Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the same scene as always. Ralph had brought two steaming mugs of tea- one black, and one with so much milk it was debatable if it could even be called tea- down to the greenhouse. It was starting to get colder out, so Ralph was taking every possible opportunity to give Ted a hot drink. Mugs from the previous day littered the top of the benches; Ralph made a mental note to remember to take them home and wash them up. He sipped his tea and watched Ted do the same, smiling as the warmth reached his frozen fingers.

They'd been standing there in silence for a few minutes when Ralph suddenly spoke. 

"Ted, how do you feel about a little trip to Surrey?"

"If you want to, sir. I'll look after everything until you get back." 

"No, no, Ted, I meant- I mean we would go together. A little holiday for the both of us."

"I'm not sure what there is for me in Surrey, sir."

"I suppose I should start from the beginning. I have been exchanging emails with a young woman down there- no, not like that Ted, don't worry," he added, sensing him tense up a little. Evidently he still remembered Ralph's ill-fated wedding, though it seemed a long time ago. Ever since, he'd been hyper-vigilant against anyone he thought might be trying to take advantage of Ralph's good nature. He wasn't about to nearly lose the estate for a second time.

"Anyway, you may or may not remember an acquaintance of my mother's. Lady Button. She visited us here a few times. Wonderful woman.

"Not too long ago, I came across an obituary- turns out she'd…erm, passed away a few years ago. At the grand age of 99- imagine that, Ted! And I recalled that she had never married or had children, something that my mother always expressed her displeasure at. That sent me down a rabbit hole trying to discover what had become of the house- such a beautiful house, Ted. Many a happy childhood summer spent there. I would hate to see it in ruin.

"The young lady who inherited it is a distant relative of the old Lady Button, and after a bit of digging I found out that a bed and breakfast has been set up on the grounds. So it was easy for me to establish contact."

"Right, sir." 

"The long and short of it is, Ted, this lady- Alison, her name is- has invited us to stay! She's desperate for guests to launch her business off the ground. We can leave a glowing review on Booking.BnB or whatever you call it. Think of it as helping out an old family friend. And when was the last time you had a proper holiday, Ted?" 

"What about the lower field, sir?"

"I'm sure it'll manage without you for a week," Ralph smiled. "Besides, it's not like it can get any worse."

"Alright, but- who's going to feed your cat?" Ted had always looked after Mittens when Ralph went away for a few days. He'd come to cherish his new position as Estate Catsitter, even going as far as to say it was a lot more rewarding than the groundskeeping. In the evenings, she would curl up on Ted's lap while he was watching telly. Not wanting to disturb her, he would often end up falling asleep right there, and wake up in the small hours, still snuggled up to her. 

"Not to worry, Ted. I noticed a card in the window of the village shop. I called the number and sorted everything. Mittens will have her own little holiday, with a nice older lady. But I do wonder how she will do, being away from me for an entire week. Maybe I’ll send her a postcard."

Ted sighed. Sending his own cat a postcard was exactly the kind of soppy thing Ralph would do. It would do him some good to get away, he thought. Ralph was always pestering him about taking some time off, and, now that he’d mentioned it, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a holiday. Sure, he’d taken a week or so after Esther passed away, but he hadn’t actually been away for years. His children had always come to visit him, rather than the other way around. 

“Alright, sir, I’ll go. I might even be able to find out what type of drainage system they use. Could help us here, I suppose.”

“You should at least try to take your mind off of work for a few days, Ted. Holidays are supposed to be fun! Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Greece? Now that was a fun holiday…”

~~~

Suitcases were piled up in the back of Ralph's car- he was eager to drive- and after checking the front door was locked for the fifth time, they were off.  

Ralph chatted endlessly about the house on the drive there.

"...and she lives there with her husband, Michael. Mike, I mean. Such a massive house, and only the two of them to share it! I must say I can relate!” Ralph said.

And added, silently, I wish I had someone to share my house with. 

"They've also had weddings there! I love a wedding, though I can't remember the last one I was invited to. Apart from my own, ha-ha. I looked at the website and there was a lovely picture; two ladies getting married! Isn't that wonderful, Ted?"

"You've done your homework about the place then, sir."

“Naturally.”

There was silence for most of the journey, broken only when either Ted or Ralph wanted to point out some interesting scenery, or ask if the other wanted to stop for a break. But Ralph was tingling with excitement about the trip, and barely noticed the usual awkwardness.

~~~

It was starting to get dark when they at last pulled up to the driveway of Button House. Ralph gasped as the house came into view. It was almost exactly as he remembered it, and he felt that childlike wonder return. 

“Looks like we’ve made it, Ted. A bit later than planned. I’d better let Alison know we’ve arrived.”

Ted had been napping in the passenger seat; he stirred, groggily. He remembered why he didn’t go away that often; long car journeys just sapped all his energy.

“Let me know when you need help with the suitcases, sir,” he said, and promptly closed his eyes again.

Ralph got out of the car and stretched, taking in the cool evening air. Opening his eyes a crack, he caught a glimpse of a figure standing near the front door, also stretching. A man, with silvery hair and a mustache. That must be Mike! Although, he seemed a bit older than what Ralph had been expecting. Well, there was nothing wrong with older men; Ralph knew that as well as anybody.

He bounded over to introduce himself. As he got closer, he realised that he was wearing some kind of uniform. Military history was not his forte, but that must be either First or Second World War era. He must be a- what were they called- a LARPer? Well, that would certainly be an interesting hobby to find out more about. 

“Hello there! My name’s Ralph. Me and my…my man Ted have come to stay at your Bed and Breakfast. I’m sure Alison has told you all about us.”

He stuck out his hand for ‘Mike’ to shake, then dropped it down pathetically once he realised his handshake wasn’t going to be returned. 

“I say, I couldn’t help but notice your attire. Historical re-enactment, is it? Last year we had some Civil War types camping out on the lower field for a weekend. Surprisingly, a lot less disruptive than the metal detectors that visited the previous year. Though they were both equally fascinating. Do you get to use real cannons? I was hoping they would let me have a go with one but obviously they thought I was not to be trusted…" Ralph trailed off. 

The man simply gawped. 

“Is something the matter?”

Ralph couldn’t believe what he saw next. The man- Mike?- turned and walked through the front door.

Chapter Text

"Ted. Ted!" Ralph knocked frantically on the car window. "Did you see that?" 

Ted opened his eyes. "Did I see what, sir?"

"The man- he just went through the door! There's a ghost here, Ted. We have to get out of here!"

Ted couldn't disguise his confusion. He paused for a moment, trying to get his head around the words. Then, at last, he spoke. 

"Tiredness can play tricks on your mind, sir. And you have had a long day. Let's get our luggage out and see what the accommodation's like."

Ralph was still unsure, but nodded. "You're probably right, Ted. But he did seem awfully real. Almost like I could reach out and shake his hand. And I nearly did. He might've possessed me!"

Now Ralph's imagination was running wild. Perhaps this had been a mistake, after all. He shook his head to dispel the last of his thoughts, picked up his luggage, and followed after Ted.  

~~~

The ghosts had gathered in the drawing room, after hearing that the Captain had called for an emergency meeting.

"Rally round, troops! We have an invasion in our midst. Enemies here, at Button House."

"Calm down, Cap. What’s going on here?" asked Pat.

"The enemy has breached our last line of defense. Even now, we could be surrounded. A swarm of ghost-hunters circling the house, armed with their gadgets and fancy cameras. Fanny must be covered immediately!" 

"Any chance you could start from the beginning?" Julian's voice rang out from the back of the room.

"Right," began the Captain. "I was on the driveway, stretching in preparation for my evening run. Then all of a sudden, a man approached me. He spoke to me. He nearly shook my hand!" 

All of the ghosts shuddered at the thought of coming into contact with a Living. 

"Of course, of course I dodged out of the way. And here I am now. Time is of the essence if we want to dispose of these intruders." 

"Or…" Robin slowly raised a hand. "We sure he not harmless? He probably more scared of you than you of him." 

“Is it really a good idea to get involved with them?” Kitty asked. “Alison won’t be happy if we frighten away her guests.”

The Captain thought for a second. “Perhaps we should change our strategy for now. Julian, Fanny, Pat. You’ll be in charge of espionage. Get as much intel as you can, but stay hidden. Report back at 900 hours tomorrow.”

~~~

Ralph knocked on the large, ornate door of Button House, then turned to Ted.

“Don't worry, Ted, I won't mention the man I saw. I don't want her to think I'm mad.”

“That’s probably for the best, sir.”

“Yes…yes. A nice, quiet break, away from everything. We’ll have fun, Ted! Ralph was trying to convince himself more than he was Ted. Maybe the man he saw was…a mirage? There had to be a simple explanation. Ghosts weren’t real, after all. Or…? 

He was interrupted from his thoughts by the door opening. A woman with shoulder-length brown hair stood there. She had a kind face, Ralph thought. He blinked twice to check that he wasn’t seeing things again.  

“Ah, you must be Alison!”

“Ralph? And…Sorry, it’s been completely hectic, trying to get everything sorted. We haven’t had much experience with guests yet. I keep thinking of things I haven’t done.”

“No, no, not at all! I should apologise, turning up at this late hour. I alway have been hopeless at directions. Thank you again for having us.”

“Is this…?” She gestured at Ted. 

“Ted! I’m sure I mentioned him in my emails. Ted is…well, he’s my everything, really. Officially, he’s my groundskeeper, but he does so much more than that. Repairs, window cleaning, any odd job you can think of…” Ralph trailed off. “Really, the estate would fall to pieces without him.”

Ted stared down at his shoes. “Well really, sir. Not sure I deserve such high praise.”

Alison either didn’t hear, or chose to ignore him.

“It’s so lovely to see you both! It was such a lovely surprise when Ralph got in touch. I never knew Heather so it’s fantastic to know there’s people out there who remember her. You must have some wonderful memories about the place.”

“Well, I suppose I was no older than 12 when I was last here, but the memories came flooding back as soon as we turned into the driveway. It was almost overwhelming.”

“I’d love to hear some of those memories some time. But you must be exhausted! Let me take some of your bags and I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

They followed Alison down the path in silence, Ralph not daring to say anything else about what he’d seen.

~~~

“Well, this is the Gatehouse. I’ll leave you to get unpacked. You’re welcome to join us at the house for a cooked breakfast tomorrow morning.”

“That’s very kind of you. I can’t thank you enough for your hospitality so far,” said Ralph.

Alison smiled, and shut the door behind her. 

Ted and Ralph were left alone again in the spacious living room. Alison and Mike had done their best to make this place look cosy and welcoming. There were two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a small kitchenette with a microwave and kettle. 

This was almost domestic , thought Ralph, but he quickly put the thought out of his mind. 

“Well, goodnight sir.”

“Yes. Sweet…dreams, Ted.” Ralph turned to look at him, but Ted was already lugging his suitcase into his room. 

Once Ralph got to his room, he checked under the bed, then behind the curtain, then in the wardrobe. Then, just for good measure, he checked behind the curtain again. Once he was completely sure that the room was free of ghosts, he changed into his pyjamas, but didn’t get into bed straight away. His mind raced as he tried to put together what he’d seen. 

And Ted, on the other side of the wall, snored away peacefully. 

~~~

Morning broke. Ralph, still half asleep, laid out the waistcoats he’d brought with him on the bed. Maybe the green one for today? He rarely wore it, even though he thought it complimented his hair nicely. And being on holiday was a good excuse to dress up. 

A voice behind him shook him out of his thoughts. 

“My God, that is absolutely ghastly! I wouldn’t be seen dead in that.”

Ralph turned around quickly. “W-what? Who said that?” He held up his fists, although he knew it would be useless. A spirit invading his room was one thing, but he wouldn’t stand to have his fashion choices criticised.

“Oh shit, you can see me.” 

Ralph tried to get a good look at the man, but all he could focus on were his legs. Bare legs. He forced himself to look upwards, to catch a glimpse of his face…

And then he was gone. Straight back through the wall he must've entered from. Ralph tapped on the wall, but it was definitely solid. He gulped. One ghost, he could just about deal with. But two ? Once he’d properly dressed himself, he fumbled his way out of his room to find Ted in the living room area, using the mirror to comb his sideburns.

“Ted! I’m glad you’re here. There was a man in my room. With no trousers on!”

Maybe in his dreams, Ted thought.

“You think it was this ghost again, sir?” he said at last.

“No, he looked completely different. But now that you say that- I didn’t get a really good look at his face, but there was something familiar about him. Maybe an actor? I’m sure I’ve seen him on the television before.”

Ted looked worried. Perhaps something really was going on here. But until he’d seen these ghosts with his own eyes, he wasn’t convinced. 

~~~

Alison looked up as Ted and Ralph walked into the breakfast room. “Good night?” she asked. 

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep too well.” Ralph yawned to illustrate his point.

“Oh no!” Alison started to worry. “Was the bed not comfortable? I told Mike we should’ve gone with the memory foam mattresses but they were way out of our budget. Or was the bathroom fan too noisy?”

“Nothing like that at all. Probably just…tension left over from the long drive. I’ll be alright by this evening.” 

“Well, I had a lovely night,” Ted said. “And whatever you’ve got cooking for breakfast smells great!”

Mike popped his head around the kitchen door. "I'm cooking my famous breakfast. So famous that no one outside this room has heard of it."

A few moments later, Ted and Ralph had plates laden up with all manner of fried goodies placed in front of them by a smiling Mike.

“Sorry, I didn’t properly introduce myself. I’m Mike.” 

He went to shake Ralph’s hand, but realised he was still wearing his oven gloves and quickly dropped his hand back to his side.

“Ralph Mayhew. I’m sure Alison has told you all about the reason for our visit. And this is Ted.”

Ted, who would’ve introduced himself had it not been for the fact that he was halfway through a big mouthful of black pudding, nodded.

Perhaps there was a way to find out more without mentioning ghosts outright. 

“Button House has a rich history, doesn’t it?” asked Ralph “So much to discover. Have you found out anything…surprising since you’ve been living here?”

“Oh, plenty! We had a visit from some archaeologists a while back. They uncovered a whole load of skeletons in the basement, dating back to the Plague.”

Ralph shuddered. The men I saw didn’t look Medieval .

Alison continued. “There was a fierce duel out on the lawn in the early 1800s. And a Tudor plot with a grisly end. And during the Second World War, troops were stationed out here.”

“Is this all in a book somewhere?” Ralph asked. “I’d love to read it.”

Mike chimed in. “And what about The Grey Lady?”

“Really, I’m sure Ralph isn’t interested in that kind of stuff. Superstitious…nonsense.”

Ralph gave a small cough. “Not at all! I’m open to anything!”

Ted shot a warning look over his eggs, but Ralph wasn’t paying attention. 

Alison laughed. “There’s some particularly enthusiastic people online who spread rumours about a ghostly figure who can be seen in one of the upstairs windows. But that’s all it is,” she added quickly. “Rumours. And photoshop. No, the real history is much more intriguing.”

She gave Mike a look, a look that said shut up now.

Ralph gave a nervous laugh. “Well, that all sounds very exciting! 

The conversation lulled as everyone started to tuck into their breakfasts. Once they were done, Ralph sat back in his chair. “Well, after that, all one needs is a digestive stroll. Yes, a bit of fresh air ought to do me good. Ted, would you join me?”

As Ted and Ralph left, Mike turned to Alison.

“Can you just clear one thing up real quick for me? Is he…I mean, are they…? I’m getting a vibe…”

“I don’t know, Mike. And I’m not sure they actually know either.”