Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

ESPRIT DE CORPS – Precinct 41. Bustling, noisy, familiar. You're finally back where you belong, Harry. As you climb the stairs, officers nod to you in recognition.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – You arrive at your desk. A green lamp casts a warm glow over a frighteningly large pile of unorganized files. Next to it, a typewriter. A blank page. Frighteningly blank. You still haven't written your report on everything that happened in Martinaise.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Yeah, yeah, whatever. If you even want to think about that, you're going to have to get some stimulants in your system first.

New Task: Get stimulated

YOU – Perfect. Now where do I find some?

PERCEPTION (SMELL) – Your nose detects a familiar smell. Acrid. Strong. A hint of unresolved bitterness.

YOU – (Look around) Is Jean here?

PERCEPTION (SMELL) – No, it's coffee! Someone's just put on a fresh pot.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Coffee is for infants and geriatrics. Let's track down the good stuff, man!

What do you want to do?

1. Get some coffee
2. Find some speed

PERCEPTION – No one’s cleaned the coffee corner in a while. There are grounds scattered everywhere. A couple balled up napkins, stained brown from soaking up spills. Steam rises from the pot. It’s full. Freshly made.

SAVOIR FAIRE – You recognize the smell of the Frittte store brand. Cheapest coffee money’ll buy. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – It’s not *good* coffee, but it’s coffee. Pour yourself a cup.

INTERFACING – You open the cabinet and reach in, operating on muscle memory. Your mug resides on the top shelf, far right. Your arm knows this as well as your fingers know your ex’s phone number.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – As well as your feet know the walk between your apartment and the precinct.

YOU – Your hand closes on air.

HALF LIGHT – WHERE’S YOUR GODDAMN COFFEE MUG???

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – How can you drink your coffee if you don’t have your mug? If you don’t drink that coffee right now you’re gonna die!

INTERFACING – Don’t freak out. Look at all these other mugs in the cabinet. Use one of them.

YOU – Don’t these mugs belong to other people?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Yeah. But you *need* that coffee. It’s an emergency. I’m sure they’ll understand.

YOU – You search through the cabinet for a different mug.

You find:

1. a mug with the logo of the Stormers, Revachol’s ultra-popular rugby team
2. a plain blue mug
3. a black mug with the RCM logo
4. a chipped white mug from a local 24-hour diner. (Could it be stolen? Maybe you should look into that.)
5. a black mug with gold letters so ornate they’re almost unintelligible. You make out the words: Universiteit van Vredefort.

YOU – You pour the dark brew into the chipped white mug, then add a generous helping of cream and sugar. This should make it almost palatable.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - The mug is from Genevieve’s Diner, just a few blocks away from the precinct. You’ve spent long hours there on many a night, poring over your case files, drinking sludgy coffee from a mug that looked exactly like this one. Discussing theories with your partner.

Task complete: got stimulated

Morale healed

ENDURANCE – This mug is adequate. But what you really need is your own. You’d be able to face your paperwork with much more fortitude if you had your own mug in hand. If only you could remember what it looks like… All you can recall is the sense of power it gave you.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – A man *without* sunglasses or a blond wig rounds the corner. His eyes immediately lock onto the mug in your hand.

JEAN – “I came in here to get some coffee, but what’s this? It seems my mug is already in use.” He shakes his head. “Typical shitkid.”

YOU – 

1. “There’s someone going around poisoning RCM officers. I was tasting the coffee for you to make sure it was safe.” (Hand him the half-empty mug.)
2. “*Your* mug? I believe you mean Genevieve’s mug. Tell me the truth now, did you steal this from the diner?”
3. “This mug spoke to me. Reminded me of our late night diner talks. All those cases we solved over a mug of coffee. By drinking from it I’m bringing myself closer to the truth of it all.”
4. “Well, I couldn’t find my own mug. What was I supposed to do?”

YOU – “This mug spoke to me. Reminded me of our late night diner talks. All those cases we solved over a mug of coffee. By drinking from it I’m bringing myself closer to the truth of it all.”

JEAN – He eyes you a moment, trying to tell if you’re being sincere. “I see. You stole my mug for nostalgic reasons. I suppose I’m glad parts of your memory are coming back.” He takes the plain blue mug from the cabinet and fills it with coffee.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – He hopes Judit won’t mind.

YOU – “Would now be a good time to mention I tried to find my own mug but I can’t remember what it looks like?”

JEAN – Jean rolls his eyes, but opens the cabinet again to look. “Well, it’s not here. But to be honest, that mug was the stupidest thing I’ve seen in my goddamn life. If it’s gone, then good riddance. I’m sure you’ll find a replacement in a dumpster sooner or later.”

EMPATHY – He says it as if he’s never dug anything out of a dumpster.

INTERFACING – You’ve *definitely* seen him dig things out of dumpsters.

YOU – “Give me a hint at least. I don’t even know what I’m missing.”

JEAN – “Your favorite sword-wielding fantasy fascist. Ring any bells?”

ENCYCLOPEDIA – He must be talking about Hjelmdallermann! The great berserker of the Northlands, from the extensive paperback novel series Man from Hjelmdall. He dual-wields two zweihänders, swords that would normally require two hands each!

YOU – “Don’t talk that way about the lord of the North!”

RHETORIC – No, it’s true. He’s pretty much a fascist. The books are racist, sexist, and violent. Traditionalist types go wild for it.

JEAN – “If it was anyone else, I’d ask why you had that mug in the first place. But I know you. I know why you had it.”

YOU –

1. “It’s ironic. Because as I’m sure you recall, I’m a huge feminist.”
2. “It’s post-ironic. Yeah, I’m a cop with a fascist mug. But I’m self-aware. Which makes it cool and edgy.”
3. “It’s post-POST-ironic. It’s a powerful symbol of masculinity, but every day we’re hampered by the RCM’s lack of power under the Coalition’s control. A cutting edge statement for our modern times, wouldn’t you say?
4. “I owned it simply for the beautiful illustration. We live in a post-meaning society. I’m a formalist Art Cop. I see only colors and brushstrokes.”
5. “The pale devours all meaning. What’s one fantasy fascist mug in the grand scheme of things? We’ll all be vapor soon enough.”

YOU – “It’s ironic. Because as I’m sure you recall, I’m a huge feminist.”

JEAN – He laughs, very loudly. “A feminist! Sure you are, Harry! That’s a good one.”

COMPOSURE – His laughter continues for much longer than the situation calls for. Finally he pulls himself together.

JEAN – “By the way, Kitsuragi radioed in. He’s on his way over to drop off some paperwork for his transfer. Maybe you can give him a tour of this shitshow he’s signed himself up for.”

PAIN THRESHOLD – You sprint out of the coffee corner so fast it’s like you were never shot in the leg.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – In the garage at the base of Precinct 41, the lieutenant pulls the steering levers to precisely angle his motor carriage into a parking space.

REACTION SPEED – You’re out of breath by the time you reach the motor pool. Perfect timing. He’s just stepping out of his car.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Kim is here! Throw yourself on the ground before him like the dog you are! Offer to shine his boots with your tongue! Let him use you as a welcome mat!

COMPOSURE – Or just say one of these normal options.

YOU – “Kim! Thank god you’re here!”

KIM – “Khm. It’s nice to see you as well, detective.” He’s carrying a manilla folder. Must be the transfer paperwork.

YOU – “Let me show you around the station. But first…”

1. “Let me tell you all about this fascinating new case. I could really use your help cracking it.”
2. “Do you like the Man from Hjelmdalll?”
3. “If you found out I owned a Man from Hjelmdalll coffee mug, would you say it was more ironic or more post-POST-ironic?”
4. “Do you like novelty coffee mugs? I hope you brought a mug with you because we’re definitely stopping in the coffee corner on this tour and *not* just because it’s the only place I know!”

YOU – “If you found out I owned a Man from Hjelmdalll coffee mug, would you say it was more ironic or more post-POST-ironic?”

KIM – “To be honest, detective, this level of conceptual thinking is well beyond my skillset, but if I was pressed I would say… a cop owning a mug from the ultra-masculine Man from Hjelmdalll series is neither ironic nor post-POST-ironic. I would say it’s probably quite common.”

CONCEPTUALIZATION – Common? He just called you pedestrian! Boring! He thinks you’re like all those other cops, with nothing unique about you!

PAIN THRESHOLD – You may never recover from this one.

YOU – Your vision begins to darken. You bend over and clutch at the sudden stabbing pain in your chest.

KIM – “Detective, are you all right?”

PAIN THRESHOLD – Is this a heart attack???

EMPATHY – No, just a critical case of acute disappointment.

YOU - You fumble a magnesium tablet out of your pocket and swallow it dry. You blink and straighten up as your vision clears. “I’m… I’m okay…” you manage to cough out. “Come on, let’s go inside.” Kim looks concerned but allows you to lead him up the stairs.

COMPOSURE – Pull it together, Harry. You don’t want Kim’s first introduction to the 41st to be dragging you into Gottlieb’s office because you’ve passed out.

AUTHORITY – You’ve got this. It doesn’t matter that you’ve forgotten half the names of your coworkers. Just wing it.

YOU – “Welcome to your new home station, Kim. The first place we’re going is….”

1. the bullpen
2. Pryce’s office
3. the evidence room
4. the bathroom

YOU – “Welcome to your new home station, Kim. The first place we’re going is the bathroom.”

KIM – “The bathroom? Surely there are more valuable places to see on this tour.”

YOU – “No, no, this is important. There are two bathrooms, but there’s only one that you can use if you need the toilet. The other one is the lines bathroom.”

KIM – “The… lines… bathroom?” He’s not sure he heard you properly.

YOU – “The bathroom where people go to do lines. The toilets there don’t work, and people get really mad if you use them.”

SAVOIR FAIRE – You found that out the hard way.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – You’re saving Lieutenant Kitsuragi from a similar fate. He’s grudgingly grateful for this information.

YOU – “Welcome to the powder room, lieutenant!” You push open the door and gesture grandly for Kim to go ahead of you. Inside, you find that the lines bathroom is already occupied. Mack Torson and Chester McLaine are both crouched on the floor next to the stall. Surprisingly, they’re not doing drugs.

CHESTER – “Aw man, I thought you locked the door!” Chester has a drill in his hand. It’s embedded in the side of the stall. At just about belt level.

MACK – “I thought I did too! That shitty door never locks right.” He looks between you and Kim. “It’s not what it looks like.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – That hole in the stall door is going to be used for exactly what it looks like. Actually.

MACK – “We were going to prank Vic! So don’t tell him, alright, Mullen?”

DRAMA – What kind of prank is that? My liege, that story rings of fiction.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – The lieutenant now has a second reason to avoid this bathroom.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – That’s a shame.

CHESTER – Chester elbows Mack in the side and mutters, “Hey Mack, is that…”

KIM – The lieutenant clears his throat. “I’m Kim Kitsuragi, Lieutenant. From the 57th Precinct… until my transfer is finalized, that is.”

AUTHORITY – Hey, you know these guys’ names. You can do introductions.

YOU – You introduce everyone and they all shake hands, Mack and Chester looking somewhat sheepish.

MACK – “Hey, at least Mullen knows who we are now. Remember that time he called in to the station…”

CHESTER – “And didn’t even know his own name! I told him I was the Hjelmdallermann and I think he believed me!” He begins to laugh. The high pitched sound echoes loudly in the small room.

AUTHORITY – Hold up. What was that about Hjelmdallermann?

YOU – 

1. “Have you seen my coffee mug?”
2. “Are you a big Hjelmdallermann fan, Chester?” (Narrow your eyes suspiciously)
3. “Between you and Mack, he’s the one who’d be a believable Hjelmdallermann. It’s all about the muscle development.” (Flex a little)

YOU – “Are you a big Hjelmdallermann fan, Chester?” (Narrow your eyes suspiciously)

CHESTER – “Shit yeah I am!”

MACK – “Everyone likes Hjelmdallermann, Mullen.”

LOGIC – Factually incorrect. A statistical impossibility.

EMPATHY – Jean didn’t seem to like him very much, for example.

ENDURANCE – Kim didn’t see particularly impressed either.

PAIN THRESHOLD – A flickering memory of pain shoots through your chest. You ignore it, in a manly way.

PERCEPTION – Chester and Mack have launched into a spirited debate about which Man from Hjelmdall book is the best. Mack is insisting that Man from Hjelmdall and the Mammoth-Riders is the pinnacle of the series. Chester prefers Man from Hjelmdall and the Three-Eyed Skull.

LOGIC – Hope you’re all stocked up on magnesium because it appears Kim was correct about common cops liking this series.

REACTION SPEED – But do these two like it a little too much?

KIM – Kim gives you a pointed look. “Far be it from me to break up this bathroom book club, but I should really drop this paperwork off with Captain Pryce.”

YOU – 

1. “No time for Pryce, I need to get in on this debate. The Man from Hjelmdall and the Devil Woman is the superior book and I’m gonna prove it.”
2. “Kim, I need you to know that my enjoyment of the character is IRONIC and FEMINIST. Unlike these two, who seem to enjoy him at” (wrinkle your nose in disgust) “face value. Let’s get out of here.”
3. “I’m running short on magnesium so I am going to agree with what you said.”

YOU – “Kim, I need you to know that my enjoyment of the character is IRONIC and FEMINIST. Unlike these two, who seem to enjoy him at” (wrinkle your nose in disgust) “face value. Let’s get out of here.”

REACTION SPEED – In unison, Mack and Chester begin laughing so hard you’re afraid they’ll hurt themselves. The noise is deafening. It echoes off the tiled floor.

RHETORIC – Really wish you knew why people keep reacting that way to your deeply held beliefs!

KIM – The lieutenant sighs. “Of course. You like the Man from Hjellmdall for ironic feminist reasons. That certainly aligns with everything else I know about you, detective.”

RHETORIC – You detect a distinct air of sarcasm in those words. Is there anyone in this precinct who’ll believe you??

YOU – “You know what, Kim? I think they stole my Man from Hjellmdall mug. If they’d stolen it for Feminist reasons, I might have forgiven them. But I think they just wanted it for themselves!”

CHESTER – Chester wipes the tears from his eyes. “Hey, why you getting all serious about this, Mullen? We’re just having a good time here.”

MACK – “We didn’t take your mug. Shit, we loved that mug!”

CHESTER – “We’d never take Big Dick Mullen’s mug away from him!”

REACTION SPEED – Was that half a wink?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Is he hitting on you??

HALF LIGHT – Or is he mocking you?

KIM – He turns to you, frowning. “Let’s take a breath, officer. It’s just a mug, after all.”

YOU –

1. (Size up Mack and Chester. You could take them both in a fight… right?)
2. “You’re right, Kim. It’s just a mug. And a sexist one to boot. I never actually cared in the first place.” (Seethe quietly)
3. “Chester, are you hitting on me? Because I’ve already got one satellite officer and he’s more than enough for me.”

Chapter Text

YOU – “Chester, are you hitting on me? Because I’ve already got one satellite officer and he’s more than enough for me.”

CHESTER – He and Mack begin laughing loudly again. “Don’t worry Mullen, I’d never try to replace your wifey.”

MACK – “No one’s gonna break up that marriage anytime soon! You and Vic are bonded for life!”

EMPATHY – The tension between you has been erased. Whether you intended it or not.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – Beside you, Kim shifts uncomfortably. He’s used to this type of male-centric workplace humor from his own precinct. Doesn’t mean he’s enjoying it.

KIM – “I should really go drop this paperwork off with Captain Pryce now.”

MACK – “Geez, yeah, don’t keep Pryce waiting. And Mullen, I hope you track down that mug. Funniest one in the office. I’d hate to see it gone for good.” He seems sincere.

CHESTER – “Hey, good meeting you, Lieutenant. And welcome to the 41st!” He picks up the drill.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – So far, the entirety of Kim’s experience of the 41st amounts to this drug bathroom, Sergeant Mack Torson, Satellite-Officer Chester McLaine, and a hole drilled through the stall at groin-level.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Damn right!

YOU – You and Kim leave them to their project. Strangely, Kim seems relieved to be out of the lines bathroom. On the stairs, you pause and turn to him.

YOU – “I know you said you really wanted to see Pryce…”

1. “which is why we’re going there right now. You might be a man but you should know I respect you just as much as I would respect any woman!”
2. “but we should stop by the bullpen first. Everyone’s dying to meet you. I already told them not to mention the whole” (look around and whisper) “Kimball thing.”

YOU – “I know you said you really wanted to see Pryce, which is why we’re going there right now. You might be a man but you should know I respect you just as much as I would respect any woman!”

KIM – The lieutenant sighs heavily. “I’m not too sure I agree with about your ideas about feminism, detective. But at least we aren’t going on another detour to a drug bathroom. You can show me the rest of the station after I see Pryce, alright?”

YOU – “You got it, Kim!” You shoot him double finger guns, pow-pow! You lead Kim past the desks with their green desk lamps. Past the officers who look up in recognition at the Lieutenant who will soon be joining them. You arrive at a dark wooden door with a frosted window. CAPTAIN PTOLEMY PRYCE is printed on it in square gold letters. You knock on the door. “Come!” you hear Pryce call out. Inside, two figures sit wreathed in thick blue smoke that billows out as you open the door. Pryce, bald and serious as always, behind his large wooden desk. In one of the two chairs in front of him, Nix Gottlieb.

PRYCE – “Ah, welcome, Lieutenant Kitsuragi.” He stands and leans over his desk to shake Kim’s hand and accept the manilla folder of paperwork. “Please, take a seat.”

KIM – The lieutenant glances briefly between you and Nix Gottlieb, who takes another drag on his cigarette and remains seated, seeming wholly uninterested in moving from his chair. Kim sits. You stay standing behind him, just to the right.

AUTHORITY - Like an honor guard. Like his righthand man.

PRYCE – “I’m very pleased you’re joining us here, Lieutenant Kitsuragi. I’ve heard only good things about your work at the 57th and what you did in Martinaise. And I think you’ll really help to raise the professionalism of this station.” His eyes flick to you for a moment before returning to the lieutenant.

RHETORIC – Almost as if he thinks your carefully chosen FALN track pants and mesh tank top outfit isn’t professional!

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – Pay no attention, chief. Very manly look today. Really shows off the upper body development.

REACTION SPEED – Mack was wearing his mesh tank today too. This is solidarity! This is team spirit. This is the 41st.

KIM – “Thank you, captain. I’m very pleased to be joining the 41st. This is a legendary precinct.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Now how can we convince Kim to get a mesh tank top too?

VOLITION – Simple. You can’t.

YOU – Pryce continues to speak, complimenting Kim’s past case record and outlining the types of cases he’d like him to work on in the future. Normal stuff for a first meeting. Boring stuff. Your mind drifts back to the thing that’s been bothering you all morning. Who on earth took your coffee mug?

YOU – 

1. “Sorry to break in, but I have an important question.”
2. (Let them keep talking. Maybe it’ll get more interesting.)

YOU – You let them keep talking, hoping it’ll get more interesting. It doesn’t. You stare at a crack in the wall behind Pryce’s head, wondering how much longer you’ll be standing here in this smoke-filled airless office.

INLAND EMPIRE – Have you ever noticed how loud everyone’s thoughts are?

YOU – What do you mean?

EMPATHY – Well for example, right now Kim is also wishing the conversation would wrap up soon. He can hear you fidgeting behind him and he’s not sure why you’re still here. No one asked you to stay for this meeting.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – Pryce is thinking that if it works out, he’d like to add Kim’s name to that secret list he and Gottlieb have.

GOTTLIEB – Gottlieb sits menacingly in his chair, saying nothing. A strange aura surrounds him. Makes you want to avoid the man. Even more than you normally would.

INLAND EMPIRE – It seems that when you take a moment to be still, you can pick up on far more than you realized.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – But in this case, the effect you’re experiencing is due to your proximity to Nix Gottlieb.

YOU – What the hell?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Gottlieb is a habitual user of a drug called *In Canti.* It makes all those little processes in his brain light up and get chatty, just like yours do when you slurp pyrholidon. You seem to be experiencing some of the benefits just by being near him.

EMPATHY – It’s also causing that weird aura you noticed. Unpleasant side-effect.

INLAND EMPIRE – By the way, he knows where your mug is.

YOU – He does?

PERCEPTION – You look at him. He’s looking straight at you, cigarette in hand. It’s unnerving. He nods to you, a short jerk of the chin.

HALF LIGHT – It’s almost as if he heard you talking about him inside your head.

GOTTLIEB – He’s still staring at you. He thinks, *I did.*

YOU – What??

LOGIC – Did that really happen? You *must* find out.

YOU – 

1. Say out loud: “Stop eavesdropping on my conversations in my head!”
2. Say silently: Stop eavesdropping on my conversations in my head!
3. Say out loud: “Where’s my coffee mug?”
4. Attempt to psychically extract his knowledge about the location of your mug
5. Go on the offense: attempt a psychic attack
6. This is too spooky. Ground yourself in reality for once and do your best to ignore him.

YOU – You take a deep breath and prepare to exercise your newfound skill. You close your eyes and reach out with your mind. You can feel Gottlieb to your left. A cold and stony presence in your mindscape. A wall of granite. If you lightly probe at it, perhaps you’ll find a crack.

INTERFACING – And there it is, a little crack between the walls. Full of plaster and horsehair. A lot of dust. You wedge yourself inside and look around.

PERCEPTION (SUPRA-SENSORY) – It’s dark and cluttered in here. It takes you a moment to adjust, but then you’re able to make out a few things. A pile bloodstained bandages. A crumpled scrap of paper that appears to be a shopping list: mercurochrome and hypodermic needles. In the distance, a figure is moving. It seems to be a woman dressed in black.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Oh? Maybe you should go talk to her.

VOLITION – Keep in mind what we’re after. Picture your mug. Can you find it here?

YOU – You look around for red and orange, the colors you remember. And there it is! As you focus on the shape, it slowly becomes more clear, like an Automatik Polychrome photo that’s just beginning to develop.

PERCEPTION (SUPRA-SENSORY) – That’s your mug all right. But where is it? It seems to be somewhere dark. There’s some rubbish around it.

INTERFACING – That’s a rubbish bin! Someone threw it out!

ESPRIT DE CORPS – This bin looks familiar. You have ones just like it all around the station.

WOMAN IN BLACK – A woman’s voice calls out, like velvet in your ears. “Hello there! I haven’t seen you here before.” She emerges from the shadows. She’s dressed in tall boots, a black leather mini-dress and elbow length black gloves. Her hair is pulled back in a bun. In her right hand, a coiled whip. 

YOU – You nod politely. “Hello, ma’am. I’m just passing through.”

WOMAN IN BLACK – She inspects you with a practiced eye. “I’m quite a good judge of character, you know. Comes with being in my line of work. And I must say, you seem like someone who would take *very* well to my services.”

LOGIC – This must be the dominatrix he mentioned knowing.

YOU – She looks so real. Is she really here?

INLAND EMPIRE – She’s as real as any memory in your own mind.

VOLITION – Be careful, Harry. We’re getting into highly personal territory here. You got what you needed when you saw the mug. Back out now.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – No, no. Keep talking to her. It’s not every day you get to meet a living, talking memory of a dominatrix. Aren’t you curious about those services she mentioned?

YOU – 

1. “My apologies, ma’am, but I need to get back to work. I’m in the middle of a meeting back in the real world.”
2. “I’d take well to your services? Please, tell me more. And by the way, I’m a kinesthetic learner.”

YOU – “I’d take well to your services? Please, tell me more. And by the way, I’m a kinesthetic learner.”

WOMAN IN BLACK – She takes another step toward you, clearly intrigued. “Yes, darling, I think you could do very well with a firm hand like my own…” Her words are abruptly cut off. A klaxon begins blaring from overhead. Red lights begin to flash. You both look around in alarm.

VOLITION – I told you you were getting too personal. That was one step too far. You’ve tripped his internal defense system. Now it’s anyone’s guess–

YOU – You are suddenly, violently *shoved* by an invisible force. A sharp pain blooms in your head, like knives behind your eyes. You blink hard. You see a familiar scuffed wood floor under your boots. Years of accumulated dirt in the cracks between the wide boards. You’re back in Pryce’s office, bending over and clutching your head.

KIM – “Detective! What’s wrong?” He’s turned in his chair to face you. He looks concerned. Pryce does too.

GOTTLIEB – *That wasn’t for you,* Gottlieb thinks. *Next time, know your place and stay out.*

YOU – You slowly straighten up, waiting for the room to stop spinning. You can still feel the pressure behind your eyes. Everyone is looking at you. Kim stands up. The meeting appears to be over.

YOU – “Sorry about that. Sudden headache…”

1. “I must not have had enough coffee this morning.”
2. “I must not have had enough speed this morning.”
3. “Caused by a targeted attack from this one over here.” (Nod in Gottlieb’s direction)
4. “Don’t worry about me. Kim, let’s go see the rest of the station.”

YOU – “Sorry about that. Sudden headache… I must not have had enough coffee this morning.”

GOTTLIEB – “Coffee is terrible for you. Never touch the stuff, personally.” He exhales a long plume of smoke and taps his cigarette on the ashtray on Pryce’s desk.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Trivial: Failure] – Did you know that 9 out of 10 lazareths recommend unfiltered Astras?

REACTION SPEED – Hmm… does he harbor an anti-coffee agenda? Could that be his motive? Was he the one who threw your mug in the trash?

LOGIC – But if so, why *your* mug and no one else’s?

PRYCE – The captain takes a drink from a black RCM mug. “Du Bois, I trust you’ll continue your tour for our new lieutenant here? And do try to leave him with a positive impression of our station, understood?” He fixes you with a steady gaze.

YOU – “Of course, captain.” With a final suspicious look at Gottlieb, you leave the office. Immediately outside the office door is a rubbish bin, just like the one you saw inside Gottlieb’s head. You waste no time in going shoulder-deep.

INTERFACING – Your hands pass by crumpled papers, damp chewed gum, kebab wrappers moist with sauce. You reach the bottom of the bin easily. Nothing remotely mug-shaped in here.

KIM – “Officer, *what* are you doing?”

YOU – You pull your arms out of the bin and straighten up. Your hands are now covered with kebab sauce. “I’m looking for evidence of a crime, Kim. While you were talking with Pryce I discovered a brand-new supra-sensory mode of perception that led me here.”

YOU –

1. (Lick the kebab sauce off your hands. All the garlic and spices in this sauce are sure to counteract any danger of food poisoning. Tap your forehead wisely with your now-clean fingers.)
2. (Tap your forehead wisely with your sauce-covered fingers)

YOU – You tap your forehead wisely with your sauce-covered fingers.

KIM – He stares at you, focusing his attention on your temple.

CONCEPTUALIZATION – Likely admiring the large brain contained within.

KIM – “I see. Does that *supra-sensory* perception also allow you to sense the trash bin kebab sauce on your face?”

PERCEPTION – Sorry, no, really dropped the ball on that one.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – If you’d licked the sauce, you wouldn’t be having this problem. Take my advice: lick more things.

YOU – “No, so far it’s only been good for digging in Gottlieb’s head. But thanks for letting me know!” You wipe your hands on your track pants then rub your forehead. You’re pretty sure you get all of it off. “C’mon, I’ll show you the bullpen.”

YOU – You bring Kim to the bullpen, a cluster of desks placed back to back by twos. Officers and satellite officers together. You point out his new desk. It’s near where you sit facing Jean.

JUDIT – Judit sets down her pen when you walk past. “Hello, Harry! Hello, Lieutenant Kitsuragi!” 

YOU – You spring into action. Now’s your chance to gather more evidence! “Judit, how do you feel about Hjelmdallermann?”

KIM – The lieutenant sighs audibly. He expected this to be a much quicker visit to the 41st.

JUDIT – “Hjelmdallermann?” She wrinkles her nose in confusion. “I don’t know, it’s nothing I’d want my kids reading. They’ll probably sneak it when they get old enough, I suppose.”

RHETORIC – Did Judit steal and discard the mug for *feminist reasons?*

YOU – But *I’m* a feminist! When will this feminist in-fighting end! (You do your best to hold back the tears. It’s a struggle, but you manage it.)

JUDIT – “Why do you like that series so much, anyway?”

YOU – “No, no. I *disapprove* of the franchise due to my strong feminist convictions. That mug was pure irony.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS – She looks at you with stark disbelief on her face. She’s thinking of the many times she overheard your loud Hjelmdallermann opinions, directed toward Mack, Chester, or anyone else unlucky enough to be in your immediate vicinity.

YOU –

1. “Well, that’s all in the past, right? I’m a new man now.”
2. “Uh… I just remembered that I should really go see if Trant knows anything.”
3. “Been near any… trash bins lately?”
4. YOU – “Well, that’s all in the past, right? I’m a new man now.”

YOU – “Well, that’s all in the past, right? I’m a new man now.”

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – Give her a friendly punch on the shoulder. Let her know she’s just one of the guys to you.

RHETORIC – Hold up. Are you sure she *wants* a punch on the shoulder? Do you really want to be seen *punching a woman at work?*

YOU – You stop with your half-clenched fist dangling in the air, stuck in a state of feminist indecision.

JUDIT – She looks blankly at your hovering arm, unsure what you were going for.

KIM – The lieutenant, on the other hand, seemed to perceive your thought process. He turns away, hiding a smile.

JUDIT – “Yes, I suppose it’s all very well and good to turn over a new leaf. Perhaps you’ll find some other book series you like better.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS – The lieutenant is a big fan of the sci-fi series *In System*, for instance. Though he’s not likely to admit to it here at his new job.

SAVOIR FAIRE – You could get really into Dick Mullen books. Hell, you’ve already got the nickname around here. You might as well own it.

INLAND EMPIRE – But you still must reconcile with your past choices. Even if you can’t remember them. They will follow you.

YOU -

1. “You’re right. My new thing will be Dick Mullen.”
2. “You’re right. My new thing will be In System.”
3. “I think I’ll always be into Hjelmdallermann. Ironically, of course.”

YOU – “You’re right. My new thing will be *In System*.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS – The lieutenant’s head swivels around. It’s almost as if his ears have perked up.

COMPOSURE – Careful, Harry. How are you going to play this? Like you’ve already read these books? You haven’t. But he might be impressed if you can drop some facts that make it sound like you have.

ENDURANCE – Even if you make *In System* your *new thing*, you’re still going to be hung up on Hjelmdallermann for a while. At least until you locate your mug and the culprit. Your detective brain demands it.

KIM – “You’ve read *In System*?” He’s trying to play it cool but a piece of him is just a little bit excited.

COMPOSURE – Shit, shit! What are you going to do, Harry?

DRAMA – Simply exercise your creative powers and *make up* a plausible title, sire!

CONCEPTUALIZATION – Sci fi is all about making things up. How hard can it be? One of these might even be real!

YOU - “Of course. My favorite book is…”

1. “The Left Hand of Fate”
2. “Colonization”
3. “I am a Radiocomputer and I Must Scream”
4. “The Expedition to the Mysterious Planet”
5. “…actually, I haven’t read any, but I’m sure I’d be *really* into them.”

YOU – “Of course. My favorite book is *I am a Radiocomputer and I Must Scream*.”

JUDIT – “What a title! I don’t think I’ve heard of that one.”

KIM – “Are you sure that’s from *In System*?”

RHETORIC – You know what they say. When you find yourself in a hole, keep digging.

YOU – “I only like the most obscure *In System* books. The popular ones just don’t do it for me. *That’s* how into the series I am.”

KIM – “I see.” He raises an eyebrow. “You’ll have to loan it to me some time. Since, as a true fan, I’m sure you own a copy.”

CONCEPTUALIZATION – Okay, this is fine. You’ll just need to write a novel, get someone to illustrate the cover, get it professionally printed, and give it to him. That’s really your only solution at this point.

TRANT – Fortunately, any more questions about your knowledge of *In System* are cut short as Trant walks up and greets Kim enthusiastically.

TRANT – “Did I hear you talking about *In System*? You know, when I was consulting for the Wompty Dompty Dom Centre, the author gave a lecture there. The Centre was completely packed. The talk was fascinating. Do you know, some of the ideas in his books are based on the latest theories of entroponetic scientists? Highly fictionalized of course, but…”

CONCEPTUALIZATION – Oh no. We’re going to be here all day if you let him keep going.

HALF LIGHT – Time to shake things up. Start throwing out wild accusations. Evidence? You don’t need that!

YOU – 

1. Point at him and shout: “Trant! Did you steal my Man from Hjelmdall mug?”
2. “I know the lieutenant here would love to hear all about those theories. I’ll be back after I check a few trash bins real quick.”
3. “Quite fascinating, I’m sure, but what do you think about other franchises? Like Hjelmdallermann, to pick an example completely at random.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

YOU – “Oh, I’m *definitely* keeping this mug.”

PRYCE – He shrugs. “Suit yourself. But at least *try* to be a little more professional around the station, won’t you? Take a few cues from Lieutenant Kitsuragi here.” He nods in Kim’s direction. Kim’s ears go red.

GOTTLIEB – He gives you and Kim a curt nod, then turns to Pryce. “Let’s go. Camille’s Ice Cream Shoppe closes in half an hour.”

YOU – After they leave, you turn to Kim. “Well, case closed, I suppose.”

KIM – “But was this ever *really* a case, detective?”

CONCEPTUALIZATION – Shit, he’s right! You didn’t even think to write it in your ledger. You had a great name picked out and everything. *The Case of the Missing Swordsman*! All of the intrigue and none of the facts.

YOU – “The whole thing *was* kind of anticlimactic, now that you mention it.” 

KIM – “Oh? What were you expecting?”

YOU – 
 1. “I thought I’d have a chance to do one of those big scenes that Dick Mullen always does. You know… ‘I suppose you’re wondering why I gathered you all here,’ that sort of thing.”
 2. “I thought I might get to punch Jean. Might be fun... for me… and for you to watch…”
 3. “I thought there might be a mysterious sexy twist.”
 4. “I thought I might get to execute someone, preferably by sword.”

YOU – Hang on, shouldn’t I have a feminist option in there? Maybe something about how I could have made more brilliant points about feminist perspectives on Hjelmdallermann?

CONCEPTUALIZATION – No, sorry. Your inexplicable feminist agenda talking points have been completely exhausted.

YOU – “I thought there might be a mysterious sexy twist.”

KIM – “Like a Dick Mullen novel? Perhaps the crime was committed by a smoking hot dame in a slinky red dress?” He’s remembering your reaction to that particular cover back in the bookshop.

YOU – “Hey, now you’ve got the spirit! That’s what I’m talking about!”

MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – A healthy reaction, brother-in-arms! And you know what else is sexy?

YOU – What?

MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – These thigh muscles. Just look at them.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – It’s true. They’re practically glowing. His over-developed quadriceps are the central focus of the image. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – There’s your sexy twist. You get to admire those legs on your desk while you write your case report.

RHETORIC – The other sexy twist is silently bragging about your own *endowment* every time you use this mug.

——— The Next Day ———

YOU – In the morning, you enter the coffee corner and fill your newly found mug nearly to the brim with dark brew. You take a sip.

MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – Bitter, sludgy, life-giving elixir of the gods! 

INLAND EMPIRE – This primordial soup contains the seeds of life to jumpstart your brain. It will give you the fortitude to get that case report written at last.

PERCEPTION – Hjelmdallermugg rests comfortably in your hand, ready to conquer the day.

YOU – The blank case report forms lie on your desk, untouched. They should have been filled out yesterday, if you hadn’t gotten distracted by the missing mug. You sit down and stare at the intimidatingly empty form. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS – Case reports follow a simple format. Start with the basics of where you were, when it happened, who was there, and what occurred. Martinaise, Terminal B, the back yard of the Whirling in Rags. The fourth of March of this year. Then describe the most important elements. A hanged man. A false confession. A shootout. 

MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – A shootout? Sounds boring. Where are the swords? The maces and crossbows? The thundering warhorses? That’s what you really need for a good story.

DRAMA – Sire, the barbarian speaks true! Go on, add a few embellishments to your report. Perhaps there was a fair maiden who needed to be rescued. Who’s to say it didn’t really happen?

LOGIC – Well, Kim for one. He was there. He knows what happened and what didn’t.

PERCEPTION – Speaking of Kim, he’s approaching you now. There’s something in his hand.

KIM – He hands you a well-worn paperback. It’s the first In System book. “I thought you might like to borrow this,” he says. “I know you’re only a fan of the *most obscure* ones. But sometimes it’s nice to return to the classics, don’t you think?” 

YOU – “Wow, thanks Kim! I’m looking forward to reading it! Um, for like the fifth time, I mean.”

KIM – “Mmhm. I’m sure you are.” His eyebrow quirks slightly, as does the corner of his mouth, as if he’s trying to keep back a laugh. “Don’t forget you need to let me borrow that one you really like… what was it called? *I am a Screaming Radiocomputer*?”

CONCEPTUALIZATION – Oh shit, he hasn’t forgotten about that. Alright. It’s fine. He’s given you the raw material to start from. You’ve got this.

MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – Worry not, my friend! You have my sword, my strength, and most of all, my ideas!