Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Long ago, there lived two best friends…one human, one monster. Despite her gruff and snarky personality, the human child had rosy cheeks and a smile as bright as the sun. This smile was made possible due to her new family, since her biological family did not show the same kindness.

But even with her love for her new family, this lingering bitterness that she felt for her own blood burned. Due of this, a plan was enacted to take revenge on the people who hurt her, along with wanting to free the Dreemurr family she came to love. The plan failed, and both siblings died, with the human going first and the monster passing on just a couple of hours later.

The kingdom of the Underground fell into incredible grief and turmoil, especially from the Dreemurr parents. But despite indescribable grief from their parents, things took an unexpected, hopeful turn. While the human child remained dead, the monster child resurrected.

However, he was resurrected without a soul and began calling himself "Flowey."

After trying every which way to feel whole again through innocent and noble means, the child gave up and decided to become the most powerful being in the Underground, destroying everything in his path to feel whole again. The hollowness and boredom ate away at him. He would even resort to killing if he had to in order to achieve his goals.

But this all changed when he met a child named "Frisk."

Flowey, who is truly Asriel, repented of his actions of all the harm he caused to the monsters. He also apologized to Frisk and understood that he didn't deserve forgiveness. But, despite all of their turmoil, Frisk ran up to Asriel, embraced him tightly like a brother, and forgave him. Sobbing tears of joy, Asriel felt peace for the first time in a long while. He didn’t want to let go.

After gaining this new friend, Asriel broke the barrier and freed the monsters, reaching a further step toward his redemption. However, Asriel knew that he couldn't go with them. He was afraid that he’d hurt them again if he couldn’t keep his real body, which turned him into a hermit. The little goat monster had no idea if he would ever reunite with his family, let alone get his real body back permanently.

However, there was still hope. It started with his entire family learning that he was alive. They came to visit him as much as they could, which helped alleviate his loneliness. After that, Frisk came back. Asriel’s insecurities and worries about backsliding finally began to die off, and the re-goating occurred. Asriel "Flowey" Dreemurr and Ambassador Frisk Dreemurr became true brothers that very day.

But things weren’t all roses. Asriel knew how many people he had hurt in the past. And, without the resets, many would be dead. Not only that, but Chara never had a resurrection like he had, let alone a time in which she received her body again. He wanted to escape and be free.

This is the story of Asriel's first day…not his first day alive, his first day in his Flowey body, nor his first day after the barrier broke. This is the story of Asriel's first day on the surface, where he fights to make the most of his second chance and hopefully come to know what true forgiveness means.

...

Timeline date: BB12
Month: July

The worst possible noise ever devised rang in Frisk's ears: the alarm clock blare. Reaching over the head of his bed, he hits his hand on the clock, but it doesn't stop. He grunts and slams his hand again on the top of the clock. Still nothing. Frisk kept rolling 1s on dexterity checks.

The ambassador climbs out of bed and slams both of his hands onto the top of the clock. It finally stops ringing as it falls to the floor. "The pain and suffering is over," Frisk groans. After a moment to stop and think, he chuckles. "No, I should be excited! Today's a new day to live! And a new day to help monsters and humans bond. I must stay DETERMINED."

Stirring erupts from behind, and Frisk turns around and smiles. Asriel's face twitches, and he snorts, rubbing his messy fur. "Good morning and howdy, Frisk."
"Morning, Azzy. I hope you got good sleep,” Frisk says.
"Yeah, I did!” Asriel says. “That's the best that I've slept since, well…since I lost my real body. But now I have it back, which is pretty neat." He beams and gets up, touching the top of his head. "I hope my horns grow in soon, too. I wanna be big and strong, just like Dad."

Asriel peers over to Frisk's nightstand and sees the clock lying on the floor. He chuckles. "You got into a fistfight with the alarm clock, huh?"
Frisk shrugs and chuckles. "I may be a pacifist, but even I have my limits."

Frisk may be a dork, but he does have admirable patience. Others would’ve torn that clock to pieces eons ago.

Asriel laughs. "I don't blame you for being annoyed!” He looks down at his covers. "But, you gotta keep moving on, right?"
"Yeah. And, every day is a new day to live!" Frisk adds.
"Heh…yeah…"

Asriel's voice trails off, and he blinks. The goat child sees a beaming rosy-cheeked face, coupled with a large green and light yellow shirt, in front of him. Gasping gleefully and rubbing his eyes, the ambassador in blue reappears. Frisk walks over to him and pats his back. "You alright? It’s like you saw a ghost."

Asriel lowers his head and clenches his knees. "It’s nothing…" he lies, lips twitching.

Frisk puts on a smile for the goat child, trying to cheer him up. “It’s awesome how you kept your promise of not killing and not being killed. And even in your Flowey body, you kept that promise. I’m really glad that you’ve been getting better and better.”

Asriel shakes his head. "I know I don't deserve to be here right now. But, I am…" He then looks up at Frisk and digs his fingernails into his fur, creating indentations. "You forgave me even though I hurt you…and I hurt Mom and Dad and Papyrus and Alphys and all of them too…why would you ever forgive me?"

Frisk slides onto the bed beside him. "The other monsters attacked me in the Underground too." He rubs the back of his head and half-smiles. "I'm kinda surprised that Undyne and I are friends since she chased me and tried to impale me with countless spears. But, I still became friends with her. If you ask me, you and her aren't as different as you think."

Asriel shrugs. “I guess.”

Frisk leans back and flutterkicks his legs. "And your Dad is the one who stole six human souls after killing those kids. I fought with him, and he nearly killed me. But he failed in the end, and we still became friends. Sans could've killed me too, but he didn't. Have you thought about that?"
Asriel sheepishly taps his fingers together. "I guess you're right."

"Look," Frisk gently yet sharply says, "they tried to kill me yet failed. And, it was the same with you…but you failed. And I forgave them all…so, who said I can't forgive you, too?"

Asriel trembles. "I can't argue with that, but I feel I hurt people in even bigger ways than Undyne or my dad." He cries slightly and bites his lip. "That's…why I'm not sure if I can ever be…"

Frisk frowns. "You really meant your apology, didn't you?"
Asriel rubs his eyes clean of tears and spills his voice. "Of course I do! I’ve done a lot of wrong, and I don’t want to be that way anymore!”

Frisk forces a grin on his face. "You were soulless, though, so I understand."

Asriel’s eyes burn, soul twisting and wailing. “Stop,” he growls. "Don’t be an idiot. Even if I was soulless then, there's no excuse for what I did."

Frisk frowns again and shakes his head. "C'mon. That's not cool."

Asriel releases his glare, clenching his belly and turning green. "...Wait, I'm sorry for calling you an 'idiot,' and I'm sorry for not listening to you. I really hope you forgive me for being so mean.”

Frisk hugs his brother and slightly sways back and forth. “I forgive you. I’m not even mad; I’m just worried about you.”

Asriel twists his tongue and stares at a picture of a golden flower on the wall behind the brothers. "Yeah…but why did you even become friends with me? I hurt you so much."

Frisk sighs. "Because I love you, you know that. That’s with all monsters. You also let us all go free. That kind of turn-around doesn’t happen every day. Since you're the reason why my new friends went free, the least I could do was go back for you. Besides, I’m the ambassador of monsters. I had to do something, and I wanted to do something.”

Asriel hangs his head and rubs the back of his neck. "I hope I can move on. I just wish I could know for sure that I was permanently forgiven somehow.”

Frisk smiles and pulls Asriel off the bed. "I'll be with you every step of the way."

After stretching for a bit, loud growling noise erupts from their stomachs, with Asriel rubbing his gently. "Hehe, right. Breakfast."
"Yeah, Mom should be cooking it now. I wonder what it is,” Frisk ponders.
"I hope it's her butterscotch cinnamon pie!" Asriel leans his head backward, and his mouth salivates. "It's soooo good. I haven't had it in forever!"

Frisk shakes his head and opens the door to their bedroom. "You know Mom doesn't allow dessert for breakfast."

Asriel chuckles and shrugs. "Was worth a thought!"

As the two Dreemurr siblings walk out to the kitchen, their mother, Toriel, runs back and forth between the stovetop and the table. After Frisk and Asriel walk up to her, she hugs them tightly at the same time.

"Good morning, my children," the goat mother says in a voice that feels like a blanket wrapped around you.

Frisk and Asriel hug her back and say, "morning, Mom." Asriel looks at the stove and smiles. "Whatcha cookin'?

Toriel claps her hands together. "Oatmeal! I cannot have my children growing up on an empty stomach, and this will also help keep your brother focused on his ambassador duties today."

After nomming down their breakfast, the brothers finish getting dressed and run out the door. Waving, Toriel smiles and closes the door gently behind her. Staring down at the floor, an icy chill runs down her spine. “I’m so grateful that my Asriel has his real body again. And he’s been alive since he became Flowey, too.”

As Toriel walks back into the living room, she glances over at a dusty picture on the wall. It's the ghost. A few sorrowful tears escape, and she rests her body against the wall. “But I can't understand why my Chara wasn't allowed the same on either count…”

This was only the beginning. Little did Toriel know that both she and her children were about to experience a whirlwind of pain and emotional trauma resurfacing.

…

The front doors of the town hall fly open, and Frisk proudly walks through the door. He waves as monsters and humans move around the lobby. Asriel looks left and right and notices eyes boring into him. "Uh, Frisk…why is everyone staring at me? Especially other monsters. My belly's getting butterflies."

Frisk tilts his gaze behind him and rubs his lips together. "Oh, right…you might get that. You're the great prince, after all."
“How many know?” Asriel asks while tapping his fingers together and sweating.
“A few know the legend.” Frisk chuckles. “But, once your story spreads, I’m sure more and more people will be happy to see you and meet you.”

Asriel shakes and walks closer to Frisk, with his turquoise eyes swirling like a whirlpool. "No, that’s not what I’m asking. What if they know about my Flowey days?"

Frisk wraps an arm around his shoulder. "It's ok." He leans closer and whispers. "The only ones who know that you were Flowey are Mom, Dad, Alphys, Undyne, and Sans. Maybe Papyrus too, but you're in the clear outside of those 5 or 6. Nobody else knows you stole souls or anything.”

Asriel breathes out deeply, warm air expelling into the room. “Thank you. I'm a little less nervous now. Still though…"

The Dreemurrs enter the next room filled with monsters and humans. Over on the right stands a tall and lean skeleton named Papyrus. Multiple grills line the back portion of the room, and he flips sausage patties and rolls links as he sniffs the air and rushes from grill to grill. Frisk and Asriel walk up to him, and Frisk waves. "Hi, Papyrus! How is breakfast coming along?"

Papyrus stops cooking and proudly smiles. "I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM SWELL! I'M GLAD THAT YOU ARE DOING WELL, HUMAN. THESE PROTEINS SHALL BE UP TO YOUR STANDARDS!"

Frisk laughs. "You don't have to go all out just for me, but thank you. I believe that the meeting attendees will like it, too. It'll help us bond closer together."

Papyrus moves to another grill. After a moment of studying the proteins on it, he turns and stares at Asriel, with his eye sockets widening. "TINY ASGORE! I SEE YOU ARE SPENDING TIME WITH OUR AMBASSADOR TODAY. I AM HAPPY TO SEE HOW YOU ARE BONDING TOGETHER; SO KIND OF YOU.

Asriel rubs the back of his head. "Thanks. I just wanted to hang out with Frisk today."
"WELL, I'M SURE THAT YOU WILL ENJOY OUR BREAKFAST HERE." Papyrus looks to the side of him. "JUST AVOID THE LAMB KABOBS. I AM NOT SURE HOW YOU WOULD FEEL ABOUT THAT."

Asriel chuckles. "No worries. I know that goats like Mom and me aren’t like the ordinary, surface-world goats you'd see on a farm." He rubs his chin and then shakes his head gently. "But I don't think I'll have any, though. Sorry."

Papyrus sniffs and continues cooking. "NOT TO WORRY, ASGORE JUNIOR! TO EACH THEIR OWN."

As Frisk lets Papyrus get back to cooking, Asriel leans over to Frisk and grimaces. "Bro, we just had breakfast. You know what Mom says about eating too much."
"Eat like a pig; feel like a pig; be a pig?" Frisk asks.
Asriel chuckles. "Uh…yeah.”

Frisk shrugs and pats his stomach. “I’m chubby; I can take it.” He snorts. “Figures that the skinny brother is warning me to not eat too much.”

It is true that Asriel isn’t overweight and is semi-slim. But, the goat kid still had a little pudge on his belly. Folding his arms, he admits, “I may be skinnier than you, but I'm not a twig." He chuckles. "Not anymore, anyway."

Frisk laughs. “I see what you did there,” he says, catching the Flowey reference. Don’t tell him I said this, but Asriel and Sans may be closer to kindred spirits than Asriel would admit, given their appreciation of puns.

The goat child scratches his ear. “Also, I didn't know that Papyrus knew that we were brothers. How did he know?"
"I overheard Mom talking with him over the phone last night when I was trying to sleep,” Frisk explains. “She must’ve filled him in."
"Heh, yeah. It was late though, so I didn’t hear all of it,” Asriel says.
Frisk snorts. “That’s how Papyrus is! One of the greatest mysteries is whether or not Papyrus ever sleeps.”

The ambassador nods and points up front. "Anyway, we’re gonna be sitting up front today.”

Asriel gulps as the siblings approach the front of the dining hall, which is filled with comically oversized seats as tall as basketball players. Asriel clenches his stomach. "I'm getting the butterflies in the stomach thing again. They'll see me and ask questions, and I don't wanna get overwhelmed!"

Frisk shakes his head as they reach the stairs leading up to the honors table. Turning around, the ambassador apologizes. "I'm sorry for being insensitive. You don't have to be at this event if you don't want to."

Asriel pats Frisk's back, grinning bitterly. "This breakfast is in honor of you, not me. Besides, I just wanna hang out with you…that's all I want. I’m just afraid that people will learn too much about me…or ask about my past. My history.”

Asriel bites his lip, aura glowing blue. Frisk brings him in for another hug, saying, “your secret is safe. I doubt that’ll happen.”

Frisk releases his brother, and they sit next to each other, patiently waiting for the second breakfast to arrive. As Frisk relaxes in his own chair, the mayor of Ebott approaches him. He is tall and rotund, sporting a bright white suit and a large white mustache. He sports a cowboy hat, and Frisk extends his hand in greeting. "Hi, Mr. Ebott. How are you?"

Mr. Ebott laughs and pats Frisk on the back. "I'm swell. And, no need to be so formal! We're all friends here."

Frisk rubs his head and chuckles. "Oh, yeah. I'll try to remember."
Mr. Ebott places his hands on his hips. "The Ebott family's warmth and hospitality have been passed down for generations! Well…aside from that one Ebott…"
"Right…yeah, the one who made sure the monsters got sealed in the first place." Frisk shakes his head. “That’s gotta be hard.”

Mr. Ebott grumbles. "You did your homework, kid." After clenching his fists for a moment, Mr. Ebott grins and nods at Frisk. "But don't worry. I'm pleased that Mr. Dreemurr signed the peace treaty, and now we can rebuild our bonds and get back to how things were before the barrier.”
"I'm sure we will!" Frisk exclaims excitedly.

The ambassador was ready to move forward, but Asriel wasn’t. Crowds would soon form around him, as he feared. The goat was about to experience a very bumpy trip down memory lane.

Chapter Text

As Frisk gobbles up his plate, humans stare at Asriel. He clenches the fabric of his jeans and sweats. "Oh boy, here it comes…"

One of the older women in the group walks up to Asriel and begins petting him on the head. Asriel starts to think she might have a problem, especially as she opens her mouth and spills her saccharine voice. "Aw, another goat monster! Aren't you the cutest little thing?!"

Asriel chuckles and taps his fingers on the table. "Uh, howdy. I'm Asriel, Frisk's older brother."
The woman continues. "Your wooly fur is so soft, yet dense! It reminds me of my dogs' coats; does it get hot in the summer?!"

Unfortunately, Frisk is too busy talking to Mayor Ebott to bail his goat brother out. Asriel bites his lip as the crowd increases. "Eh, kinda. That's why my favorite season is winter! It's cool then, and I get to celebrate Christmas with my family."

Another woman, younger and taller in stature, begins massaging his ear, and Asriel’s fake smile widens. (I feel really uncomfy with them doing this. But…I don't want to run out because I don't want to make Frisk look bad, but I really hate this!)

A younger man wearing a sharp suit and glasses walks closer to him, inspecting the goat child. "Are you related to Asgore and Toriel Dreemurr, by any chance?"
Asriel nods. "Yup! Well…my Mom doesn't have that last name anymore. My parents are divorced."

The older lady chimes in again. "Oh no, I'm so sorry! How does that feel?"

Asriel leans his head on his hand and pokes at his scrambled eggs. "I hate it. I love my Mom and Dad and don't want to see them fight anymore. I still have the ‘Dreemurr’ name, at least.”

The sharp-dressed man clears his throat. "You know, I've heard some details about your family, thanks to Frisk and I being on the city council. The royals of the Underground? Powerful fire magic? Very interesting." He leans in while holding his chin. “What’s your story?”

Clanging bells scream in Asriel’s brain. He nervously chuckles as memories of his unsavory past flow back to him. "I…I dunno what you mean! No special story with me. I'm just Azzy, an 11-year-old kid. And we're not the royal family anymore.” The volume in Asriel’s voice spikes. “No special story to tell here, mister! Hehe, yeah, nothing special with me! Nothing to see here, heh…”

The human tilts his head. “Are you feeling ok, buddy?”

The chiming ceases. Asriel blinks, then shakes his head. "Um…what do you mean?"

The man lowers his gaze slightly. "I just wanted to know a little more about your story. I apologize if I asked too many questions. Did I make you nervous?"

Asriel gets misty-eyed and half-sprints away from the table. The human man reaches out to him. "Wait, kid! I apologize if we said anything offensive to you."
"No…it's ok…I just need to go home,” Asriel says, rushing out the door.

The man shakes his head and glares at the elderly woman. "Nice going, Mom. You should know better than patronizing monsters like that. And now, things got worse.”
The woman scoffs. "That's no way to speak to your elders! And you’re the reason why he ran away, seems to me."
"That doesn't matter when you didn’t apologize for how you acted toward him,” he replies.

The conversation between the ambassador and mayor finally ceases, and Frisk looks at the small group. Noticing the empty chair, he raises an eyebrow. “Wait, where is he?” Looking toward the exit of the dinner hall, he notices Asriel running out of the building. Frisk shakes his head and begins running toward his brother.

Mayor Ebott holds out his hand and yells, "Ambassador Dreemurr! You haven't given your speech yet!"

Frisk looks back at Mr. Ebott, yelling, "I need to take care of my brother right now! You can lead the speech for me."

Mr. Ebott grumbles. Frisk makes his way to the front of the town hall, seeing Asriel slam the doors open and run out. He nods and whispers, "I didn't see what caused him to run out, but if I had one guess…”

As Asriel reaches the bus stop, Frisk catches up to him. "Azzy! Azzy…wait…."

Asriel looks behind him and stops marching. He clenches his chest, with his soul pounding and twisting in pain. He sinks his head. "I'm sorry."

Frisk pants and recollects himself. “What are you…sorry for? You didn't have to stay if you…didn't want to."

Dullness stabs Asriel in the check, the spotlight blaring on him. "I didn't want to embarrass you, but now I think I just did! You ran out just to check on me, and now you will miss doing your breakfast speech." He bows his head. "I'm burdening you."

Frisk folds his arms. "You’re apologizing too much. Besides, you never have been a burden. We're friends, right?"
Asriel looks up at Frisk through watery eyes. "F…friends?"
"Yeah, of course,” Frisk confirms. “We've been friends since you broke the barrier. You didn't forget that, did you?"

Asriel sinks his head again and clenches his stomach, hunching over. Frisk raises an eyebrow and holds Asriel's shoulder. "Aren’t you feeling well?"
"No…I’m not,” Asriel admits.
"Where does it hurt, bud?" Frisk asks.
"Everywhere,” Asriel complains. “And my soul hurts the most."

Frisk clenches his chest, thinking. (Wow…my soul feels a little painful, too. That's weird…). He says, "were you feeling alright before the breakfast party?"
Asriel nods. "Yeah, I was. I was still nervous, but I felt ok. Then, things got worse, and I had to just…escape."

Frisk nods. "I was busy talking to Mayor Ebott, so I didn’t hear what happened. What made you run out?"

Asriel rubs his neck. "A bunch of humans walked up to me and started asking me questions. Then, I started thinking about my past and…" His eyes light up, and he straightens his posture. "Right. A man said he knew our family a little bit and asked more about my story…my history. My story.” The goat child’s stomach grows queasier. “That’s when the memories of my past and all the wrong came back.”

Frisk hugs Asriel gently as Asriel's eyes water again. "We'll head home, and you can rest. I know you've been through a lot, but I have your back. We’re brothers, after all."

Asriel half-smiles. "Thanks. I hope Mom can help me, too. I wish my first day back in my real body was happier, though."

Frisk looks forward, and the bus pulls up to the bench. Neither brother look at the other as they quietly enter the bus.

…

Back at the Dreemurr home, Toriel walks out of the kitchen and plops down on the couch, sighing deeply. "The dishes are finally done." She lets her eyes gaze into the ceiling and rubs her fingers through her hair. (I'm generally not this tired, but why do I feel so exhausted? Is it because…)

Toriel bites her lip, her brain racing like a bullet train. (My son has his body back, but…his Flowey form…my sweet little boy wouldn't hurt a fly! But…the soulless piece of the puzzle, I…would he attack without question? It’s been nearly a year since I learned the truth, and yet I still can’t…)

The door slams open, and Frisk gently guides Asriel inside, with his green and yellow sleeved arm wrapped around Frisk's shoulder. Toriel gets up from the couch and holds her hands over her mouth. "My child, you seem unwell! Are you hurt? Oh, please, tell me you're ok."

Asriel clenches his stomach and slightly buckles his knees, nausea tossing him around like a ragdoll. “My tummy hurts. And my head feels fuzzy…my whole body feels weak and bad.”

Toriel feels Asriel’s forehead, pulling her paw back after his forehead sears her fingertips. "You’re feverish, too. Perhaps you're still getting used to your real body again. Please, go lie down and rest."

Asriel nods obediently and shuffles to the couch and curls up into a ball, coddling his sore belly. Frisk pulls his mother aside for a private chat, but she takes a step back and grimaces. "Don’t you have a speech, my child?”

Frisk folds his hands and looks downward. "I just wanted to help Azzy. I told Mr. Ebott to deliver my speech while I was away.”

Toriel wraps her motherly wing around Frisk as they sit at the kitchen table. "You are very sweet to care for your brother like that, and I understand why you left early. But, is he unwell enough to the point where you should be here instead of there?”
“Yes”, Frisk explains. “Because Asriel’s trapped in his past."

Toriel snaps her head back, ruby eyes losing color. "What happened?”

Frisk rubs his chin. “He explained that people were asking about his ‘story,’ as they put it, and it sent him into a spiral.”

Toriel hangs her head, and her brow creases with melancholy. "I hate to see my child suffering. I'm not feeling well either, quite honestly."

Frisk stares intently at his mother, lifting his honey-like voice to her. "Maybe this would help…what if you and Azzy got counseling?”
Toriel bites her lip. “I…hadn’t considered that.”

Frisk pats her arm. "If you got counseling, they might help you with moving on."
The goat mother sighs a breath of relief. "Thank you, my child. You are right, and I think it’s time we sought help.”

Toriel quickly picks up the phone and dials the number she dialed earlier that morning. After a few moments pass, the voice on the other end answers. "Hello, Alvin? Yes, this is Toriel, retired Queen of the monsters…my son, Asriel, and I need counseling…yes, we’ve experienced much loss and are struggling…could we begin meeting for counseling on Fridays?...Wonderful, thank you. Yes, first week of August works…thank you, goodbye.”

While it was good that the mother and son goat was going to receive some counseling, this didn’t mean they were out of the woods yet. Especially with what Asriel’s subconscious was about to deliver to him.

Chapter Text

A few days have passed. It’s a new evening.

Asriel walks and looks up and down and all around. Darkness swarms around his little body. He takes a few steps forward, brow sweating. "Where am I?…What's going on…" he whispers. After another moment of walking, he shouts out, "MOM! DAD! FRISK! Are you there?!"

Like a shot out of a cannon, a small human child apparates in front of him. Back turned, her chocolate brown hair blows in the wind as her chunky little body slowly turns to the goat child. Asriel gasps, with joyful tears appearing in his eyes as the child’s rosy cheeks glow for him. Asriel runs forward and hugs the child tightly.

"CHARA!” Asriel exclaims. “Chara…I can't…you're here, but…"
Chara chuckles. "Greetings, you crybaby. Would it kill you to toughen up?"

Asriel rubs his eyes and bites his lip. "You're right. I don't mean to be a baby, but I can't help it."
Chara raises an eyebrow and places her hand on her hip. "Aren't you 11 now? You realize that big kids don’t cry, right?"

Asriel's pupils sharpen, and he shakes his head. "I can't get over it."
"Why?" Chara asks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Asriel raises an eyebrow. "Wait, you don’t remember…the plan?" he whispers.
Chara sinks her head and chortles bitterly. "That's why it's so unfair, especially how it failed."

Asriel’s heart drops like a rock. "…What's unfair?"
His sister's limbs tremble. She marches up to him and grips his shoulder. "How you got to live again, and I didn't."

Asriel steps backward, hands shaking like leaves in the wind. "Don't say that! I did resurrect…but… ‘Flowey’ was the name I called myself. And you don't know what being Flowey was like,” he counters. “I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy!”

Chara pushes Asriel away, face twisting and fists clenched. "You're an idiot. You got to live while I died..."
"I got killed, too!" Asriel exclaims.
"No,” Chara says sharply. “Both of us know your demise doesn't count. You were resurrected while I'm still in the ground. Then, you got your real body back while I have no body at all. Now, do you see why it's not fair?"

Asriel glares at Chara’s ghost, shouting. "YOU AREN'T LISTENING TO ME! I wouldn't…" He lowers his tone, and his voice falls back to a whisper with tears falling. "I wouldn't want my sister to go through what I went through! You were my best friend forever…I loved you."

Chara clicks her tongue and waltzes up to Asriel, narrowing her blood-red eyes. "You're pathetic. And now you're all about Frisk, huh?"

Asriel hangs his head. "This isn't like you. Sure, you would tease me, but you were never this mean! What happened?!” The sniffling and sobbing spikes from the goat child. “T-this isn't the Chara I k-know! And you haven’t been replaced.”
"That doesn't matter. I'm dead,” Chara spats.

Asriel’s head pounds. "So, you don't care about me enough to answer my questions?!" Voice boiling over, he screams, "ANSWER ME!"
Chara chuckles. “I don’t have to answer you if I don’t want to.”
Asriel snorts. “No, I’m the one asking questions. I’m the one in control!”

Chara’s chuckle turns into a laugh. Her eyes bleed black tar, and her smile turns wicked. "Really now? That's funny…since when were you the one in control?"

“Chara…listen…” Asriel pleads.

Evil laughter covers the expanse. Chara pulls out a knife, and Asriel snaps backward. His crying increases as he runs the other way, with the ghost girl floating after him. The screams shift, and her voice fizzles as a familiar voice comes into Asriel's ears. He looks behind him, and vines and flowers shoot up around Chara as she inches closer and closer. "No…no…that's not Chara's laugh…" Asriel listens closer, and a sense of dread shakes his soul. "…that's my laugh. Flowey's laugh."

Asriel trips and falls to the ground, skinning his knee. Chara’s head morphs into a golden flower and yells, "big bro…let's play!" Asriel cries out…

…

"HELP ME, PLEASE!"

Rain slams against the windows, thunder clapping from the clouds above. Asriel wakes up and snaps up, body shaking. Panting heavily, he looks to his left and sees Frisk standing next to him. "Are you alright? You were dreaming…"

Asriel stares at Frisk, lips feeling numb. Bringing his knees up to his head, he holds them in his hands, saying nothing.

With a slam, Toriel runs through the door. Her ruby eyes are wide, and her brow is covered with worried sweat. "ASRIEL! I heard your screams. What's wrong?!"

Without warning, Asriel repeatedly bangs his head against the wall. Toriel lunges forth, gripping her son’s paws. "My child, you stop that right now!"

Asriel's body gets as cold as the arctic, mind freezing. Frigid tears fall into his lap. "Mommy, I'm sorry…please don't be mad at me…"

Toriel holds her mouth. After a few seconds of silence, she throws herself onto Asriel and squeezes him tightly. "My child, I was wrong to raise my voice at you. If anyone should apologize, it's me."
Asriel hugs his mother back. "It's ok."

Toriel wipes her son’s eyes dry and gently holds onto his shoulders. "Tell me, dear…what happened?"
Asriel grips his knees tightly. "I saw Chara…"

Toriel’s hands roll off Asriel's shoulders. "What on earth do you mean?"
"I had a bad dream,” Asriel explains. “About Chara…it was her, but it wasn't her. She attacked me, but I saw my Flowey self, and I…"

Toriel bows her head and brings in Asriel for another hug, lightly petting his head. "It was just a nightmare. Please remember it was just a nightmare."
Asriel slowly looks up at his mother. "I know, but…"
"It wasn’t real. We're all together,” the goat mother reassures.

Frisk leans toward Toriel and says, "Your first counseling session is tomorrow, right?"
"That is correct,” Toriel replies.
Frisk half-heartedly smiles, giving Asriel a gentle back rub. "Good.”

Toriel smiles and blows kisses to her children as she walks out. "I love you both. Please get some rest."
“Love you too, Mom,” the brothers reply.

Toriel gently closes the door and walks back to her bedroom. As Asriel closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep, Frisk looks up at the ceiling, gently resting his hand on his stomach. From within his mind, the voice of a narrator and an ally from the past enters his mind, abating her pension for narrating stories temporarily.

"It's brutal what Azzy's going through. You think he'll be alright?" the narrator asks.
"I think so,” Frisk thinks. “I'm glad that you love and care about your brother all these years later."

The voice chuckles. "He's still a big crybaby, but I love him anyway." A twinge of pain enters the cadence of the voice. "I wish I could talk to him, though. Given my circumstances, you're the only one I can communicate with."

Frisk sighs. "I get that, Chara. I'd love to see the day you can talk with him again. But I want to see if we can resurrect you and get you a body again so you can talk to him yourself. I don’t want to get his hopes up and say that I have to be the middle man for you and him.”

Chara shrugs. "As long as my ghost is attached to your body, I've got all the time in the world."
Frisk turns to his side, staring at Asriel. "Now, let's get some sleep."
"Right," Chara agrees.

Mercifully, tomorrow was the first counseling appointment. Hopefully, the needed help would come.

Chapter Text

Timeline date: BB13
Month: August

One of the tallest buildings on the block is a modest, green-roofed church with brilliantly painted stained-glass windows. A gold and black sign out front read in gold lettering, "Ebott Evangelical Anglican Church; Reverend/father Alvin; Main Sunday services at 9:00 am and 11:00 am; Short weekly liturgy at 6:00 pm Monday through Friday."

A purple van pulls up to the front of the church building. Out hop Toriel and Asriel, who walk to the building. Asriel looks up, and his eyes widen. "Wowie. They didn't have many buildings like this in the Underground! It's so pretty."
Toriel chuckles. "You are correct, my child. It looks quite nice."

Asriel scratches his head. "Well, there was the castle, but I can't think of anything else." His smile fades. "I hope he can help us."

Toriel frowns and rubs the tuft of fur on Asriel's head. "I hope so, too. This was also the best free-of-charge counseling opportunity I could find."

The goat mother puts her hand on the handle, but before she can open it herself, an elderly tortoise monster opens the door and waves. He sports a dark blue suit and fuchsia tie, with white hair covering the top of his skull. "Good morning, your highnesses! Grace to you and peace."

Asriel waves slightly while Toriel chuckles. "You're certainly more formal than your father,” Toriel says.

Alvin nods. "Papa Gerson is definitely of a goofier personality than I, but I love him all the same. Please, come in."

The mother and son walk into the church and are led into the reverend’s office. Sitting on a poofy couch, Asriel and Toriel breathe out.

"I'm thankful that both of you are here," Alvin says gently. “Before we begin, you should be aware of a few rules. First of all, everything in this room will stay confidential unless you become a danger to yourself or others. Do you understand?" Toriel and Asriel nod together. "Very good. Secondly, you also have the right to end counseling at any time. However, I would strongly recommend that you finish the program I have prepared. Third, you will be permitted to re-enter counseling in a future time if you wish. Do you understand?" The two nod again, and Alvin folds his hands on his desk. "Very well, let's begin. Tell me what hurts you so."

Asriel’s face turns slightly green. "Many years ago, I died…I was resurrected, though, which is really good because I got to see Mom and Dad again, but…I wasn't myself. I had a body but a different body.”

Alvin nods solemnly and looks deeply into Asriel's eyes. "What did that feel like?”

Asriel shakes his head. “Awful. I didn’t feel every emotion, only some of them. I felt hollow and got bored.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Alvin responds. “Did you try to fix that hollowness? The boredom?”
“Yeah…but not in the right way,” Asriel explains. “I hurt a lot of people, and, well…I started calling myself by something different.”
“What did you call yourself?” Alvin asks.

Asriel cracks his toes and whispers his nickname. "'Flowey'.”

Alvin raises an eyebrow. “Why is that so wrong?”

Asriel tears up. “Because while in my Flowey form, I’m the one who stole the monster souls before breaking the barrier with them…I’m the reason why the blackout happened.” Alvin gasps slightly, and Asriel continues. “I also attacked a lot of monsters, and Frisk too…”

Toriel slowly nods to confirm this, and Alvin hands Asriel a tissue box. “I now see why you were afraid to share this information with me.”

Asriel's sobs increase, apologizing to both Alvin and his mother. "I hurt a lot of people. And, trying to fill that hollowness and boredom with what I did…I was so mean and cruel. I'm really sorry."

Alvin leans in towards Asriel. “Who else knows that you are Flowey besides myself and your mother?”
"Mom, Dad, Frisk, Dr. Alphys, Sans the Skeleton, Undyne…and I think Papyrus, too," Asriel replies. “Nobody else knows, though. I hope not.”

Alvin nods. "Your secret is safe with me. I also have confidence that you don't plan on reverting back to how you were before, given your guilt.”

Asriel bows his head. "For a while, I tried to separate myself from my ‘other self’, I guess…but I can’t do it anymore. I am Flowey, no matter how you look at it, and I’m tired of running away from that guilt.” He gulps. “I hope you're not mad at me, but I understand if you are…"

Alvin pats Asriel on the top of his fluffy cranium. "No mistake goes unforgiven as long as you repent from it."
Asriel dries his eyes and looks up at Alvin again. "Really?"
"It's one of the many things that I've come to learn as of late, especially when it comes to how the Angel lights our way,” Alvin explains.

Asriel raises an eyebrow. “Who is that?”
Toriel nods. “I agree; I’m not too familiar. Is He like the ‘Angel’ the prophecy spoke of?”

Alvin scratches his chin. “Hmmm, same language. Although the full label here is ‘Angel of the Lord,’ so I’m actually referring to a different Angel. But, either way, He lights the way.”

Asriel taps his foot on the floor. “What does this mean for me?”

Alvin nods gently. “Nobody is perfect, and not a single person is without mistakes or sins." The gentle turtle grins. "But, you can still be forgiven for all of it, and permanently. We’ll discuss more in a little bit if you wish."

Asriel nods quickly, then glances at his mother. “Sure, but I want you to talk to my Mom first. We can’t forget about her.”

Alvin turns to Toriel and asks, “what seems to be troubling you?"

Toriel nods and holds her hands over her heart. "It's connected to my son's past, too. After my children’s deaths, I divorced my husband…and…" Before she continues, Asriel looks up at her longingly. She pushes the lump in her throat down. "When my son resurrected, I didn't know it was him. But then I learned that it was him."

Alvin dips his head slightly. "Your feelings are valid, especially considering the sheer heartbreak you’ve gone through. When you learned that Asriel was alive again, what did you do in response?"

Toriel leans backward and plays with her fingers. "I thought my ex was lying. But he convinced me, along with my younger child and Dr. Alphys. Then, both my ex-husband and I went to visit him in the Underground together when we could."

The reverend strokes his chin. “How did you feel?”

The goat mother continues. "While I was relieved to see that my son was alive again, being in his Flowey form still reminded me of all that he went through…what we went through…how I didn't…protect him enough.”

Alvin grimaces. “Your highness…or, retired highness I should say…do you believe you’re a bad mother?”

Toriel gasps and then hangs her head in shame. “My children died, and Asriel only resurrected thanks to Alphys’ DETERMINATION experiments on that golden flower.” Her lip quivers. “Moreover, my son only got his original form again thanks to Frisk. That should say enough.”

Asriel holds his mother’s hand, smiling sadly in an attempt to comfort her. Alvin gestures to the young goat. “Look at this fine young man you’ve raised. Even with being Flowey, he’s still him. He loves you and is comforting you now. Besides, to see how he’s learned from his past mistakes had to have come from somewhere, yes?” The minister lowers his voice to make the tone sound like honey dripping off the comb. “While you do have regrets and perhaps could’ve done better in some ways, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother.”

Toriel pats Asriel on the head, then pushes the lump in her throat down into her stomach. “I’m thankful for you saying that, and I’m also thankful that Asriel has his real body again. But, I still can't shake those memories, try as I might. My younger child also doesn’t know how much heartache this has caused me.”

Alvin nods. "Why not tell him more? Frisk is the kindest child I’ve ever met. I’m sure he would hear you well, too. He’s sharp for his age."

Toriel bites her tongue, then rubs her chin. "He’s already busy enough, and I don’t want my child to worry about me. I’m an adult and can handle my own burdens.”

Alvin grumbles at Toriel’s words, then turns to Asriel. "How was Frisk when you met him?"
"Um…very kind. Kinda quiet but nice," the goat child says. "He forgave me at barrier break for how I hurt him, and he thought I’d stay nice. And he was right!" Asriel holds his hand over his chest. "I'm happy and glad he thought that of me…then when he came to visit me…he helped restore my original body. I've thanked him a lot, and I'll keep doing it."

Alvin bobs his head, with a grin stretching across his face. "I’m thankful to have your brother. The monsters couldn’t have asked for a better ambassador.”

Asriel takes a moment to think, then he pulls out a golden locket from his pocket. It has "best friends forever" engraved into its front. "I have another thing I should tell you."
Alvin smiles and leans forward. "Please, go ahead."

Asriel stares down at the locket. "Chara and I had these lockets…I trusted her with my life, and well…" His little fist shakes as he clenches it around the locket. "She hated humanity but never told me why. And with Chara’s anger towards humans, and with her lashing out with that need for blood, I got caught in the middle, and…”

The goat kid stops, dark circles underneath his eyes erupting. Alvin nods solemnly and stands up from his chair. He turns around and faces his bookshelf, placing his hands behind his shell. "I wouldn't wish that heartache on my worst enemy. The mother lost one child to the grave, and then her other child passed on but then revived in an alternate body.

Alvin glances at Asriel. "And this second child, the boy who revived…while being soulless for a time doesn't excuse your actions, I can understand how painful that hollowness was. Not to mention that excruciating pain of losing your sister."

Asriel clenches his eyes and bows his head, refusing to look upward. "I want to put the past behind me, but I don't know how to do it."

Alvin sits back down at his desk and folds his hands. “You’ve been hurting for a while now, and it’s understandable why you’d be so filled with heartache.”

Asriel taps his foot. "I just wish I knew that I was permanently forgiven somehow.” Sighing deeply, Asriel’s turquoise eyes tremble. “I want to be clean. That's all I want."

Alvin leans forward and folds his hands. “This is where we get to the first and most important step. You can be perfectly forgiven, but you can’t earn it yourself. Something as special as what you seek is a unique gift by grace through faith. It’s one of a kind.”

Asriel leans in slightly. “Could you tell me more about what you mean?”

Alvin taps his finger once on his desk. “You’ll be clean like you wish as long as you accept this gift of perfect forgiveness, from perfect to the imperfect. That’s where the Angel I mentioned earlier would come into play, who will give it to you as long as you trust Him." He sighs and plays with the pencils on his desk. "But, I cannot promise that your mental scars will heal during your time on the earth. And, even if you take this key step, life will still have lots of challenges that you won’t see coming. However, it won't last forever, and you will be clean like you said you wanted.”

Asriel nods quickly. “This sounds like what I’m looking for. Please tell me more.”

Toriel taps her fingers together. “I’m still personally skeptical about what you just said, Alvin. If my son wants said gift you mentioned, I’m alright with that, but it doesn’t sound like something I would want. At least, not right now. Perhaps we should chat another time on this topic.”

Alvin nods gently. "That’s understandable. First, for Asriel, I’ll cover the cleanliness he wants with him in full. Then we'll discuss an action plan in this session and future sessions for your other struggles, such as losing your family member and helping you with any mental burdens you’ve sustained over the years.”

The mother and son lean in and listen.

…

Frisk snoozes on the couch with the television running. As snores gently fly out of his mouth, the doorbell rings. He stirs and awakens, with the slobber from his mouth dropping to the floor. Rubbing his messy brown hair, he saunters to the door. (I really hope that's Mom and Azzy…I’m hungry…)

As Frisk opens the door, Asriel bursts through and tightly hugs him. "Woah, hey,” Frisk says. “Are you feeling alright? How was counseling?"
Asriel releases Frisk and cheerfully bleats. "It was good! And we're going back in a few days. Mr. Alvin's nice, too. I like him."

Toriel smiles and pats Frisk on the head. "Hello, my child. I hope we haven't worried you by being away for so long."
Frisk shrugs and smirks. "Nah, no problem. I held down the fort with the power of DETERMINATION,” he says while flexing.

Toriel smiles and prepares dinner while Frisk and Asriel head to the living room. The ambassador tilts his head. “Are you sure you’re doing ok, Azzy?”
“I’ll be ok…” Asriel beams, holding his hands over his chest. “I’ll still hurt, but…things will be alright. I feel…like new. Yeah…like new.”

Frisk hugs Asriel. “Love you, bro. Please let me know if you need anything, ok?”

Asriel smiles. “Love you too, Frisk.”

The goat child gets up from the couch and walks into the hallway. “I’m gonna go get a shower. I’ll be back out for dinner soon.”

Asriel grabs a towel from underneath his bed and heads to the bathroom. Turning on the shower and entering, he grins joyfully and closes his eyes as the warm, refreshing water runs down his fluffy scalp. Despite some regret over his past still lingering, he was finally beginning to feel at ease with his past, thanks to accepting the gift Alvin had mentioned earlier.

Asriel was finally clean, like he both wanted and needed to be.