Archive of Our Own

June 25^th, 2015

A Few Points of Clarity

Right, this is just going to be a short entry because I’ve been getting some weird messages on here and it’s making it hard to sleep at night without a bucket by my bed. There seems to be a set of misconceptions going around the webosphere and I’d like to clear some things up.

Firstly, Sherlock and I are not ‘gay civil partners’, as one message claimed. We are neither gay nor civil to each other most of the time. If he ever proposes to me (he’s already announced that any proposal I make would be too boring to accept) then maybe we’ll follow Mycroft and Lestrade’s example and tie the knot, but until then, we are decidedly not married.

Secondly, Sherlock is not going to be Mycroft’s best man, and he’s definitely not going to be Lestrade’s. If any of you read what happened at their engagement party, I think it’s evident that this is a wise choice. Stop e-mailing Sherlock with advice on what to say in his best man’s speech. I think it’s making him come out in hives.

Thirdly, yes, Sherlock and I do still take cases on a freelance basis. Anyone with any queries should contact Sherlock here and stop filling my comment sections with requests that I have to delete. Thanks!

75 comments

Webosphere? It’s blogosphere mate! See that didn’t even come up as a mistake in spell-checker or anything! lol oh and when do you want to meet up to talk about best man stuff?

Bill Murray, June 25^th, 13:56

Hmm, looks like I’m a bit behind on all this web-speak. My blog still gets more hits than yours, though! Haha. Erm, I’m free this weekend, I think. Saturday? 8ish?

John Watson, June 25^th, 14:09

I got 13 hits last night mate on my post about British helmets post 1945 actually so you can shove it lol, and yeah that’s fine!

Bill Murray, June 25^th, 14:15

You’re going out this weekend? How dull. I had hoped you might stay in.

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 14:23

Sherlock, I’ve stayed in every night for about two weeks! We live together. If you want something, stop sulking in your room and come and ask me. Look, I’m sorry about the fingers.

John Watson, June 25^th, 14:31

Does anyone else find some of these comments hilarious out of context?

Anderson, June 25^th, 14:34

Back with Scotland Yard’s resident basset hound I see, Sally. Tut tut. Your fling with Duncan from press relations showed signs that your taste in men was improving.

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 14:40

Don’t take your man troubles out on me, Freak. What’s all this about fingers?

Anderson, June 25^th, 14:43

I am going to have to seriously consider disabling comments on this bloody blog. And fingers, Sally, should not be used as Christmas tree decorations. Am I right? Especially in June.

John Watson, June 25^th, 14:50

It was an experiment!

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 14:52

What useful data could you possibly have gained from chopping down one of Mrs Hudson’s rose bushes, rigging fingers into rudimentary lightbulbs and placing the horrible makeshift nightmare on my bed? Really, Sherlock?

John Watson, June 25^th, 14:59

Does anyone here know what rabbits eat? I have tried feeding the little bastard everything in the house but he won’t eat any of it

Lestrade, June 25^th, 15:06

Since when did you have a rabbit, Greg? Is it for your kids?

John Watson, June 25^th, 15:11

Hell no, it’s a vicious little bugger, wouldn’t let it near anyone under the age of 35! It’s a bit embarrassing really. Let’s just say that they shouldn’t let you into pet shops when you’re drunk and your fiancé has been away for a week

Lestrade, June 25^th, 15:16

Mycroft only went away 3 days ago.

John Watson, June 25^th, 15:19

Yes, well, absence makes time pass more slowly than wading through shit, and all that

Lestrade, June 25^th, 15:24

Look, I got lonely and I got a rabbit, OK? No big deal

Lestrade, June 25^th, 15:27

Oh, we’ve all been there, right girls?

Sally Donovan, June 25^th, 15:29

definitely not! when i am lonely i cuddle with mr cuddles xxx

Molly Hooper, June 25^th, 15:31

I did a quick Google. Rabbit nuggets, Greg. It’s not rocket science.

John Watson, June 25^th, 15:34

Right. Thanks. Pet shop it is, then

Lestrade, June 25^th, 15:40

What did you name the fluffy little bugger, boss?

Sally Donovan, June 25^th, 15:42

Oh is that the time I must be off to get nuggets

Lestrade, June 25^th, 15:44

Greg? What’s its name? Can we expect Holmes-Lestrade Christmas cards this year from Gregory, Mycroft and Snuffles?

John Watson, June 25^th, 15:50

Don’t laugh

Lestrade, June 25^th, 15:52

I won’t.

John Watson, June 25^th, 15:56

I will.

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 15:57

I might.

Sally Donovan, June 25^th, 15:58

The cards will be from Gregory and Mycroft²

Lestrade, June 25^th, 16:01

??????!!!!!!

John Watson, June 25^th, 16:03

Oh, this is precious.

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 16:04

oh thats so sweet xx

Molly Hooper, June 25^th, 16:07

OK. This is fine. It’s OK. My almost brother-in-law has a rabbit named after him. I can deal with this.

John Watson, June 25^th, 16:11

I can’t deal with this.

John Watson, June 25^th, 16:29

Allow me to assist.

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 17:01

okk shrlk i forgiv you for the finngnngers ooohf ingers

John Watson, June 25^th, 17:23

Oh dear. I leave the country for three days and, although the economy remains relatively stable, no major political figure has been assassinated and the expenses scandal hasn’t reared its ugly head again, my name becomes sullied by a Lagomorph.

Mycroft Holmes, June 25^th, 18:09

DON’T COME HOME, THERE’S POO IN THE BED

Lestrade, June 25^th, 18:15

Alas, I am still otherwise occupied in Germany. Otherwise, I would be delighted to meet the acquaintance of young Mycroft II.

Mycroft Holmes, June 25^th, 18:19

Actually, he’s just Mycroft. I’m thinking of making you Mycroft II

Lestrade, June 25^th, 18:22

Really? Hmm.

Mycroft Holmes, June 25^th, 18:26

He gives better hugs

Lestrade, June 25^th, 18:28

More hairy, though

Lestrade, June 25^th, 18:30

Sir, I’m afraid I do not know how to cook a rabbit pie, even in the style of Nigella Lawson. May I recommend Chinese tonight?

Anthea?, June 25^th, 18:32

YOU ARE NOT PUTTING MYCROFT IN A PIE

Lestrade, June 25^th, 18:35

I don’t know. My boss is a child, his fiancé is rabbitphobic and I work with a guy who plugs fingers into the mains. They didn’t teach us this in training.

Anderson, June 25^th, 18:37

Shhh, Sally, Mycroft can hear you

Lestrade, June 25^th, 18:40

Are you drunk? Insane?

Sally Donovan, June 25^th, 18:42

No, your boss

Lestrade, June 25^th, 18:45

Sorry boss

Sally Donovan, June 25^th, 18:48

That was Anderson

Sally Donovan, June 25^th, 18:50

Sir, I must insist; sending in highly trained assassins to kidnap a rabbit is not an acceptable use of public funds.

Anthea?, June 25^th, 18:51

I’m sending a large Battenberg to your hotel room, sir.

Anthea?, June 25^th, 18:54

battenberg, rabbits, weddings, this blog used to be so normal lol

Harry Watson, June 25^th, 18:57

yes i miss those days when it was about sherlock’s deductions!!

theimprobableone, June 25^th, 19:01

go away creep we’d all rather read about bunnies lol

Harry Watson, June 25^th, 19:04

We really wouldn’t.

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 19:06

Faeces everywhere

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:08

Mycroft’s, not mine!!

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:09

And not that Mycroft!!!!

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:10

I can just see this causing some national disaster: ‘How’s Mycroft, Gregory?’ ‘Oh, he’s fine. He’s nearly litter trained.’ ‘… call off the invasion of Greece. And change the carpet in Holmes’ office.’

John Watson, June 25^th, 19:14

I’m getting married in two weeks. Maybe Mycroft can be bridesmaid

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:16

I look forward to seeing myself in a dress.

Mycroft Holmes, June 25^th, 19:20

You’re not furious, then?

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:22

Keep the blighter away from my suits, umbrellas and general person and I think I shall learn to cope.

Mycroft Holmes, June 25^th, 19:24

I have told Mycroft that his namesake is a kind and noble man

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:26

I think he shed a silent tear

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:27

He is such a gentle creature

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:28

I think I’m suffering from pre-wedding hysteria

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:29

Send sex and a hot bath

Lestrade, June 25^th, 19:30

And a new censorship law, preferably.

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 19:31

I am sending you a fiancé, Mr Lestrade. ETA 2 hours. I have been told to assure that Mycroft Senior has no intentions of eating the pageboy-to-be.

Anthea?, June 25^th, 19:34

Do you think things will become more normal once they’re married?

John Watson, June 25^th, 19:37

Not a hope in Hell or Heaven.

Sherlock Holmes, June 25^th, 19:38

Good. All good for the blog.

John Watson, June 25^th, 19:42

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