Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Raph was dreaming.

It was an odd dream. A lot different to the ones he was used to. There were the good dreams, ones of him and his brothers battling monsters, running and flipping across the sky, or even just simply hanging out watching stupid TV shows. There were also the weird dreams that made absolutely no sense and were most likely forgotten when morning came. And then, there were the nightmares. Lots of nightmares.

But this dream felt… different. He was floating? Maybe? Raph wasn’t sure. There was nothing solid he could touch, and all he could see around him was a dark, cloudy grey. The air was humid, smelling like the warm city streets after a rain. The mist seemed to churn around him, like it was being rolled by a gentle wind. It was almost as if he was hovering in the middle of a storm cloud, the moisture heavy and the slight smell of ozone threatening lightning.

There was a low whispering coming from all around him. He could barely discern it from the soft sound of the wind, but there were clearly words being said. He strained to listen, trying to hear any word out of the hundreds of voices hissing feebly against his ears.

Feed…

Raph felt a chill go up his spine. The word sounded as if one of the voices had leaned forward, whispering right behind him. He jerked around, but there was nothing, just the endless grey fog.

Raph tried to speak, but found that nothing came out, the words seeming to die in his throat. He was starting to panic now, the whispering rising to a low, buzzing roar.

Feed…

There it was again, the voice hissing into his ear. He whipped his head around frantically, looking for the source. Figures seemed to move within the mist, though he couldn’t see who they were through the haze. The whispers seemed to reach a crescendo, causing Raph to cover his ears, closing his eyes as if it’d help him hide from whatever was taunting him.

Feed…

Grow…

Must become…

Stronger…

FEED

.
.
.

Raph sat up with a start, feeling as if his heart was beating out of his chest. He turned to his T-phone alarm, which was trilling a gentle, upbeat song. He turned it off quickly, falling backwards in his bed with a loud huff. He breathed slowly, allowing his heart to settle.

Geez, what was that all about? He thought, staring up at his ceiling. He sighed, pushing himself back up to a sitting position and stretching his arms while letting out a groan. It took all of thirty seconds for Raph to leap to his feet and throw on his mask, the strange dream forgotten for the time being.

“Patrol! I almost forgot!” He exclaimed excitedly, clumsily making his way out of his room. His body began prickling with anticipation as he quickly made his way down the hallway.

It had been nearly ten months since the Kraang attack left them all unable to fight normally, let alone protect the people of New York. But finally, after many months of rehab, physical therapy, and a lot of mental health work, Splinter had given them the ok to begin patrolling the city again. And Raph couldn’t be more thrilled. He couldn’t wait to get back to what he did best: Being the best damn protector this city had ever seen.

Raph barged into Mikey’s room, giving a loud, “Mornin’ Mikes!” to his sleeping brother. The younger turtle let out a soft groan, rolling over and snuggling deeper into his covers. Raph made his way over to Mikey’s side, grabbing his brother’s mask from where it was hanging on the turtle’s nightstand. “C’mon Mikes, it’s patrol time!” He said, unable to keep the excitement from crawling into his voice.

Mikey let out another groan, but pushed himself into a sitting position. He crawled over to Raph, not even bothering to open his eyes. The small turtle pulled himself up onto Raph shell, slumping his body over Raph’s shoulders with a huff.

Raph grinned, setting the orange mask up by Mikey’s arm before turning and heading towards Donnie’s room. As he approached the door, he bounced up and down a few times, like he was preparing for a jog. Then, he swung the door open.

Immediately, Donnie’s battle shell, which hung dutifully by his bedside, fired a taser aimed directly at Raph’s chest. Raph masterfully dodged, stepping to the side with practiced accuracy. He’d done this a time or two.

Raph strolled towards Donnie, calling out gently as he did. “Donnie! Mornin’ patrol!”

Donnie didn’t look up, instead quickly reaching under his pillow and drawing out a dart gun, firing haphazardly in Raph’s direction. Raph once again stepped to the side, watching as the tranq dart impaled itself in Donnie’s wall with a thud.

“Hah, nice try Dontron.” He said, shooting a smug look in Donnie’s direction.

The purple turtle sighed, opening a single eye to give Raph a withering glare. “Worth a shot.” He replied grumpily before reaching to grab his mask and TechBo, climbing to his feet. “Some of us are insomniacs you know.” He complained as he fell into step behind Raph as they headed towards Leo’s room. “We can’t all be excited to be up at the ass crack of dawn. Also, hi Angelo.” Mikey just hummed in response.

“Listen, I’d love to sleep in too.” Raph emphasized as he reached for Leo’s doorknob. “But you know as well as I do we can’t patrol when there’s humans about. Otherwise, they’ll be patrolling for us.”

Donnie simply rolled his eyes, letting out a soft huff of annoyance. Raph held back a gloating grin. He knew Donnie hated when he was right.

“Leo!” Raph called as he swung open the blue turtle’s door. “It’s time for- “

“Patrol, I know.” Leo interrupted, already pushing past Raph into the hallway. Raph blinked in amazement at Leo’s punctuality. In the past, he practically had to pry Leo from his bed for a morning patrol. Even Donnie looked surprised, his drawn-on eyebrows raised slightly. Mikey just continued to snore.

Leo must have sensed his brother’s bewilderment, his face flushing as he played with his mask ribbons. “I uh, just figured since I'm the leader and all I should probably be on time.” He said nervously, looking uncomfortable.

“Oh, right.” Raph replied, forcing a smile. Things were… weird between him and Leo, to say the least. Because of everything with the Kraang, then everything that happened with Mikey in the past months, they had never really actually sat and talked about Splinter making the younger turtle leader. This would be the first time in a long time that they’d be doing actual team exercises up on the surface. Obviously, they needed a leader. It just felt weird to Raph that it wasn’t him. Raph shook away his irritating, negative thoughts, trying instead to encourage his brother. “After you, Leo.”

Leo smiled gratefully, with a flicker of something else behind his eyes. But just as quick as Raph saw it, it vanished, and Leo turned to lead the brothers up to the surface.

As Raph walked, he reached up over his shoulders to poke Mikey in the forehead. “Up an’ attem, buddy.” He said fondly as he prodded the sleepy turtle’s skull.

Mikey groaned, but slowly slid down Raph’s shell, tying on his mask. Finally, he opened his eyes, blinking groggily. Raph was still thrown off a bit by his mismatched irises, a direct effect from the mystic debacle he’d gone through a few months prior. He shook off the memories, instead rubbing Mikey’s head gently as they followed after Leo.

“How did we ever get up this early?” Mikey mumbled tiredly, letting out a yawn.

“A better question would be why did we ever get up this early.” Donnie replied, stretching his shoulders using his TechBo.

“C’mon guys!” Raph said, running ahead and nearly jumping onto the ladder. “This is our first step into becoming awesome vigilantes again! The four mutant ninja brothers who protect New York City from any monsters that threaten her! We’ll be heroes again!”

Donnie and Mikey groaned, while Leo looked down at the floor, his face unreadable. Raph felt his spirits waver. He was losing them.

“I’ll buy ya coffee.” He coaxed, causing the brothers to jerk their attention back up to him.

“Now you’re speaking my language!” Mikey said, appearing to get a burst of energy as jumped up onto Raph, using the older turtle’s shell as a base to launch himself up the ladder.

“Yeah, that seems fair.” Donnie added, activating his battle shell and jetpacking up behind Mikey.

Leo hesitated, and Raph paused, his eyes scanning his little brother. It was almost like he was waiting for Raph’s permission. Raph felt a pang of sadness, but only for a moment, before reaching out a hand to Leo.

Leo blinked a few times, then grabbed Raph’s hand, hoisting himself up onto the ladder and beginning the ascent. Raph followed behind him, trying not to dwell on the awkwardness in their relationship at the moment. What mattered was they were getting back out into the world, back to what they were good at: Being heroes.

That is what Raph lived for.

Chapter Text

The turtles made their way up to the rooftops of NYC, light just barely beginning to tint the darkness of the sky.

As he landed softly on the edge of a very tall building, Raph took a deep breath, letting the cool morning air fill his lungs. It smelled crisp, clean, and untainted by the daily traffic of the city. He relished the feeling, like he was greeting an old friend. But only for a moment.

“Raph! Move your shell!” Donnie called impatiently as Mikey and Leo took off across the rooftops. “If I don’t have coffee in my hand within the next five minutes, I might commit fratricide. And I’ll be starting with you.”

“Do I even want to know what that means?” Raph asked, watching Donnie jetpack smoothly past him.

“Probably not. But if you keep standing there, you’re going to find out.” Donnie called, speeding ahead.

Raph shook his head, then leapt from the edge of the building. Within moments, he was chasing after his brothers, jumping and flipping over the streets of New York like it was what he was born to do.

Raph breaths came out in short puffs as he watched his brothers move. Mikey’s movements were fluid, as always. He always was the most graceful out of everyone. Leo seemed to be doing just fine, despite his bad leg. Clearly, the months upon months of rehab really paid off. And Donnie flew through the air like a fish in water, his battle shell making each turn with practiced precision.

Raph couldn’t help but smile proudly. Despite everything that’d happened to them within the past year, they still bounced back strong as ever. Now they could get back to doing what they were meant to do.

As Leo, Donnie, and Mikey dropped down into an alleyway, Raph noticed with a start how far behind he’d become. He must have slowed down without thinking. However, he felt strangely out of breath, like his lungs couldn’t expand all the way. He tried to ignore it, instead quickening his pace before dropping down into the alleyway next to Mikey. He took a moment to catch his breath, wheezing slightly as his brothers surveyed some graffiti on the wall. They turned towards the large turtle with a look of concern.

“You good, Raph?” Mikey questioned worriedly.

Raph took a few deep breaths, giving the smaller turtle a smile. “I’m fine, just gotta catch my breath here, that’s all.”

“Did you bring that inhaler I stole- ehem, borrowed, for you?” Donnie asked, looking at Raph sternly.

“I don’t have asthma!” Raph replied, rubbing his face in exasperation. “Sometimes my lungs just don’t work too well.”

“You- ugh, I’m not starting this conversation before there’s a coffee in my hand.” Donnie sighed, turning towards the graffiti. “Mikey, if you would.”

Mikey cracked his fingers, walking up to the wall with a grin. “Gladly.”

The painting on the wall showed a cartoonish yellow gecko posing on a skateboard while holding a mug of coffee in his claws. The word “Mondo’s” stretched over top of the colorful spray paint in large, bubbled letters, the paint nearly too bright to look at. And that was before they started glowing.

Mikey held his hand in front of him, moving it gently up and down in a familiar motion. In a flash of glowy neon color, a portal opened, and the four brothers immediately stepped through.

Inside was a small cafe. It looked just about what you'd expect any cafe in New York to look. It had multiple spray paintings hanging around the inside, along with plenty of skateboard decks attached to the walls. Lofi rap trilled from the speakers, and plenty of tables were set up around the floor. Pretty normal, excepting the large, anthropomorphic gecko manning the counter.

“Mondo!” Mikey exclaimed, immediately rushing forward and hopping the coffee bar.

“Mikey!” The spotted leopard gecko yelled back, doing some weird handshake with Mikey before giving the small turtle a hug. Then, he looked up at the rest of the turtles with his strangely slitted eyes. “And the mad dawgs! Man, you guys are up early.”

“Not by choice.” Donnie replied, shooting Raph a look to which the older turtle simply rolled his eyes.

Mondo was one of the newer mutants that appeared following the Kraang attack. Although Draxum was trying to recapture all the oozesquitos he released across New York, there were still at least a few hundred flitting around. Mondo however seemed to take his new look with stride, starting up his own cafe catered specifically for mutants and yokai alike. And the turtles added his place to their list of regular stops.

Mikey leapt back over the counter as Mondo leaned forward, his paint-covered black tshirt and jeans matching the vibe of the coffee house perfectly. “What can I get for you turtle dudes? You want the usual, Mikes?”

By Mikey’s usual, Mondo was referring to the god-awful sugar filled mocha he always got with four extra shots of espresso and whipped cream. Leo always joked that Mikey should just do drugs at that point, which in turn earned him a glare from Raph.

However, Mikey shook his head. “Nah dude, I’m still on that caffeine cleanse. Just get me something sugary and decaf, por favor.”

Mondo nodded, writing notes down in a small, sticker covered notebook. “Rad. Alright, how ‘bout you dudes?”

Donnie ordered himself a large americano with two extra shots, while Leo took at least two minutes to order himself a crazy concoction of chocolate, caramel, and sugar. “If I can taste the coffee, you’re doing it wrong.” The blue turtle added, causing Raph to smile. It was the first time Leo acted like himself all day. Raph just got himself a strawberry smoothie, as all the coffee choices always seemed to overwhelm him.

As Mondo made the drinks, Leo and Donnie ducked away to look at some of his paintings while Raph and Mikey sat at the counter, watching the gecko work while striking up some conversation.

“So why the heck are you dudes up before the sun?” Mondo inquired as he handed Mikey his drink.

“We’re startin’ to patrol again.” Raph said, excitement once again crawling into his voice. “Gotta keep an eye out for any rogue mutants.”

“Tubular.” Mondo whispered in awe, his eyes sparkling. The guy sounded like a generic 80’s movie skater boy, but it really just seemed to work for him. “Well, if you ever need an extra man, I took like, two years of karate lessons. I can be vicious when I want to be.”

Raph laughed, grabbing his smoothie from the gecko’s hands. “Thanks man, I’ll keep you in mind.”

“You wanna board tomorrow?” Mikey asked, sipping on his drink.

“Hell yeah boy, I’m down.” Mondo replied, his large spotted tail wagging excitedly. “I gotta show you my new deck; it’s fucking wild!”

“They always are.” Mikey said with a grin.

They bid Mondo farewell, then took their leave, climbing back up out of the alleyway and onto the skyline of New York. They paused for a moment on top of the rooftop, silently sipping their drinks. By this point, the sky was tinged a vibrant orange pink, with soft clouds colored with light reflecting over the gentle waves of the harbor.

Raph had never told his brothers this, but this was his favorite part of morning patrol. When they all paused for just a few minutes to take in the new day and the vibe of the city. Donnie always played soft music on his speakers as he read through the news on his phone, while Leo scrolled idly through whatever social media app he was obsessed with at the moment. Mikey typically laid on his back wherever he could find room and shut his eyes, taking in the sounds and smells of the morning.

And Raph would watch the sunrise. He loved sunrises. His brothers each seemed more fond of sunsets, as they marked the end of a long day, and the beginning of the night where they could run around the city unbothered. And although Raph loved them as well, sunrises just always seemed to call to him more. Especially today.

To Raph, sunrises always felt like a fresh start. It was like an assurance. No matter what happened the day before, the sun would still always rise. And today was definitely a new beginning. He felt like they were finally moving on past the Kraang, past everything with Shredder, and getting back to normal. Raph nearly breathed a sigh of relief, letting the waves of warm light wash over him. Sitting on that rooftop with his brothers, he felt better than he had in a long time.

As Raph continued to watch the shifting colors, a sudden feeling of unease started to flow over him. He looked around, but everything seemed to be completely normal. The turtle blinked in confusion, then turned his face back to the sunrise.

All at once, he felt his skin prickle, a creeping dread crawling up his spine. As he kept his eyes trained towards the painted sky, he got the feeling that they were indeed at the start of a new point in time. But instead of filling him with hope, he felt tendrils of apprehension crawl through his body. The sunrise seemed to darken to a deep red pink, bleeding into the ocean water below.

Raph was suddenly reminded of a weird saying Splinter used to say: Pink sky in the morning, sailors take warning. Was this… a warning? He wasn’t sure why exactly his mood had suddenly shifted, but all of a sudden, he felt in no way prepared for this next chapter in his life. And that scared him.

In a flash, he was seemingly jolted back to reality. The sky appeared normal, the light growing stronger as the sun threatened to peek over the horizon. Raph looked around to his brothers nervously, wondering if either of them had felt the sudden shift that he did. But if they did, they didn’t show it. Save for Mikey shooting the horizon a slight look of concern.

Raph shook his head, trying to clear his swirling mind. He had felt pretty on edge recently. Maybe some of that anxiety was creeping into his brain. But he swallowed it down, instead stretching out his body. Today was going to be a good day. He could feel it.

“Right.” Leo said, sliding his phone in his belt. “We better get moving before the city wakes up. Y’all ready, hermanos?”

“Born ready, baby!” Mikey exclaimed, nearly bursting with excitement.

“Let’s do this!” Raph shouted, launching himself into the air and towards the next rooftop. He could hear his brothers following behind him, whooping with glee as they flipped through the cool, morning air. Raph smiled, his earlier apprehension forgotten.

Everything would be just fine.

Chapter Text

The brothers took on the city with stride, flying across the rooftops while scanning for anything out of the ordinary.

Patrols normally went exactly like this. They’d sprint around the city until inevitably, something seemed to happen. But strangely, there wasn’t too much activity this morning. Well, maybe not strangely.

Following the Kraang attack, many of the mutant foes the turtles had faced on a daily basis decided to focus their energy elsewhere. Ideally somewhere that wouldn’t be attacked by deadly interdimensional squids. Hypno and his worm partner (whom Raph wanted to say was called Wally Store?) ended up working at Big Mama’s hotel as entertainment for her more lucrative clients. Ghostbear had gotten married and was on a honeymoon in Tahiti, preparing for his big wrestling comeback. Even Meatsweats turned his act around, opening a fancy restaurant in the Hidden City catering to Yokai’s exotic palates.

The city was quiet. And Raph was restless.

There really aren’t any villains left. He thought as he launched himself to the next rooftop. I should be happy about that. Why aren’t I?

Raph's face scrunched up, his mind beginning to churn fitfully. Things were good now. The city was safe, his family was safe. So why did it feel so wrong?

Suddenly, Raph became aware of a weird sound. He paused his running, listening. He couldn’t tell which direction the noise was coming from. The sound was muffled, like he was trying to listen to a conversation with cotton balls stuck in his ears. Raph rubbed the side of his head slowly, hoping it would clear up some of the fuzzy noise. But the sound continued.

“What’s up, Raph?” Mikey asked, his voice cutting through the muffled noise as he landed beside the larger turtle.

“Do you hear something?” Raph asked, still trying to pinpoint where the sound was coming from.

“Besides Donnie’s loud ass jetpack?” Leo chimed in, setting his hand on his hip as walked up to Raph. “No, no I don’t.”

“You just can’t appreciate the purr of this bad boy.” Donnie replied, glaring at Leo. “Jealousy looks ugly on you, Nardo. It makes your face wrinkly.”

“No it doesn’t.” Leo huffed in annoyance, but still pulled out his phone to check his face.

“It’s like a weird, hissing sound.” Raph said, still rubbing his ear. He was suddenly reminded of his dream last night, with the weird whispering creatures that he couldn’t quite see. The thought sent a slight chill down his spine, but he tried to ignore it, shaking his head. “Maybe I just got water in my ear from sewer tubing last week.”

“I told you riding down that waterfall was a bad idea.” Donnie said haughtily, rolling his eyes as Raph shrugged.

“Hey, what’s that?” Mikey interrupted, peering over Raph’s shoulder. Raph peeked behind him, just in time to see a figure shrouded in shadow scaling a nearby building.

“Did that thing just crawl straight up the side of a building?” Donnie asked, squinting slightly.

“Let’s check it out.” Leo replied, already leaping in the direction of the weird creature, with Donnie and Mikey following close behind. Raph felt dread sitting in his stomach like a rock, but he steeled himself, launching after his brothers. Finally, a little excitement. He thought, unable to push down his itch for a good fight.

The brothers landed gracefully on top of the building next to the one they’d seen the figure climbing. This one was taller, giving the turtles a good vantage point as they attempted to satiate their curiosity. However, Raph shared their look of unbridled horror as they watched the creature climb up onto the rooftop.

It was a Kraang Zombie. There was no mistaking the fleshy pink color, the random assortment of facial features dotting its skin, and the grotesque, unnatural way the limbs seemed to bend as it lumbered across the roof. Bulbous, yellow eyes seemed to sprout all over its disfigured body, flicking back and forth frantically as if scanning for any potential threats. A large, pointed tongue lolled out of its mouth, like it was too big to be kept within the confines of its sharp, uneven teeth.

Raph felt bile rise in his throat. He hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the Kraang since the invasion. He desperately wanted to back away, to pull his gaze from the hideous creature in front of him. But he couldn’t. Like his brothers, he stood transfixed, as if waiting to see what would happen next.

The Kraang Zombie let out a soft screech, and another one popped up over the edge of the building. The other Kraanginoid walked jerkily over, seemingly helping to pull something up onto the roof. When they’d hoisted the fleshy mass over the edge, Raph felt his blood run cold.

It was a third Kraanginoid. But this one looked entirely different from the first two. It seemed incredibly weak, hardly able to drag itself across the roof. The Kraang goo covering its body was thick, thick enough that you could hardly discern the remains of a human figure underneath it. But that wasn’t even the worst part.

Bulbous masses seemed to protrude from multiple areas across the Kraanginoid’s body. They were incredibly large, ranging from the size of a golf ball to a full on bowling ball. Not only that, but Raph could see tiny, porous holes in each of them, making Raph feel entirely nauseous. It reminded him of when Donnie had shown him those Trypophobia photos when he was a kid. The masses seemed to pulse slightly, and Raph finally found the strength to pull his eyes away, taking a few steps backwards as he turned horrified towards his brothers.

“I thought they died…” Donnie whispered, his eyes wide as he gripped his techBo for support. “I thought when we broke their connection with the Kraang, that was it. I figured the Kraang infection either died, or they all died. I never thought…”

“Those stupid pink bastards.” Leo growled. Raph glanced at his brother. His eyes were blazing with a hatred he didn’t think possible in the happy go lucky blue turtle. “They couldn’t just die. Of course they had to come back.”

“Do you think the Kraang escaped the prison dimension?” Mikey asked shakily, staring down at the rooftop as he bit his nails nervously.

“I doubt it.” Donnie replied. “If he did, I think we’d all be dead by now. These must be the remnants. The leftovers of the Kraangified Foot Clan who didn’t perish in the final battle.”

Raph remained quiet through all of this, his eyes shifting back to the grotesque scene on the rooftop. The two normal Kraanginoids had shuttled the other one to the center of the roof, now seemingly just watching it as it took labored breaths. Raph felt a wave of emotion crash over him, a feeling he hadn’t felt since he nearly watched Mikey die: Pure fear. Whatever was happening on that rooftop, Raph didn’t want any part of it. He could’ve gone his whole life without seeing that nauseating, fleshy pink of Kraang goo again. But there it was, plain as day. Raph felt his skin crawl, like it was remembering the feel of the Kraang goo oozing across it.

Raph swallowed down the bile threatening to make an appearance, turning back towards his team. “So what are we going to do?” He asked, trying to keep his voice level.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Leo said, summoning his katanas as his eyes blazed with a fire he’d never seen in his brother before. “We’re going to beat them until they crawl back into whatever nasty hole they crawled out of.”

Raph wanted to protest. He wanted to grab his brothers and run as far as he could away from those things. But Leo seemed to have his mind made, his eyes flashing with hate as he leapt down on the rooftop without a word.

“Wait, Leo!” Mikey yelled as he and Donnie leapt down after the blue turtle. “Wait!”

There was a sudden shift in Raph as he watched them land in front of the Kraanginoids, the two unblemished ones hissing loudly as they turned to face them. No longer could he retreat with his brothers. Now, he had to protect them. Raph pushed his fear down, shaking his head and closing his eyes tight before leaping down, landing with a thud by Leo’s side.

“Donnie, Mikey -” Raph started, but was immediately interrupted by Leo, who started shouting commands at the same time.

“Donnie, Mikey, grab the freak on the right. Raph, take care of that mass of flesh they were guarding. This one’s mine.” Leo commanded, dropping into a fighting stance as he glared daggers at the Kraanginoid in front of him.

Raph was thrown off for a moment, but as Mikey and Donnie charged towards the other zombie and Leo began fighting with the one on the left, Raph turned around to face the pulsating mound of pink goo that used to be human.

A quiet, seething anger seemed to flicker to life in Raph’s mind as he stalked towards the Kraanginoid. Different memories flashed across his vision. A sharp, piercing pain in his shell, tendrils slipping into his skull, the feeling of losing himself. Raph used this anger to counteract his fear, gripping his sai as he let out a low growl.

The Kraanginoid looked at him, then began pushing itself backwards, towards the edge of the building. It seemed to quiver, but whether it was with anger or fear Raph couldn’t tell. He could hear the sounds of battle in the background, his brothers appearing to be holding their own. He focused his energy towards the pitiful creature before him.

“You need to leave this city.” Raph hissed, trying to use his large size to make him look as intimidating as possible. “You’re not welcome here. I never want to see you, or any of your Kraang buddies around here ever again. Or I’ll show you what a real mutant can do.”

The Kraanginoid retreated backwards as Raph pinned it against the edge of the building. Now that Raph was closer, he could smell its fear, and see the terror in its multiple eyes. He almost felt sorry for the mindless beast. Almost. But he wasn’t going to let the Kraang ruin everything they’d rebuilt. He couldn’t go through that again. He charged forward, hoping to give it a beating it wouldn’t soon forget and send it running. But just as he was about to give it a good slice with his sai, the Kraanginoid let out a loud screech.

Raph had heard a Kraang screech before. It was ear-piercing, the sound like nails on a chalkboard mixed with a yowling cat. But this time, the screech stopped him in his tracks, causing him to stumble. The noise that came out of that creature… It wasn’t just a screech. It was a scream. A desperate plea. Raph stepped back in shock as the Kraanginoid’s voice rang painfully in his mind.

“HELP ME.”

Chapter Text

Raph felt frozen as he stared dumbstruck at the quivering creature in front of him.

It spoke. The damn thing spoke. There was still something human in there.

Raph didn’t know what to do. He’d heard it. There was no mistaking that he heard the thing talk. The creature wasn’t just a brainless, fleshy pile of kraang goo. It was still human. And it was begging him for help.

Raph recoiled in disgust, staggering backwards. His fear was running rampant now, with no anger to mask it. His sai clattered to the ground, disappearing into red shards of light as panic threatened to take over Raph’s body.

“No… no no no no…” Raph mumbled aimlessly as he backed away, barely registering that he was talking at all. He just couldn’t stop staring at the Kraanginoid as the thing reached a disfigured limb towards him in a silent plea.

Suddenly, the hissing noise in Raph ears grew louder, a word beginning to form as they reached a cacophony. The whispers seemed to echo from all around, and Raph’s eyes widened as he finally realized what they were saying.

“Pathetic.”

Raph watched as the creature seemed to jerk backwards. Now that he was closer to it, he could see the unnatural way the kraang goo seemed to pull its limbs, like the skin was moving the body, not the muscles. The creature pulled itself over to the edge of the building before slowly starting to crawl down the side, leaving Raph alone.

“Raph!”

Raph jerked around in time to see Leo glancing at him with a look of confused anger on his face, using his swords to hold back the other, still fighting, Kraanginoid.

“What the hell are you doing?!” The blue turtle demanded through gritted teeth, shifting his focus from the creature in front of him. The Kraanginoid took advantage of Leo’s momentary distraction, throwing the turtle to the side with a spine-curdling screech as it charged in the direction the disfigured Kraanginoid fled, its buddy on its heels. In a flash, they scurried down the side of the building, and Raph could see them slip stealthily into a sewer drain below. Despite himself, Raph couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. The whispering was gone.

“You let it go?!”

Raph turned to see Leo stalking up to him, a confused Donnie and Mikey in tow. “What’s the matter with you? How could you just let that thing go?” He demanded, standing close enough to stare the taller turtle in the eyes.

“I don’t… I didn’t… Didn’t you guys hear it?” Raph choked out, looking back and forth between his brothers desperately.

“Well yeah, I think those Kraang screeches will always send shivers up my spine.” Donnie said with a grimace, shivering slightly at the thought.

“I thought my soul was about to leave my body.” Mikey said as a poor attempt at a joke.

Raph’s stomach fell as he gazed at his brother's faces in disbelief. They didn’t hear it. Why didn’t they hear it? There was no way it wasn’t loud enough. So why, why was he the only one?

“That still doesn’t explain why you let that thing go.” Leo growled, his eyes flashing with the same hate Raph had seen before. He wasn’t exactly sure where this fire inside his brother had come from, but it was really starting to concern him.

“I’m sorry, I…” Raph stuttered out, unsure of what to say. Hey guys, sorry about that. I heard the creepy Kraang creature speak to me and let it go because I was too scared to move. Also, I’ve been hearing even more voices, teehee. Isn’t that great? Raph shook his head, trying to compose his frenzied thoughts.

Truly, he had no idea what was going on. From the weird whispering, to the reappearance of the Kraanginoids, and now the fact that one actually spoke to him? It was a little… much. Everything seemed to take a sharp turn real fast. Things were fine. Raph thought, his brows knitting together as frustration coursed through him. But of course it couldn’t be that easy. I’ll just play dumb for now, just until I understand more. No need to worry them just yet.

“Sorry.” He said smoothly, gently rubbing the back of his neck. “I think the screech just threw me off, that’s all. I’m sorry guys.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. Just not the whole truth.

Donnie and Mikey nodded with understanding, but Leo’s eyes narrowed to blue slits. “Great.” He said, his voice dripping with anger. “Because of Raph, now there’s three Kraang zombies out there doing who knows what.” Raph could tell Leo was just upset about the Kraanginoids getting away and lashing out, but he couldn’t stop the burst of anger that flickered to life inside him.

“I said I was sorry, Leader.” He growled, his anger boiling over. Immediately, he regretted his words as he watched Leo recoil like Raph had slapped him across the face. “Ergh, I’m sorry. Leo, I meant Leo.” He quickly corrected, kicking himself for losing his cool and taking a deep breath. “Look, this morning patrol was a bust anyways. Let’s just go home.”

“Yeah.” Mikey agreed, seemingly trying to diffuse the situation with a plastered on, cheery smile. “April was going to join us for breakfast anyways, and she’ll skin us if we’re late.” He and Donnie exchanged worried glances, which Raph elected to ignore. He shot Leo an apologetic look, then took off across the rooftops with his brothers following quietly behind, the silence a stark difference from their excitement before.

Before long, they reached the entrance to the sewers, each filing down the long ladder leading to its depths. Raph hopped off the ladder, turning to give Leo a real apology, but the blue clad turtle was already walking off towards the kitchen, seemingly deep in thought. Raph sighed, feeling helpless. The rift between him and his brother hurt more than any words they could have possibly said to each other, and Raph had no idea how to fix it.

“It’s alright, Raph.” Mikey said quietly, setting a comforting hand on Raph’s arm. “Leo’s just mad about what happened during the patrol, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t help things.” Raph grumbled back, his mood still low.

“C’mon, we’ll all feel better once we got some food in our bellies.” Mikey said with false confidence, pulling Raph towards the kitchen. Raph couldn’t help but smile at this. Leave it to Mikey to believe that everything could be fixed with a good meal.

“Besides,” Donnie said in a monotone voice as he walked beside Raph, eyes glued to his arm cuff as he typed. “We need to discuss the fact that there are still Kraang remnants in the city. This is completely unprecedented.”

“After food, Donnie.” Mikey said with a slight glare at the purple turtle. Raph could almost hear the thoughts radiating from the youngest’s mind: Not now, Donnie!

They caught up to Leo quickly, the smell of eggs and bacon wafting down the hallway from the kitchen as they entered. April was already there, Splinter and her working diligently on breakfast. Mikey quickly hopped in to assist while Raph, Leo, and Donnie set the long table nearby. Ever since April started her new internship, they hadn’t really been able to have a meal like this. Clearly, April was trying to make it count.

“Alright y’all!” April called, not even bothering to say hello to the turtles just yet. “Grab a plate and load up! Mikey, stop seasoning the potatoes, they’re fine! And Donnie, if you don’t get off that arm cuff, Imma throw a spatula at the router.”

“Gasp! You wouldn’t!” Donnie exclaimed, lifting a flamboyant hand to his chest in mock disbelief.

“Oh, she would.” Leo said with a smirk, his tense shoulders seeming to relax a bit at the friendly banter. “And then we’d all have to listen to you have a mental breakdown trying to fix it.”

“Pfft.” Raph laughed, sitting down at the table with the rest of his family. “Nobody wants to listen to that.” He added, watching as Donnie shot him a pointed look.

“What is it, Rag on Donnie day?” The purple turtle huffed, plopping down in his seat. The turtles chuckled at this as April and Splinter walked over to join them.

“Alright, now that we’re all in one place…” April started, giving each of the turtles a joyful look. “Oh my gosh, I’ve missed you guys! Everyone up top is just so BORING. I mean, I can only pretend to care about their mediocre lives for so long. Like, no one cares that your kid’s in soccer, Brenda!”

“Sounds like torture.” Raph replied with a grin, glad to see his pseudo sister as well. She never failed to bring a certain spark to their little family.

“How’s the new job going?” Mikey asked excitedly, leaning forward in anticipation.

“Oh, y’know, it’s fine.” April said, a little less than enthused. MIkey drew back a bit at April’s sour tone. Raph wanted to ask more, but April quickly continued. “Anyways, who cares about my stupid job. You guys are back on patrol! How’d it go, huh? Any new mutants lurking about?”

Immediately, the mood in the room shifted. It was like someone had opened a window, letting a cool draft run through. Raph could feel both April and Splinter surveying the turtle’s downcast looks.

“Boys?” Splinter questioned with a look of concern on his wrinkled face.

Leo was finally the one who broke the silence. He stood up, his face grave as he stared at his half eaten plate of food. “The Kraang are back.”

April took in a sharp intake of breath as Splinter’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?” He asked, gripping the side of the table with his claws.

“We saw three Kraanginoids today.” Leo continued, Raph noticing the hate flicker to life in his eyes once more. “We tried to confront them, but they got away. Who knows how many more are out there.”

Raph felt a sense of relief that his brother didn’t reveal Raph’s screw up to Splinter. The last thing he needed was his dad breathing down his neck about why he hesitated. Instead, Splinter exchanged a look with April, their faces both grim.

“Hm, you two don’t seem as surprised about this as we are.” Donnie said, his eyes narrowing into slits. With a start, Raph noticed this too.

“Um, listen guys…” April said softly, like she was unsure how to continue. She looked over at Splinter again, and the old rat gave her a reassuring nod. She pursed her lips, then continued. “Ok, you guys know how I started that internship at TCRI about a month ago?”

The turtles nodded in uniform confusion, uncertainty present in each of their bodies. “Yeah, you said it was some big time research opportunity.” Mikey said quickly, to which April nodded.

“Right. We have been researching different things, and I’ve been recording and documenting our findings.” She said, fiddling absently with the strings on her jacket. “But I never really told you guys what the research was on.”

Things were starting to piece together in Raph’s brain, and he didn’t like it one bit. However, he continued to listen, staring intensely at April.

April took a deep breath, then straightened her posture, as if it would give her more confidence. “I didn’t know this when I started, but my boss and his team of scientists have been researching and studying the Kraang. They were founded a few months after the Kraang attack, and since then, they’ve been studying different things the Kraang left behind, including technology, biological remnants, and yes, the Kraanginoids.”

“You knew…” Raph whispered, bewildered. “You knew the Kraanginoids were here, and you didn’t tell us.”

April swallowed, then nodded. “Yes. I knew.”

Mikey and Donnie had matching looks of shock on their face, while Leo sported a look of hurt. “Why?” He asked, his voice rising to an angry tone. “Why didn’t you tell us? We could have done something about those stupid pink monsters!”

“I told her not to tell you.”

The turtles whipped their heads around to face Splinter, who was sitting calmly.

“Pops?” Raph said, confused. Everything about today was incredibly confusing.

“I knew that if you boys heard the Kraanginoids were out there, you’d charge back up to the surface willy nilly, without giving yourselves time to heal. You were not ready to take on such a task. So when April told me about her new job, I asked her to keep it to herself.”

“Are you crazy?” Leo asked, gesturing with his hands dramatically.

“Yes.” Splinter answered. “But I was not willing to risk your lives over some vendetta against those creatures.”

“That wasn’t your choice to make!” Donnie chimed in, his eyes cold.

“Until you are adults, it is exactly my choice to make.” Splinter replied evenly. “You may all be angry at me, but I stand by my decision.”

“I’m sorry guys.” April said in a soft voice. “I just didn’t want to see y’all get hurt again.”

It was silent for a few seconds, then Raph spoke up. “Maybe pops was right. Now that we’re healed, we’ll be better equipped to fight those guys.” He said earnestly. “I still don’t think lying was the way to go about it, but it doesn’t matter now. What matters is what we do next.”

“That’s the other thing.” April said, quickly jumping in. “There are very few people in New York that know you four exist. One of those people is my boss. And he wants you to work for him.”

“Us?” Mikey asked, his eyes wide. “As in, us?”

April nodded. “He wouldn’t tell me the details, but maybe I can set up some sort of meeting for you guys.”

The turtles turned to look at Splinter, who had a troubled look on his face. “That is for you boys to decide.” He said finally. “I think it’s a risk, but maybe I’ve made too many decisions for you all lately.”

“You guys don’t have to answer right away.” April added. “Just, think on it.”

There was silence once again. Raph felt his mind swirling with worry. This was a lot to take in, and he could tell his brothers felt the same way.

Leo finally stood up, a strained smile on his face. “Well, I need some time to… soak in all this craziness. Later all.” And with that, he left.

“I’m going to clean the kitchen.” Mikey said quickly, sweeping the plates from the table and rushing away. Raph exchanged a worried look with Donnie before the purple clad turtle sighed.

“Yeah, I’m going to leave too. It’s already been a long day. See you later, April.” He said quietly, striding off towards his lab. That left Raph, April, and Splinter.

April’s lip was trembling. She looked Raph in the eyes, seemingly trying to hold back tears. “Raph? For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” She said, her voice shaky.

Raph stood up, walking around the table and giving her a hug. “It’s alright. It’s just been a lot to take in. I don’t think anyone’s upset with you.” He assured her. He shot a look at Splinter, who most likely knew the blame for all of this was on his furry shoulders. But the rat didn’t seem to notice, seemingly lost in thought as his eyes blinked slowly.

Raph bid April goodbye, then retreated back to his room. He didn’t think this day could possibly get any worse.

Chapter Text

Raph lay in his bed, his mind swirling from everything that’d happened. From the Kraanginoids, to April and Splinter’s lie, to the idea of working for someone studying the Kraang, Raph felt almost dizzy from all his frenzied thoughts. But he kept looping back to one important detail.

Why was I the only one that heard that thing talk? He thought worriedly, absently chewing on the ends of his mask.It definitely asked for help, and then someone… something, called it pathetic. Raph’s brows knit together as different scenarios formed in his head.

On one hand, maybe he was just hearing things. He certainly had his own problems with the Kraang. Maybe he was so freaked out by the Kraanginoid and its god-awful screech that his mind somehow warped it into words.

But how would that explain the weird whispers from before? Raph thought, scrapping the idea. But if he wasn’t going crazy, then that means the Kraanginoid really did talk, and Raph wasn’t too keen on that resolution. That would mean that somewhere, beneath all that Kraang goo, was a person trapped in a whole new kind of hell. Raph shook his head, trying to keep from spiraling as he figured things out.

The guys didn’t seem to hear the Kraanginoid speak or the whispering from before. Raph considered, spitting out his now soaked mask ribbon, laden with a few more holes. So why could I?

Suddenly, a dreadful thought made its way into Raph’s mind. What if it’s because he too was once controlled by the Kraang? Maybe, somehow, there was some sort of connection between him and the creature; one the others didn’t have. Come to think of it, Raph couldn’t even remember if the Kraanginoid had spoken out loud or not. Was it just in his head? Was that why the others couldn’t hear it?

Raph felt his heartbeat quicken. What if after all this time, there’s still some Kraang left inside me? He thought nervously, clutching his plastron as if he could feel the pink tendrils moving under his skin.

Raph was immediately plunged into his memories of being controlled by the Kraang. He remembered the thick ooze climbing his body, and the horrific feeling as it burrowed its way inside. He had fought for a moment, but his mind had quickly turned fuzzy and dark.

The rest of the time was spent in a haze. He could feel his body being moved by some unseen force, but he was limp in its clutches. His energy, his free will, even his voice, everything was stripped away from him. Voices would yell commands at him, and with blind obedience, he obliged. There was nothing else he could do.

Not only that, but the voices that screamed commands and coerced him to do things he didn’t want to do were always people he knew. Specifically, his family. Raph would sometimes hear Donnie, other times Leo, even Mikey once and a while. But the voice he heard the most was always Splinter, demanding he fight, kill, and die for the Kraang. It took months for Raph to hear his dad speak without hearing the rat’s voice telling him to destroy his brother.

Raph shuddered, clutching his arms like he’d caught a sudden chill. He’d never told anyone about that, not even his brothers. As far as they know, being Kraangified is basically like being in a coma. But Raph knew otherwise. He had only been controlled for a short time. The Kraanginoids they saw today have been like this for almost a year. Raph didn’t want to imagine the torture they must be going through.

With a start, Raph noticed he was wheezing, his breath coming out in short gasps. It felt as if there was something keeping his lungs from expanding all the way. He immediately pushed his swirling thoughts away, instead trying to focus on taking deep breaths.

It took a few minutes, but Raph was able to mostly calm his breathing. He coughed a bit, feeling his lungs ache as he did. He was still wheezing slightly, but it seemed to have relaxed for the time being.

Huh, maybe Donnie has a point about this asthma thing. Raph thought as he climbed from his bed. I have been coughing a lot lately. Ugh, but I hate telling Donnie he’s right. Raph rolled his eyes, picturing the arrogant grin Donnie would surely sport the moment Raph said something.

Raph left his room, walking in the direction of the commons. He peeked down at his Tphone, seeing that April had left a message in the group chat:

Hey guys, I’m heading out. Hope to talk to you soon. I love you, and I’m sorry.

Raph texted back a smiley face and a heart, seeing that Mikey had already sent a long paragraph comforting their sister. He slid the phone into his shell, rounding the corner and seeing Leo, Donnie, and Mikey taking turns destroying a pack of oreos.

“I’m just saying,” Donnie was lecturing Leo with a haughty look on his face, “Between the 16 oz sugar fest that you call ‘Coffee’ this morning and the cookies, you’re going to have heart disease by the time you’re twenty.”

“Hah!” Leo replied, flipping an oreo into his mouth. “Turtles can’t get heart disease.” Leo paused mid-chew, his eyes widening with concern. “Can they?”

“Keep eating 500 grams of sugar a day and see what happens.” Donnie replied with an arrogant smirk. Leo just glared at him, throwing an oreo directly at the purple clad turtle. Donnie caught it between two fingers before popping it in his mouth.

Mikey was the first one to notice Raph standing in the door. He leapt up excitedly, his mouth full of the sugary cookies.

“Raph!” He exclaimed, slightly muffled as cookie pieces fell onto the floor. “Just the turtle I wanna see!”

“Did ya save any for me, Mikes?” Raph asked fondly, walking over to join his brothers. “Cause I think you just sprayed three cookies on the floor.”

“The best for last!” Mikey replied, shoving the rest of the package in Raph’s hands. Then, he ran over to Leo, grabbing the blue turtle’s arm and pulling him to his feet. “I’m glad you’re here! Leo has something he wants to tell you!” Mikey shoved Leo forward, nearly causing him to fall.

Leo collected his bearings as Raph gave him a confused look. He fiddled with his mask tails uncomfortably, looking over at Mikey who gave an enthusiastic nod of assurance. Raph narrowed his eyes. Just what are you up to now, little brother?

“Ehem, right.” Leo said, drawing Raph’s attention to him. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how I acted on patrol today.” He started, seemingly unable to meet Raph’s eyes. Raph felt his eyes widen in realization. Oh.

“I was just so angry and scared, and I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was kinda an ass.” Leo said quickly, like he desperately needed to get the words out. “I lashed out, and I’m sorry. I know what you went through with the Kraang. It’s unfair of me to think you’d be completely unfazed after seeing one of those… things.” Leo finally looked up into Raph’s eyes, a deep pain reflecting in them. “I’m sorry.”

“No, Leo, I’m sorry too.” Raph said, guilt welling up inside him. “I lashed out yoo, y’know. You’re doing a wonderful job as leader, truly.”

“Heh.” Leo laughed dryly. “Sure Raph. A leader doesn’t lose his cool and scream at his teammates.”

“We all make mistakes.” Raph assured him, not liking the self deprecation going on.

“You didn’t.” Leo replied, his eyes narrowed. Raph was about to interject, but Leo quickly changed the subject. “Anyways, I’m sorry about how angry I got. I don’t know what happened. It was like, as soon as I saw that disgusting creature, I had never hated something more in my entire life.” Leo’s eyes drifted down to the floor. “Maybe Dad was right. Maybe I’m, I mean, we, are not ready to face these guys.”

Mikey and Donnie looked down at the floor as well, their faces clouded with worry. Raph couldn’t stand to see his family so defeated before they’d even begun the battle. With a burst of confidence, he set a hand on Leo’s shoulder, causing the blue clad turtle to look up at him.

“Anger is a powerful, fiery ally.” He recited from memory. “But if fed too much, it can destroy everything.”

Leo blinked at him in confusion. “Did you read that off a fortune cookie?” He asked with disdain.

“No!” Raph replied. “It was something pops told to me a long time ago. And he probably read it off a fortune cookie, but who cares!?” Raph held a finger in the air. “The point is, there’s nothing wrong with anger. It’s all about how you use it. You can’t let it consume you, y’know?” Raph gave Leo a knowing look, hoping his words would land. “Just, don’t let it change you.”

Leo nodded, smiling slightly. “Right.”

“Alright!” Raph replied, grabbing a few oreos and popping them in his mouth. “And no more of this self deprecation business. From any of you! Looking at you Donnie.”

“Why was I pulled back into this conversation?” Donnie said tiredly, causing them all to laugh.

“We can beat these suckers, just like we always do.” Raph said, unsure of where he was pulling the false confidence from. But his team needed this. They needed someone to show them they could do this. And even if he wasn’t sure himself, Raph needed to be that someone. “Together. As a team.”

“That’s what I like to hear!” Mikey exclaimed, jumping up onto the couch. “Mad dawgs for life!”

Raph grinned, glad he was able to turn his family’s sour mood around. But his own worries were still gnawing in the back of his mind like a bunch of termites.

Suddenly, Raph felt a cough welling up. He began hacking slightly, covering his mouth so cookies wouldn’t go flying across the room.

“Raph? You good?” Leo asked worriedly.

Raph tried to reply, but he was unable to form words through the tickle in his throat. Instead, he gave a slight thumbs up.

“Are you getting sick?” Donnie asked, quickly pulling down his goggles. “Internal body temperature is a little high.”

“No!” Raph managed to choke out. The last thing he needed was Donnie doing a full medical exam; that’d ruin his whole afternoon. “Cookie… down the wrong pipe.” He said between coughs, walking out of the room. “Water… be right back.”

Raph hurried to the bathroom, where he let the full force of his coughs take over. He felt like his whole body was convulsing, like it was trying to expel something. For a moment, he felt like he was going to throw up, the coughs so violent he could see the veins in his neck.

With a start, Raph wondered if he actually was choking. It felt like there was something in his throat. His cough became more and more intense as Raph tried to breathe.

Finally, Raph felt the thing dislodge from his throat, falling into the sink with a nasty plop. Raph took a moment to collect himself, breathing in deeply. What the hell… He thought, feeling sweat on his face. Did I inhale a piece of those cookies?

Raph looked down, expecting to see some nasty mix of oreo dust and phlegm sitting in the sink. Instead, Raph felt like his heart stopped, dropping into his stomach with a lurch.

Splattered starkly against the white of the bathroom sink was glob of Kraang ooze.

Chapter Text

Raph stood paralyzed as he stared in utter horror at the pink sludge pulsating slightly in the sink.

He covered his mouth quickly as bile worked its way up his throat, his stomach turning with disgust. The whispering was back. Quiet, inaudible, but definitely there, hissing against Raph’s ears like the sound of steam. Raph couldn’t have moved if he tried. He watched transfixed as the ooze seemed to wither away in front of him, shriveling and turning grey before disintegrating into a pile of dust. And with it, the whispers fizzled out as well.

Raph stood still for a moment, before reaching a shaky hand forward and turning on the faucet. Water flowed from the spigot, mixing with the remains of the Kraang goo before washing it down the drain, leaving only the white of the sink. Raph took an unsteady step back, then another, his shell knocking loudly against the bathroom wall. He swallowed down the foul taste in mouth as he felt himself slowly sink onto the floor.

He should’ve been more scared. He should have been panicking, crying, desperately hoping and praying it wasn’t true. Instead, he felt a painfully numb resolve. Like deep down, he’d known all along there were still remnants of that thing inside him. He’d overcome the Kraang’s mind control, overpowered it’s hold on his body, but deep down he knew he hadn’t gotten rid of it completely. It was only a matter of time before it showed up again.

Raph forced his body to move, pulling himself to his feet. He caught a quick glimpse of his face in the bathroom mirror. Eyes wide, mouth pulled back in a nervous grimace, forehead slicked with sweat as he breathed shakily. He looked terrified. And that pissed him off. In an instant, Raph felt completely on edge, the thought of the remaining Kraang ooze inside him making his skin crawl.

He desperately needed to punch something.

Without thinking, Raph found himself pulling open the bathroom door and stumbling towards the training room. His hand traced the wall as he walked, steadying his gait as he pushed forward. I just have to get to the training room. He thought as he focused his eyes down the hall. His mind was completely blank, as if it’d shorted out from too much information all at once. It was all he could do to cling onto the singular thought repeating in his brain. I have to get to the training room.

He quickly found himself in front of the training room entrance. He stepped inside, closing the door firmly behind him, before walking slowly up to his shabby, leather punching bag. He stared at it for a moment, feeling his body tense and shiver slightly. Then, with a growl, he punched with everything he had.

All at once, he felt some of the fuzziness in his mind clear. The shock of the punch reverberated through his body, seeming to shake his senses awake. The slight stinging in his knuckles sent a shockwave into his brain, jumpstarting his mind back to life. He was finally able to think again. He could finally breathe.

He threw another punch, the familiar sound of flesh thudding against old leather helping put his mind at ease. He began running through different techniques in his head, all the while thinking about what had happened.

Of course there was still Kraang ooze inside me. He thought, firing off a few rapid upper cuts. It was stupid to think it was ever really gone.

Raph threw in a few kicks, his body happy to be doing something besides shivering in fear. However, his mind was still swirling with discontent. But now what do I do? Do I tell the guys? Splinter? What if I lose control again? Am I in danger? Am I… Am I dangerous?

With this, Raph began punching more feverishly, with a deadly precision that even Donnnie would have approved of. He just needed something to focus on… something else. Something physical to counter the frenzy in his head.

No, no, I’m not dangerous. I’m fine now. I know what to look for, and I know how to beat it. It can’t control me anymore. It can’t… right? Raph was sweating now, his breaths coming out in short bursts. But he couldn’t stop. He was too riled up, too scared.

Too angry.

Why, why is this happening now? He thought, letting out a ferocious snarl as he punched the leather bag again and again. I thought things were getting better. Can’t I just have one moment of peace before everything gets fucked again?! It’s not fair!

“Raph?”

Raph swung around as he heard his name called. In the state he was in, he felt a brief moment of panic. Was it the Kraang? Was he hearing things again? The voice… was it just in his head, or was it real? When Raph’s eyes landed on Mikey, standing nervously off to the side, he nearly breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t even heard the turtle come in. “Hey, Mikey, what’s up?” He said breathily, the intense feelings inside his body slowly ebbing.

Mikey looked worried, his eyes clouded with concern as he looked Raph up and down. “Hey, I just wanted to check on you.” He said slowly, fidgeting with his hands. “Make sure you’re feeling ok.”

Raph could only imagine what Mikey had walked in on. He hoped he didn’t look too scary. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Just blowing off some steam, y’know how it goes.” Raph answered, trying to keep his voice nonchalant. He wiped some sweat from his brow, trying to regain his composure.

Mikey nodded, reaching behind his shell and pulling out a water bottle which he offered to Raph. Raph accepted graciously, sitting cross legged on the mat and wetting his parched throat. Mikey sat down next to him, his different colored eyes distant like he was lost in thought.

“That Kraang encounter bothered you more than you let on, huh?” Mikey said finally, turning to look up at Raph.

Raph felt the water catch in his throat, and it was all he could do to keep himself from choking on it. “What makes you say that?” He asked, feigning oblivion.

“I can sense these things.” Mikey said, squinting his eyes mischievously. “Part of my mystic warrior powers.”

Raph rolled his eyes. Mikey flashed a cheeky grin before continuing in a more serious tone. “It scared me too. And Leo, and Donnie, even if he won’t admit it. But there was something else, wasn’t there?” Raph found it hard to look into Mikey’s eyes, like they were boring into his brain. “Something that freaked you out more than just the Kraanginoids.”

Should I tell him? He thought nervously. It felt like the right thing to do, considering that if he kept it inside and something happened, he’d never forgive himself. But I don’t even know what’s real right now. Raph clenched his jaw. I need to know more. Once I figure it out, I’ll tell everyone. Everything will be fine.

“It made me think about being trapped in the Kraang’s mind control.” Raph said, staring down at the floor. “Of being a Kraang zombie. Of hurting you guys. Just a lot of memories I’d rather forget.” It’s not a lie. Raph thought, trying to shove down the guilt in his chest. Just not the whole truth.

Raph could feel Mikey’s gaze on him. Then, the box turtle nodded. “I understand.” They sat in silence for a few moments before Mikey continued. “Leo and Donnie were discussing meeting up with April’s boss, the guy from TCRI.” The smaller turtle reached a hand over to Raph, clutching his much larger hand tightly. Raph could feel the slight tremors in Mikey’s hand, leftover from his mystic injuries. “If we talk to that guy, if we start working with stuff that has to do with the Kraang, are you going to be ok?”

Raph thought for a moment. Would he be ok? He had only just become aware that the Kraanginoids were still around, and already he was coughing up Kraang goo. What if their involvement with TCRI and the Kraang makes everything worse? Makes him worse?

But on the other hand, maybe it was for the best. They couldn’t just let the Kraanginoids run free around New York, and these TCRI guys probably knew more than they did. And he knew his family needed closure. Especially Leo. Who was Raph to get in the way of Leo’s healing? His brothers needed this.

“It doesn’t matter.” Raph said finally, smiling softly. “I’ll be fine, I’m sure of it. We’ll talk about TCRI later. For now, stop worrying so much little bro.” Raph rubbed Mikey’s head gently. “You’ll start getting a Raph-chasm.”

Mikey gasped in mock horror. “Not the chasm!” He exclaimed, massaging his forehead.
Raph just chuckled, leaning back and taking another swig of water.

Mikey looked at him curiously, then stood up. “For the record,” He said, glancing down at Raph. “It does matter. How you feel, that is. If things start to be too much, just tell me, ok?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Raph said, waving him off. “There ain’t nothing Raph can’t handle, alright? But sure, I’ll keep you updated.”

Mikey just rolled his eyes. “Right. I’m going to take a nap, cause my beauty sleep was cut way too short. You should rest too. Don’t overwork yourself too much.” Mikey pointed two fingers at his own eyes, then swung them around to gesture at Raph. The message was clear: I’m watching you.

Raph gave a little wave, smiling gently as Mikey left the room. As soon as the orange turtle was out of sight, his smile fell.

It felt like there was this pit in his stomach. Whether it was guilt, anxiety, or apprehension, he wasn’t sure. Everything about this situation made him feel sick. He hated keeping things from his brothers, but he just didn’t know enough about what was going on. Maybe working at this TCRI place would help him figure it out.

It’s just until I know more. He thought half-heartedly. It’ll be fine.

Everything will be fine.

Chapter Text

Raph spent a good part of the day trying to forget what’d happened earlier.

He started out by taking a long, scalding shower, his skin tingling under the hot water. Between coughing up that Kraang goo and having a sweat-inducing panic workout, he was feeling pretty grimy. The shower helped some, but he still left the bathroom feeling as if there was nasty Kraang ooze on his skin.

The rest of the time he spent in his room, feeling utterly miserable. He thought about trying to play video games with Mikey, or asking Leo if he wanted to spar, but truthfully, he was slightly worried about being around his brothers at the moment. He felt… Unpredictable. Like any minute, he might shift back into a fully fledged Kraanginoid and hurt someone.

The thought seemed to weigh him down like a bag of bricks.

And so, Raph paced. Back and forth, hardly aware of the time ticking by. He hated being alone. He hated feeling isolated from even his family. But he needed time to think. To come up with a game plan in case things got… bad.

But the more he paced, the more frustrated he got. He was never the best at making plans; Hamato knows how many times Donnie had told him just that. He always just acted, and either things worked out or they didn’t. But this was a serious situation. He didn’t want to act rashly; to mess up and have someone get hurt. But every idea he had felt like a dead end. Like no matter what he did, this was going to end badly.

Raph felt his body prickling with anger, a low snarl forming on his lips as he continued to pace. I hate this. He thought in acute frustration. I hate lying to my brothers, I hate being alone, I hate feeling helpless.

Once again, Raph felt an intense surge of rage, one that reminded him of when he was much younger. He’d been out of control then too. Raph swallowed forcefully, as if somehow the motion would help quell the surging flames from bursting out in a fit of destruction. Just breathe, you’re fine. He thought to himself, taking a deep breath.

Raph wasn’t exactly sure how much time had passed, but by the time he heard someone knock on his door, his legs felt sore and wobbly. He opened the door to Donnie, who held a sandwich in hand.

“You missed dinner, so Mikey said to bring this to you.” Donnie said, holding the sandwich forward.

“Aw, thanks Don.” Raph replied gratefully, feeling his stomach begin rumbling at the smell of food. Had he really missed dinner? He must have been out of it for longer than he thought. He shook his head a bit, trying to focus. “Did you get some food too?”

“Not yet, I’ve been trying to finish programming my new battle shell, so I haven’t gotten a chance.” Donnie said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I may have been a bit too ambitious with it. It’s proving to be more difficult than I thought. It’s… annoying, to say the least.”

Raph just nodded. He didn’t understand a lot of Donnie’s science stuff, but he did understand the frustration when things didn’t go as planned. He quickly ripped his sandwich in half, offering a half to the purple clad turtle. “You’ll figure it out.” He said encouragingly. “You ain’t nothing if not the most stubborn turtle I’ve ever met. Food might help though. Fuel for the tank.”

“Heh, thanks.” Donnie said, a soft smile on his face as he took the half a sandwich. “Anyways, Leo called for a family meeting. He wants to discuss April’s proposition about TCRI.”

“Oh, right.” Raph said, hoping Donnie didn’t notice the grimace on his face. “Lead the way.”

Raph followed Donnie as they walked down the hallway, a feeling of unease growing in his stomach. He munched on his sandwich, hoping it might help settle things, but it just seemed to make it worse. After a few bites, he just held it, hoping at some point his hunger would outweigh his growing anxiety.

“By the way, how are your lungs feeling?”

Raph felt a sudden jolt of adrenaline as Donnie asked this. Does he know? No, he couldn’t. There’s no way. How could he possibly know? His thoughts ran rampant as he formulated his next sentence. “Uh, what do ya mean?” He asked, forcing a smile to his face.

“Oh don’t play dumb with me.” Donnie said, his dark red eyes narrowed into slits. “You were wheezing the entire patrol, and then you had that coughing fit earlier. You can’t lie to me, Raphael.”

Raph swallowed nervously as Donnie stared forward. Then, Donnie spun around to look at him, crossing his arms over his plastron.

“You have ASTHMA!” He said with exasperation. “How many times do I have to tell you this? Take your damn inhaler, or I’ll make Leo force you to take it.”

Raph nearly breathed a sigh of relief. He was in the clear. For now at least. But what was he going to tell Donnie? Actually, my lungs are bad from the Kraang goo clogging them up. Got any medicine for that? Raph chuckled wryly at the thought. Yeah, right.

“Alright, alright.” He said finally, trying to sound annoyed. “I’ll take your stupid inhaler. But for the record, I still don’t think I have asthma.”

“You are absolutely the worst patient I’ve ever had, you know that right?” Donnie said irritably. “And that’s including Leo, who tried to mansplain every medical procedure I used on him.”

“Your bedside manner needs work.” Raph taunted, his nerves subdued as he drew out another smile from his stoic little brother.

“I might just start tranquilizing you guys.” Donnie replied. “You’d be so much more agreeable.”

“Whatever you say.” Raph said with a roll of his eyes. He and Donnie reached the living room, where Leo and Mikey were already waiting. Mikey was sketching something on the floor while Leo appeared to be writing notes. When they entered, Leo looked up, a smile on his face.

“Hola hermanos.” He said, gesturing for them to sit down. “C’mon, Mikey made tea.”

“Leo offered to help, but I was worried he’d somehow set the tea on fire.” Mikey said slyly, shooting a look at Leo, whose face flushed with embarrassment.

“That was one time!” He whined, crossing his striped arms over his chest. “How was I supposed to know you add the water first?” He shook his head, clapping his hands together. “We’re getting off track. Let’s practice some focus, yeah?”

Raph and Donnie took a seat by their brothers. Raph gently set his sandwich on the table next to him. He had a strong feeling that he wasn’t going to be able to stomach it until after their meeting.

“Right, so.” Raph began, trying to counteract his nerves with a little false confidence. “TCRI. What do we think guys?”

There was a moment of silence before Leo chimed in, his face uncharacteristically serious. “I think we should give this job a chance.”

Raph felt his heart drop into his stomach, but honestly he wasn’t too surprised. He had a feeling Leo would want to go check out the place researching the Kraang. He listened intently as his brother continued.

“Look, ever since the Kraang attack, we’ve all been scared. Those things nearly killed us. And if they ever reappeared, if they somehow came back, I don’t think we’d be able to win again.” Leo’s eyes flashed with a mix of hatred and fear. Raph felt the urge to try and comfort his brother, to somehow protect him from the memories he knew were flowing through the slider’s head. But he knew he couldn’t.

“What I’m saying is,” Leo continued, “I’m tired of being scared. I want to learn everything we can about the Kraang. So next time, if there is a next time, we can be prepared. And if we’re able to kick some Kraanginoid butt along the way, that’s fine by me.” Leo chuckled a bit, then kept talking. “I say we meet up with April’s boss and figure out what he wants from us. I mean, he already knows we exist right? So it’s not too risky. Worst case scenario, he’s a dick and we leave, case closed.”

“No, worst case scenario he kidnaps us, exposes our existence to the world, then helps turn us into the most interesting lab rats of the 21st century until we inevitably die.” Donnie chimed in, earning a glare from Leo. “What? Am I wrong? It’s important to be aware of the risks.”

Donnie sighed before continuing. “That being said, I agree with Leo. There shouldn’t be too much harm in checking this place out. If all goes well, we’ll have a powerful ally in case the Kraang do decide to show their tentacles again. And just imagine the kind of technology they have in that building.” Donnie’s eyes sparkled with freaky intensity. “I’m sure they’d love to share with their friendly neighborhood ninja turtle.”

“Alright, Donnie’s tech theft aside, I really think working there will give us a leg up.” Leo said, leaning forward on his knees. “The more we know about the Kraang and the Kraanginoids, the easier it’ll be to destroy them when the time comes.”

“Destroy them?!”

Raph sat rigid as his brothers’ gaze whipped towards him. Raph nearly slapped a hand over his mouth. Why did he say that?! He cleared his throat quickly before continuing.

“Heh, listen. I hate the Kraang as much as you guys do. But the Kraanginoids… They used to be people. What if, well, what if the people are still in there?” Raph met each of his brothers’ eyes in turn, willing them to understand. “Shouldn’t we see if we can cure them?”

“Cure them?” Donnie asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Yeah, you know.” Raph rubbed his hands together nervously, turning his gaze downwards. “Like you guys did with me.”

The silence in the room was intense. For the first time, locked under his brothers’ stares, he felt like the smallest person in the room.

Leo stood up, walking over to stand by Raph. Mikey crawled over as well, leaning his head against Raph’s leg.

“Listen, I know what you’re saying Raph.” Leo said, his voice soft. “But we didn’t ‘cure’ you. You beat the Kraang’s control yourself. And besides, you were only controlled for a day. These guys have been Kraanginoids for months. I doubt there’s anything human left in them.”

“But shouldn’t we at least try?” Raph said, disgusted by the pitiful whine in his shaky voice. “Before we jump to destroying them?”

“Of course we’ll try!” Mikey said, turning to face Raph. “If those people need help, we’ll help them. Right Leo?”

Leo paused, then sighed, nodding his head. “Of course. But before all that, we still need to talk to that guy at TCRI. We need to be in the loop, then we can make decisions from there.”

Raph nodded slowly, trying to regain his composure. “I think you’re right.” He said, despite his mind yelling at him to stay far, far away from that place. “The more info we have, the better equipped we’ll be.” And maybe, He thought to himself, I can find information on my own… situation.

Leo smiled, setting a hand on Raph’s shoulder. “Right, that’s three turtles voting to go visit TCRI. Mikey? What do you think?”

Mikey considered this for a moment. “Hm, I think…” He said, before his eyes slid over to the door of the room. “I think Dad’s been listening in this whole time.”

Raph whipped his head around just in time to see a twitching rat ear peeking out from the door frame. Then, he watched as Splinter fell forward, like he’d been leaning his entire body to listen to the brothers talk. He quickly jumped to his feet, smoothing down his robe in embarrassment.

“Dad! You were eavesdropping?” Raph sputtered out. “What the heck?”

“I was not eavesdropping!” Splinter argued, his whiskers twitching slightly. “I was simply, uh, confirming that my sons were thinking things through.”

“By eavesdropping.” Donnie said in a monotone voice, his drawn on eyebrows knitted together.

“Hmph.” Splinter huffed, his ear flicking in irritation. Then, his face fell a bit, his eyes clouded with worry. “I just, I know I said I would stay out of your decision making. I just want to make sure you boys are careful. I… don’t trust many humans for good reason.” Splinter stared at the floor. “I just don’t want you boys to get hurt.”

Leo slid forward, wrapping his arm around Splinter’s much shorter shoulders. “Relax Pops. No need to worry. This is a good thing! We’re broadening our horizons. I mean, we’re finally going to be getting jobs! Isn’t that what every father wants?”

Splinter pushed Leo’s arm off of him with a scowl. “I’m serious, Leonardo. Be careful. As leader, you’re not just making this decision for you. You’re making it for your brothers too. Make sure you think it through.”

Raph saw Leo’s face fall, the blue turtle shying back from their father. It was a look Raph recognized all too well: The look of someone weighed down by the responsibility on their shoulders. He quickly jumped up, glaring at Splinter.

“We all decided on this, not just Leo. If things go wrong, it’ll be on all of us.” Raph said with a quiet ferocity. As if Splinter realized what he’d done wrong, he backed off, his face apologetic. Out of the corner of his eye, Raph noticed Mikey giving him a worried look, so he quickly changed his tone to something more lighthearted. “Not that it will go wrong. Like Leo said, we’ll be fine. This is a good thing.”

Splinter nodded. “Right, I trust you boys to do the right thing.” He turned to leave, looking one last time over his shoulder. “I’m… sorry. About the lies. And everything else.” His lips pursed, then he turned away. “Get some rest, I’ll see you in the morning.”

As Splinter left, Raph exchanged looks with his brothers. Their decision was made. Tomorrow, they would go visit TCRI. And everything would change.

Raph felt a hand grip his own, and he turned to see Mikey. The smaller turtle didn’t say anything, but his eyes seemed to ask a question: Are you going to be ok?

Raph just nodded, trying to ignore the pit of dread sitting like a rock in his stomach. He clenched Mikey’s hand firmly before the brothers all went their separate ways.

It was harder to ignore the growing tickle in his throat as he tried to sleep that night.

Chapter Text

Raph was dreaming again.

He was in that same, weird place, surrounded by swirling clouds of misty fog. This time, however, he could feel both of his feet on solid ground. Well, mostly solid. The floor looked like the fog had condensed into an opaque surface, with each step he took sending plumes of vapor into the air. Despite being in what appeared to be a large, empty space, Raph could feel claustrophobia setting in. Like the fog was pushing inwards, trapping him.

He could hear those whispers again, echoing around him. The dense mist seemed to mute the noise as the volume rose and fell with the rolling grey vapor. But he could tell the whispers were getting closer, pressing against him just like the fog.

“What do you want from me?” Raph yelled, twisting around wildly to try and catch a glimpse of the whisper’s source. “Show yourself!”

He began to see dark figures zipping through the fog. They were too fast for him to get any inkling of what they looked like, gone the moment he noticed they were there. But the whispers seemed to grow louder, and the words finally became clear:

Feed, must feed. Grow stronger. Too weak. Pathetic. Need more. Must grow, must feed, FEED…

The words were frantic, overlapping each other in a hissing cacophony. The fog seemed to swirl faster and faster as more shadowy figures flitted in and out of it. Raph closed his eyes tight, covering his ears to try and block out the insistent voices. But it didn’t help. They were all echoing in his head.

Suddenly, something grabbed him from the side, sharp claws digging into his skin as Raph let out a gasp. He whipped around to face his assailant, but as soon as he did, the claws disappeared, and all that stood before him was the ever shifting fog. Another set of claws grabbed him from behind, then another, pulling him down as he struggled against them.

Raph tried desperately to see what was holding him, but there was nothing there. Nothing but the feeling of claws and tendrils grabbing him, dragging him down the floor. Raph started panicking, using all of his strength to break free from whatever was holding him. But he couldn’t move. The fog seemed to thicken, choking him.

In a flash of pure desperation, Raph let out a screechy snarl, whipping his head to the side and biting down where he felt a pair of claws sinking into his arm. He felt his teeth sink into flesh, grinding up against something he had to assume was bone. He’d found his attacker.

All at once, the many claws grabbing him vanished. There was a high pitch screeching noise coming from his invisible assailant. Although he couldn’t see what he had trapped between his jaws, he could feel it, writhing in agony as his teeth sank deeper and deeper into its flesh. The whispering had stopped.

There was another noise too, this once coming from him. He couldn’t tell if it was laughter or sobs.

.
.
.

Raph woke up in a panic to a mouth full of pillow fibers.

He spit them out immediately, coughing as the fibers tickled the back of his throat. His coughs quickly became more violent, and Raph grabbed a trash can as they began to shake his large body.

With a sickening lurch, a glob of Kraang ooze dropped into the trash bin, shriveling immediately into a pile of grey dust. Raph wheezed lightly, setting the trash can down and laying back in his bed as he tried to catch his breath. He looked at his arms, half expecting them to be covered in dozens of bloody claw marks, but they appeared to be perfectly fine.

Shit… He thought to himself, laying a hand on his plastron to try and calm his frantic heart. There goes any hope that the ‘coughing up Kraang goo’ was a one-time thing. Raph curled his hand into a fist as he grimaced. Not only that, but the repeating dreams cannot be a good thing.

Raph wrinkled his nose, pulling a small bundle of pillow fiber off his face. My poor pillow… I’ll have to sew it back up later. He turned to look at the scratched and bitten pile of fluff that used to be his pillow laying pitifully on his bed. Or maybe ask Splinter for a new one. Yikes.

Raph pushed himself to a sitting position, trying on his mask. “Alright, Raph.” He said out loud, climbing to his feet. He looked into his mirror with a look of determination. “Enough moping. You can do this. Today is going to be a great day. Or else!” His reflection did not react to the empty threat, but Raph didn’t let that bother him.

Raph met up with his brothers, and within a half an hour, they were standing in front of the large TCRI building with April wearing shoddy human disguises and nervous looks.

“Alright guys.” She said, adjusting her large yellow glasses. “I gave my boss the rundown, and he agreed to my terms. No cameras, limited contact with staff, and no questions about where you live and all that. How are you guys feeling about this?”

“I feel like this purple sweatshirt clashes with the color of my pants.” Donnie replied, looking his body up and down. “And the beanie is leaving much to be desired.”

“Donnie, you ain’t got hair. The beanie is doing its best.” Raph said with a roll of his eyes. “Besides, we got bigger things to worry about!”

“Uh, yeah.” Leo chimed in, poking at Raph’s shell spikes ripping through his already ripped sweatshirt. “Subtle, Raph.”

“I can’t help it! I don’t do clothes!” Raph exclaimed, feeling his face flush. “They don’t work on me!”

“They look fine, Raph!” Mikey assured him, using Raph’s spikes to crawl up on his back. “It looks punk! Bad boy style!”

“Yeah, ‘cause Raph can really pull off ‘Bad Boy’ style.” Leo replied, making air quotes with his fingers.

“Guys! Can we focus here?” April said in exasperation, massaging her forehead. “Besides, you all look awesome. I would ask where you got your clothes, but I’m ninety percent sure knowing would make me an accomplice.”

“Aha, you would be correct.” Donnie replied with a smirk.

“Anyways, seriously, are you guys sure about this?” April asked, her face conflicted. “I don’t want you guys to feel like I’m forcing this on you. You don’t have to, y’know.”

“We’re sure.” Leo said with a look of determination. “Take us up, Commander O’neil.”

April’s face brightened, and she smiled excitedly. “Alright. Follow me.”

Raph took a deep breath as April led them through the large, glass doors into the building. The lobby was clean and white, as if they’d walked onto a movie set never touched by the filthy outside world. Raph immediately felt out of place, like he would dirty anything he touched. He absentmindedly clasped his hands together to try and keep from touching anything. The place was eerily empty, the turtle’s footsteps echoing against the white, marbled walls.

“My boss gave pretty much everyone the day off today, so the building’s mostly empty.” April explained as she led them to the elevator. “He wanted to make things as easy as possible for you guys.”

“This place is ritzy.” Mikey said in awe, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he looked around. “It’s basically begging for a bit of color.”

“Mikey, so help me Hamato, if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, you’d better not be.” Leo said with a glare at the younger turtle.

“What?” Mikey said in an exaggerated voice. “I’m kidding! Mostly. If the guy turns out to be a jerkwad, I’m totally going to hit up this place with Mondo and make it into the next Louvre.”

They reached the elevator, and April immediately hit the top most button. “All the science and research labs are upstairs. Most of the lower levels are office spaces my boss rents out to other businesses. But the rest is all his.”

“I can’t wait to see what kind of equipment he has.” Donnie said, his eyes glinting with anticipation. “A real lab… I may faint.”

“Guys, remember, we’re not here to sight see.” Leo said, his face becoming serious. “We’re here to figure out what kind of ‘job’ this guy wants us to do. And learn everything we can about the Kraang. We gotta focus now.”

Raph stared at his brother for a moment. It was still pretty strange to see his care-free, reckless little brother fulfilling his role as leader. Usually, it had been Raph calling for his brother’s attention, for their focus on the task at hand. It was an odd feeling. He felt… useless. Like his role in the team had been replaced, and now he was just… there. Raph shook his head, trying to chase away the negative thoughts. Now was not the time to have a self-worth crisis.

The elevator reached its destination, letting out a soft chime. Raph felt a sense of dread growing in his stomach. He thought he heard a slight hissing noise, but he dismissed it as coming from the bright, fluorescent lights. With a jolt, the elevator doors slid open, revealing the true extent of TCRI.

They stepped out into a large white room, filled with different machines, containment units, and other mechanical oddities. There appeared to be multiple box-like compartments with see-through walls, each containing a piece of technology that was unmistakably Kraang-based. Multiple people with lab coats huddled around different stations, seemingly taking notes on whatever object was on the table. Raph could’ve sworn he saw a flash of pink before his view was blocked by white coat.

The whole place smelled strongly of disinfectant, the smell almost burning Raph’s nose. Combine that with a whir and beeps of hundreds of different machines, Raph’s senses felt completely overwhelmed. Every fiber in his being screamed at him to turn around, to ride the elevator back to the ground and run far, far away.

But just then, a young man pulled himself from one of the lab stations, walking over with a stride that commanded respect. He had short, black hair that contrasted starkly against his lightly tanned skin. His eyes were soft, but calculated, the dark green irises scanning the turtles as if gathering data. Under his lab coat, he wore a neatly tailored suit, the light white stripes accentuating his lanky figure. He stopped in front of the turtles, looking at them each in turn with a gentle smile.

“Hello, my friends.” He said, his voice deep, but kind. “My name is Dr. Jonathan Bishop. Welcome to the Techno Cosmic Research Institute.”

Chapter Text

The turtles stood frozen for a moment, a little unsure of how to respond. Finally, it was Leo who stepped forward, reaching out a hand to shake.

“H-hi.” He stammered before clearing his throat and trying again. “Ehem, hi, Dr. Bishop. My name is -”

“Oh, I know who you are.” Dr. Bishop replied with a chuckle, reaching out and enthusiastically shaking Leo’s hand. “And please, call me Bishop. Despite earning the title, ‘Dr. Bishop’ sounds way too much like my father. Bishop works just fine.”

“Oh, right.” Leo said, smiling uncomfortably. He took a step backwards, rubbing his hands absently on his pants. Raph couldn’t help but share his brother’s nervousness. To put it bluntly, most of the adults they’d met in their life tried to kill them. They hadn’t exactly formed any fantastic relationships with anyone from older generations. And despite looking like he was young, possibly early thirties, Raph still felt a sense of uncertainty about Bishop. He felt his hands twitching, like at any second he would need to summon his sai. But if Bishop noticed the tense attitude in the turtles, he didn’t acknowledge it, grinning happily as he spoke.

“Leonardo, the man who banished the Kraang.” He said, his voice filled with awe. “That was no easy feat. I saw everything from my office. I know, I know, I should have been hiding, but I couldn’t look away.”

Bishop turned to Donnie, gesturing excitedly. “Donatello, the way you controlled the Technodrome from the inside was incredible. The biotechnology in that thing could not have been easy to navigate.” Donnie blinked a few times at Bishop in surprise before nodding gently. Bishop then shifted his attention to Mikey. “And Michealangelo, I nearly laughed out loud when I saw you throw an entire building at the Kraang. I mean, the look on his face was priceless!” He laughed before continuing. “And whatever that portal thing was? Absolutely fascinating!”

“Um, thanks?” Mikey said, lightly touching the scars on his arms.

“And you!” Raph startled as he noticed Bishop turn towards him. The man walked forward, close enough that Raph almost felt he needed to take a step backwards. But he didn’t want to appear rude, so he stood his ground. “Rafael,” Bishop continued, “the man who broke free from the Kraang’s infection. A living impossibility.”

Despite towering over Bishop by at least a foot or so, Raph suddenly felt incredibly small, like he was a bug being looked at under a microscope. There was this look in Bishop’s eyes, an intensity that hadn’t been there before. “Was it because of the mutagen?” Bishop asked, but Raph could tell the question wasn’t directed at him. “Or something else? What I wouldn’t do to examine a fraction of your DNA…”

At this, Raph did step back, a brief shiver of fear crawling up his spine. He noticed Leo, Donnie, and Mikey move in front of him, their faces hard as they glared at Bishop. Raph was surprised, as usually he was the one with “Scary Dog Privilege,” using his size and looks as a deterrent against anyone bothering his brothers. But he was grateful for their support as Bishop immediately stepped back, the intensity in his eyes fading.

“We’re not here to be a part of your experiments.” Leo growled, looking like at any moment he would summon his katana.

“Ah, yes! Of course.” Bishop said quickly, holding his hands up in surrender. “Goodness, I am so sorry, Rafael. That was incredibly rude of me. Sometimes I just get wrapped up in the science so much I forget my manners. Please, forgive me. I meant no harm.”

Raph swallowed the lump of fear in his throat. His brothers wanted this to work out. They needed this to work out. He wasn’t going to let a little hiccup like this get in the way just because he was uncomfortable. “No biggie.” He said, keeping his voice light. “I’d just like to keep my DNA inside my body, if it’s all the same to you.”

“Absolutely. I’m so sorry.” Bishop repeated, his hands wringing in front of him. “Truly. The last thing I would want to do is offend you all. Especially if we’re going to be working together.”

“Well, that’s yet to be determined.” Leo said, his body visibly relaxing but his gaze remaining just as hard. “We’d like to discuss it with you, if you don’t mind.” Raph wanted to give his brother a proud pat on the back. He sounded very mature for a guy who’d just yesterday been shoving oreos by the handful into his mouth.

“Not at all!” Bishop said, his eyes lighting up. “Please, walk with me. I’ll show you around the place and explain the job I have in mind.”

With that, Bishop spun around, walking briskly across the lab. Raph exchanged a look with his brothers, and with a shrug, they began following him.

“Is he always like that?” Raph overheard Mikey ask April.

“He spends a lot of time here.” She replied. “I think he just forgets that everything isn’t a science experiment sometimes. Kinda sounds like someone else I know.”

“Sh sh sh, quiet.” Raph heard Donnie whisper. “You’re too loud. I can’t see with all your noise. Is that a molecular infuser with modulating nodes? How cool is that?!”

Raph chuckled a bit before noticing movement out of the corner of his good eye. A group of scientists were staring at him and his brothers, whispering amongst themselves.

“You’ll have to excuse my team.” Bishop said suddenly. “There are very few people who know about your existence, and most of them are in this room. They’re kinda your biggest fans. But not to worry, I’ve told them to keep their distance.”

Raph was dumbstruck. Fans? He turned and looked back at the scientists, who met his gaze with wide eyes. He smiled gently, politely waving at them. All at once they began chattering excitedly. Raph heard one say, “He waved at me!” followed by another who said, “Do you think he’d sign my lab coat?” before Bishop led them around a corner, blocking the twittering scientists from view.

“Now, before I explain the job I have in mind for you four, I’d like to give you just a little background on what it is my company does.” Bishop started, leading them past row after row of contained Kraang tech.

“Since the Kraang’s appearance on Earth hundreds of years ago, my family has studied them and the possibility of their return. This research included data collection on the Hamato clan, the Foot Clan, and yes, the Dark Armor.” Bishop chuckled darkly before continuing. “My family was considered to be a bunch of superstitious fools, researching something that, to the general scientific community, did not exist. They spent centuries trying to gather that one bit of evidence that would prove that what they said was right, and that humanity was in terrible danger. But it never came. Even a few years ago, when we noticed the Foot Clan was making their move and beginning to collect long lost pieces of the Dark Armor, our findings were quickly dismissed.”

Bishop paused, a troubled look on his face, before he continued. “When the Dark Armor was completed, and Shredder returned, we could only watch as what was sure to be our doom grew stronger.” Bishop looked up, his eyes sparkling with gratitude. “But then you and your family defeated him. We thought, after his defeat, we’d have more time to try and prepare. We were wrong.”

Bishop grimaced, looking at the smooth, tiled floor. “By the time we found out about the artifact, the Key, it was too late. The Kraang were here. And there was nothing we could do to stop them. But once again, you saved us. You saved humanity.” Bishop gripped his arms tightly, a look of deep sadness on his face. “My father died that day. Crushed by one of the many explosions that rocked New York City. But I survived. And I vowed that no matter what, I would keep the Kraang from ever returning here.”

Bishop shook his head, clapping his hands together. “And of course, once the US government saw what happened in New York, my company all of a sudden came into a bunch of funding for our research into the Kraang, especially since there are still infected running around the city. And the fruits of that is what you see today.”

Bishop stopped in front of a large containment unit, with large, metal blast walls blocking the view inside. Raph could hear that faint hissing noise he’d noticed earlier had gotten much louder and seemed to be coming from whatever was inside the large room. The realization did nothing to help with Raph’s sense of dread.

“This leads us to where you all come in.” Bishop said, pressing a button off to his side. As the blast walls retreated, there was a collective gasp as his brothers realized exactly what was inside the containment unit. Raph took a step back as his eyes fell onto the quivering mass of flesh laying before him. Bishop crossed his arms over his chest, a serious look on his face as he spoke.

“I need you to capture the infected and bring them to me.”

Chapter Text

The silence in the room was deafening.

Raph felt his hands tighten into fists. He’d expected their “new job” would have something to do with the Kraanginoids, but he was still caught off guard by the sheer absurdity of Bishop’s proposal. He had a brief vision of he and his brothers running around the streets of New York with cowboy hats, lassoing the Kraang zombies one by one.

“So.” He heard Donnie say, the purple turtle crossing his arms over his plastron. “Basically, you want us to do the dirty work for you.”

“Precisely.” Bishop replied, turning to look at the pulsating Kraangionoid in the holding chamber. “There was one key piece of the Kraang that I’ve been entirely unable to research, but thanks to their invasion and subsequent infection of the human race, it was practically handed to me on a silver platter. Their biological make-up.”

Bishop sighed before shifting his gaze back to the turtles. “In order to further my research into the Kraang infection and the infected themselves, I need them here. However, as you may know, they are quite crafty, and none of my traps nor teams have been able to successfully capture them. We don’t have quite the finesse that you all exhibit, and I’d like to avoid any more… fatalities.”

Raph drew in a quick breath, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. He exchanged quick, nervous glances with his brothers before Bishop continued.

“The only infected we’ve been able to bring here so far is this one.” He stated, gesturing to the Kraanginoid. “One of the mutated ones. He was too weak to flee, and the others left him behind. Works for me I suppose, but the more subjects I have, the more I can learn about their infection.”

“What are you planning to do with them?” Mikey asked, his face conflicted as he gazed at the pathetic mass of flesh in the confinement unit. “Are you… going to hurt them?”

Bishop drew back at this, a look of surprise on his face. “No, my dear boy, I want to heal them. I’m trying to find a way to get rid of this infection once and for all.” He said quickly, giving Mikey a reassuring smile. Then, his face became grave as he shifted his attention to Raph and Leo. “I’m sure you’ve noticed the altered appearance of this particular infected. This is the exact reason why I’m choosing to act now.”

He gestured for the turtles to step closer to the holding cell, and reluctantly, they did. Raph felt his skin prickle with unease as the creature seemed to lock eyes with him. The whispering sound increased, and Raph had to stop himself from flinching away from it. Raph watched as the creature shifted, trying to drag itself towards him and his brothers. With every movement, clouds of what looked like yellow dust puffed up from the multiple, pock-covered growths on its body.

“They’ve begun to mutate.” Bishop explained, his eyes narrowed. “I don’t know how, or why, but I’ve seen at least two of these new infected. And this mutation is extremely dangerous. For example.”

Bishop reached over, pressing a small button on the side of the holding cell. From the side wall, a small, see-through box with holes dotting it slid out, revealing a little white mouse scurrying around inside. The creature paused, shifting its attention to the rodent. Raph felt bile rise in his throat as he watched the mound of flesh pull itself towards the trapped mouse.

“Wait…” Raph heard himself say, but at that point, he knew it was too late. The Kraanginoid fell next to the mouse with a huff, releasing more of the yellow dust into the air. Raph watched helplessly as the particles flowed through the holes in the box, coating the mouse with a fine layer of yellow.

With a sickening lurch, the mouse curled forward, pink slime oozing from every orifice. In seconds, it was completely enveloped, walking jerkily around the small box. It didn’t last long. The mouse convulsed, falling to its side as the Kraang ooze seemed to jump off it. It appeared to move around for a few moments, before slowly turning grey and dissipating back into dust. The mouse didn’t move after that.

“Clearly, the mouse host doesn’t last long, but you see what this means for humanity, right?” Bishop said, seemingly unfazed as he turned to look back at the turtles.

Raph was frozen in horror. Not just by what he’d just seen, but the gravity of what Bishop was saying. The mutated Kraanginoids spread the Kraang infection. Whatever that yellow dust was, breathing it in would turn any human into a Kraanginoid, one that would then possibly mutate and spread the infection more. If the dust got out into the city…

Raph looked desperately at his brothers. Mikey was covering his mouth, shaking as he stared at the mouse laying unmoving in its cage. Donnie had a far off look on his face, as if he was already wracking his brain for ways to fix this massive problem. Raph shifted his gaze to blue clad brother.

Leo looked angry. He glared at the pitiful creature in the holding cell, as if his gaze were enough to destroy it. Raph felt a sense of terrible resolve. He knew exactly what his brother was thinking, and Raph got the feeling that he wouldn’t be able to talk him out of it.

“That’s… a lot to take in.” Raph said finally, turning towards Bishop.

“It is.” Bishop agreed, his voice somber. “But I think with you boys helping me, we have a good chance at containing each and every infected. Then, we only have to think about possibly finding a cure.” Bishop shook his head, plastering a smile on his face. “And of course, I will pay you handsomely.”

“We don’t really need money…” Raph said, wringing his hands nervously.

“What about information?” Leo chimed in. “We capture the Kraanginoids and bring them back here, and in return, you provide us with any and all information you learn about them. Seems like a fair enough trade.”

Bishop considered that for a moment before nodding. “I think we could work that out.” He pressed another button, and the large metal door rose to seal the Kraanginoid in darkness. Raph watched as it made a feeble attempt to reach toward him, but the door quickly blocked it from view. He shook his head, then turned to follow Bishop as he led them back to the front of the lab.

Raph felt something brush against him, and he noticed Mikey had fallen into step beside him, his face troubled. Raph gave him a soft smile, then steeled his eyes forward as they reached the elevator, where Leo and Bishop were talking.

“I think we need some time to think about your offer.” Leo was saying, although Raph already knew the slider’s decision had been made.

“Of course, no worries.” Bishop said cheerily. “Just keep me updated. Or keep April updated, and she can relay it to me.” He turned and grinned at April, who had been nervously playing with her sweatshirt strings this whole interaction. “She’s quite the smart gal; we’re lucky to have her here.” April just smiled back.

“Also, does this job involve any lab work?” Donnie asked, staring at the machinery around them hungrily. “‘Cause I do know my way around a lab.”

Bishop laughed, a sound Raph hadn’t expected from their possible boss. “I'm sure we can discuss it, Donatello. I need all the genius I can find.”

“We’ll talk soon.” Leo said, pressing a button on the elevator. “C’mon guys, let’s go.”

Raph turned to follow his brothers, then paused, quickly turning back to Bishop. He knew he was being impatient, but he needed some answers. Especially after what he saw today.

“Earlier, you called me a living impossibility.” He said, causing Bishop to shift his attention to him. “Why?”

Bishop seemed surprised by his forcefulness, but quickly regained his composure. “Because you were able to do something that no one has ever done before nor since. Break free from Kraang's infection. Think about it. You basically looked a disease, a cancer in the face, said ‘No,’ then ripped the infection from your body. You beat it with only your mind. And that, my friend, is impossible.”

Raph felt his body shaking, but forced himself to continue. “But not an impossibility, right? ‘Cause I did it.”

“You did.” Bishop replied. “Like I said. A living impossibility.”

Raph gritted his teeth. He could feel everybody’s eyes on him, and he hated it. It was pathetic. He flicked his eyes back up to Bishop, who was giving him a worried look. Then, the man reached into his pocket, handing Raph a small device.

“Here, I was going to wait until you all agreed to take the job before I gave this to you, but I suppose you can take it as a token of trust.” He said, taking a step back. “It’s a pager. Untraceable, untrackable. You can have Donnie confirm that.” He looked Raph in the eyes, and Raph felt almost trapped in his gaze. “Even if you don’t decide to work for me, if you need anything, anything at all, you can page me. And I’ll do everything in my power to help. Alright?”

Raph held his gaze, looking for any sign of ulterior motives. It couldn’t be this simple… could it? He nodded slowly before replying, “Alright.” Even if he didn’t trust this guy, it was obvious by the look on Leo’s face that they were probably going to be working closely with him. And he may be the only person able to solve Raph’s little… issue.

With that, they left TCRI, crawling into the sewers and beginning the long walk home. Raph felt even worse than he had before. And the whispers just seemed to grow louder.

Chapter Text

Raph pulled off his sweatshirt, listening as the fabric caught on his spikes and ripped more than it already was. He balled it up, holding it tightly as if it could steady his shaking hands. It didn’t feel like it was working.

Everything about that was terrible. He thought with a grimace. Things just seemed to be getting worse and worse. Once again, the entire world was in jeopardy, and the responsibility of saving it was set graciously on their weathered shoulders.

But this is what you wanted, right? A little voice crooned mutinously from the back of his mind. You wanted to be the hero again, right?

Not like this… Raph thought, his heart heavy. A memory of him and his brothers gallivanting across New York flickered to life behind his eyes. Their faces were joyous. Innocent. He’d been so happy back then. Sure, there was still the threat of dangerous mutants and Baron Draxum looming over them, but everything had felt so much less… permanent. He had just wanted to protect his brothers and make his family proud. Now, Raph felt the overwhelming, crushing weight of protecting the entire world. What if he couldn’t protect either?

And this Bishop guy… Raph continued to ponder. I can see why Leo likes him. He’s charismatic, smart, and seems to have good reason and resources to help, but… Raph’s eyes narrowed. Something feels off. I don’t know if we should rush into this. I gotta be careful. The last thing we need is another Big Mama situation.

Raph peered around at his brothers. Leo was leading, walking confidently down the sewers with Donnie shuffling behind, mumbling to himself as he typed feverishly on his arm cuff. Mikey still looked troubled, his eyes unfocused as he stumbled over the uneven brickwork of the sewers. April was long gone, having refused to follow them back through the sewers and agreeing to meet with them tomorrow after her classes. Raph strode a bit faster, falling into step next to Mikey.

“You alright, Mikes?” He asked, setting a hand on the smaller turtle’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I just…” Mikey replied softly, tracing the scars on his arm. “I just can’t believe he killed that mouse.”

“That’s what you’re all bent out of shape about?” Donnie chimed in, pausing to look up from his screen. “Not the looming Kraang epidemic? Or how about the hideous, mutated Kraang monster, huh? It was for science, Mikey. They probably have hundreds of more mice just like that one.”

“Donnie.” Raph growled, glaring at the softshell. To his credit, Donnie seemed to recognize what he said and immediately backtracked.

“Sorry, sorry. You’re right. It was pretty… brutal.” Donnie said quickly, holding his TechBo tight. “Maybe if I get some sort of position in the lab, I can make sure they don’t do any more, ehem, demonstrations, like that.”

Mikey didn’t seem to notice Donnie’s struggles, his mismatched eyes fixed on the floor. Raph squeezed his shoulder, hopefully to provide some comfort. Truthfully, he couldn’t get the image of the mouse out of his head either. The way the ooze exploded from it, crawling across its skin like a mold. Raph shuddered, feeling a familiar tickle in his throat as they continued to walk.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to work in the lab, Don-tron.” Leo said with enthusiasm. “I think we should start working for this Bishop guy right away. The sooner we do, the sooner we can come up with a plan to capture the Kraanginoids. I’m thinking we start with -”

“Wait, hold up a second, Leo.” Raph interrupted. “We haven’t even discussed it yet. We should at least talk with April and Pops a bit before making a decision.” Raph said this knowing full well that Leo had already made his decision back in the lab, but someone had to bring his enthusiastic brother back to his senses.

“I mean, what’s there to discuss?” Leo said, turning towards Raph. “We can’t fight the Kraanginoids on our own.”

“Leo’s got a point.” Donnie added. “Even if I was able to build a containment unit strong enough to hold them, it would take me weeks, maybe more depending on how many I’d have to make. Bishop’s already got a full lab dedicated to this exact thing. Not only that, but he has the resources to try and develop a cure. We’d be stupid not to take advantage of it.”

“But we only just met the guy today!” Raph replied. “Do y’all remember the last time we dove shells first into the eight hairy arms of the first adult to come along with a silky voice, fancy tech, and a ritzy building?”

“Uh, yeah.” Leo said, setting his hands on his hips. “You fell right into her web, big brother. It was embarrassing, really. And I got thrown off a roof.”

“Draxum said he was sorry!” Mikey piped up.

“Well, I don’t forgive him, and I’ll take my hatred to the grave.” Leo replied with a huff.

“That’s not the point!” Raph exclaimed. “The point is, I think we should be cautious. I don’t know, I just got a bad feeling about this.”

“So we’re supposed to just sit and wait around for the world to go to shit because you got a bad feeling?” Leo said in a scathing voice, his blue eyes narrowed into slits.

“That’s not what I’m saying, and you know it Leo.” Raph replied through gritted teeth. He didn’t want to fight, but he wouldn’t let Leo twist his words around like that.

“Well.” Leo said, crossing his arms over his plastron. “My vote is that we work for Bishop. We can’t do this alone. We need him.”

“It really pains me how many times I’ve had to agree with Leo lately.” Donnie sighed, but steadily met Raph’s gaze. “But I would also like to place my vote towards working for TCRI. We simply don’t have the resources to take on a threat like this ourselves. It would be foolish to squander an opportunity like this one.”

“I’m not saying we shouldn’t work for him!” Raph said in exasperation. “I’m just saying we should talk about it first! Or I don’t know, maybe run a background check? This guy could be a murderer for Hamato’s sake!”

“Hah! You think I’d even let us go there without running a background check on the guy we were meeting?” Donnie scoffed. “He’s clean. Squeaky, in fact.”

“Well that settles that.” Leo said with a nod. “So we got two votes for TCRI. It’s not looking good for you, Raph.”

“Argh, you’re not listening to me!” Raph growled, balling his hands into fists.

“No, you’re not listening to me!” Leo replied, walking up so he was face to face with Raph. Raph glared into his eyes, his body prickling with frustration. “Why can’t you trust me, Raph? You think I’m making a bad decision? Being a bad leader?”

“A good leader thinks things through.” Raph replied evenly. His mind was screaming at him to stop pushing it, to just back down and let Leo lead the way he wanted. But it wasn’t right. This wasn’t right.

“Hah.” Leo laughed dryly, a malicious smile on his face. “Now you sound just like Dad.”

A low hiss emanated through the sewers, and it took a second for Raph to realize it was coming from him. He immediately backed off, covering his mouth. Leo, Donnie, and Mikey stared at him in shock as he tried to calm the swirling feelings in his mind. Did I just hiss at him?

“Did you just fucking hiss at me?” Leo asked, shaking with anger.

“Sorry, sorry.” Raph said, feeling his anger melt away and be replaced by numb resolve. “If you all want to work with Bishop, then I will too. I just wanted to be cautious.”

Leo backed off too, but his gaze remained hard. “Right. Good.” He shifted his gaze to Mikey. “What about you, Mikes?”

Raph glanced at Mikey, who sported a look of indecision. The smaller turtle picked absently at the stickers on his plastron.

“I uh, I don’t know.” He said slowly. “I agree with Raph, but I also get the feeling we don’t have time to wait, so…”

Leo nodded, like he’d gotten his answer. “Alright, that settles it. I’ll let April know. In the meantime, we can try and brainstorm some Kraanginoid hunting strategies.” Raph watched as Leo turned his eyes towards him. The slider’s face softened, and Raph thought he could detect a sliver of guilt in his eyes. “We may be working for someone, but we’re still our own team. The Hamato family. We saved the world once, so it’ll be easy to do it again, right? Together!”

Raph nodded slowly, watching Leo smile softly as he turned and continued walking down the tunnel. Donnie and Mikey followed after him while Raph trailed behind, his mind racing.

Well, that settles it then. He thought as he lumbered past a few of Mikey’s graffiti murals. I just hope we’re making the right decision. And maybe this will be a good thing. Maybe Bishop can help me, if he finds a cure, that is.

Raph gripped his arms tightly, feeling his claws poke into his thick skin. The image of the Kraangified mouse popped into his head again, and he could see it writhing as the pink goo enveloped it, choking it until it stopped moving for good. It looked so scared… He thought, stifling the coughing fit brewing in his lungs.

Maybe Bishop can help me… Raph repeated, softly biting his lip. Or maybe, he’ll be excited to have another lab rat.

Chapter Text

The tunnels became more and more familiar until finally, the boys filed into the Lair.

Raph’s eyes were downtrodden, feeling as if his feet were dragging as he stifled another cough. At some point, he was going to have to sneak away and let the coughing attack take over. He wrinkled his face in disgust as he pictured a glob of Kraang ooze in his throat, slowly pulling itself up and out.

Suddenly, Raph paused, his body becoming more alert. There were voices echoing down the hallway. One was unmistakably Splinter, but the other… Where had he heard that voice before? It was familiar, but Raph couldn’t quite place it.

Turns out, he didn’t need to. The voices grew louder, and Raph watched as Splinter turned the corner with a young, lanky kid in tow. Well what do ya know. Raph thought, feeling his body relax. Future boy’s back.

“Casey!” Raph heard Leo and Mikey yell in unison, the smaller of the two charging the surprised looking teenager. Mikey leapt into the air, wrapping Casey Jr. in a hug that almost knocked him to the floor and swinging around to sit comfortably on the tall boy’s back.

“You’re back!” The box turtle exclaimed as Casey Jr. tried to regain his stability. “How was everything? Did you learn everything? What did you see?! Tell meeee!”

“Mikey, you’re breaking my spine.” Casey Jr. groaned, but smiled fondly up at the turtle. “Besides, I just got here.”

“What up, Casey Jones?” Leo said, butting into the conversation as he ruffled the boy’s long hair. “Welcome back to Turtle Town.”

Casey Jr. laughed, leaning over so Mikey could slide off him. “Good to be back, Mas-, er, Leo. Good to see you all!”

Casey Jr. turned to smile at Donnie, who returned it with a brief salute, before shifting his light brown eyes over to Raph. The snapping turtle felt his muscles tense as the kid looked at him, a feeling of awkwardness rushing over body. He gave a polite smile and wave, to which Casey Jr. returned with an uncomfortable, toothy grin of his own.

“Nice to see you, Casey.” Raph said quickly, hoping he didn’t sound as awkward as he felt.

“You too, Raph.” Casey Jr. replied, before turning to Donnie. “Donnie, is that a new battle shell?! Epic!”

As Donnie began his long, scientific spiel and his other brothers clung to the young boy, Raph backed up to give them space. Truthfully, he never really got a chance to know Casey Jr. as well as they did. He’d met the guy shortly before he was, well, Kraangified, and Casey Jr. had left to travel across the country with his mother soon after the fight was over. It wasn’t like he didn’t like the kid; he seemed pretty chilled out since the Kraang were gone. He just didn’t know him well enough to feel, well, anything about the matter.

“Are you not going to join your brothers?”

Raph was pulled from his contemplation by Splinter, who had snuck to his side unnoticed. Raph forced a gentle laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “They know him better than I do. I thought they might like some time to catch up.”

“True.” Splinter replied, gazing fondly at the group. “So what are you going to do then?”

Raph shrugged, turning to walk deeper into the Lair. “Dunno. I might go train a bit; blow off some steam.”

“Did the meeting not go well?” Splinter asked, and Raph could feel his father’s concerned gaze boring into his shell.

“Depends on who you ask.” Raph replied, turning to give his Dad a soft smile. “I’ll be back in a bit. I’m sure Leo will tell ya about it.”

With that, Raph scurried away, hurrying down the hall. There was a nasty thought brewing in his brain, and as much as he tried to brush it aside, it kept popping back up.

It feels like I don’t even belong here anymore.

Raph shook his head, angry that such a thought would even cross his mind, then nearly keeled over as a bout of coughs wracked his body. He grabbed the wall for support, then quickly ducked into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind him as the coughing fit began. Raph leaned over the sink, using the ceramic surface to keep his body from pitching forward. The coughs hurt, his lungs squeezing painfully as they tried desperately to do their job. And with a final lurch, they did just that. Raph tried to keep his shaking hands steady as he washed the revolting Kraang goo down the drain.

This can’t go on forever. Raph thought as he struggled to catch his breath. It’s gotta stop at some point. I’ll find a way to stop this, I’m sure of it. He looked up at his reflection, his ragged breathing loud against his ears. Or maybe I’ll end up like that mouse. Raph cringed, turning away as his stomach churned at the thought. Best not to think about that.

Raph wiped his mouth before exiting the bathroom and made a beeline for the training room. Now he really needed to blow off some steam. From the way his brother’s joyful voices echoed down the hallway, he could tell they would continue to be occupied for a while. Good He thought with a half smile, half grimace. I need to punch something before my brain melts outta my thick skull.

Raph swung the door to the training room open, and nearly jumped out of his skin as a blur rushed toward him, slipping behind him faster than Raph could even tell what was happening.

“What the -?!” He yelped in surprise as he felt two hands grip his shell.

“Buddy!” The thing behind him yelled, and Raph immediately recognized the voice to be the reconstructed paper Foot Soldier who’d become his fighting partner. The paper ninja cowered behind him, hiding from whatever was still in the training room. Raph heard a battle cry, and spun to face whoever was tormenting his friend.

The battle cry was cut short as Raph locked eyes with Cassandra Jones.

Casey’s eyes lit up, and she quickly began to smile. “Red one! Ha ha! You’re just in time! I was about to shred this sorry excuse for a Foot soldier into a pile of fancy kindling!”

“Buddyyy!” The paper Foot soldier whined, sounding like someone crinkling a paper bag as he shook in fear. Raph stood protectively in front of him, holding up his arms in defense.

“Wait, no! Don’t shred him! He’s like, my favorite sparring buddy!” Raph pleaded as he felt the Foot soldier nod vigorously.

“Can’t you just like, glue him back together?” Casey asked, tilting her head curiously.

“I’d rather not try it.” Raph replied with a nervous laugh, shuffling along the wall of the room until he could push the Foot soldier into the closet he usually hung out in. Raph turned to him quickly, giving a thumbs up. The Foot soldier’s eyes sparkled with gratitude as he returned the gesture, and Raph closed the door behind him.

“Whew, alright.” Raph said, turning back towards Casey with a warm smile. “Anyways, hiya Casey. How ya doin’? And more importantly, what are you doin’ here?”

Casey crossed her arms over her chest with an annoyed huff. “I got tired of waiting for you and your turtle team to get back from whatever ‘secret meeting’ you went to that Splints won’t tell me about.” She said, making air quotes with her hands. “So I came to blow off some steam. That punk kid of mine can fight, but he was more interested in taking in the sights of the country. I haven’t gotten to hit something in months! Besides that pushy salesperson in Jersey. But for the record, I barely even touched him; he was just a whiny dick!”

“Right…” Raph replied, picturing Casey beating up some poor salesperson. The guy never stood a chance. He cleared his throat and continued. “So, how was it then? Hanging with your future son?”

“Eh, it was weird alright. He’s more like a little brother than a son.” She replied, getting a far off look on her face. “But, it was also kinda nice. Having family.” She smiled softly before shaking her head and letting out a groan. “Ugh, you’re making me get all sappy!” She growled before pointing an accusing finger at Raph. “You ruined my sparring session, so you owe me one, Red.”

Raph felt a wave of excitement flow through his body, and found himself grinning. He cracked his neck, stretching out his arms a bit. “I was looking to blow off some steam anyways.” He said mischievously. “I guess we could spar a bit, if you’re not feeling too rusty.”

“Do I need to remind you that I’m still the leading champion in our fights?” Casey replied, pulling out a notebook from Hamato knows where and flipping through the pages. “Yep, Casey three, Raph zero. Doesn’t look good for ya, big guy.”

“You wrote them down?!” Raph asked incredulously.

“Of course! I must keep a record of all my victories!” Casey shouted triumphantly, tossing the notebook to the side. She dropped into a fighting stance, eyes narrowed but still sparkling with excitement. “You ready to add another loss to yours?”

Raph chuckled, shifting into a fighting position as well. Despite everything that happened today, he felt anticipation surge through his body, flexing his muscles as he grinned at Casey. “We’ll just see about that.”

They stared at each other for a moment, eyes locked as they sat primed like loaded springs. Without saying anything, they charged towards each other, matching smiles of glee on their faces.

And for the first time today, Raph’s mind felt incredibly clear.

Chapter Text

Raph and Casey were evenly matched.

Casey attacked quickly, charging towards Raph with her brown eyes blazing. Raph dodged her targeted punch, listening as her fist slammed into the mat with force. He immediately tried to counterattack, bringing his arms down to smash his shorter opponent to the ground, but Casey skillfully retreated, her steps light as she bounced across the floor in an exaggerated fashion.

“Your movements are slow!” She taunted, causing Raph to smile through gritted teeth.

Yeah well, you’re not the one with Kraang ooze in your lungs. He thought, momentarily distracted. Within moments, Casey was in front of him again, throwing punch after practiced punch. Raph dodged again with ease before countering with a kick of his own, causing Casey to leap back to avoid it.

“And you’re rusty.” Raph jabbed, shifting his stance back and forth. Casey let out a battle cry, sprinting to Raph’s side. She moved to kick him in the soft muscle between his plastron and his shell, but Raph quickly whipped his tail up to block her foot, slapping it away.

“That’s cheating!” Casey complained lightheartedly, landing a few punches on Raph’s arms in succession.

“I think you’re just jealous.” Raph replied, holding his arms up defensively as Casey continued her onslaught. He crouched down, attempting to sweep Casey’s legs out from under her, but instead, she leapt into the air, landing square on his shell.

“Nah.” She said as Raph tried to grab at her. Raph felt Casey grip the top of his shell, then throw her weight backwards. The movement caused Raph to lose his balance, and he struggled to remain upright. In a flash, Casey flung her body over Raph’s head, kicking out with both her feet and sending Raph flying backwards.

He fell to the mat with a thud, quickly trying to climb back to his feet, but Casey stood over him, planting a foot in the middle of his plastron. Raph sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Aha!” Casey yelled triumphantly, pumping her fists in the air. “Another victory for Casey Jones!” She grinned down at Raph, offering a hand to help him up.

“Yeah yeah.” Raph said, grabbing her hand as he pulled himself to his feet. “Maybe you’re not as rusty as I said you were.” Raph grabbed two water bottles from the mini fridge near the training dummies, tossing one to Casey as they both sat down on the mat to catch their breaths.

They sat in silence for a moment, slowly sipping their water as their heartbeats became a little less frantic. Now that his body felt thoroughly worked, his mind was beginning to churn with thoughts again. He gripped his water bottle tightly, turning to Casey to try and distract himself with conversation.

“So.” He began. “What are ya gonna do now that you’re back in New York? You and Casey Jr. gonna get an apartment or something?”

“Oh, I’m not staying.” Casey replied, setting her water bottle by her side.

“Oh, really?” Raph said in surprise. “So you and Casey Jr. are just back visiting then?”

“No, Casey Jr.’s probably going to stay here.” Casey continued. “He likes it here. He likes being around you guys. I guess you guys remind him of home, of the future or whatever.”

“Oh.” Raph replied, feeling a wave of empathy for Casey. “I see. Well, y’know you’re always welcome here too, right?”

“Of course! Master Splinter wouldn’t dare deny me accommodations in these sewers!” Casey said, a terrifying grin on her face.

“Then why don’t you just -” Raph began, but Casey immediately cut him off.

“So, what was your “oh-so-secret” meeting about today?” She asked, staring at him with imploring eyes.

Raph grimaced, a sour taste in his mouth. He didn’t want to think about the meeting, but he didn’t really have a choice. Tomorrow, he and his brothers would begin working for Bishop. There was no escaping that reality.

“We’re going to start working for a place called TCRI.” Raph said, fidgeting gently with the ends of his mask. “To capture the remaining Kraanginoids.”

There was a gasp, and Raph turned to see a horrified look on Casey’s face. As quickly as it was there, Casey cleared her throat, adopting a more neutral look. “Oh, I see.” She said quickly, not meeting Raph’s eyes. “That is… good.”

Raph felt confusion towards her reaction, then suddenly, it dawned on him. The Kraanginoids were mostly all Foot Soldiers that had been mutated by the Kraang. Casey probably knew some of them, was probably even friends with some of them. Even though she’d left the Foot Clan and renounced their ways… He couldn’t imagine what she must be feeling about the whole thing.

“I’m sorry, Cassandra.” He managed to choke out. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

“No, it’s fine.” Casey replied, shaking her head. “I mean, that’s kinda the reason I’m not sticking around here.”

“Because of the Kraanginoids?” Raph asked softly.

Casey pursed her lips, shooting a quick glance in Raph’s direction. Then, she sighed, like she decided something. “Look,” She began, “When I was a kid, I was shuffled around from foster home to foster home, with none of them ever sticking. I was called a troubled kid, a bad influence, and after a while, I kinda just played into my part. I can’t tell you how many of those homes I ran away from just so I could get a rise out of those stupid, no-good samaritans. But one day, I ran away, and I couldn’t find my way back. Instead, I was found by the Foot Clan.”

“They took me in, trained me, and praised me for everything I did. They said I had great potential, and a bright future ahead of me in the clan. They promised me a home, a family, and the power to protect myself from anyone who would ever try to hurt me. I never had anything like that before. I began to live for their praise, and do whatever I could just to prove that I was worthy of it. They became my home, my family, and I… I loved them.

Casey paused for a moment, then locked eyes with Raph. “You know that weird phrase, ‘Love is Blind’? There’s a lot of truth to it. When you love something, and I mean truly love it, you don’t see the warning signs until it’s too late.” Casey looked away, gripping her pant legs tightly. “When the Foot wanted to gather pieces of the Dark Armor, I didn’t question it. I believed they were doing the right thing. When the Foot said the turtles were enemies, I fought with all my heart to destroy you, because I believed in my clan. When Shredder was resurrected, and the Foot Clan was supposed to worship him, I still believed we were the good guys, bringing a savior to the earth. Even when I finally saw the truth, the hardest thing I ever had to do was choose to leave them. How could I leave my family?”

Raph noticed Casey was shaking slightly. He slowly reached a hand towards her, touching her fingers lightly with his own. Casey took a deep breath, her body becoming more calm, then continued. “If I hadn’t met Splinter, if I didn’t see the truth in time, I would be right down there with those Kraanginoids. I know for a fact I would have followed the Foot Clan to the end, until pink ooze transformed me into some monster.”

Casey looked up at Raph, her face serious. “That’s why I can’t stay here. I just can’t. I can’t stand to see what I might have become, and… I can’t bear to see what they think of me because I left.”

Raph let out a breath he’d been holding that entire time. He’d never asked Casey about her past, and she never cared to share. It was… Depressing, to say the least. But it answered a lot of questions. And really, it made a lot of sense. If his family decided to do something terrible, would he leave them? Or would he be loyal to the end, unwilling to leave his family no matter what they did. Seeing everything from Casey’s point of view really puts things into perspective.

“I’m sorry.” He said finally, unable to think of exactly what he wanted to say. “Really. It makes sense why you wouldn’t want to stick around here.”

“Hah, right?” Casey said with a wry laugh. “Nothing like seeing mutated ex-family members on the way to 7-11.”

Raph chuckled a bit. “Yeah, that might ruin your appetite.”

“Anyways, it’s fine. My therapist said it’s good to talk things like this out with your friends.” Casey replied, taking another swig of water.

“You’re seeing a therapist?” Raph asked in bewilderment. Then, he smiled excitedly. “That’s great!”

“I know!” Casey exclaimed. “And I’m doing great at it too! So far I’ve been victorious in all of my sessions, look!” Casey pulled out her notebook, showing a bunch of tally marks lining a page marked “Therapy Victories.”

“Uh, I’m not sure that’s how therapy works.” Raph said slowly.

Casey looked at her notebook with a frown. “Yeah well, my therapist and I are working on that too.” She said with a shrug, tossing the notebook behind her. “Anyways, thank you. For listening, that is. You’re a good listener.”

Raph rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he smiled. “Aw, thanks!” He replied, taking a drink of water.

Casey leaned back, stretching out her limbs as she did. “You don’t really like talking about yourself though, do you?”

Raph choked on his water in surprise, coughing as he tried not to spray water everywhere. “What?” He asked incredulously.

“Good listeners are usually bad talkers.” Casey said nonchalantly as twisted her body, cracking her spine in the process. “You practically had me spewing my life story, and I haven’t even heard anything about what you’ve done these past few months.”

“I’m a good talker!” Raph insisted, glowering as Casey sat back up.

“Oh yeah?” She said, eyes narrowed. “Ok then. You came into the training room wheezing like a mine worker, you said you had to ‘blow off some steam’ which from one hot head to another, we both know you meant ‘punch something before I explode’, and you fought like you had cement running through your veins. So tell me, Red, if you’re such a good talker, how are you feeling today?”

“I- uh…” Raph started, trying desperately to think of an answer. But his mind felt completely blank. He could hear the pounding of his own heart in his head, and all he could think of was the pink Kraang goo splattered in the sink, his brother’s angry voices, and Bishop’s worried face. “I don’t know.” He said finally, fidgeting with his hands.

“Hmmm.” Casey hummed, reaching behind her and marking something in her notebook.

“Hey, what ya doin’?” Raph asked quickly.

“I can talk better than you. That’s a victory!” Casey said, slamming the notebook shut with a triumphant look on her face.

Raph scoffed in disbelief. “Oh yeah? Well, I listen better than you. That’s a victory too!”

Casey huffed, rolling her eyes and opening her notebook back up, marking it with another tally. “Whatever. I guess we both have things to work on.”

“Hah, guess so.” Raph replied, standing up and letting out a groan as he stretched.

Casey got up as well. “Well thanks for the spar, Red, even though I destroyed you. Maybe if you all get that Kraanginoid situation sorted out, I’ll come back and visit, and you can try again.” She began walking towards the hall, and Raph fell into step next to her.

“Where ya gonna go?” He asked out of curiosity.

“I don’t really know.” Casey replied, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “Somewhere weird. Like Wisconsin. I mean like, what’s even in Wisconsin?”

“Uh, cheese?” Raph said with a shrug.

“Who knows! It’s perfect.” Casey shouted with a smile. “Alright, let’s meet up with the rest of your crew. Then it’s off into the great unknown!”

Raph nodded, following Casey as she walked towards the sounds of laughter echoing down the hall. His body felt better after sparring with Casey, but unfortunately, his mind felt even more troubled. He thought about the Kraanginoids, no, the Foot Clan soldiers who’d been mutated. And he thought of Casey, who’d just barely escaped sharing their fate.

It made Raph wonder. How many of the Foot Clan soldiers chose to be mutated for the Kraang? And how many were mutated simply because they chose not to leave their family?

Chapter Text

Raph followed Casey into the living room, where Casey Jr. seemed to be telling a riveting story to the rest of the turtles.

“ -suplexed him over her back into the side of a building!” Raph heard as he entered, Casey Jr.’s voice teeming with energy. “The salesperson must have been seeing stars; he basically crumbled to the ground like a wet rag! And that’s when Cassandra said-”

“How dare you try to sell my future son knock-off Gucci!?” Casey interrupted, causing the group to turn her direction. “Go back to whatever hovel you crawled out of, you sorry excuse for human scum!”

“Ha, yeah!” Casey Jr. said with a laugh. “Just like that.”

Casey walked over to her sort-of son, plopping down on the couch and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “But, if we’re talking about what’s on the police record, I was merely practicing self-defense against someone who tried to rob my poor, innocent little brother.” She said slyly, eyes twinkling with mischief.

“The Caseys are a menace to society!” Mikey exclaimed, laughing. “I’m so glad you guys are back! Now we can have a super awesome, human and mutant crime fighting team!”

“Uh, well…” Casey Jr. started, rubbing the back of his neck as an uncomfortable silence fell over the group.

“Sorry Orange.” Casey piped up, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. “I’m just here for a quick visit. I was going to swing by April’s apartment, but then I’m off.”

“Oh.” Mikey said, looking a bit crestfallen. “Where are you going?”

“Oh god…” Leo introjected up with mock disgust. “You’re not going to Jersey, are you?”

“Ew, no.” Casey replied, making a face. “I’ve got standards.”

“Where then?” Donnie asked, cocking his head to the side with curiosity.

“I don’t know.” Casey shrugged nonchalantly. “Anywhere? Everywhere? It’s a big ol’ place out there.”

“Well, we’ll miss you guys.” Leo said, jumping up from where he was sitting. “Seriously. But if it’s what you want to do, you should go for it.”

Raph watched as Casey exchanged a look with Casey Jr. After a moment, Casey Jr. turned back to Leo, his face serious. “Actually, Leo, Cassandra and I were talking and… I think I’m going to stay here for a little while. Exploring the world is amazing, and I can’t wait to get back out there. But, it’s also a bit… overwhelming. I think I need some normalcy, just for a little bit, so Splinter agreed it would be alright if I stayed.”

“Wait, staying with us is normal?” Donnie stated in disbelief.

“Yes! Sleepover!” Mikey exclaimed, jumping to wrap Casey Jr. in a big hug. Leo’s face split into a huge grin, and Raph found he also shared his brother’s enthusiasm.

“It’ll be nice to have you around, Casey.” Raph said, grinning at the young boy. Maybe this was his chance to actually get to know the kid who came back from the future to save the world. If his brothers cared that much about him, he probably would too. His attention was drawn to Cassandra, who was smiling softly at Casey Jr. Raph couldn’t help but notice the hint of sadness in her eyes, like she was hoping Casey would’ve made a different decision. But as fast as Raph noticed it, it was gone. Casey stood up, giving Casey Jr. a big hug before walking over to Splinter, who had been silently surveying the scene from the edge of the room.

“Take care of my kid, Rat.” She said sternly, but with a playful look on her face. “Otherwise, I’ll skin ya and make a nice rug for my new place.”

“You always know just what to say.” Splinter replied, shivering a bit.

Casey looked around the room, her eyes lingering for a moment on Raph. Then, she gave a wave, smiling wide. “See ya around, weirdos!” She shouted, before walking off into the sewers.

Raph waved slightly as he watched her disappear before turning back to his family. They crowded excitedly around Casey Jr., who had an overwhelmed, polite smile on his face. Suddenly, Raph noticed how tired Casey Jr. looked. Dark circles rimmed the boy’s eyes, and his movements were slow and uncoordinated, like he couldn’t focus right. Raph felt himself slip into protection mode, making his way towards the lanky boy.

“Guys, I think Casey Jr. needs to rest a bit, don’t you?” He said as he was met with complaints from Leo and Mikey. “It’s not like he’s leaving anytime soon; let the kid chill.”

Raph noticed Casey staring at him gratefully, and Raph couldn’t help but smile back at him. Splinter had Donnie lead Casey to the spare bedroom that April used to use, then called the rest of the turtles over to him.

“I would like to hear how the meeting went.” He said, his eyes narrowed with worry. Raph felt his body tense. He shifted uncomfortably, feeling unable to meet his father’s eyes. He really didn’t want to talk about the meeting. Especially not with Leo right next to him. They were just too at odds about what to do, and Raph didn’t want to cause another fight. Like a lightbulb turned on, an idea flickered to life in his brain.

“Wait, Mikey, aren’t you meeting up with Mondo today?” He asked, causing Mikey to pry his attention from the game he was playing on his T-phone.

“Huh? Wait…” Mikey said, his eyes flicking back and forth as he thought. Then, with a jolt, the smaller turtle dropped his phone, letting out a yelp. “Ah! You’re right! What time is it?! I’m late, I’m gonna be late!”

Mikey scurried off, most likely to grab his skateboard, and Raph turned quickly to his Dad and brother, who had matching looks of surprise on their faces. “I’ll tag along with him, just in case any Kraanginoids are milling about topside.” He said, already backing out of the room. “Leo can tell ya how the meeting went. He’s the one who talked with Bishop the most, after all. See ya!”

Raph turned tail, jogging guiltily down the hall and trying to ignore the strained look on Leo’s face as he left. He didn’t want to leave Leo to discuss serious things with Splinter alone, but honestly, Raph felt that him being there would make everything so much more complicated. Plus, he really, really didn’t want to talk about the meeting. Everytime he thought about the Kraanginoids, about TCRI, and Bishop talking about his DNA, he could feel his skin prickle. And when he thought about Leo not listening to him, his insistence on working for Bishop even though they just met the guy… Well, it just made him angry, and Raph didn’t like being angry.

Raph turned the corner towards Mikey’s room just as the turtle flew past him, donning his “human” disguise and booking it towards the entrance.

“Wait, Mikey, hold up!” He called, jogging to catch up with his brother. “I wanna come with ya! Just give me like, two seconds to grab my board!”

Mikey paused, a puzzled look on his face. “Aren’t you supposed to be discussing TCRI with Dad?”

“Well, yeah, but… uh…” Raph trailed off, unable to come up with a good excuse. He felt Mikey’s eyes boring into him, and he braced himself to be psychoanalyzed by the small turtle. But Mikey just shrugged, slinging his board over his shoulder and taking off down the hallway.

“Just hurry up!” The orange-clad turtle called. “I’m already late! Mondo’s gonna have my tail!”

Raph quickly grabbed his board and donned his own human disguise, letting his spikes slip into the already torn fabric of his sweatshirt. Mikey definitely knew something was up with him. That boy could smell mental problems from a mile away. But Raph was grateful that his brother chose to ignore it for now. He was in no state to try and “talk about his feelings”. He didn’t even know how he felt.

As Raph rushed to leave his room, he doubled back for a moment to grab a pen and a small notepad. While Mikey and Mondo were skating, maybe he could do some brainstorming about his… Kraang situation.

Raph met up with Mikey at the entrance to the lair, and within no time, they scaled the ladder to the surface and made their way over to Mikey and Mondo’s favorite skate park. It was partially hidden, and depending on the time of day, there were hardly any humans milling about. And at 11am on a weekday, the park was absolutely empty.

Mikey and Mondo immediately dropped in, talking skateboarding and showing eachother new tricks. In the meantime, Raph settled himself near one of the drops, letting his legs hang down against the rough concrete.

Alright. He thought to himself. I gotta try and see if there’s a reason these coughing attacks keep happening. Raph pulled out his notepad and pen, the writing utensil way too small for his hands. He held it delicately as he tapped it against his chin. Alright, gotta think. C’mon Raph. What would Donnie do?

In Raph’s mind, a tiny little Donnie appeared, his arms crossed haughtily. “Well, obviously the first thing I would do is develop a hypothesis. Look for any correlation between the different events.” The tiny Donnie said, to which Raph responded with a withering glare.

Can you dumb it down a bit, Inner Donnie? Raph thought. Y’know I gotta thick skull.

Inner Donnie sighed, rubbing his forehead in exasperation. “See if there’s a certain trigger. What happened prior to each of the attacks that might have caused them?”

Ooo, great idea! Raph thought as he began scribbling on his notepad.

“Obviously.” Inner Donnie replied, disappearing with a poof.

Raph stuck out his tongue in concentration as he wrote, trying not to break the thin pen between his fingers. He wrote down Event One, Event Two, and Event Three, circling each of them.

Alright, I can do this. Raph thought confidently, although he could feel his hands trembling slightly. What was I doing the first time this happened?

Raph felt the cogs in his brain turning as he tried to remember. I was eating oreos with the guys, but I doubt oreos had anything to do with it. Hmmm… As he thought, he heard Casey’s voice pop into his head. “How are you feeling, Raph?” He rolled his eyes, then tried to think about how he felt during the time.

I felt… happy, because I helped cheer up my brothers. He started, writing down the word “happy.” And I felt nervous, because of everything with the Kraang., writing that down as well.

“And?” a voice seemed to ask, causing Raph to purse his lips.

And… I was irritated, because once again, I had to put aside my own feelings to help my brothers with theirs. He felt himself admit, scribbling the word on the notepad. He stared at it for a moment, then shook his head. Ok, next one.

I woke up from that weird dream. I felt scared, alone, and… frustrated, because even in my sleep I didn’t feel safe. Raph wrote these down, his writing becoming more frantic. Ok, whatever. Event three. We had just talked to Bishop. I was anxious about everything we’d seen, unsettled by the Kraanginoid and the mouse, and I was upset because… because nobody was listening to me. Like they didn’t care enough to hear what I had to say.

Raph felt his body shaking as he wrote. He didn’t like this. Looking back on each of the situations that led to him coughing up Kraang goo began painting a clear picture in Raph’s mind, and he didn’t like what he saw. He swallowed, and as if being compelled, he drew three lines from words scribbled below the events. Irritated, frustrated, and upset. The lines met at an empty spot on the page, and Raph felt his breath catch in his throat. He bit the side of his cheek, feelings of dread heavy in his stomach as he wrote a single word.

“Anger.”

Raph clutched the pen tight, and with a snap, it broke in two, spilling red ink all over his hand.

Chapter Text

“Damn it!” Raph exclaimed in frustration, dropping the now broken pen as red ink splattered all over his hand, notepad, and clothes. He glared at the mess for a moment, then sighed, wiping what he could of the ink off his hand and smearing it on his sweatshirt.

Great. He thought with a grimace, looking down at his notepad. The word “anger” seemed to taunt him, being the only word on the page that had survived the pen explosion. Raph felt his eyes narrow as a familiar feeling began to ignite in his chest.
Of course it’s tied to my anger. He thought, gritting his teeth as he tried to force himself to relax. He shoved the notepad into his sweatshirt pocket, and noticed his breath had become a bit wheezy. Oh no you don’t. He growled internally to whatever Kraang ooze was reacting to him being pissed. He took a few deep breaths, hoping the action might help his lungs a bit. Just chill. I just need to breathe.

At that moment, Raph felt his breath hitch in his throat. The whispering was back. It was faint, nearly indiscernible from the sounds of the city. But it was definitely there. Raph pulled his attention away from his mopey self, scanning the skatepark. No sign of any Kraanginoids moving about; no movement at all, really. He felt his heart drop into his stomach, a sudden rush of cold fear shooting through his veins. There was nobody there.

Mikey and Mondo were gone.

No, wait, they were just here! Raph thought frantically, feeling his heartbeat quicken as it pounded in his chest. They couldn’t have taken them; I would have heard something! If I’d been paying attention, if I hadn’t been sitting here useless…

Raph was just about to call out for Mikey, already starting to climb to his feet, when he heard a voice behind him.

“Hey Raph! Just gonna sit here all day?”

Raph let out yelp as he jumped up too quickly, losing his footing on the edge of the ramp and tumbling down the concrete slope. He winced a bit as his shell grinded against the rough, grainy surface, rolling to a stop at the bottom of the ramp. He turned his head to the side, looking up to the edge of the ramp to see Mondo and Mikey staring at him worriedly.

“Whoa, gnarly tumble Raph!” Monda drawled, his speckled face cracked into a huge smile. “And you weren’t even on a board!”

“You alright, Raph?” Mikey asked, his voice thick with concern.

Raph climbed to his feet and tried to compose himself, but was unable to suppress the sigh of relief at the sight of his brother and his friend. They’re ok. Thank Hamato they’re ok. He tried to hear if the whispering was still there, but if it was, it was no longer loud enough for him to pick up on.

“Oh god, is that blood?”

Raph turned quickly to see Mondo, who was no longer smiling, cover his mouth with his hand, a look of horror in his slitted eyes.

“Raph!” Mikey yelled, quickly sliding down the ramp and rushing towards him.

“Dudes, I can’t handle blood. I’m gonna throw up, or pass out, or both.” Mondo audibly gagged, turning away from Raph as Mikey ran at him.

Raph looked down at his ink-stained hands and sweatshirt. “Whoa, wait, I’m not bleeding!” He said quickly, holding up his hands as Mikey skidded to a stop in front of him. “It’s just ink! My pen exploded and got everywhere.”

“Oh thank god.” Mondo exhaled, his face once again breaking into that big grin. “I was about to lose my lunch, and I don’t think that sandwich would’ve tasted that good coming back up.”

Mikey still didn’t look convinced, circling Raph with scornful eyes. “I’m good, Mikes.” Raph reassured him. “Just got spooked is all. I’m a little jumpy, y’know, with the whole, uh…” Raph trailed off, shooting a look over to Mondo, who was leaning on his skateboard and seemingly transfixed by a falling leaf. He wasn’t sure if letting Mondo know about the impending Kraang infestation was the best thing to do.

“I told him about the Kraang.” Mikey said matter-of-factly, apparently reading Raph’s mind. “I needed to talk to someone about it who wasn’t related to me.” Raph nodded in understanding, turning back to Mikey as the small turtle continued. “And, even if it’s terrifying, he deserves to know, don’t you think?”

Raph nodded, smiling at his little brother. It was crazy how the youngest one of them seemed to be the most emotionally mature. “Yeah.” He agreed, rubbing the top of Mikey’s head fondly. “You’re right.”

“I’m already picturing some wicked board designs I could make based off the Kraanginoids!” Mondo chimed in, his tail wagging excitedly. “Providing I survive, that is. But I doubt the Kraang could handle my mad skills!”

With that, the gecko hopped onto his board, dropping down the ramp and skating off to the other side of the park, doing a bunch of complicated tricks and whooping loudly as he did. Raph and Mikey watched him go with matching looks of quiet shock.

“He doesn’t really get it, does he?” Raph asked, turning his head towards Mikey.

“No he does not.” Mikey replied, shaking his head. “But only he could turn an impending apocalypse into a skate deck design.”

Raph laughed, the absurdity of the situation utterly hilarious. Mikey joined in before slinging his board over his shell. “We should probably head back. Dad’s going to want to talk to all of us about TCRI.”

Raph felt his cheery mood darken, and he nodded. “Right. Let’s head home.”

They bid goodbye to Mondo, and Raph ended up leaving his shredded, ink-stained sweatshirt with the gecko, who said it was “too gnarly to throw away.” As they leapt across the rooftops, Raph felt the heaviness of dread in his stomach. But he couldn’t avoid talking about TCRI any longer. He needed to do this.

He caught a glimpse of his red stained hand, able to understand why Mikey and Mondo had thought it was blood. Maybe I need to get a different color mask. Raph thought absentmindedly as he leapt across a gap between rooftops. Red is just so… intense. He shook his head at the thought. Who am I kidding. I’m a red guy through and through.

“I can’t believe Mondo practically scared you out of your shell.”

Raph turned to see that Mikey had fallen into pace with him as they neared the entrance to the sewers.

“I wasn’t scared.” Raph said defensively, causing Mikey to laugh. “I wasn’t! He just startled me, that’s all. Like I said, I’m jumpy.”

“Hah, you got that right! You have been pretty… jumpy.” Mikey agreed, his laughter dying off. He was quiet for a moment, then continued. “I’m not trying to be pushy, Raph, but why’d you come with Mondo and I in the first place? I know it’s not because you wanted to skate.”

Raph bit the insides of his cheeks. He was already going to have a difficult conversation when he got home; he really didn’t want to have one right now. He forced a smile to his face as he turned towards the smaller turtle. “I just didn’t want to listen to another one of Dad’s boring lectures. And plus, you heard how heated Leo and I got in the sewers. I thought it’d be easier for everyone if I wasn’t involved.”

“Raph…” Mikey started, but Raph jumped in quickly, trying to steer the conversion in a different direction.

“It doesn’t matter, Mikes. I had a nice time at the skatepark, even if I didn’t skate. And we’re going to talk about TCRI now anyways, so no harm no foul. C’mon, last one to the sewers is a silverfish pizza!” Raph leapt forward with new speed, putting distance between him and his brother. I’m sorry, Mikey. He thought as he raced down the fire escape towards the sewer entrance. I’m trying to avoid coughing up any more Kraang goo. The less difficult conversations I have to have, the better.

Raph had just about reached the manhole cover when Mikey landed directly on top of it, glaring at Raph as he crossed his arms over his plastron. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, Rafael.” He said accusingly. “Do I need to book you in for a session with Dr. Feelings?”

“Please no.” Raph replied with a shudder. “We’ll talk about it later, ok? Right now, we gotta figure out what we’re going to do with TCRI. Any “issues” can be put on hold till after that, ok?”

Mikey’s eyes narrowed, and for a second Raph thought the small turtle might tie him up in his kusari-fundō and force him to spill his guts. But with a sigh, Mikey relented, reaching down and grabbing the manhole cover. “This isn’t over, mister.” He said, pointing a finger at Raph. He pointed his fingers at his eyes, then jabbed them towards Raph before crawling down the ladder into the sewers.

Raph chuckled lightly before following him, descending the long ladder that led to their home. With each step, his body seemed to grow heavier and heavier as the weight of their decision seemed to bog him down.

I can do this. He thought to himself. We have to work for TCRI. We need to work with Bishop. I can’t let the entire world suffer just because I can’t get my shit together.

Raph clenched the rungs of the ladder, hearing the metal creak under his grip. It doesn’t matter what I think. If I want to save my family, save the world, be the hero I’m supposed to be, I can’t let my fear and anger stop me. I won’t let it stop me.

As he reached the floor of the sewers, Raph tried his best to push down any bad feelings he had about the situation. But he couldn’t ignore the way his lungs ached as he walked towards the rest of his family.

Chapter Text

Raph followed Mikey into the living room, where an exasperated looking Donnie was sitting by a pouting Splinter.

“Ugh.” Mikey shuddered, making a disgusted face. “This place reeks of bad vibes.”

“Har de har, Angelo.” Donnie said, slowly massaging his forehead like he had a headache. “You two just missed the showdown.”

“Showdown?” Raph questioned, although he had a pretty good idea what had gone down.

“Long story short, Leo and Pops exchanged some, ehem, words, and yes, we got the go ahead to work with Bishop.” Donnie continued, shooting a look over to Splinter, who was still glowering on the couch. “Despite someone’s best efforts to remain a stubborn, old rat stuck in his untrusting ways.”

“Hrumph.” Splinter grumbled, his eyes narrowed into slits as he pushed himself to his feet. “I’ve had enough disrespect for one day. Kids these days have no respect… But yes, Leonardo and I came to an agreement. You will begin your work with this Bishop guy starting tomorrow. But I swear, if I get the smallest whiff of any funny business…” Splinter trailed off, miming with his hands something that Raph didn’t really want to picture. Then, he stomped off to the TV room, most likely to watch some adverts to calm himself down.

Raph couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief. It seemed like his brother and father had already hashed it out over TCRI. It had been pretty much inevitable that they’d be working for Bishop, considering Leo and Donnie had already set their minds to it. But convincing Splinter? That was one conversation he really didn’t want to be a part of.

But now, there was a different problem. Raph could tell that Mikey sensed the same thing, his eyes wide with worry.

“So, where’s Leo?” Raph asked, a growing feeling of concern in his chest.

Donnie sighed, looking down at the floor. “He stalked off after the discussion with Dad. I tried to keep things civil, but I could barely get a word in between the two. I’m not a great mediator.” Donnie said, his gaze cold as he stared at Raph.

Raph felt guilt well up in his throat as he clenched his fists, feeling his claws dig into his palms. The message was clear. Raph should have been there. But instead, he ran away. If he had been there, maybe he could have smoothed things over.

Or maybe, I would have made them much, much worse. He thought, his jaw tight. Regardless, I need to make this right. I owe Leo that much.

“I’ll go talk to him.” Raph said, pulling his unused skateboard off his shell and setting it by the couch. He walked to the edge of the room, pausing in the doorway for a moment before he left. “And Donnie?” He called gently. The softshell didn’t look at him, but Raph could tell he was listening. “I’m sorry. For not being here.” Donnie’s gaze seemed to soften a bit, but he still didn’t look at Raph. Raph turned to leave, listening to Mikey begin chastising Donnie as he made his way towards Leo’s room.

He has every right to be upset. Raph thought with a grimace. I’m the oldest. I should have been there. Now Leo, Dad, and Donnie are suffering; all because of me.

Raph let out a low growl as anger bubbled up inside him. As he did, he felt his throat seize up, a hacking cough escaping his chest. Dammit. He thought, swallowing the bile in his throat as he tried to calm the flames flickering to life in his mind. Just breathe, it’s fine, it’s all fine. Breathe.

By the time he reached Leo’s door, the tickle in his throat was almost gone, replaced by a light wheezing. He took a deep breath, hoping he didn’t sound too much like he’d just ran five miles, then knocked rhythmically on the door.

“Leo?” He called out, trying to keep his voice soft. “Can we chat?”

There was silence for a few long seconds, but then Raph heard a quiet, “Whatever.” come from inside. Raph slowly opened the door, closing it gently behind him as he stepped inside.

Leo’s room was illuminated by soft, blue LEDs, the shades of blue making it look as if they were deep underwater. Lofi music trilled softly from his speakers, painting the slider’s room in an even more ethereal light. Raph shuffled his way through meticulously stacked comic books and assorted clothes until he was able to sit on Leo’s bed, where the turtle was curled up, facing the wall.

Raph sat there for a moment, words failing. He considered coming completely clean about why he left Leo alone to discuss TCRI with their sensei. The whispers of Kraang he was hearing, the goo he was coughing up, his fear that the more involved they get with TCRI, the more the Kraang will target them. The fear that he might lose control of everything, including himself.

But he couldn’t. That’s not what Leo needed right now.

It was true that they needed to do something about the Kraang, and it was true they needed Bishop’s help. Leo was right in that regard. But life isn’t that easy. Things can go wrong so fast. Raph saw it happen the first time the Kraang invaded. Decisions like these need to be thought about for more than the five minutes it took Leo to decide what was right. And maybe there was no “right.” Raph just didn’t want Leo to rashly make a decision, have it go wrong, and have to live with it for the rest of his life. Raph had felt the responsibility of protecting their family, their home, for so long; he didn’t want to see his little brother suffer the same crushing weight that he did.

“What do you want, Raph?” Leo’s voice spoke, the turtle still laying facing the wall.

Raph reached out a hand to set on Leo’s shell, then hesitated, before pulling it back and letting it fall limply to his side. He stared at Leo’s floor, a Jupiter Jim figurine staring up at him.

“I’m sorry I left.” Raph said finally, his voice slightly breaking. He cleared his throat, then continued. “What I mean to say is, I’m sorry I left you alone to figure things out with Splinter. It couldn’t have been easy.”

“No, I love being screamed at by an old rat for an hour.” Leo growled sarcastically. “Wish I could do it more, actually. Maybe I should just start saying shit to piss off Dad, just so I can be blessed by his grating voice.”

Raph could hear the hurt in his brother’s voice. He rubbed one of Leo’s blankets between his fingers, trying to give himself something else to focus on besides the guilt gnawing away at his stomach.

“I just thought I’d make it worse.” He said, his voice low. “You know how I feel about TCRI. If I’d have been there, we probably would have fought too.”

“But at least you would’ve been there.” Leo replied, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m a face man, not a hard decisions man. I’m no leader. I don’t even know if I’m making the right decision. All I know is that I hate the Kraang. I hate them. I hate what they did to my family, what they did to our world. What they did to me. I want them gone, Raph. And if this is the only way to do it, we gotta do it, right?”

Raph didn’t know how to answer. He reached out a hand, and this time, he did set it on the slider’s shell, massaging it slowly. This isn’t fair. A voice whined in the back of his head. He thought about Mikey, who still struggled with simple activities because of the deep scarring on his arms. He thought about Donnie, who’d been nonverbal for months following his interaction with the Kraang ship. And he thought about Leo, who they’d almost lost forever. It wasn’t fair. His brothers deserved to be happy. Raph just wanted them to be happy. He would put himself on hold for the time being. Family comes first.

But what about me? Raph felt anger churn inside him like a shifting storm. He shook his head, trying to clear the thought from his mind. Don’t be selfish, Raph. He thought, feeling his anger ebb into a still numbness. This isn’t about you.

“I don’t trust Bishop.” Raph said finally, trying to keep his voice level. “But I trust you, Leo. If you want to do this, I’ll follow you. I’ve got your back.” His mind was screaming at him, desperately pleading for him to reconsider. But his brother needed this, needed his support. And Raph would be there for him, no matter what.

Leo turned to look at him, his blue eyes rimmed with red. “But I thought you-” He started, but Raph cut him off.

“Bup bup bup, it doesn’t matter what I think.” Raph said, his voice stern, but lighthearted. “I trust you, Leo. And right or wrong, whether we win or lose, I’ll be by your side. I got you, brother.”

Leo stared at him, then smiled softly. “Thanks, Raph.” He said with a small sniffle. “Dammit, you’re really good at leader speeches. I gotta work on those.”

“Ha, it takes practice.” Raph joked, standing up from the bed. “And I’ve had a lot of practice.” He could feel his stomach twisting around, feelings of anxiety and dread creeping into his mind. Now that Leo was cheered up a bit, Raph could feel his bravado fading, leaving only his apprehension. “I am hoping you have a back up plan though, if things go south.”

“Of course.” Leo said, pushing himself into a sitting position. “If Bishop ends up being a dick, we just take over TCRI and stop the Kraang ourselves. I mean, they’re just a bunch of scientists, and not even cool scientists like Donnie. It’ll be easier than getting Pops to brag about his glory days.”

Raph stared at him, speechless. “That’s your plan?!” He asked, dumbfounded.

“What, you got a better one?” Leo retorted.

Raph just sighed, shaking his head. “I think I’ll just stick with hoping it doesn’t come to that.”

Leo laughed, and Raph felt himself smiling nervously along with him. At least he’s feeling better. He thought, scratching absentmindedly at his leg as unease made him feel queasy. Suddenly, Raph felt a wave of nausea wash over him. He shot to his feet, his head swimming. “Uh, you know what Leo?” He said quickly. “I think I’m gonna see if Mikey needs help making dinner. Glad we had this talk.” He didn’t even let Leo get a word in before he raced from the slider’s room, sprinting to the bathroom.

He barely slammed the door behind him and collapsed over the toilet before he started retching, his body heaving painfully. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to gag more at the foul taste in his mouth. He clutched the white porcelain tightly, his claws screeching against the smooth surface as he continued to heave. After a few moments of coughing and spitting out gobs of bile, Raph pried his good eye open, peering weakly into the toilet.

He wasn’t even surprised to see the bright, pink color of Kraang ooze, stark against the porcelain.

Well. He thought, breathing heavily as he gently wiped the corners of his mouth. That really can’t be good.

Chapter Text

Raph rinsed his mouth out several times in an attempt to clear the sour taste on his tongue and throat.

His stomach still churned, and Raph felt even more queasy as he pictured Kraang ooze squirming around inside him. It was truly a revolting thought, and Raph tried to think about anything else as he swallowed down the bile attempting to reappear.

This is exactly what I was afraid of. He thought with a grimace, wiping the sweat from his face with a cool rag. I can’t do this. I’m a liability. If I can’t even keep myself from puking up Kraang goo over one conversation, how the hell am I supposed to keep it together long enough to save the world? Again?

Raph looked at himself in the mirror, gripping the sink tightly. He wanted to tell his family what was going on. If he was a detriment to the team, if he was dangerous, they deserved to know. He was tired of feeling alone… And scared. He was so sick of feeling scared.

But… He considered grimly. Once again, we’re facing a Kraang apocalypse. Something so much bigger than our tiny little family. They need their wits about them more than ever. The last thing they need is… distractions. If they’re all thinking about me, about how to “cure” whatever this is, and whether I’ll be reliable or not, they could get hurt. Or worse. Raph stood up straighter, cracking his neck and glaring at his reflection. No, I can’t tell them. Not yet. I’ll do some more research, talk to the scientists at TCRI. Unless it’s an absolute emergency, what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

Raph couldn’t help but recognize the similarities between Splinter’s decision not to tell him and his brothers about the Kraanginoids and his decision now. He could hear Leo’s scathing voice, echoing in his head, “Now you sound just like Dad.” Raph heard a low hiss emanate from deep inside him. He shook his head violently, trying to push down the brewing anger in his gut. The effort made his lungs ache, but he ignored them, turning instead to leave.

“It’s fine.” He said quietly to himself as he opened the bathroom door, ready to go flop into the pile of stuffed animals on his bed. “It’ll all be fine.”

“What’ll be fine?”

Raph let out a yelp of surprise as he found himself face to face with Donnie, who was leaning against the wall with his drawn-on eyebrows knit into an accusing glare.

“Donnie!” He squeaked, trying to regain his composure. He crossed his arms over his plastron, hoping the motion looked normal and not completely suspicious. “We need to put a bell or something on you.” The joke fell flat on the younger turtle, and Raph chuckled nervously despite himself.

“Right.” Donnie replied, narrowing his eyes. Then, he focused his red irises on Raph, who felt himself stiffen under the softshell’s gaze. Why was Donnie looking at him like that? “So,” The purple clad turtle said nonchalantly. “Are you going to tell me what that was all about?”

“Hah, what what was about?” Raph asked, playing dumb. He leaned up against the other side of the wall, trying to appear relaxed although his heart was beating out of his chest.

“I saw you run in there pale as a ghost.” Donnie said, a flicker of concern on his face. “And it doesn’t take a genius to guess what those retching noises were. Are you sick?”

An arm from Donnnie’s battle shell extended upwards, a purple light scanning over Raph’s body. Before Raph could protest, Donnie looked at his arm cuff as unintelligible data appeared on it.

“Donnie!” Raph exclaimed in an exasperated voice. “What have I told you about randomly scanning people without permission? It’s rude!” When Donnie ignored him, Raph reached forward, blocking the arm cuff from the younger turtle’s view. “And I’m not sick! Just had an upset stomach, that’s all. Musta eaten something bad.”

“Really?” Donnie said with a glare as he yanked his arm away from Raph. “‘Cause I beg to differ, Raphael. Your body temperature is still elevated above the normal range, and I doubt either of us have eaten today. You’re a terrible liar.”

Raph held Donnie’s gaze. It was true, he is a terrible liar. Always has been. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He couldn’t lie to Donnie, nor did he want to. But maybe, he didn’t have to. Maybe he could just… exclude things.

“Sorry, Don.” He said, lowering his gaze to the ground. “I’ve just been really stressed recently with all the Kraang stuff going on. And when you add on the weirdness between Leo and I, well, it all just ends with an upset stomach. I’m not tryna lie, I just don't want my stress to get in the way of everything else we’re trying to do.” He looked back up at Donnie, silently urging the purple turtle to believe him. “You get me?”

Donnie stared at him, his eyes flicking up and down Raph’s body as if looking for any sign the turtle was lying. But he wouldn’t find anything; it wasn’t a lie. With a sigh, Donnie seemed to relax a bit, his shoulders dropping from their hunched position.

“I understand.” He said, aimlessly rubbing his arms. “If you continue feeling… stressed, just let me know. I could try and help.”

Raph smiled, reaching up and pulling Donnie’s goggles over his eyes. “Will do, Donnie boy.” He said in a forced cheery voice. Donnie let out a disgruntled sound, shifting the goggles on his head before giving Raph the tiniest half-smile. This didn’t feel good. Raph felt guilt gnawing away at him as he walked down the hall, away from Donnie.

Is this really what I want? He thought, grabbing one of his mask ties and chewing on it nervously. To lie to my family? Pretend I’m not one angry explosion away from becoming a monster? Raph winced as he bit his cheek, spitting the now wet cloth from his mouth.

Heh. He chuckled wryly to himself, turning into his room. Some hero I turned out to be.

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Donnie watched as Raph walked down the hall, his smile fading into a worried grimace. Raph doesn’t lie. He can’t lie. Especially not to Donnie, who knew every blatant tell his animated older brother had. He didn’t lie, but…

Donnie looked down at his arm cuff, Raph’s scans still shifting on the screen. Raph was right; Donnie did scan too many people without them being aware of what was happening. He liked having a record of them, just in case something happened to change. That’s why, when they were fighting the Kraanginoids, he took scans of each one, eager to know what state their human hosts were in after all that time. The results were troubling, to say the least.

The Kraang infection seemed to greatly elevate the internal body temperature of their hosts, keeping them feverish without crossing the threshold into causing any lasting brain damage. However, having such a high fever for that long can’t have done any favors to the mental state of the infected humans. Not only that, but the humans appeared to be in a state of severe malnutrition, which Donnie theorized was from the Kraang feeding off of whatever the body could spare.

But what really disturbed Donnie was when he accidentally scanned Raph during the fight, while he was trying to get a read on the massive blob of pink goo that had once been human. Raph’s internal body temperature had been elevated, just like the Kraanginoids.

Well, maybe not to the severity of the Kraanginoids. It was definitely higher than usual, enough that Donnie would classify it as a low grade fever. At the time, Donnie dismissed it as perhaps being because of the intense situation, but when Raph’s temperature remained high after they’d gone home… Then he started to get worried.

There was definitely something going on with Raph. His temperature, his attitude, and now his “upset stomach,” all of this didn’t sound good to Donnie. Pair that with the increase in his asthma recently, Donnie was starting to worry that Raph might be genuinely sick. And whether it was totally unrelated to the Kraanginoids or completely related, he wasn’t sure. But it was clear Raph didn’t want to talk about it. And that made Donnie even more worried.

He needed to discuss his concerns with someone. Splinter was most likely still pissy from talking to Leo, and Leo, well, Leo had been kinda weird lately as well. That left one choice, who in hindsight, probably should have been Donnie’s first choice. Donnie closed out of his arm cuff, trying to ignore the flashing screen indicating Raph’s elevated temperature. Then, he headed off to find Mikey.

The softshell walked down the hall towards the tv room, where Mikey was watching some cartoons while sketching idly in a notebook. Mikey looked up as he entered, immediately pausing the show and setting his notebook down.

“What up, Don?” The small turtle asked cheerfully. “You apologize to Raph like I told you to?”

“Ah, yes, well, I was going to, but-” Donnie stammered out, forgetting that was the reason he’d gone to meet Raph in the first place. But when Raph had raced past him, a look of fear on his face that Donnie hadn’t seen in a while, and immediately ran into the bathroom to start vomiting, Donnie had gotten distracted from his task. He’d have to apologize later.

“You didn’t apologize?!” Mikey exclaimed loudly, narrowing his mismatched eyes in dismay. “Donnie, to put it bluntly, you were kinda a jerk earlier. You owe him.”

“I know, Angelo, I know, I was upset, alright, but that’s not important right now.” Donnie replied in an exasperated voice.

Mikey crossed his arms over his plastron, giving Donnie a skeptical glare. “Go on.” He said with a light huff.

“Listen,” Donnie began, nervously stimming by rubbing his arms. “I have reason to believe there might be something going on with Raph.”

Mikey’s gaze softened a bit. “Well yeah, of course there is. You’ve seen how he’s been acting recently. He’s jumpier than a rabbit at a trampoline park. I think the Kraanginoids really freaked him out, more than he let on, and he’s trying to cover it up. You should’ve seen him at the skatepark, Donnie; Mondo nearly gave the guy a heart attack just by calling out to him.”

“Well, yes, I know he’s been acting, off, recently.” Donnie said quickly. “But that’s not what I’m talking about. I think he might be… sick.”

“Sick?” Mikey replied quietly, his eyes wide with worry. “What do you mean, sick?”

“I don’t know.” Donnie said, shifting his gaze to the floor. “All I know is that something’s not right. I caught him puking in the bathroom, and when I confronted him about it he gave me some sort of half-assed explanation. It looked like he was telling the truth, but I think he’s lying to us about something. I mean, it doesn’t look like he’s lying, but something didn’t feel right, you know? And he doesn’t want to talk about it, which can’t be good, and I can’t figure it out, which is even more frustrating, and…” Donnie trailed off, trying to calm himself before he started spiraling. “Anyways, I just think we need to keep an eye on him. You know he’s got a hero complex, and if he’s lying to us about something, it can’t be good.”

Mikey’s face looked grim, but he nodded. “Ok. Yeah, I agree. I can also try to talk with him; see if I can get him to spill anything else.” Mikey began gnawing absently on his nails as he continued. “Should we tell Leo about this? He would want to know if something was going on.”

Donnie thought for a moment before slowly shaking his head. “Nardo’s been weird lately. Sensitive. I think if we told him, he’d blame himself. We can’t have that right now; we need him.”

Mikey bit his lips, staring at the ground. “I don’t like this, Donnie.” He said quietly, his face downcast.

“Me neither, Mikes.” Donnie sighed, taking a seat by Mikey and placing a comforting hand on the turtle’s shell. They sat like that for a while, each lost in their own thoughts, worrying about their older brother.

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Meanwhile, Raph had buried himself under a pile of stuffed animals on his bed, the weight helping him relax as he hugged them close.

Tomorrow, we start work at TCRI. He thought grimly to himself, gently rubbing his cheek on a small, sheep plushie. I just gotta keep it together. If I keep my cool, we can get through this. No more apocalypse, no more Kraang. We can finally be happy.

Raph felt his muscles tighten, the sheep plushie squeaking sadly as he squeezed it. A terrible thought had appeared in his mind, causing him to clench his jaw with fear. It repeated in his brain, like a resounding church bell, echoing jarringly against his skull.

If we want to get rid of the Kraang completely, does that mean we’re going to have to get rid of me?

Chapter Text

“I’m so glad you’ve agreed to come work for me!”

Raph rubbed his arms uncomfortably, shuffling his feet on the white tile floor of TCRI. Once again, he and his brothers had made their way over to the tall, menacing building to meet up with Bishop. The journey had been silent, with Leo leading the way, Donnie following close behind, and Raph and Mikey bringing up the rear. Raph had felt exhausted, like he barely got any sleep. And once again, he’d woken up in a cold sweat.

But now, he stood in front of Bishop, who was practically beaming at the sight of the turtles. The hum of the fluorescent lights in the lab mixed with the gentle whispering that started as soon as they got near TCRI was giving Raph a headache, and he tried to keep a neutral face as Bishop stared at them, eyes sparkling with delight.

Raph rubbed at the side of his head irritably, hoping the motion might quell the noise a little bit. He assumed that the hissing noise was connected to his proximity to the Kraanginoids kept in the facility, which wasn’t the greatest conclusion he could draw. But considering he was the only one who could hear it, and he was the only one puking up Kraang goo, he didn’t think it was too crazy of an assumption to make. His arm dropped down to his side in defeat, and he had to stifle a hiss of annoyance. Rubbing his ears hadn’t helped; probably because it was all in his head.

He noticed Mikey giving him a funny look, and Raph immediately straightened up, giving the small turtle a thumbs up. He already had Donnie thinking something was wrong with him; he didn’t need Mikey on the same train. He turned back to Bishop and Leo, trying to focus on their conversation and not the intense stare his younger brother was giving him.

“Well, shall we get started then?” Bishop said, clapping his hands together enthusiastically. “First things first, I’ll get you all up to speed on what we know. Consider it your first paycheck.” The man laughed, and the turtles joined in with some polite, uncomfortable laughter. “No worries.” Bishop said, waving off their apologetic looks. “You’ll get used to my humor. We like to keep a pretty laid back workplace, so I think you boys will fit right in here.”

Bishop walked over to a nearby desk, the touch screen flickering with hundreds of different buttons. He typed in a few things, then swiped upwards, causing a holographic screen to appear above the desk. On it was the TCRI logo, spinning slowly in a circle.

“God I want that.” Raph heard Donnie whisper, his eyes shining as he stared at the hologram.

Bishop chuckled, picking up a small remote and clicking it, shifting the screen to a picture of the Kraang. “Alright, turtles, crash course. Let’s just do a run through of everything we know.”

Bishop cleared his throat, flicking the screen to the next slide. Raph watched as a picture of a regular Kraanginoid appeared, the image apparently taken from a security camera and showing the creature digging through a dumpster. The mighty Kraang, everyone. Raph thought sarcastically, leaning against a desk.

“We know that the Kraangionids were originally humans, mutated by the Kraang and controlled by one of the main Kraang commanders.” Bishop started.

“Yeah, human.” Leo scoffed. “Like you could consider the Foot Clan ‘human’.”

“Despite the deaths and exile of the remaining Kraang, the Kraang infection remained strong, reverting to what we theorize is a hive mind.” Bishop continued, and Raph perked up. Maybe that was why he could hear the weird hissing noises whenever a Kraanginoid was near. He was listening to them communicate. “We have reason to believe that the Kraanginoid infection is not several, independent beings, but all a part of one giant organism. A parasitic one, leeching off of its hosts.”

Bishop went to the next slide, showing a bunch of data that Raph could barely even begin to decipher. “According to our scans, the infection causes its victims to have high fevers, coupled with severe malnutrition, anemia, and skin lesions.” Bishop said grimly. “It’s hard to say what state the hosts would be in if we were able to cure them, but it doesn’t look great.”

“Yeah, well, I already knew that.” Donnie said under his breath. Raph was about to shoot him a questioning look, but Bishop had already moved on to the next slide.

“That brings us to the appearance of the new, mutated Kraanginoids.” Bishop said, an image of the captured Kraanginoid popping up on the screen. “Since this is the only one of the creatures we’ve been able to capture so far, we’ve been able to conduct a fair amount of research on it, enough to develop a hypothesis about their strange mutation.” Bishop turned away from the hologram, looking at each of the turtles in turn. “The Kraang infection has had the same human hosts for a long time. I believe the hosts have about run their course. When the human host is weakened enough that the infection can no longer survive off of it, that’s when I believe the mutation occurs. It’s sort of like a fail safe; a way to quickly and efficiently spread the infection following the death of the host.”

Raph felt like his mouth was full of cotton. So the mutated Kraanginoids, the last remnants of the Foot Clan… they were dying. Painfully, and agonizingly slow. It made Raph sick.

“The infection creates small, protruding masses that produce tiny precursors to the infection, which I’ve been referring to as ‘spores.’” Bishop said, zooming in on one of the pocked growths on the mutated Kraanginoid. “Then, the infection forces the host to climb to an area of high elevation, where I assume it’s supposed to stay until it dies. At that point, the spores would be released onto the masses.”

“Just like Cordyceps…”

“Just like the video game…”

Raph turned as Donnie and Mikey whispered these in unison, before Donnie gave Mikey a scathing look.

“Cordyceps? Ophiocordyceps unilateralis? It’s a parasitic fungus, Mikey.” Donnie said in exasperation. “One that the video game is based on, yes, but this is much, much worse.”

“I theorize just one of the mutated Kraanginoids could infect thousands of people.” Bishop crossed his arms over his chest, a dark look in his eyes. “And then the cycle repeats again. Over and over, until every human on earth is infected.”

Raph gulped, feeling like ice was running through his veins. The situation was worse than he thought. He rubbed his arms nervously, looking up at Bishop. “So how are we supposed to catch these guys?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

“I’m glad you asked!” Bishop replied with a sudden mood shift, becoming a lot more cheerful. “My team and I have been working on a system of extraction that I’m sure you guys will be happy about!”

Bishop clicked the remote, turning off the hologram, then ran over to another desk, grabbing a box off of it. He jogged back over before dropping the box on the ground, revealing several, thin metal devices, each rimmed with green lights around their circular edge.

“What are they?” Leo asked skeptically, watching as Donnie immediately walked over and began examining the devices.

“I’ll show you.” Bishop replied with a smile, before turning to call over his shoulder. “Tara? Could you come here for a minute please?”

A young, female scientist made her way over the group, and Raph realized he recognized her from yesterday. She was the one who’d exclaimed excitedly about Raph waving at her group. She stood in front of Bishop, trying to look professional as her eyes kept stealing glances at the turtle brothers. “How can I help you?” She asked, a slightly exaggerated smile on her face.

“Here.” Bishop said, reaching down and grabbing one of the metal devices. “Hold this.” He suddenly shot his arm forward, thrusting the metal device into a surprised Tara’s chest. In a flash, the device seemed to transform, with thick metal sheets coming out and locking Tara in a large box. Raph and his brothers stepped back as thrusters shot the box into the air, flying it over to a nearby containment unit. It lowered slowly onto the top of the unit before landing over a small hatch, which opened and dropped a completely disgruntled Tara onto the floor. Bishop turned back to the baffled boys, shaking his hands theatrically. “Tada!”

There was a moment of silence before Donnie scoffed with indignation. “You ripped off my Donnie pods!” He exclaimed, gesturing angrily with his arms.

“Donnie pods?” Bishop asked, his face clouded with confusion.

“It doesn’t matter.” Leo said quickly, covering Donnie’s mouth before he could go on a rant about trademarks. “So these are what you want us to use?”

“Precisely.” Bishop replied. “These pods will safely and efficiently transport the Kraanginoids to our facility. We want to avoid harming the subjects too much, so this process is basically painless. Right, Tara?”

The scientist stood up, dusting off her jeans, before typing into a keypad and exiting the containment unit. “My ass is sore, but other than that, yeah, harmless.” She said, giving Bishop a glare. “A warning would be nice, next time. Now, please excuse me. I need to get back to work.”

Raph watched her walk back to her desk, and he couldn’t help but notice the way her hands shook as they hovered over the keyboard of her computer. However, his attention was pulled back as Bishop chuckled.

“Ah, Tara, she’s a good sport.” He said, reaching down and grabbing the box full of Kraang pods. “Anyways, you guys still got that pager I gave you?”

Donnie nodded, pulling it from his battle shell.

“Excellent!” Bishop exclaimed. “That will be how I alert you to possible Kraanginoid activity. My team and I struggle to locate the creatures underground, where we assume they’re residing, but if there’s any activity on the surface, I’ll page you the coordinates. Then, it’s up to you all to do your ninja moves and capture them with these pods.”

“Sounds easy enough.” Leo said, grabbing the box from Bishop. “So when do we start?”

Suddenly, there was a loud tone, and a large, holographic screen appeared above the desk. On it was a grainy video of two Kraanginoids scaling a small apartment building, a mutated Kraanginoid in tow.

Raph felt his heart pounding, and he turned quickly to the rest of his family. Their attention was on Bishop, whose dark brown eyes were gleaming with anticipation. He hit a few buttons, and coordinates appeared onscreen, detailing the location of the creatures. Bishop smiled, and with a wave of dread, Raph’s heart dropped into his gut. Bishop turned towards the turtles, clasping his hands in front of him as he stared them down.

“Right now.”

Chapter Text

“Talk about impeccable timing.”

Raph gave the purple clad turtle a withering look as Leo clapped his hands together, eyes sparkling with anticipation.

“It’s perfect!” He said, grabbing a handful of the containment devices and tossing them to each of the turtles in turn, saving a few for himself. “C’mon, we gotta hurry! Let’s make this quick and easy.” Raph noticed the slider sneak a quick glance over at Bishop, as if waiting for approval. He could smell Leo’s false confidence from a mile away.

He walked over to his brother, setting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Right, what Leo said.” Raph said as he gave a confident grin. “Let’s go beat some Kraang butt.”

“Hopefully not ‘beat their butts.’” Bishop chimed in. “Just capture them.”

“Right right, capture.” Raph continued. “Let’s go!”

The turtle’s took off towards the building pictured on the screen. As they ran, there was a small beep from the pager, showing that Bishop had sent them the coordinates. Despite the urgency of their mission, Raph was relieved to be out of TCRI, racing across the rooftops. Despite being so big, the building felt… claustrophobic. And the droning noises that had been giving him a headache were gone, replaced by the sounds of the city and his own breathing.

“Alright, the Kraanginoids should be up there.” Donnie called, hovering alongside the rest of the turtles with his battle shell. “Three of them altogether, but one’s a mutant, so exercise some caution around it.”

“I think our best bet is to jump the mutant one first.” Leo said, leaping gracefully across an alleyway. “Secure it before it starts spewing spores everywhere.”

“Good idea.” Raph agreed, trying to ignore the nervous adrenaline pumping through his veins. Could that thing even infect him anymore? Probably not. Raph thought as an answer to his own question. That means I should be the one to jump it. The last thing we need is another turtle coughing up Kraang gunk.

“I’ll tag the mutant one.” Raph quickly volunteered. “Should be easy, since those guys can barely carry the weight of their own body. Then, I’ll jump in and help catch the others.”

“Sounds good to me.” Leo nodded, turning towards Mikey. “Mikes, you’re with me. Donnie, subdue the other Kraanginoid until Raph can help, ok?”

Mikey and Donnie nodded, and in unison, they all jumped up onto the roof that the Kraanginoids had been sighted on. And there they sat, the two normal Kraanginoids posted next to the mutant one like guard dogs.

Immediately, Raph sprinted towards the surprised looking group of creatures. He ignored the loud hissing in his ears as he leaped over the massive mound of mutant goo, sticking an extraction device to its pink flesh. With a squeak of shock, the mutant Kraanginoid was pulled into the air like it weighed nothing before being encapsulated by the metal walls of the device. Within seconds, the capsule jetted off towards TCRI, leaving the turtles facing two very pissed off Kraanginoids.

“Nice Raph!” Mikey called, running towards the large turtle. Raph braced himself as Mikey ricocheted off his shell, launching himself at the creature on the left. Raph turned and faced the other Kraanginoid with Donnie, the creature’s many eyes glaring at him with hatred as it let out a screech.

KILL

Raph was thrown off for a moment as the word reverberated in his head. The Kraanginoid seemed to sense that, charging forward and reaching out with its dagger-like claws. Raph recoiled backwards as the creature slashed the air where his face had been a half second ago. In the same moment, Donnie whacked the Kraanginoid over the head with his techBo, sending it flying into a nearby AC unit.

“Try to stay sharp, Raph!” Donnie chastised, swinging his Bo around him in a practiced motion. “I’m not going to jigsaw your face back together if this guy slashes it off.”

“I wasn’t ready!” Raph complained, summoning his sai and running towards the creature, Donnie at his side. The purple clad turtle had a point. He couldn’t afford to be distracted by the Kraanginoid’s voice. He had to focus. But trying to think past the loud hissing noise in his head was proving to be incredibly frustrating.

He and Donnie engaged the creature, taking turns landing hits and working their way closer so they could plant the extractor. Donnie nearly had it, using his Bo like a baseball bat and smacking the device directly towards the Kraanginoids chest. However, at the last second, the creature ducked down, the device clattering to the ground behind it as it let out another spine tingling screech.

KILL MUST KILL FEED FEED

Raph growled, the volume of the words making his head throb. He could feel himself wheezing now, which made everything so much better. But to his relief, the creature seemed to be worse for wear as well, backing away as it let out a soft moan.

“Raph, Donnie! Behind you!”

Raph turned around to Leo’s voice just in time to see the other Kraanginoid sail over his head, landing next to the creature Raph and Donnie had cornered. It let out a loud hiss, and Raph heard the command clear as day.

FLEE

The two Kraanginoid turned tail, racing across the rooftops with surprising speed. The turtles immediately gave chase, but it was difficult to keep up with the agile monsters as they scaled the sides of buildings like spiders. Within minutes, they’d lost them.

“Dammit!” Leo cursed, kicking a stray soda can. “Our first mission, and we only caught one of the fuckers. Bishop’s going to think he hired a bunch of idiots!”

Raph tried to slow his breathing, hoping his wheezing wasn’t as audible as it felt. He looked around at his team. Donnie and Mikey both looked defeated, the smaller of the two softly dabbing a cut on his arm with some gauze from Donnie’s medpack. Leo paced back and forth, letting out frustrated growls. The slider’s eyes were wide with worry.

Leo’s gonna think he failed his first mission as leader. Raph thought, pursing his lips tightly. C’mon Raph, think. How can you fix this?

With a start, Raph perked up, suddenly aware of the noise still shifting in his head. He could still hear the whispers. It was faint, but if he could just follow them… Maybe, just maybe…

Raph turned his head different directions, seeing if he could get an idea of which way they went. After a few moments, he found it. The direction where the whispering was ever so slightly louder.

“C’mon guys, let’s report back to the Bishop.” Leo said, his face crestfallen. Raph quickly held up a hand, his eyes narrowed.

“Wait.” He said, trying not to lose the sound of the Kraanginoids. “I think I saw something. This way!”

Raph took off across the rooftops, his brothers close on his heels. The whispers were definitely getting louder.

“I don’t see anything!” Mikey yelled, falling into step beside Raph. Raph just picked up his speed. His lungs were aching, but he gritted his teeth, pushing forward towards the noise. Then, he spotted the creatures, racing just ahead of them.

“There!” He called. As he landed on the rooftop the Kraanginoids were on, he noticed with a start that they were about to jump, most likely to the wall of the nearby skyscraper. If they did that, the turtles wouldn’t be able to follow them. The creatures would escape.

Raph raced forward, hearing protests from his brothers as he did. However, the words were completely indecipherable. All he could hear was the hissing of the Kraanginoids as they leapt off the side of the building. And without a second thought, he did too.

Raph swung his arms out, like he was tossing his sai. Two extraction devices sailed from his hands, flying through the air and hitting the Kraanginoids in the small of their backs. In a flash, the creatures were wrapped in metal boxes, flying off into the distance.

And Raph was falling.

Raph felt his breath catch in his throat as he saw the busy city street rushing towards him. I really didn’t think this through. He thought uselessly as he tried desperately to think of something to slow his fall.

Suddenly, he watched as golden chains wrapped around his body. He braced himself as he was jerked back up to the roof of the building. He fell to the concrete floor with a thud, letting out a huff as the air was knocked out of him. He rolled to his hands and knees, coughing a bit as he tried to catch his breath. The chains that had saved him retracted towards a hyperventilating Mikey, the small turtle’s eyes glowing with bright, golden light. Raph let out a soft chuckle, smiling painfully up at him.

“Heh, nice catch, Mikes.”

Chapter Text

“Have you lost your freaking shell?!”

Raph winced as Donnie screeched at him, the softshell’s voice a mix of anger and fear. He tried to stand up, but quickly realized he was much too dizzy, his head still swirling from tumbling through the air. Instead, Raph sat up slowly, noticing with a start that his brothers were staring at him. “What?” He asked innocently, propping himself up against an ac unit until the world decided to stop spinning.

“What?!” Mikey exclaimed with indignation, his eyes back to their normal, non-glowy look. “If I hadn’t gone all ‘Mystic Warrior' on you, you would’ve fallen into the freeway!”

“I would’ve figured something out.” Raph replied nonchalantly, trying to brush off his brother’s concern, but inside, he could feel worry stirring around within him. Would he have figured something out? When he jumped, he wasn’t even thinking about himself. He was thinking about the defeated looks on Mikey and Donnie’s faces when the Kraanginoids got away, Leo’s desperation to prove himself as a good leader, and the mix of fear and anxiety in the slider’s eyes as he paced, worrying about what the Bishop might think of him. So when the Kraanginoids were getting away, he didn’t hesitate. No, he didn’t think. He just jumped.

“Seriously guys, it’s all good.” Raph continued, standing up as the dizziness subsided. “Everything turned out ok, so it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine, Raph!” Leo said, his eyes narrowed. “What if Mikey hadn’t been able to summon his chains, huh? You would’ve been roadkill! I told you to stop; why didn’t you listen?”

’Cause the Kraanginoids were too damn loud. Raph thought, clenching his jaw. “I would’ve summoned my avatar, or something.” Raph mumbled.

“But you didn’t!” Mikey exclaimed, his eyes wide with worry.

“I was getting to it!” Raph replied earnestly, knowing damn well his only thoughts at the time were SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT-

“You took off after the Kraanginoids that, apparently, none of us could see except for you, you ignored me when I told you to stop, and you stupidly risked your life for no good reason!” Leo growled angrily, stalking up to Raph and jabbing a finger into his plastron. “What is it you always talk about? ‘Working as a team?’ What happened to that, Raph?!”

“They would’ve gotten away!” Raph argued back, feeling prickles of irritation swarm across his skin. Whether it was directed towards Leo for pointing out Raph’s hypocrisy or himself for acting so rashly, he wasn’t sure, but regardless the whole conversation was rubbing Raph’s scutes the wrong way. “I thought you wanted to catch all the Kraang. So what are you pissed off about?”

“Use your brain, you idiot! I don’t want my stupid ass brother to die chasing some worthless Kraanginoids!” Leo hissed, his eyes flashing with anger.

“I’ve told you this before, Raph.” Donnie chimed in, his voice insistent. “You have to think things through. You can’t just charge forward and hope for the best.”

“Jesus, you guys are overreacting!” Raph growled, feeling his anger bubbling over. “Everything’s fine, alright, so just get off my shell!”

There was a moment of silence as Raph’s words lingered, and he immediately felt a surge of guilt. His brother’s faces were each matching looks of shock at Raph’s outburst. What was he thinking; blowing up like that? He shook his head, trying to clear the anger from his mind. He shouldn’t have been mad at them in the first place. They were just worried, after all. It was him who was overreacting.

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean that.” He said quickly, turning away from them. “I wasn’t thinking, you’re right. I’ll… do better.”

Raph looked over at Leo with an apologetic look. “We should report back to Bishop.” He said, trying to change the subject to something else. “I’m sure he’ll be happy about our success today.”

Leo stared at him for a moment, then nodded, sheathing his katana and turning towards TCRI. “Raph’s right. Let’s head back to TCRI.” He took off across the rooftops, his mask ribbons flowing behind him. Donnie and Mikey exchanged a suspicious look, before both turning to follow Leo as well.

Raph was just about to follow suit when a painful fit of coughs racked his body, and he quickly covered his mouth as a glob of Kraang goo spewed into his hand. He gagged with disgust, shaking the slime off his hand and watching as it rapidly dried, blowing across the ground like ash.

“Gross…” Raph said breathily, wheezing slightly as his lungs struggled to get back to normal. Despite the ache in his chest, Raph felt a bit of relief. It was a good thing that his coughing fit happened here instead of back at TCRI. Who knows what they’d do to him there?

Raph shook his head to clear the horrifying images his imagination was bringing to life and took off after his brothers, reaching TCRI just a few minutes after them. The mix of Kraanginoid whispers and fluorescent hums were just as bad as when Raph left the building, and he could already hear the droning hiss worming its way into his head, making it throb softly. He grimaced slightly before noticing that Mikey was giving him a look of concern. Raph waved the younger turtle off, following Leo as he led them inside.

“Excellent work, just amazing!” Bishop greeted them, smiling so wide that Raph thought he might hurt himself if smiled any bigger. “Three Kraanginoids bagged and contained, and all in one morning! It took my team months to catch even one!”

“Well, the ninja training does help.” Leo answered, rubbing the back of his neck as he smiled. Raph could practically see the slider glowing at Bishop’s praise. And Raph had to admit; it did feel good to have an adult figure tell them they did a good job. Most of the time they just tried to kill them.

“And you caught some of the non-mutated ones as well!” Bishop exclaimed, holding a hand over his chest. “Be calm, my gentle scientist heart. Oh, the research I’m going to be able to do. This is wonderful. Thank you, boys.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Donnie said, his eyes darting around the lab intense interest. “Anyways, you think we might be able to scope out, I mean, tour your facilities? I would love to see some of the tech you got stored here.”

“Oh of course.” Bishop said, spreading his arms out wide. “Please. I want you all to be comfortable here. Feel free to take a look around, and let me know if you have any questions.” Bishop got a slightly sheepish look on his face as he added, “But maybe don’t touch anything. The tech here is kinda delicate, and I’d rather not have any, ehem, issues with containment.”

“He’s talking to you, Mikey.” Raph said with a teasing smile as the smaller turtles scoffed in mock offense.

“How dare you; I would never!” Mikey replied, sniffing haughtily. “Unless it’s a giant red button, ‘cause at that point, it’s just asking to be pressed.”

Raph watched as Leo, Donnie, and Mikey wandered off, taking in the sights of the lab. Donnie immediately gravitated towards the tech, scanning the machines with his goggles and taking notes on his arm sleeve. Leo struck up a conversation with some of the researchers, who seemed more than happy to talk to him. He even signed a few of their lab coats, causing the scientist to squeal with delight. Mikey wandered over to a fancy looking vending machine and appeared to be ogling at the options within.

Raph, however, found himself staying put. His headache was worse now, probably due to the extra Kraanginoids he and his brother’s had just sent here. It was hard to concentrate over the noise grating in his mind, and moving just made it worse. So he just stood there, zoning out and trying not to hear the ebb and flow of whispers in his brain.

“Not going to join your team?”

Raph startled as a voice cut through the drone. Bishop was standing next to him, offering Raph what looked to be a glass of water.

“Thanks.” Raph said as he took the glass, taking a sip. “And no. I think I’ve had enough excitement for today. Plus, I don’t understand any of this science stuff. I’d just be lost.”

Bishop laughed. “It’s true. It is very easy to get lost in all this technical stuff. But at the end of the day, that’s all it is. Just stuff.”

There was a moment of silence, then Raph felt a thought pop into his head. He took another sip of water, then set the glass down, turning towards Bishop.

“So, what preparations are in order?” He asked. When Bishop gave him a confused look, he tried to word it a different way. “Like, what is the government doing about all this? They’re funding your research, right? You’d think with the threat of a worldwide epidemic, they’d be getting things prepared. But from how you’ve spoken, it seems like it’s just you and your team trying to stop all this.”

Bishop sighed, leaning on the desk next to Raph. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for, Rafael.” He said, turning his soft brown eyes towards the large turtle. “The truth is, I haven’t informed the government about what’s happening with the Kraanginoids. As far as they know, we’re simply working on capturing and creating weapons to destroy the Kraang. They don’t know anything about the infection.”

“What?!” Raph exclaimed, shocked. “This is an incredibly dangerous, possibly world ending infection we’re talking about! How could you not tell them?”

Bishop’s eyes narrowed as he looked away. “Listen, Raph, you and your brothers are still young. Do you even know how screwed our government is?” Bishop gripped the edge of the table hard. “If I told the government about this infection, you want to know what would happen? It’d become a power game. People would take sides, fighting over the right way to ‘solve’ this without ever doing anything. They’ll talk and talk and talk, but nothing will ever get done. Then, when all hell breaks loose, they’ll get sick, just like everyone else. In the end, it won’t matter. They can’t help us.”

“But what about the people?” Raph insisted desperately. “There’s billions of people out there that have no idea what’s happening! Don’t they deserve to know?”

Bishop’s face grew sad as he turned to look at Raph. “Humanity is fickle, Raph. I’d like to say we’d all band together as human beings to support each other, to protect each other and find a solution. But it’s just not true. If people knew about this, they’d panic. They’d turn violent, raid shops and homes, protest against the violence, then turn violent at the protests. And it’ll all end the same.”

Bishop let out another sigh. “I don’t think it’s worth it to tell them. Why worry them while there’s still hope that we can fix this, and they’ll never know otherwise?”

Raph swallowed, his mind conflicted. He understood where Bishop was coming from… But why did it feel so wrong? It was the same thing he was doing with his brothers… Did that make him a bad guy? Was Bishop a bad guy?

“This… doesn’t feel right.” Raph admitted finally, holding tight to the side of the desk for support.

“No, I suppose it doesn’t.” Bishop agreed solemnly. “But I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here. We just have to decide what’s best, and face the consequences as they come.”

Raph nodded. Despite Bishop talking about an entirely different thing, Raph felt his own mental conflict being quelled in his mind. He thought back to earlier, to the argument he and his brother’s had. If he told them what was going on with him, would it end the same way? With them being upset with him, unable to be a team because they can’t trust him? Would his weakness, his anger, be the thing that finally tears their team apart? No, no, he couldn’t do that to them. They needed him to be strong. To protect his brother’s, he’ll continue to keep his “issue” a secret. Either he’d solve it and they’ll never have to know, or… well, he’d get to “or” when it came.

“I understand.” Raph said finally, locking eyes with Bishop.

“I’m glad.” Bishop replied with a smile. “We’re still the good guys, Raph. We’re trying to find a cure, and fix everything before it becomes a real problem. And together, I think we have a fighting chance.”

“Yeah.” Raph agreed, looking around at his brothers. They could fix this. He can fix this. They’re heroes; that’s what they’re meant to do. Raph stood up a little straighter, trying to ignore his pounding headache.

We can do this. I can do this.

Chapter Text

Raph followed his brothers into the Lair, glad that, for now, they seemed to have forgotten the whole “argument situation” and were excitedly chatting about TCRI.

Donnie had talked with Bishop, along with a few of the lab technicians, and they’d agreed to let him hop in on some of the technology they were developing. Donnie was already bursting with ideas, talking zealously to Leo, who could do nothing but nod in agreement.

Typically, Leo might rein in Donnie’s overenthusiastic techno talk, but the slider also appeared to be in a very good mood. Despite the, well, slight disagreement about the completion of their mission, this must have done wonders for his confidence as a leader. Raph felt himself brimming with pride towards his little brother. Regardless of their argument from earlier, he’d have to commend Leo for his success. But perhaps he’d wait until the slider’s ego had deflated a little bit.

Mikey seemed to have moved past the whole “Raph falling to his death” thing and was chattering happily about the mystic chains he’d managed to summon. “It was crazy, Raph!” He exclaimed, clutching his hands into fists and shaking them slightly. “I’ve only been able to summon, like, a link or so, and I could never get them to do what I wanted, but when I saw you falling, WHOOSH, there they were!”

“You couldn’t have had better timing, Mikes.” Raph said fondly, reaching his arms above his head in a stretch. “Even though I had it entirely under control.”

“Uh huh.” Mikey replied skeptically, rolling his eyes. His excitement seemed to fade a bit as he looked back up at Raph. “You really should be more careful. That was too close.”

Raph frowned, shifting his gaze to the floor. “I know. I’m sorry.” He said, rubbing his arms lightly. “Thanks, Mikey. For catching me.”

“Pft, no problem.” Mikey replied, adopting a more lighthearted tone. “With the mystic chains, it was like catching a bag full of feathers.”

“Are you calling me fat, Angelo?” Raph teased, shaking his head in mock disappointment. “Tsk tsk tsk, that’s not very ‘peace and love mystic warrior’ of you.”

“Oh shut up.” Mikey laughed, elbowing Raph in the side. Raph smiled, jogging to catch up with Leo and Donnie as they turned into the living room.

“Hey guys!” Raph braced himself as April ran towards him, wrapping him in a hug. Raph smiled warmly as he hugged her back, seeing Casey and Splinter watching from the couch out of the corner of his eye. April pushed Raph out to arms length, staring intensely into his eyes. “You would not believe the amount of homework I have right now, I swear.” She practically growled. She spun around, giving each of the other brothers a hug before drawing back. “Ok ok, I’m sorry, never mind the homework. Spill! How did it go? Was it good? What did Bishop say? What did you say? Did you kick some Kraanginoid butt? Don’t leave out the gory details; I can take it!”

“Chill, April.” Leo drawled, flopping onto the couch and resting his arms over his head. “Of course it went great. Those Kraanginoids never stood a chance! And Bishop was very impressed.”

Raph watched as Leo glanced over at Splinter, and he felt his heart ache for his brother. Bishop’s approval wasn’t enough; it was Splinter’s approval he wanted.

To his relief, Splinter smiled, crossing his furry arms over his chest. “Well done, my sons.” He said with a nod.

Leo grinned with delight, then quickly committed to a more neutral face. “Yeah well, we’ll have to train a bit more on our techniques, but I really think we have a chance here!”

“I could give you a few tips.” Casey Jr. chimed in from his spot on the couch. “I mean, I’ve had a lot of experience fighting Kraanginoids, so I can point out some of their weaknesses to you. If you want.”

“Uh, yes!” Leo replied, shifting his body the other way so he could wrap his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “Those Kraanginoids better watch their nasty tentacles!”

“I’m going to be helping with the tech!” Donnie blurted out, his red eyes sparkling as he spoke. “Bishop’s going to send me blueprints for a new device he’s working on, and he wanted me to help him tweak the code. How epic is that?”

“Donnie, that’s amazing!” April exclaimed joyfully before she crossed her arms over her chest, her face screwed up in a pout. “Because of finals and TCRI’s focus on the impending Kraang epidemic, I’m not doing a ton of work there anymore. Just a bunch of paperwork. It’s so boring…”

“You guys should join us on our missions!” Mikey said, jumping up onto the arm of the couch. “We could definitely use the man, and women, power to catch these things. You’ll get to use your bat, April~” Mikey crooned in a sing-song voice. “And Casey, you can use your, uh, hockey stick, um, chainsaw… thing. We’ll be unstoppable!”

Raph felt his body stiffen. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Casey Jr. and April were formidable warriors, but… Most of his family were already fighting the Kraang; he really didn’t want any more of them in danger. However, before Raph could say anything, he noticed how pale Casey Jr. had gotten, the boy’s eyes wide. It was only for a moment, and quickly he shook his head, appearing to regain his composure. However, Raph couldn’t help but see him grab pants with shaky hands, like he was trying to get them to stop.

“Actually,” Casey Jr. said, the slightest tremor in his voice. “I think I’ve had enough Kraang fighting for an entire lifetime. I’ll definitely help with patrols, and if you need someone there, I’ll be there, but uh…” He trailed off, gripping his pants tight as he looked away, like he was ashamed. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“I think Casey Jr. needs some more time to just be normal.” April butted in, setting a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder. “In fact, he was going to join me in some classes at my campus! Learn some new things, meet some new people, it’ll be awesome! Although it also means I can’t join y’all in fighting the Kraang bois. I gotta help Casey Jr. here learn how to relax.”

Raph was genuinely surprised by this. Normally, April would practically throw herself at any danger the boys might face without a second thought. But now she wasn’t, just so she could show Casey Jr. around her school? It was really nice, sure, just… unexpected. He gave April a questioning look, but if she noticed, she didn’t give any reaction.

“Dude, that sounds epic!” Leo replied, seemingly trying to move past the sore subject Mikey’d accidentally brought up.

“Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?” Casey Jr. said with a smile.

“Heck yeah!” Mikey exclaimed. “You know what Donnie would give to go to April’s school?”

“Literally my entire soul.” Donnie replied in a monotone voice.

“You don’t have one of those, Dontron.” Leo taunted slyly.

“Hey, we do not discriminate against the soul-lacking individuals in this house.” Raph said with a faux haughty voice. They all laughed as Donnie rolled his eyes, but even he had a slight smile on his face.

“Dudes,” Mikey spoke up through the laughter, rubbing the back of his head and yawning. “I gotta go rest for a bit. I think those mystic chains wiped me out a little more than I thought.”

“Yeah, I think we should all rest a bit.” Leo agreed, stretching with a groan. “Rendezvous at dinner time?”

“Aight.” The Hamato clan chorused as they all went their separate ways. However, before April could leave to head back to her apartment, Raph grabbed her, pulling her off to the side.

“Raph! You scared the shit out of me!” She scolded, wacking him lightly on the head. “Give me a warning next time!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Raph apologized, holding his hands up defensively. “Sorry, I just, uh, was wondering why you chose hanging with Casey Jr. over fighting with us? I’m not upset or anything, I’m actually glad Casey Jr. 's got a buddy and y’all aren't knee deep in Kraang goo like us. I just don’t get it. You’re like, addicted to smacking things. What changed?”

April bit her lip, holding tightly onto her arms. “Of course I want to fight with you guys. I’d like to give those Kraanginoids a piece of my mind. But, before Cassandra left, she came to visit me, and…”

April looked up at Raph, her eyes clouded with worry. “She said Casey Jr. 's having a really hard time right now. He’s struggling to adjust and move forward from everything that happened to him. She wanted him to come with her, and leave all this business behind, but apparently he’s not entirely ready to let go of it yet. It is a lot to ask, after all. But she asked me to keep an eye on him for the time being; make sure he has someone he can trust.”

April straightened up, her gaze hard. “I promised Cassandra I’d take care of him, so if that means I gotta distance myself from the Kraang a bit, well, then that’s what I got to do. But!” Her voice rose, and she jabbed Raph in his plastron. “If you boys get into any trouble, and I mean any, you call me, got it? I will be there.”

Raph nodded vehemently. “Yessir.” He said quickly, causing April to relax a bit. “And hey.” He continued. “That’s really awesome of you, April. I’m glad Casey Jr. has you to support him. God knows how lucky we all were to have your support over the years. Let me know if I can help, ok?”

“Sure Raph.” April nodded, hugging Raph as well as she could with her much smaller frame. “And you guys be safe. Don’t do anything stupid. I know you will, but please at least try not to, for my sake.”

“Will do, O’neil.” Raph replied, hugging her tight. He bid April goodbye, then found himself wandering to the kitchen. Mikey had seemed pretty drained from saving his ass today, so Raph thought it was only fair if he made dinner tonight. He was probably the second best cook in the Lair, if you don’t count Donnie’s baking, which he’s unfairly good at.

He whipped up some burgers really quick, along with some sides to tide them over. By the time dinner rolled around, the rest of his family was drawn in by the smell of food, each taking a seat at the long table in the kitchen. All except one.

“Where’s Mikey?” Raph asked as he served salads to everyone. “He still sleeping?”

“Most likely.” Donnie replied, taking Raph’s crafted burger apart and eating the ingredients one by one. “You know how tired that mystic stuff makes him.”

“Should I go wake him?” Raph asked half to himself, his anxiety spiking. His brain had a nasty habit of thinking in worse case scenarios.

“Nah, let the kid sleep.” Leo said through a mouthful of food. “He’ll come out when he wakes.”

As if on cue, Raph watched as Mikey walked into the kitchen, yawning deeply. He was about to greet his little brother when he noticed something that stopped him in his tracks. He glanced at his family, and judging by the shocked look on their faces, he wasn’t the only one who saw it.

“Hey guys, sorry, those chains really took a lot out of me.” Mikey said tiredly. “What’s for dinner?”

The smaller turtle groggily opened his eyes, then paused as he realized everyone was staring at him. “Heh…” He laughed nervously. “W-what is it? Why ya looking at me like that?”

Leo was the first one to break the silence. “That’s so unfair!” He yelled, slamming his hands on the table.

With that, Raph broke out into laughter, a deep belly laughter that shook his whole body. He couldn’t help it; the situation was so hilariously unbelievable.

“What?! What?!” Mikey asked frantically as Donnie handed him a mirror from his battle shell. With a look of complete shock, Mikey finally seemed to see what everyone else was freaking out about.

In the short time he’d been asleep, somehow Raph’s little brother had managed to grow a full head of wavy, medium length, black hair.

“Eep!” He yelped, dropping the mirror, which Donnie managed to catch before it shattered on the floor. Raph couldn’t help but continue laughing, and the jealous look on Leo’s face just made it worse.

“I mean, Master Michealangelo had hair in the future, so I guess it had to show up at some point?” Casey Jr. piped up, stifling a giggle. “Although it was pretty grey by the time I saw it.”

Mikey turned to Donnie, his eyes brimming with dramatic tears. “Donnie…” He whined, tugging lightly at his newly grown hair.

“Don’t look at me, Angelo, I don’t do mystic stuff.” The softshell said, shrugging lightly. “But I don’t think a little hair on your head is going to kill you.”

“Finally, a son who actually takes after his father.” Splinter joked, continuing to eat his burger. “Someone had to inherit my rugged good looks.”

Mikey stiffly tottered over to the door, and Raph finally stopped laughing enough to call out to him. “Where ya goin’, Mikes?”

Mikey turned around slowly, a crazed look in his eyes. “I’m gonna shave it off.” He said in an ominous tone. Then, he took off down the hall.

“No!” Leo cried, summoning his katana and making a portal before jumping in it. In a few seconds, he walked back through it, carrying a mopey Mikey by his shell. “I will not let you destroy that glorious hair of yours.” Leo chastised, setting Mikey down at the table. “Unless it comes to life and tries to kill us. Then we destroy it.”

“Uh, weird analogy aside.” Raph said, walking over to Mikey and ruffling his new hair. “It looks good, Mikes, really. Sorry for laughing. I was just surprised, that’s all.”

“It’s gotta be from the mastery of the mystic chains.” Donnie mused, examining Mikey’s head as he typed into his arm cuff.

“It’s so weird…” Mikey complained, twirling it slightly.

“Eh, when is anything not weird here?” Leo joked, joining Raph and Mikey and giving the smaller turtle a hug. “Besides, you could grow fangs and wings, and you’d still be our little brother.”

That seemed to get Mikey to relax, and they were finally able to resume their dinner, talking and joking happily as they ate. And for the first time in a while, Raph felt right at home. No threatening whispers, no coughing up Kraang gunk, no intrusive thoughts saying he didn’t belong here. He was home, with his family. And when they were happy, so was he.

But obviously, that couldn’t last long.

Chapter Text

“Mikey, quit playing with your hair. You’re gonna get it tangled.”

Raph crossed his arms over his chest as he chastised his little brother, giving the turtle a stern look. It had been nearly two weeks since Mikey had miraculously sprouted mystic hair, and the young turtle still couldn’t manage to leave it alone.

“It tickles.” Mikey complained, rubbing the back of his neck in irritation. “And it’s distracting! I nearly messed up my razzmatazz ‘cause it blew in my eyes!”

“You could talk to April; I’m sure she’ll have a way to keep it out of your face.” Donnie said as he flew down next to the box turtle, landing lightly on the rooftop. He scrunched up his face in disgust as he flicked a chunk of Kraang goo off his techBo, watching as it crumbled into grey dust.

“And you did manage to capture the Kraanginoid, so that’s all that matters.” Leo added, sheathing his katana. “Doesn’t have to look pretty, hermano.”

“Hrmph.” Mikey grumbled sullenly. “It would’ve looked pretty if this stupid hair didn’t mess me up.”

Raph rolled his eyes, surveying the area in case more Kraanginoids decided to show their disfigured faces. For the past two weeks, this had been his life. They’d get a page from Bishop with coordinates for a Kraang sighting, sometimes even two to three times a day. Then they’d rush to the scene, capture the creatures, and send them back to TCRI. It was grueling work, but Raph was genuinely surprised everything was working out so smoothly.

Generally, there’d be one to two mutated Kraanginoids on a rooftop, escorted by a few “sentinels” as Donnie had been calling them. The mutated ones hardly ever put up a fight, simply too weak to lift a tentacle in defense. The sentinels, however, were extremely aggressive and protective of the helpless mutant creatures. So the method the turtles had adopted was to take care of the mutants first, then deal with the aftermath.

Luckily, there hadn’t been any problems so far. They always seemed to reach the Kraanginoids before they could start releasing their spores, and so far, none were able to escape. Much to Bishop’s satisfaction, the turtles have been very efficient.

Speaking of Bishop, they hadn’t been back to TCRI since their first Kraanginoid mission. Bishop kept in contact with them through the pager, along with a video chat that Donnie had set up. It felt a little strange to Raph, only talking with their boss through video, but at the end of the day, he was glad he didn’t have to keep going back to TCRI. Considering how only a few Kraanginoids in the building were enough to give Raph a pounding headache, he couldn’t imagine how terrible it would be for him now. His head might explode. Hopefully Bishop and his team were making progress on a cure; although he hadn’t heard any updates on it since they started.

On the subject of Raph’s Kraang issue, he’d actually gotten slightly used to the whispers of communication the Kraanginoids used. Now that he knew what to expect when he was fighting the things, he was able to slightly block it out and focus. Sometimes, he could even use it to his advantage, such as when a Kraanginoid tried to escape.

And as for the coughing up Kraang goo, he hadn’t had too many issues with it lately. He’d still have bouts of coughing anytime he got irritated or angry about certain things, but it seemed to have chilled out a bit from the intensity it had before. This made Raph feel better about his decision not to tell his brothers about his problem for the time being. It was looking like everything would be fine, that is, if Bishop could actually develop a cure. Raph wasn’t quite sure what would happen if he didn’t.

“C’mon guys.” Leo said, interrupting Raph’s thoughts. “Let’s get back to the lair. I wanna give Bishop an update on how things are going.”

“I also need to discuss some things with our recluse boss.” Donnie added, a sour look on his face. “Many, many things.”

“Right.” Raph said with a huff, stretching before taking off towards the Lair, his brothers following close behind. For a brief moment, Raph felt a shiver go up his spine. He felt like something was watching him, and there was the faintest hissing noise in the back of his mind. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone.

Maybe I’m getting paranoid. Raph thought nervously as he leapt across alleyways. Guess I can just add that to the list of issues.

As soon as they returned to the Lair, Leo and Donnie immediately headed to Donnie’s lab to chat with Bishop. Raph thought about joining them, but talking with Bishop always just made him more stressed about their current situation. He was trying to keep his stress to a minimum, considering what happened when he got too… emotional. So in the meantime, he hung out with Mikey in the living room, absently watching the smaller turtle test out new skateboarding tricks as he munched on a granola bar. He played soft rap music from his phone, letting the music mix with the sound of Mikey’s wheels on the wooden ramp. Raph felt his body relax as he slowly closed his eyes, letting his mind drift with the rise and fall of the music. He’d been feeling so tired recently, and couldn’t help but let his mind slip into unconsciousness as the music continued to play.

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captured… too many captured… pain… in pain… hurts… too small… multiply… must multiply… too weak… small… must feed… pain…

Was somebody speaking? It was quiet… nearly indecipherable. Raph couldn’t tell where the voice was coming from. The music, maybe? Or something else…

MUST FEED FIGHT BACK NUMBERS MUST MULTIPLY STRONGER STRONGER IN NUMBERS MUST ATTACK FEED

The voices rose in his mind, pounding against his brain like rocks. The words were loud, too loud. Raph cringed, hoping they’d go away. Please… Please just go away…

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Suddenly, Raph was jolted awake by a crash coming from Donnie's lab. He sat up quickly, locking eyes with Mikey, who gave him a curious look. Any memory of the dream he’d just had vanished as another loud boom echoed down the hallway. Just then, Leo walked past, a slight look of irritation on his face.

“Donnie’s pissed.” He stated as he kept walking towards his room. “Just ignore the explosions; he’s having a temper tantrum.” With that, Leo turned the corner without another word, and Raph heard his door shut with a slam, almost perfectly in unison with another crash from the lab.

I guess the discussion didn’t go the way Donnie wanted. Raph thought, exchanging a knowing look with Mikey.

“I’ll go talk to him.” Raph said quickly before Mikey could volunteer to go all “Dr. Feelings” on poor Donnie.

Mikey shrugged, leaning up against his skateboard. “Okay, just don’t let him tase you or anything. You know he gets trigger happy when he’s mad.”

“Oh, I know.” Raph replied, a memory of a pissed off Donnie shooting him with a tranquilizer just to get him to stop talking playing in his head. “I’ll be careful.”

Raph made his way over to Donnie’s lab, waiting until the multiple explosion sounds subsided before entering. He cracked the door open slowly, peeking inside.

“Don?” He asked softly as he entered, trying not to step on the chunks of scrap metal littering the floor.

The usually tidy lab was a whirlwind, with pieces of different machine parts and blueprints strewn about. There were a few scorch marks on the wall, and Raph could even see a few blueprints smoldering on the floor.

Donnie sat in the middle of the mess, slumped in his chair. He was muttering quietly, and Raph was pretty sure he was just saying the word “Dumb” over and over again. He bounced his leg absently as he stared at his computer screen, which showed line after line of coding that Raph couldn’t even begin to decipher. On his workbench sat a device that Raph hadn’t seen before, with multiple wires running out of it every which way as it beeped rhythmically.

Raph made his way over to the softshell, carefully not to disturb any of the blueprints scattered about. He pulled up another chair, setting it next to Donnie and sitting down without a word. The purple clad turtle just let out a frustrated growl.

“Argh, this stupid code!” He exclaimed loudly, almost causing Raph to flinch back. The softshell’s hands were clenched in tight fists as he stared daggers at his computer.

“What’s goin’ on?” Raph asked gently. It wasn’t too often that he saw Donnie so worked up like this. And if Bishop had something to do with it, he’d have to give the guy a piece of his mind.

Donnie turned towards Raph with a wild look in his eyes, to which Raph just met with a silent stare. Donnie’s expression softened as he took a deep breath, sitting back into his chair with a huff.

“Bishop’s been having me work on the code for this device he designed, and for the life of me, I cannot get it to work.” Donnie said tiredly, his anger melting into a more resigned frustration. “I’ve tried everything, and even though it looks and acts perfect in simulations I’ve run, for some reason, the device just isn’t working. I’ve asked Bishop not just once, but four separate times if I could come to the lab to work things out with him, and he declined, saying the lab is being reserved only for Kraang research.”

Raph watched as Donnie clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowed. “I’ve told him time and time again that I can help with the research. I can bring so much more to the table, if he just gives me a chance. But he still refuses. If he would just work with me, we could figure out so much more. I know I’m not a real scientist, but I think I’ve proved myself to at least be formidable! It’s just so frustrating!” The softshell’s voice rose to a shout. “I’m not just some stupid kid; I could be so much more if he’d just give me a damn chance to do something!”

“Hey,” Raph interrupted, setting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. The softshell was shaking slightly, and Raph felt a wave of anger wash over him. “Who cares about Bishop?” He said, trying to keep the venom out of his voice. “We all know you’re a genius; who cares what he thinks?”

“I do.” Donnie mumbled. “I want to be more useful in fighting the Kraang. I want to get this machine working. I want to help find a cure for the infection before it’s too late. But with my limited resources and information, I can only do so much. I can’t fix the code, I can’t help with finding a cure, I can’t do anything. He hasn’t even given me any updates on his research into the Kraang, just that they’re ‘making progress’ on the cure. I just can’t do my best work when I don’t have all the pieces.”

Raph gulped, feeling a sense of dread heavy in his stomach. None of this sounded good. Did they even really know what their sort of boss was doing in that building of his? The whole situation made Raph’s stomach hurt. And even worse, it was making Donnie feel useless. Raph couldn’t have that.

“I’m sorry about Bishop, Don.” Raph said quietly. “I know that’s gotta be so frustrating. But you’ve never needed him before, right? You’ve made all these amazing things without any outside help or government funded machinery. You may not be a ‘real scientist’, but you’re still real smart. A lot smarter than the rest of us, that’s for sure.”

“I already know that.” Donnie grumbled softly, although Raph could see a hint of a smile on his face.

“I mean, c’mon, what d’ya need those nerdy jerks for?” Raph said, giving his little brother a light shove. “I’ve seen you make a bomb out of stuff lying around our bathroom! You can definitely make a, uh, what are you designing again?”

“A Kraang detection device?” Donnie replied dryly.

“Yes, that!” Raph assured him, then stopped dead in his tracks. Wait… He thought, feeling the cogs in his brain turning. A Kraang detection device? What if it… Could it possibly…?

“Earth to Raph?”

Raph perked up as he heard his name. “Heh, what?” He asked nervously as he looked into Donnie’s confused face.

“You zoned out on me there, buddy.” Donnie said, waving his hand dramatically. “You were in the middle of telling me how awesome I am?”

Raph laughed. “Right, right, and y’know what? I think I’m done. Don’t need your ego getting any bigger than Leo’s now, do we?”

“Pft, pretty sure that’s impossible.” Donnie replied. “Additionally, I don’t think I have an ego. It’s not an ego if you are as flawless as you believe yourself to be.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever, are you cheered up now?” Raph asked, flicking Donnie’s goggles teasingly.

“Mildly.” The softshell said with a nod. “Although admittedly, I’d be more cheered up if Bishop would let me in on all his research. Or at least into his big fancy lab.”

“I’m sure we’ll be back there soon.” Raph assured him, although he hated the thought of returning to that place. “I think we need to check in on this Bishop guy anyways. See what he’s up to with all the ‘test subjects’ we’ve sent him. I uh… I don’t like the way this whole situation feels.”

“Yeah…” Donnie said softly before shaking his head. “I talked with April, and I was kinda right about calling the guy a recluse. He hardly ever leaves TCRI. I think he even lives there.”

“Freaky…” Raph whispered.

“Anyways.” Donnie said with a huff. “I’m going to science my feelings away for the rest of the night.” He rubbed his thumbs on his hands slowly as he looked down at his feet. “Thanks, Raph. For the pep talk. I think I’m just going to start doing my own research. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.”

“Don’t forget us.” Raph said with a smile. “I’m always here if ya need me, Donnie.”

“I know…” Donnie said quietly, a troubled look on his face. Raph was about to question him about it, but the softshell shooed him away. “Now go, vamoose. I’ve got work to do.”

Raph shrugged, strolling out of the room. “Alright, alright.” He called. “But no more explosions, alright? I need my eight hours explosion free.”

“No guarantees!” Donnie yelled after him, and Raph smiled to himself. He was glad he was able to turn Donnie’s sour mood around. Now, it was time for him to pass out.

Raph coughed a bit as he climbed into his bed, probably remnants from his anger towards Bishop. Despite his hang ups about TCRI, he knew he had to go back there soon. He needed to know what Bishop was up to. He didn’t trust the guy as far as he could throw him, but…

Raph spit a glob of Kraang ooze into his trash, watching as it dried and shriveled into nothingness. Without that cure, He thought nervously, I don’t think things are going to turn out well for me.

Raph snuggled into his pillow, holding tight to one of his stuffies as tiredness took over his body. I have to know what’s going on in TCRI. He thought as waves of sleep washed over his brain. Before we get in so deep we can’t crawl back out.

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Raph was back in that foggy place, grey haze coiling around him like a snake.

I’m here again? He thought, whipping his head around. He hadn’t had this dream in a while. He’d dreamed of voices, of whispers, worming their way into his ears no matter how hard he tried to block them out. But this place… Raph dropped into a fighting stance, ready in case any attackers tried to get him again.

But nothing came.

Shadows move in the darkness, but that’s where they stayed. Raph could hear the low hum of voices, swirling around him with the wind and fog. “Show yourself!” He called, running towards one of the shadows. But it simply dissipated, leaving only empty air.

Suddenly, like the sound of thunder rolling over the land, a cacophony of sound grew louder and louder. When it hit, Raph was sure his ears were bleeding.

Screams. Screams of pain, fear, anger, tearing through him where he stood. Raph fell to his knees in pain, crying out as the air turned sharp, cutting into his skin and shell. Raph wanted it to stop, he screamed for it to stop, but his voice only joined the screams of those around him.

Why is this happening?! He thought desperately, curling into his shell as if it might protect him. Please, please make it stop.

And in a flash, it did.

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Raph woke up, opened his eyes, and was immediately confused by what he saw. He wasn’t in his bed. In fact, he wasn’t even lying down. Raph swayed, wheelbarrowing his arms to keep him from falling over. When he finally got his bearings, he found that he was kneeling in front of his door, his blanket half hanging off his shell.

“What the…” He started to say, but felt his breath hitch as he looked up at his door. His eyes widened, and he was suddenly made aware of the dull pain emanating up his arms from his hands. His blood ran cold, and he wasn’t even sure he was breathing as he took in the image in front of him.

Carved into his door were multiple, large claw marks, each tinged with deep, crimson blood.

Chapter Text

Raph felt his breath hitch as he pushed himself backwards, away from the mauled door. He leaned his shell up against his bed for support, his heart thudding so loudly he thought it might burst from his plastron.

No… He thought, stunned into complete shock, before the words started spilling out of his mouth in a panicked whisper. “No, no, no, no, no… What is this?”

Raph held up his shaky hands in front of his face, taking in the wear on his usually smooth claws and the drops of blood oozing out from under them.

I did this? He thought, his mind still foggy from sleep and shock. No… why, why did I do this? It’s… Raph paused as a light seemed to flick on in his head. It’s getting stronger…

Raph suddenly felt his stomach turn, and he quickly grabbed his garbage can just in time. His body lurched forward as he hurled, the sour taste making his eyes water as he dug his claws into the cheap plastic bin. Raph breathed heavily, spitting out the remaining globs of Kraang goo and trying not to gag. He slowly pried his squeezed shut eyes open, seeing the bin tinged pink not only with nasty Kraang ooze, but with his own blood.

...Or I’m getting weaker. He finished, leaning back against his bed and trying to ignore the waves of nausea washing over him. Fuck, this is really, really bad. Raph thought, hugging himself in an attempt to have a little bit of comfort. But his muscles seemed to clench tight without him meaning too, his shredded nails digging into the thickness of his skin. It’s getting worse, why is it getting worse? Things have been fine! Was the Kraang ooze controlling me? Can it do that now? Can I even try to stop it? It was trying to get out… What if it gets out? Would I, it, hurt someone? I’m dangerous, this is too dangerous, I -

Raph was definitely panicking. He rolled onto his side, clutching his blanket to his chest as he squeezed his eyes shut, begging his mind to be quiet. Ok, chill, chill Raph, it’s ok, it’s ok, what does Mikey say? Gotta breathe, just gotta breathe. C’mon man, breathe.

Raph tried to take in a deep breath, but he started coughing almost instantly, his lungs once again aching. He sucked in a few frantic breaths, his brain trying to convince him he couldn’t breathe. No worries. He tried to think through his panicked mind. Try again, just try again. Raph sucked in air through his clenched teeth, holding it for a moment before letting it out in a low hiss. Good, c’mon, keep going.

Raph continued this for a few minutes, his muscles slowly untensing as his breaths became deeper and more relaxed. His heart was still beating incredibly fast, but now he was able to actually think, not just panic. He pushed himself back up into a sitting position, grabbing some water from the side of his bed and taking a sip.

So. He thought to himself as he drew his attention back to the door. That’s not great. Really not great. If the infection is getting worse, enough that it can control my body, then… I think… I think I need to talk to Bishop about this. Or at least ask him how things are coming on the cure. As for my brothers…

Raph clenched his jaw, the water bottle crackling as Raph squeezed it. What am I supposed to tell them? We’re making progress catching all these Kraanginoids. Leo’s feeling confident, Mikey’s exploring his new powers, and now Donnie’s going to start his own research. They’re happy right now, thriving even. They’re becoming the great heroes I always knew they could be. But me… If I walk up and say, ‘Hey guys, actually, I’m still infected by the Kraang virus and probably actively dying because of it. We should probably find a cure before I go all Incredible Kraang Hulk and kill everyone I love.’ No, no, I can’t ruin this. I can’t do that to them. I’ll figure it out, I just need time, I gotta be careful, I… uh…

Raph shook his head, his mind racing. His stomach was still churning ominously, and his room was beginning to feel much smaller than he remembered. He wanted his brothers. He wanted their jokes, their laughter, even their problems, anything to distract him from the frenzy of thoughts in his own head. But he couldn’t go to them. Not now. He had to figure this out himself.

“I need some air.” He said to no one in particular, grabbing a pack of oreos from his snack drawer and walking out of his room, trying to ignore the shakiness of his legs.

Raph climbed out of the lair, the early morning air wrapping around him welcomingly as he looked up at the sky. Pink and orange hues were appearing at the horizon, but Raph didn’t feel the normal joy he usually did when he spotted a sunrise. Now, there was just dread.

He climbed a nearby apartment building, crawling up the fire escape with practiced precision. He then began climbing a ladder up to a weathered billboard, the advertisement for some kind of toothpaste faded into a mirage of dull colors. This was his favorite place to just sit and think. It was high enough that he could see across the city, especially towards the rising sun, yet it was hidden enough that he didn’t have to worry about random humans spotting him.

Or my family. He thought dully, unable to ignore the heaviness in his body as he climbed. They don’t need to see me like this.

Raph reached the walkway of the billboard, peeking his head up over the metal grates. As he did, he felt himself freeze as he noticed a figure sitting at the other side of the sign. Raph stared in silence at the hunched figure, covered in a black cloak with some sort of white… thing, over their head. They hadn’t seemed to have noticed the turtle yet, and Raph was hoping to keep it that way.

He slowly tried to back down the ladder, but the rusty metal let out a loud creak as he shifted his weight. The figure immediately turned towards him, and Raph realized with a flicker of fear that the white thing on the figure's head was a skull.

Raph let out a startled yelp, nearly falling off the ladder. To his surprise, the figure did the same, letting out a frightened, “What the-?” as it pushed itself backwards. With a sigh of relief, Raph realized he recognized the voice.

“Casey?” He asked, crawling up to get a better look.

“Holy shit, Raph.” Casey Jr. said, pulling the skull mask from his face and letting out a nervous laugh. “You scared the crap out of me!”

“Me?! You’re the one sitting in the dark with a skull mask on.” Raph replied, making his way over to him and sitting down. Finding Casey Jr. up here was weirdly a pleasant surprise. Raph really didn’t want to be alone right now. And hopefully, Casey Jr. could provide him with a bit of a distraction from his tumultuous thoughts. “What the heck are ya even doin’ up here?” He asked, prickles of worry sprouting in his brain as he remembered what April had talked with him about.

Casey Jr.’s expression looked strained as he turned away from Raph, once again facing the sunrise. “Couldn’t sleep. So I figured I’d come up here and watch the sunrise. It’s my favorite time of day. And this is like, the perfect spot.” A soft smile formed on Casey Jr,’s face, the vibrant pink of the sky reflecting in his dark eyes.

Raph looked out at the sunrise as well, watching the shifting colors in the clouds as the sun threatened to break the horizon. He sat in silence for a few moments before he noticed a soft noise emanating around him. At first, he was worried he was hearing Kraang whispers again, as it sounded like a barely discernible voice in the wind. However, when Raph turned towards the sound, he noticed it was coming from Casey Jr.’s mask. He’d never seen the inside of the headpiece, and was surprised to see wires and flashing lights within the hard plastic.

“You listening to a podcast?” He asked as a sorry excuse for a joke.

Casey Jr. turned towards him, a confused look on his face. Raph nodded towards the mask laying next to the boy, and Casey Jr.’s eyes lit up in realization.

“Oh, sorry, no.” He said, grabbing his mask and hitting a button, causing the sound to stop. “Just listening to old tapes. This mask records everything, y’know.”

“Wait, you were listening to audio from the future?” Raph questioned, his eyes wide.

“No. Well, sort of?” Casey Jr. rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes sad. “It used to be recordings from the future. Just stupid interactions and battles. But that future doesn’t exist anymore. And neither do the people I was talking to, so… It’s just my voice. All the others are just silent.” Raph watched as Casey Jr. gently stroked the mask with his thumb. “I just like to listen to them sometimes. I can fill in the blanks of the conversation in my head, and relive the memories a bit. Heh, I know, kinda pathetic, right?”

“No.” Raph replied firmly, his heart going out to the boy. He hadn’t really talked much with Casey Jr. since he’d come to live with them. It was mostly Leo and Mikey who did the talking, and Donnie would have the boy come help in his lab when April wasn’t stealing him for college excursions. But Raph had been so caught up in the Kraanginoids and his own issues, he’d never even tried having a full conversation with the kid. Maybe now, it was time. If he couldn’t help himself, maybe he could at least help Casey Jr. work through whatever was eating him.

“No.” He repeated. “It’s not pathetic. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you to come here.”

“Eh, not really.” Casey Jr. said with a shrug. “Master Leonardo just kinda shoved me into the portal. Coming here was the easy part. I guess the hard part was everything else.” Casey Jr. laughed wryly, setting his mask to the side.

“Yeah, that sounds like Leo.” Raph agreed, leaning back on his hands. The sky was turning a vibrant pink, with neon clouds cutting through the pastel like swords.

“He did it all the time!” Casey Jr. said, gesturing dramatically with his hands. “It was so annoying.” The boy’s face turned wistful, and Raph could tell he was replaying memories in his head.

“You miss it, don’t you?” Raph asked slowly, hoping he wasn’t being too forward.

Casey Jr. lowered his gaze. “I shouldn’t. It really was awful.” He replied, fiddling with his hands. “But there were good moments too, y’know? And I guess I can’t really miss it, since it doesn’t exist. I can only miss the memories.” He set a hand on his mask, like it was the only connection he had left.

“Wanna tell me about it?” Raph coaxed.

“Heh, what do you want to know?” Casey Jr. replied, turning towards Raph. “It’s a lot of fear, hiding, and eating rats.”

Raph thought for a moment. He peeked down at his cracked, still slightly bloody nails. He tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat, forcing a smile to his face. “Can I ask something selfish?” He asked softly, tucking his claws underneath him so he wouldn’t have to look at them.

“Sure.” Casey Jr. said, curling his legs underneath him. “Go ahead.”

“What was I like?” Raph forced out, hoping Casey Jr. couldn’t hear the strain in his voice. “In the future, that is?”

Casey Jr.’s face once again turned wistful. He smiled, looking back out at the sunset.

“You were amazing, Raphael.” He started, Raph hanging onto his every word. “You were Master Leonardo’s right hand man for everything. You led our people into so many battles, charging into the most dangerous situations with your avatar. You never left anyone behind, and even when you lost your arm, you continued to fight like it was still there.”

Casey Jr. paused, a shy look on his face. “At least, that’s what I’ve been told. I didn’t get to know you well personally. I was so young at the time.” His eyes brightened as he continued. “But I do remember you’d always come back from battles or raids with some sort of treat you’d hand out to us kids. Oreos, twinkies, any sweet stuff that survived long enough to still be good; you’d always come bearing gifts. And you’d tell us stories about the battles, acting out every single moment. Master Leonardo may have been the leader, but to us, you were our hero. I wish I could have gotten to know you better, before you, well…”

“Died?” Raph finished for Casey Jr., quiet as the boy nodded.

“We had a base in an old high school.” Casey Jr. said solemnly. “It was secluded and safe, with multiple rooms for people, tons of food, and even a dingy lab for Donnie to work in. We were there for years before the Kraang discovered us. They jumped us, charging the school with all they had. Master Leonardo evacuated as many people and supplies as he could while Donnie and Mikey worked to set a bomb that would blow the Kraang sky high. And you, well, you went to hold them off. But what we didn’t know was that one of the Kraang generals was there.”

“Master Leonardo nearly destroyed himself creating portals to get people out of there. And that was even before the Kraang general tore off his arm. He created a final portal to evacuate you, Donnie, Mikey, and himself from the school before the bomb went off. Donnie and Mikey ran through, and you followed behind, helping Leo. But things took a turn for the worse.”

“The Kraang general screamed at her army to target the survivors. Master Leonardo had only been able to teleport them just barely off school grounds in order to conserve his mystic energy. And in that moment, the entire army turned on the survivors, charging towards them. They would kill us all, and if they didn’t, the bomb would. And that’s when you pushed Master Leonardo through the portal.”

Raph listened, enraptured, as Casey Jr. continued. “I don’t know exactly what happened next, but according to Master Leonardo, the last thing he saw before he lost control of the portal was you tackling the Kraang general to the ground with your avatar. We were all bracing to fight the Kraang as they approached when suddenly, there was a burst of red light. This large, red dome formed around the school, blocking us out, but also blocking the Kraang in. It was your avatar, Raph. Well, part of it anyways. It was your shell, protecting us from the army.”

Casey Jr. bit his lip, turning his gaze towards Raph. “The explosion went off as planned. Everything inside was incinerated. It was the first and only time we ever killed one of the main three Kraang. And everyone survived. Everybody except you.”

Raph looked down at the metal grates of the billboard. His future self… he was a hero. A real hero. He was willing to give his life to save everyone. Raph suddenly felt very small. How could he ever live up to that? Maybe asking about his death wasn’t the best thing for his mental health right now.

“Thank you, Casey. For telling me.” He said, his voice soft. “That’s… an interesting story.”

“That’s an interesting way to describe the story of your future self’s death.” Casey Jr. replied as a dry attempt at a joke.

“Well, how am I supposed to react to that?!” Raph exclaimed with a chuckle, reaching out and tussling Casey Jr.’s long hair without thinking. There was an awkward pause, then Casey Jr. looked up at him with a toothy smile. Raph smiled back, tussling his hair one more time for good measure.

They sat quietly for a moment before Casey Jr. spoke up again. “Thank you, Raph. For listening.”

“Well, yeah.” Raph answered. “You can’t expect to keep all that stuff inside ya. You’ll explode. Haven’t you ever talked about it to anyone before? Like Leo or Mikey? Or what about Cassandra?”

“Actually, not really.” Casey Jr. said, leaning back on his hands. “Cassandra just wants me to move on, to not think about it anymore. Leo always gets upset about the Kraang and clams up, and Mikey, well, he always tries to give me advice on how to ‘fix’ how I feel.” Casey’s voice rose a bit as he continued. “But I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to be angry about it, I don’t want to be sad about it, and I don’t want to be fixed. I just don’t want to forget them.”

Raph was quiet for a moment, letting Casey Jr. regain his composure. Then, he asked, “Have you ever taken a moment to mourn them?”

“Mourn them?” Casey Jr. asked, laughing dryly. “How can I mourn them? It’s not like they’re dead. I literally see them everyday. I mean, sure, they’re not the same people I knew. But they never were. I can’t mourn them, because they never existed in the first place. They’re not even gone, they were never here.” Casey Jr.’s voice broke, and he curled his legs up to his chest as a few tears snuck their way out. “It’s just… It’s hard to see you guys everyday and know that even though you’re here, the people I knew are not.”

Casey Jr. let out a soft sob, leaning down and trying to hide his face. “Sorry, sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. This is stupid.”

Raph scooted closer to the boy, tentatively wrapping an arm around the boy’s shoulders. He wasn’t sure how Casey Jr.’d react, but he was glad when the boy leaned into him, letting out a long, shaky breath. Raph reached to his side, grabbing the pack of oreos he’d brought earlier.

“Want a cookie?” He offered, holding the bag so Casey Jr. could see. The boy looked at it in confusion, sniffling slightly, before breaking out into broken laughter.

“I guess some things don’t change.” He said, sitting up and wiping his tears on his sleeve. “Yeah, I’ll take a cookie.”

Raph smiled, cracking open the pack and offering one to Casey Jr. before eating one himself. The sun was nearly up by now, the last bits of the sunrise fading into the blue of the day.

“Tell you what, Casey.” Raph said, drawing the boy’s attention. “At some point, we’ll make a little shrine for our future selves. Hamato style. Although they’re not exactly real-ish, they still deserve to be honored for their heroic actions. That’s what being a Hamato is all about.”

Casey Jr. smiled, nodding slowly. “I’d like that.”

Raph was about to offer another cookie when suddenly, he picked up on the sound of voices. But this time, it wasn’t coming from Casey Jr.’s mask. These were definitely Kraanginoids.

He stood up, looking around as Casey Jr. gave him a worried look. “What is it?” The boy asked, also climbing to his feet and scanning the area.

There was a sudden wave of hissing and whispers in Raph’s mind, and he tried hard not to cringe as the sound grated against his brain. The words were flying by so fast he couldn’t figure out what was being said. It was just loud, so loud…

Raph froze as he saw a group of Kraanginoids scaling a nearby building, his blood running cold. There were so many, much more than he’d ever seen together before. There had to be at least fifteen to twenty of the creatures sprinting across the rooftops, flying at extraordinary speed. Raph turned to Casey Jr., the boy’s face frozen in a look of horror.

“C’mon, Casey. We gotta move.” Raph said, grabbing the boy and pulling him down towards the lair. Talking with Casey Jr. had been a nice-ish distraction from his problems, but reality had a way of always butting right back in. And right now, it seemed like they had a big problem on their hands.

The problems really seemed to keep piling up.

Chapter Text

Raph ran with Casey Jr. into the lair just as Leo, Donnie, and Mikey were getting ready to leave, still blinking the sleep from their eyes.

“Raph, there you are!” Leo exclaimed, a tinge of annoyance in his voice as he finished tying on his mask. “Where were you, Hermano? Just got a page from Bishop; massive group of Kraanginoids on the move.”

“I know. We saw them.” Raph replied quickly, panting a bit from running. “There had to have been at least twelve of them, probably more.”

“They’ve never been in that big of a group before.” Donnie said, his eyes narrowed. “Something’s up.”

“We’ll just have to be careful.” Leo said as he strolled past the purple clad turtle. “C’mon, vamanos, let’s get these Kraang goons off the street.”

“Bye Casey!” Mikey called as he skipped up behind Leo, giving the kid a wave. Raph also turned towards Casey Jr., handing the boy the rest of the now mildly crushed oreo packet he had in his hand.

“Make sure you eat some actual breakfast.” Raph said with a lighthearted smile. “And get some rest.”

“Yessir.” Casey Jr. replied, his face clouded with concern. “Be careful.”

Raph nodded, giving the boy a salute before turning to jog up next to his brothers. They quickly scaled up the ladder to the surface, making their way up to the rooftops before taking off in the direction Raph had seen the group of creatures run off to.

I’m already tired of today. Raph thought absently as he ran, images of his clawed door flashing in his mind. Considering none of his brothers had questioned him about it yet, he figured he might just be lucky enough that they didn’t see the wooden crime scene in his room. I’ll have to find a way to cover it up when we get back. And maybe consider chaining myself to my bed.

Raph clenched his jaw. This problem of his had escalated substantially in just one night. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could let it go on without telling anyone. If he hurt someone… He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

“Hey Raph!”

Raph turned to his side, seeing Mikey had fallen into pace beside him. Raph noticed he’d tied his hair up in a fashion like their dad’s, with a little pony tail towards the back. Probably April’s idea, but it was clearly helping to keep the new mystic hair out of Mikey’s face. The orange turtle had a questioning look to him, which right away made Raph feel on edge. He plastered on a smile, to which Mikey returned with a small, half smile.

“Did you sleep ok last night?” Mikey asked gently, and Raph immediately felt a lump of dread in his stomach.

“Why do you ask?” Raph tried to reply nonchalantly, aiming his vision forward.

“You just look tired.” Mikey replied, a note of concern in his voice. “And I heard a bunch of scraping noises coming from your room, like you were rearranging furniture.”

“Oh, really?” Raph said, hoping his voice didn’t squeak. “Huh.”

“I too heard you thumping about early this morning.” Donnie added, flying down next to the two turtles. “I was going to come tell you to keep it down, but you must have left to go hang out with Casey before I got there.” The softshell gave Raph an intense look as he continued. “I can’t imagine why you’d be up at such a god awful hour. Perhaps something was on your mind?”

“Yeah, well,” Raph started, refusing to look at either of his interrogating brothers. “You’re right, I didn’t sleep well last night.” Raph really hoped his brothers would just take the reply and drop it. It was all he could say without having to lie, and Hamato knows his brothers could see through his lies from a mile away.

“Are you… ok?” Mikey prodded, and Raph felt prickles of irritation flush across him, followed by heavy waves of guilt. Great, he worried his brothers. That’s what he gets for being the jerk who keeps secrets. But, all things considered, keeping his problem on the down low still seemed like the better option. This is the last thing they needed to be thinking about right now. They needed to be thinking about capturing the Kraanginoids.

“Guys, save the interrogation for later.” Leo interrupted, and Raph nearly breathed a sigh of relief, shooting his little brother a mental Thank you. “Raph’s here now, and if something’s up, he’ll tell us. Let’s focus. We should be coming up on the Kraanginoids any second now.”

Donnie and Mikey exchanged a look that told Raph the interrogation definitely wasn’t over, but now at least they could focus on the task at hand. Sure enough, Raph spotted the large group of Kraanginoids gathered on a large rooftop.

Immediately, Raph felt anxiety shoot through him like a bullet. Donnie was right; something was off. The Kraanginoids had stopped on the rooftop of a large warehouse, completely still as they stared up at the brothers with their many yellow eyes. Raph could hear the quiet sound of whispers drifting through his mind.

Hold hold hold hold hold…

“They’re baiting us.” Donnie said, steadying his hands by gripping tightly to his techBo.

“Bastards.” Leo growled, his eyes blazing. The slider stood up, surveying the group. “Looks like there’s about fifteen of them. Donnie, getting any other heat signatures?”

Donnie scanned the area with his goggles before shaking his head.

“Alright then.” Leo continued, looking sideways at the rest of the group. “Sneak to the sides, ninja style.”

Raph nodded along with his brothers before slipping into the early morning shadows, slowly stalking towards the group of creatures. He could still hear the many hissing voices, bubbling up against his brain.

Hold hold coming they’re coming hold wait attack hold wait

What’s their goal here? Raph thought as he crouched in position. He saw each of his brothers reach their spots, waiting for Leo’s command. Despite himself, Raph felt his muscles tense in the anticipation of fighting. And as Leo gave the signal, he shot forward, unable to contain his battle cry as he charged.

He immediately jumped two Kraanginoids, who’d just barely had time to hiss in shock as they were encased and lifted into the air, flying off towards TCRI. The voices had picked up now, the chorus booming in his head.

ATTACK NOW BATTLE DESTROY KILL MUST KILL DESTROY KILL THEM KILL THEM KILL THEM

Raph swung around as a Kraanginoid jumped onto his shell, its claws grating against the hard surface. Raph reached over his head, throwing the creature into another charging towards him. He raced ahead, placing two extraction devices on their chests.

This is going much easier than I thought it was going to go. Raph thought quickly, turning to face another hissing Kraanginoid. He dropped into a fighting stance, staring it down. It screeched at him, the voice in his head dripping with hatred.

KILL YOU

I don’t think so. Raph thought back, clenching his jaw. It was hard to see these creatures and picture the people inside them. Was the person screaming, begging for an escape? Or did the person want to kill him too?

Raph stalked forward, circling the beast as it hissed at him. He spun his sai, just about to charge forward when he noticed something odd about the creature. He squinted, looking closer at the creature’s face. In the pink of the Kraang ooze covering its face, there was something else, a slight change in color. A shape? It looked like a red splotch, with little splotches above it…

Raph’s eyes widened as it suddenly clicked. It was a foot. A red, facial stain that only two people he’d even seen wore: The leaders of the Foot Clan. This creature in front of him, he knew him. The smaller foot clan leader, reduced to a mindless monster.

“The Foot Clan…” Raph whispered, the words practically falling out of his mouth without him meaning to speak. Up to this point, he’d known the Kraanginoids were people from the Foot Clan, but to see someone he’d actually talked to, someone who’s face he actually knew… It disturbed him. Enough that he felt his sai fall from his limp hands and dissipate.

The creature seemed to pause at Raph’s words, it’s eyes blinking in confusion. It took a step back, reaching up a claw and pawing at its head. Raph watched as the pink ooze covering its body shifted, almost as if it was melting slightly. The creature trained its many eyes on him, squinting slightly. Then, it let out a low hiss, and the strained word echoing within Raph’s brain.

Tur… tle…?

Raph’s eyes widened in shock. It wasn’t the Kraang’s voice. It was the raspy voice of the Foot Clan leader. Raph tried to speak, but nothing came out, so he just nodded, his mouth dry.

The creature started shaking, letting out a pained cry. Raph couldn’t tell if it was the ooze or the person within. He’s lucid, just for a moment. Raph thought quickly, his mind racing. He might know where the Kraanginoids are hiding, or what they’re planning. I have to ask him something, get some sort of information, before the infection takes him again.

Raph looked at his old, Kraangified enemy as he writhed in pain. But would he even tell me? For all I know, he still wants me dead. He could give me false information, or worse, but… Raph squared his shoulders. I gotta know. For his sake, and for mine. For all his Kraangified warriors. They deserve a chance to be saved. He must believe that.

Raph moved closer to the screeching creature, its many eyes turning to look at him. “You need to tell me.” Raph started, his voice insistent. “What is the virus planning?”

The creature lunged forward with a hiss, but Raph stood his ground, continuing to stare at it. The old Foot Leader seemed to cower, his body once again shaking.

Hurts…

Raph felt his heart grow heavy, but he leaned forward again, his voice louder this time. “I know it hurts, please, we’re trying to help you. But you have to tell me what they’re planning.”

The creature was breathing heavily, the ooze shifting over its body once again. The Foot Leader was weakening. It was too late.

Am…

The leader managed to choke out, its eyes wide with fear, before the Kraang goo seemed to swell, growing substantially as any lucidity the man might have had disappeared. Raph grimaced at the raw, painful scream of the Foot Leader shrieking in his mind, quickly turning into a Kraang’s cry.

Raph dodged hastily as the creature lashed out at him with a razor sharp claw, running passed him with a screech. Raph watched as it retreated down the building, disappearing into the many alleyways of New York.

Am? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Raph thought in exasperation. I didn’t learn anything!

“Raph! Did you get any?”

Raph turned towards Leo’s voice, the slider walking up behind him with Mikey and Donnie in tow. Clearly, his brother’s hadn’t heard nor seen his little conversation with their old enemy turned Kraanginoid. Raph shook away the remaining shock and adrenaline circulating in his system.

“Yeah, four.” He replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “One got away though.”

“That’s ok.” Leo said, turning to look at Donnie with a mischievous smile. “At least you didn’t let three get away ‘cause you pressed the wrong button on your techno stick.”

“I just recalibrated it!” Donnie chimed in defensively, slowly pinching a singed end of his mask.

“On the other hand, my new hairstyle works great!” Mikey added, smirking slightly. “I managed to bag three of those bad boys and look cool at the same time. Woohoo!”

“All in a day’s work.” Leo said with a laugh, sheathing his katana. “Alright, who’s ready to head home, cause I am starving.”

Raph was about to agree when he paused, frowning. No, they couldn’t go home just yet. There was one more thing they had to do.

“Wait.” He interrupted, his brother’s turning to look at him. “Before we go home, there’s one more place I want to go.” Raph swallowed the lump of dread forming in his throat, then continued, hoping his brother’s wouldn’t pick up on the shakiness in his voice.

“We need to go back to TCRI.”

Chapter Text

“Remind me what we’re doing here again?”

Raph bit his cheek, staring up at the building before him, the large TCRI logo looming menacingly. He really, really didn’t want to go back in there. But between Bishop’s secrecy and his own worsening Kraang issues, he knew he had to. He couldn’t risk Bishop doing something crazy, or himself for that matter. He needed answers, no matter what. He forced himself to take a deep breath before turning to answer Leo’s question.

“Listen, I know that you know I don’t like Bishop, but I’m serious this time. I think he might be doing some sketchy stuff, and I don’t like it.” Raph said urgently. “I mean, doesn’t it feel like he’s hiding something from us?” Not like he’s the only one keeping secrets. Raph’s brain thought mutinously, to which he shot back with an annoyed Shut up.

“He has been pretty reclusive as of late.” Mikey said, crossing his arms over his plastron. “But I just figured he was busy figuring out all that Kraang junk.”

“When was he not reclusive?” Donnie chimed in, his eyes twitching with irritation. “It does bug me that he’s not telling us everything. I mean, we’re practically sending him test subjects free of charge. He at least owes us the information he’s gathered over these past few weeks.”

“Ok, yeah.” Leo said, his face reserved. “I hear you. But shouldn’t we like, call ahead or something? It feels rude, just barging in there without warning.”

Raph immediately picked on the nervousness in Leo’s stance. Was he also worried about seeing Bishop? Or was there something else the slider wasn’t telling them? Raph narrowed his eyes, standing up a bit straighter. Regardless of the reason, the snapping turtle had made up his mind. They were going into TCRI to get some answers.

“Bishop said we were welcome anytime.” Raph stated, forcing himself to walk towards the entrance. “Besides, it’ll be good to touch base; I want to make sure we’re on the right track of finding a cure and stopping the infection.”

“And maybe steal some tech information.” Donnie added, earning a glare from both Leo and Raph. “Just a little! Enough to get my machine working. Maybe a bit more, but probably just a little.”

Raph rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he walked through the large, tinted glass doors, his brothers in tow. I really gotta talk to Donnie about his klepto tendencies. He thought absently, striding towards the elevator. He’s going to get himself into trouble one day.

Suddenly, Raph felt as if the world shifted a bit. He staggered slightly, a low drone bubbling to life in his mind as he braced himself on the wall next to the elevator. He blinked his eyes quickly, hoping the action might stop the world from spinning for a moment.

The noise in his head was quiet, almost on the cusp of being imperceivable. But it was definitely there, like the sound of TV static in his brain. But there was something else… High pitch noises interspersed amongst the static. They almost sounded like…

“Raph, what are you doing?”

Raph jumped as he heard Leo’s voice behind him, turning around quickly, his face flushed. Leo gave him a curious look, while Mikey and Donnie sported matching looks of concern. “I uh, forgot the floor number.” He lied, anxiety prickling his skin like needles.

“Uh, it’s only asking whether you want to go up or down, buddy.” Leo said with a laugh. “Pft, you must have gotten terrible sleep last night. Move over, big brother, I can handle this one.”

Raph moved aside as Leo stepped forward, calling the elevator. Raph could feel Mikey and Donnie’s eyes on him, but he didn’t have the brain power to explain himself right now. Those high pitch noises in his head… They sounded like screams. And that was not a good sign.

As the elevator ascended the tall building, the drone in Raph’s head grew louder by the second. It grated against his brain, causing his skull to throb in pain. There were screams, haunting, desperate screams, mixed with Kraanginoids shrieks and cries for help. Raph gritted his teeth, fear coursing through him like venom. Something terrible was happening, and Raph could hear every moment of it.

The elevator ride seemed to stretch on, and it took everything in Raph not to crouch down and cover his ears, to pull the elevator doors open and leap out, to run away from the awful cacophony of pain drilling into his brain like ice. What was happening? What in Hamato’s name was Bishop doing?

As soon as the elevator doors opened, Raph stumbled out, hardly able to control his body due to the intense pain in his head. He steadied himself, forcing his body into a standing position as he looked frantically around the bustling lab of TCRI. What he saw made his blood run cold.

The containment units were filled with Kraanginoids, some with more than one within. The floors of the units were lined with what looked like some sort of metal grate that definitely hadn’t been there before. Next to each unit stood a scientist, stone-faced as they pressed buttons on a handheld device, over and over again. Each time they did, the Kraanginoids seemed to seize, their bodies tensing as they let out painful screeches, before becoming limp once more.

They were electrocuting them.

Raph stood frozen in horror as he stared at the scene before him. Those screams… Bishop was hurting them, torturing them. Not just the Kraang infection, but the humans affected by it. He was torturing them!

“Ah, turtles! What a lovely surprise.”

Raph turned quickly as he saw Bishop walk up to him and his brothers, a smile on his face. How could you be smiling? Raph thought in shock, taking a shaky step back from the man. How the hell could you be smiling?

“I apologize for the noise; we’re in the middle of an experiment right now.” Bishop said quickly, motioning to another scientist. “I’ll have them pause for a moment so we can talk without all this ruckus.”

“Ruckus?” Raph hissed quietly, anger brewing under his skin. The throbbing pain in his head subsided as the noise died down, becoming soft whimpers and whispers of the infection calling their hosts weak and pathetic.

“Bishop, what is this?” Donnie asked in a low voice as he scanned the lab. “What are you doing to them?”

Bishop held up his hands, a sheepish look on his face. “I know this looks bad, I know. But I swear I’m doing this for a reason. I need to know at what point the mutation between infected and infector happens, and the only way I can do that is by weakening them.”

“You said you weren’t going to hurt them.” Mikey said in a sharp voice, his hair practically bristling.

“I’m not!” Bishop insisted, his eyes wide. “Well, not entirely anyways. I’m only hurting the infection. The hosts should be just fine.”

“Liar.”

Bishop turned to Raph, a startled look on his face. “Sorry?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Liar!” Raph growled, stalking forward. “Where the hell do you get off? You’re torturing them!” Raph was shaking with rage, his hands clenched tightly into fists.

Bishop took a step back, holding his hands up defensively. “I’m not! I’m only harming the infection!”

“You don’t know that!” Raph yelled. “How could you possibly know that?They were screaming! I knew we shouldn’t have trusted you. All we did was feed into your sick little game.”

“Raph, cool it!” Leo shouted, grabbing Raph's shoulder and forcing him to turn towards the smaller turtle. “Bishop said he’s just weakening the infection. He hasn’t given us a single reason not to trust him yet, so why are you freaking out?”

“Do you see what he’s doing?” Raph insisted, gesturing to the Kraanginoids. “Look around you, Leo! This can’t be right!”

“I swear, Raph.” Bishop cut in. “I would never want to cause lasting damage to the creatures. This is all to help humanity; I wouldn’t do anything that’d get in the way of finding a cure. Please, you must trust me.”

“You shut up!” Raph hissed, seething as he pointed an accusing finger at Bishop. “You’re hiding something, I know it. I can’t believe I thought you could actually help me.” Raph shook his head at his mistake, angrily correcting himself. “Us, help us. Whatever.”

“Raph, maybe he’s right.” Mikey said quietly, shuffling his feet. “We shouldn’t jump to conclusions without first hearing him out.”

“He’s torturing them, Mikey!” Raph exclaimed, a pang of hurt cutting through him like a knife. “You saw the same thing I did! This isn’t right!”

“But if it’s to help find a cure…” Donnie started, but Raph interrupted him with a frustrated growl.

“Guys, c’mon, he’s hurting people! How can you still think he’s a good guy?” Raph said, begging his brothers to listen.

“Raph, you’re not listening to him.” Leo said scornfully, his voice rising.

“No, you’re not listening to me!” Raph yelled, his anger and hurt bubbling over. He stalked forward, glaring daggers at Bishop as he jabbed a clawed finger into his chest. “Start talking, you creep. You may have them fooled, but I knew you were a sleazebag from the get go. Now spill!”

Suddenly, Raph was pushed back as Leo forced his way between him and Bishop. The slider's eyes blazed with cold anger as he glared at Raph. Raph was breathing heavily, his lungs aching as his anger burned bright in his chest. His eyes drifted to Bishop, who stood behind Leo with a look of shock on his face. The man brought a hand up to his chest, where a tiny pinprick of blood oozed through his white shirt. With a start, Raph realized it was because of him.

“Raph.” Leo said coldly, not moving from his protective stance in front of Bishop. “Take a walk.”

Chapter Text

Energy buzzed between Leo and Raph, the command hanging in the air.

Raph stood his ground, anger still churning in his stomach like molten lead. But as he took in the cold glare from Leo, the concern in Bishop’s eyes, and the shock present in Donnie and Mikey, the rage seemed to ebb a bit, and Raph’s eyes flitted around the room nervously. Everyone was looking at him, and suddenly, he felt incredibly small. Leo was right about one thing; he needed to leave.

Raph glared at Bishop, his mouth curling into a snarl. “This ain’t over.” He growled in a low voice.

“Raph, now.” Leo reiterated sharply, eyes narrowed. Raph spun on his heels, marching back into the elevator as his tail flicked around in frustration. He looked over his shoulder as the doors closed, his face dropping as he met his brothers’ eyes. The looks on their faces hurt more than any wound ever could.

This isn’t fair. Raph thought as the elevator began its slow descent, staring at the tiles on the floor as he gripped his fists tight. It just isn’t right! As soon as the doors opened, he stalked outside, the soft whispers in his brain fading as he left the building.

Raph walked off to a nearby alley, still fuming as he turned the corner. As he did, his foot clipped the side of a trash can, knocking it over. In a spark of animalistic rage, Raph let out a frustrated yell, kicking the can down the alley. He watched as it clattered to the ground, breathing heavily as he grabbed the sides of his head to block out the loud sound of metal on concrete.

What the hell am I doing? He thought, squeezing his eyes shut. I’m the older brother; I don’t blow up like this. I haven’t since I was a kid. What the hell is wrong with me?

Raph lurched forward as a wave of nausea overwhelmed him. He stumbled over to a non-kicked over trash can, heaving up the contents of his stomach as his brain swam ominously. He kept his eyes clenched tight, worried if he opened them he’d start tearing up with pain. And truthfully, he didn’t want to see the amount of Kraang ooze his body was expelling. In this case, ignorance was bliss.

As his stomach tried to settle, Raph leaned precariously against the metal trash bin, spitting out any remaining sour taste in his mouth. He coughed weakly, his lungs seemingly unable to produce enough force to actually cough stuff up. With every light cough, his head throbbed dully, and Raph let out the smallest whimper of pain.

He was really starting to feel terrible.

“Hey man, you alright?” Raph heard someone say. He turned toward the sound, cracking one eye open to see some humans peering at him down the alleyway. “You need some water?”

Raph waved them off politely, shaking his head. “All good, just ate something bad.” He called in a raspy voice, looking back down to keep his vision from swimming.

“You sure?” Another one from the group said worriedly. “You’re looking a little green, dude.”

Raph just shook his head again, giving a thumbs up. “No, thank you, all good.” He replied firmly. He didn’t need to be discovered by a bunch of humans today. That would just be the icing on top of an already crappy cake.

“We’ve all been there.” A guy’s voice called out. “Feel better soon!”

Yeah…Raph thought with a grimace. I sure hope I do.

As he listened to the group of human’s footsteps fade away, he tried to regain his composure, the nausea slowly but surely wearing off. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart as he walked back towards TCRI.

He paused at the bottom of the building, looking worriedly up at the looming floors above him. He felt anger start bubbling to life in his brain again, so he quickly looked away, starting to pace absently on the sun-warmed sidewalk.

Ok, maybe my angry blow up was a little… much. Raph thought, pursing his lips slightly, trying not to picture Bishop’s shocked face and the blood on his shirt. But don’t they see? Why can’t they understand that what Bishop’s doing is wrong? Why don’t they… Raph’s thoughts trailed off as a sharp, painful sadness welled up inside his chest. Why don’t they trust me?

Raph wasn’t sure how long he was pacing below TCRI, but when he finally saw his brother’s come out, his feet were slightly burning from the warm sidewalk. Anxiety and nervousness shot through his veins as he noticed the still pissed look on Leo’s face. He quickly prepared an apology, but didn’t get a chance to speak before Leo started berating him.

“Alright Raph, what the hell was that?” The slider asked angrily, crossing his arms stiffly over his plastron.

“Look, I’m sorry for blowing up-” Raph started before Leo interrupted.

“Uh, yeah, no kidding! What were you thinking, screaming at Bishop like that? I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately, but your anger is out of control.” Leo exclaimed loudly. Raph clenched his teeth as prickles of irritation swarmed across his skin. “Poor Bishop was terrified, and apologizing to us for upsetting you. We’re lucky he’s such an understanding guy, or we might have lost the only chance we have at stopping the stupid Kraang virus!”

“Leo…” Mikey chimed in quietly, reaching a hand for the slider’s shoulder that was immediately shrugged off. He shot a pity filled glance over at Raph, causing even more irritation to build up inside him.

“Hey, I know I messed up.” Raph replied sharply, glaring at his blue clad brother. “But you guys saw the same things I did. He was electrocuting the Kraanginoids! I don’t care what he says; there’s no way that was only hurting the virus. Do I need to remind you all that there’s people under all that pink goo? ‘Cause honestly, it seemed like y’all forgot.”

“People?” Leo scoffed, a dark look on his face. “I would hardly call them people.”

“Oh? And what do you mean by that?” Raph asked, clenching his fists so hard he could feel his claws cutting into his skin.

Leo let out a frustrated growl, gesturing angrily with his hands. “They’re Foot soldiers, Raph! Remember them? The guys who tried to kill us for the past three years? The guys who found the dark armor and summoned Shredder? The same pricks who summoned the Kraang in the first place? Need I remind you that they chose to be Kraangified? They pledged their allegiance to the Kraang, and this is what happened. The consequences for their own stupid actions.”

Angry shock slammed into Raph like a truck as he forced himself to speak. “Are you serious, Leo? You cannot say that justifies actual torture!”

Leo looked away, shrugging. Raph’s eyes widened as a thought dawned on him.

“You knew.” He said, chillingly quiet. “You knew what Bishop was doing, and you didn’t tell us. That’s why you didn’t want us to go into TCRI. You knew he was torturing people, and you didn’t say anything!” Raph watched as Donnie’s face shifted into a mix of shock and horror, while Mikey covered his mouth, eyes wide.

“Oh, come off it, Raph!” Leo said, turning back to the larger turtle. “Those ‘people’ you’re talking about are Foot Clan soldiers. They wanted to destroy the world, and they failed. And now, they’re paying for their stupid decisions. You’re preaching about saving them, when you don’t even know if they’d want to be saved in the first place! They chose this, Raph. And if we turn them back, they may choose to be evil again. Heck, they may even try to bring the Kraang back again! Is that what you want?”

“It’s not right, Leo!” Raph insisted, shaking with anger. “You’re letting your own hate cloud what’s right in front of you! This is not what heroes do!”

“Not everything is black and white, Raph!” Leo yelled. “Things are messy and complicated. If Bishop needs to hurt the Kraanginoids a little bit in order to save the entire world, I don’t see that as a huge problem. Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices in order to save what’s really important. This hero complex of yours is blinding you! No wonder Dad made me leader, since you can’t see past your own, heroic, do-gooder ego!”

Raph couldn’t help as an angry hiss leeched from his body. He glared daggers at Leo, who met his gaze with his own, icy anger.

“Guys, that’s enough!” Raph’s hiss cut off as Mikey jumped between him and Leo, holding his arms out protectively. “I’m tired of standing here listening to you scream at each other! Can we just go home? We need to talk about this without you both becoming angry jerks.”

Raph tore his eyes away from Leo, looking at the smaller turtle. “Mikey, c’mon, you have to see how messed up this is, right?” He said, almost pleading for his younger brother’s support.

“I think you both are too revved up to have an actual conversation right now.” Mikey replied cooley. “We need to go home, and talk this out with Master Splinter. I don’t want to hear a single word out of either of you until we get back to the lair, understood?”

“Mikey…” Leo said slowly, holding his arms out in a calming gesture.

“Not a word!” Mikey repeated, causing Leo to cross his arms again with an angry huff. Raph hunched his shoulders, anger still coursing through him like a raging fire. But he forced himself to move, silently walking towards the sewer cover that would lead them back home. His anger seemed to wither slightly, shifting into a reserved sadness and aching lungs.

He shot a sideways look at Leo, who’s eyes were trained at the ground, his jaw clenching tight.

I’m so tired of fighting with you. Raph thought sadly, staring ahead again. But this isn’t right. It just isn’t right.

Chapter Text

The walk home was quiet, save for Mikey and Donnie muttering to each other while Raph tried desperately to stifle his wheezing lungs.

His chest ached, whether from the build up of Kraang goo or from his own guilt, he wasn’t sure. Leo walked ahead of him briskly, his movements stiff as he led them back towards the lair. Raph felt himself yearning for the time when he and Leo would fight, and it would be resolved by a begrudging hug or apology pizza. But those times were long gone, and sometimes he worried the fighting would never end. That he and his brother would never be the same friends they were before.

There’s no point in thinking about it. Raph thought sadly, clutching his arms tightly. If Leo wants to hate me, there’s nothing I can do to stop him.

They reached the Lair in no time, and without a word, Leo stalked off towards Splinter’s room, most likely to discuss what’d happened. As Raph went to follow him, a hand on his shoulder drew his attention back. He turned to see Donnie, the softshell’s face unreadable.

“Raph, would you accompany me to my lab?” The purple clad turtle asked cooly, causing a brief shiver to travel up Raph’s spine. His little brother sure knew how to sound menacing without meaning to.

“Uh, sure Don.” He replied quickly. “Lead the way.” Raph shot a brief look over his shoulder, watching as Mikey took off after Leo. He sighed, then began to follow Donnie down the hallway towards his lab.

Why do I have such a bad feeling about this? Raph thought as he walked, nervously fidgeting with his hands. Donnie hardly ever called the snapper into his lab. Mikey was Donnie’s lab buddy, and Leo at least knew some of the things that Donnie was working on, but Raph? The most he could do was sit and watch Donnie work his techno magic. But if Donnie needed him in the lab for something… What could he possibly want him for?

Donnie strode into the lab with purpose, Raph in tow, and immediately headed over to his desk. Raph watched as the purple clad turtle plugged something into the side of the computer before starting to type vigorously. Raph shuffled his feet awkwardly, then slouched down in the bean bag chair Mikey had dragged into the lab, hoping the thing wouldn’t pop under his weight.

He sat quietly for a few minutes, just watching and listening to Donnie type. He started chewing absently on his mask cords as he waited, his mind beginning to spiral.

Is he going to scream at me for blowing up too? Or is it something else? Did he see something? Does he… does he know something? Raph’s leg began bouncing up and down as he continued to think, his mind swirling out of control. Does he know about… No, he couldn’t, he would have said something, wouldn’t he? Oh god, what if he knows? What if he -

“Raph.”

Raph perked up at his name, noticing Donnie looking at him. He chuckled nervously, spitting the ends of his mask out from his mask. “Sorry, sorry, I think I’m just still all jazzed up.” He said quickly, setting a hand on his leg to force it to stop bouncing. As long as he had Donnie’s attention, he might as well ask his brother why he called him to his lab in the first place. “So uh, what did you want me here for?” He questioned, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

Donnie turned back to his screen, resuming his typing as he spoke. “Mikey wanted to separate you and Nardo for the time being, since neither of you seem to have the capacity for a civil conversation at the moment.”

“Ah. That’s fair.” Raph replied, nodding slightly in resigned agreement. “Probably for the best.”

“Yep.” Donnie’s voice was sharp, and Raph could tell by the way the softshell held his body that he was upset. His shoulders were tense, his tail flicked with frustration, and despite the coolness in his voice, Raph could tell Donnie was clenching his jaw from a mile away.

I suppose I owe him an apology. Raph though, biting his lip. I think I owe all of them an apology.

“Donnie…” He started softly, the softshell perking up slightly, but not turning to look at him. “I’m sorry. About before.”

Donnie sighed, pausing his typing for a moment. “I know you are, I know. And considering what we saw in there, I would even venture to say it was borderline understandable. That being said, it was just… upsetting. No, unsettling. I haven’t seen you act like that for a long time; I wasn’t expecting it.”

Raph hung his head, looking at the smooth concrete floor. “I know it wasn’t right, and it definitely wasn’t fair to you guys. I just… I don’t like when people hide stuff from me.” He admitted, rubbing his hands against his thighs.

“Neither do I.” Donnie replied in a low voice, his words heavy, like there was a deeper meaning behind them. But before Raph could ask about it, Donnie turned towards him, gesturing dramatically as he continued. “I suppose I could forgive you for your outburst earlier, if you do me a slight favor.”

Raph gave Donnie a suspicious look, slightly thrown off by the change in tone. “Favor? What do you mean, favor?”

“Nothing much, nothing much.” Donnie said with a wave of his hand. “I’m thinking about… five CC’s of blood should suffice? A reasonable amount, considering.”

It took about five seconds for Donnie’s request to actually register in Raph’s brain. “Wait, you want my blood?!” He squeaked, the beanbag chair shifting awkwardly under his weight.

“Just a sample!” Donnie insisted, as if his request wasn’t completely out of pocket.

Raph’s mind churned with apprehension at what the softshell was planning, but he kept circling back to one thought.

Does he know?

“What in the world would you need my blood for?” Raph exclaimed, a nervous edge creeping into his voice. Jesus, if he doesn’t know anything now, he’ll know for sure as soon as he peeks at my Kraang riddled blood under the microscope!

Donnie scratched his chin, whistling innocently as one of his robotic arms lifted a small cooler from his battle shell. He gently set the container on his lap, opening the lid with a slight hiss of cold air. Inside were five test tubes, each filled halfway full with a dark, red liquid.

“Wha…?” Raph questioned, staring in confusion at the tubes.

“Look, I wasn’t getting anywhere talking to Bishop about the cure.” Donnie said, closing the lid to the cooler and setting it down beside him. “I don’t know if he’s made any progress, or even what research he might have found. And maybe he’s guarding any information about the cure because he wants to be the poster child for discovering it, I don’t know. Humans are weird.” Donnie folded his hands in front of him, eyes narrowed. “But I’m done waiting around for him to ‘bless’ me with information. I’m going to do my own research. So… I nicked a few of his Kraanginoid blood samples, along with a few of his research files off his hard drive.” Donnie jabbed his thumb behind him at the computer screen. “He won’t miss them.”

“Donnie.” Raph said, taking a deep breath. “We’ve talked about this stealing habit of yours.”

“C’mon Raph, I know you want this cure just as badly as I do.” Donnie insisted, rolling his eyes. “Besides, like I said, Bishop won’t miss them. The files are backed up, and he had to have had at least a few hundred samples on him. Can’t stop this bad boy genius.” Donnie gave Raph a sly smirk, to which the snapper just huffed.

“Just so we’re clear.” Raph replied with a slight edge to his voice. “Stealing should not be our go to solution for solving problems.”

“I know, I know.” Donnie replied, waving his hand dismissively. “Just this one.”

“And you still haven’t answered my question!” Raph said, leaning forward in his bean bag chair. “You have Kraanginoid blood! What the heck would you need my blood for?”

Donnie stared at him for a moment, and Raph could almost feel his heart drop down into his stomach. But the softshell just sighed, the tenseness from his body dissipating.

“Like Bishop said,” He started. “You’re a living impossibility, Raph. You’re the only one who was able to overcome the Kraang’s control and dispel the virus.” Raph gritted his teeth at this. Yeah, mostly. “The question is how. Now, we could say it was because of Leo’s heartfelt speech in the technodrome, but you know me, I like to think in more scientific terms. If there’s evidence of antibodies against the Kraanginoid virus in your blood, we could use that to formulate a cure.”

Raph perked up at this, eyes wide. “Wait, really?” He said in shock. “So the answer to all our problems… It could be in my blood right now?”

“Hypothetically.” Donnie replied, sitting back in his chair.

Raph thought about this for a moment, his heart racing. The secret to defeating the Kraang, to getting rid of this stupid virus, it could be right here! Right under my skin! But… He clenched his hands into fists on his knees. But what if there isn’t anything? What if Donnie just finds out I’m infected, and there’s nothing they can do about it? That one way or another, at some point, the infection will overwhelm me, and I’ll turn back into a Kraanginoid?

Raph took a deep breath, shaking his head. No, who cares if he finds out? I’m sick of lying, of hiding. It can’t be good for anyone. And plus, this is a cure to the Kraanginoid virus we’re talking about; we have to do it! If there’s the smallest chance that my blood could be the cure, I have to take it. Whether he finds out about the infection or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is saving everyone, no matter the cost.

“Alright.” Raph said, straightening up. “You can take my blood.”

“Don’t say it like that, it’s weird. You’re making me sound like a vampire.” Donnie huffed in annoyance.

“You’re the one who was all like, ‘I vant to steal ur blood!’” Raph replied, doing his worst Dracula impression. He grinned as he spotted the smallest smile on Donnie’s face. Despite the turmoil in his head, it was still always nice to see his brother happy.

“Whatever. Anyways, I’m glad you’re on board.” Donnie replied, strolling over to a cabinet mounted on his wall and pulling out a few medical supplies. “I don’t need much; just a tube’s worth.”

Raph watched as Donnie prepared a few things, but felt his blood run cold as the softshell pulled out a large syringe, a long needle attached to the end.

“That’s huge!” He couldn’t help but squeak out, his body tensing as if it were made of rubber bands.

Donnie looked at him humorously, his eyes glinting. “C’mon, you big baby, don’t tell me you’re scared of a little needle. Besides, I need it to get the sample.”

“I hate needles…” Raph replied in a small voice, stretching out his arm as Donnie came over to wipe it down. He could feel his body shaking, and he cursed himself for getting all worked up over something like this. He’d been tossed off buildings for crying out loud! He shut his eyes tight, leaning as far back as he could in the shifty bean bag chair as he replayed a thought over and over in his head:

Don’t pass out, don’t pass out, don’t pass out…

There was a moment of silence, then the sound of receding footsteps. Raph peeked an eye open just in time to see Donnie walk out the door, leaving Raph alone in the lab.

“What… Donnie?” Raph called, confused. He hadn’t even taken the sample yet. Raph let his arm fall limply to his side as he waited in silence.

After a minute, Donnie came back in with something tucked under his arm. He tossed it to Raph, who caught it with ease despite his confusion. As he looked at the item, a wave of calm washed over him. It was one of the stuffies he kept on his bed. He smiled, tucking it under his arm and giving Donnie a grateful look.

“Yeah yeah, now stop bellyaching.” Donnie said, crouching down next to Raph and pulling out the syringe. “It’ll just take a second.”

Raph closed his eyes, hugging the plushie tight as there was a small pinch, and before he knew it, Donnie was storing the sample in with the others. “So, that’s it then?” Raph asked, holding a piece of gauze to his arm.

“Yep. Now I get to bury myself in some biological work and begin deciphering Bishop’s wack ass research.” Donnie said in a monotone voice, typing on his computer. “I’m sorry if that sounded like I didn’t want to do it, I am actually very excited.”

“Hah, I’ll leave you to it.” Raph said, grabbing his plush and making his way out of the lab. Donnie didn’t acknowledge him as he left; the softshell was already lost in his research.

Raph made his way down the hall towards his room, hugging the stuffie to his plastron. Well, I guess it’s all up to Donnie now. He thought, clenching his jaw. I really don’t like the idea of everyone knowing I’m infected, but… This is for the best. I mean, I can’t expect to keep it a secret forever. And I’m so sick of lying, of hiding, of feeling so alone. They deserve to know, no matter the consequences.

Raph paused for a moment outside his room. But what if they take me off the mission? If they think I’m a liability, or that they can’t trust me… Raph shook his head sadly. Nah, they already don’t trust me. They showed me that today. The best I can do is hope they don’t hate me for lying to them.

Raph went to open his door, mind still racing. And hey, my blood may not even show anything. Maybe there’s nothing, and everything will continue as usual. Or maybe he’ll actually find antibodies and create a cure before there’s ever a problem. Raph let out a sigh. Yeah, like anything could ever work out that easily for me.

Raph stepped into his room, ready to flop down on his bed and take a quick cat nap, but let out a surprised yelp as he saw someone sitting in his room. The small figure sat on his bed, eyes closed, wearing a brown sweater and a pair of dollar store glasses over his bright, orange mask. Raph immediately knew who it was. He quickly turned around to walk right back out of his room, but a golden chain flew past him, slamming the door closed and wrapping around the handle with a loud clang.

Raph slowly turned to peer sideways over his shoulder, a chill crawling up his back. The figure had opened his eyes, and was giving Raph a death stare. Within seconds, the box turtle’s face shifted, turning into a cheerful smile. Raph immediately felt a wave of dread, along with a slight tinge of reserved annoyance.

“Raphael.” Mikey said calmly, adjusting his glasses before folding his hands on his lap. “Let’s talk, shall we?”

Chapter Text

Raph forced a smile to his face, turning to face his poised younger brother.

“Heyyy Mikes.” He said, his voice overly cheery. “What’s up?”

“Why don’t you have a seat, Raph.” Mikey replied, gesturing to the desk chair he’d pulled up next to Raph’s bed. “And it’s ‘doctor’ to you.”

“You’re not a doctor.” Raph huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Semantics, brother dear.” Mikey replied with a dismissive wave of his hand, before continuing in his more usual tone of voice. “Now, sit. We need to talk.”

“C’mon Mikes.” Raph complained, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. He really didn’t need Mikey to berate him with questions right now. And after everything with Donnie, he still wasn’t entirely sure whether he wanted to tell his brothers about his Kraang issue or not. He just wanted to sleep. “Do we really need to do this right now?” He continued, hoping his brother would take the hint.

“Yes.” Mikey insisted, his eyes sharp. He shook his head, once again reverting back to his more cheery demeanor. He reached behind him, grabbing a pile of papers and a pen that he’d tucked up under his new hair. He adjusted his glasses, which Raph knew was just for show at this point, then crossed one leg over the other, staring Raph down.

“Alright, Raph.” He said in a melancholy voice. “How are you feeling?”

Immediately, Casey’s voice echoed in Raph’s head, asking the same question. And just like with her, Raph felt his mind go blank, like a TV turning off. How was he feeling? Could he feel anything? Has he ever felt anything? His brain was blank.

“Uh, I don’t know.” Raph said softly, sitting down in the chair by his bed. “I’m not sure. Stressed, maybe?”

“Why stressed?” Mikey pried, and Raph felt his defenses go up.

How am I supposed to talk to him about why I’m stressed if I can’t even think? Raph thought in irritation. Besides, he knows exactly why I’m stressed. He just wants to hear me say it.

“I don’t know, Mikes.” Raph ended up replying sarcastically, feeling his anger from earlier rear its ugly head again. “Maybe because you guys are letting actual torture slide? That you’re ok with working for a guy who electrocutes people? How about that, hm?”

“I never said I’m ok with that.” Mikey retorted coldly, glaring at Raph over the rims of his glasses.

“Well, you sure didn’t back me up in there.” Raph growled, feeling a low heat begin bubbling up inside him. Mikey turned away, a look of hurt on his face that shocked Raph back to reality. He shook his head, trying to ignore the growing irritation in his brain as he backtracked.

“Sorry, Mikes, I didn’t mean that.” He said with a sigh, forcing his anger to fizzle out before it became a problem. “Look, can we not do this right now? I’m still sort of revved up from earlier.”

I don’t want to hurt you. is what he wanted to say, but he decided to keep that one to himself.

Mikey shook his head. “No, you’re right. I should have said something.” He said, shuffling the papers uncomfortably in his hands. “I was just… shocked. I wanted to diffuse the situation, ‘cause I knew yelling wasn’t going to solve anything, but you’re right, I didn’t have your back. I’m sorry.”

“No, Mikes, you don’t have anything to be sorry about.” Raph insisted. “It was me, I’m the one who blew up.”

“And let’s talk about that.” Mikey said, shifting back into his “Dr. Feelings” mode. “I have a few questions for you.”

“Ugh, Mikes.” Raph whined, slapping his hand over his face. “I don’t want to do this right now.”

“But I did all this research!” Mikey exclaimed, breaking character. Raph peeked an eye over at the many sheets of paper in his younger brother’s hands.

He did all that…? Raph thought guiltily. He must really be worried.

“Mikey…” He said in a low voice, noticing the small turtle was giving him his best puppy eyes.

“I even wrote a checklist.” Mikey insisted in a small voice, and Raph felt his heart start to melt.

Don’t fall for it, don’t you fall for it… Damn it.

Raph let out a deep sigh of resolve, then sat up straight, opening his eyes. “Alright, Mikes. I’ll answer your questions or whatever.”

“Hah! You fell for it!” Mikey teased, his mode shifting on the turn of a dime.

“Oh, you conniving little -” Raph started, but was interrupted by Mikey clearing his throat and once again adjusting his fake glasses. He’s too good at that. Raph thought irritably, preparing himself for the onslaught of personal questions he was about to be subjected to. He peeked at the sheet in Mikey’s hands, reading the words “Anger Management Questionnaire” as the heading. Immediately, he began to bristle with indignation.

“Anger Management? Seriously?” Raph groaned, his tail flicking side to side.

“It’s just a template! A guideline, ok?” Mikey said defensively, holding up his hands. “You’ve just seemed a bit… irritable, recently, and I think maybe if we try to delve into the root of it all, maybe we can figure some things out?”

Raph narrowed his eyes as he thought. He had been feeling a lot more, well, angry. And not just the normal anger that he could just ignore and do away with, but actual, red hot rage. He’d thought maybe it had something to do with the Kraang infection, but maybe… maybe Mikey had a point. Maybe it was something else. It was worth at least exploring.

“Just humor me, Raph?” Mikey pleaded, and Raph nodded begrudgingly.

“Alright, fine.” He replied, leaning back in his chair. “Ask away.”

“Ok, yeah! Let’s do this!” Mikey said excitedly, quickly looking down at his notes. “Alright, these are all yes or no questions, ok? So just answer them the best you can.” Raph nodded slightly as Mikey began reading off the questions on his checklist.

“Would you consider yourself an angry person?”

Raph blinked a few times. Do I?

“Uh, I don’t know?” He said after a few seconds, looking up at Mikey.

“Yes or no, Raph.” The smaller turtle reiterated calmly.

“I don’t know, uh, no? I guess?” Raph managed to get out, already feeling uncomfortable. It felt weird to be looking in on himself like this. He wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Alright.” Mikey said, marking it down. “Next one: Is there typically a reason for your anger?”

“Yes?” Raph replied, scratching his head. I think that was the right answer… right?

“Do you ever get angry out of nowhere, for no apparent reason?”

“Uh…” Raph thought, struggling to think through his clouding mind. “Sometimes?”

“Yes or no.” Mikey repeated, and Raph let out a frustrated groan.

“That’s stupid.” He complained, crossing his arms. “Fine, yes, I guess.” He was really beginning to regret going with his brother’s pseudo therapy session.

“Thank you.” Mikey sang before continuing. “Alright, next one. Do you consider anger to be a bad feeling?”

“Yes.” Raph replied, without hesitation this time. Mikey gave him an odd look, and Raph felt himself shrink at his brother’s gaze. “Was that not the right answer?” He asked, his face flushed.

“No no, there is no right or wrong answer.” Mikey said quickly. “I was just thinking, that’s all.”

“Heh, got it.” Raph replied sheepishly as Mikey continued on with his questions.

“Do you feel guilty when you get angry?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think your anger is justified in most cases?”

“No.”

“Does your anger scare you?”

Raph paused at this, unable to meet his brother’s eyes. This was getting to be way too much. I don’t want to do this anymore. He thought, clenching his jaw. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his knee.

“Hey, we don’t have to keep going.” Mikey said, his eyes filled with concern. “I wasn’t trying to upset you, I just -”

“I’m not upset!” Raph replied quickly, shaking his head. “Just… how many more are there?”

Mikey stared at him for a moment before setting his papers down. “Just one.” He said quietly, removing his hand from Raph’s leg.

“When’s the last time you actually let yourself feel angry?”

Raph chuckled wryly. “That’s not a yes or no question.” He said as a poor excuse for a joke. However, Mikey’s face remained entirely serious. “Geez, Mikes, I don’t know, the question doesn’t make any sense! I mean, you saw me earlier. I was angry. So what, two hours ago?”

Mikey shook his head. “No, I mean, when’s the last time you actually allowed yourself to be angry? Y’know, like, actually feel it, not just ignore it or push it away.”

“What?” Raph asked, appalled. “Why would I do that?” He was starting to get agitated at this point, gripping tightly onto his legs. “Mikes, you’ve seen me angry. I’m not a good person when I’m pissed off. Why would I humor a feeling like that?”

“Because Raph,” Mikey replied, his voice raising slightly. “If you keep just bottling all that anger up, it’s going to keep exploding out when you don’t want it to! Things left to fester like that have a way of rotting away at you, and building up with nastiness until they burst!”

“I don’t like the person I am when I’m angry!” Raph insisted desperately, feeling frustration boiling up inside him. Why didn’t his brother get it? His anger was the thing he hated about himself. And clearly, considering how it seemed to “fuel” the Kraang infection, it wasn’t a good thing. It couldn’t be a good thing.

Raph took a deep breath. He couldn’t do this anymore. He was already upset from this morning, and this whole thing was making him feel worse. He didn’t want to be angry, and most of all, he didn’t want to end up yelling at another one of his brothers.

“I’m done, Mikey.” He said, standing up. “We can talk later, I promise, just, not now.”

“Raph, I understand you’re upset, but…” Mikey pleaded, but Raph shook his head.

“Mikey, please, just leave, ok?” Raph managed to get out. “I don’t want to be angry at you.”

“Well, maybe you should be angry at me!” Mikey exclaimed, standing up as well. “I didn’t have your back this morning, I forced you to do something you didn’t want to do. Raph, you have a right to be angry at me! If you just push it away, if you don’t allow yourself to process it -”

“Mikey…”

“I’m worried about you, Raph!” Mikey cried, tears starting to leak from his eyes. Raph recoiled for a moment, feeling as if he’d been jabbed through the heart. He quickly sat on his bed and pulled Mikey down next to him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to start crying. I was trying to do this tough love sort of thing, but I just can’t.” Mikey choked out through his tears. “I’ve just been so worried about you. You’ve been acting so off, and Donnie was worried you were sick, and with everything that happened today…”

“Woah woah, easy Mikes.” Raph said comfortingly, stroking his brother’s shell in small circles. “I’m ok.”

“You’re not though!” Mikey sniffled. “I know you’re not, but I don’t know how to help you, and I just feel useless.”

Raph wrapped an arm around his little brother holding him close. Slowly but surely, the wall that had been built up around him started to crumble a bit.

“Alright, so maybe I’m not entirely ok.” Raph admitted, peeking at the claw marks still lining his door. He was genuinely surprised Mikey hadn’t noticed them. But that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was cheering up his brother.

Raph scooted back a bit so he could look Mikey in the eyes, the smaller turtle wiping the tears streaking down his face. “I think you may have a point, Mikes. About the anger and all that. I have been super stressed about all the Kraang stuff going on, and y’know, maybe I do need to learn how to deal with my anger in a better way. I just can’t do it right now. It’s… too much. Understand?”

Mikey nodded, rubbing his arms in a self-soothing fashion. “I understand. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to force you into all that therapy stuff. I’ve just been so worried. And if anything happened…”

“I know.” Raph replied, hugging his brother once again. “I promise, soon, I’ll be ready to talk, ok? And you’ll be the first person I come to, Doctor.”

Mikey chuckled at that, squeezing Raph tight. “Thanks Raph.” He said softly, standing up to leave. “Leo and I talked with Dad a bit. I think he’ll want to talk with you later, but for now, maybe you should just rest. I’ll keep them occupied.”

Raph nodded appreciatively. “Thanks Mikes.” Mikey smiled at him before turning to leave, not giving the claw marks on the door a second glance.

After Mikey had left, Raph flopped down on his bed, feeling absolutely drained. But after all of that, he found himself becoming more and more sure that he needed to tell his family what was going on.

I can’t worry them any more. He thought, picturing Donnie and Mikey’s concerned faces. But if I tell them the truth, is it going to fix things? Or will everything just become worse? I was an idiot for waiting so long. Now the hole I dug just keeps getting deeper.

Raph turned over, curling up around his pillow and holding it tight. He tried to picture his family’s faces if he told them, but he couldn’t settle on a single emotion. Shock, anger, worry, fear… Would they hate him for lying? Or would they hate him more for telling the truth?

Why does all of this have to be so hard? Raph thought sadly, closing his eyes and trying to tune out the turmoil in his head.

Chapter Text

Raph didn’t end up getting any sleep.

Instead, he found himself tossing and turning for a good hour, his mind too troubled to let his body rest. Eventually, he just burrowed under his blankets, holding his pillow over his head as if it might block out the noise in his head. It didn’t.

Gosh this sucks. Raph thought irritably, throwing his pillow off to one side. This clearly wasn’t working. Raph sat up begrudgingly, much to his body’s protest. He’d noticed that he was beginning to feel much more fatigued, even without doing that much. Must be a side effect of the Kraang flu. Raph thought wryly, pushing himself to his feet.

His eyes were drawn to the long claw marks gashed into his door. He traced them gently with his fingers, following the marks as they trailed down the janky metal. I still can’t understand why this happened… Raph thought, biting his lip as a lump of dread formed in his throat. If the Kraang virus had taken over, if it was trying to escape from here… What was it planning to do once it got out?

Raph shuddered, a sudden chill traveling up his spine. He shook his head, grabbing one of his Lou Jitsu posters off his wall and haphazardly taping it over the many claw marks. Within minutes, the door looked normal again, and Raph felt the slightest bit of relief.

I should probably get something to eat. He thought absently, exiting his room and heading towards the kitchen. He really hadn’t felt that hungry recently, but whether it was from the nauseating stress constantly berating his poor stomach or a direct effect of the Kraang infection, he wasn’t sure. But he was sure if Mikey found out he hadn’t eaten, the smaller turtle would kick his tail into next week.

As Raph approached the kitchen, he heard a couple voices from inside. He had half the mind to just turn around to avoid any more grueling conversations, but honestly, he was sick of being alone already. Clearly, being alone with his thoughts wasn’t good for him. And he needed to eat.

Raph turned the corner to see Mikey and Splinter locked in a game of cards. From the way Splinter's ears were twitching, Raph could tell that the cards weren’t exactly in his father’s favor.

Mikey rubbed his chin for a moment, then smiled, declaring loudly, “Go Fish!”

“For the last time.” Splinter said with exasperation, massaging his wrinkled forehead. “We are playing Poker. We’ve been playing Poker for the last fifteen minutes!”

“Oh, right.” Mikey laughed, slapping down his hand of cards. “In that case, flush!”

“How do you do that?!” Splinter exclaimed, slamming his cards down on the table. “You are cheating! Where are you hiding your cards?!”

Just as the rat was about to leap up on the table to continue harassing his youngest son, he noticed Raph standing in the entrance. Splinter’s face changed to a more serious look, and Raph immediately knew he was in for another lecture.

“Raphael! I was looking for you earlier.” Splinter said, beckoning the older turtle to come in. He cast an accusing glance at Mikey, who was grabbing a pile of cookies from the center of the table which Raph assumed had to be the winnings from the game. “I apologize, I was distracted by Mr. Mystic cheater over here.” Splinter finished, sniffing irritably.

“Aw, don’t be like that, Dad.” Mikey said in a mischievous voice. “You’ll get me next time. Just bring more cookies, ok?”

“You dishonor me.” Splinter huffed lightheartedly, the smile on his face showing his fondness for the young turtle. His face then turned more troubled as he continued. “Would you give us a moment, Michelangelo? I need to have a talk with Raphael.”

Raph felt his body stiffen, but he forced himself to sit down. Mikey shot him a look, seemingly asking Will you be ok? Raph smiled, giving the smallest nod. He was going to have to talk with Splinter no matter what; might as well be right now.

Mikey nodded back, collecting his winnings and making his way out of the kitchen, softly shutting the door behind him. With that, Splinter directed his attention to Raph, who felt like he was a little kid again, about to be scolded by his father.

“So, I’m assuming Leo told you everything?” Raph said, cringing slightly at the shakiness in his voice.

“Yes.” Splinter replied, his eyes clouded with concern.

Raph shuffled uncomfortably, rubbing his hands on his legs. “Are you… upset?” He asked finally. “I swear, there was a good reason. If you’d seen what I’d seen -”

“I’m not upset.” Splinter interrupted, shaking his head. “I’m worried. I’m worried you boys might have bit off more than you can chew, I’m worried that something might happen that I can’t protect you from. And most of all, I’m worried about you, Raphael.”

Raph drew back at this, surprised. “You’re… worried about me?” He asked, blinking with disbelief.

“Of course!” Splinter replied, setting his hands on the table. “I’ve seen a change in you, Raphael, and I’m worried it’s not a good one.”

Raph felt a mixture of fear and anger well up inside him, but he tried to swallow it down, the feelings churning within his stomach.

“You’ve just seemed so much more angry recently.” Splinter continued, a knowing look in his eyes. “It reminds me of when you were younger, and your anger was a lot more out of control.”

Raph gritted his teeth. He’d been thinking the same thing, but it hurt to hear it come from his father. He wasn’t sure why this was happening. It could be from the Kraang virus, or maybe just suppressed anger issues like Mikey suggested, but regardless, it was unacceptable. That much was for sure.

“I’m sorry, Pops.” He said quickly. He wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Don’t be sorry, my son.” Splinter said, his voice soft. “What you saw today was… troubling. I had a brief discussion with Leo on where we can try to go from here. But you realize both you and your brother were in the wrong here, correct?”

Raph hung his head, guilt welling up inside him. “Yes.”

“Leo is haunted by his fear of the Kraang, and is still learning what it means to be a good leader. But you, you were already a great leader, Raphael. That’s why it troubles me to hear what happened today.” Splinter continued, his eyes boring into the snapping turtle. “You know better.”

Raph gritted his teeth as another surge of anger welled up inside him at his father’s words, but he wasn’t sure why exactly. He closed his eyes tight, urging it to go away. “You’re right, Dad. I’ll do better.”

Splinter smiled at his son, his eyes shining with pride. “I know you will. You are better than this, Raphael. You can be the great ninja I raised you to be.” His smile fell a bit, worry creeping into his expression. “And if you need anything, or if you want to talk about anything at all, I’m here for you.”

Raph froze at his father’s words, feeling as if his blood turned to lead. He couldn’t stop the memories as they flashed in front of his eyes like old film:

.
.
.

A much younger Raph trotted over to the tv room, his stomach rumbling with hunger. “Dad?” He yelled loudly as he entered, hoping his voice could be heard over the loud movie playing. “Dad, what’re we havin’ for dinner? I’m starvin’-”

Raph stopped short when he saw his father hunched in his chair, his knees drawn up to his chest as his tail curled tightly around his feet. The furry figure shook, sobs just barely discernible over the sounds of Lou Jitsu fighting in the background. It was the first memory he had of his father crying, but certainly not the last.

Raph slowly backed out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him. He felt a tug on the back of his football jersey, turning to see a tiny Donatello peering up at him.

“I require nutrients.” The small turtle said in a voice that seemed much too young to be spouting those words.

“Ah… right.” Raph said, scratching his head as he tried to think. “Um, Dad said we’re old enough to make our own food now, ‘cause we’re big boys.” He said finally, plastering a confident smile on his face. Donnie looked at him skeptically, peeking over Raph’s shoulder to look at the TV room. “C’mon Donnie.” Raph said quickly, shooing the younger turtle down the hall. “Go get Leo and Mikey; we’re gonna make the best dinner ever!”

Where are you, Dad?

.

Raph woke up to crying in the hall, running out to see Leo struggling to open Splinter’s door.

“Leo?” He called, quickly rushing to his brother’s side. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s locked!” Leo sobbed loudly, rubbing the tears from his eyes. “I had a nightmare, and it’s locked! I want Dad!”

“Sh, it’s ok.” Raph whispered, lifting up his smaller brother. He carried the still sobbing turtle back to Raph’s room, laying Leo down in his bed and rubbing his shell softly. Leo continued to cry, burying his head in Raph’s pillow.

“I want Dad!” Leo cried again as more sobs wracked his body.

Raph bit his lip, continuing to rub Leo’s shell as the slider cried himself to sleep. “I know, buddy, I know.”

Why aren’t you here?

.

“Raphael!”

Raph stood frozen as he stared at his father, his eyes wide with fear. The rat cradled Mikey in his arms as the small turtle cried, blood dripping from his mouth where one of his teeth used to be.

“It… it was an accident!” Raph insisted desperately, his body shaking. “I didn’t mean to hit him!”

“Your anger is out of control!” Splinter shouted, his eyes narrowed. “A good ninja never lets his anger get the best of him. Apologize to your brother at once!”

“I’m sorry Mikey!” Raph cried, tears welling up as he clenched his fist so tight he thought they might burst. “I’m sorry!”

Why weren’t you there for me?

.
.
.

Raph shook his head, the memories fading away as he brought himself back into the present. He looked up at Splinter, his father’s eyes filled with worry and concern.

“I’ll… keep that in mind.” He said finally, forcing a small smile to his face. “Thanks, Dad.”

Splinter smiled back at him before standing up in his chair, loudly groaning as he stretched out his back. “Well, I’m glad we had this talk. It’ll all turn out ok, my son. Do not worry.” Splinter said, making his way out of the kitchen. He paused for a moment at the doorway, turning to face Raph. “And maybe go talk to your brother. I do not enjoy seeing this rift between you two. You are brothers, family. Don’t forget that.”

Raph nodded, willing his father to just leave. “I’ll go talk to him. Thanks.”

Splinter hummed approvingly, then made his way out, the door shutting gently behind him.

Immediately, Raph raced over to the kitchen garbage, nausea surging through his body. He vomited for the second time that day, his body heaving painfully. He wasn’t even disgusted this time. Instead, he just felt an aching numbness, a tiredness that seemed to reach his bones.

He’d completely lost his appetite.

Raph rinsed his mouth out with some water, then slowly made his way back towards his room. He was so tired. It felt like the talk with Splinter had drained him of any energy he had left for the day.

Maybe Mikey really was right about those anger issues. Raph thought, his exhausted mind seeming to work at half speed. I think it’s clear I might have some unresolved… well, issues.

As Raph walked past Leo’s door, he paused, hearing music trilling from within. His body begged him to just go lay down, but Raph stifled its cries. He had to make things right with Leo before he got any sort of rest. He knocked on the door softly, and within moments, it opened to reveal a slightly disgruntled slider.

“Hey, Leo.” Raph started, rubbing his arm slightly. “Look, I just want to say I’m s-”

“I’m going to stop you right there.” Leo interrupted, holding up a hand.

“Wha- huh?” Raph stuttered, confused.

“I talked to Bishop.” Leo continued, not meeting Raph’s eyes. “I told him if he continued to do experiments like that on the Kraanginoids, we’d walk. He seemed slightly reluctant, but in the end, he agreed. No more electrocution, no more pain.” Raph blinked in disbelief as Leo continued.

“You don’t have to apologize to me.” Leo said, his voice low. “You were right to be upset. I… I’m sorry.” Leo finally turned to look up at Raph, his blue eyes intense. “I didn’t mean what I said, about you that is. I was just angry, and I said that stuff knowing it would hurt you. And I wanted the Kraanginoids to hurt too. I guess I’m just sick of always feeling like something’s going to kill us, y’know?” The slider sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “What I did was wrong. I let my anger and my fear make me a bad person. But it won’t happen again. I won’t let it change who I am.” Leo chuckled lightly, his eyes sad. “And I’m so tired of fighting with you.”

Raph reached out, locking his brother in a huge hug. “I know, I know.” He said softly, holding Leo tight. “I’m sorry.”

Leo pushed him away, a small smile on his face. “What did I just say?” He laughed, shaking his head. “What a couple of schmucks we are.”

Raph laughed as well, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s true.” He replied, shaking his head gently. He let his body relax, feeling much better. “Thank you, Leo. For talking to Bishop. For… understanding. It means a lot.”

“Yeah well, that’s what heroes do, right?” Leo said, leaning against his door.

“Right.” Raph agreed, pride welling up inside him. Raph yawned, a wave of tiredness slumping over his body. “I think I’m going to rest for a bit.” He said finally, forcing his heavy feet to move. “I’ll talk to ya more in a bit, ok?”

“Alright Raph, sweet dreams.” Leo called in a sing-song voice, causing Raph to roll his eyes. He began to feel heavier and heavier as his tired body walked, and the joy of fixing things with Leo faded into the usual apprehension that Raph had become accustomed to.

Yeah right. He thought as he walked into his room, a feeling of dread building in his stomach as he glanced at the poster hiding the gashes in his door. I’ll just settle for dreams that aren’t nightmares.

.
.
.

It was around 3am by the time Donnie got around to looking at Raph’s blood.

He’d spend hours pouring over the Kraanginoid samples, running all sorts of different tests. And in the end, he didn’t like what he saw.

The samples showed strange, pink, cell-like structures, which Donnie had to assume was the Kraang virus. These structures were actively destroying and consuming the red blood cells in the samples, and multiplying at a rate of which Donnie had never seen.

But even more disturbing was how they seemed to communicate with one another. When a white blood cell came to try and destroy the virus, the masses almost seemed to warn the others, causing them to flee to other parts of the sample. It was an intelligent virus.

This is… so creepy. Donnie thought with a shudder, finally storing the last sample away. It was then he laid his eyes on Raph’s sample.

Donnie had been worried for a few weeks now that Raph might be sick. He hadn’t lied when he told Raph he wanted the snapper’s blood for research purposes. It was true that his blood could hypothetically contain antibodies to the Kraang virus. However, Donnie also wanted to prove another one of his hypotheses wrong. One that he really, really hoped was wrong. He reached a shaky hand forward, grabbing the test tube and holding it gently. Please, let me be wrong. He thought, sliding his goggles down onto his eyes.

Donnie assembled the slide, loading a small sample of Raph’s blood under the microscope. He took a deep breath, then turned on the light, peering down into the multitude of cells with practiced efficiency. Within seconds, his breath hitched, his heart sinking down into his stomach.

Shit. He thought, his mouth going dry with fear as he saw a multitude of pink cells zipping expertly around the sample. Sometimes, I really hate being right.

Chapter Text

Raph blinked irritably, the foggy mist he’d become so accustomed to coiling around him like a snake.

“I really despise this place.” He seethed out loud, his tail twitching in annoyance. “Huh, despise. That’s a good word. Donnie would be proud.”

Raph began walking, although he wasn’t quite sure where he was going. It was hard to tell directions in the endless grey white surrounding him. But, he had a solid surface under his feet, so he may as well use it.

“It’s quiet…” He spoke out into the nothingness. He hated the sound of Kraang whispers constantly pressing against his mind, but in the deafening silence around him, he almost wished they were there. He hated the whispers, but he hated being alone more.

Raph clutched his arms, feeling cold despite the warm, heavy humidity leaving his skin slick with moisture. I know they’re out there somewhere. He thought, keeping his eyes peeled for anything moving within the haze. They’re always out there.

He wasn’t sure how long he walked, dream logic and all, but at some point, he seemed to reach a clearing in the fog, almost like a circle where the whiteness was just slightly less dense. It was there he saw a figure, lying on the ground, the smallest wisps of grey curling around it.

Raph stalked around the perimeter, squinting to get a better look at the figure. The last thing he’d want was for the figure to leap to its feet and attack him. But at the same time, it worried him that the figure wasn’t moving. Why was it just laying there?

The figure almost seemed to shift with the fog, the edges of its body blurred. For the life of him, Raph couldn’t get a sense of what the figure looked like. A Kraanginoid? A human? One of his brothers? Between the fog and the constant shifting of the figure, it was impossible to tell. So, Raph approached, his curiosity outweighing his apprehension.

“Hello?” He called softly, still half convinced the figure was going to leap up and attack him. But the figure didn’t move, nor did it become any more clear to him. It just… lay there.

Raph hesitantly squatted next to the figure, fear building up inside him. He didn’t want to touch it. He wanted to turn around and run as far as he could from… whatever this was shifting ominously in front of him. But he swallowed down his fear. This thing… It could be hurt, scared, maybe even unconscious. Raph knew he couldn’t just leave them here, in this awful place. That’s not what heroes do.

Raph slowly reached out his hand to what he assumed was the figure’s shoulder. His body sat poised, just in case he had to fight his way out of this. He gritted his teeth, pushing through the alarm bells ringing in his head.

“Hey, you alright?” He asked in a shaky voice, his fingers finally making contact with the blurred figure. Almost to his surprise, his fingers met with a solid surface, but in the few moments it took for them to send information to his brain, he felt his face drop with horror.

As he pressed into the impressionable skin, it was unmistakably cold with the chill of death.

Raph recoiled immediately, falling backwards as he pushed himself away from the cold, still body. His fingers had left indents in the figure's skin, which slowly began to bruise and seep dark, sticky blood. The raspy voices were back, hissing in his ears loudly as they repeated the word “pathetic” over and over again. The mist seemed to darken, thicken, pressing against him until he could no longer see anything around him. The body was gone.

Where Raph’s fingers had touched the figure, he felt a creeping chill begin to spread. He looked down to see tendrils of Kraang ooze, slowly pulsating as it started to travel up his hand.

Raph tried desperately to wipe it off, but the ooze seemed to stick to his other hand, spreading even quicker now. His heart thudded loudly in his chest, and with each beat, the ooze pulsed forward, coating his skin like a mold.

Raph let out a panicked shriek, his heart beating faster and faster as the creeping ooze pulsed with it. What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?! Raph thought frantically, grimacing in fear as the ooze traveled up his neck. Make it stop, please, make it stop, HELP ME!

As the ooze climbed up his face, leaching into his vision like a pink haze, Raph could just barely see a flash of bright, red light. It seemed to drown out the pink, and the chill covering his body began to recoil slightly. The whispers stopped abruptly. Raph tried to see where the light was coming from, but the bright red took over his vision, cutting through the mist like a beacon. Whatever it was, it didn’t scare him. It was chasing the ooze away. He let his body relax, the red light washing over him with a warmth that seemed to finally rid him of the chills. As the red faded to black, and Raph felt himself losing consciousness, he noticed that for the first time in this foggy hellhole of a dreamscape, he finally felt like he was safe.

.
.
.

Raph moaned groggily, for once not waking up in a state of panic.

Hm, that’s nice. Raph hummed in his mind, a slight smile creeping to his face. He stretched out his body, reveling in his well-rested state, and was immediately knocked into reality as his hand smacked something hard, causing something to fall flat on his face.

“Ow… what the…?” Raph said out loud, sitting up and rubbing the sore spot on his head. To his dismay, he immediately hit it again on something right above him. “Oh c’mon!”

Raph finally got a sense of his surroundings, and felt his good mood fade as he took in the chaos around him. He was sitting on his floor, with items from his room strewn around him in a whirlwind. Bookshelves were knocked over, action figures were thrown about, and his bed was completely shredded, with bits of fluff and fabric laying ripped on the floor.

“Oh…” Raph mused anxiously, rubbing the bruise forming on his head. He didn’t know what else to say. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. Clearly, this was his doing. The virus was trying to escape again.

Raph began coughing, grabbing his trash can as a glob of Kraang ooze worked its way out of his lungs. He spit weakly into the bin, tiredness creeping into his body once again. He wheezed slightly, looking around his room with dismay.

That’s it! Raph thought, pulling himself to his feet, his heart pounding as he looked around his destroyed room. I am officially in over my head. I can’t do this anymore. It’s too dangerous. I’m too dangerous, and someone is going to get hurt. Raph was breathing heavily, but his jaw set in determination. I’ll tell them everything; I gotta tell them everything. I mean, Donnie’s going to find out anyways, and I can’t hide this forever. I’ve gotta tell them.

Without a second thought, Raph grabbed his mask, tying it on as he picked his way through the chaos of his room and shut the door slowly behind him. Just as he did so, Leo’s door slammed open, revealing a still half-asleep Leo hopping on one foot as he pulled on his leg cover.

“Leo! Great, I have something to -” Raph began, but Leo cut him off.

“I just got an urgent message from Bishop.” Leo said, his eyes flashing intensely. “Kraanginoid movement, and a lot of it. Get Mikey, we gotta move!”

Raph was thrown off for a moment, then quickly regained his composure. “Uh, right, okay!” Raph raced off towards Mikey’s room, pushing down the apprehension churning to life inside him. Right, I guess I’ll tell them later then. He thought, knocking on Mikey’s door and calling for the small turtle. Within minutes, the turtles had gathered in front of Donnie’s lab. Everyone except Donnie.

“Donnie, I won’t tell you again!” Leo yelled, banging on the closed door. “If you’re not out here in five seconds…”

“Maybe he’s got headphones in?” Mikey suggested, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It was then Donnie’s door swung open with a slam, revealing a frantic, clearly sleep deprived Donnie.

Raph stiffened as the softshell locked his eyes on him, the dark circles underneath them making him look even more unhinged. Donnie pointed a finger at him, his eyes narrowing.

“You.” He said in a low voice. “In my lab, now.”

Oh yeah. Raph thought, mixed feelings of anxiety and relief washing over him.

He knows.

“Donnie, did you not hear what I said?” Leo butted in. “We’ve got a mission! A big one. We don’t have time for whatever nerdy thing you’re thinking of doing right now.”

“Nerdy?!” Donnie exclaimed with indignation. “Hardly! And this is important, so why don’t you take your mission and stick it up your -”

“Donnie!” Mikey chastised, glaring at the purple clad turtle.

“This is not up for debate.” Leo insisted, crossing his arms stubbornly over his plastron. “Whatever it is, it can wait till after.”

“But he’s…” Donnie started defensively before turning to meet Raph’s eyes. Raph felt his heart drop. Not like this; he didn’t want everything to come out like this. He kept Donnie’s gaze, pleading with his brother to trust him, to just wait. He’d explain everything.

Donnie let out a frustrated groan, his shoulders slumping in resignation. “Fine.” He said through gritted teeth. He glared at Raph before continuing. “My lab, as soon as we’re done with this stupid mission.”

“Heh heh, you got it.” Raph agreed nervously, chuckling to try and lighten the mood. “Geez Donnie, you get scary when you’re sleep deprived.”

Donnie just grunted, brushing past Raph as he followed Leo towards the entrance of the Lair. Raph watched him, guilt welling up in his gut. He’d make this up to Donnie; he’d make it up to all of them.

“What was that all about?” Mikey asked, falling into step with Raph as they trotted after Leo and Donnie.

“I’ll tell ya later.” Raph assured him, giving the box turtle a small smile. Telling Mikey anything right now would just be a distraction, and from the way Leo was acting, they were going to need their full wits about them for this one.

The turtles made their way out of the lair, climbing up to the rooftops and following Leo’s lead. Raph nearly jumped out of his shell as Donnie snuck up next to him, his pissed off face replaced with guarded concern.

“Did you know?” The softshell asked, and Raph knew exactly what he was referring to.

The snapper swallowed nervously, his eyes trained forward. “Yes.” He replied, feeling as though a weight was lifted off him. It was all finally coming to light; he didn’t have to lie anymore. Now, he just had to deal with everything else.

Donnie was silent for a moment. Raph wanted to look at him. He braced himself to be screamed at, to be given the silent treatment, to receive any consequence his brother could possibly throw at him. He knew he deserved it.

But instead, Donnie just sighed. Raph turned towards him to see the softshell’s face emotionless as they ran. “Ok.” Donnie said, a slight edge to his voice. “We’ll figure this out.”

Raph nodded, biting his lip slightly. “Yeah.” He agreed, focusing on chasing after Leo in the cool morning air.

“Are you… going to be ok?” Donnie’s voice was small, and for a moment, Raph could picture the softshell when he was a lot younger, with glasses too big for his face. He immediately found himself shift into protection mode.

“Of course.” He replied with impressive fake confidence. “Like you said, we’ll figure something out. We always do.”

The two fell into silence as they caught up with Leo and Mikey, who’d landed in a small clearing next to the docks. The sun was just barely cresting over the water, and a gentle mist rose from the top of the waves. It would have been beautiful, if not for Leo’s frustrated cursing.

“Bishop says he lost the signal.” He growled in frustration, angrily shoving the pager back into the knapsack. “The last visual was somewhere around here. Donnie, did you ever get that Kraang detection device up and running?”

Donnie pulled out the device Raph had seen earlier that week; the one that was giving the softshell so much trouble. “Indeed.” Donnie said. “Apparently, there never was anything wrong with my code. Something just kept triggering it.” He shot a quick glance over at Raph, who shuffled his feet nervously, guilt once again building up in his chest.

Geez, was there anything I didn’t manage to screw up over these past weeks? Raph thought before shaking his head, trying to focus. They had to find the Kraanginoids. He tried to listen for any indication that they might be loitering about, but was met with only the softest drone. He was definitely picking up on something, but he couldn’t pinpoint the direction. It was just much too quiet.

“Do you think you could track them down?” Leo asked Donnie, and Raph could practically see the slider buzzing with adrenaline.

“I could try, but if there’s interference…” Donnie trailed off, powering up his device. Raph slowly took a step away from him, hoping the distance might help the machine actually work.

The device began beeping rapidly, and Donnie let out an exasperated sigh. “Yep, it’s just as I thought.” He said, irritation in his voice. But then, Raph watched as the softshell’s eyes narrowed, bringing the machine closer to his face. The beeping became louder, more frantic, and Donnie’s eyes widened with shock.

Like a lightbulb flicked on in Raph’s brain, he remembered his interaction with the kraangified Foot Clan leader the day before. He jolted to attention as adrenaline shot through his veins. The whispers surrounding them, the Foot Clan Leader’s warning, he finally understood. Raph whipped around, facing out from his brothers as he picked up on movement amongst the docks.

“Ambush!” He cried as Kraanginoids exploded from the shadows, charging at the turtles with a single thought crackling through the air like lightning.

KILL THEM ALL

Chapter Text

Everything was immediately plunged into chaos as the Kraanginoids fell on them, pouring from the shadows in droves.

Donnie quickly jetted into the air, while Mikey and Leo did some evasive maneuvers, swinging and portalling respectively off in different directions. Raph, however, could do nothing but hold his ground. He never was one to run from an enemy. Not that he could; the Kraanginoids were on him in seconds.

The sound of the Kraanginoids were overwhelming, the words overlapping with such vigor that Raph couldn’t have deciphered them if he tried. So he blocked them out, focusing instead on not being completely swarmed by the beasts.

He summoned his avatar around him while adopting a protective stance. He didn’t have nearly the dexterity of his brothers, nor their means of escape. He would have to be like a rock, strong and unbreaking, as the creatures crawled over him.

Raph pulled some containment devices from his pack and began attaching them to any Kraanginoid he could reach. His training surfaced as muscle memory, and he hardly needed to think as he swung this way and that, letting his body do the work. Despite the dangerous situation he found himself in, Raph felt himself come alive, his brain and body becoming one as he sent one Kraanginoid after another flying into the sky.

Raph struck with deadly accuracy, but he was careful to gauge his strength, holding back just enough so that he could capture the creatures without hurting them. He didn’t want to hurt them; he just had to save them from hurting him, his brothers, or themselves.

That is, until they started clawing their way through his avatar.

Raph let out a yelp as he felt sharp claws slice at his leg. He turned quickly, sticking an extraction device on the forehead of the screeching Kraanginoid trying to take a chunk of turtle with him. As the creature was jetted away, two more tore their way through the red light surrounding Raph, leaping on his shell with vengeful hisses.

Raph reached behind him, pulling the creatures off and tossing them to the ground in front of him, before immediately slapping on two more extraction devices. Raph was breathing heavily now, his lungs struggling to keep up with the effort he was putting out. He glanced around, taking in the scene.

Mikey had at least thirty Kraanginoids chasing after him, the small turtle using his golden chains to swing around the buildings like a spider. Every few seconds, he’d flip around, tossing a few calculated containment devices at his pursuers before once again retreating.

Donnie had crafted a weapon of some sort, using it to shoot extraction devices at the Kraanginoids surrounding him while he hovered a few feet above them. But without stability beneath him, he seemed to be struggling to hit them, and the creatures kept leaping for him, eyes flashing with murderous rage.

Raph found that Leo had concocted a maze of sorts with his portals, the creatures struggling to actually reach him without being portalled several feet away. However, the ones that did manage to get through the maze he was fighting vehemently with. The slider’s face was slick with sweat, and Raph could tell by the way his eyes glowed that he couldn’t keep this up forever. None of them could.

As another Kraanginoid breached Raph’s avatar and Raph quickly captured it, he called out to Leo, hoping his brother would hear him over all the noise.

“Leo!” He cried, relieved as the slider kicked a Kraanginoid away from him and turned towards Raph. “There’s too many of them! We’ll be overrun in seconds!”

Leo looked around frantically, clearly conflicted. Then, he shook his head, jaw set like he’d made up his mind. “We can’t let them get away!” He yelled, sheathing his swords behind him. “We have to split them up! Divide and conquer. It’s the only way!”

Raph hated that idea. He was about to voice his disagreement when he locked eyes with Leo, the slider’s eyes shining with confidence. It almost seemed like he was urging Raph to trust him. Raph bit his tongue.

Am I really going to fight with my brother right now? He thought quickly, then clenched his jaw tight. No. He knows what he’s doing. I trust him. Raph pushed down his reservations, nodding at his brother.

Leo smiled before turning towards Donnie and Mikey. “Donnie! With me! Mikey, stay with Raph! We’ll rendezvous back here once we send their asses to TCRI!”

With that, Leo took off, jeering at the Kraanginoids to try and get their attention. Donnie shot a quick, worried look at Raph, before flying after Leo, Kraanginoids nipping at his heels. As a good chunk of the creatures left to follow Leo and Donnie as they left, Raph felt his avatar waver, unable to hold all the clawing, biting creatures swarming over it.

“Mikey!” Raph called, feeling beads of sweat pouring down his face. “Keep them occupied! I’ll keep capturing them from the ground.”

“You got it, chief!” Mikey shouted back, flipping expertly over a street sign.

With that, Raph deconstructed his avatar, facing the Kraanginoids head on. He let his mind sit on the back burner as his body worked, kicking and jabbing as he began sending Kraanginoids flying into the air. But the more he captured, the more took their place, and Raph slowly but surely felt himself beginning to tire.

C’mon. He growled internally, willing his body to work harder. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! We can do this, we can do this, we can -”

Suddenly, through the consistent noise of the battle, Raph heard a slight yelp. He turned just in time to see Mikey slam into the side of a building, one of his chains appearing to have failed on him. The small turtle grabbed onto a fire escape, dangling ominously as the metal creaked. The pursuing Kraanginoids leapt after him, each one coming up short and falling clumsily down into the alleyway below. All except one.

The Kraanginoid landed on Mikey, sinking its teeth into one of Mikey’s arms. There was a bone-chilling snap and another yelp of pain as Mikey kicked the creature off of him, falling with it for a few moments before he summoned a chain. He swung himself to the ground, tumbling a few times before coming to a stop, sitting awkwardly near some garbage bins.

Raph watched as Mikey took a few quick, panicked breaths, before holding up his arm, the bone bent in a way it definitely wasn’t supposed to bend. Mikey seemed to stare at it in shock for a few seconds, before the pain must have kicked in, sending the turtle reeling backwards as he let out a pained cry.

And just like that, it was quiet.

Every Kraanginoid around them turned their eyes towards Mikey, frozen as they stared at the turtle sobbing in pain. And Raph felt a terrible, terrible dread grow inside him.

Mikey was injured. The Kraanginoids had a new target.

As if a signal was given, the Kraanginoids came back to life, charging towards Mikey with a newfound vigor. Their eyes flashed with hatred, and Raph heard the whispers come together in a single voice.

WEAK INJURED DESTROY IT NOW KILL KILL KILL

Raph sprinted forward, fear shooting through his body. But it was too late. He was going to be too late. He wasn’t nearly fast enough to reach Mikey in time. He was going to lose him.

Time seemed to slow down, Raph feeling as if he was running through mud. I’m not going to make it. Oh god, I’m not going to make it! Raph reached an arm forward, as if it might help him reach his brother faster. Blackness seemed to flicker at the edge of his eyes, blocking out everything around him. Please, please, I don’t want to lose him, please!

Feelings surged through Raph in a way he’d never felt before. Fear, desperation, anger, frustration, hatred. They exploded out from him in a desperate cry as his vision seemed to narrow in on the Kraanginoids charging his brother.

“MIKEY!” Raph screamed, everything bursting forward like something had just broken in his mind.

And with that, Raph’s vision blinked out completely. As he was plunged into unconsciousness, he could've sworn he saw red.

.
.
.

Mikey held his arm tight, biting his cheek in an attempt to keep from crying out again.

The pain was almost unbearable, red hot as he felt his arm pulsing with every heartbeat. It was definitely broken, that much was for sure. He didn’t think the wound was life-threatening, but the shock mixed with the pain wasn’t helping anything.

Mikey let out a slight hiss, urging the pain to die down. He had to get up. The Kraanginoids would be on him any second now, and if he didn’t move, he’d be a pile of turtle soup in no time.

Actually, why aren’t they attacking me? I should be dead by now. Mikey managed to think through the pain. He could just barely hear fighting noises over the sound of ringing in his ears, but they sounded a distance away from him. Ah. He thought with the slightest hint of relief. Raph’s keeping them busy.

Mikey very slowly sat up, making sure to not move his broken arm. He pried his eyes open, trying to get a sense of what was happening.

The Kraanginoids were swarming around in a large group, almost crawling over each other to reach the person they were attacking. Every second or so, one of the creatures would peel off from the group, sprinting out into the city like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs. The sound of screeches and rage-filled howls seemed to drown out everything as they echoed off the sides of the buildings. It seemed like Raph was holding his own against the many Kraanginoids trying to take a bite of him. It was only as Mikey started to take a closer look that he noticed something was very, very wrong.

A Kraanginoid pulled itself away from the swarm, squealing in pain. Blood dripped from several large gashes tracing down its side, leaving a trail of crimson in its wake. Another one was thrown through the air, slamming into a streetlamp with a loud thud before stumbling away with what looked like bite marks oozing on its shoulder. Mikey felt dread growing in his throat, his mind racing.

This isn’t right… He thought, feeling icy fear creep through his veins. This can’t be right. This isn’t how we were trained. We don’t hurt people, we don’t…

Mikey paused, watching in shock as more and more Kraanginoids took off, their bodies battered and covered with blood. In moments, the swarm had thinned out to only a few remaining creatures. And there, standing in a circle of blood and Kraang ooze, was Raph.

Mikey hardly recognized his brother. The snapper was posed defensively, crouched down as he swung his head to face the remaining Kraanginoids. His hands and mouth were drenched in blood, the sticky substance dripping down slowly into the street. His eyes appeared glazed over, almost completely white. Raph let out a warning hiss, breathing heavily as he glared at his opponents.

Mikey felt frozen in horror. This wasn’t his brother. It was but… It wasn’t Raph. Raph, who wouldn’t squash bugs despite being deathly afraid of them. Raph, who sleeps with stuffed animals because he hates being alone. This couldn’t be him… Could it?

Raph suddenly swiped to the side, sending another Kraanginoid sailing off into a stack of garbage bags. As another lunged at him with a hate-filled yowl, Raph grabbed it, sinking his claws into its back as he bit down on its shoulder. The creature let out a surprised squeal, prying itself away and taking off.

This wasn’t right. Raph wasn’t fighting like Raph. There was no technique, no training, nothing of what they’d been taught. This was raw, animalistic brute strength. And Raph wasn’t holding anything back.

Mikey couldn’t help it. He was terrified. Something was wrong with Raph. He didn’t know what was going on, but his brother… He had to help his brother. The name flew out of his mouth before Mikey could stop it.

“Raph!”

Mikey slapped a hand over his mouth as Raph and the singular remaining Kraanginoid whipped their heads towards him. He locked eyes with Raph, watching as the snapper’s face melted into an expression of worry and fear. But his attention was quickly drawn back to himself as the Kraanginoid let out a murderous cry, racing towards Mikey with surprising speed.

Mikey tried to clamber to his feet, but fell back as his arm twinged in agony. He turned back to the charging creature, panic setting in as it leapt into the air, claws outstretched for his throat. But right before it reached him, the Kraanginoid was jerked into the air, his trajectory stopped cold.

Raph had grabbed the creature, and with an angry roar, he threw it into a nearby building, the force of the throw causing the bricks to crack. As the Kraanginoid tried to climb to its feet and regain its bearings, Raph fell onto it, grabbing it by the head and slamming its skull into the ground, the concrete breaking beneath it.

Mikey wanted to cry out. He wanted to yell at his brother to stop, to snap out of it, but words failed him. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move. He could only watch.

The Kraanginoid tried to reach for Raph, its claws scraping uselessly against the snappers' thick skin. It let out a screech of hatred, its eyes flashing murderously. It was then Raph leaned over, his teeth bared as he let out a bloodcurdling snarl.

In a flash, he sunk his teeth into the Kraanginoids throat.

The terrified screech cut off into a gurgle, the creature’s limbs flailing limply. There was a sickening pop, then the Kraanginoid went still. Very, very still.

As Mikey watched Raph draw back, blood and Kraang ooze dripping from his teeth, the horrible reality set in. He didn’t want to believe it, but it was right there, in front of his eyes. There was no denying what had just happened.

He killed him. Raph killed a Kraanginoid.

Chapter Text

Mikey sat frozen, eyes locked on the horrific scene in front of him.

Raph killed him. He thought, his breath hitching as the initial shock began to wane. He really killed him…

Mikey watched as the still, Kraanginoid body began to shudder unnaturally, bile rising in his throat at the disturbing sight. The pink flesh seemed to pry itself from the body, seeping out from the human’s blood and skin to reveal a pale, emaciated young man. Within seconds, the body was back to being perfectly still. The human wasn’t moving. Mikey covered his mouth, quickly averting his gaze from the man’s cold, lifeless eyes.

The mass of ooze seemed to coagulate near the human’s head, pulsating erratically as it slid forward, leaving the body behind. Mikey shivered as it edged towards Raph, who had not moved from his spot since he’d released his death grip on the Kraanginoid.

His brother was breathing heavily, the turtle’s face and body slick with blood, most of which did not belong to him. He shuddered with every breath, as if it was painful, his claws tensing and digging into the concrete below. Slowly, the snapper lifted his hanging head to watch as the Kraang ooze approached him, his eyes still a hazy white.

The ooze seemed to reach for Raph, small tendrils shooting forward as it let out soft cries of pain. Just as the mass of pink was about to touch him, Raph took a slow step backwards, a warning hiss building up in his throat as he bared his teeth.

The ooze seemed to tremble, shriveling before Mikey’s eyes as it turned a dark, slate grey. Within seconds, the mass disintegrated, leaving a pile of dust in its place. Raph leaned down carefully, glaring at the remains of the ooze, before gently blowing on the pile and dispersing it into the wind.

Mikey couldn’t believe what he’d just witnessed. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he stared at the empty scene before him. There was nothing left but a dead, blood-soaked human, and the one who killed him:

Raph.

As if everything caught up to him all at once, Mikey inhaled sharply, waves of panic washing over him. He began to hyperventilate slightly, his body unable to keep up with the swirling of his mind.

What is happening?!Mikey thought desperately, his mind spiraling out of control. Why is this happening?! What am I going to do? What should I do? Raph…

“Raph…” The word left Mikey’s mouth before he could stop it. It was shaky and raw, and he wasn’t sure if he said it because he needed his brother, or because he needed him to leave. As Raph turned his head towards him, the morning light glimmering off both Raph’s white eyes and the dark, crimson blood coating his face, Mikey was shocked as a jolt of terror shot through him.

Am I scared of my brother?

Raph began walking towards the smaller turtle, and despite himself, Mikey’s panic grew.

Oh god, is he going to kill me?

The terrible thought echoed in Mikey’s mind. A mixture of fear and guilt churned in his gut, and the turtle squeezed his eyes shut, his breathing becoming more and more rapid.

“N-no…” Mikey managed to choke out, trying to push himself backwards, but hissing as his arm jolted with pain. “Raph, please…”

He heard Raph approach, tensing as the footsteps grew closer and closer. There was a long pause as Raph stopped in front of him, before two large hands cupped Mikey’s head and lifted the smaller turtle’s face slightly. Mikey still couldn’t open his eyes, too lost in his own panic to think. Slowly, Mikey felt Raph wipe a tear from his cheek, the action soft and comforting. He hadn’t even realized he was crying.

Mikey felt Raph rest his forehead against his, his brother’s large hands still gently holding his cheeks. Suddenly, a low, rumbling noise began emanating from Raph, the vibrations traveling through Raph’s body into his own.

It was a strange sound. It almost sounded like a cat purring, but it was deeper, more toned. The vibrations reverberated through Mikey, and he could feel his muscles relaxing, and his breathing slowing.

It was weird, but Mikey almost felt like he understood whatever the sound meant. It felt… Safe. It felt like he was safe. Raph was here, and everything was ok. They were together, and that was enough. Everything would be ok. Mikey took a few deep breaths, focusing on the sound and letting it drown out the panic in his mind.

After a few minutes, Raph pulled away, and Mikey finally opened his eyes. Now that the panic was gone, he was left feeling very, very confused. About… well, everything. He avoided looking over at the unmoving body laying near them, instead directing his attention towards his brother.

“Raph?” He questioned, his voice still slightly shaky. Raph sat back, setting his hands on his knees. The snapper didn’t say anything. He just smiled softly, cocking his head in polite confusion. It didn’t even seem like Raph could understand him.

“Hah, ok. No problem.” Mikey said, taking a deep breath and trying to think. He laughed nervously, holding a hand to his forehead. “What is happening right now?” It was almost like when Raph was left alone for too long and became “Savage Raph” as they jokingly named it, lashing out and breaking anything he could get his hands on. But even in that form, Raph could slightly understand them. This was something else entirely. And Mikey was thoroughly disturbed by what that might mean.

Raph’s smile fell suddenly, the older turtle standing up as he seemed to wince in pain. He pawed gently at his ear, as if something was bothering them, before walking off further down the docks. He looked around nervously, as if he expected something to jump out at any moment.

Geez Raph… Mikey thought as he watched his brother, his heart aching with worry. What have you gotten yourself into? I knew something was wrong; why didn’t you say anything? Why doesn’t anybody in our family ever talk about things?!

Mikey sighed, shaking his head slightly. “Next time, I’ll just shake him until he talks.” He grumbled to no one in particular. He peeked back up at Raph, staring at him intensely. “This isn’t right. None of this is right. I wish I just knew what was happening.” He mused, squinting his eyes as if it would help him reveal all of Raph’s secrets.

Suddenly, a flash of… something, flickered before Mikey’s eyes. He blinked a few times, rubbing his eyes with his one good hand. “What the…?” He whispered, focusing his eyes back on Raph. Once again, his vision seemed to flash, and Mikey squeezed his eyes shut, feeling as if someone had just shined a bright light into them. “Ow…” He complained, rubbing his eyes once again.

Mikey jolted to attention as a thought crossed his mind, his eyes widening. “Mystic powers…” He said softly, a smile appearing on his face. “Aha! Right! Ok, I can do this!”

He straightened up, trying not to shift his damaged arm too much as he drew his attention back to Raph. “Ok, mystic powers, work with me here. Show me what’s wrong with Raph. Uh, please?” He took a deep breath, then stared as intently as he could at his brother.

For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then, as if someone had put a filter over Mikey’s eyes, the image in front of him changed. Mikey’s eyes stung slightly, but he tried to ignore them, focusing instead on his brother. When he finally got an idea of what he was looking at, he felt a lump of dread in his throat.

Wrapped ominously around Raph’s body was without a doubt the figure of a Kraang, its eyes glowing with hatred. Mikey swallowed down his worry and shock, forcing himself to keep looking.

The Kraang seemed incredibly pissed, hissing in screeching as it prodded at Raph with its many tentacles. Weirdly though, Raph seemed unfazed, continuing to walk around as if everything was normal. The more Mikey thought about it, the more things started to make sense.

Raph was still infected.

Mikey blinked a few times quickly, the vision fading out of view. His eyes ached, as if he’d stared into the sun for too long. But he wasn’t concerned about that. Instead, he felt anxiety churn to life inside him, the brief calm he had slowly giving way.

“I thought he beat it…” Mikey whispered to himself, trying to keep his brain from spiraling. “But if he’s still infected, how is he not Kraangified? I mean, I saw him under Kraang’s control, and he was nothing like this. This has gotta be something else.”

Mikey shook his head as if it would help clear the worry buzzing in his brain. He looked up at Raph again, squinting his eyes. There has to be something else. He repeated, his eyes once again twinging a bit as his vision blurred.

The Kraang wrapped around Raph was crawling all over him, screeching angrily. Mikey squinted harder. He needed to see more. He had to see more. His brother needed him.

Mikey’s vision blurred again, and he saw a flash of red, right by Raph’s head. His eyes threatened to blink, but he forced them open, focusing on the red light. Within moments, the image sharpened, revealing a translucent dome of red light. It almost looked like part of Raph’s avatar. In fact, it looked like Raph’s shell, just made out of red light. The Kraang was beating on it, as if it was trying to break it or find an opening to get in. But every time it hit the shell, its tentacles bounced off, causing the Kraang to scream with fury.

Within the shell was a small image of Raph, sitting with his legs by his chest. Raph had his hands over his ears, as if trying to block out the sound of the Kraang’s angry screams. His eyes glowed a bright red, matching the light from the shell shielding him. The image almost broke Mikey’s heart.

Mikey finally let his eyes relax, rubbing them gently as they throbbed. Whatever power he’d just tapped into, he probably shouldn’t use it again for a while. Once the pain subsided, Mikey let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, finally understanding what was going on.

“Raph’s infected.” He said aloud, hoping that talking it through would make things easier. “He’s infected, but somehow, he's protecting himself from going all Kraang-mode. So whatever he’s doing…” Mikey trailed off, his eyes flicking from Raph to the motionless human laying nearby. “I don’t think he’s able to control himself right now.” Mikey swallowed, prying his eyes away from the body and looking back at Raph.

The turtle was still pacing, his eyes shifting nervously from side to side. Mikey clenched his jaw. It didn’t matter what happened. They’d figure it out. But right now, he needed his brother back. If he could even get him back… Mikey tried not to think about that. He steeled his eyes forward, determination flooding through him.

“Raph?” He called out, as if he was talking to a frightened animal.

Raph perked up at the sound, throwing one last nervous hiss over his shoulder before lumbering over to the smaller turtle. He crouched in front of Mikey, the soft churring noise from before reappearing as he smiled.

Mikey smiled back at him. It was… kinda nice, actually. He hadn’t seen Raph genuinely smile in a while. He looked into his brother’s eyes, searching for any sign of Raph’s normal green color.

“Are you in there?” He asked, reaching out and setting a hand on Raph’s cheek. “Can you hear me? I need you to come back, ok?”

Raph blinked at him, his smile falling slightly. The snapper let out a worried whine, his gaze turning towards Mikey’s injured arm.

“Hey, I’m alright, ok?” Mikey said, moving his head to once again meet Raph’s gaze. “But I need you to focus, ok? I need you to wake up.”

Raph blinked a few times, as if he was confused. But then, he seemed to stiffen slightly. His eyes unfocused, his head falling forward slightly, and slowly but surely, color began to return to his eyes.

“Yes, c’mon Raph!” Mikey urged, relief flooding over him.

Raph blinked a few more times, wincing a bit as he brought his hand up to his head. The fogginess in his eyes finally seemed to clear away, and Raph looked up at Mikey, any trace of a smile on his face long gone.

“Mikey? What happened?”

Chapter Text

“Mikey? What happened?”

Raph rubbed his forehead as his skull throbbed, wincing slightly at the sharp pain. He felt like he’d just been whacked upside the head, then shocked by Donnie’s taser. He could sense the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, and he tried not to let it make him queasy. Did he get knocked out or something? He’d been rushing to protect Mikey, and then…

Raph’s train of thought was cut off as Mikey threw his arm around Raph’s neck, squeezing it tightly. He just barely acknowledged the dull soreness that seemed to pulsate from each of his muscles as the smaller turtle hugged him.

“Raph! Thank goodness!” Mikey cried, causing Raph to stiffen in surprise at the young turtle’s enthusiasm. “I was worried you weren’t going to come back!”

“Back?” Raph questioned as Mikey drew away from him, confusion welling up inside his head. But he quickly forgot about his own confusion as he noticed the large amount of blood smeared on his little brother’s face and body.

“You’re bleeding!” Raph exclaimed hurriedly, grabbing the smaller turtle’s shoulders and looking him up and down as fear shot through his veins. “Where are you hurt? Do you have any bandages? God, the one time I don’t bring bandages- Where’s Leo when you need him?! Just keep still and-”

Raph was cut off by a nearly hysterical laugh from Mikey. “Raph, I’m fine.” Mikey said, his face falling a bit as he dropped his gaze from Raph’s own. “It’s uh, it’s not mine.”

Raph was really starting to feel confused now. It was true; Mikey didn’t have any wounds on him that appeared like they’d been bleeding. His arm was clearly broken, but it looked like the Kraang that bit him surprisingly hadn’t broken the skin. So then where did the blood come from?

Raph attention was drawn to his hands, noticing that they too seemed to be covered in the sticky, crimson blood. He let go of Mikey, leaving two large, red splotches in their place. Was he bleeding? He didn’t feel any major injuries on his body; only a few gashes and bite marks here and there. Nothing that would cause the amount of blood that was currently coating his hands. His brow furrowed in confusion.

“Then, who…” Raph trailed off, starting to turn his head so he could take in their surroundings. The blood had to have come from somewhere. If someone was hurt, he had to help them.

Suddenly, Raph felt Mikey wrap his good arm around him once again, cupping his hand on the back of Raph’s head to keep him from turning around. The smaller turtle was shaking. Raph gently set his hands on Mikey’s shell, unsure about what was going on.

“Don’t.” Mikey pleaded, his voice just barely above a whisper. “Please Raph, don’t look.”

There was a seriousness that Raph rarely ever heard in Mikey’s voice. He could feel dread building up inside him as he slowly placed his hands on Mikey’s shoulders, pushing the turtle back. Mikey looked up at him, a silent plea in his gaze.

Raph set his jaw stiffly. There was something Mikey didn’t want him to see. As much as Raph felt that he could walk away right now, never turn back, and live in blissful ignorance for a while longer, deep down, he knew he couldn’t. That’s not what heroes do. Mikey seemed to pick up on Raph’s decision, biting his lip as he dropped his gaze down to the ground. Raph swallowed nervously, then turned around, taking in the scene in front of him.

The streets were splattered with blood. The carnage made Raph feel sick.

Several blood trails snaked off into the city, mixed in with globs of Kraang ooze that had dried and shriveled into piles of dust. In multiple spots, the old concrete appeared cracked, as if something had been slammed against it with tremendous force. Wooden crates were shattered, lampposts were bent, and Raph couldn’t help but feel a bit of awe at the sheer amount of destruction. It was then he noticed the body.

Raph stiffened at the sight of a lone human, laying about 50ft away from him. It looked like a very skinny, middle-aged man, possibly late forties, with long black hair laden with grey, and a tattoo of a flower on his right shoulder. Dark blood coated his body, oozing from multiple deep wounds and soaking into the man’s very ragged looking clothing. It was clear that whoever this man was, he was very, very injured. Raph braced himself to call out and rush to the human’s aide, when he noticed how perfectly still the man was lying. All at once, he was reminded of his dream from the night before, and he met the gaze of the man’s unfocused, clouded eyes.

He was dead. The man was dead.

Raph’s breath hitched as the realization dawned on him. He began to put together the puzzle pieces in his head, dread setting in with each piece laid down in the horrific mosaic. The Kraanginoids rushing towards Mikey, him blacking out, waking up to a bloodbath that belonged to neither him nor Mikey, a dead human, his body mangled and clawed apart as if by a wild animal…

Raph recoiled from the scene, leaping to his feet as his body tingled with adrenaline. He whipped around to face Mikey, aware of how genuinely unhinged he must look to the younger turtle.

“Tell me I didn’t.” He said, unable to keep the desperation out of his voice. “Mikey please, tell me I didn’t. Tell me I didn’t do this!”

Mikey’s face was strained, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but nothing came out, instead closing it again with a pained grimace.

Raph inhaled sharply through gritted teeth, the taste of metallic blood in his mouth strengthening as he realized it wasn’t his own. Raph took a step back from Mikey, afraid of having his brother so close to him right now. “N-no…” Raph managed to choke out, his stomach lurching suddenly. He slapped a hand over his mouth, the smell of blood wafting up his nose, choking him. He nearly tripped over himself racing to the side of a nearby building, just in time to empty his guts into a foul smelling trash can.

The taste of blood was overpowering, and at this point, he couldn’t tell if it was someone else’s or his own. His eyes squeezed tight as tears of pain leaked out, his body straining as he vomited. He gripped the sides of the trash can with such force he could feel the cheap plastic crack, the sharp pieces jutting into his skin. But he hardly even felt it, his mind focused on one simple, repeating fact.

I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed him…

Raph pried his eyes open, the garbage can a mess of blood and Kraang ooze. He pushed himself back, the sight enough to make him feel nauseous all over again. He was breathing heavily now, each breath sending a dull ache through his lungs. He coughed, unable to ignore the glob of Kraang ooze and blood that came up, splattering against the side of his already bloody arm.He looked up to see his reflection in the building windows, a stark image of what he’d become.

Raph, his hands stained crimson, with a mixture of Kraang goo and blood dripping from his gasping mouth. A true monster.

Raph let out a strained growl, backing away from the image before him. He wanted to turn and run, to escape this monster staring back at him, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

Raph’s legs wobbled before giving out underneath him, causing the large turtle to fall to the ground, just barely catching himself with his hands. His vision was starting to go fuzzy as he stared wide eyed at the ground.

I killed him I killed him I killed him

Raph pushed himself to a sitting position, leaning up against a wall as panic began to take over his mind.

I killed him I killed him I killed him

He couldn’t move anymore. His muscles had locked up, tensing painfully as he curled in on himself, wanting to disappear.

I killed him I killed him I killed him

Raph’s breaths came out quick and uneven, his lungs crying for air. But he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, couldn’t see anything but the cold, dead eyes of the man he killed.

I killed him I killed him I-

“ -just breathe! Raph-”

Raph could just barely hear Mikey trying to talk to him. He needed Mikey to leave; it wasn’t safe. But he couldn’t say anything. He felt something touch his shoulder, and quickly flinched away. It wasn’t safe; he was dangerous.

I killed him I killed him I-

Raph felt two hands grab the sides of his face, pulling it upwards. Raph wanted to pull away, but he couldn’t, his body not responding. There was a jolt of pain as something slammed into his forehead, the surprise briefly pulling Raph out of a complete panic.

Mikey…?

A soft sound began to invade Raph’s brain, emanating from who Raph assumed was Mikey, pressing against Raph’s forehead with his own. It started small, but grew louder and louder. It almost sounded like the low rumble of a car driving over the sewers, except a bit deeper. More melodic. It was strange. It wasn’t like Mikey was talking to him, but he could swear he could almost hear his brother’s voice in his head, telling him he was safe, he wasn’t alone. He was here.

Raph tried to focus, first on his breathing, trying to make each breath a little longer than the last. Then, on his muscles, one by one, trying to let them relax. Whatever Mikey was doing, it was helping, giving his mind something to focus on other than his fear.

Raph took a few deep breaths, reaching out a shaky hand and setting it on Mikey’s shell. He could feel the vibrations travel down his arm and towards his rapidly beating heart. A soft wave of calm swept over him, and slowly but surely, he opened his eyes, trying not to let tears fall from them.

Mikey pulled away, the gentle rumbling sound ceasing. He pressed his hand into Raph’s plastron, his eyes intense. “Easy, Raph.” He said, impressing Raph with how self-assured his voice sounded. “It’s going to be ok.”

Raph swallowed, his head fuzzy and his mouth dry from hyperventilating so much. He forced himself to talk, hating how pathetic he felt.

“Sor-”

“Don’t even start, Raph.” Mikey interrupted, his voice sharp. His gaze became softer as he grabbed Raph’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “You don’t have to apologize; it’s ok.”

“What did you… That sound?” Raph started, stumbling over his words. It was hard to talk right now; the words felt like cotton in his mouth.

“I’m not sure. It was something you did to help me, so I thought it might help you.” Mikey replied. He must have picked up on Raph’s confusion, so he continued. “I’ll tell you later, ok? Right now, I think we need to go home, yeah?”

“But…” Raph protested, his voice strained. “The human…”

“I sent him to Bishop.” Mikey said quickly, looking at the ground. “We’ll just have to explain later.”

Raph grabbed his head, waves of panic once again threatening to wash over him. “Donnie, and Leo, we said we’d meet them here, and…”

“For god's sake, Raph!” Mikey yelled suddenly, causing Raph to jump. “For once in your life, can you just think of yourself?! You NEED to go home. We’re going home. Leo and Donnie will be fine. Now let’s go.”

Raph was slightly taken aback by Mikey’s outburst, but the younger turtle was right. He needed to go home. His mind felt like it was falling apart, and his body felt no better. He allowed Mikey to help him to his feet and slowly lead him towards the sewers, his legs threatening to give out from underneath him. Before he ducked underground, he caught one last glimpse of the blood soaked streets, the sound of police sirens growing in the distance.

Oh god. He thought, his heart aching. What have I done?

Chapter Text

Everything seemed incredibly loud as they made their way back towards the lair.

Raph hugged his arms close to himself, trying to stop his body from trembling as he walked. Each step he took seemed to echo off the sewers walls, ricocheting around him like an eerie laughter. He kept his eyes trained on Mikey’s bright, orange mask tails swaying slowly in front of him, following them like a beacon as they walked through the sewers. He didn’t know what else to do.

He thought he should be feeling more… something. Sadness, despair, sheer horror at what he’d just done. But there was nothing. Just a heavy, smothering numbness that seemed to envelop his entire body. He could hardly even feel the cold stone beneath him as he walked, causing him to stumble and drag his feet. It was as if he’d completely disconnected from his body, his muscles simply going through the motions on auto pilot.

As the sewers began to look more familiar, Raph felt cold dread begin leeching its way from his heart through his veins. When he caught sight of the door to their home, light sparkling invitingly from the edges, his body unwillingly froze, the loud, echoing sounds of his steps replaced by the gentle hiss of his own heavy, shaky breaths.

Mikey paused too, seemingly sensing the change in Raph’s demeanor and turning around. Raph wanted to look up at him, but he couldn’t, his eyes trained towards the grimy sewer floor. He couldn’t believe what he’d put Mikey through today. He’d always tried to protect his little brother from everything, and now…

Raph felt Mikey approach, the smaller turtle grabbing his own bloodstained hand. Raph finally pried his eyes upwards, looking at Mikey. Mikey was quiet, giving only a gentle, encouraging smile, before leading Raph towards the door. Raph could do nothing but follow, his mind swirling with apprehension at the scene that would await him inside.

Together, they entered the lair, where Splinter and Casey Jr. seemed to be locked in a game of chess. At the sight of the brothers returning home, their faces lit up with excitement, which quickly shifted to looks of confusion before settling on images of shock.

“What…?” Casey Jr. started to say, his voice trailing off before he could finish the sentence. However, the silence was quickly filled by Splinter’s panicked voice.

“Michealangelo! What happened? You’re bleeding! Come, where are you hurt? We must go to the medbay at once -”

“Easy Dad.” Mikey interrupted, plastering on a reassuring smile. “Besides a broken arm, I’m fine.”

“But, the blood?” Splinter questioned, rushing over to the smaller turtle. It wasn’t until he’d thoroughly looked Mikey over that he turned to Raph, his face a picture of worry. “Rapheal, are you hurt? Gods, all this blood…”

Raph swallowed, unsure if his voice would actually work. “It’s not mine.” He managed to choke out, unable to look his father in the face.

“Not yours?” Splinter repeated, the confusion clear in his voice. “I don’t understand.”

Before anything else could be said, Mikey pulled Raph away from Splinter, heading towards the bathroom. “I’ll explain everything, ok? But first, we gotta get cleaned up. I’ll be back in a bit so Casey can stint up my arm.”

As Mikey led him past Casey Jr., he caught a glance of the younger boy’s face from the corner of his eyes. It was pale, eyes wide with realization. It was clear Casey Jr had drawn the conclusion that Splinter hadn’t yet. He locked eyes with Raph, his face a mix of worry and fear. Raph dropped his gaze to the ground as an intense shame dug its claws into his chest.

He followed Mikey as the younger turtle pulled him towards the bathroom, helping him into the shower. “Get cleaned up, ok?” Mikey said, his voice calm. “And when you’re ready, you can come join us. I’m going to have Casey fix up my arm.”

Raph nodded, his eyes still trained at the ground. He felt Mikey grab his hand, squeezing it gently. “It’s going to be ok, Raph.” The smaller turtle said. “We can deal with this together, yeah? You were trying to save me, they’ll… they’ll understand.” Raph easily picked up on Mikey’s uncertainty, but he simply nodded again. There was a small bit of shuffling as Mikey left the room, closing the door behind him.

Raph took in a deep breath before reaching out his bloodsoaked hand towards the shower spigot. He was weirdly reminded of when the pen had exploded in his hands, coating them with sticky, red ink. He pushed the thought from his head, turning on the shower and letting the cool water wash over his skin.

He wasn’t sure how long exactly he stood there, stoic and still as he watched the rusty red blood run down his body and swirl around the drain. It felt like hours, but it could have only been minutes. But by the time the flow of red had stopped, he was shivering from the icy water.

He climbed out of the shower, slowly pulling his arm and leg coverings back on. As he methodically tied on his mask, he saw a few spots of blood, the dark red a stark difference from the vibrancy of his mask. From there, he took in the rest of his appearance, his body battered and bruised, cuts slicing through his thick skin. And his eyes… They didn’t look like his eyes.

Of course they were his eyes, but they seemed so devoid of… everything. It didn’t even look like there was life behind him. Like they were dead.

Raph drew in a sharp breath, immediately looking downwards and away from the mirror. His hands gripped the white, porcelain sink with intensity. Despite himself, Raph started critically examining his hands, suddenly aware of how… weird they felt.

They felt grimy. Dirty, as if he hadn’t gotten everything off them. He felt like he could see crimson caked beneath his claws, and smell the thick scent of blood. He quickly turned on the faucet, coating his hands with soap before scrubbing them viciously. He couldn’t face his family with blood on his hands; it had to come off.

The more he scrubbed, the dirtier his hands felt, as if he was just smearing the blood all over them. He grabbed more soap, his frustration growing. If he could just get them clean… But the smell of blood almost seemed to grow stronger with every wash, till Raph felt like he was choking on it.

He went to reach for the soap again when he saw a hand block it, reaching across and slowly shutting off the faucet. Raph jumped with surprise, looking up to see Casey Jr, who must have slipped into the bathroom with him noticing. Casey Jr’s face was unreadable as he took a towel and began gently dabbing Raph’s hands. With a start, Raph noticed raw marks on them, where his claws must have caught in his frenzy to get them clean. Shame welled up in Raph once again. How could he let Casey Jr see him like this? He didn’t need to see this. How could he be so pathetic, so selfish?

“Casey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just…” He started, his voice trailing off as Casey Jr. shook his head, pulling a pack of bandages from his pocket and skillfully wrapping them around Raph’s hands.

“I’ve seen this before, Raph.” Casey Jr. said, his eyes distant. “I know the look. Of someone who’s killed for the first time.” Raph tensed as Casey Jr looked up at him, his eyes misty but determined. “You’re not the only one with blood on your hands.”

Casey Jr finished wrapping Raph’s hands, shoving the extra bandages back in his pocket. “C’mon, Master Rapheal.” He said, his face soft. “I think you might need to talk to us. It isn’t safe, being alone right now.”

Raph clenched his jaw, but nodded, following the boy down the hall back towards the common room. Mikey was sitting with Splinter on the couch, his arm wrapped up and hanging in a sling. He was talking to the rat in a hushed voice, and it didn’t take a genius to guess what it was about. When Splinter looked at him as he entered, Raph felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart.

His father’s eyes were wide with shock, his hands clenched tightly to his chest. Raph could see the fear and confusion swirling around Splinter, and he suddenly felt smaller than he’d ever felt before. He was nearly overwhelmed by the wave of shame and dread that threatened to make him run from the room until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

Splinter opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but immediately closed it again. He seemed to try again, but was interrupted by the sound of a door slamming, and two pairs of feet running down the hall. Within seconds, Leo and Donnie rushed into the room, breathing heavily.

“Are Raph and Mikey-?” Leo started breathily, looking around frantically until his eyes landed on both turtles. A look of relief flashed over his face before his eyes narrowed in anger.

“What are you guys doing here?” He demanded, his hands balled up into fists. “What part of ‘meet here when we’re done’ did you not understand? Donnie and I got back to the docks, and it looked like a fucking crime scene! There was blood everywhere, and we didn’t know if you were injured, or worse! What were you thinking?!”

“Sorry, Leo.” Mikey said, shying away from Leo’s yells before clenching his jaw tightly and staring the slider down. “We had to get back. We ran into a problem, and-”

“Problem?!” Leo hissed, his eyes blazing. “I thought you guys were Kraang food! If you had a problem, you should have met up with us! We could have taken care of it together!”

Raph could feel Donnie’s eyes locked on him as Leo and Mikey argued, and he slowly met the purple turtle’s gaze. Donnie’s eyes flicked back and forth, as if he were scanning Raph’s body. Then, his eyes widened in realization, his face dropping.

“No, Mikey, I want you to explain to me why you left without saying anything!” Leo said, his body shaking. “What could’ve possibly been so important that you guys couldn’t even send me a text?”

“I killed someone.”

The room went silent as all eyes turned to Raph. He surprised himself, actually. He hadn’t really meant to say anything but… there it was. There was no hiding what he did, what he’d become.

“Sorry, what?” Leo said with a nervous laugh, his eyes looking Raph up and down as if he was searching for the punchline. “I uh, don’t think I heard you right-”

“No, you did.” Raph said, finally raising his gaze to take in the horrified faces around him.

“I killed someone.”

Chapter Text

Raph felt his family’s eyes boring into him, the tension in the room thick and suffocating.

It was Leo who finally broke the silence, his eyes wide with disbelief.

“No you didn’t.” He said in an uncertain voice, turning to look at Mikey. “He didn’t… He couldn’t have. You…” He turned back to Raph, as if searching for a sign that this was all just a big, macabre joke. “You wouldn’t.”

“I did.” Raph replied, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat. He clutched the sides of his arms tight. The numbness he’d felt was beginning to ebb, and intense feelings of anger, dread, and guilt began to peek through the cracks.

“It wasn’t his fault!” Mikey spoke up suddenly, sprinting from his spot on the couch to stand by Raph. “He was just protecting me! I got hurt, and I couldn’t move, and the Kraanginoids were almost on me-”

“You killed a Kraanginoid?”

Raph shifted his gaze to Donnie, who’d seemed to have composed himself enough to flip into investigation mode. The softshell’s gaze was cold, but Raph could tell by the tremors in his hands and the slight grimace of his mouth that he was struggling to keep his cool. Raph clenched his jaw, any words he might have said dying on his tongue, so he just nodded gently.

“Wha…” Leo breathed, raising his hand to his head as if he were feeling lightheaded. “I don’t… Why? How would you even…”

“He didn’t!” Mikey interrupted, stumbling over his words as he tried to explain badly. “I mean, he did, but it wasn’t him, him. It was him, but it wasn’t him at the same time, and he was just trying to protect me!”

“Mikey, you’re not making any sense!” Leo exclaimed, finally breaking out of his stupor. “You’re telling me Raph-” Leo pointed his finger over at the larger turtle, “-our Raph, killed a Kraanginoid.”

“Well, yes but-” Mikey started, but was quickly cut off by an outburst from Donnie.

“You told me you were fine!” The purple-clad turtle said, his voice breaking slightly. Raph shied away from his brother’s anger as if the softshell had backhanded him. It stung just about as much.

“What are you talking about?” Leo questioned, before turning back to Raph. “What is he talking about?”

“The big idiot’s infected!” Donnie said, his body shaking with rage. “And somehow, he managed to convince all of us he wasn’t, probably because of some stupid, selfless logic that his idiot brain concocted!”

There was a collective gasp that only served to make Raph feel ten times smaller than he was already feeling. He didn’t have to look up to picture the horrified looks on his family’s faces. He glanced at Mikey, the box turtle’s face less surprised than he thought it’d be. He then shifted his gaze to Donnie, who’s red eyes glowed with a frantic intensity.

He’s right to be angry with me. Raph thought, closing his eyes tight. He tried to push down the growing anger in his own body. They all are. It’s all out in the open now. How could they not hate me? He could do nothing but listen as his brothers continued to argue, letting their words cut through him like knives.

“Why is it that I’m the only one who didn’t know about this!?” Leo asked in frustration. “We’re supposed to be a team! I don’t understand; how could you keep something like that hidden from us? We could have helped!”

He should be angry at me. He deserves to be angry at me.

“Why are you guys yelling at him?” Mikey shot back. “This isn’t what he needs right now!”

But it’s what I deserve. They should all hate me.

“What he needs is for me to run more tests before he kills anyone else!” Donnie hissed, a panicked, frantic fury dripping from his voice. “We have no idea what the virus is doing to him! It’s not safe for anyone, especially him!”

He’s right. I’m dangerous. I’m a monster.

“Enough! All of you!”

Quiet fell across the room at Splinter’s command, and Raph pried his eyes open to look at his father’s unreadable face.

“Raphael…” Splinter said grimly, his eyes wide with concern. “What happened?”

“I…” Raph was struggling once again to speak. Feelings swirled around violently inside him, and he was afraid that if he wasn’t careful, they would rip him apart. “I’m sorry, Dad.” He said finally, gritting his teeth. “I just lost control.”

Splinter sat back down, holding his hands to his face. “My son… I just don’t understand.” He whispered, as if he were talking to himself. “How could this happen? I never thought… You’ve always been so careful, and now… How did things go so wrong? You are not acting like yourself. This is not the person I raised you to be.”

Those words sliced through the air like a sword, cutting into Raph’s chest and causing him to inhale sharply. As if something snapped, as if the sword cut the final rope holding Raph together, everything flooded forward. His fear, his guilt, the deep dread in his stomach. But mostly, it was his anger, bursting forward like a raging bull from a pen and filling his heart with burning fire.

“Raised me?” Raph growled, his words finally seeming to flow smoothly from his lips. “Raised me?! You didn’t raise me!”

Splinter blinked in surprise, looking up at Raph. Raph snarled, a gutteral sound he hadn’t expected to make. He couldn’t help it. He knew he was acting crazy, scary even, but he didn’t care. There was nothing he could do to stop this now. Everything just hurt.

“You didn’t raise me!” He repeated, his eyes wild. “I raised myself! No, I raised myself and three little brothers because you were too busy mourning the past to pull your wallowing ass out to help!” Raph surprised himself with the fury in his voice, but he couldn’t stop it as everything exploded to the surface.

Raph jabbed a finger in Splinter’s direction as he continued to yell. “You don’t get to have a say in anything that happened, because you weren’t there! I gave away my entire childhood, my entire life, because you weren’t there!”

“Raph! Relax!” Raph heard Leo shout, the turtle’s voice dripping with fear and concern.

“No!” Raph snapped back. He was panting now, his lungs aching with each word he screamed. He wanted to stop, he needed this to stop. But the vicious words continued to spew from his mouth like venom.

“Let’s talk about that, shall we?” Raph continued, disgusted by the sadistic joy he found seeing the shock on his father’s face. “I gave everything to be the best older brother, the best leader I could be. I. Gave. Everything. And after all that, it wasn’t enough, was it? I was still too dangerous, too angry to ever be a good leader. That’s why you gave the position to Leo, right? I mean, no one wants to be on a team run by an out of control monster.”

“That is not true!” Splinter insisted, but Raph quickly shut him up with another snarl. He didn’t understand; why was he acting like this? Why couldn’t he make it stop?

“Liar!” Raph yelled. “You’ve told me since I was a kid how dangerous my anger was, how out of control I acted. I felt like I wasn’t even allowed to be angry, like I was terrible for even feeling such a thing. You made me scared to feel anything!” Raph was practically screaming now. He wanted to slap a hand over his mutinous mouth, but they were clenched into fists, and he couldn’t have unfurled them if he tried. “Now you want to play the role of the sweet, supportive father? Now that I’m a murderer?!”

Raph glared into his father’s eyes, breathing heavily. “I killed someone today.” He hissed slowly. “I’ve been coughing up Kraang goo for months. I can hear the Kraanginoids suffering everytime we go out. I lied to protect my brothers to protect them, and ended up just hurting them more. I tried to pretend I was fine, and it ended in a bloodbath. I. Killed. Someone.” Raph’s anger burst forward, his voice becoming ragged and desperate as he screeched. “I should be allowed to be upset about it!”

Splinter seemed to cower away from him, and Raph was taken back for a second. He turned to his left, realizing that, without even noticing, he’d punched his fist right through the hard brick wall of the sewer. Despite himself, he giggled at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Then, he began to laugh, a panicked, hysterical laugh. “Are you scared of me, Pops?” He asked through the laughter, his anger fading and being replaced by a deep sadness as he pulled his hand out of the new hole in their wall. He looked around at his brothers, their faces identical looks of fear. “I understand.”

Raph tried to smile, but his face wasn’t working with him, instead forming a sad grimace. “I’m scared of me too.”

Raph was suddenly overwhelmed by intense nausea, and he quickly rushed over to a trash can as he gagged. He could almost feel his body expelling the rest of his anger out with the foul tasting Kraang ooze. Without it, he felt guilt rise up inside him, stronger than before. When the vomiting finally stopped, he could still feel his family’s eyes on him. And he needed to leave.

“I’m sorry, I…” Raph started, but was cut off as he coughed weakly. The guilt was overwhelming him. He couldn’t be here. He needed to leave, right now.

“I need some air.” He managed to choke out, before turning tail and fleeing towards the ladder, not stopping to see if anyone was following him. He hoped no one was.

He just had to get away from it all. The horrified looks, the mix of fear and worry in his family’s eyes. It broke him to know that his family would never look at him the same again.

He’d always be someone else in their eyes.

Chapter Text

Raph found himself sitting in his usual spot, the cold metal of the billboard pressed uncomfortably against his skin. Clouds had rolled in since the morning, covering the sky with a blanket of grey and adding a small chill to the air.

That’s fitting. Raph thought, his breathing finally slowed to a gentle wheeze. He gripped the edge of the metal platform firmly, his hands aching dully. He glared down at his feet, feeling small waves of frustration wash over him as the guilt threatened to pull him under.

“Why did I do that?” Raph whispered to himself, his muscles tensing slightly. He’d never yelled at his Dad, not like that. But then again, there were a lot of things he did today that he’d never done before. Terrible things. “Why did I do that?”

You know why. A voice seemed to whisper in the back of Raph’s mind. Raph sighed, trying to get his muscles to relax. Maybe he did know why. Maybe Mikey was right about the whole “holding in your anger” thing.

“Maybe I’m just one big, festering wound.” Raph said dryly, his face curling into a grimace. Too messed up to ever fully heal.

Raph felt a painful lump in his throat, which he desperately tried to swallow down. He didn’t want to cry. He hated crying; it made him feel weak. And god knows he didn’t need any more reminders of how weak he was today. He wasn’t in control of anything right now, but maybe, he could at least control that.

What am I going to do now? He thought, scratching aimlessly at the old, rusted metal. It’s too dangerous for me to stay around here. Maybe I could go let Big Mama lock me up? But she’d probably force me to fight in the Nexus, so that’s out. I could talk to Bishop. However, I might actually trust him less than the power hungry spider lady. But I can’t stay here… I can’t hurt anyone else.

Raph perked up as he heard the creak of the metal ladder shifting, announcing that someone was climbing up. Please go away. He thought, bringing his legs up to his chest and hugging them slightly. I don’t want you to see me like this.

Raph thought he’d see Mikey’s head pop up through the opening, or maybe even Casey Jr. What he wasn’t expecting was to see Leo, the slider’s face unreadable as he pulled himself through and stood up.

Raph looked away, staring back at his feet. “Please go away.” He said weakly, without an ounce of strength behind it.

“Do you really want me to?” Leo replied evenly.

The truth was, no, Raph didn’t want him to go. He was so, so tired of feeling alone. And despite a part of him screaming to tell Leo to leave, that he was too dangerous to be around, Raph found himself selfishly shaking his head, letting out a small “No.”

Leo walked over, sitting a few feet from Raph and draping his feet off the side of the platform. There was a rustling sound, then movement out of the corner of Raph’s eye. He turned towards it to see Leo holding one of the many stuffed animals Raph kept on his bed. The slider held it out to him, and after a moment of hesitation, Raph took it, feeling even more pathetic than before as he held it, gently rubbing the soft fabric under his thumb.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Leo asked, his voice still.

Raph shook his head, letting out another small but firm “No.” He didn’t even know if he could talk about it.

“Are you sure?” Leo pushed, a hint of worry in his voice. “It could… help, maybe. Letting it out.”

“I’m not letting anything else out.” Raph growled, clutching the stuffed animal tighter. “Don’t you get it, Leo? I’m out of control. I can’t control my actions, I can’t control my mind, I can’t even control my own stupid emotions!” Raph sighed, feeling his body slump heavily. “Dad was right. I just… can’t.”

“Mhm.” Leo hummed softly. “Well, how about I talk then. You just have to listen.”

When Raph didn’t say anything, Leo took a deep breath, then began to speak.

“When Dad first made me leader, I was just as confused as you were. And probably just as angry. I thought it was all about me, and that it was just some stupid way to get me to be serious about training or working as a team. I couldn’t think of a single reason why he would choose me to be the leader, other than him trying to force me to do something I didn’t want to do. But we never really talked about it. I mean, beside you and I arguing, but that wasn’t even about the whole leader thing.”

Raph listened intensely as Leo sighed, pausing before he continued.

“When the Kraang invasion happened, I got a quick dose of reality, especially when it came to my responsibility to the team. After the fact, I finally asked Dad why he chose to make me leader. I asked whether he was trying to teach me a lesson, or somehow force me to take responsibility, but you know what? I was completely wrong. It had nothing to do with me. It was about you, Raph.”

Raph blinked in confusion, finally turning to look at Leo. His brother’s eyes were glinting with intensity as he stared back at him.

“Dad talked with me about the weight a leader holds, and how strongly I experienced that during the Kraang invasion. And how you’d been holding that weight yourself ever since we were kids.”

“He’d seen it time and time again, and he admitted to me how worried it had made him. He said it was almost like you were trapped, and he wanted to give you some relief from all this responsibility you’d been carrying. That’s why he made me leader. It wasn’t some sly way to get me to ninja up, or punish you, or anything like that. He just wanted to give you a break.”

Raph was frozen with disbelief, his eyes wide. “But, why didn’t he tell me?” He finally managed to ask.

“To be completely honest, I think he felt bad.” Leo replied in a low voice. “The way he spoke, it sounded like he blamed himself. And I mean, maybe he should a little. A lot of what you said down there was right. He should have been around more, and it did force you to grow up way too fast. But…” Leo looked back up at Raph. “I know he cares a lot about you. About all of us. And I think he was trying to do the right thing.”

“And I screamed at him.” Raph said, guilt once again threatening to drown him. “God, I’m such a jerk.”

“Yeah well, I think you had a right to be pissed.” Leo mused, leaning back on his hands. “It couldn’t have helped that we were all screaming around you.” Leo pressed his lips together tightly before continuing. “I’m… sorry. About that. I was just shocked, and upset. But we’re here for you. All of us. You know that, right?”

Raph nodded. “I know.” He replied, his heart aching.

“We’ll figure this out.” Leo continued, his voice dripping with confidence. “We’ll find a cure, get you all fixed up, and everything will be fine, alright?”

Raph didn’t reply to this. He couldn’t share Leo’s confidence. An image of the ex-Kraanginoid’s cold, dead eyes flashed in his head, and fear shot through his veins like ice. His body tensed, and he wrapped his tail around himself protectively. As he started to tremble, he felt Leo’s hand on his shoulder, causing him to turn to look at his younger brother.

“Hey, it’s going to be ok.” Leo insisted, his eyes boring into Raph’s. Raph took a shaky breath and nodded, trying to believe in his brother’s words.

Suddenly, Raph once again heard the creak of metal as the rest of his family filed up the ladder, their faces wrought with worry. First was Mikey, followed by Donnie, Casey Jr, and surprisingly, Splinter, his face scrunched up with concern.

“Raph!” Mikey cried, rushing towards his brother and nearly knocking the snapper off with a hug. Raph hugged him back, feeling some of his dread melt away at his brother’s touch. He shifted Mikey up onto his shell, where the box turtle wrapped his good arm around Raph’s chest, holding him tight as if he might disappear.

Donnie was silent, but he quickly walked over to Raph’s other side, sitting down next to him and leaning his head on the bigger turtle’s arm. Casey Jr. crouched down by him as well, gently holding his skull mask in his hands.

Raph relished in his family’s love. He’d really missed this. So many weeks of hiding, of lying, of feeling like he was destroying any trust his family had in him. “I’m so sorry, guys.” He said in a husky voice. “I’m sorry, I…”

Raph trailed off as he looked at Splinter, his father hanging a few feet back. He looked uncertain, like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to approach or not. The rat cleared his throat before speaking, his voice slightly shaky.

“Raphael…” He started, his eyes glistening slightly. “I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am. You had every right to be upset with me, I… I owe you so much more than an apology. I’m so sorry, my son. I’m so sorry about what has happened to you. I wasn’t there then, but I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“Dad…” Raph’s voice finally broke, sadness flooding his heart and spilling out his eyes in a stream of tears. He couldn’t help but sob, his eyes squeezing shut as tears continued to flow, his body shaking violently as all the pain, all the fear, and all the despair he felt finally came to light.

Though his deep, aching sobs, he could feel his family around him, holding him close as his body shook. And he cried. For a long, long time. He cried for the Kraanginoids, trapped in their own, inescapable hell. He cried for the person’s whose life he’d taken. And he cried for himself, for all the pain he’d been through, for all the crippling terror of what would follow. And somewhere, deep down inside, he cried tears of relief.

No matter what happened next, at least he wouldn’t be alone.

Chapter Text

It was a while before Raph’s sobs finally turned into gentle sniffles, his eyes puffy as he wiped the remaining tears from his cheeks. He really hated crying, but he had to admit, he did feel a little bit better.

“We should probably get back inside.” Raph heard Donnie say, the purple-clad turtle climbing to his feet. Raph couldn’t help but notice as Donnie wiped his own tears from his face, his jaw clenched. “I think we’ve got a lot to talk about.”

“Maybe we should wait a bit, Donnie.” Leo interjected, shooting a pointed look over to Raph.

“No, no.” Raph said, his voice thick. “I uh, I think we should talk, sooner rather than later. I don’t want anything else to happen.” Raph chuckled dryly, his brief respite with his family slowly being replaced by heavy dread. Plus, he had as an afterthought, I really don’t want to be alone anymore.

“Well, as long as you’re ok with it..” Leo said, not looking fully convinced.

Raph nodded, shifting Mikey’s weight on his shell so he could stand up. As he did, he felt a hand reach out and squeeze his own. It was Splinter, his eyes still slightly teary as he gave Raph a comforting nod. Raph smiled softly back, his heart aching gently. Something unspoken passed between the two of them. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Raph made his way back down into the lair, followed by the rest of his family. He felt drained, both mentally and physically. Everything felt so much harder as he climbed, even Mikey’s weight heavy on his shell. Usually, he’d be able to carry the smaller turtle no sweat, but for some reason it was getting to him. His lungs wheezed slightly as he descended the last ladder, his muscles shaking from the effort.

As he stepped off the final rung, he felt Mikey hop down, the box turtle turning towards him with a look of concern. “You ok?” He asked as Raph tried to catch his breath.

“Yes. Well, no, uh…” Raph replied breathily. “Just winded.”

Mikey nodded, falling into step beside Raph as they made their way towards Donnie’s lab. “I can’t imagine how scared you’ve been.” Mikey said in a hushed voice, almost half to himself.

Raph looked down at the floor. He had been scared. He was still scared. But now, he was mostly scared of what would happen next. He was dangerous, that much was for sure. It wasn’t safe for his family to be around him. If he lost control again… If he hurt them… If he-

Raph’s breath caught in his throat, something Mikey immediately picked up on. The smaller turtle reached a comforting hand in Raph’s direction, but almost as if on instinct, Raph flinched away.

“Argh, sorry Mikes, I just… sorry.” He fumbled out, holding a clawed hand to his head. “Let’s not worry about it, ok?” He said quickly, speeding up his pace towards Donnie’s lab. “I think we just need to figure out what we’re dealing with, and how to deal with it.”

“Right…” Raph heard Mikey say from behind him, but he didn’t turn around. If he started talking about his feelings and all that nonsense again, he was going to fall apart again. And he couldn’t afford that right now.

They all filed into Donnie’s lab, save for Splinter and Casey, who went to call and update April on what was happening. They settled into random spots as Donnie powered up his screens. Within moments, he’d had rigged up a techy whiteboard, with the words “What We Know” sprawled across the top.

“Alright Raph.” He said with a flourish, brandishing his pen. “Tell us everything.”

Raph took a deep breath, trying to drum up any strength he might have left. “Ok.”

So he told them everything. From the nightmares, to the coughing, to the hearing Kraang voices… Everything. Throughout it all, he purposely avoided talking about how he felt about the whole thing. It was just easier if he pretended that he was describing someone else’s life, not his own. His brothers listened with quiet intensity until he started talking about the more… gruesome side effects he’d been having.

“Wait, you were coughing up actual Kraang goo? Like the pink nastiness coating the Kraanginoids?” Leo asked, his face pale. Raph nodded, and Leo seemed to gag a bit, covering his mouth. “God, I’m sorry, that’s really gross.”

Raph couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. “Yeah, it is.” Raph’s chuckle died in his throat as he continued. “It seemed like anytime I got angry, or frustrated or whatever, there was a surge of this… ooze. And coughing up ooze led to throwing up ooze, which led to throwing up ooze and blood and well… Now apparently going full Kraang mode.”

A grim silence fell across the room. Then, Mikey spoke up, a look of confusion on his face. “Wait, are you talking about this morning?”

Now Raph was confused as well. “Well, yeah.” He replied. “When I blacked out, and uh… you know, went on a rampage.”

“But you weren’t a Kraanginoid.” Mikey said, which sent a jolt of shock though Raph’s body. He’d just assumed that when he blacked out, he must have reverted to his Kraangified form but… was it something else? He leaned forward apprehensively as Mikey continued, the smaller turtle gesturing wildly with his hands.

“You weren’t a Kraanginoid.” He repeated, the words spilling out of his mouth like he couldn’t say them fast enough. “It was like you were in a trance. You were acting… erratically, and your eyes were hazed. You didn’t have any Kraang ooze or anything on you, but you still weren’t you. You were fighting like a wild animal, all claws and teeth, and I don’t think you could even understand me.”

“But if he didn’t turn into a Kraanginoid,” Donnie started, rubbing his chin as his face scrunched up in concentration. “Then what happened to him?”

I’d like to know as well… Raph thought nervously, gritting his teeth as he tried to think. He clasped his hands together as they trembled ever so slightly.

“I don’t know for sure, but I think I might have an idea.” Mikey said quickly, standing up and walking over to Donnie’s board. He plucked the pen from Donnie’s hand, causing the softshell to blink in surprise, as he approached the board, his face uncharacteristically serious.

“After the fight, I was trying to figure out why you were acting so strange.” Mikey started, looking directly at Raph. “And I think I might have “activated” a new mystic power.”

“Wait, seriously?” Leo asked, his eyes wide, but Mikey just waved at him dismissively.

“Yeah yeah, we can talk about it more later, but the fact of the matter is, it was like I could see what was happening to Raph, on a mystic level.” Mikey quickly sketched out a rudimentary drawing of Raph, before adding on a large, pink creature wrapped around him. “At first, all I could see was that he was infected. The virus must have some sort of mystic element to it, and I could see it trying to get in and take control of your mind.”

“But,” he continued, drawing a “zoomed in” portion of Raph’s head. “As I looked closer, I noticed that you were protecting yourself.” Mikey drew another tiny Raph, surrounded by what looked like Raph’s own shell. For a moment, Raph almost thought the little him looked scared, but he shook his head, trying not to read too much into it as Mikey explained. “It was like you were hiding, shielding yourself from the infection. I’m not exactly sure what was happening, but it had to have had something to do with why you were acting so weird.”

“So what you're saying is,” Raph said slowly as he tried to piece Mikey’s story together. “Whatever happened to me when I blacked out… I did that to myself?”

“Not exactly.” Mikey replied, handing the pen back to Donnie. “I think it was your mystic powers reacting to the Kraang virus. I think they realized you were losing yourself, and took over, hiding, well, you, from the virus. So it couldn’t take over your brain.”

“A mystic immune response.” Donnie whispered, his eyes wide. “That is… amazing.”

“What I don’t understand is, why didn’t you just black out?” Mikey asked, scrutinizing his crude drawing like the answer might just jump out at him. “If the mystic energy was separating your brain from your body, why didn’t your body just… stop? Pass out? It doesn't make sense.”

A lightbulb flickered to life inside Raph’s head, like something clicked into place. “Actually, it does make sense.” He said quietly, unsure how he felt about his realization. “I think it was hiding my identity.”

Donnie cocked his head, his eyes intense. “Elaborate.”

Raph cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Well, for starters, I think I should point out that the Kraang virus doesn’t actually feel like you’re in a coma.” Raph admitted, earning some wide-eyed looks from his family. “It’s more like… I don’t know, hypnosis? It hijacks your feelings, your memories, using them to manipulate you to do what it wants.” Raph rubbed his neck, avoiding his family’s gaze. “When I was kraangified, I heard you guys telling me to attack people. It used your voices, and it used my protective nature against me. So if you take those away, take away the memories and the feelings that make me, well, me… Then the virus has nothing to latch onto. Nothing but an empty, mutant turtle.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell us that?” Leo asked, his eyes wide with realization. “That’s HUGELY important! All those kraanginoids… They’re lucid? You were lucid? The whole time?”

“Not lucid.” Raph explained, hunching his shoulders. “Just… trapped.”

“And so your mystic powers hide your identity, and they can’t use it to control you.” Mikey repeated softly. “And what was left was just the most basic, innate level of what you are. That’s why you were acting so feral; you were acting purely on instinct!”

“Yeah, and clearly, that’s not a good thing.” Raph growled, feeling as if he could still taste blood in his mouth.

“It’s crucial information.” Donnie insisted, clearly a bit ruffled that Raph had kept more secrets from him, but seemingly trying to move past it. “But not necessarily the most important information.”

Donnie typed a few things onto his arm cuff, before making a throwing motion and having it appear on his monitors. Immediately, different graphs, numbers, and figures exploded to life on the screens, and Raph didn’t know where to look first. Donnie turned back around, his eyes glinting as he spoke.

“Let’s dive into the scientific side of things, shall we?”

Chapter Text

Raph’s eyes scanned the screens, his brain struggling to make sense of what he was seeing.

“Donnie… what is all this?” He asked cautiously, although he had a nagging sense of what the different figures were showing.

“I was up all night compiling this data.” Donnie replied breathily, the slightest hint of a twitch in his eyes as the bright screens reflected in them.

“Oh jeez, you’ve been scanning him, haven’t you? That’s so creepy…” Leo groaned accusingly, slapping a hand over his face.

“Scanning me?! Donnie!” Raph exclaimed, shooting a glare towards his younger brother. “I told you not to-”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Donnie interrupted dismissively. “But to be fair, you were lying to me so… I simply needed to figure out what was going on, and data doesn’t lie.”

“I… ugh.” Raph grumbled, unable to argue against that. He crossed his arms over his plastron, begrudgingly sitting down to listen to what Donnie had to say. Mikey walked up next to him, leaning his head on Raph’s side for comfort.

“Right!” Donnie nodded approvingly, grabbing a purple laser pointer and beginning to speak as he walked back and forth in front of the graphs.

“Ever since an accidental scan of your physical state a few weeks ago, I’ve been compiling information to try and figure out what was causing your levels to be so out of whack. I knew you were sick, but with what, I wasn’t sure. So I gathered a list of symptoms and tried to form a hypothesis.” Donnie rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he looked at the screens. “Of course, with the new information you and Mikey have provided, I may have to tweak it a bit.”

“What symptoms are you talking about?” Raph asked, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I just told you everything.”

“Yes, the collection of Kraang ooze within the body does explain some of the symptoms.” Donnie replied, shuddering slightly before collecting himself. “However, you’ve also had an elevated body temperature for the past few weeks, anemia, fatigue, loss of appetite, and many more symptoms affecting your overall health, not even including the mental stain you’ve been enduring.”

Raph blinked, dumbfounded. “You… you could tell all of that from the scans?” He stuttered out.

“No.” Donnie replied, shooting a glance in Raph’s direction. “But I have eyes. I knew something was wrong, but…” He trailed off, looking back at the screens. “It doesn’t matter now. What matters is, I saw succinct proof of the virus in your blood. And that’s a very, very bad thing.”

Donnie began pacing, continuing to speak as he did so. “The virus behaves unnaturally to anything else I’ve ever seen. It’s intelligent. Like Bishop said, it keeps you in a state in which you just barely survive, so it can continue to feed.”

“But Raph isn’t like the Kraanginoids!” Leo interjected, leaning forward on his hands. “I mean, even before the mystic stuff, he beat it! And it hasn’t taken over his body… that has to mean something, right?”

Donnie nodded. “You’re right, he is different, and I think I know why.” Donnie turned to face Raph, his eyes sharp. “I strongly believe you have antibodies against the virus.”

Despite himself, Raph felt the smallest flicker of hope in his heart as he listened.

“At the end of the day, we’re mutants.” Donnie explained, gesturing wildly with his hands. “Our biology is a lot different compared to anything else on earth. I wouldn’t put it past us to have an abnormally strong immune system against weird pathogens. And I mean, your body is already showing signs of this. The coughing, the vomiting, I theorize all of this relates to an immune response within your body. Whenever the virus believes you to be weak enough to take over, it multiplies substantially, but instead of overwhelming your system, your body disposes of it the only way it can, getting rid of it before it becomes too much to handle.” Donnie was breathing heavily, his eyes sparkling. “It’s amazing.”

Raph shook his head, trying to think through all the new information being thrown at him. “But you’re saying you believe there are antibodies or whatever in my blood? So we could make it stop?”

Donnie seemed to be pulled back to reality as he looked at Raph. “Hypothetically. I haven’t found anything yet, but yes, there’s a chance. If I can find the antibodies, I can make a cure.”

“Hah…” Raph breathed, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. There was a chance. But his good feelings quickly melted away as he continued to think. “How long would it take?” He asked, gripping the edge of the counter tightly.

“I’m not sure… I can’t say for certain.” Donnie replied, stimming gently by rubbing his arms. Raph didn’t like the look in the softshell’s eyes. He looked more uncertain than Raph had ever seen him. “I’d have to find the antibodies first. I need to run more tests.”

“Right.” Raph said softly, dread once again building inside his chest. He felt Mikey squeeze his shoulder comfortingly before jogging over to chat with Donnie, their voices hushed as they pointed out different figures on the screen.

Now that he wasn’t directly having a conversation with anyone, Raph felt his mind begin to spiral. Tendrils of anxiety seemed to worm their way through his body, making his leg bounce and his muscles stiffen.

A lot of what Donnie said made sense. He had been feeling pretty terrible lately. He assumed it was from the lack of sleep and food, but apparently, there was a lot of stuff he didn’t know about making him feel like crap. He really was sick. And even after everything that happened, it still didn’t feel real to him.

What are we going to do? He thought, his mind racing. What am I going to do? I can’t just sit here, waiting for Donnie to find a cure and hoping I don’t lose it again. At this thought, memories from this morning flooded back. The taste of blood in his mouth, the lifeless eyes.

I killed someone this morning. He thought, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. Are we just glossing over the fact that I killed someone this morning?! I can’t be here. It’s not safe, it’s not safe for anyone! I need to leave, go somewhere far away where I can’t hurt anyone. I can’t be here, I just can’t!

Raph jumped as he felt a hand grip his shoulder, the strength of it pulling him back down from his panic. Leo stood next to him, his tone gentle but firm. “C’mon, let’s get something to eat, Raph.”

Raph didn’t say anything, but nodded, allowing Leo to lead him down the hall towards the kitchen. He coughed weakly, his lungs once again aching.

“Sorry.” Raph heard Leo say, and he quickly turned towards the slider with a look of surprise. “That was all pretty overwhelming, wasn’t it?”

“Well, I’ve been living it for the past couple of weeks, so not as much as you might think.” Raph replied with a soft chuckle. He swallowed down the lump in his throat before forcing himself to continue talking. “I just don’t know what we’re supposed to do now. I’m dangerous. You know it, and I know it. It’s not safe. Even if Donnie finds those antibodies in my blood… Everything takes time. I could lose myself again, hurt someone, or worse. And besides that, the Kraanginoids are still trying to infect the world.” Raph paused, gritting his teeth. “I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll figure it out, Raph.” Leo said, trying to sound confident. “We always do.”

“But what if we don’t?” Raph insisted, stopping to look at his brother. “I can’t put you guys in danger like this. I won’t.” He stared into Leo’s eyes, begging him to understand. “I won’t let you guys get hurt because of me. Not again.”

There was a flicker of fear in Leo's gaze before he quickly pulled Raph into a hug. For a moment, Raph wanted to push him away, as if his very touch might hurt his little brother. But he allowed himself to wrap his arms around Leo’s shoulders, holding him close.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking Raph,” Leo said quickly. “But I need you to trust us. Please. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I know we can do this. You’re our brother, and right now, you need our help. Please, just let us help you.”

Raph’s chest ached with fear, with dread, and with total apprehension of what might happen next. If he stayed here, he was putting everyone he cared about in danger. But… He needed them. He didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want to be alone, and most of all, despite his mind screaming at him for being so selfish, if he was going to die anyway, he wanted to be with his family till the end.

Raph sighed, letting his head fall onto Leo’s shoulder as the decision seemed to lift a heavy weight from his chest. “Ok, Leo.” He said softly. “I’ll stay.”

Chapter Text

Raph watched from the kitchen table as Leo haphazardly threw together some sandwiches, one of the only things the slider could make without setting the kitchen on fire. However, it did not escape Raph’s notice that Leo used a fork to spread mayo onto the bread. He would never understand how someone could be so totally inept in the kitchen.

“Here, my specialty.” Leo crooned, setting the shoddy sandwich down in front of Raph. “Made with love and lots of ham, just the way you like it.”

“Heh, thanks.” Raph chuckled, giving Leo a grateful smile before turning to look at his plate. At the sight of food, his stomach rumbled, but he wasn’t sure if it was from hunger or nausea. Regardless, he picked it up, taking a small bite. It tasted like cardboard, and immediately Raph felt his stomach turn at the thought of actually swallowing it. He did though, trying to push down his disgust.

It definitely wasn’t the sandwich. Leo’s cooking was bad, but not that bad. Raph just felt too… off. Too much had happened today, and he just felt sick, like Donnie listing off the symptoms finally made him aware of how terrible he felt. He simply wasn’t hungry.

“Is it that bad?” Leo asked, pulling Raph’s attention back to reality. The slider had a worried smile on his face. “I mean, I know I’m an awful cook, but you’re usually able to stomach my garbage.”

“Sorry Leo, it’s not you.” Raph replied, pushing the plate away from him and trying not to grimace. “I just… can’t right now.”

“Raph…” Leo started to protest gently, but they were both interrupted as Mikey walked in, ruffling his hair with his good arm as he yawned. The small turtle looked at Raph and Leo, then down at the sandwiches before letting out a chuckle.

“Is Leo trying to poison you?” He jested, but Raph couldn’t help but notice the look of concern Mikey shot at Leo.

“Heh, trying.” Leo replied, clearly following Mikey’s lead to attempt to lighten the mood. “But I guess my cooking isn’t up to Raph’s super high standards.”

Raph smiled weakly, trying to at least show his brothers that their lighthearted attempt wasn’t in vain, that he was ok. But things weren’t ok, and Raph really didn’t have the energy to keep up the act anymore. The smile melted away, and Raph felt his body slump forward in his chair, the choking numbness from before creeping back into him.

“Hey, no worries Raph. I wouldn’t eat that junk either.” Mikey said quickly, walking to Leo’s side. “Why don’t I make you a smoothie or something? It might be more palatable.”

Raph considered this for a moment. A smoothie did sound… more tolerable than actual food at the moment. Raph wasn’t an idiot. He knew he needed to eat something; he just didn’t think he could stomach anything more than liquid. Besides, from the look in Mikey’s eyes, he was sure if he refused, his little brother would “insist” otherwise.

“Sure Mikes.” Raph replied, watching as relief visibly flashed across Mikey’s face. The smaller turtle immediately trotted over to the freezer, digging through it.

“You want strawberry?” Raph heard him call, and he had a sudden image of himself drinking the bright red drink, with tendrils of crimson dripping down his face…

“No!” He burst out louder than he meant to, causing Mikey and Leo to shoot him a surprised look. He cleared his throat before quickly gathering his composure. “Sorry, no, uh… You got any mango?”

Mikey quickly plastered on a smile, like he was pretending not to notice Raph’s little outburst. “Of course, I got ya.”

Before long, they all sat around the kitchen table, with Raph sipping the smoothie slowly from a Jupiter Jim cup. Donnie had strolled in just before Mikey had finished making it, giving no acknowledgement to anyone in the room as he typed vigorously on his armband. The sound of his frantic typing was the only thing that broke the heavy silence that had fallen over the room. Everyone seemed to be lost in thought, and Raph couldn’t help but feel that deep seated sense of guilt rise up in him once again. He swallowed nervously, absently drawing circles in the condensation on his glass. It was just too quiet.

“So what now?” He asked, everyone’s attention shifting to him. “I mean, what are we going to do with me?”

“What do you mean?” Mikey replied, cocking his head in confusion.

“Well, if I’m going to stay here, we have to take some precautions, right?” Raph said quickly, hearing hints of desperation worming their way into his voice. “Like a cage? A containment unit? Donnie, you can build one of those, right?”

“Woah, what are you talking about?” Leo replied immediately. “I think that’s a bit overkill, hermano.”

“I hardly think that’ll be necessary, Raph.” Donnie added. “It’s not like you’re contagious. We just need to monitor your condition and-”

“It’s not safe.” Raph interrupted, his voice sharp as his heart beating wildly. “What if something happens? If I get angry and go all feral mode; I could hurt someone!”

“You wouldn’t hurt us…” Mikey insisted, trying to grab Raph’s hand, but he quickly pulled it away.

“Well, we didn’t think I’d ever kill anyone either, and look what happened!” Raph replied, breathing heavily. He began to cough, immediately turning away so his brothers couldn’t see the pink ooze and blood that came up with each painful hack, turning to dust as soon as it hit his arm.

“Raph, chill!” He heard Leo say, feeling the slider set a hand on his shoulder and rub it gently. “I get it, you’re worried, but one thing at a time, ok? I think before we decide anything, you should get some rest. It’s been an incredibly long day, and I think we’re all tired.”

Raph slowed his breathing, feeling the frantic energy slowly ebb and be replaced by heavy exhaustion. He gazed to his left and saw Mikey holding a damp rag out to him, his eyes glistening with concern.

“Thanks.” He said in a raspy voice, taking the rag gently and using it to wipe the small bits of blood from his arm. He felt sick at the taste of blood once again in his mouth, but at least this time, he knew it was his own. He sighed, regaining his composure enough to speak again.

“Maybe you’re right.” He admitted as he turned to face his brothers.

“I usually am.” Leo replied with a lighthearted smirk, patting Raph’s shoulder gently. “C’mon, we’ll walk you to your room. You can get some rest, and we’ll all figure this out.”

“Oooo, uh…” Raph winced, memories from early this morning finally resurfacing as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“Ho… ly… shit…”

Raph shifted back and forth on his feet as he watched his brothers take in the ruin of his bedroom. His bed ripped to shreds, books and magazines strewn across the room, and his door looking like it had been mauled, which in fact, it actually had. Because of the experience from this morning, Raph had almost forgotten how much of his room he’d destroyed in his sleep. It looked like someone had let a wild animal loose in his room, and Raph was suddenly sure he knew exactly what happened.

“You said I go all feral mode to protect myself during weak moments, right?” Raph asked, directing the question towards Mikey. “Would that include… sleeping?”

“Ehm…” Mikey replied, shaking his head before he continued. “Maybe? I mean, it seems possible, right? It might explain all… this.”

Raph clenched his jaw, looking back around his room. So I’m not even safe when I’m sleeping… He thought dismally.

“Well uh, no big deal, right?” Leo said quickly, grabbing a few comic books from the floor. “We can just help you clean up, and it’ll all be fine.”

“It’s not that simple, Leo.” Raph replied, softly tracing the deep gouges on his door. “I mean, look at this. Clearly, he… it, was trying to escape.” Raph’s face darkened as he continued. “And who knows what it might do if it succeeded. It could attack you guys.”

“I don’t think so.” Mikey said, crossing his arms over his plastron with a stubborn look on his face. “You keep talking about this “state of mind” as this wild, dangerous thing, but remember, you protected me during the Kraang fight.” Mikey walked over to Raph, reaching out a hand to trace the same marks in the door. “Maybe he was just scared and alone, trying to get out so he didn’t feel trapped.”

Raph pursed his lips, unable to meet Mikey’s eyes. “But you don’t know that.” he said quietly.

“It seems more plausible than a ruthless killing machine.” Mikey replied sharply, although he set a comforting hand on Raph’s arm.

“Regardless, he clearly can’t stay here.” Donnie said, surveying the damage to the room. “Perhaps I could set up a pseudo room in my lab, and one of us could stay with you while you slept. That way, you can rest easy knowing that if something does… happen, we’ll be there to help.”

Raph still felt very uneasy about the whole situation. He felt like things could go so wrong so fast, and there’d be nothing he could do about it. But, he told Leo he’d stay, told him that he’d trust them. Raph took a deep breath, attempting to steady his nerves.

“Ok.” He said finally. “But on one condition…”

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“I still believe this is completely unnecessary.”

Donnie mumbled, fastening a metallic cuff onto Raph’s ankle. The cuff blinked to life with a small chime, a chain of purple energy stretching from it and connecting to a port on the wall.

Raph lifted his leg, examining the shackle. “Unnecessary or not, it makes me feel better.” he replied, a small sense of relief blooming inside him. If he wasn’t going to be secured somewhere, this was the next best thing. If anything happened, at least his brothers would be able to escape. However, the whole being shackled to a wall thing really didn’t help with his “I’m a monster” mindset he had right now.

Mikey stumbled into the lab carrying as many stuffed animals he could with his good arm, even clutching a few in his mouth. He dropped them onto the mattress Donnie had salvaged from April’s guest room, flopping down on top of them with a huff.

“Christ Mikey.” Raph said fondly. “You didn’t have to bring all of them.”

Mikey lolled his head to the side with a playful glare. “I’d like to see you try to be lonely tonight with all these eyes staring at you.” Raph chuckled lightly, letting his brother’s playfulness chase away the intense feelings of dread in his chest.

“So Mikey will stay with you for the first half of the night, and I’ll be with you for the second half.” Leo said, walking up with a few untorn blankets from Raph’s room.

“And Donnie will be sleeping, since he pulled an all-nighter yesterday.” Mikey added, sitting up to look at the purple turtle, who was vigorously typing away on his computer. “Right, Donnie?”

“Wha…? Mhm, yeah, whatever.” Donnie replied absently, not looking up from what he was doing. Mikey got up, striding over to Donnie with purpose before pulling a spray bottle out from who knows where and squirting the softshell with it. Donnie recoiled with a hiss, flapping his hands.

“Bed!” Mikey commanded, in the way only a little brother could.

“You can’t kick me out of my own lab!” Donnie protested.

“I can and I will!” Mikey replied, glaring. “We all agreed we were going to rest, and that means you too. Now march!”

Donnie rolled his eyes with a huff before slowly making his way towards the exit, yawning slightly. He looked over at Raph, hints of worry flickering in his eyes. “I’ve got my armband on, so if anything happens, I’ll know, ok?” He said in a reassuring voice. “Goodnight, Raph.”

Raph smiled shakily back. “Night Don.”

Tiredness seemed to flood over Raph in waves, and the next thirty minutes seemed to go by in a blur. Casey Jr. stopped in, letting Raph know that April would be coming by tomorrow to check on him and to tell him she’s there for him. Raph could see in Casey Jr’s eyes that he understood better than anyone what he was going through right now, but before he could speak to him, Splinter walked in as well, carrying a cup of tea.

It felt… weird, everyone doting on him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt… cared for. It wasn’t like his family didn’t care about him, of course they did. However, when it came down to it, usually he was the one caring for them, not the other way around. It was weird, but kinda nice, in a way. By the time Mikey shooed everyone out, Raph could barely keep his eyes open.

“You sure you’re ok with this?” He asked Mikey sleepily, unable to deny his body rest any longer.

“Of course, Raph.” Mikey replied, rubbing Raph’s shell gently. “You’re my brother. I’d do anything for you.”

“Just… be careful.” He mumbled, burying his head in his pillow. Genuinely, he thought he’d have trouble falling asleep. That his mind would be swirling too much to ever allow rest. But within minutes, Raph drifted into sweet unconsciousness, pleading to whatever might be listening to let this night go on without anything terrible happening.

Please, just let me rest.

Chapter Text

Leo sat silently, the quiet comfort of the lair at night broken only by the steady sound of Raph’s gentle snores.

He absently watched the rise and fall of his older brother’s shoulders, allowing his mind to swirl and wander as the night ticked by slowly.

He hadn’t slept. There was just too much on his mind to even consider sleeping. And at this point, the amount of sleepless nights he had seemed to all blur together into one, incredibly long day. He’d always been an insomniac, but lately, it just seemed to be getting worse. And after an hour of lying in his bed, watching the minutes slip by, he’d given up. He couldn’t just lie here, not when there was so much that needed to be done, so much he could be doing. He needed to do something, or else he might explode.

He wasn’t sure exactly how he ended up cleaning Raph’s whirlwind of a room. For some reason, he’d just found himself standing in the doorway, staring at it. It didn’t feel right, seeing Raph’s room like this. Weirdly enough, the large turtle had always been the neater one of the bunch, and seeing the mess of destruction where there used to be meticulously organized comics and perfectly posed action figures… It just wasn’t right. Slowly, without really knowing why, Leo began to put things back where they belonged, just the way he remembered it.

Raph won’t believe me when I tell him. Leo thought with a slight smile, gently reshelving all of Raph’s now crinkled comic books. Me? Cleaning? What is it, the end of the world? The smile dropped from his face, and he shook his head, trying to stop thinking and focus on his task.

By the time his timer went off, signaling it was his turn to keep an eye on Raph, Leo had already cleaned a good chunk of the room. He quickly made his way over to the lab and was greeted by a sleepy Mikey, looking up at him with lidded eyes.

“All good, Mikes?” He had asked, receiving only a brief “mhm” from the smaller turtle as he swayed, dragging his feet as he walked over. Leo ruffled his younger brother’s hair. “Get some sleep, hermono.” And with another “mhm”, Mikey left, leaving Leo alone in the lab with a snoring Raph.

He slumped against the wall a little ways from Raph, and found himself just watching his brother, the hypnotic, steady movements of Raph’s breathing giving him the smallest comfort. But the more he listened, the more he could hear the slight strain in Raph’s breath, and the slight wheeze when he exhaled.

God Raph. Leo thought, feeling his own chest begin to ache. What were you thinking?

Despite this thought, Leo’s mind grew dark. He knew exactly what Raph was thinking. Of course his brother chose to hide this from him. After all the shit he put him through with Bishop and the Kraang… Why would Raph tell him something like this? Raph didn’t trust him, and it was all Leo’s fault.

“How could I be so stupid?” Leo whispered aloud, holding his head in his hand. He’d seen Raph’s fear towards the Kraanginoids, his insistence on finding a cure, his outburst towards Bishop when he found out he was torturing them; why didn’t he put two and two together? Was he really so self-absorbed with his own plans that he failed to see how much he was hurting his brother?

And worst of all, he knew something was wrong. He knew Raph wasn’t acting right, knew that something was bugging him, but he didn’t say or do anything. He just assumed Raph would figure it out. He always had before, so why would this time be any different? He was a fool, a selfish fool. Is this all my fault? Leo thought, gritting his teeth.

Leo pulled the pager Bishop had given them out of his belt pouch. He’d been bombarded with messages earlier, asking why there was a dead human in one of his containment units. Mikey had explained that when Raph took off, he’d panicked, and not wanting to leave the body for the police to find, he’d sent it to TCRI. He definitely owed Bishop an explanation, but for the time being, he just messaged back that a Kraanginoid had been killed, and that was its remains. Bishop seemed confused, but agreed to keep the body for further inspection, granted that Leo meet up with him soon to discuss what had happened.

Bishop… Leo considered, turning the pager over and over in his hands. Why was I so adamant we should trust him? At the end of the day, Raph’s right. The guy’s sketchy, and trusting him is a huge risk, something I pushed time and time again for us to take. Why? Because he’s going to save the world? Leo grimaced, shoving the pager back into his pocket. Maybe, for once, I just wanted things to be easy.

Leo sighed, leaning back and letting his head bang lightly against the cool metal lining Donnie’s lab. “God, I really messed up.” he choked out in a whisper, unable to stop tears from flowing down his face. “I’m a terrible leader, and an even worse brother. Of course you shouldn’t trust me.” He sniffled, trying to wipe the mutinous tears from his face.

At that moment, Leo turned his head to check back in on Raph, and was met with two bright, glowing white eyes, just a few feet from his face.

“Holy fuc-!” Leo screeched, pushing himself backwards as adrenaline pumped through his body like ice. His breathing came out in short gasps as his mind quickly made sense of what he was looking at.

Raph was awake. But it wasn’t Raph.

The eyes staring at him were a cloudy white, starkly contrasting against the dark of the lab. They weren’t Raph’s eyes, the gentle yellow that Leo had grown so accustomed to. No, this was something different, and Leo tried to swallow down the growing fear in his chest.

Leo was unwillingly pulled into a flashback, one of angry screeches, desperate pleas, and his brother holding him by the throat, covered with Kraang ooze and a hatred Leo had never seen in his brother’s eyes. He shivered, staring at the two eyes glowing in the darkness, as if he was waiting for them to charge at him and finish that fight.

Instead, Leo noticed something different. He reached behind him, finding a switch for one of Donnie’s desk lamps and flicking it on.

Raph stood at the end of what his ankle cuff would allow, breathing heavily as his body trembled. His eyes no longer look menacing, but instead, appeared to be almost worried, although how Leo was able to tell, he had no idea. But one thing was clear: Raph wasn’t about to go into some crazed killing fit. In fact, he just looked incredibly worried.

“Raph?” Leo called softly, but whatever state Raph was in right now, it didn’t appear like he could understand him. But Leo spoke anyway, smooth and calm, like he was talking to an injured animal. “Hey, easy Raph, it’s alright. What’s going on?”

Raph looked behind him at the long, purple energy chaining him to the wall. He pulled against it gently, clearly unable to break free. Then, he turned back to Leo, letting out a noise that Leo could only describe as a chirp.

“What the…” Leo started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, as Raph let out the sound again, a bit louder this time. And to his surprise, Leo understood.

Well, maybe understood is not the right word. But Leo somehow felt he knew what the noise meant. Somewhere, deep in the back of his mind, it seemed to make sense. It wasn’t a word, but a question. Raph was wondering why the chain was there.

“Whoa, how did you do that?” Leo asked incredulously, but then shook his head. “No, it doesn’t matter. Um, you wanted that.” Leo tried to explain, but he wasn’t sure his words would mean anything to Raph right now. “For safety, I guess.”

Like he thought, Raph didn’t seem to understand. He cocked his head in confusion, then looked down at his foot again, letting out a soft whine. Then, he looked back up at Leo, reaching out a hand and letting out a different chirp. This one Leo understood right away. He was asking for Leo to come over to him.

Leo considered this. It didn’t seem like Raph posed any sort of threat in this form, not to him anyways. He took a step closer to Raph, unable to stop his heart from racing.

Raph’s going to kill me when he wakes up. Leo thought as he took another step closer. But I don’t think he’s going to kill me right now.

When Leo was within a few feet of Raph, he stopped, trying to keep his body from shaking. Raph reached out his hand towards Leo, and despite himself, Leo felt himself bracing, as if at any moment, he’d need to jump back out of Raph’s reach. But instead, he felt the roughness of Raph’s thumb against his cheek as his brother slowly wiped away the remaining tears on his face.

Leo looked up at him in confusion, but just then, Raph’s arms shot out, wrapping around Leo and pulling him in close. Leo protested for a moment, but quickly realized Raph was hugging him, the turtle’s huge arms locked around his shell. Leo slowly brought his arms up as well before returning the hug, burying his head in Raph’s plastron. He was crying again, gentle sobs shaking his body as Raph held him.

“I’m sorry, Raph.” He managed to get out between the sobs. “This is all my fault; I didn’t know.”

Suddenly, Leo was lifted into the air as Raph pulled him into his arms, carrying him back over to April’s mattress. “What are you doing?!” Leo asked, struggling slightly against Raph’s grip, but the large turtle just sat down, setting Leo down next to him as he flopped down onto the mattress with a huff.

Leo went to stand up, but he felt Raph’s heavy tail flop across his lap like a seatbelt, holding him in place. The message was clear. Leo was supposed to stay.

“Raph, I can’t stay here, I'm supposed to be watching you! From a distance, you know?” Leo said, knowing his words were falling upon practically deaf ears. “You hear me, you lump? When you’re back to yourself, you’ll tear me a new one for coming within five feet of you!”

Raph peeked an eye open at him, the faintest hint of a smile on his face, before he closed it again. Leo was about to continue protesting, when suddenly, a strange sound began emanating from deep in Raph’s chest.

Leo didn’t know how to describe it. It was almost like a purr, but deeper, like the rumble of a car. It seemed to vibrate Leo’s entire body, and his mind seemed to awaken as he understood the meaning. Safety, comfort, family… The words almost seemed to wrap his mind in a blanket, and Leo felt his eyes begin to droop.

How is he doing that? Leo thought tiredly. “Is this what you wanted, you big softy?” He teased softly, the only answer being Raph’s gentle snores once again echoing around the lab.

Leo leaned his head back against Raph’s shell, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. Whatever Raph was doing, whatever this sound was, it made him feel safe. Like everything was going to be okay.

“We’re going to be ok, Raph.” Leo whispered, and this time, there was no false confidence, no dread behind the words. Leo was certain. He would figure this out. They all would. He wouldn’t accept anything else. He owed it to his brother. He wouldn’t let anything happen to him.

As Leo let his eyes blink close, he let out a deep sigh. For the first time in a long time, he drifted off to sleep within minutes, the sound of his snores slowly joining his brother’s.

Chapter Text

Raph dreamed about the clouded place again.

He looked around suspiciously at the churning fog, waiting for some shadow to show its ugly face. He waited, and waited. And nothing came.

This is weird… He thought, his senses on high alert. Something’s gotta happen. Something always happens.

But nothing did.

As time stretched on, and Raph continued to wait, he felt a growing sense of unease. There was something different now, he was sure of it. But what?

Then, the fog seemed to shift, and just at the edge of the clouds, he could see the faintest hint of a red glow. Once he saw it, he could see it everywhere, arching over him like a dome. No, like a shield.

Raph very slowly began to walk in one direction, following the red glow. The closer he got, the more it shone, and the more the fog seemed to recoil away from it. Within minutes, he stood right next to the glowing shield, his shield, and could feel energy humming from it like electricity.

Beyond the light, he could see them. Hear them. Shadows flitting in and out of existence, their angry howls muffled against the bulk of the shield. They couldn’t get to him, however, and a sense of euphoric relief crashed over Raph like a wave.

He was safe. For now, he was safe.

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Raph woke up slowly, his body in no rush to return to consciousness. His muscles seemed to ache with heaviness, like he’d done an intense training session the night before. Every movement was like pushing through molasses, and he couldn’t help but let out a small groan.

I feel like crap… Raph thought blearily, prying his eyes open. They immediately fell onto Leo, who was sleeping curled up next to Raph with an uncharacteristically calm look on his face as he gently held Raph’s tail. There was a flash of brotherly affection as Raph smiled, glad to see his brother looking relaxed for once. Then a flood of memories from yesterday quickly shattered his peace, causing Raph to recoil from Leo in a slight panic.

Is he ok?! The phrase shot through Raph like a bullet, his eyes frantically scanning Leo up and down for any injuries. Had he gone feral and grabbed him in the middle of the night? Had he broken the chain? Did he hurt him? Was he-

The sound of a soft snore cut through Raph’s frenzied mind. Leo groaned a bit at the sudden lack of body heat at his side before turning over, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and letting out a content sigh. Raph couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief as well, before irritation bubbled to life.

You idiot; what were you thinking? Raph thought, sitting back with a huff as he watched his brother's shoulders rise and fall. You could’ve been hurt. Leo didn’t stir, instead just letting out a soft hum, the smallest smile teasing the ends of his mouth. Raph was just about to prod his brother awake, ready to tear him a new one, when he noticed the deep circles under Leo’s eyes. He hesitated, his mouth curling into a frown. When was the last time Leo slept?

The more Raph looked, the more he thought his brother looked… older. Raph pursed his lips, letting his hand fall onto Leo’s shell. He traced the deep scars etched through the intricate designs on the shell as his eyes following the faintest hint of worry lines appearing on Leo’s face. There was a sense of maturity to Leo that Raph couldn’t quite place, but also a sense of loss. At some point, Leo had grown. He changed, becoming who Raph saw before him today. Raph pulled his hand back, conflicted feelings of pride and sadness swirling inside him.

Leo’s changed so much. Raph thought. He’d hate me for saying it, but he’s really matured. In a good way. He felt his hands clench around the blankets strewn about. While I’m just the same old angry kid I used to be.

Raph shook his head, trying to push the thought from his mind. He sighed, reaching over and gently tucking the blankets around Leo as the slider continued to snore. Raph climbed to his feet, typing into the code Donnie had given him to release the chain around his ankle. He walked over to Donnie’s desk, leaning against it with a huff as he gazed back at Leo.

As Raph sat, he could feel the anxiety buzzing to life inside him like a swarm of bees. He absently rubbed his arms, trying to calm the growing storm brewing, but already his mind was beginning to spiral. His grip began to tighten as thoughts unwillingly flickered across his consciousness.

Killer, murderer, monster…

“Stop it.” Raph hissed through clenched teeth. He was so tired, despite seeming to have gotten at least a little sleep last night. A soft growl escaped him as he pulled himself to his feet, trying to ignore the frustration boiling to life inside him.

I just need to get out. Gotta clear my head. He thought as he grabbed the rungs of the ladder leading out of the lair. Just gotta clear my head.

The cool air of the morning greeted him like an old friend, but the comfort was bittersweet as Raph looked around his city. His home. It almost felt like New York’s eyes were on him, from every window, every billboard, every dimly lit street light. Like they knew what he had done, and hated him for it. Raph inhaled sharply before quickly retreating to the rooftops, guilt weighing him down more than his aching muscles.

I’m sorry, New York. He thought, trying and failing to keep a few stray tears from leaking out, the trails on his cheeks turning cold in the chilled air. I really tried to be a hero.

Raph paused for a moment on top of a high building, watching as the sun just barely began to creep above the ocean horizon. The red rays of light leeched across the dark water, and Raph could help but think of the blood from the Kraanginoid, slowly pooling out onto the asphalt…

“Argh, just stop, just stop thinking about it!” Raph growled, digging his claws into his skull as if he could pry the memories from his brain. He whimpered softly, slowly sitting himself down on the edge of the building as the sun continued to rise. He took drawn out, deliberate breaths, trying to calm his breathing.

What am I doing here? He thought, dropping his hands from his head with a huff. I hate being alone. This is stupid, I… I know better than this. I didn’t even leave a note. They’re going to be worried.

Raph grimaced, his hands tightening in the fists. But I can’t just sit there, waiting around for something to happen. I need, uh… I need… Raph’s thoughts trailed off as his head clouded with uncertainty. I don’t know.

Raph’s eyes drifted across the city, watching it slowly come to life. Then, they landed on a tucked-away alley, with just the hint of familiar graffiti on it. Without really knowing why, Raph climbed to his feet, making his way over to the brightly painted wall. Within moments, he found himself standing inside a small cafe, littered with spray painted canvas and skate decks. Mondo’s.

At the sound of the portal closing, Raph watched as Mondo peeked his head up from behind the counter, his slitted green eyes blinking first in surprise, then in excitement as Raph gave a small wave.

“Raphie! My favorite big man!” Mondo exclaimed, outstretching his arms welcomingly. “What’s up? You look like shit, dude. Wait, am I allowed to say that?”

Raph couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, feeling his unease ebb slightly as he made his way inside the cafe. “Heh, no no, you’re right.” He replied, sitting down at one of the stools. “I’ve been, uh, under the weather recently.”

“So not cool.” Mondo said, his voice harsh, as he was perturbed that something would even dare infect Raph. But then, his expression changed on the dime, his face splitting into a wide grin as he leaned on the counter. “Well anyways, what can I get for ya? Or are you waiting till your bro’s get here?”

“I uh…” Raph started, but he couldn’t find the words to finish his sentence. He honestly didn’t know why he came here. What was he supposed to tell Mondo? That he was hiding from his brothers because he didn’t want to face the reality of the horrible thing he did? Was that even the real reason? Maybe he just didn’t want to be alone. But regardless, Raph felt the words die in his throat, and his mouth refused to move. There was a long silence before Mondo leaned closer, and Raph couldn’t help but lean back slightly as the gecko seemed to look him up and down.

“Hmmm, no worries Raphie!” Mondo said after a moment, whipping around to the back of his counter. “I know just what you need.”

Raph watched silently as Mondo worked, honestly impressed with the fluidity in which he was able to concoct a beverage. Then again, he and Mikey were very similar in that anything they did seemed to be done with smoothness and grace. Within a few minutes, Mondo brought over a vintage looking kettle, pouring the steaming liquid into a cup that looked cartoonishly small in Raph’s hands.

“Tea?” Raph questioned, breathing in the leafy aroma. “I didn’t even know you served tea.”

“Yeah well, not many dudes come to Mondo’s to drink anything that’s not caffeinated enough to send you to space.” Mondo replied, squeezing the smallest bit of honey into Raph’s teacup. “But I think you need it, man. Your vibe is wack today.”

“That’s one way to put it.” Raph huffed, blowing softly on the hot drink before sipping it gently.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” Mondo said quickly, reaching below the counter and pulling out a platter of what looked like lemon poppy-seed muffins. “Take one of these as well.”

Raph graciously accepted, grabbing a smaller muffin from the plate. He took a bite and was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t taste like cardboard, instead bursting to life with flavor in his mouth.

“Wow, this is really good.” He said enthusiastically, finishing the muffin off in one bite.

“Thanks man! Mikey’s been giving me some baking lessons on the down low. Y’know, there’s a whole ‘nother market with baked goods.” Mondo replied, a devious grin on his face. Then, his expression seemed to soften as he leaned back on the counter, a slight flush crawling into his cheeks. “That dude’s got some mad skills.”

Huh. Raph thought as realization hit him. Good for you, Mikes.

Mondo shook his head, focusing back in on Raph. “Anyways, what brings you here, Raphie? I’ll be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without your bro’s before.”

Raph clutched the tiny teacup in his hands, dread starting to creep back into his chest. “I just… needed some time to think. I think.”

“Hmm.” Mondo hummed. “You’re not really a ‘thinky’ guy though, are you?”

Raph laughed dryly. “Heh, you know me well.”

Mondo cocked his head to the side. “Did something happen? Is it…” Mondo looked around his empty cafe suspiciously before whispering, “...ninja stuff?”

Raph clenched his jaw, trying to keep his body from shaking. He gazed levelly at Mondo, the gecko giving him a supportive, albeit slightly confused, look. He didn’t want to start blabbing everything to Mondo, but he felt like he was going to explode. He needed to talk. So, he tried.

“I uh… I did something. Something really bad.” Raph confessed finally, a slight tremor in his voice. “And my brothers, they’ve been so understanding and supportive of me. But I… I don’t know. I don’t feel like I deserve it? I know I don’t, not after what I did.”

Mondo nodded solemnly, sitting down as he leaned in attentively. Raph took this as a good sign, swallowing before trying to force more words to come out.

“I don’t feel like a good person right now.” Raph continued, setting his teacup down so he didn’t spill it everywhere. “And I don’t want the people around me to get hurt because of me. And yet… I don’t want to be alone. I’m too scared to be alone.” Raph sniffled slightly, refusing to cry again. “I just don’t want them to see me like this.”

Mondo nodded in understanding, grabbing his kettle and pouring more tea into Raph’s cup as he spoke. “But isn’t that what family’s for?” He asked gently, setting the kettle back down. “I mean, they’re supposed to be the people you can rely on, no matter what. Even at complete rock bottom. They’re the ones who see you at your best, and help you at your worst, right?”

“Right…” Raph replied softly, taking another sip of tea.

“Of course your brothers are gonna want to help you, man.” Mondo continued. “They love you. I’ve seen you guys; there’s nothing, and I mean nothing, you could do to ever change that. And!” Mondo said, quickly cutting Raph off, “before you say you don’t deserve it, you need to change your mindset bro. I mean, you’re a superhero! I think the least you deserve is a little understanding from the people who care about you. Maybe you’re just overthinking it. Maybe it’s not as bad as you think it is.”

“No, it is.” Raph answered immediately. “What I did, it’s… it’s unforgivable. It doesn’t even feel real, I just… I don’t know, I just don’t know.” Raph faltered, a giant pit forming in his stomach.

“It sounds to me like you need closure.” Mondo said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Closure?” Raph questioned, confused.

“Yeah, y’know. Like Hakuna frittata.”

“...What?”

“I don’t know dude, it’s some movie about lions.” Mondo said, waving his hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter, anyways, my point is, you need to acknowledge that what happened happened, then move on. Stop wallowing on it and instead ask ‘Ok, now how do I fix this?’”

“But what if I can’t fix it?” Raph asked, a desperate tone to his voice. “You don’t understand, I… I really messed up.”

“That may be true.” Mondo mused thoughtfully. “But it’s not going to do you any good just sitting around moping. Acknowledge it, learn from it, and keep going.”

Raph hunched back over, feeling even more unsure than before. But Mondo was definitely right about one thing. Closure. That’s what he needed, that’s what was missing. If he was going to fix anything, that’s where he had to start.

Raph stood up, a new surge of energy rushing through him. He looked gratefully at Mondo, the gecko giving him a lopsided smile. “Thanks, Mondo. Truly. You’re uh, you’re really easy to talk to.”

“I just have that vibe, man.” Mondo boasted, pretending that he was adjusting non-existent glasses on his face. “Just call me Dr. Feelings.”

“I think that name’s already taken.” Raph chuckled softly, reaching into his pouch for his wallet. “Anyways, what do I owe ya?”

“Nah dude, it’s on me today.” Mondo replied, shaking his head. “I just hope you got what you needed.”

“I think I did.” Raph said, a small smile on his face. “Thank you, Mondo.”

As Raph made his way towards the exit, his mind swirling with ideas on how to get closure, he didn’t see the cheery smile fall from Mondo’s face. He didn’t see the gecko pull out his phone, a look of concern prevalent in his expression, and he didn’t see him send a worried text to Mikey. No, Raph was only focused on one thing.

He knew exactly where he was headed next.

Chapter Text

Raph paced back and forth on the roof of a building, his brow furrowed, deep in thought. A few buildings away from him lay the docks, which was exactly where he wanted to go. No, where he needed to go. Well, that is, until he started to get cold feet.

Christ, what am I doing here? He thought, fiddling with his thumbs as he paced.

“Closure.” He answered himself, stopping in his tracks. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he forced down his apprehension. “I’m here for closure. I need to acknowledge what happened, and I need to move on. Otherwise, I’m not going to be of use to anyone. I need closure.”

Raph gave a determined nod before opening his eyes, moving quickly before he became an anxious heap again. Within a few moments, he scaled down the side of an old, rusty fire escape, landing heavily on the concrete below.

“Okay, okay okay, I can do this.” He breathed, forcing himself to look up. “Just need to find some closure…” Raph paused for a second before rubbing his brow in exasperation. “Ugh, I don’t even know what that means.”

Raph took another deep breath, shaking his head slightly, then walked out towards the docks. He scanned the surroundings for something, but what that something was, he wasn’t sure. But within seconds, he already found himself unable to move forward, the destruction around him stopping him in his tracks.

It was just how he remembered it, with broken crates laying in piles of splintered remains, street lamps bent into odd shapes, and claw marks gouged into the concrete and brick buildings. But that wasn’t what made Raph freeze in place. It was the stains, bloodstains, reddish brown and numerous, dotting the concrete like a mold. Blood trails lead off into the city, and large puddles of the dried liquid seemed to congregate near a singular spot.

All except for one.

Raph shakily took a few steps forward before stopping again, his eyes locked on the dark, rusty red splotch. This is where it happened. This was where he had… Raph shook his head, clenching his jaw tight. There. He thought through the growing panic in his mind. It’s real. It happened. Now acknowledge it and move on.

But Raph couldn’t move at all. His body began to tremble more and more as he stared at it, his breath becoming short and wheezy. Acknowledge it and move on! He insisted, but he still couldn’t move. He couldn’t move.

Suddenly, a memory sprung to life in his brain, so vivid he felt like he was actually there.
Raph grabbed the creature just as it was about to leap onto the smaller turtle, swinging it around and flinging it into the side of a building. It hit the bricks with a loud, squelching noise, leaving a trail of ooze as it slowly slid down the wall.

Raph gasped, shocking himself from the memory. He turned, facing the nearby wall and seeing the web-like cracks spreading across the bricks, centered around a single impact point. He slowly stepped towards it, reaching out a hand to gently trace the crumbling brick, before being violently pulled into another memory.

Raph grabbed the creature’s head, feeling the pink ooze writhe under his hand as he slammed its skull into the hard surface of the road. The concrete seemed to shatter under the force, but it wasn’t the only thing. If the ooze hadn’t been holding together its host’s skull, it would have shattered into pieces. The creature yowled with hatred.

Raph let out a soft cry as he jolted back into reality, stumbling back from the brick wall and tripping on something. He fell backwards, and as he turned to catch his fall, he found himself face to face with cracked concrete, rust colored stains pooling and leeching through the cracks. Raph hissed with fear as another memory forced itself on him.

The creature struggled under Raph’s grasp. It wouldn’t stop. It would never stop trying to hurt Raph’s… Raph’s eyes flicked over to the smaller, spotted turtle, its body shaking with fear. His… bale? No, that wasn’t right… Family. Yes, family. He couldn’t let this thing hurt his family. Raph leaned in, letting out a vicious snarl. He would stop this creature from ever hurting his family again. With a flash of adrenaline, he struck, blood and ooze filling his mouth as his teeth sunk into the fleshy neck of the creature. As soon as he heard the bone snap, he knew the creature was defeated. He’d protected his family.

Raph recoiled backwards as the memory ended, pushing himself up against the side of the building. He was breathing heavily, panic overwhelming him as he curled in on himself, wrapping his tail around him protectively. He couldn’t think anymore, his mind only playing and replaying the memories over and over again as his wide eyes stared blankly at the large, discolored spot several feet away from him. He felt trapped in a single moment, and he was scared he’d never be able to leave it.

Then, there was music.

Well, maybe not music, but a soft voice, singing to him. He could barely hear it over the sound of his own heart beating, but it was definitely there. He tried to focus on it, still unable to move his body, but maybe able to reclaim control of his mind.

The voice continued to sing, just barely above a whisper. With a start, Raph recognized the song. It was his song. Well, not exactly his song, but it was the one he used to sing when he was a kid. Specifically, the one he would sing to Donnie to help his brother down from meltdown. His song.

Raph continued to listen, the gruesome memories in his head being replaced by ones of him and Donnie. He started to hum along to the tune, unable to make his mouth form the words. His breathing slowed, and his muscles began to untighten as he let himself become more and more relaxed. The horrid memories were still there, but they were quieter now. All he could hear was the music.

Raph took a deep, exaggerated breath, letting his lungs fill with the air they were so desperately craving. The singing stopped abruptly, replaced by a heavy silence. His mouth still felt tight and shaky, but he forced himself to speak. “I didn’t know… you remembered that song.” He managed to get out, his words slow and jolted. He pried his eyes open, looking at Donnie sitting just a little ways from him.

“Of course I do; I remember everything.” Donnie replied curtly, continuing to stare at the concrete. “That’s one of the perks of being a genius.”

“Mmmm.” Raph hummed in acknowledgement, letting his head fall against the back of the wall. He stared up the side of the building, watching a few clouds float stark against the blue sky.

“What are you doing here, Raph?” Donnie asked, drawing Raph’s attention back to him.

Raph fidgeted with his hands, jaw tight. “I was trying to get some closure, whatever that means.” Frustration seemed to bubble up inside him, and Raph felt his eyes narrow. “But clearly, I did something wrong.”

“Of course you did something wrong.” Donnie stated. “What, you think you could just come back to the place where something super traumatic happened and think you’d just be fine? La dee da, this is where I killed someone, time to move on. That’s not how feelings work, brainiac.”

“Like you’d know.” Raph snarled, anger flickering to life inside him. But immediately, the anger fizzled out as he saw the look on Donnie’s face. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” He said quickly, heavy with guilt. “You’re right, I’m just… frustrated.”

“No no, you’re right. That one’s on me.” Donnie replied, pulling his knees up to his chest and leaning on them. “I’m… not great, with this stuff.”

Raph sat quietly for a moment before speaking again. “Well, you did manage to pull me out of a full blown panic attack so… Thank you.”

“Of course.” Donnie answered. “I had a feeling something like this would happen.”

“Wait, how did you even find me in the first place?” Raph asked, scratching his head. “I left so quickly this morning I forgot to leave a note.”

“You still have the subdermal tracker.” Donnie replied, pointing to his arm cuff. Raph was about to chastise him and remind him that putting trackers on his brothers is weird and invasive, but Donnie continued talking. “Plus Mondo texted Mikey. Said he was worried about you. Well, specifically he said ‘Dude’s vibes are all kinds of off’, so clearly it was an emergency.”

“Ah… got it.” Raph said, once again feeling guilt well up inside him.

“Leo and Mikey wanted to come too, but we thought it might be a bit… overwhelming if we all showed up. So that’s why it’s just me.” Donnie said before he perked up a bit. “Oh, and Casey. Casey!”

Raph looked up just as Casey Jr. dropped down the building, using his grappling hook to slow his fall. He landed softly on the concrete, his face fraught with concern.

“You ok, Raph?” He asked, and Raph nodded.

“All good, Casey.” Raph replied. “Just got a bit of an overdose of reality, heh heh…” Raph trailed off as he once again felt his eyes drifting to the cracked concrete, trying to swallow down the jolts of fear.

Casey Jr. and Donnie exchanged a look, and Donnie stood up, walking off as Casey Jr. took his spot, pulling his mask gingerly from his face. He hit a few buttons on it, and Raph forced himself to turn his attention back to the boy.

“Donnie’s been helping me recover some of the older recordings on my mask.” Casey Jr. said quietly. He smiled, a far away look on his face. “I’d forgotten some of these existed. It’s been… hard, hearing them. But at the same time, it’s been really nice remembering these things.”

Casey Jr. paused for a moment before continuing, turning to look at Raph. “I found a recording on here that you were in, one of the oldest ones. I think it would be good for you to hear it. It’s weird, because it’s only my voice in the recording, but I can fill in the gaps, i-if you’d want to?”

Raph blinked in surprise, then nodded vehemently.

Casey Jr. smiled, turning back to his mask. He played with a few more, techy looking things inside, before pressing a final button, sound crackling to life.

There was a bit of shuffling for a moment, and the sound of soft breathing, before a voice cut through the static, the sound of a young boy giving a loud >Rah!< The kid, who Raph had to assume was Casey Jr. laughed triumphantly.

>Did I scare ya, Uncle Raph, did I scare ya?< Young Casey said, and Raph couldn’t help but smile.

“Give me a moment, kid, you about gave me a heart attack.” Casey Jr. spoke, and Raph could almost picture himself saying that, just older. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine how the conversation really would have happened.

>You like my new mask?< Young Casey asked excitedly. >Uncle Donnie made it for me!<

“Yeah well, it's certainly got his flair.” Future Raph answered. “It’s nice, Case, but what do ya need a mask for? I mean, you already got the cutest little face.”

>Yeah, well,< Young Casey said haughtily. >If I’m going to fight Kraanginoids, I need a scary face. See? Grrrr…<

Future Raph laughed. “Oh yeah, that’ll scare ‘em.” He replied, but then his voice grew more serious. “How old are you, Case? Six?”

>Six and a half!< Younger Casey pouted.

“Six and a half, yeah.” Future Raph echoed. “You’re way too young to be worried about fighting the Kraang, kiddo.”

>I am not!< Younger Casey insisted. >You’ll see, Uncle Raph. Uncle Leo’s already been training me. I’m going to be a great fighter one day, you’ll see.< Younger Casey’s voice became serious, way more serious than any kid should ever sound. >I’ll destroy the Kraanginoids. I’ll kill them all. I’m going to be a hero, just like you.<

There was a pause before Future Raph spoke again. “That’s… disturbing to hear out of a six year old’s mouth.”

>Six and a half!< Younger Casey complained.

“C’mere, Casey.” Future Raph said, and there was a sound of shuffling as Raph assumed Younger Casey crawled onto the older turtle’s lap. There was a deep sigh, then Future Raph continued. “Look, Case, you don’t want to kill the Kraanginoids.”

>Yes I do!< came Younger Casey’s insistent reply. >I want to be like you, and Uncle Leo!<

“Well, Uncle Leo and I don’t want to kill Kraanginoids.” Future Raph said in a low voice. Younger Casey was quiet as Future Raph continued. “We don’t want to kill anything. We do it because we have no choice.”

>But… they’re evil.< Young Casey said, his voice small and trembling. >They took your arm, they took Mom. They’re evil!<

“No, Casey, they’re not evil.” Future Raph replied. “They’re sick. They’re sick, and they can’t control themselves, and we can’t help them. We don’t have the means to lock them away or the science to cure them.” Future Raph’s voice grew sad. “All we can do is stop them from hurting anyone else.”

There was another sound of sniffling, then of movement, and Raph wondered if his older self was hugging the young kid. “Killing is something you can never take back, and I hope you never, ever have to be faced with that choice.” Future Raph’s voice was shaking, and as Casey Jr. spoke, he could practically see the pain mirrored onto his own face.

Suddenly, Future Raph cleared his throat, taking on a more cheerful tone. “And you’ll probably never have to! Me and your other uncles will fight the Kraang until they’re all gone, and then we won’t have to worry about it, ok? So for now,” there was a sound of a crinkling wrapper and a gasp of delight, “why don’t you just go show off that mask, huh? Leave the fighting to the adults.”

>Thanks Uncle Raph!< Young Casey exclaimed, all sadness forgotten as he dug into whatever sugary sweet Future Raph had given him. There was a sound of footsteps as Younger Casey began to walk away.

“Be safe, Junior!” Future Raph called, his voice now distant. “Just go be a kid!”

The recording sputtered out, and Raph and Casey Jr. sat in silence for a few moments. Then, Casey Jr. began to speak.

“I know this has been really hard on you, Raph.” He said, eyes fixed on the ground. “I know you think this is your fault. But you’re sick, Raph. You weren’t in control of your actions. That’s not your fault.”

“But I still killed someone.” Raph said, his voice low. “That’s something I can never take back.”

“You said it yourself, Raph.” Casey Jr. continued. “This state or whatever you were in, that wasn’t you. It was literally everything but what makes you who you are. You can’t blame yourself for that.” Casey Jr. shifted, turning so he could look Raph in the eyes. “You heard the recording. You would never kill unless you had to.”

“But that’s not me!” Raph said, his voice strained.

“That is you, Raph.” Casey Jr. insisted. “And everyone can see that except for you.”

Raph was about to say something else when he heard something that stopped him cold, his body stiffening.

“Look, I know maybe you don’t want to hear it, but-” Casey Jr. continued, but Raph immediately cut him off.

“Sh!” He shushed, jumping to his feet. Casey Jr. seemed to pick up on Raph’s fear, pulling his mask back on as he stood up and drew his weapon.

Donnie, having seen the two jump to their feet, jogged over, confusion on his face. “You guys ok-?” He started to ask, but shut up as Casey Jr. shook his head.

Raph listened carefully, swinging his head from side to side to try and hear better. As he did so, his fears were confirmed, and his eyes widened.

“Raph, what’s going on?” Donnie hissed.

“The Kraanginoids.” Raph whispered back, trying to control the panic threatening to spill out of him. “They’re here!”

Chapter Text

Loud, eerie whispers wormed their way into Raph’s ears as he watched a group of Kraanginoids slink out from a nearby alleyway, their eyes locked on their prey.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Casey Jr., and Raph instinctually stepped in front of him, a fearful snarl forming on his lips. Something was off… Where did they come from? How did they know they were here? This didn’t make sense, none of this made sense. Why were they here?

What if they’re tracking me? The thought shot through Raph like a bullet, his body crackling with anxiety and fear as he watched the creatures shuffle forward. He shook his head, trying to clear the unhelpful thought from his mind and focus on the situation at hand. He quickly looked around, trying to find an escape route. They were in no way prepared for this fight.

“Raph, what’s our plan here?” Donnie asked, not looking away from the approaching Kraanginoids, which seemed to be multiplying by the second. “I know you’re not really a plan guy, but I think we really need a plan this time.”

“We’re surrounded.” Raph hissed, his heart thudding rapidly in his chest. The creatures were approaching from all sides, and although Raph couldn’t pick up on any words in their whispers, the general sound was implying that their intentions were, to put it gently, not great. “You uh, didn’t happen to bring any of those containment units along, did you?”

Donnie shook his head, eyes still locked on the creatures. “I didn’t think we’d… I didn’t know…” He mumbled, clenching his jaw tight as he gripped his TechBo.

“No worries, it’s fine, we’re fine.” Raph assured him, speaking half to himself. He tried to keep his frayed nerves calm, hoping he could at least still act as a source of strength for his team. “So we just fight until we can get away. No biggie. As soon as you have an opening, you head for the hills, ok?” He said quickly, trying his best to sound confident. Donnie and Casey Jr. quietly nodded in agreement.

Just then, there was a ripple amongst the group of Kraangioid, and a few of them broke from the pack, charging towards Raph and Casey Jr, their eyes gleaming with hatred. Raph immediately went to summon his avatar, crimson light flashing to life over his clenched fists.

He caught the blows with a pained grunt, the impact threatening to push him back as his muscles screamed in protest. But he held his ground, sweeping his arms to the side and sending the two creatures flying. Raph felt his arms drop to his side, his shoulders hunching over as he was suddenly overwhelmed with tiredness. He looked down at the red constructs of large fists overlaying his own. They seemed almost… dim. And every few seconds, they’d glitch slightly, before returning to their original form.

His mystic powers… They were weak. It made sense, considering they were actively working to keep him from going all Kraang-mode 24-7, but that was a really, really bad thing to learn at the start of a very dangerous fight. Raph grit his teeth, forcing himself to look up as more Kraanginoids charged towards them, saliva and pink ooze dripping from their teeth as they shrieked. He was just going to have to make it work.

Raph stopped two more Kraanginoids from forcefully removing his skin from his body, throwing them as far away as he could from where they were fighting. Hopefully, the fall would jarr some sense into them, or maybe even knock them out for the time being. Otherwise, at the very least, it would take them a good while to come crawling back.

As he continued to fend off the creatures, he saw out of the corner of his eye that Donnie had constructed a net-shooting gun of some kind. The softshell wielded it expertly, hovering a few feet in the air and shooting on a swivel, trapping the Kraanginoids in nets of woven purple light. However, Raph was just barely able to see the strained look on Donnie’s face as the trapped Kraanginoids started to pile up around him. He wouldn’t be able to keep this up forever.

To Raph’s other side, Casey Jr. was fighting like a fish in water. His moves were practiced, smooth. Familiar. Raph recognized Leo’s fighting style immediately, with a little Casey Jones flair. He used a mix of clever evasive maneuvers and his tricked out hockey stick to keep the Kraanginoids at bay, their cries becoming more and more frustrated as they were foiled and pushed back time and time again. But that’s all Casey Jr. could do; push them back. He wouldn’t be able to keep this up either.

And I’m no better. Raph thought, letting out a growl as he locked hands with a larger Kraanginoid, the creature stretching forwards and trying to bite him as he forced it backwards. His body was screaming at him, and Raph could feel sweat dripping down his face. Frustration continued to swell inside him at his own weakness. How are we going to get out of this? They won’t stop, I know they won’t stop!

Just then, Raph’s mystic energy flickered again, and the Kraanginoid he was grappling with surged forward, letting out a victorious cry as his claws sank into Raph’s arms. It definitely hurt, but Raph used his growing frustration to push through the pain, quickly kicking the creature back and summoning his sai.

There was the sound of a grappling hook being fired, and Raph turned to see Casey Jr. attempting to get to higher ground, the amount of Kraanginoids being too much to fight on the same level. However, just as he started his ascent, one grabbed him by the leg, its claws ripping through his flesh like paper. Casey Jr. let out a pained screech, losing his grip on the grappling hook and falling clumsily to the ground. The Kraanginoids started to swarm him, and it was clear that within moments, they’d rip him apart.

“Casey!” Raph screamed, turning to sprint over to the boy, but several Kraanginoids leapt onto his shell, causing him to stumble and fall. He heard Donnie call his name, but he was too focused on Casey Jr, who was just barely holding the surrounding creatures at bay. No no no, please no! Raph thought in a panic, trying to drag himself forward as the Kraanginoids slashed at his shell. He stretched his hand out towards him, desperation surging to life inside him. But not just desperation. Fear, frustration.

Rage.

“CASEY!” Raph screamed again, his voice raw and breaking. The cry seemed to echo in his mind as his vision tunneled, black edges creeping into his vision. He felt like he was pulling away, away from everything. No, please, I have to save him! He begged, but there was nothing he could do. For a moment, the Kraanginoid whispers seemed to get incredibly loud, and if Raph could move, he would have covered his ears. But then, in a flash of red light, they were gone. Everything was gone.

It was quiet.

.
.
.

Donnie’s head throbbed with blinding pain as he captured three more Kraanginoids with his net gun. He had never attempted mystic magic like this before, and it was proving to be way too much, even for him. He could feel the Kraanginoids struggling, clawing against each of his constructed nets like they were doing it to his own brain. But it was the only thing he could do without hurting them.

There was a commotion, and Donnie heard Raph scream Casey Jr.’s name. He turned quickly to see a dozen Kraanginoids falling on the boy, Casey Jr. just barely being able to hold them off as blood oozed from his leg. Raph immediately charged towards him to help, but he was quickly brought down as several creatures jumped on him, forcing him to the ground.

“Raph!” Donnie screeched in fear as the Kraanginoids began to viciously claw at his brother’s shell, but he had to quickly turn away as three more attempted to do the same to him. Donnie netted them up easily, but his head was on fire now, his vision swimming as tears of pain welled up in his eyes. His brain wasn’t working right, all slow and foggy. Why couldn’t he think? If he could just think of a plan, something, anything… But there was nothing.

We lost. That was the only thing Donnie could think through the fog in his head, hardly able to move anymore as he watched two more Kraanginoids charge towards him. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this. I don’t want to die like this!

Suddenly, a terrifying roar echoed across the docks followed by many cries of pain, causing even the Kraanginoids to take pause. Donnie took this moment to land, falling to one knee and propping the rest of his body up with his TechBo. His vision was blurry, but he was able to watch as a small chunk of… something, landed on the ground next to him. He felt his stomach turn as he recognized a mix of bloody flesh and Kraang ooze.

He turned to see Raph, facing away from him, had somehow managed to fight off all the Kraanginoids that had previously been swarming over him, their pained yowls disappearing as they fled into the city. His brother was breathing heavily, and Donnie suddenly felt a lump of dread in his chest. His fears were confirmed as Raph turned towards Casey Jr. and the attacking Kraanginoids, his eyes glowing white and an animalistic snarl on his face.

In a flash, Raph, well, not Raph, sprung into action, tearing the pink creatures off of Casey Jr. with no mercy, his claws slicing through their flesh as he threw them across the docks. Surprisingly, none of the other Kraanginoids stepped in to help against the attack, instead just watching in what Donnie could only describe as fear as Raph’s fury overtook their comrades.

Donnie stared in horror, completely frozen. What do I do? He thought, panic surfacing in his fogged mind. Without really thinking about it, he felt himself raise the net gun, aiming it at his brother. He considered it, but only for a moment, before his arm dropped back down to his side. He couldn’t, neither physically, mentally… or emotionally.

As Raph threw the last Kraanginoid off of Casey Jr., allowing for the boy to push himself back and prop himself up against the side of the building, he turned to face the surrounding creatures, growling as if he was daring one of them to try. And a few of them obliged.

The first one Raph sent flying across the docks, its body slamming into a few wooden crates before rolling into the ocean. The second one he caught by the neck, raising it off the ground with snarl. The creature writhed in his grip, clawing desperately at Raph’s hand, but Raph remained unfazed, his gaze cold as he watched the creature’s struggles become weaker and weaker.

“Raph…” Donnie choked out in a raspy voice, trying to move towards his brother, but pain jolted through his head again, causing him to fall right back down. He couldn’t do anything; not without releasing the dozens of Kraanginoids he had netted up. But it turns out, he didn’t have to.

Donnie watched as Casey Jr. quickly limped towards Raph, positioning himself in front of the large turtle and grabbing his arm. “You have to stop!” He shouted, trying to pull Raph’s arm down. “Don’t do this, you don’t have to do this!”

Raph’s jaw tightened for a moment, then he looked down as Casey Jr., confusion in his eyes. He didn’t understand.

“You don’t have to do this!” Casey Jr. repeated desperately. “Let it go, Raph, you have to let it go!”

Raph stared at Casey Jr, then looked back up at the Kraanginoid, still slightly struggling in his grasp. But then, he dropped it, his eyes narrowed into slits.

The Kraanginoid gasped for air before stumbling off into the city. The other Kraanginoids watched as it left, before turning their eyes back towards Raph.

“Yes Raph!” Casey Jr. almost cheered, leaning forward and hugging his brother’s hulking figure. This was a good thing, but Donnie’s eyes flickered back to the Kraanginoids, which were beginning to slink forward warily.

“Casey…” Donnie rasped, getting the boy’s attention and motioning towards the approaching creatures with his head. Casey Jr. nodded, quickly pulling a bandage from his bag and wrapping it around his wound with practiced efficiency. Raph didn’t take his eyes off the Kraanginoids, a low growl building in his throat.

“Ok Raph.” Casey Jr. said as he finished the tie, grabbing the turtle’s arm to get his attention. “Try to focus. We have to get out of here.” He said, pointing to the rooftops. “Can you get us out of here?”

Raph looked up to the roof, then to Casey, then to Donnie. For a moment, Donnie thought Raph wouldn’t get it, but to his surprise, there was a flicker of understanding in his blank white eyes. The snapper quickly picked Casey Jr. up like he was nothing, slinging him over the back of his shell before sprinting over to Donnie. At this sudden movement, the Kraanginoids surged forward, their wariness seemingly dissipated.

Donnie braced himself as Raph scooped him into his arms, bright spots of light clouding his vision as his head screamed with pain. But within seconds, Raph managed to spring his way up a fire escape to the rooftops, taking off with the Kraanginoids close on his heels. As soon as they were a good few blocks away, Donnie released his mystic hold on the captured Kraanginoids, trying not to pass out as his mind finally relaxed.

“You ok, Donnie?” He heard Casey Jr. yell from atop Raph’s spiky shell.

“Peachy.” Donnie replied, keeping his eyes squeezed shut. “Just need a moment; never had my brain fried like that before.”

Donnie lay still for a few minutes, allowing for his head to stop aching before he tried to think again. Luckily, once he released his mystic hold, the pain seemed to fade quickly, and after just a little bit, Donnie was finally able to pry his eyes back open. He was surprised that they still seemed to be rushing across the rooftops.

He looked around, confused. What was going on? Raph was still running, having not slowed since he took off from the Kraanginoids. Donnie peeked behind them, but saw no pursuers. So why was Raph still running?

Just then, Donnie became aware of the rapid beating of Raph’s heart, a bit fast even for a turtle sprinting across rooftops. As Raph ran, his breaths came out short and raspy, and Donnie could almost hear his lungs struggling to keep up with him. The snappers arms were slick with sweat, a feverish heat emanating off his green skin. Donnie’s eyes widened with panic, and he began struggling against Raph’s grip.

“Raph, stop!” He yelled, trying to get his brother’s attention. But Raph’s eyes were trained forward as he continued to race across the rooftops, his muscles shaking with the effort. “Stop, you idiot, stop it! Casey!”

Casey Jr. pulled himself up Raph’s shell, waving his hand in front of Raph’s eyes. “Raph, you can stop now! It’s fine, we’re fine!” He said, pulling on Raph’s shoulders. “Just stop!”

Raph was wheezing even more now, his face locked in a grimace. As he landed on another rooftop, he stumbled, finally breaking his dead sprint. Donnie took this opportunity to jump out of Raph’s arms, holding his hands up in front of him as Casey also jumped down, rushing to his side.

“It’s ok, Raph, we got away!” Donnie said quickly, praying his words would mean anything to his brother in this state. “Now please, stop. You have to stop.”

Raph looked at him, his eyes wide with fear and pain. He let out a whine before falling to his hands and knees, his entire body shaking. Donnie lunged forward to help him, but just then, Raph’s body heaved, a large glob of Kraang ooze and a scary amount of blood spewing from his mouth. Donnie couldn’t help but step back as Raph shuddered, deep coughs racking his body as he forcefully hacked up more ooze. He didn’t know what to do. He was frozen.

Raph breathed heavily, each breath sending tremors up and down his body. Donnie finally forced his body to move, kneeling down by his brother and setting a comforting hand on his shaking shoulders. Slowly, Donnie watched as his eyes seemed to change, the whiteness fading until Raph’s regular green eyes shone through. He was back. Raph was back. Donnie couldn’t help but let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in. However, his relief was bittersweet as awareness of the situation dawned on Raph’s now fully conscious face.

“Donnie…” Raph said in a scratchy voice, his eyes wide with fear. “What did I do?”

Chapter Text

“Donnie… What did I do?”

Raph forced his eyes from the dissipating pile of blood and Kraang ooze beneath him to look up at Donnie, his body trembling with a mix of fatigue and fear. Donnie just stared back at him, his eyes reflecting Raph’s own terror back at him. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then closed it, his jaw clenched tight.

“Donnie-” Raph pleaded, his voice breaking. When Donnie still didn’t say anything, Casey Jr. stepped forward, his voice smooth and calm.

“It’s fine, Raph, everything’s fine.” The boy assured him, speaking slowly as he crouched clumsily next to Raph. “You saved us. We’re ok.”

“But… the Kraanginoids?” Raph rasped, his eyes flicking to the blood beneath his claws.

“They’re ok too. Well, they’re alive, at least.” Casey Jr. replied earnestly. “You did what you had to, to get them away from me. You saved my life.”

Raph felt a wave of relief, letting his gaze drop back down to the rooftop. As he watched the last bits of Kraang ooze disappear into grey dust, frustration began to prickle to life inside him, his claws clenching against the rough concrete. He’d lost control. Again. Could he not keep his shit together anymore? He could barely go five minutes without having another breakdown or feral episode. How weak had he become?

Raph shifted his weight, attempting to push himself to his feet. But as he began to stand, his head swirled, and he found himself falling back down to one knee, propping himself up so he didn’t slam into the ground. He let out a soft, frustrated growl as he slipped into a weak coughing fit. His entire body ached, his head, throat, and chest in particular.

“Easy, Raph.” Donnie said quickly, having finally found his voice. “I think you’ve strained your body enough, and you lost quite a bit of blood too. Just… take it easy.”

Raph felt Donnie and Casey Jr. grab his arms, helping him up. As soon as he had his feet underneath him, Raph abruptly pulled his arms away, angry and ashamed. He wasn’t supposed to be like this. He closed his eyes tightly, taking a few deep breaths as his body swayed and waited for his brain to stop swirling around inside his skull.

“We should head back to the lair.” Casey Jr. said, his voice soft but firm.

Raph just nodded, opening his eyes and falling into step behind Donnie as the three of them picked their way down the building’s fire escape into the sewers. It was slow going, Raph’s body feeling like it would buckle at any moment, but out of pure exasperated stubbornness, he pushed forward.

The trek back through the sewers was silent, save for their footfalls echoing across the damp walls. Casey Jr. stared straight forward, as if he were on a mission to get them all home, and Donnie typed frantically on his arm cuff, completely engrossed in whatever he was looking at. Raph didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know what to think, his mind too fuzzy to form a decent thought. All he could feel was the simmering anger deep in his chest, mixed with the dull pain radiating throughout his whole body. He was just so… so…

By the time they reached the lair, Raph’s mind felt like it had completely shut off. It was like he was on autopilot, taking in everything around him, but not feeling like he was actually there. He forced himself to walk, to move forward, to step through the threshold into the lair. And when Mikey and Leo rushed to meet them with April in tow, matching looks of worry and fear on their faces, Raph could’ve sworn he wasn’t even in his own body anymore.

“What happened?” He heard Leo ask, the slider’s voice sounding muffled and far away.

“We were attacked.” Casey Jr. began to explain, his voice fading with every word until all Raph could hear was a fuzzy ringing in his ears.

Why is this happening? Raph thought slowly, his eyes open, but unseeing. I don’t understand. Why can’t I control myself? I should be better than this. I just keep making stupid decisions. I’m letting them down…

“ ...? Raph? Are you ok?”

Raph abruptly snapped to attention as he was seemingly pulled out of his stupor back into reality. Mikey stared at him, his mismatched eyes imploring. Raph looked around frantically and saw that all eyes were on him, and he felt his body stiffen as the shame and frustration came flooding back. Don’t look at me like that, please don’t look at me like that.

“Are you ok?” Mikey asked again, slower this time, reaching a hand forward to touch Raph’s arm. But Raph immediately flinched away, his lips curling into a grimace.

“I… uh…” He stuttered, unable to form words. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to say anything. How could he tell his family he was too upset right now? That he was afraid that any words that came out of his mouth would only serve to hurt them more than he already has? Raph took a few steps back, trying to regain some composure.

“I need to go clear my head.” He said finally, swinging around and stumbling towards the hallway.

“Wait, Raph!” He heard Leo call, but he didn’t turn back, instead making a beeline towards the training room. He needed… something. Something to clear his mind so he could think. He just needed to think.

He flung the doors to the training room open, fumbling with the lightswitch before stalking towards the leather bag dangling in the middle of the room. He heard the door to the storage room creak open, the paper Foot soldier peeking his head out with a look of innocent excitement on his face.

“Not today, Buddy.” Raph said curtly as he walked onto the mat, not taking his eyes off the punching bag. “I don’t want to hurt you.” The paper Foot soldier blinked in surprise before nodding slowly, closing the door and leaving Raph to himself.

Raph paused in front of the brown bag of leather, his clenched fists shaking, but whether it was from fear or anger, Raph wasn’t sure. He was breathing heavily, feeling the anger practically pulsating from him with every beat of his heart. He was so sick of this, so tired of feeling out of control, of feeling weak. He needed himself back. The him that didn’t fall apart, that wasn’t a burden on his family. And for that, he needed his mind to be clear.

So Raph took a deep breath, cracked his knuckles, and in one fluid motion, punched the leather bag as hard as he could, letting out a guttural roar.

… Nothing.

There was no spark of clarity, no sense of relief as he slammed his fist into the soft leather. He could only feel the shockwave travel up his arm into his back, his muscles giving soft protest. Raph clenched his jaw and tried again, ignoring the way his body ached as he moved.

Again. And again, he slammed his fist into the bag, the sound of skin against leather the only thing cutting through his fuzzy mind. He threw punch after punch after punch, waiting for the clarity that he always seemed to get while fighting or training. But it never came. His body was failing him.

Raph’s movements became more frantic, more desperate. Technique, form, it was all thrown out the window as he relentlessly pounded on the hanging leather. He wasn’t thinking about anything anymore, simply letting his anger and frustration flow out of him without mercy. He may have been yelling. He wasn’t sure.

At some point, he began slashing the bag with his claws, sawdust pouring from it as it bled from the ragged marks. He was audibly wheezing now, his muscles screaming at him as he continued to destroy the punching bag. In a surge of anger, he sunk his claws into the worn leather, pulling it from its chain and letting out a scream as he threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a loud smack before slamming to the floor, seeming to deflate as the sawdust flew out.

Finally, Raph felt the frantic energy inside him begin to ebb as he stood panting, staring at the mauled bag laying before him. His body shook with exhaustion, sweat dripping down his face onto the floor. He stood there for a moment, allowing himself to just barely catch his breath, before turning to walk over to the supply closet, his legs threatening to give out underneath him.

He reached out towards the knob, but before he could open the door, it opened itself. The paper Foot soldier stood there, holding another bag in hand, which he raised easily off the floor and held out to Raph. Raph nodded gratefully, taking the bag and dragging it back over to the chain swinging weightless from the ceiling. He quickly hooked the new bag up, watching it sway for a few seconds before dropping back into a fighting stance and throwing a few clean, practiced punches.

What am I doing? He thought as he hashed out a few flawless uppercuts. This isn’t helping anything. He pursed his lips tight, tossing a few combos into his sets.

As he punched the bag again, he was surprised to feel some resistance. He backed off, confused, just as he noticed two hands holding the bag in place. He leaned to the side just as the owner of the hands did the same, her face scrunched up in irritation. April. He hadn’t even heard her come in.

“April?” He asked, his voice raspy and cracking. He hadn’t realized how sore his throat had become, and he swallowed painfully, hoping the feeling would go away. “When did you… How did you…?”

“Don’t worry, I waited until you were done ‘clearing your head’.” April said, using her fingers to make air quotes. Then, she placed her hands on her hips, glaring at Raph accusingly. “You really skedaddled off without saying ‘hello’? That’s cold, Raph.”

Raph let out a huff, irritation prickling across his skin. “Like I said, I needed to clear my head. I couldn’t be in there, not with everyone staring at me like I’m…”

“Like you’re what?”

Raph paused for a moment, trying to find the right word. He met April’s hazel eyes with his own.

“Broken.”

“So, what, you thought you’d come in here, throw a few punching bags around, and all of a sudden you wouldn’t be broken anymore?” April said, walking around until she stood face to face with Raph.

“No, I don’t know, I just… ugh.” Raph managed to get out, hunching his shoulders in embarrassment. If there was one thing April was good at, it was calling him out on stupid decisions.

“Do you feel any better?” April asked, her voice losing some of the edge it had.

“... No.” Raph replied, sitting down on the mat in defeat. April strode over and sat next to him, a water bottle in hand. Raph graciously accepted, letting the cool water flow down and soothe his aching throat.

“I don’t understand why you left, Raph.” April said finally, her voice soft but firm. “This morning or even just earlier. Being alone is the worst possible thing for you right now. You know that. You’re smarter than that.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Raph exclaimed, frustration creeping back into his voice as he gestured wildly with his hands. “That ‘I’m better than this’ or ‘I’m smarter than this’? Maybe I’m not, ok? Maybe I’m just stupid, and you all just need to lower your expectations.”

“I don’t think you're stupid.” April shot back. “I think you’re scared as hell, and I think it’s making you do stupid things.”

“Of course I’m scared!” Raph replied, whipping around to look at April. “I’m scared of losing control, I’m scared of hurting people, I’m scared of myself!” He was practically shouting at this point, but he couldn’t stop. “Is it so bad that if I’m falling to pieces, I don’t want to drag the people I care about along with me?”

“You’re not dragging anyone anywhere.” April insisted, her eyes flashing with intensity. “We want to be with you. Because we care about you. And we want to help you. Why can’t you get that through your thick skull?”

Raph winced at her words, holding his arms tight. He knew it was true, of course he did. It was just so, so hard to believe he was doing anything for his family but hurting them.

“I just, I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Raph said in a small voice, hating how vulnerable he felt in this moment. “I can’t live with that, that fear. And now, I can’t control what I say or what I do, and I just… I can’t.”

“Raph, people hurt each other. People who care about each other can hurt each other.” April reached over, grabbing one of Raph’s large, trembling hands. “It’s part of being human. Making mistakes. Sometimes, yeah, you say something that hurts someone. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make it better. You are being way too hard on yourself. You need to cut yourself some slack.”

“I don’t know how.” Raph mumbled, mind clouded with uncertainty. “I wouldn’t even know how to start.”

“You could start by being honest.” April said firmly. “To your family, and yourself.”

“But, I am honest.” Raph answered, confused. “I mean, we both know I couldn’t tell a lie to save my tail.”

“Omission of information is still lying, Raph.” April shot back. “Not telling the whole truth is still lying.”

“Ah, heh, right.” Raph said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. His face fell back into a frown as he considered this. April looked at him for a moment before bouncing to her feet, a large, mischievous grin on her face.

“Here,” She said, motioning for Raph to stand up. “Let me help you.”

Raph did as he was told, confusion evident on his face. April trotted around him before climbing up on his shell, causing Raph to let out a lighthearted “Hey!” as he felt her pull herself up.

She positioned herself near the top of his shell, locking her legs around his spines as she placed her fingers on his head. “Ok, this is how you do it, alright?” She moved Raph’s head around, and he couldn't help but let out a light, albeit confused, chuckle. “Feel this? Alllll this stuff bouncing around in here? You gotta LET IT OUT!” April thrust her hands forward, as if she was passing a basketball. “Otherwise…” April brought her hands back in, gripping Raph’s head tightly. “It’s going to sit in this thick ass skull of yours until your head explodes, and then no one will be happy.”

Raph laughed, a genuine laugh, as April poked his head relentlessly. “Alright, alright, I get it.” He said, letting April crawl off his shell. “You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s easier than you think.” April replied, standing in front of Raph once again. Her face grew more serious as she stared intensely at him. “You have to let it go.”

“So we’re quoting Disney movies now?”

“Raph, I’m serious.”

“I know.”

They stood in silence for a few moments. Then, Raph took a deep breath, letting the air flow out as slow as he could. “Ok.” He said, trying to drum up some confidence. “So, what do I say?”

“Hm, a practice round, eh?” April considered this for a moment before snapping her fingers. “I got just the thing. Alright, just give me a…” April trailed off as she fumbled with her hair, trying it up in a familiar style. Then, she trotted over to the edge of the training room, grabbing an orange ribbon and wrapping it around her forehead. She quickly made her way back over to Raph, clearing her throat before speaking.

“Ok, Raph.” She said, her voice slightly lower and a bit more squeaky. “Are you ok?”

Raph tried not to laugh at the rough impression of his little brother, instead trying to come up with a good response. “Um, yeah, I guess I’m ok right now.”

April shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “Nope, wrong answer. Try again. Are you ok?”

Raph nodded, clearing his own sore throat. “Ok, uh, I don’t… know?”

April shook her head again. “Still no. C’mon, you can do this. Try harder. Dig deeper. Raph, are you ok?”

For some reason, April's words actually seemed to hit this time, his heart squeezing with a deep sadness. Raph felt the words catch in his throat. Even though this wasn’t real, even though it didn’t mean anything, he still felt like he had to force the words out of his mouth. “N-no.” He said finally, before squaring his shoulders and looking April in the eyes. “But I’m really trying to be.”

“There it is.” April said approvingly, pulling off the ribbon and fixing her hair. “I told you, easy. Do you feel any better?”

“Yeah, actually.” Raph said, surprising himself. He actually did feel better, like a single weight was lifted from his back. He felt a rush of gratitude towards his pseudo sister. “Thanks.”

“Of course.” April replied, walking over to the large snapper and wrapping her arms around him. “We’re family, Raph.” Raph hugged her back, for the first time today feeling completely at ease.

As they released the hug, Raph glanced at the exit of the training room, his jaw tensing slightly. “I should probably go talk to them then, right?” He asked, turning back towards April.

April nodded, a smile creeping onto her face. “Now you’re thinking.” She said, her eyes sparkling teasingly. “There’s that big ‘ol brain of yours.”

“I have my moments.” Raph replied, gesturing for April to lead the way as they walked out of the training room. His brothers were waiting for him.

Chapter Text

Raph followed April as she led him back into the main room, his nerves starting to come back as he readied himself to face his family.

Mikey and Donnie were both sitting on the couch, whispering gently to one another as Donnie appeared to be explaining something on his arm cuff. Raph couldn’t help but notice the Rubic’s cube set off to Donnie’s side, perfectly completed. That was usually their go to method in calming Donnie down when something was really, really troubling him; bringing him a Rubic’s cube and letting him solve it. Something must have happened while Raph was gone, and he couldn’t stifle the feeling of guilt rising up in his chest once again. He found himself clinging on to the small hope that it wasn’t entirely his fault, even though it probably very much was.

Leo was off on the side of the room, pacing back and forth with a troubled look on his face. His hands were clenched into tight fists, and his eyes sported a far-away look that suggested he was deep in thought. I wonder if he picked that up from me. Raph wondered absently as he made his way fully inside the room. As if his presence set off alarm bells, his brothers each jolted to attention to look at him, their faces a mix of different emotions.

“Hey guys.” Raph said slowly, his confidence dwindling by the second. “Sorry, for running off like that. I was uh, kinda, overwhelmed. I’m sorry.” Raph looked to April for some sort of assurance that he was doing things right and was met with an encouraging nod and a thumbs up.

“No, Raph, it’s fine!” Mikey said quickly, jumping to his feet and rushing over. “I’m just glad you’re ok! God, I’m so glad you’re ok.” Raph braced himself as Mikey wrapped him in a tight hug before gently hugging his brother back. Once Mikey seemed to be satisfied with squeezing the life out of Raph, he pulled back, his face knotted with concern. “You… are ok, right?”

Raph swallowed down his nervousness, softly tussling Mikey’s mystic hair. “Not really, heh.” He said slowly, feeling like he was talking with cotton in his mouth. “But being here with you guys feels a lot better than being on my own.”

He could practically feel April beaming at him, and he felt more weight lift from his mind. This felt… good. Raph let out a deep sigh of relief, the tiniest bit of self confidence flickering to life inside him. Now that his mind felt lighter, he could focus on other things. Like how absolutely crappy his body felt. He was honestly surprised he was still managing to stand at this point.

“I’m going to be honest, I feel like hot garbage right now. Did you guys want to, well, run some tests? On me?” He asked, turning to Leo and Donnie. He figured if anyone could help him feel even remotely better, it was them.

“YES!”

Raph jumped, Donnie’s outburst sending a jolt of adrenaline shooting through his veins. The softshell looked utterly unhinged as he stood shaking in front of the couch, having leapt to his feet at Raph’s query. However, Donnie quickly regained his composure, clearing his throat in embarrassment. “I mean, yes, tests would be beneficial at this point in time. I only require a few CC’s of blood, but I want Leo to do a full medical workup. It’s crucial that we get a full sense of how to deal with… all this.”

“Right, yes, all that.” Leo added, walking over to where everyone was standing. “And then, Raph, we were all talking, and…” Leo trailed off, seemingly losing confidence. Mikey gave him a supportive nod, and Leo squared his shoulders, his jaw set in determination. “I think tomorrow, we should go talk to Bishop. I know you think he’s sketchy, and I don’t entirely trust him either, but if he can help with this, in any way, I think we gotta try, right? Plus if we find a cure for you, we find it for all the Kraanginoids, and, I mean, we did literally send him a dead body with no explanation so-”

“I get it, Leo, I get it.” Raph said, cutting off his brother’s frantic rambling. He really, really did not like the idea of seeing Bishop nor TCRI again, but his brother had a point. And if he really did have antibodies in blood that could help make a cure, then they were going to need Bishop’s help, one way or another.

“I’m ok with talking to Bishop.” He said finally. “I don’t trust the guy, but to his credit, I think he really is trying to find a cure. And if I can help with that, y’know, with my blood or whatever, then yeah, we should talk to him.” Raph paused for a moment before adding, “Plus, I think we do really owe him an explanation. About the uh, body.”

Leo nodded, letting out a shaky breath. “Whoo, ok, awesome. I’ll let him know. Good. Glad we could figure that out. Hey April, you think the big boss will be in tomorrow?”

April shuffled her feet uncomfortable. “Actually guys,” she said slowly, “I’ve been meaning to tell you this, but then everything happened with Raph and… Ugh, what I’m trying to say is that Bishop let me go.”

“Wait, what?” Raph asked, incredulous.

“He fired you?!” Mikey exclaimed, grabbing his hair dramatically.

“No, well, not exactly.” April laughed nervously before taking on a more serious tone. “He and his team have been really buckling down on finding the cure. And my internship there, well, I was just learning how to write and report scientific research and stuff. But they’re not really doing that anymore, so, Bishop said I could go. He said he’d give me full credit for the internship, along with a severance package as a thank you. It was… weird, but I didn’t know what to do, so I just took it.” April’s eyes seemed to flash with momentary frustration before she continued. “Something about it though… I just got a bad feeling about the whole thing.”

“You think he’s doing something sketchy?” Leo asked, eyes wide with anxious fear. Raph was sharing that feeling, nervousness clawing up his neck.

“I don’t know.” April replied firmly. “But when you guys go back, just be careful. Maybe everything’s fine, y’know? I do have a habit sometimes of looking for things that aren't there, but if there’s a chance that something’s off…” April drew her hand into a fist in front of her. “Just be careful, ok?”

They all nodded, sharing mixed looks of apprehension. April needed to head back topside, so they all said their goodbyes before Raph was whisked away to Donnie’s lab, both Leo and Donnie gathering what they needed to do a full work-up on him. It took a few minutes, but before long, Raph was sat in one of Donnie’s chairs, unknowingly digging his claws into the soft felt armrests as Leo patched up one of his scratched arms, and Donnie prepared the other for a blood draw.

Mikey had climbed up on Raph’s shell, serving as a nice distraction while Donnie got what he needed. As soon as Donnie retreated over to his lab bench, Mikey by his side, Leo quickly wrapped up Raph’s other arm before conducting the best medical tests he could do as a mutant turtle who never graduated high school nor took any classes on medical junk. Overall, not much.

Raph tried to focus on other things as Leo shined lights in his eyes, down his throat, in his ears. He realized he hated the doctor, even if that doctor was his brother. He always hated feeling like some sort of lab rat that other people wanted to poke and prod and figure out. Maybe it was trauma from being a literal lab experiment. But he swallowed down his fear, letting his brother do what he needed to do.

As Leo appeared to be testing Raph’s reflexes, Raph found his eyes wandering over to Donnie. The softshell’s face was scrunched up in concentration as he prepared different slides from Raph’s blood, with Mikey running around grabbing supplies for him. He couldn’t forget the look of fear on Donnie’s face once Raph came back from his… episode, nor the Rubik's cube sitting perfectly solved on the couch. His eyebrows creased with worry as he stared at his younger brother.

“You think he’s mad at me?” He whispered, without even really meaning to. Leo looked up, following Raph’s gaze over to Donnie.

“Who, Donnie?” Leo said, jerking a thumb in the softshell’s direction. “Nah, I don’t think he’s mad at you.” Leo pursed his lips, his eyes clouding with concern. “I think he just got spooked, that’s all. I mean, he hadn’t seen you all… like that. And it’s kinda alarming at first.”

“I can imagine.” Raph sighed, trying not to let his mind turn dark. Just then, a thought occurred to him. “Wait, so you saw him- it too?”

“Yeah, last night.” Leo replied, sitting back on his heels with a grin on his face. “He was a big ‘ol teddy bear, just like you hermano. All he wanted was some company. I think he was more worried about me crying than I was about you going all feral turtle mode.”

“You were crying?” Raph said, his protective big brother senses tingling.

“Aha, what? No, did I say that? Ha!” Leo laughed nervously, waving Raph off as he changed the subject. “Anyways, yeah, I think Donnie was just a little freaked out about everything. I mean, it was a terrible situation, anyway you cut it.”

“Yeah…” Raph agreed, slumping down in his chair. Leo went back to testing his reflexes, but Raph noticed his hands were a lot shakier than before.

“Are you ok?” He asked gently, hoping he wasn’t pushing his luck.

“You’re asking me that?” Leo replied with a dry chuckle, not taking his attention away from his task. But the slider’s hands continued to shake, and Raph leaned down so he could look his brother in the eyes.

“Leo?”

Leo’s eyes flickered up to meet his own, his face turning grim as his mouth curled into a grimace. “Look, Raph, Donnie was showing us the scans he got on you today and… They weren’t good. In fact, they were bad. Really, really bad.”

Raph felt his breath hitch in his throat as Leo continued, the gravity of the situation increasing with every word.

“When you were, y’know, not you, you saved Casey and Donnie from the Kraanginoids. But after you got away, you didn’t stop running. You just kept going and going, and… God, Raph, your body almost gave out. Your heart rate was sky high, your lungs were tanking, and your temperature was high enough that it could’ve started completely shutting your body down. If Donnie and Casey hadn’t stopped you…” Leo trailed off, his face a mix of fear and frustration.

“Oh…” That was all Raph could say. He suddenly felt bad about forcing his body to keep up with his rage-fueled freakout earlier. No wonder he felt like crap. He hadn’t realized it was that serious.

Leo shook his head, plastering a smile on his face as he climbed to his feet. “Which is why we’re doing the full medical workup thing. Making sure our big bro is in tip top shape so he can beat this stupid virus. You’re lucky you’ve got Dr. Leo around; you’d be screwed otherwise.”

Raph gave his brother a small smile, hoping he could ease the slider’s nerves. “Sorry for worrying you.” He said softly as Leo grabbed his arms, checking the patch job he did earlier.

“Heh, I wasn’t worried.” Leo replied, walking back in front of him. “You’re fine, everything’s fine. You didn’t die, and you came back, so yay.” When Raph gave him a confused look, Leo sighed, crossing his arms over his plastron.

“I thought you left, Raph. Took off, ran for the hills. When I woke up this morning and you were gone…” Leo trailed off, his gaze falling to the floor.

“Aw, Leo, I’m sorry.” Raph said quickly, his heart heavy with guilt. “I didn’t mean to just leave, I was just…” Raph struggled to find the words. “I was just scared, y’know? I could never leave you guys. I’m nothing without my brothers. I’d be lost.”

Leo’s eyes seemed to flicker with recognition at Raph’s words, like he was remembering an unpleasant memory. But then he smiled, looking back up at Raph. It felt like something unspoken passed between the two of them. “Lucky you always got us to find you then, right?” Leo said finally, gently wacking Raph upside the head. “Next time, leave a note, you jerk.”

“Copy that, leader.” Raph replied, flicking Leo’s shell as he walked around him.

“Now,” Leo said, turning his “doctor mode” back on. “We got some problems, Raph.”

“How do ya figure?” Raph answered as a half-assed joke. Leo ignored him. Probably not a good sign.

“You know all that blood you’ve been coughing up with the Kraang ooze?” Leo asked. Raph nodded. “ I think expelling all this Kraang nastiness from your body is literally tearing you up inside. From what I can see, your throat is all scratched up and inflamed, and I can imagine that inflammation travels all the way down into your lungs.”

“I see…” Raph replied, rubbing his throat as he became more aware of the dull throbbing radiating from it. “Is there anything we can do?”

Leo reached into his medical kit, pulling out two small pills. “Anti-inflammatories. It’s not much, but it should at least help with the pain a bit. I don’t know how this virus would react to stronger painkillers, and I’m not willing to take any chances.”

Raph nodded again, taking the pills from Leo.

“Otherwise, I’m putting you on a practical bedrest. No more Kraang adventures, no more training, no more nothing until we figure out what your body can handle. If I so much as see you lift a fist…”

“I got it, I got it.” Raph answered, popping the two pills in his mouth and swallowing painfully. “You’ll kick my tail across New York. This may come as a shock, but I don’t actually want my body to give out on me.”

“You could’ve fooled me.” Leo replied with a smile, zipping his bag shut with gusto. “Now c’mon. I think we deserve a little relaxation after all this nonsense, don’t you?”

“Please.”

The next few hours went by fast. Raph played a few video games with Mikey, watched as he and Leo taught Casey Jr. some new skateboarding tricks on their homemade halfpipe, and even sat by and listened to Leo’s horrible rendition of Young and Beautiful on karaoke.

However, Raph couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that they were just passing time. The meeting with Bishop tomorrow was going to be huge. It could change everything. With that hanging over his head, Raph found himself becoming more and more agitated as the night went on. And more and more tired. By the time dinner rolled around, he ended up taking the sandwich Mikey had made him to Donnie’s lab, ready to crash big time.

Donnie sat in the same spot they’d left him in, crouched over his keyboard as he sifted through different images of what Raph assumed to be his blood. He pushed the thought from his mind, deciding to instead focus on his brother.

“Donnie?” He called softly, not wanting the startle Donnie out of his concentration. But the softshell must have heard him come in, swiveling on his chair to look at Raph.

“Finally ready to hit the sack?” He asked, leaning back in his chair. “Took you long enough. I thought you were going to crash hours ago.”

“Eh, what can I say? I’m stubborn like that.” Raph replied, walking over to where Donnie was working. “Any luck yet?”

Donnie’s face soured as he turned back to face his screens. “No.”

“I’m assuming there’s nothing I could say to stop you from pulling an all-nighter on this?” Raph asked, already knowing the answer.

“Nope. Sorry Raph, science calls.” Donnie replied curtly.

“I could always shoot you with the tranq gun.” Raph joked.

“Ha ha, so funny.” Donnie droned. “Now go. I’ll keep an eye on you as I work, ok?”

Raph looked down at his sandwich, then back up at his brother, the softshell’s face looking gaunt in the eerie blue light. He gripped the sandwich with both hands before ripping it in two, holding his hand out and offering half to Donnie. Donnie looked at it for a moment, then slowly took it, holding it delicately. “Fuel for the tank.” Raph said, winking at his younger brother.

Donnie looked up at him, his eyes unreadable, before letting out a small. “Thank you.” He quickly turned back to his work, and Raph retreated to the mattress laying off to the side of the lab.

He hooked the metal clasp onto his foot, typing in the code so the shackle would activate. Once the purple tether flickered to life, Raph flopped down on the mattress, allowing the absolute exhaustion in his body take hold. He was out within seconds.

.
.
.

As the night ticked away, Donnie found himself becoming more and more frustrated.

He looked at slide after slide of Raph’s blood, the colors and shapes starting to blend together before him. They have to be there. He thought, forcing himself to continue scrolling through the different slides. They have to be there.

But there continued to be nothing. Donnie felt the claws of desperation pulling at him. He needed to find the antibodies. They had to be there, they just had to. He couldn’t let his brother down.

Flashes of earlier that day began to play in his mind, despite his efforts not to think about them. Staring at his arm cuff in shock as Raph’s levels soared past critical, watching Raph struggle to climb to his feet, his face curled into a grimace of pain and frustration. And when Raph took off to “clear his head,” Donnie breaking down, unable to communicate to his brothers that Raph had almost died. It took a while before he was calm enough to explain what had happened.

I have to find them. Donnie thought, his jaw tensed. They have to be there!

As slide after slide showed nothing, Donnie let out an exasperated shout, slamming his hands on his desk. He was failing. He was failing his brother. If he couldn’t find these antibodies…

Donnie paused as he heard a shuffling noise behind him, and he let out a sigh. “Sorry Raph, I didn’t mean to wake you, I just-” Donnie felt the words die in his throat as he turned to see two white eyes, staring at him from the dimly lit lab. Not Raph.

“Oh, it’s you.” Donnie said, regaining his composure. He’d gotten over any uncertainty he felt about his brother’s… other half. He clearly meant Donnie no harm, and despite everything that happened earlier, he did save Donnie’s life.

“Thank you.” Donnie continued, knowing that Not Raph couldn’t understand him. But he had to get it off his chest. “For saving me. And Casey. I really didn’t want to go out getting mauled by a bunch of Kraanginoids.”

Not Raph tilted his head in expected confusion. Then, he turned to look at the shackle attaching him to the wall before turning back to Donnie, letting out a low whine.

Donnie considered this for a moment, then typed a code into his arm cuff, the shackles powering down immediately. Not Raph looked down at his non-tethered leg and smiled, quickly making his way over to Donnie.

“Just don’t tell Raph, ok?” Donnie said as Not Raph walked up next to him, staring at the screens. He looked them up and down, before turning to Donnie and letting out an inquisitive chirp.

“There’s no way I’m explaining all that to you, and you wouldn’t understand anyways, so I’m not even going to try… Wait.” Donnie paused, shock flickering to life in his brain. He turned to not Raph, eyes wide. “I understood that? How did you- How did I- What?”

Not Raph just blinked at him innocently.

“Wow, that’s... So is there like, a whole turtle… language… thing? That’s amazing! Is it instinctual, or is it due to the higher level of intelligence from the mutation?” Donnie’s mind started churning a mile a minute as he considered the possibilities. Then, he caught his screen out of the corner of his eyes, and his original purpose of tonight came flooding back. He immediately turned back to his work. “No, no, you’re distracting me. Fascinating or not, I got work to do, so you just, I don’t know, sit right there. Or something.”

Donnie pointed at the floor next to him. Not Raph seemed to understand the motion, plopping down next to Donnie’s feet. As Donnie hopped right back into scanning through the images, frustration once again flooding his mind, he heard a soft noise emanating from below him. He turned to his side and saw Not Raph had placed his cheek against his leg and was making some sort of weird churring sound. Donnie elected to ignore it.

However, as time went on, he felt a calm seem to wash over him. He no longer felt the frantic, desperate energy threatening to tear him apart. He still wanted to find the antibodies, but now, he felt like he wasn’t alone. Raph was there with him. It was going to be ok.

“You are something else.” Donnie mumbled, his eyes flickering over to Not Raph. The sound seemed to die off as the older turtle slipped into slumber.

The night continued on, but Donnie wasn’t scared anymore. He looked through each scan slowly, his eyes flickering expertly across the slide. And just as he began to hear cars rumbling above the sewer, he found them.

Donnie leapt to his feet, mixed feelings of relief and exhilaration exploding from him. They were there. He found them. Nestled amongst Raph’s blood cells, just barely visible.

Antibodies.

A cure.

Chapter Text

Raph awoke with a jolt as his pillow seemed to leap out from underneath him.

He let out a surprised yelp, catching himself before he fell over onto the… floor? Confusion surged through him as his mind clawed its way out from unconsciousness. This wasn’t where he was supposed to be… No, where was his bed? Where was he? For a brief second, he looked up to see the mattress and the clasps that were supposed to be on him laying several feet away, before someone grabbed his face, directing his gaze upwards.

“I found them!” Donnie exclaimed breathily, his eyes practically sparkling with excitement.

“W-what?” Raph managed to choke out, his mind still slow and groggy. He climbed to his feet as Donnie stared at the screens in front of him, grinning from ear to ear.

“Look look look!” Donnie said, pointing to the many, mostly red shapes on his screen, which Raph assumed were close up images of his blood.

Raph squinted, looking closely at the image, but he didn’t see anything that he would judge to be “out of the ordinary.” Then again, he didn’t spend his free time looking at blood samples, so how would he know? “What am I looking at here, Donnie?” He said finally, scratching his head.

“Antibodies Raph!” Donnie replied, his voice nearly breaking with elation, turning away from the screen to look at Raph. “You have antibodies against the virus! I was right! I can make a cure; we can cure you! We can cure everyone!”

Raph blinked in astonishment before his own excitement exploded to life inside him. “You found them?!” He exclaimed in a mix of exhilaration and relief. Raph let out a laugh, almost afraid he might start crying. He grabbed his little brother, lifting him into a joyous hug. “You found them! Oh Donnie, you found them! You’re a genius!”

As Raph held his brother tight, he remembered how much the softshell really didn’t care for hugs. He quickly went to put the smaller turtle down when Donnie did the unthinkable.

He hugged him back.

Raph was surprised for a moment, then his heart soared. Now he really was going to cry. He let out another laugh as tears leaked down his face.

“You’re going to be ok, Raph. It’s going to be ok.” Donnie murmured, arms held softly around Raph’s neck. Then, he cleared his throat, pushing himself away from Raph, who in turn gently set his brother down. “Go grab everyone.” Donnie directed, hastily wiping his own tears from his face. “Quickly. They’ll want to come see this.”

Raph nodded, sniffling slightly as he turned tail to go gather the rest of his family. He woke Casey Jr. and Splinter first, directing them to Donnie’s lab. They were both half-asleep and very confused, but they did as they were told, save for Splinter grumbling about his beauty sleep. Then, he grabbed Mikey, hardly even bothering to wake the smaller turtle up before swinging him onto his shell, his brother wrapping his non-injured arm around Raph’s neck before falling immediately back to sleep without a word.

As Raph walked down the hall to wake Leo, he paused for a moment, something catching his eye. For some reason, the door to Raph’s bedroom was cracked open. He was pretty sure his door had been closed last night when he walked past it. Raph strode over and opened it curiously, wondering if someone had been in there. Indeed, someone had.

His room was clean. This wasn’t completely out of the ordinary, as Raph liked to have his bedroom nice and organized. But last he saw it, it had been trashed by his own hands. Shelves knocked over, comic books strewn about, claw marks on the walls…

But now, everything looked almost exactly the way Raph remembered it. His books were organized just the way he liked them, the claw marks covered up with Lou Jitsu posters, some of which he recognized and others that must have come from elsewhere. Even his bed was remade, with not a single bit of stuffing out of place. And sprawled across the middle of his bed lay Leo, the slider snoring gently while clutching a broom in his hand.

Leo… Raph thought, his eyes widening with surprise before he smiled warmly, a sense of pride welling up inside him. His brother did this all for him? Raph had never even seen Leo make his bed, let alone clean an entire room. He really had changed.

Raph sat next to the slider, gently shaking him awake. “Leo.” He called softly, just as Leo blearily blinked his eyes open, pushing himself up onto his elbows. Raph tried not to laugh at how Leo’s mask had become askew while sleeping.

“Huh? Raph?” Leo replied, yawning loudly. Then, his face fell, realizing he’d been caught in the act. “Uh, this isn’t what it looks like.” He said quickly, tossing the broom away from him and fixing his mask.

“Uh huh.” Raph huffed, unable to hold back his teasing smile. “You must care about me a lot, huh Leo? I don’t think I've seen you clean… ever.”

“Yeah, well…” Leo stuttered before rolling his eyes in defeat. “Ugh, you are actually the worst, you know that?”

“What?” Raph said innocently, drawing out the vowel for dramatic effect. “I’m thanking you.”

“No fighting…” Mikey mumbled from atop Raph’s shell, probably still asleep. Raph patted the small turtle’s head, receiving a sleepy grumble in return, before turning back to Leo.

“C’mon man, gotta show you something.” He said, wrapping his arm around Leo’s shoulders and leading him towards Donnie’s lab. “And just for the record, thank you. Truly. It looks just like new.”

“Tell Donnie and I’ll murder you.” Leo replied, but he was smiling too. “I’ve got a reputation to uphold, y’know?”

Once Donnie explained his findings to everyone using a lot of big words and laser pointers, the Hamato family was quiet for a moment. Then, they burst into loud cheers, enough that Raph was worried the New Yorkers above them would hear them.

“My son, you are brilliant!” Splinter exclaimed, giving Donnie some much needed fatherly praise.

“You hear that Raph?!” Mikey practically shrieked with joy. “We’ve got a cure!”

“We’ve got a cure!” Raph yelled back, lifting his little brother into the air, ignoring the protest from his body. It didn’t matter anymore. At last, there was hope.

“We don’t have a cure yet.” Donnie said quickly, trying to rein everyone back in. “But this at least means there’s a chance we can make one.”

“Ho man, Bishop is going to LOSE it when he hears you found the antibodies before he did!” Leo laughed, throwing an arm over Donnie’s shoulder.

“Well perhaps he’ll realize how much scientific genius he was missing out on.” Donnie sniffed haughtily.

“Well what are we waiting for?” Mikey said, bouncing back and forth on his feet. “Let’s go let him know the good news! All those Kraanginoids… We can finally save them!”

Raph joined in their jubilant cry, but he couldn’t help but feel unease begin to crawl back into his head. Now that the initial excitement of Donnie’s discovery was dying down, he began to feel apprehensive about the whole thing. He tried not to let his troubled mind reflect on his face, instead bidding Casey Jr. and Splinter farewell.

“This is amazing, Raph.” Casey Jr. said to him as they hugged. “Curing all those people…” The boy trailed off, a tinge of sadness in his voice, and Raph knew exactly what he was thinking. How different would it have been in the future, if they had just had a cure? Raph hugged him tighter, unsure what to say but hoping his message got across.

As Raph sent to say goodbye to his father, he couldn’t help but notice how… awkward the whole thing felt. They still hadn’t really talked about Raph’s little blow up the other night, and despite having a relative understanding between each other, there was still something that just felt off. Raph forced a smile to his face as he shuffled his feet nervously. Despite towering over his father, he always felt small next to him.

“See you later, Pops.” Raph said, hoping he didn’t look as awkward as he felt. “We’ll be back soon, hopefully with plans on making a cure.”

Splinter smiled sadly, looking as if he wanted to say something, but was either unable to or chose not to. Instead, he just grabbed Raph’s hand, holding it gently. “Be careful, Raphael.” He said finally, his voice firm. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

Raph nodded, giving his father’s hand a squeeze, before trotting over to join his brothers. They gave one last goodbye, then headed out into the sewers, making a beeline towards TCRI.

They had a cure now. Everything was going to change.

Chapter Text

They reached TCRI a lot faster than Raph would have liked.

For most of the trek through the sewers, he was quiet, half listening to his brothers chatter excitedly, half trying to hype himself back up again. Where’d all the excitement go? He wondered absently as he trudged forward, his eyes locked on the slick, brick floor. Now all he felt was a foreboding sense of unease. C’mon Raph, this is a good thing. We’re doing a good thing. Can you just be happy about it?

As they exited the underground, breaching the early morning air and making their way towards the front doors of the TCRI building, Raph tried to keep calm. He expected he would have some qualms about returning here again, considering last time he had front row seats to the “Tortured Kraanginoid Surround Sound Experience”. What he did not expect, however, was the immense surge of dread that rushed through him, stopping him dead in his tracks. He stood frozen, staring up at the towering building as his legs seemingly turned to jelly. He couldn’t hear any kraanginoid voices yet, but he knew what was waiting for him inside those sparkling glass windows. He did not want to go in there.

“Raph?”

Raph felt someone grab his hand, and he pried his eyes away from the glistening building to look at them. It was Mikey, his mismatched, questioning eyes clouded with concern.

“Sorry, sorry.” Raph said, trying to smile but probably failing miserably. “I think I just needed a moment. Wouldn’t want to freak out or anything, heh heh.” He immediately broke into a painful coughing fit, turning away quickly so his brother didn’t have to see the Kraang ooze he was hacking up. The smaller turtle moved to his side, resting his hand on Raph’s shell.

“It’s ok to be afraid.” Mikey said gently, leaning down so he could meet Raph’s eyes.

Raph nodded, swallowing and trying to ignore the ache in his throat. “I know.” He rasped.

“It’s going to be ok. I got you.” Mikey replied, smiling and grabbing Raph’s hand once again. Raph allowed himself to be led by Mikey to the front of the building, the sense of dread not gone, but softened a bit by Mikey’s touch.

“Are you going to be ok, hermono?” Leo asked, having paused at the entrance, worry evident across his face. “I was in such a rush to get here, I didn’t even think about… y’know.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Raph tried to say confidently, partly to convince Leo but mostly to convince himself. “I mean, Bishop’s not torturing them anymore, right? So it’s not like I’ll have to listen to their screams of terror.”

“Can you hear them?” Donnie asked, eyes flickering upwards as if the Kraanginoids would be staring back at him.

“Not yet.” Raph replied, squeezing Mikey’s hand in his own. “I want to say that’s a good thing?”

“Raph, if it gets to be too much, you tell us, ok?” Mikey said, his eyes flashing with intensity. “I mean it. Say the word, and I’ll spider-turtle you out of this building myself.”

Raph chuckled, reaching up to tussle Mikey’s hair gratefully. “Thanks big man.” He replied, taking a deep breath. “Woo, ok, what are we standing around for? We got some Kraanginoids to cure, right?”

His brother's faces shifted into matching looks of excited determination. They filed into TCRI, Raph on their heels. He shot one last glance over his shoulder as the morning sun shone pink across New York City before ducking inside the building, the sunlight disappearing into bright white fluorescents.

As they rode the elevator up, Raph finally started to hear whispers echoing in his mind. He was relieved that there were no screams of pain, but what he did hear didn’t put his mind at ease. Anguished cries, desperate pleas for help, choruses of whimpers and sobs… Mixtures of humans and Kraang alike. They didn’t scare him. They broke his heart.

But there was something else as well. Something… new. Strong. Energized. And incredibly angry. It felt different from the other Kraanginoids he’d been sensing. That was probably not a good sign.

“What are you hearing?”

Raph was pulled from his daze, Donnie looking at him expectantly.

“They’re… crying.” Raph replied slowly, his jaw tight. “A lot of them, they’re very weak. And scared. I think even the virus knows their hosts are dying, and it's scared too.

“Well maybe it shouldn’t be killing them then.” Leo spat angrily, his arms crossed tight across his plastron.

“That’s not all though.” Raph continued. “There’s something else…”

Just then, the elevator grinded to a stop, the doors opening to reveal Bishop’s lab.

As they all quickly piled out, Raph scanned the lab, his skin prickling with apprehension. Almost every containment unit was full, with two to three Kraanginoids trapped inside each of them. Most of the creatures looked like they had mutated, with pink ooze overwhelming their bodies and large, pocked pustules protruding from different areas across their skin. Every so often, they’d shift their weight, and yellow spores would puff out of their growths, tinging the air inside a pale yellow. Their wails were even louder now, and Raph tried desperately to ignore the churning in his stomach.

As he continued to look around, he noticed a few containment units with normal looking Kraanginoids. Normal, except for how they were acting. Even when not mutated, the Kraanginoids were still a bit slow. After all, the virus was killing them, and it could only make its hosts do so much. But these ones… they almost reminded Raph of when he’d first seen a Kraanginoid, during the initial Kraang attack. They were strong, throwing their lithe, grotesque bodies against the fortified glass of the containment units, their minds blurs of anger and violence. That’s where the new feeling from earlier was coming from. Again, probably not a great sign.

“Turtles!”

Raph looked up just as Bishop appeared, walking out from behind one of the containment units. The man smiled welcomingly in his neatly pressed suit, and Raph tried hard not to narrow his eyes. He still didn’t trust Bishop, not by a long shot. But this was for the kraanginoids. He was doing this for them.

“It’s always wonderful to see you all!” Bishop said, waving them further into the lab. “Come, please. We have a lot to talk about.”

Raph followed his brothers as they met Bishop at his desk. Bishop’s smile became slightly strained as he looked around at all of them.

“Now, I do wish we were starting this meeting on better terms,” Bishop started, leaning against his desk, his hands folded in front of him. “But I’m afraid I do need to ask: Why was I sent a deceased Kraanginoid?”

Guilt shot through Raph like a bullet, and he bit down on his lip sharply. Say something. He thought, trying to keep his mind from going all foggy. You killed that man; you have to say something.

He looked up to see Leo staring at him, the question clear on his face. Do you want me to tell him? Raph shook his head, swallowing down his fear and guilt as he turned to look at Bishop.

“It was because of me.” Raph said, trying to keep his voice steady. “We were ambushed by the Kraanginoids, and Mikey got hurt, and I just… I just lost it. I killed him. And we didn’t know what to do, so we just sent him to you.”

Bishop’s eyes widened, though more with fear or surprise Raph wasn’t sure. “You killed him?” He asked, bewildered, before clearing his throat, obviously trying to regain his composure. “I’m sorry, I just, I find that hard to believe. You don’t seem like the type of person who would kill someone.”

“He’s not.” Mikey jumped in, glaring at Raph. “My brother here is forgetting a very important part of the story. It wasn’t him who killed that guy.”

“I’m… confused.” Bishop said, a nervous laugh escaping his lips.

Donnie walked forward, flicking Mikey on the back of his head. “You guys are both terrible at explaining things. Just let me do it.” Donnie sighed, as if gathering himself before continuing. “Raph is still infected with the Kraang virus.”

Now Bishop’s eyes did widen with surprise. “He’s what?” He asked, looking Raph up and down as if he was about to start sprouting tentacles.

“He’s still infected.” Donnie repeated. “Or I guess, he never really was rid of the virus in the first place. We didn’t know this at the time, but his mystic energy developed a way to keep the Kraang virus from taking over his mind. But it left him feral, unpredictable. And very protective. So yes, Raph did kill the Kraanginoid. But it wasn’t exactly him. Does that help explain things?”

“You’re still infected?” Bishop said again, holding a hand to his forehead. Then, he shook his head. “No no no, I’m sorry, yes, I suppose that does explain a little. Kinda. But I still don’t really understand; I thought you had rid yourself of the virus when you broke free from Kraang’s control.”

“So did I.” Raph replied, rubbing his arms uncomfortably. “Until I started coughing up Kraang goo a few months ago.”

Bishop’s face fell, and he held a hand to his chest. “God…” He breathed, “That sounds awful.” Raph stayed silent.

“But…” Leo interjected, drawing the word out dramatically. “We came here with good news! Show him Donnie!”

Donnie perked up, grabbing a small device from his pocket. “Oh yes, right.” He said, turning towards Bishop’s computer screen. “Can I use this for a moment?” He asked, not waiting for an answer before plugging the device in and booting up the screen.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Bishop said as an afterthought, turning to look at what Donnie was pulling up on the screen. “By all means.”

Donnie quickly brought up the photo he had shown everyone earlier this morning. Bishop blinked a few times before leaning in, staring intensely at the screen.

“I took a sample of Raph’s blood.” Donnie explained, and Raph could practically see the softshell suppressing a smug look. “I theorized that if he was able to break free from Kraang’s control and somehow continue to keep the virus at bay, he must have some sort of protection against it. And I was right.”

“Antibodies…” Bishop’s face was shocked for a moment before it suddenly lit up. He grinned ecstatically, whipping around to face Donnie. “You found antibodies!”

Donnie nodded, his face also breaking into a smile. Bishop let out a short gasp, looking back at the screen, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“This changes everything!” He laughed, almost hysterically, as he ran his fingers through his short, black hair. “Oh my god, this changes everything! Donatello, you’re brilliant!”

“He tried to tell you.” Leo added, his eyes glimmering mischievously.

Bishop laughed again, letting out a sigh of joyous relief. “This is amazing.” He said, leaning back against his desk for support. “I have to admit, I was losing hope. I was worried we might never find a cure. I felt like I was failing you all, and all these poor people.” Bishop looked around at the mutated Kraanginoid before turning back, his face becoming sad. “My team was losing hope too. Many of them left to spend time with their families before… Well, before the infection inevitably broke free.”

Raph looked around. Bishop was right; he didn’t see practically anyone else here but them, save for one lone scientist working at a corner desk. Maybe that was why he let April go; he thought they were going to fail.

“But now!” Bishop said, turning back to the screen. “We finally have a fighting chance. Argh, I feel like there’s hope again!”

“A ninja’s greatest weapon.” Leo chimed in, his grin nearly identical to Bishop’s.

“Donatello!” Bishop exclaimed, sitting down at his computer and beginning to type vigorously. “You must tell me everything! Don’t leave anything out!”

Donnie practically beamed with pride as he sat down next to Bishop, explaining a bunch of science mumbo jumbo that Raph couldn’t hope to be able to understand, while Leo and Mikey chimed in with any extra info they could. Raph took his leave, walking across the lab to get as far away from the Kraanginoids as he possibly could. His head was starting to ache from all the noise ricocheting around in it.

He found himself near the back of the lab, where the lights were slightly dimmer. It didn’t help much with quieting down the chorus of pain coming from the Kraanginoids, but it was better than standing right next to them. Raph let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and closed his eyes, willing the ache in his head to go away.

It looks like Bishop is going to help us. He thought, crossing his arms over his plastron as he leaned against the back wall. That’ll be good. I don’t think we had much time left before the Kraanginoids released their virus across the city. There’s hardly any non-mutated ones left. Raph pried one of his eyes open, looking at the more aggressive Kraanginoids near the front. ’Cept for those guys.

Raph felt his gaze wander and land on the lone scientist he’d seen before, working diligently at her computer. With a start, he realized he recognized her. She was the one they met on their first day here, and the one Bishop demonstrated his containment device on. ‘Tara’ he wanted to say her name was?

Tara looked exhausted, the blue light of her computer screen highlighting the deep circles under her eyes. She leaned into her work, mouth pursed tightly as her fingers flew across the keyboard. She looked desperate, afraid even.

Geez, Bishop was right. Raph thought, his heart heavy. His team really believed there was no hope for a cure. Raph squared his shoulders, starting to walk over to Tara. Maybe if he told her the good news, she wouldn’t be so afraid anymore. Poor gal looked like she needed a lot of sleep.

“Raphael!”

Raph jumped as he heard his name, turning to see Bishop jogging towards him. He shot one last look at Tara before walking to meet Bishop, attempting to plaster a smile on his face.

He was sure he was about to have a very uncomfortable conversation.

Chapter Text

Bishop trotted up to Raph, a warm smile on his face.

“Hey, sorry to disturb you.” Bishop said, stopping a few feet from Raph. “I just wanted to chat with you a little bit.”

“Heh, yeah.” Raph replied uncomfortably, his hands locked at his sides. “I’m sure you do.”

“First of all,” Bishop began, his face turning serious. “I wanted to apologize in person for what you witnessed the other day. I truly thought I was only harming the virus, but when Donatello told me about what you heard… Gosh, I’m so sorry Raphael. I feel terrible.”

Raph rubbed the back of his neck nervously, trying to find the right words to say. “Yeah, well, you stopped, so that’s good. I guess.”

Bishop nodded. “Of course. How could I not? Those poor creatures…” He trailed off before snapping back to attention, clapping his hands in front of him. “Right, now, back to you. Your brothers were explaining everything to me. About the symptoms and the uh, mystic protection.”

Raph cringed, trying not to think about his feral “other half.” “Yes.” He said slowly. “They’re not great. But Donnie said with those antibodies, you guys can make a cure, right?”

Bishop nodded again. “That’s correct. I’ve already given Donatello a few machines and culturing supplies to help him develop the cure.” Raph looked over Bishop’s shoulder to see Donnie and Mikey fawning over some scientific equipment. “I don’t really have much help these days, nor do I have any samples of your blood, so I tasked Donatello with making the cure. Considering his scientific prowess, I’m sure he’ll have one in just a few days. And then we can use it to treat you and all the others afflicted.”

Raph blinked in confusion, turning back to Bishop. “Wait, you’re not going to take my blood or anything? I thought you and your scientists would jump all over this. I mean, heh, one of the first things you said to me was how interested you were in looking at my DNA.” Raph felt his voice rise a bit, his frustration peeking through. Sure, he didn’t want Bishop taking his blood or doing any sort of lab rat testing, but he’d just kinda accepted that’s what was going to happen. He didn’t understand what had changed. And that worried him.

Bishop gave him a sorrowful look, his dark green eyes softening. “How are you feeling, Raphael?” He asked gently, his voice soft as silk.

Raph immediately felt his defense go up. What was Bishop playing at, pretending he cared at all about how Raph was feeling? Was he trying to smooth talk him? Raph wasn’t buying it, not for a second. “Sick.” He replied curtly, his eyes narrowed with mistrust. “I feel sick.”

Bishop took a few steps back, his hands flying up defensively. “Sorry, sorry, I’m not trying to pry.” He said quickly. “I just… I can’t imagine how hard this has been on you.”

Raph relaxed a bit, looking Bishop up and down. Flames of mistrust still flickered in his mind, but he felt them ebb, ever so slightly. Maybe he had jumped to conclusions a little too quickly. From what he could tell, the man seemed to be genuine, at least in this case. Raph still kept his guard up, but he begrudgingly allowed himself to give Bishop a chance.

“It has been hard.” He admitted, leaning up against one of the computer desks. Bishop walked over and leaned next to him.

“When Donatello was explaining everything that was happening, that had happened to you…” Bishop said slowly, looking up from the floor to stare at Raph. “It broke my heart Raphael. You’re just a kid! You shouldn’t have to be dealing with all these terrible things.”

Raph clenched his jaw as emotions surged to life inside him, threatening to burst out.

Bishop let out a sigh, his gaze falling back down to the floor. “I am so sorry you had to go through all that. I mean, terrible symptoms aside, to lose one’s sense of self? That’s terrifying. I can’t believe you’re still here, still functional, still trying to do something good. Putting others' needs above your own. You are so strong, Raphael; you should be proud of yourself. I’d be proud of you.”

I am not going to cry. Raph thought, biting his quivering lip. I refuse to cry in front of this man.

“You and your brothers have done a great job dealing with all this so far, but...” Bishop paused, as if thinking through his next words carefully.

“But?” Raph pressed, trying to ignore the shakiness in his voice.

Bishop tightened his jaw before continuing. “I get the feeling that your brothers think nothing could go wrong. That they can just wait out the next few days until Donatello finds the cure, give it to you, and then all’s well that ends well.” Bishop turned and gave Raph an intense look. “But you and I, we know the truth, don’t we? What’s really at stake?”

Raph swallowed down the fear that swelled at Bishop’s words. He knew exactly what Bishop was talking about. His other half, the feral, mutant turtle side of him, it was dangerous. And his brothers didn’t care. They didn’t believe him.

“I think your brothers believe that your feral side would never hurt them.” Bishop continued, putting Raph’s fears into words. “And maybe that’s true. But it didn’t seem to me like they were taking any precautions at all. I mean, Leonardo referred to it as a ‘teddy bear’! I think they’re putting a lot of faith in something that neither you nor them have much, if any, control over. If something went wrong, like with that Kraanginoid…”

“I could kill them.” Raph finished, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.

“I don’t think it would ever come to that,” Bishop assured him, “But I do think we need to be smart about this. Donatello will find a cure, there’s no doubt in my mind about that. But it takes time. Time in which anything could happen.” Bishop took a deep breath. “Which is why I’d like to offer for you to stay here, just until a cure is made.”

“Stay here?” Raph exclaimed, his voice breaking slightly. No no no, this was the last place he wanted to stay.

“Look, Raph, I want to say your brothers will do the right thing, but I just can’t.” Bishop replied, eyes glistening with worry. “I could tell simply from the way they talked about this whole situation. They love you too much, which is very sweet, but in this case, it’s a liability. An extremely dangerous liability. You could attack them, or escape and attack someone else. And if they’re not taking the proper steps to protect themselves, well, how can you protect them if you’re not in control?”

Raph looked down at the floor, his mind swirling. He didn’t want to stay here. He didn’t trust Bishop, he hated TCRI, and like April said, the worst thing for him is to be alone right now. However… Raph thought about how he woke up the other day, Leo wrapped in his arms without a care in the world, openly admitting that he’d allowed the other Raph to get near him. How easy would it have been that night, for the other Raph to have killed him then and there? And even just this morning, him waking up at Donnie’s side, all cuffs and protective measures forgotten. Anything could have happened, and Raph would have been helpless to stop it. Bishop had a point; how could he protect his brothers if he couldn’t trust them enough to listen to him?

And plus, it wasn’t just his brothers at stake. His brothers were tough; human beings were not. If he escaped, if the other him got out into the city and something happened… He would never forgive himself for something like that. He couldn’t trust Bishop, but he could trust his brothers, couldn’t he? They wouldn’t let something like that happen, right?

They already have. His mind whispered mutinously. They already broke your trust twice; who’s to say they won’t do it again?

“I understand this is hard, kid.” Bishop said, resting a hand on top of Raph’s own shaking ones. Raph didn’t pull away. “It’s nothing against your brothers. They mean well. I just think they're blinded by their trust in you. If you stay here, I promise, you won’t have to worry about hurting anyone. We can figure things out, and you’ll be out of here in no time.”

Raph felt feelings of mistrust begin to swirl around again, and he said just as much.

“I don’t trust you.” Raph said, but there was no strength behind it.

“I know.” Bishop replied, patting his hand gently before pulling back. “God knows I’ve made enough mistakes to warrant that.” Bishop’s eyes shone intensely as he stared out at the Kraanginoids. “We may not trust each other, hell, we may not even like each other. But we both want the same thing. To find a cure.” Bishop turned back towards Raph, not breaking eye contact. “You can at least trust me on that.”

Raph clenched his jaw, aware of how much his body was shaking. He didn’t want to do this, he didn’t… but if it was the only way he could guarantee his brothers’ safety…

Raph looked down to see Bishop had extended his hand. And after hesitating for a few moments, he slowly took it, shaking it firmly. Bishop’s face broke into a sad smile.

“Good.” He said, releasing Raph’s hand. “I’m glad we could come to some sort of agreement. I know this is hard, and I’m asking a lot of you, Raphael. Thank you for trusting me.”

Raph just nodded, a hollow feeling in his gut.

Bishop stood, adjusting his suit before turning back to Raph. “Right. Come, let’s go tell your brothers. I suggest we do it quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. I’m assuming they’re not going to take this well…”

“You’re staying here?!”

… They did not, in fact, take it well.

Mikey slammed a hand over his mouth, like the words had jumped out without him wanting them to. Donnie sported a look of total shock, his goggles falling down from his eyes comedically. Leo stood up, his eyes wide with confusion before they narrowed.

“Have you completely lost your mind?!” Leo said accusingly, his words cutting through Raph like knives. “Twenty minutes ago -” Leo paused, shooting a look over at Bishop before continuing in a lower voice. “Twenty minutes ago, you couldn’t even walk inside this building. Now you want to stay here? What’s gotten into you, man?”

“Look, guys, I just think it’ll be safer, alright?” Raph tried to explain, knowing how crazy he looked right now.“You’ve seen what that thing can do. Bishop’s actually got things that can contain it. It’ll be safer for everyone if I just stay here.”

“Raph, I told you before, you have nothing to worry about.” Leo said, throwing in a lighthearted laugh. “That other you is a sweetheart.”

“He killed someone, Leo!” Raph blurted out desperately before trying to rein himself back in. He could feel his lungs beginning to ache, and his headache was worse than ever. “It doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, that thing needs to be contained. And the best place for that is here.”

“It’ll only be short term.” Bishop added. “Just until Donatello develops the cure.”

“This is ridiculous!” Leo exclaimed, not taking his attention away from Raph. “I know what you’re doing! I’m sure you concocted this whole heroic thing about protecting us from ‘Big Evil Raphie’, but I’m telling you, it’s completely unnecessary. Trust me.”

I can’t… Raph thought, feeling as if his heart was about to rip in two. “I don’t want to argue, Leo.” He said in a small voice, turning away so he didn’t have to see the look of realization and hurt on his brother’s face.

“Who’s arguing?!” Leo replied, throwing his hands up dramatically. Donnie smacked the slider in the plastron with a glare. Leo let out a frustrated growl, walking off into the lab. “Of all the bull-headed, idiotic…” He trailed off, muttering several Spanish profanities. Donnie rolled his eyes, pulling off his goggles as he stood up.

“Is this really what you want, Raph?” He asked, the intensity in his stare making Raph feel like a bug under a microscope.

Of course it’s not! He wanted to scream, the dread so heavy in his chest he worried it might break him. But instead, he nodded again. He didn’t have a choice. He had to do this.

Raph found himself drawn to Mikey, who hadn’t said anything since his initial outburst. The small turtle’s eyes were locked on Raph in panicked confusion as he seemingly searched for the right words to say. After a few moments, he blurted out “But how will you sleep without your stuffies?”

Raph couldn’t help but smile slightly. “It’s only for a couple of days.” He said reassuringly. “I’ll just have to manage till then.”

Leo came stalking back, appearing to have cooled off a bit. His eyes still smoldered slightly, but he had a look of defeat on his face. “It’s your choice, Raph.” He said through gritted teeth. “I think it’s a stupid and completely unnecessary choice, but if it’s what you really want…”

Raph kept Leo’s gaze. “It is.”

“... Then I can’t stop you.” Leo said with a sigh. He turned towards Bishop, blue eyes flashing. “You take care of my brother.” He said, his voice neutral. “And if I hear about any lab rat shit -”

Bishop put his hands up defensively. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The goodbyes were quick, too quick for Raph’s liking. He could practically feel the seconds ticking by as he got closer and closer to being alone. His chest ached.

“Be careful, ok?” Mikey said, hugging Raph like he wanted to never let go. “I’ll come visit; you don’t have to be alone. Just say the word, and I’ll be here in ten seconds flat. Text, call, bat signal, anything.”

“You’re acting like I’m going off to war.” Raph joked half-heartedly. Mikey didn’t laugh. “It’s just for a few days.” Raph repeated, half reminding himself.

“The outlook for the cure looks good.” Donnie stated, his face unreadable. “I’ll get it done and tested as soon as I can.” Raph smiled, patting his head, before turning to Leo, who still seemed downcast.

“It’s for the best, Leo.” He said, knowing how dry those words sounded. “This’ll all be over soon.”

“I know.” Leo replied, turning to look up at Raph. “Just… be careful, ok, you big idiot.”

Raph opened his arms up for a hug, and Leo gladly accepted, burying his head in Raph plastron. Raph didn’t want to let go. He didn’t like how this felt like a big goodbye. But he had to do this.

Within a few minutes, his brothers were gone, disappearing down the elevator. Raph had never felt so empty.

.
.
.

Leo tapped his foot as the elevator descended, frustration churning in his mind.

“I don’t understand…” Mikey said finally, breaking the silence. “I just don’t get it. Why would he want to stay here? He hates it here!”

“Because I messed up.” Leo replied, eyes locked on the disturbingly clean floor of the elevator. “I didn’t listen to him, and I broke his trust. That’s why he’s staying here. He doesn’t trust us.”

“You’re not the only one.” Donnie added, his hands locked around his new tech as if for comfort. “I’m just as guilty as you.”

“We made him feel like his fears didn’t matter.” Leo spat angrily, his arms crossed tightly over his plastron. “No wonder he doesn’t trust us.”

Mikey turned and looked up at the ceiling, his eyes glistening with worry. “It doesn’t feel right.” He said. “None of this feels right.”

Leo felt the same way. There was a heavy sense of foreboding in his gut that he just couldn’t shake. But at the end of the day, he loved his brother. And this is what Raph wanted. Leo would respect his wishes. Even if it tore him up inside.

.
.
.

Raph stared at the elevator for a while, unable or unwilling to move. Finally, Bishop walked up beside him. Raph didn’t take his attention away from the closed, metal doors.

“Are you going to be alright, Raphael?” Bishop asked, his voice soft. “Do you need to talk?”

Raph took in a shaky breath, trying to compose himself. “No, no.” He said, his voice breaking slightly. “I’m good. I’m ok.”

“Whew, good.”

Raph suddenly felt a shiver of dread, like his nonexistent hair was standing on end. He turned to Bishop, wondering if the man had felt it too, but he was surprised as a blur of black flew towards him. He had just a moment to register the malevolent grin splitting across Bishop’s face as the man thrust the containment device onto his plastron.

“I always hated small talk.”

Chapter Text

Raph hardly had time to yelp before the device activated.

His vision shifted as he was yanked into the air, the dark, metal plates sealing around him. He felt the thing move quickly for only a few moments before coming to an abrupt stop, his head banging painfully against the side. Immediately, the floor dropped out from underneath him, and he fell. Hard. There was a final hiss as the shaft above him closed, locking him inside the containment unit. He was trapped.

Raph flew to his feet, disoriented, as panic set in, his eyes whipping frantically around the see-through, high tech box he was standing in. He could already feel his claustrophobia screaming as the box almost seemed to shrink around him, cementing in his fate. Nausea flooded over him, fear beginning to cloud every single one of his senses. But above all else, there was the intense feeling of betrayal. Bishop.

“No… No no no!” Raph yelled, the words ripping themselves from his aching throat. In a moment of sheer panic, he flung himself up against the wall, desperately hoping the fortified glass would shatter. It didn’t.

Raph backed away, breathing heavily as his wide eyes searched for any way to escape, but there was nothing. There was no way out. He turned to Bishop, who was approaching the containment unit slowly, that malevolent smile still stretching across his face.

“What are you doing?!” Raph demanded, trying to keep his voice level despite how much he was panicking.

“Neutralizing a threat.” Bishop replied smoothly, adjusting his suit. “Although, you’re hardly much of a threat anymore, are you?” Raph tried to speak, but flew into a coughing fit instead, to which Bishop wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“I don’t understand.” Raph rasped, leaning his hands up against the glass. “You said I could stay here. You didn’t say anything about being locked up in Kraanginoid prison!”

“That’s why you should read the fine print, Raph.” Bishop crooned, walking up to where Raph was staying. “Or in this case, use your fucking brain. You do still have one, correct? I find it so hard to tell sometimes with you.”

Raph felt a snarl escape his lips without him meaning to. He shook his head, trying to push down his smoldering anger as he looked back up at Bishop. “I. Don’t. Understand.” He hissed slowly through gritted teeth.

“No, I suppose you don’t.” Bishop replied dismissively. He turned to his side, grabbing a chair and swinging it around until he could sit in it backwards, his arms resting on the back support. “Gosh, you really didn’t see this coming, did you?”

Suddenly, a long, thin tube shot out of the ceiling, stabbing into the side of Raph's neck. There was a quick click, and Raph screeched with pain as metal seemed to project out into his skin. He reacted instinctually, grabbing onto the strangely warm tube and attempting to pull it out, but stopped as immediate pain and nausea washed over him.

“I wouldn’t do that, unless you want to bleed out all over my floor.” Bishop said coolly, a look of boredom on his face.

Raph reached up again, ready to rip that horrid thing from his neck, when there was another click, and the metal projectiles seemed to retract. There was a momentary flash of searing, burning pain before the tube released, reeling itself back into the ceiling. Raph quickly grabbed his neck, wincing as his fingers brushed up against the still burning, quarter-sized mark that remained. Guess Bishop got the blood he needed after all.

Raph was furious now, his anger practically boiling over. Mystic energy flickered around him as his face curled up into a snarl, and Bishop’s eyes seemed to widen with intrigue.

“Please, try it.” Bishop said, tapping the glass of the containment unit gently. “I’d love to see how this thing holds up against your oh so special ‘mystic powers’.”

Raph wanted to wipe the smug look of the man’s face, but he could already feel the small surge of mystic energy fading along with his anger. He had nothing left. Not for fighting, anyways. Everything he had was working to protect himself from going all kraang mode. He couldn’t have summoned his avatar if he tried.

“Why are you doing this?” Raph asked, glaring at Bishop as he pushed aside his anger to try and get some answers. “I trusted you. I would have given you my blood if you asked. I thought…”

“What, that I was your friend?” Bishop replied with a laugh. “Aw, Raphie, I tricked you. I tricked all of you. This was all just means to an end! I needed your help rounding up all the infected, so I needed to garner your trust. To do so, I played my role, and I played it well. It really was too easy to get you all to play yours.”

Bishop stood up, pacing back and forth and gesturing dramatically as he continued. “You and your brothers really wear your hearts on your sleeves; especially you Raph. I mean, Leo was easy to convince. Give that kid an ounce of approval and he’ll take it a mile. He wanted this to work out, so it did. He didn’t want to see all the red flags, so he didn’t. It was perfect. Donnie was a little trickier, but really, all I had to do was distract him with that stupid ‘Kraang detection device’, and he was none the wiser! And Mikey, well, with him I didn’t have to do anything at all! The poor idiot was so caught up in trying to keep you all from fighting, he never even glanced my way!”

Raph hardly had a moment to take in what he’d just heard before Bishop whipped around to face him, causing Raph to jump away from the glass. “And you, Raph. I can’t believe you were the closest one to figuring me out. But wow, it really took only a few sappy words to get you to trust me again. I could read you like a book.” Bishop leaned in close, his eyes gleaming with malice as he continued in a condescending voice. “Did your Daddy never love you?”

Raph felt a hiss building in his throat as feelings of anger, frustration, and despair swirled around inside him. “Did yours?” He spat back, causing Bishop to blink with surprise before letting out an irritated scoff and walking back to his chair.

“Congratulations, you fooled us.” Raph said sarcastically as Bishop sat down. “What I want to know is why. What are you hiding? What is your plan?”

“My plan?” Bishop laughed again. Raph couldn’t tell if it was real or fake. “My plan’s the same as it’s always been, Raphie. To make a cure.”

Raph blinked with confusion. That didn’t make sense. None of this made sense. “So why trap me then, huh? We were going to give you the cure willingly!” Raph exclaimed, trying to ignore the shaking in his voice.

“Double entendres, Raph.” Bishop said, folding his hands in front of him. “We want two different things. You want a cure for the Kraang virus. I want a cure for humanity.”

A feeling of immense dread crept up into Raph’s chest at Bishop’s words. “What do you mean?” He asked slowly, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat.

“I’m not trying to save the world, Raphael.” Bishop replied, laughing as that malicious grin crept back onto his face. “I’m trying to destroy it.”

Raph felt his mouth go dry as he stared at the man in shock. He had never trusted Bishop, believing the man was sketchy and very much willing to do anything in the name of science. But he never thought that Bishop might be truly evil. Even when the man was torturing Kraanginoids, Raph assumed it was Bishop’s idea of sacrificing lives for the greater good. But this… He really hadn’t expected this.

“N-no… you can’t…” Raph managed to choke out in disbelief.

“Oh, but I very much can.” Bishop continued. “You see Raph, there is a plague on this planet. And it’s not the Kraang virus.” The man stood up again, staring across the lab at the Kraanginoids. “Growing up in my family, I truly got to see this first hand. My ancestors tried for centuries, since the very first time the Kraang visited this planet and brought with them the Dark Armour, to convince humanity of the danger of the Kraang. But year after year, decade after decade, they were scorned, laughed out of scientific communities by those who believed they were untouchable. I saw in person the mockery made of my father, who gave his entire life to try and save those who didn’t deserve it. Even after the fiasco with the Shredder, when we had stone cold evidence of the Kraang’s existence and my father begged for someone, anyone to listen to him, he was ignored. Called a conspiracy driven fool.”

Bishop’s eyes narrowed. “Our numbers dwindled. Some took their families and left, unable to live with the shame cast upon them. Some took their lives. Soon, the only people left trying to protect humanity from the Kraang were my father, and me. The Kraang came and went, taking my father along with them. And guess who came knocking at my door, begging me to help them?”

Bishop turned, moving so he was standing right in front of Raph. “But this is what they didn’t know, Raphie. As I watched the Kraang decimate New York, I realized something. They were right. My father was a fool.” Bishop laughed, his eyes widening with an unsettling, manic energy. “I watched the most powerful beings in the universe bring humanity to its knees in a matter of minutes, a show of pure strength and destruction. And I realized my family had chosen the wrong side in this war. But I wouldn’t be so foolish.”

“So when humanity came crawling back to me, money in hand, pleading for my knowledge and expertise to make them feel safe again, I gladly accepted. They gave me exactly what I needed to set my plan in motion. Power.” Bishop leaned forward, and Raph realized with a jolt of fear that he was locking eyes with a madman. “Do you understand now, Raphael?”

“No.” Raph replied, irritation rippling across his skin. “I don’t understand any of this! Listen, I know humanity isn’t the greatest, but there’s a lot of good in there too.”

Bishop tsked in disappointment, taking a step back. “Of all people, I thought that you might agree with me. Seeing as you’re still shunned by humanity, despite having saved it from destruction.” He shrugged. “Guess some people just refuse to see the bigger picture.”

Raph gritted his teeth. “What is your plan, Bishop?” He said slowly, emphasizing each word.

“I really thought you would have figured it out by now.” Bishop replied, still looking disappointed. “I mean, why would I collect all the infected, soon to be pathogenic Kraanginoids all to myself?”

Raph thought about this for a moment, then froze as realization shot through him. “You’re going to infect everyone.”

“Ding ding ding! You got it!” Bishop cheered. “The Kraang virus is strong, don’t get me wrong, but at the end of the day, it’s just a vicious, mindless beast without a master. So I stepped in. I gathered up all the infected and determined the best locations to place them for optimal spore exposure. I can knock out all of New York City in one fell swoop! And if not everyone is infected the first time…” Bishop pulled a device from his suit, a small, cylindrical container with a dark yellow center. “Highly concentrated spore bombs. I planted a number of these bad boys all across the city. They can knock out about… a 100 block radius per bomb? No one will stand a chance! And then it’s just a matter of spreading the virus across the world, but hey, it’s worked before, right?”

Raph was speechless, his eyes wide at the horror of it all. He couldn’t do anything but listen as Bishop continued.

“And here’s the best part, Raph! There was only one flaw in my beautiful plan. The cure. I searched through every infected I could, looking for the possibility that one of them might have antibodies against the virus. It would really throw a wrench in my plans if I infected people just for humanity to find a cure and fix everyone. But I couldn’t find anything.” Bishop glared at Raph in a way that he could almost describe as hungrily. “Not until you.”

“So, what then?” Raph choked out. “You gonna kill me? I have the antibodies! Donnie is working on a cure right now!”

“No, Raph, I'm not going to kill you. Not yet at least. This is a good thing!” Bishop exclaimed, and Raph felt his stomach turn. “You have antibodies, yes. And Donnie is indeed making a cure. But here’s the exciting thing: You’re still infected. You have antibodies against the virus, and yet you’re still experiencing symptoms. The virus in you has evolved. It’s resistant.”

Raph felt his heart drop into his stomach. He didn’t know much about viruses or any kind of medical junk, but he knew what Bishop was saying was very, very bad.

“Thanks to your mutant healing powers, you created antibodies against the virus, and forced it to evolve. That’s why it seemed like you had beat it, that’s why your symptoms are becoming worse. You’ve cultivated a superbug, resistant to the only possible existing cure!” Bishop leaned forward. “The solution to the only flaw in my plan, willingly handing himself over to me.”

Bishop clapped his hands, pulling himself away. “Once I have the superbug spores, I’ll be unstoppable! I think I’ll still stick with the original plan, but maybe once people are thoroughly scared, I’ll sell the superbug, marketing it as a cure or a vaccine. It’s perfect!”

Raph almost fell to his knees, his legs shaking. Bishop was going to infect everyone. Every person on earth, becoming trapped in their own personal hell. And he was going to use Raph to do it. He could almost feel the virus swirling around inside him, laughing.

It was all his fault.

“Please, Bishop.” He pleaded. “Please don’t do this. A lot of those people, they’re innocent.”

“They’re flawed!” Bishop snarled, his eyes blazing, before he composed himself. “But they won’t be for long. I’m going to make everything perfect.” He smiled. “Now then, all that’s left to do is get your virus to mutate. You’re already pretty weak, but I’m guessing we need a little bit more to get it to start producing spores.”

“I won’t… No, that’s not going to happen.” Raph said, anger once again flaring up. “I won’t let it.”

“Aw, Raphie. Sweet, naive Raphie. You won’t have a choice.” Bishop replied mockingly. “You can’t stop this. Your body is betraying you. You’ve lost a lot of mass since we first met. The virus has been destroying you for months now. I think it just needs a little helpful push in the right direction. Tara!”

Bishop shouted over his shoulder, and Raph saw the scientist from before come running. She locked eyes with Raph, and he could see the fear in them. And the guilt.

“Yes, Bishop?” She said quickly.

“I’d like to give our friend Raph here the full experience.” Bishop said coolly. “Set the shock floor to say… 100 volts? We don’t want to kill him, but I do need it to hurt. Every two minutes should suffice.”

Tara’s eyes widened as she looked between Bishop and Raph frantically. “Sir, please, he’s…” She hesitated for a moment. “He’s just a child.”

Bishop’s eyes narrowed every so slightly before he plastered on a fake smile. “Oh gosh, you’re right! He is a child! A hideously mutated child! How could I have forgotten? Silly me!” He laughed, the sound making Raph want to pull his head into his shell. “Speaking of children, yours are probably at school right now, aren’t they?” Raph watched as Tara seemed to stiffen in panic. “You know what would be so fun? We should go get them! We could make it a ‘bring your kid to work day’! They could hang out with all your other coworkers. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Bishop turned Tara towards the containment unit with the strange, energetic Kraanginoids, and Raph suddenly made a sickening connection. That explains where all the other scientists went.

“N-no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Tara stammered, clasping her shaking hands in front of her chest. “Please, I’m sorry.”

Bishop grabbed her shoulder tight, leaning down next to her. “Then do as I say. Or I’ll make you watch your kids succumb to a fate worse than death.”

Tara nodded, scampering to the control panel on the side of Raph’s containment unit. Bishop sneered. “Good.” He turned back to Raph, that malicious grin once again on his face. “Well this has been fun, Raphael. Truly. I mean, the look on your face? Absolutely priceless. We can talk again in a few hours, ok? Until then, Tara will treat you to a good time.”

“You’re a monster.” Raph snarled, hands pressed up against the glass.

“No, Raph.” Bishop replied. “I locked up the monster, remember?” Bishop swung around, walking towards the exit. “You’ll see, Raph. You and I? We’re going to change the world.”

As Bishop left, Raph turned to Tara, who was now holding a small remote in her hand. She looked at Raph, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She said, her voice low and breaking.

Raph just clenched his jaw, giving her a small nod. He knew it wasn’t personal. She was protecting her family. That was at least one thing he could understand.

I wish my brothers were here. That was the last thought he had before electricity surged through his body like fire.

Chapter Text

After four zaps from the gridded, electric floor, Raph couldn’t stand anymore.

He found the best way to endure the pain was by propping himself up on his hands and knees, providing little contact points for the electricity as well as a firm base so he didn’t faceplant on the red hot wiring. The shocks were spread out, every two minutes just like Bishop said, and lasted for only about three seconds. But with each one, those seconds seemed to stretch out longer and longer, and those two minutes felt shorter than ever. His hands and knees burned, but there didn’t appear to be any physical wounds on them. Yet.

Tara sat a ways away, once again typing furiously on a computer. Every so often, she’d peek over at him, her face scrunching into a look of deep concern and regret as she watched him get shocked over and over again. Raph didn’t blame her for any of this. She was trying to protect her family, just like he was. He clenched his jaw tight, trying to keep from crying out too much. He didn’t want her feeling any more guilty than she already did.

Raph tried to keep track of how much time had passed since this all started. A shock every two minutes, so thirty shocks in an hour… But he quickly found he lost count. His head was simply too fuzzy, too rattled up from all the volts being shot through it. And the constant drone of Kraanginoid wails echoing in his skull didn’t help. His body shook with exertion, wanting nothing more than just to collapse onto the cool floor. But if he did that, Raph knew the pain would be much, much worse. So he pushed on.

In the moments in between, he thought about his brothers. I wonder when they’ll notice something’s wrong. He thought absently, his brain feeling foggier than ever. When I don’t text them back? When Bishop doesn’t let them come see me? His face dropped. Or maybe they won’t notice. Maybe Bishop will manipulate them into thinking everything is fine. And by that point, it’ll be too late. The world will be doomed. Because of me.

A wave of heavy despair washed over him, so strong he could almost feel his body buckling under the weight. The thought made him sick. No, he was going to be sick. Nausea swirled through Raph, and he braced himself as he heaved, the sour taste of bile and Kraang ooze making him feel even worse. His throat screamed in pain, feeling as if it were being torn apart. It hurts… His brain seemed to whimper, and he couldn’t help but agree, his eyes squeezed tight.

By the time Raph had emptied the contents of his stomach, he was panting heavily. He coughed weakly, spitting the last few drops of goo from his mouth. He gazed down at the splatters of Kraang ooze and blood in disgust, but then the smallest sense of relief sprouted to life. Like Donnie said, this was Raph’s body’s way of protecting him, of expelling the virus. If it wasn’t inside him, it couldn’t survive, and it couldn’t mutate into an unstoppable superbug. And Raph relished in the way it shriveled and dissipated into nothingness.

He had just enough time to swallow painfully before another shock shot through him, like someone injected liquid fire into his veins. He let out a garbled cry without meaning to, the sound ripping itself from his already shredded throat. But as quickly as it started, it stopped, and Raph was left in his usual position, uncontrollable shakes coursing through his body.

He was trying to force himself to take deep breaths when he heard a soft knock on the glass containing him. He looked up to see Tara, her distressed blue eyes meeting with his own. She was holding a small plastic cup of water. Raph watched as she quickly typed something into a small keypad, and a little hatch opened up to the outside. Tara set the water in the hatch before closing it, and another small hatch opened up inside Raph’s containment unit.

Water. She was giving him water.

“Quickly.” Tara said, shooting nervous glances around her. “Don’t drop it. Just drink it fast and put it back.”

Raph nodded, forcing his body to move as he climbed to his feet. It was easier said than done, not dropping that cup. His hands were shaking violently. But he managed to bring the water to his face, relishing in the cool relief it brought to his dry mouth and aching throat. It was gone too soon. As soon as he finished, he set the cup back in the small hatch, watching it close and incinerate the poor thing. At least it got rid of the evidence.

“Thank you.” Raph rasped, his throat still aching.

Tara smiled, a sad painful smile. “It’s going to be o-” she started, but was immediately cut off as the elevator dinged ominously. She jumped, racing back to her seat as Raph backed away from the glass.

For half a second, he allowed himself to hope that his brothers would burst out of those metal doors. But that hope disappeared as soon as he caught sight of a clean, pressed suit.

Another shock coursed through Raph, bringing him back down to his knees. He gritted his teeth, refusing to let a single sound escape his lips when he knew Bishop was standing right in front of him. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

Sure enough, as soon as the electricity ceased, Raph looked up to see Bishop, a look of amusement on the man’s face. “How’s it going, Raphie?” The man asked, his eyes twinkling in a way that made Raph sick.

“Peachy.” Raph spat, glaring up at him.

“Oh, well that’s wonderful! Glad you’re having a good time.” Bishop replied, his voice syrupy sweet. He turned towards Tara, his face becoming more serious. “Any signs of mutation?”

“No sir.” She replied, her voice becoming more business-like. “Subject did have a bout of emesis, but there have been no observed mutations as of yet.”

Bishop hummed, grabbing a remote control from the control panel of the containment unit. He hit a button, and Raph heard the soft buzzing of the floor below him die down. Bishop must have turned the electric floor off. Raph looked at him in confusion just as he hit another button, and a tube similar to the one from before shot out from the ceiling, lodging itself in Raph’s neck.

Raph was ready for the pain this time, but it still hurt as he felt the thing take his blood. He went to grab the tube, but before he could, it retracted back into the wall, once again leaving a searing, cauterized wound on his neck.

“Stop doing that!” Raph hissed, holding the side of his neck tenderly. Bishop ignored him, turning back towards Tara.

“Compare that to the sample from before and report back to me.” He said coolly, waving the scientist off. “Raph and I are going to have a little chat.” When Tara seemed to hesitate, Bishop shot her powerful glare. “Are we going to have a problem here, Tara? Need I remind you that the only reason you’re not in there with your friends,” Bishop pointed to the angry Kraanginoids stalking around in their holdings, “...is because you’re still useful? Do not prove to me otherwise.”

Tara gulped before nodding, scampering off to the other side of the lab. Bishop smiled in success before turning back to Raph. “Right, sorry, where were we?”

“You’re crazy.” Raph said through clenched teeth, anger rumbling around inside his chest.

“Bup bup bup, not crazy.” Bishop said, holding up a finger. “My therapist says I’m a sociopath with psychopathic tendencies, but then again, I turned her into a Kraang zombie, so really, how much credit can she have to her name, right?”

Raph refused to drop his death glare at Bishop, choosing instead to remain quiet.

“C’mon, Raphie, talk with me!” Bishop cooed, pulling up a chair. “I mean, I’m sure you’ve got more questions, right?”

“I don’t care.” Raph replied, his face curled up in a snarl.

“Really?” Bishop pushed, his eyes gleaming maliciously. “You’re not curious about anything? Like how the infected always managed to find you? Or what gave them the idea to ambush you?”

Raph did perk up at this. “Let me guess… It was all you?” He said, his anger growing with every second.

“Yep! C’mon, I'm just trying to get recognition for the credit I deserve.” Bishop drawled, leaning back in his chair. “I told you, the infected needed a master, so I gave them one. I sent them to places I knew you’d be. And boy, do they hate you guys.”

Bishop smiled again, and Raph tried to appear uninterested as the man continued. “You see, the original plan was to have the infected kill you. You seemed to be the one who trusted me least, so if I got the infected to kill you, your brothers would have gone mad with grief, crawling back to me and giving me exactly what I wanted.” Bishop shrugged. “But you proved to be a little too much for them. Still, it all worked out in the end, didn’t it?”

“No.” Raph growled. “This isn’t going to work out the way you think it is. My brothers will come for me.” Raph could feel the strength behind his words. They would come for him. They would.

“Are you sure? But you’re doing so well here!” Bishop replied, pulling a small device from his coat. Raph immediately recognized it as his t-phone. The snake must have stolen it from him earlier. Bishop cleared his throat, appearing to read out a message. “‘Hey, you doing ok? Want me to stop by tomorrow morning? I’m worried about you, man.’, aw, Mikey is so sweet. Let’s see…” Bishop began typing on the small phone. “‘Don’t worry, things are actually going surprisingly well! I think Bishop’s got a few things planned in the morning, but I’ll let you know as the day goes on, ok? Heart emoji.’ See? You’re doing just fine.”

“They will stop you.” Raph stated confidently, although he wasn’t sure how much of that confidence was real. But he decided just to run with it. “We’ve stopped things way worse than you, facing much more dire straits. We’re heroes.” Ok, maybe a bit too much confidence.

Bishop chuckled dryly, his gaze growing sharp. “Ha, no.” He said, his voice losing its teasing edge. He crouched down to Raph’s level. “Listen to me, Raph, because I’m only going to say this once: You and your brothers are not heroes.”

Raph was surprised by the man’s serious tone, but tried to play it off, rolling his eyes and letting out an annoyed huff.

“You’re not! You are not heroes.” Bishop repeated.

“You just said it twice.”

Bishop’s face twitched with irritation before he hit a button on the remote, sending a painful jolt of electricity through Raph.

“I don’t know how you idiots somehow got it into your thick skulls that you’re heroes, but that’s just wrong.” Bishop said, standing up at Raph struggled to recover.

“Because we save people.” Raph hissed, returning Bishop’s gaze. “We try to make the world better. And we have! We stopped Baron Draxum and his rogue mutants, we defeated the Shredder, and we banished the Kraang from this dimension!”

“All things that you caused to happen in the first place.” Bishop shot back, and Raph recoiled in shock. “Why did all those mutants begin popping up around New York? Because you guys blew up Baron Draxum’s lab and released the infected mosquitoes! Why did the Shredder come back to his full power? Because you guys released his spirit! And why did the Kraang manage to come to our dimension? It couldn’t have been because your foolish brother managed to lose the key to the prison dimension, now would it? Any of this sound familiar, Raph?”

“But, no… those were accidents!” Raph insisted, his mind swirling. “And we fixed them!”

“Fixing a problem you caused doesn’t make you a hero.” Bishop sneered, seeming to enjoy the rise he was getting out of Raph. “Really now, can you say that if New York knew that everything you had saved them from was your fault in the first place, they’d call you a hero? Because I think what would happen is they’d hate you. They’d lock you up, because what you and those hideous mutants you call brothers really are are overpowered children who have no idea what they’re doing.”

Raph was at a loss for words. His gaze dropped down to the floor, feeling as if his whole world was turned upside down. Because Bishop… he was right.

“You really thought you were a hero?” Bishop laughed cruelly. “You’re a murderer, Raph! How many of the superheroes in your comic books murder people, huh?” Bishop stood up, a look of victory on his face. “And now, poor Raph is going to make a mess again. The blood and pain of millions of people on your hands. Tell me, hero, how are you going to fix things this time?”

Raph was breathing heavily, eyes wide and focused on the floor. He felt his chest seize up, and he began coughing, deep painful coughs that seemed to rip through his very being. He could almost feel the buildup of Kraang ooze inside him, squirming, reveling in Raph’s despair.

“Tch, pathetic.” Bishop said in disgust. “Y’know, my father thought you guys would be the solution to all our problems. Clearly, he was wrong.” Bishop turned away, just as Tara walked back into the room. “Ah, good, we were just finishing up here. What do you got?”

“Virus levels have increased substantially.” Tara replied, her voice grim. “It appears we’re… headed in the right direction.”

“Excellent.” Bishop turned back towards Raph, who tried to suppress the coughs still attempting to wrack his body. “We’ll speak again, Raph. It appears these conversations will help speed up the mutation process, considering the effects they have on you.”

Raph felt a jolt of panic. Was this Bishop’s plan? To weaken him physically, just to come in and weaken him mentally too? Clearly it was working. Raph wished he could pull himself inside his shell, disappear from all of this. But he couldn’t. He was stuck.

“Just meditate on what we talked about, yeah?” Bishop said, raising the remote in his hand as his eyes glimmered with anticipation. He pressed a button, and Raph heard the electric floor begin buzzing back to life.

“Sweet dreams.”