentle gesture for her, and she cursed herself for that.

Get a hold on yourself, Lesso!

"I should go. Go get checked, princess. The fall wasn’t nice". "I remember very little of that, honestly".

Thank God. I would be even more fucked if you did.

Chapter Text

It had been three days since Lesso saved Dovey.

Three days since I gave her True love’s kiss.

Lesso couldn’t stop thinking about her. She thought about her when she was working, when she was teaching, when she was dreaming.

Dreaming about them doing not very Good things to each other.

When Emma had heard what happened, she had barged into Lesso’s office.

"You know, doors are…". "Shut up".

Lesso had raised a brow. "Excuse me?".

"I’m trying to thank you for saving her life, so shut up. I won’t say it twice".

Emma Anemone breathed in and then out. "Thank you, Lady Lesso, for saving her".

I would do it again a million times.

"Did she tell you how…?". "She was tired. She had leaned onto the window, but it was open and… God, she’s so stupid sometimes".

Lesso had laughed. "Sometimes?". "I’m not mocking my best friend behind her back. Especially not with you. Especially not when she almost died".

They had raised their hands. "Alright, beauty teacher". "You’re impossible".

Is she okay? Please tell me she’s okay.

When Emma had left the room, they had taken their heads in their hands.

I should go see her. Ask her how she is doing. But I can’t just… go.

And here she was, still wondering whether she should go or not.

It would be shameful for a Never like she was. Going into the Ever’s castle just to have a chit-chat with Dovey?

No. It was out of question.

Still…

In that moment, a bird flew right into her office through the open window, smashing onto the wall and then on the floor.

Startled, she jumped up and raised her cane. "WHAT THE FUCK-".

But then the bird turned into a person, and Lesso immediately dropped the cane.

"What the actual fuck…". "Ouch. I see that’s still you favourite word".

In front of her eyes, ungracefully sprawled on her floor, Asteria was smiling at her.

"Sorry, those shaggy dogs down there wouldn’t just let me in so I flew up here. The window was open, but my aim is still… to be improved".

Lesso helped her up on her feet and took her in. "Oh my God". "Do I look that bad?". "You look badass!".

To say that she had changed a lot would have been an understatement.

Messy black hair that once reached her hips had been cut so short that now it barely brushed her ears. Her glasses were gone, too, although the containment ruby was still on her forehead.

"What happened to you?". Asteria smiled again.

"I said fuck the system and did what I wanted, of course".

She was wearing a military leather training outfit.

"You… are you in some kind of army?". "No, but I’m a professional military trainer for Ever and Nevers".

Then she straightened her clothes and looked at her in the eyes. "Why did you call me, Lesso? It don’t think it’s because you missed me". "Didn’t you read my letter?".

Asteria rolled her eyes.

"Why did you call me, Lesso? I’m not a teacher and you know it". "Because you sucked at Uglification, dearest".

Asteria laughed. "You bet I did! Mr. Pollemon tried to fire himself when…". "When you turned his face into Cinderella’s! I remember! Oh God, I really thought I would die of fun that one time".

The black haired woman shook her head. "Alright, yes. There are some things I could actually teach them, but… I’ve never done that before. I mean, real teaching. With… exams and lessons and stuff. I will fuck them up in no time".

Lesso groaned. "Dear, with everything that happened in the past few months? I think they’re already fucked up".

Then an idea crossed their mind.

"I’ll fill you in while we walk. I’ll introduce you to my co-Dean. Remember Dovey?".

Perfect excuse to pay her a visit.

Asteria’s face lit up. "Of course! Classy Clarissa!".

Lesso made a face.

What?

"What?". "Don’t you remember? Uriah and I used to give Evers nicknames with the same letter of their name. Like… Aneurism Anemone, or… Stinky Samantha".

"No, I… I remember those. I just… I didn’t recall you calling her Classy Clarissa".

They started walking in the corridors. "Yeah, right. Uriah and I used to not call her that in your presence". "Why?". "You always had… a soft spot for Dovey".

They blushed violently. "I-I… What? I didn’t have a soft spot for her!".

Asteria’s ruby lit up. "Yeah. Don’t try to lie to me, Lesso. I can feel it when you’re lying". "I know. I know".

She knew very well how much of a pain in the ass Asteria could be.

She had received the gift (or curse, if you asked her) of mind-reading. The ruby on her forehead prevented her from hearing people’s thoughts constantly, but did very little to shield her from their emotions.

Moreover, Asteria was always the most empathetic and sensitive one, in Lesso’s class. She would always have a good word for her friends, even though it was still in the Never’s style.

Lesso had decided to give her their trust when she had found them during a very bad panic attack.

While telling her everything about what happened with Agatha and Sophie, she thought back about that day.

Asteria hadn’t said stupid cheesy things like I’m sorry, it’s going to be fine, you’ll get through it.

She had just sat next to them and said you look like shit. They had asked what she was doing there. I’m waiting for you to un-shit yourself.

They had become friends immediately.

"…and we would sneak past curfew to… Lesso? Are you listening?". "What?".

Asteria nudged them in the ribs. "Nevermind. Oh God, I’m already sick of this place".

The Ever’s castle welcomed them with brightness and beauty, and Leonora laughed at Asteria’s face.

"Yeah. Sickening, indeed".

Evers were crowding the halls, and they all turned to the two Nevers when they passed.

Asteria’s pose had straightened, Lesso noticed. She had a cold and stern gaze that made most of the student flinch.

They locked arms with her. "You’re scaring them". "I hope so".

Soon, they reached Clarissa’s office and Lesso barged in without even knocking first.

"Who the f- Lesso!".

The redhead tried to ignore the sudden heat in her stomach at the sight of her crush colleague.

She was wearing a slightly less formal navy blue dress, the gown barely reached her ankles, and was sat on the couch in front of the fireplace, a stack of papers by her side and a pen in her hands.

Clarissa’s gaze washed over her and Lesso almost blushed.

Oh Fucking Jesus Christ.

"Ahem. Princess, this is the friend I was telling you about. Her name’s Asteria".

Clarissa smiled, getting up from her seat and holding out a hand for Asteria to shake it, which she did after her eyes bounced from Lesso to Clarissa. Her ruby glowed.

"Nice to meet you. Again". Clarissa raised a brow, thoughtful.

"Yes, I… I think I remember you. Wait! You’re the girl with glasses from Lesso’s class! You… you’re changed. Quite a lot, actually". "I know, I know. So, Lessy here…".

"Wait, who’s Lessy?".

Asteria laughed, Lesso cringed and slapped their forehead.

"Great. Another annoying person who’s going to use that stupid nickname".

Clarissa joined the laughter, and Lesso found themselves staring at her face and the small wrinkles forming around her eyes.

She’s gorgeous.

"Oh God. Lessy? That’s… actually very cute".

They hid their face between her hands to hide the blush that crept on her cheeks.

"I’M NOT CUTE!". "Yes you are" Asteria said poking her cheek with a finger.

"Can you stop, please? It’s very unprofessional!". "Alright" Asteria smiled. "Lessy". "I hate you". "No you don’t".

Clarissa clapped her hands. "So. I guess you know why you’re here". "Yes, and I’m in. But I have two conditions".

Lesso sat on Dovey’s desk, earning a scolding look from the Ever. She shrugged.

"Spill the tea". "First thing first, we’re holding the class in the Never’s castle".

Lesso and Dovey looked at each other, then the Ever nodded. "We can arrange that. Second?".

"I want Sword Fighting class to train them. All of them, Evers and Nevers. Together. They’ll learn from each other twice as much as they would if they were parted".

"What??". "I can give you my experience for the course, but I’m not a teacher. I’m a soldier, a trainer. And they need to be more prepared than we were".

Lesso glanced at her colleague: she looked worried.

"What do you mean?". "I mean that stories are changing, Dovey. They’re getting harsher, and the line separating Good and Evil is getting thinner. We must adapt, too".

Lesso looked at Dovey again. She could understand her struggle: it wasn’t easy to accept something like that.

Tentatively, she put a hand on her shoulder. "I know it’s hard, Dovey. But… I trust her. She’s right". "I… I need to think about it. We need to discuss it".

Asteria looked at Lesso and mouthed something like we-will-talk-about-this-later and then nodded towards Dovey.

"Thank you. I’ll se you at dinner, then. I’ll take a walk in the Blue Forest".

Lesso furrowed her brow but said nothing. "Be careful with…". "Yeah yeah, I know. I’ll leave you two…".

She waved her hand vaguely. "Alone. You know".

Both Lesso and Dovey cleared their throat, and the Evil Dean managed not to look at her colleague.

I’m killing you later, Asteria.

Chapter Text

Silence stretched between them.

Lesso was still sat on Dovey’s desk, while Dovey was standing beside them. The height difference forced the Good Dean to raise her head to look at them in the eyes, and soon as their gazes met Lesso suppressed the urge to smile.

I want to kiss her so bad right now.

"So. What do you think". "I… I like her. I mean, she seems… the right person".

Lesso gathered all her courage.

"How are you, princess? After the nearly deadly experience you had".

The woman hugged herself, and in that moment Lesso noticed the black circles under her eyes and the unhealthy shade of her complexion.

"I’m… fine". "Yeah, and I’m a ten-feet tall pink winged crocodile".

Dovey smirked, holding back a laugh by biting her lip.

I’m not staring.

"You can tell me, princess. I mean, I know I’m not the most empathic person in the world but… I’ve had my bad moments, you know".

"I just… I can’t sleep very well. And… the semester has started but it’s still a mess, and… sometimes I feel like I can’t… breathe, and…".

She brought a hand to her chest and leaned onto the desk. Her hand only an inch away from Lesso’s.

"Ehy! Ehy, look at me". She stood and grabbed her by the shoulders. "I’m here, okay? I’m not gonna say stupid and cheesy things because I would probably vomit, but… I’m here".

She tried to ignore the flutter in her chest and the heat in her stomach, but it was almost impossible. Dovey lowered her head.

"Princess?".

They weren’t expecting a hug. Let alone a bone-crushing hug like the one Dovey engulfed them in.

"Thank you, Lesso".

I’m dying. I’m dying.

Their arms slowly wrapped around Dovey’s shoulders.

"Don’t get used to it, princess. And… call me Lex. If you want". "Lex. Are we… like, friends, now?".

It hurt them. More than they wanted to admit.

Weren’t we friends already? Did I matter so little?

They chuckled, brushing the thought away. No time for self-pity.

"I thought that was obvious, princess. Now, I would really like to tease you about how much you’re blushing…".

But I’m blushing as much as you.

"…But you need some sleep before dinner". "I… I still have paperwork. Curricula to fix, classes to…". "I’ll do it. Just tell me where you stopped so I can continue from there".

Dovey opened her mouth to protest, but then she closed it and just sighed.

"Okay. Just… can you keep me company while I sleep?". "Are you asking me to sleep with you?".

They didn’t even know how could they joke anymore, because that was more embarrassing to them then to her.

The Good Dean punched them lightly in the shoulder. "Not like that!". "Ouch, princess. Where did all the Good-only-defends rhetoric go?". "You’re too annoying, I can’t help it".

She sighed again, rubbing her eyes. "I-I mean it, Lesso. Can you… stay? You can sit on the bed or… on the armchair if it makes you less uncomfortable". "Being in bed with a pretty woman is never uncomfortable".

I’m never uncomfortable with you, princess.

"Sitting on the bed will be just fine".

Clarissa led them into her bedroom, and Lesso thought that it was the complete opposite of theirs.

Everything was wrapped in a cozy atmosphere, walls and furnitures almost shone with warm colours.

Clarissa yawned and laid under the sheets, patting the space beside her. "Come on. Don’t be shy".

Princess, I’m having very un-shy thoughts right now.

"Call me shy again and I’ll murder you while you sleep". "Yeah, as if. You like me too much". "I do not like you".

They continued bickering for a while, but at some point Clarissa’s words became slurred and sluggish.

"Alright, princess. Time to sleep". "Can you… nevermind". "What?".

Clarissa turned her back on them. "Nothing, it’s stupid". "Princess. If you’re having trouble sleeping nothing is stupid, trust me".

She turned to face them again, fixing her eyes in theirs. "Can you… like, keep a hand on my arm? Or… you know, make me feel you’re here. It wold help a lot".

Don’t panic. Don’t panic.

They stayed silent for a while, and Clarissa shifted next to them and lowered her gaze.

"I told you, it doesn’t matter. It’s…".

Lesso grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers. Warmth spread from her arm to her whole body.

"I… thank you, Lex". "Don’t mention it".

Lesso tried to focus on the paperwork, she really did, but everything she could think about was Clarissa’s hand in hers, her breath caressing her skin.

She shifted and breathed in, trying to ignore the blush that had crept on her face. Her heart was racing, she felt like she was on fire.

What are you doing to me, princess?

The kiss replayed in her head again and again. Minutes passed and Clarissa fell asleep.

She could have removed her hand, but chose not to. Instead, she laid down too, her face dangerously close to Clarissa’s.

She’s so pretty.

She’s gorgeous.

Her brain screamed against it, but she still caressed her cheek with her free hand.

We’re friends. We’re just friends.

Right?

Then why was she constantly thinking about her in a very non-friendly kind of way?

I think I’m gonna explode.

She didn’t get a chance to go crazy on her confused feelings anymore, because Clarissa furrowed her brow and her breath started increasing.

Lesso felt an unpleasant twist in her stomach, which turned into a shiver when her colleague whimpered and squeezed her hand.

She’s having a nightmare.

"Dovey?". She shook her gently, but got no answer. "Fuck. Clarissa, wake up! It's just a bad dream! Can you hear me? It’s not real!".

Her ears ached and her heart shattered when her friend screamed in terror, suddenly jerking her hand away and waking up, shaking and crying, face streaked with hot tears.

Lesso was fast to grab her by her shoulders to prevent her from falling off the bed.

"Clarissa!". "I-I… I can’t…". "Shut up and breathe, Clarissa".

She wasn’t very good at comforting people, and in that moment she wished she had Asteria’s empathy.

I still have some tricks up my sleeves.

Their finger glowed and Lesso pressed it on Dovey’s temple.

"Just breathe, Clarissa. It’s over".

Slowly, the blonde woman calmed down and collapsed from exhaustion in Lesso’s arms.

Lesso held her, patting her back. "Princess, this is not a simple sleep problem. How long have you been having these nightmares? Are you even sleeping?". "I… I’m fine, Lesso. It was just an episode, it’s over. I’m fine".

"That’s BULLSHIT!".

She let her go and got up from the bed, her hands curling into angry fists, nails digging into her palms.

"You’re lying. I know you, Dovey! You are not fine, ignoring the situation won’t just make it go away!". "Don’t yell, please" she muttered.

Lesso’s breath caught in her throat.

Calm down. Just a little.

"Listen, Dovey. You don’t have to pretend with me, you know it. I understand". "You don’t, Lesso. You don’t know what it’s like". "What? Nearly dying? I had my fair share of…".

Dovey jumped up, closing the distance between the two.

She was a good head shorter than Lesso, and the Evil Dean had always teased her for that, but she never thought her height made her fragile.

And yet here she was. Pale, tears racing down her face, pure hurt and sadness in her eyes.

Clarissa Dovey seemed on the verge of breaking down.

"I always have to be perfect. To be Good. To satisfy everyone’s expectations. Smile, be polite, be kind, don’t talk over people, don’t make people uncomfortable! I made violence on myself to force me into some model I didn’t fit in. I couldn’t refuse, I couldn’t… do anything about it. It was my destiny, my duty".

Dovey was shaking from head to toe, but when Lesso tried to touch her she slapped their hand away.

"I can’t allow myself to be anything else but perfect! Because if I’m not… then I’m nothing at all. Being perfect is the only thing I can do".

Lesso was feeling sick. They recognized that look, those words.

Evil is the only thing you will ever be. Without it, you are nothing.

"Who made you believe that this is the only thing you can be?".

Lesso’s voice was so soft that they were sure it was coming from someone else.

Dovey’s lips quivered. "I… it doesn’t matter. It’s the truth". "Who, Clarissa?".

She sat on her bed and Lesso sat beside her.

They had no idea of what they were doing, they only knew Clarissa needed this.

To be heard. And that… that Leonora could do.

"My family. They… they said that perfection was the only thing I could aspire to. The only thing I could do. I never fulfilled their wishes, you know. Couldn’t sit straight, couldn’t talk nice".

Now, that was a total new image of Clarissa Dovey. But, Lesso nodded.

"Evers don’t strike first, you know that. But it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t scream at me, or… lock me up in the coldest room without supper".

Lesso’s anger built up inside them.

How dare they? HOW?

Clarissa’s hands were clasped together in her lap.

"I… i believed them. I became a fairy godmother, and then… then Cinderella found her Happily Ever After and I thought… that I could something more Good that just sitting there waiting for a prince to save me. I could help. So I worked hard and got here, where I wanted to be. And yet…".

She blinked rapidly and looked up, trying to hold back the tears. Lesso hadn’t spoken a single word, letting her vent.

"And yet, I still can’t bring myself to let go of that perfection, too scared that it's the only reason why people respect me".

That made Lesso finally snap.

"I don’t respect you because you’re perfect". "What?". "I respect you because you’re strong. Because you are sensitive, kind, and God, I can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth… I respect you because you’re good-hearted".

She folded her arms on her chest.

"Perfection sucks. Jesus Christ, Clarissa, we are humans. We are more complex than that, more complex than good or evil. You saw it, you saw what Agatha and Sophie did". "That’s exactly the point, Lesso. I… I know I’m not perfect. But… I hate it. I hate how hard it is. I’m afraid I’ll fail, I’m afraid to let everyone down. I don’t want to break down, because when I do… when I do bad things happen".

Lesso wanted to know what exactly she meant with bad things , but chose not to press the matter further.

"You are allowed to feel it, Clarissa".

We both are.

"You can let go. I won’t judge, you know I won’t. I don’t give a shit about perfection".

So she let go. She put a pillow on her face and screamed, muffling the sound in the fabric. Lesso stayed, a hand on her back and the other on her wrist.

They stayed like that for some time, Lesso couldn’t say how long, but somehow she felt relieved.

She had found someone who was half as messy as her, maybe.

"Lex. Thank you. Really".

There it was, again. A flutter in her belly, heat in her chest.

"Anytime".

I’ll be there for you whenever you’ll need me, my princess.

Chapter Text

"So… what exactly did you do out there, yesterday?". Asteria shrugged.

She had been introduced to the students at dinner, and her entrance had been… quite a show, in Lesso’s opinion.

She had barged into the dining hall covered in dirt and blood, sword hanging by her side and carrying a wolf by its tail.

A living and breathing wolf, its limbs tied with a rope and eyes half-closed. She had brought it in front of the Potion teacher. "Living wolf’s eyes, teeth and fur. Not so easy to find, if I recall".

Dovey had laughed nervously and presented her to the students, explaining her future role in the reformed Appearance and Sword Fighting classes.

So here they were now, Evers and Nevers, both boys and girls, together in the Ever’s training field.

"I just wanted to see if I was still able to make my way into the Blue Forest".

Asteria was polishing her sword, not bothering to even address the students.

"I just dealt with a couple of Reapers, a pack of wolves and…".

Dovey cleared her throat and nudged her. "Asteria?". The Never rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, I’m coming".

She dropped the sword and cracked her knuckles.

"Alright. For the first lesson I want an Ever and a Never. You will fight me and we’ll go from there".

Lesso stepped in. "Good. Now, who wants to try first?". She swung and twirled her cane a couple of times before pointing it at Tedros.

Asteria smiled wickedly and leaned towards her. "He looks like a stuffed shirt. I’m soo gonna kick his ass".

Dovey coughed and crossed her arms, glancing between the two Nevers.

"Don’t go hard on them. It’s the first day". Lesso rolled her eyes.

"They need to learn, princess".

"I’m ready!". Asteria patted Lesso’s back, and Lesso swore they could se something flashing into Dovey’s eyes.

Is she jealous?

"You would be Tedros, right? Show me what you can do!". "Won’t you take your sword?". "Don’t need one, for now".

He spun Excalibur and tried to land a side slash.

The match lasted less than three seconds. She dodged the hit and swept him off his feet with a kick on his left ankle, making Excalibur fall from his hands.

She retrieved the weapon from the floor and put it on his neck.

"Aaand you’re dead. Who’s next?".

Hort charged her full speed, trying to surprise her, but Asteria didn’t even move: she grabbed his wrist, twisted his arm and punched him in the stomach.

He fell on the ground, moaning in pain.

Jesus Christ. She’s good.

"Ouch! That was… rough".

Lesso didn’t take her eyes off Asteria when the woman shook her head and helped them both up.

"First lesson. Strike first with full speed and strength only if you’re 100% sure to actually land the blow. If you put all your strength in the first blow and you miss, your enemy will probably kill you. And there’s very little chance that the first blow will be the decisive one, so to sum up, never give everything with the first blow".

She went back to polishing her sword.

"It doesn’t matter how you start, it’s important how you finish. Now, I want all of you to find someone. An Ever and a Never. Try to knock the other off their feet. It’s the first rule of fighting: if one can’t stand, they can’t fight".

Lesso and Dovey stood on the side, watching as Asteria corrected positions and fighting techniques.

"Amazing" the redhead muttered. "What?". "She’s correcting them, but she’s not changing their fighting style". "What do you mean?".

Lesso pointed at Hort. "His best skill is brute strength. She’s teaching him the best way to use it".

Then she nodded towards Beatrix. "It’s her first time fighting, but she’s fast".

She turned to Clarissa, and the proximity startled her.

They blushed and took a step back. Dovey looked at her Evers. "My girls never fought. Ever. I don’t… I don’t know if…".

Lesso touched her shoulder. "They will learn. My girls are new to this, too. Also the majority of my boys". "Really?". "Nevers don’t train as much as Evers. You know, since Evers are supposed to defeat them in a fight… we don’t really do much to prepare our students".

It had always angered her so much. She knew that her students would never be prepared enough to face their nemesis, after all, that was the point of every fairytale: the good guy wins, the bad guy dies.

But it was so hard. Watching all those young lives, with their wicked smiles and amazing powers, leave the school for a tale that would never grant them a happy ending.

It sucked.

Dovey’s hand barely brushed theirs. "I’m sorry. Lex".

Yeah. Me too.

She carefully stepped closer to Dovey.

I don’t think this is a good idea.

She made sure no one was paying attention, then intertwined their fingers, hiding behind Dovey’s exaggerated gown. A blush crept on her neck, but she forced herself not to care.

We’re just… really good friends.

Dovey’s hands squeezed theirs. "Are you okay?" the Good Dean mumbled without looking at her. "Are you?" Lesso retorted in the same low tone.

"I… I am. Better, at least. Thank you for yesterday". "I told you not to mention it".

Clarissa’s hand was warm and soft, and Lesso felt that very same warmth spreading to her slender cold fingers.

She didn’t know how long they stayed like this, but then Asteria clapped and the spell broke.

"We’re done for today!" She said. "You’re not a complete disaster. Maybe. Hopefully. I’ll see you tomorrow for the Appearance course, everyone. Class dismissed".

Evers and Nevers left the field, half of them groaning in pain and the other half too tired to speak.

However, Lesso noticed, lots of them were smiling.

It could actually work.

"Lesso, can I steal you from your… friend for a moment?".

They immediately let go of Dovey and bit their lip, trying to control their blush.

Dovey smiled at both of them, squeezing Lesso’s arm before leaving. "See you at dinner, then?". "Yes".

Asteria waited until the Good Dean disappeared for the sight before grabbing Lesso by the shoulders.

"Alright, Lessy. What is going on between you two? Because I haven’t been sensing this much sexual tension since the last time Achilles and Patroclus were in a room together".

"Sexual- o my God, Asteria! We are just friends!".

I don’t want to be her friend.

"Yeah, and I’m a dinosaur. Please, Lesso! I feel your emotions every time you’re close to her. It’s not just friendship". "Mind your own business, Asteria. I don’t need your opinion".

The words had come out harsher than she had intended, but Asteria looked unfazed.

"I think you need to reflect on some things, Lesso. Stop denying yourself the happiness you deserve".

I don’t deserve happiness. I’m a Never. Nevers don’t get happiness.

They kept repeating those words in their mind until it was time for dinner. They carefully avoided sitting next to Asteria, ending up between Dovey and Emma Anemone.

Great.

"How was you day, Lady Lesso?". " What?".

Emma raised a brow. "I asked a polite question. Do you even know what that is?". "Ugh. Yes. I… it was alright".

She tried to be civil. After all, Emma was one of the few Evers that didn’t get on her nerves so much. She was bearable. A bit noisy, but bearable.

"Good to know. So, how are the students doing so far, Clarissa?". "They… manage, I guess. Better than us, probably". "Are you okay? You seem distracted".

Lesso glanced at Dovey: she was fidgeting with her fork, the food in her plate untouched. "I’m… fine. Just thinking about things".

" YOU WERE HOLDING HANDS!".

Lesso chocked on her drink and almost fell from her chair, drawing all the eyes on her.

She coughed a couple of times. "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!".

All the students went back to their dinner, and Lesso turned angrily to Asteria, sat on the other side of Emma: the ruby was gone from her forehead, and the woman was trying to keep a straight face, but her normally brown eyes were glowing red.

"THE NEXT TIME YOU SCREAM IN MY MIND I SWEAR-". "Sorry, sorry. Still, don’t change the subject!". "How do you know…".

Asteria pointed at Dovey with her head.

"She’s been thinking about it for hours! So much for just friends!". "She’s probably ashamed for holding hands with the enemy. Now put that godforsaken ruby on your head again and get out of my thoughts!".

Asteria suppressed a laugh.

"This conversation is-". "Over. Now".

The black-haired girl snorted and put the ruby back on her forehead.

The rest of the dinner passed smoothly, although Lesso’s ears were ringing constantly because of Emma and Asteria’s chit-chatting.

Jesus Christ. These two are getting along. I’m doomed.

Finally, the students left the hall and she gained the door to get out of that hell-hole.

They were already on the bridge when a voice reached their ears.

"Lesso, wait!". Clarissa’s hand on their wrist prevented them from going back to her castle.

"What’s up, princess? Is everything okay?".

So sweet. Disgusting.

Clarissa looked in distress. "I… I don’t think I can go to sleep, tonight. I don’t want to… dream again".

Lesso sighed. She couldn’t go on like this. "Okay, come with me".

She grabbed her wrist, giving up the idea of taking her hand again (they would look like a sickening couple and that she did not want. Or maybe she did).

She ignored the few Nevers that stared at them while they walked through the corridors, flashing a couple of deadly stares.

If look could kill, they’d already be corpses.

Finally, they reached Lesso’s office. "Wait here". She tapped the wall a couple of times and her finger glowed.

"What’s that?". With a loud gulp , Lesso’s hand disappeared into the wall, and the Never heard Clarissa gasp.

Her fingers clasped around a small glass bottle and she smiled. "There it is".

They turned to Clarissa and showed her the potion: the fluid was pitch black and more dense than normal water.

"I call it Blackening Potion. Three sips and no bad dreams… or dreams of any kind, shall disturb you at night, princess". "I… thank you". "Stop thanking me, for God’s sake, you’re making me nauseous".

Clarissa laughed, and Lesso’s heart sang. They handed her the bottle and their fingers brushed when the Ever took the potion from their hand.

"I’m coming with you, to assure that it works". "Lex, you don’t need to-". "Yes, I do".

I want to.

The walk to Clarissa’s chambers was quiet, but not awkward.

At some point, however, Clarissa grabbed them by their hand and stopped.

"What?". "Do you trust me?". "I-Yes".

They didn’t even think about it before giving her an answer. Clarissa beamed and dragged them through corridors Lesso had never seen.

"Where are we going, princess?". Their hand was almost burning from the contact with Clarissa’s skin, but the Ever didn’t answer right away.

They stopped in front of an apparently empty wall. "What-". "You’re not the only one to have secret passages, darling".

Darling. She called me darling.

Clarissa put a hand on the wall, and Lesso heard a loud click . Then, the whole panel slid aside, revealing a dark hallway that looked out of place in the School for Good.

"You’re not going to kill me and leave my body here so no one will ever find it again, right?".

Clarissa pinched her arm. "Shut up and follow me!".

They walked down the hallway and got outside through another secret passage.

Lesso was bewildered by what they found beyond it.

They had strolled through the Ever’s gardens a couple of times, but they were either disgusted or planning to set something on fire for the sake of it. There was always too much colour, too much perfume, too much of everything.

This was something else entirely.

"Welcome to my garden, darling!".

It was a triumph of nature. Flowers and trees overflowed the space with green and colours, and yet Lesso wasn’t disgusted.

She spotted red, blue, yellow and black roses next to daffodils and daisies. Then dark lilies and black orchids, purple tulips and other species unknown to Lesso.

"Well?". Overwhelmed with the beauty of that place, they almost forgot Clarissa’s presence.

"I… it’s breathtaking". Clarissa’s face reddened and she scraped the back of her head, laughing.

"Now you’re joking". "I’m serious. I love it".

I love - shut up!

Clarissa led them under a small peach tree. "How can you grow so many different plants in such a small place?". "Magic. Emma helped me to create the perfect environment for all my favourite species so that they never wither. It’s my evergreen garden".

Lesso felt a glimpse of melancholy in Clarissa’s voice with the following sentence.

"Time stops every time I’m here".

The silence dilated Lesso’s perceptions: Clarissa’s hand mere inches from theirs, the mesmerising eyes of her counterpart, the pounding sound of her heartbeat.

"Lex. Can you show me the stars?".

Lesso smiled almost tenderly. "Why not? But after that you’ll have to sleep right away, promise?". "Promise".

I would create new constellations just for you , my love.

Chapter Text

"And that is Orion".

Lesso was running out of constellations. She had spent hours by now, pointing at the designs in the sky and telling Clarissa the myths and stories behind each path.

I’m going to die.

"Yes, I can see it… I think". Lesso sighed and grabbed Clarissa’s hand.

"Right…". She pointed at the sky with their fingers intertwined. "There".

She felt Clarissa’s hot breath brushing her ear and blanked out for a second, still holding her hand.

"Uh… So, I was saying… Orion. Yes". "Can you tell me its story?".

Lesso rolled their eyes. "Geez, princess, you sound like a ten-year-old". "I am! On the inside!".

Lesso chuckled.

"Yeah, I figured. There are several versions of his myth". "Really?".

Lesso hesitated.

That was going to be more personal then they anticipated.

"They say Artemis fell in love with Orion, her best friend, but he didn’t love her back. So she sent a scorpion to kill him to have revenge". "Oh. It’s sad, really…". "Yeah. I prefer the other version. He was the one to fall in love.

But… Artemis was far out of his reach, and he knew it very well. So he swallowed his feelings and said nothing to anyone.

He kept hunting with her, sharing food and water, but the more they stayed close the more his love grew. Until… one day, he lost his mind.

He thought that if he killed all the animals on the planet he would finally be worth of her love. So he killed bears, wolves, lions, and then deers and hares and innocent animals until the woods echoed with the cries of his victims.

Artemis heard the desperation of the animals, looked down on earth and saw the slaughter his friend had caused. She didn’t want to, but she sent a scorpion to kill him and stop the bloodshed. Distraught by her beloved’s death, she turned him into a constellation".

Silence fell over them, and Lesso noticed she was still holding Dovey’s hand. They tried to let go, but their friend squeezed it tighter.

"That’s… just sad". "I know". Then she cracked her neck, trying not to focus on Clarissa’s beautiful eyes staring at her.

"Time for bed, princess! You promised". "I think I’m going to sleep here. It’s quite comfortable".

She took up the potion.

An idea flashed in Lesso’s mind and she put a hand on her shoulder.

"You still own me a favour". "Uh?". "I gave you my trust and my potion. I saved your life. I want something in return". Clarissa bit her lip, and Lesso swore they could se a blush creeping up her neck.

"What is it?".

Kiss me .

Lesso breathed in. They knew how hard that would be for Clarissa, but… she couldn’t go on like this, by swallowing up bad dreams and trauma. They knew it firsthand.

"You said that when you let go… bad things happen. I want to know. What do you mean with bad things ?".

Clarissa’s eyes wandered over nothing. "Do you promise you won’t hate me?". "Why would I ever do that?".

The Ever sighed.

"My family… let’s just say that they took flaws and imperfections very seriously. I told you, they wanted perfection in everything and everyone around them. And… if it required… heavy corrective techniques and devices, they didn’t back down. My brother was the only one who didn’t really care. He loved me so much". 

Lesso saw her brushing her arm nervously. "I… I just swallowed everything down. The hurt, the insults, the… beating. I said nothing, because deep down I knew I deserved it".

She brought her knees to her chest, and Lesso scooped closer. They tried to ignore the butterflies in their stomach. Clarissa needed them to listen, to really listen.

"I… I knew I was different. From them, from… most Evers".

They couldn’t resist, this time.

"Because you were imperfect? Everybody has flaws, Clarissa, it doesn’t mean-".

"Because I liked girls, Lesso".

Oh. Oh…

"You know how it works. A princess must be with a prince. There’s no other way. No exception. I liked girls, and that… that sucked . I hated it. I hated it… because I liked it".

Lesso understood, at least partly. Nevers didn’t actually care about sexual preferences, it wasn’t the main focus of their tales. However, Lesso wasn’t a normal Never.

They were a Reader, born and raised in the mortal world. And in the mortal world, sexual preferences did matter. Quite a lot, in fact.

She had held the belief that what she felt was wrong for… years.

She turned to Clarissa and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Do you feel like continuing?". "I… Yes. I think I need it".

She took a deep breath.

"It happened the summer before graduation. I went home for the holidays, I hoped… things would be better".

She bit her lip, clasping her hands in her lap. "It was far from better. They pointed out every flaw, every wrong thing they could see. It was nothing I couldn’t handle. I had been handling it for years. But… the next day, they told me they had found me a prince".

Shit.

"I said… I don’t want a prince, or any other man for that matter. My mother understood what it meant. She got angry. Like… very angry. Started throwing things at me, insulting me. She called me… delusional. Worthless. A pointless mistake, a monster. A shame for the family. My father… he just stood there, watching".

Lesso tightened her grip on Clarissa’s shoulders. "She grabbed me by the neck. I don’t think she actually wanted to kill me, but… I was terrified. I couldn’t move, couldn’t think".

She lowered her head, leaning into Lesso’s embrace and finally crying freely.

"I-I burned her face. I… I hurt her! Her left eye never recovered. She never recovered, I… I haven’t seen her or my since then. I ran away, I… I was so scared my father would kill me, I was horror-struck!". "Clarissa, it’s okay. You were just defending yourself!".

The Ever kept crying, and Lesso just held her. "It’s not wrong to let go. You have every right to do it!". "I don’t want to hurt anyone else" she muttered, face buried deep in her shoulder.

"You didn’t hurt me. You could never hurt someone that doesn’t deserve it, and your mother did deserve it".

She conjured a blanket and wrapped it around Clarissa. "Alright. Now drink the potion and sleep ". "Stay?".

She felt a twist in her stomach, a rather unpleasant feeling. "Uh- okay".

Orion’s myth replayed in her head. Again and again and again.

Clarissa drank from the bottle and laid down, her back facing Leonora but their hands still linked together.

The twist in their stomach became fear.

I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.

Her breath itched, her legs started trembling.

I will ruin her. Either that, or I will be just like Orion.

She got up from the ground and disappeared from Clarissa’s garden. She reappeared in her room in a puff of purple smoke.

That was it. That HAD to be it.

Forget her, forget everything you think you are feeling. It’s not real, you can’t go on like this.

Chapter Text

"Something’s wrong with you". Lesso raised her head from the papers she was grading.

Asteria was staring at her with a piercing look. "Don’t you dare read my mind". "I don’t need to. I know something’s troubling you. You’ve been more… bitchy for a whole week".

Is it bad?

She knew it was more than bad.

For a whole week she had been awful with everyone, students and faculty.

She had been sending the kids to the Doom Room out of the blue, yelling at them for stupid things.

And, of course, she had been incredibly distant with Clarissa. Every time she spotted her in the hallways she found all the possible reasons to avoid her or she just walked pst her with a mere nod.

Every time they were in a room together, Lesso tried to keep it strictly professional. It was never princess , only Professor Dovey or colleague .

Lesso knew that she was probably being a real bitch, but she couldn’t help it.

I’m doing it for both of us. Especially for you. I can’t ruin you, I just… I can’t.

I love you too much.

"Ohi? Earth to Lesso?". "Uh?". "I asked you if you want to talk about it". "I’m fine. It’s nothing, really".

Asteria got up from her seat and approached them. "I told you I know when my best friend is lying, and right now they certainly are".

Someone knocked on the door.

"Lady Lesso? Can I talk to you?". They turned, and Beatrix was standing there nervously, her nails digging in her forearm.

Asteria put a hand on their shoulder. "We’ll continue this conversation later, okay?".

When she was about to leave the room, Lesso heard her voice in their head.

"I know this has something to do with Dovey".

Everything has to do with Dovey.

"So. Beatrix, right? What are you doing here?". "I… I wanted some advice from you". They invited her to sit in front of the desk.

The girl started fiddling with her gown.

"Why did you come to me?". "Because… I already asked Professor Dovey and she gave me a very… Everish answer, if you know what I mean". "You are an Ever". "Yes. But, I still want to know your opinion". "Alright. Spill the tea".

"I like… someone". "Girl, you are definitely talking to the wrong-". "I like a Never. Or, I think I like them".

For a split second, Lesso wondered what Clarissa could have possibly told her.

"Uh". "I… I don’t know what to do. Should I… say nothing and ignore it? Because they are a Never and it’s…". "Against the rules? Kid, rules ceased mattering the moment Sophie and Agatha stepped into this school".

"But-". "Look around you, Beatrix. Shared lessons and classes, training for both girls and boys, Evers and Nevers. I saw you at Sword-Fighting class, you like it! You have a sharp mind and a sharp tongue, hell, someone could almost take you for a Never. So, I don’t think this is the real problem".

Beatrix looked away, deeply flushed. She started smoothing down invisible creases on her skirt.

"She…".

Oh, fanfuckingtastic.

The universe had just thrown at her a reverse-card. Or a mirror card.

"Ah, there it is. You are scared because you like a girl". "I’m not just scared. I… I am terrified. What… what do I do?".

Lesso stared into the girl’s fair eyes, and it was like looking straight into a twisted mirror.

Beatrix was them the first time they had fallen for a girl, she was them torturing themself again and again trying to swallow it down, to ignore it.

Lesso leaned back into her chair, pretending not to be affected by her words.

In fact, she was very affected, but that was not the time.

"I’m asking you something, Beatrix. What happens when you ignore an injury for too long?". "Well… it keeps bleeding. But what-". "And tell me. What would you do if something gets between you and what you want?".

The Ever didn’t answer, but Lesso noticed the clear spark in her eyes.

A spark that very much resembled their own.

"I think you should go, Beatrix. Think about it, clear your mind". "I… thank you, Lady Lesso. Really".

As soon as Beatrix left the room, Lesso stood and started pacing her office.

Her heartbeat was increasing, her leg begin to twitch.

I need to calm down.

But the only thing she could think about was Beatrix. Beatrix who liked one of her girls, Beatrix who was scared of even thinking about liking a girl, Beatrix who looked so much like herself at her age.

She stumbled in the shower and turned the water on without undressing.

They sat on the cold floor, letting the freezing water rush over them in a futile attempt to focus on something, anything else but that situation.

She spent a good hour in that position, and when she stepped out of the shower her eyes fell on the small mirror over the bathroom sink, one of the very few she owned.

Clarissa’s face abruptly invaded her mind, and she grabbed her curls.

Stay away stay away stay away!

"LEAVE ME ALONE!".

The glass shattered, and Lesso blinked a couple of times.

Her right hand was a mess, knuckles scratched and red with her own blood flowing from the cuts. She could see some fragments of glass inside and over her hand.

"Lesso, are you in there?". "What do you want, beauty teacher?".

Their voice was raspy and trembling.

"Lesso, what’s wrong?". "Nothing! Everything is just fine ".

Nothing was fine. Her head was a mess, her heart was a mess.

The bottle that kept all her feelings in was on the verge of shattering into a million pieces and she was scared to death.

"Lesso. I know we are not friends, but if you’re having like… a panic attack or something like that, you should tell me".

Lesso opened the door, and Emma gasped. Well, she had every right to: they were still drenched in water and their right hand was bleeding.

"I think I broke my mirror". "Well, I’m sure it got what it deserved".

Emma crossed her arms over her chest, checking them fro head to toe.

"You know, you don’t own me an explanation. So, I could heal you while we talk shit about whoever or whatever you want". "Sounds like a plan".

They were too emotionally tired even to joke. Emma snapped her fingers and dried their clothes with magic, then nodded towards the armchair.

"Sit". Lesso snorted. "Yes mom". "Shut up".

Lesso sat in the armchair and Emma balanced herself on the armrest. "Give me your hand and stay still. It will hurt". "Like I’m not used to it".

She didn’t even flinch at the sting in her hand when Emma used her magic to clean the cuts and close them.

"Why are you being nice with me?". "Why shouldn’t I? I mean, yes, you are a real pain in my ass, but… I appreciate the fact that you’re genuine". "Did you just compliment me?".

Emma’s lips twitched upward. "Maybe. Don’t get used to it".

Lesso thanked the stars she didn’t ask them about Beatrix.

"So, uhm… how’s…".

How is Clarissa?

"How is your new course going?". "Quite well. I didn’t think our students would be so much interested in history but, here we are". "Mmhm".

Emma finally let go of her hand. "Done". She glanced at Lesso: she looked worried.

"Look, you seem a little offbeat these days. And I think I partly know the reason, but…". "Emma. Slow down. We are not that close".

The Ever rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. Do you feel like smashing something?".

What in the fucknuckles does that mean?

"I’m sorry, what?". Emma beamed. "Oh, you’re so gonna love this! Follow me!".

She quite literally dragged her in the Blue Forest. "Emma Anemone. What are we doing here? It’s almost time for dinner". "Yeah, as if you would care. You have been eating nothing for the last few days".

How did she even notice-

"We’re not talking about that now because it clearly makes you uncomfortable, however. Now look at this!".

She stopped in front of… apparently nothing special.

"Emma. There’s nothing here. Just trees". "Shut up an look".

She stepped in front of two trees that stood specular to each other, almost like a… doorway? She closed her eyes and the air between them sparkled.

"Emma. Is that… a closet? With dresses?". Because that was what had suddenly appeared between the two trees.

Emma kneeled down, and when she stood again she had a stone in her hand. Lesso sighed in annoyance.

"Beauty teacher, I swear-". Then Emma screamed , throwing the stone with all her strength, and Lesso’s eyes widened when they saw it exploding as soon as it touched the closet.

Pieces of wood and fabric flew all over the place, disintegrating right before they touched the ground.

"Uh… I think you left something there". Emma grabbed another stone and casted it again, gaining another explosion.

"FUCK YES! Do you wanna try?". "What… what is this?". "I think some of the students made it. You think about something that makes you angry and you blow it up".

She stepped aside and Lesso took her place. She closed her eyes.

"Another mirror, Lesso? God, you must really hate those!". "You have no idea".

She grabbed a stone from the ground. "You need to scream, dear. It won’t work otherwise". "I know, I just… I don’t scream when I’m angry. Usually".

She took a deep breath. "Do I really need to-". "YES YOU DO!". "OKAY FINE!" she yelled, throwing the rock.

The mirror shattered in a thousand pieces. "So? Better?". "I need another one". The next mirror was even bigger than the previous one.

"TAKE THIS YOU STUPID FUCK!". The stone blew it up, and Lesso found themselves laughing at the devastation.

"Oh God! That was… actually useful, you know?". Emma patted her shoulder.

"Now you can smash mirrors without hurting yourself".

Lesso looked at Emma.

How? How could she be so at ease in their presence? They were… so many despicable things, and yet Emma didn’t ask questions nor judged their mental state.

She just gave them what they needed.

"You… are not that bad". "Well, thank-". "Aneurism". "Theeere it is, and I thought we were becoming friends". "You are my friend. The annoying noisy friend". "Fuck you". "Language!".

They parted on the bridge, and Lesso yawned: it was almost time for dinner, but she would probably skip it either way so she didn’t even bother to worry about it.

However, she froze as soon as she opened the door of her office, as Clarissa Dovey was standing in front of her desk, arms crossed and a very dangerous look on her face.

"We need to talk, and I’m not taking a no for answer".

Fuck.

Chapter Text

Lesso closed the door behind them and circled the desk, ignoring Clarissa until they were finally sat.

They unwillingly scanned all her upper body: the geometrical perfection of her proportions, the amazing shape given to her waist by the bodice, the-

STOP IT!

"Lesso". "What’s up, colleague?". Their tone was cold, distant. Uncaring.

The hurt in Clarissa’s eyes became evident, and Lesso bit their lip.

"I’ve been trying to talk to you for days". "Well, now I’m here. What’s the big problem?".

Clarissa’s hands curled into angry fists and here eyes shone with suppressed rage.

"We need to talk". "You already said that. What-". "ENOUGH!". Clarissa had slammed her hands onto the desk, and Lesso widened her eyes.

She was angry. No, she was outraged. She could see it in her eyes.

"Stop acting like this! You know what the problem is!".

She tried to calm down, gripping the edge of the desk as if her life depended on it.

"You… you left me" she breathed, and Lesso’s hands clenched into fists.

"That night in the garden. I fell asleep and… when I woke up, you weren’t there". "What am I, a babysitter? I needed to sleep in my bed, so I left".

Liar liar LIAR LIAR!

The Ever backed up, shocked. Probably she wasn’t expecting such a cold and pragmatic answer.

"I-It’s not just that". "Speak plain, Dovey". "You don’t talk to me! You avoid me! Sometimes I even wonder if you see me, Lesso!".

With every word, Lesso’s conscience was torn in two.

One part wanted to go numb, to ignore the mixed feelings of shame and sadness and desire.

The other one wanted to kiss Clarissa’s lips.

What about Orion? What about the ruin you will cause to her???

Her inner voice was slowly being replaced by one she knew far too well.

There’s no happy ending for you, Leonora. No love, no good. Only Evil and suffering. For you and the people around you.

"I thought we made progress, I thought we were friends! Why-".

Lesso slammed their hands onto her desk, all her frustration building up until it exploded and blew out of her mouth in a barely audible whisper, dripping with unspoken feelings of horror and fear and lies.

"Because I hate you".

Dovey gasped, and Lesso’s brain screamed don’t! but it was too late.

LIE LIE LIE! It’s for the best. She must stay away from you!

Your little Dove can’t save you, Leonora. You will bring her down with you!

"I hate the sound of your voice. I hate your stupid and naive smile, and… I hate how you make me expose myself, I hate how you can always be so under my skin, I hate  how I always think about you, even when I should sleep! You’re eating me alive and I… I hate this, I hate you, Clarissa Dovey!".

The Ever stayed incredibly collected, with an unreadable expression plastered on her face.

"I… I’m sorry I make you feel this way. That won’t happen again, Lady Lesso. I’m out of your life, if that troubles you so much".

She didn’t mean this. Not at all.

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!

Her breath itched.

You deserve it.

I do. But she… she doesn’t.

"Clarissa, I…". "No. No, it’s… it’s no problem, really. I’m done, Lesso. Really done".

She turned around, and they moved around the desk. They wanted to stop her, to put their arms around her shoulders and beg her to stay, to be with them, they wanted to feel her scent on their skin and to caress her face and…

She snapped out of that trance when the door slammed shut behind her co-Dean.

That was it. That was finally it. They finally pushed her away so hard that they hurt her in the process, exactly the thing they had been trying to avoid.

They felt the pit in their stomach grow bigger and bigger until it became an insatiable void, trying to devour them with darkness and pain.

She felt a twitch in her leg, stronger then the previous ones, much stronger, and she fell. My cane. It was out of reach, so she just curled on the floor, waiting for the seizure to just pass.

But it didn’t, it fucking didn’t, spreading instead to their whole body.

It hurts.

They bit their arm as hard as they could, trying to prevent the screams to be heard while their body shook and hurt with unbearable pain.

This wasn’t her first seizure, not even her second, but she couldn’t remember one time in which it had hurt so much.

I’m a liar. I lied. I lied to her, I hurt her, I made her cry!

Their mind raced uncontrolled to the meeting with Beatrix.

She hadn’t lied, she had been brave, so much braver than them.

Weak weak WEAK!

She tried to shield her ears, but she could barely move her arms because of the seizure. She could taste blood, she was still biting her arm.

How long had it been since it started?

More than two minutes?

She was starting to feel numb and dizzy, her brain wasn’t responding anymore.

The last thing she saw before everything went dark was Clarissa’s hurt face, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

…

I’m sorry.

Stay.

You deserve nothing but pain.

When she finally woke up, her leg was hurting even more than before, but the seizure had passed.

Fuck.

She got up from the ground, all her body ached and her arm was bleeding from the bite.

It hurt so much that the only way she could endure it was to chug down a whole bottle of liquor she had stored in a hidden part of her desk.

Then another. And another.

It was enough to numb the pain, but on the other hand now she was drunk as fuck and almost unable to think straight.

She found herself wondering about a certain blonde Ever. Her perfect lips, her long and tempting eyelashes, her breasts.

Oh God. I’m going crazy. I’m going crazy for her.

They didn’t know how long they had been sitting on the floor, but their sight was getting blurrier with every passing second.

Time had no sense in that moment.

Suddenly her door barged open. "Lesso! We need to… what the… actual fiddlestick is going on?".

"’Steroids!".

Asteria rolled her eyes. "Oh, fantastic. You’re drunk as fuck. Perfect. I’m having none of your shit, today".

She felt a snap, and suddenly the nausea and the dizziness were gone.

Jesus, why can’t I enjoy anything in my life without being interrupted?

"Lex. Why were you drunk and almost passed out on the floor? And why is your arm-". "None of you business. What do you want?".

She tentatively stood up, but without Asteria’s arm supporting her she would probably have fallen.

"Lesso. What. Happened". "I… why are you here, Asteria?". "Because you own me an explanation about what happened with Dovey". "Nothing happened. She misunderstood the situation, she got attached. The prissy princess got hurt when I hit her with the truth".

She’s not prissy! She’s good! And I hurt her!

"Really? I think the only one misunderstanding the situation here is you".

She removed the ruby from her forehead and her eyes glowed red.

Lesso’s mind was overwhelmed with words and images, and a scene went forming, flowing from Asteria to them.

"Emma, I’m fine!". "Yeah, as if I would believe you".

Asteria’s gaze travelled from Emma to Dovey.

"So. Let me get this straight. She told you that she hates you because she can’t stop thinking about you".

Emma and Asteria shared a glance.

"Why would I care about the reason why they hate me?? They made it very clear they don’t want me around!". "And you want to be around her?". "OF COURSE I DO, I-".

She shook her head again. "It doesn’t matter. Not to her, anyway".

Asteria gritted her teeth. " Io quella sottospecie di cretina l’ammazzo ". "What?". "Listen up, Dovey".

She grabbed her by the shoulders.

"You think they pushed you away because they don’t care. But Dovey… we are Nevers. And… when we push people away, it’s often because we care too much. Because we are scared of… our feelings".

"STOP IT!".

Lesso pushed Asteria out of her mind. She was angry. No, she was fuming.

They grabbed her by her shoulders and shoved her into the wall.

"You had NO RIGHT to tell her that! I don’f fucking care if you can read minds and think you can walk around telling everybody how you suppose I feel, you had no right to do that!".

Asteria slapped her hands away.

"I have the right to help my best friend!". "I DON’T NEED HELP!". "YES YOU DO!". "I fucking hate you".

They turned their back on her, but Asteria seemed to have a death wish.

"See? You are doing it again! You are pushing me away because you are frightened to trust someone! Like with Raf-".

Lesso’s finger glowed and Asteria was smashed into the wall, again.

Lesso’s heart was racing, her brain refused to work.

"Stay the fuck away from me. Stay the fuck away from my mind, my thoughts, everything. You crossed a line".

Asteria rose from the ground, touching the back of her head: her fingers were red with blood.

Lesso dig their nails into their palms, shaking. "Get out of here".

Asteria’s gaze pierced into her soul.

"I’m sorry I let you down. But… you can’t really blame me, can you? You can only blame yourself".

She left the room, and Lesso was alone with her thoughts again.

This is your fault. Not mine. Or… maybe it’s just mine?

Chapter Text

The next day, she got drunk again. Not as much as the previous day obviously, she still had classes to attend to, but enough to numb the pain in her leg and her feelings.

She didn’t even know how she managed to get through the day without anyone noticing.

However, it was for the best. They still had a reputation, for God’s sake.

They were trying to grade papers when she heard a knock on their door.

"C’M IN!!!". "Lady Lesso? Are you okay?".

She straightened her posture. "Yes Beatrix. Ya can… come in". The girl sat in front of the desk.

"Whatcha… Ahem. What do you want, doll?". "Uh… I wanted to thank you. For what you told me last time. I… I want to ask the girl I like to come to the Ball with me. I’m still scared she will say no, but… being uncertain is much worse".

Lesso gave her a lopsided grin. "Greeeat! Good for ya, girl!".

Oh God. Goodbye to my reputation.

"Lady Lesso, are you drunk?". "You know what? I think you should go".

The girl got up from her seat. "I mean it, Lady Lesso. Thank you". "Yeah yeah, now GO!".

She had thanked her. She had come here, in her office, only to thank Leonora fucking Lesso .

The world was really a mess, wasn’t it?

Someone knocked on her door, again, and Lesso yelled in protest.

"WHO’S THERE, FOR FUCK’S SAKE?". "Lesso? You skipped dinner, and…Beatrix told me something’s wrong with you! Are you okay?".

"Ah! L’ttle dove! C’m in!". She was dizzy, very dizzy.

"My dear God, what did you do, Lesso?". She mumbled an unintelligible answer, trying to use her desk to get up but ending up sprawled on it, unable to move.

"Lesso…". "Th’ name’s Leonora, pr’ncess". She felt delicate hands wrap around her waist, helping her up, and an heavenly scent of cinnamon and vanilla filled her nostrils.

"Are you drunk?". "Not nearly enough".

They snorted when another shot of pain came from their leg, making them twist a little in Dovey’s hold.

The Ever seemed to understand, even though Lesso could see very little because of their blurry vision.

"Come on, I’m taking you to bed". Suddenly she was stone cold sober and painfully aware of the proximity that made her core burn and ache with desire.

"Clarissa…". How sweet did her name sound. She nuzzled her head into the crook of Dovey’s neck.

"Ya smell good".

Shut up for fuck’s sake!

They felt Dovey’s body tense against them. Fuck. Shit. Crap.

"Where is your bedroom, darling?". "Next t’ the desk… oh wow it rhymes…". "Focus, Leonora".

Leonora. Leonora. Leonora. O gosh, she is… she is so divine.

"There’s a door. ‘t’s magic, only I can open it". She moved her hand in the air.

I look ridiculous. Like, very ridiculous.

Finally, her fingers clasped around an invisible doorknob and the door opened.

Her bedroom was cold; the fireplace wasn’t lit, it rarely was, the window was open, letting the cold breeze in.

Clarissa flicked her wrist, starting a little fire and closing the window.

"This place is frozen". "Mhmh".

Leonora was still bathing in Clarissa’s scent, and when the Ever dropped her on the bed she whined at the lack of contact.

I missed you.

"I m’ssed ya" she said, grabbing her wrist firmly and holding her in place.

Drunk words are sober thoughts. So SHUT UP!

"I-I missed ya and I’m s’rry for wh’t I told ya". "You’re drunk, Leonora. Sleep, we can talk about this another time". "NO!".

I don’t want to sleep. Bad things happen when I sleep.

Bad things happen to you when I sleep.

Their hand was stil around her wrist. "You need to sleep, dear, or you won’t be able to teach tomorrow". "Can’t". "Can’t what? You can’t sleep?".

She shook her head. "I see things. Bad th’ngs". Clarissa looked at her hands on her wrist, pensive.

"Stay here?" they asked, patting on the space beside them.

The fuck I’m doing the fuck I’m doing the fuck I’m doing.

She was exposing herself again, in a way she didn’t like at all but also wanted so bad. She wanted so bad Dovey to see her.

"I…". She could literally feel her hesitation, her tension. She could sense it in the way her arm almost trembled in her grasp, in the little twitch of her left hand, or the way she bit her lip.

Her so beautifully plump lip.

"Okay. I’m staying". And Lesso felt the corner of her lips curving upwards into a toothy smile. "Th’nks".

Dovey snapped her finger and her dress changed into a night gown, then she laid down, stiff and flushed, only a few inches from Lesso.

They smiled stupidly, their eyes closing. "Night night, pr’ncess".

"Goodnight, Leonora".

…Leonora.

"Leonora of Gavaldon. Sweet, evil Leonora. Wake up".

She bolted up, and she wasn’t in her bed anymore. She was in the Blue Forest. Darkness crept over the trees, but it wasn’t a normal night: it was too quiet.

No animals, no wind around them, nothing. "Who’s there?". "Don’t you recognise me anymore?".

Rafal . They tried to grab their cane, but it was nowhere in sight.

"Poor Leonora. All alone once again".

Rafal appeared in front of them and Lesso got up from the ground, shaking.

"Stay away!". "Why would I? You are mine, Leonora. And you misbehaved. Now I have to punish you".

He drew closer, Lesso was unable to move. He put a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him in the eyes.

"But. If you can find your Dove before I find her, you can go".

Then he disappeared, and Lesso started running.

"PRINCESS! Where are you?". "Lesso!". "Follow my voice, princess!".

She ran through the forest, she fell so many times she lost count, but it didn’t matter.

The only thing that mattered was Clarissa.

Flowers snatched at her, trying to bite her. She could hear reapers and creatures running through the woods, near her, but it didn’t matter.

"Clarissa! CLARISSA!". "Lesso, I’m here!". She cried with relief at the sight of the Ever and sprinted towards her.

"Lesso, I’m-". The sound of tearing flesh reached Leonora’s hears and she screamed as Clarissa’s frame collapsed.

They took her in their arms: a dagger was fixed in her neck, and blood was uncontrollably flowing out of her body.

"No, no no, it’s fine. Stay with me, okay?". "Y-You…". "Don’t talk. It’s alright, you are fine". "You… did this to me".

Their heart stopped dead. "N-No, I… it was Rafal, I…". "This is your fault".

Then her eyes closed and her body slowly turned to dust.

"No! Please, it’s not my fault! I’m sorry!".

Hands wrapped around her neck, blood magic caressing her body, ripping and burning fabric and skin.

"You lost, Leonora. Now I shall do what I want with you". "P-Please! Leave me alone!".

He pushed them on the ground and they tasted dirt. Then everything spiralled out of her control and perception.

"Behave, Leonora. It’s going to hurt".

"No! Let me go! PLEASE, LET ME GO!".

"Leonora!".

"LEONORA!".

She woke up screaming in anguish. She started to scratch her arms and legs, trying to get rid of the feeling of his hands on her body, of his weight on her, of… anything.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!". "Leonora, calm down!".

They screamed again, then realised that someone was hugging them from behind, holding them gently but firmly and preventing them from hurting their body further.

Smell of cinnamon and vanilla.

Clarissa.

"Hey. It’s me, it’s Clarissa. I got you". Her chin rested in the crook of her neck. "He’s not here. He can’t hurt you".

Screams turned into sobs, and Leonora found herself weeping in Clarissa’s arms, the Good Dean slowly rocking her and whispering soothing words.

"You are safe. Listen to my voice, okay? It wasn’t real".

Their heart was about to blow up, they could feel the pulse racing. "I-I…". "Don’t talk. Breathe. Here, hold my hand".

They did. "Good. Now turn around and look at me. Focus on me and breathe".

Lesso turned around and for just a split second, when her gaze fell past Clarissa, she saw Rafal.

She chocked a whimper, but Clarissa’s fingers forced her away from the vision. Their eyes locked.

"I am here. I am here and I am real. Hear my heartbeat? Focus on that".

Slowly, the fear dissipated, and Lesso became painfully aware of the very few inches that separated her from Clarissa. The Ever still had her hand on her cheek.

"I’m sorry, Leonora. Do you want to… talk about it?". "No. No, I… no". "Do you want some water? Something to eat?".

Stay here, please.

Go away. Make all these feelings go away.

Clarissa grabbed their hands. "Let me help, Leonora. If there’s anything I can do…".

Leonora turned their brain off.

Maybe it was still the alcohol, maybe it was the need to feel something real, to feel that Clarissa was in fact real .

Or maybe they thought that it was the only way to make all the mess in their head disappear.

They put a hand behind her neck and leaned in, crushing their lips together.

She tastes like chocolate.

That was the only coherent thought she managed to form. No dust or ashes like her first dream. Chocolate.

After a second, Clarissa’s lips moved on hers, brushing her mouth so slightly that Leonora shivered.

They fell on the bed, Clarissa under her, and Leonora felt her hands on her hips.

Heat pooled between her legs when she felt Clarissa’s thigh pressing up.

They moved their lips to her neck, then again on her mouth, eliciting a moan that made her burn even more with desire.

Their hand brushed Clarissa’s naked leg, her core aching for more and more.

They didn’t see her hand, they just felt the slap on their left cheek.

Clarissa pushed them away and got up, stumbling out of the bed, and Leonora’s brain finally started working again.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

"Clarissa". "I…".

A tear rolled down her face and Leonora felt a sting of guilt.

I made her cry.

Then the Good Dean disappeared in a puff of white smoke, and Leonora was left alone with a racing heart and a aching body.

I fucked up. Everything.

She started crying in silence, pressing a hand over her mouth to prevent the sobs to be heard.

Why am I hurting so much?

It was then that they realised. The first time they openly admitted it to themselves.

I’ve fallen in love with her.

Chapter Text

From that day and for the next five days, Dovey avoided them like the plague.

Lesso was torn: they wanted to talk to her, to see her, to be with her. And at the same time, they didn’t want to share the same air, scared that they would lose control again.

She had received cold written papers with arrangements for courses and lessons, but nothing more than professional work.

Lesso found some kind of comfort (or at least distraction) in the preparations for the Ever and Never’s Winter Ball.

The arrangement had been made months before, but of course Lesso had managed to ignore her responsibilities until the very last minute, which resulted in having only ONE MONTH to fix everything.

It had been decided to hold two Balls: the Winter Ball in the Ever’s castle, which would be decorated according to the Never’s taste, and the Summer Ball in the Never’s castle, in the Ever’s preferences with colour scheme and stuff. It was fair, one would say it was balanced.

She and Clarissa had talked about planning it together, a couple of times, but then everything had happened and Lesso hadn’t given it a second thought.

She could have done it twice as fast with Clarissa’s help, but that was the situation.

I’m really up shit creek.

Not that she didn’t have the required skills, or sense of fashion, but the deadline was drawing closer.

They could use some help, and beside Clarissa (who they really didn’t want to think about) the only other person who could assist them…

Well, last time she had tried to help, Lesso had thrown her into a wall.

They stopped planning tables disposition.

Asteria was her closest friend, probably the only one she had back in her teenage years.

She stuck to me even though I gave her Hell. She stuck to me no matter what.

She got up, grabbing her cane and hurrying towards the Evers training field, where she knew Asteria was holding her lesson.

When she arrived, she noticed she was teaching hand-to-hand combat.

They improved quite a lot.

Her gaze fell on Beatrix, who was surprisingly holding her ground against Hort.

Asteria was watching them too, and at some point she groaned.

"WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCK, HORT!".

The boy looked at her, confused. "What did I do this time?".

"Dodging and parrying and avoiding blows can’t be done by constantly backing down!". "Isn’t it the point of dodging?" Hort asked.

Asteria sighed, then her posture tensed and Lesso knew she could feel their presence.

"Let me give you a demonstration".

She started pressing him, and with every step back he took she increased her speed and violence.

Finally, she made him trip and fall.

"Dead". She turned to the students. "It’s okay to back down every now and then, to gain the needed distance to breathe. But if you keep doing it, your enemy will always corner you".

She forced Hort back in the centre of the field. "Walk towards me. Straight towards me".

He did. "You need to change you fighting axis. Never, never stay right in front of your opponent after landing a blow".

She pivoted on her left leg and Hort walked past her. "When you duck to avoid a round hit, step forward to your opponent. You will be under their guard and will be able to punch or stab them if you manage to get close enough".

Hort moved his arm like he was actually slashing her, and Asteria swiftly ducked and stepped forward, punching him lightly in the ribs.

"And most of all. Never, never expose your back to your opponent. Always face him, always. If you don’t, you’re dead".

Here eyes met Lesso’s.

The Dean was prepared for anger. Sadness, hate. She wasn’t expecting a sympathetic smile.

"Alright people, you can go. Ah, Professor Anemone asked me to remind you…". She rolled her eyes, obviously disgusted. "That the Ever and Never’s Winter Ball is only a month away. The groom room is open to everyone who needs… you know. Dresses, suits, whatever. Nevers are allowed to go, too".

Lesso shivered at the thought of all the things they still had to sort out.

This was a bad idea from the start.

Asteria approached her, but Lesso’s eyes were caught by a rather interesting scene happening not so far from the pitch.

"Hi. Are you-". "Shush!".

They turned into a bat, swiftly followed by Asteria, and flew towards the two figures, who turned out to be Hester and Beatrix.

Hester is the girl she likes… Wasn’t expecting that.

Lesso froze, landing on a small branch hanging on their heads.

"…And this is probably the worst idea I’ve ever had in my life. But… since the Winter Ball will be held in our school… I think I’m the one who’s supposed to ask you out. So… Hester, will you go to the Winter Ball with me?".

Silence followed, and Lesso felt a sting in her heart.

"I- Yes. Yes, I… ahem. Damn right I’m going with you!".

Lesso flew away from the scene and back to the training field, landing ungracefully on the sand.

"Well, that was interesting".

Asteria sat next to them. "You look like crap". "I also feel like crap, so…".

They took a deep breath.

"I… I am sorry". "That’s fine. What kind of friend would I be if I couldn’t handle your existential crisis?". "But…". "Oh, shut up. Lesso, we all have our bad moments. Some people burn houses to the ground, others slam friends into the nearest wall". "Yeah. Sorry about that, too".

Asteria got up from the sand and extended a hand. "So. What’s troubling you?". "I need help". "For the Ball, right? Don’t worry, I have a plan".

"I- What?".

They walked towards the School.

"You didn’t think I’d let you do all of this alone, would you? Emma and I are almost done, now we only have to mix everything with what you already have". "You and- since when are you two calling each other by first names?".

Asteria shrugged while they strolled through the bridge.

"We really get along. Tell me, what do you need to sort out?". "Well… I came up with a silver and grey colour scheme, but it still lacks something. And I can’t find a way to mix Ever and Never music. Ah, and the flowers will kill me one day".

Asteria nodded. "We should go to Emma’s office, she had some pretty good ideas for-". "No".

Lesso tried to be neutral, but their voice betrayed her panic.

"Why not? Is there a problem?". Then her ruby glowed and Asteria’s eyes darted dangerously.

"Lesso. There’s something you’re not telling me. Again . I didn’t push you because I really didn’t want to be smashed into something again, but I swear to God-". "Okay FINE! But let’s get to my office so we can have sone privacy".

Asteria followed her close behind, and Lesso could feel her eyes burning the back of her skull.

As soon as they entered the office, Lesso slammed the door and sat on the windowsill.

Asteria sat on the armchair, conjuring a glass of water in her hand.

"Leonora. I can read minds. And yours is almost screaming. I can feel you had a panic attack or something similar, but…". "I had a seizure. Like, a pretty bad one". "Oh". "But it’s not all".

Lesso shifted uncomfortably.

"It’s… it’s about Clarissa". "Oh God, what did you do?". "I, we… we almost had sex". "YOU WHAT?".

Lesso threw her a pen. "Shut up! Do you want the whole school to know?". "But… but how, when?". "It happened… like, a week ago. I was drunk, she found me. I asked her to… keep me company. Then we… I kissed her".

"AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME- okay, I’m breathing". She inhaled, getting up from her seat.

"Lex, what do you mean with almost ?". "She… she ran away. We kissed and we were about to… and she slapped me and pushed me away and puff. Gone". "Oh. Oh, Lex…". "I… I was tipsy, no, I was drunk and… I had a nightmare. What if… what if she asked me to stop and… Fuck. Asteria, I ruined it. I ruined everything".

She grabbed her curls firmly and pulled. She wanted to rip her head off.

Someone grabbed her wrists. "Stop it. You’re hurting yourself". "It’s easier this way. I don’t want to think about… anything".

"Do you want me to leave?". "NO! I… I don’t know what I want".

Asteria sat next to them on the windowsill, keeping a hand on Lesso’s arm. They were glad.

What did I do to deserve this woman in my life?

"Even nightmares were easier. I… He could do nothing to me than he hadn’t done, already. I had nothing left but the crushed pieces of myself. And then… then she waltzes into my life… and heart, without even knocking first and I find myself so fucking scared that he’ll come back to hurt her just to hurt me. And I can’t let that happen, Asteria. I just can’t".

Her friend said nothing. "You’re not done. You have to pour it all out". "You were right, the other day. I’m scared of caring and trusting. I’m not… used to it. To care about someone like I do for her. And… I know I would trust her with my life, but… I’m afraid to actually do it. And… I’m so angry at myself. I hurt her and I didn’t want to, but… I only wanted her to be safe. To be okay, away from me".

"Why?". "Because I always hurt the people I care about. The people I…".

I can’t go there.

"I… I can’t say it". "You can. I know you can, because you’ve been saying it in your head for days".

Or maybe she did. Maybe going there was exactly what she needed.

"I don’t deserve it. I’m a Never. I can’t…". "You can, Lesso. I feel it". 

Asteria looked out of the window. "It’s hard for people like us. I know that first hand. Everyone thinks that we can’t really feel anything, that we are so cold because of that. But they don’t know… the coldness on the outside is made to hide the greatest of feelings". 

Asteria looked at them, and Lesso felt a wave of emotions and feelings. "It’s… so hard, Asteria". "I know". 

She looked at her hands again.

The bottle was almost broken. It just needed… one final push.

"I need to find Clarissa".

I need to tell her. I need to tell her everything.

"What do you need to tell her, Lesso?" .

Leonora looked into Asteria’s eyes.

“I love her".

Chapter Text

Finding the Ever wasn’t as easy as she thought. Suddenly it was like Clarissa had disappeared from the School.

Still, Lesso was adamant and didn’t think about giving up for a second. "Beauty teacher! Where’s Clarissa?".

Emma turned around. "She took the day off. Why? What did you do?". "I- why is it always me doing something to her?".

The older woman tilted her head as to say seriously? and Lesso raised their hands in defeat. "Yes, okay, most times I did something". "She should be back by dinner. Ah, Lesso, I will send you our plans for the Ball, so you can revise them and tell me and Asteria how does it look". "Yes, yes. Just… can you tell me if you see her?".

Emma checked on her with a puzzled look. "Lesso, what happened? You look… off".

She chose to be straightforward.

"We kissed. Dovey and I. She ran away. I need to tell her that I love her, so she can either refuse me or reciprocate me and I can finally live in peace with myself".

The woman in front of her was too stunned to speak.

I think I broke her.

"Uh. Emma?". "You kissed". "Yes". "And… you want to tell her that you love her". "That’s exactly what I said, can you-". "FUCKING FINALLY, LESSO!".

Lesso was too dumbstruck to form any coherent thought when Emma hugged her and then clapped her hands like a five-year-old.

"What. Was. That". "I’ve known this for ages but you both were too blind to see it!". "Both? What do you mean both?".

Hope flickered inside them. "Look, I think I know Clarissa well enough to say that she has feelings for you, too, but you still need to talk to her".

Oh God. Oh God.

"You have to be kidding me". "No, I’m not. I’m dead serious, Lesso".

She wanted to say something else, but suddenly she saw a glimpse of something golden appearing and disappearing behind Emma.

"Clarissa! Wait!". They shoved Emma aside and trekked towards the Ever, who was almost running.

"Clarissa!". "I have nothing for you, Lady Lesso".

They sprinted one last time and grabbed her by her wrist, dragging her in an empty classroom.

Clarissa snatched her arm away from them. "What the hell, Lesso!". "Clarissa, we need to talk". "No, I don’t think so".

They took the blow: they knew they deserved it. "Please. It’s important". "You can discuss important matters with the faculty at the next assembly. Now, if you would excuse me…".

Leonora wanted to stop her, but her leg gave her a shot of pain and if it wasn’t for her cane she would have fallen on the ground.

However, Clarissa couldn’t leave because she bumped right into Emma Anemone, who literally body blocked her.

"Emma, what the fuck are you doing?". "Knocking some sense into you!".

She slammed the door, and soon the wooden panel disappeared.

God bless Emma Anemone.

"So. Will you finally stop ignoring me?". "I’ve been quite good at it. You taught me well. I think I can go on, if I want. Besides, I can still get out of here".

Her finger glowed, but Lesso closed the space between them, leaning heavily on her cane, and grabbed her hand before she could have the chance to do anything. "Clarissa".

She snatched her hand away.

"Stop with that! I told you I’m out of your life! It’s what you wanted, right? Because I’m really tired of-". "I have to tell you something important, so stop whining for just a fucking second!".

Clarissa’s eyes widened for a moment, and Lesso knew she could see all her struggling. She put her full weight on the cane, the leg wouldn’t just fucking work.

Her hands were shaking again, and so did her voice.

"I… thik I should apologise for my… shitty behaviour". "To say the least". "Please. Just… just let me finish".

She sucked in air through her teeth, but she wasn’t sure it reached her lungs.

"I’m sorry for that night. And for… the things I said before that. I… I’ve been feeling… things, recently. Things I felt only once in my life, and even then they were not nearly as powerful as they are now. And I refused to see it, because… because I’m scared to be exposed so much, Clarissa. That one time I let myself believe I could… follow my feelings, I was hurt. I was scarred. I did not… I do not want to feel that again".

When they looked up, right into Clarissa’s eyes, they knew she knew.

And yet they continued. "I didn’t ask you if you wanted it. I only thought that if we… did it, then all these messy feelings would just disappear. I have absolutely no right to have your forgiveness, and I’m not asking for it. But right now I’m going to tell you something to explain my behaviour and then I’m going to walk out that door and I won’t speak of this never and ever again". "Lesso…".

"I’d take my heart out for you. I’d give you my lungs if you were drowning, I’d kill for you! And if what I feel can be described as love… then I’m in love with you. I’m in love with your scent, with the colour of your eyes and the color of your skin when it’s hit by the sunrise. And I love the way you smile at me sometimes, and the way your nose twitches when you try not to laugh at my jokes and God, how much I love your laugh".

She was going to fall. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably and she felt tears on her face, tears she didn’t even sense were coming.

Dovey was speechless, an unreadable expression on her face, one that could look like utter shock or disgust.

Lesso sniffed. "I had to tell you. I had to, because I couldn’t keep it all inside anymore, because I knew I would regret it if I didn’t tell you even if it’s wrong and impossible because you’re perfect and I am everything but".

She wasn’t even breathing at this point. "I didn’t want to hurt you. And… I didn’t want to hurt myself with hope".

They looked at her in the eyes, those beautiful and mesmerising eyes.

"I love you, Clarissa".

Then she turned on her heels and disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke, reappearing in her office where Asteria was waiting.

" PORCA TRO- Lesso? Tutto bene? I mean, are you okay? What happened?".

Lesso was about to faint.

"Can you catch me? I think I’m about to…". She didn’t even finish the sentence because her leg gave out and of it wasn’t for Asteria she would have hit her head on the edge of her desk.

"Ohi, ohi! Alright, when was the last time you ate something solid?". "Uh? Like… dinner? Two days ago?". "Fucking stars, Lesso. Alright, now you’re going to eat something or I’ll swear to God I’ll shove a whole meal down your throat without asking for permission".

She made them sit in the armchair and kneeled before them. "Lex, we have two options here. I can call someone to bring us food or I can go grab it myself". "I don’t want them to see me like this".

Their voice was nothing more than a whisper, their whole body was numb. "But I don’t want you to leave. There should be something in that drawer".

Asteria nodded and took out a rather not good looking black stick. "Liquorice? And you think- Alright. Eat this for now, but when you’re calmer I’m going to grab you some real food".

They groaned, rubbing their eyes.

"Look, I’m really going to regret this and will deny asking this for the rest of my days but… could you play with my hair? It would help a lot".

Asteria rolled her eyes. "Fine. But you have to let me see what happened, if you don’t feel like talking yet". "Deal".

The Never removed the ruby from her forehead, eyes glowing red while she combed Lesso’s hair with her fingers.

" Beh. Merda ". "I remember that one. What do you think?". "I think… all you can do now is wait. She’ll come to her senses, eventually". "You sure?".

Asteria patted her head. "More than sure". "Stop doing that. It’s embarrassing".

In that moment someone slammed the door of her office open, and Asteria jumped up. "I GOTTA GO BYE!".

She rushed out of the door, closing it behind her as Clarissa walked in and towards Lesso.

"Princess". "I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, so I’ll talk now".

She took a deep breath as Lesso tentatively got up from their seat.

They were terrified. Their heart was pounding so loud they could hear in their ears.

"The day I fell into the lake. I remember". "W-What do you remember?". "I died. I know I did. And then… then I wasn’t dead anymore and your lips were on mine and all I could think about when I opened my eyes was how gorgeous you were with your damp messy hair and the sand all over your shirt and God, how hard I had fallen for you".

Lesso was sure they had misheard.

"What…". "That night. I wanted it, too. Then I… panicked. I was scared to death, Leonora, and still am. This is messy. And complicated. But it’s not wrong because… because I love you too and… right now I’m about to kiss you, so if you don’t want me to just step away".

The seconds in which Clarissa drew closer and took their face in her hands felt like forever. Her lips were mere millimetres away and then they touched and everything just clicked.

I love you. I love you I love you I love you.

Chapter Text

It all made sense now.

All the messed up pieces of the puzzle of Lesso’s feelings, all the shattered emotions she had held inside for so long all came back together and left her with an unbelievable sense of completeness.

So, when they parted and Clarissa looked away, Lesso swept her off her feet and kissed her again, with all the passion and happiness and love she had held back, thinking she wasn’t worthy of deserving them.

Clarissa laughed between the kisses, and that sound made her burn from head to toe.

Clarissa’s lips tasted like hot chocolate and sugar. They were intoxicating, Leonora wanted to kiss her forever.

Dovey’s hands flew to her neck, then up into her messy curls. Leonora’s fingers planted firmly on her hips, pulling her as close as possible. They stepped back and they bumped into the desk.

They parted, looking at each other: faces red, smudged lipstick and racing breaths.

Then Leonora felt it. It started with the feeling of a pit in her stomach. Then her whole body went numb while hot tears reached her eyes. "Leonora?". She sucked in a sharp breath, trying to regain control, but the moment was broken.

She lowered her head: she knew it! She knew it would end up like this.

I ruined it. Again.

Then, Clarissa’s warm fingers forced them to look at her. She was smiling.

"You know… you can cry, if you want".

They really, really wanted to cry. And so they did, hiding their face in the crook of their love’s neck.

Dovey slowly brought them down and they found themselves straddling her lap, still crying on her shoulder.

"I-I’m sorry". "Shush, love. It’s fine. Just cry if you need it". "Don’t… don’t look at me. I’m hideous".

"You are certainly not, dearest". "I am. I am hideous, worthless, undeserving of love and care and…".

There it was. The panic, the fright, the pure and overwhelming fear.

I can’t breathe. I can’t…

The something happened. Clarissa took her face in her hands and smiled at her. "You are gorgeous". She kissed her forehead. "Splendid". A peck on the tip of her nose. "Selfless". Then on her cheek. "Strong". And her ear. "Charismatic". She took one of her hands and kissed her knuckles. "Brave". Then her palm. "Mature". Finally, she looked at her glassy eyes and smiled again, the brightest smile Leonora had ever seen.

"And you’re the best person in the whole world".

They weren’t panicking anymore, they were still crying, tough. "I…". Clarissa shut them with a delicate finger on their lips. "You don’t have to be sorry or to say anything you don’t feel comfortable with, right now".

Suddenly, Lesso’s stomach growled, and they blushed from embarrassment. Clarissa tried to hold back a laugh but failed.

"Leonora! You are starving!". "Well… I am, indeed. Shall we go to dinner?".

Clarissa nodded, but made no move to untangle herself from her position on the floor.

"Look, I would really like to carry you bridal style, but I would probably faint so… I’m serious, can we go?".

The Ever blushed, getting up and dragging a very tired Leonora with her. "Sorry". They smiled. "Don’t be". They gave her a peck on the lips, but Clarissa grabbed them by their tie and kissed them deeply.

"I love you".

"I love you too".

They heard an high-pitched scream from the outside, and Lesso immediately ran with a spell on their fingertip.

"WHAT THE FU- Emma? Asteria?".

The scene in front of their eyes was both exhilarating and confusing: Emma was sat ungracefully on the floor, an empty bottle in her hand, and she was crying.

Asteria was in no better condition, laid on the floor with tears in her eyes and arms around her middle section. Other two bottles laid, empty, on the side.

"What in the world is going on out there?". "Oh God. Are you both drunk? Why are you drunk?" Clarissa screeched.

Asteria laughed hysterically. "Who’s drunk? I’m not drunk?".

Clarissa kneeled before Emma, while Lesso towered over her friend.

"Emma! What happened?". The black-haired woman smiled between the tears. "Just want’d to wait for ya. Did ya tell Lessy ya love th’m?". "I- Yes".

Asteria screamed again, clapping her hands. " TE L’HO DETTO, CAZZO[1] !". "Shut up you fool" Lesso grumbled, hitting her lightly with their cane.

"Get up. I’m starving". " Sto bene dove sono, grazie[2] !". "Stop speaking Italian and get the fuck up". She did, but only to trip and fall again.

"Sorry. I don’t think we’ll come to dinner tonight". "I see. You both stay in my office until we come back, okay?". " Va bene, mammina. Poi mi dai anche la buonanotte? ". " Ma vaffanculo[3]".

Asteria laughed at the top of her lungs. "YOU REMEMBERED THAT! So proud of ya, Lessy!".

Clarissa and Lesso managed to drag both Emma and Asteria in the Never’s office and put them to sleep.

"Okay. We have a couple of hours until they wake up. Let’s go grab something to eat and come back here before they set something or someone on fire, what do you think?" Clarissa said.

Leonora didn’t answer right away, busy as she was looking at her love’s perfect face. Clarissa snapped her fingers in front of her face. "Yo, Leonora?". "I’m so in love with you".

Clarissa laughed. Best sound in the world. "You’re cute. But you’re also starving, so let’s go before you faint".

Their walk to the dining hall was quite and cozy. It was like they were the only two people in the world.

Leonora still couldn’t believe what had happened mere minutes before, the kisses replaying in her head again and again.

They sat at the table, next to each other, and Lesso groaned at the sight of food. Yes, she was hungry, but now that she saw all the food… well, her stomach was protesting.

"Lesso? Is everything okay?". "I… Yes. I just need a moment". "Do you feel more comfortable if we go eat somewhere else? Somewhere calmer?".

That question surprised her. "Uh… Yes, actually. How did you…". "I think I know you quite well, by now. Come on, grab something and let’s go back to your office".

They used their magic to transfer food from the table to the office, then left the room under the scrutinising eyes of the Good and Evil faculty.

When they opened the door, Asteria was waking up, while Emma was still fast asleep. " Oddio. Che sbronza clamorosa ". "What?". "I said what a sensational hangover ".

Lesso shook their head and handed her a piece of bread and cheese. "Eat. And don’t vomit on my floor because I will kill you".

Asteria smiled. "So cute. Thanks". "Shut up. I’m not cute". They took Clarissa’s hand and opened the door to their bedroom.

As soon as the door was closed behind them the Ever burst into laughter. "Oh God! I’ve never seen Emma so drunk !".

Leonora smiled, sitting on the bed and gesturing for Clarissa to join her. The Good Dean blushed but didn’t refuse.

They shared the food, and Lesso found herself not minding it that much.

She wasn’t anorexic or anything like that, but she had the same problems she had with sleep. She felt like she didn’t need much of it, or deserved it. She didn’t like eating in front of people.

But Clarissa… she was something else. She felt safer with her by her side.

"Leonora? Are you okay?". "I was just… admiring you". They saw her blushing, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Clarissa, can I ask you something?". "Yes, of course". "What are we? What… what do we do now?".

The woman stayed silent. "I… I love you. But I don’t know if the others will understand".

She was partly right. Beside Emma and Asteria (and the students, as their young age had gifted them with an open mind), Lesso had no idea of what the other inhabitants of the school would think about them.

"But… we are what, girlfriends? Lovers?". Clarissa laughed. "I’d go with girlfriends, what do you say?".

Lesso held her hand. "Girlfriends, then".

I love you.

"Can you kiss me again?". Clarissa smiled and leaned in, slowly bringing their lips together.

Lesso tasted chocolate again, and this time their whole focus was on Clarissa’s lips, the feeling given by every inch of her skin touching theirs.

They melted in each other’s arms, the deep kiss fading into small pecks. Lesso was intoxicated, completely addicted.

How did I even survive without her kisses?

When they finished the food they stayed in each other’s arms for a little while, just enjoying the moment.

"We should check on Emma". "Probably. But I’m pretty comfortable in this position".

Clarissa laughed again and pecked Leonora’s lips once more before getting up. "We can cuddle all night, love, but now I’d really like to see if my best friend is back from the dead".

Lesso groaned but followed her out of the room. Emma was awake, but her skin had taken up a sick shade. "Oh God. I’ll never drink Tequila again in my life".

Asteria, who was laying on the floor, laughed. "Sorry. I’ll bring vodka next time". Then her gaze shifted to Lesso and Clarissa, and the redhead felt their best friend’s stare lingering on her face.

She knows.

"Well. I guess someone finally put their shit together". It was Emma’s turn to laugh, while Clarissa blushed violently.

"Well… yes". Leonora wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Think about your own shit, Steroids. You started speaking Italian out of nowhere".

Asteria sat up straight and cracked her back. "Yeah, I know. I do that often when I’m drunk".

Emma yawned, and Clarissa crossed her arms on her chest. "Speaking of which, how did you learn?". "What, Italian? It’s my second language. My mother is Circe, so I spent in Italy a big part of my life".

Leonora glanced at the window: the sun was already down. "Okay, everybody, as much as I’m enjoying this Queer-plus-Emma club, I think you should go to your rooms".

She kept her arm on Clarissa and leaned in. "You can stay, if you want". The Even giggled. "I’d love that".

They made sure Emma and Asteria were okay before letting them leave.

"Why is this Queer-plus-Emma club? Who said I’m not queer?". Asteria rolled her eyes. " Because last week I tried to kiss you and you said I love you girl, but I like man as much as Clarissa likes women. That sounds pretty not-queer to me".

The two of them linked arms and Lesso sighed in relief when they left the office.

"I could change my mind". "My door is open, should you ever do that".

Leonora closed the door behind them and leaned on it, taking their time to look at Clarissa: she was sat on their desk, feet not even touching the floor, her hands supporting her and her face turned to the window.

I love you.

"Leonora?". "Mmmh?". "If I stay here tonight, do you promise you won’t leave?".

They drew closer and wrapped their arms around her waist. "I promise. I’m not leaving you again". "Ever?". "And Never, my love".

I promise.

Chapter Text

Eight days.

Eight days since they kissed and… what? Started dating? No, Lesso guessed they skipped that part. Became girlfriends? Yes, probably.

Things in the school were starting to adjust: Evers and Nevers had become more friendly with each other (nothing had been set on fire, at least on purpose), the new courses were going amazing, and Asteria’s training was progressing.

She and Dovey had decided to use the Headmaster’s tower as a shared office, where they would spend the majority of their work-time.

They had grown quite used to each other’s presence, and Lesso often found themselves staring at the Ever across the room, to the cute pout she made every time she had to correct a mistake in her students’ essays, to the gentle smile she gave them when their eyes met, from time to time.

Were they making progress in their relationship? Lesso couldn’t tell.

There was a lot of kissing, both passionate and chaste, and a lot of cuddling. Some teasing, mostly from Lesso’s part, but nothing more.

Leonora knew it was mostly her fault. While Clarissa often relaxed in her presence with loose dresses and short gowns, Lesso never took off any of her clothes.

It wasn’t like she didn’t trust Clarissa, but… well, trust was a hard word and a hard concept for her to grasp. She had trusted, once, and she had been betrayed.

She was still reflecting on it in the afternoon, while returning to the shared office. That thought had been hunting her all day long, and luckily for her Asteria had been too busy with her lessons to torment her for it.

When she entered the room, Clarissa beamed at her from the couch: she was wearing a dark green dress that barely reached her knees, and the sight of her dark skin touched by the light of the fireplace triggered something inside Lesso.

She’s never dressed like this with others. Not even in her office.

She… she trusts me.

She dropped herself on the couch and slowly removed her heels. Clarissa, next to her, was still smiling. "Well, hello". "Shut up. Just…". She abruptly removed her coat and waistcoat, throwing then over her desk.

Clarissa raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay, love?". "Yes. I… I just want to do this for you".

I am so going to regret this.

She rolled up her sleeves over her elbows, then loosened her tie and unbuttoned the first button of her shirt.

She looked away from Clarissa. She was tense: she had never exposed herself so much with someone.

Except… well, except with Rafal.

However, when Clarissa made her turn to face her and smiled beamingly she felt a pleasant twist in her stomach: she nodded in understanding.

"Thank you, love, for trusting me with this".

Leonora launched herself forward, kissing her lover passionately and making them both fall onto the couch.

Clarissa laughed in between the kisses, she tended to do that a lot, Leonora noticed.

"God, you’re an amazing kisser, Dove". "You too know your way, Red".

I want you so bad, princess.

She kissed her again, their tongues dancing in a way she never thought was possible, and she started fiddling with the hem of her dress.

Dovey’s hands wrapped around theirs, and they cringed.

Oh, good. I did it again.

"Sorry, I… I misunderstood the signals. Uhm…". They tried to get off of her, but Dovey stopped placing a hand behind their neck.

"No. It’s fine, I… I panicked for a second". "Really, Clarissa, you don’t need to". But she didn’t let them go.

"Let me explain". They sat upright, an awkward silence stretching between them until Dovey sighed.

"I’ve l been with a woman, once. I’ve been raised to think that… this, this thing between us, is wrong. You know it. And back then, I… I believed it, and I hated myself for falling for that woman".

She took Leonora’s hands in her own. "But this time I know I love you. And… you could never do anything to hurt me. Still, I… I was taken aback. Maybe I’m not ready. I want this… I want our first time to be special. I don’t think it’s the right time, now".

Leonora looked at her hands.

Stop shaking, for fuck’s sake.

They sighed. "I… Thank you. For telling me. I… have something to tell you, too".

She removed her tie. "There’s a reason why I wear so many layers of clothing. I… haven’t looked properly at my body for a very long time, I never really liked it, and… I find it hard to trust people enough to let them see so much of myself".

They looked at Clarissa: she had a loving look on her face and Leonora’s heart ached at the sight.

How can she be so… so.

They went on. "I stopped getting fully undressed during sex. And… I don’t know if I’ll be ready to do that on our first time. But I can promise you two things".

They took Clarissa’s hands and brought them to their lips. "First, I promise you that I will wait until you’re ready and then I’ll give you the best night of your life".

Clarissa blushed violently. Leonora smiled.

"Second. I will try my damnedest to trust you. Whether I like it or not, and I very much like it, you are part of my life and thus I will learn trust. If you will be patient enough to wait my stubborn self".

"Leo…". She launched forward and kissed her with passion, hugging her neck. "You are the most precious being to ever walk in this world".

Leonora smiled into the kiss and breathed in Clarissa’s scent. "We can do this, right?". Her voice betrayed all her fear, but Clarissa nestled her face in the crook of her neck.

"Of course we can. I’m sure we can".

In that moment, someone knocked on the door and Lesso jumped up, retrieving her waistcoat. "Who’s there?". "Lessy! You promised you would come to the groom room today!".

Lesso groaned at Asteria’s words, but Clarissa patted her back. "Go, love. I can’t wait to see what you’ll be wearing!".

Asteria linked arms with them and headed out the tower, smiling like an idiot. "What? Did you kill someone?". "Not yet. I’m just happy for you". "Are you sure you’re not a Ever?".

The woman laughed wholeheartedly and pushed her lightly while they made their way to the groom room. "Alright, any ideas for your dress?". "Well-". "-Well, I don’t care, it’s already done, just need some more measurements and then you’re good to go".

Leonora didn’t even have time to say a word before Asteria dragged her on the platform and whistled. "Wait here until I take the dress, the magic will do the rest". "I know how it works, dummy! I would like to know-". "Emma and I organised your and Clarissa’s outfit".

Should I even be surprised?

"Probably not". "Ehy! Put the ruby back and stop spying my thoughts". Asteria innocently shrugged but did as they said, reappearing with Lesso’s dress floating behind her.

"Wow… that’s…". "A fucking work of art, isn’t it?".

Well, it was. It was composed of sailor pants and a turtleneck shirt with short sleeves. The blazer was cut short on the front, while on the back it reached the floor, modelled in the shape of a ball gown.

Everything was a deep shade of blue and purple with silver stars embroidered on various parts of it.

"Asteria, it’s amazing". The Never almost blushed, putting a hand behind her neck. "Well… I know you hate dresses. And I didn’t want you to dress in black, but you also hate light colours so…". "Stop rambling and help me put this on so you can measure it".

They finished the work in comfortable silence, and by the end of the afternoon the dress was ready. "Good". "What about your dress?". Asteria shrugged. "It’s done already, Emma helped with it. We’re going to have coordinated outfits".

Lesso chose to ignore the blush that crept up her best friend’s neck and focused instead on the walk.

They sat in the garden, under a small tree, waiting for dinner time, Asteria’s head comfortably in Lesso’s lap.

"I’m glad to have you here. I’m glad you chose to stay".

Asteria gave her a surprised look, which soon melted into a small smile. "You are my family. How could I not stay?". She sat up and bumped her shoulder against theirs.

"You’ve changed, Lessy". "What do you mean?". "Dovey. I think she changed you. You’re less…". "Broken?". "You were never broken, Lessy. You’re… more open. More you. She broke into that shell you built around yourself and took you out of it".

Leonora looked at her. "I’ve been through some shit, Asteria. I never thought I could become someone different than evil. Someone better. But…". " Dai diamanti non nasce niente. Dal letame nascono i fior". "What?". "It’s a line from an Italian songwriter, De Andre’. It means… nothing blooms from diamonds, from shit flowers bloom ".

Lesso laughed. "Well… maybe you’re right". "I am always right, Lessy". "Leonora. My name… is Leonora". "That’s a very cute name".

Asteria got up and extended her hand for them to grab it. "Dinner?".

Lesso grabbed it. "Dinner, then". "And, Leonora… I’m glad you trust me".

Lesso wasn’t able to respond to that, so she hoped Asteria could feel the gratitude that she felt.

I do. Really. You… you make things a little easier.

Chapter Text

"Tonight". Leonora raised their head from the desk.

"I beg you pardon?". "We’re having dinner in my chambers. And then… then we’re doing it".

It had been almost a week since they talked about it, and Leonora, as promised, hadn’t pushed Clarissa.

They, on the other hand, had pushed themselves further than they ever thought was possible, by starting to undress more and more when Clarissa was around.

Last night, they had slept in Clarissa’s bed and Leonora had taken off every piece of clothing except from their shirt and undergarments.

In that moment, when Clarissa said those words, her first thought was something very close to fuck.

Leonora rose from their seat and gently held Clarissa’s hands.

"Are you sure, princess? It’s okay if you…". "I’m sure. You… you trust me enough to sleep almost naked in the same bed. And I trust you to…".

She blushed violently and Leonora laughed, kissing the crown of her head.

"Tonight, then".

Her heart skipped a beat at the thought. It was real, it was finally happening.

And then, when Clarissa left, panic surged from the pit of her stomach and she started pacing her office. "Okay. Okay, well… fuck".

They had no idea of how they were supposed to behave. They knew themselves, and they weren’t gentle. Especially during sex. But… it was Clarissa. And it would be their first time together, and…

I don’t want to ruin it.

Also, the very own thought of getting intimate with someone… it scared them. Made them remember things they didn’t want to remember.

Heavy hands on her hips, rough pushes, grunting and groaning from above her, red streams of blood magic blocking her.

She shook her head and fought the memory before it overcame her.

No. Not this time. You’re done ruining my life, okay? You’re not worth it! Stay the fuck away from me, you understand??

You’re never getting rid of me, Leonora.

SHUT UP! YOU’RE DEAD, YOU’RE GONE FROM MY LIFE!

His voice disappeared as fast as it had come, and Leonora found themselves breathing hard and digging their nails into their flesh, drawing blood.

I’m not ruining it. I’m going to make it special. For her.

-/-/-/-/-/-

The evening came fast, faster than Leonora had expected.

She made her way to her girlfriend’s chambers and knocked on the door. "Coming!". When it opened, Lesso’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of Clarissa: she was wearing a deep purple dress with silver stones embroidered in her corset.

"Hi, you. Wanna come in?". "I-yes, thank you".

She’s so beautiful I can’t even think straight.

Clarissa grabbed their hand and led them to a small table in the centre of the office, which had been magically emptied of all its most cumbersome furniture.

"I brought wine" Leonora said, trying to stop their eyes from falling constantly on Clarissa’s neckline. "Oh, Leo, it’s perfect! Thank you, love!".

She didn’t seem nervous at all. Why wasn’t she nervous?? Leonora almost wanted to laugh, but she bit her lip and sat down at the table.

"How was your day?". "Oh, wonderful!".

Food appeared on the table, while Clarissa started her usual non-stop rambling, but Leonora cared very little about it when the only appealing thing in the room was the woman in front of her.

"So, tell me. How are things going with your Nevers?". "Please, Rissa… I don’t want to talk about school until tomorrow morning" Leonora groaned playfully, gaining a small laugh from the shorter woman.

"Right, right, sorry. Can we talk about Astoria and Emma, then?". "Oh, there would be so much to say about those two".

The dinner went smoothly between small talks and evident blushing, but Lesso started noticing some details that had escaped her sight before: how Clarissa’s fingers kept twitching and holding on to something, like a handkerchief or the fork or the edge of the table, how her eyes would often avoid Leonora’s.

She chose to ignore it, but at the end of the dinner, when they had magically cleaned the table and settled on the couch in each other’s arms, decided to say something about it.

"Are you okay, Rissa?". "Why wouldn’t I be?" she smiled, kissing her cheek. "That wasn’t an answer, love".

The Ever tensed a little, adjusting her position in Leonora’s arms.

"Well… I’m a bit nervous". "Clarissa. Can I be honest with you?". The Ever nodded, and they took a deep breath. "I’m frightened, okay? I’m frightened to ruin everything once again. But… I also want this. So badly". "I want this too, Leo. I really do".

And with that, their lips connected in a slow kiss, then soon turned hungry and demanding.

Clarissa grabbed their hand and led them to her bedroom, closing the door behind them.

She pulled her in again, her hands buried deep in her copper curls, and Lesso’s fingers brushed her hips and back.

Leonora felt Clarissa shiver and took a deep breath. "Do you trust me?". "With my life". "Turn around for me, will you?".

The Good Dean nodded.

They placed their hands on her shoulders, brushing her hair away and exposing the back of the dress.

"This is your night, Clarissa. And I’m going to make it unforgettable".

Gently, she untied the ribbons of her dress, letting it fall.

She kissed Clarissa’s back, right below her nape, and felt the woman shiver.

"Do you have a safe word, love?". "Daffodils". "Good. Say that if it becomes too much".

Clarissa abruptly turned around, kissing them hard on the lips. "You make it so hard to resist you, love". "I know".

The Ever removed her underdress, and Lesso bathed themselves in the sight of Clarissa’s body.

Greek sculptures were nothing compared to that. She drew closer, her fingers ghosting all over her skin, barely grazing it.

"Lesso. You are torturing me". "Oh, someone has needs".

She kissed her again, harder, and sucked on her lower lip, eliciting a moan from the blonde.

She picked her up and gently placed her on the bed.

"We won’t need this, will we?" she said, kissing Clarissa’s chest and removing her bra.

Her hands flew to their hair and the Ever arched back and moaned. "This… feels so good, Leo". "Good girl".

They took her time to explore Clarissa’s upper body, playing with her hardened nipples and eliciting noises that were music to their ears.

They went back to her neck and bit a particularly sensitive spot. "Ah!". "So responsive to me, little dove".

Her voice was a growl by now. Her own arousal was almost intolerable, but Clarissa was her only focus at the moment.

She slowly brought her hand down, spreading her thighs. "Alright love. Are you ready?". "L-Leonora…". "What?". "Stop teasing!".

She brought her head down, kissing and biting the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, leaving bruises. Her finger glowed and Clarissa’s panties disappeared, showing finally her reward.

"Stars, you are so beautiful Clarissa". "L-Leo".

They waited, in case their lover used the safe word, but she didn’t.

"May I?". "Yes".

Two fingers found their way inside Clarissa’s slit, and the woman let out a cry of pleasure.

Slowly, Leonora started moving inside her, simultaneously bringing the other hand to her left breast and their mouth to her clit.

"FUCK!". "I like it when you curse, love". "Stop talking!".

Lesso laughed against her clit, and the sensation made Clarissa arch her back even more, looking for more contact.

Lesso curled their fingers inside her, gaining another loud moan when their nails grazed her inner walls.

"Leonora!". She angled her wrist, moving her mouth from Clarissa’s clit to her lips.

The Ever nibbled at their lower lip, moving her hands to squeeze their ass. She whined in protest when she met fabric instead of skin, but Lesso gave her no time to complain: they had already brought her on the edge.

They thrusted faster. "LEO! DON’T STOP!".

Clarissa bit their shoulder, but couldn’t prevent a loud cry from escaping when the orgasm shook her body.

Leonora guided her through the waves of pleasure until Clarissa’s body finally relaxed under her, letting go of her shoulder.

"Oh God. Oh God. That was… wow".

Leonora laughed when the Ever flipped their positions, kissing her mouth hungrily.

Her hands ghosted over the buttons of her shirt, and Leonora felt a twist in her stomach.

Fuck.

Clarissa seemed to notice, because she sat up straight and gave her an understanding look.

"Let me put my nightgown and then we can go to sleep".

She left the bed, and Leonora bit her lip.

I trust her. I trust her.

"Clarissa. We’re not done, you know".

When the blonde turned around, Leonora was standing in front of her, unbuttoning her trousers.

Clarissa smiled, putting her arms around her neck.

"I’m going to undress you. If that’s okay with you". Leonora nodded.

"Love, I need you to tell me. Tell me that you want this". They took a deep breath and looked straight into their person’s eyes. "I want you to undress me and fuck me until I can’t walk anymore".

Crap. That was… to much?

To her surprise, Clarissa sneered in a very un-Everish way.

"Good to know". She got even closer, barely brushing her ear with her mouth. "Because that’s exactly my plan for tonight".

Lesso felt her hands on her navel, working painfully slowly on the remaining buttons of her trousers.

Meanwhile she was placing wet kisses all over her neck; she found a particularly sensitive spot and bit and sucked it, leaving a bruise.

"You gave me an hickey". "You did more than one to me, love".

It took an eternity, and a whole lot of self control, but finally the piece of clothing was on the floor.

They were slowly approaching the bed, and Leonora felt weak in the legs. Both of them, not just the hurt one.

Dovey gently made her sit down. "Do you wish me to continue?". "Yes".

She smiled, stepping out of the transparent nightgown which did very little to shield her from Leonora’s hungry eyes.

She sat gracefully on their lap and started unbuttoning their shirt. Lesso noticed she was going faster, this time, so they smiled mischievously. "Someone really wants to see me naked".

They were scared to death. Scared that she would run away as soon as she saw them. Really saw them.

And then the shirt fell off, and Clarissa’s eyes scanned all their upper body, making them blush a dark shade of red and looking away.

"Leonora…".

Here we are. It’s over.

"You truly are a work of the finest art".

Their brain stopped working. "I… What?". They laughed nervously. "Did you really look, dear? There’s nothing artistic in…".

Clarissa shut them up with a deep kiss. "Stop saying bullshit. You are beautiful".

She took them in again: a white scar ran on the left side of their body, from the hip to the breast. She kissed a pretty bad burn on their right shoulder, then caressed another irregular scar on their belly.

And their freckles. Oh God. Leonora had always hated those things spreading on her shoulder, upper chest and back. But now, watching Clarissa placing wet kisses on their skin, they started to change their mind.

"I want to kiss every and each one of these".

They were about to cry.

"What’s your safe word, darling?". "Pomegranate".

Clarissa took their head in her hands again, and this time she didn’t even need to ask. "Yes. Just yes, Clarissa".

And then the Ever was on top of her, throwing the shirt off of the bed and leaving her only in undergarments.

"Can I take it off?". "Yes". Slowly, the bra came off and Dovey smiled. Leonora closed their eyes. They knew what Rafal did to their chest. It was part of Uglification, he had said.

It’s hideous. Gross. Ugly.

Then she felt soft lips on her nipple and the invasive thought just melted away while Clarissa played with her breasts.

God, it had been so long since somebody had touched her like that.

Like… like they cared.

She felt Clarissa’s hand moving down, caressing her body adoringly and placing sweet kisses all over her torso.

She arched her back. "G-God, Clarissa!". "Are you okay?". "Y-Yes. Just… please". "Please what?" the good dean asked, brushing her inner thigh.

"I want to feel you. Inside me". Her lover smiled and kissed her again before moving down, almost purring like a cat.

She removed her panties. "God, Leo. So wet for me. Dirty girl". "Just fuck me already!".

Clarissa laughed, lowering her head between their legs. As soon as Leonora felt her tongue on her most sensitive point, her back arched even more.

"Oh fuck! Don’t you dare stop".

And she didn’t. The things she did with her tongue… the only thing that Leonora could think about was that this couldn’t be just her second time with a woman.

However, any question vanished in the blink of an eye as Leonora was now shook by waves of pleasure.

She grabbed Clarissa’s curls, keeping her in place and moaning her name.

They didn’t even know if she was using her fingers, but it didn’t mattered much, because they were already on the edge.

"Oh God, Clarissa! I-I think I’m…".

Clarissa’s lips on theirs shut them, wet and sticky from their fluids. Her thumb was rubbing their clit, while the index and middle finger were thrusting inside them.

They clung to Clarissa’s back, scratching it, and screamed with pleasure when they finally came.

Clarissa slowed her pace but kept going until the waves of the orgasm wore off and Leonora was left panting and sweating.

The blonde woman moved from on top of them, kissing their lips with small pecks.

"Are you okay, love?". "I… I am. I am much more than okay".

They sniffled, burying their face in Clarissa’s chest. Their girl held them, soothing them by drawing small circles on their back with the tip of her fingers.

"I love you, Leo". "I love you too. Clary".

I love you with every inch of my body. 

Chapter Text

"Rissa, move that pretty butt of yours! We’re going to be late for breakfast!". "Oh, c’mon! Don’t make a fuss over it, you don’t even have breakfast most of the time!".

Leonora shook their head and with a glow of their finger the bedsheets covering their very naked girlfriend disappeared.

She’s so cute when she’s still half asleep… and naked.

Another week had passed, and their relationship was blooming. Sex was still something they were working on, as both of them were still quite cautious when it came to intimacy, but  if the non-stop banging they did last night could be considered as an improvement… they were definitely working on it.

Still… Lesso had a weird feeling in their stomach. Like something was hanging on their heads, waiting to crush them.

"Love? Are you alright?". She blinked a couple of times and she saw Clarissa, looking worriedly at her.

"Uh- Yes. I’m fine, don’t worry. I just got lost in my own head".

They got dressed and headed out for breakfast, walking side by side and chatting a little about nothing in particular.

"Lady Lesso!". As soon as Hort came in sight, turning a corner and almost running straight into the wall, Clarissa was gone.

Leonora blinked a few times and out of the corner of her eye she saw a white dove flying out of the nearest window.

Uh… bye, I guess?

"Lady Lesso!". "What is it, Hort? You should be eating your breakfast, I won’t tolerate you being late at class just because-". "I did it! Look, I did it!".

Well… I’m impressed.

Hort’s left hand and arm were now covered in black fur, his nails replaced by sharp claws. "Well done, Hort. We can work on it. Now please would tou let me go have breakfast before I eat you ?". "Sorry m’am! Thank you m’am!".

She shook her head, and headed to the dining hall. Clarissa was already sat at the table when Lesso took her usual seat beside her.

"Good morning, Lady Lesso! Slept well?".

Slept well? We literally had non-stop sex until 3 a.m!

"Uh… yes, thank you". Clarissa didn’t speak a word to them for the next ten minutes, and Leonora started to worry.

She couldn’t understand what was going on. Asteria nudged her in the ribs. "Yo" she whispered. "Are you two okay?". "I don’t know, she’s not talking to me…".

She chose to take the matter into her own hands. "Clarissa?". She put a hand on her girlfriend’s, and then it happened.

Clarissa snatched her hand away swiftly, as if she had burnt herself, and grabbed a sandwich.

"Of course, Lady Lesso! There you are. Now if you would excuse me, I have a class in ten minutes!".

She smiled at everyone. Well, except Lesso. Either she had gone mad, or Clarissa was actually ignoring her.

The fuck…

"Lex? Are you-". "I gotta go, sorry". There was a knot in her throat that wouldn’t fucking go away, and her eyes stung.

I’m not going to cry.

Her breathing quickened for no reason at all, and Leonora groaned, hiding into an empty classroom. She sat on a desk, bringing her hands to her face.

What’s wrong with me? I have this strange feeling… something’s wrong with… us.

"Lesso? Are you okay?". "Get lost, Emma! I’m not in the mood".

Still, the woman entered the classroom and closed the door behind her.

"Lesso. You stormed out right after Clarissa and now you’re almost crying. What’s wrong?". "It’s nothing, really". "You can’t lash out at me and then tell me it’s nothing! It’s not nothing". The woman sighed and shifted.

"I don’t know, it’s…  it’s like she shies away". Emma raised an eyebrow. "Clarissa? What do you mean?". "Well… sometimes I look at her, smiling, and… her gaze moves away. And whenever I try to stand a little closer she steps away. And…".

Her throat tightened when she told Emma about what had happened that very morning.

"Probably it’s just my imagination. But… it’s like she’s trying to hide. To hide… us".

"Ask her out". "Excuse me? Emma, it’s not like we are teenagers crushing in each other and trying to hide our feelings. We’re past that, how in the world would ask her out-". "To the Ball, yiu imbecile".

They opened their mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

"What?". "If you’re wrong, she’ll say yes. If you’re right… well, I hope you’re not, because then I’d have to murder my best friend and I don’t really feel like it at the moment".

Emma stopped for a second. "Lesso, I’m going to be very honest with you. I know Clarissa seems… very perfect, but I’m sure you know that she’s not. And… people are complicated. Promise me neither of you will throw what you have away". "I’ll… do my best".

The woman nodded, and Lesso chose that moment to land her blow.

"What about you?". " What about me?". "Will you ask Asteria out at the Ball?". Emma opened her mouth to speak, but Lesso stopped her.

"Look, Emma, I like you. Or… at least I don’t despise you. But don’t play with my best friend’s heart because if you do I’ll carve your heart out and shove it down your throat". "I’m not- I’m not playing with her!".

Lesso grabbed her shoulders. "Then be fucking clear! If there’s no chance of the two of you to get together then speak plainly! But if there is, Emma, don’t wast time. I’ve wasted enough without Clarissa, don’t make the same mistake".

Emma stayed quiet. "I hate you, you know?". "I know. But I’m right, am I not?". "I’m not going to say that out loud".

Leonora smiled and waved her goodbye before heading out to her first lesson.

However, her focus was split in half: a part of her was teaching, the other was still thinking about Clarissa, reviewing her recent behaviour.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Finally, after a rather exhausting school day (in which Clarissa had kept herself hidden from Lesso), she managed to corner the Ever in one of her classrooms.

"Clarissa, I need to ask you something". The Ever smiled. "Of course love, what do you-". "Will you come to the Winter Ball with me?".

Silence.

Clarissa’s eyes widened. "What?".

She looked scared. No, frightened. Leonora’s gut warned her: that wasn’t right.

"Uh… I asked you if you want to come to the Ball with me". "As… your date? Like, no friendly way? Date date?". "I- yes, Clarissa. Date date".

Something was wrong. Clarissa’s pupils were wide, she looked like a scared doe. Lesso moved towards her. "Love, are you okay?". "No". "No…?". "I can’t come to the Ball with you. Not as your official date".

Lesso finally understood. The smiles she never returned, the times she had snatched her hand away when Lesso had tried to hold it, her standing respectfully far from Lesso in public.

"You… you are scared to be seen. With me". "I…".

Clarissa was looking everywhere but at them. "I can’t. Not yet. I’m sorry Leonora, but… I’m not ready to come out. We could just… go as friends. We could say it’s something to show unity between the schools! It’ll be fine!".

It wasn’t. It couldn’t be fine. Leonora shook their head. "You don’t understand, do you?". They chuckled.

"I knew it. I tried to ignore the feeling that… but it doesn’t matter, does it?". "Leo, what are you talking about?".

How can she NOT get it??

Leonora had tormented herself so much for her sexual preferences. She had tried to suppress it, then to hide it, but nothing seemed to work.

Then, one day, she had met this girl, this Never, and she was struck by her carelessness: she flirted with her, teased her by standing an inch too close or by putting an arm on her shoulders or leaning in to whisper things in her ear.

Lesso had tried to ignore her own feelings, but it was useless. And then Asteria had slapped her, one day, and said: "You like her. Just ask her out!". "What?". "Lesso. You like girls, and she likes girls. It’s fine".

They had been set free for the first time in ages. Even under the malevolent eye of Rafal, they had found a safe space from pain.

Now, looking at Dovey, who was asking them to go back in the darkness, they found themselves unable to be selfless.

They just couldn’t go back.

"Do you have any idea of how hard it was for me to accept myself? How much I suffered?".

The words came out venomous, almost spat out like a bitter poison, and Clarissa’s frame tensed.

"Leonora…". "I was an outcast! A Reader, a girl who loved other girls! For fuck’s sake, Clarissa, I HATED MYSELF!". "You think I don’t know? I’ve hidden my true nature for decades! I… I can’t do it, Leo. Not yet". "Why?".

Their voice had become desperate. They didn’t want Clarissa to hurt because of them, but… they couldn’t understand. "Why is it so hard to show the others that you are with me? That you’re happy with me?".

They had to lean on a desk. "Do you… are you ashamed of me?". "What? No!". Clarissa grabbed her wrists and brought them to her chest. "Leo, I could never be ashamed of you!".

"Then why? I don’t give a shit about reputation anymore! I love you, Clarissa, but I can’t go back in the closet. I just can’t. I love you… but I have to love myself first, and you are the one who taught me that".

Clarissa was crying, and Leonora’s heart ached. But she couldn’t do it anymore.

"I’m sorry Clary. But… until you’re ready, we can’t stay together".

She freed herself from Clarissa’s grasp. The space between them was suffocating. "Leo! I… I don’t know if I can do it".

The woman turned, a hand on the doorknob.

"We both don’t want to do this. But you have to understand that we need this".

I’m sorry. But I have to put myself first.

Chapter Text

"Lesso?". They abruptly raised their head from the desk and with a flick of their finger the door slammed open, showing a pretty much startled Emma.

"Geez! That was fucking loud!". "What do you want?". "You missed the staff meeting, yesterday". "Ugh, really?".

She banged her head on the desk. "Damn. What did I miss?". "Asteria said we’re holding a competition. Tomorrow. She’ll pair the students up and they’ll fight each other until there are just two pairs left. Then they’ll have 15 minutes to try to beat her".

Lesso groaned: she had been so careful to avoid her best friend the previous days because she knew she would sense the sudden change in her feelings. She knew this missed meeting would be the death of her.

"Okay. Thank you". Emma sighed and closed the door behind her.

"She said no, didn’t she?".

Lesso didn’t feel like screaming at her. Nor they felt like crying. They felt… numb. And lonely.

"Yeah. She said no".

Silence wrapped around them like a blanket while Emma sighed and let herself fall on the armchair. "Well. I didn’t feel like murdering my best friend, but it looks like I’ll have to".

"I… appreciate your concern, but you don’t have to make a scene about it". "Oh, I’m pretty sure I’m going to do it anyway. You’re not okay, Red, and neither is Clarissa".

Only the mention of her name caused a wave of feelings to crash on her: anger, sadness, love, longing. All mixed up together into a fucking mess.

Lesso almost slammed their head on the desk again and groaned. They were so fucking tired. They needed to think about something else other than the Ever.

"What about the Ball?". Emma conjured a small piece of paper. "Well… looks like almost everything is sorted out. Only… what, five days? And then this madness will finally stop. Jeez, next time someone asks me what’s the difference between cream and beige I-".

She abruptly stopped and Lesso felt her eyes piercing into her soul. "Uh- what are you trying to do? Mind-reading?". "I’m not Asteria, you know I can’t read your mind. But your face tells me everything I need to know. Like the fact that you could use some sleep". "I have a class in… less than three minutes, so I think I should really get going".

They got up from their chair and reached for the door, but Emma’s fingers wrapped swiftly around her wrist.

"Lesso. She still loves you. Despite this, she still loves you". "I love her too, what do you think? It’s just… maybe she doesn’t love me enough for this".

Emma shook her head. "It’s more complicated that that, and you know it".

Her eyes glared at the former beauty teacher. "Let. Me. Go". Strangely, Emma obliged and raised her hands as for admitting defeat.

"I’m not saying she’s right, Lesso. What she did to you was wrong. But, I just want to day that there’s always another version of the story".

She slammed the door behind her without paying Emma’s last words any attention, her focus was already shifted on the lesson.

While reaching the classroom, however, her mind started wandering in unpleasant places, reviewing her conversation with Clarissa and the one with Emma non-stop.

JUST SHUT UP!

She didn’t need to think about it. Didn’t want to think about it.

During the lesson, she almost broke her cane twice because of the force with which she slammed it on Hort’s desk.

Her anger towards Clarissa was turned into anger towards herself and her students.

She doesn’t deserve my anger, she doesn’t deserve my thoughts, she-

" VA BENE LESSO! I’M DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT!".

Suddenly, the door of her classroom slammed open, revealing a very much fuming Asteria, who was now looking at Lesso like she was ready to slice her throat open.

A bunch of startled students turned towards her, and Lesso tried her best to keep a resemblance of composure.

"Uhu… professor Asteria, what brings you…". "Everybody, OUT!".

No need to say it twice, because the kids immediately jumped up from their seats and left the room.

Well. I’m fucked.

As soon as the door closed, leaving the two of them alone, however, Asteria seemed to calm down a little. She sighed loudly, pressing her back on the wall behind her and giving Lesso a look that seemed more resigned than angry.

"Lex, I’ve been feeling bad vibes from you for days, now, and I DON’T LIKE this. What’s wrong?".

Everything’s pretty much wrong.

They sighed, sitting on the desk. This was Asteria. Her sister. No need to hide anymore.

"Clarissa and I… I think we broke up". It hurt even just by saying it. They’d been together so little time, but it was now unthinkable to her to be… broken up.

"Oh. Oh, Leonora….".

A sting behind her eyes.

I can’t cry right now.

"Can I ask you what happened?". "I… I can’t talk about it, yet. Just… see it for yourself".

Asteria nodded, removing the ruby from her forehead; her eyes glowed red while Leonora replayed the argument in their head.

"I can’t go back to the closet". "I don’t know if I can do it". "I have to put myself first". "I love you. But I can’t".

"Jesus Christ, Nora. I’m so sorry".

They sniffed. "Yeah. Me too". "Can I be really honest with you?". "Would it matter if I said no?".

"I’m on your side. Really, I am. But… Clarissa has her reasons, too. Look, before you get angry, coming out is a very personal thing. I had no problem with telling others, once I accepted my nature. It took years for you to come out to your friends, Jesus, even to me!".

Lesso sighed in frustration. Probably, that was exactly what Emma was trying to say.

"I know! It’s just… I can’t go back in there. I can’t, full stop". "Okay, I know. There are two of you in this relationship, you have every right to".

They stayed in silence for some time, then Leonora sniffed again. "I just feel…". She stopped. Asteria waited.

"Lonely". She looked at the floor, then she heard footsteps approaching and when she looked up again Asteria was wearing a serious look.

"You’ll sleep in my room, tonight. No implications of any kind, okay? But I don’t want you to do anything stupid, I know what happens to your mind when you’re… low". "Asteria, you don’t need to-".

The Never placed a hand on their shoulder, and Lesso wondered how a Never like her, raised to be a warrior and evil, could grow so gentle towards people like them.

"Look, Leonora. I’m not stupid, and I don’t need to read your mind or emotions to tell that you’re struggling. I really don’t feel like leaving you alone through this". "Okay". "Okay?".

Leonora smiled a little, the first real smile since three days. "Okay".

I couldn’t survive without you.

Chapter Text

When she woke up, her leg was shaking and twitching. She panicked.

Please, not again. Not again!

Her last seizure had been a torture, she didn’t want to go through that again.

She grabbed a fist of bedsheets and bit down on her lip, her arms already shaking but frozen in place.

Their chest tightened, they couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t-

" Stop".

Emma’s and Asteria’s voices cut through air like razors, resonating into Lesso’s skull like diapasons.

Suddenly, all the chaos in their head disappeared. The fog dissipated and she could think straight again.

She was in Asteria’s room.

She had slept there.

She was safe, she was fine.

"Lex, you okay?". "How… how did you…". Asteria grabbed a glass of water from the bedside table and handed it to them, hand resting on their shoulder until they had chugged it down.

"Breathe, first. Then, we can talk". Emma stood in the corner, eyes firmly planted on Asteria, and it took Lesso less than three seconds to notice the faint blush covering her cheeks.

I swear to the Storian if they don’t get together I’ll rip their clothes off myself.

She shifted her focus back on her best friend, who looked very worried. "Lex. Are you okay?".

No. Not at all.

"Yes. How did you two do that?". "Balance spell. It’s stronger if performed by a Never and an Ever, so we managed to… calm your mind down enough for your seizure to pass".

Lesso sighed, letting go of the sheets she was still clutching in her hands. "Did I wake you both?". "No. We were planning today’s competition. In fact, we’ll be holding it in a couple of hours. Care to join us?" Emma said.

Lesso nodded and got up from the bed.

That was definitely gonna be a long day.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Look. If you’re not ready to see her yet, it’s fine. We can-". Lesso stopped Emma with a shake of their head.

"I’ll be fine. I’m a grown up. I’ll just… ignore her until it’s all finished". Asteria looked at them like she wanted to say something, but instead she just rolled her eyes and walked to the centre of the sparring ring.

Evers and Nevers turned towards her, all curious: none of them had been informed of the incoming competition, so they had no idea why they were there.

Lesso glanced at Hester and Beatrix, sat on a bench next to each other, and their heart ached a little.

"Good morning, Evers and Nevers! Half of you is probably wondering why we called you all here, and the other half… well, you’re probably still sleeping".

She grabbed a club and a shield from the weapons rack, dropped the metal circle on the ground, and Lesso only managed to cover their ears before Asteria hit the shield with unbelievable strength, producing a vibration that almost made the earth shake under their feet.

Suddenly, all students were wide awake and focused, some of them were shaking their heads in an attempt to get rid of the awful noise that, Lesso was sure, would be stuck in their ears for a couple of hours.

Asteria clapped her hands like a baby. "Great! Now that I finally have your attention, I’ll explain real quick how this will work".

Lesso disconnected from reality as soon as she made the mistake of turning her head to the Ever’s side, eyeing a familiar golden dress.

Oh, Clarissa.

They missed her so fucking much. And it was infuriating and devastating at the same time.

Someone poked her in the ribs and she almost slapped Manley right in the face.

"The fuck you doing!". "Sorry, M’am. You didn’t answer my question". "What question?".

The teacher nodded at the students, who were being paired up by Asteria. "Who’s gonna win?".

Lesso let her gaze linger on all of them: Hort was strong, and he was learning to be fast and to use his brain, but he wasn’t skilled enough. Anadil was cunning, Hester was smart and stubborn. She didn’t know the Evers enough to judge, she only knew that Tedros was a stuffed shirt and that Beatrix was as subtle and vicious as any Never, when she wanted to.

"I have no idea".

Suddenly, Emma linked their arms together. "I bet on Hort and Tedros". Manley laughed. "Tsk tsk, too easy. I bet Dot and Millicent will surprise us all". "Don’t tsk-tsk me, Manley. What about you, Lesso?".

They rolled their eyes, then their gaze landed on Hester and Beatrix, who were whispering something to each other with a focused look on their faces.

"I bet on them". Manley cocked an eyebrow. "Why? Neither of them excel in strength or…". "They get along" they said, shrugging.

"I think that’s the whole point of this thing. Find out who’s able to cooperate with their partner". "But… Nevers always work alone" Manley protested.

Lesso shook their head. "And where did that ever bring us? Not to victory, that’s for sure".

Suddenly, Asteria whistled. "Alright guys! Let the fun part begin!".

Lesso smiled a little: oh, that was so gonna be fun.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Kiko and Anadil, you’re out!". "Oh, c’mon!" the Ever protested, and Lesso almost laughed, as they had never seen the girl so upset.

To be fair, they had been pretty good throughout the whole competition, defeating even Dot and Millicent who had worked pretty well together, but Tedros and Hort had defeated them, in the end.

Anadil only rolled her eyes and helped her up, then patted her shoulder. "You’re not that bad, Ever. You have a nice… punch".

This time, Lesso laughed wholeheartedly, soon followed by Asteria.

"Good job, Kiko! Don’t worry, next time I’m sure you’ll win".

That voice.

She sounded awfully cheerful. Lesso thought that Clarissa never sounded like that when they were together.

She can’t even drop her perfect act for a fucking second. How could I even think about a chance for us?

Stop overthinking, you imbecile.

She turned to Asteria, who was casually polishing her sword.

"Alright guys, three minutes and then we can start with the final phase of the competition. The first ones I’ll be facing will be Tedros and Hort, then it will be Hester and Beatrix’s turn".

Leonora, don’t think like that. I told you, the situation is more complicated than that.

Can you just let me be angry for five fucking minutes???

You’re not being angry. You’re being bitter. With Clarissa and with yourself.

She put the ruby back on her forehead and got up, cracking her joints and taking a stand in the middle of the fighting ring.

"Alright kids. We can start".

Tedros drew his sword, Hort twirled his club, and they split up, circling around Asteria, who just waited with her sword down.

The first one to strike was Tedros, who tried with a low blow that Asteria avoided by jumping. She then had to block Hort’s attack with her sword, then she swiftly ducked to escape Tedros’s round slash.

She gained distance and smiled. "Nice. I think we’ll be having some fun".

The fight became, in fact, quite entertaining: it was radically different from the first time they had faced Asteria, Lesso noticed, and she looked like she was actually putting some effort into it.

Tedros and Hort worked quite fine together, but… they still fought like they were one vs one combat. "They don’t fight like a team" Emma pointed out, and Lesso nodded.

It was no surprise how the match ended: Asteria made Tedros trip, and Hort only barely managed to move to avoid the prince, who fell out of the ring.

"Dang!". "You’re out, prince!". She got rid of Hort with a couple of well placed hits that made the club fall out of his hands.

"I win. Great job, however". "For a second I thought we had a chance" the Never mumbled.

Lesso suddenly tapped her cane on the ground, and everyone turned to them.

"You could have, if only you had worked as a team". "We did! We defeated everybody else, didn’t we?" Tedros protested.

That’s when Clarissa cut it. "What Lady Lesso wanted to say is that you fought side by side, but not together ".

Asteria nodded. "Well. Hester and Beatrix, it’s your turn!".

The girls looked at each other and nodded; Hester drew her two daggers and Beatrix raised her sword in front of her face.

"Ready? Let’s begin!". This time, it was Asteria who attacked first, aiming at Hester, but Beatrix’s sword got in the way and parried the overhead slash, giving the Never time to aim at Asteria’s stomach.

For a split second Lesso thought that it was over, but Asteria fell on her knees and threw herself against them, making them all tumble on each other.

However, they were soon all on their feet again. Asteria laughed. "Not bad, you almost got me". Hester slid on her knees and tried to slash her legs, but Asteria just pivoted and kicked the girl in the back; however, Beatrix was there to lift her up and take her place in attacking Asteria with a fast combination of hits.

Lesso got lost in the fight happening in front of their eyes: Hester and Beatrix looked like they were dancing with each other, when one of them was knocked down the other took her place, they helped each other out in every occasion.

This. This is what I call working together.

This is what I call love.

At some point, the girls shared a glance and Hester nodded. Asteria’s hit made Beatrix’s sword fall from her grasp, and the Never took her place only to be knocked down by Asteria with incredible easiness.

She stayed down, holding her shoulder. "SHIT!".

Beatrix ducked under Asteria’s arm, forcing the woman to turn around to face her, then grabbed her wrist, twisting it until her sword fell.

They started an hand to hand combat, but the girl stood no chance and Lesso wasn’t surprised when she collapsed on the ground after a punch right in the stomach.

Asteria was about to declare victory, but then everything happened in less than three seconds.

Hester, who probably was only pretending to be finished, yelled and kicked Asteria’s ankle. Asteria tripped, and Beatrix threw some sand in her eyes, then she jumped on her and pinned her down, putting one of Hester’s daggers to her neck and the other hand seizing her wrists above her head.

The field fell silent. Then Asteria grinned.

"Looks like we have a winning team!".

The students exploded into screams of joy, hugging and complimenting Beatrix and Hester.

Lesso watched bewildered as Evers and Nevers mixed together, laughing and joking with each other, and smiled when Hester lifted Beatrix in her arms, hugging her tight.

I can’t believe it.

They looked at their side to tease Emma, but then noticed that Dovey was gone. "Wha- Clarissa!".

They couldn’t help it. They followed her. "Clarissa! Wait!".

They grabbed her by her elbow. "What’s wrong?". "What’s wrong? What’s wrong ? You… you two are ruining my students!".

What the fuck?

"Clarissa, we agreed on this a lifetime ago! We said it would be useful for them. Beatrix…". "SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE AN EVER! A PRINCESS! You’re turning her into-". "Me?".

Clarissa paused, realising what she had said. "I- no, I… I didn’t mean…". "You didn’t mean to say that me isn’t something anyone would want to become? I think you did, Clarissa". "Lesso, I…". "It doesn’t matter. You’re right. No one should become like me. Maybe it would be easier if I just didn’t exist at all".

Dovey shook her head.

"It’s not about you, it’s about Beatrix". "I get it, okay? You think I’m a bad influence on her". "It’s not-". "Wait!". She chuckled .

"Yes! You’re jealous because she came to me when she needed help! Oh, wait, maybe you think the problem is Hester? Because she’s a Never, and because you don’t want them to be in love with each other! You think Hester will ruin her!". "Well, YOU RUINED ME !".

The words stung her heart like a dagger.

So, Rafal was right in the end.

You ruin everything you touch. That’s what Evil does.

A tear burned her cheek. She watched without feelings in her heart as Clarissa realised the weight of her words.

"I… Lesso, I didn’t mean…". "It’s okay".

It was not okay. At all.

"I was so stupid. I thought… I thought we could work out. I thought that, in the end, you would realise that our… love, was enough. Looks like I was wrong".

She stepped back. "Forget me, Dovey. Go back to your fairytale and your perfection and your pretty dresses. Forget this stupid Never who thought they could have a happy ending with an Ever". "Leonora…". "This is real life. You don’t get to restart things when you make a mistake".

She raised a hand.

"Don’t, Clarissa. Just don’t".

I will never be enough. For anyone.

Chapter Text

As soon as the night came, Lesso rushed into Asteria’s room, closed the door behind them, silenced the space with a spell.

And then they started screaming.

It came from the pit of her stomach, from the crushed pieces of her heart, if she ever had one in the first place.

She stopped only when her voice faded into a faint, inaudible hiss.

I need a drink.

They were chugging down a whole lot of alcohol, these days, but who could blame them? They were also going through a whole lot of shit, so the drinking was justified.

She knew where Asteria stored her liquor, it wasn’t hard to find the bottle of Tequila and finish it in less than five seconds.

"LEONORA LESSO. OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW".

Fuck.

Tequila was already making her dizzy, she hadn’t eaten anything all day and… well, she was already drunk.

She threw the bottle in a corner and leaned heavily on her cane to reach the handle.

As soon as they opened the door, Asteria rushed in and started yelling something about them being a dick and making her worried.

However, Lesso wasn’t focused on that. Asteria’s face was blurry, her mind was racing back to the morning.

You ruined me!

They were tired. So. Fucking. Tired.

Suddenly, an idea crossed their mind. A very, very bad and stupid idea, but right now the only thing they wanted was to get rid of the heaviness settled in their chest.

She started to unbutton her waistcoat.

Asteria’s rambling stopped. "Ehy. Are you okay?". Her eyes scanned the room. "Is that my Tequila , Lex?". "No. Not anymore, ‘t least".

Her body tensed as soon as she noticed Lesso’s machinations with her clothes.

"What are you doing, Lesso?". "I’m tired" they blurted out, struggling with the last button, their hands were shaking.

"I’m tired of feeling… this. Everything. You have to help me forget". She threw her waistcoat aside and started unbuttoning her shirt.

Asteria took a step back. "Lesso. You’re not thinking straight, and I mean it seriously".

But Leonora couldn’t listen, they didn’t want to listen. They were exhausted, mentally and emotionally.

They stepped towards Asteria and grabbed her by the shoulders.

" Ah no, col cazzo!". In a swift movement, Asteria knocked her off of her feet and Lesso found herself on her back, the air knocked out of her lungs.

"Ouch… fuck…". " Ma che cazzo, Leonora! ". "I’m…".

She wanted to say I’m sorry, but there was that weight on her chest, that heavy rock that wouldn’t let her breathe. And it was growing bigger.

"I… I can’t…". Asteria’s eyes widened and she cursed in italian again. "Shit. Merda. Alright, can you… can you sit up for me?".

She shook her head. "I-". "Okay, now shut up. Breathe". And then she laid down next to them, grabbed their hand and started talking.

"What’s the worst thing that could happen to an elephant? Going nuts! A man enters a café. Splash".

Leonora’s breath slowed down. They focused on Asteria’s hand in theirs and on her stupid jokes.

"I’m… sorry". "What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A-shoe!".

A small laugh escaped Lesso’s lips, but soon turned into a sob. "I’m sorry". "Stop apologising. I know who you are and how you act, you didn’t mean it".

She sighed. "You’re my best friend. You’re my sibling, Nora. If you feel like the pain is too much, then give it to me. Give it to me, I can take it".

She moved her hand to her forehead, but Lesso stopped her. "Please. You… I can’t let you feel it. ‘T’s not fair". "It’s not about fairness. You need it, and I’m here to help you. Give it to me, Leonora".

She shook her head again. "I… don’t wanna". "You’re at your breaking point, Nora. I won’t let you cross that line, otherwise I don’t know if I’ll be able to get you back".

She took the ruby off of her forehead and closed her eyes.

"Show me what you feel, Leonora".

And they let her in.

Leonora sighed and let Asteria’s mind powers slip inside their mind with gentleness and respect, wrapping around every bad feeling and emotion and pulling all of it towards their best friend.

Slowly, the pit in her chest seemed to become less deep and dark.

I’m here. I’m not leaving any time soon, Nora.

Asteria’s hand wrapped around theirs. "It’s alright". "She means everything to me, you know?". "I know". "She means the whole fucking world".

Asteria sat up straight. "Do you want to know what I think, Nora? I don’t think you do, actually, but I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of seeing you like this, of feeling you like this".

Leonora sat up, too, leaning on the wall for support as Asteria struggled to find the right words.

"I think… that if she’s really unwilling to take a step back to be with you, then you deserve better. I think that even if she’s an Ever, she’s still a very selfish b-person. You let her in, you put your heart in her hands, and she crushed it! Maybe without realising, but she did! I think that despite your flaws, you are better than her, and I’m not saying it because you are my favourite. I say it because it’s true, because you were honest, you tried, you fought , and she didn’t. And if she wants to… win you back, she has to earn you, because you deserve the world! This is what I think".

Leonora didn’t answer, hugging herself. "I… I don’t know what to do. Asteria… No one has ever fought for me. I don’t… Can I really ask her to do it?". "Yes, for fuck’s sake!".

Startled, Leonora noticed that Asteria was crying. He friend dig her nails into their shoulders and started shaking them.

"You shouldn’t need to ask! She should fight willingly! She should do anything in her power to have you back! Because… because if she, an Ever, doesn’t fight for love, then who should? We… we never get love, Leonora. Never. It’s in our name, after all. Never loved, never… cared for. And… we never ask for anything. We don’t ask to be saved, to be helped, to be loved, and when we do… when we do something always fucking gets in the way!".

She stood up. Leonora was speechless: Asteria had always been the positive one, the one who told her to have faith in destiny. But now… she just looked incredibly defeated. Maybe it was Lesso’s feelings inside her head, or maybe not.

She thought about Emma. Don’t play with my best friend’s heart.

"Asteria". Their friend glanced at them, tears in their eyes. "What’s wrong?". "I… we don’t need to talk about me right now". "I think a distraction would help me".

Asteria sat rigidly next to them on the floor.

Silence.

"Emma asked me out at the Ball". "Oh".

More silence. Asteria started fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"I said yes. And now… now I’m frightened". "Why?". "Because… because every time I’ve tried to… every time it looked like I could be happy… the universe has thrown me a curveball. I… I didn’t think Emma and I would be nothing more than friends. I thought she was straight. But… I don’t know. It’s weird. I like her. A lot".

Leonora sighed. "Then screw it, Asteria. If you like her, and she likes you, just go for it. And if it turns out bad… then fuck it. We are used to disappointments".

Asteria sniffed, grasping at her hand like a lifeline.

"We can do this, right?".

Leonora had never heard her so downcast.

"Yeah. We are Nevers. We are tough. We’ll get through this. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?".

But it leaves you scarred.

Chapter Text

"Lex, don’t be an idiot. You are coming to the Ball, end of the discussion".

Leonora sighed. They had been at it for at least an hour, since Asteria had barged into her room with two fairies that carried their dresses for the Ball.

"Asteria… we talked about this. I… I can’t". "You can and will. For me. Because otherwise I would be stuck all evening thinking about all the stupid and reckless things you could do while alone, not fancying any of those".

She was right, of course. Lesso would spend the whole night overthinking, crying and/or drinking, and they knew Asteria would feel their distress, even being on the other side of the bridge.

They sighed deeply, standing up from their seat and putting quill and paperwork away. "Alright. What-". "GREAT! We have about three hours before the Ball begins. Emma told me she and… the other professors have already set up everything, so we just need to get ready and be there at 20:00 to greet everyone".

She really thought this through.

"You know… you can say her name even if I’m in the room. It’s not taboo". "I could. But you are miserable even when you think about her, let alone hear her name".

Again, she was right. Thinking about Dovey made them, in fact, pretty miserable.

They hadn’t spoken at all since their latest fight. Lesso had spent all her days and nights between Asteria’s chambers and her office in the Never’s castle.

She knew Clarissa had been to the Headmaster’s Tower a couple of times, she could see the light in the building, but she had tried to pay no mind to it.

She couldn’t even phantom the idea of going back there: too many memories of the time they had shared the office, smiling at each other, laughing. Kissing.

"Aaand there it is, you are miserable again".

Asteria put a hand on their shoulder. "You know, I could talk to Emma. I could go with you at the Ball, as friends. She would understand".

They shook their head. "No. You have a date. You will go to that date". "It’s not a date. I don’t even know if we are supposed to go as a couple. It’s not a date". "Yes it is". "No it’s- ugh. Nevermind. Let me fix your hair and then you can go get dressed. I have the perfect hairstyle in mind for you!".

Leonora theatrically sighed. "My my, how long will this take?". "Not much, if you stay still and don’t complain".

She did, in fact, complain a lot.

"You are pulling my hair!". "Trust the process, Lessy!". "Ouch! What are you doing with that brush?". "Stay still and be quiet, for once in your life!".

What should have taken half an hour, took one instead, but in the end Leonora stood in front of the mirror, mesmerised by the magic Asteria had pulled off with her hair.

"This is… wow". "Yeah. I’m great, ain’t I?".

Her hair was completely weaved into small braids that were embroidered with little black stones that almost shone contrasting with the red of her curls.

"How did you-". "Learn? Well, before I cut my hair I loved to braid it. Then… you know, people are judgy and mean, especially if you are a good-looking Never like myself. And also, it wasn’t practical, so I had to cut it off".

Leonora could almost feel her uneasiness, so she chose to drop the topic. "I’ll go get dressed. Let me do your makeup?". " Mais oui, mon ami! ". "How do you even know French?". "Don’t ask question you don’t wanna know" she sang-songed while leaving Leonora alone in her chambers to change.

Leonora took the dress Asteria had made for them.

It fit perfectly to their figure, it wasn’t tight and gave them freedom of movement. Also, the shirt wasn’t of the material they usually wore, it was… wool, maybe? It felt less tightening around the chest, and it allowed them to breathe freely.

Asteria knew them too well.

They put the blazer on and then stepped out of their room.

Asteria smiled at them, and Lesso thought that she had never looked better.

"My my… you’re wearing a dress? And you’re not vomiting?". "Shut up".

To be fair, the dress Leonora was referring to was a bit unusual, aligned with Asteria’s style, and they were sure that quite a few heads would turn towards her at the Ball.

Although it was winter, her best friend was pretty… uncovered. The dress was one-pieced, some sort of cloth wrapped and styled very elegantly around her figure.

It was dark red with hints of deep blue around her waist and on the hem, with a silver waist belt shaped as a snake.

It reached her ankles, and as she moved Lesso widened her eyes at the sight of the very, very revealing slits on both sides of the skirt that went all up to her tighs, leaving her slender legs exposed every time she moved too much.

The upper part of the dress was wrapped loosely around her torso and shoulders, leaving part of her chest exposed; two silver arm cuffs hugged her forearms, shaped as sirens, and two lion head brooches closed the sleeveless dress on her shoulders.

I would love to trust somebody the same way she trusts those brooches.

"They won’t fall off, idiot. I enchanted them".

Only then Leonora noticed something: her friend looked… nervous? Anxious? She was constantly picking at the skin on her inner elbow or fidgeting with an hairpin she hadn’t put on, yet.

"You think it’s too much? It’s… my mother used to wear a similar style. It’s greek, I added some things here and there but the concept is the same. I… it’s too much isn’t it? Gods, I should have thought about it!". "Asteria".

Leonora put their hand on her shoulder and smiled. "It’s perfect".

Her friend sniffed and blinked rapidly as to avoid tears falling off. "We are lucky the ballroom is enchanted to keep the cold out, otherwise I would be fucked". "Yeah. You would be".

Asteria clapped her hands, checking them from head to toe. "Stars, Nora! You. Are. Stunning! Let’s just put some makeup on and then we are good to go!".

It took them another hour to finish fixing their looks, but after makeup and shoes were on, they were ready.

"Those sandals don’t look very comfortable". "It’s just the sole that’s… hard". They were gladiator sandals whose strings went up over her knee.

Lesso had chosen her usual stilettos, just a bit shorter to avoid unnecessary pain: the night would have been very long and they needed to be fast if anything threatened to blow up, both literally and metaphorically.

Suddenly, someone knocked at the door, and Asteria’s eyes widened. "It’s Emma. You go, I’ll… I’m coming later". "Coward". "JUST-". She took a deep breath.

"I’m not ready yet, Nora. Just let me take my time. I will come, I promise".

Leonora rolled their eyes. "Who am I to deprive you of the pleasure of a dramatic entrance?". " Exactly. Now go, I have to… do stuff".

They uffed as they opened the door.

Emma stared at her for a while before nodding slightly. "You look good, Red. For a Never". "You too look… not bad. For an Ever".

Emma was wearing a blue dress that could only be described as long. Long skirt, long sleeves, long silver belt wrapped three times around her waist.

Her hair was also long, it cascaded freely behind her back. Red shiny stones were stuck in her mane like droplets of blood, and red were the flowers on the neckline of the dress and on the hem of it.

"Wow, Beauty Teacher. First time wearing red? Because… you’re slaying ". "Uh. You okay? Do you have a fever?".

The Ever put a hand on her forehead playfully. "Compliments from you? You must have hit your head". "Oh, I still have lots of insults ready, if you prefer". "No, thanks".

She looked around the room, a shade of nervousness playing in her eyes.

"Is Asteria ready?". "Yeah, no. She had a… problem with her dress. She’s coming in a few minutes. Let’s go, I must be there to greet the students".

And their parents. Fuck, I almost forgot.

Some of the most important royalty of Ever and Never kingdoms would also be at the Ball, officially to discuss about founds for the school or new students.

This time, they probably just wanted to see if the Unity had been a success or a total failure.

Which meant… that she would have to behave at least politely to a certain someone, to avoid any negative rumor to spread.

"Lesso. Are you sure you are ready? You could-". "What? Send someone else? No, Emma. I’m the Dean. I have to do this, otherwise they won’t believe in the unity. I have to do this for the kids". "Okay. Just… be sure not to kill anybody". "I will make no such promises".

As soon as they reached the ballroom Leonora left Emma in charge and went outside, where the carriages would be arriving soon.

She was there, of course, wrapped in a silvery coat that hid the dress underneath. The dress that should have matched with theirs, unless she had decided to change it. Which was highly probable.

She was facing the courtyard, so she didn’t notice Leonora approaching until they were right beside her. They heard a gasp coming out from her mouth, but kept their head high and their face stubbornly unreadable.

"Hi".

It was almost enough to make them crumble: how long since they had last heard such tone from her? Too long.

"Good evening, Professor Dovey". "You look… you… well, that dress suits you, Lady Lesso". Gone was the sickly sweet tone she faked, gone was the plastered smile.

It was just Clarissa. A very sad Clarissa, to be honest: Leonora wasn’t used to it.

"Thank you". Thankfully, the first carriage arrived soon after, and Lesso managed to get rid of the tightness in her chest enough to greet the nobles properly.

To be honest, she did remember half of their names and faces, but that would do.

She nodded and shook hands and made snarky comments for what seemed to be hours until finally it was time for their speech.

She and Clarissa walked side by side until they arrived to the doors of the Ballroom, closed: inside, they could already hear people chatting and students laughing.

Lesso turned towards Clarissa, and suddenly they were out of breath: her coat had vanished, uncovering the Dean’s dress which, surprisingly for Lesso, was matched to theirs.

It was a halter chiffon dress that fell all the way down to her feet. The deep purple of the fabric faded to a gentler shade towards the end, but the patterns drawn on the gown with blue and silver… they reminded Lesso of space nebulae.

Beautiful.

The back was missing, and Leonora found themselves staring at the exposed skin between Clarissa’s shoulder blades.

It had no sleeves either, and Clarissa’s arms shone with silver jewellery.

She still came with a matched outfit.

She didn’t know whether to feel happy or angry about it: what right did she have to…

The thought faded when Clarissa’s eyes met theirs; they had tears in them.

"Beauty first?". "If you insist". But the Dean of Good made no move to open the doors. "Dovey?". "I said beauty first. So you should go".

She didn’t know how to respond to this, so she just grabbed her cane harder and opened the doors with a flick of her magic.

They stepped inside the ballroom, and Leonora took a deep breath.

It’s just a Ball.

Clarissa clapped and smiler. "Good evening, dear students and honourable guests! We are so very happy to have you all here tonight. We want this Ball to be a celebration of unity, of balance, and the symbol of the change we hope to bring in the world!".

Lesso took the pause as her sign to step in.

"Yes. The recent events have shown that a rigid division between Evers and Nevers cannot work anymore. It doesn’t mean, however, chaos. We saw it as an opportunity to improve. And I must say…".

She turned to the students, Evers and Nevers mixed together as one: she caught sight of Hester and Beatrix standing close to each other, and almost smiled.

"I am proud of all of the kids. You are the future of our stories".

The room was filled with a thunderous applause, but Lesso raised a hand and stopped the noise, gesturing for Clarissa to go on.

"Thank you, Lady Lesso. I agree with everything you said. But enough with the long and boring speeches! Let the Winter’s Ever and Never’s Ball begin!".

Music immediately filled the air as kids started chatting louder, singing and dancing with each other.

Leonora turned towards Clarissa, and the look she gave them made them shiver.

It’s just a Ball. What could possibly go wrong?

Chapter Text

"Anadil. Take those fucking leeches out of my sight before I put them in your sandwich". Lesso was gripping the handle of her cane so tight that her knuckles had turned white. She was lucky that Anadil had always been pretty respectful of her authority, and so she was quick to make the leeches disappearing before she put them in Tedros’s cup.

"Sorry, Lady Lesso". "Mmh. Better. Now go cause trouble somewhere else I cannot see, thank you".

This was the fourth attempted trick she had stopped from one of her Nevers, preceeded by two attempted murders (both coming from Hort) and a successful try on Dot’s part to turn Kiko’s punch into alcoholic hot chocolate (which would have been a great idea, if not for the fact that alcohol was off limits for the kids, tonight). I mean, it wasn't like she actually wanted to sabotage her students' shenanigans, but being one of the few adults with more than a braincell meant that she knew perfectly well that they needed to get through the Ball without inconveniences. At least, until the parents would finally leave.

Three hours into the Ball, and Lesso was on her last nerve.

They started breathing normally again after Anadil disappeared in the midst of the dancing crowd. Someone approached them, and when they turned they raised an eyebrow at the sight of a very nervous, very flustered Asteria.

"Uh. Well, As, I guess I could say that your cheeks now match your outfit". "Fuck off, Lesso. I’m- I was- Argh!".

She laughed at the sight of the absolute mess beside her. "Alright Asteria, spill the tea and tell me what happened before you makea fool out of yourself". "Well-". As she glanced over their shoulder, she paled instantly and her breath caught in her throat.

"I-I-I should go now". "Wait, what…". "Bye!". She caught sight of Emma out of the corner of her eye, and quickly put the pieces together.

"AH! You’re not going anywhere!". With a swift movement she snapped her fingers, and the music turned to a melange.

She grabbed Asteria’s wrist and slammed her cane on the ground. "Everyone! TIME FOR THE MELANGE!". Then, as viciously as was expected from a true queen of Evil, she basically threw her best friend in Emma’s arms.

Have a nice dance, sister!

VAFFANCULO VECCHIA STRONZA!

She held back a laugh and stepped aside, simply content by watching the kids dancing with each other.

She was fine. She was perfectly fine.

Until she saw a familiar figure twirling in the arms of an unknown man.

Clarissa had a polite smile plastered on her face, so far from the ones she used to save for them and them alone… and yet, she seemed fine.

Happy, even. Happy without them.

"Lesso". She almost flipped Manley off. "For FUCK’S SAKE, Bilious! Don’t do that ever again".

The man raised his hands in defeat, and Lesso noticed that he seemed… tense? Was that even possible for a careless fucker like him?

"What is it, Bilious?". "Ma’am. May I speak freely?". "What am I, your mother? Of course you can". "No, you’re much scarier than my mother".

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Look, there’s no respectful way to say this, Lesso: you need to get the fuck back down on earth".

To say she was flabbergasted would have been an understatement.

"I beg you, pardon?". "Lesso. I have no idea of what happened between you two, but whatever it is, you need to both snap out of it and solve your problems like adults do".

He did not know.

He could not know.

Could he?

"Manley, I have no idea-". "Spare me the bullshit Lesso. The other professors and I have been third-wheeling all the assemblies for the past… fifty years, I think. We’re stupid, yes, but not that stupid". "You don’t know what you’re talking about".

How dared he come to speak to her like that? Without even knowing what had happened, how she had suffered!

"Lesso, I may not know what shit you’re going through, and I’m not the kind of person to sweet-talk you into anything, so I’ll just give you a bite of reality: whatever is happening to you, is happening to her, too".

She didn’t think Clarissa would be immune to their break-up. It was just that… she thought she would handle it. She would eventually forget her and move on. Somehow, Asteria’s voice ringed in her ears.

Do you really think so little of yourself?

"Lesso. I know very few things about love and this kind of sweety-shitty-mushy thing. But I recognize suffering when I see it. And right now you’re both knee-deep into a freaking galloon of it".

They bit their lip. "Bilious". "I’m leaving, don’t worry. I still have a little bit of sense of self-preservation left".

As soon as he was out of sight, Lesso’s mind started to run in places where they struggled to follow.

He’s right. Of course he is. I should do something. Should I? No. Not if she doesn’t. I deserve an apology. Something. Maybe she has already moved on. Maybe I do not deserve her at all.

Suddenly, someone coughed loudly in front of them, and Lesso found Hester’s gaze staring right at them. "What?".

If I hear another philosophical tirade on how I should handle my love life, I swear-

"You’re both idiots. Just fucking get over whatever shit is going on between you two and go back to being gays in love with each other".

Then she disappeared again, sucked away by her friends and girlfriend.

They were too stunned to speak.

Why was suddenly everyone so aware of Dovey and them? Had they all known it but never said anything? In Lesso’s head, nothing in that moment made sense.

"Ehy everyone!". She flinched as Asteria’s voice ringed a ton too close to the microphone for her taste.

"Go grab your date… or the closest thing you have to one, and get on the dance floor for the last swings!".

She overlooked the room as the children approached the centre of the room: their parents had fled, and Lesso blinked twice before realizing all the adults except the professors were gone.

Stars, I’m getting too old for this…

Everything seemed fine: Evers and Nevers were mingled and having fun, or at least behaving decently towards each other. There hadn't been any more pranks from the Nevers, and that was... both admirable and disappointing.

Emma and Asteria were dancing, and with a closer look she noticed that their behaviour had slightly shifted: they were basically flush against one another, and Emma had her chin comfortably tucked over Asteria’s shoulder.

Oh well… at least one good thing has come out of this Ball.

They were certain nothing bad would happen if they decided to leave. There were at least six other responsible adults, what could possibly go wrong?

Suddenly, before they could even begin to walk out, warm fingers wrapped around their wrist, and a voice as sweet as the perfume that enveloped her whole presence, Clarissa’s voice, reached their ears.

"Dance with me?".

They wanted to say no. They had the words on their lips, but for some reason they just wouldn’t come out.

"Yes".

It was like coming back home. She knew exactly where to put her hands, how to adjust her body to avoid invading her personal space too much.

They started swaying to the music, a slow song that Lesso remembered hearing hummed from Asteria once or twice. Clarissa's hands slowly sneaked from her shoulders to behind her neck, and Lesso felt a shiver going up and down her body, followed by an unbearable heat. Her hands automatically moved to her exposed back, pulling her closer. 

For a minute, one blessed minute, she forgot about their argument. She forgot about the fear in Clarissa's eyes to the prospective of going out together as a couple, at the Ball, she forgot the loneliness she had felt those past days, the hurt in her chest when the Ever had basically called her a ruin. 

She was home. Her lover was in her arms, they were dancing in the midst of a crowd, and they were fine.

"You’re… stunning, Lesso".

She snapped back to reality. Those words hurt. She didn’t expect them to, but they did. "Why? Why are you telling me this? Why now?". "Because… because I love you".

They abruptly let her go as soon as the song ended, turning around. "You should go". "Lesso, wait-". "No, you can't do this! You can't act as if nothing happened, you can't waltz back into my life and my arms as if we are fine! We are not fine, Dovey, and it's your fault!". "Lesso, please...".

But They didn’t catch her next words, swallowed by a song played too loud for her taste.

Fight for me! If you really love me, fight for me!

But Clarissa stayed put, frozen in place by fear. Leonora knew what was going on in her head: what would they say? What would they think about her? 

Well, Leonora didn't give two dancing fucks about the others or their opinion. She fixed her gaze on Clarissa, bringing a hand to her chest and getting closer one last time. "I have feelings, Clarissa. People may think otherwise, they may see... a cold and heartless bitch, and they're right, but I also have feelings. I showed them to you, I exposed myself to you, I gave you something very few people have gotten from me: I gave you my trust. And you decided to throw it away. Because of what, fear? You owe nothing to the world, little Dove. You hear me? You owe nothing to you father, or your mother, or your family or the place you were born and raised in. But you owe something to yourself, and that something is trueness. You deserve to be free, to be true to what and who you really are. I see who you are, Clarissa, and you're not broken or wrong. You are a beautiful soul with the same imperfections as everybody else. And it pains me that you are too scared to accept it. You are self-sabotaging your happiness, and by extension mine. Ours. Just because you are afraid".

Lesso was sure that the tears on Clarissa's cheeks were perfectly mirrored by their own, because their face felt wet. They turned around, her chest tightening and her leg twitching. They had just poured their heart out, and they were about to have a panic attack. They needed to get out of the crowd. They needed air.

I can't breathe. 

Chapter Text

She was having trouble breathing. 

Fuck. Fuck Clarissa, fuck Asteria, fuck this fucking Ball!

She needed to get out, and at this point she didn’t even care if someone would see her struggling, she needed to breathe. 

Black dots danced at the corner of her vision, and if she hadn’t found the rail of the balcony she would have dropped unceremoniously on the floor. 

It’s alright, Lesso, just breathe. Just fucking breathe and then you can go home. 

But they couldn’t. Even though the fabric of their shirt was stretchy enough to let their chest feel free, their lungs were not cooperating. 

And then, a hand was placed on their chest and all the feelings of anguish and sadness and despair slowly flowed away, easing their breathing. 

They blinked a couple of times before they were able to see Asteria, a small pained smile on her face and the ruby glowing red on her forehead.

"I had a feeling you would be here sulking, but can we not make a habit out of you having a panic attack and me fixing it? Because it stops being funny after the first time, dear".

She was too tired to answer, so she just dropped her head on Asteria’s shoulder and groaned. Her friend’s cold hand rested on the back of her head in a soothing gesture. 

"There you go. Now, I’ve managed to catch a couple of snippets from your conversation with She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named earlier". "Can we not… talk about it now?". 

She heard Asteria clicking her tongue. "Normally I would respect your wishes, but this time I’m afraid I can’t". 

Lesso groaned again when Asteria stepped back to properly look at her. Her hand didn’t move, as if to keep her both in place and grounded in the moment, and Lesso didn’t know whether to feel angry or glad.

"I told you that you deserve someone to fight for you, and I still think that it’s true. And… I think Clarissa has never really fought for someone in her life. Not that I know her that well, but still…". 

Lesso tried to argue, but Asteria shushed her. "However, I also think no one has ever fought for her. Therefore, she doesn’t fight not because she doesn’t want to, but because she doesn’t know how. And… and that’s the middle ground you should find". 

"Sorry As, but I’m not following. You sound drunk". "I am. Drunk, I mean, but also I’ve never been more sober". She stepped away and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. 

"Emma kissed me, earlier". "Yeah, I figured, but how is this…”. "I was going to run away”. Lesso froze. “What?”. “I was going to pack my bags and leave the School. I had every intention of doing it after the Ball".

That confession struck a chord inside Lesso, and they blinked. "Why?". "Because… Because I am a coward. I… I would rather not try than face a failure. I avoid fights I don’t know if I can win, I cut my hair to shut up the gossip instead of facing it. That’s what I do, Lesso, I run. And… if Emma hadn’t kissed me, tonight, I would have done it again". 

There were tears welling up in her best friend’s eyes, and Lesso felt a bit of her emotions slipping out of her control: shame, fear, and hurt. But also a spark of hope.

"If it hadn’t been for Emma, I would have never stopped running. And… I think that if you don’t take the first step, Clarissa will never find the courage to fight for you. And it’s painful, and unfair, and childish, just like what I did. I was stupid and a coward, and Emma made me realize that. Just… please, please, Lesso. You deserve a happy ending. Go get it". 

Lesso stood still for a couple of seconds, emotions swirling in their stomach, too many to handle or process all at once. 

But deep down, they knew Asteria was right. Dammit, of course she was right. How many first steps had Asteria taken in order to help them? How many times had Emma held a hand outstretched for them to grab it? 

How many times had Clarissa given them a shoulder to cry on, or a ear to talk to? All the years they had known each other, and Dovey had always been the one to take the first step, because friendship and forgiveness were something Lesso didn’t know, and therefore they had needed help.

Who were they to deny the same help to Clarissa? 

They turned to Asteria, a smile slowly creeping on their face. "You give the best pieces of advice when you’re drunk". "Thank you. Now please, go get your girlfriend". 

She nodded, and took a deep breath to steady herself before going back inside the Ballroom. 

The music had quieted down, there were only a couple of kids still on the dance floor, swaying to a slow music. She took notice of Hester and Beatrix among them and smiled.

Talking about taking the first step.

She would deny ever thinking this to anyone asking, but… she actually found them quite cute. She felt someone standing behind her, and she didn’t even need to look to find out who it was.

“Clarissa”. “Leonora. I…”. Clarissa’s hand touched her arm, but no words came out. So Lesso did what she once would have never even thought of doing: she took the first step. She turned towards the Ever with a serious look.

“Can we go somewhere private? To talk". “I… Yes, of course”. They sighed, the anger from earlier evaporated as she heard the melancholy in Clarissa’s voice. She sounded like she was about to cry. They stepped out of the Ballroom and found a quiet classroom.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Clarissa rested her back on the wooden panel and looked down, seemingly at a loss for words. Lesso took a deep breath. “Look, Clarissa, I…”. “I’m a grown up”.

Lesso titled their head: Clarissa was still looking at the floor, the words coming out of her mouth laboured but somehow sure.

“I should know how my words and actions affect people around me. I shouldn’t be stupid. But I was. Stupid, I mean. These past weeks I’ve been an absolute idiot around you. I did things… and said things that I regret deeply”. Lesso’s chest tightened, but she let her go on. “I’m scared, okay? All my life… I’ve been taught that all that matters is how people look at me, not the way I feel inside. When I am with you, I feel like the best version of me, but when I think about how people will see me… I’m scared they will see my worst version”.

She shook her head, and when her eyes finally met Leonora’s, the tears shining in those chocolate irises made Lesso’s knees buckle. “You deserve better than me. You deserve someone who won’t be afraid to hold your hand or kiss you in public. But… at the same time, I don’t want to see you with anyone else that’s not me. I’m too selfish to let you go. I can’t let you go. I gravitate towards you, you are… You are everything to me. Please. Please, Don’t make me let go of you”. 

As soon as she saw her wobbling, Lesso jumped forwards and caught her in a desperate hug. It healed something in them: Gods knew how much she had missed hugging her. "I don't want to let go of you, either". Clarissa was openly crying, now, but Lesso still had something to say.

"You hurt me, Princess”. "I know. I’m sorry. Stars, I’m so fucking sorry”. “I understand your reasons. I do, really. You have every right to be scared, little dove. Our world is a cruel one, and yours especially”.

In the Nevers’ world you could spot evil from a mile away. But among the Evers, evil was hidden so skillfully that it was almost impossible to see.

“I want to give you time, I really do. But I also want some kind of proof that you won’t be scared forever, Clar. I love you, and for me that is enough. I hope it will be enough for you, too. I will fight for this thing we have, but I can’t fight alone”.

She took a step back and looked into her princess’s eyes. 

"Months ago, I thought I was the one undeserving of your love. I thought I was too... broken, damaged. I guess it took me a while to realize that I was never broken to begin with, and you helped me figure it out. You stayed by my side, all the time, even when I didn't probably deserve it. You fought for me then, in a way I couldn't do for myself, and you taught me how to do it. And now... Now I want to fight for you the only way I know: head held high, and not giving two shits about what other people may think".

She held her face between her hands, wiping away the tears that had slipped from her lids.

“I love you, Clarissa. And I really need us to find a compromise".

For one long, excruciating second, Clarissa looked like she was ready to run away. Then, she slowly wrapped her fingers around Leonora’s wrists.

"What if we set boundaries?". Lesso cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?". "I can’t promise you I will suddenly start… holding your hand in public or… make out with you in front of whoever. But… I really want to do this for you. Maybe… I’m not ready to actually tell people we are together, yet. But… we can still act like a couple. No kisses in public, for now. We can be touchy, but not in a teasing way. Like… no butt and hips, yes shoulders and back and arm". 

Lesso was bewildered. "You… you would do this for me?". 

Clarissa’s eyes glistened with more tears as she nodded and Lesso smiled with content. Her heart bloomed again with hope. “Yes. I think I can do that. After all… half of the kids already suspect we are a couple”. Clarissa laughed.

Gods, I missed that laugh so much.

Leonora smiled again, closing up the space between them and Dovey. The Ever shyly put her hands on their hips and looked up, uncertainty painted on her features. "I'm scared, Leo. I'm so scared. There are so many things I still have to figure out about myself, I... I feel like I'm just scraping the surface". "The same goes for me, Dove. But we can discover them together". "I fear... I fear you will leave as soon as you see the worst parts of me". 

Leonora shook their head. "I will never be afraid of any part of you, just like you weren't afraid of mine". "Can I… kiss you?". "Love, I’ve been waiting for you to kiss me for days". 

As soon as their lips met, Leonora’s mind ran back to the day she had pulled the Ever out of the water. It had been the event that started it all, and they had come a long way from then. She smiled into the kiss.

I'm home. I'm finally home.

Chapter Text

Four months later

Waking up under Clarissa’s adoring gaze had become a pleasant and more than welcome routine since they had set up a shared bedroom in the Headmaster’s tower. 

It was a shared space, a neutral one, where both of them could feel at ease: the walls had been painted a deep shade of blue, curtains and sheets a soft purple, with light wood furnishings and delicate silver details. Leonora liked it: it felt cozy. It felt like home.

“I’m going to catch fire if you keep staring, Princess”. Slowly, Lesso rose and placed a sweet kiss on her naked shoulder, feeling a blush creeping up the Ever’s chest and neck. She buried her face into her neck and playfully pushed her back onto the mattress. Clarissa suppressed a groan. “Do you think the could stay in this morning?”. Leonora hummed.

“I would very gladly, but I’m afraid you’re about to rethink this wish”. “And why would I ever do that?”. “Because” Leonora said, kissing a mole right above her left breast.

 “We have the staff meeting in ten minutes”. 

“IN WHAT?”. 

Clarissa stood up so abruptly that her leg got stuck in the sheets and she almost fell flat-faced on the floor. Leonora laughed.

“WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? We’re gonna be late! Come on, get dressed!”. 

The contrast between Leonora’s calm movements and Clarissa’s frantic pace was comical. 

“We need to discuss tonight’s Ball! Define the rounds, the- Are you ready yet??”. She finished applying a layer of lipstick without even looking into the mirror. “Yeah, yeah, give me a sec”. “Too late!”. Clarissa grabbed her arm and her insides turned upside down as they teleported right into the staff room. 

All the eyes were suddenly on them, an awkward silence falling over the room. Lesso coughed loudly and took a seat next to Asteria, who looked like she was struggling to hold in a laugh. As everybody else, it seemed: Manley seemed on the verge of chocking. 

Suddenly, Asteria’s finger tapped their her arm and gestured subtly to her own lips. As soon as Lesso touched them and looked at their fingers, they felt all the blood draining from their face. 

Because Lesso had been so distracted and sleepy that they had put on a golden lipstick that was clearly Clarissa’s. 

“I must say, Lady Lesso… my lipstick suits you”. They almost chocked: Clarissa was absentmindedly checking her nails, but the smirk on her face made Leonora’s stomach flip. 

They looked for a snarky remark.

“Dear, everything suits me. You know, I think this shade looks better on me than it does on you”. Clarissa raised a brow and kept grinning. “Does it? I’m not so sure about that”. “Well, you can come try it and see what everyone else has to say”.

She regretted her words as soon as she saw the Ever go pale. Maybe they had pushed her too far and too soon.

But before Asteria or anyone else could say anything, Clarissa rose from her chair, and Lesso internally cringed. Yeah, they had definitely pushed their luck.

“Well, Lady Lesso. If you insist”. 

With fast, elegant strides, Clarissa stood in front of her. And then she bowed down and kissed her hard on the lips and Lesso’s brain short-circuited for a moment or two as she kissed her back. 

The kiss didn’t last long, and as soon as they parted Clarissa smiled, wiping the last traces of lipstick from her mouth with gentle fingers, and then went back to her seat. 

“So, Lady Lesso. Does it suit me better?”. 

The silence lasted for approximately five seconds. Then, with a loud thud, Yuba fell from his chair. 

Asteria laughed loudly. “Well, I guess you broke the gnome”. Manley grumbled as he handed Emma a small sachet that, judging from the noise, contained money. “You win”. 

Lesso blinked. “Did you… bet on us?”. Emma shrugged as she counted her coins. “Well, I bet you would come out as a couple before the Summer Ball, Manley bet you would during or after. So I win”. 

Leonora’s heart slowed down as no more comments were made, and when Asteria’s hand grabbed theirs under the table, they squeezed. 

The meeting went on as planned, with discussions about the Summer Ball and the newly reformed curricula. Lesso kept glancing at Clarissa, who looked pretty calm overall, but they had come to know almost her every expression, and by the way her fingers were tapping on the table and the force she was chewing her bottom lip with, they knew she wasn’t really fine.

By the time they finished, Lesso was bouncing her leg so hard her whole chair was shaking and Asteria next to her looked ready to slap her. Everyone else stood to leave, the last being Asteria, who glanced at her and winked before closing the door behind her. 

That was when Clarissa finally stood up, leaning back on the table, eyes fixed on the floor. Lesso stood, too, going to stand before her, hands overing close to her waist, not touching yet, unsure. 

“Are you… are you okay?”. Clarissa took a breath, as if to steady herself. “I…”. Then a tear escaped her eye, and had not Lesso wrapped their arms around her, she would have dropped to the ground. “Hey, Hey, easy!”. “I’m… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying”. Clarissa’s arms wrapped around her midsection, face buried in her chest. But her shoulders were still shaking, and Lesso tried not to panic. 

“It’s okay. Hey, you can cry, you know? I understand. It was… a lot, I understand”. “No, it’s… I’m sorry, I just…”. Between the sobs and the tears, Clarissa found the strength to look up at her and smile. 

“I have never felt so happy in my whole life, Leonora”. That sole sentence made the clouds of doubt disappear from her chest like a ray of sunshine. Lesso bit her lip, and now she was the one on the verge of crying.

“Really? You… you’re not saying it just to calm me down, are you?”. “No. No, I…”. Clarissa took another deep breath, wiping the salt from her own cheeks. “All this time, I’ve been… holding my breath. Bracing for an impact that never came. The only place I felt like I could breathe was… well, with you. But now… after this? I can… I can stop holding my breath”. 

Leonora had no words left to offer. So she wrapped her arms around Clarissa again and held her as they both cried. “Leonora?”. “Yes, Princess?”.

Clarissa untangled herself from her grip and tilted her face to look at them right in the eyes. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you. It’s… It’s not big, and it’s probably stupid, and I shouldn’t make that big of a deal out of it, and-“. “Rissa”.

The Ever blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear in the most shy and child-like gesture Lesso had ever seen her do.

“Will you… Will you come to the Summer Ball with me, tonight?”. 

Leonora blinked. Then smiled. Then tilted Clarissa’s chin up and kissed her, slow and sweet, her other hand steadying her hip. Clarissa gasped into the kiss, one hand bracing on the table behind them and the other flying behind Leonora’s neck, fingers tangling in their curls to tug them closer. 

When they parted, Clarissa was gasping for air. “Was that… a yes?”. Leonora smiled, planting another kiss on Clarissa’s lips, just because she could. 

“Of course that was a yes, you dumbass”. Clarissa opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, the door of the room slammed open.

“MERDA!”.

Lesso didn’t even blink. 

“Were you eavesdropping?”.

Asteria, sprawled on the ground, held her hand up and shook her index finger. “Nope”. Emma, who had ended up on top of the Never in a very compromising position (which she didn’t seem to mind that much), simply shrugged. “What, did you expect us to just leave you two alone after that… whatever that was you two did before in front of all the other professors?”. 

Clarissa cocked an eyebrow, arms crossed. “Well. I didn’t expect you to end up on the floor. What happened to grace ad subtleness?”. “Technically, I’m not on the floor” the Ever pointed out as Asteria grumbled from under her. 

“Technically, you’re not as light as you seem. Can you get off?”. “You didn’t seem to mind me being… on you, earlier”. 

Asteria blushed. 

Clarissa squeaked and covered her own ears.

Lesso rolled their eyes.

I am going to kill them both.

But as Clarissa helped Emma to stand up and Asteria laughed at some other sexual innuendo, Lesso found herself smiling. Asteria was the first to notice, her own lips curling slightly. They shared a glance.

I’ve never seen you smile like that. I never had a reason to. But now? Now… I think I do. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Are you sure?”. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Lesso! I told you at least five hundred times: it’s perfect, it fits you, and it makes your ass look like-“. “Yeah, I don’t need to hear that part again” she grumbled, fixing her earrings for the third time in ten minutes. Asteria looked at her in the mirror and nodded. 

The gown clung to her form like it had been summoned from shadows, pure black and dangerously smooth. One shoulder was bared completely, the other covered by a long sleeve that both hid and highlighted the shape of her arm. A high slit sliced up the skirt, uncovering her bad leg with every step. Black stilettos made her seem even taller. 

“She’s going to love it. And besides, if she doesn’t like it she can tear it off of you later without feeling guilty”. “Can you stop making jokes about my sexual life?”. “No”. Then she sighed. “Look, this dress looks amazing on you. But… you can still change it if you want. I’m sure-“. “No”.

The word had come out from her mouth before she could process it. Because the truth was… for maybe the first time in her life, she liked what she saw in the mirror. Not just the dress, even tough it looked amazing. It was the fact that she didn’t look like she was hiding anymore. 

Not from the world, not from Rafal. And not from Clarissa. The scar on her knee was in plain sight. So were the freckles on her bare shoulder. She didn’t mind. Because now, every time she looked at them, she didn’t see what caused that pain, didn’t feel the shame or the disgust. 

She saw the first time Clarissa had seen her naked and hadn’t flinched. She felt the ghost of her kisses, the gentle pressure of her hands helping her soothe the pain of a seizure. There was pain behind what was once hidden. But there was also strength. 

Strength. I never thought I could use this word to talk about me.

You’ve always been, Lex. You just needed someone else’s eyes to see it. 

Leonora turned towards Asteria. Their best friend. Their sister in all but blood. And hugged her. The tension in the Never’s shoulders relaxed immediately after she wrapped her arms around them, too.  “Ohi. Is someone dying?”. “Thank you. For everything”. Asteria’s hold tightened. “Don’t thank me. You don’t own me anything. You lifted yourself from the dark, Lex. Me, Clarissa… we just helped you see the light again without burning”. 

They left for the Ballroom a while later. This time, there would be no grand speeches, no worried parent or stiff noble. Just the kids at the end of a very chaotic school year. It was fair, they deserved it. Lesso had insisted on that particular aspect: “They don’t need grandeur. They need a moment for themselves”, she had said. Clarissa had smiled and nodded.

This time when they entered the Ballroom, the students were already mingling and dancing with each other, Nevers and Evers mixed together as if they’d been born to be united like this. Leonora’s lips twitched upwards. Then, Asteria tapped her arm. “I think you’ll want to turn around, Lex”. 

She did, and all the breath fled her lungs. 

Because Clarissa was standing before her, and she was stunning. 

It was like someone had poured liquid gold over her and then froze it. It didn’t just reflect the light—it commanded it, throwing it back in every direction like a challenge. Like magic. The neckline dipped scandalously low, so low Lesso found herself sweating by just looking at it. Every crease of the skirt moved like water as Clarissa stepped forward, hand extended towards Lesso. She said something that didn’t reach her ears.

“What?”. Clarissa smiled, and the whole room lit up with it. “I asked you for a dance, Lesso”. Slowly, she slid her fingers into Clarissa’s outstretched hand and let herself be led to the centre of the dance floor. Some heads turned to them, some others did not. Someone whispered, someone gasped, and someone paid them no mind.

And Lesso thought none of it mattered. 

Let them stare, let them whisper. Or not. I don’t care. 

And Clarissa didn’t care, either. Her hands slid to Lesso’s hips, urging them closer. Lesso let their own hands rest on Clarissa’s shoulders. “You are… you are…”. She gulped as they began to sway. “I don’t have words”. “I do”. She stepped forward, barely a breath between their bodies now. 

“Remember the first time you kissed me?”. “When I got drunk and you slapped me?”. Clarissa snorted. “No, idiot. When you saved my life”. Lesso almost laughed. It felt like a lifetime ago. Another life. Another… them. 

“I got scared, then. That if you knew… you’d reject me. Hate me, even”. Clarissa’s hands tightened on her waist. “And I got scared of what it meant. Of what I felt”. The light in her eyes was resolve. “I’m not scared anymore”. “Princess…”. “Kiss me”. 

They blinked, stunned. Their eyes darted to Clarissa’s lips.

“They’ll see”. “I don’t care”. “They’ll talk”. “Then let them”. 

So Lesso leaned in and touched her lips with theirs. It lasted less than a second, one of the most chaste kisses they ever exchanged, but it felt like so much more. They weren’t kissing out of desperation, or anger, or lust. They were kissing because they could.

Because they loved each other. 

When they parted, Clarissa rested her head on Leonora’s shoulder, contently moving to the slow rhythm. Leonora looked around.

Asteria and Emma were dancing and laughing. Asteria spun Emma around. Emma grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and kissed her hard. 

On the side, Hester and Beatrix were sitting close to each other, a plate of food between them. Beatrix brought a candy to her lips, and Hester stole it, popping it into her mouth. Beatrix said something, huffing. Then Hester leaned in and whispered something in her ear, and Beatrix’s eyes widened in surprise. Then filled with tears as she tackled Hester onto the ground and kissed her breathless, without ceremony. 

Leonora smiled again and brushed her lips on Clarissa’s forehead. The woman looked up at them.

“Is everything alright?”. 

They nodded.

“Yeah. I think… I think everything is really, actually alright”.