Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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Ever since Stede had found his way back to The Revenge with the stranded crew, Lucius looked unsettled each time they crossed paths. It turns out he was hiding in one of the secret passages Stede had installed, his skin was pale and he had lost a lot of weight while he was hidden. He could only eat scraps that Jim, Frenchie or Fang had been able to take from their rations. Even Izzy had given him some, but it wasn’t enough to keep him healthy. 

Although it had been a couple of months since Stede’s return, his skin was still too grey and washed out. His palms were rough and scarred from where he had gripped the barnacles still covering the side of the ship. His shaky hands and quill didn’t work together, but he had to try. He didn’t want to disappoint the crew. They might have him thrown overboard again. He shook the thought from his mind. Pete would never let that happen, none of them would do that. They are all Lucius’ friends and they wouldn’t do that. Ever. It didn’t stop him from thinking about it still. 

A fuzzy feeling chased Lucius’ thoughts, muffling his brain, and making him feel too small for his body. Too wobbly, too uncoordinated. Whenever it happened, he tucked himself into a blanketed plush corner he had made in a secret passage. Only two people knew of it and he hoped it would stay that way. He could sit in there for as long as it took for the feeling to go away, he could sit and read. Or if he couldn’t do that, he could create a makeshift fort and sleep off the fuzziness. An old stuffed bear always sat on a velvet cushion in the far corner of his hideout, two dark glass beads for eyes. Its once soft brown fur was matted in places and the stuffing inside had migrated from some spots. But Lucius didn’t mind, it was his and it made him feel safe. 

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Ever since Stede arrived back at The Revenge, Frenchie had struggled to get back into the flow of a ‘family’ life. He had spent so long alone on the ship, with only Fang and Ivan to talk to occasionally. And then Jim was let out of their room. But they rarely talked now, not after what happened. Without their crew, it just didn’t feel right. But he got used to being lonely, he was never alone it just never felt like he was welcome. How could he feel welcome? He was forced into the crew of Blackbeard- no. The crew of The Kraken. And he was expected to work like everything was completely fine.

He had spent so much time being barked orders at, it felt unnatural to live on a calm and friendly ship again. The Kraken may have been gone, but Ed could turn on them at any moment. Frenchie was constantly looking behind his shoulders, keeping a lookout just in case The Kraken or Blackbeard came back. He was closer to Izzy. Not enough to call them friends, but enough to know he was safe if anything ended up happening. He still held a slight grudge against Stede. He did abandon them for his land family and leave them under the wrath of a heartbroken Edward Teach after all. 

It felt like he was floating. Floating away from his own body. Floating away from his worries and concerns. Away from the pain he held in his mind. A cushioned corner in the walls, a fuzzy blanket sprawled across the floor. His safe space when he felt like his body was too big. When everything was too much. When he needed some time away from the rest of the crew. Wrapped in his forest green fuzzy blanket was a messily stitched rabbit, with floppy ears and a fuzzy tail. Deep purple surrounding button eyes. It wasn’t much, and it wasn’t well made. But it was his and it comforted him.

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Ever since Stede had come back to The Revenge, Jim stopped talking, a haunted look engraved on their face. They stopped talking long before Stede had come back, but they talked occasionally then. Now, they dont utter a word. Not even to Oluwande. They feared that if they spoke, The Kraken would come back. They feared that they would be locked up again, with barely any food or water or sunlight. The thought followed them wherever they went. And after Stede came back, Ed came back, and The Kraken left, and they forgave each other. Jim could barely be around the pair. Especially not when they talked.

They only spoke to two people on the ship, sometimes three if they were feeling particularly generous. They only felt at home with two people. Sure, Oluwande was their favourite person on board, but they were scared he would go again. That they would be left alone. So while they still accepted physical contact from Oluwande, they didn’t dare utter a word to him. Constantly in fear of what could happen. 

They didn’t know how to explain it, when they felt overly emotional. Like they needed to cry and be comforted with a warm hug. Like they wanted to shout at the crew and tell them what they were feeling. But they couldn’t. Because they had trained themself not to. So they would retreat into a corner in the walls, pillows and blankets strewn messily around. A stuffed dog, with large buttons for eyes, one hanging partially off, lay on top of their favourite pillow. A teal pillow, made from a soft cotton fabric. The fluffy yellowish fur of the toy felt nice when they ran their hand over it. They felt comfortable when they hugged it. They even talked to it sometimes, when their safe people weren’t there. Their voice cracked as they talked, tears falling from their chin and wetting their dog, the cushion darkening where the salty water hit the fabric.

Chapter Text

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“Oh, there you are. We've been looking for you everywhere.” Lucius stepped around the corner leading to the stern of the ship. Edward was standing there looking out at the ocean, a pink robe hanging loosely off his frame.

“Okay, so, we've been visualizing the talent show. You're gonna love what we've come up with.” Lucius crossed his arms, his ledger tight against his torso. “Ed? Is everythin' all right?”

He stepped towards Ed, concern painting his face. Ed turned slightly to face him, a dark smile plastered on shadowed skin. He didn’t look like Ed anymore. He looked at Lucius with a grey shadow cast upon his eyes. Lucius swallowed thickly as Ed reached an arm towards him. Lucius felt a hand on his shoulder, then a heavy shove and he was falling.

“Help me! No, no, please! No! Please!” Lucius flailed in the water, grasping at the salty foam she pushed towards him. The boat was sailing away, and Lucius couldn’t swim against the current. He tried to stay afloat, but the water washed over him, waves filling his senses and rushing down his throat. He slipped under the surface, splashing to rise back up. He coughed for air and dipped down again. His lungs were on fire, barely gripping onto consciousness. Darkness slipped through the cracks and he fell further into the depths of the grasp of the sea. His hand floated upwards, his wooden finger barely tied to his hand. Pete. He was going to miss Pete, Pete was going to miss him. A flurry of air bubbles escaped his mouth as it drifted open, and Lucius Spriggs was drowned by the hands of Edward Teach. 

Lucius woke up, a scream cut off halfway up his throat. A cold sweat prickled the hairs on his neck, and his old striped shirt clung to his skin. His chapped lips tasted vaguely of salt, seawater sinking into him, grasping him in its icy clutch. His eyes flicked around the room. He stopped sleeping on deck after the reign of The Kraken. Always as far from the rails as possible, especially at night.

He had nightmares most nights. About clawing at the ocean, trying to grip onto the ship but failing. About Pete finding his body, instead of Frenchie and Izzy pulling him back up. Most nights he wakes up, flailing his arms, clawing at his throat. Usually, he slept alone, in a corner below deck. He was never one for sleeping in a hammock, they kinked his back whenever he was in one. So he had a pile of old scraps of fabric and the few blankets he could snatch when nobody was looking. Occasionally, he would kip in Jim and Oluwande’s room, or Frenchie would curl up in a hammock nearby, singing him a song until they both fell asleep. Lucius felt bad about not sleeping with Pete on deck, sometimes he dragged Pete to his little nook so they could cuddle through the night, but Pete was insistent that it was alright for him to want to be alone sometimes. 

His shirt shifted uncomfortably on his back, sweat tying it to him, wrapping him in a choking hug. Tears pooled around his chin before dripping to the floor with a Splash. They fell silently, warm on his fear-flushed cheeks. He clung to the blanket around his knees, his wooden finger sticking out in an awkward yet comforting gesture. He was glad he hadn’t lost it in the depths of the ocean, he didn’t seem to like the idea of burdening Pete with making him another one. 

His chest heaved and he let out a choked sob. His attempts to keep quiet failed, footsteps pattered from above him. Too light to be Pete’s, too melodic to be Jim’s. Lucius heard a fast knock, then a series of whispers. A flurry of English and hurried Spanish. Rushed footsteps fell across the stairs leading below deck. A flickering orange light fell upon Lucius’ face, and two pairs of eyes, full of worry, stared back at him. He let a soft whine into his pillow, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. The pair knelt beside him, faces illuminated by the lantern clutched in Frenchie’s hand. Another item was hanging from Jim’s fingers, soft brown on honey skin. 

Lucius tugged his hand from its hold on his blanket, reaching towards the raggedy toy. Jim pressed the bear to his outstretched hand, climbing behind him and pulling him into a surprisingly soft hug. 

They whispered in his ear, pressing a comforting kiss to his temple, “Hey, Luce, you’re okay now, hombrecito. We’ve got you.” Jim gently rocked Lucius, running a gentle hand across his torso.

Frenchie hung the lantern on the wall, curling up beside the already laying down pair. He strummed a quiet, calming tune on his lute, Lucius dropping his head on Frenchie’s chest resulting in a hearty laugh erupting from the musician's chest. The floppy bear hung loosely against Lucius as he hugged it tightly into his torso. It had a faint salty smell, but it was kind and welcoming, rather than rough and choking like it used to be. 

A small smile emerged on Lucius’ face, Jim’s arm slung around his waist, their face pressed against his back. Frenchie had ditched his lute, leaning it against the wall so he could press himself closer to Jim and Lucius, the latter with his head tucked in Frenchie’s neck. Soft breaths tickled his hair. 

“Goodnight Luce, goodnight Jim” Frenchie covered them all with a soft blanket sitting to the side. 

Lucius liked these nights. The ones where he knew he was safe, two of his favourite people tangled around him and his bear tucked up in the middle. The ones where he knew he wasn’t alone.

---

The crashing of thick waves fell on the side of the ship. Lucius was frozen by the mast, eyes floating towards the storm brewing in the distance. Crew members ran across the deck, ropes being thrown from port to starboard. Shouts flew through the air, orders catching in Lucius’ ears only to melt away when he tried to comprehend what was said. His eyes fell upon a pair emerging from the Captain’s Quarters. Long dark curls falling in waves around loose cream sleeves, shorter blond curls wrapping around sun-stroked freckled cheeks. Hands intertwined, eyes full of lust and longing, warm smiles gazing upon the crew as they watched them climb and wrap and tie ropes around the ship.

Those eyes, those smiles. They made Lucius’ blood run cold, his joints ached, vivid memories pumping through his veins. His hands shook by his side, his ledger on the floor from where it slipped from his grip. Jim was standing closer to the stern of the ship, Oluwande talking to them from a few feet away.  Lucius could see the concern written on their face before it fizzled away in a flurry of colour, his eyes blurring. Everything became too bright. Too loud. Too much. 

His heart thumped in his chest, pounding against his ribs, squeezing against his lungs. Sweat pooled on the back of his neck, prickling his back, and sliding down his temple. He sucked in a shaky breath, his chest rattling as he inhaled. Tears clouded his vision, spotting his cheeks and staining them with a light pink flush. His tongue stuck to his mouth, saliva drying up and making his throat feel as if it was closing in on him. His stomach churned, nausea clawing at his throat, bile rising as he swallowed thickly. His head swam, the deck spinning through his vision as his back pushed against something solid. The mainmast. He slid down to the floor, knees coming up to his chest, head flopping into his legs.

His body shook against the cherrywood mast, breaths not completely forming as he inhaled and exhaled. It felt like he was drowning. His hands clenched his trousers, tight enough to leave crescent moons in his palms. His stomach lept out of his throat when the ship rocked to the side, he had to cling to the boarding of the deck to stop himself from sliding towards the rails. He could see Stede beginning to make his way towards him through his peripherals. His head felt as if it was stuffed with cotton as he picked up the thing closest to him. It was his quill. With barely any thought, he chucked it towards Stede in an attempt to get him to back away. Stede picked up the feather, looked at it oddly, looked at Lucius and tucked it in his trouser pocket. He took no more advances towards Lucius, however, instead choosing to stand back beside Ed. 

Waves crashed around the ship, spraying salty foam across the wooden deck, soaking tops with seawater. Water dripped from the capstan, creating puddles under the crew's feet as they skitted around tying things up so they didn’t fall off the ship. Barrels roped to the rails, hammocks folded into small crates and tucked away. Jim, Pete, The Swede and Wee John pushed the capstan around, Jim’s eyes wandering towards the mast when they spotted Lucius’ ledger sliding across the deck. They caught it under their foot, picked it up and tucked it into the inside of their jacket. Their eyes drifted back to the mast, and a flash of deep red caught their eye. Jim really should get Lucius to replace that jacket, at this point, it’s nothing but a few strings tied together by a few more strings. 

Pete looked at Jim, a confused look plastered on his face. “Jim? You okay mate?”

“Hm? Of course, I’m fine, now get back to work. This capstan ain’t gonna spin itself” Jim pulled their eyes from the shaking figure of Lucius. They couldn’t shake the thought from their head that something serious might be wrong. After another few seconds, they pulled Oluwande from where he was standing by the rails with a rope wrapped in his palm, shoving him in place of them. Jim skidded over to Frenchie, grabbed him by the arm in a rough grip, and pulled him towards the mainmast.

Lucius was shivering, water soaking his shirt and trousers to his already wet skin. Jim and Frenchie knelt next to him, ignoring how the salty water filtered through their clothes, making their knees nip with the cold. Frenchie held his hands out gently, smiling warmly when Lucius leaned forwards into them. He held Lucius in a soft hug, tightening his arms around Lucius’ shoulders just as the scribe had said he liked a few nights before. 

Jim ran their hands across Lucius’ face, clearing his cheeks from any of the warm tears that fell. They frowned at the sharp breath the boy took. 

Placing their hand over Lucius’, they rested his on their chest. “Hey, Luce. Mi Hombrecito. I need you to listen to me, okay?”

They received a shaky nod in return.

“I need you to follow my breathing, okay?” Jim inhaled slowly, watching as Lucius attempted to copy them. They held their breath for a couple of seconds and released it in a continuous, slow puff of air. “Good, good. You’re going to be alright, everything is alright.”

Lucius continued to copy Jim until he was able to breathe comfortably on his own. Jim rubbed his arm in a comforting manner, praising him when he stopped hyperventilating. 

Lucius didn’t feel as light-headed anymore, now he was able to stand up on shaky legs, Jim supporting one side and Frenchie on the other. His hands trembled less, and his vision had cleared up so things looked less distorted now. Whispers were thrown around the deck, but Lucius ignored them, instead choosing to focus on the two people holding him up.

“Thank- Thank you.” Lucius’ voice cracked as he attempted a whisper to Jim and Frenchie.

They both grinned at him and began leading him towards the stairs to sit down again.

Lucius dropped his head onto Jim’s shoulder, looking up at them with glossy eyes, his mouth forming a small pout. “I want- I want Baloo” His words quietened as his voice trailed off, his bottom lip quivering again. Jim stroked his cheek, glancing behind their shoulder to watch Frenchie run into their room. He emerged a few minutes later with a soft blanket and a fuzzy brown bear, its limbs draped over his arm, and its head flopped down against his wrist. Lucius shifted his head around, eyes brightening when he spotted his beloved teddy bear. 

His hands shot out, reaching for the fluffy toy. He hugged it to his chest, tangling his fingers in the small scarf tied around its neck. The scarf was his old neckerchief, he had received a new one from Pete when they reunited but he didn’t want to get rid of his old one. It had too many memories to just throw it away. He pushed his face into the head of the bear, rubbing its ear on his cheek. He smelt its comforting, salty smell. It took his mind off of the storm happening around him, filling his senses with warm, calm thoughts rather than memories of a few months prior. Memories of hiding in the sweaty hidden passages, not enough food to cover his bones, his clothes barely fitting him. Memories of barely managing to wrap a rope around his wrist to stop him from drowning and being swept away by the current. 

A soft hum exited his throat, vibrating with the joy that erupted from him when Frenchie hugged him from behind and Jim wrapped their arm tighter around him. Rainwater splashed by their feet, mixing with seawater across the wood. It didn’t bother Lucius, not when he could see the concerned faces of the crew staring at him. Footsteps rang out behind him.

“What are you lazy fuckers doing? Get back to work now, or I’ll make sure you get left behind at the next port.” Izzy stood behind the trio, his raspy voice snapping out orders to the rest of the crew. He dropped to his knee, leaning in to whisper. “I don’t care whether you three work or not. Just don’t distract the rest of them. Their brains wander enough without distractions.” 

Izzy shuffled around them, a frown pasted on his mouth. Lucius was sure it was permanent, he’s never seen Izzy with a face that doesn’t look like he’s just stepped it cat shit. Lucius curled into himself, teddy sitting haphazardly across his knee, its fur sprayed with seafoam. He could learn to cope, even with the rest of the crew around. 

---

The evening after the storm, Lucius found himself in Jim’s room. Jim was lying, splayed out across the floor beside their bed. Oluwande had chosen to sleep below deck with the other crewmembers. And Lucius was wrapped up in Jim’s bed. It felt nice, to be able to feel comforted. To not have to hide around his crewmates. He was still a little weary around the captains, but he knew it was just a matter of time before he would be wrapped around their pinky fingers again. 

Frenchie had dropped by, before heading off to sleep with Wee John. Everyone had suspected something was going on between the two for a while. He dropped off Lucius’ favourite blanket and an extra one for Jim. Pete had also stopped by. A few times. He brought Lucius his dinner. He brought Lucius his quill after he had managed to wrangle it off of Stede. He even brought Lucius a few books, the ones Lucius was always taking from Stede’s reconstructed library.

Lucius curled up beside the wall, Teddy draped over his arm, with a book in his hands. His hands ran delicately over the thin paper, curved black letters winding around his thumb as his eyes grazed the pages. A knock on the door of the cabin pulled Lucius from his haze. He placed the book down on the bed, picking up a blanket to wrap around his shoulders as he stood up. His hand wrapped around the scuffed bronze doorknob, wooden finger scraping against the metal when he tugged on the handle. Green eyes met hazel. Fluffy blonde curls bounced in surprise as the door swung open.

“Stede. What do you want?” Lucius’ mouth dried with the salty air as he locked eyes with Stede, his voice screaming in protest as he spoke. 

“I- I wanted to check up on you. I wasn’t sure if you needed anything, a cup of tea maybe?” Stede’s eyes were glossed over with a fatherly concern, the corners of his mouth twitching into a small smile. 

Lucius’ breath hitched, surely he couldn’t accept the offer. Stede did forgive his attempted murderer a bit too fast after all. But then again, it might be nice to have an extra person to talk to every so often. Lucius directed his gaze away from Stede, looking at his feet instead. He let out a short puff of air, voice wavering a bit, “Sure- sure. A cup of tea would be lovely.” 

Stede’s smile grew, leaving a slightly warm feeling in Lucius’ chest. He pulled his blanket closer, moving back towards the bed to grab his bear before following Stede out of the room and to the captain's quarters. His feet dragged behind him, a lump in his throat preventing him from going any further. Stede turned around, lips parted like he was about to say something but no words left his mouth. Lucius swallowed nervously, unshed tears stinging his eyes. He hadn’t been in the captain’s quarters in so long. Not since before he was pushed overboard. Not since Stede left. Not since Ed became Blackbeard and Blackbeard became The Kraken. 

Stede held his arms out, gesturing for a hug. Lucius let out a choked sob, tears barely escaping his eyes as he ran into Stede’s embrace, wrapping his blanketed arms around his captain. He missed this. Being able to seek comfort from Stede. It had been so long since Stede had hugged Lucius. For the first time in months, Stede wasn’t attached to Ed’s side and was actually paying attention to the well-being of his crew, rather than just assuming that they are alright. He allowed himself to be led into the cabin and to the sofa in the middle. He pulled his feet up, laying his bear on his legs and pressing his face into its fuzzy belly. He hummed softly as Stede sat on the sofa next to him. A mug of tea was placed in his hands, steam warmed his face when he leaned over to breathe in the comforting heat. 

Edward was out on the deck so Lucius didn’t have to worry about being near him while so vulnerable. He was surprised it took so little time to get comfortable around Stede, but he was sure it would take a lot longer to stay calm around Ed. Lucius could hear the crew outside, save for Jim who was still lounging in their room. The crew’s muffled voices seemed so peaceful and they sent a wave of happiness through Lucius. He loved it when his crew mates were enjoying themselves, not needing to be cautious of their surroundings as often anymore. 

The door creaked open and a wave of greyed-black hair fell through. Deep brown eyes fell upon Lucius and Stede, drifting away when they caught Lucius’ eyes. Lucius’ blood ran cold, his hands clenched in his lap, teacup long forgotten on the side table. He swallowed thickly, curling tighter into himself, and tugging his blanket further to his chest. His teddy flopped against a cushion, but that was the least of his worries. Ed wasn’t supposed to see him like this. Not yet. And probably not ever. 

Edward closed the door behind him as he stepped further into the cabin. No. No. No. No. Lucius couldn’t do this. Lucius couldn’t bare to be in such close proximity to him . He didn’t care that it had been months, it was still possible for Ed to turn on him at any point. Especially now that he is so vulnerable in this state. Lucius pushed himself as far into the couch as he could, picking up his dropped bear and pulling it to his chest in a last attempt to comfort himself. His fingers twitched over the fabric, curling a loose strand of thread around his knuckles. 

His teeth dug into his lips, hard enough to draw a drop of blood from the fragile pink skin. He felt a gentle pair of hands caress his shoulders. Calloused fingers felt soft against his back, and a calm voice spoke unintelligible yet comforting words into his ears. Lucius sucked in a deep breath, releasing it unsteadily. He blinked up to Stede, slightly impressed by the roughness of his once baby-soft hands. Stede had obviously picked up a few tips that he should try to be a proper pirate, and those tips had definitely helped Stede become more confident in this lifestyle. 

Lucius turned towards Edward once again, vision blurred by salty tears threatening to fall. Ed was standing by the door of the cabin, back flush against the wood. He was holding a small pot of marmalade in one hand, freshly made by the looks of it, and a stack of a few thick chunks of bread Roach made the day before. Guilt flashed in Ed’s eyes, his Adam's apple bobbing with uncertainty. 

Lucius sank into himself. He wanted to feel comfortable around Ed. He really did. But it was hard, and he didn’t know how to get better. He took another deep inhale, this time his breath didn’t waver and he didn’t feel like he was choking. 

“Ed-” Nevermind . His voice collapsed as soon as he began to speak. He struggled to push out any words, his eyebrows scrunching in defeat. He swallowed back a whine, squeezing his teddy with his fingers, careful to not snag his wooden finger on the fur. He tried to ignore the kicked-puppy look on Ed’s face, but it was hard when he looked so worried. Lucius was beginning to feel guilty as if it wasn’t Ed’s fault in the first place.

Lucius sniffed deeply, releasing his strong grip on his teddy, “Edward.” His voice came out surprisingly confident.

Ed looked up, eyes wide and lips parted slightly, “Huh? What?”

“I- I’m sorry for treating you so badly these past few months. You’ve been trying so hard to make amends and I’ve just been making things so much worse.”

“You don’t need to apologise. I shouldn’t have pushed you in the first place, I had no excuse to do such a thing. I attempted to murder you for goodness sake. ”

Lucius looked towards his knees, “Yes… you did push me. And there is nothing you or anyone can do to fix that memory. But maybe we can start over and become acquaintances if not friends.” 

Edward smiled warmly, still nervous to make any wrong moves, “That- that would be nice. Oh- I brought marmalade. I can just leave it here and go if you want more time alone together. I’ll come back later.”

Stede spoke up for the first time in what felt like an eternity, “That would be wonderful, love. Please go and keep Izzy from reigning down on the crew, he needs to sort out that temper of his.”

The three of them laughed, surprising Lucius. He never thought he’d be able to laugh around his captain’s again. It felt nice. It sent a bubble of warmth through his body, shooting soft happiness through his veins. He wished this could have happened sooner. He wished he could have talked to them when Stede first came back, like the rest of the crew. Instead, he was holed up in a secret room, terrified of what could happen if he left. 

Edward backed out of the room after leaving the plate of bread and marmalade on the table, leaving Stede and Lucius alone again. Stede pulled Lucius into a tight hug.

“You did so well, you don’t have to see him later if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you into doing anything you don’t want to do.” Stede rocked Lucius slightly, both of them smiling with their eyes slipping closed.