Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bakugo: I think we can all agree I’m the ten amongst these threes

~~~

Kaminari: What does “take out” mean?

Sero : Food.

Kirishima : Dating.

Bakugo: Murder.

Mina: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

~~~

Bakugo: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Kirishima: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

~~~

Kirishima: Two brooooos!

Bakugo: Chillin' in a hot tub!

Kirishima: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay!

Bakugo:

Kirishima:

Bakugo: *tearing up*

Kirishima: Babe, c'mon...

Bakugo: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.

Kirishima: Babe…

~~~

Bakugou, burning his and kirishima’s marriage certificate: hehe

Kirishima: Babe, what are you doing?

Bakugou: Try returning me without the receipt

~~~

Bakugou: Pros and cons of dating me.

Bakugou: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Bakugou: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

~~~

Bakugou: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

~~~

Bakugou: Do you ever think? Because I am not sure you do.

~~~

Kirishima: Firstly, how dare you use mathematics to make me look stupid!

Kirishima: I’m actually very good at mathematics.

Kirishima: Thirdly, I think you might be right.

~~~

Bakugou: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

~~~

Denki: Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.

~~~

Sero: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.

~~~

Shinsou: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

~~~

Mina: No thanks.

Mina: I'm god.

~~~

Shinsou: My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

~~~

Bakugou, to Deku: Could you maybe just like… stab me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

~~~

Denki: Why doesn’t Shinsou find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Kirishima: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Denki: *bites lip*

Kirishima: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

~~~

Denki: Bro-

Shinsou: No, no, hold up, rewind.

Shinsou: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

~~~

Mina: Sleep is the body’s best safety mechanism.

Kirishima: How so?

Mina: It keeps you from screwing up for 8 hours.

~~~

Bakugou: My life is a mess.

Mina: Bakugou relax, go get a beer.

Bakugou: I don’t want a beer.

Mina Who said it was for you?

~~~

Kirishima, to Bakugou: We had a date!

Kirishima: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

~~~

Kirishima: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

Bakugou: Oh. We're going out?

Kirishima: Wh…

~~~

Bakugou: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Kirishima: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Bakugou: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Kirishima: Is it working?

~~~

Kirishima: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Denki: They do.

Bakugou: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

~~~

Denki: Bakugou, I know you love Kirishima. I mean, we all do, he’s a very nice person and I respect him immensely.

Denki: But I think he might be a fucking idiot.

~~~

Denki: Bakugou doesn’t look very happy.

Kirishima: That's his happy. He's just a bitch.

~~~

Bakugou, texting the bakusquad group chat: There was a motor close to where I am right now.

Kirishima: A motor- a motorcycle?

Bakugou: Oh sorry, a murder.

Denki: That escalated quickly.

~~~

Bakugou: I hope you have an explanation for this.

Kirishima: We have three actually-

Denki: Pick your favorite.

~~~

Kirishima: HELP! I TOLD BAKUGOU I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Denki, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

~~~

Denki: That shirt looks great, Bakugou.

Bakugou: Thanks?

Denki: But I bet it would look even better on Kirishima’s floor.

Kirishima: Are you hitting on Bakugou... for me?
~~~

Sero: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

~~~
Kirishima: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Sero: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Mina: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Denki: I joined you in the dumb stuff.

Bakugo: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

~~~

Shinsou: Today is a day of running through hurdles.

Denki: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?

Shinsou: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

~~~

Shinsou: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Denki: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

~~~

In the bakusquad group chat:

Shinsou: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Denki: >:O language

Mina: Yeah watch your fucking language

Kirishima: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MINA THE FUCK WORD?

Bakugou: 'The fuck word'.

Sero: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Mina: Oh my god they censored it

Bakugou: Say fuck, Sero.

Mina: Do it, Sero. Say fuck.

~~~

Bakugou, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Denki: Hey.

Mina: Hi.

Shinsou: Hello.

Kirishima: Hey!

Bakugou: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only.

Sero: We were out of Doritos.

~~~

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Kirishima: Thanks fam!

Sero: oh no

Denki: *cries* I love you too

Mina: Sounds fake but okay

Bakugou: *A flustered mess*

Shinsou: can i get a refund

~~~

In the bakusquad group chat:

Shinsou: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Denki: Okay, but what is updog?

Mina: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Kirishima: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

Bakugou: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

Sero: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Shinsou: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Kirishima: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Mina: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Denki: What’s a henway??

Shinsou: Oh, about five pounds.

~~~

'Can I copy the homework?'

Kirishima: I can help you with it!

Sero: Yeah, sure.

Mina: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Shinsou: lol nope.

Denki: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Bakugou: *Read 5:55pm*

~~~

Shinsou: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase.

Sero: Shinsou, that's a coma.

Shinsou: Sounds festive.

~~~

Kirishima: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Bakugou: You mean literally or figuratively?

Kirishima: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify…

~~~

Kirishima: Do you take constructive criticism?

Bakugou: I only take cash or credit.

~~~

Kirishima, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me

Bakugou, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

(Mina dared them too)

~~~

Kirishima: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.

Bakugou: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Kirishima: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

~~~

Kirishima: So that’s my plan.

Bakugou: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.

Kirishima: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.

Bakugou: It fucking sucks.

Kirishima: That’s not constructive criticism.

~~~

Kirishima: I was arrested for being too cool.

Bakugou: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

~~~

Kirishima: I'm incredibly fast at math.

Bakugou: Alright, what's 30x17?

Kirishima: 47

Bakugou: That's not even close.

Kirishima: But it was fast.

~~~

Kirishima: So are we flirting right now?

Bakugou: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU

Kirishima: That doesn’t answer my question

~~~

Kirishima: I was thinking I'd do some magic-
Bakugou: You? Magic? Kirishima, it says talent show.

~~~
Bakugou: Dammit, you ruin everything!
Denki: You're welcome.
~~~
Kirishima: Bakugou has only knocked me out three time this week. Our friendship is really developing.
~~~
Kirishima: And what do I get out of this?
Bakugou: I will give you a dollar.
Kirishima:: What do you think I am? A chump? I would never do it for a dollar!
Bakugou: How bout two dollars?
Kirishima: You got yourself a deal.
~~~
Bakugou, crying: Where are you going?
Kirishima: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.
~~~
Kirishima: How would you like your coffee?
Bakugou: As dark as my soul.
Kirishima: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!
~~~
Shinsou, sniffling: Calm down, I’m probably not sick. It might just be allergies.
Sero: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired?
Shinsou: I have depression, what do you think?
~~~
In 3rd year of UA:

Kirishima: Life is like Bakugou. It's short.
(Bakugou not growing since 1st year of UA, and Kirishima who is still growing)
~~~
Kirishima: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us?
Bakugou: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:
Bakugou: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."
~~~
Kirishima: Are you ready to commit?
Bakugou: Like, a crime or a relationship?
~~~
Kirishima: I am a responsible adult!
Bakugou: *raises brow*
Kirishima: I am an adult.
~~~
Kirishima, to Bakugou: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!
~~~
Mina: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.
Sero: That’s a snake.
~~~
Sero: *shatters a window and climbs through it*
Sero: *turns around and helps Mina through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Mina.
Mina: Okay.
~~~
Shinsou: This bloodline ends with me.
Mina: That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".
~~~
Mina: Can I have a private talk with you?
Sero: Okay, as long as it’s not about tampons because I just don’t understand them.
~~~
Mina: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?
Sero: Nope, there's 26.
Mina: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.
Sero: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.
Mina: You'll get the D later ;).
~~~
Denki: Bro, I had a dream we fucked.
Shinsou: Bro, relax it was just a dream.
Denki: Huh, gay, I wouldn’t fuck you.
Shinsou: You wouldn’t?
Denki: I mean, unless you want to-
~~~
Mina: Mint is just cold spicy.
The Baku squad: ...
Bakugou: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.
~~~
Kirishima: Remember, Mina, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Mina: I think I crossed that line when I got a date.
~~~
Sero: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.
Mina: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.
~~~
Kirishima: You look mentally ill.
Shinsou: I am. Let’s go.
~~~
Denki: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking.
Bakugou, patting them on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.
~~~
Kirishima : I am in charge of this disaster!
Bakugou: I have a name, you know.
~~~
Kirishima : Do we have any orange juice left?
Bakugou: *pours the remaining juice into their cup*
Bakugou: Sorry, we’re all out.
~~~
Bakugou: When life gives you lemons, what do you do?
Kirishima : Make lemonade!
Bakugou: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.
~~~
Bakugou, to Kirishima : You know, Mina can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.
Bakugou: *blows air horn at Mina* GET FUCKED!
~~~
Sero: The first time I ever got upset in front of Denki, they put their arms around me and it was so awkward that I had to ask them if they were hugging me or reaching for something on the shelf behind me.
Denki: I was doing both, for your information.
Kirishima : The first time Denki hugged me, it was such a disaster we didn’t make eye contact for, like, a week after.
~~~
Shinsou: Denki and I are dating!!
Bakugou : Don't share your personal problems with everyone.
~~~
Bakugou: Where's Kirishima ?
Mina: Don't worry, I'll find them.
Mina, shouting: I suck!
Kirishima , distantly: You are the best person ever! Fuck you!
Mina: Found them.
~~~
Denki: I give up. I am so tired.
Mina: Get the emergency supply!
Bakugou: *carries Shinsou and places them in front of Denki*
Shinou : *smiles*
Denki: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO
~~~
Kirishima , texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?
Bakugou: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*
Denki: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*
Shinsou: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*
Kirishima : I hate all of you.
~~~
Kirishima, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
Denki: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
Mina , visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Bakugou, grabs the spray bottle and sprays Denki: You FUCKING DUMBASS!
Denki: Dude, I forgot-
Sero: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
Shinsou: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*
~~~
Bakugou: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Denki: A doll.
Mina: A cinnamon roll.
Kirishima : A sweetheart.
Bakugou:
Bakugou: ...stop it.
~~~
Shinsou: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Denki: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Mina: A realist sees a freight train.
Bakugou : The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
~~~
Denki: Your Lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.
Sero : Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.
Kirishima: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?
Bakugou: Why do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions?
~~~
Bakugou: I’m the smartest person in my friend group.
Denki: You hang out with Kirishima , Sero, Shinsou, Mina, and me.
Denki: It’s not as high a compliment as you think.
~~~
Shinsou: I CAN'T DO IT!
Sero, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Shinsou: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Denki: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Shinsou:
Shinsou: I appreciate it,
Shinsou: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Kirishima : Shinsou-
Shinsou: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
Mina: Shinsou we gotta-
Shinsou: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Shinsou: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Shinsou, motioning to Bakugou: NOT FUCKING THIS!
~~~
Shinsou: Rules were made to be broken.
Mina: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Bakugou: Uh, piñatas.
Sero: Glow sticks.
Kirishima : Karate boards.
Denki: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Shinsou: Rules.
Mina:
~~~
Mina : Christmas lights?
Kirishima: Check.
Denki: Thermos of hot cocoa?
Kirishima: Check.
Sero: Santa suits?
Kirishima: Check.
Shinsou: Shovel?
Kirishima: Check.
Bakugou: Alibi and bail money?
Kirishima: Check- wait, WHAT?!
~~~
Denki: The floor is lava!
Sero: *helps Mina onto the counter*
Kirishima : *kicks Shinsou off the sofa*
Bakugou: *lays on the floor*
Denki: ...Are you okay?
Bakugou: No.
~~~
Mina: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Mina: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Denki: Socks are Feetie Heaties.
Sero: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.
Shinsou: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.
Kirishima : Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Bakugou: I hate you guys so much.

~~~
Bakugou: Kirishima is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do?
Mina: Punch them in the stomach. Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them.
Sero: Tackle them!
Shinsou: Dump them.
Denki: Kick them in the shin!
Kirishima : No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!
~~~
Kirishima : Croissants: dropped
Shinsou: Road: works ahead
Denki: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Sero: Shavacado: fre
Mina: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Bakugou:
Bakugou: ...I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

~~~
Sero: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.
Kirishima : It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...
Mina: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.
Shinsou: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.
Denki: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.
Bakugou: Mental stability, my old friend!
Sero: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?
~~~
Mina: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Denki: Violently practices.
Kirishima: Violently studies.
Shinsou: Violently sleeps.
Sero: Violently shoots pictures.
Mina: Violently boxes.
Bakugou : Violently murders people.
Kirishima: Violently worries about the previous statement.
~~~
Shinsou, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette.
Kirishima : But Shinsou, we don't smoke.
Shinsou: Cut the crap, Kirishima . I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.
Shinsou: *points at Denki* One! *points at Mina* Two! *points at Sero* Three! *points at Bakugou* Four! *points at Kirishima * Five!
Shinsou: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette between these two fingers!
Bakugou: *puts a cigarrette in Shinsou's hand*
Shinsou: Thank you. ...Light?
The Baku Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*
~~~
Kirishima : Between Bakugou, Shinsou, Mina, and Denki -- if you had to -- who would you punch?
Sero: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.
Kirishima : Bakugou?
Sero: Yeah, but I don't know why.
~~~
Kirishima: Bye Bakugou! Bye Mina! Bye Sero! Bye Shinsou! Bye Bakugou!
Denki : You said ‘bye Bakugou’ twice.
Kirishima: I like Bakugou.
~~~
Sero: So, did everyone learn their lesson?
Denki: No.
Shinsou: I did not.
Kirishima : I may have actually forgotten one.
Mina: Also no.
Sero: Oh good, neither did I.
Bakugou: *Exhausted sigh*
~~~
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Sero: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Kirishima: ...I did. I broke it.
Sero: No. No you didn't. Denki?
Denki: Don't look at me. Look at Bakugou .
Bakugou : What?! I didn't break it.
Debki: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Bakugou : Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Denki: Suspicious.
Bakugou : No, it's not!
Bakugou: …
Bakugou: If it matters, probably not, but Mina was the last one to use it.
Mina: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Bakugou: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Mina: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Bakugou!
Kirishima: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Sero.
Sero: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Bakugou: Sero... Shinsou's been awfully quiet.
Shinsou: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Sero, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Sero: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Sero:
Sero: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
~~~
Kirishima : Bakugou kissed me!
Mina: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Kirishima : It was unbelievable!
Mina: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Denki: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Mina, get the wine and unplug the phone. Kirishima , does this end well or do we need tissues?
Kirishima : Oh, it ended very well.
Mina: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
Denki: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?
Kirishima : Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
Denki: Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?
Kirishima : First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.
Mina and Denki: Ohhh.
*meanwhile*
Bakugou eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them.
Sero: Tongue?
Bakugou: Yeah.
Shinsou: Cool.
~~~
Denki : I made this friendship bracelet for you.
Shinsou: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.
Denki : You don’t have to wear…
Shinsou: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.
~~~
Kirishima : So, Sero, do you have a crush on anyone?
Sero: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.
~~~
Mina: Hi.
Kirishima : Hey, did you do what I said? Did you tell them?
Mina: I did.
Kirishima : And what did they say?
Mina: “Thank you.”
Kirishima : You’re totally welcome. What’d they say?
Mina: They said, “Thank you.” I said “I love you” and Sero said, “Thank you.”
`~~~
Shinsou: Bakugou , please calm down.
Bakugou : I asked for two large fries!
Bakugou : *dumps fries onto table*
Bakugou : But all they did was give me a MILLION F***ING LITTLE ONES!

~~~
Bakugou: Why are your tongues purple?
Denki: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Shinsou: I had a red one.
Bakugou: oh.
Bakugou:
Bakugou: OH.
Mina:
Mina: You drank each others slushies?
~~~
Mina: I don't dab. I stab.
~~~
Teacher: Your child was in a fight.
Denki: Oh no, that’s terrible!
Shinsou: Did they win?

~~~
*playing twister*
Mina: Right hand red.
Kirishima : *ends up on top of Bakugou*
Bakugou: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Denki: She stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.
~~~
Shinsou: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.
Denki: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.
Shinsou: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.
Sero, on a walkie talkie: This is Sero, those idiots are f***ing around in the East wing again.

~~~
Kirishima : Have I ever told you that you cook well?
Denki: Awww, no, you haven't!
Kirishima : So why do you keep cooking?

~~~
Denki: Do you want some tea?
Shinsou: What are the options?
Denki: Yes or no.

~~~
Kirishima : Don't go to the kitchen.
Sero: Why?
Kirishima : I saw a spider.
Sero: Well, did you kill it?
Kirishima : It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...

~~~
Denki: I just found out from Sero today that when Shinsou died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Bakugou said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”

~~~
Denki: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.
Denki: And I started thinking.
Denki: Like, it was just trying to get food.
Denki: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?
Bakugou: Are you ok?
~~~
Sero: I just learned a way to get stuff on the cheap. Steal it!

~~~
Shinsou: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

~~~
Bakugou: I saw you fall, saw the sinners lay on your corpses...
Shinsou: Hey, what’s up with Bakugou?
Bakugou: I created you, made the pieces perfect, others marveled at your beauty… their gazes may have held envy, though, for none are perfect but you. I was only looking away for a moment, but you were gone. I had failed you. And I fell into despair. The only way to save myself was to create, but I knew… this time I knew I was only making you to die. And I apologize. For I will undoubtedly fail you again. For a short time, there will be peace and beauty, but none in the face of us shall lay undisturbed. The greatest have fallen, and will continue to fall, and I weep for you for being born unto this place, where brother eats brother, and the undeserving rise to fame. Those that have gone against you know they’ve wronged you, and they will stand before the creator, knowing they have sinned. Do not worry, little ones, you will be avenged.
Denki: ...They made some rock towers and went somewhere else for twenty minutes and when they came back the rock towers were destroyed and people were sitting where the towers once were, so they were sad and made more rock towers.
Denki, to Bakugou: Hey, who even is the creator? I thought you were an atheist!
Bakugou: SHUT THE HELL UP, DENKI! I’M TRYING TO BE DRAMATIC AND MYSTERIOUS!

~~~
Sero: What is the one thing I told you not to do?
Shinsou: Burn the house down.
Sero: And what did you do?
Shinsou: I made dinner.
Sero:
Shinsou:
Sero:
Shinsou: And burnt the house down.

~~~
Kirishima : Who wants to go out of the country on a road trip?
Sero: Yea, I could drink legally!
Shinsou: I could hang out with the boys!
Bakugou: I could hide from the consequences of my actions.

~~~
Denki: *loads gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

~~~
Denki: You can de-escalate literally any situation by asking ‘are we about to kiss?’
Denki: Doesn't work with getting out of speeding tickets, though.

~~~
Mina: What are your three best qualities?
Denki: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

~~~
Mina: Can I have some?
Denki, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it.

~~~
Bakugou: You’re from Ohio, right?
Sero: Okay, first of all, my parents live in Ohio.
Sero: I live in the moment.

~~~
Bakugou: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you.
~~~
Sero: I regret nothing!!!
Mina: I regret everything!!!

~~~
Kirishima : Punch me in the face.
Bakugou: ...Punch you?
Kirishima : Yes, punch me, didn’t you hear me?
Bakugou: I always hear ‘punch me in the face’ while you’re speaking but it’s usually just subtext.

~~~
Bakugou: I hate Deku.
Kirishima : "Hate' is a strong word.
Bakugou: I have strong opinions

~~~
Bakugou: That was a gunshot.
Denki: You sure!?
Bakugou: what else would sound like a gunshot?!
~~~
Denki: Fight or Flight?
Denki: Nah man, I cry
Shinsou: Are you ok?
~~~
Shinsou, awkwardly: wanna go shoot some hoops bruha-
Bakugou: please never speak to me again
~~~
Shinsou, awkwardly: Hit the woah
Bakugou: SHUT UP
~~~
Denki: You see that?
Shinsou: yeah
Denki: it's the kick you thought me
Shinsou: yep, you did good
Denki: remember those times, good times
Denki: what ever happened
Shinsou: not the time

Chapter Text

Bakugou: Why are you always trying to aggravate me?
Deku: To relax.

~~~
Deku: Ugh, there’s always that weak b**** in the group who isn’t down with murder.
Deku: *glares at Bakugou*
Bakugou: Well, sorry I have morals!

~~~
Deku: You use emoji’s like a straight person.
Bakugou: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

~~~
Deku: Do you know a turtles only weakness?
Bakugou: No... well, their slowness.
Deku: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.
Deku: Now I have a plan.
Deku: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

~~~
Deku: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done?
Bakugou: *sighs*
Bakugou: I killed a man.

~~~
Deku: I drink to forget but I always remember.
Bakugou: You're drinking orange juice.

~~~
Deku: Prepare to feel really bad about yourself.
Bakugou: I’ve been prepared for that my entire life.
Deku:
Bakugou: Or something mean about you.

~~~
Bakugou: Deku, we tried things your way.
Deku: No, we didn't.
Bakugou: I did it in my head and it didn't work.
~~~
Deku: We’re all in this together. If one of us falls, we all fall. Nobody is expendable on this team.
Bakugou: Sounds fake but ok.
~~~
Deku: Kachan, I screwed up, big time.
Bakugou: Deku, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.
~~~
Bakugou: What are you drinking?
Deku: Vodka.
Bakugou: Straight?
Deku: No, gay. Why?
~~~
Bakugou: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire.
Deku: But what if something else happens just this one time.
~~~
Deku: I have an idea.
Bakugou: A good idea?
Deku: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
~~~
Bakugou: We are not mad. We are just disappointed.
Deku: No, we are mad.
Bakugou: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
Deku: No, we’re not!
Bakugou: I am not a mind reader, Deku!
~~~
Bakugou: Are you having another depressive episode?
Deku: A depressive episode?
Deku: I'm having a depressive series and we're on season five.
~~~
Bakugou: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight.
Deku: Actually, Bakugou, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.
~~~
Bakugou: That was a gunshot.
Denki: You sure!?
Bakugou: What else would sound like a gunshot?!
~~~
Deku: What's gone wrong, Bakugou ?
Bakugou : Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.
Deku: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?
Bakugou : Well... There’s a crisis.
~~~
Deku, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?
Bakugou : A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Deku:
Deku: Water you doing?
~~~
Deku : I drink to forget but I always remember.
Bakugou: You're drinking orange juice.
~~~
Bakugou: I can never give Deku shit because I’m jealous of them. They look at their life and say, “Sweet! This is perfect!”
Bakugou: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”
~~~
Deku: You’re jealous.
Bakugou : Jealous?
Deku: That’s why you were being so negative about this.
Bakugou : That’s absurd. I’m always negative.
~~~
Bakugou : Deku, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?
Deku: Raise the dead.
Bakugou : And what did you do?
Deku: Raise the dead.
~~~
Bakugou : Deku is forbidden from monologuing.
~~~
Deku: Though I admit I don’t know much about you, I am feeling pretty confident in my assessment that you are probably some sort of sick deadly fuck.
Bakugou : Who told you my secret?
~~~
Bakugou : I have a problem.
Deku: If it's harder than 2+2, I can't help.
~~~
Bakugou : Can you name a single city in Oklahoma?
Deku: Oklahoma City, loser!
~~~
Bakugou : Try not to roll your eyes at me.
Deku: I don't have pupils.
~~~
Deku: We either die free, or die trying!
Bakugou : Are those the only choices?
~~~
Deku: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Bakugou : How can you still say that?
Deku: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
~~~
Bakugou : FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!
Bakugou : BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!
Deku: Bakugou just threw a tantrum about a chair.
Deku: I just won Bakugou Tantrum Bingo.
~~~
Bakugou, reading something that Midoriya wrote: That sentence just gave me dyslexia
~~~
Bakugou : Thanks for opening my message and not responding.
Deku: All good bro, any time.
Bakugou : Fuck you.
~~~
Deku: Gatekeep, girlboss, and what's the other one again?
Bakugou : There isn't another one. You're crazy.
~~~
Deku: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.
Bakugou : Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
~~~
Deku: How was your day, Bakugou ?
Bakugou : Yeah, fine, it's anti-bullying week at school.
Deku: Oh? And what does that mean?
Bakugou : It means I can't bully anyone for a whole week.
~~~
Deku: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born.
Bakugou : Aw... that's not true.
Bakugou : It'd be exactly the same.
Bakugou : You're not important.
~~~
Bakugou : What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??
Deku: What the hell do you do?
Bakugou : I die? What kinda question…
~~~

Chapter Text

Midoriya : Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life
Todoroki : Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!
Uraraka: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!
Tsuyu: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!
Iida: My moral code, is that you?
Midoriya :
Midoriya : I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?
~~~
Midoriya : Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!
Tsu : Tubular AF!
Uraraka: Mood to the max!
Todoroki, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.
Iida, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.
~~~
Midoriya : Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Todoroki : This knife is actually a magic wand.
Uraraka: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.
Tsuyu: *cocks gun* Magic missile.
Iida: What the heck is wrong with you people?
~~~
Midoriya : Bye Todoroki ! Bye Uraraka! Bye Tsuyu! Bye Iida! Bye Todoroki !
Uraraka: You said ‘bye Todoroki ’ twice.
Midoriya : I like Todoroki .
~~~
Midoriya : Looking left cause you don’t treat me right
Todoroki : Looking right because you left
Uraraka: Looking up cause you let me down
Tsuyu: Looking down cause you fucked up
Iida: What is wrong with you guys
~~~
Iida : Favorite horror movie?
Todoroki : It
Uraraka: Saw
Tsuyu: Annabelle
Midoriya : High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics
~~~
Iida : What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Todoroki : 'Prettiest Smile'
Uraraka: 'Nicest Personality'
Tsuyu: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Midoriya: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
~~~
Iida : Anyone d-
Todoroki : Depressed?
Midoriya: Drained?
Tsuyu: Dumb?
Uraraka: Disliked?
Iida : -done with their work... what is wrong with you people …
~~~
Iida : What’s something you guys are better than Todoroki at?
Uraraka: Mario Kart.
Tsuyu: Yeah, video games.
Midoriya: Emotional vulnerability.
~~~
Midoriya : Where's Todoroki , Uraraka, and Tsuyu?
Iida: They're playing hide and seek.
Midoriya : Where?
Iida: I don't think you get how this game works.
~~~
Iida : You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Tsuyu : Several traffic violations.
Uraraka: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Midoriya: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Todoroki: Also, that’s not our car.
~~~
Uraraka : I’m too short to kiss my girlfriend on the lips, what should I do?
Iida: Kick her in the stomach, and then when they double over, kiss them!
Todoroki: Trip her.
Midoriya, not paying attention: Dump 'em
Tsuyu: LITERALLY DON’T DO ANY OF THAT SHIT JUST FUCKING ASK ME TO BEND DOWN JESUS.
~~~
Uraraka , trying to convince Tsu to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!
Iida: And loud!
Todoroki: And grumpy!
Midoriya: And oblivious to reality!
Tsu:
~~~
Iida : There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Todoroki: Have everyone stand.
Midoriya: Bring three more chairs!
Tsuyu: The most important ones can sit down.
Uraraka: Kill three.
~~~
Midoriya : Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.
Iida: Elephants.
Midoriya : Blocked.
Todoroki: Camels.
Midoriya : Extra blocked.
Tsuyu: Donkeys.
Midoriya : Ultra blocked.
Uraraka: That dick.
Midoriya : ...Followed.
~~~
Midoriya : Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
Iida: Rude.
Todoroki: That’s fair.
Tsuyu: Not again.
Uraraka: Are you going to want this back
~~~
Uraraka : I sleep with a gun under my pillow.
Iida: I sleep with a knife.
Todoroki: Both of you are pathetic.
Uraraka : Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?
Todoroki: Midoriya.
~~~
Midoriya : You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
Iida: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Todoroki: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Uraraka : Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.
~~~
Iida: Everyone, synchronize your watches.
Midoriya: I don’t know how to do that.
Todoroki: I don’t wear a watch.
Uraraka : Time is a construct.
~~~
Midoriya : Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
Uraraka: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Midoriya: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!
Uraraka : Lmao in that case, self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Midoriya : If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.
~~~
Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Todoroki : Shit.
Uraraka: Wait, three?
Cop: Yeah?
Midoriya: OH MY GOD IIDA FELL OFF!!!
~~~
Midoriya : I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?
Iida: Put spaghetti in it.
Midoriya : I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.
Todoroki: Put spaghetti in it.
Midoriya : I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
Uraraka : Put spaghetti in it.
Midoriya : I'm no longer taking suggestions.
~~~
*Midoriya 's helping Iida out after they get injured, while the others are watching*
Todoroki: How does Iida look?
Uraraka : A little better than you, actually.
~~~
Midoriya : Is stabbing someone immoral?
Uraraka: Not if they consent to it.
Todoroki: Depends who you’re stabbing.
Midoriya : YES?!?
~~~
Midoriya : Hah! 69! You know what that means?
Iida: What?
Todoroki: That you're a child.
Uraraka : HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?
~~~
Midoriya : I think Uraraka was right.
Iida: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'
Todoroki: They wouldn't do that.
Uraraka : You're right, Todoroki. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.
Uraraka : *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Uraraka Told You So' on the back*
~~~
Midoriya , in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Uraraka, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids
Todoroki: what the fuck are you guys doing?
Midoriya : playing systemic oppression
~~~
Midoriya : Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Iida: Midoriya no.
Todoroki: Mistlefoe.
Iida: Please stop encouraging them.
~~~
Midoriya : While I’m gone, Todoroki, you’re in charge.
Todoroki: Ok
Midoriya , whispering: Iida, you’re secretly in charge.
Iida: Obviously.
~~~
Midoriya : Todoroki, my old arch enemy.
Iida: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?
Midoriya : I have a life outside of you, Iida.
~~~
Midoriya : I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.
Iida: You people already know too much about me.
Todoroki: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.
~~~
Midoriya : Iida and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Todoroki: *Sighing* What did Iida do?
Midoriya : They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Iida: Who wants a steering wheel?
~~~
Midoriya : What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?
Iida: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Todoroki: Smad
~~~
Midoriya , texting Iida: Iida! Help I’m being kidnapped
Todoroki: Where are you?
Midoriya : I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.
Iida: I’ll call Todoroki.
Todoroki, answering their cell: Y’ello?
Iida: Where’s Midoriya ? They texted me that they were being kidnapped.
Todoroki: Midoriya ? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me-
Todoroki:
Todoroki: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*
Todoroki: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!
Midoriya : WHO ARE YOU?!
~~~
Midoriya : I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.
Iida: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Midoriya : Yes!
Todoroki: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.
~~~
*Midoriya and Todoroki sitting in jail together*
Todoroki: So who should we call?
Midoriya : I’d call Iida, but I feel safer in jail

Chapter Text

When running (by choice or in class) denki has coconut mall from Mario kart playing on loop (or just in his head)

Momo listens to classical music while working out, or heavy death screaming metal (whatever it's called)

Jirou makes playlists for her friends and she has Spotify premium
^She would also totally flirt by putting love songs on the playlist

Denki listens to all the songs with Jack Black in them (ex: kung fu fighting, classico, peaches, ie)

Mina paints everyone's nails (with hagakure's help)

Bakugou gives people nicknames because he actually sucks at remembering names and doesn't want to admit it

Todoroki doesn't know how to ride a bike, and when the class finds out they try to teach him, but todoroki never got the hang out it

I don't know who it would be, but one of the 1A kids are Jewish, so around Hanukah, in their first year they taught everyone about it and everyone is really interested and involved with it; And then the next year the class surprised them and set everything up for them

Uraraka scrapbooks with stuff that she has after hang outs in like notebooks, so for her birthday they got her scrapbooking stuff

The bakusquad is Mina's personal hype squad

The dekusquad tries to be a hype squad for uraraka and tsu but they just don't understand lol

Midoriya runs an all might fan account

And so does Bakugou

And they chat about all might all the time without knowing it's each other

Iida had a bad boy phase in his like 2nd year that lasted about a week because he felt too bad about not following the rules and being disrespectful

Denki and Mina run a UA ship account on Instagram
Iida has tried to shut down the account more than once

Kirishima is left handed

Mina and kirishima are best friends

Sero skateboards

Midoriya wears the shirts that say things like 'shirt' or 'dress shirt' because he got scammed for them and didn't want to hassle anyone with a return

Koda has a dog that's is therapy trained and everyone loves the dog, whether or not they admit it

Bakugou loves watching musicals

Midoriya doesn't watch musicals but he likes songs from them so he actively listens to them with no context with what's going on

Bakugou's way to show that he cares about people (from friendships to relationships) is acts of service, like helping with cleaning or homework or house chores

Kirishima's is either physical touch or quality time

Mina jokely flirts with her friends

Koda volunteers at animal shelters

Sato watches the great British baking show

Kirishima calls his parents to talk about anything and everything

Mina loves making everyone play dance games, the only person that has ever beat her at it was Sero

Iida favorite drink is orange juice

Uraraka likes to bake with Sato

Sato bakes everyone birthday cakes for their birthday

Denki is the best gift giver