Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Strength.

It’s a concept that has been haunting Paulo ever since he arrived at Pasio.

Even now, gazing upon the vast ocean from one of the main different cliffs on this island, he can’t help but think about it.

There are many types of strength: The strength to command, the strength to overcome, the strength to protect-

(That one seems to always elude him)

(Even when he needs it most)

Paulo leans on the railing with a deep sigh, unable to shake the implications of the thought. He knows, to a degree, that he’s being too harsh on himself. With so many trainers on this island, it was his team that managed to reach the finals. Tina had been so excited to hear his accomplishments, and wanted to battle him right then and there. But even then, did he really deserve the praise? In the end, he still lost.

“Paulo?”

He jerks and turns around. Tina’s standing there, rubbing her shoulder sheepishly.

“Oh, Tina. I didn’t notice you. What’s up?”

“I just-” She pauses, and starts again. “Well, I noticed you seemed… down, so I wanted to check up on you.”

Paulo forces a smile onto his face, “What do you mean? I’m great!”

But the girl doesn’t back down, “Paulo, I’m not dumb. You were upset when you battled against Scottie, and right now you were just sulking on that railing!”

Paulo winces, just how long was she standing there?

“Look, I won’t bug you about what’s wrong. But I’m worried about you!” Tina weakly sighs, “You know you can tell me anything, right? I swear I won’t be mad.”

Liar, his mind screams. After everything I’ve considered, how could you not be?

Instead, Paulo says “I know that Tina, you’re my friend. I promise you that I’m fine.”

“If you say so…” Tina trails off, before she perks back up with a small smile. “Well, I’m gonna hang out with Bettie and Scottie tomorrow, you want to come along?”

No, because when I'm with Bettie, all I think about is how weak I am.

“Sure, why not?”

Tina shouts happily and gives him the biggest hug before running off, rambling about telling the twins. She has a large smile as she waves goodbye.

Paulo doesn’t smile back.

Chapter Text

The sun is shining so brightly, Paulo nearly though that someone used sunny day.

He walks through the plaza of Centra City, keeping an eye out for any wrong’uns as he searches for the three sync pairs.

Of course, with Scottie and Bettie, he doesn’t have to search long.

He spots their hats first, teal and bright blue that stands out from all the oranges and yellows of the plaza.

Then Bettie’s Pikachu, a small little thing with so much power, bounces off the girl’s shoulder and bounds over to the boy. Following along is Scottie’s Raichu, large, fluffy, and lay back, just like its trainer.

Bettie turns around, and once she spots him, she hits him with a wide smile so bright it could rival the sun.

“Paulo!” She shouts, and even her voice seems to shine, as if she’s the embodiment of light.

(He hates it)

“Hey Paulo! Glad to see you here.” Scottie remarks as he pulls Paulo into a side hug.

Unlike his sister, who seems to be an unstoppable force of power, Scottie acts more as an immovable object.

A rock that can deal with the crashing waves of the sea and still remain standing for centuries.

The defensive to Bettie’s offensive.

Paulo supposes that’s why the boy never decided to battle in the PML, preferring to stay in Professor Bellis’s Lab and watch over the pokemon there.

(In some part, Paulo’s glad Scottie didn’t battle.)

(Bettie already showed how weak he is, has already earned his ire.)

(He doesn’t want Scottie to see that part of himself.)

Paulo blinks away the thoughts, refocusing on the world around him.

He’s been seated at a table from of one of the many cafés of the city. Scottie’s Raichu has made itself comfortable on his lap, and Paulo can’t help but scratch the rodent behind the ears. Tina is looking oddly at him, but tries (and fails) to hide her expression when he catches her eye.

Meanwhile, Bettie is rambling about some random adventure she went with Rosa and Lillie. Something about a… Naomi? Her Pikachu is emphasizing her words, waving its arms and bouncing around the table.

Paulo pushes down the bitter feeling in his chest, trying his hardest not to huff at her words.

He knows it’s wrong, that she’s not doing anything to him, but she’s just so happy , it grates on his nerves akin to sandpaper on stone. She doesn’t care, does she? She’ll sit there and talk and talk and talk and never look his way. Never realize what she did to him. Never realize the poison she planted in his heart.

“… Paulo?” A whisper, barely heard under the sound of the city.

His head snaps up, looking straight into Scottie’s eyes.

“You good?” His voice low, to not draw the attention of his sister. She’s standing by the fountain nearby, watching her Torchic race against Tina’s Flareon.

And as much as Paulo would love to lie, his body seems to be working against him, with his throat so tight it silences anything he could say.

So he settles for nodding his head, before abruptly standing up, much to the displeasure of the Raichu snoozing away in his lap.

He walks over to the two girls, schooling his expression into one of contentment. “Hey guys.”

“Paulo, c’mere!” Tina grabs his wrist and drags him over towards the battle area in that plaza. He wrestles his wrists from her grip and glares at the red head.

“Oops, forgot you didn’t like to be touched. Sorry ‘bout that” Tina apologizes sheepishly, rubbing her hand on her neck.

Of course you would forget. “ No worries,” Paulo replies, “Why did you drag me over here in the first place?”

“Well,” she draws out the word, “what if, and hear me out, we battle?”

His eye twitches, “What.”

“C’mon Paulo! We haven’t had a battle against each other since I arrived in Pasio, and I really want to show off how strong I am!”

“Eh,” Paulo hesitates.

“Oh, please please please?” The girl pleads, doing her best impression of a sad little Eevee.

He sighs, “Fine, let’s go.”

⁂

It was over before it began.

Paulo recalls his fainted Rockruff, and hopes his expression doesn’t betray how he feels.

Tina does a little twirl as she hugs her Flareon, cheering over her victory.

Bettie claps with glee from the bench her and her brother are sitting at, overjoyed by his failure excited to see Tina’s improvements from her time on Pasio.

He takes a deep breath, and then another.

“Great work, Tina! You’ve improved so much since we’ve last fought.” He looks only at Tina as he speaks.

“Thank you so much!” Tina beams with pride, “but if I'm honest, I’m only so good because I’ve been training so hard.”

Paulo’s eyes widened, “With who?”

(Can they help me get stronger as well?)

“Bettie!”

Ah.

Paulo’s smile wavers, just for a moment.

“She’s been teaching me so much stuff, like how flareon is more of a physical attacker than a special attacker! And then she was recommending what moves I should use, like fire fang over flamethrower…”

Tina waves her arms around, clearly excited about all the new knowledge she’s learned, and yet the words just seem to go in one ear and out the other for Paulo. 

(How pathetic of him, to let his issues to overshadow the accomplishments of his friend.)

“That’s great to hear, Tina.”

Tina puffs out her chest, “It’s all thanks to Bettie, you know! But I’m still gonna work hard and be the best I can be!”

A sharp ping from Tina’s poryphone cuts off any reply from Paulo.

Tina takes one look at the notification and gasps, before rushing to pull Bettie off her seat.

“SorryguysbutIforgotthattodaymeandBettieweregonnahelpoutRosaandLilliewiththeirpokemonandnowwe’regonnabelateseeyoutwotomorrow let’s go!” Tina shouts with the speed of a boltund, and then the thing Paulo knew, the two were already gone.

The bustling area falls silent.

Until.

“So, mind telling me why you seem so pissed at my sister?”

Chapter Text

Time seemed to have frozen in the on the battlefield, with Paulo rooted in place and Scottie continuously staring at the boy.

Scottie’s face shows no emotion, nothing Paulo can use to gauge his situation.

He would have run by now, avoided the question like every other time, and yet he couldn’t. 

Lie, Lie!

“What are you talking abou-”

“Paulo,” Scottie cuts him off, “you have been acting off all day , and every time you even glance at Bettie you get even more upset.”

The boy in question is too stunned to reply.

Was… Was it really that obvious?

Scottie lets out a tired sigh and continues, “Look, if something happened between you two, I can talk to her-”

“NO!” 

The words slipped out of Paulo, and he slams his hand over his mouth.

Scottie’s startled, eyes wide with confusion.

“I- I mean, no, you don’t have to talk to her.” Nice save, idiot.

Scottie does a little head tilt, eyes squinting at the boy.

“Okay…? I’m assuming you don’t want her to know about,” he gestures toward him with a grimace, “whatever’s up with you.”

“…was it that-”

“Yes, it was that obvious.”

Paulo groans, and sits down right next to Scottie, his head in his hands.

“I hate to tell you, dude, but you really suck at hiding your emotions.” Scottie confesses as he pats his back. Paulo hears the classic sound of a pokeball opening, and proceeds to get a face full of Raichu as the pokemon clambers into his lap.

“Shut up man.” He sticks his face into the rodent’s orange fur, muffling his voice.

“It’s true though!”

“I hate you, only Raichu understands me.” Said pokemon lets out a happy trill.

Scottie laughs, and Paulo can’t help but crack a smile at the sound.

(Maybe he can distract him from the question)

“Well, back to what I was saying.”

(Damn it.)

“What’s got you so upset at my sister? You kept looking at her with the same look Red gives to Giovanni.”

Paulo winces at the imagery. “It’s really dumb.”

Scottie rolls his eyes, “It’s not dumb if it’s affected you this badly,” he gives a small nudge to Paulo’s shoulder, “C’mon, spill.”

Paulo glances up at the boy, and sees nothing but a willingness to understand in his eyes.

“I… Okay. It’s a long story, though.”

Scottie playfully scoffs, “Relax, I’ve got time.”

Raichu nuzzles up against his cheek, and that’s what gives Paulo the push to start talking.

“See, it all began when Tina and I were kids….”

⁂

“… and then hearing about Bettie helping out Tina, it just made me feel worse. So that’s everything.”

Scottie is silent, staring up at the newly risen moon in the dusk-pink sky.

“I…” The boy starts, but his voice trails off. He looks simultaneously murderous, and yet distraught. Even the Raichu in his lap seems unsure what to do, weakly pushing its paw against Scottie’s leg.

There’s a lump in Paulo’s throat, his nerves growing every passing moment he is silent.

(I messed up, didn’t I?)

(I need to fix this, NOW.)

“I-”

“ Arceus Paulo, why did you never tell us?”

“Huh?”

Scottie turns to face him, lilac eyes meeting gray, and Paulo is so startled by the sight of tears in his eyes that he almost falls off the bench.

“You lost a pokemon, no- a friend , to a dick who told you, A FIVE-YEAR-OLD AT THE TIME, that he was going to abuse it for profit. What the fuck, man.”

Paulo’s a bit dazed, “Did you just swear?”

“Not the point.” Scottie rubs his eyes, his voice full of emotion. “No wonder you don’t see your strength, I mean, fuck man.” 

He’s upset because of me, Paulo realizes in horror.

He tries to back track, “It’s not that bad, I’m just being-” 

“Don’t!” Scottie hisses, pointing straight at his face, Paulo jolting back, “Don’t you dare say it’s not bad, because what happened was horrible and we both know it.”

Raichu chimes in with an angry cry, mimicking its trainer to a T.

Paulo sighs, and decides not to argue. 

The two sit there in silence, listening to the distant sound of the city.

“Please don’t tell Bettie.”

Scottie raises an eyebrow, but is otherwise silent.

“I… I know I need to tell her, but I can’t right now. Just, give me some time, okay?”

(Because she sees me as weak enough already)

(What would she do if she learned all the awful thoughts I’ve had about her?)

Scottie huffs, and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Fine, but please promise me you’ll actually tell her. Bottling this shit up will not end well, and it’s only a matter of time before Bettie confronts you herself.”

“I promise, Scottie.”

Paulo doesn’t meet his eyes.

Chapter Text

It was Paulo’s idea to have a battle, when he met up with Tina the next day.

Tina had agreed with joy, and somehow got four other trainers for a team battle.

He was paired up with a lass named Layla with a Ribombee, and a youngster named Parker with a Cottonee.

Tina teamed up with a camper with a Mankey and a kindergartener with a Jigglypuff.

Despite the youngsters age, he insisted he could fight.

“I’ve fought before! I even battled with the Pasio champion!”

“You fought with Bettie?” Is it too late to switch teammates?

“Uh huh! So you can count on me!” The boy even flashed a smile that looked just like Bettie’s.

Paulo hoped the smile he returned didn’t look as pained as he felt.

Now, the battle had been neck and neck, with Tina’s Flareon being a huge issue. Cottonee was holding up surprisingly well, and Ribombee’s agility let it dodge the opponent's attacks with ease. But Flareon was a sturdy little thing, and its attacks pack a punch too.

As much as Paulo hates to admit it, Bettie has really helped Tina improve.

( If only he could’ve done the same. )

“These thoughts aren’t helping!” He hisses under his breath, winching as Rockruff took another fire fang from the eeveelution.

“We need to focus on taking down Flareon!” Paulo shouts to his teammates.

“Got it!” Parker replies, “Cottonee, use stun spore!”

The pokemon lets out a resounding cry before shaking spores onto the Flareon, causing it to freeze in place, its fur puffing up with static.

Tina doesn’t seem deterred, however. “Flareon, the first moment you can move, use flame charge!”

Paulo was about to call out a move when Layla interrupted him, “Paulo!”

“Yeah?”

“Shouldn’t we heal Rockruff? He’s in pretty bad shape…”

Paulo pauses to think, thankful for the time bought by the paralysis.

Her Ribombee holds up a ball of pollen, ready to be used.

Paulo pauses to think, thankful for the time bought by the paralysis.

If we have Ribombee use pollen puff to heal instead of attack, we would be losing potential damage to take down Flareon, not to mention Flareon is strong enough to make the healing go to waste with one move.

But Rockruff is already pushing his limits, and would most likely faint after one attack.

And yet… that’s a risk Paulo has to take.

(“That is what it means to think efficiently,” Cyrus explained. “An incomplete spirit will only get in the way of making the right choices”)

“No, there’s no need.”

“Huh? But-”

“Ready or not, here we come!” Tina shouts, and Flareon rushes in with a flame charge.

“Ribombee, throw your pollen puff at Flareon!” The little bug tosses the puff right into the Flareon’s eyes, causing it to stumble.

Now’s our chance. “Jump in and attack Rockruff!”

Rockruff slams into the eeveelution, and though Flareon tries to get up, the move knocks it out.

Tina stands there stunned.

“He risked everything on that counterattack!” The camper says in shock.

“That was really reckless, Paulo.” Layla remarks as she commands her Ribombee to heal up Rockruff.

“But it worked, didn’t it? Now that Flareon’s out of the picture, this’ll be a breeze!” Parker replies, giddy with excitement.

Just as Parker predicted, the rest of the battle was, in fact, a breeze.

As the final pokemon goes down, Paulo can help but stare.

“We won!” Layla cheers, and Parker laughs with glee as he hugs his Cottonee.

We won… Paulo stares at Rockruff’s pokeball, eyes wide with disbelief. This approach works.

Paulo can’t stop the shaky smile that appears on his face.

⁂

Of course, things would end up going wrong.

Tina and him had decided to go on a nice walk after the battle, and they were just talking. They weren’t even doing anything, and yet they still somehow attracted the attention of those Team Rocket grunts. Paulo and Tina were just about to finish them off, when Giovanni, of all people, appeared. And like clockwork, he took down their pokemon with such ease.

Like they never stood a chance in the first place.

It was only through sheer luck that Giovanni listened to Paulo, and decided to leave without their pokemon.

(He doesn’t want to think about what would’ve happened if Giovanni didn’t grant them mercy.)

The two only went their separate ways once they reached the pokemon center.

Tina waved Paulo goodnight, and he would’ve followed suit, but.

He couldn’t.

Paulo felt as if he had consumed a gallon of sugar, his nerves alight and jittery. He originally planned to just pace around the battle area until he got tired, but no matter how many times he circled the field, he just couldn’t seem to get exhausted. If anything, it made the feeling worse, with a lump growing in his throat that he just couldn’t seem to swallow and his legs burning in pain. Maybe it’s because despite how much he attempts to redirect his thoughts, all he can think of is losing Rockruff just like-

Paulo’s chest seizes.

Just like… Dratini.

Paulo covers his eyes as suddenly the world seems to blur over, static filling his eyes. Air refuses to enter his lungs, and his heart wants to burst out his chest with how hard it’s beating.

Because this is just like Dratini, isn’t it? It was just you and Tina, and the big bad man who could take away your pokemon without a care in the world. But who would believe you if you said Giovanni almost stole your pokemon? 

Paulo can hear them over the static ringing in his ears. “Oh, Paulo, stop making a scene. Don’t you get the nice man the thief Giovanni was just toying with you?

Besides, he doesn’t want your pokemon, because you only ever trained them to be weak.”

His head hurts, his head hurts, and his stomach feels gross and bile rises throat-

He gags, coughing up phlegm as nausea rushes through him. 

“Aw, poor little Paulo is too pathetic to see that this was all his fault, and now he’s acting like a big baby.”

He shuts his eyes tight, the lights are blinding

How is my fault, I’m trying my best!

“No you’re not, why else did Bettie beat you?”

But-

“You couldn’t even keep your friends safe.”

I was just a kid, I couldn't do anything!

The ground is much closer that it was before

“All you ever did was lie.”

I didn’t, please listen to me!

Everything is numb

“Apologize to this man, Paulo.”

No, why-

“I’m sorry, I was just jealous.” and there's a hand on his shoulder and a sickening grin and-

Stop!

“Dratini will be safe in my hands, officer.” 

He’s lying He’s lying He’s lying He’s lying He’s lying

He’s going to hurt Dratini

And

It’s

All

Your

Fault

Why won't people just believe him-

“PAULO!” Someone screams, but their voice is warped, distorted in the unending static that refuses to go away.

It hurts.

Paulo tries to cover his ears, but his hands are heaver than lead, and all he gets for his efforts is the horrible feeling of pins and needles

The person still trying to speak to him, can’t they see it hurts?

“Please, please be quiet.”

His words sound crack and spark, as if he’s listening to himself though an old-timey radio

That seems to work, as the person falls silent.

All of a sudden, something snuggles up against him, gently purring.

With weak hands, Paulo hugs the pokemon in his lap. It’s soft, and he can’t help but bury his face into the fur. The pokemon exaggerates its breathing, letting Paulo follow along. Air finally enters his lungs, and with shaky gasps, Paulo feels the pain in his chest lessen.

“Paulo?” The person asks again, but this time there’s no pain, just a distortion from the remaining static that clings to his ears like mareep wool.

A feeble groan is his reply.

“Does it still hurt when I talk?”

A head shake.

“Okay, okay, that’s good, just keep mimicking the breathing.”

He does, and slowly the static finally fades, and Paulo just feels so, so drained.

Cracking his eyes open just a bit, he sees the pastel pink fur and the black tips of the pokemon’s ears.

A Clefairy? Well, that explains the softness.

But wait, the only trainer he knows that has a Clefairy is-

Glancing up, and even with his tear-blurred vision, Paulo could easily recognize the platinum blonde from the girl kneeling beside him. She’s wearing a long white nightgown, and a pink drawstring bag is draped over her shoulder.

“Lillie?” His voice is raspy, and the words are garbled, but he speaks anyway. “What are you doing out here?”

“I just wanted to get some fresh air, but then, you were having a panic attack, so I stepped in-”

“Panic attack?” Paulo interrupts while wiping his eyes of tears.

“Well, yeah, and a pretty bad one too.” Lillie rubs her hands nervously. “If it hadn’t been for Clefairy, I thought you would have passed out.”

Paulo tenses before looking down at the fairy in his lap and gives it an appreciative pat. “Remind me to give you some pokepuffs the next time we meet.” He whispers to the fairy.

A happy chirp is Clefairy’s reply.

“Oh, speaking of food.” Lille digs into her bag and pulls out a water bottle, “Here.”

Paulo takes the bottle and chugs down the water, soothing his raw throat. “Thank you.”

He shakily stands up, and moves towards the nearby bench. The three sit down, Clefairy still placed on his lap.

“Would,” Lillie starts, “would you like to talk about it?”

Paulo slumps down, “Not really, but you helped me out, so I might as well.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” The girl protests.

“No, no. It’s only fair.” He takes a deep breath. “I’ve been dealing with… issues, about my strength. I’m sure you remember our conversation when during the Missing Red fiasco.”

Lillie nods, “You want to protect your friends, and it frustrates you that you can’t.”

“Well, my worst fears just came true.” Paulo says with a humorless laugh, “Today, Tina and I battled against Giovanni, and we lost .”

Lillie gasps, eyes wide with horror.

“We only kept our pokemon because of whatever plans Giovanni has.” Paulo closes his eyes and leans back, trying to calm himself.

“That’s- That’s awful.” She whispers, “I’m glad that both of you got out okay.”

“But we almost didn’t, because I wasn’t strong enough-”

“That’s not fair to yourself.” Lillie cuts him off, “You were battling against Giovanni , Paulo!

Paulo can’t bring himself to argue.

“It’s not your fault, I promise you.” She whispers, placing her hand over his.

“Okay.”

( You're lying )

The two sit there in silence, staring up at the night sky.

And in the silence, Paulo ruminates.

I won a battle today, but that was from pushing Rockruff to his absolute limit. But because I pushed him so hard, we couldn’t defeat those grunts before Giovanni arrived. 

If… If I had a different pokemon, one that could take powerful hits and dish them out the same…

Paulo takes a deep breath.

An incomplete spirit will only get in the way of making the right choices, huh?

He breaks the silence.

“I don’t need strength, I need power .”

Lillie looks over at him, “What do you mean by that?”

Paulo pulls out Rockruff’s pokeball, and rolls it around in his palm. “No matter how hard I fight, I can’t seem to defeat my opponents. So, maybe it’s not my own strength, but rather…”

He can’t finish the sentence.

Lillie places her hand over the pokeball. “You want to replace Rockruff.”

He nods.

To his surprise, Lillie doesn’t argue with him. She sighs, but says, “Selene showed me how to walk my own path, and find my own strength. If you truly believe that this will help, I won’t stop you.”

“Thank you, Lillie.”

And with that final push, Paulo presses the white button on the pokeball. It shrinks down to the size of a coin, and he tucks the ball into the inside pocket of his jacket.