Archive of Our Own

A young man passed by the halls of the Akademiya seemingly in a daze, pondering a memory from last night. He had a lucky encounter as a witness to one of the most intimate gestures one can experience in their lifetime. He remembers the silence and stolen attention that surrounded the couple—two Dasturs if he was correct—the tension that lasted seconds and felt like a decade before the female senior accepted, and the roaring cheers and the crowd of applause for the newly engaged. All in all, it was a joyous and successful occasion, especially for those involved.

Kaveh was merely a passerby, truly lucky to be able to get a few rounds more without having to pull out his wallet. Then he celebrated along with the rest of his fellows wearing the same uniform that night.

His mind, however, lagging behind after experiencing quite the hangover, was so hung up over the idea of a ‘proposal’. It had bothered him the rest of the morning and afternoon, as his thoughts dissected the concept of it rather than the experience.

What is a marriage proposal but a promise? Of course, it is of the romantic, sentimental variety; it is unlike the lines of scholars with thesis heavy in their hands but anxiety heavier on their shoulders, in fear of being rejected for funding and approval for the nth time that week; nor is it one of business and dealings, but it did not escape his mind that some marriages turn out like them. But it all follows a similar procedure at the end, does it not? to convince and assure, to risk and invest, to get someone on board with the same ideas as yours.

“That would be the simplest yet most reasonable motive behind such an action,” as suggested by his bore of a research partner.

Kaveh sighed, turning to look away from the younger man. He had arrived in the House of Daena after his feet took him there without prompting. Even if his attention was absent, his body followed a routine. During the same weeks before, he would spend what was left of his free time and company with a junior student who had soured the first impression he had of him from the mere opening of his mouth. It’s a grievance they apparently shared after hearing a side comment from the man in question, which didn’t make it any better.

But as much frustration as they create as a byproduct with every interaction, the fruit of their combined efforts was showing great promise, quite enough to get them on board and be professional about it. This housing project was the biggest thing they agreed on so easily, with the belief that it would benefit the city in the long term. Nevermind Al-Haitham’s troubling personality if they’ll go their separate ways right after they finish their roles on this anyway.

Going back to the topic they had before, Kaveh found it distasteful to think of an engagement as something so cold as if it were contractual. While a relationship, he’ll admit, is about give and take, inside lies a deeper and more complex feeling in the idea of wanting to marry someone because you love them.

“Careful there, senior, you sound as if you want to get married, yourself. It would be a waste for a scholar who hasn't even reached the ranks of Dastur yet.” Al-Haitham pointed out, without even sparing a look.

“So what if I am? Last night brought me into the mood. There’s no harm in thinking of having some romance in my life.” He gave a side-glare before sighing with more effort. “I won’t be a student forever, and I will only get older each year. I don’t want my life to pass me by before forgetting that I can try to experience such happiness.”

Al-Haitham flips a page. “There are many days in a year, yet your mind races faster than a Rishboland tiger hunting prey with your burst of ideas and impulsivity.”

Kaveh had brought down the hand he leaned his face against, giving the younger a pointed look. “Is that meant to be an insult?” The silver-haired man shrugged, not even the slightest intimidated.

“Take it however you want. I’m merely saying that, as far as I’ve known you, Senior, whenever you entertain your random thoughts, it usually doesn’t last very long. Especially ones worth not paying attention to.”

Kaveh thinks he should’ve kept that last detail to himself. He also thinks that it’s weird that Al-Haitham has an idea of how his mind works when he can’t even read it. But in hindsight, he shouldn’t have brought this up with him at all.

The blonde grumbled anyway, grabbing a pencil to start focusing on the stray idea he had yesterday. It was meant to be a suggestion, but his romantic fantasies distracted him from remembering it. Not that it means his annoying junior was right all along to dismiss his olive branch of small talk.

The silence they shared with their individual tasks was randomly interrupted by Al-Haitham all of a sudden, when he made an extra comment.

“If it helps, you don’t even have a promising suitor to propose to you, let alone date you.”

“You—?!”

“Kaveh had learned that day that not an inch of romance exists in Al-Haitham’s bones, and he pitied him. But he really should butt out of his senior’s love life, or lack thereof, lest he teach him a lesson by straining the younger man’s ears again.

Years later, maybe Kaveh shouldn’t have assumed things would end so easily and simply between them. Not when his younger self would surely question his own older self’s mentality of agreeing not only to live with Al-Haitham but to date him as well. The path they took to get there wasn’t smooth, but even with their choices to distance themselves from each other, fate had quite a sense of humor.

Now that their relationship was still just as complicated all the same, the affectionate undertones were no longer hard to miss. So much so that when he told a certain forest ranger about them, he only exclaimed “Finally!” and then moved the topic somewhere else, and Kaveh, a bit taken aback, just went with the flow.

His significant other apparently guessed that reception would be more common in their shared circle of friends. He had a knowing smirk in front of the dinner table, as Kaveh had just realized his lack of awareness made for a good show for everyone except for him.

Al-Haitham was quick to the uptake to tease him for the long time he, apparently, "made him dance on tightropes," testing the waters to see whether or not the connection they both shared was seen in the same light. It was definitely reciprocated! The younger man’s linguistic background surely taught him how to use hyperboles well. He pretended not to notice Kaveh was dying in his former bedroom due to the occasional perverted thoughts one may have over their roommate’s sculpted bodice.

Nevertheless, they both wore such carefree smiles throughout dinner and company that if there was any nagging anxiousness Kaveh had when they got together, he gained a good feeling that this was just right.

“Congratulations! Oh, I’m so happy for you!” Kaveh cooed at his friend, not minding at all his volume from the positive news. It was a work day for the bustling harbor of Port Ormos. He volunteered to help with the development plan being initiated here. After what happened with the former Sages and their freed God, he didn’t expect to have to reunite with a coursemate from his school days this way.

That’s what led him to enjoy their lunch break and catch up on what had happened to their lives since they last met. His friend had just shared the announcement of his engagement with him, and although they hadn’t planned the date yet, she meant to invite him to the ceremony as a friend and co-worker.

“It would be an honor to have you there, Kaveh.” She adds.

“Well, I don’t think ‘me’ being there is THAT big of a deal…” The blonde started fidgeting with one of his rings. “And it’s your wedding! I’d love to attend, of course.”

“I’d be sure to add you to the VIP list,” she teased. “But would you be bringing your lover?”

“Ah, hm?”

He doesn’t remember ever bringing Al-Haitham up in the conversation.

“Don’t look so confused; you know you're a big talk among our Darshan. I’m not much into gossip myself, but when I heard your name and ‘relationship’ in the same sentence, I just couldn’t help but be curious!”

Kaveh turned to his drink, bringing it down all in one big gulp. He guessed he shouldn’t dance around the subject so much when he asked for all the details of her own love life during the entire lunch. He nods, his hesitance quite clear.

“My, my, and with a junior as well?” He almost choked at that prod. “Now who’s flustered?”

“You said you weren’t a gossip!”

Her laugh was hysterical.

“I have ears, you know, and your relationship with the Acting Grand Sage is a pretty big deal.”

That makes a lot of sense, and he did get some unwanted attention for a while when they weren’t hiding it anymore, per his request. But somehow, he still feels embarrassed about being treated as the headline of a tabloid. Somehow, with his face confirming all of his friend’s suspicions, she went on to hold her own chin. While wearing a serious expression, she mumbled quite audibly about her wedding plans in front of him, basically summarizing her entire wedding program to him.

“I’d have to talk to my fiance about the arrangements with the VIP table then.”

“It’s really not a big deal…”

She snaps her fingers. “He’s the Grand Sage, Kaveh! The Grand Sage!”

“Acting.” He sighed, leaning back into his seat.

When he thought he got off scot-free after being interrogated about their preference for catering. He was then asked, ‘if the man he’s dating is the same junior he ratted about all throughout his senior student days’ as if she was just reminded of that fact when Kaveh gave out another sigh of relief.

Suffice to say, he went home and was promised to be sent a formal invitation for the event and another for his boyfriend. Oh, and reddened ears.

A few weeks later, he did receive the aforementioned invitation. The lettering was very pretty; he couldn’t help but admire the artistry of it. From the information available, he was sure he could make some time for the auspicious day, and he didn’t forget to mention this to Al-Haitham as soon as he could after their reunion. So when Al-Haitham saw the decorated envelope on the lounge table, he didn’t look at all surprised.

“Is that for the wedding you were talking about?”

Kaveh nodded lazily while lounging on the divan, embracing a wide pillow.

“You don’t look so excited about it now.” That observation made the blonde prop up from his position.

“What do you mean?”

Al-Haitham shrugged, going past the table with a mug in his hand and a book on the other. He deemed the small space near Kaveh’s torso, in the middle of the seat, a suitable seat. Although it made Kaveh scoot around suddenly, pouting from the rudeness.

“You’ve been more quiet lately.”

“Are you saying that I’m noisy by default?”

“Depends on how you would define ‘noise’. But to me, you usually are.”

Kaveh's frown deepened. “If you’re just going to be rude to me tonight, I’m going to bed first!” He huffed and pulled his legs closer to himself just to be able to move away. But in the next moment, Al-Haitham’s arm crossed to his other side.

The older man pointed a glare at the younger man’s raised brow.

They had a stare-down before Al-Haitham talked first.

“What’s bothering you?” He asked, adding another after a beat. “Do you not want to go?”

Kaveh was surprised at the way his lover showed his concern, but because he knows what type of person he is, his sullen mood faded away and was replaced with a mix of affection and hesitation.

“Of course I do.” He lost this round, not like he usually wins anyway. “I was just...thinking, that’s all.”

“Tell me.” The blonde gasped when their distance got closer by Al-Haitham shifting.

“W-what’s with you tonight?”

“I was asking that first, actually.”

Kaveh groaned, thinking of his options. Decidedly, he brought his forehead to Al-Haitham’s shoulder, foregoing the pillow he had on top of him, all so he could wrap his arms around something sturdier and warmer instead.

He couldn’t read Al-Haitham’s expression this way, but that meant he wouldn’t be able to get a read on him either. The silver-haired man let him take his time, so much so that he wondered if it was alright to stay like this overnight. But the nagging thoughts he had for days were indeed starting to bother him. He just didn’t expect the other man to ambush him this way.

“...What do you think about a wedding?”

“It’s a ceremony.”

Kaveh slightly pinched him on the waist. “That’s not what I meant.” He paused, his voice getting quieter. “...I mean…what do you think about ‘having one’?”

Al-Haitham took a sharp breath.

That alone made Kaveh feel like an ice bath had washed over him. He might have stiffened, and because of that, it elicited a faster response from the man he was embracing.

The other man’s voice had even sounded confused from the tone alone. “Is that what’s bothering you?”

Whatever noise Kaveh had made, it was accompanied by a shy nod. His face was just being scrubbed over his lover’s clothes at this point. This conversation was a bad idea. But their feet were already dipped in, and Al-Haitham just kept asking more questions, digging them in deeper.

“Do you want to get married?”

Kaveh was silent. He stayed silent until he felt Al-Haitham slightly push him off of him. Facing the other man again, he wanted to avert his eyes for the second time, but he didn’t know what he would say; he didn’t know what to say to begin with.

“Kaveh…” He was called out so softly that it made his face scrunch and made him want to cover it, which he did.

Before Al-Haitham could speak again, he cut him off.

“I don’t know.” Because there was no visible or audible response from him, he peeked between his fingers. Whatever this tension was, it’s killing him!

The silver-haired man looked at him blankly. From his seat, he looked as tense as Kaveh did, but unlike him, he was better at masking that, or at least Kaveh thought that was what he was trying to do.

“You…don’t know.” Why did he have to say it again? Kaveh groaned through his palms and agreed.

Al-Haitham let out a breath, or was it a sigh of relief?

“Alright, then that’s that.”

The blonde swiftly moved his hands away, bewildered. “What?”

“Kaveh.” There was weight to it this time. “You’re unsure, uncertain, unde-”

“I know what those mean!” A side of his lip tipped upward slightly.

Then Al-Haitham held him by the forearms. “Undecided.” Kaveh grumbled at that with understanding. “I appreciate you wanting to talk about this, but I’m just as hesitant as you.”

Well, that’s…. That does give him some relief. But—

“So you’re not ‘opposed’ to it?”

The other man shook his head. “That I’m sure of, yes.”

Kaveh let out a hollow laugh. “You’re so difficult.”

“That should be my line.”

“No, no, no, you were so unnecessarily quiet about it! I didn’t want to talk about it for that reason, you know!”

“And you’re making such a fuss about it, as usual.”

The blonde truly laughed this time, leaning down to land on the other’s chest, smothering his face on the cotton fabric that smelled like the detergent they had used for all their clothes, a memory of the long debate they had over it, the multiple products they took time to test before finally agreeing on the same scent they used for years. He felt hands land on his hair and the dip of his shirt.

This situation was too silly, even for their track record, but he’s just glad it didn’t end and that they landed on a rough slope.

“This isn’t over, Al-Haitham,” he warned lightly, his voice muffled.

“Of course, I could say the same to you.” He heard him lightly, feeling that rumble. “Next time, maybe just tell me directly?” Al-Haitham added. “You don’t mind accusing me at work about the papers I leave at home, yet you’re shying over the topic of ‘marriage’ to your own boyfriend?”

“Like you weren’t nervous yourself!” Yet, the younger man just let that remark pass.

Kaveh felt him shift and leave a kiss on the crown of his head. He smiled. And maybe he was easy to convince, so that would comfort him immediately. But they have more time to think about it in the future.

It was after attending Kaveh’s friend’s wedding that it sunk in for Al-Haitham to think about it. Not that he didn’t before, but after everything that happened for him, between them, and for Sumeru, getting married just wasn’t a big priority for him. That remains true to this day as well.

For Al-Haitham, how he wanted to live his life always came freely to him, but this was different. This wasn’t just about him; it was for Kaveh as well. Where would they take their lives next? How should they go about it? And marriage, for all its grandeur, was a path available to both of them.

What was it that a younger Kaveh had told him before? They only get older with time. It might not have been exact, but it was somewhere along those lines. It was true now that they were actually older, not halfway through the average lifespan, but peers of their age had been tying the string more often. Strangely, there was no pressure from anyone close for them to get married. Although, that was perhaps due to the lack of familial relationships they had and the frequent comments they’d get even before they were a thing.

“You two act like a married couple.” They’d say it in various forms, half exasperated and half jokingly.

So comparing his options, would marriage really add anything different to their lives? There were some literal and legal differences, yes. But in a meaningful way, he was well aware of how much he loved the architect, and everything about him had moved him in ways that were unfounded and treacherous.

That’s why the expressions Kaveh wore at that reception were in line with his recent memories. He saw the tenderness and quiet longing the artist had for those who were drowning in happiness and expensive wine. He was blooming that night, radiating the selflessness he naturally had for everyone around him. He was beautiful, in a way he never found him looking before.

All because of the atmosphere laid in front of them, of the implications. If that’s how he looks thinking of it, how would he look to participate in one? Would he have asked Al-Haitham about a wedding before if he hadn’t actually considered it? Wanted it?

But what about him? What about what he thinks? Did he want to marry Kaveh?

A silence echoed back to him, a knowing one. Why would he even ask if he knew from the start? But the silence accompanied them back home, exhausted and tipsy. Al-Haitham could only hold him in that quietness, basking in the patience that Kaveh, ever so kind, had for him.

…

Al-Haitham stretched the muscles of his fingers, which were crossed with each other. It’s only right to return the favor.

Something kept his boyfriend busy. Kaveh realized this the moment Al-Haitham left to go to work. While it was routine for them for him to leave in the morning and for the blonde to be left at home, taking his time sleeping, having breakfast, or working on his desk, Al-Haitham would rarely leave so early. But this morning, he only drank his coffee and left an hour earlier. Kaveh would have reprimanded him more for filling his stomach with something solid, but he was already at the door, telling him that he was planning to eat on the way to work.

That left Kaveh confused at their dinner table with two servings of breakfast and the company of his current work in progress. All he could conclude at the moment was that the younger man acted weirdly, but it wasn’t pressing or worth being suspicious enough. It wasn’t even unusual for Al-Haitham to do things mysteriously on his own.

Honestly, the only thing he could grumble about was that he wished he had been told earlier of these plans. He would have packed him some food if he wasn’t planning to eat with him.

Though his suspicions were dismissed earlier, just a couple of days later, he finds himself arriving late to an empty house. He was skipping on the way home since he was able to bring his key with him. But when he opened the door, he was met with a dark hallway and no sign of the other occupant. What was even stranger was that Al-Haitham’s shift would have ended, and the Akademiya would be mostly empty by now.

Kaveh didn’t have the energy to walk all the way there just to check on him; it was likely that the other man was doing overtime. It’s not the first time this has happened, ever since he was promoted, but he couldn’t help but worry a little bit. He distracted himself by making dinner for the hard worker and waiting for him. He decided to not eat till Al-Haitham came home, but would regret that idea when hours passed by and his stomach was growling louder than the crickets in the forest.

He didn’t even realize he fell asleep until he was being gently shaken awake.

“Al-Haitham…?”

Opening his eyes, it was him. From his attire, he must have just arrived home.

“What time is it?” Kaveh yawned and rubbed at his eyes, feeling several parts of his body with pins and needles that made him wince right after.

He didn’t notice until later that Al-Haitham had stopped a bit at the question before answering vaguely.

“Quite late.”

Kaveh makes a noise when he does some light stretching on his seat. “Mm, have you eaten?”

“I did.”

He freezes. “Oh.”

Al-Haitham tilted his head. “Have you-”

“Ah, ah, I gotta clean up the kitchen then.” The blonde was already making his way there before he was pulled back lightly by the arm.

“Kaveh.”

When he turned, he gave an easy smile. “It’s okay. I had a heavy snack before I got home anyway.” Al-Haitham didn’t look convinced. “You should get cleaned up.”

But he lets go of him all the same. After making sure he heard the other man enter the bathroom, did he start to clean up after himself? It’s not like the dinner he made will all go to waste. The both of them could enjoy it some other time, and he’s sure Al-Haitham would agree on getting a good night’s rest.

The next morning, Al-Haitham stayed for breakfast. He reported to him that he left for work early and went to Port Ormos for the rest of the day.

Kaveh didn’t prod for more when the silver-haired man suspiciously omitted the reason for his visit.

He was lucky that Cyno apparently had the free time to accompany him for a drink, although he didn’t know whether or not the General returned the sentiment. When he watched the architect down a whole bottle already, he realized he was responsible for him for the rest of the night.

“Do you think he’s doing this on purpose?” He moaned, face flat on the wooden table.

His drink-mate merely stayed, shuffling his TCG deck. “I think. That you’re suspecting him unfoundedly.”

The blonde lifted his head and tucked his arms underneath it. “So you don’t think that woman and him are ‘you know’...?” He mumbled. Archons, he couldn’t even say the word properly.

“That he’s cheating on you?”

Kaveh hissed at him. “Don’t say it!”

Cyno set down his deck case filled with cards on the table before crossing his arms. “You hinted at it first.”

Which Kaveh did, straight after the General Mahamatra arrived at the Tavern. As soon as he sat down in front of the blonde, before he could even give his greetings. He might have drank a little bit before he came in.

According to his retelling, the architect was meeting with some of his fellows in Kshahrewar that work day. The discussion had finished earlier than he thought it would, and with the surprising free time he had received, he decided to surprise Al-Haitham as well.

Unlike his student days, getting past the House of Daena to ride the elevator to the Grand Sage office has gotten easier and more frequent—and less nerve-wracking too. That day, he might as well be seen skipping on his feet on his way there, excited to see his boyfriend for lunch. But instead, it was he who was more surprised at the scene he saw.

Panah looked nervous when he told him that the Acting Grand Sage was still seeing somebody else.

“A meeting? Hm, then I can wait here.” Al-Haitham was usually a stickler to his hours; breaktime was breaktime; if his shift has ended, he’ll entertain you on the next.

Panah had looked so unsure that he started wiping his forehead with cold sweat. They were both caught off guard when he heard an audible giggle upwards. Kaveh shared a look with Panah, the latter slowly realizing what he was thinking.

He walked onward before the poor secretary could stop him.

In front of the Grand Sage’s desk was a pretty young woman, maybe a researcher or maybe even a Herbad. She was giggling to herself, holding back a full laugh, while the man in front of her had an easy smile, all laid-back. That man was Al-Haitham, and Kaveh was so confused.

He coughed aloud—fake, but enough to grab their attention away from the small world they were making.

“Kaveh?” Oh, so now it’s the Scribe’s turn to be confused. The blonde put his hands on his hips; he didn’t care if he looked at them accusingly. In a second, his baffled face turned into a pointed glare past him.

He looked to the side and saw Panah’s robes disappear, backing away.

The woman, who was having the time of her life with his boyfriend, looked between the two of them and seemed to have gotten the clue. She quickly bowed to Al-Haitham and took her leave as Kaveh looked straight at the man until they both heard the mechanics of the elevator work again.

The silver-haired man chose to tidy up his desk rather than entertain him, prompting Kaveh to make the first move.

His hand slammed harder than it should on the wooden surface. “Who was that?”

Al-Haitham looked up at him, unperturbed. “You mean Mina? She’s a Herbad.” The blonde raised a brow that only made him sigh. “I asked her to entertain some of my questions.”

“Which are?”

“My turn to ask questions.”

Kaveh clicked his tongue.

“Why are you here, Kaveh?”

“Oh, is visiting my boyfriend for lunch not allowed in the sacred office of the Grand Sage now? My apologies, guess I wasn’t informed.”

Under the silence and turquoise-orange intimidation, he settled down a bit.

“My meeting ended earlier than I thought, and well, I was in the area so…”

Al-Haitham looked to the side and mumbled something he couldn’t hear. Something about a ‘miscalculation’. Then stood up.

“What are you craving for?”

“Hm? Uh, cream?” He answered the first thing that came to mind.

“That’s not a dish, but fine, we can have a look around. But first—” The acting grand sage called out Panah.

He peered out from the stairs. “Sir..?”

“Move my appointments after lunch. I’ll come back much later than the time allotted.”

Before Kaveh could even say his piece, he was beckoned to follow him, and he could see that Panah, much used to this behavior from his boss lately, just nodded on and was more stressed out than before.

The blonde sent him prayers as the elevator took them away from his sight.

“You shouldn’t abuse your power like that.” He chided the younger man.

“I wouldn’t need to if it weren’t for you.”

Kaveh gasped at that. “So you’re blaming me?!”

Al-Haitham turned to him, uncrossing his arms to hold his hand instead.

“An accomplice sounds better.”

Kaveh had all but forgotten what was worrying him until much later.

That’s what led to him looking absolutely miserable to his friend, General Mahamatra.

Cyno interjected. “Maybe he really was just asking some questions. Not unusual in his habit of being inquisitive.” He flicked the blonde’s forehead to bring him back to reality. “What else did he tell you about her anyway?”

Kaveh mused about his blurred memories. “He said she was also from Haravatat. That’s why they were having an ‘engaging conversation’ whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

The white-haired man nodded to that. “Inside jokes.” He tipped his goblet to him. “Kaveh.”

“Hm?”

“I’ll tell you one thing: I might not have known him as well and as long as you do, but Al-Haitham does love you.”

“Cyno…” He whimpered.

“And I don’t think he’s the type of person to be what you suspect of him.”

He wants to believe that too.

“So chin up, stop overthinking, and…” He leaned on the table to get closer to him, and with a deep whispering tone, he continued. “If you catch him red-handed, just tell me. I won’t let him cheat his way out of this one.”

Kaveh blinked and blinked again. Then he got it. He covered his face before wheezing.

“Gotcha.” Cyno leaned back into his seat.

“It’s not funny! It’s really not!” His drunken stupor was betraying him, making him chortle. “That timing was horrible!!!”

The blonde cried his name when he saw his self-satisfaction.

Although he knew his suspicions were baseless and might have been caused by some paranoia, they still managed to resurface in the worst of times.

Al-Haitham’s patterns of absence have been more constant lately. It didn’t help that his random appearances in unexpected places, according to rumors, reached Kaveh’s ears. While he had kept himself as busy as he could, it just wouldn’t quiet off the thoughts preying on his mind when he was supposed to be brainstorming.

So the one night he came home early enough to have dinner with him, Kaveh wasn’t as unwelcoming or pleasant to be with his company.

The younger man picked up quickly on this and poked the tiger too soon, too many times.

Dinner was abandoned in favor of a loud debate; they both couldn’t keep each other in check as words were thrown haphazardly.

“So you’re not denying that you were hanging out with beautiful and young men when I’m here, your actual boyfriend!!!”

“Do you even hear yourself?!”

Al-Haitham was the one who brought it to a stop. He held him by the arms and pleaded with him to calm down. To be rational.

Heart thumping and erratically breathing, he cried with a strained voice.

He was exhausted when he was brought to the bedroom. Kaveh couldn’t look at him in shame and laid down on his favored side, close to the edge. He hic’d a lot, and his breaths were shaky with his back turned to him.

When sleep came to him, he was no longer conscious enough to feel an embrace warm him throughout the night.

The only evidence he was left to examine was that Al-Haitham’s side was much colder than his, and breakfast waited for him at the counter.

If he was planning to avoid Al-Haitham altogether the day after their fight, it proved to be impossible when his partner acted like it didn’t happen.

Maybe Kaveh was the only one riddled with guilt; after all, he was the one who started throwing accusations at him. But even when he approached Al-Haitham to apologize in some way or form, it was always dismissed, moving the topic seamlessly into something else.

He wonders if this is okay for Al-Haitham to still look at him preciously, despite having admitted to having lost trust in him.

He remembers the faces and the reactions directed at his harsh words. Offended on one side, anger unable to be held back, and there was the instance of guilt too. What he would have felt guilty for, Kaveh didn’t want to know.

He shouldn’t question the forgiveness he doesn't deserve, but he’ll try to make it up with him anyway.

Actions were the one thing Al-Haitham was privy to expressing himself through. So Kaveh went with that. He cleared up a spot in his schedule, a day where he was free to prepare to spoil the other man.

That morning, the Scribe left for work, and Kaveh was left alone with the house. He started getting to work, one hand holding a rag and the other a mop. Cleaning was actually something he enjoyed doing, and while he was nagging at times that Al-Haitham would leave a mess knowing Kaveh would clean it, this time he just did everything he’d rather want the younger man to do.

Once he was done with the general cleaning of the living spaces, he prepared himself for the office. This was a place Al-Haitham would spend the most time in private, and it was the one that gathered up a lot of dust from his style of organizing. By that, he means leaving a lot of his books and papers close at hand whenever he thinks of them. For his great brain, these were a lot of times.

It would take a lot of time to gently clean the dust off since a lot of these books were old and weary. So he gathered them all in one spot to clean on the floor, turning to the desk for a quick inspection before he got to the heavy-duty stuff.

Despite his tastes in minimalism, Al-Haitham wasn’t as simple to his interests, but it all made the desk feel more personal compared to the one he was using at the Akademiya. Kaveh was distracted by the familiar trinkets and tools he had seen him using and the ones he didn’t know he owned.

It was rare for him to be in this spot anyway; usually he was here to draft away on the smaller table there on the side, but even that moment was rare. He had his own office space in his former bedroom. That’s why this desk was special; this space and the treasures it beheld told him about Al-Haitham, the man he chose to love.

He smiled at that thought before shaking his head to remind himself of his purpose here.

Kaveh started opening the drawers, feeling a bit nosy, justifying to himself that he was just going to see if there was trash inside that was in need of throwing.

Inside the first drawer, with a key still attached to it, there was a square case and a tiny journal. It was small, but it stands out because of how precisely it was placed in that tiny compartment. On top of it, there is a silk fabric and an even smaller box.

He didn’t know what came to him, but his heart felt heavy and was beating faster by the minute. Kaveh wanted to shut the drawer and forget it even existed, but there was a part of him that wanted to know.

Just a peek.

From its size, there’s not much it could fit inside there; he was just curious if his inkling was right.

If he was right, then what…?

…

Kaveh listened to the temptation; he grabbed the case and slowly opened it.

Al-Haitham spent long and hard hours trying to find the right way to propose to the love of his life. Thinking and planning about it by himself proved to not really work as he thought it would.

At first, he thought about doing it the way he wanted to. Simple and straightforward—that’s how most points get across precisely to another person. But Kaveh wasn’t just another person, so he realized it needed to be special.

What was special to Al-Haitham wasn’t the same with Kaveh; that was just a part of who they are. They were both very different people with different tastes and opinions. However, approaching the man directly would ruin the surprise. Another factor that gave him problems was that proposals were often arranged or done unexpectedly.

Nowadays, romance novels favor the latter. The element of surprise led to a more dreamy atmosphere, which he didn’t really understand, but he knew Kaveh wasn’t opposed to getting surprised. He wore his heart on his sleeve; being pleasantly surprised was an expression he commonly showed, and it was a good look on him when a cheeky smile or a breathless laugh would come out after it.

With Kaveh always in mind, he wrote the outline of his proposal in his notes: that it would be to Kaveh’s tastes and a surprise, and for Al-Haitham, he wanted it to be a day they wouldn’t ever forget.

He wanted to be discreet in asking for suggestions, so he specifically chose the people to ask about.

Mina, a researcher who recently married, was one of them. He knew him from his darshan and knew he was a person he didn’t have any qualms about, so he figured he could trust her not to disclose their conversation. The awkward mood changed immediately to a more comfortable one. After she realized she wasn’t being called for anything work-related, she found the innocence of his questions delightful.

In truth, it was her who was proposed to and not the one who proposed, but she still answered as much as she could. Al-Haitham noted that talking about her relationship with her spouse elated her, so much so that he could see it in her change of demeanor. How lucky was her partner, for her love was as wide as the smile that reached her eyes.

He wondered if Kaveh would be the same. It must have shown in his face too when Mina asked her:

“Is this about Mr. Kaveh?”

He nodded. It wasn’t that hard to figure out; anyone with a brain could have figured it out from his series of questions.

She returned his smile. “I’m sure he’d accept your proposal, sir.”

“You think so?”

“Without a doubt.”

When Kaveh came upon the scene, he didn’t know that the reason they were in such a joyful mood was because he was the topic in question. Al-Haitham turned his face slightly away from him all the while, because it showed, didn't it? That the thought of Kaveh elated him too.

He didn’t pursue looking for rings immediately. He thought that would be the easy part, so he chose to ask about how he should go about ‘giving it’ first.

One of the next people he asked were the companions he made after saving their archon. Three of them were readily available, but he was unsure whether to ask them for many reasons. He knew they had ongoing and successful relationships on their own, but he'd leave them as a final resort. The only one left to ask might have been the most suitable one.

He waited by the walls of the Zubayr Theater for the dancer to arrive.

“Sorry for the wait!” Nilou called out gracefully but haggardly.

“No need to hurry. I have time.” He actually didn't, but he also knew she didn’t have any.

He took her aside by some not-so-busy stalls and started his questioning.

Nilou caught on more quickly than he expected, and Al-Haitham had to literally shush her to keep quiet about it.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just so exciting! You and Mr. Kaveh! Getting married!”

He chuckled at that. “Well, he has to say ‘yes’ first.”

“Is there even any question?” Her tone wasn’t serious, and she even laughed at the thought.

The actual advice she gave, he took note of.

Nilou had a lot of ideas. She knew him as a private person and definitely insisted he keep it that way in the actual proposal. While a show or a public proposal might excite Kaveh, this wasn’t just about him; it was about Al-Haitham’s sake too.

A romantic date night with a proposal as a finish, or taking Kaveh on a trip to propose to him in a special spot. They were all worth considering.

“Even if it’s a bit cliché, I think that Mr. Kaveh would be moved by your intent alone. Do you have a speech ready yet?”

Al-Haitham didn’t. He thanked her for reminding him of that too.

There was one other person he knew who knew Kaveh personally, unfortunately. His trip to Port Ormos was done with hesitance, but the moment he arrived in the harbor, he decided to suck it up.

Lord Sangemah Bay would never meet with him in normal circumstances. However, he made the preparation of giving an advance payment for her to consider it. A couple of wild geese chasing around the harbor with her cronies later, he finally saw Dori.

“Did you enjoy your walk, Grand Sage?” She twirled a coin around her finger.

“Acting. Let’s just get on with this. At this point, no transportation would be available to take me back to Sumeru City by tomorrow.”

“Well, I could certainly add that to your bill as an extra service.”

Al-Haitham grunted.

“Alright, alright. You never clarified in your letter what you want to talk about anyways.”

“It’s about Kaveh.”

Her reclining position turned into a more proper one. The architect and one of her dear patrons, eliciting her attention to him completely.

Al-Haitham relayed the basics of his problem to her, and by the end of it all, it made her laugh hysterically. He waited for her to finish wiping some tears and catch her breath to regain her professionalism.

“So Kaveh is finally tying the knot, huh?”

“I thought since you knew him well enough, you’d have some ideas. But I also wouldn’t mind if you actually offered me one yourself.”

Dori nodded knowingly. “Have you thought of using my palace?”

He hadn’t. True, that palace was attached to Kaveh’s name by the hip. Regaled as his magnum opus, he does think about it often, proudly, like a child he raised.

Seeing his interest, she immediately tells him the approximate price it would take to rent such a location for themselves for one night.

“Well, I’m also not opposed to offering it to the both of you for the actual reception—it comes with a discount, of course!”

Al-Haitham went back home terribly late within the same day, courtesy of her transport services, and the rough estimate it would cost to have a wedding in her palace was on a note inside his pocket.

But he still found himself with no ideas on how to propose to the man. Eventually, it did reach his small circle of connections after he had to ask them hypothetically how he should do it.

There were some who recommended that just doing it directly without much fanfare would work.

“So this is what Kaveh has been fussing over?” The General Mahamatra complained. “Just don’t make him wait; he’ll find out sooner or later if you’re not careful.”

"Well, I have come across some ancient rites of the romantic kind in my years of research, but do kids these days even still follow that trend? Kaveh is still quite a youngster himself.” Madame Faruzan quipped.

There were some ideas that were more of an elaborate scheme.

“What about an expedition in the desert? Put the ring inside a chest and guide him on a treasure hunt. Sounds pretty fun, if you ask me.” The flame mane suggested jokingly.

And some ideas that went along with Nilou’s were more sentimental and simple.

“A walk at night clears your thoughts. Have a talk with him and open the question gently. It’s best if you give him ample time to think about this properly.” Candace suggested after having a talk with Dehya.

The forest ranger and his foster went hand-in-hand with their ideas.

“A bouquet made according to the language of flowers—it’s a nice idea, Collei.” Tighnari patted the young girl’s head. He turned to Al-Haitham. “I could help you find the ones you need.”

At some point, his inquiry reached their Archon’s ears.

“I am not as well-versed with this topic, myself. But I’m happy you came to me for it, Al-Haitham.” Lesser Lord Kusanali had a gentle smile on her face. Their meeting transformed into a more one-on-one conversation about Al-Haitham and his life.

He didn’t know why it came to him to talk about it with her, but it was pleasant, and eventually he talked about his love too. He has been doing that a lot lately, but he never had any trouble doing so. He found it an easy conversation topic, even unprompted.

“I’m looking forward to the wedding. You’ll invite me, won’t you?”

He nods at her. “Of course, along with the traveler and their companion.”

Her smile was even more radiant after that.

But he didn’t leave empty-handed; as wise as she was, she passed along to him the whereabouts of another person to inquire with.

“I wish that Archon of yours would stop giving me these types of odd jobs out of the blue. You’re one of her sages. Pass on the message, will you?”

Al-Haitham faced a young man wearing an obviously large hat on the outskirts of Sumeru City. He looked young and youthful, almost as if his time had stopped at this moment, and was, in all terms, attractive. But despite his mysterious appearance and background, he was just here for a simple request.

“Do you think I look like I know anything about that? I don’t even know who you are and who this Kaveh guy is.”

“Honestly? No. But a god brought me to you, so I considered it worth looking into.”

The wanderer threw his hands up in the air. There was an almost stiff way, too subtle to see in how his joints moved. But he chose not to think about it, lest he offend him, and that vision on his chest glows in contrast to the green one he had on his shoulder.

Al-Haitham did what he had been doing in habit much more frequently: he started to talk about his situation. He sat down on a giant tree root while the man with the hat had his back turned to him. He might not have been listening, but he wasn’t walking away either.

After relaying his life’s story, the other man replied. “You sure are a fool for that guy.”

“I had been told, yes.”

“Like you’re so foolishly in love. A man would die on how deep you’ve fallen for him.” He started laughing morbidly at his own imagination.

Al-Haitham didn’t really come here to be looked at like a clown, but that’s where his life has come to. He didn’t reply, choosing to ignore the unwanted criticisms.

But it did make the wanderer turn to him. “Why do you need to think so hard about this anyway?”

“...I wanted to make it special for him.”

"Yeah, I get that already, you simp. I mean, why are you overthinking this? Just go buy a ring or make one and tell him everything.”

Al-Haitham blinked. “Make one?”

“Hm?” The bobbed-cut man looked estranged before coming to. He wheezed in realization. “So that’s why, huh?”

He started walking in the direction of the city. “Come with me. I’ll teach you how.”

The Scribe followed despite his confusion. “You know how to make jewelry?”

“I know how to use metal.” He emphasized the word ‘know’ snobbishly.

Suffice to say, he regularly met with the mysterious wanderer just to learn how to make his own engagement rings. He was a strict teacher, if not even insulting, but he did actually know how to work with metal, and he was a fast learner. Although they threw jabs at each other often and made one another clench their fists bloody, they did eventually learn to work well together. Well, they had to, after meeting the need to research actual crystals, jewels, and ring designs.

One time, Kusanali herself visited along with the traveler.

Her smile and knowing look at him made him thank her all the more graciously in his mind, since he’ll only give one tepid show of appreciation to the wanderer.

The fight they had was unexpected to him, but he should have seen it coming. Kaveh wasn’t unobservant; he was naive at times, but not airheaded.

He had always been perceptive of the things that matter, an artist’s eye, and while his conclusions were unreasonable, he saw where they were coming from. He realized where Kaveh was coming from in his anxiety and worry towards Al-Haitham’s unexplained actions.

In the heat of their argument, he wondered if he should have confessed the truth. But Kaveh had been too affected; he was not making any more sense if he didn’t intervene and get his composure back.

He lets him have his space and the time to think rationally again, to be a little bit more patient. Yet he couldn’t ask him more of that; it was him who was running out of time, not the blonde.

Stringing him along blindly and playing with his trust, he didn’t mean for it all to end up like this. But he can overturn this for the better.

He was just waiting for the right time, he assured himself. But all the notes he’s taken and the journal they were penned in felt so heavy inside his pouch.

Al-Haitham came home that day, unprepared for what had happened while he was gone.

The lack of greetings and the silence inside their home immediately worried him. He called out and peeked in their shared living spaces, but there was no Kaveh to be found. He even made sure to see if his belongings remained, and they did. He didn’t go up and leave.

But where was he?

There was still one more room unchecked, which would answer his questions.

Al-Haitham opened the door to his office; it was illuminated, and a lot of his items were scattered on the ground, along with cleaning supplies. But one thing grabbed all his attention: the blonde sat on the carpeted flooring, clutching something.

Full of relief, he called to him. "Kaveh,” while walking towards him, minding his footing.

“AH!?”

The older man had his hair up in a bun and wore loose clothing. when he looked up at him in utter shock and flinching, as if he only realized the other man just arrived when he got closer. He almost dropped what he was carrying and the items on his lap, that Al-Haitham can see now.

That box that lay on his lap, the journal in his hands—these items shouldn’t have been in Kaveh’s hands, at least not yet. It must have shown on his face when the blonde started to look panicked.

“S-since when have y-yo—” / “Kaveh, that box—”

They both interrupted each other and shut up at the same time.

An awkward silence was shared between them, with Kaveh avoiding looking at him while he thought very carefully about his next actions.

He didn’t know what to say when nervousness clogged up his throat. This feeling only came up now, after he had been keeping it for so long. Instead, he moved closer and sat in front of him.

Somehow, that made Kaveh pull the items closer to his chest. He watched his actions, noticing the shaky breath he took when he decided to speak up.

“How long…How long have you been planning this?”

Al-Haitham went the honesty route, unable to deny anything when Kaveh figured out the truth. “Since your friend’s wedding, the one you dragged me to.”

“That long!?” Kaveh covered his mouth to control his volume.

He gave a tiny nod, gripping his thighs.

“T-then, it really was…all this time…” The blonde looked bewildered, remembering what he had done before, probably including the fight they had. “...You…”

Al-Haitham watches him try to cover his face with the journal, but as tiny as it was, it barely reached to cover his mouth. Soon, he was shaking and hunching over.

The leather cover was probably wet by now, as tears dripped under it and over his cheeks.

Unconsciously, Al-Haitham changed their positions to pull him closer to him; Kaveh had allowed it, letting himself be carried like a ragdoll to his lap. All the while, he cried silently, pouring out everything that overwhelmed him in the place of his sobs.

He held him dearly as he let the weight of carrying such a heavy secret get off his shoulders. Gone was the fear he had all along, the doubts that were stopping him from just confessing over dinner. He knew in the back of his head that he wasn’t waiting for anything and that he just couldn’t believe in the words of their companions, their friends. He couldn’t just accept the guarantee that was right in front of him all along.

They stayed like that for a while, until Kaveh shifted to turn to him again.

The younger man wiped the tears that still decorated his face.

“Sorry, about the journal,” The blonde admits. “And for being nosy,” He adds.

“That’s alright. It’s my fault for having it there in the open.”

“No! Well, you hid it in a locked drawer! Which wasn’t locked…”

Al-Haitham hummed. “My bad.”

The older man hit him lightly on the arm with the journal. “Don’t tell me this is how you were planning to propose to me!”

“How do you know it’s for you?”

Kaveh gasped, but instead of being affected, he repeatedly hit him again and again. “Stop it! My name is plastered all over the pages. If it wasn’t for that, I'd be kicking your ass right now and telling Cyno on you.”

Al-Haitham finally laughed this time, his former anxiety slowly peeling itself off like sticky tape. Instead of taking his threats seriously, he fully embraced him and had his chin rest on his shoulder. The architect froze but melted in his arms altogether, squeezing him in return.

“You’re not double-thinking about it, right? You wanted to propose to me.”

“I ‘want’ to. I’ve never made a more sure decision in my life.”

“Oh, Haitham,” He breathes. The younger man could hear him suck in a shaky breath and before being moved to tears again.

So he leaned back without letting him go. “Will you let me do it properly this time?”

Kaveh looked down at the squeezed package between them before nodding at him.

Nimble fingers took the small case gently out of the dented box; it wasn’t meant to be here much longer anyway, so he set it aside. The blonde watched on in silence and anticipation.

Inside the case is a golden band. Glistening with their smooth surface, the metal strips are entwined to encase three diamond-shaped crystals in the form of a tiny lotus. The intent didn’t miss its would-be receiver as he turned the case towards him.

“I’ll keep it short,” He started. “Growing up, I knew that the life set out for me would not be so simple. No matter how I aim it to be, I am aware that anything could happen and the unexpected is meant to be expected. Meeting you proved this.” He hears him laugh softly. “You were the most unexpected element in my life, a contradicting one, but I never knew that you’d complete it.”

Al-Haitham removed the ring from its case, gently holding it between his fingers while he reached for his hand with his own.

“I know better now. I know that I can’t imagine living a simple life without you in it, so let me promise you this: I’ll be your opposite. Your impossibly handsome junior, your fussy roommate, I’ll be the one who picks you up at the taverns when too drunk to walk home, I'll judge your charitable decisions, challenge your arguments. I’ll be there to warm your bed at night, and provide for you a home that will always welcome you, as your lover. All of this and more, but in return,” he breathes.

“Will you marry me, Kaveh?”

With that, his tear ducts have opened once more.

“Yes, yes… yes, please.” He hiccuped. “I want that,” He sniffs. “I like the sound of that very much.”

Al-Haitham let a smile reach his eyes when he slipped the ring on the other man’s finger. After doing so, he finds himself being pulled down, arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, while tears of joy stain their clothes. They wrap around each other out of want, out of desire—a connection that clicked smoothly into place.

“I love you, I love you so much, thank you, Haitham.” He chants.

The silver-haired man turns his head to gently kiss him at the side of his head and in any other places he could.

He whispers softly back. “I love you too.”

A younger student pondered the topic on which his senior had asked for his opinion a while ago.

Marriage is a sacred ceremony for a lot of religions, and an engagement makes sure of it. To take it seriously is to require a mature mind and the commitment to take responsibility for a life-changing decision; to think of it lightly would risk a grievous mistake. There was no in-between; it is not the discussion to be made by students who are mere fledgelings and cringing under tight deadlines.

But as he thinks, he is reminded of his parents. He has heard of how their relationship formed, the love story they formed together as adults, and what made their dynamics turn into one of a family.

Family is synonymous with marriage and weddings; you either marry into a family or out of it. But you can also create one with just the two of you, or perhaps more.

He is aware that he and his blonde senior have no familial attachments to speak of; is that why Kaveh had asked about it? Was there a loneliness to be filled when he someday found the person he would marry?

Thinking of it like that makes him stop at his feet.

They can both end their solitude by having another; it doesn’t require a marriage, but it solidifies it. Having someone as company, having that constant in his life, will it lead to a peaceful one? Just like how his grandmother wanted him to have?

“Oh, Al-Haitham! There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

The silver-haired boy turns to the older student. “Senior Kaveh.”

“Guess what, I got permission for us to survey outside of Sumeru City for a bit! We’ll be accompanied by a few rangers, but that means we can go out!” Without even asking, he grabs onto his wrist. “Come on! We can’t let them wait, and for once, can’t you look even the slightest bit excited?”

He finds himself being dragged towards the halls of the Akademiya, watching his golden locks fly by the wind and his hands significantly warmer than before.

His senior’s spontaneity isn’t unwanted; in reality, he has grown used to it with each passing day. His persistent appearance in his everyday life made it feel less jaded and less monotonous.

If he could have this more in the future, if he could have this constant in his life, would he be allowed to? If so, then he wouldn’t mind it at all.

Somehow, the thought of ‘marriage’ didn’t sound as bad as it did before.