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Today was one of those days where Sigma woke up alone, it wasn’t rare for him to be in the bed alone when he woke, one or maybe both of his boyfriends in the kitchen making breakfast or just annoying and arguing with each other. But no, today was a day where he woke up completely alone. Chuuya was at an important meeting and Dazai had disappeared off somewhere unknown.
He prepared his own breakfast, and ate it while the news played in the background. Now, he wasn’t actually listening or watching it, he just needed to have some background noise, he didn’t want it to feel so empty.
He then moved to get dressed and that’s when Sigma knew today wasn't going to be a good day. He looked at his outfit in the mirror and realized how wrong it looked. How wide his hips were, how feminine his face was, everything looked wrong.
(Oddly enough his hair did not feel wrong, but it had always been like that.)
He almost wanted to bend over and throw up from just looking at his reflection too much. He wanted to bend over, curl into a ball and hide away from the world. But, that wouldn’t work, because he was needed at the Armed Detective Agency today, there was an important meeting that all members needed to be at.
So, he sucked it up, and pretended that everything was fine, a smile on his face as he took the elevator down from the apartment and started on his walk. He knew he was late, extremely so, but checking exactly how late that was would only serve to slow him down further. So he made his way to the Detective Agency, wishing that it was winter again so he could tug on a thick coat to hide his chest. But, no, it was summer, so it would serve to do nothing but make him sweat and then he’d have to take his binder off because it would be a pain to take off sweat soaked. That would end up being a worse nightmare.
Entering the Armed Detective Agency, the first thing he was met with was an angry Kunikida. Or maybe it was Dazai’s welcoming smile, but before he could really process that, Kunikida was already talking to him with extreme levels of anger.
“Sigma! I thought I made it clear everyone needed to be here 2 hours early today!” Kunikida stormed over as he said these words, blocking Sigma’s view of the rest of the room and the people in it.
“Eh-,” He said awkwardly, he didn’t really want to talk about it, “I’m s-”
“Calm down, Kunikida!” Dazai’s voice broke through Sigma’s stress over the situation, “It was all to mess with you!” he said with a smile despite no such prior plan existing, “So, I made him exchange arrival times with me!”
"I knew it was too good to be true!"
This firmly seemed to distract Kunikida from Sigma, turning to yell at Dazai about dragging Sigma into his antics. It felt like a relief to have eyes off him, and something told him Dazai knew that; his boyfriend had ways of knowing such things. He shot an appreciative look at Dazai as he moved towards his desk to start filing through the paperwork he had to do. It all felt like too much.
“Alright, everyone, the president will be arriving in 10 minutes,” Kunikida announced, “Please wrap up your current assignment and make your way to the meeting room, preferably now,”
Sigma breathed in, taking the breath into his constricting lungs and moved towards the meeting room, maybe he could convince Kunikida to let him go early. If Kunikida even hinted at saying no though, he would have to respect that. The fact that his body wasn’t born right doesn’t dismiss him from work, that was unfair. Unfair to Kunikida and whichever agent got tasked with the work piled on his desk (some of it was probably Dazai’s).
“Dazai!” Kunikida yelled, of course, Dazai would never stop annoying Kunikida, “Get off your phone, we have a very important meeting!”
“Kunikida~,” Dazai’s signature whine spread over the room, “You made me lose my round, how am I ever going to take back my title of being the master of video games now?”
“Oh woe is me!” He leaned back in his chair to a dangerous point. And Sigma had seen him do it many times before, so he did not worry much about it. That was a mistake.
The crash was so loud that Atsushi and Kenji peaked their heads out to check what all the commotion had been about. Sigma had rushed over to see if Dazai was alright while Kunikida yelled at him about ‘unsafe chair practices’.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine!” Dazai said, just as suddenly standing up as he had fallen, “Sigma’s beauty and kindness has revived me,”
And now, don’t get him wrong, the praise did cause the butterflies to start fluttering in his stomach, his boyfriends always did, but today beauty felt too feminine even if he knew it wasn't, it felt condescending and it brought his attention to everything all over again. Oh, he really felt like he had to throw up now.
He didn’t fully hear what Kunikida was saying to Dazai now, just that it was loud and he wanted to get far away from here. But that would be too much of a burden, so he could bear it. He would power through it, he had done it before in the desert, how was it any different now?
“But, Kunikida,” Dazai called, as the president was finally walking into the Agency, “Sigma isn’t feeling well, you should let him sit out. You wouldn’t want him throwing up in the meeting, now, would you?”
And because Kunikida was so done with Dazai’s shit for the day, he sighed out to truly show his struggle, he probably thought Sigma wasn’t sick, he would be right, Sigma was just off. He could go to the meeting.
“Fine, but you aren’t getting out of this, Dazai,” And Dazai, for once in his life, seemed totally fine with doing actual serious work, “Sigma, you can leave I suppose, I have marked off the rest of the day because this meeting might take a while,” The door closing behind Kunikida and leaving Sigma alone in the office.
It felt too simple, but he might as well leave when he had the chance then wait for Kunikida to change his mind. Sure, he wasn’t looking forward to walking back, or sitting in silence and his own thoughts but what did it really matter when he got to be out of everyone else’s prying eyes.
“Hey, Sigma,” a very familiar voice said, “Are you okay, Dazai didn’t elaborate,”
He whipped around to look at the person who had approached from behind him, probably having just stepped out of the cafe. And there was his other boyfriend, Nakahara Chuuya, in all his glory, a look of concern evident on his face. He held a coffee in one hand, the helmet he had gotten specifically for Sigma in the other. But it was the concern that broke Sigma, he shook his head and almost fled into Chuuya’s arms, like he was escaping from some predator that wouldn’t dare attack him in Chuuya’s arms.
“Let’s get you home, yeah, baby?” and Sigma felt so weak but at the same time he still felt so loved and it felt right, so he could only nod and make a muffled noise of agreement. Chuuya smiled, of course Sigma couldn’t see that, but the fact remains true. He smiled and then shifted Sigma to be wrapped in his arm and led him to where his motorcycle was parked.
That was where Sigma detached himself from his boyfriend, even if everything felt less chaotic and stressful in his hold, in order to climb onto the motorcycle behind him.
It was ironic, wasn't it, that he felt the most safe in the arms of only two men, and they were an extremely dangerous mafia executive and the former youngest mafia executive in the history of the Port Mafia. But with his history, maybe it made sense.
“I know you're tired, but please hold on, okay,” Chuuya asked, settling himself on the motorcycle in front of Sigma. Sigma, more than happy to be close to Chuuya, looped his arms around his boyfriend's torso and held on tight, as if even loosening his grip a little would cause all his issues to catch up to him.
It had been a while since Chuuya took him on his motorcycle, but he remembers the last time very clearly. It was when he had discovered his love of riding the motorcycle, sitting on the back of it as the wind whipped through his hair was really calming. And sitting like that again really took his mind off of the crushing dysphoria that he was feeling today. He pulled himself closer to Chuuya, resting his head against Chuuya’s back, looking out at the shops that they flew by.
It almost felt like they were going to fast for any of his insecurities to catch up to him. He really did love it.
Almost too soon, Chuuya was pulling into the garage of the apartment building. The ride to their designated parking spot was short and soon he was being forced to get off of the motorcycle.
“Come on now, we have to go upstairs if you want to relax, baby,” he chuckled, "Especially, if I'm going to be taking care of you,"
It felt almost like some kind of innuendo, and that would have, on a normal day, flustered him and filled him with giddy excitement, but today it just filled him with a cruel lurch of disgust.
“Can we watch something?” he asked, had they been inside and alone he would have tentatively been more open about rejecting Chuuya’s implied offer of sex, something proven to help him in other occasions, but, unlike his boyfriends, he got extremely uncomfortable talking about sex in public.
Chuuya, however, seemed to get what he was implying, “Of course we can baby, how about I also make some of that new tea you bought?” and Sigma’s nod was enough of a confirmation for Chuuya to start taking them upstairs. Sigma, after the confirmed promise of relaxation upstairs, went along eagerly.
The elevator ride from the garage up to the penthouse was long but Chuuya held him in his arms even when someone got on in the lobby wearing an overly formal suit and casting them side glances of borderline disgust. Luckily they got off after a few floors, leaving only Sigma and Chuuya again, alone in peace and quiet.
The ding signaling the arrival at the penthouse both broke the silence and somehow calmed Sigma down. It was probably at the prospect of curling up with his boyfriend, or maybe both of them if he was lucky and still cuddling with Chuuya when Dazai got home (if Kunikida didn't keep everyone terribly late). That seemed really nice.
"Alright, I'll be right back with your tea, baby," Chuuya promised, giving him a soft kiss as he tucked him in blankets on the sofa. Chuuya made his way to the kitchen, but Sigma’s mind couldn’t go very far anymore, not with being wrapped in a blanket that hid his body shape and everything that was getting to him while his boyfriend was taking such good care of him. Everything seemed to slow down exponentially and all he could really think of now was how lucky he was to have Chuuya and Dazai.
The few seconds it took Chuuya to heat up the water in the electric kettle and put a packet of tea in the steaming water felt almost too long, he almost wanted to endeavor in walking over to the kitchen and wrapping himself around his boyfriend. But he was much too comfortable in the pile of blankets that Chuuya had trapped him under.
“Alright, I have your tea ready,” Chuuya said, walking back around the couch to hand it to him, “It needs to cool a little bit first though, alright?”
“Yeah,” Sigma said, very quiet for no apparent reason as he took the tea into his hands. Chuuya smiled and sank into the couch next to Sigma, wrapping a careful arm around his boyfriend. Grabbing the remote and turning the television on, Chuuya began to flit through different shows and channels.
“What do you want to watch, baby?” Chuuya asked.
“I’m not sure,” he considered it before remembering some new detective movie Ranpo had been complaining about earlier. According to Ranpo, the movie had been entirely too easy to solve and didn’t deserve to be as highly rated as it was. So he brought it up to Chuuya and soon enough that was what was playing on the television.
Sigma fell asleep in Chuuya’s arms soon enough. His boyfriend hadn’t told him what had been troubling him earlier, but Chuuya was just happy to see him relaxed now. After carefully moving his boyfriend to lay in his lap, Chuuya carded his fingers through his boyfriend's long hair that fell across Chuuya’s lap.
The movie still played in the background as Dazai walked in much earlier and quieter than usual. He looked over at Chuuya with Sigma sleeping in his lap and offered a small smile. Chuuya nodded back at him and motioned for him to sit with them also.
Dazai easily compiled after slipping off his shoes and setting his coat on the rack. He brought another blanket with him, grabbing it off the armchair as he went.
"How's he doing?" Dazai asked, settling in next to Chuuya and looking down at Sigma.
"He just fell asleep, didn't tell me what was up," Chuuya responded. He turned off the television since no one was paying attention to whatever movie had auto played next.
"I'm not sure either, he just looked miserable when he walked into the office,"
"Well, at least he seems better now, and if you ruin that I am going to gag you, mackerel," Chuuya threatened, and as always, Dazai took that throwaway comment and ran with it.
"Ooh, that sounds fun, Chuuya should!"
"Shut up, we are not having sex when Sigma's feeling bad,"
"Chuuya's no fun," Dazai pouted but he didn't push any further, instead laying on Chuuya's shoulder.
And with his one boyfriend in his lap and his other boyfriend on his shoulder, he truly felt like the luckiest man in Yokohama.
Unbeknownst to him, or maybe he did know, both of his boyfriends felt the exact same way as they all fell asleep jumbled together on the couch. And everything that happened that day, namely Sigma's discomfort, was somewhere far off and irrelevant.