Chapter 1: 1
Chapter Text
January - cold, windy and boring month. At least for the average Britisher. Apart from the New Year and Epiphany, nothing special happens. Everyone lives their lives, some are disappointed with their - already - broken New Year's resolutions, others are going through a post-Christmas crisis because they realized how much money they lost on gifts, and still others are just enjoying life. With theirs family, friends, work.
But no they. No Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. There is a tense atmosphere at 221B Baker Street, although it is not visible at first eye-look. Everything seems to be as it should. In right place - just like in the old days. The same bathroom, kitchen, living room, which only differs in equipment, because the furniture has been changed. Now every table or cabinet has rounded corners and everything is adapted to the safe life of a small child.
People are also in the same set they were on January 29, 2010. Except that besides the two men and Mrs. Hudson, there's another woman there. A girl actually. Rosie Watson. John's daughter. A little creature, less than a year old.
But someone is missing. Someone who recently died. Died, gone forever. Irreversibly. Someone who could not be saved, protected. It just wasn't. Or maybe it was? - “Of course it was. But you didn't. You were supposed to die, but you're alive. You should be dead. Not her. Who will take care of Rosie now? - He heard whispers. "This child needs the mother who died because of you. She needs love." "But I love her." "It doesn't mater. You will never be able to take care of her. John won't let you. He. Don't. Trust. You. Anymore. YOU'VE FAILED HIM, SHERLOCK" - A terrible voice in the detective's head, gave him this and such similar thoughts.
It was the same with John. Althrought he understood something. He realized he couldn't blame his friend for Mary's death. Because it was her choice. It was she who decided to sacrifice her life for Sherlock's life. And John understood that she had a purpose. As Sherlock said: She gave him a new value, a currency that the detective himself couldn't spend properly. And neither does John.
Sherlock's life has always been precious to the doctor. After the first day of acquaintance, he killed for him. He saved him. Just like Sherlock saved John many times. And the doctor, as much as he denied it, realized he loved Sherlock. He loves him as much as he loved Mary. And not in a platonic way. - Oh no. It was something much stronger. Every time he remembered the moment of Sherlock's death it hurt the same - even though the detective had decided to stay alive. "Only love can hurts like this..." Often the verses of this song echoed in his head. And what was funny - John agreed with them, because if not love, then what? Nothing. Just the loss of someone he cherished love can hurt so much. And even though Sherlock wasn't really dead, John knew he had lost him. He loved Mary. He replaced the detective's emptiness with her. And while he truly loved her, he never stopped loving Holmes. And that's where the whole problem. Because is it possible to love two people at once? Theoretically, now that Mary left, the problem was somewhat solved, but John still felt as if he was cheating on his wife by loving Sherlock.
He often wondered what would happen if Sherlock returned his feelings. He had the feeling that something in the back of his mind would tell him over and over again that what he was doing was not fair to Mary. But on the other hand, he wanted a happy life with the detective. And despite the fear of rejection and even being thrown out of 221B Baker Street, John decided to confess his feelings to the detective. Just January 29. On the 7th anniversary of their first meeting.
Chapter Text
Sherlock was sitting in his chair, seemingly as thoughtful, or even more so, than John had been a moment ago. They didn't have any new cases, and as evening approached, John decided going out to dinner with the detective would be the perfect occasion for a frank conversation. Wasting no time, he got up from his seat and walked over to Holmes.- Sherlock - He whispered, gently shaking his friend's shoulder.
When a low grunt answered him, he tried again, louder this time.
- Sherlock, get up. We're going for dinner.
The detective grunted again and slowly opened his eyes.
- Really John, dinner? - He said, trying to put on a sleepy voice. Even though he hadn't slept at all. He was thinking exactly what John was thinking. But the blonde couldn't have known that.
- Yes, Sherlock. There's nothing at home, and it's too late to go shopping. - He replied and left for his room, leaving the detective alone.
After a good fifteen minutes, the doctor came downstairs wearing one of the prettiest shirts tucked into dark, well-fitting jeans. He was also wearing a leather belt and shoes of the same skin tone.
Sherlock was surprised by Watson's unusual outfit, as John usually went out like this on dates or important appointments at the clinic. The detective himself was already dressed in his purple shirt and suit pants.
- Ready? - John asked, adjusting the button on his shirt cuff.
- Yeah. - It was the only response from Sherlock.
- So Angelo?
- Angelo.
They took a taxi to the restaurant, which, as usual, was paid for by John. They went inside and both took their favorite table by the window. The same one where they sat the first time.
- Hello boys! The owner of the restaurant greeted them. - What's for my favorite couple this time? - He asked, smiling at his guests.
- We're not actually together. We've never been. - Sherlock replied, which probably none of the present three expected.
Angelo, slightly confused, nodded as he waited for his order to be taken. John just smiled at the Italian and ordered himself and Sherlock dinner. While waiting for the meal, John decided to start a conversation.
- Why did you say we're not together?
Sherlock looked up from the menu he'd been studying for the past two minutes.
- I wanted everything to be clear. He said after a moment's thought. "You always correct everyone when they think we're a couple, so when you didn't speak up this time, I figured I'd do it for you to make you feel comfortable." - He said and went back to reading the very interesting menu, the contents of which he knew by heart anyway.
- O-okay. Thanks? - Should John really thank Sherlock? On the one hand - yes - because the detective had done something for him, but on the other hand ... John didn't mind at all that Angelo had mistook them for a couple, again, today.
Sherlock rised his eyes and smiled.
- Er, Sherlock... - John hesitated, then continued. - I've been thinking a lot lately. Since the last few months have been difficult for me - actually for us - I've been thinking about some things... You see. - Your "death" - Saying this, he made quotation marks with his fingers and an eloquent expression on his face. - Then the death of Mary. - He swallowed hard. - I wasn't feeling well. I started blaming you. I beat you. After that I felt even worse, until I finally moved back to Baker Street. I was better because I had come to terms with the loss of Mary, but I had not come to terms with what I had done to you. - He paused to collect his thoughts. At that time in the restaurant, the song that was playing on the little radio ended, and the lines of the next song that began to play affected Sherlock enough that if he could, he would interrupt his friend's speech so that he could tell the doctor exactly what the lyrics track:... If you are lonely, no need to show me
If you're lonely come be lonley with me...
John also noticed how much a simple verse describes his current situation. He sighed and continued.
- I wish I could turn back time. Never hit you, never blame you. Or go even further back... To the very beginning. Start from the beginning. Delete all memories.
- Are you sure you want to delete all memories? Sherlock asked in a gentle voice.
- No. - He answered firmly.
Sherlock nodded. - That's good. But... We can always start 'again' if you want to.' - Saying this, the detective stared into his friend's eyes, and seeing a more lively look in them, he smiled slightly.
- I ... Er - He did not manage to finish, because at that very moment a waitress approached them with a ready order.
John thanked and, after a moment's thought, slowly began to eat his meal as melancholy verses of "Fix you" - Coldplay filled the restaurants. However, the silence caused by the waitress' delivery of the dish did not last long. The doctor knew that Sherlock had a point. And now he wanted to take advantage of this situation, and for a moment he thought what he was doing was stupid, but on the other hand he knew he had to try.
- Er, Sherlock... Do you have a girlfriend? - He asked, pausing for a moment to eat.
The detective looked at him confused, but after a moment he replied exactly the same as on January 29, 2010.
- Thats not really my area, John. - The doctor smiled. Sherlock's hands were clasped together on the table. John gently moved one of his to the detective's.
- And the boyfriend? - Holmes nodded, and John's hands moved a few millimeters closer. - Okay... then... Do you want a boyfriend? - The doctor's hands were now on the Sherlocks'.
- John... - Sherlock laced their fingers together. - I... I don't know what to say, John... Yes, of course I do, John. I want, I want you. I want to be with you. I want to be with you for the rest of your life and help you in every difficult moment. I want to protect and love you. I want to solve cases with you and look after Rosie. I've always wanted to.
But can I just make it? Will I be able to? I can't hurt John. He thought too much again and was afraid of those thoughts, but what happened next completely silenced his mind.
John shifted slightly in the seat. He placed his hands on Sherlock's cheeks and kissed him. The detective closed his eyes and gave himself to this pleasant moment, and when he regained the ability to think, he began to kiss back as gently as John.
Admittedly, not as skillfully as the doctor, after all, it was his first kiss, but with the same feeling.
- You're not together, eh? - Asked Angelo, who had just taken an order from the guests at the next table.
John, startled, quickly moved away from Sherlock. He wasn't used to this kind of situation yet.
- Well... as you can see, the situation has changed. He smiled at the Italian. Angelo just smiled back and left.
John ate his dinner quickly and he and Sherlock left the place. It was quite chilly outside, so they decided to take a taxi back. When they boarded the first one, which left at first, they sat as usual, at a neutral distance, but after a few minutes John moved closer to the half-lying Sherlock and rested his head on his shoulder. The detective tensed at the sudden proximity, but then relaxed his muscles and laid his head on the John one. They reached Baker Street in pleasant silence.
Notes:
Like I said I;ll post new chapter soon
Its_me_C on Chapter 2 Fri 07 Apr 2023 09:46PM UTC
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GoS3CR3T on Chapter 2 Wed 19 Apr 2023 09:33AM UTC
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