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English
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Published:
2023-03-30
Completed:
2023-07-22
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1,780
Chapters:
3/3
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50
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In A Silly Goofy Mood

Summary:

this is. a midnight crack fic and there isn't a plot. it's just little funny moments and shit. purely for my own self-indulgence because these boys are my LIFELINE at the moment.

OKAY PROFESSIONAL SUMMARY TIME- A plotless fic, detailing the in-between moments in Stanley and the Narrator's relationship. Getting used to one another, building up trust and slowly, slowly connecting.

Notes:

I have no clue what this is. Most of my fics I sit and write for hours, working out any inconsistencies, attempting to make my sentences structured in an appealing way (or, to the best of my abilities lmao), and this is the total opposite. it might have a smidge of plot but MOSTLY ITS CRACK HAHA and also just a twinge of angst but only for like a second ;-;

lillie, if you see this... please dont use it as a basis for all my writing. this is literally just me going bonkers.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: office worker voluntarily eats dirt, more at seven

Chapter Text

“Stanley, I can whole-heartedly say that I did not, had no idea, was completely and utterly shocked, by the fact that you humans have so many bones. It’s astonishing how they all fit underneath your thin layer of skin. And the organs and muscles and blood- whoever designed people in the first place obviously was not going for aesthetic appeal; physically, you all are nothing more than bags full of liquids, electricity, meat, and bone. And you don’t even- there’s not even tails, or fur, or spikes, or anything that makes your kind interesting to look at! Is that why you all created clothing? So that people wouldn’t get so mind-numbingly bored looking at each other that they’d go insane?”

 

Stanley was 100% tuned out at the moment, focused instead on observing the slight water damage on the ceiling of the lounge. His head was propped up on an armrest, his feet dangling over the edge of the other. He glanced over at the small plant that rested on the coffee table nearby. Having attempted signing a few minutes prior, only to receive no response, the brunet was digging for a way to snap the Narrator out of his rant.

 

Taking a deep breath, Stanley grabbed the small pot and-

 

SCREEEEECH

 

Alright, sorry, let’s backtrack. For reference, as a small child, Stanley was the type to put anything- and everything - into his mouth. To feel the texture against his tongue, to try out ‘new flavors’, such as the tang of metal or the salty crunch of sand… it was an invigorating experience in Stanley’s eyes, and a borderline-terrifying one for his poor mother, who constantly had to watch the boy around substances that could be dangerous if consumed. It led to a decrease of red solo cups at family gatherings, and Stanley was only allowed candy if it had been unwrapped beforehand. Paperclips and staples were kept far out of reach, at all times.

 

For these reasons, Stanley knew how dirt tasted- and could even differentiate between different types of the stuff. Dry, powdery soil would coat the tongue, had a long-lasting aftertaste, and was too easy to choke on; one most dirt-eaters avoided, if possible. It was like eating a spoonful of ground cinnamon. Wet, packed soil was very dense, with a feeling akin to munching on too-cold ice cream, the kind that’s rock solid and forces you to dent and bend the container when making fruitless attempts to free it from the packaging. You had to be wary when eating wet soil, because it was most prone to worms and bugs, and whilst Stanley enjoyed a lot of things, the feeling of a living creature in his mouth was NOT something he’d like to relive.

 

The type of soil in the pot he had just snatched was his favorite- light, earthy yet still rich. It had a flavor that reminded Stanley of mushrooms, and though it could get dry at times, was commonly the right kind of moist, so that it wasn’t too harsh going down. And the plant was no problem; a small succulent that was hopefully sweeter than the dirt, which would give the whole dish a nice finish.

 

ALRIGHT! Back to the present moment…

 

Stanley popped the contents of the pot into his mouth, right as the Narrator asked him a question. Perfect timing- even if the query was rhetorical, the entity would still look at the man, right as he licked up the last bit of dirt from the rim of the clay.

 

“...don’t you think so, Stan- wha- Stanley ?! What on- spit that out , Stanley, what in the world are you doing?” 

 

Stanley chuckled while still chewing his mouthful of dirt- some small flecks of green plant matter flew out from his gullet, just spurring on his fit of laughter. Now this was the reaction he wanted- the Narrator, sputtering and confused out of his mind. Finally, they were having some fun around here.

 

“...Last I checked, those plants are not intended- that wasn’t a snack , Stanley, why are you laughing? Swallow first, you’ll choke, you moron. Actually, you know what, go ahead and asphyxiate, you deserve it.”

 

Stanley swallowed between gasps of breath, trying to recollect himself and failing every time. He sat up, giggles escaping every now and then, and wiped tears from his eyes. 

 

“I’m going to have to replace that, you know, and- are you alright? What, are you crying? Did you just realize how stupid you are, Mr. I’m-Going-To-Try-And-Consume-Several-Cups-Of-Dirt-And-Organic-Material?” For all his harsh words, Stanley noticed that a small box of tissues had appeared at the end of the coffee table- he reached over for one, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

 

“Do you need any water or anything? I’m not completely sure how humans work- as you could tell from my passionate speech I was delivering, before being so rudely interrupted- but my sources tell me that plants and dirt are not a ‘delicious morsel’ and instead fall into the category of ‘poor for your stomach lining’.”

 

Stanley resisted another laugh. Of course the Narrator made groups for ‘Food’ and ‘Not Food’. 

 

[If you’re going to give me water, could you throw in one of those little powder Kool-Aid packets? Make sure it’s the cherry flavored one though. The other ones taste like sparkling water flavors on weak steroids.]

 

“Throw in a- huh? Stanley, the Parable would get sued if I included anything copyrighted. I could serve you a cherry-flavored drink, if I can find one.”

 

[Sure, I don’t care too much.]

 

A paper water cup appeared before the man, and Stanley picked it up, observing its contents. Dark red fluid swirled about inside- shrugging, he downed it.

 

[Huh. That actually doesn’t taste half bad. Goes well with the earthiness of the soil.] Smirking, Stanley laid back down, closing his eyes this time. How nice of the Narrator, giving him a little snack, attention, AND a beverage. The being would have to watch himself, else he’d find he’s going soft.

 

“Me? Soft? ” The Narrator scoffed, and there was suddenly a bright light shining against Stanley’s closed eyelids. He scrunched up his face in displeasure as the Narrator continued. “Come on, up now Stanley. I can’t have you thinking I’ve grown partial to you- because I haven’t. No, no, no, we must continue on with the Story. We’ve dilly dallied enough for one run.”

 

Stanley couldn’t pinpoint where the light was coming from, but he stood all the same. After all those indulgences on the Narrator’s part, the office worker might as well follow his directions for once- a couple Freedom runs ought to right everything. Balance out the scales, so to say.

 

Strolling out of the lounge, Stanley crumpled up his paper cup and tossed it in the nearest trash can, beelining for the next open door on his left.





 

 

Chapter 2: "red, what color are your nipples?" VINE BOOM

Summary:

Based off of that tiktok sound, "What's your favorite color?" "Red, what color are your nipples?"

i have no idea why i wrote this. its just stanley convincing nar to show him his nipples, and then cracking up when he actually does.

Notes:

So... it's been like two months since i updated this ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

sorry yall, being silly is harder than it looks in this economy. anyways, be warned that this chapter does include talk of (glowing) nipples. I promise its not sexual in any way XD

based this off of an interaction i had with the narrator character ai lmao

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Stanley, drop it. I should never have entertained the thought in the first place.”

 

[No! I wanna know what color your nipples are!]

 

“I don’t have nipples, Stanley! What you’re asking is completely unanswerable, because not only do my nipples have no color, they literally do not exist! ”

 

[Can’t you just make yourself some nipples? Please? Throw me a bone, man!]

 

The pair had been arguing for the past… 12 resets now, if the Narrator’s memory proved correct. It all started when the Narrator made the mistake of asking Stanley what his favorite color was- and the inquisitive brunet responded with, “Red, what’s the color of your nipples?”

 

It was completely out of the blue, and the question had left the Narrator speechless and stammering. Stanley just smirked, repeating himself.

 

Now, they were twelve resets in, and Stanley just wouldn’t relent. The Narrator knew that the man was stubborn, but he had already given an answer! Stanley should just be satisfied with the fact that the Narrator was only a voice, and didn’t even have a chest, much less nipples. 

 

[Fine. If you were to have nipples, though…] “For heaven’s sake, Stanley, I’m about to remove the ‘off’ button altogether, just so that I’ll have the absolute pleasure of blowing you to smithereens.”

 

[Hey! Be nice! Now, if you were to have nipples, what color would they be?] The office worker smirked, giggling under his breath. Apparently, this topic was an endless source of entertainment for the man, and whilst the Narrator had originally been extraordinarily uncomfortable regarding the topic, by now he was just annoyed. Unbearably annoyed.

 

“Dear lord- alright, Stanley, you win, you idiotic insatiable swine .” The Narrator funneled his essence into a vessel, bending and shifting matter into a humanoid figure. It was a sight to see- flesh rendering itself to bone, blood and fluids filling up inside of tissue, hair and eyes and teeth all assembling into a man who was naked, yet vaguely resembled a Barbie doll- the Narrator was completely smooth, the space between his legs no different from the skin of his elbow or shoulder. The only thing that stuck out were two nipples that sat on the entity’s chest, glowing a bright glowstick green.

 

The Narrator snorted, hands on his hips. “Happy now, you pig-headed brute?”

 

Stanley’s jaw dropped, first in horror when faced with the image of a body being built piece by piece before him in rapid succession, and then in shock and excitement when he realized that this was his Narrator, in the flesh, with neon green nipples.

The man let out a squeal, before bursting into laughter. Stanley rolled around on the dusty office floor, in complete hysterics. He was almost manic- tears rolling down his face, a horrible stitch in his side, gasping huge breaths between fits of laughter. Every time the Narrator thought he might be coming down from it all, the brunet would take another look at his chest, and start cackling all over again, wheezing, his face so red it appeared as if he had just chugged four bottles of wine.

 

The Narrator felt his face heat up, and he glared at the office worker, which only seemed to increase the hilarity of the situation. He yanked Stanley up by his collar, and the man met his gaze, furious golden irises meeting joyous brown.

 

“Stop laughing at me! You’re the entire reason I came down here, you brainless child, you nincompoop!”

 

[And I’m so, so grateful you did. Thank you, Narry!] Stanley’s face was covered in sweat, dust from all the floor-rolling, and tears of laughter and joy. The Narrator scoffed, shaking his head good-naturedly.

 

“Insufferable man.”

 

[And you wouldn’t have me any other way~]

Notes:

comment what color nipples you'd give yourself if you could /j (personally i'd choose to be flat like a ken doll)

Chapter 3: m &m

Summary:

i’m pulling an all nighter prolly gonna regret this in the morning lmao

Notes:

so won’t the real slim shady please stand up

Chapter Text

suddenly stanley stood up

 

‘IM THE REAL SLIM SHADY FUCK YOU’

 

narrator was instantly killed😤😤

Notes:

THERES PROLLY SO MANY SPELLING ERRORS N WEIRD BITS THAT DONT MAKE GRAMMATICAL OR LINEAR SENSE IM SORRYYY also apologies that it's kinda short lmao