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Maybe Milkshakes Weren’t Such a Bad Idea

Summary:

After committing a crime or two Tommy goes to get a milkshake. Unfortunately a couple heroes seemed to have the same idea.

Or

I didn’t know what to write for secret Santa

Notes:

This was written for a secret Santa and is pretty experimental, so enjoy haha

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Sometimes when Tommy has a long day he likes to get a milkshake, right? That’s a pretty average thing that people like to do; milkshakes make everything better, after all! 

 

So, naturally, after he may or may not have stolen a little bit of money, he went to get himself a milkshake. Why would he change out of his villain gear to get one? That’s a lot of work. Tommy was a firm believer of work smarter not harder (which may not actually apply in this case). 

 

Listen, the point that he was trying to make was that he really wanted a milkshake, so he went and got one, even if he wasn’t in… ideal attire. All he had to do was waltz on into the diner and wait in line. Did he get weird looks from people? Maybe. Did some people scream and run out? Absolutely! Did he have to wait in a line? Nope! He happily pranced up to the counter, and asked to order a vanilla milkshake. Did the person working the counter look a little horrified? Yep! Did he get to order his shake? Yes he did! Did they roll their eyes when he asked for it “to go?” You bet! Is he getting it to go? For sure! Tommy was honestly winning at life. 

 

Now, when Tommy does something, for some reason it seems to have a tendency to go south. For example, one time he tried to graffiti a hero’s car and said hero happened to be inside of that car. Yikes. That wasn’t his greatest moment. Another example would be right now, when two heroes (who Tommy may or may not have pissed off recently) walked into the same diner that he was currently patiently awaiting his shake in. Splendid. 

 

There’s always a second when a hero will make eye contact with Tommy, and that second always describes the vibe that’s going to carry out with whatever happens next. This was a pretty awkward second. Well, he’d rather have it be awkward than angry. He was way too tired to deal with not one but two angry heroes. Tommy waved at them, just to make sure he read the room right. Specter gave him a small wave. Perses crossed his arms, seemingly taking a second to just make sure that Tommy knew he was being glared at. Tommy understood. A little awkward did seem to be the chosen vibe of the day.

 

Then, his saving grace hollered. “Valor!” Tommy turned his head when he heard his name, almost screaming in joy when he saw the face of a tired looking woman with a milkshake in her hand. His milkshake! He could leave without consequences! 

 

With the brightest grin ever, he skipped up to the counter and took his milkshake from the tired lady. Seeing him seemed to have woken her up a bit, though. Oh well! That was probably good considering that she was at work, and couldn’t exactly just take a nap. Tommy pulled his mask up slightly to get the straw under so that he could take a long drink of cold milk and sugar with whatever ice cream was made with mixed in. Milkshakes were the best thing to ever be invented in his humble (and always correct) opinion. 

 

The heroes were still standing in front of the door and very much blocking his way, which Tommy considered very rude. He just wanted a milkshake! Can’t a guy get a milkshake in peace! They were probably here for milkshakes too, which meant that they had to get it! Heroes always had to be annoying and inconvenient, didn’t they? It was really aggravating sometimes. Always trying to arrest him and shit.

 

So, like any other guy (wanted villain) would, Tommy walked up to them. “Hello. Can I leave please? I just bought this milkshake, didn’t steal it or anything, and now I want to go home.” He tried politely (even despite the fact that he kind of wanted to punch them! He was such a good guy).

 

Specter at least gave him a chuckle, which wasn’t the reaction he wanted, but a reaction he’d take. Perses didn’t seem amused at all, not even bothering to humor Tommy in the slightest. 

 

“How about we don’t let you pass, but I go and order me and Perses a couple of milkshakes while he stands at the door. Then we can sort whatever this is out!” Specter reasoned, all while making wild hand gestures. 

 

That… wasn’t ideal. Tommy just wanted to get out of here so that he could drink his milkshake in peace. On the other hand… once they got their milkshakes he could probably just bolt once they let him out. Yeah, that sounded ideal. He was so good and his plans have never gone wrong. Yep. Big man energy. 

 

“Fine.” Tommy huffed and leaned on the wall by the door. Perses probably wouldn’t really want to make conversation with him anyway. 

 

With that, Specter hopped on over to the counter, leaving Tommy and Perses to awkwardly stand around the door. Awkward was definitely the feeling bouncing between them. 

 

“So, what kind of shake are you going to be getting?” Tommy asked, because he is a champion at easing the tension out of every situation ever. 

 

Perses didn’t seem to agree. The hero stayed quiet for several more heartbeats which led Tommy to believe he wasn’t going to answer. Perses turned his gaze away from Tommy and leaned back against the wall, generally meaning that he wasn’t interested in Tommy’s elite small-talk. 

 

Then, “Chocolate.” Perses finally answered after a solid thirty seconds. This guy was really bad at small-talk. Tommy was too, though, so it was okay. 

 

What wasn’t okay was that he’d get a basic flavor like chocolate. Did Tommy get vanilla? Yes. Is he going to bitch about Perses’s choice of fucking chocolate ? Fuck yeah.

 

“Chocolate is stupid and basic.” Tommy snorted(all while taking a sip of his own vanilla shake).

 

That seemed to have landed as Perses actually turned to look at him this time. “You have a vanilla shake!?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you’re calling me basic?”

 

“That’s what I said.”

 

“Oh my God.” Perses groaned, slumping back against the wall. 

 

Tommy grinned. “It’s not my fault that you’re lame.” 

 

“You cannot get more lame than vanilla.” Perses scoffed, crossing his arms and glaring angrily at the wall. 

 

“Nope vanilla is the best.” Tommy countered smartly like the big man that he is. God, he deserved a raise. He wasn’t getting paid. He should start getting paid more. 

 

Then, Specter walked back over with two shakes in his hands. He handed one, the chocolate one, to Perses, but kept the yellow one in his hands. Who orders a banana shake? What a loser. 

 

Well, banana shake aside, Tommy wanted to leave. So, naturally, he asked again. “So… can I head out now?”

 

Specter turned to him, seeming a little surprised that he was still in fact there. Rude. The guy with the bad milkshake taste forgot about him. 

 

“We’ll give you a five second head start.” Perses deadpanned, completely ignoring how his companion seemed to be rebooting.

 

Head start? That never meant anything good. Why couldn’t Tommy just go home and chill out with his milkshake? His milkshake was going to melt at this rate! In Tommy’s very humble (and never wrong) opinion, this was a crime. 

 

Before he could object, though, Perses took a step away from the door. He only gave Tommy a split second to process what was going on before he began counting. “Five… four…” 

 

Tommy held onto his shake for dear life as he booked it out the door. Did the heroes not want to enjoy their own shakes? What was wrong with them? Not allowing themselves or Tommy to peacefully drink their milkshakes! He groaned, silently praying he wouldn’t drop or spill his milkshake as he began to hear footsteps following after him. 

 

He ran into an alleyway, glancing around before jumping onto a very conveniently placed dumpster so that he could reach a fire escape. Tommy should get a prize for scaling that fire escape with only one hand! The heroes could never. He may as well just sit on this roof and happily drink his shake in peace, now. This is what winning felt like, he figured. Then, he heard a couple pairs of feet land on the roof just behind him. 

 

Sounds like he spoke too soon. Tommy spun around on his heel, looking at the two milkshake bearing heroes in pursuit of him. Their shakes were still very much intact and so was Tommy’s. Maybe they all could make it home and have a nice and relaxing night while they drink milkshakes in separate households! That would be lovely. Too bad heroes were more focused on arresting him than enjoying milkshake night. It was truly a shame in his opinion.

 

Now, Tommy could try and reason that it was milkshake night, and that it was incredibly rude to interrupt milkshake night. The unfortunate thing about that plan was that they didn’t seem to care, considering they were interrupting their own milkshake night. So, rather than trying to convince them that milkshake nights were supposed to be enjoyable, he shot them finger guns before turning and running. 

 

A groan sounded from Specter before two sets of footsteps began to follow him. Usually, Tommy loved this part. He loved the thrill of jumping from roof to roof while the wind and gravity fought against him, it felt freeing and it made him feel capable in ways he couldn’t explain. Now, though, as he was being chased on milkshake night, he found himself hating every bit of this chase. Chases are only fun if it’s not on milkshake night, he decided. 

 

It continued like this for longer than Tommy appreciated, so eventually, Tommy skidded to a quick and sudden stop. Specter screeched like a small child before he almost rammed straight into Tommy. Perses seemed to be just fine. Perses was a lot cooler than Specter, Tommy decided. He turned around, pausing to take a sip of his now slightly more runny milkshake.

 

“Hey guys, so I know you’re like… legally in charge of arresting me or whatever, but can we at least sit down and drink our milkshakes first? Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to drink mine when it’s all gross and warm.” Tommy huffed, taking a big long drink of the beauty that was his vanilla milkshake. 

 

Perses began shaking his head, but before he could say anything Specter jumped in. “That sounds like a great idea! I don’t want to drink a warm milkshake either, honestly.” The hero rambled, taking a sip of his banana shake in the pause. “We can have a milkshake truce. We don’t arrest you, you don’t do any villain stuff. Then, when we’re done we can try to arrest you again.” 

 

Now, that sounded appealing, but the end wouldn’t do. “Alright, but that’s subject to change.” Tommy huffed, not bothering to nitpick the hero’s truce thing. 

 

Perses cleared his throat, “I for one do not approve of this… ‘milkshake truce.’” He huffed, but also took a second to sip that boring chocolate shake of his. 

 

“Two against one, Perses, you can’t argue.” Specter laughed, elbowing his companion before sitting down on the edge of the building they were currently on. 

 

Tommy follows Specter’s lead, plopping himself down on the side of the building next to the hero despite Perses’s objections. Specter was right, two against one. You can’t argue with the majority vote. Perses seemed to have a similar revelation as he groaned, but sat down next to Specter anyway. 

 

Maybe heroes did respect the milkshake night grind. After all, the milkshake truce was in place now. Everyone knows that breaking a truce is just rude, but breaking the milkshake truce would be downright evil. Tommy unhooked the bottom part of his mask, figuring it would be easier to drink his shake that way. It didn’t matter much anyway since they couldn’t see his entire face. Specter and Perses probably sent him weird looks, but they didn’t comment on it. Tommy was just happy and content to finally sit down and drink his milkshake. 

 

Unfortunately though, nothing is ever peaceful with heroes. So, Specter tried to make small talk. “Do you frequently go out for milkshakes in that attire?” The hero asked, gaze focused on his yellow shake.

 

“Yep.” Tommy huffed. “Gotta end the night with a shake, it’s the only way to go about life, honestly.” He snickered, kicking his legs about. “Do you frequently go out for milkshakes in that attire?”

 

“No.” Perses answered for Specter, not even bothering to allow Specter a second to respond.

 

“Lame. You guys should, after anything that requires too much thought it is highly advised to get a milkshake, don’t you know?” Tommy hummed, his made up rule finding its way into conversation easily. 

 

Specter snickered, turning his head to look at Tommy. “Is that so?” He asked. 

 

“Yup. It’s a rule, made it myself.” He grinned back, surprised by how easy it was to speak with these guys. 

 

“Can’t argue with that, then!” Specter laughed, leaning back on his hand that wasn’t occupied with the shake. 

 

They fell into silence once more as the three just watched the stars above their head, however faint they were. Stars and milkshakes. It was honestly a surprisingly docile moment between a couple of heroes and a villain. If Tommy found this moment comfortable then he wouldn’t admit it to anyone. 

 

Of course though, silence couldn’t last forever. “So, Valor, how come you’re a villain?” Specter hummed out, seemingly oblivious to how nosy he was being. Of course someone who orders a banana shake would be nosy, Tommy thought bitterly

 

What type of question is that anyway? Nobody asks questions like that. It’d be weird and strange to ask everyone why they did everything.

 

“I dunno’” He grumbled, not over the moon about the mood shift. “Why’re you a hero?”

 

“I asked first.” Specter shot back, earning himself a scoff from Perses.

 

Rude. Specter really just pulled that card on him. That cruel banana milkshake enjoyer. “I guess I’m a villain because I’ve seen how bad it can get.” Tommy huffed vaguely, staring down at the streets below him. 

 

He remembered what it was like when he had to steal or fight for a simple apple. He remembered what it was like to have to huddle with Ranboo and Tubbo on nights where they couldn’t find a stable place to stay for the night. He knew what it was like to look at people walking down the streets happily chatting while drinking milkshakes and wanting to be them so bad. Ever since Tommy had become a villain he decided that he’d only hurt the wealthy, and if he could, he’d aid the less fortunate. Just as he had wished someone would have done for him when he was younger. Sure, parts of him had begun to enjoy the more “villainous” parts of his life, but he could care less. A couple of heroes didn’t need to know that, though. His reasoning for what he did was completely his own business, Specter didn’t need to stick his annoying fucking nose into that, though. 

 

“You’ve seen how bad it can get so you make it worse?” Specter questioned with what sounded like genuine curiosity. 

 

“I only make it worse for the people that can cope with a little downfall in their lives.” Tommy grumbled, still not bothering to go into much description about his personal affairs. 

 

Specter still seemed a bit confused but Perses hummed thoughtfully. “That makes sense, I suppose.” The chocolate shake loser commented, surprising both Tommy and Specter. 

 

“Well,” Perses began, pushing his braid behind his shoulder. “Hurting and taking stuff from the wealthy isn’t usually particularly going to have a long lasting impact on the victim.” The hero hummed almost absentmindedly. 

 

“Exactly!” Tommy grinned,

 

It was a bit weird to discuss this so casually, with a couple of heroes who were chasing him just moments before. Strangely though… it wasn’t too uncomfortable. It was weird to say that it was a bit like chatting with a friend over coffee (or milkshakes in this case), but that just so happened to be all Tommy could compare it to. 

 

“Now, why are you two heroes?” Tommy asked now that his answer was out of the way.

 

There was a brief stretch of silence as the two thought, but it seemed to end almost as quickly as it started. “Well, I guess we wanted to try and make a difference.” Specter chuckled. “Which is… very cliché, I know.”

 

Perses picked it back up, “We’ve both also seen how difficult it can get out here, and we hoped that we could try and make it a little bit better.” He explained. “Unfortunately that can be a lot easier said than done.” 

 

Tommy nodded, furrowing his eyebrows I thought. They had… practically the same reasoning behind heroes that Tommy had behind being a villain. That was strange to think about. How could people like them, people who were sworn protectors of the city, be motivated by similar ideals to Tommy, someone who wanted to crush it to dust beneath his own boot. 

 

He was brought out of thought by the unmistakable sound of his shake being completely empty. He frowned as he glanced over and realized that it was pretty much the same case for the two next to him. He stuffed his cup in his backpack so that he could throw it away later before latching his mask back up. He may as well get a head start. 

 

“Well, thanks for the milkshake truce, but I ought to be on my way.” Tommy sighed as he stood up. Specter and Perses seemingly hadn’t noticed that Tommy was done and had been preparing to leave.

 

Before the heroes could object, Tommy waved before turning around and booking it. Maybe he was more similar to the heroes than he thought. Maybe milkshake night wasn’t such a disaster after all.

 

-

 

Wilbur watched Valor run off, not even bothering to get up and chase after him. Techno seemed to be on the same page as him. 

 

It was strange that a villain wasn’t super hard to talk to, even if it was a quick interaction with little conversation. 

 

One thing is for sure though, apparently he and Tehno had a lot more in common with that villain than they thought. Wilbur wouldn’t mind speaking to that kid again, and something told him Techno felt about the same. 

 

Maybe milkshakes weren’t such a bad idea after all. 

Notes:

Wrote this in a couple hours at midnight, but that considered I hope it’s alright lmao. Merry 3 days after Christmas

I realized after writing this that I should’ve given them vanilla chocolate and strawberry milkshakes but oh well
I love banana shakes