Chapter Text
𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦'
Mikey thought and he hated himself for it. I mean he was supposed to be the positive one not whatever this was.
He stare longingly at the redhead with a blank, wishful expression as she was embraced by both Casey and his brothers 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺. They comforted her as she cried without judgment in their eyes, no “suck it up” comments were made along with no other shady remarks. Mikey knew his brothers loved him, valued him even, but seeing how they cared for April in such a gentle way, a way so different from the one he was used to, not only that but they didn’t listen to him… once again.
His throat stung as the lump in his throat became harder to control.
He tried his best to blank away the stinging that indicated tears threatening to form and spill.
A ragged breath made its way out.
‘𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯?'
His inner dialogue asked over and over again. To anyone else, it would sound like a broken record but to Mikey, it sounded like a beg, a plea to know some kind of answer to the real question.
Why wasn’t he good enough to be listened to?
He hated how this situation, a situation that wasn’t even about him, left him wanting to cry so badly.
He felt selfish that the tear he felt like
Shedding wasn’t even for the girl that had been affected the most. He was angry at her. He knew that she didn’t do anything wrong but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling this way.
This situation was rapidly bringing out the worst in him. He hated the way his stomach felt hollow and how it was boiling with rage. He felt the tame-able burning sensation turn into an uncontrollable boiling point and it felt ugly, hatefulness and all the other things Mikey tries so hard to keep to himself, but he couldn’t take it anymore.
"𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥?"
He thought as he watched the group on the sofa from the kitchen table.
“𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺." He wanted to badly yell out, to just let the words sit and sting like a reminder, but April didn’t deserve that.
'𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥!' Apart from him though.
Her wounds were already open, and pouring salt in them wouldn’t help them heal.
The anger stayed with Mikey.
Usually, He’ll just wait it out until the anger smothered itself sorta like a game, a stand-off, yet the smothering never came.
He began to play with the ice cream kitty to ease her worry, as well as his anger but her whines became louder and louder as her concern for him grew.
Mikey's anger grew too. Turning itself from an uncontrollable boiling point into a forest fire, wanting to burn everything in its path. He NEEDED to leave before he said words he’ll regret.
Yet he couldn’t force himself to get up nor tear his eyes away from the scene that was playing out before him.
She was holding herself in a hug, as Raph and Leo sat near her. Leo spoke softly as he gave words of encouragement and sweetness, Raph sitting there for emotional support. Mikey guessed for both Leo and April. Casey and Donnie had gotten up immediately to gather blankets and other warm fabric for the turtle pile they were most likely going to do, each smiling soft little smiles to show their solidarity, their sympathy. While Mikey was left to sit in his raw emotions alone because he was the problem because of course he was. Why couldn’t he just bring himself to hug her and get it over with? Why was he so mad to the point he could bring himself to hug her? Usually, when he’s mad at Raph he could still manage to bring himself to hug him as a way to bury it until the next day, the next incident.
Yea, He was forced to listen to the negative feedback of his family when he first tried to bring attention to the situation. When he had pointed out something wasn’t right, that something couldn’t be right, and treated the situation with actual caution and seriousness like Leo had wanted for years from him, but when he had tried to treat the situation like Leo would've wanted he was reprimanded.
Even that wasn’t the main reason for his unpleasant emotional state, not even the fact he’s gotten nothing in return for his rightfulness, but the problem being they didn’t acknowledge him at all after the events, didn’t say sorry for the unnecessary rudeness they pushed on him. Mkey knows this isn't about him but a simple “I'm sorry for being rude, or not trusting you or taking you seriously” would've eased some THIS, but they didn't say anything.
He was important too. His emotional being was important too.
Flashes of what “mom” had said began replaying on a loop.
And now that he wasn't fighting tooth and nail for his mind, he realized She was right!
Because it was Mikey none of them believed him. Therefore, none of them could deal with the situation properly.
Because it was him, the situation wasn’t taken seriously. He was the...
The statement replies itself on a loop as Mikey's vision begins to cross and blue. He was there in the room with all of them but it also felt as if it wasn’t, all he could draw up was a blank. His emotional state is so uncontrollable and fragile.
Why is he so upset and angry?
He was affected but he wasn’t the main one affected.
So, why did he feel so exposed?
“Mi….mike….ey……ke…MIKEY!!” The voice yelled, gazing at Mikey's attention.
He didn’t trust his voice to not break so
He turns his head towards the group as a way to say “yes, you got my attention”
Hoping that the string in his eyes weren’t tears starting to form and threatening to spill out again.
“Can you go ahead and start on dinner, April is feeling a little tired and hungry after the…. Events” Leo asked with his voice trailing off at the end.
He was standing in front of Mikey now, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Something felt different. He felt different.
“What? What did you just say to me?”
“I asked if you could start dinner, April is feeling hungry.”
“No,” Mikey spoke.
“I’m not doing that.” He added.
He wasn’t sure if he had actually said no until Leo spoke in that tone.
“Mikey,,..” Leo said.
That tone that clearly says ”you have to do it because I'm the leader”. It irritated him.
Mikey knew Leo would say something that would make him cook but he just couldn’t bring himself to listen. Why should anyways?
Without answering he picked himself and Ice cream kitty up and made his way towards the kitchen to put Ice cream kitty in the freezer only walking back out to head to his room.