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Chapter Text

Colin Bridgerton was back in London for the social season. After spending the summer trodding the continent and enjoying his own company, he had been enticed by his mother to attend the obligatory first ball of the season hosted by Lady Danbury. The event, which was appropriately themed "Young Love", had the host's estate adorned with Roses and Crocuses filling the room with a sickeningly floral scent.

Already in a sour mood, he entered the elaborately decorated ballroom with an insincere smile on his face that he was certain looked more like a grimace, earning him a warning look from his mother. He was here at her behest, and as Colin was a person who always wanted to please others, especially when it came to his family; he agreed.

The third born of eight from the late Viscount Edmond Bridgerton, Colin knew he was deemed the most eligible bachelor this season. All the Bridgerton men were known around Mayfair to be handsome and charming. Colin was notoriously the biggest flirt of them all, perhaps even out of the entire Ton. His dark thick hair, strong broad shoulders, impressive height and infectious smile had the young ladies swooning whenever he looked towards them.

At the moment, he was feeling rather self-conscience, a predicament he was not often in. He was acutely aware of his cravat tied tightly around his neck, his vest and jacket pressing heavily on his shoulders, his boots, stiff and freshly polished slipping on the wooden floors. In truth, all of his garments felt bothersome.

After he spent the past few months traveling warmer climates, strolling on various beaches, plodding through small villages and farms, the discomfort of the current setting was seeping into him. He had relished being alone with his thoughts; unencumbered by the demands of society and family.  

Tonight though, the rowdy crowd of people in the ballroom was overwhelming. There were frequent interruptions of the Mama’s and their eligible daughters fighting for an introduction in an attempt to catch his eye. The echo of strings from the musicians ringing off the high ceiling that drowned out his own thoughts. It all felt too much. He felt trapped.

“Colin dearest, try not to look so miserable, it’s unbecoming,” His mother, Violet, scolded.

“I should have stayed home tonight,” Colin replied, still fidgeting with his cravat, “I fear I’ve been away from the company and expectation of the ton for too long,” he gestured to his outfit, “this getup is quite restrictive.”

“Try wearing women’s garments,” Eloise, the fifth born responded, “I do not know why we must be dressed like spectacles, akin to an animal on display. It is not like anyone here is interested in what actually matters…my mind,” she emphasized the last word while gesturing her arm around as though she was giving a speech on a soapbox.

“You continue to blame society for your discomfort El, you’re in for a long fight,” Benedict the second born chided. “Men are visual, they want to see what they will wake up to everyday before we hear what has to be said…. OW!” Benedict yelp as Eloise slapped him with her fan, hard.

“You deserved that, and you know it.” She mumbled to him while grabbing his arm. “Come brother, I would like to take a turn around the room before I find a corner to hide in for the rest of the night”.

Colin chuckled at Eloise then gazed around the room. “Is Pen here?” He searched for the familiar flash of auburn hair or yellow dress that was his lifelong friend and neighbor, Penelope Featherington.

“Not that I am aware” Eloise quickly responded. “As a matter of fact, I don't know much about what she is doing at all. It’s best that way I think.” She turned to walk away, her arm in Benedicts. Benedict glanced back at Colin giving him a warning look as they disappear into the crowd.

“Am I missing something?” Colin asked his mother, picking up on tension that suddenly manifested with the mention of Penelope.

“Oh, my dear,” Violet sighs, “it seems your sister and Penelope have had a bit of a fight at the end of last season. She will not tell me, but it hurts to see them quarrel.”

“Hmm…” Colin’s eye continued to dart around the room, looking for his friend. He was thinking about the last time he saw her. Penelope looked lovely that night. It was a week before he had left for his tour, at her family’s ball.

He had saved the Featheringtons that night. He puffed his chest up thinking about it. Colin had uncovered a scheme that Penelope’s Cousin, Jack Featherington, was pulling on the Ton. Stealing and lying to investors about a fake ruby mine in the Americas. He successfully ended the farce and had heard Jack left within a fortnight of the confrontation. It was one of his prouder moments.

After the thrilling confrontation, he shared a dance with Penelope. He had felt on top of the world that evening; he had made a difference, he had helped her. She was his greatest friend, he told her he would always look out for her, that she was special to him. She called him special too, the memory filled his chest with warmth.

Colin wrote frequently to Penelope during his travels. There was no sweeter or more special person in his life outside of his family. Eloise made claim as Pen’s best friend too and he did not mind sharing the title. Colin knew what Pen meant to him. Their relationship was a particular one. He did not see an err in his ways with their correspondence. While some of the Ton may frown on an unattached young lady in society writing to an unmarried man, he felt as though there was an exception when it came to Penelope. For some reason, even though his mother and Penelope’s mother knew about their letters, they said nothing. So, he just assumed all was well.

“Ah, Mister Bridgerton, you have returned” The loud voice echoed next to him. He startled from his musings around the room and looked to see the host, Lady Danbury, greeting him with a smirk on her lips.

“Lady Danbury,” he bowed, “I did, just last night.”

“Shall we see you for the entire season? I know there are some young ladies who would love to meet you; perhaps even court you.” She boomed, giving a loud thunk to the floor with her cane.

“Uh, I am uncertain at this time.” He responded, clearly distracted and not eager to answer the prodding question.

He was busy looking around the room for signs of her, hoping for the welcome escape. Then he saw it, the flash of auburn hair.

“If you’ll excuse me” he interrupted, nodding his head haphazardly to the woman, unmindful of the rudeness in the brevity of conversation with the host before he started to move across the room.

He was looking forward to seeing her after many months away. She was here, which meant this ball just took a turn for the better.  He had been counting down the minutes till he could escape without appearing rude due to an early departure, and now those thoughts had dissipated. The thought of talking to Penelope put joy in his heart that made him suddenly feel lighter. With a spring in his step, he hastened to cross the room to where she stood.

She was in her usual spot, behind a large urn full of roses near the wall. She was playing with an ivy vine that cascaded down the side of the vase. Her gloved hands gently smoothing the leaf between her fingers. She had not noticed him. Her eyes were cast down to her movements but not really watching what she was doing; more like listening. Colin stood to her right for a moment, waiting to see if she sensed him.

She was wearing a soft blue dress, it was very pretty. Much prettier than her previous wardrobe, and as he took her in he noticed the fit was different, making her shapelier. In his memory, her dresses always looked childlike, making her stature seem smaller. While he is no expert on dress making, he would swear this dress is different making her look taller and more womanly. He always thought she was pretty, but now he noticed her curves in ways he couldn’t remember seeing previously

Thinking about it now, she had always been more interesting to look at. Her hair was partially up with soft curls framing her face. She was smiling to herself; he noticed her lips moving slightly as though she was whispering quietly to the plant.

“Good evening Pen” Colin said softly, he leaned hoping not to startle her. Which he failed at quite miserably as Penelope jumped and let out a loud “Oh” her eyes flew up to his. Her blue meeting his green, for a moment he just saw alarm. Then they softened leaving her with a faint smile that did not meet her eyes.

“Oh, Col…Mister Bridgerton”

Colin frowned, “Pen, I’m sorry to startle you, I was trying to be subtle. I think I misjudged your situation. Am I interrupting you?” He felt his stomach sink. He was so happy to see her a moment ago, but he realized that she did not appear to feel the same.

“No…no, of course not” She straightened herself up, bringing her shoulders back and turned to him directly. “How good to see you again. Have you just returned?”

“Last night, I was home one day and mother insisted I come to the Danbury ball. I would have preferred a night to recover from my long travels, but you know how she can be.” He jested, hoping to bring some comfort in what had started out as a very stiff conversation. “I'm so glad to see you. Tell me Pen, how have you been doing.”

“I am well, thank you” She answered politely, not holding his gaze. He noticed she kept looking over his shoulder as though she was searching for an escape.

“Forgive me, I can’t help but feel you were being polite in telling me I did not interrupt.” He looked over his shoulder to see what Penelope is looking at, “Perhaps we shall speak later?”

“If that’s what you would like.” Her gaze snapped irritatingly to his with a flash of annoyance in her eyes.

He did not remember this Penelope, she used to revere him, he always felt special when she looked at him. He did not know what caused this change, but he was determined to get at least one genuine smile from her this evening.

“Most certainly not, but I do not wish to burden you.”

“You are no burden,” she replied softly, looking back down at her clasped gloved hands. “I suppose I’m just content to be alone, I did not expect a companion in my corner here.” She gave him a slight smile. “I enjoy being hidden, but you have found me”.

“That I have.” He said playfully, but continued to watch her. He noticed she swallowed tensely and licked her lips. He wanted to break this uneasiness, so he tried something new. “Are you thirsty? Should I get us some Lemonade? Perhaps we can move this reunion to the veranda” He nodded to the doors behind them leading to the outside.

She paused, considering the offer, then answered quietly, “That would be a welcome change of scenery. I’ll wait here, when you return we can make an escape outside”.

Colin nodded and made his way to the refreshment table. As soon as he procured the drinks he turned to go back to Penelope, but instead almost bumped into Eloise.

“What are you doing brother?” She pressed in a hushed whisper, looking to the drinks he is carrying. “I saw you speaking with Pen, what are your intentions with her?”

Colin’s brows furrowed; he tilted his head to the side regarding his sister. “Whatever do you mean El? I am speaking to my friend, our friend, why the inquisition?”

“I suppose you have not been around long to notice but I struggle to call her my friend right now.” Eloise snapped, “at least, we are not friendly at this time.” Colin pressed his lips together in annoyance, he did not have the patience to deal with whatever new drama Eloise was struggling with.

“Your friendship, or not friendship with Penelope has nothing to do with mine” Colin retorted, pulling his shoulders back and looking down at his sister. Her eyes were wide as she gaped at his unsympathetic reply.

“I'm just trying to help you out; you do not know her as I do.”

“Eloise…” Colin sighed, “I have been friends with Penelope for as long as you have. It may be different, but I have no reason to think her unworthy of my friendship. You knew she and I have keep in touch, I was under the impression you knew about our correspondence.”

He started to walk away, not waiting to hear her response but stopped and turned to her one last time. “I would like to add that I do not require your permission for any friendship I happen to have.”

“Just be careful,” she warned while crossing her arms, “she is full of surprises.”

Penelope watched the interaction with Colin and Eloise from across the ballroom. She saw Colin tense up, then stand tall. What was Eloise saying? Penelope had not thought about the power Eloise had with her new knowledge of Pen’s secret identity as Lady Whistledown, the Ton’s most popular and controversial gossip columnist, and she did not want Colin to know, at least not yet. She felt an uneasiness in her stomach and noticed she was fidgeting with the hem of her glove.

Should she intervene?

No.

She did not want any assumptions made of her behavior at the ball. There was no need to feed the appetite for new rumors in the Ton. She knew if a spectacle was made, she would have to write about it. Too many ears and eye here to ignore an obvious morsal of gossip.

When Colin first approached her, she thought about fleeing. Now as she was seeing him talk with Eloise it did not seem like a terrible idea. She had not wanted to see Colin tonight; she did not even know he was back until he surprised her by her hiding place amongst the flowers. She had spent the summer taking time off from her pamphlet to refocus.

She knew she could not stop writing Whistledown, it would be a financial blow to her family. When the funds from the Ruby mines were returned, she had taken the entire stash of her earnings (that Eloise had uncovered at the end of the season at her family’s ball) and arranged a trust from her distant great aunt who died and left a small fortune for her favorite niece, Portia. Now that the money was gone for her family, she needed to figure out how to secure her own funds again.

She was so happy to be able to give her family the new start they needed, but what of her future?

She had hung her cap on Colin for so long, not that she thought it was a possibility of him returning her feelings, but it consumed most of her imagining of her future. That was until the life altering ball when he stated he would never court her. For some time after, she was angry and hurt, the only thought she could muster was ‘how could he?’

She spent much of the summer alone allowing for her own introspection while wandering her family’s country house. Nothing like feeling the warm summer breeze and fresh soft grass beneath your bare feet to gain a new perspective. She decided she would no longer hold the flame of Colin Bridgerton to determine her happiness. She loved him; she always would. That would not change. She had to learn to be happy alone, she had to make her own way. If that meant continuing as Lady Whistledown, she would. It was financial security; it was a way for her voice to be heard.

She did promise herself she would not hurt the ones she loved ever again. She knew the pain she brought upon the Bridgerton’s, the only people in the Ton who truly saw her, and it was a promise she knew she could keep. So, she was determined to keep their name out of the papers from now on, no matter what.

Which was why, at this moment she chose to stay. To wait for Colin to return, and not intervene or approach Eloise and her confrontation with him. She was to act as she did last season and at every ball before. She was a wallflower; she didn’t speak up or draw attention to herself and she wouldn’t be changing that now.

She watched as Colin navigated his way back to her with the lemonade, carefully stepping around dancing couples and rowdy groups so not to spill their refreshments. He was coming around to her side when he caught her eye and flashed a dazzling smile.

“I have been successful” he mused proudly, “Not a drop spilled” he handed her the drink and held it up as if to toast his accomplishment.

“Indeed”, she smiled lightly, “your travels have succeeded in making you a master of navigating a crowded ballroom.”

Colin laughed, perhaps a bit too much for a joke that deserved a giggle, but it made Pen smile a little wider. Colin looked at her, his green eyes twinkling, “Shall we Pen?” gesturing to the veranda and offering her his arm. She nodded, taking his arm and he guided her outside.

There were a few people enjoying the fresh air and no one seemed to notice their presence. Some men had congregated nearby to smoke their pipes and drink brandy. Penelope saw the plume of smoke from the group to their left and tried to turn her back so not breathe in the acrid fumes.

Colin noticed and said, “Come Pen, let us find somewhere that will not have you smelling like a pub in Scotland. It is a terrible bother to get the smell from your hair.”

“Sounds like you have suffered from the effects of it before” Penelope mused.

“I have many times, on particular time in Edinburgh I was in my cups after a long day at sea. The men were jovial toasting to a successful journey,” he chuckled. “I don’t remember much but I spent the night on a hard pub bench. For a week my hair smelled of stale pipe tobacco, it was unpleasant to say the least.”

Colin was leading Pen to the right, a quieter side of the veranda. He leaned his back against the banister and took in a breath of the cool night air while closing his eyes. Penelope leaned over the banister to his left, with her elbows resting on the cool stone surface. She turned her head and watched Colin exhale marveling at how the moonlight reflected his profile betraying herself and the entire summer spent trying to forget him.

She had painted a picture of him from that night in her mind, hearing those words over and over in her head. “I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington, not in your wildest fantasies, Fife”.

She wanted to let go of him; but as she stood there, gazing up at him, she remembered that this was how they usually were. Relaxed around each other, enjoying quiet moments, sharing thoughts and stories, being true to themselves. She had been unfair putting him on the pedestal, thinking that he thought they were anything more than friends.

Could she be happy with him in her life like this? Just as friends?

She then realized he was looking at her. Her face felt immediately hot as she blushed realizing he caught her staring.

“Is there something on my face Pen? You were studying me like something is wrong.”

“No, I’m sorry.” She quickly turned her head to look out into the dark vista. She knew there were magnificent gardens somewhere out there, but the night had swallowed up the view, so she was trying to remember what it looked like rather than how she was feeling when gazing upon Colin.

“I was wool gathering is all, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s alright” Colin turned to face the yard next to Penelope, resting his elbows on the stone banister next to her. “I suppose when we have been apart for so long, a moment or two of thoughtfulness should not be a surprise. You must have missed this charming face” He waggled his eyebrows at her laughing to himself at his cleverness.

“I suppose,” Pen replied still looking out at the darkness. She felt Colin nudge her elbow with his.

“I missed your letters this tour. I got a few, perhaps you were busy, but it wasn’t the same as last season.”

Penelope looked at Colin, she pushed her lips together and shrugged. She knew this was coming. She received a letter almost weekly from Colin during the off season to which she read every one. However, she had a hard time deciding if she wanted to reply.

She spent the first month just angry at him, she wasn’t going to reply at all. As time went by, and the letters kept coming, she softened.

He sounded so hopeful, and she had to remind herself that it was her feelings of him that were misguided. As much as his statement at her mother’s ball had hurt her, it was not his fault she loved him while he only felt a friendly affection for her.

So, she started to reply. She wrote him every three or four weeks, but not with the fervor or length as in the previous season. She kept the letters simple, touching upon the mundane, keeping personal details out and trying to be careful with her feelings. She wanted to address what he had said at the Featherington ball, but she felt it would be best discussed in person. So she determined she would wait to have the conversation when he returned.

Was now the time to bring it up?

“Oh, well, I was quite busy this summer with Cousin Jack returning to America and everything. I had to help Mama with her accounts. We had a bit of a mess to deal with.” She responded, while shaking her head… ‘you cowered’ she thought, ‘why not be honest, just tell him how he hurt you, tell him how you feel.’

“That must have been quiet an ordeal, I’m sorry you had to go through that on your own. I should have stayed to help you sort it out. I do feel some responsibility for that hardship.” He rested his hand gently on her bare arm where her glove ended and before her sleeve began. His fingers burning her skin making her head feel fuzzy.

“No Colin, we did not expect that. My mother got our solicitor involved quickly; he helped us sort it out.” Colin nodded and hummed acknowledging her. “Besides, soon after a great fortune was bestowed upon us, I’m not sure if you heard of my great aunt who left a trust to my mother. It was very fortuitous.”

“Yes, that was lucky, thank goodness for the timing. Although I’m sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved aunt, that must have been difficult.”

Pen burst out with a laugh, she did not mean to for it was not supposed to be funny. This aunt that Penelope had was so distant she only learned of the linage after she asked her solicitor to find a reliable executor to establish the trust in her mother’s name. Colin furrowed his brow, regarding her, “I beg your pardon Pen, I did not mean that as a joke.”

“Of course not, I didn't take it as one. I was just laughing, and I fear it was not appropriate, but my great aunt was only known to my family after her death. I suppose spinsterhood is a pattern in my family.” she smiled sadly.

Colin tilted his head, “surely you do not mean you will follow her lead? You are lovely, I don’t think a spinster you will become.”

Penelope sighed, the irony of his statement was lost on him, should she enlighten him? Remind him of how he loudly dismissed her as a potential wife for the whole ton to hear? She chose against it.

“Colin, this is my third season, I have not had one suitor, my dance card remains empty at each ball, I have never even had a caller. I believe it is realistic to say my future could indeed be one of a spinster.”

“I’m sure your mother thinks differently” He responded.

“When it comes to my prospect, of my potential betrothal, she gave up on me before the end of my first season. She speaks of me helping her through old age. I seem to be doomed to be her forever companion.”

Colin was irrationally irritated by this.

Portia always treated Penelope as an afterthought. Like her very presence was a burden. Was she the reason why Penelope was so resigned to spinsterhood? He found her to be a wonderful conversationalist, she had wit and humor, she always made him feel like the world would be right when they spoke. She was his anchor when he was away. Why could she not see how worthy she was of love?

“Give me your hand” She turned her head quickly, her eyes wide and questioning. She slowly moved her left hand, that was closest to him and presented it. He took hold and pulled her up, turning her to face him as they both rose from resting on the banister.

“I need your other hand too Pen,” He said softly. She presented her right hand, the one with the blank dance card. He opened her dance card and looked it over, then wrote his name down in big letters so it covered most of the spaces. She stared, puzzled at his actions.

“There,” he said, satisfied with his work, “you can no longer say your dance card is empty, for now I have claimed a dance with you.” Pen looked at the card with his large writing and frowned.

“Colin, your name has taken up almost all the card, which dance is it you would like?”

“Pick one, or pick all, you are the only person I wish to dance with tonight. After such a long journey, I was not looking forward to this ball. Of course you know my Mother would not hear of me turning down the invitation. I was ready to leave the moment I arrived. Then I saw you, my friend, and I realized if I were to have to endure the night, it would be because I had one of my favorite people by my side.”

Penelope stood quietly for a moment; she was still looking at her card. She did not react but took a few deep breaths. Colin stood in front of her, watching her, waiting for a response. She looked up at him, her eye warm and wide, the smile on her face was one that he had waited all night to receive from her.

“I will dance with you tonight; this gesture is so kind how could I turn you down?” She took a step forward, “however, just one dance should do. While I know you’ve been out of the country for some time, the same rules of society stand. If we were to dance more than once, people will talk, and I do not want to give them a reason to.”

“I would never want that Penelope, I am a gentleman, I want you to know I would never knowingly give the ton a reason for gossip.”

He offered her his arm which she took and let him lead her back inside.

She knew the time would come to tell him about what she had heard, about who she is, about how she feels. But tonight, she was going to let him take her into his arms and dance.

She did not want to put too much thought into why he chose her this evening, why he was so determined to spend time with her, but she knew to be careful. She had thought her heart strong and mended, intent on moving on. But Colin was weakening her resolve, and if that were to happen. It was going to make for a very interesting season.

Chapter Text

“I need to speak with you” Colin started the moment he entered the dining room the next morning.

Eloise was mid bite of her eggs and toast, she glanced up at Colin with her eyes wide, her mouth too full of food to speak, so she pointed to herself with a questioning look.

“Yes Eloise…you” he glared at her while he took his seat beside her at the table. She deliberately and slowly chewed, taking her napkin off her lap to daintily wipe the invisible crumbs from her mouth. Dramatically she gulped loudly, then held up her finger to take a long sip of tea. After she slowly returned her cup to its saucer, she cleared her throat and looked at her brother.

“You wish to speak to me; well I am listening.” Colin stared for a moment, annoyed by her dramatics, but determined to get some answers.

“What was your intent with the inquisition last night regarding Penelope?” he was leaning on his elbow, staring her down intensely. Her eyebrows raised up to her hairline as she regarded her brother.

“I’m afraid I do not know what you mean, Colin” She emphasized his name as she reached for her teacup again.

“You were upset with me, upset with Pen, what did you mean to be careful? You know I am a gentleman, nothing untoward was happening.” He watched her take another sip. She again made a dramatic pause while swallowing and then opened her mouth to speak.

“Colin, you must be joking.”

“I most certainly am not, I’m quite serious.”

“Colin, dearest” Violet interjected, “you were a bit distracted by Miss Penelope, but no one thinks you were inappropriate by any means.” Colin looked at his mother, a satisfied smirk crossed his face as he nodded his head in agreement.

“Thank you, Mother,” Colin felt pleased his honor was acknowledged, so pleased that he settled at the table to break his fast. His stomach growling at him reminding him that it was well past nine and he was overdue for a meal.

“Although, brother” Benedict chimed in, “I did not see you entertaining any of the other ladies last night, has your travel worn you out? Have you overindulged so much in women that you cannot possibly spend another moment wooing one?”

“Overindulge?” Eloise questioned “whatever do you mean, how can you overindulge in women? You’re not making sense Benedict”.

“Well, you see El, foreign cities often have houses run by women where men can find…comfort” He smirked and winked at Colin who joined with his own mischievous look.

Eloise was fully enraptured by Benedict, however a loud whack on the table came from Violet breaking the attention she was giving her brother.

“Benedict you will stop at once, this is not an appropriate topic for young ladies.” Eloise huffed in frustration.

“How am I to learn, mother, of these houses women run?” Eloise asked, “It sounds thrilling to hear about women running a successful business, I want to learn more.” Benedict was grinning, despite the glare his mother gave him from across the table.

“Benedict, so help me, I will not hear another word about this.” Her eyes glared with a warning look. Benedict popped a bit of pastry in his mouth and shrugged.

Eloise scowled at her mother, then leaned over to Benedict and mumbled “You will tell me later of this. I am quite intrigued.”

Colin, sitting opposite Benedict, leaned over and joined the conversation in a hushed tone. “You know El, these houses are in London too. Have you ever heard of an Adventuress?” he said quietly.

“COLIN BRIDGERTON!” Violet shouted, Colin dropped his gaze and chuckled, Benedict sniggered and shook a finger at him.

“Tut, tut brother, this is not appropriate dining room talk.” He repeated his mother’s warning from earlier.

“It is not appropriate… at all” Violet repeated, “Honestly, when will you two find your own lodgings, you are both grown men.”

“Patience mother,” Colin laughed, “I am meeting with someone today about a place in Bloomsbury, if it meets my needs, I shall be out of sight shortly.”

Violet’s face lit up at this statement. She reached out to Colin and placed her hand atop of his.

“My dear boy, does this mean you will be staying with us this season?”

“It appears so,” he answered, his mouth full of pastry, “this season is shaping up to be one I'd like to partake in. Besides, Anthony should be returning from his honeymoon within a week or so, I would like to see him for a bit as well.”

“Miss Penelope Featherington is here for Miss Eloise” Humboldt appeared at the dining room door announcing the visitor. A hush came around the room. Benedict and Violet looked reluctantly to Eloise for a response. Colin was beaming at the announcement, unaware of the others response.

“Excellent, I was planning to call on her today, I shall join you El….” He cut himself off, looking around the room he noticed the others were waiting on Eloise, who was sitting at the table thoughtfully munching on her toast.

“Eloise…” Violet said softly, “My dear; Penelope has come by almost every day since we got back from Aubrey Hall not a fortnight ago, perhaps you can at least grant her a moment of your time.”

Eloise huffed, she placed her toast back down on the plate and threw her arms in the air. “Not that it is any of your business, but perhaps you’re correct Mother, perhaps it is time I say something to Penelope.” Eloise rose from her seat and wiped her dress of invisible crumbs.

Colin waited a beat, then stood as well. “I shall join….”

“I will go, alone” Eloise said firmly as she turned sharply to her brother.

There was no room for a misunderstanding. She glared at Colin who slowly sat back down. “I have things to say that do not require your input nor your help brother, as you are always so eager to give it even when not asked.”

Colin frowned, he was slightly hurt by this statement, what could she mean by that? Had someone stated he was too meddlesome? Colin kept his gaze down at his breakfast plate, pushing his food around while he waited for the heat in his face to subside.

“Very well,” he mumbled to himself.

Eloise turned to Humboldt, “Please bring Miss Penelope to the upstairs drawing room, I will be there shortly.”

“She is already there Miss, she is waiting for a message if you will see her.”

“Good, then you may tell her so,” Humboldt bowed and stepped out of the room. Eloise took a deep breath and looked around the table. “I guess I will go,” she was hesitant, her hands worrying her napkin.

Colin was confused by the entire scenario. What on earth had happened between his sister and Penelope that led to such uncertainty with their relationship? It appeared Eloise was almost nervous, what could possibly cause her to feel this way? It was vexing.

Penelope was standing by the window, watching the streets below when she heard movement behind her. She turned to see Humboldt give her a quick bow.

“Miss Eloise is on her way; she is just finishing up her breakfast.”

Penelope sucked in a breath and gave the butler a small smile. “Thank you” she replied. She turned and looked back out the window out on the square below getting lost in thought about what to say.

Should she speak first? Should she allow Eloise to speak?

She wanted her friend back, she wanted to apologize, she wanted to explain her secret and make amends.

What if Eloise was happier without her?

What if Eloise was going to dismiss her right away?

Is she ready to fight for their friendship?

Penelope knew the answer was yes.

She would lay it all out, tell her everything. Once the truth was spoken, she would accept whatever comes next from Eloise. Penelope was hopeful for a resolution, if Eloise was ready too.

“Eh-hem” Penelope whipped around, the sound of Eloise clearing her throat disrupting the silence.

Eloise was standing in the doorway, her arms crossed with a scowl on her face.

“Shut the door,” she asked quietly, hopeful of the fact that her friend even received her visit was a sign of progress. Eloise straightened up and turned to close the door. Penelope stepped forward and sat on the armchair closest to the window. Once settled, she looked up to Eloise and gestured to the chaise in front of her “Please,” she said gently, “sit El, we have much to discuss.”

Eloise opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again with nothing but a sigh escaping. It was Eloise’s nature to be contrary, she had never enjoyed being commended, but her eyes softened after a few moments. She resigned to Pen’s request and sulked over to the lounge chair to sit down slowly.

“Thank you for seeing me, Eloise,” Pen started, her voice soft but confident, “I know this has been hard, and I want you to know how sorry I am for the deceit I have bought into our friendship.” She watched Eloise, who just nodded, staring blankly.

“I want to start by telling you I do not regret Whistledown, but I do regret not telling you sooner, not telling you the moment you started your search. I did not know who to trust, and of all people, I should have known I could trust you.” Eloise nodded again, still staying silent.

“At this point Whistledown is a necessity for me, for my family, we don’t have any money, Cousin Jack left us even more penniless than before he came, so I must continue if only to keep my family from financial ruin.” Eloise sighed and nodded again, gesturing for Pen to continue.

Penelope started speaking, everything she had wanted to say came pouring out. Telling Eloise every detail, from starting the paper to relishing in the power and influence she had. Explaining how she realized the power she held with her writings and the promise of no longer using her words to cause harm.

Eloise asked about Marina, about Colin. She asked about Daphne and her almost marriage to Nigel. She asked of her own betrayal and the Queen. Penelope did not pause once, did not falter, she answered everything with softness and confidence.

Once the questions about the content were answered, she started talking about the business and how Whistledown came to be. The more Eloise learned, the more impressed she started to appear. After what seemed like an hour, Eloise gave Penelope the smile, one that she recognized was reserved for their friendship. One that Penelope had missed since last season.

“Pen, you are a businesswoman, and while I am still angry, I do not believe I am angry enough to hold this fury over you. I will forgive you, and we shall move forward, as friends who never…” she swiftly grabbed Penelope’s hands, her eyes boring into Penelope’s with intensity, “NEVER lie to each other again.”

“Oh El, I will never lie to you again, you have my word.” Eloise nodded and pulled Penelope into a fierce hug. Then just as quickly, she released Penelope and looked excitedly at her.

“Pen, I heard the most wonderful thing this morning. Did you know there are woman all over the continent who are successful and run their own business’ out of their homes?! Colin and Benedict were telling me about them. Do you think they are women like you? We must investigate this.” She said hurriedly.

Penelope squinted at her, “if it is an opportunity to gain independence for the fairer sex, yes El, please ask about it and get back to me.”

“It is strange though” Eloise mused, “my Mama was very upset my brothers mentioned it. Could our parents be so old fashioned they truly look down on a woman who wants to work.” She was shaking her head, lost in her thoughts. "Do you know what an Adventuress is?"

Soon Penelope was bidding Eloise a good day, with promises to go for a walk in the park. “We shall talk more Pen; we have time to make up for.”

As she exited the house, she took a deep breath and exhaled, smiling to herself. She felt lighter, like a weight has been lifted. She had just stepped on the sidewalk when she heard the door open again behind her.

“Pen!” the familiar voice called; it was Colin. She was in such high spirits she felt she could manage some time for Colin as well. After last night, she worried she had been too liberal with him, allowed him to get too close. She reasoned that she would be more careful today, guard her heart from his forwardness.

“Colin, good morning, I was just heading home.” She gestured to her house down the street.

“Ah yes, it is a nice day for a stroll, may I accompany you? Perhaps we can take a walk around the square before I drop you off. If you are feeling agreeable to that of course.” He was gesturing to the opposite direction to where her home was.

“You mean to walk the long way around the square?” She asked to make sure she understood his request. Colin was smiling his most charming smile and offered her his arm. He nodded eagerly, waiting for her response. “Well, yes, that should be fine.”

“Excellent” he exclaimed and looked very pleased with himself as they set off on their long walk around the square. “You see Pen,” he starts, “I am on my way to Bloomsbury this morning, looking to secure my bachelors lodgings for the season”

“Is that so?” she responded, “I am happy to hear you will be around this season, have you tired of travel already?”

Colin chuckled, “Of course not, there is still much of the world for me to see. However, it was during this last tour that I realized I needed a purpose. I fear I have been traversing around the continent with no goals." He hesitated, considering his next words carefully.

"I have been writing you know, in my journal. It’s just musing of things I’ve seen, people I’ve met, but nothing that gives me an idea of what I need in life.  I would like to find a purpose of my own, my older brothers all have theirs. I feel as though I have fallen behind.” Colin stared ahead, deep in thought. Penelope squeezed his arm encouragingly.

“I’m sure you write with purpose in your journals,” She said encouragingly, “If it is anything like the letters you sent me, I can only imagine how much more you have to share.” She looked up at him and saw he was gazing down at her thoughtfully.

“I would love to see what you have written, if you would let me of course”. Colin eyes darkened; she could feel his body stiffen a little at the suggestion.

“Of course, it is personal, you do not need to share Colin. It was silly for me to ask.” She dropped her gaze and stared at the path in front of her, watching her skirt ripple from her feet moving beneath it. They were walking very slowly having only gone about a quarter of the way around the square.

“It’s not that I do not want you to read it, it’s that I don’t think it’s interesting enough to read.” He finally answered. She just nodded, “I wouldn’t want to bore you, I will bring you something else to read though, we can read it together.” His voice got lighter, and he gently shook her arm to get her attention. Penelope looked back up and gave him a smile.

“Pen, I owe you an apology. I did not realize the depth of the discourse between you and my sister. Forgive me for not understanding why you were so cold to me when I first greeted you yesterday. And forgive my stubbornness in trying to gain your favor.” He said the last part lightly, trying to make a joke of himself.

Penelope halted in her steps, dropping his arm and looked up at him.

“Colin, that was not the reason for my indifference” He turned to look at her, his eye wide in confusion, “I fear I should have been more honest with you yesterday.” She was honest with Eloise; she would be honest with him now.

“I did not know how to bring it up, and perhaps I was afraid, but it is no matter now, you will know the truth.” She took a deep breath and clasped her hands in front of her. “The night of my family’s ball, after you valiantly revealed the deception of my cousin, after you danced with me and called me special, do you remember what happened next?”

She hoped he did, she hoped he remembered so she did not have to say it, repeat the words that played in her head. However, she knew right away he did not, he was looking at her his beautiful green eyes full of confusion.

“I apologize Pen, I am unsure to what you refer.” She took another grounding breath.

“I had been in the garden; everyone had adjourned outside for the fireworks. I was looking for Eloise and suddenly I heard your voice” Colins look went from confused to curious, “You were speaking with some other gentleman of the ton, do you remember now?”

Colin looked up, as though the heavens might tell him the answer, he pursed his lips and looked back down shaking his head. “Alas, I do not.”

“It is no matter, because I do, I heard everything” she could feel the anger in her throat, she did not expect it, she thought she had a handle on this. But seeing how insignificant this was to him made her recount of this moment worse.

“You were asked about us dancing, by Lord Fife…” His eyes got wide; she could see he was searching his memories for something. “You were asked if we were courting.”

He remembered, in a moment she saw his eyes go wide with horror, his mouth making an “Oh” while he rocked back on his heels and started to fidget with his cufflinks like they were suddenly causing him discomfort.

“You told Fife, and all the other men around you, that you would never dream of courting me, not in your wildest fantasies.”

She did it, she spoke it out loud.

The moment those words left her lips she felt an ease come over her. For the second time today, she felt lighter. The pain those words held suddenly was no longer her pain. She could see it was now his.

Colin’s eyes were wide, he was chewing on his lip, his hand went up and mussed his dark brown hair, he was loudly breathing through his nose, as though he was processing the anger himself.

Penelope stood there, watching him. With each tense breath he took, she felt lighter. She didn’t know how long they stood there, but she knew there was nothing more to say. He knew how cruel those words were, that moment was, and his speech was stunted. Finally, after what seemed like minutes, he spoke.

“Pen,” he breathed it out so softly, “I am a fool.”

He was silent for another moment, considering his next words. He kept shaking his head and opening his mouth, as though he was fighting himself with what to say next.

“Penelope,” he offered his arm again, signifying they were to continue their walk. Their slow pace resumed she noticed they were now about halfway through the square. Another long beat of silence, he spoke again with more timbre, “I betrayed you; I have no other way to address this but to say that I was an unthinking fool. I feel that if I try to explain my words it will make the situation worse. Clearly you already think the worst of me, for now your short and infrequent letters during my travels, and your coldness towards me last night make sense. I did grave damage to our friendship, which I hold so dear to me.” He let out a laugh, “That must seem like a farce now.”

He was lost, completely lost, he could not even look at her. She suddenly felt guilty, she had no idea he would be so distraught over this. But here he was, emotionally chastising himself. She felt that she needed to assuage his anguish.

“Colin,” she put the hand not holding his arm on his hand, “you need not fret, I have moved on. Although I am glad I told you what it was that vexed me all this time. I do not feel you need to punish yourself for this for long, I don’t need an explanation. I never expected you to court me. I just wished you had not dismissed me so callously.”

“I told you that night you were special to me, I told you I would always look out for you," He squeezed her hand that was holding his, "I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I meant what I said. I am so sorry for the cruel words I spoke to a group of men I care so little for. I was just trying to keep them from asking me about you, I did not want to have to defend your honor, these men do not respect women, and I thought by saying that I would dissuade them from ever mistreating you.”

“We will move past this Colin, you are one of my oldest friends, I will not let years of friendship be ruined by a mere moment.” She smiled fully at him. He gave her a smile back, but she could still see the guilt in his eyes.

The rest of the walk was in silence, Pen kept looking at Colin and seeing that he was deep in thought. It wasn’t much longer until they had arrived at her front door. She turned to Colin and curtsied, “thank you for walking me safely home.”

Colin bowed and nodded. “It was entirely my pleasure, thank you for being such a good and forgiving friend Pen. I will see you soon.”

And with that, Colin turned and walked down the street towards Bloomsbury. He stopped to look back only to see Penelope disappearing into her home.

Why did he feel so miserable about this? Why wasn’t she angrier? Why was she so good?

He shook his head and continued on his way. His mind full of Penelope while he walked. By the time he arrived in Bloomsbury, he had determined he would call on her tomorrow. He would make it his purpose to make her happy. No matter what it takes.

Chapter Text

“Penelope!”

Her eyes flew open. Her mother’s shrilling voice carried from downstairs, ‘what in the devil does she want’. Penelope sat up, groaning, the sliver of light coming from her drapes dancing on the floor of her room told her it is still morning.

“It can’t be that late”, she muttered to herself as she tossed her blankets off and got up. Despite the Whistledown “money” her great aunt left, the family was still lacking with staff around the house, especially when it came to lady’s maid. The only one, Varley, was shared between all three women in the home. Penelope knew she was going to dress herself this morning. Something she did not mind too much, as it meant she had a choice in what she wore and how she styled herself.

In the beginning, she would listen to her mother make snide comments about her choices. “Really Penelope, you pick such drab colors, I thought I donated that hideous green dress.” Or “It’s a pity we can’t darken your hair, red hair is so out of season, I suppose no one will notice as you do not wear it fashionably anyway”. At first, she would second guess her chosen looks. However, as time went on, she learned to tune out her mother’s jabs.

She arranged with Madame Delacroix, the modiste, to get some new gowns. Genevieve was thrilled to design new looks for Penelope. “You will be a new woman in these.” Penelope giggled at that, “Miss Penelope,” Madame Delacroix questioned, “what is so funny? Do you not think you deserve to look beautiful?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be beautiful,” Penelope said sadly, “It’s that no one will notice, I could be draped in the most beautiful silks and gold, and no one would even see me there.”

“No one who matters you mean,” She corrected, “Penelope, you are a diamond in the rough, you do not give yourself credit for who you are and what you’ve done. You have lived in the shadows of your sisters, you wear the bright colors and ridiculous adornments that your mother insists you wear, but somehow despite all spectacle, you are still invisible.” She walked over to the most recent Lady Whistledown Pamphlet and held it up. “You shine here, with your words. Someday, it will all come together. But I want you to love how you look, and I know that won’t be in another yellow dress.”

That day, which was only a few weeks ago, Penelope left the Modiste with a whole new wardrobe of her choosing. She had arranged to get a new dress delivered weekly for two reasons; one was to slowly switch out her wardrobe to dresses of her choosing and secondly it was to ensure the draft of her latest pamphlet could get to the publishers. While Genevieve still agreed to help with the business of her scandal sheet, she told Penelope that she wanted to lessen her role. This meant Penelope had started her late-night visits to the printer again in the city. She was only going weekly, but this way she could continue with at least two issues a week.

This morning, she was especially exhausted. It was a rough trip out the night before. Her sister, Prudence, was up late in her room, practicing her singing. That alone was troubling enough as her voice was akin to a goose squawking in a butcher shop. “At least the goose would soon be put out of its misery,” she mused to herself. The late-night aria meant she could not leave the house when she intended and had to wait for her sisters wailing to be silent.

Then on her way back from the printer there was trouble with the hired hack. The poor horse had injured its hoof meaning Penelope was standing in the streets of London late at night, trying to find another hack to bring her home. She encountered many strange men who were deep in their cups. She tried to blend into the dark corners, hoping to keep their attention away. She was mostly unnoticed, until a young man, no more than five and twenty, approached her and asked her price. She was frightened, tried to just shake her head she figured if she acted like she didn’t understand him perhaps he would leave her alone. Her heart pounding in her ears, stomach in knots she was silently pleading for help, hoping for an escape. He kept slurring “How much love? What can I get for a shilling?”

Lucky for her, right around that time, a driver whom she knew came around the corner. She managed to get away from the man and finally got her ride home. She wondered what type of service a woman would charge for a shilling, and why work this late at night, in these parts of town. She was pretty sure it was a job for a woman who wasn’t sneaking out to the city from Mayfair.

Upon returning home the sky was turning from black to a greyish blue, she knew it was early, and prayed that Varley, and the other sparce staff from her home were still asleep. After slipping through the kitchen and tiptoeing up the stairs, she quietly closed her bedchamber door, breathing out a sigh of relief. How was she going to keep this up? She didn’t allow herself to worry about the danger she was most likely in that morning. She did not want to think of what would happen if she did not see a familiar hackney to rescue her. She didn’t know how to fight; she carried no weapons and had a pocket full of coins. Penelope realized she might need to rethink the timing of her trips.

As of late, Portia Featherington had put all her effort into finding Prudence, Penelope’s older sister, a husband. After the debacle with her cousin Jack, who was horrifically Prudence’s fiancé, and their broken engagement. Portia was determined to secure a suitable and wealthy suitor for her.

“You know Penelope, I will be very busy with your sister this season, as you seem to not care for your looks or position, I will put my energy where I can secure this families future.” She would say, quiet frequently. “We must secure the entail to the next heir, after that mess with your cousin, I won’t have our family lose its place here. I do not see you producing an heir, so our hope lies in your sisters.”

This always made Penelope shiver, Philippa was married to Albion Finch, while sweet in disposition, she was sure he did not know much about running an estate. She even wondered if the couple had managed to figure out how to produce an heir, considering it had been almost a year since their nuptials and Phillipa was still without child. Prudence was tall and thin, the only similarity she had with Penelope was the same flaming red hair. She lacked social graces entirely. Loud and ostentatious, Prudence was often the last to figure out what was going on in any situation.

So, what was happening this morning that required her to get up so early? She did some quick math based on the suns position in her room and determined it must be no later than nine. Seeing that it was too soon for callers, Penelope put on a simple underdress, a brief peek in her mirror noted her hair was still styled from the night before. The curls were a bit flat, and in the sunlight she saw a soft halo around her head from the small hairs that framed her face. She quickly combed it out, hoping that at least it didn’t look like she just awoke. It did not help much ‘I’ll get to that in a bit’, she thought to herself as she and headed downstairs, slightly irritated by the rush of it all.

“Mama!” she called once she reached the landing, she could not see anyone about, so she waited to be summoned to wherever the voices took her. Her mother breezed out of the drawing room, looking like she had been up for hours, not a hair out of place, her rouge perfectly coloring her lips and cheeks, ready to guide Penelope into the room. The smile on her face quickly faded when she saw Penelope. Eyes aghast, she let out a small cackle and turned her head towards the drawing room to address, much to Penelope’s horror, a caller.

“If you’ll wait just a moment, she is here and will be in shortly.” She was almost singing but it comes out like a shout as she hurried over to Penelope who was standing in abject horror by the stairs.

“Penelope!” she rushed towards her shouting at her in a whispered tone, “what are you wearing? We…I mean you…have a caller”.

Penelope stared at her mother, Portia’s right hand was gesturing to the drawing room,

“A caller?” she asked softly matching her mother’s intensity, “who Mama? You didn’t send Varley to fetch me, I did not know anyone was here.” Penelope started smoothing her dress, she did not have her stays on and she knew her hair was a mess. On top of that she is almost positive she still had the faint imprint of her pillow on her left cheek.

“Varley is tending to your sister, she is to promenade at the Serpentine with Mr. Dankworth today, I’m sorry Penelope, but I just didn’t have time to warn you.” Her mother was pressing the back of her hand to her forehead as though she felt a headache coming. “You look…fine, it’s not as though this is a call of importance, I just don’t want you to keep him waiting”.

Penelope’s brows flew up, her mouth open, “Him…a gentleman is here to see me?”

“Yes Penelope, it’s just Col…”

“Pen!” To her disbelief, for the second time in ten minutes, she looked over her mother’s shoulder to see Colin standing in the door of the drawing room. He seemed completely unaware of the state she was in, beaming at her with his hands behind his back.

He looked dandy, his clothes perfectly tailored, hair combed and styled like he just left the barber. He was looking as handsome and charming as he always was.  Penelope was aware of the dichotomy in this moment. She glanced at the clock in the hallway and saw just how off her assessment was of the time, it was nearly noon. Penelope took a deep breath and put on her best smile. ‘He’s most likely here to apologize anyway’, she thought to herself.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” she curtsied and walked around her mother to greet him. “I apologize for the wait; I did not know you were here.” He opened his mouth to respond when her mother cut in.

“I wish you well Mr. Bridgerton, thank you for coming by. Now that my Penelope has graced our presence, I hope you will excuse me for I have an appointment at the modiste with Prudence shortly.”

Colin bowed to Portia, “of course Lady Featherington, I am grateful for your company while I waited.” He turned and grinned at Penelope, “I was hoping you were agreeable to allow me to take Miss Penelope to Hyde Park. My sister Eloise and family will be joining us, Eloise was going to come here too, but I insisted I make the short trip here to pick Pen up.”

Penelope inwardly groaned; she had forgotten about the walk Eloise promised. Portia flipped her wrist in acceptance and nodded. She was already halfway up the stairs, “yes, yes, of course, you have fun.” The last part of the statement was swallowed up as Portia had turned down the hallway to fetch Prudence.

“Good afternoon, Miss Penelope,” Colin said again, Penelope turned back to face him and smiled.

“Good afternoon Colin,” she fidgeted with her dress, picking at the hem of the sleeves. She felt naked despite the clothes she had on. “I will need a few more moments to get ready if that’s no trouble”.

Colin nods, “of course, whatever you need to feel comfortable. There is a slight breeze in the air, so perhaps a spencer or coat may be needed. I do not want you to catch a cold.”

“Thank you,” she said, grateful for his advice. She bowed and turned to start back upstairs.

“But first, Pen, I have something for you.” She stopped and turned back to him. “If you will follow me,” He was already walking back to the drawing room, “it will be just a moment.” Penelope followed him, curiosity getting the best of her in leu of common sense to get properly dressed first.

By the time she entered the drawing room, he was standing by the rosewood table near the faded chaise, proudly tapping his fingers impatiently on a book.

“It’s a book”, he declared happily, holding it out for Penelope to take from him. She can’t help but smile at the charming way he took such delight in bringing her this gift. She felt the light tickle of butterflies in her stomach, which she tried to sigh away as she stepped forward to receive the offering.

Why was he being so kind? Did he know of her feelings? No of course not, he had spent the past eight years that they had known each other unaware of her as anything other than just a friend. This was Colin making amends for his folly last season.

“Thank you” Penelope exclaimed as she turned the book over in her hand to look at it. She saw it was by Mary Brunton, Discipline. “I have never heard of this book, but it looks like a fine read”

“I bought it in Edinburgh,” He informed her proudly, “I was looking for a book to read during my next leg of travel, I think you may like it more than I did.” He paused, “It’s about finding purpose through travel, well that’s not all it is, but I could relate to that part.” He grinned, watching Penelope intensely while she read the cover page.

Penelope felt his gaze while she was looking at the page, she looked up and met his eyes, “are you checking to see if I turn to the last page to see how the story ends?” she teased him, a glint in her eye.

He chuckled and reached for the book while Penelope was closing it, causing him to grab her ungloved fingers with his, interlocking them together. Penelope couldn’t stop the soft gasp that fell from her lips. She waited for him to pull away, expecting his blush and apology.

That did not happen.

His hand stilled, his eye locked on where their fingers were joined. She held her breath, the loud silence that filled the room was pressing into her. She felt as though time had stopped. Just when she thought the moment had gone on too long, she felt his thumb upon her knuckle, ghosting it up and down. She was looking at him, studying him, but he did not look at her. Instead, he was watching their hands; watching his thumb stroke her soft skin. Each time his thumb made a pass, he increased the pressure. She felt her head buzzing, she had to stop this. What was he doing?

“Colin,” she said in almost a whisper. His eyes shot up to meet hers, as though her words pulled him out of a trance.

“Hmm”, he murmured softly, his thumb had stopped its movements, but he had not released her fingers yet. He smiled at her, “you have such soft hands Pen, I’m sorry, I never felt anything so delicate”.

Penelope raised her brows in disbelief, did he really say that? To her? Did he know how confounding he was? She quickly pulled her hand away and smiled.

“I do use Milk of Roses,” She blurted out. “It is Rosewater and almond oil with some other ingredients I cannot recall at this time. It is said to be healing and keeps the skin soft.”

What was she doing? She started to scold herself, ‘stop talking Penelope, he’s just complimenting you, maybe he needs a remedy himself and that is why he’s asking.’ “If you need some I could give it to you, I’m sure your travel causes…”

“Oh no, Pen,” he interrupted, “the warmer climates do natural wonders to the skin,” he gestured to his face, “you can see I also got a touch of color; the air is moist, and the sun is healing, you would enjoy the islands.”

“I’m sure I would,” She replied. Of course, she had noticed his tan. Colin looked even more beautiful with the touch of color to his skin. She wondered how far the tan went, but quickly dismissed the idea from her head. She needed to get ready, she was getting very confused with the direction this entire visit was going. “Shall I head to my room to ready myself? I am sure Eloise is getting impatient for us to join her.”

“Certainly Pen, I will wait here for you.” Colin said, “Do not rush, Eloise would do well for a lesson in patience.”

As Penelope quickly bowed and glided out of the room, Colin found himself staring at the door after she turned the corner. He was reflecting on what just happened. Her skin was soft, did he offend her by telling her so. Everything with Penelope felt natural, he worried that he was too forward with his manners.

After knowing her for so long, he forgot that she is now a lady; a lady who was out in society. Who was old enough for marriage. After the conversation a few nights ago, he understood that she wanted that. He smiled to himself trying to picture Penelope in a gown; a wedding gown, her hair in loose curls, with flowers and pearls braided in her fillet offsetting her beautiful red hair.

He liked her hair; he was always fascinated with how the light changed its color. During the day it was as if the sun had brightened her head, the red with gold highlights shining through like a halo while she walked in the sun. But in the evenings, her hair was a deep auburn, its darker color made the blue in her eyes more pronounced and her porcelain skin shine. She would be a fine wife for someone someday, he thought to himself.

After about a quarter of an hour, Penelope arrived back in the drawing room. She stood by the drawing room door, waiting for Colin to join her. “Shall we go Colin?” She asked sweetly.

Colin looked at her, she had changed. Again, he noticed she looked different, but what exactly was it? He could not think of a better way to describe it than she looked more, womanly. Her hair was still curled down around her shoulders, she had in a simple pin that was with yellow jewels looking like butterflies. Her dress was a soft blue, the design was simple, but her body seemed longer and her breasts…Colin stopped himself there. He was a gentleman, this was Pen, he would not look at her breasts, he couldn’t lust after her. She was his friend.

“Yes Pen, let’s be off,” he walked over to join her at the door. As he got closer, he was hit with a glorious whiff of Rosewater and almonds. He stopped next to her and smiled.

“You look lovely,” He got a little closer than he usually did, breathing in her delicious scent. He did not notice his proximity until he saw her take a small step back. He cleared his throat and stood as tall as he could, offering her his arm.

“Are we meeting everyone back at your house?” Penelope inquired. He looked down at her and was taken for a moment. She was looking up at him with such a sweet and questioning look, he shook his head, partly to shake the improper thoughts that kept sneaking into his mind, but also to correct her question.

“No Pen, they are meeting us at Hyde Park, Eloise and the family have set up our tent there. They will be well settled by the time we arrive.” She smiled and nodded at him, letting him take the lead as they left her home.

Colin was quiet as they walked, concentrating on being proper, she was so close all he could smell was her sweet lotion. He found himself gazing over at her frequently, hoping she did not notice his new curiosity with her.

What was happening? He didn’t want these thoughts in his conscience. This was Penelope. His sweet friend. His younger sister’s best friend. He would be a gentleman with her. He vowed that as soon as he went home tonight, he would get his wits about him. This was madness, he was still recovering from his travels. Yes, he had been back just a week. Surely the effects of the long journey had his mind all jumbled. He was trying to make her happy, prove he was a good and loyal friend.

He was so deep in thought he did not notice the curb. He missed the step and stumbled, “oh bugger!” He cursed while he tried to find his footing.

He felt a strong grip on his arm as he fell slightly forward, it was just enough strength to keep him from fully hitting the ground. Instead, he fell to his knees, one hand on the pavement and the other still being held up by Penelope.

He heard her giggle first; he looked up and saw her face alight with glee. She let go of his arm with one hand to cover her mouth in shame as she knew this moment should not be humorous. Her eyes were crinkled, tears forming in the corners, she was trying so hard to hold in the laugh.

“I’m sorry Colin,” her voice was shaking with mirth, “are you alright?” He could tell she was struggling, fighting to be concerned despite the amusing situation. Colin smiled at her, he would release her of the guilt, she let her hand down when she saw this. Beaming right back at him, giggling through her teeth.

“That was not well done of me, was it?” He mused, he saw her stop giggling for a moment and study him, before catching herself to help pull him up.

“You remember?” She asks him, still with the glint of humor in her eyes.

“What’s that?” He replied, wiping his knees off and fixing his clothes, he looked at her and was taken for a moment. She was gazing at him as she did before, the look that was lost at the Danbury ball the other night was back. “Remember what Penelope?”

Still smiling, he saw that glint fade quickly, she shook her head slightly, “You said that to me years ago, the first time we met, it was the first thing you ever said to me.”

“It was?” He replies lightly, “You remember that day?”

She looked down at the ground, suddenly a little sadness in her voice, “I remember everything about that day.” She looked back at him and smiled, her cheeks a bit flushed he assumed a reaction from his clumsiness.

“Oh,” he felt something in his chest, he couldn’t explain it. It was like a hug to his heart; it made him feel good. Suddenly he realizes everything about this moment was making him feel good. He took her hand and placed it back in the crook of his arm. “I am having the best time with you, but we have kept my family waiting long enough. I suspect if we don’t arrive soon, mother will send the queens guard to investigate if we had run away together.” He chuckled at his joke. He was feeling as though all was right with the world.

Had he looked down at Penelope, he would have noticed her shaking her head in confusion. If he could read her mind, he would hear her saying, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” If he just took a moment, if he could forget his manners, his obsession with propriety, and his oblivious nature, he would realize that he just might feel the same.

Chapter Text

Hyde Park always put Penelope in a pleasant mood. The foot paths were placed like spider webs, giving an illusion that each direction you choose would take you on a new adventure. She recalled once on a particularly hot day she had followed a narrow foot path that led her to a private garden, or so it felt as such.

There were trellis’ on either side with rose vines climbing so high that they bent at the top creating a canopy where one could enjoy a reprieve from the sun. The main foot path was always crowded, especially in the afternoon, and particularly on a Sunday afternoon such as it was today.

It would seem that Colin and Penelope arrived around the same time the rest of Mayfair. Upon seeing the crowd, Penelope quickly came up with a reason to let go of Colin’s arm, for fear someone may see and assume they were courting.

Colin hardly noticed as he had let go of Penelope so he could greet Lord Cho who was just across the way. The moment her hand dropped from his arm, she quickly walked ahead, trying to find where the Bridgeton’s had settled for the day. She spotted them down the footpath with their blankets laid out, a table was erected with refreshments, and Eloise was sitting on the grass, picking clovers looking inattentive to her surroundings.

 She turned back to see where Colin was and saw him cornered by Lady Chesterfield and her daughter Clara. Colin was nodding politely, his hands behind his back, a courteous smile on his face. His eye quickly flicked up and met hers across the way, she thinks he gave her a quick wink, but he was so far back it was hard to decern. She gestured her hand towards Eloise hoping he understood that she was continuing to his family. He gave a quick nod but did not move from his conversation.

 She did not think twice of it. Colin was very popular; she suspected the Chesterfield’s would not be the only people to corner him. Knowing that no one would approach her except Eloise, who now had clearly seen her as she was standing on her tip toes flailing her arms in the air and shouting her name.

 Hurrying over to Eloise to avoid her garnering further her attention. She was shyly waving back at El to acknowledge her, hoping it would stop the spectacle she was displaying.

 “Oh Pen, you are here,” Eloise panted once Penelope was close enough, “I was getting so worried, what took you so long?”

“I was not ready when your brother arrived, I had to get dressed.” Pen explained, then dropped her voice to a whisper, “We only have Varley now, so I’m learning to dress myself, I hope I look assembled. I am still trying to get the hang of it.”

 “You are so impressive Pen,” Eloise proudly whispered, “You have a secret identity, run a business, manage to be the only sane person in your family, and now…” She dramatically paused and gestured to Penelope’s outfit, “you dress yourself! You are truly a wonder.” Eloise gazed at Pen with admiration, her eyes wide and her lips pressed together in a satisfied smile.

 “I have been thinking about it, and I do mean really thinking about it Pen. How you did it, and all on your own too. It’s as though we are meeting anew again, I have so much to learn from you.” She grabbed Penelope’s hands, “but I am ready to know everything. We will have a happy life together, us spinsters.” She started to pull Penelope up the hill to where the rest of the Bridgerton’s were sitting.

 Squeezing her hand, Eloise turned just before they get to the group and whispered excitedly, “Make your greetings then we shall promenade along the Serpentine.” Penelope nodded and squeezed Eloise’s hand back in agreement.

 The group of Bridgerton’s appeared to be in a jovial mood. Hyacinth and Gregory brought a ball they were tossing back and forth. Benedict was lounging on the grass with his sketchpad, drawing. Violet was sitting under an umbrella with a cup of tea, she beamed at Penelope when they reach her.

 “Good day, Lady Bridgerton,” Penelope gave a quick curtsy, “thank you for inviting me to join you this afternoon.”

“Of course, Penelope,” Violet waved her hand, dismissing the formalities, “I must say I am so pleased you and Eloise sorted through your disagreement, she was so melancholy I was sure I had never seen such heartbreak before.”

“I am pleased too,” Penelope agreed, squeezing Eloise’s hand again. “My summer was a solitary one, but this season will be much better having mended our differences.”

“Come Pen,” Eloise hurried, she turned to her mother, “we are off Mama, we will go no further than the Walnut trees”. Violet waved the girls away as they set off down the hill to the main foot path.

Arm in arm the girls meandered through the park, Eloise was rambling on about the books she had read over the summer. Sharing ideas of the future, she had planned out an extensive escape from society when the two of them were good and truly on the shelf.

“I know our friendship seemed bleak over the summer, but I presumed I knew we should overcome this disharmony. Now that I know you have succeeded in running a business, you may share what you have learned with me, so we can have twice the reward.” Eloise was ecstatic. She had spoken so rapidly Penelope could not get a word in.

“Eloise,” she took advantage of the brief silence while Eloise was catching her breath. “I am not sure you understand how difficult it has been, I do not believe I can manage to continue with my nom de plume for that long.” Eloise’s face fell a little when she said this. “I mean, you want to leave Mayfair, but how can I write gossip when there is no more gossip to be heard?”

“I thought of that,” Eloise said excitedly, “That is why I asked my brother about the women who ran business’ out of their houses.”

“Eloise,” Penelope wanes, “I don’t know, I believe it is a bit scandalous.”

“That women can run their own business!?” She stated loudly, “what’s so scandalous about that? A woman can do anything she wants, you yourself have proven that to be true” Penelope’s eyes were wide, she put her fingers to her lips begging Eloise to tone down her voice. Eloise missed the signal and continued boisterously, “a published author is nothing to be shy about.”

“Here you two are,” Colin appeared behind Penelope, popping in again at an inopportune time. “What’s this all about, is Pen a published author?” He raised his brow curiously at this statement.

“Ahh…. Oh…Brother!” Eloise knew she had errored, she put her hand over her mouth and looked at Penelope with her eyes wide with regret. Penelope was standing with her back to Colin, if she could see herself, she was sure she would see the pallor in her face. 

“Yes, Pen is…well she was looking into getting her journals published.” Pens eye’s snapped to Eloise, giving her a warning look. But Eloise could not stop talking, she raised her eyebrows in an apology at Pen and continued. “She is a magnificent writer.”

“Is that so Pen?” Colin stepped to the side so he could look at her face.

“I’m a bit shy about it I guess,” Pen felt she had no choice but to confirm this lie Eloise had started, it was better than the truth, wasn’t it?

“I believe that sounds progressive.” Colin said flatly, there was a look of hurt behind his eyes. Penelope stood there staring at him. “Why didn’t you tell me that the other day on our walk around the square, I didn’t know you had journals too.” This felt wrong, Penelope was thinking fast, she didn’t want to tell him the truth, but she could at least make the lie be less hurtful.

“Eloise flatters me Colin, that isn’t the full truth,” She was thinking quickly, trying to remedy this. “I do not have a journal, but you know I love to read, so I was thinking of writing a book.”

“I see,” Colin seemed to relax at this, his face breaking out in a smile. “Well, I stand by my previous statement, there have been many woman authors of late. I loved reading the letters you wrote me; you will make a marvelous author someday.” Pen frowned, his response felt belittling, did he think her unable to succeed. A bubble of irritation was burning in her belly, she was perplexed by this current situation entirely.

Eloise had spoken out of turn almost revealing her secret, but Penelope did not want to be angry with her. They had just mended their friendship, and she knew this was a result of misspoken words. Now she was lying to Colin, she felt like everything was getting muddled. At this point she determined the best solution would be to change the topic. However, Colin was clearly ready to offer some advice,

“If you would like, I could do some searching around London. It is a dangerous place for a woman of your breeding, but I would be happy to get some names of printers and speak to them on your behalf” He looked pleased with himself as he made this offer, “when you are ready, of course.”

Eloise huffed, which drew the attention of the other two in the party, Penelope stared incredulously at her while Colin looked slightly irritated. “I do not believe your help is needed, brother,” she spoke quickly, “Pen is perfectly capable of sorting it out. What did I tell you about helping when you are not asked.”

Penelope sighed; she was feeling unsettled. She gently put her hand on Eloise’s arm, patting it slightly harder than she intended.

“It’s fine El,” turning to Colin she smiled, “I thank you for the offer, Colin, I’m most grateful for the assistance.” Colin smiled and nodded at Penelope.

“Very well,” Eloise cuts in, “While I’m sure there is nothing we cannot manage on our own, if Pen is amiable to your help, then I am sure you will be most helpful.”

“Thank you, Eloise,” Colin grinned at her before turning his attention back to Penelope, “I am glad I found you two, I was hoping to find an excuse to avoid the attention of the crowds.” He gave an exaggerated frown, “you abandoned me when I was cornered by the Chesterfields Pen. I was hoping for an excuse to cut the meeting short but was left listening to Lady Chesterfield go on about Miss Clara’s needlework.” He sighed, “It sounded so dull, why do women think we want to know about that?”

Penelope tilted her head, “is that all I am to you Colin, an excuse to avoid a potential suitor?” it was meant to be a jest, but she worried the sadness she felt may have been evident too.

“Not at all Pen,” Colin chuckled, clearly unaware of the hurt she felt, “I would rather your company than anyone of the ton. You have sense, you make me laugh, I do not think there is another who makes me feel as you do.” Penelope smiled softly; he kept saying these kind things confusing her. He gave no indication that he had amorous feelings for her, but what he said, the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, she felt that she would be doomed to wonder forever.

“You flatter me,” She batted her eyes at him, “First your gift this morning, now this kind compliment, what did I do to deserve a friend like you?” Colin beamed at her, holding her gaze looking thoroughly satisfied with the compliment.

“You gave her a gift?” Eloise exclaimed, they both look at her, “what did you give her?”

“A book,” he answered proudly, “It’s a book I got during my tour. Actually El, you may like it too, it’s by a woman author, who writes about her own travels.” Eloise raised her eyebrows, looking between her friend and her brother. He turned back to Penelope,

“I do have another book I wanted to give you, I was a bit reserved taking it out in the drawing room while your mother was there, for I believe it is a bit progressive for her generation. Would you like it?” She nodded enthusiastically with her hand extended to receive the gift. He was reaching into his pocket and took out a small leatherbound book. Eloise was glancing over Penelope’s shoulder trying to get a better look, when she saw the writing she gasped loudly.

“Byron!” Her eyes shot up to her brother and she narrowed them studying him, “This is quite a thoughtful gesture Colin.”

She rudely grabbed the book from Penelope and opened it, flipping through the pages quickly. “Very thoughtful indeed” She mumbled, a hint of sarcasm in her voice, “and…romantic?” the last word was soft, as though she meant to say it to herself.

She looked back up at her brother. “What is the meaning of this?” She demanded.

Colin furrowed his brows, looking at her, “Pen likes Byron, she and I have spoken about him before in jest. I thought she would enjoy it.” He turned to Penelope and leaned slightly closer, his hand snatching the book out of Eloise’s and presenting it back to her. “I thought it would be our secret, I know your mother would feel it too scandalous for you, but you are not a child anymore, so why not enjoy the pleasures of adulthood.”

Penelope bit her upper lip while smiling, she was speechless. At this moment she was positive Colin has no sense of what his manners of late had been with her. By the reaction of Eloise, she was sure he will be the last to figure out his impropriety.

“So let me ask you brother, are you interested in courting my dear friend Penelope?” This got Colin’s attention; he suddenly straightened his back and grasped his hands behind him.

“First you only speak with her at the Danbury ball, then you insist to retrieve her today despite me telling you I would join, then you give her a book,” She is counting on her fingers with each action listed, “then you give her a secret book which is full of declarations of love, I’m confused.”

Colin opened his mouth to respond, but Eloise had not finished, “you say you are her friend, but you’ve been writing her for months whilst away. I do not believe that is how a gentleman treats a lady…friend.” She emphasized the last word while crossing her arms and glaring at him.

Colin was speechless. He pressed his lips together in thought, Penelope knew he as thinking of a way to dismiss El.

Part of her was grateful for Eloise’s accusation for it was what she was thinking but was not ready to say. She had mostly resigned that all these actions were in fact in the name of friendship. It was better to think of it that way, otherwise she would be tortured by the emotions she mistakenly held, and he had clearly told her many times she was a friend, so why should she think any differently?

“I would think so, yes Eloise, nothing I do now is any different than before.  You pride yourself on being progressive, why would you not embrace that Penelope, and my friendship would change as we get older?” He responded carefully, “we will always be as we are, I hold her in the highest regards, next to you and our siblings, she is part of who I am.”

Penelope could not help the leap her heart gave. It was so hard not to love him. She was gazing at him as he spoke and she knew she could never release him; he was part of her too.

“Hmm,” Eloise looked between the two of them. They were both smiling at each other, Colin had moved slightly closer to Penelope so that his arm was almost touching hers. Eloise than looked at her friend. Penelope was absentmindedly running her fingers over the binding of the book.

“Well, I’m off.” Eloise stated loudly, interrupting whatever was happening between her brother and friend.

“Where are you heading El?” She asked, moving closer to Eloise as though to join her. “We haven’t made it to the Walnut trees, should we retire back to your family for some tea?”

“Oh, no,” Eloise grabbed Penelope’s hand, “I have forgotten that Benedict is accompany me to the market, he lost a bet and owes me a new book.” Penelope narrowed her eyes, giving a confused look.

“You did not mention that, but it is no matter, I will join you.” Penelope started to pick up her skirt to avoid stepping on it when making the turn to head back.

“You stay Pen, Colin will keep you company. It is such a beautiful day; I would be remiss to pull you into such a dull errand.” She stated firmly, Penelope knew by the tone there was no arguing. “Maybe you two could read some of Byron, you know, as friends do.” There was sarcasm in her voice, that was clearly missed by the other two it was intended for.

“We will!” Colin enthusiastically replied, “I shall see you later, and regal you of all scandal we can get into.” He jested, and glanced over to Penelope, it was so quick she almost missed the wink he gave her.

Eloise did not find humor in this at all, evident by her reply, “Please brother, nothing that Lady Whistledown could see and misinterpret, I don’t think any of us could handle more scandal.”

Penelope startled at this, was this a warning? Eloise was about to leave but stopped and turned to Penelope warmly addressing her with a smile “We shall talk later Pen; I will see you at Vauxhall Gardens the day after next?”

“Of course,” Penelope smiled back, “Enjoy the market.” She and Colin stood and watched as Eloise hurried down the path.

“We have been walking a lot today, Pen, would you like to take a rest by the Serpentine with me? There are a family of ducks we can watch; I’ve always wondered if my family was a liken to ducklings when we were younger. You would see us all following mother around Mayfair, quite the sight we must have been.” He chuckled to himself with the thought and started walking toward the water’s edge without waiting for Penelope’s response. She followed him a pace behind so not to attract the attention of any passersby.

Colin stopped and looked around, frowning a bit. “This won’t do Pen, there are too many people,” he turned, with a mischievous look in his eye, “Come, I know just the place.” He set off on a smaller footpath leading up the hill. Penelope was close behind, “I guess the ducks can wait,” he shouted back to her, “for there is no water where we are headed.”

Penelope, at this point, had resigned herself to consistent confusion. She knew if anyone saw them it would be assumed they were courting or untoward activities were afoot, but Colin would not do that. He would not compromise her or their friendship. She knew she would keep this out of Lady Whistledown. She thought to herself ‘If I do not write about it, there is nothing to worry about.’ As of late, the only worthy gossip amongst the Ton came from Whistledown, and lucky her, Colin’s misguided propriety would go unnoticed by all, except Penelope. He would remain the gentleman he so proudly claimed to be.

“Ah, I see it just up ahead,” He proclaimed, he stopped and waited for Penelope to catch up, his long legs had given him quite the lead. She was walking quickly to meet him, trying to keep herself from looking as out of breath as she was.

“You are much too fast for me,” she joked, “my legs are much shorter and I fear I will never keep up at your pace.”

“Then I shall adjust accordingly,” He stated as she approached him. She looked around and noticed the Sunday afternoon crowd had disappeared,

“It’s just up here,” he gestured up the hill with is left arm, offering his right for Penelope to hold, she grabbed his elbow and nodded.

She saw the trellis and knew they were heading to her secret alcove she discovered years ago. As they approached, she saw the roses were just starting to bloom, meaning there were spaces in the floral canopy to let light through. The ground looked like it was sparkling with the light and shadow from the vines. With the slight breeze it looked almost magical, like the stars twinkling in the night sky, the light winking at her through the top and striking anywhere it hit. Penelope closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose, enjoying the sweet scent of roses mixed with the clean fresh air of the park.

She felt him next to her, he wasn’t touching her, but his shadow kept the warmth from the sun from hitting her face. She opened her eyes, and he was standing before her, watching her with a soft gaze.

“It is beautiful here, isn’t it?” He said quietly, holding her gaze, “I came here when I was younger, the autumn after my father died, I thought that this could be like heaven.” He lifted his face up and watched the vines swaying in the wind. “I think if I were to picture a place to spend eternity, it would be somewhere like this, wouldn’t you?”

Penelope hummed in agreement, she turned to the bench that was set off to the side of the footpath and went to sit. “It is extraordinary here, although I’m sure you have seen many extraordinary places in your travels.”

“Yes, I have,” Colin’s face lite up, she knows nothing makes him happier than when he talked of his adventures. “The shores of Greece are magnificent, if I had not been there myself, I would not know such beauty existed in the world. The water is so clear in places, you can see the sea life that crawls on the bottom of the floor. It is so warm Pen, I fear I cannot do it justice with words. I hope you will see it someday.” He then was quiet, lost in his memories of Greece for a moment.

“You did write beautifully about it in your letters, as I do not believe I will make a trip to Greece any time soon, I felt as though your descriptions put me on the shore with you.”

He sat down next to her on the bench, close enough that there was space for someone else to sit, but far enough that they were not touching.

“I was hoping you felt that I practiced my descriptions when I journaled, my letters to you were the final draft, but shorter of course, for my journal entries can be quite verbose.”

She raised an eyebrow and giggled, “I bet you could write a book with them, maybe while you search through the streets of London for my publisher, you could bring a sample of your writing with you.” She mused.

“Maybe, but I do not think anyone would read it, who is interested in the experience of a third born son who is but five and twenty.” He looked down at his hands that were clasped in his lap. Penelope had never seen him look so insecure.

“I would, I am but one and twenty and do not think I will be able to travel like you. What better way to see the world than through the words of one who has been there.” She reached out to touch his hand but thought better of it and pulled back quickly. She was worried they were getting too familiar, and she was afraid any touch would teeter on the brink of propriety. 

“You are so good Pen,” He smiled at his hands and looked over to her. “I’m so happy to have known you for so long.” Then his hand quickly came over and grabbed hers, of course he wouldn’t think twice to touch her, she knew she was overthinking it all. She took a deep breath in, she just needed to quiet her mind.

“You are right though Colin, it is lovely here” She changed to subject, “How long do we have before your family will wonder if we got lost, surely we should be heading back soon.”

Colin waved his hand dismissively, “They won’t worry, we are not too far from them now anyway.”

Penelope felt like she had to state the obvious, at least just to say it out loud so Colin was aware. “Colin, we are quiet alone, and unchaperoned, I don’t want to worry your family”. She tried to sound unbothered, but in truth her heart was pounding.

Colin grinned at her, “Yes, I noticed that a bit ago,” He stretched his legs in front of him and slouched down a little all while putting his arm across the back of the bench so his hand was behind her neck. He patted her quickly and said “Penelope, I am a gentleman, you can trust that I only want what’s best for you.”

He gave the back of her neck a gentle squeeze then moved his hand back to his lap. He saw her smiling sweetly at him and his heart felt that familiar hug the same as earlier when she saved him from his embarrassing fall outside the park, it made him feel good.

“I will tell you what Pen, why don’t you read something from that book to me? I haven’t had a chance to read it myself, and it would be a lovely way to pass the time. When we are done, we can go back.” He straightened out his back, planting his feet firmly on the ground and placed his hands back in his lap. He turned his body slightly so he could look at her.

She nodded and pulled the book out from her pocket, opening it and thumbed through, trying to find a good poem to start. She realized that since she was unfamiliar with the writings, it did not matter which page she picked. They were all new to her. She looked over at Colin and saw his head was tilted back with his eyes closed, she cleared her throat and began to read.

“You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her. Never underestimate the power of love. The way to love anything is to realize it may be lost. The heart has its reasons that reason does not know of at all. Music is love in search of a word. There is pleasure in the pathless woods; there is a rapture on the lonely shore; there is society, where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.”

Colin went from listening to her sweet voice with his eyes closed to looking over at her while she read. He couldn’t help but notice how her hair was catching the sun through the shadows from the vines overhead. It was dancing like a flame on a candle, turning the color from bright red to deep auburn, he smiled at the thought of how enchanting it was. Then he took in her face, her eyes locked onto the page while she read, her mouth moving speaking words like a song, her timbre was perfectly tuned to the rhythm of the poem. Her mouth…he couldn’t stop watching her lips. It was memorizing, the shapes it made as she read, he suddenly could not look at anything else. He was barely hearing the words she spoke and did not realize she had finished until she turned to look at him.

She smiled sweetly, “Byron does have a way with his words.” She joked catching his eye, she quickly looked back down onto the page, and then back up. He was still watching her, he saw her lick her lips, a blush came over her face and he noticed spread to her neck, he heard the rustle of paper as she fiddled with the page. She seemed nervous, or was it flustered. What did she just read? He suddenly realized he had spent the past five minutes admiring her rather than listening.

“Read it again Pen,” he said softly. She looked back at him, blinking and biting her lower lip. He was drawn to them again, was she seducing him? Until today, not an impure thought had passed through his mind of Penelope. He suddenly felt like the wind was knocked out of him. His eye snapped up to hers, her blue eyes wide and blinking rapidly. He wasn’t sure what to say. It felt like the air had changed around them. All he could think about was her in that moment. Touching her hair, caressing her cheeks, kissing her lips. He took a deep breath. He could not make sense of the impulses he was having. He took another deep breath, “please, read it again.”

She swallowed, licked her lips and turning back to the page, read it again. He listened to her sweet voice read the words of Byron. Did she pick this poem on purpose? ‘How could she’ he reasoned, ‘she’s never seen this book, how would she know’. He was so lost in thought; he didn’t realize she had finished. He wasn’t ready for her to stop reading, what was the last part? She looked over at him again. Had she moved closer to him? Or was he leaning into her?

 “Again,” he said, wondering if she could hear him as it came out almost as a whisper.

She stared at him; he heard her take a deep shaky breath. “Colin,” she moved a little closer to him, looked down and cleared her throat, “pay attention this time.”

She positioned the book so he could read with her. It was a jest, but he sensed she could feel something shifted between them too. He leaned into her, the closer he got he felt the air was buzzing around them and all he could hear was her voice. It was like the poem was written for him, and she was the reason for it. He listened this time, to each word, he was reading along with her now, getting closer to her so he could see the print on the small page.

When it was over, they had moved so close their legs were pressed against each other, he could feel the whisper of her breath with the last words spoken. Her perfect mouth near his cheek as he leaned over her to read.

He felt her sit back slightly to give him space, he turned his head to look at her, she was just a hands width away. They were both silent, both looking at each other. He saw her open her mouth just a little then close it again. Unthinking, he reached up and placed his right hand on her left cheek moving her face towards his, his thumb next to her lips. He could feel the warmth of her breath against it. She was so still; he would think she ceased breathing if it weren’t for the feel of warm moist air against his thumb. His senses were filled of her, the scent of her lotion still lingered from earlier and mixed with the roses around him, it was a delightful ambrosia.

He was going to kiss her. His thumb gently grazed across her lips. He looked at her scrutinizing her face for any protest, for a sign that she did not want this too. Her eyes were wide, like she was beyond belief about what was happening, but she gave no dissent.

“Penelope,” He murmured, she hummed and pressed her cheek into his palm. He felt the vibration of her throat against his hand. There was no more reasoning or thinking, he was hypnotized by her. Slowly he moved his face closer, he could feel her breath on his lips. He paused for a moment, watching her eyelids flutter close right before he did the same.

Then there was a brush of softness against his lips, he was so gentle at first it felt like a tickle. His lips brushed hers a second time, tenderly tilting her head to better the angle. He hesitated before moving his hand to the back of her neck and pulling her firmly to him. This time pressing his lips securely to hers. He felt her hand move up his arm to hold his face, gently rubbing his jaw while she kissed him back. Her lips soften, moving with his. His head was spinning, he wanted to taste her. He dipped his tongue to the seam of her lips, continuing to kiss her over and over again. His left hand snaked around her waist to pull her closer while he moved to turn his body so his chest pressed to hers. Her hand pressed over his heart where he was sure she could feel it pounding, the other threaded into his hair, holding his head to her. He was massaging her lips with his, she pulled back and moaned “Colin”. He was kissing her on her cheek, her jaw, down her neck, licking and tasting, feeling her pulse on his lips. He was completely lost.

 “Colin” she was a bit louder, an edge to her voice, he felt her stiffen and push against his chest. He sat back, looking at her.

She looked, beautiful, her lips were swollen from his kisses, her dress crumpled from where he was pressed to her. What had he done? As if reading his thoughts, she repeats it out loud.

“What are you doing?”, she was panting short breaths, sliding away from him, she started to look around frantically.

“Colin!” She was getting upset. He messed up, “What was that? What were you doing?” She repeated a bit louder.  She was now standing; he can see the panic in her eyes. Colin thinks he must look like he’s losing his mind. He was staring up at her.  She was angry, and he knows he should feel ashamed, but all he can think about is how her lips felt against his.

“Uh, I was…I mean…I, gah... I thought...” his words sputtering, without any idea what to say. He had no explanation. He could think of no reason for his actions. Would it be terrible to tell her that he felt like it? Tell her that she smelled so good. Tell her that she read the poem so beautifully he felt as though she deserved to be kissed?

Why? Why did he do this?

His senses started to return; he came to a horrible realization. He had ruined her. His sweet Pen. He promised to be good to her, he promised he would protect her, and here he was being the person she needed protection from. He jumped up and smoothed his pants, he went to grab her hand and quickly thought better of it. He must retain what little dignity is left in this situation. What should he do?

He looked at her, she was standing there, watching him, running her hands up and down the front of her dress, trying to fix her hair, but with no mirror she cannot see how it looks. He reached out to help fix the butterfly hairpin that had slid out of place.

She flinched.

“Pen, I’m just trying…” He sighed; he didn’t know how to speak to her. “Your hairpin, it’s falling. Let me help you fix it.” Her look softened, she regarded him carefully, “Please” He begged. She nodded quickly and stepped forward so he could reach her hair properly.

He gently readjusted the pin, then smoothed down her hair that had started sticking up in the back of her head. He realized how soft it felt, and wished he could carry on, but knew that wasn’t proper. He stepped back and admired his work, first studying the hair, then her face and down her dress. She was beautiful.

“I got carried away.” He finally replied, “I was so taken in the moment, I felt like it was the most natural thing to do” She narrowed her eyes at him, thoughtfully absorbing his words.

“Natural? Kissing me is natural?” She questioned him, her lips pressed tightly together.

“I am so sorry Penelope; I feel as though to tell you I wanted to kiss you just is not enough.” He pressed, “I could not help myself; it was just a moment and I have been a fool. I have ruined you and done damage to this friendship I told you I hold so dear.”

Penelope shook her head, frowning, “I am your friend?” It looked like tears were building in her eyes, she was looking at him with such intensity he thought if she blinked the dam would burst. He suddenly realized she was quiet frightening; he said the wrong thing. There was no doubt to that.

“Colin, I have spent the past few days trying to understand what is happening since you came back. I have told myself every time you seek me out, every time you touch me, or look at me, or say something so kind I almost think I do not deserve it, that you are only my friend.” She started to pace, her hands flailing about as she was speaking.

“You have been so good to me, so kind, ever since I forgave you for what you said last season, and your misguided attempts at friendship. However, you keep talking of propriety, you talk of being proper, but that is something you are not.” She turned to him, “You held my hand today, you called me lovely, you gave me a book of romantic poetry, even Eloise is questioning your intentions!”

“Then you bring me to this beautiful place, talk of heaven, and kiss me.” The tears were flowing freely, she couldn’t stop them. These few days had Penelope holding onto her reasoning by a thread. She kept pushing her feelings back, but now she was angry. He was playing with her; he didn’t know how she felt and to allow this to continue was cruel. “So, I ask you again, what are you doing?”

He stared, he had no answer, he knew what he was about to say was the worst thing possible, but he reasoned it was better than saying nothing at all.

“I don’t know.”

Penelope bit her lip and nodded slowly, taking a deep breath and standing as tall as she could.

“Right then, I’m going back, you can follow if you would like, but please don’t touch me.”

 He looked to his feet and nodded. Colin felt miserable. He heard her feet on the foot path pattering away, he counted to ten then followed. Trying to be respectful but knowing that the damage has been done.

Chapter Text

Penelope was laying on her bed, she hasn’t left her room since yesterday when she got home from the park. Refusing dinner and sleeping through breakfast due to the knot in her stomach that had wrung so tight she was surely on the verge of casting up her accounts. She kept playing the previous day over and over in her head, wondering where she went wrong.

She returned to the Bridgerton’s tent, vaguely aware of Colin sulking behind her. She knew he purposely slowed down his stride to keep a respectable distance. ‘At least he has the propriety do to that’, she thought to herself. She was trying hard not to stomp around like a petulant child. She knew she looked a mess; she was sure her eyes were red, her skin felt hot and knew she had splotchy patches covering her chest. Worst of all, her lips felts swollen and bruised.

‘They will know, they are bound to know something has happened’, she was thinking this whilst trying to come up with some story that could explain her appearance.

Upon her arrival, she saw that newlyweds, Viscount Anthony and his Viscountess Kate had joined the family. It was a welcome distraction as she was sure the attention would be paid to the couple fresh from their honeymoon, rather than she and Colin returning to after being very much alone, and her very much compromised.

“Penelope!” Lady Violet exclaimed upon seeing her approaching, “did you have a nice walk?” She was smiling so lovingly, it made Penelope’s heart ache. She felt that she had disappointed her, it was all she seemed able to do as of late.

“Hello Miss Penelope,” Kate warmly greeted her, “I heard you and Colin were abandoned by Eloise, did he treat you well?” Penelope gave a halfhearted smile with her curtsy. She was struggling to keep herself together. All she could think about is how to get home with some dignity left.

“Always a perfect gentleman,” she said, hoping the sarcasm that seeped in was sweet enough the Viscountess did not pick up on it. Although by the look Kate was giving back, Penelope was doubtful she missed it.

“Did you enjoy your honeymoon?” Penelope continued, trying to guide the conversation away from any dangerous topics.

“Very much so,” Kate smiled, grabbing Anthony’s hand, who was standing behind her, giving it a gentle squeeze, “It was most enlightening, and ended just a little earlier than anticipated, we were not supposed to return for another week or so. I have been feeling rather ill lately and the Viscount insisted we return so I could be properly cared for.” Kate was glowing, a gleam in her eye and her hand gently stroking her stomach.

Penelope beamed, “I’m sure your family is so pleased to have you back.”

She heard the crunching of footsteps behind her, signifying Colin was joining the group. For what it was worth, he stepped to the side and approached his brother, being sure to give space to Penelope as he greets the family. Penelope felt a surge of anger again, tears were stinging her eyes. She looked up to the sky blinking, desperate to keep them from falling, hoping that her wild emotions would temper so she did not embarrass herself further today.

“Anthony?” She heard Kate softly speaking to her husband. “I am tired from our journey, we have made our greetings, would you be disheartened if I return home? I find I just can’t keep my eyes open.”

“Of course,” Anthony answered softly, “I shall just say my goodbyes and we will be off.”

“No, please my Lord,” She patted his hand, “Stay, say hello to your family. Miss Penelope and I will walk back. I’m sure she is a fine escort, and she can fill me in on all the gossip I missed whilst we were gone.”

Penelope looked back quickly; the Viscountess was smiling warmly at her nodding her head in a silent acknowledgment that Penelope needed to leave. She smiled back gratefully.

“Have a pleasant rest of your day Bridgertons,” Penelope announced, stepping up to meet the Viscountess to take her hand as they walked home. The group responded simultaneously.

“You too”

“Bye Penelope”

“Come for tea tomorrow if you are able”

“Take good care Miss Penelope”

One voice was missing, Colin’s, she was not surprised. He was standing close to his brother, Anthony, talking quietly. Penelope shook her head and started down the hill, holding firmly to Kate’s hand as they navigated the hill.

“Pen!” She heard him, ‘what now’ she thought, restraining her eye from rolling over, she turned quickly to glare at him as he walked after her. Penelope felt the Viscountess’ hand squeeze a little tighter as he approached.

“Yes Mr. Bridgerton,” She said coolly, Colin pressed his lips together and acknowledged her humbly.

“I, um… I just wanted to say,” his eyes were looking everywhere but at her, his hand dragging through his hair. He looked about as miserable as he should. “I am hoping I can call on you tomorrow…that is…would you let me call on you tomorrow.”

“You can do whatever you’d like to,” She said flatly, “and I will do the same.”

He looked perplexed, “Is that a yes?” He asked, looking hopefully at her.

“It is an answer, Mr. Bridgerton,” She replied, well composed in her anger, “I do feel a bit of a headache coming on. Those roses smelled so fragrant I fear it soured my taste for sweet words and poetry”

She turned quickly, leaving him standing on the grass watching her and Kate leave the park.

For her credit, the Viscountess did not mention Colin at all to Penelope on their walk back to Mayfair. She regaled Penelope of stories of her honeymoon, talked about the challenges of traveling with the Viscount, and the trials of early pregnancy while on the road. She asked Penelope about her summer and her family and listened to her talk about the gossip since the season begun. In no time, they were standing outside Bridgerton house, Penelope feeling much lighter with the time, distance, and company.

“Thank you for walking me home,” Kate grabbed Penelope’s hands in gratitude, “I am so happy to be back with so many friendly faces.” She reached out and touched Penelope’s hair, pushing some loose strands from her face and touching the butterfly pin. “You must have been caught on a rose thorn,” She mused, her eyes twinkling with a knowing look, “Your pin was put back quite poorly.”

Penelope bit her lip and quickly pushed her hair behind her ear, then tried to adjust the pin. “Oh yes, it was foolish.” She giggled uncomfortably, “I am unforgivably clumsy, Colin tried to help put the hairpin back, but of course he doesn’t know the first thing of ladies hairpieces.”

“I would think not,” Kate said with a studying gaze then quickly broke into a warm smile, “I am very tired now, will you be alright to walk the rest of the way home on your own?”

“Yes, of course,” she gave a quick bow and left. The moment she arrived home she gave a quick excuse to her mother and sister about her nonexistent headache and rushed up to her room.

Which was where she remained, stomach in knots, refusing to see or speak to anyone. These hours of solitude put her mind in places she had not been before. After the initial anger subsided, came the realization that she had been kissed. Not just by anyone, but by Colin, the man she had loved for years. The only man she ever wanted to be kissed by, had kissed her. She pressed her fingers to her lips, trying to recall how he felt.

She traced her lips with her fingers, his mouth was so soft, he was so gentle. She moved her hand to her hair, feeling where his fingers slid through her curls to grasp the back of her head. Her skin started to tingle thinking about it. Slowly she traced her fingers across her jaw and down her neck. He was licking her, tasting her, in places she had no idea could feel that way. He made her skin burn, his mouth was the only thing to sooth it. He nipped and sucked on her neck, right below her ear. She pressed gently then squeeze her skin there, trying to remember how it felt. It wasn’t the same.

She closed her eyes and pictured him next to her, holding her, his chest pressed to her. She could smell him, bergamot with a bit of lavender, she imagined it was his aftershave as he did look so handsome the morning before. She felt her lower belly tingle, it was spreading, a heat she could not recall ever feeling. She pressed her legs together which gave little relief, it wasn’t enough.

She slowly moved her hand down her chest, between her breasts, pressing her hand flat on her soft belly. The lower she slid her hands, the more pressure she gave until she was resting on top of the mound between her legs. That was it, she was feeling her ache there, but she did not know how to make it better. She felt wet, her legs were slipping together as she pressed them together, but she needed more.

She started lifting the skirt of her chamise up, drawing lines with her fingers up her legs as she went. She opened her legs letting her finger find the slit between her thighs, she gasped, it was warm and slick. The soft hair she had was matted and soaked, she gently stroked the seam, with each pass letting her finger dip further into the crease.

Suddenly she hit flesh, it gave her a jolt and made her pull her hand away quickly. Her eyes flew open, and she stared at her ceiling, holding her fingers up glistening with her slick. She took a deep breath and brought her hand down again, this time pressing firmly into herself, giving a stroke up until she felt a small bump that gave her the same jolt again. It was the apex of the heat she was feeling, the match that lit the fire that was burning her to madness. She started to rub slow circles, feeling the nub get harder. Her belly was getting hotter and tighter the more she rubbed. It was an exquisite pain that she had never felt before. She closed her eyes and let her mind empty of all thoughts, she just wanted to feel.

She could hear him in her mind “You are lovely Pen,” “I only want to dance with you,” “your hands are so soft,” “I don’t think there is another who makes me feel as you do,” You are so good, Pen”, “Read it again Pen”, “Again…”

She felt an explosion, a scream ripped from her very soul, the tingling in her belly reaching every part of her body while she lifted her hips off the bed, her womanhood pulsing, throbbing, it was the release she needed. She felt numb, her mind blissfully blank, her limbs were like lead.

As she lay panting, her thoughts returned. Colin. She started laughing, a truly mad laugh. She wanted him, it was beyond reason. She had to be more careful. He was going to be the end of her if she did not set boundaries. She knew they needed to talk, but she was afraid her body was stronger than her mind, she could not refuse him. In the end, she knew it would be her heartbreak.

Colin was miserable. He kept failing, kept mucking things up. He felt as though nothing was going right. He had made it his purpose to help Penelope, to mend their friendship, to prove he was her protector. Then he went ahead and kissed her, ruined her. That wasn’t what was most troublesome for him. What troubled him was that he wanted to do more. He wanted to ravage her, defile her, he wanted to claim her.

It was as though these feelings came out of nowhere. Until yesterday, he thought of Penelope as his friend, his little sister’s best friend, his sweet friend that lived next door. Until yesterday Penelope was a young girl, who read fairytales, skipped through the park, and giggled over his silly jokes and tales.

Until yesterday he noticed that she had matured, she had beautiful red hair, that felt like silk beneath his finger. Her skin was bright and rosy and soft and it tasted of honey and smelled like roses. Her lips were perfect and pink and felt like pillows under his. He shook his head. He was going mad.

All he could think of was her. Her voice, the way she felt, the way she tasted, he was so confused. He had kissed women before; he had been with a woman before. On his last tour he visited a gentleman’s club in Italy and spent the night with a cyprian named Rosa, at least that was the name she gave him. She was beautiful, with dark thick curly hair, a large chest and clever hands. She spent hours with him, letting him experiment and learn how to please her. He enjoyed himself immensely, he left satisfied and content but he did not seek any more companions since.

He never lusted after another woman, not since Marina, but he had come to realize over these past years it was just that. Lust. He did not love her. After the visit to the Crane residence last season, he felt as though he had made the right choice. He hated to admit it, but Lady Whistledown had saved him from a life of misery. He would not have been happy; he knew that now. Marina was a sad soul; he would not have saved her as he felt she did not want saving. Colin held no more regrets for how things had ended with her, he wanted to find his own happiness.

Which was why he was now so confused. His travels were supposed to bring him happiness, but they had not. What about here at home? He could not decide which path was the right one, he knew who may help, but he was nervous about how to ask for it.

“Come in,” Anthony’s voice boomed behind the heavy walnut door to the study. He pushed the door open and saw his brother was sitting at the desk, brandy in hand, going over his paperwork. “So much has been left undone, I’m glad we returned when we did, I’m afraid Benedict was not prepared for the task.” He was talking without looking up from his desk.

“Anthony, I was hoping for a word.” Colin stood tall, he wanted to give a confident impression, “If you could spare some time.”

“Yes of course,” Anthony put down his pen and looked at Colin gesturing to the chair by the desk, “Sit, would you like a drink?”

“Yes, thank you,” Colin watched him pour, taking a deep breath, “I am having a hard time being home, I want to have something to do while I’m here, I was hoping you could give me a task.”

“A task?” Anthony handed Colin the drink, “I have many, what did you have in mind?”

“I’m not sure,” He answered, “I am unsure of a lot of things, maybe I could help with managing the tenants, or assisting with the products. I have learned a lot about the shipyards and commerce, I could help there.”

Anthony leaned back in his chair, regarding his brother thoughtfully, “Of course Colin, it is our family’s duty to run our estate, I would be happy to have your assistance. I can look over my books and see where I could use you.” He took a sip from his glass and studied Colin, “although, I think there is more on your mind.”

“What do you mean?” Colin spoke into his drink, looking down toward the floor avoiding his brother’s gaze.

“I mean, well I don’t want to presume, but Kate mentioned to me that she felt there was discourse between you and Miss Penelope.” Anthony sat up in his chair, placing his drink on his desk and leaning forward, “Did something happen?” He asked intensely.

Colin pursed his lips, inhaled through his nose and blew the air out, thinking about his answer.

“She is my friend, and I fear I have not been as good a friend to her as she to me.”

“I see,” Anthony replied, “So nothing I need to worry about?”

“Not a thing, I am a gentleman.”

“Colin,” Anthony softens his tone, “You are so careful, I see you always trying to do the right thing for the people you care about. You almost married a stranger because you felt so strongly about your duty.” Colin sighed, he bowed his head and sat back in the seat, Anthony continued, “But you know, sometimes when we try so hard to be who we think we need to be, we risk missing what’s right in front of us. You must be willing to change, both who you are and how you see things. You won’t find your purpose if you aren’t willing to try something new.”

Colin was quiet for a moment, thinking about what his brother just said, “I am trying something new, if you give me a task that would be something I haven’t done before.” Anthony sighed, shaking his head.

“Yes, that would be.”

Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens was notorious for scandal and frivolity, as well as the place the Ton was to be that Friday evening. Penelope was standing to the side of the dancefloor near the Orchestra with her sister. She had on one of her new gowns that Genevieve had sent her earlier that day. It was a soft green with black beads and lace around the skirt, the neckline dipped lower than her other gowns. This evening, Varley had tightened her stays more than usual so that her breast were thrust up and pressed down giving a lot more to see that she has before. “You’ll thank me,” she whispered to Penelope as she fastened her into her gown.

Penelope felt her confidence rise tonight, she was determined to enjoy herself. It had been five days since she had seen Colin, with her initial irritation subsided and she was determined to be calm when she saw him. 

The Featheringtons had already been at the Gardens for an hour by the time the Bridgeton’s arrived. She saw him walk in with the family, but the event space was big enough that she could avoid him for the night. Eloise came rushing over to her the moment she arrived. She was ready to join Penelope in the corners, to observe and gossip about the ongoings of the festivities. However, Penelope was determined to enjoy the evening, try to stay away from the sidelines and perhaps get a dance partner or two.

Something had changed in her, she could not understand it entirely, but she wanted to be desired. She had nothing to lose at this point, the only man she had ever wanted did not want her. She was tired of wasting time waiting for the impossible to happen.

“I’ve already done my investigating this evening El,” she told her friend once she reached her. “We are going to enjoy the festivities tonight.”

Eloise scrunched up her nose, “I’m not one for parties Pen, you know that I don’t enjoy things like this.”

Penelope grabbed two glasses of champagne from the tray and handed one to Eloise, “Why not El? Let’s see what happens when we do.” She raised her glass up and toasted the air, “I am tired of watching everyone have fun while I sit in the shadows.”

Eloise shrugged and smiled at Penelope, raising her glass in the air and started laughing, “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but we shall do our best!”

The girls quickly finished their first glass in a few sips. “Another one?” she offered, grabbing another drink off the tray.

“Why not? What is the point of the Pleasure Gardens, if we cannot enjoy the Pleasure’s it has to offer” She jested, gulping down her second drink.

“Pardon me, “A handsome man interrupted Eloise, “Would you like to dance?”

“Oh Mr. Anderson, thank you,” Eloise was never one for propriety, her face winced in distaste at the offer, “but I don’t dance the jig, my good friend here Penelope loves it though, perhaps she will join you.”

Penelope beamed, she did love the jig. Mister Anderson looked pleased for the opportunity and held out a hand to Penelope.

“I would be honored if you’d join me on the floor,” he gave her a dazzling smile. She curtsied and took his hand.

“Thank you sir, I would love to,” she replied, taking his and and letting him lead her to their place on the floor.

Colin had been standing by the card tables pretending to pay attention to the game that was being played whilst watching his sister and Penelope who were across the way. He saw Mr. Anderson approach Eloise, and to his horror Eloise refused and offered Penelope as an alternate partner. He was staring so hard at the couple he was surprised they couldn’t feel the heat from his eyes as he glared at them.

Colin excused himself from the card game and quickly strode over to his sister.

“Why did you refuse a dance?” He demanded, “now you won’t be able to accept one from anyone else.”

Eloise snorted and looked back at him, “yes brother, that’s kind of the point.” She took a sip of her drink, “I don’t want to dance, Pen does, so I’m being a good friend.” She crossed her arms and looked back out at the floor when Penelope was dancing and laughing. “She’s having fun, isn’t she?”

Colin’s gaze went back to the happy couple dancing, he frowned, “She certainly is.” He finished his drink and turned to his sister, “I’m going to get another drink, would you like one?”

“Nah, but be sure to get Pen one, she's in a strange mood. She told me she wants to have fun.”

“Is that so?” Colin pursed his lips and nodded, “I will get her one then, I will be back.” 

The dance ended and Mr. Anderson walked Penelope back to Eloise; her face was flushed, and her smile was wide.

“Thank you for the dance, Miss. Penelope, you are a wonderful partner.” He smiled at her. Penelope smiled back and politely curtsied.

“It was my pleasure,” She responded. She watched her dance partner walk to another group of woman and proposition someone else for the dance. She sighed, realizing that as much as she enjoyed herself, she knew there was only one person who she preferred to dance with. Even though she knew she was not Mister Anderson's first choice, she knew she needed to be content with being a choice, first one or not. She fixed the smile on her face and turned to Eloise.

“Thank you, Eloise, that was thrilling, and Mr. Anderson was a wonderful dance partner.”

“Was he?” Colin’s voice came from behind her. Penelope whipped around to see him holding two glasses of champagne. She took one and while holding his gaze, guzzled it down in one long sip. Colin appeared mesmerized, watching her throat as she swallowed the gold liquid. She smacked her lips when she was done, and grinned at Colin holding up the glass for him to take.

“Yes, he was.”

Colin stared at her, unabashedly taking her in for the first time that evening. Her dressed dipped so low her breast pushed up leaving very little to the imagination. The dress fell a bit tighter around her waist; accentuating her curves through the silhouette. Her perfect hips flared and the pleasant roundness of her bottom. He swallowed hard as the urge to push his face into her chest overwhelmed him. What was more alarming was how easily these inappropriate thoughts were overtaking his mind.

“Colin, are you well? You look off.” Eloise pointing out the obvious with her slight accusatory tone.

Snapping out of it, he turned to his sister and smiled, “I’m as well as I can be.” He handed her the glasses he was holding, “I’m about to dance with Penelope.” He proclaimed, reaching over and grabbing her hand.

“You didn’t ask,” Penelope said in a feeble protest, but she did not resist his offer. Holding onto his hand, she can feel the champagne buzzing in her head. She knows she should be angry with Colin, but it's hard, because he's so charming, and handsome, and frankly she wanted to dance with him.

He lead her to the dance floor, the strings started to play the waltz, Penelope’s head was spinning, and her heart was pounding. She can’t tell if it's the dance, the champagne, or her closeness with Colin. It was dizzying, the last time she breathed him in she had been kissing him. When the night started, she was determined to stay away from Colin, but now that he stood here, holding her hand, touching her waist, dancing with her. She decided she didn’t want him anywhere else.

He was looking at her fiercely, holding her gaze, his eyes dark, she felt that he was staring into her soul. She could not look away. There was a buzz filling around her filtering out others and drowning out the crowd, Penelope forgetting the entire ton was surrounding them, everything around her was Colin. She did not need to think of her footwork or where to go, as Colin took the lead, and she followed like his shadow. She felt his hand firmly on her back, his fingers gently stroking the nape of her neck, while he held the perfect position.

The music slowed and the end of the song was near, Penelope went to curtsy but let out a yelp when Colin improvised and spun her out and back into him. She stopped briefly as she was standing with her back pressed to his chest, her hands held tightly across herself, she could not move untill he released her. He dipped his head and dropped a quick kiss on her neck, so fast and gentle that she was sure she was the only person who knew what he had done. Then he spun her out for a final bow.

Penelope stood in front of Colin, breathing quickly holding her chest with her left hand while he still held her right. She curtsied and looked at him while he gave her a small smile and deep bow, his eyes twinkling.

As they left the dance floor, he continued to hold her hand firmly. Only dropping it when they were standing to the side in the chestnut tree grove. She studied him while he her. She knew they must look ridiculous, gazing at each other without saying a word. She had enough, she needed to know if this madness she felt he was feeling too.

“We should talk,” she said softly so only he could hear. Colin nodded in agreement. “Not yet though, I want Eloise to join us. I cannot be alone with you here. This dance we just shared was scandalous enough to have the entire ton talking.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you in jest?!” She whispered intensely, “I did not imagine the kiss you just placed on my neck, in front of anyone who could see.” Colin tilted his head and nodded.

Colin looked around them, there was no one looking at them, or staring. A woman dressed as a peacock had appeared near the stage and was starting a dance, accompanied by a man dressed as a parrot. “I don’t think they are looking at us Pen.” He mused. “Besides, that kiss was because you look so beautiful tonight. I do realize I have been impulsive lately. Especially when I’m around you.” He was feeling flirty, and realized Penelope was a great recipient of his flirtations. Of course, some drinks will help anyone be loose in the tongue.

“I am tipsy, as are you, I think it would be best if we maintained some propriety in all this.” Colin’s eyebrows raised and he stepped back with his hands up in front of his chest.

“If that is what you want, then I will not protest,” He turned to where Eloise was last standing. “Where did she go?”

Penelope sighed, she felt her resolve slipping, he was deliciously tempting as he stood in front of her, his eyes scanning the crowd for his sister that she insisted join them. Ever since a few days ago, in her room, when she discovered her own pleasures and what the thought of him did to her. She knew how she felt was more than love, more than adoration, it was desire, lust, and want, which she feared would lead to her own ruin.

“Do not fret Pen, I will go find her.” He disappeared into the crowd, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

She knew something had changed between the two of them, whether Colin realized it or not. She had loved him first and now she was lusting after him. As she stood there in the garden, her head still a bit fuzzy from the champagne, she knew it was not enough to excuse her impure thoughts. Penelope wanted him to love her, she wanted him to want her, but she also wanted to be selfish. She wanted Colin.

***********

Colin walked from the Orchestra where he and Penelope were dancing towards the Saloon assuming Eloise was looking for another drink. His mind was jumbled, these new feelings he had for Penelope were sudden and strong. It was like seeing something in a new light.  He heard her before he saw her, deep into her cups, surrounded by a few men listening to her rambling.

“I have been asking, and no one will tell me,” She was put off by the laughter, stamping her foot with frustration, “Why is it, women are not allowed to learn of the business that men partake in, I would like to know why you visit a woman’s house for company…” Colin’s eye went wide, Eloise was still asking about the harems, maybe it was time to tell her. He had to get her out of there quickly.

“Ah, there you are!” Colin shouted over the din of the crowd, “El, I’ve come to fetch you. We are to meet Penelope.” He nodded at the gentleman attending to her speech. “Enjoy your evening, gentleman”. He took Eloise by the arm and tugged her towards the Grove, heading to meet Penelope at the arches.

“Ow…Colin!” She exclaimed, “what is the meaning of this? I was discussing business.”

“You certainly were not Eloise; you were making a fool of yourself.” He turned to her, “You were asking the men what they did at a harem, that is the business women have out of their houses, they entertain men.”

Eloise hiccuped and slapped her hand to her mouth, “Oh…oh no…why did you not tell me?” Her eyes were wide with embarrassment. She hiccupped again then started giggling. Colin was trying to keep her moving, but Eloise seemed more interested in how her feet felt sliding along the grass, as she shuffled behind him.

“Where’s Pen?” She slurred, “I will tell her we shall abandon our business plan at once, I do believe we can make our way elsewhere.”

“Almost there El,” He saw her up ahead where he had left her, now leaning against the chestnut tree they had been standing by. She looked even more beautiful than she had been a few moments ago.

“I see her!!” Eloise exclaimed, “Oh Pen!!! Pen!!!” she was shouting. Colin let her arm go as she rushed ahead. The two girls speaking closely while he slowed his pace to get his thoughts together. In truth, Colin still did not know what happened at Hyde Park. He knew he was caught up in a moment and that Penelope was upset with his actions. She had kissed him back, she seemed to want it too…until she didn’t. He hadn’t spoken a word to her since they said goodbye until this evening.

He also knew that now when he saw her, he was not thinking of her as a friend. In fact, he found his idea of friendship with her was muddled, the Penelope he knew before was not the same as the one since he returned from his tour. When he saw her, he saw a woman, someone that he could not ignore. It was like seeing her for the first time, a familiar but new person.

Once he reached them, he cleared his throat, Eloise was stamping around claiming she needed to find a soft place to sit as she felt the earth was shaking.

“She will be a fine chaperone,” he jested to Penelope, who was watching Eloise lay gently down on a bed of flowers to the right of a lamppost.

“This is fine,” Eloise murmured from the ground, “what have you two been doing? I left while you were dancing to find a drink, then I had another…and another…”Her voice trailed off as she burst into a fit of giggles.

“Eloise, do you think we should leave for home?”

“Ummm…yes, that would be a grand idea” Eloise answered, Penelope was under the impression she was not listening, but considered her enough of a deterrent to keep her from acting regretfully when alone with Colin.

They struggled to get Eloise to stand, and half carried her to the exit. The carriage arrived quickly and with the help of the footman, they were able to shove Eloise into the carriage before they climbed in after her.

Eloise laid down, taking up one entire side of the carriage. She closed her eyes and mumbled something about needing a nap.

“Should we find your mother, tell her you are to go home with Eloise and myself?” Colin asked.

“No, she won’t worry unless she doesn’t find me in bed in the morning,” Penelope reasoned, settling into the carriage next to Colin, watching Eloise humming to herself. She hit the roof, signifying they were ready to leave, with a jolt they started moving. 

The carriage started, rumbling down the street the familiar bumping making her aware of how close Colin was sitting. Each sway of the carriage threatened to push her closer to him, and she was trying to keep some propriety this evening.

“Pen, “Colin said softly as he turned in his seat to look at her, his voice low and pressing. “I want to say I’m sorry, for a few reasons, but I think it’s best I start by apologizing for the kiss.”

“WHAT!?!?” Eloise exclaimed, apparently, she was listening.

“El, please…” Penelope turned to Eloise, who was still laying on her back with her hands in the air as though she wanted to sit up but lacked the strength. She gave up quickly and closed her eyes again, seemingly too tired to use any more energy than she just did.

“You did not tell her?” Colin asked, frantically looking between the two, “I thought you had no secrets with her, I figured that’s why you wanted her to chaperone.” He looked horrified, started to pull his hand through his hair, “I keep messing up Pen, why can’t I do anything right.”

“We don’t have secrets, but then again I didn’t think this was a detail I needed to share.” Penelope said, Eloise was now covering her ears and humming.

“This would be a secret I’m fine with you keeping to yourself Pen,” Eloise confirmed, still apparently listening beside her attempt to not. “I don’t know why you would want to kiss him, but then again, you two are very strange,” She resumed humming, setting her gaze on the ceiling of the cart.

Colin leaned closer to Penelope, still a proper distance away, but positioned himself so Eloise could not see his face.

“I find I am at a loss for words of late,” He continued, “I had always felt you were someone I know how to speak to, but since I kissed you, my mind has been at sixes and sevens.” 

“I too have been confused Colin, but I believe we are coming from different places.” She half whispered back, suddenly wishing she had not asked for Eloise to be here, even though she had a feeling Eloise would not remember this in the morning. “I want to know why, when you came home and you say we are as we have always been, but that is not true. You say you are a gentleman, and until a week ago I would have compared you to the definition of such, but that is no longer the case. What has changed?”

Colin leaned closer again, his aftershave filling her nares and clouding her mind further. “I don’t know Pen, I just know I want to be near you. You make me feel safe, you make me happy, you feel like home.”

Penelope bit her lip, searching his eyes for the falsehood she had convinced herself was there. He was looking at her so intensely, there was more to say but at this moment, she did not want to speak while her friend was laying inebriated across from them. She saw his arm move, as though he was going to reach out and touch the side of her face or hold her hand, but at that moment, Eloise coughed, and he quickly rested his arm back in his lap.

The rest of the ride home was in silence. She was sitting straight in the seat, sneaking glances to Colin who was positioned the same way. There was a tension between them as they got closer to their destination. Penelope did not want to leave without a final word. She was turning phrase after phrase over in her mind, trying to come up with a response. Why was this so hard? ‘You have to stop kissing me, it’s too confusing,’ no, that was not right. ‘I am not a girl who you can use for pleasure than leave alone while you travel the world’, that was not it either, although it should be said. ‘We need to be together because I love you and cannot live without you in my life’, no that was too desperate.

While lost in thought, they jolted to a stop. She peered out the window and saw they were outside Bridgerton House. Penelope looked across at Eloise who was snoring softly, she turned and saw he was moving to get up, she quickly grabbed his hand.

“Come see me, when you get El settled.” She blurted out. His eyebrows raised up and he pursed his lips, looking as though he was debating his answer. Fighting with reason and want she continued, “I feel there are things unsaid, we should sort it out so we can manage…”

“Yes,” He interrupted, “I will meet you in your family’s garden, I won’t be long. I just want to be sure she is safe.” He nodded towards Eloise.

Penelope stomach fluttered; she gave him a soft smile got out of the carriage. She started walking towards her home, looking back to see Colin gently guiding her intoxicated friend into their home. He was such a good person, she felt guilty as she knew he cared deeply for his family, maybe even for her. Colin was confused, she reasoned, but so am I.

As she approached her home, she walked along the side of the house to go through the back gate to slip into the garden. She thought she knew what she wanted; thought she knew what needed to be said. She thought that maybe now was the time to tell him how she felt. Tell him that she loved him. But how? After all these years, holding that secret so close, what would she gain by telling him? Would he feel more guilty? Would he feel like he needed to return the affection? The last thing she wanted was for him to say he loved her out of obligation.

That was not the largest issue at hand, because now she wanted him. She had waited for so long for him to return any affection. He had always seen her as a little girl, as Marina put it ‘he regards you no differently than little Hyacinth’. But she knew that was not true, he saw her as more. She wanted to feel it too.

Penelope was standing towards the back of her garden, by a willow tree that’s branches hung low and softly, creating a natural curtain. She was picking at the leaves, deep in thought, when she heard the soft footsteps behind her.

“Pen,” he said softly, Penelope tried to take a deep breath, but felt as though her chest was bound, her nerves were getting the best of her. She turned to see him, standing in the grass, the soft moonlight reflecting off him. He looked so handsome she could not breath. He said nothing else, instead he strode purposely over to her. Grabbing her face between his two hands, he crashed his lips to hers.

She startled for a moment, instinctively placing her hands atop his, then returned the kiss with a matching intensity. He was massaging her lips with soft kisses, over and over, she felt him suck her bottom lip gently before pulling back and gazing down at her.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all evening,” He breathed, “I could think of nothing else but kissing you, it was maddening” He smiled at her, a true smile, one that made the nervousness that was previously there melt away. He was gently stroking her cheeks with his thumbs, which calmed her even more.

“You did?” She asked tentatively. He hummed in acknowledgement. “Colin, why?” Colin dropped his hands from her face and placed them on her shoulder. He tilted his head in thought, he looked calm, but it was clear he wanted to be thoughtful.

“I have so many things I should be thinking about, but all I can think about is you.” He swallowed, looking about the surroundings. “Can we sit?” he asked, nodding to space under the tree.

Penelope nodded, Colin took her hand and walked her through the curtain of leaves to the trunk of the tree. He removed his tailcoat and placed it on the grass for them to sit on. Penelope could not help but notice his state of undress, she could see his strong arms and chest defined through the thin fabric of his undershirt. He helped her sit while he loosened his cravat before joining her on the ground.

They were silent for a moment; it was an uncomfortable silence as it seemed neither was sure who was going to speak first. Finally, Penelope took the initiative.

“I had never been kissed before; you were my first.” She was picking at the grass by her feet, not looking at him, but she could feel his eyes on the back of her head while she talked. “I did not know why so many make so much fuss over kissing. It seemed a silly thing, but now I know it is not. It has made my mind spin in a thousand directions. It has made me feel things I did not know possible.” She turned to look at him. He was grinning at her his eyes softened.

“Feel things? What do you feel?” He asked, his voice so low and soft that caused her to feel the familiar throb between her legs.

“I fear it is not proper for me to say,” she teased him, “It is not something an unmarried lady should tell her gentleman friend.” She raised an eyebrow at him. This was dangerous, she knew at this moment, from the way he looked at her, nothing would be resolved tonight. Except maybe how much more he could make her feel.

“Penelope,” He said slyly, “I am a gentleman, I am your friend.” He took a deep breath, “but you are making it so hard for me to be proper.” He moved over to her, gently pushing her down so she was laying underneath him. He swung his leg over to straddle her, propping himself on his arms hovering above.

“If you won’t tell me, why don’t you show me.” He teased, she did not recognize his voice, it was low and tempting and made her belly tingle. She reached up and put her arms around his neck, lacing her fingers through his hair, and she lowered his lips to hers.

The kiss was full of passion and need. He was nipping at her, pulling her lower lip gently between his teeth, tasting the seam of her lips with his tongue. His hands started moving from gently rubbing her shoulders, to rubbing over her chest, until he rested his hand on her breast, squeezing her gently over her clothes.

She gasped at this, when she opened her mouth, he took the opportunity to invade it with his tongue. She was shocked, she was not expecting this. Having never seen a man kiss a woman, she did not know that kissing could be like this. She pulled back quickly. Colin stopped immediately, a look of concern.

“What Pen? What is it? Have I offended you?” He suddenly looked so worried, at once she felt guilty from her reaction. She quickly placed her hands on either side of his face and shook her head, smiling.

“Not at all, I just didn’t know kissing could be like that. You took me by surprise.”

Colin’s face relaxed, he smirked at her, a look of naughtiness in his eyes. “Well Miss Featherington, I have a lot to show you.”

She giggled, pulling him back down to her.

“Gentleman indeed,” She teased him, then she was kissing him deeply. Wrapping her tongue around his, tasting his mouth. Her hands were in his hair, on his shoulders, rubbing down his back and chest, feeling the fine hair that was at the nape of his neck. She pulled his shirt out from his pants, helping him remove it, she wanted to run her fingers all over him. She wanted to feel every inch of him. It was a madness she did not want to stop.

His hands were working her ties in the back, loosening her bodice so he could slide it down, she pushed herself up a little to help, kissing his neck and chest while he leaned around her to get the strings.

Soon she felt the fabric at her shoulders loosen, she lay back while Colin sat up and pushed her dress down, off her shoulders, off her chest, until she lay in front of him, exposed under the soft moonlight that was sneaking through canopy of the willow tree.

Colin gazed at her hungrily, humming in satisfaction, he moved both his hands up from her arms to her breasts, holding them both and squeezing them gently.

“Perfect Pen,” He watched them bounce back into place when he let them go, “You are so perfect”, he murmured as his lips found her collar bone and he started sucking and nipping his way down her chest. When he got to her breast, he closed his mouth over her pert nipple, teasing it with his tongue and gently sucking it into his mouth.

Penelope moaned; her entire body lifted off the ground pressing into him. She felt him moan in response his hips grinding into her. She could feel a hardness rubbing into her core, she pressed her hips up against it again and he had the same reaction. She wanted to feel him, she moved her hands down his stomach until she felt the fine hairs trailing below his bellybutton. She turned her hand and palmed the bulge over his pants, gently squeezing it. It was hard, and long, and she loved how he responded. He hissed, her nipple in his mouth, causing his teeth to graze her sensitive flesh. She moaned again, her back arching. She could feel the heat growing inside her, the wetness between her legs was pooling, soaking her dress. She wanted him to touch her there. She wanted him everywhere.

As if reading her mind, Colin’s hand was on top of hers, the one massaging his bulge. He gently moved it; he took her hand and guided it up over her head. His other hand doing the same, so both of her hands were pinned on the ground above her.

“My darling, let me show you just how good kissing can be.” He purred in her ear, nipping the lobe. “Keep your arms up here, let me do everything,” he commanded. She felt a gush from her pussy, he was going to end her, and she would enjoy it. He moved between her legs, pulling her dress up, kissing her as each inch was exposed.

She felt the coolness from the night air against her skin. As he moved the skirt higher, he nudged her legs apart to make room for him. She obliged willingly, she had an idea of where he was going, and she wanted help with the throbbing that was begging for him.

After what felt like hour of delicious teasing, she felt the night air on all of her, she knew she was fully bare to him. She bent her knees and spread her legs as wide as she could. He sat back for a moment looking at her. She had never felt more vulnerable, her dress was bunched around her waist, her breasts exposed, her soaking wet womanhood open and dripping, he was turning her into a wonton woman. She would give him anything, in this moment, she knew he could take her and she would let him.

“Penelope,” He breathed, “I want to make you feel good, I want you to tell me what you need.”

“I don’t know what I need,” She replied, “I just need you, Colin.” She felt his fingers grazing her slit, like she did to herself the other day. He was stroking her up and down.

“I’m going to touch you, I’m going to kiss you, I’m going to taste you, and I do not want you to stop me unless I hurt you.” He was looking at her so tenderly she thought she may cry. “You are so beautiful my darling, I want you to know what pleasure is.”

Penelope nodded, “touch me”, was all she could come up with. She saw him lean over, his face at her swollen pussy, his fingers spreading her open to all her most intimate parts. She felt his fingers stroking up and down, testing her, when she felt him touch her sensitive nub she gasped, lifting her hips up a little. She looked down at him to see him watching her, smiling, his arms were holding her hips down and his body keeping her legs open.

“Do you like that?” he asked as he flicked her nub again, she nodded and moaned as she felt him increase the pressure. Her head fell back against the grass, and she closed her eyes. She brought her hands down to grab his hair. “Where did I tell you to keep your hands my darling?” He scolded her, not looking up from his work. She moaned again and put them back over her head. She was at his mercy.

Suddenly she felt warmth, a soft wet pressure made her gasp and squirm as his mouth was sucking her clit, his fingers move down and he slowly pushed a long finger inside of her. She let out a deep low moan, overwhelmed by all of it. It was so new; it was so intense. She wanted more, and he gave it. She felt his finger start to move in and out, massaging the inside of her while his mouth was licking and sucking at her. It was almost too much; she felt the heat start to grow. She knew she was getting close, but she needed something else.

“More please,” She pleaded through her moans. He added a second finger, filling her more, stretching her in a delicious way. She was kneading her breast, pulling her nipples, moaning his name, she could feel the pressure build. He was moving his fingers faster, he was sucking and tapping her clit with his tongue. She was so close; she could feel her muscle start to tighten. At that moment, Colin curled his finger inside her pressing up on her wall.

Then she felt bliss, she cried out losing all senses of herself, the heat exploding throughout her body, every muscle tensing, a gush came from her pulsing sex. She felt him moan against her sensitive flesh, his fingers slowly massaging her back to her senses. She was trembling, she felt him move up her body gently kissing her up to meet her lips in a searing kiss. She pulled his face firmly against her, trying to reciprocate her passion.

She wanted to stay with him under this tree forever. All worries and thoughts she had earlier tonight were gone, it was just Colin, feeling him, touching him, kissing him, this was all she needed.

Unfortunately, this was not to be. She was suddenly aware of a noise coming from the other side of the yard. It was her mother. Her eyes flew open, and she met Colin’s who had a similar look of panic.

He quickly helped her up, jumping behind her to pull up her gown and refasten it as quickly as possible. At the same time, he was tucking in his shirt and trying to readjust himself, for his raging erection was difficult to hide.

“What do we do?” Penelope was whispering in a rushed tone, adjusting her top, pushing her breasts down into her bodice. She could hear the crunching of the grass.

“I heard it from over here,” her mother’s voice was nearby, they were hidden by the tree, so she knew she had a moment before they were seen. Penelope knew her hair was most likely unkempt, with grass and leaves in it. She was taking deep breaths trying to calm herself down. This was entirely her fault, what had she done? If she didn’t think quickly, they would both be forced into a marriage she was sure Colin did not want. She looked at him, he was calmly brushing his tailcoat off after retrieving it from the ground. Why wasn’t he panicked?

“Don’t fret Pen,” He whispered, “whatever happens, all will be well.”

How come he was so calm? She motioned to herself, “do I look a mess?” He smiled at her.

“We can’t do much about your hair I’m afraid without a comb.” He reached over to her and picked a leaf from a curl near her face, “You look beautiful. Let me handle this”. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips and stepped out from their hiding spot beneath the willow.

“Lady Featherington?” He called to her, Penelope was right behind him, still trying to fix her hair.

“Ah, Mr. Bridgerton, I did not expect to see you here.” Portia came walking around the corner, Colin still had his tailcoat draped on his arm, hiding the situation that was still in his pants, his cravat was loose around his neck, but remarkably he looked well put together.

“Penelope!” Portia exclaimed, looking at her, “what happened to you? You look like you slept in a ditch” Penelope frowned looking down at her dress.

“Mama, I know how I must look…”

“Miss Penelope and my sister had a bit too much to drink,” Colin interrupted. Penelope’s head whipped towards him, her eyes wide, where was he going with this? “I escorted them home an hour or so ago, I had dropped my sister off first then came here to ensure Penelope was safe. However, when I got here, I found her under the tree, I did not want to move her, and it felt improper for me to carry her inside, so I was waiting for you to return.”

“Always such a gentleman Mr. Bridgerton,” Portia glared at Penelope, “really Penelope, poor Mr. Bridgerton had to give up his perfectly good evening to watch you?”

“Oh no, Lady Featherington, it is quite alright, I was leaving the Garden’s anyway, so it was no trouble at all. I enjoyed my evening watching her.” He looked over and winked at Penelope.

She was mortified, she felt scolded. She wanted to say something, but he looked so pleased with his fib that she knew there was nothing more to do. Perhaps this was what he wanted; he was ashamed of what they did. He did not love her, or care for her, he had used her. She felt tears in her eyes. Was everything he told a lie? How could he ever love her when all she has ever been his friend?

She had enough, she turned to him with fire in her eyes. She was weak tonight, but no more, she had to end this.

“I did not ask you to help me tonight, you offered. Perhaps I need to remind you that it is not proper for a man to be alone with a woman like myself.” She was speaking firmly, she wanted to be sure he understood every word she said, “I hope, in the future, you know I do not need your assistance or protection. I will be fine on my own.”

He looked confused and aghast. “Pen….” He started, but quickly closed his mouth, the glean he had in his eyes moments ago had vanished.

“I am tired, I will see myself upstairs,” She spat at him, “Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton.”

Penelope left them standing there, she could hear her mother apologizing for her behavior, just confirming that she would always be viewed as a child. Penelope knew that she would never be loved like she wanted, she was not worth it. She wanted to be mad at Colin, but she had allowed him to use her, she was just as much to blame for their actions as he was. She was trying to catch her breath, but each breath felt like a knife plunging into her stomach. She was a fool, and it was time for her to accept that and move on.

Chapter Text

Two weeks, it had been two weeks since the night in her garden. Two weeks since he spoke to her. He had seen her, many times, almost like she was teasing him. Compared to what he thought was indifference at the Danbury ball, this was a complete dismissal.

At first, he thought it was just her embarrassed about what had happened.  The first time he saw her after that Friday night, was Monday when she arrived for tea at his mother’s house. Now that his brother, the Viscount, had returned from his honeymoon. Violet and her children moved to number 5 Bruton Street. Colin had moved with them as his lodging were not ready for at least a fortnight. The day after Vauxhall, the family had packed and moved the short distance to their new home. The move meant he could no longer see Penelope’s house from the front door, but it was still a short walk-through Berkley square to get there.

He entered the drawing room that afternoon with gusto, he was looking forward to seeing her again. He was coming to the slow realization that he would always be looking forward to seeing Penelope.

She had seemed to take over every corner of his thoughts, and he relished it. When he left the Featheringtons that evening, in the short walk home, he felt he could not stop smiling. Her last words to him seemed curt, but he assumed she was trying to keep propriety with her mother. He would call on the Featherington’s first thing in the morning to announce his intentions to official court Penelope. Just the thought of that brought lightness to his mind. It all made sense; he realized all these feelings he had been struggling with must be because he wanted to court her.

However, that did not happen as he was unaware the family was moving that weekend to their new home. The entire two days following, he was busy packing and unpacking his belongings, as he found he preferred to do his own, knowing his vagabond ways were to blame.

So that Monday, the first Monday at Number 5, Penelope came for tea. Colin planned to speak with her, maybe flirt with her, as he knew their amorous rendezvous the other night was mutually enjoyable.

What he did not expect was her completely ignoring him. She laughed and joked with Eloise his mother and sisters, but she did not even spare him a second glace. The first glance was cold, if he had to define it, it was like she was just taking in the inventory of the room, and he was simply an object there. He tried to get her attention, he made jokes, sat across from her, even offered to get her a biscuit, she ignored it all.

After some time, he excused himself and left the house to go for a walk. He needed to get his wits about him. He played back that evening in her garden in his head. He had nothing but good thoughts, wonderful thoughts, the memories were arousing. He had to find a distraction as he did not feel walking through Berkley Square with an erection was a sufficient way to bide his time.

This cold presence of Penelope’s continued for days. No matter how he tried, he was shut out. She came to three tea’s at the house since, he saw her at Hyde park, he approached her at four different balls, it was all the same. He even called on her twice, bringing flowers, only to be turned away by Varley at the door.

By the end of the second week of silence, he was forlorn. He was set to move to Bloomsbury,  he welcomed the distraction by packing up his room. When he heard a knock on his door.

“It’s me, can I come in?” Eloise’s voice was muffled through the thick wooden door.

“It’s not locked,” He responded.

Eloise entered, walking over to his desk and picking up some trinkets he had yet to pack. He sat in the chair by his bed and watched her. She was holding a sun bleached seashell, turning it over in her hand, rubbing the smooth surface. “Where did you get this?”

“In Cyprus,” He answered, “They were everywhere, I could have brought you one. When I go back, I’ll be sure to get some extras”

“So, your already planning your next tour?” She asked, still looking at the shell.

“No,” He leaned forward in the chair, putting his elbows on his knees while he rested his head in his hands, “I’m staying around here for a while.”

“Why?”

“I’m not ready to leave yet”

“Why?”

“I have things I need to do around here.”

“Like what?”

“Like help Anthony with the province, like spend time with the family, like meet my new little niece or nephew whenever that happens.” He said a bit terser than he expected. He had been a on edge of late, he felt badly as it was not Eloise’s fault.

“And Penelope,” Eloise stated, “You have to make things right with her.”

Colin stared, narrowing his eyes at Eloise, he wondered what Penelope had told her. He remembered that night Pen had said she did not think their relationship was something she would share. Even Eloise told her not to share about it.

“What do you mean?” He figured instead of offering the information, he would let Eloise tell him what she knew.

“You think I don’t remember that night at Vauxhall?” She put down the shell and turned to him. “I was keeping it to myself because I really don’t want to know about it. But I remember what you said, I remember you dropped me at home and left, and I know you did not come back for a few hours.”  He did not answer, just nodded for her to continue.

“You apologized for kissing her, what kind of kiss Colin?” She paused, “I mean…I don’t need the full details, but was it a friendly kiss, on the cheek maybe? Or was it more than friendly?”

Colin sighed, he moved to the window to look out at the gardens below, considered if this was appropriate to share with his sister. He decided quickly she deserved to know what she was willing to ask about.

“It was more.” He looked at her, her eyes went wide. She rushed over to his side, hunched over as though they were sharing an incredible secret. However, her voice was soft and careful.

“Did you compromise her Colin?” She looked so worried; his heart sank. He was going to disappoint her too.

“It depends on what type of compromise you infer to.” He answered carefully, “Did I deflower her? No, I did not.” Eloise looked relieved.

“Thank goodness,” She stood up a bit taller, “so it was just a kiss.”

“Yes,” he figured that was enough, he wanted to tell her it was more than just a kiss, that it was exceptional, that he wanted to do it again and again, but that was not for him to share. He should have satisfied her curiosity with that.

“Well, if it was just a kiss, and it happened before you left that night, why is she so angry now?” So, she was not satisfied. Colin sighed, he wanted to be honest, but not embarrass her or Penelope.

“I’m not sure El, you will have to ask her.” He answered

“She avoids any conversation about you, If I even start talking about you, she will dismiss me or ignore me.” Eloise started pacing, “I don’t like to see you this way, you have been miserable, she has been unhappy,” She turned and pointed a finger at him, “and don’t think we all don’t notice. It’s just no one wants to say anything.”

“I wish I could tell you more about Pen’s unhappiness.” He answered, “I will tell you my misery is because of her indifference. I did something to hurt her, but she will not let me speak to her to find out my error.”

Eloise hummed to herself, regarding Colin, she was studying him for a moment clearly thinking what to say next.

“What if she won’t ever speak to you?”

Colin sighed and sat down again, bowed his head into his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. “I don’t know Eloise. I care about her, I care about her so much, more than I thought possible.” He looked up at her, she was kneeling by the chair, listening compassionately. “She surprised me, when I returned from my tour, I thought her a friend, but as I’ve spent time with her, I find that she is more than that. I do not think I even know the extent of my feelings for her.”

Eloise stood, she walked to the window, looking out while chewing her bottom lip. “Colin, she has been my friend for so many years, and you are my brother. I cannot choose sides; I have told Penelope the same.” She turned to leave the room, “I will say this though, if you want to talk with her, I could arrange it.”

Colin’s head shot up, “You would do that?”

“Yes…. but” She emphasized, “I do not want to be involved in the conversation. I don’t want to know anything beyond what you have told me, for I fear it will put a horrendous image in my head.” She opened the door, “So do not ask me to chaperone again.”

Later that day, Colin moved into his bachelor’s lodgings in Bloomsbury. It was a small building but had enough space for him and his small staff. He was thinking about the conversation with Eloise, perhaps he should ask her to help.

As he was sorting through his items, he saw his travel journals. Colin picked up the bag with his journals and started to sort through them. They each had worn bindings, some with the threads loose at the tops. The pages were full of his memories. He hadn’t thought about them since he and Penelope talked about it at Hyde Park. He opened the journal on top, started reading through the pages.

As he thumbed through the worn pages, he smiled at the passages that reminded him of specific memories. One when his ship to Spain docked in France due to a rat infestation that required some local cats to handle. Another time when he was walking along the cliffs of the Aegean Sea, looking out on the crystal blue waters, wondering if the ancient Greeks knew that there were waters as grey and wild as the British shores.

As he read, he was hoping to feel the wanderlust he had before. The words from his travels should inspire him to see more, so he hoped to find the inspiration he so desperately wanted. However, as he read, he realized how much he wanted to share with Penelope.

He remembered how he would write to her whenever he came across a town he thought she would like. Or when he saw the little children in Ireland running through the fields, with hair fiery red and curly like hers. Or when he was in a pub, watching people dance and all he wanted was to share a dance with her.

Then he thought of what she asked him. If he would publish his work. He chuckled to himself. The doubt creeping in again, thinking that he wasn’t good enough. Even if people would like to read about faraway lands, why would they want to read from him.

He sighed and sat back in his chair, looking at the ceiling, taking in the unfamiliar textures it had. He stared, his mind blank, unwilling to let any amount of confidence he had sneak into his thoughts. Then he heard her encouragement, like she was whispering in his ear. He heard her praising his letters and words.  “What do you have to lose” he thought to himself.

He got up and moved to his desk, taking out his journal from Scotland. He started reading through it again, it wasn’t too bad. He figured her could do some editing, maybe rewrite it. That’s what he did for his letters to Penelope, he edited his journals for his letters to her. Maybe, if he were to write, he would write to her. He could work on that and see if anyone would publish it.

Colin got to work, spending the rest of his day working on a letter to make a first chapter in his book. He figured he could use that as a sample. The thought of this made him feel fulfilled. He just hoped others would like it.

The following Monday, he was determined to make it to Number 5 for tea.  He has spoken to Eloise about arranging a meeting with Penelope, she said she would try for tea on Monday, but was emphatic that she could make no promises. Colin figured he would take what he could get.

He arrived early, greeting his family.  They were all in attendance for once, he was pleased to have the distraction in case the attempt to gain Penelope’s attention failed.

“How is the bachelor life Brother?” Benedict asked, he was relaxing on the lounge chair eating a biscuit. “Are you enjoying the peace and quiet of Bloomsbury, perhaps the atmosphere as well.”

“To be honest Ben, I haven’t explored too much. I’ve been busy on a project.” Benedict raised his eyebrows in intrigue.

“What type of project?” He sat up, patting the lounge next to him for Colin to join him.

“I am not ready to share if you must know.” Colin responded, sitting down balancing the small plate of food he had collected over his knee.

“Whatever it is my dear,” his mother cut in, “I hope you know we will be happy for you, all of us” She gestured to the room where only half of his siblings were paying attention.

“Could you give me a hint?” Benedict pressed, “what could you possibly be doing that is so secretive you can’t share with your own family.”

At this moment, Humboldt appeared in the doorway announcing Penelope’s arrival. Eloise jumped up to greet her, pulling her to the other side of the room, far enough from Colin to placate her, but close enough that they could still hear the family’s conversation.

“Secrets among family is not something we do here,” Benedict jested, looking at Anthony for support.

“As long as you are satisfied in your choices Colin, you don’t have to tell us anything.” He replied, glaring at Benedict who looked disappointed Anthony was so quick to dismiss a bit of family gossip.

“What secret Colin?” Penelope’s soft voice pierced from the other side of the room. Colin jumped up and quickly turned to Penelope before taking a deep breath to assuage his excitement that she spoke at him. It also seemed his family was aware of the interaction he was about to have.

“I would be happy to share with you,” he said as lightly as possible, he likened talking to her as holding a delicate piece of old China, and he did not want to make a false move and break it. “It is something I know you may appreciate.” He studied her, she showed no reaction, not even a blink. He was hoping she would be able to see how his eyes were begging her to talk to him, to give him a smile, a frown, anything. However, she shrugged and looked at Eloise, mumbling to her then went back to nibbling on her biscuit.

Had Colin some sense in that moment, he might have continued with his tempered approach. But her reaction was the spark that started a fire within him. He needed to talk to her. So, lacking in any sense at all, he rushed over to her side, squatting beside her where she sat. His actions did not go unnoticed by the family. Kate’s gasp was almost drowned out by Hyacinth’s squeal as she loved the opportunity to witness some drama.

“Penelope,” He pleaded quietly, she hesitated, she was turned to Eloise. His eye locked on Eloise’s, hoping she would help. Eloise sighed and looked at Penelope, she gently took Penelope’s hand and nodded. Colin could not see her face, but when she turned to him, she held no emotion. Her eyes were shining, he could see she was close to tears. It broke his heart, he never wanted to hurt her, but he knew that she was trying not to betray herself by letting them fall.
“I will tell you; I will tell you anything.” He thought about grabbing her hand, but instead placed it on the armrest next to her, gripping it strongly. He lowered his voice to a pressured hushed tone, “you are the only person I can trust with my secrets, any of them,” He was hoping she knew he was not talking about what Benedict was asking. He wanted her to know there was so much more behind this statement.

Her reaction was unreadable, if she did understand his meaning, she showed nothing to prove that.

“I do not want to know; I am sorry I asked.” She said plainly, “you can keep your secrets.” She looked over to Benedict, “I think it unfair you would share with me and not your own brother, I’m sure that betrayal to your own family is one you’d never live down.”

Benedict squirmed in his seat, knowing this was a bigger issue than his jest had started.

“Penelope, you and Colin have always been close, I would not think it any sort of betrayal, besides, you are practically family anyway. So, telling you would be as good as telling any one of us.” Penelope did not respond. She was still looking towards Benedict while he spoke to her, so Colin could not see her reaction. He saw her shoulders slump, and she let out a sign. Eloise, who was watching her carefully, started rubbing the top of her hand.

Colin was tired of this indifference, two weeks had come and gone, and he needed to speak to her. He would rather not in front of his family, but at this moment, he felt he had no choice. He reasoned he would speak quietly, hopefully not everyone would hear.

“Pen, “He started, she turned her head slightly, looking straight ahead, he continued knowing she could hear him, “you misjudge how much I value you, how much I care for you. I would tell you anything, if only you would ask. I promised I would take care of you, please know I still hold true to that. Even when you do not feel I am worthy of your attention, I will always see you as worthy of mine.”

She did not move; he saw a tear rolling down her cheek. He was trying to draw in breath, but his chest hurt, he worried he would cry too. He had to stay strong, but he had never intended to cause her pain like this.

“I’m so sorry Eloise,” Penelope finally spoke, her voice soft and shaky, “I feel as though I’m coming down with a headache. Thank you for inviting me.” Penelope stood, Colin could see her hands were shaking, her body quivering, she turned her back to him and he watched the fabric on her dress shiver with her movement even though she was standing still. “Lady Bridgerton, I enjoyed the tea as always, but I’m sorry I must take my leave so quickly. I hope you can forgive me.”

Violet gave a soft smile to Penelope, “Of course, you are always welcome. I hope you feel better soon.”

Penelope curtsied and left quickly. Her dress could be heard swishing down the hallway as the room remained silent. Colin rocked back from his squatting position and plunked down, sitting on the floor. Sighing he put his head in his hands rubbing his eyes. Trying to keep the tears from coming. He was frustrated, he had never felt so insignificant, and the hurt that it was Penelope caused him more anguish.

He felt a kick at his knee and looked up. Eloise was glaring at him, still sitting on the settee that he was on the floor next to. “Go” she mouthed to him, tilting her head towards the door. Colin’s eyes went wide, and he jumped from the floor, quickly wiping his knees he took off after her, without a word to his family who were all exchanging silent incredulous glances.

He raced down the stairs, his shoes echoing on the marble floors in his entry way. He burst through the front door, but she was nowhere to be seen. He looked anround and there was no sign of her.

He walked up and down the street, thinking she may be hiding, and he had missed her, but he did not see anything. It was as though she vanished. Letting out a big sigh, Colin turned to go back inside.

He entered the drawing room with his family, a scowl on his face, and plopped down on the settee where Penelope was sitting moments ago. Eloise patted her brother on the shoulder, “Sorry” She frowned at him. He just gave her a half smile, at least she heard him.

“Col, you did the best you could,” Benedict encouraged from across the room, “I guess you need to try harder.”

Colin, slouched down in the chair, he needed to refocus. He knew he had to see her again, and soon.

“Eloise,” Kate started, she was sitting near Anthony by the door, she had been quietly observing the drama, looking for the right time to interject. “How did you resolve your tension with Penelope? You two weren’t speaking for quite some time if I recall. What helped resolve your issues.”

“Oh,” Eloise pursed her lips, thinking for a moment, “It was entirely different, and I was the one mad at her.” She sat up a bit, “it’s not at all what’s going on with you Colin.” Eloise stated causally. Kate continued,

“I’m sure that is true, but sometimes conflicts can be resolved with persistence.” She turned to Colin, “Maybe you need to be more thoughtful with your approach. I know she cares for you; we all can see it. Maybe you need to be less like a dog begging for a treat.”

“It’s pathetic really,” Benedict chimed in. “you were kneeling by her...” Colin shot Benedict a glare.

“A round of fencing is in order I believe,” Anthony cut in, trying to break up the potentially inappropriate comment his brother was about to make. Colin murmured an agreement and went to stand up. Before he left, he turned to Eloise, a thought crossed his head.

“El, what was it that caused the distance between the two of you? You never did tell me.” Eloise swallowed and looked around the room, checking to see if anyone was listening.

“I will not be able to share with you the reason fully, but I wish to help.” She leaned into him and whispered, “Tuesdays, if you find yourself walking around in the late afternoon, you may get some answers.” He narrowed his eyes at this.

“El, that makes no sense.” She shrugged and stood up, stretching her arms over her head.

“I will say no more,” She yawned, “I’m a bit tired, I think it’s time for a nap.”

Colin watched Eloise leave, while muttering to himself, ‘Tuesday afternoon, what on earth happens on a Tuesday afternoon.’ He heard Anthony clear his throat; he was standing at the door waiting for Colin.

“Are you coming?” Anthony asked.

The next day, Tuesday, Colin awoke in Bloomsbury, trying to think of how to interpret this information Eloise gave him. He toyed with going to Mayfair and standing outside Penelope’s house until the afternoon to see what happened. Then again, Eloise did not specify where to go.

He sighed, sitting down at his desk, figuring he would spend the morning editing his first letter that he would bring to the publishers. Then he had an idea. Kate had told him he needed to be more thoughtful, maybe he would do good on his promise to Pen and look for some printer shops in the city.  He knew that Fleet Street had some printers he could see to. Maybe he would take her advice and bring his letter. He could tell her how inspired she made him.

Colin took his carriage out towards Holborn, thinking that he would focus on getting this task done before putting more thought into the errant statement his sister gave him. He had heard of printers on Fetter Lane and Fleet Street that were not too far from each other. Colin reasoned it was a good place to start.

He would guess he had read his travel letter about twenty time, and he could admit to himself that it was not too bad. He wished he could show it to Penelope. He realized how important it was for him to have approval from her. It was her idea after all, and a pretty good one. The carriage rolled to a stop, he hopped out and thanked his driver, telling him he would be a bit as he could walk between the two print shops. He stopped at Fetter Lane first, it was a small shop, run by a man named John. After a brief introduction, he asked what type of content he liked to print.

“My shop tends to be more of a specific topic.” The printer, John, answered while looking over the letter that Colin had brought with him. “We have been very successful with smaller topic; we don’t do books so much here as we focus on posters and pamphlets.”

Colin nodded; it seemed like this was a place if he just wanted to do some travel pamphlets. Which upon reflection he figured could be a lucrative start. However, his sights were set on a book. He figured he would ask just to see if a travel pamphlet would be a good move.

“You know, it might.” John said thoughtfully, “Most people in London love their sheets. I sell them often at the races or in the market.”

“What if I asked for you to print a few for me, I could do my own distribution, see how it works out.”

“If the price is right, I could be persuaded to do anything. Just not tonight, or Fridays, those days are my busiest, have a big order that comes out of here.” Colin liked that, clearly this shop was one that knew its market. Colin chuckled a bit.

“You know, there is a pamphlet that all of Mayfair likes that comes out on Wednesday and Saturdays,” He stopped, Lady Whistledown was a pamphlet, that in order to be delivered on Wednesday and Saturday, would be printed Tuesday and Friday. Colin turns back to the printer; his curiosity was piqued.

“I’m sure you can’t tell me, but I am curious, do you have anything to do with Lady Whistledown?” John shook his head.

“Couldn’t tell ya mate, there isn’t a printer in London who wouldn’t love to have her business.” He said, “She is well known in these parts, but I suggest you don’t go asking around about it. It’s a sensitive subject for some of these other guys.”

“Ah, just a curiosity, I assume she is very clever.” Colin nodded, thanked John, and stepped outside. He started down the road to the second printer on Fleet St. After obtaining information about the type of printing they did, he was satisfied with his detective work today. He went back the first print shop on Fetter Lane and was waiting on the sidewalk for his carriage to ready for departure.

As he stood by the corner, he heard a conversation that perked his ears.

“She’s coming early today, I expect any moment now, I can join you lads later once I get it.” Colin looked to his right and saw John, the printer, was leaning against some boxes in the ally next to his shop, smoking, talking to another older workman and a few young delivery boys. One of them he recognized as a delivery boy he’d seen in Mayfair.

Colin kept adjusting his cuffs and glove so not to seem an eavesdropper while listening for any other information. He leaned up against the lamppost, looking down the street, all while trying to hear what was being said. He heard some murmuring but could not make out the sound. Then the group let out a hardy laugh.

“I don’t know, said the night spooked her a few weeks ago, daytime is risky, but she said she’d be careful.”

Colin had a good idea he knew who was being discussed. Despite John’s denial of knowing who Lady Whistledown was, Colin had developed a keen sense of interpretation when it came to talking with people. John was lying. He also prided himself on the fact he was a clever guy, so considering John told him he’d be busy Tuesday’s and Fridays, and the gossip pamphlet was distributed on Wednesday and Saturday, it wasn’t too hard to figure it out.  

Could she be coming here now? As he stood here she could be walking down this very street? Colin’s curiosity got the best of him. Against his better judgement he found a small alcove across the street from the printers. A place he could stand in that gave him a good view of the print shop door.  If she was coming by soon, he should be able to get a glimpse of her. He wasn’t as obsessed with her identity as his sister, he just wondered who she was.

She had been such an influence in the ton, the grip she had on upper society was one any published author would be proud of. Colin wasn’t sure what he would say to her, he wasn’t sure if he would say anything. He was just curious. Maybe because he was musing the idea of his own papers. Would a travel section fit into a gossip column? For a moment the insane idea of blackmail filled his head. Which he dismissed as he felt his success should be his own.

Colin looked at his pocket watch, it was well past three, he had wanted to see Penelope. He had wanted to tell her about the publishers, about the travel letter he wrote about his idea for his own column. He told himself he would wait another thirty minutes before he would head back home to try and see her.

He thought about how impressed she would be if he told her he saw the elusive Lady Whistledown. He could ask the woman to be less hurtful to Penelope and her family. He had read so many cruel things about the Featheringtons and he thought maybe he could get her to stop.

Of course, Lady Whistledown had written many bad things, about many people of the ton, even the queen. Her identity should be protected. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Colin looked back at his watch, only ten minutes had passed. He pushed off from the wall he had been leaning against and straightened out his coat. He realized he did not know what to do with the information, and what if it was someone he knew?

Just as he was about to step out from his hiding spot, he saw a woman walking down the road towards the publisher. She had on a capuchin and from the look of it, servant clothes underneath, although the sandals that peaked out from under the dress looked more of a higher born lady.

He froze, he knew this was her. He could not see her face, but she was clearly short, she had a dress on that hid most of her shape, but he knew she was curvier than what was popular amongst the woman of the ton. Suddenly Colin felt like a boulder hit him in the chest, he felt the blood leave his head with a loud woosh that shut out all sound around him. He knew, without hearing her, without seeing her face.

 It was Penelope.

Chapter Text

What in the devil?

He stood staring at her, wondering if she could see him. He briefly thought ‘maybe I should just wait, maybe she isn’t going to the printer, maybe she’s just on a walk down Fleet Street’.

He knew that made no sense, what reason would she have to come down this way? He was panicking, his feet felt stuck to the ground, he stood like a statue just watching her walk closer.

She looked so comfortable, like she had been here many times. He heard her greet a young paperboy who stood outside the printer’s door. She was like a stranger to him; but then again, this made sense.

Penelope was observant, she was funny, she was an incredible writer, and she was a wallflower. She would be a perfect gossip columnist.

Then another thought came to him. Eloise knew, why else would she have told him to be out and about on a Tuesday afternoon. Of course, she probably assumed he would just catch her in Mayfair sneaking out to the printers. What kind of crazy luck was he having today to put him right here at her destination.

Penelope entered the printers, once the door closed behind her, Colin ran across the street. Placing his hand on the doorknob, he took a deep breath, afraid of crossing the threshold to the shop and facing this new Penelope he thought he knew so well.

This was not how he anticipated his day going. This was not the way the two-week silence was supposed to be broken. He was trying to figure out what he was most upset about, her silence? Or her secret? He could hear the muffled voices through the door. His hand was shaking, he took a deep breath and pulled.

The door swung open; Penelope spun around as the afternoon sun flooded the shop. She was squinting at the sudden intrusion of light in the dim room.

“Your back mate?” John said, “Just give me a minute, I’ve got business with the Misses, and I’ll be right with you.” Colin nodded but did not spare a glance for the large man behind the counter. His eyes were locked with Penelope’s, who was staring at him with her piercing blue, looking horrified.

Then something happened. She took a deep breath in. He saw her purse her lips together and breath out slowly. Her eyes softened, her shoulders lifted as she rolled them back, the muscles in her face eased. She turned to John and continued. As though the disturbance of Colin’s presence was a moment of inconvenience.

“If you could do fifty more copies this week and tell the boys to expand their routes. There are other areas to distribute outside of Mayfair.” She had a heavy Irish accent when she spoke. Colin swallowed, his mouth agape, who was this?

John looked at her a bit worried. He cleared his throat, leaned down across the counter and whispered to her. Colin could not hear what he said, but Penelope let out a dry laugh.

“Thank you for the concern, I know that man, I am perfectly safe.” John looked back up at Colin with a warning look.

“If you say so.” John then wordlessly dropped a bag of coins in front of her. She picked them up quickly and put them in her pocket. “The next delivery will be Friday as usual, by the usual way.” He nodded, and Penelope turned, looking right at Colin, with a fierceness he had not seen before.

“I’ll be outside,” she said as she stepped past him and out the door. John was glaring at Colin. Colin nodded at him and tipped his hat before wordlessly following her out.

Penelope was standing by the front door, hand in her pocket, looking down the street when he got there. She turned to glare at him with fire in her eyes. Her hand grabbed him, pulling hard on his arm so to get him to lean down close to her.

“What are you doing?” She whispered fiercely at him.

They glared at each other for a few moments, Colin was putting his thoughts together. A rush of emotions he felt that he could not sort through quickly. Yet he decerned she expected that from him.

“Penelope…” He stopped, looking up at the sky, there were grey clouds moving in and a few large raindrops had started to fall, darkening the sidewalk with a loud plop. “Let’s not talk here, my carriage is just down the road.”

Penelope nodded, Colin took the lead and she followed behind him. The carriage was a few paces down the street, waiting for them. While Colin went to speak to the driver, Penelope climbed in the carriage, moving as far over on the bench as she could to sit by the window. Colin climbed in after her and sat facing her. He watched as she nervously fiddled with the capuchin ties, removing it and placing it on the seat next to her.

The air in the carriage was tense, they were staring at each other, each daring the other to start speaking. The only sound was the horses’ hoofs hitting the cobblestone pavement, and the rain picking up in intensity and hitting the top of the carriage. Penelope spoke first.

“Are you going to say anything?” She snapped, “or just stare and judge me for the entire ride back to Mayfair.” Colin cleared his throat, shaking his head incredulously.

“What could I possibly say Penelope? What is it you want me to say?”

“Why are you out here? Were you following me? You have no right to force yourself on me, I do not wish to speak with you. I thought you understood that” she huffed, knowing that she was starting to feel more remorse than anger at him.

She was trying to be angry at him now, but she was tired of holding on to all the bitterness. Now he was here, in front of her, and while part of her wanted to continue to keep him at a distance. The other part of her wanted to know why he was so desperate to speak to her. She had seen the distress she had caused him these past few weeks; she just did not know how to speak with him about it. By the way this encounter had started, she suspected neither did he.

“I can’t believe you would think that” he snapped back, “I was not following you.” He sat up and adjusted his jacket, he dropped his voice and continued. “As a matter of fact, I was looking for a printer for you, like we had discussed in Hyde Park. I thought I needed to do a grand gesture to get your attention again. I even wrote a sample of my travel journal to bring with me, like you suggested.”

He took the paper out of his pocket, shaking it in the air so she could see, “I came upon John’s shop about thirty minutes before you arrived. He told me he was busy today. A big order comes in, was what he said. It didn’t take much for me to figure out his greatest costumer was Lady Whistledown.” He looked so pleased at himself for a moment, “curiosity got the best of me, and I waited, thinking I could finally see who it was that everyone was so enamored with.” He sneered a little, as if to poke fun at her reputation, she inwardly flinched. “Imagine my surprise when it was you coming down the road. So, you can see, I did not intend to find you, or follow you, it just happened.”

Penelope crossed her arms and glared at him. She did not like that he belittled her just like he had the other night. She had started her pamphlet for her own reasons, she was proud of what she had done. She was proud of how much the people around the ton listened to her words and opinions. She wouldn’t have him diminish that.

“I became Lady Whistledown because someone believed in me. My father’s solicitor, of all people, came across some of my musings after my first ball that went horribly wrong. He saw what I wrote and encouraged me to publish it. He made me feel like I could be more.” She sat up a little straighter, staring him straight in the eyes. “It worked too; it’s become something more than I ever imagined. I do not know how to stop now. I need it for the money, but it’s also all I have. It’s what will bring me security and freedom considering I will never be anything more than a spinster.”

Colin face had softened, he was looking at her with pity.

“Do not pity me,” she said fiercely, he winced. “I have done this all on my own. I’ve built an enterprise. I have created the most successful pamphlet London has ever seen. It is the only thing that brings me a sense of belonging. My words are powerful. While I may be invisible, at least I know I can be heard.” She thought she had said what she wanted, but the words were flowing out of her mouth, she had been feeling this way her whole life, and someone was finally listening.

“When it comes to being out in society, I’m a ghost…I am an afterthought. Why do you think no one has commented on our time together Colin?” He stared for a moment, then shook his head almost indiscernibly. “I hear all the gossip, and no one is saying anything about us. Because no one can believe I am worth your time, or worth anyone’s time. I stand in the corner and listen; they don’t even gossip about us. When I’m with Eloise the gentlemen come to speak with her, if I’m addressed it’s because she has made them aware of my presence, not because they see me.” She sighed, “even my own family forgets about me. The other day when you called on me my mother could not even be bothered to send someone to tell me you had arrived. I was practically in my nightdress when I went downstairs, and she was so dismissive of my discomfort”

“I thought you looked fine,” he said in a small voice, giving her an encouraging smile.

“That is not the point Colin,” she was tired, she felt pathetic even explaining this to him. “I am used to not being listened to, I’m used to being pushed to the side, I’m used to being the forgotten. But my writing, my paper, it has given me a voice where I have none. So don’t make me feel like I am a fool for what I’ve done.”

The carriage was quiet, Colin was watching her as she stared out the window. Her heart was pounding, Penelope did not know if this was it with Colin. She could only imagine what he was thinking. After how she had treated him these past few weeks, what she had written about him in her papers, what she had written about his family, she knew he could be furious. She held her breath, waiting for his response.

Colin let out a huff and shook his head. She knew he was not going to be persuaded that easily.

“You are wrong,” He finally spoke, she narrowed her eyes at him. He appeared to understand her confusion. “You are not invisible; it is not all you have. Your feelings of loneliness are misguided and frankly…” He paused, collecting his breath and continued, “it’s sad.” Colin eyes were intense, he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. She opened her mouth to answer, but he continued.

“Why do you not think I’m worthy of your time? Of your attention? Why did you shut me out? I have been turning it over and over in my head, and I cannot think of a time I wronged you. So why Penelope?” He looked at her with such uncertainty.

Penelope pushed her lips together; she was frustrated that he did not know. It was him who sided with her mother on that night in the garden. He made her feel like a child. After what he had done to her under that willow tree. Kissing her, touching her, making her feel as though she was the most desirable woman he had ever met. He turned right around and reminded her of who she was to him, a naive girl who he could never take seriously.

“You are wasting your time with me. I am a wallflower. I am a menace to society with my gossip pages. I’m the forgotten third daughter of a broke dead Barron who is destined for spinsterhood” It hurt to say it, she felt like she was a bully to herself the way she spoke. Tears welled in her eyes. She blinked them away; she must stay strong.

He had a fire in his eyes, the muscles in his jaw clenched, she sensed his exasperation. “What gives you the right to decide who is and is not worthy of my time? If I want to see you, spend time with you, care for you, that is my decision, not yours. It is not fair that you shut me out telling me that you are not worthy enough for me, because you are.”

“I do not think so.” She said softly, she was surprised with the vigor Colin was speaking. It made her doubt her anger towards him. She was trying to hold onto it, she didn’t want to face the fact that she had shut him out for no reason. That she had done more damage to their relationship due to her own misguided feelings.

“Why is it so hard Penelope, for you to see yourself as worthy?” He was holding her gaze; his jaw had softened but his voice still held the intensity from before. “Why do you think so lowly of yourself? Look at you! You are the most fierce and loyal friend to those you hold dear. You have built a successful business that has the ton living and breathing for your every word. You are smart, and funny, and beautiful,” he dropped his voice and finished, “I cannot think of anyone who would be more worthy of attention than you.”

Tears in her eyes, she let out a dry laugh. He was trying to confuse her again, she wanted to believe him, but she did not want to be hurt. “I don’t know what to say, you say these things, but I do not think you believe them.”

“I’ll tell you what I believe, I believe there is not a person in all of England that compares to you. I believe that since I’ve been home from Greece, my mind has been swimming with thoughts of you. I find I look for you everywhere I go, even when you are pushing me away, I want to be near you.” He pauses, as though considering his next words, he shakes his head slightly and takes her hands in his, “I want to be with you” He finishes softly.

She shakes her head, “I want to believe you Colin, I really do”

“Why can’t you?” He tightens his grip on her, she feels him tug lightly as though he is trying to pull her forward, she tries to pull her hands back and she feels his grip loosen, but he does not drop her hand.

Penelope looked down at their joined hands, she took a few deep breaths. She counted each one as she breathed in through her nose and blows the air out with pursed lips. Trying to release the tension she had held onto since he entered the print shop. She wants to feel calm. She was trying to think of the best answer, why can’t she believe him? He is saying so many beautiful things, most people who heard such confessions would happily accept it. Why was it she couldn’t.

She finished her last deep breath and looks up into his eyes. His beautiful, green, pleading eyes. She feels her heart pounding. He knows almost all her secrets, what’s one more?

“I have loved you for years Colin, so long that it has become who I am.” She blurts it out, it’s as though someone else is talking. She has held these feelings for so long, she did not think they would ever be spoken. “I am used to the idea that I will always want to see you more. That I would always want to be around you more. That I will always care for you more than you would me.” His face was soft, the anger from before, gone. He had such tenderness in his eye it reminded her of the night in her garden.

“I’ve watched you dance with other women, flirt with other women, even get engaged to another woman, each time it did not weaken my love for you. What did weaken was my belief of you wanting me could ever happen.” She bit her lip and sighed. “So, you see, I can’t just believe that you decided to come back from Greece, and suddenly go from seeing me as Penelope, your neighbor, your sister’s friend, your best friend, to someone who you could want.”

“That’s not fair,” He was shaking his head, “how could I have known, all this time, you never told me. You are shutting me out because I am too late for you to believe me? Too late because of the hurt I caused you when I did not know you held feelings for me. Why did you never tell me?”

She shrugged, “would it have changed anything Colin?” He sat back, suddenly looking down at his hands, unwilling to hold her eyes as an immense wave of guilt overtook him. She continued, “if I had told you when I was six and ten or eight and ten, would you have seen me as someone you could court or marry?” He didn’t answer, she lowered her voice “So you see, how could you think I would trust your feelings now when they are so new, and I have been resolute with mine for so long.”

There was a long silence, she distracted herself by listening to the sound of the rain pattering on the roof of the carriage, it provided a calmness that quelled the storm in her heart. She had told him everything, he knew it all. He knew about Lady Whistledown and now her long held love for him. She had nothing more to tell him. It was a strange relief to know your heart no longer carries such burden.

“How long?” He finally asked, looking up at her with such intensity she forgot how to speak, instead she raised her eyebrows at him. “How long would I need to give you affection for you to believe my intent, for you to accept that I need you in my life in every way?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t know how to be any different to you.”

“You do not have to change,” He jumped up and move to sit next to her, grabbing her hands. “I don’t want you to change. You are wonderful just as you are; you have always been, I just didn’t see it until now.”

He suddenly rapped the top of the carriage, causing Penelope to let out a yelp and jump. She looked out the window, they had somehow left the streets of the city and were now driving down a relatively isolated road in the country side. They stopped abruptly.

The carriage door opened, and the driver poked his head in with a questioning look on his face. The rain was coming down hard which had him blinking the water pelting his face out of his eyes.

“Yes sir,” He half shouted over the sound of the rain.

“Can you pull the carriage over by the tree for some shelter,” Colin was pointing up ahead where a large oak tree sat offering some coverage for the driver. “You can wait out the rain there, I do not want to get stuck in mud and hopefully we will get some reprieve soon.” The driver nodded and shut the door.

“I had asked the driver to take a long scenic route, I fear the rain is not best for the carriage on unpaved roads, would you mind if we pull over for a bit?” He explained to Penelope, she nodded in response. The carriage lurched forward for another hundred paces or so before it stopped. Pulling over to the side. Colin watched out the window for the driver to unhook the horses and walk them towards the tree.

Penelope sat still, confused, she watched Colin as he moved to the other bench, started to pull the curtains closed. With each curtain, the muted light from the rainy afternoon snuffed out, bringing darkness into their space.

“Colin, what are you…” She stopped, he was suddenly sitting next to her, leaning across her, his arm reaching to close the curtain for the window next to her. She felt the heat of him across her chest, his arm ghosting against her breasts as he ensured the curtains were securely closed.

She turned to look at him, his face inches from hers in the dim light. Satisfied with the status of the curtain, he turned his head to look at her. She felt his breath on her face, his left hand came to rest on her right cheek. Her heart was pounding, she knew he must be able to hear it. She could hardly take a breath as he was looking so lovingly at her. Even in the dark of the carriage she could see the light from his eyes. He rubbed small circles with his thumb, she was trying to see his face, but as he got closer, his features got blurry. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of his lips near hers. Suddenly, the warmth was gone, she felt the seat shift beside her as he sat back. Her eyes flew open, and she tried to see his face as his distance make him disappear into the shadows.

“We can go slow,” He started, “I feel that the other night, we rushed into this, maybe it was the champagne or the late hour, but I will not make you feel like I mistreated you.”

“Go slow?” She squinted her eyes, partially due to the darkness in their space, but also in confusion. “Do you mean…what do you mean?” She felt shy, she knew what he meant, but even though she had allowed him to be so intimate with her a few weeks ago, she was not used to speaking to him so scandalously.

Colin chuckled, “Penelope,” his voice was deep, “I mean with our passions. I admit, when I asked my driver to pull over, I would love nothing more than to take you right here, but I have not asked permission. I want to do right by you.”

Penelope licked her lips, in the darkness of the carriage, with the steady rain pounding on the roof, her mind was racing with impure thoughts. She loved him, and now realized he felt the same. He wanted to prove himself to her, he wanted to make sure she trusted him, and she wanted to let him.

“I know you are a gentleman Colin,” She said softly, “I also never felt that you mistreated me. In my family’s garden, under that tree, I have never felt more cared for. I have never felt more adored. You made me feel beautiful. I realize now, my reaction after all that was fear. I was scared that my feelings of that night were not shared by you. That to me, it was everything I could ever want, and to you, it was a moment of lust and alcohol.”

He reached for her, but quickly pulled his hands back, “It was everything,” He confirmed. “I might have felt less restrained, more lustful and passionate from the frivolity of the night, but I would have been happy to stay with you the entire night. To hold you in my arms and show you how much I want you.” He took a deep breath, “and I’d like to show you how much I still want you.”

He looked over at her, fisting his pants, staring at her. The tension was palpable, the intensity in their gazes matching the pattern of their breathing. The sound of the rain, a light roll of thunder, and the horses faint neighs from where they were tethered by the tree played in the background of this trance they held inside the tiny space. Colin opened his mouth, his throat clicking as he licked his lips and slowly shifted closer to Penelope.

“I am going to kiss you now” He said in a low soft voice, almost singing with the percussion of the weather, “is that alright?” His right arm reached above her; he was leaning on the carriage wall behind her while his left hand came back up to hold her cheek. She tried to answer, but all that came out was a soft sigh as she nodded her head.

He closed the small space left between them and kissed her. There was no hesitancy like their first kiss, just passion. His mouth was nipping and sucking on her lips, his hand moved to the back of her neck where he held her head firmly exploring her mouth with his tongue. She grabbed onto his shoulders, shifting herself to face him while she felt him pull her closer, crushing her breasts to his chest.

He lowered her head down gently to the carriage bench, she parted her legs so he could rest a knee between them as he hovered over her, her lips never leaving his.

Their kisses became more rushed, his lips left hers and started moving down her neck. She arched her neck to give him better access, moaning as his fingers trailed across her collarbone to her shoulders, his lips following. He was sucking and licking his way across her chest. She propped herself up on her elbows and reached around to undo her dress. Within seconds she felt the garment loosen. He yanked her neckline down, exposing her to him. His mouth hungerly covered her hardened nipples while his hand massaged her other breast, pinching the nipple at the same time she felt his teeth graze the one in his mouth. She let out a cry, her entire body was tingling with need. She ran her nails down his back pulling the fabric of his shirt up from his pants. He had flung his jacket off already; she could not remember seeing him do this. Soon his shirt joined it on the floor, and she could feel his skin on hers. She ran her nails down his bare back, enjoying the hiss it elicited from him.

“Good God Penelope, you are incredible.” He moaned as he moved his mouth to the other breast, while pressing his hips into hers. She opened her legs wide, making as much space for him as she could. She felt the same hardness again against her. She reached down to palm his groin, massaging him, wanting to spend more time touching him.

He stopped, sitting up slightly, giving her a lopsided smile. “Do you want to see what you do to me?” He asked her, his hand moving down her leg, slowly playing with the hem of her skirt. She nodded eagerly, trying to loosen his buckle, she felt his hand cover hers, stopping the process. “I want to show you, but first, let me see how wet you are for me.”

She felt a thrill of excitement run right down her body, resting in her lower belly. She could already feel the moisture coming from her pussy slicking her thighs. Feeling bold, she wanted to show him everything. She pushed him back and sat up so she could push her bodice all the way down, she lifted her bottom to slide her dress completely off, she removed her chamise and stays, with some difficulty, so that all she had on were her stockings.

He sat quietly and watched her undress, smiling and chuckling with her as she struggled with the small space she was working in. Finally naked, she scooted herself back on the bench to allow him more space to look at her. She slowly opened her legs to give him a full view of her wet and now throbbing pussy. The thought of him seeing her, so wide and open and wanting, made her feel powerful. His eyes moved up and down, in the low light of the carriage her pale milky skin shone brighter than the sliver of grey light that came through the curtain. Colin grunted in satisfaction, sitting between her legs, his gaze went from her face to her breast, to her dripping core. He was holding her calves at first keeping her open to him, then moved his hands up her legs, tickling behind her knees, to the inside of her thighs, finally stopping at her throbbing apex.

He took both of his hands gently on either side, and spread her lips open, her pink flesh exposed, she felt the coolness hit her sensitive skin, and it made her insides flutter with need.. He dipped a finger inside her, first one, then two, pumping in and out. She watched his face while he was studying her, he was watching his fingers disappearing inside her engrossed in his ministrations. She felt him changing his speed then his angles, as though he was imagining her pleasure like a map he needed to conquest. He looked up at her and smiled, not stopping his exploration. She realized he was now studying her face with each new movement he did, trying to find out what she liked, what made her moan, or cry out, or shake.

She licked her lips, and moved her bottom closer, opening herself even more to him. His fingers started tapping, rubbing, and flicking on her sensitive nub, spreading her wetness around and testing how she liked to be touched. “You are so beautiful like this Pen”, his voice was low and soft. “I want to know everything about you, I want you to tell me what you like, what makes you feel good.”

He was now pushing his fingers inside her while he rubbed her clit, she was moaning as she felt the familiar burn inside her grow. He hummed in satisfaction, seemingly content that he found the right combination of pleasing her. She started to feel her senses take over and her mind went blank. She was holding his gaze, her mouth slightly open and panting, while letting his fingers play against her taking her to ecstasy. She started to groan, feeling her belly get tighter, knowing her release was close.

“Colin,” she moaned, “I’m close…I’m so close.” She was lifting her hips off the bench, as though she was trying to feel more of him. Suddenly she felt his mouth on her, his tongue replacing the fingers that were massaging her clit. She moaned so loudly she was sure the driver could hear her across the field under the tree. Her hand flew to her mouth, and she bit down on her knuckle. His fingers continued to massage her, stretching her, finally she felt him curl up pressing deep inside and the tension burst. She cried out his name as she let the orgasm overtake her.

As her senses returned, she started to laugh, thinking how ridiculous this was, she was completely naked in a carriage, with Colin between her legs, bringing her pleasure on a rainy afternoon. She heard him clear his throat, she looked down, he had an amused look on his face.

“I hope,” he said with a smirk, “That you are laughing because of the euphoria I just brought you to.” She grabbed his arms and pulled him towards her. Wrapping her arms around him, feeling his full weight on her chest. She placed her hand on his cheek and brought him to her, kissing him deeply, tasting herself on his tongue.

“I am laughing for that reason, of course,” She jested, “you have always made me happy Colin” she said, rubbing his shoulders and kissing him again. “I’m also laughing because I can’t believe we are doing this here and now. In a carriage on a rainy afternoon.”

“It is too much?” He asked, mirth in his eyes, he had propped himself up above her on his elbows. He was alternating between playing with the curls in her hair and kissing her wherever his lips landed.

“Never,” she said, gently pushing him back so she could sit up, “It’s just, if we were to be heard, I’d hate to think I was the only one making noise.” She looked coyly at him, tracing her finger down his chest, following the hair that made a line down to below his pants. She hooked a finger to his pants buckle and gently pulled down. “I want these off.” She murmured. He grinned and jumped up, making quick work of his britches. He heard her gasp, looking up he saw she was staring at him, her mouth slightly open. He realized this was the first time she had seen a naked man. She audibly swallowed.

“Colin,” She almost whispered, “what do I…I haven’t…tell me what to do.” She felt silly, she wanted to appear as confident as he was when he first saw her. But he was so different. His body was hard and defined, with dark hair on his chest, arms and legs. Between his legs his member was big and thick and hard. He reached down and sat Penelope up and bit so he could sit beside her.

“It’s alright Pen, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He said gently, she was staring at his hard cock, when he sat it bounced on his belly. She watched as he took it in his hand and rubbed it up and down before swiping his thumb over the tip. She was fascinated, she wanted to study him as he had her a few moments ago. Without thinking, she reached her hand out and grasped him, just over where he was fisting himself. He let out a soft hiss and turned to look at her.

“Move your hand Colin,” She said, giving him a small squeeze, “I will copy what you do.” He seemed to have lost his words, he nodded and started to jerk his hand up and down slowly. She loved how he felt, his skin was soft and every time she moved her hand up, she swiped the head of him again with her thumb just as he had done. After a few strokes, Colin let his hand fall to the side and Penelope continued with the movements. She marveled at how hot he felt, how the skin felt like it moved despite the hardness beneath it. How the fluid kept leaking out each time her thumb reached the tip. She looked over at him, and Colin sat with his head back and eyes closed, humming each time her thumb rubbed him.

Instinctively she ducked her head down and licked the tip of him. Tasting the salty fluid that kept leaking out. He gasped and she pulled back, looking up at him sweetly. “Was that too much?” She worried her bottom lip with her teeth, studying him. He took her chin in his hands and lowered his mouth to her, kissing her deeply.

“Not at all, I just wasn’t expecting it.” He answered. “It feels wonderful.” She smiled and leaned back over, licking the tip again. She felt his hand stroking her hair, pulling it back so he could see her while she kissed him. She opened her mouth and sucked him in, just to the tip before pulling back with a pop. She started licking circles around the ridge at the top, all while her fist continued to move up and down. Colin let out a low moan, “Penelope,” her name sounded so lustful, so needy, she felt the ache in her core return. She started to rub her legs together to help relieve it, she felt Colin gently stop her and pull her head up.

“Penelope, if you continue, I’m afraid I will finish quickly.” She sat back, her hand still lazily stroking him, and tilted her head curiously.

“Is that not what you want?” She raised her eyebrows; she had wanted to see him come to completion. She enjoyed how he had made her feel and she wanted to see him enjoy it the same.

“It is my darling, but I don’t want to startle you.” He was stroking her cheek slowly, moving her so she was laying on her back; his body covering hers again. “I want to show you so much, but I fear I will ruin you. We are not engaged; our families do not even know we are courting.”

“We are courting?” Penelope blurts out, eyes wide with a growing smiling on her face that she fears will never leave. “It seems we have put ourselves into a rather scandalous situation again without me knowing your intent.” She hoped he understood her sarcasm, considering they were both very much naked in the back of a carriage. He leaned over, gently kissing the tip of her nose while held her face in his hands.

“I believe, my beautiful Pen, if you were not clear on how I felt before, that now I have proven to you how much I truly care for you.” She felt him grind his hips down on hers, feeling his hardness pushing into her belly. She reached her hands down to his ass to hold him firmly while she lifted her hips up against him. He grunted while she moaned, feeling the friction of him against her now throbbing flesh again. “I also hope you now trust how much I want you,” He bit her shoulder gently while he slipped his legs between hers, encouraging her to open to him.

She could feel his heat near her entrance, she had never done this before, it was as if her body knew what she needed. She wanted him inside of her, his thick hard cock filling her, she arched her back and canted her hips up again, hoping he knew what she wanted.

His face was next to hears, she felt his panting in her ear. He was quiet and still, despite her desperate hips trying to urge him to join her. She felt his lips ghosting her ear, then moving down and kissing her neck. “Pen,” He whispered in her ear, “we have to restrain ourselves.”

She turned to look at him, she couldn’t help her frown. He smiled at her and pushed her hair out of her face before he lowered his head to kiss her deeply. After a few moments he pulled away and sat up, starting to collect their clothes that were strewn about the floor.

“Do not be mistaken Penelope,” he said as he carefully held out her stays and dress offering to assist to her with her garments. She had turned her back to him so he could lace her up. As his hand expertly tied in into her garment, she felt him lean into her; his hot breath was on her ear as he continued. “I fully intend to ravish you. I want to kiss every inch of your body, I want to take my time and feel you come apart over and over again, I want to sink deep inside of you.” He lowered his mouth to where her neck meets her shoulders, kissing her, “you are the most remarkable, wonderful, beautiful woman I have ever know, and I intend to treat you as such.”

She whipped around to look at him. His eyes were full of lust, he touched her cheek and continued, “It is why I want to court you properly; I want you to see how proud I am to have you at my side. I never want you to doubt that you are worthy of me, because there is no other who could hold such a special place in my heart.” She pressed her lips together, fighting the tears in her eyes.

Selfishly she wanted to hear him tell her he loved her. She had, after all, confessed her feelings to him earlier. Realistically though, Penelope knew that if she wanted to trust his words and love, that it wouldn’t be because she said it; it would be because he felt it. She nodded to him and watched as he started moving around the carriage struggling to get dressed himself. She realized she was staring at him when he finally settled across from her, clothes a little rumpled, but no more than if one had been caught in the rain.

She suddenly jumped up and grabbed his shoulders, crashing her lips to his. His returned the kiss after a moment of surprise from her rushed actions. He grabbed her waist and pulled her down to his lap kissing her soundly. She loved how warm he was, how his hands gently squeezed her soft waist, how he moaned a little when her tongue touched his. She pulled back and looked at him while combing her fingers through his hair. They were both stupidly grinning at each other. In that moment she realized how blissfully happy she was.

Then she remembers he would see her mother, her sister, she would never be alone with him like this. Everyone had been so used to Colin and Penelope as friends, this freedom they had, albite not to society standards, would be gone. Also, Lady Whistledown would be impossible as she was sure the attention of the ton would be on them.

“Colin,” she bit her lip, hoping he didn’t think this was too crazy, “I do love the idea of you courting me, parading me around, letting me enjoy the attention being on your arm could bring.” He hummed in agreement, gazing adoringly at her.

“However,” He started to scowl, she kept smiling hoping it softened this insane suggestion, “the attention our courtship would bring would make it impossible for me to continue as Whistledown so freely. Also, I so enjoy the freedom our supposed friendship allows us. My mother has no problem leaving us unchaperoned, or your mother letting you promenade alone with me, even the ton barely notices us when we dance, if they know we are courting, all that will stop.”

Colin scowled, furrowing his brows, “what are you saying Pen?”

“I am suggesting, that maybe, we keep this new part of our relationship secret. Court in private. No one needs to know. It will allow me to continue with Whistledown for the season, when it concludes, I will write my last column, and we can start our courtship in the off season.”

“I intend to marry you by the end of the season.” He said so matter-of-factly that she gasps. Then she frowned. This was turning out to be a terrible idea, if he was indeed going to purposed marriage, this was not how she envisioned. “Do not mistake this for the proposal Pen. What I meant to say is that I have no doubt in my mind that our courtship will lead to marriage. Rest assured; you will be wooed when the proposal comes. I am in no rush.”

She smiled and gave him a playful slap on his arm. “The other suggestion I was going to make was we elope, but as a lady, that is not something I’m supposed to propose.”

“How very progressive of you, and unromantic,” he jested with a sly smile. “I will handle all romance moving forward. I so want to do that for you, make you feel special.”

“You already make me feel special Colin, and think of it, we can court in private. Without our Mama’s or siblings poking into our business and insisting on chaperones. We can continue to be just as passionate as we are.” She was playing with his collar, his cravat was still untied and hanging around his neck.

“Oh Pen, you drive a hard bargain.” He waggled his eyebrows at her, “You must know, I will want to make you feel special every chance I get. Promise me you will let me announce our courtship before the last ball of the season.” He was insistent with his tone, he leaned over and started gently pulling on her ear with his teeth. She giggled and tilted her head to the side to give him better access.

He moved his mouth down and started kissing and sucking on her neck, giving special attention to her pulse point. She felt herself getting wet again as he sucked harder, he pulled his mouth away with a pop then started fidgeting with her hair. “I may have just left you a reason to keep your hair down” he sounded a bit apologetic, “I fear you have sparked a new madness in me. I thought my travels were what was going to give me satisfaction, who would have guessed my greatest satisfaction would be pleasing you.”

She pushed his hand away, “what did you do?” She was touching where his mouth just was, she could still feel his moisture on her neck.

He smiled at her and shifted her off his lap. “I like your idea Penelope, however, since you insist on keeping this private, you must know I will take every opportunity to show you affection, however it may be. I will also leave the explaining of my amorous actions to the ton to you, Lady Whistledown,” He winked.

She nodded, she sat back on the seat and moved the curtain back. She noticed the sun peeking out from behind the clouds and opened the curtain fully so she could look out.

“Ah ha, I see the rain has stopped,” Colin moved to stand up and open the door, “Let me get the footman and help him hitch the horse.” He said jovially. He could see the footman looking at the carriage with trepidation, he was certain the man knew what had transpired between the two of them.

Before he opened the door, he looked over at Penelope. As the sunlight entered the carriage and hit her, he could see her face was flushed, her lips swollen, her hair was a mess, and a bruise was forming on her neck where he had just kissed her. She was fidgeting with her dress, trying to wipe off some mud that must have gotten there when her dress hit the floor. She looked up at him and smiled.

Maybe it was the way she looked so stunningly beautiful as the sunlight hit her face, or the glow from the early evening radiating her as an ethereal vision. Or perhaps he knew that her current state was due to the fact he just ravished her right there in the carriage. Or that he had been searching all over the continent for his purpose and she was to be his next adventure. As these thoughts were going through his mind, she was gazing at him with so much devotion that his breath caught in his chest and a warmth hugged his heart. He could not look away. It was as though he was seeing her in a new light. After years of friendship, Penelope had somehow grown to be so much more to him. He did not want to spend another day without showing her how much she meant to him.

He opened the door and stepped out into the late day light. He turned and took her hand in his, looking up at her as she sat above him in the carriage. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently.

“I love you, Penelope.” He stated softly, her eyes widened, and he felt her squeeze his hand. “I will spend every day proving that to you.

Chapter Text

The ride home was full of conversations and sweet words. Realizing that no further discussion had been made about Lady Whistledown, Colin had questions. Which Penelope answered truthfully. Much like her conversations with Eloise, however every time Colin marveled at something he would kiss her, rather than gasp as her friend did.

As they approached the Featherington house, Penelope started to put her hood back on, and much to Colin’s disappointment, rapped the top of the carriage.

“Pen, we are still two streets away,” Colin protested, “let me see you to your door.” Penelope smiled at him, gesturing down to her outfit that was still the servants’ clothes and gave him a sly smile.

“Colin, I need to enter as I left, you walking me to the door will bring unwanted attention.” She looked out the window, seeing no one around she leaned forward and gave him a chaste kiss. “I will be fine, thank you for seeing me home.”

He winked at her, “I will see you soon.” He watched as she stepped out of the carriage and started heading down the road. Colin poked his head out to speak to his driver instructing him to bring him to his mother’s house.

At this point it was almost dinner time, Colin was hungry, and he figured he would eat with his family before heading back home to Bloomsbury.

“Colin!” His mother exclaimed when he entered the drawing room, “what a surprise, I did not know you were joining us for dinner tonight.” She walked over to him and kissed his cheek.

“Yes, well I was in the area and got hungry so I thought I would pop by and see you all.” He sat on the couch next to Eloise who was nose deep in a book and barely regarded him. “Do not fret mother, I told Humboldt I’d be joining.” He smiled at her and slouched back, matching Eloise’s posture.

Violet turned back to the other side of the room where Gregory and Hyacinth were playing chess and she continued with her needlework. Benedict had the same idea as Colin and had joined for dinner that evening too. He was currently sitting across from Colin sketching in his notebook. Colin was watching his family, wondering if any of them could tell his life had changed that afternoon.

He had to admit, he felt as though he was walking with a permanent smile on his face. The joy he was feeling was so great, he felt as though his entire body was floating. He likened it to mind-numbing bliss he got from his special tea from Greece. He wanted to tell them about Penelope that he was in love with her, but he could not. He had promised her he would wait, even though he did not want to. How could he share his exhilaration with his family without telling them. He sighed, stretching his arms over his head, and reaching behind him. Colin became aware that his brother was staring at him.

“You look happy brother,” he gave Colin a lopsided smile, “you’re grinning stupidly at the ceiling, where has your brain gone this evening?”

Colin did not think he could smile bigger than he had been, but he was wrong, he felt his skin stretch around his mouth as he beamed at Benedict.

“I had a nice afternoon around London, if you must know.” He answered, he did not understand it, but he wanted to laugh. It was as though the joy inside him was seeping out of his very skin. He felt uncontained and alight with happiness.

“I have not seen anyone look so happy to spend a rainy day in London, was that all you were doing?” He gave him a questioning look with his eyebrows raised. Colin scoffed at him and crossed his arms, reminding himself he made a promise to Penelope, he needed to be a little less obvious.

“That project we spoke about yesterday, I have heard good news about it,” Benedict opened his mouth, but Colin cut him off. “Before you ask, no I will not share with you, yet.” Benedict pressed his lips together and nodded. He shrugged and looked back down at his sketchbook.

“Did you finally get to share it with Miss Penelope?” He mumbled, just loud enough for Colin to hear. Colin frowned at Benedict and decided to ignore the question, instead he turned to Eloise attempting to steer the conversation in another direction. He leaned over, so he could just whisper to her without his nosey brother hearing.

“Eloise, I have to thank you for your advice about the afternoon walk, it was most enlightening.” Eloise’s eyes flew up from her book and she stared at Colin searching his eyes for a reaction.

“Is that so?” She asked slowly, “and what came of it?” She sat up a bit, kept her head low so to keep her voice indiscernible from Benedict. Who appeared not to be listening as he had resumed his sketching.

“I’m still considering what I learned, but I hold no hard feelings about it.” He gave her a small smile. She just nodded and put her nose back in the book.

“Then you are better tempered than I was.” She confirmed, “It took quite a while for me to come around.” He patted her leg in sympathy.

“I am not feeling angry, there are still questions I have, but I understand,” he turned to the rest of the room.

“Shall we have Pen over for dinner sometime soon?” He tried to keep his voice tempered, but he found the enthusiasm he had for her company was hard to hide. Eloise narrowed her eyes at him, Benedict looked up from his sketchpad, Violet, Gregory, and Hyacinth all turned from the other side of the room to look.

“Penelope is always welcome here,” Violet said carefully, “have you two made amends?” Colin nodded, tapping his foot on the floor nervously, he was not doing well acting neutral when even the thought of her came up. It was a true infatuation that he knew, for Pen’s sake, he needed to get under control.

“I believe we are on our way to that, and I know she loves seeing Eloise,” Eloise made a small noise, when he looked at her, she had crinkled her nose at him. He shrugged with his charming smile and her face soften, she smirked at him and turned to her mother.

“I love Pen, I will extend an invitation when I see her tomorrow. Maybe we can have her over for our family dinner on Friday.” She suggested, keeping a close eye on Colin for his reaction. She did not miss the hum of delight that Colin gave. Violet nodded at the suggestion but was interrupted by Humboldt’s arrival announcing dinner was ready.

Colin, realizing he was struggling to contain himself, stood. “If you will excuse me, I need to clean up, I will be joining you shortly.” He moved towards the door. As he stepped into the hallway, he paused just outside to take a few calming breaths. He was not prepared for just how much this new realization of Penelope would affect him. He wanted to sing her name from the rooftops, his promise of secrecy was proving difficult this evening.

As he stood outside the room, he heard Hyacinth say loudly, “Colin is acting peculiar.”

“I’d say jovial.”

“Maybe he’s deep in his cups.”

“Let’s not scold him, he has been so miserable these past few weeks. Whatever it is he will tell us in good time.” Violet said loudly, shushing the comments from his siblings.

“Who it is… you mean,” Eloise mumbled.

“What was that El?” Colin heard Benedict say.

“Nothing, I was just making a joke.” She replied, and Colin heard her slam her book shut. Upon that noise he hurried down the hall, so they did not know he was eavesdropping. Colin was realizing he had to figure out the best way to approach this secret courtship, considering his family already knew something was afoot.

Penelope entered her home through the kitchen, once again grateful for the reduced staff as no one saw her arrive. She snuck up the back stairs to her room, making sure to close the door quietly. Penelope leaned against the door and let out a sigh, then pinched herself. Was this real? A smile spread on her face thinking about how the afternoon transpired.

She had started the day with her continued anger at Colin. How foolish she had been, her own insecurities could have been the reason for lifetime of sorrow and loneliness. She had opened up to him, allowed him to know her mind and feelings, and it was what was needed to find out he already loved her….

He loved her.

She was still there, sitting in the carriage, she could still feel the tinge on her knuckles from his kiss, ‘I love you Penelope’, he had said. She had wanted to hear that for as long as she could remember. Is this what it feels like to love and be loved?

She started hopping up and down, one foot to the other, like a child dancing to a drum. She wanted to scream with happiness. Instead, she was brought quickly down to earth when a loud pounding was at her door.

“Penelope,” the whine of her older sister Prudence came, dampening her mood briefly. “What are you doing in there, it sounds like a thunderstorm with all the stomping.” Penelope shook her head and gave two more stomps. She quickly took off her servant clothes and threw them under the bed, grabbing her robe to wrap around her chamise. She opened the door to her sister scowling, her arms crossed.

“I saw you run by, you didn’t see me in my room?” She accused. Penelope bit the inside of her lips and raised her eyebrows.

“Did you?” She said softly, after giving a good glare to her sister.

“You're playing dress up with Varley’s clothes? I will tell Mama.” She threatened, then looked to the ceiling as though deep in thought. “On second thought, you should get used to wearing them. I had a proposal today from Mr. Dankworth.” She thrust her hand in Penelope’s face, a gawdy ring with sapphires and pearls shining at her. “I am to be a wife, and you…” she pointed at Penelope shaking her finger wildly, “will finally be an on the shelf spinster.” Penelope bit her upper lip, trying not to laugh in her sisters face at her cluelessness, but remembered her decision to keep Colin to herself. She sighed and gave Prudence a smile, looking closely at the ring to acquiesce her sisters need for attention.

“Congratulations Prudence,” she said sincerely, “the ring is beautiful, you will make a lovely bride.”

“Yes, I know.” Prudence confirmed. She snatched her hand back to admire her ring. Then looked at Penelope and gasped. “What happened to your neck? Did those clothes cause you a terrible reaction?”

Penelope’s hand flew to her neck, she knew exactly where her sister was talking about. She had forgotten to look in the mirror. She covered her neck with her left hand and let out a quick uncomfortable giggle. “Oh, it must have, the lace is quite irritating.” Prudence sneered again, as though a foul stench had just accosted her.

“Why were you dressed like that?” She asked.

“I was going for a walk, I didn’t want to be bothered, and since we don’t have staff for a chaperone, it’s the best way to blend in.” She stated quickly, it was the answer she had come up with a while ago when she had to make her solo outings during the day. It seemed to satisfy her sister who just gave a nod and turned to leave the room.

“I guess you’ll have to get used to that for a bit then, seeing I’ll be needing the chaperone for me and my fiancé.” She gloated as she exited the room.

Penelope shut the door after her and ran to her mirror to see what her sister was seeing on her neck. On the left side of her neck, right under her ear, where Colin was kissing her so deeply, there was a bright purple and red bruise. She gasped, rubbing it, hoping it would help. It didn’t. She was doing some quick thinking. While she knew her sister was too slow to figure out what it was, she knew many mamas of the ton would not be so naive. Now she knew why Colin had mentioned she may need to wear her hair down. She could also don a fichu, which might cover it, or her spencer had a high collar. All those would work, but she would need to be clever with Varley and her mother.

She found an underdress to put on and combed her hair out to cover her shoulder. It was a bit casual for dinner, but she figured it was better than what she was wearing earlier in the day. She heard the dinner bell and hurried down the stairs.

Upon entering the dining room, her mother was already sitting at the head of the table, waiting for her. “Did you have a good day?” She asked without looking up from the last Whistledown pamphlet she was reading.

“Yes, thank you Mama.” She answered softly as she sat in her seat. She saw potatoes and meat that looked like it was on its last round of service before it became chicken food. She looked up and saw Prudence sitting across from her at the table, spending more time gazing at her ring than eating.

“Do you think Whistledown will write about my engagement?” She pondered, “I do hope enough time has passed so everyone forgets my last engagement, it was so rude how Cousin Jack just left without my regard.” Penelope was sure her mother never filled Prudence in with the details as to why her last engagement failed, even if she did, Penelope would guess Prudence wouldn’t understand it anyway. Portia looked up at Prudence and smiled.

“If you are missing from the next Lady Whistledown, I shall determine the woman is a farce of a gossip writer.” She took a sip of her wine and sat back, “we shall be sure to show off you and Mr. Dankworth at the ball tomorrow night. I saw Lady Amhurst at the park today and ensured she knew about your impending nuptials. She extended an invitation right there” Portia looked pleased with her social climbing. She turned to Penelope, “It will be just the two of us after Prudence is off and married Penelope, I have always assumed that would be the case.” She looked with pity at Penelope, although the look could be assumed it was a self-loathing pity,

“So, it seems Mama,” Penelope pushed her lips together as she mashed her potatoes into her plate. She was suddenly not very hungry. It irritated her as just a few moments ago she felt as though she was walking on air. Her mother had a way of bringing her down from happiness with just a few cruel words.

Along with that came the familiar thoughts of worthlessness. She closed her eyes for a moment trying to will them away. Reminding herself of the afternoon. It was like a dream what had transpired earlier that day. She believed his words, everything he had said and done to her were real. Her mind was still telling her it was a fantasy. She sighed and opened her eyes again, knowing it may take some time to get used to the idea of Colin as more than just a friendly acquaintance; but now an amorous one. She heard her mother clear her throat.

“Penelope, are you well?” She was glaring at her irritated, “did you hear what I said?”

“No, I’m sorry, I did not.” She frowned.

“I’m taking Prudence to the modiste tomorrow, I am going to get her a gown that will compliment her new ring. I won’t have the funds for your new dress. You can wear one of those strange new gowns that was accidentally delivered the other day.” She flipped her hand in the air, “I will have a new dress too of course, the mother of the bride needs to look her best.” She flourished, while finishing her glass of wine. Not a bite of food had been touched on her plate.

Penelope stood, she wanted to escape, go to her room to think. “Have a good night mama, I look forward to all the blessings this union will bring you,” she turned to Prudence, “and you of course.” She smiled and left the room before her mother could retort with some sarcastic response.

When she got to her room, she locked the door behind her and flopped on her bed. She was longing for him, the words from her mother had the familiar feelings of insecurity returning. A doubt his intentions for her were real was seeping into her mind. She sighed loudly, as though the breath itself would disperse the tension. She spent a few minutes, maybe hours, lying there, feeling happy than anxious than doubtful, over and over. Finally, she told herself to get up and find a book to occupy her mind. As she was about to sit up, she heard a soft knock on her door.

Penelope opened it to find Varley standing there with her hand extended grasping a note.

“I’m not one to hide things from your Mum miss,” she whispered, “but I’m soft when it comes to romance. I was given this by a footman who asked me to be discrete and give this to you.” She shoved the note in Penelope’s hand with a wink. Penelope smiled at her.

“Thank you, Varley,” She went to shut the door, but was surprised when Varley’s hand flew out to stop it, softly.

“I know your mother thinks you a lost cause, but if you ask me, I’ve always seen you as the diamond of this family. You deserve love and happiness.” She smiled warmly at Penelope, placing her hand on top of hers. Penelope let out a soft laugh and nodded, mouthing the words “Thank you” again before shutting the door.

Taken aback by the unexpected warmth the Varley just gave her, Penelope took a moment to study the envelope. She knew it was from Colin, she recognized his writing on the front addressed to her. She quickly opened the seal to see his scribbled writing on the page.

Dearest Pen,

I am leaving my mother’s house and could not help but drop a missive for you as I pass on my way home. Did you know I spent the entire evening smiling like a fool? I do not think even a knighting from the queen herself could make me feel the happiness I feel when I think of you. I have asked for you to join us for dinner on Friday at Number 5. Per your request of secrecy, I insisted Eloise make the invitation formally tomorrow, but know that it is me who thought up this splendid plan.
I cannot wait to see you again.

Yours,
Colin

Penelope read the note three times just imaging Colin’s voice reading it to her, as she went to put down the envelope, she saw there was another small piece of paper that looks like it was stuffed in a rush after the first. She fished it out and opened it.

Come outside, our tree
I want a goodnight kiss
Colin

Penelope leapt up and flew to her door, stopping herself before making too much of a racket. She pulled the door open slowly and tiptoed down the hall to the stairs, she would sneak out the servant door. She was grateful for her experience with sneaking out as her many nights of Lady Whistledown deliveries.

Finally in the kitchen, she pulled the door open and rushed into the backyard. She quickly turned to look up at the house, ensuring there was no one watching from their windows as she made her way to the back of the yard to where the willow tree was. She hadn’t been back out here since that night, and now she liked that they had a place they could meet and call their own.

As she walked around the corner and saw the tree, she could see him standing behind the low branches, his frame illuminated by the moonlight behind him. She pushed past the leafy canopy to see him standing with his hands clasped in front of him, his jacket was unbuttoned, his hair mussed as though he had been running his hand through it, and his handsome face alight with a dazzling smile that made her heart leap.

“You got my note,” He stepped towards her, grasping her arms and pulling her towards him. Once her body was flushed with his, her arms wrapped around his waist, she was looking up at him. He lowered his head and kissed her, she relaxed into him, letting him take the lead as her mouth matched his movements.

After a few moments, he pulled back and started playing with the hair that fell gently around her face. While gazing up at him she realized just how much taller he was than her. All their previous kisses had been when she was sitting or lying down, never standing up. She had a sudden pang of guilt thinking that he will always be leaning over, she giggled a little at the thought of him with a crooked neck as an old man due to his constant need to lean over for her.

“What’s so funny?”

“Did you know how much taller you are than I?” She buried her face in his chest, breathing him in. His hands rested behind her neck and head, holding her to him. “I fear you will become a cripple with a lifetime of kissing me.” She pulled her head back to look up at him scrunching her nose and grinning.

Colin moved both his hands to the side of her face, gently pushing her hair back. He leaned over and captured her lips with his in a tender kiss. After a moment he pulled back, then kissed her nose, “It is an ailment I will proudly suffer from if that’s the case.” He smiled softly at her, “now that I’ve discovered how wonderful your kisses are, I do not think I will ever stop.” He then straightened his back and looked to where her head came up to his chin when standing tall. “You know what Pen?” He said mischievously, “let me try something.”

Suddenly, he bent at his knees, so his face came down in front of hers. She felt his arms circle under her bottom and in one swift move, her feet left the ground, and he was standing straight holding her so she was face to face with him. She let out a squeal and wrapped her arms around his neck. He started laughing and spung her around in a circle. She had buried her head in the crook of his neck and was laughing with him. When he stopped spinning, she pulled back and looked into his eyes, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of his neck.

“I think I was a bit loud there.” She giggled softly, pursing her lips in embarrassment. “I hope no one heard me.”

“I love doing things to you so people can hear.” He wiggled his eyebrows and winked at her.

“I love that too,” she murmured, lowering her head to his and kissing him deeply again. He tasted of brandy and chocolate, his familiar aftershave filling her nose. She moved to his cheek then started kissing his jaw, peppering kisses down the column of his throat to his pulse point, where she kissed and sucked, giving him the same attention he had given her earlier. He slowly lowered her back to the ground with a groan, he gently pulled her head back and kissed her forehead.

“You’re giving me a reason to keep my damn cravat on,” he mumbled to her, still holding her face between his hands. “I will have you know, if I wasn’t so respectful of your wishes, I’d be leaving marks all over you so people know you are mine.” He stepped back, taking her in. She was adorable in her simple underdress with her hair wild and out of place, her lips were glistening and swollen after being kissed so thoroughly. Her smile was wicked and wide and beautiful. Colin could not understand how it took him so long to see how magnificent she was.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she shook her head, squeezing his hands in hers. “It seems so surreal, like a dream, are we moving too fast?”

“No love,” he touched her cheek gently, rubbing his thumb over her lips, “it has taken long enough, I will be honest, I am already struggling keeping this a secret. I find myself so happy I want to share this joy with everyone.”

“I’m so sorry Colin, I know the feeling, but I ask just a small bit a patience,” she pressed her lips together, “shall we talk about details?”

“I suppose,” Colin stepped back pretended to take out a pen to write, “what are the guidelines you propose?”

“We continue as we have been when in public, one dance at the balls, only promenade when family outings occur.” She knew most of the ton barely paid her notice, however Colin would continue to be popular, so she knew she must prepare herself for seeing him with others.

“I will be calling on you,” he stated, it was not a question, “I will come often, and I will bring flowers and books and anything I see that I think you will enjoy.”

“That is fine, on one condition,” She said, “you come when my mother isn’t home, or at least try. Prudence got engaged to Mr. Dankworth, so I suspect she will be out of the house often with wedding planning. If you must see me, we can meet back here, at our tree.”

Colin nodded, held out his hand to shake on this arrangement. Penelope grasped his hand and shook firmly, only to have him pull her into him and kiss her knuckles gently.

“I will see you as much as I can, I have not left yet, and I already miss you.” He pulled her into him for one last kiss. She giggled when he started kissing behind her ear, tickling her. She gently pulled him away and stepped back.

“Goodnight Colin, have a safe trip home.”

“Goodnight my beautiful Penelope,” He whispered, feeling his heart flutter as she looked at him so adoringly.

He watched as she walked back to her house, seemingly dodging the patches of grass where the moonlight shone, staying in the shadow, sneaking to the side door. He appreciated that she had learned quite a bit about sneaking around due to her experience with Lady Whistledown.

He had not thought much about it since his discovery earlier that day. They had talked about it a bit whilst driving home after their intimacies in the rain, however he had not put too much thought into the fact of what Lady Whistledown had done to him. On the ride back to Bloomsbury he considered all the times he was mentioned in the pamphlet. While most of them were complementary, his engagement with Marina was not. While it ruined him, it also ruined her. He remembered the queen’s tea where she and her family had embarrassingly been asked to leave. Penelope was shunned just like the rest of her family that day.

At the time, he was too caught up in his own sadness over the failed engagement, but he never appreciated how much the Featheringtons suffered as well. He remembered Eloise talking about vengeance for Pen, how she had hoped Lady Whistledown would right her wrongs and bring Penelope back to good standing in the ton. Thanks to his sister, Daphne, and her kindness, they were saved from exile.

Colin shook his head. All these things he was realizing now, Penelope had lived with for the past two years. He had lots of time to discuss with her, but for now, he had come to peace with the fact that all her actions, and his for that matter, had led them to this moment. He could not hold anger over issues from the past.

Colin arrived back at home in Bloomsbury and went right to bed. He lay in bed, thinking about Penelope and how much had changed since he was laying here this morning. As he recalled the events of the day, he became stuck in the carriage, in the rain. His body pressed to hers, her lips on his lips, her breasts in his hands, her taste in his mouth. He was getting hard; he had held back on his release for fear that he would not be able to restrain himself.

While they seemed unable to keep decorum amidst themselves physically, he could at least ensure that they have no reason to request a special license. A few weeks ago he promised himself he would take care of her, protect her, then he had kissed her. So, he then promised he would restrain himself, respect her as a gently bred lady. Then he had tasted her, and touched her, so now the best he could do is promise himself not to spill his seed on her, keep her pure. That meant he would have to take care of himself for a while until they could be wed.

He made quick work of his breeches and took himself in hand. He closed his eyes and pictured Penelope on her knees, her moaning, her perfect lips circling his cock while her little hand pumped his shaft. He groaned, tightening his fist and pumping a bit faster, he could feel his balls tighten, knowing this would not take long at all. He imagined Penelope underneath him, with her legs spread wide and her knees over his shoulders while he sunk into her. He pictured her breast bouncing with each thrust and he could almost hear her moaning his name. With a few more firm jerks of his hand, he felt his mind go blank, the warmth of his fluids spurting out onto his belly. He dropped his hands to his side, panting, giving himself a moment to recover before grabbing his sheets and cleaning up his mess. Colin fell into a deep sleep soon after.

Colin was true to his word. He called on Penelope the next day. He brought another book with him as it seemed books were the easiest to sneak in. Portia was there and did not leave them unchaperoned. So, they spent most of the visit reading the book together. Colin sitting as close as he could to Penelope on the chaise, occasionally brushing his hand against her hand when her mother was not paying attention.

Eloise had come by as Colin was leaving. She came bounding into the house, unannounced, to extend the invitation for dinner on Friday. She was surprised to see Colin standing in the foyer with Penelope. She gave a confused look, but as soon as Colin left forgot about it and joined Penelope in the drawing room for tea.

That evening, they both attended the ball. Prudence was paraded around by Portia showing off her ring. Penelope stood quietly in the corner, watching as usual. Eloise came to keep her company for a short while. Colin arrived late, and upon entering walked right over to Penelope to sweep her to the dance floor.

He whispered beautiful words to her, held her closer than necessary, and squeezed her hand when the dance was through. He brought her lemonade and stood by her side for longer than usual. It wasn’t until Penelope insisted he socialize, did he reluctantly leave to find his Mama.

She smiled painfully at him when he was forced to dance with other debutantes. Each time he would come to her after and mutter apologies. Penelope assured Colin that she was fine.

“I promise, if I did not love you so much, I would announce our courtship and spend the rest of the night with you in my arms.” He whispered, after a torturous dance with Miss. Goring.

“I know,” she whispered back.

Secretly, Penelope got a thrill watching the woman of the ton attempt to flirt and garner Colin’s attention. He was hers. The hurt that she used to feel was becoming a memory. Colin would give her a wink or a smile. He was always a gentleman, making the women he was dancing with or talking to feel special, but his heart was hers.

In the days that followed, he called on her privately. Each day Colin visited he brought a book or a small bit of flowers. They would steal a kiss if no one was looking, but most of the time it was long glances, soft touches, and whispered words of affection.

When Friday arrived, Penelope was readying herself for joining the Bridgertons for dinner. Her mother had been extended an invitation as well, however she had assumed it was on Eloise’s invite. So, Portia declined as she claimed she was exhausted from a week of wedding planning for Prudence. Penelope was planning on heading to Number 5 around sundown. However, after tea she received another envelope snuck to her from Varley, all it read was.

I will be picking you up at six.

C

She looked at the clock, she had an hour to get ready. Penelope put on her new blue gown and tied her hair up with a matching blue ribbon, careful to be sure her hair still covered the mark on her neck. It was fading, now smaller but still a deep purple with faint yellowish boarder and very visible. She had not seen Colin’s neck as he always had his cravat on, but she assumed he had a similar bruise to hide.

At ten of six, there was a knock at her door. Varley announced Colin was downstairs. She couldn’t help but feel her heart leap and burst into a wide smile. Even though she had known Colin for years, everything felt so new with him. Each time she saw him, she felt a new rush of excitement. She was trying to pretend that everything was the same, but she knew that tonight would be a struggle to hide, especially in front of the Bridgertons who had known her for so long.

Upon coming down the stairs, she saw Colin standing in the foyer looking as handsome as ever. He had a bouquet of pink roses; it was the first time he brought anything this pronounced to her house. She let out a little giggle as she got to the last step, he approached her, presenting her with the flowers and bowing. She reached out to take the flowers beaming at him.

“Oh Colin, these are beautiful,” she inhaled their fragrant scent deeply, “thank you.”

He was rocking back on his heels, hands clasped behind his back, with a wide smile on his face, looking very pleased with himself. “I picked them in Hyde Park and had my butler wrap them for you.” He leaned forward and whispered, “they were from the trellis that we read Byron under.” He winked and straightened up.

Penelope blushed, biting her lip she looked up at him. “You picked them? Colin! Well done, who knew you had an eye for botany.”

He let out a laugh, “I am full of surprises.”

“Mr. Bridgerton,” Portia stood at the top of the stairs, coming down with Prudence close behind. “Did you bring Penelope flowers?” He nodded and hummed in acknowledgment. “That’s so kind of you,” she continued sarcastically sweetly. “Poor Penelope gets overlooked by everyone, it’s so nice of you to think of her after all these years.”

Penelope could see Colin’s face was hiding rage, she quickly cut in. “Colin saw me admiring these the other day at the park, he was kind enough to fetch some and bring them.” She turned to Varley, “would you be so kind to put them in water, I would love them to be placed in my room.” Varley smiled and took the flowers from Penelope. She then turned to Colin, he was still staring daggers at Portia, chewing his lip to keep himself from saying something.

“Colin,” he quickly turned to look at her, his face relaxing a bit when he saw her soft smile, “shall we go? I don’t want to keep your family waiting.”

“Oh yes, how nice of them to invite you. Prudence and I are going to the Dankworth’s for dinner, so it was thoughtful of the Bridgertons to include you, so you were not alone this evening.” Portia gloated; her false smile plastered on her face.

“Congratulations Miss Prudence” Colin smoothly recovered from his anger, “I have not had a chance to wish you well on your engagement.” He gave Prudence a smile and bowed to her. She giggled and batted her eyes at him.

“Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton,” She fawned, “It was unexpected, while a family such as yours would have been a better match, I’m pleased with the situation.”

Penelope could not hide her scowl. Was Prudence flirting with Colin? She felt her stomach turn for a moment, considering the interaction, then shook her head and placed her hand on Colin’s arm. “Shall we go?” She asked again. Colin looked at her, his eyes softened, and his mouth curled into a dazzling smile.

“I do think we should,” he said, taking her hand and tucking it into the crook of his elbow. He nodded to Penelope’s family and turned them towards the door.

As they left, Penelope heard her mother call out, “we will be out late Penelope, if we aren’t home when you get here, we will try to be quiet coming in.”

Colin led her out the door, leaning over to her once they stepped outside, he murmured, “Did your mother just say she won’t be home till late tonight? Does that mean your house will be empty.” Penelope saw the mischief in his eyes, he squeezed her hand and leaned closer still, so that his lips brushed her ear. “I’d like to take advantage of an empty house.”

She felt a thrill move down from where his breath hit her ear to her lower belly, she squeezed her legs together and took a deep breath. She looked back and him and smirked, “We shall see Mr. Bridgerton.”

Dinner was running late, as it usually did when the entire Bridgerton family was around. Daphne and Simon had arrived with their two little ones in tow, Kate and Anthony were running a bit late; Anthony blaming Kate for the tardiness while she shook her head and leaning over to Penelope whispered; “he was too caught up in his books, lost track of time.” Penelope nodded, looking over to the three oldest brothers standing and talking, everyone was milling around the dining room even though poor Humboldt had called the family to dinner.

“Pen, your seat is next to mine as usual,” Eloise exclaimed. After some loud throat clearing, and eventually Violet tapping her wine glass to get everyone’s attention. The family settled around the table for dinner. Penelope was sitting next to Eloise, with Daphne on her other side. Colin was sitting directly across from her. He kept glancing across the table, winking or smiling at her whenever he had the chance. Each small bit of attention he gave, she blushed, and would look down smiling at her plate.

The family had numerous discussions. Eloise was having a debate with Benedict about an art show at the palace, Daphne was caught up with her children, while Simon, Anthony and Kate discussed matters of the court. Colin was making no effort to listen to anyone, as he was paying more attention to Penelope who was slightly turned toward Eloise listening into her discussion with Benedict.

“Colin!” Everyone at the table turned to Anthony who was looking at Colin clearly having been calling his name. Colin turned his head casually and raised his eyebrows at his brother.

“Yes Anthony,” he took a sip of his wine, and cleared his throat, “I’m sorry, I was distracted for a moment.”

“Indeed,” Anthony said, his elbow on the table, he was studying Colin before he continued. “What happened in the shipyard yesterday, did you secure the delivery?”

“Oh, yes, of course, thank you for trusting me with that brother.” He straightened up, hoping Anthony understood how seriously he took his tasks. “As a matter of fact, it reminded me of something I saw in Greece…”

“Oh please!” Eloise whined, “Please, please, please spare us another Grecian adventure story.” She threw her head back and rolled her eyes dramatically. Colin bit the inside of his lip and narrowed his eyes at her.

“Very well El, I won’t bore you,” He looked at Penelope, catching her eye, “I know there are others who appreciate my tales.” He lifted his eyebrows and smiled at her. She tried to hide her blush by quickly looking down at her plate. Colin was openly flirting with her and she was trying so hard to act as though she did not notice.

“It’s so nice to see the two of you have made amends,” Violet said to Penelope, noticing her smiling at Colin’s looks.

“Yes, there was a bit of tension the other day at tea, we were all worried that you two would be at odds for a while.” Kate cut in, she was sitting next to Colin, looking at Penelope warmly.

“We have indeed worked through our issues,” Colin stated proudly, “she is also helping me with my project, as it is something I believe she would be the best resource to have in order to secure my success.” He nodded at her. Penelope smiled and reached over to take a sip of her wine. She heard Kate gasp and cough, which drew the attention of Anthony who was immediately concerned for her well-being.

“It is fine, I’m fine my love,” She gently patted his hand as he rubbed her back, “the water just got stuck in my throat is all.” She smiled at Anthony, ensuring he was satisfied and relaxed.

She continued to clear her throat lightly until Penelope looked up at her to see that she was staring right at her. Kate’s eyes wide as though she was trying to get Penelope’s attention. Penelope worried her eyes and pursed her lips, then saw Kate gently take her hand and cover the side of her neck. Penelope regarded her a moment, and Kate gave a little nod with her eyes wide and kept patting the side of her own neck while holding her gaze.

Penelope copied her, and once she touched her neck realized her hair was not covering the offensive bruise Colin had left. She was sure her face was bright red as Kate gave her a small knowing smile and nodded her head again, turning back to her husband.

Penelope took a few deep breaths, she knew Kate saw the bruise, she was confident Kate knew what caused a bruise like that. She was careful not to look across the table at Colin, as she was sure it would be a tell as to who put the bruise there in the first place. Penelope was running her fingers through her hair, making sure her hair was covering her neck, furious at herself for her carelessness. After a few moments, Eloise pulled her out of her trance and back into a conversation about the new book they had just read.

After dinner, the women retired to the drawing room for games and port while the men went to the study for brandy. Penelope was obsessively fixing her hair, now wishing she had worn a more covering garment so she could enjoy herself. Eloise had been chatting next to her but excused herself to step out for a few moments. While Penelope sat on her chair sipping her tea, Kate came over and sat closely next to her, grabbing her hand.

“Penelope,” she said softly, squeezing her hand gently, “I cannot say I’m surprised; I had a feeling about you and…” she looked around and leaned in, lowering her voice more, “…Colin, will there be an announcement soon?”

Penelope bit her upper lip and smiled, thinking carefully about her response. The Viscountess would not be fooled with a falsehood, and her intuition was very good. Penelope took in a deep breath, “I supposed there is no use in telling you a tale, as you are far cleverer than that.” Kate nodded in acknowledgment, “we are keeping it secret; this was a moment of weakness that shan’t happen again.”

“Why a secret Miss Penelope? Surely you are happy with a courtship with Colin.”

“Oh yes, I am happy,” Penelope gushed quietly, “we have been friends for so long, and this has happened suddenly…but naturally too. I do not think either of us know what to expect, and the pressures of the ton watching us I fear would be too much.”

“But we are family, there is no pressure for us.” Kate scrunched her nose, immediately regretting what she said, “on second thought, perhaps that is a clever idea, this family may be more bothersome than the entirety of Mayfair. Even though it is all out of love.”

“Yes, of course love. The Bridgertons and my own family would be lovingly meddlesome.” She and Kate giggled a little at this, in time for Eloise to join them again.

“What’s this all about?” she inquired, taking a large sip of her tea before plopping back down next to Penelope.

“Just a laugh between sisters,” Kate said, winking at Penelope. Penelope felt her face flush again, she hadn’t realized that her happiness with Colin would spread to the entire family. She was used to hiding her feelings from him, she did not anticipate the difficulty of hiding her feelings for him from his family.

“Yes, Pen is like family, I believe you have truly settled in here Kate.” She grabbed Penelope’s hand beaming, “for Pen and I are attached together forever. We may not have been born of the same mother, but she is my sister in spirit.”

Kate stood, rubbing her belly, and smiled down at the two of them. “Yes, and I am so glad to have her here with us.”

In the study, Colin was reclining back in the large leather armchair, his feet resting on a small table, sipping his brandy. Anthony and Benedict were going on and on about Benedict’s newest painting, and Benedict was insisting on moving back to My Cottage before the season was through to finish his collection.

“I am only a day’s ride away Ant,” he slurred a bit, “besides now that Colin is home, he can help with whatever you need help with. You know I’m no good at it anyway.”

“Yes, but what of the marriage market, aren’t you ready to find a wife? You are not getting any younger.” Benedict scoffed at this, threw his head back and chortled.

“I don’t know if marriage is for me brother, I enjoy bachelorhood too much.” He joked, “there’s a chit in every town that I can wet my wick with.” He said, “and when I do meet the lady of my dreams, it will be because she enchanted me…not out of duty or desperation.”

“Ouch,” Colin joined in, “Ben, that’s harsh. Our brother did well considering his situation, Kate is a true diamond.”

“It’s true Colin,” Anthony beamed, “my wife is the best part of me. I do think I could not have found a better Viscountess.”

“To Kate,” Colin held up his drink, toasting his sister-in-law.

“To Kate!” his brothers joined in, all taking big swigs of their drinks, and all dramatically smacking their lips after they swallowed.

“Colin,” Benedict said, “would you care to tell us about your developing relationship with your old friend, Miss Penelope?” He teased lifting his eyebrows.

“There is not too much to tell,” Colin stated vaguely, which was true as he was not supposed to tell them anything.

“You spent most of the night gazing at her Colin,” Benedict continued, “I mean, we have had many dinners with Miss Penelope present, and I have not once seen you look at her the way you were tonight.”

“I did not notice,” Anthony frowned, looking between Benedict and Colin, “Colin, I asked you about this before, you told me there was nothing.”

“Ah, yes, I did.” Colin said, taking a large sip of his drink. “I thought she looked lovely tonight, so maybe I was gazing at her appreciating how she looked. There is nothing improper about admiring a lovely woman. She was sitting across from me, there were not many other places to look either”

There was silence from his brothers, they were looking at each other and then studying him. He narrowed his eyes at them, trying to decern what was being communicated.

“Nothing improper, that is true Colin, just be careful where your eyes linger.” Anthony said. “You will let me know though...” he left off the rest of the statement, just raising his eyes with a confirming look.

“If there is ever anything you should know, I promise you will know it.” Colin was trying to keep everything vague with his answers, he hated lying to his brother, but he figured if he kept his answers neutral, he wasn’t really lying.

Anthony nodded and downed the last bit of his drink, placing it on the table he stood up and announced loudly that he had to take his wife home. Colin joined in, figuring he would walk Penelope home. Benedict stopped him as he started to leave the study.

“Colin, you are not good at lying, did you know that.”

Colin pressed his lips together and turned them down, shaking his head a little. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

__________

Much to Colin’s disappointment, as he was walking Penelope back to her house, he saw that Portia was home.

“Shame,” Colin murmured in her ear, as he held Penelope in his arms in the shadows between the house and the garden they had snuck over to. “I was hoping to hear you moan my name again, perhaps another time.” He kissed the top of her head and was curling her hair around his fingers.

“Is that so?” Penelope teased, looking up at him and tugging on his lapels, pulling his face towards her, “I think it’s your turn to moan Colin.” She smiled as he lowered his head to her, kissing her deeply. He teased her mouth with his tongue and sucked her lower lip, lightly nipping and then soothing her again with kisses. She was rubbing her fingers up and down his back while they kept softly kissing each other. He heard her moan quietly as she pulled back and looked up at him.

“You know Kate has figured us out,” she shared with him softly, “she noticed my neck, then asked me when we were to make an announcement.” Colin’s eyes lit up, then remembering himself he frowned. He knew the arrangement would be difficult, but he was looking forward to making a grand announcement and surprising his entire family. He anticipated the joy his news would bring them all, especially his mother.

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her we were keeping it secret; I cannot lie to her; she knew right away.” She pulled back from him and started fidgeting with his cravat that had come undone. “I think she suspected something the day they returned from their honeymoon at Hyde Park; she caught on I was upset after we came back from our walk. She noticed my hair was a mess.”

“Is she going to tell anyone?”

“I don’t think so, but I didn’t ask her not to.” Penelope smiled, “she called me her sister, Colin, do you know how happy that made me?” Colin rubbed her hand between his, shaking his head.

“I hope not as happy as I make you,” he joked, his eyes were wide and full of affection.

“It is close,” She said, “I wish I could explain to you how much it meant to me. How much you mean to me.” She felt shy, saying affirmations to Colin out loud was so new, she still felt as though her love for him was supposed to be hidden. Colin beamed at her and pulled her to him, as if reading her mind.

“I love you Penelope, and there is no need to explain your feelings to me. I can feel them in every look you give me, every word you write to me, and every time you touch me.” He kissed her, “I am so happy, so very happy, I do not think I knew happiness until I realized my love for you.” He swept her up in his arms, picking her feet off the ground, and kissed her passionately. After a few minutes, Penelope tapped his shoulders, and he took the hint and lowered her down, gently kissing her one last time before she stepped back.

“I love you,” She said clearly, “now, I must get inside before Varley comes out looking for me. I know she saw us walking towards the house.”

“Of course, my beautiful Pen, I will see you tomorrow?”

“The Trowbridge ball is tomorrow.”

“Save me a dance?” he asked, winking at her as he stepped backwards towards the street.

“Always.”

Chapter Text

The ball Lady Trowbridge threw was well known to be full of opulence and mystery. The widow liked to be the talk of the ton when it came to what her event had to offer. Penelope especially enjoyed looking for bits of gossip as the space provided many opportunities to hide and discover scandal, offering a lot of substance for Whistledown’s column.

Penelope arrived with her family along with Mr. Henry Dankworth fashionably late; as Portia wanted to make sure the newly engaged couple had another grand entrance. Prudence had been parading around Henry loudly discussing the details of their engagement.

In Penelope’s opinion, it was a very dull story, but Prudence wanted to be sure everyone knew how it came to be. Henry had accidently mentioned marriage to Portia, and before he could correct the enthusiastic mother, Prudence was engaged. Either Henry was too polite to correct the situation, or maybe he was intending marriage, she may never know. He did seem relatively happy with the scenario none the less.

Prudence was also elated for her bans to be published in Whistledown. Although briefly mentioned, it brought so much pride to her mother and sister. Penelope was happy she could give them an opportunity to relish the attention her pamphlet provided, rather than the shame it had brought in the past.

Soon after arriving, Penelope quickly removed herself from her family to find a quiet spot to disappear into. She had not heard or seen the Bridgerton’s yet. Penelope found the lemonade, helped herself to a glass, and took in the room around her, noting who was there. She was so busy taking in the crowd, that she did not hear the elderly woman approach her. It wasn’t until she heard the smack of the cane next to her did she turn to see Lady Agatha Danbury standing watching the dancefloor too.

“Lovely evening, is it not?” Lady Danbury exclaimed, “I must say Miss Featherington, it was nice to see your family mentioned in the recent Whistledown for a good reason.” Penelope looked over at the woman and gave her a shy smile.

“Indeed” She said, “I am very happy for my sister.”

“Your mother seems to be as equally elated,” She nodded towards Portia, who was holding Prudence’s hand high above her head, showing off the ring. “It would seem that your mother feels as though she is the one betrothed.” She heard Lady Danbury huff lightly, when she looked over, she saw the woman was studying her mother with a mild distain.

“She has taken credit for this match; I do believe she sees herself as a victor in securing a husband for Prudence.”

“I think your mother knows a challenge when she sees one.” She said thoughtfully. Penelope turned to Lady Danbury with a puzzled look which was not unnoticed by the old woman who let out a great laugh. “What I mean is, Prudence, while a lovely girl, was not going to be an easy debutante to wed. Your mother’s hard effort to find a husband for her was a struggle, and this will be her greatest triumph.”

“I see,” Penelope said quietly, it hurt her a little to hear this, not because she didn’t agree with the statement. Prudence was not someone who had suitors climbing walls to court her, but because she assumed the ton saw her as the most unfit for marriage out of all the Featheringtons.

“My dear,” she turned to Penelope, “I hope you know you are in a different category than your sister. Your mother does not need to worry about you.”

“No, I suppose she doesn’t.” Penelope responded, considering her reputation, a wallflower was not someone to worry about when it came to ever spending time on finding a suitor.

“You are doing just fine without her help, she knows this. I suspect once the dust settles from these nuptials, she will be grateful for your independence.”

“Thank you,” Penelope wasn’t sure if this was a compliment, she would take it as such, but she could not help that her face was not showing any gratitude for the words she just heard.

“Don’t look so forlorn,” Lady Danbury scowled, “you have always been the diamond in your family. I see you, even though you cling to these walls, you have caught the eye of the most eligible bachelor in the ton.” She lifted her eyebrows knowingly. “The third Mr. Bridgerton has always found his way to your side; he comes from a good family and knows a fine woman when he sees one.”

Penelope’s eyes were wide. Did Lady Danbury hear something? Could Kate have already mentioned what she knew? She was worrying her lip and hands trying to come up with a response. “I have known Colin for years; he and I have been friends…”

“I know friends,” She interrupted, “He does not look at you like a friend, he will come around.” She nodded towards the other side of the room, “he is a smart man, and like me, he knows you will not be around forever, a woman like you will find happiness no matter what comes your way. Smart women always do.” She winked at Penelope and inclined her head, “He is heading this way now, like a bee to honey.”

She looked over and saw him walking purposely towards her. He held her gaze so fiercely she could not look away. It wasn’t until he was almost standing in front of her, that he noticed Lady Danbury’s presence. She saw him pause briefly, regarding the old woman, a look of panic quickly crossed his face before it softened, and he gave a small bow to her.

“Lady Danbury,” he said quickly, “how lovely to see you this evening.”

“No need for pleasantries my dear,” she laughed, “I know you were not coming over here to speak to me. I just happen to be standing next to the reason for your determined trek over.”

Colin’s face relaxed and a handsome smile spread across his face. “Ah, my Lady, you have discovered my purpose, I will not deny that fact”

He looked at Penelope, and she felt her breath stop. How was it that even after all these years, he still made her heart skip a beat. The energy he had was feral, like an animal in heat. If she could read his mind, she was sure he was thinking of all the ways he could take her somewhere and devour her.

He was beautiful, his dark hair perfectly coifed, his eyes were dark, and lips parted slightly, he was wearing a deep blue coat with a light blue vest, all of which she wished were on the floor so she could see his bare chest and feel his skin against hers. She shook her head slightly, pulling herself out of the daze that was Colin Bridgerton.

“As much as I would love to spend the evening watching you two stare at each other,” Lady Danbury’s voice cut through the tension, bringing both their attentions back to her. “I have other people to greet” She straighten her back and looked at Penelope. “Enjoy your evening my dear,” she smirked and then she was gone.

Penelope turned her attention back to Colin, who was standing a bit closer than proper, hungerly gazing down at her. She realized he was not focused on her face, but her chest.

This made her roll her shoulders slightly back to push her breasts out more for his viewing pleasure. Penelope had worn an emerald green dress that had a scandalously low bustline. She had noticed most of these new dresses gave her ample cleavage. At the beginning of the season, she was self-conscious about it and now she was purposely wearing them. Feeling wanted by Colin had given her a confidence she was relishing. She wanted to give him reasons to stare, and she felt a surge of satisfaction knowing that he appreciated her new wardrobe as well.

“You look delectable,” He murmured, she saw him fisting his hands at his jacket, fighting against the urge to touch her. “I would love to dance with you.”

She smiled coyly, “Of course.”

“Right now,” he sounded desperate, who was she to deny him. She nodded and he took her hand leading her to the dancefloor for the waltz.

She felt his hand holding hers firmly, while his thumb rubbed her knuckles. His other hand at her waist, pressing securely into her. She placed her hand on his shoulder, but quickly slid it up to the base of his neck, running her fingers lightly through the curls on the back of his head. She felt herself being suck into the void that was all Colin. It was happening a lot lately, as though the world vanished into a haze, and she was aware of nothing but him. She felt him lean his head close to hers and whisper in her ear.

“You are a tease my darling,” his lips brushed the top of her ear, sending a shiver down to her belly, filling it with warmth. “You make me want to do things to you.” She pulled her head back and gazed up at him, her eyes dark with want.

“What kinds of things?” She chided, running her nails down the back of his neck. He turned her out into a spin and pulled her back to him, holding her even closer, staring down at her, intensely holding her gaze.

“I want to kiss your lips, I want to squeeze your breasts, I want to taste your skin.” He was so close to her; she could feel the puff of warm breath against her cheek with each word he spoke. “I want to take off this taunting dress and pleasure you until your screaming my name so everyone can hear that you are mine.”

She closed her eyes and took a calming breath, her skin felt on fire, her body was trembling in his arms. She wanted nothing more than for him to take her hand and lead her to ruin.

Penelope opened her eyes and looked around, no one seemed to be watching them. She had a thought that she could kiss him right there and no one would notice. She heard the music slowing down, indicating the end of the song was coming. She felt Colin tighten his hold on her, as though he knew he would have to let her go in a moment. She looked up at him.

“I want you to do that”

“Which part?” He tilted his head, his eyes full of want.

“All of it.” She licked her lips and winked at him. He smirked at her and took her hand, bowing as the music ended.

“Ten minutes,” he whispered to her, “meet me down the hall past the study in ten minutes.”

He turned to leave, but she grabbed his arm to stop him, pulling him with her towards the wall.

“There is nothing more I would love than to sneak away with you,” she said in a hushed tone, looking around to be sure no one was within earshot. “But it will look dubious, Lady Danbury has been watching me, I believe she is looking now.” They both turned their heads to see the woman watching them with the same smirk on her face. She nodded to them when their eyes met. “It will be too suspicious.” She finished.

Colin nodded and turned back to Penelope, he bit his lower lip deep in thought, he reached out and took her hand in his, squeezing it gently and pulled her towards him. Her heart stopped for a moment thinking he was going to kiss her, right there in the middle of the ballroom. Instead, he leaned over and whispered in her ear.

“You know, it would be nice if Lady Whistledown wrote something about you other than insulting your looks and family.” His hand came up and brushed her hair away from her shoulder that was covering her ear, leaning closer, “have your own scandal, one I would love to be associated with.” Penelope gasped, as Colin pulled back with a devilish look on his face.

“Colin!” She remarked, she could feel the heat from her blush flush over her, “you know I’d never do that.”

“You can do anything you want to,” he reminded her, “you know what kind of influence you hold. Use it to your advantage, I see how shy you are, how much you undervalue yourself. If only you saw yourself as I do, maybe you’d think yourself worthy of some attention.”

“It would be too obvious,” She murmured, looking down at their hands.

“I do not think you understand how wrong you are, but I will do as I promised.” He squeezed her hand one more time and released it. “I’m coming to seek you out later; I will have another dance.” She nodded and stepped back towards the wall.

She watched Colin as he crossed the room to meet with Benedict, who had a playfully annoying look on his face. She saw him lean over to Colin and speak with him, while Colin turned quickly, scowled and walked out of the room.

For some time, Penelope walked from room to room, corner to corner, trying to hear the gossip of the week. She heard about the Iverson’s second cousin who ran off with the lady’s maid. The Cowper’s were overheard talking about Cressida’s supposed courtship with Lord Twombley. After Lady Cowper left the gaggle of women, she heard them whisper about the lords lost fortune, but no one had the heart to tell the Lady Cowper about it as Cressida was a challenge in the marriage mart.

Penelope smiled to herself with this bit, as Cressida had been nothing but nasty to her over the years, and as much as she did not like to wish misfortune on others, sometimes fate has a way of getting back to you. She would not write that part, as it was unconfirmed, and she prided herself on writing truths in her pamphlet.

A click clack sound of slippers came up from behind her followed by the panting of Eloise, who seemed to have finally detached herself from the arms of another forced suitor.

“Pen!” She rushed, grabbing her friend’s hand and trying to hide behind her. A noble effort that would be in vain as Eloise was a good few inches taller than Penelope. She crouched down a bit to try to conceal her position more. “Good God, I did not think I’d ever get the chance to come and find you.” She was pulling Penelope along the side of the wall towards the door leading outside.

“You always know where to find me El,” she joked, “are you enjoying your evening?”

“Gracious no!” She exclaimed, “I have not had a moment without my mother introducing me to one gentleman or another, and without Anthony here I cannot use him as an excuse. Kate was supposed to come today, but she is not feeling well, which left Mama to her matchmaking.” She rolled her eyes, “It is exhausting.”

Penelope patted her friend’s hand, “I’m glad to see you. I think I’ve had just about enough of this evening myself.”

“Oh no, but you cannot leave yet.” Eloise implored, “I have been told to find you, apparently my brother is looking for you. I promised I would bring you to him before the evening was through. I was not going to make good on that promise, however he told me he would loan me his carriage for any outing I would like, no questions asked, and how could I say no to that.”

Penelope laughed, “that is truly an unrefusable offer,” she agreed. “What did he want?”

“Heavens knows, but he seemed insistent.” She paused for a moment, “Penelope,” she looked her deep in her eyes, chewing the inside of her lips, “I don’t want to ask, but I also feel like I need to know…” She was reluctant in her speech, choosing her words carefully. “My brother…Colin, I know he discovered your secret.” Penelope nodded, she felt her heart racing, she knew what Eloise was about to ask.

“Obviously as I am your best friend, and I knew the secret first, albite reacted badly, but I am still the best friend you’ve ever had. We promised no secrets and I know I told you not to tell me, but I think you should tell me if you feel like…” She was rambling, Penelope figured she would end this misery.

“Eloise, are you asking if Colin and I are courting?” She interrupted. Eloise looked relieved for the help and nodded vigorously. Penelope took a deep breath; she should have known this secret would be difficult to keep from the Bridgertons. Already Kate knew, she was suspicious that Benedict knew, and now Eloise would know. With that in mind, she knew she would never lie to Eloise, she would not risk her friendship with her.

“Yes, we are,” Eloise’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. “But we are keeping it secret, I can’t be successful with Whistledown if it is announced.” The shock wearing off, Eloise started to smile, her eyes filled with tears and her body shaking in excitement, if it weren’t for where they were, she was sure Eloise would be jumping up and down.

“Oh Pen!” She loudly whispered, “to think we could be sisters! There is no greater news than this.” She stopped for a moment and her face dropped. “Although this means I am to find other plans for my own spinsterhood, as you will now be leg-shackled to him.” She frowned quickly at the passing thought, then smiled again, “I will make sure you will bring him up to scratch as he could find no better wife than you.” She pulled Penelope into a hug. “I love you so, I will not breathe a word of this to anyone. I promise.”

Penelope felt tears stinging her eyes, she did not realize how much fear she had in telling Eloise this news. The fact her friend was so happy for her made her feel such relief and joy. She put her arm in Eloise’s and nodded towards the ballroom. “Let us find him so he can make good on his promise to you.”

“Yes,” Eloise started walking with Penelope arm in arm, she leaned over to whisper, “I did overhear something I thought you should know about.”

“What was that?” Penelope quipped.

“There is to be a secret wedding between Lord Fife and Miss Goring, I hear she may be with child. I do not think the bans will be released until after the wedding. They received a special license.” She whispered, then looked at Penelope with big eyes, “have you figured out how that happens yet Pen? The marriage act? I keep hearing about these women who are in the family way but without a legal family.”

“I believe I have an idea, but it is not something to discuss here.” She said, Penelope had never had that talk with her mother. She would pick up terms of intimate relations while she listened to the gossip here and there. When it came to the actual way of it happening, she could only put pieces together.

Recently, however, she was discovering that her body had many secrets, it seemed that Colin may know. He was showing her many intimate relations as of late, but she assumed none they had done so far lead to the risk of making a baby. Perhaps he would tell her, if they were to be married, they would one day need to perform the act in order to have children of their own. She felt the throb between her legs just thinking about it, as though her body was giving her the answer.

Eloise seemed content with her response. They walked into the ballroom and found Colin on the dance floor, dancing with Miss Sexton. He caught her eye and smiled at her, causing him to miss a step and trip on his dance partners toes. Penelope giggled at the face he made and stood with Eloise watching as they finished the dance.

Colin was a perfect gentleman, bowing to his partner and escorting her back to her mother before coming over to join Penelope and his sister.

“It is difficult to say no to these persistent Mama’s when I’m considered such an eligible bachelor.” He bragged, looking apologetic.

“You are always a gentleman Colin, no need to change that now.” Penelope said softly, looking adoringly at him. He was holding a similar gaze to her, both forgetting about Eloise’s presence for the moment until she cleared her throat.

“So I have made good on my promise,” She cut in, reminding Colin of his agreement with her, “I brought you your beloved.” She gave him a sly smile and a wink. Colin looked alarmed for a moment until he noticed Penelope nodding at him mouthing ‘she knows’.

“I am in your debt, just let me know when you need a ride, and my carriage is yours.” Colin confirmed.

“Right now, although this should not count considering the large secret I now must hold.” She held his gaze for a moment, Colin sighed and nodded. She clapped her hands together gleefully then rushed, “I cannot stay here a moment longer, Mama will thrust me upon another suitor who will bore me to death of talks about watercolors and piano fortes.”

“Very well, find mother and tell her and my carriage is yours.” He put his arm out for Penelope to hold, “I have to speak with Pen for a moment, so please excuse us.” Eloise huffed and turned to stomp away in search of their mother.

“I’ve missed you,” Colin spoke softly to her, as they moved through the crowd. “We are dancing, then I need a few minutes alone with you in a dark corner.”

“How very forward of you Mr. Bridgerton,” Penelope teased, “Where can we find a dark corner at this party?”

“You have five minutes to think about it while we dance the cotillion.” He spun her around and they took their places on the floor. Dancing with Colin was one of her most favorite things to do. She had studied the dances closely, and found Colin was a perfect match to her skill level. Because of this, he always threw in an extra flourish during the dance such as an extra spin or dip that she would not expect but always made her giggle. It also afforded her time to think about his proposal. She knew that the Trowbridge’s had a small sitting room on the east side of the house, away from the crowd.

“The east wing has a place we could go; I will head that way after to see if it is clear.” She suggested when they met in the middle close enough to speak.

Colin nodded and leaned over, “I fear my restraint will be gone, I need to feel you tremble against me.”

Penelope licked her lips and squeezed her legs together. Feeling the heat and throbbing at the memory of him kissing and touching her. She could not wait for the dance to end.

Five minutes later, Penelope was pushing open the door to the small room. It was the size of a large closet, most likely used as a storage room seeing there was one small chaise, a desk, and chair. She left the door open a crack, so Colin knew which room she was in. She sat in the shadows, trying to make out the details of her surroundings while she waited for the sounds of his footsteps.

She became acutely aware of her own breathing, as the sounds from the party were muted from down the hall. With each breath in she felt more confidence enter her mind. Suddenly, in her haze of lust, a thought came to her. She stood, and reached behind her, starting to loosen her ties. She wanted to please Colin, and he had told her he couldn’t wait to have her, so have her he will. Within a minute her dress was pooling around her feet. She picked it up carefully and laid it upon the desk. She removed her chamise and stockings and sandals so all she had on was her stays.

Penelope folded everything up nicely then went to sit on the chaise. As she crossed the small space she caught her reflection in the window, the soft light from the hallway provided enough so she could see a darkened image of herself. Her stays were white, her skin was pale, which made the shadows more prominent in what she saw. Her breast looked voluptuous and large, she could see the swell at the top of her chest and where they were pushed together made the mounds look round and pillowy. She would even enjoy touching them, so she did, running her hands across her chest, feeling every dip and curve.

“They are magnificent” She whipped around. Colin must have tiptoed his way down the hall, as she did not hear him coming. She blushed and stepped towards him, taking in his presence. He was standing in the doorway, the light behind him, his face dark and hungry, his eyes were moving up and down her nearly naked body.

Colin quickly turned and shut the door to the room, he held up his finger and walked over to the desk, picking up the chair and moving it to prop it in front of the door to secure it shut.
“Don’t want any interruptions,” he said softly, as he turned to Penelope and started loosening his cravat. He was standing in front of her in two short strides, close enough that her entire body felt his heat. She went to reach up and pull at his lapels when his hands caught hers, he held them firmly in the air as he started stepping forward moving her back towards the wall.

He pushed her flush against the hard surface crowding her in, thrusting his body against hers. She looked up at him and saw his lustful gaze before his mouth came crashing down. He assaulted her with his lips, teeth, and tongue, and she met him with equal vigor. Her hands released from his grasp, flew to his collar to start to pull off his jacket. Quickly she had rid him of the garments as he held her face in his hands, kissing her. Their bodies met with fervor after days of flirting and restraint. She moaned as his lips and teeth worked their way down her neck and jaw to the top of her breasts where she was just touching.

“Were you imagining this my love?” He asked, as he kissed her, pushing her bodice down to free her breast, “Did you want me to kiss your perfect mounds, and suck on your tight pink nipples?” He was performing the act while talking to her. Her hands were on his back, raking through his hair, as she held him to her.

“Yes,” She moaned, “I wanted you to be pleased with me.”

“I am always pleased with you,” he looked up at her from his face in between her breast and smiled. “I could spend all night right here; it is one of my favorite places to be.” He started sucking her left nipple into his mouth while his hands were moving down between her legs, to the tuft of hair she had covering her mound. “And down here,” he murmured pushing his fingers between her folds and sinking a digit deep inside her.

Penelope felt her legs go weak, she sunk down against the wall and let out a moan. He removed his hand and brought it up to her face, his finger glistening with her slick. “You taste amazing too,” he growled, holding the finger up, about to put it in his mouth.

Before he could, she leaned forward and closed her lips around the finger, tasting herself on him. Swirling her tongue around his digit. Colin let out a moan, his eyes wide and aroused. She pulled her mouth off with a pop, his finger now wet with her saliva. He let out a growl, “Oh Pen, you minx.” He bent over, wrapping his arms around her bottom, picking her up and carrying her to the chaise. She was nipping and kissing his neck and throat when she felt him sit, both her legs rested on either side straddling him in the chair. She leaned back and grinded her core down onto the hardness she felt between his legs. The fabric from his pants was exquisitely rough against her sensitive flesh, she heard him moan in her ear.

“Colin,” she purred, while continuing to move her hips in small circles against his groin. “I want to know what it’s like to feel you, inside me.”

Colin stiffened up, and pulled back, looking at her. “Penelope.” He said sternly, “That is the marriage act, we are not yet married.”

“Is that what that is?” She said innocently, “is that how one becomes with child?” She could feel her wetness soaking his pants, he canted his hips up to meet her with a groan.

“It is,” He panted, pushing her hair back from her face, he gazed into her eyes, “there are ways to be careful, but it is still risky.” He studied her, “I would like our first time to be in a proper bed, where I can take you slowly and passionately.” He kissed her, “I did not want your first time to be rushed.”

“There is no one coming, we are alone now, besides what you speak of could be a long time from now. The season is only halfway through,” She scooted back and reached down between them and started working his pants. “I want to feel you, all of you, inside me.” She reached beneath his waist band and gently grasped his hard cock, stroking it, “I want you to make love to me.”

He looked at her, a small smile teasing the corners of his mouth while he shook his head. “You want to make love? Here? Now?” He leaned forward to kiss her neck, moving up and nipping at her ear. She felt his breathing even out against her, “lay back” he whispered.

Penelope moved off his lap and lay down across the chaise, Colin stood up and pulled down his pants. His erection large and throbbing, she gasped again, she had seen it before, but suddenly she worried about where it was going to go. He saw the panic flash on her face, and he climbed over her and kissed her tenderly.

“If you do not want to do this it’s alright, but I promise, I will be gentle. The first time can hurt for the woman I’ve heard. Just tell me if you need me to stop, and I will.” He kissed her forehead. She nodded and looked up at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, drawing small circles on his back with her nails.

“I trust you.” She opened her legs wide under him, so he could fit himself between her. Colin took his hand and started stroking between her folds, allowing his finger to find her nub that made her gasp. He rubbed small circles until she felt herself relax, her mind letting go and surrender herself to his touch. She signed as her legs fell open even more and she felt his fingers move down to her opening. He slowly pushed one deep inside, she closed her eyes relaxing even more, feeling his finger move inside her. She felt her body heat up with the thought of what was to come.

“More,” she whispered, he smiled at her and added a second finger, pushing it deep inside her as she groaned with the intrusion. She could feel the pressure burning inside her, the release that was going to come teasing her. He was stretching her with his fingers, gently moving them in and out, pressing against her walls.

“How do you feel?” he asked hungerly.

“Happy,” She replied, smiling up at him before letting out a deep moan as she felt him add a third finger, stretching her to what felt like the max. “That feels so good Colin,” She moaned into his mouth as his lips crashed down to hers. She felt the warmth of him covering her like the heat from a fire. She felt as though she would burst, her core was stretched and full of a delicious pain that made her feel like making love was an erotic torture. A taste of what was about to come.

“I’m ready,” She looked him in the eyes, trusting and open. He nodded, pulling his fingers out and adjusting her hips with his so they could find a way to meet.

“Tell me how you feel, it might hurt, but only for a moment.” He was gazing so tenderly at her, she took her hand and held the sides of his face, brushing her thumbs against his cheeks.

“I love you,” She pulled his face down to hers, kissing him passionately while she lifted her legs up and out, and pushed her hips up towards him. He pulled back and positioned himself to line up with her, using his hand to guide himself into her. She felt his blunt hardness at her opening, he pushed his hips forward slowly, filling her with his hard cock.

He was leaning over her, his face next to hers. She could feel his hot breath against her cheek, raggedly breathing. He was moving slowly, pushing into her and allowing her time to adjust. She started breathing slowly, the burn of him inside her putting her on the edge of pain and pleasure.

“Colin,” She moaned his name, as he continued to push into her. Then she felt him pause, he looked at her tenderly and smiled.

“My beautiful Pen,” he whispered, “I love you so much.” With that, he thrust forward, hard. Penelope felt a snap and a burst of pain from deep inside her. She let out a yelp and felt her body tense for a moment. She was then aware of Colin kissing her neck and stroking her hair. He had kept his hips still while she came down from the pain.

“Is that it?” she asked, after she caught her breath again.

“That’s it,” he confirmed, “was it bad?”

“No,” she smiled, “it was only a moment, but I feel so full now. It feels wonderful” She looked down to where they were joined, she could see that their hips were flush together, they were one. “Is that all?” She asked curiously, pushing her hips up against his. Colin hissed and groaned.

“No, my darling,” he grunted, “I have to move, is it ok if I do that now?”

“Oh yes,” she said eagerly, still looking down at their connection. She saw him pull his hip back, his hard member coming out, glistening with her fluids around it. She watched as he pulled almost all the way out, then stopped and slowly pushed back in. This time she felt as though her body was pulling him in deep, greedily accepting his intrusion.

She could not keep her eyes off the sight. With each push and pull, she marveled at how they moved together. She started to rock her hip against him, much like a dance, they moved to a silent rhythm. The room was full of the sounds of her body meeting his, their moans and breathing making a symphony together. She took her eyes away from the action to look at his face. He had his eyes closed and his brow furrowed, as though he was concentrating hard at his movements.

“Colin,” she moaned, “look at me.” His eyes flew open, and he stared deep into her soul. Her breath caught in her throat, and she suddenly thought this was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Her hands cradled his face, and she pulled him down where they kissed slowly, their tongues matching the rhythm of their thrusting.

Colin’s hand snaked between them and found her clitoris, where he started to rub small circles building up the pressure inside her. She felt the warmth in her lower belly grow quickly, she wrapped her legs around his hips and readjusted her position to better his angle. He started to thrust into her harder and faster, the increase in speed making her cry out louder.

“I’m close Colin,” She moaned, “don’t stop.”

“I won’t, I want to feel you come apart,” He leaned over and kissed her neck then whispered in her ear, “let me feel you my love”. She exploded, shouting out his name, her body arching up into him, she could feel her walls squeezing him in waves, her mind went blank, and her desire spread like a flash of fire. She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down to her, crashing his lips against hers, muffling out her noises with his kiss. As she came down, she felt he was still pumping into her, erratic and hard, she lifted her hips and grasped him to her, letting him use her for his pleasure.

“Good girl,” He murmured as she pulled her knees apart and wrapped her legs around his upper back, allowing more space for his hips to move. He was slamming into her with a ferocity she thought should hurt, but instead teased her into another orgasm, that came upon her quickly and without warning.

“My god Penelope,” he laughed then grunted thrusting his hip one last time, finally releasing himself deep inside her. She felt his cock spasming while she came down from her second orgasm. They both lay there, in the dark, holding each other, in a haze of sweat and nerves. He was lazily kissing her while their breathing evened out.

“I must say Pen,” He murmured, as he peppered kissing along her jaw and cheek, “you are full of surprises.”

“What do you mean?” She whispered, running her hands gently through the patch of hair on his chest.

“You make me feel the luckiest man in all of England,” he laughed, “you came to completion twice, I did not know that was possible.”

“Oh,” she giggled, “Is that not usual?”

“Well, I can’t say I’ve done this enough to know what is normal and not, but I will say I have not heard of it. However, now that I know what you can do, I promise to see just how much pleasure I can bring you.” He had moved to lying beside her, curling his arm around her waist letting her rest her head on his arm. In the small space on the chaise lounge it was difficult to maneuver two people.

“I would like to do it again, soon,” She whispered to him, “I fear you have shown me a new level of happiness. No wonder it’s called the marriage act, as I would like to be married right now so we could stay like this forever.”

“Speaking of that Pen, I was unrestrained, remember how I told you a woman can be with child after preforming the act?” Penelope nodded, “I did not pull out before I spilled my seed.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose in distress. She looked up at him puzzled. “It is what happens when I orgasm, no one knows how it works entirely, but the fluid I spilled inside you can make a baby.”

“Oh,” Penelope was silent for a moment, “so I’m with child?” She asked slowly, trying to make sense of how it worked.

“Well, you could be, it is too soon to know for sure.” He grabbed her hands, “I will speak to Anthony, perhaps we can move this along and get a special license. We have anticipated our vows.”

“No Colin, we agreed on waiting, I have Whistledown to complete. You made a promise.”

Colin sighed; he looked down at Penelope who was looking determined in her answer. “Pen promise me if your courses are late, you will tell me. I promise to keep up our secret, but if you are with child, we will make arrangements.”

Penelope nodded; she knew he made sense. If she had to, Whistledown would continue despite her condition, she would have to navigate a new way to make the pamphlet happen. As Colin had explained, she wouldn’t know for at least a few weeks, that would give her time to prepare.

Penelope went to sit up, pulling on her stays and tucking her breast back into the binding. Colin let out a grunt as he got himself up off the chaise, walking around the small dark room looking for his clothes. Penelope rather liked how casually he moved around, naked, it seemed so familiar despite the newness of their romantic relationship. He fetched her garments that she had carefully placed on the desk and brought them to her. As Penelope went to stand, she felt warm fluid trickle down her leg.

She let out a small gasp, standing with her legs apart looking for something to clean up with. Colin turned and saw her predicament, he grabbed his cravat and knelt in front of her, gently wiping between her legs to clean her up. He looked up from where he knelt and smiled, seeing her look of panic at this new situation. “This is normal my darling, you are fine.”

“It’s bloody,” she could see the dark streaks on his light blue cravat, “do you bleed?”

“No, it’s from you. It is only the first time. It is the breaking of your maidenhood.” He tried to explain, “it will not happen again.”

“I see,” she pulled him up from his knees, pulling him into her and pushing her face into his chest. “I want you to know, I am happy it was you. I did not know how beautiful this could be.”

He held her tight and kissed the crown of her head, “I feel the same.” He pulled back and looked at her clothes, “do you need assistance getting dressed.”

“I can manage most of it, you can help tie up my dress.” They both started dressing in silence, the only sound was the dim from the ball on the other side of the house. After securing her dress and them both checking each other’s hair, Colin went to the door to move the chair. He stepped into the hallway, and quickly motioned for Penelope to follow him. “It’s all clear.” He told her.

“We should leave separately, you go first. If we both arrive at the same time, it will look scandalous.”

“Oh, but it is so scandalous,” Colin winked at her. She playfully hit his arm and laughed.

“I will see you soon.” Penelope squeezed his hand. Penelope knew she would have to leave the ball soon. She had to get back home to write some notes for Whistledown. Her plan was to return to the ballroom then tell her Mama she is ready to go home.

Ten minutes later, Penelope entered the party and was met with a bevy of commotion. Something had happened, Penelope had missed it. She was looking for Colin for more information when a hand grasped hers firmly. It was Lady Danbury.

“You missed the best part of the evening,” Lady Danbury mused, “there has just been an announcement.” She looked around, it seemed as though everyone was huddled together, whispering to each other. She looked back to the old woman with her eyebrows raised.
“It seems that Lady Whistledown, has earned herself a bounty for her identity. The queen has been reclusive this season, as she is dealing with the death of the king. She would like to make a generous offer for the gossip columnist.”

“How intriguing,” Penelope was at least trying to act as such, her heart was racing hearing this news.

“As someone who knows the queen, she has both loathed and loved the pamphlet,” She lowered her voice, “while the offer for her identity is rather gracious at 1000 pounds. There is more waiting for the writer when her identity revealed.”

“Surely there are many who would like to see her chastised,” Penelope stated, “she has drawn the ire of much of the ton.”

“Indeed,” Lady Danbury said, “it is a wonder she has stayed secret for so long. However, the queen has a particular affinity for gossip. I wonder if Lady Whistledown would be willing to find out what could happen.”

A chill went down Penelope’s spine. There was so much happening. She had spent years away from the spotlight, away from the glare of the ton, forgotten by most. These past few weeks, it seemed everything had changed. She was on the precipice. Her everyday had become unpredictable. Penelope, who had lived her life day by day in a steady routine, now knew so much can happen in a short amount of time.

The irony of it all, was that she was the only one aware of it. Her not-so-secret courtship with Colin, an unofficial proposal for marriage, her identity as Lady Whistledown, and now a possibility of an unknown royal consequence with the queen. While everyone was chatting amongst themselves, formulating plans for becoming 1000 pounds richer. She had all the answers. She had the choice as to how this would play out. Who would have guessed the quiet red headed wallflower was someone who could harbor so many secrets.

Penelope took a deep breath and put on a smile, “We will have to see what happens.”

Chapter Text

Colin was frantic. He could hear the crowd mumbling around him, all excited at the prospect of gaining not only the money, but the Queen’s favor.  Every eye in the room looking at one another sizing up who could be the notorious writer.

He needed to find her.

His gaze scanning the room desperately for a sign of her. A sudden burst of anger at her carelessness, at her desire to continue with this. He could have protected her, controlled this, now it was all slipping away.

“Colin!” He realized his brother was shouting at him from the door, trying to get his attention. Colin rushed over, taking a few deep breaths as he did. He realized he was the only panicked person in the room. The air was full of excitement and wonder, and here Colin was feeling like his world was falling apart. He would be her downfall if he wasn’t careful.

By the time he made it to Benedict, he had plastered a painful smile on his face. He ran his hand through his hair, still looking around for a sign of her.

“I just heard, seems like the ton is abuzz with the possibility of solving this great mystery.” Colin tried to sound flippant about it, he had always been indifferent to Whistledown’s identity, now was not the time to seem to care.

“You think she’s here now?” Benedict joked, “She could just get it over with and raise her hand, turn herself in. Show this gaggle of socialites that she bested them.”

Colin let out a dry laugh. “Do you really think she would walk out of here in one piece? They would tar and feather her. She’s angered so many among us.” Colin tried to keep his voice steady, Benedict grimaced then nodded.

“That could be true. I guess I have not been the subject of any ridicule by her pen, so I hold no animosity toward her.” He tossed back the dredges of the drink he was holding, looking amused at the cacophony of gossip surrounding them.

Colin was far more tense; he was focusing on breathing while trying to seek Penelope out. Was she terrified? Did she know the dangers that she could be in? Since the start of her gossip pamphlet, the ton has been curious about her identity, but never had there been an incentive to find her. Now there was, now everyone would be looking.

He heard her before he saw her, she was laughing. He turned in the direction and saw her standing by the entrance with Lady Danbury. Both were doubled over, positively giggling. He frowned, had she even heard what was happening? Benedict sighed, giving him a nudge on his shoulder.

“You are going to pursue her?” He asked.

Colin’s eyes went wide, his mouth gaping. “What!?”

“Lady Whistledown?”

“You know?” He quickly wished he said something else. He realized he wasn’t thinking straight. He was a terrible liar.

“I know!? I’m asking you Col. What are you on about?” He was shaking his head. “I believe we are having two different conversations. Of course, I don’t know Lady Whistledown. If I did, I’d be taking my earnings and disappearing for the rest of the season despite Anthony’s insistence that I stay.” Benedict looked bored, he turned towards the smoking room, “I’m going to get another drink.”

Colin looked back towards the entrance where Penelope had just been standing. She was no longer there. She must not know. If she had heard about the Queen’s announcement, she would not be so relaxed. He was frozen in place, his eyes looking trying to locate her.

“There you are,” her sweet voice suddenly behind him. He spun around and saw she had two lemonades in her hand, holding one out to him. She looked so calm, amidst the sea of chaos and blabber that surrounded them, she was the anchor that kept them at bay. He was staring at her in disbelief. He slowly reached out to accept the glass she was holding patiently for him to take.

“Penelope,” He started, “are you well?”

“Why, yes,” She replied, “I believe I am better than that.” She smirked at him while lifting the glass to her lips. “You hear all this chatter? It seems the people at this party are conspiring to catch Lady Whistledown for a small fortune.” She looked around at the attendees in the ballroom, who were now distracted with the new turn of events.

Lady Trowbridge leapt onto the stage and called for attention. Clearly enjoying that her ball was the genesis of the possible outing of the notorious gossip columnist. She took advantage of the drama.

“My dear friends,” she started, “We have an opportunity to gain a special bit of favor with her highness. Who amongst us can it be? If Lady Whistledown is here, I will give her 100 pound to reveal herself, and we can go to the queen tonight!” She threw her arms in the air, the entire ton joined in celebration with claps and shouts of joy.

Colin looked down at Penelope, who was standing quietly, shaking her head and smiling. He wanted to pull her away, he wanted to take her somewhere safe till the excitement of this died down.

Why was he the only one concerned. He wished Eloise was there, she would talk some sense into Penelope, who appeared completely unaffected by all this.

“Who could it be?” Lady Trowbridge continued. “Do we have any guesses?”

 “Lady Winsome,” A gentlemen shouted his accusation from the back of the room, “she always knows what time I get home at night, a very obnoxious thing.” The group started laughing.

“Maybe if you didn’t stay out past midnight each night at the club I’d pay less attention,” Lady Winsome jested back, “besides, I do not believe you can accuse your wife and think the Queen will pay the bounty.” More laughter along with some cheers.

“Miss Cowper, perhaps you are our Whistledown,” Lord Twombley joked to his fiancé, “I believe I would recover from that scandal, we are not married yet, so the money could be part of the dowery.”

Cressida scowled, murmurs erupted across the floor, considering the accusation.

“My Lord,” Cressida sneered, “Surely you are not that desperate for money, I’d rather think finding the writer would be better than falsifying my identity.” She looked around nervously, clearly upset to have her betrothed finances spoken about so cavalierly.

The room started to fill with people yelling out names and making accusations. Penelope stood quietly next to Colin, listening, laughing along with the crowd, and blending in. He felt the anxiety he was holding start to dissipate. She was unbothered by it all. While he knew they would have to discuss this new development, for the time being, she was in no distress.

The cacophony continued, an overall jovial atmosphere among the crowd.  As if scripted, it seemed all chatter died down at once in time for Lady Trowbridge to ask one last person.

“Lady Danbury, what say you?”

All heads turned to the back of the room where the old lady resided, she raised her eyebrows and smirked.

“I have no need for the bounty, but I would bet you all have guessed wrong.” She held her head high, looking over the group of people in the room. “She has fooled us all for so long, if we have not yet found her, I’d gather it is truly an impossible challenge that the Queen has announced!”

There were murmurs rippling through the crowd, a gentleman voice loudly proclaiming, “A woman is not that clever, I do believe we will find her out.”

“Ha!” Lady Danbury exclaimed, “You think you are so clever? If you can find her, I will double the bounty.” She lowered her voice, “I do want you all to consider this though, the consequences of outing our favorite author. Do we truly want to see the end of Lady Whistledown?”

A hush fell throughout the room, “While painful at times on a personal level for some, I believe we all can admit she has given us something to look forward to on Wednesdays and Saturdays.” With that, Lady Danbury smacked her cane on the floor, and turned to leave. “I bid you all a goodnight and do tell me who I may lose my one thousand pounds to if this mystery is ever solved.”

Colin grabbed Penelope’s hand, while everyone was distracted by Lady D’s dramatic exit. “Let’s go,” he whispered in her ear. They stepped out a side door into the cool night air, walking down the footpath towards the street. Colin turned to her, “I guess we are walking.” Penelope looped her arm into Colins and nodded.

The streets were quiet, the only sound at this late hour was their footsteps echoing off the buildings they passed. An occasional carriage passed by, and when it would, they would be sure to be walking in the shadows in case they were to be recognized. After ten minutes, Colin finally spoked.

“You are in danger Pen,” He looked at her, she was biting her lower lip and staring ahead. “It’s a lot of money being offered.” She nodded and squeezed his arm.

“Colin,” She said carefully, “I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I will be fine.”

He stopped and turned to her, grabbing her shoulders and bending down to look in her eyes.

“I do not think you understand Penelope,” he pressed, urgency in his gaze, “you do not know greed as I do, you do not know what lengths people will go through to get what they want.” He was searching her for a sense of understanding. He wanted her to absorb the fear he was feeling.

“These men are insatiable. I see them at the races, I see them at the clubs. This bounty will not end with the Queen and Lady Danbury. They will put up bets, odds will be placed on different woman of the ton. I do not want to see your name up on a board, your worth based on some wager like a horse at the races. I cannot sit by and let this happen.”

“What do you suggest then?” She whispered angerly, “that I turn myself in? That I stop? You and two other people know, that is it, and that is how it will stay.”

“More than that Pen, its more than that and you know it.” He was breathing heavily, he felt his voice shaking, this was more than fear and anger, it was desperation. He was desperate for Penelope to understand him.

“I saw you in Holborn, people knew you down there, the printer, the delivery boys, and that is just who I saw you interacting with. Who else have you worked with? Who else has seen your face that might need the money more than your loyalty.”

Penelope stared at him, he could not read the emotions she was giving, but she started slowly shaking her head before looking down at her feet and taking a breath.

“I did not mean to bring you into this,” She frowned a little, “I am careful, I always have been. If other arrangements need to be made, they will be.” She paused, “I have a feeling that this may not be as bad a thing as you think.”

“What do you mean?” He looked puzzled. “I believe this is very bad.”

“Colin, I spoke with Lady Danbury, she knows the Queen. The death of the King has kept her in mourning for the season. She is unable to participate as she has the previous seasons. I do not think she is looking to punish Lady Whistledown; I believe she is looking for her favorite type of entertainment.”

“What is that?” He asked.

“A good romance.” She whispered, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him gently. “The Queen needs a distraction; I will give her that.”

Colin was looking at her in disbelief, “but how? You must know the target that has been placed on your back.”

“I have a plan, I am not ready to speak on it, but I do believe my plan will keep the Queen happy. Perhaps it will help us all in some way.” She took his arm firmly, “let us finish our walk home. I am tired.”

They set off in silence. Colin’s mind full of worry, he kept looking around, feeling as though they were being watched. As they neared Penelope’s home, he felt her loosen her hold on his arm and start to pull away in case someone from her house was watching them.

“How do you do it Pen?” He said, “you the most perplexing, intelligent, humble, beautiful person I have ever met. It is as if I’ve known you forever, but not at all”. He looked down at her, she gazed up at him, her eyes wide and blinking. “I will add desirable to that as well.” He said and gave her a sly smile and wink.

Penelope pouted her lips. She tempted him too much, he looked around quickly to the deserted streets, grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the fence, holding her firmly and claiming her pout as his own.

“You must behave Mister Bridgerton,” she teased, as she gently pushed against his chest. “We cannot afford to be caught right now.”

Colin tucked a strand of her auburn hair that had fallen loose over her ear, letting it curl over his finger as he pulled away. He traced that finger along her jawline, down her neck, till he was tracing the pillowy mounds of her chest.

“How can I behave when you have driven me to madness?” He whispered, “tonight has been more than I could have ever imagined.” He was so close, breathing in her sweet scent, he did not want to say goodnight.

“I couldn’t agree more,” She had her fingers playing along his collarbone and in the fine chest hair near the dip in his throat. “You look so handsome like this without the cravat,” she leaned forward and placed a kiss where her fingers were. Her height giving her perfect access to his bare neck.

“I must go, I have work to do.” She spoke.

He tensed up, opened his mouth to protest only to be silenced by her dainty finger gently placed on his lips. “I promise you, if I need assistance, I will come to you.” He kissed the finger that was still resting on his mouth and smiled.

“I love you,” He whispered.

“I love you too,” she whispered back, before she stepped away into the shadow of her garden.

Colin listened for the evidence of her getting inside before he turned to walk to Number five. He was too far from Bloomsbury to make it home that night.

Days passed; Lady Whistledown was silent. Colin did not dare ask Penelope what her plan was as he realized he was too invested. He could have blown her cover the night of the ball. She was so relaxed and calm, as though the news of the Queen’s ransom was a nonevent to her.

Meanwhile, the ton was abuzz with speculation. Everywhere Colin went, he heard nothing but gossip about who she was and how to find her. He had hoped Lady Danbury’s parting words that night would encourage some support on keeping Lady Whistledown a secret, but it seemed the promise of a small fortune was a bigger draw than the continued biweekly gossip paper everyone loved to read.

As he had predicted, White’s had a betting board set up with names of the ladies of the ton on it. Colin visited each night to ensure Penelope was still off the list of possibilities. So far, she had gone undetected.

Colin snuck to Penelope’s daily, he had gotten in a habit of sending a note in the morning to arrange a meeting for the day. If Portia was home, Penelope would be waiting by the garden gate to sneak Colin in by their tree. If the house was empty, Colin was coming into the home for a visit in the drawing room.

The day after the ball, when Colin came to call, he and Penelope had started to get passionate by the tree. Only to be interrupted by the groundskeeper who snuck up on them while weeding the flower beds. His back was to them, but Penelope was sure he saw something. They still had their clothes on, so she surmised he did not see anything improper, but she worried that had it been a minute or two later, they would have a lot of explaining to do.

Since that day, she was careful with Colin. The staff at the home was loyal to her Mama. It seemed Varley was still sneaking the notes, but she was unaware of the visits as much as the rest of her family due to the fact she accompanied them out for their errands.

It had been a week since the ball and the Queen’s challenge, and still no Whistledown.  Colin had obtained permission from Portia to promenade with Penelope at the park, unchaperoned. They were walking along the serpentine in comfortable silence, Penelope was gently rubbing the inside of Colin’s arm with her thumb while they walked.

Colin had become aware of how much the ton did not notice Penelope. He was stopped numerous times that afternoon while she was on his arm by other members of society without them seeing her. He usually would bring her into the conversation, but no one seemed to pay any heed to it beyond a polite greeting.

On the third encounter, Lady Grandville with her daughter Isabella, Colin became visibly upset. Lady Grandville was openly flaunting Isabella to Colin as a potential suitor. Even trying to convince him to agree to escort her to the ball the next day. Colin was curt with her, his gentlemanly ways forgotten.

“I am not interested in courting your daughter Lady Grandville, I’m sorry, but I fear you are wasting your time.” He cut her off after her third insistence.

“Oh,” Lady Grandville was taken aback, her hand to her chest, surprised at the audacity of Colin’s forwardness. “Then we will wish you a good day Mister Bridgerton,” she and Isabella curtsied and left quickly.

Penelope turned to glare at Colin. “That was rude,” she said sternly, Colin looked at her incredulously.

“Penelope, Lady Grandville was practically planning my wedding to her daughter. Was I supposed to accept it to be kind?” He asked her.

“No, of course not,” She looked down at her hand on his arm, “I just hate that you had to get angry. I hope you know that it does not bother me.”

“Why not?” He looked frustrated, “you are right here, on my arm. The Grandville’s, the Anderson’s, and the Chatfield’s all ignored you. You may be ok with it, but I am not.”

She looked at him, her mouth turned down, “I’m used to it. I told you; I am used to being ignored. And right now, it seems that’s exactly how I should stay.” She gave him a knowing look, and he knew she was right. Her name remained off the board at White’s, and just as she had told him, he heard no whispers of her name when walking around events in the ton.

He squeezed her arm gently and gave her a smile, “I will always notice you, and I’m afraid you will have to get used to me being bothered by it.”

“I would expect no less,” she bit her lip and looked away. Colin kept staring down at her, his eyes going from her face to her chest, as he found himself doing so often. The advantage of being so tall was he had a perfect view of her breasts. He stopped her suddenly and turned her to face him. She looked up, blinking, at him, as the sun was directly behind him. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then took his hand and wiped it gently with his thumb.

“I wonder if anyone saw that,” he said, looking at her face which had gone pale, her eyes wide with surprise.

“Colin!” She whispered, pulling away from him and looking around. She could not tell if anyone was looking, for at that moment it did not appear so. “Why did you do that?” She couldn’t tell if she was mad or embarrassed but could not suppress the smile and blush that spread on her face.

“I told you; I’d like to be part of a scandal involving you.” He joked; she was shaking her head. In all honesty Colin was sure a kiss on a cheek would not be more than a week’s worth of tittering among the crowd. If he had really acted on his impulses, she would be pushed up against a tree with his cock buried deep inside her.

“I do not think I need to remind you, that if you want a scandal with me, we have another week or so before we know if that will happen. Until then, I need to keep my reputation as a wallflower intact.” She turned to continue to walk ahead. Colin followed grinning to himself. He did not like to make Penelope uncomfortable, but he also wished she would write herself as someone worth attention, assuming that he was the only one giving it to her.

“Let us head home,” she said suggestively, “I believe my mother has left with Prudence.” He gave a little hop and took her hand to place in his arm again.

“I hope she has.” He said with a wink.

As luck would have it, the house appeared empty. Penelope told Colin to wait in the drawing room while she went to make sure they were alone. Colin sat in the faded damask yellow couch while he listened for Penelope’s return.

She entered the room with a huge smile, shutting the door behind her. She rushed over to join him. Colin was surprised when instead of sitting next to him, she straddled his lap and covered his lips with hers.  His hands came up to her back to hold her firmly against him.

“It has been a week,” She murmured in his ear, as she started working on untying his cravat. “It is too long since I’ve kissed you.”

Colin sat back and watched her undressing him, smiling at her eagerness. “Pen, you’ve kissed me quite a bit since last week.”

“I don’t mean on the lips,” she answered quickly, tossing his cravat to the ground and starting on his jacket and vest. Colin chuckled and leaned over to kiss her neck while she continued to undress him.

“Don’t let me stop you,” he nibbled her ear and pulled her face up to kiss her while her hands did not stop their work. He felt the air hit his chest and immediately Penelope started to kiss down his jaw and neck, following the trail of skin that was open as she unfastened the last few buttons of his shirt. Colin licked his lips and watched her as she slipped off the couch onto her knees on the floor between his legs. Her hands starting to loosen his buckle and pants.

She sighed in frustration, his pants were not as easy to open, and considering Penelope had little experience with men’s clothes, he knew she would need help.

“Colin, I can’t get these off,” She was tugging on the stubborn waist, hoping to loosen it by sheer force. Colin laughed and assisted with the last bit of fastening keeping her from his already rock-hard member.

“Always happy to help Pen,” He jested as he pulled his pants down freeing his erection. Penelope looked up at him from her position on the floor and smiled, gently reaching her hand up and placing a firm grip on his cock. He put his head back and closed his eyes, feeling her hand start to move up and down his shaft, swiping the tip with her thumb as he had shown her before.

Then he felt her lips on him, kissing the head of his cock. Her tongue darting out and licking him. She started exploring him with her mouth and tongue, sensing his reactions to her movements. He felt her hand gently fondle his balls while she lowered her mouth covering as much of him as she could. He pushed her hair back and pulled her head up so he could look at her.

“I want to kiss you too you know.” He teased her, she smiled and stood up, settling herself back on his lap kissing him deeply.

He started to play with her skirt, pulling it up while running his hands over her calves then thighs till he felt her bare bottom on him. She leaned back and looked at him, he raised his eyebrows at her lifting her hips up and positioning himself underneath him.

“Care to take a ride?” He asked. She tilted her head and pursed her lips. Her innocence sneaking through her confident demeanor.

“What do you mean? Like sit on you like I’m straddling a horse?” She asked adorably. He laughed and nodded.

“You learn quickly my love.” She started to shimmy her hips up until he felt her heat on his throbbing cock. She was holding the back of the sofa with one hand and her skirts up with the other. Colin held his hands on her hips, guiding her down onto him.  He felt her warmth slowly covering him, a tight and wet heat, he let out a moan when he felt her full weight on him, knowing he was fully seethed inside.

“Oh my God,” She moaned out loudly as she started to circle her hips, moving him even deeper into her. “What do I do?”

“Whatever feels good for you feels good for me,” he mumbled, he was quickly losing his ability to talk. Penelope leaned forward and captured his lips with hers, kissing him while she alternated between grinding down on him in circles and bouncing up and down. He had his hand firmly on her lower back, helping guide her hips. Her hands now behind him on the couch. She was kissing his neck and biting his ear, picking up her pace.

“You feel so good Colin,” she moaned in his ear, “so good…so good.” She kept repeating it when she wasn’t kissing him. He put his head back and closed his eyes, trying to keep himself from coming too quickly. He felt his balls tighten and his head get lighter, knowing that he would not be able to hold out for too long.

“Are you close my love?” He asked, his voice raspy and unrecognizable. “I can’t hold out much longer.” Her hands moved from gasping the back of the couch to both side of his head, she pulled him into a searing kiss. It was too much, Colin erupted, his mind went blank as he felt his seed spurting deep inside her. She sat back smiling; he opened his eyes and took in her beautiful face.

“Did that feel good?” She looked pleased with herself.

“That was incredible,” He panted, “but you are left unsatisfied.” He looked concerned, grabbed her by her waist and moved her so she was on her back, with her legs still wrapped around him. “I won’t have that.” He leaned over her and kissed her deeply, his hands diving between her legs to find her sensitive flesh.

“Colin!” She moaned his name and grabbed his shoulders, he kissed her lips, licked into her mouth, smothering her moans with his passion.

He felt her stiffen, suddenly her hands were patting his chest rapidly, she pulled her head back.

“My mother,” she whispered. He pulled his head up and listened. The shrill of Portia Featherington was coming from down the hall. Colin jumped up, quickly buttoning his shirt and pants while frantically looking for his jacket and vest.

He was aware of Penelope sitting up quickly, smoothing out her clothes. This was one time he was glad he did not strip her bare, as much as he wanted to feast on her breasts, he was grateful for at least that restraint. She looked at him and giggled, he was buttoning his jacket, surprised at the speed he got himself put back together.

The voices were getting closer, Prudence’s whine now carrying through the halls. Just in time, Colin grabbed the book sitting on the table and plopped down next to Penelope, at an appropriate distance, opening it to a random page and holding it out for her to appear to be reading with him.

The door swung open, Portia and Prudence stopped dead in their tracks upon seeing the two on the couch. They both looked up, and for a moment, there was silence between the parties in the room. Portia narrowed her eyes,

“Why was the door closed?”

Penelope smiled, “was it? I thought we had left it open.” She looked at Colin questioningly, as though she was surprised by her mother’s statement. Colin smoothly matched her calm and smiled back at the suspicious woman in the door.

“That must have been my fault, Lady Featherington. When we returned from the walk Penelope and I had a bit of a disagreement on a part of this book, and I insisted I prove her wrong.”

Portia looked puzzled, staring at the book Colin held open.

“What part of ‘The Literary Anecdotes of the 18^th Century’ were you debating?” She asked. Penelope’s eyes went wide for a moment, Colin cleared his throat and looked at the page he had opened.

“Some letters, by John Nichols,” He looked back up at her, hoping this was answer enough. Portia’s face relaxed, she shook her head.

“Well, it’s a good thing it was I who discovered you two, and not someone else. Really, if I didn’t know you better, I would have assumed untoward activities had occurred.” She chuckled a little at this, “Prudence and I were going to take some tea, Mister Bridgerton, please join us.” Colin felt Penelope relax, he put the book down and looked at her. She was staring at her hands biting her lip.

“Yes, thank you, I would love to join you.” He stood up and brought the book back to the table. He knew this would make Penelope angry, but he had a sudden urge to challenge Portia’s indifference to her daughter.

“Lady Featherington, I wonder, why is it you are so lenient with Penelope? She and I were together, alone, in a closed room. If I recall, last year Prudence was engaged after being caught with Lord Featherington in the orangery.”

Portia looked at him puzzled. “Mister Bridgerton, that was entirely different.”

“How?” He asked.

“Colin,” he heard Penelope’s small voice, “it is no matter.”

“Prudence was compromised,” Portia said plainly, “I know men, and they cannot be restrained when around young women. It is a fact.”

“Is that so?” Colin tilted his head regarding her statement. “What if I could not be restrained?” He asked, his voice challenging with a small smile on his face.

“Around Penelope!” Portia laughed, “Mister Bridgerton, you have always been such a gentleman around her, I would never accuse you of such an indiscretion.”

Colin went back to the couch and sat next to Penelope, much closer than before, so that his thigh was touching hers. He put his hands on his knees, his pinky finger on the hand that was resting next to Penelope, was gently rubbing her thigh. Portia was still chuckling at Colin’s statement. Not noticing his hand or his now closeness sitting near her daughter.  Penelope leaned over to Colin.

“Please stop,” she whispered, “she will make things worse if she knows.”

“I would tell her right now; I would tell the entire ton right now. You should not have to endure such indifference.” He whispered back. She put her hand on his and patted it quickly.

“I am used to this, just please, not yet.” Colin nodded, brushing his hand against her knee and patting her back. The tea arrived with snacks, much to Colin’s relief. Perhaps his quick temper was due to hunger. In his years of existence, food was one thing that always calmed him down. Also, as of recently, he found Penelope gave him the same effect.

It was late Tuesday night, another rainy evening in London. Penelope was walking through Holborn, she was back to making nighttime deliveries of her pamphlet. She didn’t want to admit to Colin, but she was scared. She felt there were eyes everywhere. Even the familiar faces seemed to be looking at her more carefully. She had taken a hired hack to Fleet Street and was walking the last few blocks to the printers.  While John still promised to keep her protection, she found he was even looking at her with suspicion.

One thousand pounds for anyone on this side of London was life changing, she needed to figure out another way, but for tonight, her delivery had to be made.

She entered the shop carefully, John was waiting for her, as he always did.

“Your back to the nighttime drop offs again I see.” He spoke.

“Yes, my mistress has been forced to figure out new means, it might be changing soon.” John nodded and took the paper from her, looking it over.

“This is a little different love,” he said, “is she changing the content?”

“I’m not sure,” she said nervously, “I can’t read it, I just deliver it.”

John nodded and tossed the bag of coins on the counter. He looked at her carefully, “You let your mistress know, we around here have no need for her blood money. The way the crown works is when one goes down, we all do. I won’t be telling no one…you have my word.” Penelope sighed and smiled at him.

“I thank you, and I’m sure my mistress will too.” She took out ten coins from her bag and gave it to him. “For your troubles, lets increase your earnings.” He smiled and nodded at her.  Penelope pulled her hood on tightly and rushed out the door. She kept to the familiar sidewalks, humming to herself, trying to keep her mind quiet. Each noise behind her, each voice she heard, she was convinced was someone looking for her.

Once she made it to where she had asked the hack to wait, she saw the street was bare. She huffed in frustration, how was she to get home now?  Staying in place would be dangerous, it would likely draw attention to her. So, she kept to the walls and walked, figuring she would make it home one way or another.

In the dark, it was harder to make out street signs. Penelope had been walking for what seemed like hours. As she passed buildings, they were mostly dark, save a few where she could hear people drinking or music playing. This was a part of London she was not familiar with. Away from the safety of Mayfair, Penelope was aware of how unfamiliar she was in her surroundings.

As time went on, Penelope was getting more and more anxious, why were there no hacks about? She started to think to herself that she should have asked for help. She should have seen if Colin would loan her a carriage, or maybe if Madame Delacroix would be willing to cover with deliveries for a month or two. She was mad at herself for her carelessness. If she were seen in these parts, there was no way to explain why a woman of her age and breeding was out alone at night in the streets of London.

Penelope heard voices behind her, and footsteps. It was a group of young men. She kept her head forward and picked up the pace. Realizing she was not in an area she knew; she figured if she kept walking, perhaps she would see something familiar that could lead her back home.

“Hey,” one of the men yelled, “where you off to pretty lady?”

Penelope bit her lip and picked up the pace. The men were foxed, she hoped she could lose them on the streets if she took a few clever sharp turns.

“Come on,” another man shouted, “we just want to have some fun.”

She was walking so fast it was a near run, she had no idea where she was, she was focused on finding a place to hide and outrun these men. She didn’t dare turn around, for fear it would slow her pace. By the sound of it, there were three, maybe four men. She could outrun them but would not be able to fight them. While distracted by her thoughts, her foot caught a loose stone, causing her to tumble to the ground.

She felt her ankle twist and her knee scrapped along the rough stone pavement. Her hand hit the ground hard, she could feel the sharp stones digging into her palms. Penelope tried to get up but felt a sharp pain on her injured foot and dropped back down to the ground.

She took a few deep breaths; she could hear the men nearing her. Penelope had to think quickly, she knew she could not outrun them. She could hear their steps getting closer, laughing about her predicament. Penelope could see her dress had lifted a little, showing her calves. She tried to adjust that and do the best she could to stand up. It was more dangerous to be lying on the ground.

“Hey little miss, looks like you hurt yourself, we can help make you better.” One of the men called. She turned to look, there were three of them. They were dressed nicely, not members of the ton, most likely coming from a Gaming Hell rather than a place like Whites. A group of libertines most likely, which did not bode well for her right now. She put an innocent smile on her face.

“I’m fine, no thank you.” She tried to act simple. She had to figure out where she was. The streets were a bit cleaner, but she knew she was still a way from Mayfair.

“You don’t look fine,” the tallest of the men drawled. “Let us have a look.”

“No,” she said a little louder, “I am fine.”

The men started laughing, they were standing in front of her now. Penelope stood as tall as she could, hoping to look stronger than she was.

“Come now little lady, we can take care of you.” The shorter said, “I have a place for you just over there.”

“I’m not far from home.” She stated, “I do not need help.”

“You look like you work in Mayfair,” the man with the beard slurred, “whose house?”

“I’m not telling you,” Penelope was feeling rage and fear, she was trying to figure out how to get out of this. In that moment, one of the men grabbed her arm, hard. She tried to yank it back which had another of the men grab her other.

“Why don’t you let us help you, we can get you home.” Penelope was aware this situation was getting bad; she was not sure she could fight these men off. Maybe if she knew where she was, she could yell, see if someone she knew was nearby. She started looking around frantically for clues. Both her arms were firmly held by two of the men. They were walking her down the street, to an unknown spot. Suddenly, her back was pressed up against a brick wall in an alleyway, the tallest of the men crowding her in. She closed her eyes and put her head down, not wanting to look at him.

He took off her hood and cape. She kept her eyes closed, she realized there was little she could do at this point. She could not fight, and these men outnumbered her in size and strength.  She felt tears in her eyes. How would she tell Colin what had happened? What about her mother?

She sensed the tall man leaning closer, his breath on her ear. She pressed her lips together and turned her head away as far as she could. He smelled of tobacco and whiskey, she felt sick. The men were laughing, telling the tall man, Bernard was the name she heard, what to do. Making comments about her breasts, her hair, her legs, she was trying not to listen.

She felt the man grab at her hairpins and pull her hair down. She felt his fingers combing through her curls, he was mumbling something in her ear, but she refused to listen. She felt like her skin was crawling. All she wanted was for this to be over. At this point she would let them have their fun and hopefully just leave her alone.

Bernard was then running his hand down her chest, his hands dipped beneath her neckline he palmed her bare breasts hard enough for her to yelp in pain. She heard another man say “save some fun for the rest of us”. He seized her by the waist and roughly pulled her forward so he could grab her bottom. She let out a squeal, then bite her lip. She couldn’t help the tears that started to fall.

“Please,” she started pleading to them, “please, do not touch me, I need to get home.”

“Yes, you chit, we will take you home, but first we all want to have some fun.” The short man sniggered, she felt his grasp on her right arm weaken. It was enough that she pulled free and swung out to hit Bernard, who had pulled her skirt up, his rough hands squeezing her thighs. She caught him in his right eye, which surprised him. He stumbled back growling in pain.

“You bitch!” He shouted. The man who had let her arm go grabbed her again and roughly held her back down. She was looking around for anyone to shout to. She knew she had just made things worse. Bernard shook his head and crowded her in again, “you shouldn’t have done that.” He sneered, practically spitting with rage, “I was going to be nice, but now you’ve made me mad.”

He looked at the two men holding her arms, “turn her around” he instructed. Bernard was clearly the ringleader; he was in charge. She needed to get one of the other men on her side. She was aggressively being turned, her face forced against the brick wall. As her head was being pushed to the side she saw the bearded man, holding her down. She caught his gaze; he was staring at her. She blinked away the tears that were stinging her eyes and spoke to him.

“Please help me, stop him,” she pleaded softly, holding his gaze. The man was faltering, she could see he was uncomfortable. She felt Bernard pulling her waist back and lifting her dress up. She had to speak fast, “I have money, you can take it all, just please leave me alone. You do not want to do this.” The man was now looking more concerned, he went from Penelope’s face to Bernard who looked like he was struggling with his pants. She felt the bearded man’s grip loosen.

“What’s your name?” She asked, feeling calmer as it seemed she was getting through to him.

“Charlie,” the man said softly.

“Charlie, please, I have money. I am not who I look like. You will all be in trouble, just let me go.” She could hear sickening sound of Bernard finally get his buckle loose, she was running out of time.

Her skirt was lifted higher, exposing her to him, she could feel the cold air on her bottom. His hands were holding her bare hips firmly, his legs forcing hers apart. She raised her voice, pleading, “Charlie, please.” 

The man looked once more at her face and let her arm go. She heard Bernard being stopped. The other, shorter man let go of her left arm. She quickly stood up and turned to see Charlie had pushed Bernard back and was now holding him. Talking quickly.

Charlie turned towards her, “who are you? Your dress looks that of a servant, but your shoes are not. You say you have money, but you do not look like a lady who should be out alone at night.”

Penelope was breathing heavily, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her bag of coins. “I work for a powerful person; I will pay you for your silence. Not a word of this will be spoken, I just want you to leave me alone.” The men were looking at her, her hand extended with the bag of coins. She was trying to keep her arm steady despite her entire body shaking in fear.

“How much money is that?” Bernard asked, reaching out for her bag.

“I’m not sure, it is not mine. I bring it to my mistress.” Her voice shook, she shook the bag hoping that he’d take it.

Bernard grabbed the sack and opened it, his eyes wide looking at the contents. He then looked back up at her.

“Lady Whistledown?” he whispered.

Penelope’s eyes went wide, she took a breath and shook her foot, the one that was injured. She found it did not hurt so bad. She could run, but to where, she did not know where she was. She licked her lips and stood as tall as she could.

“I cannot say.” She would not give these men the satisfaction, she worked too hard for this. Bernard was now rubbing his chin, a grin crossing his face.

“I can’t believe it boys; I think we found that lady the Queen has put a bounty on.” He started laughing. Suddenly there was a loud bang. Glass shattering by their feet. A loud shout from behind startled her. It was John, her printer. He came barreling down the street with a pipe above his head, striking the arm of Bernard that held the coins.

The bag flew and landed on the ground, coins rolling everywhere. The sound of their metal hitting the stone sidewalk, echoing throughout the empty streets. She saw the three men run, scattering amidst the buildings and allies.

Penelope collapsed to the ground, one hand clutching her chest. Mindlessly she started feeling around for her dropped coins with her free hand, trying to follow the sound of the metal hitting the pavement as she could not see through her tears. She felt a rush of emotion now that the men had left, fear spread through her. Her heart started racing, a cold sweat on her whole body, and as John approached her his voice was muffled by the ringing in her ears. She started breathing deeply in through her nose and blowing out the air through her mouth. She grabbed for John’s arm and realized she was shaking. She was vaguely aware of him standing her up and walking her down the road.

She could hear his gruff voice telling her to keep walking. She did not know where they were going, but she was grateful for the help. They walked for what seemed like an hour, her heart would not stop racing. She could not see well as her vision was blurred from the tears that would not stop flowing. She was clinging to John, desperate to hold onto something familiar.

They stopped outside a door. John started pounding on it, holding her up with his other arm. She was looking around; this was not Mayfair. She just wanted to be home in bed. She made a promise to herself right then that she would not ever put herself in this situation. She was starting to feel her senses return, she looked up at John who was looking down at her, “you’re going to be just fine miss.” He assured her.

She took a deep breath and felt a calm come over her. The danger was gone. The men were gone. She heard shuffling behind the door and the clinking of the lock. It was late, whoever this was must have been sleeping. A sudden rush of guilt filled her thinking about the burden she was at this hour, showing up to a stranger’s house.

The door flung open; it took a moment for Penelope to take in what she saw. There, standing in the doorway, hair tousled, nightshirt on, eyes wide and face full of panic, was Colin.  

Chapter Text

Colin opened the door wider, allowing John through with Penelope still gripping his arm. As she stepped through the threshold she reached out and grabbed onto Colin’s shoulders, then pulling him into her burying her head into his chest, sobbing. The tears returning. Colin wrapped his arms around her protectively, looking up at John while she melted into his embrace

“What happened?” He asked.

“I followed her like you asked. Her hack had left, so she was walking. I kept a good distance, about a block or so behind her. She was followed and cornered by this group of three men. I went to go find something to fight them with, by the time I got there they had her against the wall sir. By the time I reached them, they were stealing her money.” He stopped to catch his breath. “I should have been faster; I don’t know what they did to her.”

Colin went white, he took Penelope’s face in his hands and pulled her back to look at her. She had tears in her eyes, her shoulders were shaking with sobs. She was shaking her head.

“I’m alright, it’s fine, I’ll be fine.” Her words were meant for him, but it was more that she was trying to convince herself. She was taking deep breaths to steady her voice, but they turned into hiccups. She pushed her head back into Colin’s chest trying to calm herself. Colin looked over to John.

“Thank you, I am grateful for your help.” He nodded to John, who turned to leave.

“Miss,” he said gently to Penelope, “I am sorry this happened. I promise I’ll make sure your trip wasn’t in vain.”

Penelope nodded and smiled at John. “Thank you, sir,” she said, still in the Irish accent. She couldn’t recall if she had been consistent with it this entire time. She knew now was not the time to ask. Colin shut the door behind John and held Penelope for some time. The hallway echoed with the sound of her soft sobs and hiccups.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she started, “I have been doing this for years and this has never happened. I don’t know why the hack left, I don’t know why I was followed, I just wanted to get a new pamphlet out, it’s been over a week.”

Colin shook his head and pressed his lips together, his hands holding her firmly. “It’s alright my love.” He soothed her, “I am not angry.”

Penelope nodded, she took a deep breath, her clothes were damp from the evening, and she was shivering, not just from nerves, but from the cold. Colin released her from his arms and took her hand. Leading her out of the entryway and upstairs. “Would you like me to have Dunwoody draw you a bath? I fear I have no lady’s maids, but it would help warm you up.”

Penelope shook her head, “maybe just a basin with hot water and soap, I can wash myself.” She spoke. Colin led her into his bed chambers, ringing the bell to wake Dunwoody downstairs. Although he assumed the man was up with all the commotion at this late hour.

“I’m sorry Pen, I do not have another bed chamber set up yet. I hope this is alright.”

Penelope smiled at him, sitting on the side of his bed, hugging herself. “This will do, I believe out of all the things we have done that are untoward, this is the least scandalous.” He chuckled.

There was a knock on the door before it opened and Dunwoody stepped in. He had a look of shock on his face seeing Penelope sitting on Colin’s bed. Dunwoody quickly relaxed and nodded at her, then bowed to Colin.

“Could you bring up a wash basin with hot water and soap for Miss Featherington please, and perhaps some tea and biscuits or sandwiches. She has had a difficult evening and needs to rejuvenate herself.”

Dunwoody nodded, “Of course, sir,” he stepped out of the room, Colin waited to hear his footsteps fade before he sat next to Penelope on the bed and pulled her into him. She rested her head on his shoulder. They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Colin finally asked. He was dreading the details. The thought of someone else’s hands on her made him feel sick. But he would rather know than wonder what happened.

Penelope sat back and looked at him, “I feel such a fool, I should have known something like this could have happened.” She shook her head, “The hired hack had left before I returned from dropping off my paper with John, it was supposed to be waiting just down the road. But it had left.” She sniffled, “I didn’t know what to do, so I just started walking. I thought I’d be able to figure out my way back, but these men, they started following me, and I fell.” She showed Colin the scraps on her hands and knees, “and I twisted my ankle, so I could not run.” She took a few calming breaths. He squeezed her hands and kissed the crown of her head.

“They were suddenly next to me, three of them,” she closed her eyes, like she had done when they got close to her.

“What did they look like? Did you get their names?” He was rubbing her hand and speaking softly.

“Only first names, one was Bernard, another Charlie, I didn’t hear the third man’s name. Charlie had a beard, the other one was short, they held my arms, pushed me against a wall so I could not move.” She shivered thinking about it, “Bernard was tall, looked like the leader of the group. He was the one who…” her voice fell off, her lip started shaking, she took a few more deep breaths and looked at Colin whose eyes were so full of compassion and hurt. She swallowed and continued, “the one who touched me.” She finished.

“Where?” Colin insisted, his voice a little louder, “where did he touch you?”

Penelope moved her hands over her head and patted her hair, “he took my hair down.” She moved her hands down to her front, putting them over her breasts, “he squeezed me here, and it hurt Colin, he was not gentle, it was rough.” She heard Colin breathe in through his nose, his teeth clenched. She continued and moved her hand down to her waist, “He grabbed my waist, and pulled me up then grabbed my bottom.” She looked and saw rage in Colin’s eyes, his face was tense, his jaw tight, she was frightened.

“Is that all?” he said through his clenched teeth. She thought for a moment to lie, not tell him the rest. She saw the pain, anger and hurt it brought him, and she did not want to make it worse. But she knew he would be even more angry if she held the rest, so she continued.

“No, he tried lifting my skirt, his hands were on my thighs. When he did that, I was able to get my hand free and I struck him in his eye.” Colin looked impressed for a moment, “that was unwise of me, it stopped him for a second, but he was furious. The men, they pinned me down again, harder this time. Bernard then told them to turn me around, they pushed my face against the wall. Bernard then pulled my skirt up; all the way up so I felt the breeze on my bottom. He was unbuttoning his pants. If I had not convinced the other man, Charlie, to stop him, I’m sure he would have violated me.”

She hadn’t allowed herself to admit that until now, she was focused on the fact nothing happened. Saying this out loud made her realize how quickly it could have happened. She shuttered and let out a small sob before taking a deep breath and pushing those fears deep down.

She looked back at Colin who was silent, his mouth pressed tightly shut, his eyes were red, brimming with tears he was refusing to let fall. His hand was squeezing Penelope’s firmly. She put her hand against his cheek, rubbing it gently, “I am alright Colin,” she soothed. “They did not hurt me, just scared me. I tried to give them money; they accused me of being Whistledown, I did not confirm it. That was when John appeared and scared them away.”

Colin stood up and started pacing, he was clenching and unclenching his fist, his entire body was tense and angry. He turned to Penelope, a flash of rage in his eye, that disappeared the moment he saw her. He knelt in front of her, grabbing her hands and kissing her knuckles over and over again.

“I’m so sorry, you were so brave and strong.” He said softly between kisses, “I should have been there, you should not be doing this alone.” Penelope pulled her hands from his and pulled his face up to look at her. Her fingers in his hair, grounding him with her soft blue eyes.

“I didn’t ask you to, please do not feel remorse. You and I both did not know this would happen.” Colin stood up and sat back down next to her, shaking his head.

“I did know Pen, I told you, the other day, you are in danger. People are looking for you. Even if these men didn’t intend to find Whistledown, what would happen when they figured it out. They were going to rape you; they might have still done that. You are nothing but a prize to be won, they do not care what happens to you.”

Penelope looked down at her hands. She bit her lip in thought. “When did you talk to John?”

“The day after Trowbridge ball. I went to see him in the morning. You said you trusted him; I wanted too as well. He is a good man, Pen; I am grateful for him.”

They sat silently for some time, waiting for Dunwoody and the hot water. Colin was not letting go of Penelope’s hand, he kept rubbing his thumb gently over her knuckles. Finally, the sound of Dunwoody’s footsteps came from down the hall. Colin jumped up to meet him at the door.

“Thank you,” He said, “I’ll talk care of it from here.” Dunwoody nodded,

“I’ll be back with some tea and food.” He said softly.

Colin brought the basin over to the vanity with the mirror and set up a clean towel and sponge. He turned to Penelope who was sitting on his bed, watching. She stood slowly and walked over to him, pulling her hair back to get it off her face. When she reached Colin, he gently reached up and held her chin with his hand, gazing lovingly into her eyes.

“Let me help you,” he said tenderly. She nodded and dropped her hands. Colin stood behind her and pulled her hair up. He had an old cravat that worked well as a ribbon, and he tied her hair up with that. He then traced his fingers down the nape of her neck to her dress and started to loosen the fastening, removing the dirty and damp garment. He looked up and saw Penelope was watching him from their reflection in the mirror.

He placed his hands on her shoulder and looked at the reflection as well. He had never seen them together; they had no paintings or images of themselves to see how they appeared as a couple. He watched as she reached up and watched herself touch the side of his face, holding his gaze forward at the mirror. He smiled at her and saw the corners of her mouth do the same.

“Don’t we look a handsome couple,” she whispered, trying to make light of the situation but also memorized by their reflections, “I could never have imagined this.”

He smiled wider, covering her hand on his cheek with his, turning his head and placing a kiss on her palm. She winced a little, he looked and saw the scrapes on her palm from her fall this evening.

He gently pulled her hand down and reached over to the basin, wet the sponge with soap and started wiping her hand, cleaning her palms, between her fingers, on her wrist. He then moved to the other hand, taking the same care he had with the first hand. He wet the sponge again and moved up her arms, one and the other, scrubbing her with the warm soapy water. She watched him in the mirror as he took his time, he loosened the chamise and it fell from her shoulders, fluttering down to the floor and pooling at her feet. He started washing her shoulders, her neck, and her chest. Each pass of the sponge bringing the soap that smelled like him all over her body.

She watched his reflection in the mirror as he took him time around her breasts and stomach, her back and between her legs. Each touch was full of care, she felt safe, she felt loved. He took the clean towel and dried her gently, careful not to aggravate her sore skin.

He wanted to replace her memory of rough hands with gentle one. He wanted to erase the harsh words with soft ones. He wanted her to remember this night as one full of love and tenderness.

“Penelope,” she hummed, “I am sorry for what happened to you tonight.” She shivered under his hands. He pulled her closer to him, wrapping the clean warm towel around her before tucking her under his chin. “What do you need from me?” He murmured into her hair.

“You,” she whispered, “I just need you.”

Colin leaned over and scooped her up in his arms. She let out a squeak, and wrapped her arms around his neck, tucking her head into his chest. He walked across the room and placed her on his bed, taking care to pull the blanket over her as all she had on was a towel. He took the towel from her and hung it by the fire to dry.

There was a soft knock on the door. Colin walked over and cracked it just enough to get the tea and biscuits from Dunwoody before bidding him a goodnight. He carried the tray to the bed.

“Would you like something to eat?”

“Yes please,” she said eagerly, “I’m quite hungry.”

Colin made her a cup of tea, just how she likes it, and fixed her a small plate. He handed it to her, then watched as she tucked into the snacks. She looked at him and frowned.

“Are you eating too?”

He smiled; she was perfect. He never imagined Penelope, snug in his bed, naked, drinking tea and eating biscuits. Her look of concern for his lack of appetite pulled him out of his haze. “Of course, I never turn down food. I was going to get myself ready to join you.”

She raised her eyebrows at him, looking curiously at his current state. He had on his nightshirt and slacks; his clothes were damp from washing her. He smiled at her while he pushed his pants down and pulled his shirt over his head, leaving him as naked as she was. He climbed into the bed next to her, tucking the blanket around him and reaching for the food and tea.

She was blushing, amazed at how easily he undressed in front of her. They sat in comfortable silence, enjoying the food. Penelope was turning over in her head how the events of today lead her here, to him, like this. She was trying to keep the horrible thoughts from earlier at bay, determined to not dwell on the trauma of that moment in the alleyway. She knew Colin was doing what he could. She saw the helplessness he felt as she told him about what had happened. She looked over at him to see he was watching her carefully. Unsure of how to move forward. Colin cleared his throat.

“Is this alright Pen,” he asked carefully gesturing to her state of nakedness, “I do not want you to be uncomfortable. I can get you a shirt, or maybe I will get one too. I do not want you to feel that I have assumed anything.”

Penelope bit her lower lip and shook her head. “I do not believe I have ever felt more at home than I do right now.” She assured him. Colin exhaled and smiled, he reached over and took the empty teacup from her, moved the dirty dishes to the tray and placed it on the floor.

“You can lay back,” he encouraged, she slid down and pulled the covers up to her shoulders, head resting on the pillow. Colin did the same, but turned to her and slid over, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her flush to him. Penelope felt his soft skin cover every inch of her back, the heat of Colin giving her a sense of safety. She pushed herself back into him and felt his arms squeeze her tighter, his one arm around her waist and the other now under her head. She felt Colin gently kiss her shoulder and she hummed in contentment.

Colin’s hand on her stomach was rubbing small circles on her soft belly, soothing her, lulling her to sleep. She felt her eyes getting heavy, the stress from the night tiring her out. She had one last thought float through her head; her mother. Her eyes flew open.

“Colin,” her voice soft, breaking the silence in the room, “my mother! I will not be home when she awakens, what can we do?” Colin’s hand stopped moving for a moment, he then got up quickly to fetch a piece of paper. She heard him scribbling for a few moments, then the rustling of his robe.

“I’ll handle this,” he said quickly, “I’ll be a moment.” She heard the door open and close, leaving her alone in the room.

She looked around, taking in his space. It was tidy, she saw trinkets sitting on his dresser, most likely from his travels. She saw he had hung her clothes up by the fire to dry. She saw his pile of maps and journals stacked neatly on his desk. Penelope turned her head into the pillow and took a deep breath, his sheets smelled like him. She felt at home.

The door opened and Colin returned, he quickly shed his robe and climbed back into the bed, resuming their position. She sighed feeling his warmth again against her.

“What did you do?” She asked quietly.

“Sent a letter to your home and to Eloise.” He murmured into the back of her head, “I wrote as El to your mother, telling her you joined her for a sunrise tea in the back garden. I wrote to El and told her you joined her for a sunrise tea in the back garden.” He kissed her head, “I also told El I was assisting with a morning Whistledown run, so she understands why you’re not at tea.”

Penelope hummed, “you are so clever.” She squeezed his hand that was on her stomach. Colin pulled her tighter into him, breathing in her hair, gently rubbing her skin. There was much to discuss, but tonight, he would be her comfort. He held her as he felt her breaths even out. He held her when he heard the soft snoring, and he knew he would never let go.

The light streaming through the curtains woke Penelope. She felt the warmth of skin under her cheek, the calming rhythm of a heartbeat, the movement of steady breaths. As she became aware of her surroundings, she remembered where she was. The entire evening seemed like a dream. She heard the noises from outside, the streets of Bloomsbury had a different energy than those of Mayfair. There were people shouting, horses neighing, and hooves and carriages rolling at what sounded like a large number so early in the morning.

Penelope stayed as still as possible. Her arm wrapped around Colin’s chest; her legs tangled with his. She closed her eyes again, hoping to fall back asleep so she could make this moment last.

Colin hummed, his hand coming up to her head, he started to comb his fingers through her hair. Penelope involuntarily nuzzled him, pressing her face to his chest, she started to lazily kiss him. She felt him shift a little, she opened her eyes and looked up, her vision still a bit blurred and the sun making the image of Colin look angelic. He was looking at her, starting to wrap her curls around his fingers, he smiled when he saw her blue eyes focus on him.

“Good morning,” He murmured, “Did you sleep alright?”

Penelope nodded, smiling back at him, she started to gently trace the skin on his chest with her fingers. She lowered her head and kissed his chest again. Colin hummed again; she felt the deep vibrations in her kisses.

Colin reached down and placed his hand on the side of her cheek, directing her attention back up to him. “Come here,” he soothed. She moved up so her face was above his, Colin placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her down to him. His lips tenderly meeting hers, pulling her lower lip gently between his before deepening the kiss. They took their time, with kisses and touches. After a few minutes, Colin seized Penelope’s waist and turned her onto her back, pushing her knees apart to fit himself between her. He kissed her neck and chest until he got to her breasts where he kissed and soothed the places where she was grabbed so violently. He was determined to replace the roughness and pain from the strangers’ hands yesterday with his tenderness and care.

She lay below him, her hair splayed out around her, hands by her face, watching Colin as he anointed her with his adoration. He looked up from his position between the valley of her breasts and she gave him a small smile. Slowly he kissed his way back up her chest to her throat, neck, jaw, then lips where he stole her breath in a long and heated kiss. She pulled him in closer, meeting his intensity with her own. She dropped her knees open and allowed Colin to rest his hips between them. She felt his cock hard and hot against her upper thigh, her hips slid down a little to invite him into her warm and wet center.

“Make love to me Colin,” she whispered in between kisses. She heard him hum and saw his lips curl up into a smile while he held her gaze with his own dark eyes. She pulled her legs up over his hips and squeezed, giving him space to enter her. He slipped inside her with ease, letting out a sigh of contentment while whispering her name. He started to move slowly, pulling and pushing himself into her while he kissed her and held her. They spoke no words, but she felt them. It was love, pure love, she felt her heart swell with emotions so strong she felt she could cry. Colin must have seen this, as his hand reached up and gently brushed a tear that had betrayed her and fell down her cheek.

“Pen,” he said softly, “I am here, I will always be here, you will never be alone again.” She nodded and lifted her head to catch his lips with hers. She pulled back and bit her lip.

“It is not why I am crying,” she gasped, as she adjusted her hips and pushed up against him while he was driving himself into her. “I know this, I know you are always going to be here for me.” She could feel her lower belly start to warm up, her climax building, she was trying to keep speaking, but her pleasure was nearing a point of mindlessness.

Colin slowed his thrusts, and sank into her, holding still. Their bodies pressed together and joined, she took a deep breath and continued.

“I love you, so much, and I want you to know that I would never blame you for a choice I make.” He furrowed his brows at her, “last night was my choice, whatever happened to me was because of what I chose to do. I do not want you to feel like you were supposed to save me or protect me when I suffer consequences of my actions.”

“Pen,” he cut her off, “I will always feel that I am supposed to help you and protect you. You are part of me, if you had told me you were going out last night, I would have loaned my carriage or even made the delivery for you. This Whistledown business is risky, you can clearly see things need to change.”

They lay there, staring at each other for a moment, she knew he was holding back. She knew that if he spoke freely, he would make her feel guilty, tell her truths she didn’t want to hear, give her reason to stop and doubt. She worried her lower lip and put her hands on either side of his face, pulling him down to her. They kissed for a moment before she pulled back and stared at him.

“You are right, “she stated, “I will stop doing these deliveries myself. We will figure something out.” She felt Colin sigh and gave her a big smile. He kissed her nose tenderly, then pulled his hips back and resumed his thrusting. Penelope grabbed onto his shoulders and met his hips with each movement, moaning when he slammed his hips into hers, grinding against her and stimulating her bundle of nerves.

“Touch yourself,” He whispered in her ear as he leaned over her and nipped at her neck. Penelope reached between them and started rubbing her clit while Colin picked up the rhythm of his movements. She could feel her belly getting tighter, the tingle in her sex growing, making her slick and hot and ready to feel her desire burn from within.

“Colin, don’t stop,” she pleaded, her fingers moving quicker, bringing herself to a peak.

“I want to see you,” he pushed up so he could watch her, “let go, I want to feel you come around me.” He brushed her cheek with his thumb. She opened her eyes and locked them with him while she tumbled into ecstasy. She felt the warmth in her belly explode and spread from her core to her limbs. Colin followed her soon after, giving a few more thrusts than he moaned her name while he emptied himself deep inside of her.

They lay in the bed, holding each other. She felt him soften and slip out of her as he rolled to his side and pulled her into him like he did last night. They did not speak, they were just breathing together, matching the inhales and exhales in the silence of the room. Colin started gently rubbing her belly again, and he started to hum. She closed her eyes and listened to the tune. She could not tell if it was something she knew or if he was just filling the silence. It did not matter, as the sounds he made filled her with comfort and peace. His baritone voice rumbled his chest and vibrated against her back, his arms around her, his warm breath against her cheek, and the quiver of his body gave her a sense of love she had not ever known.

They could lay like this forever here, just forget the stressors of the world; forget the scandal she wrote about. Forget the queen and her ransom, forget the stranger who attacked her. Forget her Mama who ignored her. Forget the ton and their rules and vitriol. But she knew that was not how this could work.

“Colin,” she broke the silence, he stopped his humming and tapped her belly indicating he was listening, “I must get home. It must be late; your letter will only buy us so much time.” She felt him sigh behind her.

“You are right,” he kissed her shoulder, “wait here, I will get you your clothes.”

Within a quarter of an hour, they were both dressed and walking down the stairs to his front door. Colin’s staff was milling about the entryway. Eyeing them both. Colin turned to Dunwoody.

“I trust you to not speak a word of this evening to anyone, please ensure the staff knows this as well.” Dunwoody bowed and turned to the staff to address them. Colin took Penelope’s arm, “we will take my carriage, I have it ready out front.” They stepped outside and quickly entered the carriage.

Penelope knew she was still dressed in her handmaiden clothes, she realized that it would be assumed Colin had taken a mistress and not her to bed if they were seen. Penelope mentioned this to Colin as a jest.

“Pen, I noticed the people around here do not care much for that type of gossip.” Colin assured her, “many of the men around here are working bachelors, they often have guests overnight.”

“I see,” she replied, “Colin, what time is it? How will I get back into the house?”

“I am going to drop you off at the side of your house. Then I will call on you after a few minutes, so the attention is at the front door while you sneak up to your room. Then take all the time you need to freshen up and meet me in the drawing room as your caller,” he winked.

“You are quite good at deceit.” Penelope was impressed with the ease he presented the plan.

“I was up for a while last night, thought it all through.” He said proudly. Penelope felt guilty hearing this.

“I’m sorry, I did cause quite the disturbance.” She frowned.

“Not at all,” Colin reached over to Penelope and caressed her face, “I can’t imagine a better way to spend my night than watching you sleep safe in my arms.” Penelope blushed and turned her head. She found she still struggled with statements of affection. She was not used to being admired and adored. After spending most of her life feeling unwanted, it was still hard to hear the affirmations at times.

Colin picked up on her insecurity quickly, “you can allow yourself to be loved Pen.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She nodded her head looked up at him and smiled.

“I’m learning,” she told him, “You are wonderful you know.”

“You make me that way,” he smiled back at her, squeezing her hands in his.

The carriage had dropped Penelope off a block away from her home. Colin instructed the driver to wait a few minutes until they proceeded to the front of the Featherington home. It was almost noon at this point. He had not intended to keep Penelope out for this long. Colin reflected on the events of the evening. He knew that Penelope needed safer plans for her Whistledown delivery. Colin had come up with some ideas, but the morning had become a mess of sleeping and lovemaking, leaving no time to discuss them.

Colin looked at his pocket watch, it had been about fifteen minutes, it should be safe to approach the Featherington’s. He knocked on the carriage roof instructing the driver to proceed forward.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” Miss Varley greeted him when he knocked, “come in, I’m assuming you are here for Miss Penelope.” Colin nodded and followed the lady inside. “She has not come down yet this morning, I shall go and fetch her.” Colin was taken a back for a moment, had they not received the letter informing them of Penelope going to an early morning tea with Eloise? He entered the drawing room where Prudence and Portia were taking tea.

“Mr. Bridgerton, what a surprise.” Portia greeted loudly, “I must say, you have come by calling a lot lately, do you not have other people to call on? I know Penelope appreciates seeing you, but you are not obligated to pay her heed while I know there are many others in the ton vying for your attention.”

Colin took a deep breath through his nose and gritted his teeth. He reminded himself to remain calm, to remain respectful, after all, this woman was to be his mother-in-law someday. Instead, he forced out a laugh, which sounded more like a chortle, but it was better than the malice playing at the tip of his tongue.

“Lady Featherington, how nice to see you this morning.” He bowed, “Miss Prudence,” he nodded to the grinning sister. “I was in the area and found myself at your doorstep, which you are correct, does seem to be a habit of late. It is possible that I find Miss Penelope a great comfort and companion and that is why I prefer to call on her over others.” He responded to Portia, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. “Is it a problem?”

Portia chuckled, flipping her hand in the air dismissively, “of course not,” she answered. “I just know Penelope has always been so lonely, I did not want you to make these visits out of pity.”

Colin closed his eyes and shook his head. He wasn’t sure if this woman was trying to vex him or if she truly thought so lowly of Penelope. Portia was known to be a manipulative and scheming woman; he was almost hoodwinked into falling in love and marrying Marina because of her. He would not put it past the woman to be vetting his intentions by trying to rile up his emotions rather than just asking him what is going on. Colin knew he should just change the subject. He could feel Portia’s eyes piercing him for his answer.

“Do you have anymore tea?” He asked as he moved towards the sofa, the same sofa a few days ago Penelope and he shared an afternoon jaunt on.

“Yes, of course,” Portia said slowly, he noticed she narrowed her eyes at him. It confirmed his suspicions, she was testing him. She was not as unaware as Penelope thought. He realized Pen might think her mother doesn’t notice her, but this confirmed that she very much does.

Colin sat stiffly after he received his tea and snacks, filling his mouth with food to avoid further conversations with the ladies. Prudence had started talking about her engagement, sharing details about the flowers they had chosen. He could care less; his mind was filled with ideas about how to get Penelope out of here. He first had to help her finish with Whistledown.

“I wanted lemons in with the Lilys too, but I was told the citrus and floral would be too much for our wedding.” Prudence finished. Colin heard just the end of it, enough to respond appropriately but he had no idea the context of the lemons and lilies. He started tapping his foot on the floor, waiting for Penelope to arrive.

“Prudence knows we love to keep things…” Portia was continuing but at that moment Penelope walked through the door, Colin leapt to his feet to greet her. An enthusiastic grin on his face. His actions stopped Portia from her statement, she quickly turned to see Penelope standing at the door smiling just as gleefully back at him.

“Penelope,” Portia greeted her first, “what took you so long, Mr. Bridgerton has already had two cups of tea.” Penelope narrowed her eyes at her mother.

“Why, I was…I’m sorry…what took me so…” Penelope voice trailed off, she looked at Colin with questioning eyes, he nodded to her. Clearly the letter informing Portia of the fake morning tea was left unread.

“You really think I believe you had tea this morning before dawn?” Colin snapped his head towards the woman, eyes wide with shock. Portia pursed her lips, “Prudence,” she said a bit louder, Prudence looked up from her needlework.

“Yes mother,” she drawled.

“Please see if the post has arrived and bring it to my room.” Prudence sighed dramatically.

“But Mama, I don’t do those things, Varley does.” She whined.

“Very well,” Portia turned to look sternly at Prudence, “then you can go to your room.”

Prudence looked at her mother and sneered. She threw the motif she was stitching ungracefully to the floor and stomped towards the door. She was muttering to no one about being kicked out of the room while Penelope gets to stay.

Meanwhile Colin and Penelope were exchanging terrified looks. Colin mouthed an apology to Penelope who just shrugged and frowned.

Once the pounding of Prudence’s footsteps had subsided, Portia turned to Penelope and said softly. “Please, sit down.”

Penelope moved to join Colin on the sofa, sliding as far from him as she could once her bottom hit the faded cushion.

“Why don’t you tell me what is going on here.” Portia started pointing to the two of them, Penelope and Colin exchanged worried looks.

“What do you mean mama?” Penelope asked innocently.

“Oh, don’t you do that Penelope,” Portia scolded, “I mean what are you two up to? I am not simple. You were not in bed this morning, Varley found this note stuck to the front door, you were out last night, where did you go!? I have a feeling Mr. Bridgerton here knows or is involved somehow, and I want to be certain whatever it is, will not interfere with your sister’s wedding to Mr. Dankworth in a fortnight.”

Colin tried not to but couldn’t help and look over to Penelope who was looking back at him. He pressed his lips together tightly, raising his eyebrows hoping Penelope knew he would not be answering. Penelope sighed and looked back to her mother.

“I wouldn’t dare ruin Prudence’s nuptials Mama; I know how important it is to you.” She answered smoothly.

“Penelope,” Portia replied sternly, “where were you?”

“I was out,” She said quickly, “I sometimes sneak out at night, or in the morning, and I am usually back before you know. I’ve been doing it for some time.”

Portia’s eyes went wide. “What could a girl of your station possibly be doing out at odd hours, alone?” She was leering at Penelope, who was holding her mother’s gaze and challenging her with a fierce stare. Colin felt uncomfortable, he wasn’t sure if he should interrupt this family squabble and stand up for Penelope or let her fight this battle on her own. As if Portia sensed this, she turned quickly to Colin.

“What about you?” Colin gulped, he chewed on his inner cheek, he had never been scolded like this by anyone but his own mother. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Why was she making him so nervous? Portia continued, “Mr. Bridgerton, you always have a charming remark to say, and lately I find you where Penelope is. Why is that?”

Colin swallowed loudly, he looked quickly at Penelope, who was staring at him, pressing her lips together in a tight line and shaking her head. Only one answer came to his mind. 

“I love her,” he blurted out, Portia gasped in shock and then tilted her head regarding him. Penelope cleared her throat next to Colin trying to pull his attention away. He looked back at Penelope, whose eyes were wide and furious, he suddenly didn’t care. He would rather this truth be known than the consequences of Penelope being turned over to the queen. He was sure Portia would favor the bounty over her daughter’s safety, and he did not want to witness the truth of that.

“You love me like a friend,” Penelope said to him, then turned to her mother. “He means I am his friend, and he loves me as such.”

“No, I do not.” Colin said firmly, looking back at Penelope, “I love you,” he turned to Portia again, “I love her, I love your daughter. I come by every day because I want to see her, be near her, spend time with her. We are courting.”

“Colin!” Penelope whispered, “I’m not sure…”

Colin slid over to her and grasped her hands in his, shaking his head and stopping her train of thought.

“It’s time your mother knows,” He turned to Portia who had sat down on the chaise across from them, her hand clutching her chest, her mouth moving but no words were coming out. “I have been courting Penelope, in secret, for the past few weeks. We did not say anything as Prudence had just become engaged and Penelope did not want to take the attention away from her. She is always putting her family first; it is one of the wonderful things about her.”

“How did I not see this?” Portia says quietly, almost seemingly talking to herself.

“Because you do not see Penelope as I do,” Colin says confidently, “you do not see her as witty and smart and lovely and beautiful. She has been my best friend and confidant for years, I only just realized how incredible she is.” He looked at Penelope, “I have found so much happiness with her, and I hope we have your blessing to continue this courtship, in secret, until after Prudence’s wedding.” Penelope was smiling at him; she squeezed his hand which he brought up to his lips and kissed gently.

Portia was still silent, it seemed she needed some time to get her wits about her. She was staring at them, shaking her head slightly while coming to terms with this new information.

“I have allowed you to be unchaperoned, on promenades, in this house, all around the ton. I found you two the other day alone, in this very room, on that very sofa, with the door closed.” She had stood up and was pacing while gesturing to them now. “Have you been compromised? Mr. Bridgerton, you even challenged me when I deemed you innocent with untoward activities, is this because you have had my Penelope? I thought you a gentleman.”

Colin went stiff, he looked at Penelope who was glaring at her mother. She did not even glance his way before she was on her feet, fists clenched, standing tall and speaking with a soft intensity.

“Colin is a gentleman, he has been nothing but a gentleman and I will not sit here and let you belittle him while he has been the only one who has supported me and protected me. He sees me in a way neither you nor anyone in this god forsaken Ton has seen me. To him, I have been worthy of receiving affection, and praise, and attention, something I have fought every day to get from you.” Portia looked taken aback, she had her hands on her hips, but was clearly surprised with the tone Penelope had taken.

“I have spent so long hoping you will think I am more than your wallflower daughter. I have always felt like a burden to you. The daughter destined to be a spinster, not worthy of the attention of others. You know, I started to believe you.” Penelope turned and grabbed Colin’s hand, pulling him up from the sofa where he was still sitting silently. “Colin has always been here, in my life, and you just dismissed him as someone who would never be interested in me. I was too round, too plain, too mundane for marriage. Would you believe that he disagreed with you? He has made me feel beautiful and loved, and I haven’t had to do anything to earn that from him.”

Portia, not being one to lose an argument, crossed her arms and pursed her lips. Looking at Penelope, “you are wrong you know. I have always known you were the smartest of my children. Did I push you to dress for attention? Of course, I did, that is what Mama’s do. I want good things for you Penelope, you always looked so sad and lonely, I thought you might one day come out of your shell. I guess you have.” She looked at the two of them, standing there, holding hands. “I will ask you one more time, maybe Mr. Bridgerton will answer me truthfully, have you been compromised? Where were you last night?”

“With Colin, Mama,” Penelope said quickly, “I was with him in his bed. He held me and loved me, and I will not feel ashamed for that. It was not the first time either. As you so clearly remember, you found us in here a few days ago. You found us in the garden a few weeks ago, I have been out of my shell for quite some time.”

Portia nodded then started shaking her head, a smile playing on her lips. She looked between the two of them for a few moments while they all just stood in uncomfortable silence, regarding each other.

“Well Penelope, I must say. You have surprised me.” The smile broke through and Colin was positive the look of sheer delight overtook Portia’s face. “My dear girl, you have a match! What a match this is.” She rushed over to the two of them and pulled them into an awkward embrace before stepping back and biting her knuckles deep in thought.

Penelope turned to Colin with a look of confusion, clearly this revelation did not go as she expected. Colin felt as though it was time to speak, as he had just been witness to a strange moment of motherly pride.

“Lady Featherington,” Portia’s eyes snapped to Colin’s her look of delight uncontained. “I know this is unconventional, but we really would like to keep this to ourselves for a bit longer.”

Portia huffed, giving a laugh, “my dear boy, you know what you two have done does not give us time to wait? You will need a special license; you should be wed this week.”

“I beg of you, I have every intention of being a man of honor and wedding Penelope, but she has asked, for the sake of Prudence, that we wait.”

“Oh yes, dear lord, I completely forgot about Prudence.” Portia giggled and started pacing in the room, “I did not think I’d have two weddings this season.” She continued to pace, deep in thought, then turned suddenly. “Does anyone else know?”

“Just Eloise and the Viscountess Kate,” Penelope stated.

Portia tapped her finger on her chin, looking at her daughter who was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Do not say I never listened to you Penelope, I will hold my tongue, for two weeks. Once Prudence is wed, I expect I will no longer need to hold this secret.” She turned to leave the room, “I suppose the damage has been done with you two, and I need to bring Prudence to her final dress fitting. Please leave the door open, that is all I will ask.” She said as she fluttered out of the room.

Penelope looked at Colin in amazement, “I did not expect that.” She smiled at him, “I don’t know if she will be able to keep her mouth shut, but we can hope.”

“Yes, we can.” Colin sobered up, “Pen, we need to come up with a plan, for your other secret.”

Penelope’s face dropped, she nodded and sunk back down onto the sofa. “I know.” She said defeated.

“It is the only reason I betrayed you just now and told your mother, I figured it best for her to know about us than your other identity.”

“You are probably correct with that thought, “Pen confirmed, “what are you thinking?”

“I thought you would never ask,” Colin’s face lite up, “I will make your deliveries, it’s that simple.”

“But Colin, won’t people wonder why you are visiting a printer?” She was puzzled. “I mean, what if someone stops you to see what you are delivering?”

“I thought of that,” he sits next to her, he saw her concern at his plan, but he was prepared for that. “I have something of my own to publish, those travel letters I edited, I am going to make an arrangement with John to publish those too.” Penelope opened her mouth; Colin anticipated her overthinking of this. “He will print the travel letters on a different day than your Whistledown.” He whispered; in case anyone was listening nearby. “I am confident no one will stop me once they know what I’m doing with my own travel letters being published. This way you won’t ever have to walk the streets at night, and we could relieve Madame Delacroix of her delivery duties.”

Penelope tilted her head, deep in thought, he was sure she was trying to pick apart his plan in her mind for potential weakness’. After a few moments she nodded her head in agreement. “Yes, I do think that would work.”

Colin spent the next hour with Penelope, taking some tea and enjoying her company. They talked of things from recent books they’ve read to Colin’s tales of his travels. While he did not have any of his writing with him, he explained to Penelope his first column, planning to publish a brief list of his favorite places with descriptions and how to get there. If people liked what he had to say, he wanted to eventually publish a book on each country he visited.

He bid goodbye to Penelope with a kiss and headed home to work on his writings as he had now committed to publishing them.

Colin was sitting in his study finishing up his final edits. It was a Wednesday; he knew he had till Friday to make sure everything was final before heading to the printer to deliver his and Penelope’s work. He looked at his clock and saw it was past eight. Colin considered heading to White’s for a drink and to check the board to make sure Penelope’s name was still off the rooster of Whistledown bets.

He rung for Dunwoody, instructing him to get his horse ready so he could make his way through town.

“Yes sir, by the way, I did procure the most recent gossip paper, the Whistledown one. Did you want to read it?”

“I would,” Colin had completely forgotten to ask Pen about it earlier. He could not believe it was earlier this morning she had dropped the draft off and was accosted in the streets. John was a very reliable publisher getting it out so quickly.

Colin picked up the pamphlet and started reading, hearing Penelope’s sweet voice in his head as he interpreted her words. This seemed different, as he read, he realized she was changing the context. Her normal topics were forgotten, in fact, this paper lacked any gossip at all.

As he continued to read, he started shaking his head. What was she doing? He should have known she would do this. Sinking back into his chair he closed his eyes, knowing the trip to White’s needed to happen. In fact, he would need to keep a closer eye on everything now. Penelope just turned her bounty into a witch hunt. Taking a deep breath, he read the column one last time.

Dearest Gentle Reader,

It seems the Queen and all of you have tired of my gossip. My words hold less value than a few thousand pounds. Blood money for yours truly will not be easy, for I fear in the end, the only one who will be richer is myself. I have seen it all, and as you know, there is no secret I can not uncover.

But who will uncover mine.

My identity is not the only secret, it is perhaps time for you to know more about me. You see I am one of you. My voice is like honey, but I spew vinegar with my pen. I spend time in the corners listening to you all talk of love, gossip, and scandal. But I have had none of my own.

Until now.

You see, while the Queen has decided it is time I come forward, I have had my own revelation. After all these years of watching and writing about love and scandal, I now have both of my own.

Yes, you hear me right, Lady Whistledown is in love. The great mystery is, with who? Who would fall in love with this quiet, unassuming debutante that stands amongst you.

Alas, I have said too much. Enough, I believe, to keep you all busy for a few days until my next issue. That is, unless I am thrown to the feet of the Queen and my pen is silenced permanently.

Is this a goodbye, or a till next time? It is up to you…

Lady Whistledown Society Papers

Chapter Text

Penelope awoke the next morning to the door banging open. Eloise came bounding into the room with Varley close behind.

“I’m so sorry Miss, she wouldn’t wait…” the poor lady started.

“Pen! Have you lost your mind?!” Eloise shouted over the timid voice of Varley. She turned abruptly. “Please, Miss Varley, we require privacy.”

Varley did not move; she had a stern look on her face for being spoken to so rudely. Penelope sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, and frowned at Eloise.

“Thank you, Varley, Eloise is just upset, she did not mean to be cross.”

Eloise sighed, her shoulders dropped, she turned to Varley and nodded, “I apologize, I am sorry for how I spoke to you.” Varley just looked at the two and shook her head, she turned and closed the door quietly.

Penelope looked at Eloise and put a finger to her lips, motioning for her to come closer to the bed to talk.

“I know why you are here, but please, let us be discrete. While I love my family, they are known for their eavesdropping.” Eloise looked at the door, pursed her lips, and tiptoed over to the bed where she sat next to Penelope. In a hurried whisper, she repeated herself.

“Have you lost your mind? What were you thinking writing this?” She was waving Whistledown in the air, her face full of worry.

“I am simply giving the queen what she wants. She wants to be entertained, so I am giving it to her.” Penelope shrugged and pulled her blankets back in a move to get out of bed. “El, what time is it? It must be early.” She looked at the window and saw the sky was still soft with the morning light. She noticed Eloise had on a simple underdress and her hair was wrapped in a bonnet, it was likely that she dressed herself and rushed out that morning.

“It is early,” she mumbled, “I could not sleep, so I came here.” Eloise relaxed back a bit, deep in thought, “on second thought, perhaps I could have waited a bit.” She looked at the pamphlet in her hand. “You really wrote yourself into a corner here Pen.”

Penelope stood up and stretched, she stepped in front of Eloise and took the paper from her, reading it even though she knew exactly what she had written.

“It is different, but I fail to see what kind of trouble can come from it.” She went over to her mirror to check herself. “I am not going to be found out, half the ton don’t even know who I am.” Eloise let out a loud annoyed sigh, she stood and walked over to Penelope at her vanity,

“I think you are mistaken Pen; you think you are so invisible, but that is exactly who they are looking for now.” She picked the paper out of her hands and read, “I spend time in the corners”, she looked at Penelope in the mirror, “that is precisely where you are, at every ball, all the time.”

Penelope frowned, she went to her closet to grab her own underdress, she went to put it on over the chamise. Eloise stood silently in place, watching as Penelope then walked towards her door to leave the room.

“Where are you going Pen?” She demanded, “I am only coming to you with deep concern, have you planned this out? What happens when someone uncovers you?”

Penelope turned and shrugged, “then I am found I suppose.”

Eloise threw her hands in the air and grunted. “Fine, this is frustrating, you are frustrating.” She pointed at her, “I am saying this because I think you are being foolish, you think you have control over this, but you do not. It’s no longer about you Pen, you are not the only one who is affected by your writings.” She strode over to Penelope and grasped her shoulders, “I know you have done this alone for so long. I know you feel as though you have no voice without it, but can’t you see that has changed?”

She was pleading with her, Eloise lowered her voice to a hushed tone, “I love you; my brother loves you. My family loves you, and even though it’s hard to see it, I know your family loves you too. Think of what could happen to us if you are found. I cannot bare the idea of a life without seeing you and having you as my friend.” Eloise was fighting tears.

Penelope’s face softened, she grabbed Eloise’s hands in her own and squeezed them. She knew Eloise was correct. She shook her head and gave her a reassuring smile.

“I cannot tell you how much it means to me to hear you say that. El, you are my most true and trusted friend, even in your anger you never betrayed me, and for that it makes you a better person than me. There is not a day that goes by that I do not regret how poorly I handled your trust and secrets. I have made myself a promise to never hurt those who I love, and who love me.” She took a deep breath, “I do not know though, what will happen when I am discovered. Lady Danbury hinted to me that perhaps it will not be detrimental, but instead possibly beneficial.”

Eloise looked puzzled by this, “I know, I feel the same.” Penelope reassured her. “I have been turning over the possibilities in my head.” She dropped her hands and pushed her hair behind her ear. “I do not know what I will do, but what I do know, is I can try to control the narrative. Then see how the rest plays out.” She reached out and patted Eloise’s hand, “no matter what, I will tell you anything. No secrets, ever.”

Eloise smiled, a tear falling down her cheek, she sniffled and wiped it away. “No, never.” She confirmed.

Penelope and Eloise walked down the stairs together to the drawing room where Pen rang the bell for some tea service. They sat at the tea table and started chatting when Portia entered the room, fully dressed and impeccable as always.

“Miss Eloise, you are here quite early this morning,” she greeted boisterously.

“Yes, I thought it would be fair for Penelope to enjoy the sunrise morning tea at her house today rather than coming over to mine.” She smiled and winked at Penelope who closed her eyes and inwardly groaned while shaking her head.

Portia let out a laugh, and sat across from them, starting to make her own cup. “You, my dear, are the best friend my daughter could hope for.” She said earnestly. Then looked over to Penelope and raised her eyebrows.

“Eloise, my mother knows,” Eloise narrowed her eyes in confusion and looked at Penelope.

“Knows?” she said slowly, “about the tea?”

“No,” Penelope smiled, “about Colin, and the ruse about the tea.” Eloise’s eyes flew open, and she looked between the mother and daughter. Portia smirked and nodded at Eloise while Pen gave an apologetic smile.

“Oh, I see,” She said carefully, “so you know that he…”

“Had me over for the night,” Penelope interrupted, remembering that Colin had told Eloise he was helping her with the Whistledown run. And Whistledown was something her mother was still unaware of.

“Colin,” she looked horrified, “had you over for the night?” Her eyes were still moving between Penelope and Portia, looking for reactions.

“Oh yes, they told me all about it yesterday,” Portia put her tea down and leaned over to Eloise, “we will all be family soon I suspect.” She looked back at Penelope, “who would have thought Penelope could secretly court your brother after all of these years.” Portia was beaming, her pride for her daughter evident. “Not me, that is for sure.” She patted Penelope’s hand, “and to think, the next Featherington heir could be growing inside her right now.”

Penelope went white, her teacup clattering on the saucer as she dropped it to the table. She turned to her mother glaring, “Mama!” She almost shouted, “I know Eloise does not want to hear about this topic when we are talking about her brother!”

Eloise had her lips pressed tightly together, her eyes wide and face flushed. She was shaking her head quickly, “I most certainly do not.”

“Also, Mama knows we are still waiting to announce the courtship.” Penelope saw Eloise’s reaction and felt she had to remedy the situation quickly.

“I hardly think there is a need to announce a courtship when you are just going to be married,” her mother said unhelpfully.

“Colin has not proposed yet Mama, so no, the courtship will remain secret for some time.”

“Until Prudence’s wedding,” Portia reminded her.

“Of course,” Penelope confirmed. She looked back at her friend and smiled. “So, you see El, the letter about the morning tea, well I guess it was not a clever ruse. My mother had us figured out quickly.”

Eloise hummed into her teacup raising her eyebrows, not losing eye contact with her friend.

The rest of the tea was spent listening to Portia ramble on about Prudence’s wedding. She also took the opportunity to discuss the thrill of joining their families together. While Penelope was hoping to avoid further conversations of her relationship with Colin, she realized this was her mother’s only opportunity to bask in the excitement of it before the rest of the Ton finds out.

When it was time for Eloise to leave, Penelope walked her to the front door. Smiling at her, and holding her hands, Eloise leaned over and whispered.

“I am so glad you stopped your Mama from telling me about the morning Colin helped you with Whistledown, I thought for a moment she had found out.” She giggled a little. “About Whistledown that is” she whispered, Penelope grimaced, something Eloise did not miss.

“El, I find that being honest with you can be difficult, for you have told me you don’t want details about me and Colin, but I also do not want to lie.” Eloise’s eyes widened, a realization coming to her, “The Whistledown delivery happened the night before, I did, in fact, spend the night with Colin.”

“Oh,” Eloise’s pressed her lips together and cringed, “yes, I still do not want to know.” She started nodding her head, “so your Mama thinks you are with child because you shared Colin’s bed?” Eloise was struggling, Penelope could tell she was curious but also disgusted.

“So, you have figured out the baby mystery then, with Colin.” She shivered as Penelope nodded. “I confess, I am curious but also would not like to know.” She shook her head again, “ugh Pen, this would be so much easier if it wasn’t my brother!”

Penelope smiled, “I will say this then. If I could figure it out on my own, so will you.” She squeezed Eloise’s hands, “and I know you really don’t want to hear this from me, but it is wonderful and beautiful.” Eloise nodded, pursing her lips.

“I do not know if I will every need to figure it out, for I’m not sure I would like to have children. But I am happy for you so at least one of us knows how it works.” Eloise patted Penelope’s hands and turned to leave. “Pen, please be careful, about the other thing. You know I am here for you, but I don’t know how to protect you.”

Colin had been going to White’s every day for the last few days. Watching the board, he even put a bet on a few names. The room was filled with men discussing their speculations. The pot had become enormous, it surpassed the queen’s bounty by 500 pounds. Between the Queen, Lady Danbury, and the betting board at Whites, the total winnings had skyrocketed to 3500 pounds; and it was growing by the day.

Each time Colin entered the club, he was careful to not look too eager to check out the board. He was attentive to the conversations amongst the crowd, and he would always try to steer the conversation away from the most recent Whistledown and the clues Penelope had given.

The first few days had been easy, he was coming up with the names of random debutants who were difficult to find matches. Hence him putting some money on Cressida, who was notorious for her good looks but ugly mien. However, it was now Friday, and the new Whistledown was due on Saturday. Colin had just made the delivery to John without incident. As tempting as it was to peek at the newest issue, Colin withheld as he knew he would be tempted to meddle, and he did not want to break Penelope’s trust. Also considering he never knew where he would be when the new delivery would be made, he would not have to fake his reaction when reading it.

He made his way into Whites after returning from the printers. His new pamphlet was to be published on Sunday. He tried to distract himself with the success of his own writings. Although he did not have too much to stress about, as he really liked how the article had come out. He had finally shared it with Benedict, who he commissioned to do a small bit of artwork to print with the pamphlet. It also helped that Penelope had read it and had no edits for him.

“It is a perfect piece to start with, after reading this I expect Athens will have an influx of explorers from London just clamoring for a view of the city.”

This evening, Colin greeted the gentleman at Whites and found his way to the board. Most of the names upon it were the same; Cowper, Deming, Chesterfield, Iverson, Featherington.

Wait…what?

His heart dropped to his stomach. He took a deep breath and looked around, hopeful no one noticed his reaction. He stepped closer and read it again, there in big letters was Featherington. He cleared his throat and called out to Mr. Anderson who was standing just to his left at the bar.

“I see a new name on the board.” He tried to sound casual, “Featherington, she was not there yesterday.”

“Ah yes,” Mr. Anderson replied, “I’m not sure why it took so long for her to be thought of, her mother is the gossiping type. If Lady Whistledown did not hint herself as a debutante in the last pamphlet, I would have put my money on the Lady of the house.”

“Is that so?” Colin raised his eyebrows, he rubbed his hands on his pants, they had become quite sweaty suddenly, “a very good point.” He agreed.

Lord Fife joined them just now and looked at the board as well, “ah, you saw my most recent suggestion Bridgerton.” He chortled, “took us long enough to come up with her, the Dankworth fellow has got his hands full with her. Don’t know why we didn’t think of it before.”

Colin felt as though a weight was lifted, he sighed, and his face broke out in a wide grin. Of course, Prudence, she was a week away from the wedding. They really should put first names on the board, it would have assuaged some of the anxiety he had felt upon seeing her name.

“True, how clever of you.” He agreed with Lord Fife, “She could be her.” He grabbed the tumbler from the tray of the passing barmaid and took a long swig of whatever liquor that was being served. “I still have my money on Cressida, she has the brain and the tongue to do it.”

“Yes, yes Bridgerton, you are pushing her hard.” Mr. Anderson stated, “but she isn’t really hiding in the corners at balls, is she?”

“That was a red herring,” Colin stated, “at least that is what I presume.” He went to sit in the armchair closest to him. The other two men followed.

“Shall we have a debate about this? Tomorrow, we get another pamphlet, perhaps another clue. We shall be closer to the truth, and perhaps an identity by then.” Fife rubbed his hands together, put his fingers in his mouth and whistled to the room.

Silence fell among the group of men, despite the clanking of glasses hitting tables or the occasional belch, all eyes turned towards Colin and his two companions. Fife stood up on the chair to get a better view of the crowd of club members.

“Gentleman,” he announced to the crowd, “we have amassed quite a purse for the identity of Whistledown. Tomorrow is, we hope, another clue. Shall we see who we have? Is there anyone we should add to the record?”

Discussion broke out around the room, Colin sat in the armchair intent on listening for any murmur of Penelope’s name. He was hoping the list would hold as it was. While Prudence was a little close for comfort, he knew it took the attention away from Pen.

Fife clapped loudly to get the crowd under control and pull attention back to him. He smiled and put his hands in the air. “I believe it is clear a better strategy must be implemented.” He said, “we have the new Whistledown tomorrow, then the ball tomorrow night. Perhaps we reconvene here on Sunday to amend the list. Who knows, perhaps we will have some victors in this bet.”

Fife sat down and looked from Colin to Anderson, soon a group of other men joined them clearly wanted to discuss strategies more. Colin signaled to the barmaid for another drink and sat back to listen.

“I have a plan gentleman,” Marcus Anderson started, “we need to focus on the details. This woman is a debutante, so we know she is young and of marrying age. She is also quiet, perhaps standing alone or with empty dance cards. We need to pay attention, find these women, and start to vet them.”

“Yes,” Lord Cho loudly agreed, “we will each bare the torture of these wallflowers, it cannot be that hard to find her. For surely, she is of poor social standing and personality.” Colin felt his stomach turn, the disregard these men had about the women was truly astonishing.

“I will help where I can,” Fife chimed in, “I am leg shackled now. I may sneak a dance or two in even though my wife will be watching. She has never been a good dance partner, at least she has other agreeable qualities.” He winked at the group and got a few pats on the back and congratulations. Colin pressed his lips together and sat back, not wanting to participate in this conversation.

“You forget one important thing that she mentioned,” Lord Lumley said, tapping his finger on his tumbler, “she said she is in love, which means we cannot only focus on the homely women, we must pay attention to the newly courting ones too.” The men all nodded and agreed.

“Either way,” Fife raised his glass, “one of us here should be smart enough to outwit this woman. We know they are the faire sex of simple minds, if she is so much of a wallflower, a rush of attention will surely weed her out. For she would not know what to do with herself if so many suddenly pay her heed.”

Colin frowned; he had heard about enough from this group. He stretched his legs out in front of him and made to stand up, when a strong hand came down on his shoulder, keeping him in his seat.

“You are mighty quiet for someone so interested in the betting Bridgerton.” Anderson stood behind him, holding him down in the chair. “Why don’t you share your theories.”

“I’m without one, you all know who I have my money on.” He said calmly.

“You know Bridgerton, that friend of yours, the Featherington girl, she fits the role.” Fife raised his eyebrows and nodded at Colin, “do you think it’s her? I always thought she fancied you, but you were clear with your intentions last season, has she set her cap on someone else?”

“I could not say,” Colin hoped his voice stayed calm, for his body was tingling with anxiety. This line of questioning was hitting too close for comfort. He was thinking how to steer the conversation away.

“But you do speak with her, I saw you dance with her at the last ball, and the one before it too. Come to think of it, you dance with her a lot.” Fife narrowed his eyes, “perhaps you spoke too soon last season and are now courting her.”

Colin glared at Fife, he wanted to tell him to fuck off. He wanted to tell him that he was courting the most wonderful woman. He wanted to tell Fife that he knew love and knew Penelope would fill his life with nothing but love. Instead, he thought of what the ton was looking for. They were looking for young debutantes in love who were wallflowers, and if he admitted to courting Penelope, it would put a big target on her back. Colin took a deep breath, relaxed his face and let a natural grin form.

“I do not think she is worthy of me; Miss Penelope is the greatest person I know; I would deem anyone courting her lucky indeed.” There, he did not necessarily deny their courtship, but he kept it vague. Fife and the others seemed puzzled by his answer, but clearly collectively decided to move on in their topics. Colin took that as his opportunity to excuse himself and go home.

The next morning, Whistledown published as expected. Colin waited in his study for Dunwoody to bring him his copy. He had arranged to have a delivery boy drop the pamphlet off at his lodgings directly. He was reading through his travel journal, picking out his next focus for his own writings when the butler arrived carrying the gossip paper in his hands.

“It just arrived,” he informed Colin, before bowing and taking his leave. Colin waited till the footsteps diminished before eagerly opening the paper to see what she had written.

Dearest gentle reader,

It seems you all are as close to guessing my identity as you were with my last issue. What is the pot at now? 3500 pounds? Your Majesty, you should be rest assured that your money will remain in the royal vault for a long time as I will continue to allude you all.

Did you like my clues? I admit, I do enjoy listening to the theories. I applaud your efforts and encourage you to continue to pursue me, it will be entertaining to see how you change your approach.

Perhaps we have danced at a ball. Perhaps I have walked past you by the Serpentine. Or maybe sat next to you in the theater. I have been in all these places, and you still do not know who I am.

My next clue is a simple one, I have given you no falsehoods in my hints. I have learned about the true nature of the ton through your whispers and gossip. Spending years among you in society, I have heard and seen it all. The best lesson I am learning, is when you have found love. You are stronger and happier. So, each day, as I discover the immense pleasure that true love has brought me, I become more satisfied and worthy in my life. Conversely, each day you spend looking for me, you will find emptiness and dissatisfaction.

My question to you is, should you spend your time in love and contentment, or in desperation and emptiness.

You choose…

Lady Whistledown Society Papers

Colin smiled; this was much better. Not much to infer here. He would attend the ball this evening content and happy, knowing Penelope will be feeling the same.

The Cowper’s threw incredible balls, despite the ugliness in their character, they knew how to throw a party. This ball was heavily attended, as most were now. With the bounty so high, all of society was hoping to see who among them were the gossip columnist, and a ball was one of the few opportunities for all to be scrutinized.

Colin arrived before his family. He had his carriage drive past Penelope’s house and saw that they still had not left yet. Colin was grateful as he wanted to get a feel for the evening before Penelope arrived, to ensure her name remained off the tongues of the gentleman.

Colin was sitting in the gaming room with a group of men playing cards, waiting for the rest of the ton to arrive. The conversations were consumed with the evening’s festivities. It seemed the men had agreed to select the eligible ladies who were more notably on the sidelines. Colin knew this meant Pen may be approached by many this evening.

The thought made his stomach twist in knots. He had not had a chance to speak to Penelope save for two days ago he had stopped by in the morning to pick up her draft. Regrettably Miss Varley was hovering, leaving no time to talk.

He had settled into the gaming room, his goal to keep near the men from Whites to see who would discuss their current theories. While stepping in to play a hand of cards, Colin could hear the music start to swell with a lively jig from the ballroom. Lord Fife stood and announced to the crowd.

“Gentleman, may the games commence.”

Men started slapping each other on the backs, talking amongst themselves. He heard names flying everywhere. They were heading into the ballroom to find the ladies to vet for the Whistledown identity.

Colin grabbed his drink and finished it quickly, moving to join the bachelors in the ballroom. He saw Lord Fife was leading the group, confused as Fife was a newlywed who was clearly unbothered by the scandal of it all.

The temperature in the room was hot due to the swam of people attending. Colin was pushing his way through the crowd, trying to get a view of the dance floor. He finally made it to the edge and looked at the partners turning around the ballroom. He was looking for her, unsure if she had arrived yet. A sea of gowns, flashing colors of blues, greens, pinks, and yellows. He could not remember a time he had seen so many people dancing at once. Colin narrowed his eyes, trying to focus on the edge of the dance floor where she was most likely standing.

After a few moments, he saw Portia, standing next to Prudence and Mr. Dankworth, he looked to the left and right of them, but did not see Penelope. His gaze fell back to Portia who caught his eye from across the floor. Her eyes lit up when their gaze met, and she motioned her head to her right, where Colin turned to look. There was Penelope, wrapped in Lord Lumley’s arms, dancing the jig.

Colin scowled. Lumley was leaning over and talking with her. He felt his face heat up, his hands fisted at his side. He should have told Penelope not to come tonight, the ton was now focusing on the quiet and unassuming debutantes, exactly what Penelope was trying to avoid. He watched as she laughed and smiled at Lumley, and whatever she said in return to him had Lumley laughing so hard, his cackle could be heard over the noise in the room. So much so many of the other party goers turned to see who was making such a racket. Colin sighed. He knew there was not much he could do. He would not make a scene, so instead he would watch and wait for his chance to see her.

He felt a tap on his shoulders. Colin had been so distracted by watching Penelope, he didn’t see one of the hostesses join him on his right.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” Cressida drawled, “how lovely of you to join us this evening.” Colin turned his head slightly and nodded at her, keeping his body turned towards Penelope.

“I would never miss an event hosted by you Miss. Cowper.” He said politely, hoping his body language was giving Cressida the message that he did not want to speak. She was one of his least favorite people in the ton, he used to be indifferent to her, but after learning of her hateful and vindictive ways to Penelope, he now could not stand her.

“You know,” She continued, clearly ignoring his distain, “If I didn’t think so highly of you, I would accuse you of secretly pining for our little Miss Penelope.” Colin quickly turned towards Cressida, a frown on his face, his eyes full of rage.

“I beg your pardon?” He snapped at her. Cressida chuckled daintily, putting her hand to her chest. He was a gentleman, but in that moment, he was rationalizing how ungentlemanly it would be to strike a lady. Surly to defend the honor of your beloved it would be acceptable?

“Oh Mr. Bridgerton, surely you know I am in jest? She just looks so childlike, pudgy and small. A man like yourself requires a real woman, who can please you in all the ways you desire.” She batted her eyes at him. Colin’s lips curled into a disgusted smile; he swallowed down the answer he really wanted to give her. Which was Penelope being all he desired, she was everything he desired, and she was most definitely a woman.

“Miss Cowper,” Colin answered her as sweetly as he could, the distaste was evident, and he was satisfied in that tone. “Penelope Featherington is worth every bit of my attention. I would prefer her company over someone like yours any day.” He saw Cressida’s smile falter, she started to look around her uncomfortably, hoping no one else was hearing her dressing down. “I think it funny that you would say such a thing to me, when you are engaged to be married to Lord Twombly in a fortnight. Why do you care who I pine after? Surely you do not think I would spend my time wishing for your attention?” He made a turn to leave but felt as though he was not finished.

“Penelope is lovely in every way, I will not have you utter ill words of her to anyone anymore. You may think yourself a real woman, but I do not believe you know how to please anyone, as you are so displeased with yourself.” He bowed to her, “have a goodnight”.

Colin walked around the dance floor towards where Lady Featherington stood. The entire walk over he couldn’t help but think he should not have spoken so freely to Cressida. She was a nasty person and would not like being reprimanded at her own ball. Colin knew Cressida always felt she deserved praise for just breathing and felt because of Penelope’s family and looks, she was better than her. Colin realized he’d be content never speaking to the horrid woman again.

As he approached Lady Featherington, he saw her face light up again in a boasting smile. “Good evening, Mister Bridgerton,” she exclaimed loudly, hoping to draw the attention of others to her company. “It is a lovely evening we are having, is it not?”

Colin bowed to her, then turned to greet Prudence and her fiancé. “A most pleasant evening indeed.” Colin agreed. “I see Penelope has already been claimed for a dance this evening.”

“Oh. Yes,” Portia stated, fanning herself looking over at Penelope still dancing, now with Lord Cho. Colin scowled again; he didn’t even notice a new song had started. “It seems you may need to check to see which dances are left.” Portia continued, “Penelope was surrounded with gentlemen the moment she arrived this evening.”

Well, this was disappointing. He was used to having her all to himself. He knew what the men were doing. He knew what he would have to do. For now though, he would wait, and watch.

The evening progressed. He still hadn’t a chance to talk with her. She was swept from one partner to another. Each time a new tune would start up, he would see her glace his way. Usually with an eyebrow raised or a shrug, she would start her dance with her next partner. Colin resigned himself to taking other partners as well. He joined in with the gentleman from Whites by asking other less popular ladies of the ton to dance.

Most of them he had danced with before. As Colin went to bring Miss Crawford to the floor, she giggled and reminded him of their dance at the Bennet’s ball a few weeks before. Colin smiled politely and remembered that she was a foot watcher while dancing. So, he took his time leading her through the quadrille. He was patient with her, aware that she was not asked to dance much and needed a kind partner who was willing to joke with her as she stumbled through her poorly rehearsed steps. At the end of the dance, he brought her back to her mother and bowed. As he turned to leave, Miss Crawford reached out her hand and placed it softly on his arm.

“Mister Bridgerton,” She said in almost a whisper, “I know what the men are doing tonight, we all do. I hope you do not find her, Lady Whistledown, she has earned her position.” Colin tilted his head and gave her a small smile.

“What can you mean?” He asked. Miss Crawford looked at her feet, twiddling her gloved fingers together she stepped a tiny bit closer so she could keep her voice down and answered him.

“Lady Whistledown, she is clever, and funny, and she has given some balance to the ton. She is like me. I know the gentleman are looking for her, trying to get the ransom and win the till, but if you do figure it out, many of us would like to keep her as she is.” She looked shyly back up at him. Colin nodded to her.

“I understand Miss Crawford.” He leaned a little closer and said softly to her, “have no fear, I do not think these men are clever enough to uncover her. They are just having their fun.” He raised his eyebrows at her and winked. She giggled and curtsied to him, turning to her mother to whisper excitedly about her dance with Colin.

Colin turned back to the floor; he saw Penelope was being led to the floor by Marcus Anderson. Colin heaved a sigh, this was the last dance of the evening, the waltz, and he had watched her the entire night with other men. He realized she was used to seeing him dance his way around the ton, but he was not.

Penelope was smiling and courteous, but she looked exhausted. Colin watched for the first few beats of the dance as she was pulled in closely by Mister Anderson, starting the slow dance together. As they moved, he caught her eye from across the room. She gave him a sad smile. He felt immense guilt, seeing that he did not have a chance to even check in with her during the evening. He had no idea what these men were saying to her. Suddenly, her voice played in his head.

“She is in need of a swift rescue indeed.” He remembered when she made that comment to him about Marina all those seasons ago, and the idea crossed his mind. She required his rescue.

Colin straightened up and gave a little tug to his coat, pulling his shoulders back and moving across the floor, weaving in and out of the dancing couples till he was standing behind Mister Anderson.

Penelope’s eyes went wide when she saw him behind her dance partner. Colin tapped Marcus on his shoulder, “Anderson,” he said firmly. Marcus turned his head and met Colin’s eyes; his brows furrowed.

“Bridgerton, can I help you?” He asked.

“You can help by stepping aside and letting me dance with Miss Featherington.” He said plainly. Marcus blinked for a moment and shrugged.

“If it means so much to you, I suppose that would be fine.” He stepped aside, “I figured you two have shared so many dances, you wouldn’t need to dance with her tonight.”

Colin stared him straight in the eye, lips pressed tightly together as his hand reached out to take Penelope’s and pull her towards him.

“Mister Anderson, I always need to dance with Penelope.” He felt Penelope squeeze his hand, grounding him. He knew in a moment he was going to lose his temper at the gentleman right there in the middle of the floor. He saw a look of surprise pass briefly over Marcus’s face before he turned to leave. Colin turned back to Penelope who had pulled him to her, leading him into the steps of the dance as though they had not missed a beat.

Colin felt her tighten her grip on his waist and hand, he pulled her closer, spinning her out and back as the dance choreography intended him to do. She stepped closer to him.

“Colin, people are watching us,” she warned. Colin looked up and around, he saw a group of gentlemen sipping their drinks, regarding the entire interaction. Marcus had just joined the group and the men put their heads together in a deep conversation. Other couples among the dance floor were also watching, some with questioning looks.

“You have certainly given them something to talk about.” Penelope’s voice brought his eyes back to hers. She was smirking at him. “Not much to be done about it now, but you can clearly see I am not one to be ignored at the moment.”

Colin sighed and smiled back at her. “It was worth it,” he pulled her a little closer to him, whispering in her ear, “I could not attend a ball without one dance with you.” He pressed his fingers into her skin near her neck, drawing light circles, feeling her shutter under his hands.

“I am glad you did,” she held his eyes, her piercing blue giving him all he needed to know she was going to be fine. They continued to move, in beautiful harmony, together as the music swelled and the song finished.

Colin took her hand and lead her back to Portia, who was standing and watching them. Pressing her lips together in a way that made Colin think she was holding back her thoughts. She gave a thin smile to Colin and leaned over to the couple. Obviously unable to hold her tongue entirely.

“You won’t be able to keep this secret for long when you do a stunt like that Mister Bridgerton.” She stated under her breath through her teeth. “Prudence’s wedding is in one week; I will hold my promise to you both. But eyes have a way of telling things our mouths do not.”

Colin said nothing, he bowed to Portia then caught Penelope’s eye and winked. “I will be back,” he told her “I’m going to get us some lemonade.” He turned and made his way across the room to the refreshment table.

“Bridgerton,” Fife’s voice came from behind him, “did you discover something this evening?”

“Afraid not,” He replied, grabbing the two glasses from the table and turning to face the man, who had a few others with him.

“I believe the stakes have changed a bit; tonight was enlightening.” He said, then patted Colin on the back forcefully. “You know, most of us had a chance to dance with your Featherington friend,” he nodded back towards Penelope, who was watching them from across the room. “I see why you are so taken with her. You see, I always thought her plain, and uninteresting.” Colin felt his hands tremble a bit, he tried to keep his face calm, but could feel the rage surge through his body at the inconsiderate comments he was hearing.

“She is fascinating,” Fife laughed, “fun, and quite the accomplished dancer.” Fife turned to see Penelope was watching them, he gave her a wave which made her nod in response. “Who knew she was like that.” He joked.

“Well, I did,” Colin stated as he stepped past Fife, “I’ve always known that. I have known her forever, so you should be careful how you speak of her.” Colin gave Fife a warning look and continued back towards Penelope.

The crowds were dispersing, Colin asked Lady Featherington if he could escort Penelope home. She agreed only when Colin insisted Benedict would accompany them. Benedict, who was standing near enough to hear the entire interaction, agreed enthusiastically.

“It would be an honor to bring Miss Penelope home, I shall ensure no untoward activities shall occur.” Benedict responded boisterously, clearly deep in his cups and completely unaware of the secret courtship. Lady Featherington huffed and turned to leave with Prudence and Mister Dankworth.

“Please see to it, Mister Bridgerton,” she said to Benedict, narrowing her eyes clearly not confident in his resolve to uphold propriety between the two. Benedict gave a low bow with a forced stern look on his face. Colin jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow as soon as Portia turned her back to them.

“You don’t have to be so exaggerated.” Colin shook his head while sneering at his brother.

“I do not know what you mean,” Benedict chucked and started walking ahead without them to get to the carriage. Colin offered his arm to Penelope, and they followed close behind. Once they entered the carriage, Benedict roared, “we are off,” loud enough so the driver could hear him. He grinned across the carriage at Penelope and Colin who were watching him carefully, clearly inebriated. Colin wondered how he and Pen kept ending up sharing a carriage with one of his siblings when they were thoroughly foxed.

“So,” Benedict shouted jovially, “I am going to a party, I hope you do not mind if I do not complete the journey with you.”

“That is fine Benedict, I am capable of bringing Miss Penelope home.” Colin answered.

Benedict nodded, slumped down in the carriage and pulled his flask from his coat pocket. “Are you both scheming to find her, the Lady Whistledown?” He asked, while pointing between the two of them.

Penelope straightened herself up and cleared her throat. “We are not scheming; we intend to find her and share the bounty.”

Colin turned his head to look at her, surprised at this answer, as this was not a previously discussed topic.

“Is that so?” Both he and Benedict answered at the same time. Penelope looked between the brothers and smiled.

“I believe we are quite clever; we should be able to sort it out soon.” Penelope nodded and smiled at them.

Benedict chortled, “Of that I have no doubt Miss Penelope, for you are by far the smartest person I know. I may be a nuisance to my brother, but Colin is a good man, he is better when you are around.” Benedict winked; Colin looked a bit uncomfortable with the unexpected compliment his brother was giving. “The two of you make quite the pair.”

“I do agree,” Penelope smiled and looked over at Colin, “he is one of my most favorite people.”

Colin licked his lower lip nervously and looked at Penelope, wondering why she was being so cavalier with her affections in front of Benedict. Her warm eyes met his, and her smile lit up her face. He smiled back, realizing he didn’t care. He wanted people to know how wonderful she was. He wanted people to see her as he did. If Benedict could recognize that, it made him love his brother even more.

The carriage rolled to a stop by the street corner and Benedict leapt out, he turned to look at them in the carriage. “Colin,” he said softly, “this time, please do not leave Penelope’s stockings on the floor, I had to tell mother they were mine. It was a bit uncomfortable.” He smirked and shut the door, leaving the other two in stunned silence for a few moments while the carriage started back up.

“We can’t keep hiding this Colin,” Penelope finally admitted, “I haven’t been fully truthful with you. I was planning on announcing our courtship in Whistledown.”

“When?” Colin pressed, “Do you not think it will out you? You’re going to reveal yourself then.”

“No, I am giving myself some scandal, with you entwined in it.” She laughed, “were you not asking me to do that for a while?”

“I was, but Pen, I do not want you to feel like I forced that. I just wanted you to know you were worth some attention, and…” he stopped mid-sentence and narrowed his eyes at her. “Penelope, your courses, have they not come?” He pressed his lips together and turned his body towards her. Her breath caught for a moment, he grabbed her hands firmly in his. He saw the surprised look on her face with the suddenness of the question.

Her eyes met his, she pressed her lips together, hesitating for a moment, she felt him squeeze her hands. “I would have told you if they hadn’t, I promised you I would.”

He nodded, biting his lower lip in thought. “I was not sure how I would feel about it.”

She swallowed nervously and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “It does give us more time to figure out our situation. I will be honest Colin; I do not know where to go from here.”

“I thought you had a plan,” Colin looked puzzled, there was concern in his voice.

“I did, but I figured out what the men of the ton were doing tonight.” She was clever, Colin needed to put more faith in her deduction, he should have known she knew the reason for her sudden popularity. “I have never been danced with so much, by so many. I believe you were correct that I said too much in Whistledown.”

“I have been at White’s almost every night, I will return tomorrow and see if the betting list has changed. Prudence had made the board; they were thinking of the unpopular newly engaged and courting women.” Colin stopped himself for a moment, he winched, trying to think how to recover from the unintended insult he just said out loud. Penelope saw this and rubbed the inside of his wrist with her thumb, still grasping his hands.

“Do not think about apologizing, I do not care how the ton sees me. You said nothing just now that was a surprise to me. I know my place.” He placed his fingers gently under her chin and lifted her face to his.

“Your place is beside me, always.” Her breath caught in her throat. He continued, “I know you are used to doing life alone, but I decided tonight, you will never be alone again. As long as I’m living Penelope, you and me, there is nothing we cannot do.”

He leaned over and captured her lips with his. Kissing her slowly, his hand moved behind her head while his other hand pulled her in by her waist. Pressing her to him while he deepened the kiss. He felt her moan into his mouth as his tongue tangled with hers. She pulled back after a few moments.

“Let us tell your family, officially.” She said suddenly

“What?” He lit up; he was hoping to do this soon.

“We will tell them everything.”

His eyes went wide, and he started shaking his head. “Everything, there is a lot of things to say Pen.”

“Well, considering my mother knows, Eloise knows, Kate knows, and clearly Benedict knows, what’s the point in keeping it secret?” She said matter of fact. “Once they know, perhaps it will come out slowly, then I can officially announce it in Whistledown.” She was beaming.

“Yes, an excellent idea my darling.” He pulled her into another kiss. Which lead to more kisses, Colin nipping at her neck and down her chest. His fingers pulling at her bustline trying to expose her breasts. Penelope hummed in contentment, her fingers threaded through his thick hair, holding him to her, when the carriage jolted to a stop. Penelope pulled back and gave Colin one last kiss.

“Tomorrow, we shall tell them.” She looked back at her home, it was dark, her mother still had not returned from the ball. She turned and lifted her eyebrows. “It appears the house is empty.”

“Indeed,” Colin murmured, twirling one of her curls around his finger, he was still nuzzling her neck, smelling the faint almond and rosewater.

“Come inside, after the night of dancing, I have worked up some energy for a midnight snack.”

“That sounds too tempting to pass on,” Colin moved to the door that had just been opened by the driver. He turned and helped Penelope step out of the carriage holding her hand and guiding her to the sidewalk. “What do you have to eat?”

She pulled on his arm and stood on her tiptoes, causing him to lower his ear closer to her. She then answered him in a low and sultry voice, “me.”

“Miss Featherington,” He growled, brushing her cheek with his thumb, “lead the way.”

Chapter Text

Penelope and Colin snuck around the back of the house to the kitchen entrance. Penelope was so used to sneaking in and out of the house by these means that she could not help but giggle at the cleverness of her actions. She turned to look at Colin, who surprised her with a giggle of his own. She grabbed his hand in hers and lead him through the kitchen to the servant stairs, careful to indicate the squeaky steps when they walked up. She felt like a child tiptoeing around to get an extra sweet after bedtime, but there was a different kind of treat she was looking forward to this night.

They quickly and quietly made their way up to her room. Upon entering, Penelope poked her head out to be sure there was no one watching from the hallway. She slowly closed the door behind her, locking it securely before turning to find Colin standing by her bed looking around her room. He was standing with his back to her in front of her window, his silhouette accentuated in the moonlight. Her curtains had been left open from the afternoon and the moon cast a soft light in the shadowy darkness. She stepped toward him and cleared her throat.

As if pulling him from a trance he spun around to face her. She could barely make out his face in the dusky room, but she heard him breath her name softly. She stepped over to him till she was standing in front of him but not touching. Her eyes level with his throat, which was covered by his cravat, she tilted her head up to look at him.

His lips came down to capture hers, she felt his hands come up and rest on her shoulders. They moved quickly; this dance was becoming familiar to them. Just as the years of shared footwork on the ballroom floor led to ease and interpretation, so did their love making.

Before she knew it, she was lying on the bed, looking up at her ceiling with her legs over Colin’s shoulders while his mouth worshiped her center. His tongue was deep inside her, making her squirm and gasp as he sucked and licked every inch of her sensitive flesh. He kissed her core as deeply as he kissed her mouth, until she was screaming his name into her pillow while wave after wave of pleasure shuttered through her body. He did not stop, and she did not want to stop him. He used his fingers, mouth, and tongue on her. There was not a part of her body left untouched.

They spent, what felt like hours, pleasuring each other. He taught her about what he liked; how she could kiss him and touch him. Each time stopping her before he came to start pleasuring her again. She lost count with how many times she was brought to completion, her entire body felt like it was tingling, each touch, each kiss, felt like a tickle that sent pleasure right to her core.

He flipped her around so she was on her hands and knees. He pulled her hips up and back, lining his throbbing member up with her center, then squeezing her soft hips while pulling her back and entering her. She let out a sigh of pleasure as she felt him thrust inside of her wet and raw pussy, his cock filling every inch of her. He was kissing and nipping her back while he pushed into her, she pushed her knees apart opening herself up to him even more. Feeling him slide deeper inside her, making her cry out in delight. He started a steady rhythm pulling her hips hard against him as he slammed into her.

“Touch yourself Pen,” he murmured into her ear from behind, “I want us to come together.” She snaked her arm under herself to rub clit while Colin continued to drive into her. She felt a groan deep in her throat building as she felt the familiar tingle and warmth start to grow in her belly.

“That’s it,” she heard him grunt from behind her ear. “Push back into me” he encouraged her by pulling her hip back into him, “Good Penelope, you are so good,” he was biting her back and shoulder, encouraging her softly in her ear between kisses and nips.

She was hoping he could feel her pleasure grow. She started moving her hips up in rhythm with his thrusts. She was panting with him, their breaths and moans simultaneous as they built to the peak. Penelope could feel his fingers digging into the soft flesh of her hips burning into her while she felt the heat from within growing to explode. She pressed her face firmly into the bedsheets, a scream building from within that would rattle the windows if she wasn’t careful.

“Tell me, “He grunted, she grabbed handfuls of the fabric that was pooling around her, her entire body losing control as he pushed her over the edge.

“I’m coming,” she moaned then shoved her face into the mattress screaming his name while her body seized around him. She felt the spasms continue long after she thought it was over. Colin was teasing her in a never-ending orgasm as he continued to pound into her, pulling her hard against him.

Suddenly he pulled out and seized her by her waist, flipping her onto her back. She felt loose and limp, fully willing to give him whatever he needed. She wanted to feel his member pulsing while his seed spilled inside her. He grabbed her by her legs and pulled her closer while pushing her thighs apart, opening her up to him. She lifted her hips as he thrust forward, filling her again with his hard cock.

He leaned over and covered her mouth with his, licking and kissing into her while he lost control above her. He pulled her legs over his shoulder, changing the angle and pushing even deeper into her core. She gasped, “Oh god Colin,” she held onto his shoulders and relaxed into his frantic thrusts. He was kissing her neck, sucking on her breasts, licking into her mouth. She wanted him inside her and over her in all the ways possible.

“You feel so tight,” he grunted deeply, “you take me so well.” He dragged his teeth along her collarbone, she let out a hiss.

“I’m yours,” she was not thinking, it was how she felt, she wanted him to know everything she felt. “You’re filling me so deep; you give it to me so well,” He nipped her earlobe. “You can have me; anyway you want me.” She could hear the bed creaking, the harder he moved inside her, the louder the noises the bed made. She did not care. If someone heard them, let them. “I want to feel you Colin, you make me feel so good, you are mine.”

“Yes Pen, I am yours”, His forehead rested on hers, their noses were touching, his eyes were all she could see. Dark and full of desire…and love. Penelope held both hands on the side of his head, her fingers gently playing with his ears. She moved her mouth up and kissed him.

“Forever Colin, I am forever yours.” He nodded and kissed her again. He was close, she trailed her nails down the back of his neck to his shoulders and was gently scratching him. Colin let out a deep moan, his breathing was heavy and irregular, she felt him squeeze her soft thighs while his hips surged forward one last time.

“I love you.” He moaned, she felt him pulsing inside her, his hips shuttering while his cock was twitching. He collapsed next to her, pulling her into his chest, panting from the exertion.

They lay in bed, tangled in the sheets, holding each other. Soon Penelope heard the soft snores from Colin. She rested her head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. She felt his chest rise and fall and matched her breaths to his. Feeling as though he and she were one.

Lying in bed with Colin beneath her, she thought about how far they had come. A few weeks ago she was trying to be brave and on her own. She had an idea of a life and a future for herself, Whistledown would give her freedom from her family and the ton. A few months ago, she was planning her life as a spinster, knowing her path would be a lonely one. She had been set in her future and could not imagine another path for her.

Then came Colin.

He had always been there; she had always loved him. But he was not her reality…until he was. Unexpected and sudden, but also slow and naturally, Colin had seeped into her future in a way she thought was only a dream. Now, when she contemplated her plan, thought about her future, her life was shaping up to be a lot different. Whistledown was no longer her purpose. She knew that she needed to accept that. Change was hard, and wonderful, and Colin was the reason for it.

She needed to embrace that her future was his as well. She had to embrace that he wanted to be a part of her life and she wanted to be a part of his. That would start now. No more holding back or being afraid of the truth. Penelope felt her heart racing, she lifted her head up and whispered, wondering if he could hear her.

“I lied to you,” she looked at him, his eyes were closed, and his mouth open slightly. The moonlight playing off his strong jaw and brow, his soft lips were puckered slightly while he slept. She reached her hand up and brushed his face, hopeful he would wake but also wondering if her whispered confession would help her conscience, knowing what she was about to tell him would be the last time she ever held something back for fear of loneliness.

She didn’t know why she lied to him earlier, maybe because she felt like it was the wrong time, or out of habit as she was ashamed of her condition. However, at the moment it did not matter as long as she promised herself to never do it again.

“Colin,” she whispered again, her finger tapping on his cheek, he smacked his lips and licked them, giving her a contented hum. “I lied.” She repeated. She felt him stir under her, he cracked his eyes opened and looked down at her.

“What was that?” he said softly, holding a finger under her chin, keeping her eyes locked on his. She swallowed and took a deep breath; he was listening now.

“I lied, to you.” She said slowly, hoping she would not have to repeat her words. He narrowed his eyes and nodded, pressing his lips together. She could not make out his expression in the dim light, but he did not make her feel uncomfortable.

“I am sorry, I was not ready to tell you, but I realize now it is not about me being ready. I cannot think of just myself anymore. You have proven to me how you feel time and time again. It is time I realize my struggles and my decisions are yours as well.” She was trying to get it out, she wanted to just tell him, but she was stumbling over her own words. Colin was still looking at her, waiting for her to finish. She wished she could see his face. He was so good, what was she so scared of?

“I was not honest with you, and I should have been, and for that I am sorry. It is something I ask patience for as I am not used to having so much of my life known by someone else. However, this involves your life too.”

“Pen,” Colin finally cut in, “what is it?”

“I lied about my courses; I have not gotten them.” She saw his eyes go wide; she felt his hand start to tremble under her chin. “I believe I may be with child.”

She could feel Colin’s breath pick up, his chest rising and falling quickly, his eyes were blinking rapidly. She bit her lip and felt the tears prickle at the corner of her eye. She should not have lied, why did she lie? This should be a beautiful moment to share with him, now he could be angry. This memory should be one looked back at with fondness, not shame.

He slid his hands down her face to her shoulders and held them there. He was so quiet; she held his gaze waiting for a response. He was still, except for the firm grip his hand had on her upper arms. She swallowed again, her mouth felt dry, her heart was racing, she was at a loss for words. This changed everything.

“Are you sure?” he finally spoke in a pressured whisper. Penelope nodded and gave him a small smile. She watched as his lips started to twitch. He pursed them and let out a puff of air. The corners of his mouth turned up into a reassuring smile. “You do not have to apologize; I am glad you told me this way. I had asked you rather abruptly about your courses earlier, I understand if I caught you off guard.” He brushed her hair behind her ear and pulled her up to him, kissing her softly.

“I thought that I would know, I’ve heard of women with symptoms such as being tired all the time, or casting up their accounts, or feeling soreness in their chests, I have not felt any of those things.” She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, “I just know it has been more than a month since I bled, and I do bleed every month. It is very reliable.” She confirmed to him, even though he did not ask. Perhaps this was too much to disclose to Colin, would he even understand?

“I have sisters,” he said, sensing her humiliation in her confessions of her monthly cycle. “It is hard to not hear of these things when you are raised with so many women.” He grabbed her hand. She felt him rubbing his thumb against her knuckles. Her heart was beating quickly, she turned her head to look at him.

He was staring up at the ceiling as well, deep in thought. She was not sure what reactions she was hoping for. After all, they had discussed this scenario, and she naïvely did not think it would come to fruition. He then turned his head to look at her, reaching across to stroke her cheek with the tips of his fingers.

“I love you Penelope,” He whispered, “let us rest. We can sort it all out in the morning.”

Penelope nodded and rolled onto her side facing away from him. She felt him shift next to her, felt him wrap his arms around her stomach and kiss her shoulder. She felt the wetness on her face from the tears she did not know had fallen. She felt him squeeze her tightly and start to hum. She closed her eyes and relaxed into him. His warm body against her and his hum comforting her as she drifted off to sleep.

What felt like minutes later, there was a pounding at her door. Her Mother’s voice along with the clinking of keys from the other side.

“Penelope, wake up!” her shrill shout sounded, Penelope bolted upright and looked to her left, noticing the bed was empty. Her eyes adjusting to the dim morning light streaming through her curtains that were pulled tightly closed. Were they not open earlier? She did not remember shutting them. She felt panic for a moment, her eyes searching around the room for signs of him. Colin had been in her bed holding her just moments ago, had he not? Now it appeared he was gone.

Suddenly the door flung open and the light from the hallway assaulted her eyes. She squinted at her mother and Varley who were standing in the door in their night clothes.

“Mama?” Penelope questioned, trying to play down her panic of where her bedmate had disappeared to. “What is all this?”

“You will be the death of me child,” Portia breathed, “I thought I heard something in here, are you alone?”

“I am,” Penelope stated, hoping she sounded confident. “Who else would be here.”

“You know who Penelope,” her mother snapped, “you insult me with your naivety. I have been too liberal with what I have allowed, under my own roof. I will not have you disrespect me thinking I cannot know what you are capable of.” She rubbed her forehead and entered the room, nodding her head to Miss. Varley dismissing her. Once the door shut, she came over to the bed and narrowed her eyes. Penelope had the sheets tucked around her shoulders to hide the fact she was naked in bed.

“Where are your night clothes?” Portia asked. Penelope sighed and shrugged.

“I do not want to disrespect you.” She repeated the same line her mother gave her. “I am not wearing any.” Portia looked around the room again, noting the pile of clothes at the end of her bed where Colin had left them when he undressed her earlier. She pursed her lips and looked back at Penelope.

“You are something else Penelope, I should be angry, but it is hard to be when I am quite the opposite.” She sat on the end of the bed and started picking the garments off the floor, dusting them off, and folding them.

“You are my greatest accomplishment; did you know that?” Portia looked at her with warmth, “your sisters, whom I adore, have required so much of my time that I was not sure if I would have any left for you. But look at you,” she smiled, “you have found your place and happiness all on your own.” She stood and walked back to the door. “Do not think you will hear this from me again, but you did a better job than I could have ever arranged for you.”

She opened the door and stepped out, “now please, Penelope, no more dalliances with Mr. Bridgerton until we can at least get you married.”

Penelope nodded, holding the blanket tightly across her chest. She watched her mother shut the door and waited till she heard her footsteps soften down the hall before she leapt out of bed, wrapping herself in her robe, to look for him.

“Colin,” she said softly, “are you in here?” She did not hear a reply, she got on her hands and knees and looked under her bed. He was not there. “Colin?” She said a little louder, waiting for his response. She heard nothing except the breeze coming in through her window.

Her window. It was open, it was not open during the night.

She rushed over and pulled back the curtains to see the window open wide enough for someone to crawl out. It was the window next to the big tree, that she had heard Eloise make comments about climbing before to get into her room at night. Colin must have slipped out.

She frowned, wondering if he left a note. Why did he not wake her to let her know his plans? She turned back to the room to look for a missive he may have left but found nothing.

Sighing, Penelope returned to her bed, pulling the covers up over her head. Hoping another hour or so of sleep would wash away these early morning worries.

Colin was pacing through the park. He had foolishly fallen asleep in Penelope’s bed. He woke with the early morning light that peeked through Penelope’s curtains, quickly rushing to get dressed and sneak out the window before her mother checked on her in the morning. Seeing it was very early, he assumed half past seven or so, he would bide his time walking around Grosvenor Square until calling hours were appropriate at Anthony’s house.

He had found a spot under a tree to rest that was not damp with morning dew. Still wearing his clothes from the ball last night, he was looking forward to a bath and a clean set of garments. He reasoned it made sense to wait to speak to Anthony before heading all the way back to Bloomsbury to change. Besides, it would not be a long visit. He just needed to update Anthony on his plan to propose to Penelope.

After what seemed to be a decent amount of time, he made his way over to Bridgerton house and knocked on the door. Within a few minutes he was sitting in the informal drawing room waiting for tea and biscuits, and Anthony as well.

Colin stood and paced the room, taking in the familiar artwork and surroundings, thinking back on the memories this room gave him. Plenty of tea times, Penelope sitting on the chaise with Eloise, giggling and sharing thoughts or books. Or Penelope dropping by and sitting with her mother and sisters playing games and gossiping. Or when Penelope would come and sit by him and listen to his jokes, or listen to him sing, or listen to him laugh. She was there so much; she had become a part of his family without him realizing it. He was smiling to himself looking out the window when he heard his brother clear his throat behind him. Colin turned to see Anthony standing in the threshold of the door, eyes bleary from the early morning, dressed in simple housecoat and slacks. Clearly, he had rushed to greet his brother.

“Good morning brother,” Colin exclaimed jovially. “I apologize for the early morning visit, but I was in the neighborhood, and it did not make sense for me to head back to Bloomsbury only to come back here again to speak with you.”

“Is it that urgent?” Anthony huffed, rubbing his eyes and heading to the tea set to pour himself a cup.

“Urgent? No.” Colin answered, “however, I do not want to wait, for I have something I need to speak to you about.”

Anthony took a biscuit and sat on the chaise across from Colin, motioning his hand for Colin to continue.

“Oh…yes…all right”. Colin cleared his throat, suddenly feeling very foolish. He concluded it did not make sense to draw this out. So, best be quick with the information. “A few weeks ago, you asked that I let you know if there was anything you needed to know.”

Anthony nodded slowly, narrowing his eyes at Colin. “Indeed,” he said suspiciously.

“I have something you need to know.” Colin saw Anthony raise his eyebrows. He pressed on. “I am going to ask Penelope to marry me.” He paused and watched Anthony, anticipating his brothers shocked reaction. That did not happen, instead his brothers face did not change, he sipped his tea and nodded.

“Yes, well I assumed as much after Kate told me she knew you two were sneaking around in a secret courtship.”

Colin frowned, “she told you?”

“We do not have secrets, Kate and I.” he put his tea down and saw Colin’s questioning face. “If you are wondering why I did not say anything to you, it is because she asked me not to. You will find marriage is easier when you respect your wife’s wishes, no matter how personal the connection to be.” He stood and stretched, holding out his hand to Colin in a congratulatory handshake. “I am pleased brother; Penelope is an excellent choice for a bride.”

Colin took his brothers hand and shook it but did not let go. He had more to ask, getting the easy part out of the way, he continued.

“That is not quite all,” He felt Anthony’s grip tighten, “I must ask your descretion with this next bit.” Anthony pressed his lips together in a look of trepidation. “We will require a special license, for she is with child.” Anthony pulled his hand back and ran it through his hair turning to pace between the sofa and chair. Colin stood watching his brother, wringing his hands behind his back. Finally, Anthony turned to him shaking his head.

“You could not wait? Why is it this family cannot stay out of scandal for one season?” Colin bit the inside of his lip, feeling his heart racing, he hated that he brought disappointment to his brother. “Colin, I…” Anthony’s voice cut off when he noticed Colin’s worried look. He sighed and sat back down.

“I will put in a request.” He promised softly, “I am happy for you Colin, Penelope has been around this family for so long, it is fitting she will finally be joining us.”

“Yes, I agree” Colin smiled and sat across from Anthony, still wringing his hands.

“Colin,” Anthony said carefully, “I feel you are not telling me everything.”

Colin stared at the floor. Was this his news to tell? Currently just himself and Eloise knew, would it be safe to share this with Anthony? He took a few deep breaths and spoke.

“This next bit, I am unsure if I should disclose, however it is something that could affect the family as well.” He paused again, knowing once he spoke these words, he would never be able to take it back. But with all the scrutiny in the ton as of late, a speedy wedding between himself and Penelope could raise suspicion on her other identity. If anyone could help with her protection, it would be Anthony.

“By all means Colin, I cannot imagine there is much more you can say that will surprise me.” Anthony stated, trying to calm the clearly anxious energy Colin currently had.

Colin chuckled, still staring at his hands, attempting to get the courage to say the next bit. He did not want Anthony to disparage Penelope, he realized he was worried that this may change is brother opinion on Penelope’s character. That would not dissuade him from wanting to marry her, but he wanted his brother to be pleased with his choice in a wife. After the Marina debacle, he was hoping to receive his brothers unwavering support, this may not help.

“I fear you spoke too soon, for what I am about to tell you is known by very few, however I fear I will need your assistance with it as well.” Colin took a deep breath in through his nose and released the breath through pursed lips, puffing his cheeks out in the process. He rubbed his hands on his pants, noticing they had become quite sweaty.

“Penelope is Lady Whistledown,” he said, watching his bother carefully for a reaction.

Anthony’s eyes grew wide, he dropped the biscuit he was holding, his mouth dropping slightly open in surprise. He shook his head quickly and rushed, “are you quite sure?”

“It is not something I would falsify.”

Anthony jumped up and started pacing the room again, mumbling to himself. Colin pressed his lips together and waited.

“Who else knows?” Anthony asked.

“Eloise and Madame Delacroix are aware, then the printers and some delivery boys have seen her, but she has not given them her name.”

Anthony was nodding, his fingers playing with his lower lip while he paced. “She is very clever Colin,” he said glancing over at him, “she has been very very clever.” Colin relaxed a bit, nodding in agreement.

“She has,” he confirmed, “I was surprised when I discovered it. She has, of course, explained herself and apologized for what she printed about me.”

“She saved you Colin,” Anthony stated, “you were a fool engaged to that Thompson woman, had Penelope not written what she did, you would have been forced to marry her and our entire family would have been ruined.” Colin nodded and swallowed, he did not like to think back to Marina, she was a mistake he was happy he did not have to live with.

“She saved Daphne as well, to think I was going to force her into a marriage with Burbrook.” Anthony stopped pacing and turned to Colin, “we have so much to be grateful to her for. I’m assuming Eloise was in trouble when Penelope wrote what she did.”

“Yes,” Colin confirmed, “while I do not know the whole of it, the Queen had threatened to ruin our family as she thought Eloise was Whistledown. She wanted Eloise to admit her identity and work with her.” Anthony frowned.

“I did not know this, so what Penelope wrote was untrue?”

“No, it was true, Eloise did attend some political rallies. You know how passionate our sister is about women’s rights, you cannot have been surprised with that.”

Anthony was silent for a beat longer, “is there anything else brother? Or is that the whole of it? You have given me much to think upon, I require a day or two to get your special license and think about this other part.” Colin nodded.

“Yes, that is all.” Anthony walked over to Colin and patted him on the back.

“I am happy for you. Penelope is your perfect match. You were looking for adventure and purpose Colin, I believe she has given you both.” Colin smiled.

That evening, after a long hot bath, a midday nap, and a letter sent to Penelope apologizing for his rapid departure in the morning, Colin went to Whites to assess the damage of his actions from the ball the day before. He was ready to hear her name among the gentlemen, the entire walk over to the club, Colin was thinking of ways to get her off their minds and betting board.

When he entered, he was greeted with the boastful welcome of his peers, and quickly had a drink shoved into his hand as he was led to the leather armchair by the betting board. Apparently, he arrived just as it was to be updated. Colin took of sip of his whisky while listening to the cacophony of shouting drunk men around him.

Finally, Fife, the unappointed leader of the betting board, whistled for attention, hushing the group of men quickly.

“Gentleman, it seems as though last night had some hits and some failures.” A murmur of agreement spread around the group. “I believe we have some we can add and some we can remove from our possible Whistledown culprits.” He nodded to the barmaid who handed the chalk to him. “What say you?”

“I know who can be removed,” Lord Lumley stated loudly, “Miss Cowper, she cares too much for her reputation to sully it with a gossip rag.” There was agreement given in the room. Lumley looked over to Colin and shrugged, “sorry mate.” He said.

Colin waved his hand dismissively, “I am not worried either way Lumley, I have no desire to find Whistledown.” The heads in the room turned towards him.

“Why is that Bridgerton?” Fife questioned, “are you so well-inlaid you would not want the 3500 pounds, oh I’m sorry, I believe it is up to 4000 pound purse?” He huffed indignantly and looked to the group. “I thought with you being a third born you would want to accomplish something by the time you were in your twenties.” He laughed and the other men joined in. Colin looked around the room, narrowing his eyes at the group.

“I do not believe an accomplishment of turning a lady over to the Queen for a sum is something worth boasting about.” He retorted, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. “Have you considered the ruin that could come to her, or her family. What if it was your cousin Fife? It could affect you.” Lord Fife looked around uncomfortably. “I know what you think, once she is found she will be silenced. But you know the old saying, ‘the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t’. What if the next Whistledown, and you know there will be another like her, is harsher, more couth, more cunning, and has the resources to dig into your deepest secrets. Is that what you would like?”

There was a hush around the room, some whispers from the group could be heard considering Colin’s statement.

“Come now Bridgerton,” Marcus Anderson voice cut through, “you cannot possibly think a woman is capable of such cleverness.” Colin turned to face Marcus, staring daggers in his direction.

“A woman has bested us all has she not? Whistledown will continue to, for I just see fools around me, using the Queen’s ransom as an excuse to disrespect and belittle women of the ton who want nothing more than to be respected and find a chance at love.” He stood and put his drink down.

“What I saw at the Cowper’s ball the last night was a group of pathetic men, making fun of perfectly respectable and lovely women who are usually ignored because they are not incomparable enough or wealthy enough to make a quick match. Do you not think they knew what you were doing? None of them were fooled by your game, and you are all sitting around here betting on them like a horse at a race.” He walked over to Fife and grabbed the chalk from his hands, throwing it behind him, “If you know who she is, fine, name her now and let us be done with it, because I believe she has proven herself to be far more clever than the whole lot of you will ever be.”

“I admire your confidence Bridgerton,” Lord Cho stated, “I cannot tell if you have figured her out and are trying your best to keep us off the trail, or if you mean what you say.”

Colin shrugged, “What I will tell you is I do not intend to participate in this game anymore. Nor will you see me walking around the ton with more coins in my pockets. I will not be the reason for the ruin of one woman or family all for a few thousand pounds. My conscience is not worth any price or glory.” With that Colin turned and left the club.

As he walked home, he realized he had no further need to attend White’s for the purpose of monitoring the Whistledown bets. Anthony knew now, and he would have a plan for Penelope’s protection. He did not know how they were to navigate out of this mess that was created, but he would not be able to do that if he was always worried about the men at Whites with their imbecilic board.

It was a few nights later that the family gathered at Number Five. When Colin had extended a request to his mother for a dinner to allow him to make an announcement. She asked if he was planning another trip, which he was unsure how to respond to as he would be planning a honeymoon soon.

He had asked Penelope if they should invite her family, which Penelope told him no. She told her mother that they were making the news known to the Bridgerton’s, and her comment was “I do hope you come home with a proposal.” Prudence’s wedding to Mister Dankworth the previous day had been successful without much fanfare. The wedding breakfast was modest as that was all the Featherington’s could afford. Portia made no secret that she expected a large wedding soon, making good on her promise to start gossip about Penelope as soon as she had an opportunity. There was no way out of it.

Once again, the chaos in the dining room delayed the Bridgerton dinner service much to Humboldt’s dismay. Hyacinth was playing peek a boo with her nephew Auggie, Gregory was showcasing his new jacket as he had outgrown his old one to Simon and Anthony. Daphne was discussing pregnancy with Kate while Eloise and Benedict loudly argued over a particular move in the last pall mall game that had Benedict win by the smallest of margins.

Colin stood quietly with Penelope by the table, watching the action. He reached over and grabbed Penelope’s hand, squeezing it. She looked over at him and smiled, he could not help but feel pride in that she was already so familiar with the frivolity of his family.

Humboldt tried, and finally succeed, in getting the group’s attention. They all moved to sit at the table. Without Colin asking, Eloise moved to the opposite side of the table to sit across from Penelope while Colin took her usual seat next to where Pen was sitting. Benedict looked at Colin bemused, “brother? You do not usually sit here.” He looked across to Eloise, “El, you cannot possibly be that upset about the Pall Mall game that you force Colin to sit next to me.”

Eloise took a sip of her wine and cleared her throat, “I did not force Colin to sit next to you, perhaps he wanted to sit next to someone else, and that is the reason for me offering him my seat.” Eloise raised an eyebrow at her brother. Benedict appeared befuddled for a moment, then saw Penelope sitting next to Colin and his mouth formed an “oh”, he then nodded and winked at Colin before turning to his plate for the roasted pig being served.

Colin turned to Penelope, took her hand under the table and leaned over to her. “Should we say something now?”

Penelope shrugged, “it is your family. Do they like questionably happy news on full stomachs or empty ones?”

“I do not think they care much, and what do you mean questionably? They will be elated.”

“Colin, I do not think your mother will be happy about another hasty wedding, were you planning on telling them about the baby now?” Penelope’s voice trailed off at the realization the entire table had suddenly become quiet. She looked and saw the food was being passed around and everyone was busy having their plates fixed. Penelope looked panicked for a moment; Colin knew the last few words were spoken loud enough to be heard since conversations had died down.

He looked down the table and saw that Anthony, Kate, and the others were focused on their food and had not heard her. As he searched around the table, thinking they were in the clear, his gaze fell to Eloise, who was staring at them with her eyes wide and mouth open. Clearly, she had heard them.

“A baby…” she said in their direction. Colin looked at Pen and saw the red creeping up her face. She nodded slightly, looking sheepishly. Eloise dropped her fork, the loud clatter of it hitting her dinner plate had the entire table turn towards her looking for the source of the noise.

“Are you sure?” Eloise said among the silence. Colin closed his eyes and sighed; it seemed the fates had made the timing of the announcement for him. Pen was stuttering next to him, it appeared she was trying to tell Eloise they would speak later, but it was too late. Violet joined into the conversation.

“What are you referring to my dear?” Violet asked Eloise.

Eloise stammered, realizing she had spoken too loudly and was most likely ruining a moment that had nothing to do with her. “Oh, it is nothing mother, Pen was just…you see I had…I was hoping that Penelope would tell me…” She was spewing nonsense.

“I have asked Penelope…” Colin interrupted Eloise but then stopped himself from speaking. He realized he did not ask her. In fact, all he had done was talk to her about it, but the question had never been tendered. How could he sit here and announce their engagement when he had not actually rendered the proposal yet?

“Actually, I did not ask her.” He continued; Penelope looked at him in confusion.

“Colin, what are you doing?” She mumbled softly, so only he could hear.

Colin jumped up, putting both hands on the table as he stood. It was so abrupt that Penelope instinctually jumped back in her seat. Colin looked down at her and smiled. Then looked around the room and cleared his throat.

“I requested a family dinner this evening for an announcement, but in my hast I realize I have not done this the correct way.” He chuckled to himself, then continued to the table. “In fact, none of this was done the correct way.” He lifted his wine glass to his lips and took a sip. Straightening his coat and clearing his throat Colin continued. He looked over at his mother first.

“I believe in our society, most gentleman have an expectation when it comes to courting and marriage, and as you all know, I have not been very good at following societal expectations.” He raised an eyebrow at his mother who was giving him a worried look while smoothing the napkin on her lap. “For that, my dear mother, I do apologize. For you see, I did not expect to be looking for a match this season, or the next, or even the one after that. For I did not think there was any time in the near future that I would meet another who would tempt me to be leg shackled so soon after, well, you all know what I refer to.” He heard his sister Daphne let out an uncomfortable giggle.

“It seems; however, I was partially correct with that thought. For you see, I cannot meet another when I have already known her for so long.” He looked down at Penelope whose face had warmed with a smile. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. Colin heard Violet gasp from the end of the table, Hyacinth giggled, and Kate sniffled, mumbling something about emotions and pregnancy.

“Penelope, all these years we have known each other I was burdening you with my lament about purpose and aimless wandering. Through all my complaining you listened patiently and compassionately. It did not matter the distant land I have visited, for no place has ever filled me with the sense of belonging or meaning. I was lost, and feeling like a failure. Some could call me a hopeless fool. And I was, for all I needed to find my next adventure, one that would give me true purpose, was here at home with you. My mother always told me I should look for someone who is my best friend. She told me that is where I would find love; my true love; a true love match.” He paused, biting his lip and collecting himself. He was trying to find the words but was lost in her gaze and smile.

“I love you; I am not sure words are enough to tell you what I have learned about love in loving you. So, I want to ask you, in front of all these people who love you too.” Penelope was smiling, tears were welling in her eyes. Colin, still holding her hand in his, dropped to his right knee. “Let us make this next adventure together, find our purpose with each other. Be my wife Pen.” He finished softly.

“Yes, Colin, yes,” She nodded her head beaming down at him. He pulled her hand to his lips, gently kissing her on her soft knuckles.

The room was silent for a moment until Benedict cleared his throat and pulled Colin’s attention away from his happy intended. He glanced around the table and saw every one of his sisters and mother were crying. Anthony was just smiling and nodding, and Simon gave Colin a nod and a wink. Benedict stretched his arms over his head and sighed, a big smile on his face.

“I do not think this proposal has surprised anyone here Colin,” he said, “but I am so pleased to be the first to say, well done.” Benedict stood up and clapped his brother on the shoulder. The room erupted with joy. Violet had pushed her chair back and came running over to the two of them pulling them into a warm embrace. Eloise let out a whoop and jumped to join her mother. For the next five minutes, dinner had been forgotten and there were happy congratulations being passed among the crowd.

Eloise’s voice cut through the commotion, “what was all that about a baby then?” She asked loudly. Colin froze, he had forgotten that was what lead to this early announcement, Penelope put her hand on Colin’s elbow and cleared her throat.

“Colin, we must be honest.” He nodded and turned to his family.

“Firstly, let me say my reason for marrying Penelope is because I love her, however it seems we must hasten these nuptials along, as it is Penelope is with child.” A collective group of gasps filled the room, Colin looked concerned for a moment then added, “our child of course.”

“Of course, my dear,” Violet said softly, gasping Penelope by the arm and pulling her into an embrace. “We are so happy for the two of you,” she whispered in Penelope’s ear, “despite your condition, I am elated to have another daughter and grandbaby”. She moved over to Colin to give him a kiss on his cheek. “You two have made me very happy.”

Anthony came over to shake Colin’s hand, and turned to the group. “Colin did make me aware of his situation and I was successful in obtaining a special license from the queen. She approvied your bans of marriage this next Tuesday.”  

That made it six days from now. Colin turned to look at Penelope who was grasping his arm tightly a large smile on her face. She looked up at him warmly, everything was falling into place so nicely. Colin felt such relief knowing they were to be married soon. 

“You are missing a ring,” Hyacinth pointed out unhelpfully, “how can you be promised to marry without a ring?”

“Yes, Hyacinth, you are correct,” Colin agreed, he turned to Anthony who appeared overwhelmed, a look he had been sporting for the past few days since Colin spoke to him, “Ant, can you assist me with this issue?” He said as he winked at Penelope.

”We shall remedy this after supper.” He sighed, then smiled at his wife as he turned to go back to his seat for the meal.

Amid the commotion, a voice rang out from the doorway. Humboldt was again trying desperately to get the attention of the excited group.

“Lady Agatha Danbury.” He all but shouted. The room quieted down and turned to see the old woman smiling at the door.

“I seem to have missed all the fun,” she said walking towards the group gathered around Colin and Penelope. She turned to Anthony, “I am sorry I am late my Lord; I was a bit delayed.”

“It is no matter, would you like to join us, we had just started the first course before all the commotion.” Anthony motioned to the table and the seat by Simon.

“Oh, yes, I am hungry, but first, I do believe I need to have a word with the lady of the hour.” Lady Danbury turned to Penelope and smiled, “if she can spare me a moment.”

Penelope narrowed her eyes and nodded, she felt Colin tighten his hand in hers. She gave him a squeeze and turned to look at him. “She is my friend; I will be right back.”

Lady Danbury had already left the room; Penelope quickened her steps to catch up with her in the hallway. The women entered the study, where Lady D motioned to Penelope to close the door.

Penelope turned back and looked at the woman quizzically. She had a nagging feeling that Lady D was not about to congratulate her on her engagement to Colin. She smiled and gave a quick curtsy and opened her mouth to speak, but the woman was quick to start the conversation.

“Is there a reason you have not come forward to claim your reward? I know your family has been struggling with money after the whole affair with your cousin last year. Surely your dowery is lacking. Perhaps you are now finally ready to take your winnings.” Penelope narrowed her eyes, watching Lady D carefully.

“I am sorry, but I do not know of what you speak.”

The old woman laughed and grabbed Penelope’s hand. “My dear child, I thought you were cleverer than that.” She lowered her voice and leaned in closer to Penelope, “after all, you do not trick the entire ton and not understand when an opportunity falls into your lap. Do you Lady Whistledown?”

Chapter Text

As soon Lady Danbury and Penelope left the room, Colin stalked over to Anthony, “what is this about brother?” he pressed in a hushed voice.

Anthony, who was still standing by the head of the table, reached down and picked up his wine glass. He took a long sip before answering Colin with a slightly irritated tone. “I do not know.” He turned to look at Colin, noting the panic in his eyes. “Colin, I have not breathed a word of what you told me to anyone. That is for you and Miss Penelope to decide who and when to tell. I do not know why she is speaking to her.”

“I can confirm this,” Kate chimed in, “Lady Danbury called on me earlier today and somehow by the end of her visit, she had talked me into inviting her. She was lamenting about her cook being sick and having no decent hot meal. It sounded rather planned if you ask me.”

Colin turned to face Kate, raising an eyebrow he challenged her, “so he told you? Anthony, you just said you did not breath a word of this to anyone.” Anthony shrugged, his face softening a bit.

“I’ve told you brother,” Anthony interjects, “there are no secrets between us.”

Colin sighed, then started pacing the dining room while his family resume their spots at the table. Noticing he was making a scene in his nervousness, he decided to go back to his seat and wait for the women to return. He sat quietly, tapping his foot impatiently and fidgeting with his table setting, trying to busy his hands and calm his mind from the worry that was consuming him.

When Penelope and Lady Danbury re-entered the room, he felt a bit of relief seeing that she was not in distress. She met Colin’s eyes and smiled, then made a comment about how hungry she was and apologizing for causing a delay in the meal.

At first, no one spoke, it was as if everyone was waiting for Lady Danbury or Penelope to tell them what was going on. However, Lady Danbury smiled at Anthony and said, “I do so appreciate the invitation my Lord, this food looks lovely.”

“Think nothing of it.” He replied as he started cutting up the meat on his plate. Within a few minutes, the table had resumed their conversations as though this evening was no different than any other. Colin turned to Penelope, leaning closer to her, he opened his mouth to ask her a question. She snapped her head over to look at him and smiled warmly.

“We can talk about it later,” she grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed. “Let us enjoy your family and our engagement.”

The rest of the dinner was uneventful, everyone appeared happy and content. The main topic of discussion was surrounding the wedding planning. Penelope was filling Violet in on all the ideas her mother had come up with already. The explanation of how Portia had discovered their secret courtship was told, with key details omitted, but after the completion of the story, Violet claimed she preferred to hear the happy news the way she did, and not by accident.

After dinner, the entire family, with all their opinions, joined Anthony and Colin in the drawing room to view the family rings. Colin was becoming irritated as every time he went to pick up a ring, he would hear a sigh or tsk from someone watching. When he selected the Emerald ring, Eloise quickly slapped his hand away from it. Colin turned his head to glare at her, only to have her raise one brow and murmur something about wanting it for herself.

Finally, after all the hemming and hawing, Colin selected the sapphire and diamond ring with a simple gold band. The blue from the sapphire matched Penelope’s eyes and the diamonds that surrounded the stone had a light-yellow tint to them. The moment the ring was placed on Penelope’s finger, everyone agreed it was the correct choice. Not that Colin was looking for the family’s favor, but he saw how happy it made Penelope, and that was what mattered the most.

After bidding his family goodnight, Colin and Penelope were walking the short distance back to her home. He finally had the chance to ask her about the encounter with Lady Danbury.

“She didn’t even guess Colin, she just called me Lady Whistledown.” She shook her head, looking at her feet while walking. “I was so stunned by her confident accusation; she knew right away she had me figured out.”

“How did she know?”

“Apparently she suspected me for some time, when the Queen told her of Anthony coming to request our special license, that is what confirmed it for her.” She smiled and looked up at him, “She is going to give me the thousand pounds, told me she will not tell anyone else, but suggested I think about turning myself in.”

“What?” Colin tried to keep his voice down but felt a sudden panic burning deep in his chest. Penelope pressed her lips together and patted his arm.

“My thinking exactly, I will not do anything without speaking to you first, you have my word.” She pulled his hand to her mouth, kissing his knuckles softly. Colin gave Penelope a small smile, then taking a deep breath in he stopped outside the front door of her home.

“Are you ready to tell your mother?” He lifted her left hand with the ring he had carefully selected on her finger. She nodded and went to open the door.

A moment later, they were standing in the Featherington entrance waiting for Portia to greet them. Colin held Penelope’s hand looking down at ring that fit remarkably well on her dainty finger. He hummed in satisfaction at what a perfect choice it was for her, and what a perfect choice she was for him.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” Portia sang as she floated down the stairs to greet them. “I am so pleased you came by after dinner to visit. Shall we have some tea?”

Colin felt Penelope squeeze his hand and clear her throat, he knew she did not want to stay long in her mother’s company this evening. She had her next issue to write, and Colin needed to get to John in the morning.

“I am sorry to disappoint you Lady Featherington, but I am not able to stay this evening.” Portia sighed dramatically with a frown; he was certain it was not genuine disappointment she was expressing.

“What a pity,” she exclaimed, still with the dramatics, “I hope your dinner went well.”

“It was wonderful,” Colin smiled, “I asked Penelope to be my wife.”

Portia’s face lit up with joy as she grabbed Penelope’s hand to look at the ring she was donning. Penelope’s face broke out into a bright smile, she even giggled seeing her mother shriek with happiness. Colin suddenly felt better about Portia for a moment.

“Oh, Penelope, we will plan you a magnificent wedding, the luncheon after shall be the talk of the ton for the rest of the season.” Penelope put her hand on top of her mothers, which was successful in silencing her for a moment.

“Unless you are able to pull off the wedding of the season is six days, I do not foresee a large celebration.” Portia’s eyes got wide for a moment; Colin could see her mind whirling with ideas. If anything motivated Portia, it was the challenge to impress with rapid opulence.

“Next Tuesday? you were able to procure a special license?” Colin nodded.

“Well then,” Portia clapped her hands together and beamed at the couple, “I have much to do.” She turned and started yelling up the stairs to Miss Varley. Penelope winced, she looked at the clock it was showing the time was half past ten.

“She wastes no time, does she,” Colin said softly, Penelope shook her head, still looking up the stairs where her mother had been moments before.

“I believe we will be seeing very little of each other these next few days. If I know anything about my mother, it is that she will be determined to make this the biggest event of the season, which will require my compliance with her planning.” She turned to look at him, lowering her voice. “Which means, I must get my paper out for tomorrow, I will meet you in the square around noon with my copy.”

Colin chuckled a little, he put his right hand on the side of her cheek, she instinctually leaned her face into his palm. “You are so endearing as a businesswoman Pen; I am lucky to be your partner in every sense of the word.” He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek, “I will see you tomorrow then.”

The next day, Colin saw Penelope very briefly. He was sitting on a bench in the square, reading his journal watching for her to come out her front door. Much to his disappointment, she was not alone. Portia was with her, loudly greeting him from the steps of their front door. She was so theatrical in her greeting that the people walking about the square all stopped to watch the spectacle.

Portia wasted no time in announcing their nuptials to anyone who could hear. Colin put his hands behind his back and smiled happily as passerby’s nodded congratulations to him. Clearly it was impossible to ignore the loud gossip broadcasted by Penelope’s mother.

Penelope, on the other hand, looked like she may drop dead from embarrassment. Her face was so bright red that it matched her hair in the afternoon sun. She smiled politely as some gawked at her, clearly surprised by this news, which she ignored and rushed over to Colin to greet him.

“I am so sorry about my mother,” She murmured as she slipped the small book with her draft folded neatly between the pages, “clearly she has been at her wits end keeping in this secret, I supposed we shall endure for the next few days.”

Colin brushed her hair out of her face and moved his finger gently under her chin to lift her gaze to him. “I can relate my love.” He said softly, “I will be singing your praises for all to hear, so best you get used to the attention. You are to be a Bridgerton.” He moved his hand down to grasp hers, lifting it to his lips leaving her a gentle kiss.

Penelope wrinkled her nose as this and then smiled, “I am happy about that part, the attention I could do without, but you may lavish your praise on me as much as you wish.” She squeezed his hand in hers and turned to join her mother who was boisterously discussing the flowers Penelope had picked for the wedding. By now the entire ton knew when the nuptials were planned as Portia had mentioned the following Tuesday morning about ten times since she had stepped out of the house all but ten minutes ago.

Later that afternoon, finally returned to his lodgings, Colin reclined on his armchair in the office after an interesting walk home from the printers. He had seen a few acquaintances on his trek, two of them had already heard of his engagement, and stopped to congratulate him on the happy news. However, two others stopped him to ask about his pamphlet on Greece. Colin was elated, Mr. Vincent Winston stated he was planning on taking the travel pamphlet with him on his travels next week, and he had now planned a stop in Greece after reading Colin’s description of the shores.

Colin felt as though he stood a little taller after hearing the compliment. He had been so consumed with Penelope and her safety that he had forgotten to even pay attention to how his travel letters had faired. The one he had just dropped off was about the Athens market, and some of his favorite shops. He was hoping Mr. Winston would see this one before he left on his journey.

Colin was debating if he should head to Whites for the evening when he heard pounding coming from his front door. He stood and moved to meet whoever it was in his front entrance, only to see Dunwoody had beaten him to it.

“Lord Fife, Lord Cho, and Mister Anderson are here to see you sir.” Dunwoody announced as the three gentlemen came walking in behind him.

“Bridgerton!” exclaimed Fife, extending his hand out to shake Colin’s, “I hear you will be priest-linked soon to the Featherington girl after all!” He grasped Colin’s hand firmly and shook with vigor. Colin smiled uncomfortably, pulling his hand away from Fife’s, looking at the group of men cautiously.

“Indeed Fife,” he said as he wiped his hand on his slacks, wondering how the man’s hand was so damp when the temperature had been pleasant that day. “I look forward to a life with my future wife.”

“It’s curious though,” he continued, tapping his sweaty hand on his chin, “that you marry her, is it not?”

“I do not follow,” Colin said as he narrowed his eyes, he sensed this confrontation was not about his engagement after all.

“We were there with you last season Bridgerton, you were clear with your intentions on the girl, what changed?” Lord Cho questioned; Colin caught on quickly these men were all suspicious of the sudden engagement. Colin pressed his lips together and thought for a moment, he did not want to give them anything to further their interest for he was sure they were thinking exactly what he wanted them not to.

Colin smirked at the group and playfully waved his hand, hoping to casually dispel any theories they had about him and Penelope. “You know I’ve known Miss Penelope for years. This is hardly sudden, we had grown up together as friends, and recently it has become something more. The other day after the Cowper ball you told me you enjoyed her company; this can’t be that surprising.”

“I did, but that was all but four or five days ago, you moved quite suddenly to secure her hand in marriage.” Fife responded.

“Ah, well there is where you are wrong. You see Penelope and I have been courting for a few months now, we did not make a spectacle about it as we have always been seen around each other. I suspect that is why no one noticed.” The men were looking at Colin incredulously, there was a tense silence as Colin waited to see how they reacted to this news. After a few beats, Mr. Anderson let out an uncomfortable laugh and shook his head.

“Forgive us Bridgerton, we should be congratulating you on your engagement, not questioning your sudden proposal. Tell me, are the rumors of a speedy wedding false? I heard you are to be married by Tuesday, surely you are not that eager to rush to the alter.”

“There is no falsehood there Anderson,” Colin replied confidently, “there is also no rush, Penelope and I have known each other for a long time, if anything, a week seems too long, I’d marry her today if I could.”

“I would imagine so; you are truly smitten with the girl than?” Mr. Anderson asked.

“I am utterly besotted by her,” he sighed, “I only hope you gentlemen will someday know how it feels to fall in love with your best friend. I am a lucky man indeed.”

Colin could not tell if he had been successful convincing the men out of whatever suspicions they had. He bid them a good day, but not before he foolishly invited them to the wedding, which they quickly accepted the invitation. He was not sure if this was supposed to be a small private affair or a large one. His assumption was Portia would want every breathing member of the ton to attend. He was also assuming that Penelope would hate a wedding that had every eye of the ton watching her walk down the aisle. At this point, he reasoned a large crowd was to be expected, so what was three more members of society in attendance.

The next morning, Penelope was sitting in her drawing room by the window, glancing out for signs of the delivery boys. Her mother was rambling behind her with Miss Varley, the florist, and Madame Delacroix about the dress and flowers. Since Prudence was now living with the Dankworth’s, she was alone most of the day with her mother who was determined to keep her occupied while she planned the wedding with a speed that a horse jockey would envy.

Penelope felt like a spectator for her own wedding planning, she was more concerned with getting through the wedding without the ton deducing she was the infamous gossip columnist. She hoped this new pamphlet would help lead the attention away from her and Colin.

She was lost in thought about this when she heard the familiar sound of the delivery boys yelling in the street. “Hot off the press, new Lady Whistledown!” She leapt off her seat by the window and turned to her mother who was assessing three different blue and yellow arrangements, that looked very similar, but Portia insisted were vastly different.

“I will be right back,” she said as she moved to rush out of the room. Madame Delacroix stood up quickly and took the opportunity.

“Miss Penelope, may I walk with you, I want to ask you a question.” Penelope nodded and waited at the door for Genevieve to join her.

“I have been meaning to speak with you,” she said in a low voice once they arrived in the hallway. “I have been hearing whispers in the shop, some of the ladies are set on figuring you out. While there are many others who would not like to. I have been listening for your name to be mentioned, but I have not heard a thing.”

Penelope smiled sweetly, “I have heard similar, I am not sure if it’s that people are truly blind to me, or if they just think me too simple.” She and Genevieve giggled, “I was figured out by one person though.”

Genevieve raised her eyebrows in surprise. “How? There has been no mention of it.”

“Lady Danbury figured me out, she came to offer me the money directly. She told me that she had a suspicion about me, what solidified it was finding out Colin and I were to be married. She said she knew the day he fell in love with me, and that was also the day my writing changed.” Penelope pressed her lips together. “I will be honest; I am still unsure what day that was.”

They had reached the foyer and met the butler with the pamphlet ready for Penelope’s reading. She handed it to Genevieve to read, “tell me what you think.”

Dearest Gentle Reader,

I have enjoyed the distractions your quest for my identity has given. I hope the Queen has also enjoyed the drama that her challenge has created. While you all run around the ton with your wild theories and attempts to uncover me, I continue to pay attention to the whispers and happenings around us.

For one, Miss Penelope Featherington has caught the eye, and now apparently the hand, of this season’s most desirable bachelor. Yes, you heard me right, Mr. Colin Bridgerton has set his cap, and ring, on Miss Penelope. While the details of how this came to be are unknown, what is apparent is the brevity of their courtship and the rapidness of their marriage. While some may assume the worst, I being a more observant person ask could it be that the courtship was not one of brevity, but of an excessive length? Mr. Bridgerton has for years been seen dancing and speaking with Miss Featherington. While the lot of you may not have noticed, I have. So, while this match is, I’m sure, a surprise to most, to me, it was a long time in the making.

For that is what I do dear readers, I see what you do not. I saw your game the night of the Cowper ball, I saw you dance with women who do not usually grace my pages as it seems they do not give me much to write on. Would you know, that since that night, Lord George Lumley has been seen around the ton many times with Miss Anna Crawford. Mister Thomas Boone was seen with Miss Lucy Easton, they were walking quiet closely by the Serpentine, their chaperone nowhere to be seen. Miss Brigette Lafayette was seen dancing three times with Mister Vincent Newton at the ball just the other evening. It seems, if anything, the wallflowers of the ton are finally having their chance in the light.

All thanks to your unending curiosity in finding me.

So, your majesty, we all humbly extend our deepest gratitude for your cleverness in matchmaking skills. If you had never made this grand challenge, these matches may have never been.

Well done your highness.

Lady Whistledown Society Papers

“Miss Penelope,” Genevieve exclaimed, “you are truly a clever woman, I hope your intended knows how lucky he is.”

“The feeling is mutual I believe. But yes, he appreciates me.” She took the pamphlet from Genevieve and read it over, smiling to herself with her own words. She hoped this would help take the pressure off her. Even though it seemed no one noticed, at present she wondered if people thought but did not speak it. She was biting her lower lip deep in thought when the seamstress cleared her throat.

“We must finish getting your dress designed, your mother has some interesting ideas, I believe we can all come to an agreement on something tasteful.” Penelope cringed, “I did not think you would like the yellow lace with the blue sash to accompany it, it is not very bridal, but your mother insists you should stand out.”

“I am sure we can all agree on something that does not resemble a costume fit for Vauxhall.” Penelope laughed as the women walked back upstairs.

The next few days were a blur of wedding planning and dinners. Penelope and Colin had been invited to events as Whistledown had outed them in a big way. Most people were congratulatory, and much to Penelope’s horror, discussing what they would be wearing to the wedding in a few days. Penelope was hoping to have only family attend, as she did not like the attention of so many. However, her mother had gotten carried away with not only sending invitations but extending them as well to anyone who stopped her in the street.

It was Sunday, two days before the wedding, and the Viscountess was hosting an engagement party at Bridgerton house. It was heavily attended, as the ton’s curiously of the couple held no limit. Colin and Penelope greeted the attendees with reserved kindness. Most of the people knew Colin, but Penelope was positive many of them, until recently, only knew her as the third plump Featherington girl. Nonetheless, they played up their gratitude and happiness to the well-wishers.

The strings played beautifully whilst the couples danced around the room, the drinks were flowing freely, the games were being played boisterously, considering this was the first event hosted by Lady Kate, it was, so far, a great success.

Colin had Penelope in his arms, twirling her around the dance floor. He felt light in his step as he held his beloved closely, humming the tune to her while they spung around the floor. Penelope was gazing up at him, smiling lovingly.

He leaned over and whispered in her ear, “it is nice to be able to dance freely with you, without the worry of the ton’s opinion on propriety.” She giggled at this as he moved his hand lower on her back, wrapping it around the small of her waist so his thumb could graze the lower swell in her breast, causing her to catch her breath at his forwardness in such a public place.

“I do believe, Mr. Bridgerton, that even though we are to be wed, you should keep those kinds of touches in a more solitary setting.” She crooned at him, leaning a bit more into his touch so his thumb pressed firmly into her. She felt him swipe his thumb upwards, it was not enough to graze where her nipple was, but just the movement made her sensitive flesh tingle in anticipation. She glanced down at his hand then quickly looked back up at him and met his eye, giving him a wink as she heard the music slow and the song end.

Colin pulled her into him in an embrace and whispered in her ear, “what were you saying about a solitary setting darling?” She giggled again as he stepped back and lifted her hand to his lips, letting them rest there longer than considered proper, before winking at her and stepping back.

The entire room broke out into applause, it was at that moment, they realized they were being watched. He stepped to the side, still holding Penelope’s hand in his, and looked over at her and smiled. She shyly smiled back at him, with the tips of her ears turning a bright shade of red. Colin held their joined hands up and bowed to the applause, earning them a swell in the crowd, with some whooping and whistles added in. Penelope took the cue to join in with a quick curtsy, clearly uncomfortable with the attention, but also enjoying the praise.

Colin looked over at her while she looked at him, he gave her a nod for a warning before spinning her around and turning to the other side of the room to bow to the crowd that was behind them. He looked over at Penelope and shrugged, she was smiling so happily back at him, he felt his heart swell with love and contentment.

From across the room, he heard the clinking of glass, drawing everyone’s attention to Anthony. “I am so pleased to welcome you all here tonight, I am especially pleased that we are celebrating the union of my brother Colin, with the only woman he was ever meant to marry, Miss Penelope Featherington.” There was some dissention around the crowd, clearly the mamas of the ton were unhappy with the mention that their daughters were unworthy of a Colin Bridgerton, Anthony picked up on this quickly.

“My brother was very aware of his popularity, the notorious flirt of the family, he has shared a dance, or perhaps a laugh, or even a wink with many of you ladies. But while he was aware of his popularity, he was unaware of his affections for one certain girl.” Colin turned and looked at Penelope, grabbing her hand in his, he squeezed it and rubbed her knuckles with his thumb.

“Colin, you spent so much of your youth and a few of your bachelor years unaware of your affection for Miss Penelope; but our family knew. The times you two were standing on the sides of the ballrooms laughing at each other’s jokes, the letters you sent each other over the past few years while you were traveling, the way you looked at her when she sat at our dinner table, or was walking with our sister, or dancing with you. It was impossible for our family to not see how you felt about her. She has been a part of your life and our family for so long, and the Viscountess and I are overjoyed that you are finally officially making her a Bridgerton.” Anthony raised his glass in the air, “to Colin and Penelope, may your lives be full of love, adventure, and children.” The room erupted into shouts of cheers. Colin grabbed two flutes of champagne, handing one to Penelope and one for himself and they joined in the salutations.

While the crowd was sipping their toast, Colin raised his glass and turned to Penelope. “I’d like to say a few things, if I may.” He announced loudly to the room, the chatter quieted down and attention was turned back to Colin and Penelope who were still standing in the center of the dance floor.

“Penelope, my Pen, I hope you will not be cross with me as I must sing your praises for a moment to this crowd. Afterall this is our party, so I feel I should be able to indulge your attention for my own toast.” He winked at her, she raised her brows in response, but nodded for him to continue. He kept his body turned towards her, kept her hand in his while the other held his champagne flute.

“If you will all take a journey with me, back to the day I realized I was love with this remarkable woman.” He cleared his throat and saw the hesitation in her eyes, he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and continued. “We were on a walk, through Hyde Park, and I had taken you to a special place with roses and sunlight and beauty. We had been alone together before, so I did not think our time together was improper, as I am a Gentleman, and you are my friend. You started to read a poem to me, from Byron, which I had given you as I thought it was something you enjoyed, and we had joked about Byron’s writings in the past. How curious it was that you picked this poem that change my world in a moment. Do you remember it?” She shook her head, he held out his glass for a butler to grab and once his hand was free, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper.

“I will read it to you, as you read it to me that day, three times if I recall.” She nodded, her eyes were blinking rapidly, her chest was flush and her cheeks pink. She was adorable, Colin paused a moment as he felt a sudden urge to kiss her. He took a deep breath in thinking better of it, for if he did start to kiss her now, he was sure he wouldn’t stop.

“You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.”

He looked at her, “you have always been beautiful Pen, you shine even brighter with your beauty now, and I will take some credit for that.” She giggled and he continued.

“Never underestimate the power of love. The way to love anything is to realize it may be lost. The heart has its reasons that reason does not know of at all. There is pleasure in the pathless woods; there is a rapture on the lonely shore; there is society, where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.”

He lowered the paper, put it back in his pocket, and reached his hand out to take back the champagne that the butler held for him. “I was confused at the time why I reacted the way I did, why this poem struck me so much. Why I suddenly started to see you differently. After that day I could not explain why my feelings turned from friendly to confused. But as it turns out, my heart had its reasons. I had spent the past two years looking for a purpose, going from lonely shore to lonely shore, traveling long trails through woods and fields, but I could not seek what I did not know I was searching for. I was lost, looking for my purpose, looking for an adventure, but what I realized that day, was I was not looking in the right place. It was always you; it was always love. And I cannot think of a greater adventure than that.” He raised his glass in the air, his eyes never leaving hers. “Here’s to never being lost and never underestimating the power of love.”

“Here here,” the room collectively said.

Penelope was blinking rapidly, trying to keep her tears at bay. Colin took his thumb and gently brushed her cheek, letting it linger on her soft skin while she took some deep breaths and smiled. “I would like to find that solitary place right now,” she murmured to him. He let out a laugh and grabbed her hand again. Moving to lead her off the dancefloor.

They did not make it far, for as soon as they met the resistance of the crowd, they were once again surrounded by people. The gentleman were congratulating Colin on making his stunning speech, and the women were swooning over how handsome and romantic Colin was and how lucky Penelope was to have snagged him.

Seemingly all at once, the crowd dispersed, and Lady Danbury appeared, smirking at the couple.

“You sure do know how to make a toast Mr. Bridgerton. It is quite a feat to make this old lady tear up.” She shook her cane at Colin in jest, he put his hands up in defense with a laugh.

“I was only professing my undying love for my intended, if making you lose your senses is a byproduct of that, so be it.”

“Ah ha! I do believe you Bridgertons are the luckiest in love. Your mother is a champion of true love, and you two are another one of her triumphs.”

“I cannot take too much credit here Agatha,” Violet Bridgerton appeared beside them, clearly overhearing the conversation, “these two really did this on their own. They are very clever.”

“I thought so,” Lady D said, she turned to Penelope, “my dear, have you given any more thought to what we spoke of?” Penelope’s smile faded quickly, she looked at the ground and started to fidget.

“I have and I am still not sure what to do.” Violet looked between the two of them, sensing the sudden change in the conversation. She placed her hand on Lady Danbury’s arm.

“Agatha, I’m not sure what this is about, but perhaps we can discuss it later.”

“You are correct Lady Bridgerton, I should not have brought this up.” She turned to Penelope, “you know where to find me if you need to.” Penelope nodded, and the three of them watched as the old lady walked away.

“Lady Danbury is correct, Lady Bridgerton, I think now is the time to tell you this.”

Colin turned to Penelope and leaned close to her, “are you sure my love?” he whispered, “I do not want to have reason to cause distress this evening.”

Penelope nodded, “I’m sure, it is time.” Violet was watching the two carefully with a curious look. Colin turned to his mother.

“Mother, can we speak down the hall in a more private setting?”

Violet looked taken aback for a moment, then straightened out, nodding in agreement.

A few minutes later, Violet, Colin, and Penelope were standing in the study, well away from the crowd and ears of the ton. Colin turned to his mother and motioned to the chair she stood in front of.

“You may want to sit for a moment mother,” Violet sat slowly, looking between the couple who took a seat across from her on the sofa. Colin looked at Pen and saw her give a quick nod before she reached out and squeezed his hand. He knew she wanted to talk.

“Lady Bridgerton, I feel it’s time I tell you this. I am so happy and grateful to be joining your family, but I think it is fair you know exactly who it is I am before you embrace me as your daughter in law.” Penelope took a deep breath. “Colin has told Anthony who has told Kate, Eloise knows, and Colin knows, and now you will know. I am Lady Whistledown.” She said it carefully, so there was no mistake in her delivery of the news. Violet’s eyes were wide for a moment, then quickly softened as a smile spread on her face and her hand flew out to grab Penelope’s.

“Oh, my dear, of course you are. Why did I not think of you before. You are clever and funny and the most astute person I know.” She stood up and pulled Penelope into a fierce hug. “You have a place here in this family, it was yours before you were engaged to Colin. I am proud to have you as my daughter, someone who can hold the ton in the palm of her hands is not anyone I could be ashamed of. You wonderful girl, I am so grateful to you.”

Colin cleared his throat, Violet released Penelope and looked over to him smiling. “You are going to tell me how you will protect her?”

Colin nodded, “we have kept a low profile, but of course this wedding has thrust us in the spotlight. The Queen has not made a peep since her initial challenge, so we are hoping the interest in the competition will die off.”

“Will you continue my dear? After the wedding, are you planning on continuing as Lady Whistledown?” Violet asked Penelope.

“I know if I stop it will certainly give the ton a reason to believe it is me. Lady Danbury has offered me the one thousand pounds, on the condition that I do not stop writing. She has told me that she will convince the Queen to call off her search and remove the threat of the bounty. However, I fear the ton has created a bounty of their own at this point and it will not stop the search.” Penelope sighed, “I have put myself in a bit of a bind.”

“We will sort it out. Anthony is well connected, and Colin will not let harm come to you. You have made such a mark on society; I do believe there is nothing we cannot manage.” Penelope felt better now that Violet knew. She was aware that the more her secret was known, the more likely it would be that her name could be exposed. However, she did not feel it right to bring the Bridgerton’s into the potential downfall her discovery could be. They could not afford the ruin her outing could carry.

Once they rejoined the ball, Colin kept what Violet said in the back of his mind as he was scanning the room. Could he keep her safe? Was she so despised that harm would come to her if she were revealed? How were they to go away on the honeymoon when her absence would go noticed? He was planning the trip already, knowing they had a short amount of time before her pregnancy would show, he wanted to make the most of their time before the baby would arrive.

Colin felt uneasy looking around the room, thinking he could hear whispers about him, about Penelope. He was trying to enjoy the evening but was distracted with the tension he felt. Penelope was clearly feeling the same way, and as the night wore on, she was showing signs of exhaustion.

“Colin,” she said during the waltz, as she pressed herself tightly to him practically resting her head on his chest. “I feel I am all danced out, would it be impolite for us to leave after this?”

“I do not think so,” Colin said, they finished the dance and Colin went to look for Anthony while Penelope went to her mother to bid her a goodnight.

Just before she arrived at the spot where her mother stood, a small hand reached out and grasped her wrist. She looked and saw Miss Crawford standing there giving her a shy smile. “Miss Featherington,” she almost whispered, “I wanted to express my deepest wishes of happiness to you and Mr. Bridgerton, you two are very lucky indeed.”

“Thank you, Miss Crawford,” Penelope smiled back at her, “your words are so kind, thank you so much for coming tonight.”

“I know we do not spend much time together outside of occasional polite greetings at balls or in the park, but I feel as though I know you. The scene here in London is taxing to me as well, but I feel as though our fates have finally changed. I know we have Whistledown to thank for that.” She smiled again at Penelope and gave her a quick wink. Penelope was taken aback for a moment. She quickly collected herself and gave a nod.

“Indeed, we do Miss Crawford.” Penelope agreed. “If you will please excuse me, I must find my mother, she has been looking for me all evening.”

“Yes, of course, be safe and take good care.”

Portia was standing with the Bridgertons. Colin had just explained to Anthony that he was going to escort Penelope home, to which Anthony just nodded. Colin had joined Penelope next to her mother to hear the women finishing their conversation.

“It is fine Penelope, just please, remember what I told you the other morning. Varley is at the house this evening; I told her to stay up until we got home.” Portia looked at Penelope and Colin with a warning look. Colin tried to act innocent and confused but was certain it looked more guilty than he intended.

He walked Penelope the short distance down the street to her house, stopping outside the door he grabbed her by her waist and pulled her to him in an embrace. She melted into him feeling his heart beating against her cheek where her head rested on him.

“Penelope,” she felt him more than she heard him. She hummed in acknowledgment, “what are you going to do?”

“I am not sure,” she rubbed her face against his chest before leaning back to look up at him. He had so much worry in his eyes, she felt he deserved an answer. “If I do not turn myself over, I worry the queen will come back with a bigger bounty or a harsher claim. When we go on our honeymoon, and Whistledown stops, the ton will all but know who I am. If we just run, it will be obvious and leave our families to deal with the consequences. Or I could just face them myself. Which I think is the best choice.” Colin sighed and nodded, rubbing her back to help calm the nerves she felt of speaking this reality out loud.

“I will be with you Pen, I’m not leaving your side, whatever you do, you will not be alone.”

“I think many have caught on already,” she said, “while they may not speak it, I’ve had a few people who have said things to me that have me thinking they know. Miss Crawford came to me and winked when she mentioned the latest Whistledown. I’m not sure if it was because we were both written about, or if she suspects I wrote it. To be honest, I will be glad when I’m not constantly second guessing every person I meet.”

Colin took a glance around before moving his hands up to cup her face and placing a gentle kiss of her lips. “Think not of it tonight, Pen, sleep well. You have two big days ahead of you.”

“You are always looking out for me,” she smiled at him, “I love you.”

“And I you.” He kissed the top of her head as he knocked on her front door to send her to bed.

Tuesday morning arrived with a rush of commotion, Penelope’s was roused at the crack of dawn by her mother and Varley, who had swooped into the room with her dress in tow.

“Penelope, it is time, we are to be at the church for ten and have much to do before you get there.” Penelope rubbed her eyes and frowned, she had been up most of the night pacing her room, focusing more on her decision than on her wedding.

She had written a few drafts of Whistledown that gave her answer, she was going to have Genevieve deliver this next draft to the printer as she assumed it would be suspicious if Colin was seen around London on his wedding day.

Each draft she wrote had different messages, some just gossip she had heard from the engagement ball, some she wrote out of fear and anger about why she should even reveal herself at all. She knew she would not publish those, but she held them anyway. Needless to say, she was having a hard time waking up.

In a daze she was sat down by her vanity while Varley, and some other staff who had appeared these last few days in the house, fussed over her. Her bath was drawn, and she settled into the infused rose and lavender hot water. She closed her eyes and took a few moments to breath in the steam and breath out the tension. She realized she could not let the Whistledown drama overtake her day, she wanted to remember every moment of this morning. Walking down the aisle to Colin had been her fantasy for years, and now that it was happening, she would not worry about Whistledown any longer during the morning. She had the afternoon for that.

She heard a commotion at the door, Eloise was yelling her name as she heard her running down the hall.

“Pen! It is so early, and I am so excited, it is happening! You are going to be my sister! We are finally officially a family! I am ready!” She finished this last statement as she entered the room. Eloise was fully dressed in her bridesmaid gown, her hair swept up in an elegant bun with a few tendrils framing her face.

“I have been up for hours Pen; I cannot sleep that is how excited I am for you.” She came and sat by the tub, “I am here to help you with whatever you need. I see you are in the bath; do you require me to help with anything here?”

“Eloise, I can bathe on my own, but if you would like to tell me about what is happening at Number 5 right now, it may help my nerves.” She sat up and motioned for her towel to her handmaid, Eloise stood and turned her back to give Pen privacy as she stood up.

“Colin and my brothers were up for a while last night; I heard them laughing and playing pool in the game room.” She started, while facing the wall, “Colin was up before us all this morning, I thought he would be suffering from his excess drink last night, but he told me he only had one. He did not want to spend the day sick from brandy. That being said, I believe it will be different for Anthony and Benedict, for they were deep in their cups last night, and still asleep this morning when I left. Well, Benedict was, Anthony did go back to Bridgerton house last night.”

Penelope had made her way across her dressing room to her partition where she was being laced into her stays. Eloise continued with her recount of the morning. “Colin woke me up, he told me he wanted me to be here early, which I was already planning on doing, but I believe he was concerned your…” she lowered her voice and looked around to see who was listening, “mother would be a bit overwhelming.” She stood up taller raising her voice again, “and of course as I am your best friend and maid of honor, I shall be the one to attend to your every need.”

Penelope smiled at Eloise from the mirror, “I would not have it any other way,” she reached over and grabbed Eloise’s hand. “I am so happy today El, I want you to know no matter what happens, you will always be my best and first friend.” Eloise beamed at her, a brief look of confusion before settling into her smile again.

“That sounds very ominous Pen, whatever could happen today.”

“I have come to a decision about my other situation, and let me just say, I will not be passing the burden off to anyone. It is my own doing, and I will reap the consequences.”

Eloise’s face fell, “you must do this today? Why?”

“I am not necessarily doing it today, but I suspect it is coming to a head. I told your mother last night, and Anthony knows. Colin hopes that once the marriage is finalized, it will help protect me with whatever the fallout is.”

“Oh, Pen, I wish you had told me, I am now worried what will happen.”

“Do not worry El, I do not believe it will be too bad. Once everyone knows, Colin and I will take our leave of the ton for a while, by the time we get back there will be less anger and maybe their obsession will pass.”

“I am glad you have come to your conclusion but let us not speak any more of it today. You are getting married! There is no one who would ruin your day, and if I see one person make you feel uncomfortable at all, I will have something to say to them.” Eloise stated firmly. “What I mean to say is that no one will be at the wedding with the intention of ruining your day, I will be sure of that.” Penelope smiled at Eloise from her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was being braided into a floral filet and half pinned up, with the rest of her curls cascading down her back.

“You look so beautiful Pen, and it’s not your hair, and though your dress is beautiful, it is not that either. It is you; I have never seen happiness like this. You are getting married!” Eloise squealed and hopped up and down. Penelope beamed back at her and repeated with a laugh.

“I am getting married.”

Colin was standing at the front of the church nervously tapping his foot on the marble floor, he wasn’t nervous about marrying Penelope, of that he was certain. He was more nervous that something would happen to make this day less than perfect, and Penelope deserved perfect. He was worried that Fife and his friends would cause a ruckus, or perhaps an unassuming mama or lady of the ton. He did not trust the silence, the missing gossip, and the suspicions that should have accompanied this rapid engagement and wedding.

He looked out at the pews, which was full to the brim with people, so much so that there were some standing in the back looking unpleased with the lack of space. Colin licked his lips nervously, Benedict was standing beside him and leaned over, “we have to give our thanks to Lady Featherington for her ability to spread word quickly.” Colin chuckled nervously at this. He turned to Benedict and grinned.

“Portia Featherington is not known for subtleness.” He looked over to where Portia was standing, she was ostentatiously interacting with the Cowpers and Chesterfields who were happy to give her the attention.

Colin saw Marcus Anderson arrive accompanied by Lord Fife and his new bride, along with Lord Cho. They settled themselves in the back of the church, seemingly whispering among each other. Colin shook his head and took another deep breath; he pulled his shoulders back and puffed his chest. Trying to shake the paranoia from his mind. The strings were setting up to play, indicating that the ceremony was about to start.

Colin turned to face the back, he was looking forward to seeing Penelope, he could only imagine how she was feeling. This wedding felt like a dream, he did not want to let the intrusive thoughts overtake the happiness of the day. He shook out his arms and straightened his back, relieving the tension from his body. He told himself the day would be filled with only good memories.

Just then, the doors opened, and Lady Danbury strode down the aisle looking flushed. She was nodding apologizes to the crowd and stopped by the pew behind Violet to slide in next to Daphne and Simon. Once she settled, she caught Colin’s eye and winked, mouthing another apology to him with a smile. Colin nodded back and turned his attention to the back of the church. He felt the tickle of butterflies in his belly, his hands started to sweat, his mouth suddenly dry. He knew this wasn’t nerves, it was excitement, he was taking deep breaths to calm himself. Colin could not wait to see her, hold her hands, and promise his life to her.

The doors opened and Eloise stepped out, walking down the aisle nervously. Her feet slightly stomping with each step, her eyes focused on Colin, not paying attention to the people around her. She was smiling tensely at him. He knew she hated this, but he knew she did it for Penelope. Once she arrived at the front, she relaxed and let her breath out as it was apparent she was holding it the entire walk down the aisle.

“I’ve never seen her so happy,” was all she mumbled once she was close enough for him to hear. He bit his lower lip and gave her a smile before looking back to the place she had just come from.

A moment later Penelope stepped into the main archway of the church with Anthony by her side as he was escorting her down the aisle. She was radiant. Colin didn’t notice the elaborate blue and yellow flowers she held, or the soft white dress that she wore, or her hair that was elegantly curled and pulled partially up with the filet adorned with flowers and soft tendrils framing her face. All he saw was her smile, her eyes were shining, her skin was glowing, Colin was positive she was emulating light. His breath had left his chest as he felt a tug of happiness and tears gathering in his eyes.

Benedict’s hand then touched his arm as his brother leaned in and whispered, “She is luminous.”

Colin nodded; he could not take his eyes away from her. She held his gaze while walking towards him, her face alight with love and joy. Colin knew he would not remember anything from this moment, not the crowd around him, not the song the strings were playing, not even what he was wearing. What he would remember was how he felt looking at her. She brought light into the room and a warmth into his heart. He no longer had sweaty palms or a fluttering stomach, he felt calm, he felt happiness, he felt loved.

When Penelope and Anthony arrived at the altar, Colin came down and offered his arm to his intended. Anthony gave Colin a wink and said, “well done,” before turning to sit by his wife in the front row.

Penelope followed Colin the few steps to the front of the alter standing in front of the vicar. He took both her hands in his and turned to face her. She looked up at him smiling, he could not believe how lucky he was in that moment. He was marrying Penelope, his best friend, the girl next door, the girl who he never thought twice of in his youth, was now the most important person in his life. He promised to give her the world, protect her, and love her. With the vows they said to each other, he felt every word was true. The rings were exchanged sealing their pledges to each other.

What seemed like only a few moments later, they were presented to the church as man and wife. Colin felt as though his heart was singing, he grasped Penelope by the back of her head and pulled her into him for a kiss. He could feel her smiling under his lips, which made him smile too. Their teeth clicking together as they both started laughing at the other’s happiness. He pulled back and smoothed her cheek with his thumb. She bit her lower lip, looking at him so lovingly, he did not think there was a thing on earth that could take this joyfulness away from him.

He then became aware of the cheering from the church, they both turned to the attendees and waved. Colin saw his mother was crying, holding Kate’s hand. Portia was practically on her feet with joy, her smile as genuine as she can give. Lady Danbury was sitting with a grin on her face, clomping her cane on the ground as an alternate to joining in the clapping. The vicar cleared his throat, getting their attention, and told them it was time to sign the book. He turned to lead them into the room behind the vestibule, Colin took Penelope’s hand and they walked together into the room.

Upon entering, the vicar handed them the pens to sign. Colin signed first and then Penelope. The vicar then turned to them. “Many blessings on your happy marriage Mister and Misses Bridgerton.” Colin saw from the corner of his eye; Penelope giggle slightly upon hearing them being addressed as married for the first time. “If you would please wait here a moment, I have one thing I must do.” Colin nodded, searching his mind for what other ceremonial item could have been forgotten. Upon hearing the click of the door shutting he returned to the reality that he was alone with his wife.

He turned to Penelope and pulled her into him, kissing her deeply. “Pen,” he grumbled between kisses, “I know we have a luncheon after this, but I cannot wait to get you alone in our bedchambers. I do not intend to leave them for at least a week.” Penelope giggled, wrapping her hands behind his head, threading her fingers between the thick curls by the nape of his neck.

“I will have you so exhausted, we will not leave the room for a month.” Colin laughed this time, looping his arms around her waist and lifting her off the ground, pulling her into another deep kiss while spinning her around in the small room.

Penelope pulled back and started peppering kisses on his cheek, across his jaw, and down his neck as far as she could go as the cravat was blocking her accesses to her favorite part of his throat. “I think,” she said between kisses, “that we should stop this now, for if we continue on, I’m afraid we will desecrate this very holy place.” She giggled.

“I think that is a sensible idea.” A woman’s voice rang out from behind them. Penelope jumped away from Colin and looked at him first, as her back was to the door where the voice had come from. Colin’s face had lost all color with a look of shock. Penelope spun around quickly and felt the air knocked out of her. Standing in front of them was the Queen with her secretary Brimsly.

Penelope dropped to a curtsy while Colin bowed, both greeting the queen quietly “Your Majesty.” Penelope standing back up and clearing her throat, she opened her mouth to start a greeting but stopped when the Queen held her hand up to silence them.

“I did not come here for your wedding, nor am I here to wish you well, for I assume you will be.” She moved to walk towards them, looking them both up and down. “Now, as your Queen I do not care for discretion or secrecy, and as you can see, I have been hidden in this vestibule like a criminal and I would not do this unless I had a good reason to.”

Penelope felt her heart racing, she was not a fool. She knew her time had run out. She wondered why Lady Danbury had betrayed her like this, on her wedding day. She did not think the woman so cruel, but Penelope had learned people were not always what they seemed.

“You are both stunned to silence, I do not wish to ruin your happy day. I am not patient, and once I know things, or figure things out, I do not waste time for opportunities, I make them.” The queen motioned for Brimsley to bring her a chair. As soon as it was positioned behind her, she sat and started to fan herself. She was still studying Penelope closely, sneering and clicking her teeth. Penelope nervously palmed her dress, looking over to Colin for some sort of comfort. He gave none as he looked just as terrified as she felt.

“You, my dear, are a surprise. I expected someone much different than you, the power you hold some would say is greater than my own. But you are so small, very unassuming. It is interesting.”

“What is interesting, your highness?” Penelope said softly, although she was sure she knew the answer.

“That you are Lady Whistledown of course! Goodness child, I did not think you needed me to explain that to you.” She pursed her lips, still watching Penelope. Colin cleared his throat.

“Where did you hear this from?”

“No one told me,” The Queen looked at Colin for the first time. A small smile spread on her lips; she turned back to Penelope. “Well done my dear, he is very handsome. You will make handsome children.”

“Thank you,” Penelope responded, she hoped it sounded like gratitude, but her tone ended it more as a question. She had no idea what to say, was she to grovel? Apologize? What was it that the Queen wanted.

“I have felt out of sorts this season; with the King’s death I have been locked in the palace in mourning. I wanted to stir things up a bit. So, I assumed my offer of one thousand pounds would cause some discourse. I thought you would have fumbled under pressure, and you did, but it seems there is no one else in this ton is as clever as I am who could figure it out.”

“I fumbled?”

“Oh yes, my dear, I have been looking for you for many seasons now. I suspect more than most of these other fools in London. Your hint about falling in love, well of course I didn’t know who it could be. But imagine my surprise when I discovered the Viscount Bridgerton was looking for a special license for his brother and the third Featherington girl. I am friends with Lady Danbury, she had spoken to me of you since the beginning of this season, before I announced my challenge. She told me she had been watching you two for many seasons but knew something was brewing for some time. So, I put it all together, it was obvious of course.” The Queen looked pleased with herself, giving a smirk to Penelope who was still pulling at her skirt nervously.

“You are angry with me then?” She asked.

“I am not,” The Queen huffed, “as obnoxious as it is that you invalidate me, question me, I do not harbor malice towards you. No, my dear, I do not like to admit it, but I enjoy your writing. It has gotten me through many a dull day and seasons. You stir up conflict in the ton by unmasking those who require it. You are not guilty of any misdeeds other than your disrespectful words of me at times.”

Penelope nodded slowly, taking a few deep breaths, she licked her lips and looked back at the Queen. Holding her gaze she bravely questioned her.

“Then what do you want?” The Queen smirked again.

“I like this, you are to the point, I do not wish to spend more time here than I want to, so I will be direct and quick.” She held her hand out to Brimsly to which he placed an envelope in it, she held it out to Penelope shaking it at her. Penelope stepped forward and took the envelope from the Queen.

“I do not wish to threaten you, however, I do not expect you to refuse the offer I am making. I assume after this the entirety of London will know who you are, and my support of you will be what keeps you and both your families from ruin. Do you understand me?” Penelope nodded, she was playing with the lip of the envelope, hesitating to open it. The Queen huffed impatiently.

“What you have in your hand, that you are very slow to open, are travel documents, a passport of sorts. I require knowledge of societies both near and far. While I do not expect gossip as you have written here, you have a keen eye for how people interact, how they carry themselves in society. I require an ambassador of sorts; one could call you a societal ambassador. I have certain cities I may visits, or important people who may visit me. I believe you are best suited to be my eyes and ears around the continent. Keep me abreast of who I need to know about, what happens at their balls and parties.”

“Your majesty…” Penelope started, unable to come up with a response she looked at the envelope and opened it. She saw the Queen’s emblem. “I do not know what to say.”

“You will say nothing, just accept this generous offer I have given you. I would like you to continue to be known as Lady Whistledown, it will be your international name. Lord and Lady Whistledown, if you will.” The Queen turned to Colin, “I have seen your travel pamphlets as well, so I know you will be a support in these endeavors. I expect you to know where to go and how to navigate these cities I will require you to go to. “

Colin licked his lips nervously and nodded, “yes, I will.”

“Good, and you can include anything you see as well. As Lord Whistledown you will be responsible for the mannerisms and habits of the men, I imagine you will make some connections in your travels. You will send your letters back to me, and I will have them printed. It will be a way to share what you see in your travels with other men of parliament and trade here in London. For as much as I do believe the way we do things here is best, we must share the ways and means of others so we can build our connections around the continent.”

Penelope and Colin stood in silence, both looking at the papers Penelope now held in her hand. She looked over at her new husband and raised her brows biting the inside of her lips.

“Do you agree to this?” The Queen demanded.

“Yes, your majesty, I do,” Penelope stated, looking back at the Queen and smiling. The Queen pressed her lips together and gave what Penelope assumed was a smile before turning her head to Colin, “and you agree as well?” She asked him.

“I do,” Colin nodded and gave a small bow. The Queen stood up and moved to walk towards the door she came from. “Good, now the only thing I ask of you, is you do not tell anyone of this just yet. While I am sure they may figure out who you are, I do not want anyone whining to me asking why they could not be bestowed this gift I am giving you.” She started to leave and paused in the threshold of the door.

“As you are with child,” Penelope’s eyes went wide and opened her mouth to speak to which the queen held her hand up. “Do not say something foolish, you requested a special license, I assumed no other reason than that for these rushed nuptials.” Penelope closed her mouth and nodded again, “As I was saying, as you are with child, I will be sure you have anything you need, including a wet nurse and nanny for the child so it does not interfere with your work. Women can do many things. Also, I will give you the one thousand pounds, even though you did not ask for it, as it should help you get everything you need. I will be sending the details to you in a day or two after you two enjoy your wedding night.” The Queen then quickly winked at the two of them before taking one last look and then leaving the room.

Penelope spun around to Colin, “I’m sorry Colin, I did not know this would happen, why would the Queen come today? Our wedding day is ruined.” She sighed looking down at her hands that still held the note.

“No Pen, it is not ruined, I believe we have bested them all. The ton, society, everything. The Queen wants you to be an ambassador, she wants us to share our writings about society and travel, can you imagine a better task than that?”

“I do like the parties, and I would love to see how the balls are in Paris, or Rome, or Madrid.” She admitted softly, “and you will be able to write about your travels.”

“Our travels Pen, we will do it all together.” He squeezed her hands in his. He pulled her into his arms and held her. Penelope buried her head against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart calming her. She pulled back and looked up at him.

“Thank you, Lord Wistledown.” She smiled, “I cannot imagine another who I would want to share my life with.”

“Well Misses Bridgerton, our life together has just begun. Let’s go share this adventure together.”

The vicar was waiting for them at the door leading back out to the church. “I apologize, I did not know the Queen would be here.” Colin and Penelope assured the vicar all was well, and the three re-entered the church to conclude the ceremony.

The rest of the morning went by quickly. With a large lunch hosted at the Featherington’s house. Colin suspicions that there were some who were there thinking he was marrying for the notoriety of finding Lady Whistledown proved true. An hour after the party had begun, Lord Fife came over to admit to Colin what the men were thinking.

“We had to see if for ourselves Bridgerton, you understand.” Fife jested, slapping Colin’s back playfully.

“I’m afraid I do not,” Colin replied.

“We are ashamed to say, we thought your engagement suspicious. The idea most of the men had at Whites was you had figured out who Whistledown was, and that was why you were marrying the Featherington girl. No one could understand why you, the most sought-after bachelor this season, would settle down with a wallflower like Penelope.” Colin squared up his shoulders, ready to fight for the insult that was just spoken about Penelope. Fife saw the flash of anger in Colin’s eyes and continued.

“Be calm Bridgerton, we were clearly mistaken. For one thing, Miss Penelope, excuse me, Misses Bridgerton, is an exceptional woman, we were the fools to not see this before. Secondly, this is clearly not a marriage of convenience or for personal gain, you love her. I did not believe love and marriage existed, but you and your wife are truly an example that it is possible.” Colin relaxed and nodded at Fife. Happy he would not mare the day defending his wife’s honor to these men who caused so much turmoil at the beginning of the season between them.

“Enjoy your wedding night Bridgerton,” Fife clapped him on the back again and left. Colin went to find Penelope who had seemingly disappeared. He walked around from room to room and did not see her anywhere.

After a few minutes he made his way up to her bedchambers. He peaked into her room and saw her sitting at her writing desk clearly working on something.

“Pen?” He said softly from the door. She turned in her chair and smiled at him, waving him into the room. He stepped in and shut the door quietly behind him.

“I’m sorry for disappearing for a moment, I wanted to come up here and make sure all my items were packed.” She indicated the papers she had neatly stacked and tied in ribbons, and then nodded to the floor where he saw a floorboard removed and an empty space beneath.

“Is that where you keep all your Whistledown stuff?” He asked.

“It was,” she smiled and nodded to a bag she had placed on top of her already packed trunk, “I will now keep it at our home.”

“Of course,” Colin came behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, he leaned in and rested his lips against the spot of her neck below her ear, gently kissing her. He started to pepper kisses on her neck and shoulder and cheek, she moaned and tilted her head to the side to give him better access all while she was furiously writing something.

Colin stopped his kisses and looked at what she was writing. “Is that another Whistledown?”

“Mm hum” she hummed, her hand not ceasing in its scribbles.

“One more before we go?”

“We are going to be writing Whistledown for a while, I’m just bidding London a farewell. I read the letter the Queen gave us. We are to leave in a fortnight.”

“Did she say to where?” Colin asked, “I had already started to plan our trip to Italy.”

“She is sending us to Austria first,” Penelope stated, “the paperwork she gave us will give us access to many places and people. We are to be treated like dignitaries. She has already made arrangements for us there.”

“Oh,” Colin was disappointed, he wanted to bring Penelope to Italy, he wanted to show her the warm island of Crete, he did not think of Austria as a romantic place for a honeymoon.

“Colin, you are to plan our trip, she was very clear. You are the travel expert, so you will find all the places we are to visit. I do not need to spend every hour of our travels among society. We just have to attend an event or two, the rest of it is entirely up to us. Besides, you can journal what we see and add it to the pamphlets we send the Queen. We want England to learn about these countries and cultures through the ‘Whistledown Society and Culture pages’.”

“Oh, that is clever, did the Queen come up with that?”

“No, I did.”

“I am married to the most clever and beautiful woman.” Colin whispered in her ear, “now are you going to let me take you to bed? Or should we consummate the marriage right here in your childhood bedchambers.?” Penelope was quiet for a moment while she finished her final words. She then folded the paper and tucked it into her dress.

“I am going to find Madame Delacroix to give her this, then you are going to take me to our home and our bed, and we will not leave it for at least a week.” She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck, Colin grabbed her waist and pulled her into him. He lowered his head and captured her lips with his, kissing her deeply.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes, she was still in disbelief that this was real. Her years of pining and unrequited love meant she had settled on a future of loneliness and disappointment. She would not have imagined a reality where Colin returned her affections. Yet here they were, she had realized that happy endings are possible.

“I love you Penelope,” Colin rested his forehead against hers, staring deep into her eyes, he kissed her nose and said it again, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she responded softly, “I think we should go back downstairs to the party though. People will wonder where we are.”

“To hell with them,” Colin swore, “I do not care what they think, it is our wedding day, we can do what we want.” Colin started to kiss down her neck again, nipping at her collarbone and chest, she giggled and pushed him away.

“Colin,” she warned, “take me home.” Colin laughed and pulled back. He offered her his arm as they walked out of the room.

“Allow me to get the carriage,” he said as they made their way downstairs, “I will ensure we take some cake for the ride home. I was told it was delicious, and I do not want you to be hungry, for we have much to do when we get home.”

“Oh, how thoughtful of you,” Penelope jested, “I do believe you think of everything.” She smiled at him, “what a perfect husband you will be.”

“You flatter me wife,” he said as he lifted her hand to his lips, kissing the inside of her wrist. “After all. I am a gentleman.”

They left the party soon after and were not seen or heard from for a week. Two days after the wedding, the final Whistledown of the season circulated the ton.

Dearest Gentle Readers,

Another busy London season has come to an end, for some there were successes while others faltered. The most successful being me, who bested you all with my wit and knowledge. I will leave London this summer on the arm of my loving husband. So, while my identity continues to elude many of you, there are a few among you who figured me out. Contrary to what I am known for, I will not name their names, but I will thank them for their discretion and silence.

This season was about shining a light on the unseen. Finding love and happiness in the corners of our society. There were unexpected matches this season, many of the women who should have deserved the attention and praise without my words on a paper bringing them into the light.

We do not need to be challenged to see what’s in front of us, rather we should open our eyes to all that’s around us.

If you live with the spotlight, shine brighter in the corners, bring your light into the darkness. Let all of London see how beautiful we are.

My heart is full, my pockets are heavy, and I leave London with the promise of immense and rousing tales next season. The world is big, Whistledown will bring it to you.

Till we meet again,
Lord and Lady Whistledown