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"You don't look so great."
It's the first thing Akira says instead of a greeting; the first thing Goro hears when he enters Akira's apartment with the spare key he owns.
The fact that he even owns such a thing still makes him feel flustered, truth be told; and also very happy, but right now, the turmoil of emotions in his chest make him unable to focus on the cocktail of happy emotions he'd usually get drunk on when seeing Akira's face.
Akira stays quiet when he merely huffs in response; then Goro all but slams his bag against the wall. He watches the contents clutter all across the floor, before he guiltily remembers this isn't his place.
Immediately, he chokes up; a big lump forms in his throat, and he feels his lungs constrict like a vice, trapping the oxygen inside. It doesn't feel like it should be trapped inside, it feels strange and invasive and wrong, like the air in his lungs is what will make him choke and die.
Ironic, no?
Distantly, a voice calls out to him; but he only hears it when a soft touch descends on his hand, then retreats immediately after- as though barely even there.
But Goro felt it. And that's what hauls him back to reality, if only for a moment.
Akira is staring at him with wide, concerned eyes, a thoughtful frown marring his beautiful face. "Hey," he calls out again, snapping his fingers, "Do you wanna go hit the batting center? So you can let some of your anger out? Excuse me for assuming, but yeah- you really don't look so happy right now."
The vice-like coil in his chest slowly begins to unfurl. He swallows heavily, feeling the lump in his throat grow bigger and bigger, and he's barely able to shake his head in response.
He watches, then, as Akira bites his lip and whispers, "Tell me if I should stop, okay?" and suddenly, warmth engulfs him, dragging him into a forceful hug.
Goro's first reaction is a bristle; but as soon as that lets up, he's heard making a weird, choked-off sound.
"Alright. We're not leaving home, then. That's fine. It's more fun having you all to myself when you're less worried about prying eyes, anyway." A gentle chuckle reaches his ear, even as the world feels like it's pulling the ground from under his feet. "Hey, Goro. Listen. You're safe now. It's over. Whatever has happened is over now, okay? And I'm here. With you. You got that?"
Goro swallows heavily, once more. But like a magical spell cast upon him, Akira's words suddenly make him remember what to do, and he finds himself crushing Akira tightly against him, burying his nose and face in a mop of ghastly, unruly hair.
"That's right. I'm here now. Everything's fine now, okay? Well, maybe not completely fine, but…I promise you, it'll suck less. And if it's something we can fix, we'll fix it together, yeah?"
Soft, sincere eyes meet his own; a gentle smile is cast upon Akira's lips as he stares him deeply into the eyes.
"Welcome back, Goro. I missed you."
Ah- this.
This scent, this feeling- this is his home, and not the cold, empty mansion way up in the hills.
Goro wants to say something, but finds himself unable to. His lips form the words, but no sounds come out, and a pair of inquisitive lips touch his own- similar in a manner of cats bobbing their noses against one another. Akira's eyes are sparkling, full of that warmth and glimmer Goro tends to miss whenever they're apart.
"Don't force yourself. It's okay."
An invisible weight is lifted off his shoulders. He wishes he could say something like "I'm home", but he's afraid about Akira's reaction. It's not like Goro ever admitted to feeling like Akira's his little cove, his special place to retreat to. And it's not like Akira ever said anything about expecting him, or about inviting him to live with him- the spare key also only ever came into existence because of convenience.
But he wishes- really really badly, actually- that he could say it.
"I can hear you overthinking," Akira hums, giving him a look Goro hopes is only reserved for him and him only, "But don't worry. We'll get your pretty head blissfully empty soon enough, yeah?"
That sounds very tempting right now, and while Goro doubts the idea will come to fruition as well as Akira hopes, he still feels his heart flutter at the thought of having someone to rely on. Of having someone who'd be there to catch him in time, someone who'll always have his back;
Of having someone to return to, no matter what mood, no matter what time.
It nearly makes him sniffle.
"Permission to pamper you?" Akira suddenly throws in, a crooked smile on his lips; and honestly, who's Goro to say no?
He simply nods, unable to talk without risking to shed a tear or two out of anger, or perhaps of sadness. Of course, he isn't feeling sad about his shitty father, but because he's lost so much time having to go there and come back, of having to listen to that damn fucking lecture, of having to-
Warm hands cup his face; a familiar forehead presses against his own, cooing sounds reaching his ears.
"Shhhh. Enough of those bad thoughts," Akira murmurs, the sweetest pout on his face. "I like my Goro happy and content, and we're going to make you happy right now, got it?"
He doubts, once again, that happiness is reachable for him. Usually when he falls into this sort of mood, nothing can get him out of it except a few days of sleep and a fuckton of caffeine.
But of course, that's not an option right now. Not with Akira around him; not when the scent of coffee beans invades his senses, lulling him into a soft embrace.
Somehow, Akira can read his mind, as his features soften into a gentle smile. "How about I get you some soft, comfy pajamas, and we snuggle up on the couch, hm?"
That sounds absolutely lovely. A very tempting offer has just been made, and once more, Goro finds himself surrendering to the mere idea. He sighs, then slumps over. That's enough permission for Akira, and probably the closest thing he'll get to a verbal agreement anyway; Akira, being Akira, knows this, of course.
"Nice. You know, there's this really cute movie I've been dying to watch. I know it's aimed at children, but- would you like to watch it with me anyway? It's about this really cute cat wearing boots, and fighting to be some sort of hero or something…"
Akira is still talking about everything and nothing as he leads Goro into his bedroom, searching for a pair of fresh clothes; but never letting go of Goro's hand, having intertwined it gently with his own. He squeezes it, from time to time; and looks more than just happy when he receives a gentle squeeze back, still talking in that soft, alluring voice of his.
Goro nods, time and time again; unable to utter a single word, not even when Akira shyly inquires whether he's able to change clothes on his own.
He tries, at first. All on his own, that is. But strength and energy have left him for the day, and he nearly finds himself having a breakdown about the mere thought of having to undress all by himself, of having to shed the clothes sticking to his skin, trapping all the air inside.
Which is why he scrambles to find the door, knowing fully well Akira is leaning against it; makes a soft, howling noise, and suddenly, he finds himself back in a pair of gentle arms, and a mollifying tone.
"Shh. That's okay. I told you, I got you yeah? I'll help you in no time. The only thing you have to do is go sit on the bed. You're best conserving energy for later."
He hadn't even realized he's still wearing his shoes; only when Akira begins kneeling on the ground, gently removing them does reality dawn on him, making him realize he's probably sullied all of Akira's apartment.
"I know what you're thinking. And I know your shoes were new and barely dirty anyway, so don't worry your sweet little head about it. Okay?"
Before he can muster up a reply, he's undressed by a pair of gentle hands, shivering as cold air kisses his skin. He's quickly engulfed in warmth again, a familiar scent invading his nostrils as he slips into a pair of Akira's pajamas, feeling something inside his chest shatter and melt.
So he feels a tremble run down his spine, unable to hide it. His heart beats like a drum as Akira tilts his head at him, as though he's being exposed for all the lies and shams he's ever told in life-
But instead of being reprimanded, of hearing bad things and being scolded for, Akira simply grabs hold of his hand, giving him a wry grin before leaning in to give him a peck on the cheek.
Ah.
Oh.
That…isn't what he'd expected at all, but it's certainly a nice surprise.
"Boy oh boy whatever happened must have really done a number on you, huh?" Akira sighs, then presses a feather-light kiss against Goro's lips. "No worries. We may not be able to fix whatever shit goes down in life- well, not all the time- but we can make whatever comes after far less shitty, and may even turn it into a beautiful memory. I promise you that."
It's only then and there that Goro forces himself to recall the fact that they're lovers; that Goro is not just some simple distraction to Akira, not even a simple friend, because Akira has loads of friends (and they're his friends, too, but that doesn't really matter right now.)
They're special to each other. They mean something far more to one another, even if Goro sometimes still doubts whether Akira's "love" goes as deep as Goro's own; whether his definition doesn't steer to close to whatever he feels for his friends, with something like lust and desire arising when he looks at Goro and Goro only.
But he probably shouldn't think about that too deeply right now; and besides, not trusting his lover to actually love him would be an insult. Goro doesn't feel like insulting Akira, or even making him feel hurt. He probably shouldn't start thinking whether he trusts his lover deeply, or what his reasons were for seeking him out immediately after he was freed of Shido's grasp.
None of it matters; none of these thoughts are truly what he thinks, and luckily, he's freed from their grasp with something as simple as a cheeky kiss pressed against his lips.
"You know," Akira's voice cuts through his many spiraling thoughts like a sharp blade, but it doesn't hurt; it's not unpleasant. Rather, Goro finds himself yearning for more. "I'm so honored that you came here first. Well, I'm assuming you've come here immediately after…whatever it was that shook you to the core so badly."
His lover delivers a pointed glance towards the pile of clothes in the middle of the room. "By the way, that stuff looked expensive as fuck. Is it okay that I've crumpled it all up like that?"
Goro can't nod fast enough, and laughter erupts in the room before fading just as quickly as it came.
"I should have known." Hands cradle his face, and a soft gaze meets his own. "But you know what? I fully support getting rid of whatever shit you're currently carrying with you- and that includes the literal burden of wearing it ." Akira winks at him right after, and the silly goofiness makes the corner of Goro's lips twitch with the hint of a smile.
"Ah, you're going to smile- no, fuck! I ruined it," his lover laments, begging and pleading Goro to give him a new smile, even going so far as to tug at the corner of his lips himself; but stopping very quickly once it becomes clear Goro doesn't appreciate that.
"Dang it," he still curses, "I was this close. Thiiis close," he whines, flushing yet another pout as he leads Goro back to the living room, grabbing a blanket on their way, and twisting their fingers together once more. "Sometimes, I really should learn how to keep my mouth shut."
Oh, anything but that , Goro silently thinks to himself as Akira leads him to sit on the couch, surprising him by immediately forcing his legs up as well; and then, once Goro's lying on his side, Akira immediately wriggles in right next to him.
In their current position, Goro is the only one able to have a look at the tv; making Akira unable to watch whatever movie has magically booted up. But when he silently points out the predicament, Akira only chuckles right into his face- a melodious, lovely sound that blesses his turmoiled soul.
"Well, I'd rather watch your reactions to the movie than watch it myself anyway. But if you insist…"
Slowly, Akira shimmies around. Soon, his back is turned towards Goro, shuffling backwards so they fit together like two puzzle pieces slotting into place.
The movie starts, but Akira never lets his attention stray towards it for too long; one moment, he's idly playing with their hands, the next, he's pressing soft kisses atop of Goro's knuckles, and in another moment he turns around completely to engulf Goro in a warm, sappy kiss.
Soon, however, the cramped couch begins to feel a little uncomfortable. Akira suggests breaking out the futon to where the coffee table is currently placed, able to give them a good enough view of the tv.
But when he starts to disentangle their limbs, sneaking out from under the warm blanket, Goro's heart begins to shatter with each step that his lover takes away from him.
"That didn't take very long," Akira comments when he's hugged from behind, right in the middle of retrieving the futon alongside some blankets and pillows. "Though I'm certainly not complaining, mind you."
It must be difficult to try and make a bed in the middle of the living space while a human koala clings to your back. Yet Akira doesn't complain with a single peep, instead peppering Goro's face with kisses after each step that he takes.
Which is why it takes ages to spread the futon on the ground, and even longer for both of them to settle down on it. Akira even tried putting some effort in to build a pillow fort, but it collapses on top of them as soon as they try lying down, and Akira laughs loudly as he grabs a few random cushions to prop up their heads.
Goro can't bear the thought of spooning Akira from behind, yearning to feel his gaze on him; so Akira misses a large part of the movie as Goro buries his face in his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart as pathetic noises escape from the back of his throat.
Fingers disentangle knots in his hair, smoothing them over as his lover holds him close, ignoring the quiet noises bubbling forth from the tv. That's what nearly makes Goro cry- not that he would cry, of course not- the fact that Akira willingly passes up on the chance to properly watch the ridiculous cat movie he wants to see so he can shower Goro with attention instead.
Desperately needed attention, that is.
Strange shapes are drawn onto his skin, smoothed into the plane of his back; circles and triangles and cute smileys, because Akira's a sap like that.
"Hey, you can tell? That's awesome!" his lover comments when Goro draws back the heart Akira just imprinted on his skin.
And then he kisses it, not expecting the sharp intake of breath this reaction draws forth from Akira, but expecting the lips greeting his face in a soft, gentle embrace nevertheless.
Kisses are showered upon his face, making his eyelids flutter; hands caress his cheeks, and of course, Akira is found kissing him often as well.
"You're far too good to me, you know that? Always spoiling me like that," his lover says, a soft smile on his lips. "You're going to force me to write 'I love you' on your back over and over now. Or maybe I should think of something even sappier. What do you think?"
It's the first question he’s been asked all evening; the first time Akira looks at him with quiet expectancy, a slight shimmer of hope in his eyes.
So Goro tries.
Goro really tries saying something, anything; be it a croaky sound that serves as a sorry excuse of an okay. It doesn’t matter.
But he fails, as his lips and mouth fumble with air, unable to procure a single sound once again.
"Hey, don't pressure yourself. It's okay. We got time."
Akira's words are followed up by a soft kiss, drinking up any response Goro might have been able to give. Akira's lips linger, caressing his skin for a little while longer, brushing over a patch here and there, before finally finding their way back to Goro's lips, and sinking against them with a soft, melodic hum.
"You've been very brave today, you know that? And after all that, you didn't put your bravery to rest, but decided to come see me. Baring yourself like that, showing vulnerability- I know that's very, very hard for you."
Goro doesn't think what he's done is all that impressive, but Akira's gentle stream of praise doesn’t stop. He keeps going, until there's nothing left to compliment anymore; and when that’s over and done with, he starts going over the things he loves most about Goro, beginning with countless memories they’ve made over time.
"I'm so proud of you, honey," Akira softly confesses, and normally, Goro would reprimand him for using a petname. "But even strong people like you need a break sometimes. That's why you got me, you know? I feel honored you even chose me in the first place, but now that you have- well, prepare to feel the consequences."
Akira nuzzles up against him, humming as he finds Goro's lips anew.
"I know what you're thinking. I know you're mad about the fact that you've lost so much time having to deal and keep up with whatever shitty thing happened. That time's a wastin', and you'd rather spend it with me or anyone else in the world than…hm, maybe Shido?"
At the mention of his name, Goro's face contorts, and Akira is quick on the uptake.
"Sorry, I won't mention him anymore. But that explains why you're reacting the way you are. I just wanted to confirm it for myself. I can be selfish like that, you know?"
Hands cup his face, and Akira bops their noses against one another.
"I want you all to myself. So if it's within my power to get that bastard out of your head- well, temporarily at least- I'll try. You know I'll try."
Akira's smile is blinding; yet the soft glow is what ultimately makes Goro cave, and seek a kiss out of his own volition. A surprised noise escapes his lover as he does so, but Akira is quick to adapt, and soon, they're both melting into the touch.
"Never thought I'd see the day mentioning your biological father would get you to kiss me like that," Akira jokes, "Maybe I should try that more often."
Goro gives him a look that says more than his voice ever could, and Akira giggles cheekily in response.
"Right, right, okay. Hey, the movie is almost over- wanna try watching it for the last few minutes?"
Akira curls a lock around his finger. "Not that I'd actually focus on the movie, but maybe it can take your mind off of things."
Without giving him a verbal reply- and feeling selfish for having taken up so much of Akira's attention- Goro flips his lover's body around, so that Akira has a proper view of the tv, his back turned to Goro.
Still, Goro allows himself to bury his face in the crook of his boyfriend's neck, inhaling the scent of home and unconditional love as Akira twists an arm backwards, so he can continue carding through Goro's hair.
"I know things aren't looking so bright right now," his lover whispers, "But I promise to you things are going to turn out alright, okay? I'll say it as many times as it takes. Until you believe me. Until things are okay again."
That nearly makes him give in and cry, but Goro doesn't want to appear pathetically weak; so instead, he presses a kiss into Akira's skin, reveling in the reaction he draws forth.
"It's okay. It's okay, Goro."
Apparently, Goro has started crying at some point, without realizing it himself. Gentle hands wipe away the wet streaks on his face, not commenting on the pathetic sniffles that escape him every here and now.
"I know, honey. I know it sucks. I know nothing I say will make it better. But at least it's over now, yeah? It's behind you. And we're going to make a bunch of happy memories, so many that you'll forget all about today. Alright? I promise. This too, shall pass."
Goro, once more, merely nods in response, leaning into the various touches bestowed upon him. In the background, the movie slowly comes to an end, and soon, a gentle quietness falls upon the room.
"Goro?"
He blinks.
"I love you. I love you so, so much, okay? I just wanted you to know that before you fall asleep now. You look really tired. You can tell me all about what happened later, okay?"
Goro nods, and under the gentle barrage of Akira's kisses, begins to close his eyes.
He resists for a while, though. He isn't going to let the darkness gain a hold of him until at least a certain word leaves his lips; he owes Akira that much.
So when his boyfriend's breathing begins to even, he slightly nudges Akira, jostling him awake again.
"Goro?" his lover mumbles sleepily, not a hint of resentment in his voice. "What's up? Can't sleep?"
"...Akira."
It's the first word he says, in a tone so unlike his usual self. It's all scratchy and raw, like the sound of a dying animal trying to roar one last time.
But Akira, upon hearing his name, visibly perks up; a gentle smile on his face as he leads Goro back into a kiss.
"Thanks," he says, like Goro's done anything worth mentionable; like Goro has done something precious. "I love you too. Now go to sleep."
"Akira."
"Hm?" His lover blinks, then opens his eyes again. Even in the dark, Goro can see the amount of endless affection shimmering in his eyes, and it makes him swallow.
"Thank you. For being here for me."
Akira startles, then lets out a soft sigh.
"Of course, Goro. Anytime you need me, just call for me, okay?"
Goro nods.
"But for now, you'd really do both of us a favor if you tried to catch some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow, and by that I mean- a long day filled with chilling at home. How does that sound? Having some coffee in the morning, a few silly movies running in the background, while we just cuddle and talk?"
"Sounds…great," Goro weakly says, and any other day, his reply would have dripped with sarcasm. This time, however, it's spoken with genuine affection. "And, Akira?"
"Mhm?"
Goro has difficulties to say the next words out loud, and Akira, being Akira, knows. So he's drawn into yet another kiss, feels Akira's lips dance across his skin as the words are tickled out of his throat.
There are plenty of things he wants to say; things like "I love you" or "I'm so glad to be back".
Instead, what he says is,
"If I had to pick anywhere in the world to call my home, it'd be with you."
And that actually makes Akira tear up, his voice thick and laden with emotion when he whispers back,
"You know what? I feel the same way."
Needless to say, despite the turmoil of the day, Goro drifts into a gentle slumber, heart thrumming in his chest- not with anger, but with love.
A part of him feels like things are going to be okay in the morning. Perhaps not the best, but good enough that life can go on, and he can put it all behind himself.
All thanks to Akira.
He wakes with a smile on his face, and kisses his lover awake.
"Hey," he grumbles, "You said it's going to be a long day. Any chance you're making true on your promise?"
"You know I will!"
Of course he does.
And of course, Akira makes good on his word, and turns the world back into a brighter place; wiping away any remnants of that unpleasant castle in his mind, erasing any and all bad thoughts.
As for the things he can't erase, he makes sure to listen- to hold, to kiss, and to soothe the turmoil in his mind and heart.
And honestly?
For Goro, that's far more than enough. It means everything and more- something he tells Akira once they tune in after that long day.
"Hey, Akira? You promised to be there for me, at any and all times. I promise- I want to be there, too."
They fall asleep with their pinkies hooked together; a promise of unspoken affection sealed in both their hearts.
For any bad day that comes, they know they can battle it together. Side by side, together forever.
That's…what love is all about, huh?