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Ayaka was a light sleeper. Ever since she was little, she’s always been prone to waking up to the slightest noises that may happen around her while she rested. Quite unlike her brother, who could peacefully sleep through a storm and ask the following morning, unaware, Oh, did it rain last night?
That’s why, when she feels the bed shifting by her side now, Ayaka promptly wakes up.
It must be late at night. The room is thoroughly drenched in the darkness of the night, only dimmed by the moonlight dripping through the curtains. The sheets are still warm beneath her fingers. And the air is quiet, expectant, and oh ,
Ayaka turns to the other side of the bed, fluttering the haze of sleep away from her eyes, and it dawns on her —Swiftly, like it never slipped her mind— that Lumine was sleeping by her side that night.
She had come the day before —Running an errand that happened to be close by, she had said. Ayaka had silently wished the Adventurer’s Guild was kind enough to give her more of those. For Lumine, adventures under her belt. For Ayaka, excuses to see her beloved friend again, to spend time in her charming company— and Thoma had insisted she stayed the night, My nose tells me it will rain tonight. You should stay for dinner! And for the night, if Lady Ayaka is kind enough to extend her invitation. You can leave tomorrow morning, when the skies are blue again!
And how could Ayaka possibly turn down the opportunity?
Truly, Thoma knew about what she kept in her heart more than she dared to think —He could easily read her blooming cheeks, her easy smiles and her incessant talks about Lumine, Lumine, Lumine —, but he was gentle enough to not say anything. To give her a little push in the right direction. Only sometimes. The rest was up to her.
And Ayaka had nodded —Enthusiastically, eagerly — to his suggestion. And she had said, You may stay for as long as you wish .
Then, how about we have a sleepover? Lumine had said, with a smile bright like the sun above, dazzling and free. I have so much to tell you!
And so they had stayed there, in the sacred safety of Ayaka’s chambers —Playing card games, and retelling their favorite stories, and laughing and laughing and laughing like the sun would never come out in their own beautiful corner of the world— until sleep won against the fluttering of their eyelids, and they fell asleep together on Ayaka’s bed.
And now —Ayaka’s head turned to the other side of the bed, the night heavily resting on the windows, sleep still in her bones—, she finds Lumine.
And she doesn’t have time to relish in the feeling of having her close, because Lumine looks in distress .
She’s laying on the mattress inches from her, curled in on herself. Her brow is thoroughly furrowed, her eyes closed so tightly it must hurt , her chest rises and falls quickly with a hitched breath. The air comes out of her parted lips frantic, erratic , and Ayaka’s panic creeps inside her bones and jolts her completely awake.
What happened? Lumine, what’s wrong? Ayaka’s voice shatters with worry, her hands fretting all over her aching friend. Tell me where it hurts, please. Let me help you.
Lumine opens her eyes —Golden, and wide, and oh , so drenched in pain— and finds her. Ayaka’s sitting on the bed, body turned to hers, a million questions written all over her winter stare, and Lumine makes an effort to part her lips and say,
My back… Hah… But it’s okay, Ayaka… I’m not —
Her sentence is cut short.
Ayaka’s hands swiftly roll her over, making her lay on her stomach, and she pulls up her sleeping shirt, exposing her —Quickly. Shamelessly so. There’s no time for bashfulness when her favorite person in the entirety of the world is looking at her with such a pained expression— and she forces herself to bite back a cry.
What … What is this? Lumine can practically hear the tears building up behind her blue eyes, the shaking of her voice when she whispers —Miserable but oh , so full of rage—, Who did this to you?
Lumine’s skin, pale and fragile under the trembling moonlight sneaking through the curtains, is scattered with angular shapes all over what Ayaka can see. Like the strike of a lightning carved in her flesh. A pattern of scars that branches out across her back like the limbs of a tree. Jagged, two thicker scars stand out right between her shoulder blades, barely the size of her palm, and they glow — they glow, they burn — golden.
It’s okay, Ayaka… It was a long time ago, Lumine says through gritted teeth, through the burning sensation that swallows all of her other senses. Like there’s a hot metal being pressed against her back and it’s burning, burning away the skin and the bones and everything beneath. I’m… Hah… I’m not wounded.
Ayaka stares back. A million worries overflow her winter eyes when she says, I don’t understand. Then, what is this? Why are you hurting?
Albedo called them ‘phantom pains’, Lumine says very slowly, trying to hide her discomfort. He says the more intense pains should go away eventually, but… Hah… There will always be some kind of feeling that will come and go. Apparently they’re very common for missing limbs.
There’s a pause. A moment where Lumine’s words are sinking in Ayaka’s brain, and she’s trying her hardest to make sense of them through the fog in her mind, the ache in her chest at the sight of Lumine’s body —Her fearless, stunning body— stained with what Ayaka thinks must’ve been the cruelest of battles.
She shakes her head, tears spilling out of her pretty blue eyes when she says, Missing limbs? I’m afraid I don’t follow… What are you missing?
And Lumine smiles, bitterly, and replies,
My wings.
It happened years ago. Longer than Lumine dares to remember.
The first step that she took in the foreign land of Teyvat.
My brother and I never intended to come here, you knew that? Lumine explains, a million sorrows mirrored in her golden eyes at the memory. We fell here from another world. But, when we wanted to leave and go on to the next world, our path was blocked.
Lumine remembers the long columns hanging from the vault in the sky —The clouds beneath their feet, the cold air staining their cheeks, a sea of stars that didn’t twinkle, static —, Aether’s confused stare resting on hers, alarmed, and then,
‘Outlanders, your journey ends here’.
And how a Goddess had broken the sky in two, parted the heavens with a red glow. She had spoken harsh words, driven by an ancient fire blazing in her soul, far too foreign for Lumine to understand at the time. And then, the attacks came.
I had summoned my wings, joined Aether in the battlefield in the sky against the Unknown God, Lumine explains, the memories dancing before her eyes. We were strong, our power had been honed world after world. But she was relentless. Her attacks were fierce, and swift, and unfairly inevitable. In the end, I couldn’t protect him.
She remembers —Tragically, painfully — the horror in Aether’s eyes when the ancient magic swallowed his body, calling for her —Help me, help me! —, and the utter desperation in Lumine’s voice when she yelled his name in a pathetic attempt to bring him back.
And then, Aether was gone.
And Lumine saw red .
She threw herself against the Unknown God with fire racing through her veins, consuming every corner of her body —Every bone, and nerve, and every drop of blood— until she was nothing but light . An unbridled, boundless, lethal light that would devour any obstacle in its course.
But the ancient God saw right through her.
And soon, Lumine would be swallowed by her own destructive magic, mirrored right back at her. An explosion —Of fire, and magic, and panic, and regret — consumed her body. And it burned, it burned , her skin and her limbs and her wings .
As her consciousness slipped away, she thought of Aether —Her caring, adventurous, beloved brother—, and through the ache and the fear, she made a promise to herself. To bring him back to her.
To bring him back home, home, home .
Some day.
And just like that, the God took away my brother, Lumine explains to a very attentive Ayaka, dutifully sitting by her side still. Some kind of seal was cast upon me and I lost all my powers. And with them, my wings.
Ayaka takes a moment to take in the information.
She has been friends with Lumine for quite some weeks now. They’ve come to harbor the trust necessary to be their true selves around each other. And, of course, Ayaka knew the basic outline of her treasured friend’s story. However, these details are new to her. And her chest aches for her, bleeding through the cracks of her softened heart.
Seeing Lumine like this —A few centimeters from her and bathed under the pale moonlight, a million sorrows dawned upon her golden eyes—, Ayaka sees the girl inside the hero. She sees her eyes clouded by the weight of a memory that can never heal.
Thank you for sharing your story. Lumine… If I may be so bold, Ayaka says, gently taking her friend’s hands in hers, warmer to the touch. She finds her eyes, softening around the corners when she says, You’re very dear to me. I wish to help you. Finding your brother, of course. But, in this moment… What can I do for you?
It’s okay, Ayaka. The pain will die down soon — Hah…
Lumine’s beautiful features twist in pain, her back set aflame, her scars burning golden, and Ayaka insists, insists, Please, let me be of use. I can call for Thoma, or… Ah, a massage would help ease the pain, would it not? I can’t possibly call myself an expert, but if you’re fine with me, I promise to do my best effort for your sake!
And how can Lumine refuse her determined gaze, falling over her like summer rain, warm, and healing, and healing?
So she lies on her back again, her porcelain skin exposed for the princess’ eyes only, and Ayaka has to fight back the tears that gather in her eyes at the sight —The heartbreaking, tragic sight— of the story carved in her skin, in the shape of glowing, lightning scars across her shoulder blades.
Ayaka reaches for her.
With one hand, she slowly grazes her skin, soft under her colder touch. At first, with the tips of her fingers. Then, with the palm of her hand. She traces the scars on her lower back, keeping her touch soft and gentle. She feels Lumine shivering underneath.
How was it like? Ayaka asks, a compassionate attempt at straying Lumine’s mind from the sharp, needling pains scattering across her wounded skin. Having wings to fly through the skies?
Freeing. It came like nature to me, having a whole other dimension of mobility. Sometimes it feels like they’re still there, Lumine replies, her voice drenched with a nostalgia far too foreign for Ayaka to understand. And even though I’ve grown used to the phantom pains, it was still hard for me at first. To learn to fight all over again.
Ayaka has been to war. She has seen other soldiers before —Ones with missing legs and arms, who move as if to reach out and jerk back in surprise when nothing happens—, so the idea of this affliction is not new to her. Her experience in the battlefield has shown her as much.
But to see Lumine fall to the same phantom pain like any ordinary person is an unexpected reminder that humanity’s strongest soldier is, in fact, just a girl —A determined, brave and tenacious girl. But a girl nonetheless—, much like she is.
And all she wants to do is reach for her, wrap Lumine in her arms and let her rest forevermore in her embrace, and heal her wounds, and her scars, and her past.
It’s okay. Please, try to relax, Ayaka says, softly, when she feels Lumine’s body slightly tremble under her touch, the electrified spots where her skin is pressed against Ayaka’s, the scars that meet her underneath. She feels the tension in Lumine’s muscles slowly, ever so slowly, melt under her tender hands. Keep going, I enjoy listening to you.
It was all new to me at the beginning. This newfound clumsiness, the frustration of re-learning. Lumine continues, remembering how she felt when Amber first introduced gliders to her. She sighs, closing her eyes at the motion, and says, Or how scary it is to forget. How terrifying it is to forget.
And yet, you’re one of the strongest heroes in this land now. That must be a testament to your strength and perseverance, Ayaka comforts her. Her thumbs drawing circles between her shoulder blades, soothing in the motion. She doesn’t fight the feeling of pride when Lumine sighs in contentment, and says, I cannot possibly phantom what that must’ve been like, but… I am amazed by you, all the more so with each passing day. You’re someone truly special, Lumine. And I, as your… As your friend… I’m endlessly grateful to the Archons that I had the chance of meeting you in this lifetime. You —
The words die on her lips when Lumine shifts under her touch.
She detaches herself from Ayaka’s hands, sitting up on the bed by her side.
Lumine turns to her and Ayaka watches her in reverence. The way her golden hair cascades down her shoulders, her sharp eyes framed by long eyelashes, fluttering as she gazes at her before parting her lips. Her voice sounds soft in Ayaka’s ears when she says, Go on .
And Ayaka’s cheeks burst with red colors. The blood rushes to her face, and she parts her eyes from her friend, her heart suddenly — Treacherously so! — picking up the pace, beating against her chest.
I meant to say that you… As your friend, you… Ah… , Ayaka fumbles over her words, her hands politely settled on her lap now. She swallows, tries again, and says, Being with you… Makes me very happy. That’s all.
She whispers, and it’s so soft, and so quiet, that Lumine wouldn’t have heard her if she hadn’t been staring quite so closely at her face.
Thank you for saying that, Lumine takes Ayaka’s hands in hers, and Ayaka has to make an effort to stay still, praying to the Archons above that Lumine can’t hear the thump, thump, thump of her treacherous heart. This journey I’m on is a long one, but I’ve found comfort in the kind people I’ve met along the way. And you, Ayaka… The hospitality and warmth you always bring me make me feel all sorts of fortunate. You make me very happy too, Ayaka.
The smile that Lumine draws for her, Ayaka thinks, shines warm like the sunset skies, and she’d swear she can feel her insides light up, the vault of her chest exploding in bright colors at the sight. The coming of summer in the winter of her heart.
So she averts her bashful gaze, biting back the words that threaten to come out —Something she shouldn’t say. Something like, I love you — and, instead, she asks, How’s the pain?
I’m all better now, Lumine replies, placing her hands in the back of Ayaka’s and caressing her skin softly. And it’s all thanks to you. I hope you can forgive me for waking you up like this.
It’s no trouble at all, really, Ayaka nods to herself, blushing at the contact. She swallows and says, Should we go back to sleep, then?
And, without any other matter to keep them awake, they do.
They find their original spots under the covers, and they lay in silence for a moment. Heads resting on the pillows, Ayaka finds Lumine’s sharp gaze in the dark, and she lets herself stare —Just for a moment. For a short moment— the striking beauty of her friend.
The moonlight hits the side of her face and draws shades of blue on her pale skin. Her golden hair is sprawled over the pillow. It frames her face so heavenly. Ayaka fights the urge to reach out, to touch her skin with her fingertips, soft and light. Caress her cheek, and her jaw, and every hidden place she’s hopefully allowed to. But how could she possibly breach the distance!
Lumine breaks the silence, whispering, Good night, Lady Ayaka.
Good night, Lumine, She replies, and she tells herself it’s enough —To be friends. To not be greedy. To appreciate what she has— to stay like this with her.
But then, as she starts falling into a deep slumber —The calm air of the night, the light of the moon dancing in the dim room—, she feels Lumine’s hand reaching for her beneath the covers.
A silent request. An open invitation.
There’s so many things they can’t voice yet.
But Ayaka silently — Very silently! She doesn’t dare to break the spell cast upon the intimacy of their bed— takes it. And she rolls to the side, understanding. And she sighs quietly — Blissfully so — when she feels Lumine’s body pressed against her back, her strong arms wrapped around her waist.
She lets herself relax, lulled by the warmth of Lumine being impossibly closer to her, and she asks herself —Inexperienced as she is—where do the lines of friendship start to blurr.
Are we just friends if it's your breath on my neck late at night or if it's our laced fingers beneath the covers? Ayaka thinks to herself, her heart beating faster, How tightly do we need to be pressed against each other before I admit that we aren’t doing this for warmth? How many times does my thumb need to brush the back of your hand before I realize that it’s gone too far? That I want more than this with you?
That I want everything with you?
But then, before her bright mind is consumed by these tentative thoughts, she feels Lumine shift in her sleep. She feels her nuzzling her nose to the back of her winter hair —Intimate and so incredibly familiar—, and Ayaka finds an answer tucked there.
That maybe, for now, this is alright.
And maybe, for now, it’s okay to enjoy the closeness, the comfort, and let the sweet air of the night carry her thoughts into a restful sleep.
The next day, she will have to explain to Thoma and Ayato why they've woken up all cuddled up in the same bed, but the affection written all over Lumine’s golden eyes when she woke up curled into Ayaka’s chest makes it easy to drown out the questions.