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As she stood in front of him, waiting for his forgiveness his body began to tense to the point his muscles began to hurt. He could feel his body become stiff and tight as she just stood there. He forced his jaw shut which caused his jaw to lock from the pressure.
His right hand began to form a fist as his arm flexed before releasing the fist and allowing his arm to rest. His mind began to repeat
“One hit” but he held himself back. He wouldn’t let his inability to control his anger affect his words and actions. He wanted his words to be clear. He needed his words to be clear.
“𝘕𝘰, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯" Mikey sneered.
His voice didn’t hold his usual careless, laid-back tone but a cold and distant one instead. His body language was one they weren’t used to, he held himself tall, assertive and aggressive. He had his hands crossed and he was glaring. At that moment his baby blue eyes didn’t seem so forgiving, He looked… intimidating.
“You killed someone. You killed someone and that someone was my brother. He warned you, he told you. Yet he wasn’t important enough to you for you to listen” Mikey added.
“You might’ve brought him back but what if you couldn’t. What then? We just live without him.” He hissed.
His words sent a collective shiver down everyone’s back.
He could tell not everyone was fully ready to admit that to themselves but they had to. If he had to put salt in their wounds for them to see the point, so be it.
He could almost feel the disappointment and or disapproval Splinter had relating to the situation. He thought of April like a daughter. He would fight for her, so when
He tried to reason with Mikey. He kept saying otherwise, saying that April indeed had their forgiveness, he told him to just forgive but he couldn’t. A mistake it was but to Mikey it was a failure. Mikey knows Splinter is just trying to see reason or keep their little family together but is there really reason in a situation like this? Could they still see her as they’re family?
He stood there, allowing all of his words to eat at her. He watched as her eyes began to gloss as tears began to form, she quickly wiped them away. He felt for her. He knew she felt guilty and how that alone was eating at her but that couldn’t shake how Mikey felt.
He knows he can’t fully blame April but he doesn’t know what else to do. He just feels so frustrated that he came so close to actually losing a brother. One of the only people that actually knew him. One of the only people who cares for him, that can care for him. He could’ve lost him just because of someone else's carelessness.
Because of her the image of Donnie dying plays on loop.
He had watched on again and again as Donnie begged, pleaded and fought for April, his April, their April to come back. He encouraged her to fight back yet it seemed so useless as Donnie was scattered. his yells echoed in Mickey's ears.
Sometimes it still does.
He remembers the way Donnie’s mask rained down along with rain itself.
How it looked to be in slow motion as the rain and lightning highlighted the mask as it fell closer and closer to them. How the dark background made his mask’s color pop and look so much brighter than it actually was. How it fell slowly like some kind of sick joke. A beautifully cruel reminder that they had just lost something, someone.
It had looked so beautiful that Mikey couldn’t help but let his tears fall as his frustration reached its limits. They had lost something beautiful, someone beautiful.
A presence next to him pulls him from the images but before he can look, a hand rests on his shoulder. It gripped him firmly. If not for the situation he would’ve clinched to the comfort that was being offered. He would’ve cried every single tear from his body but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He needed to be strong.
“𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘵.." Mikey muttered.
As his voice was about to break he cleared his throat. He hoped that it would make him sound unfazed but the lump in his throat made it hard. It caused his throat to mimic a closing up sensation that made it harder for him to speak.
“I can’t forgive you, I won’t forgive you,” He added. His voice cracked a little at the end but Mikey isn’t ashamed. He took a breath.
How was he supposed to anyways? When it was still affecting them.
No one but him noticed the distance Raph and Casey had put between themselves and April. How their hands reached for their weapons. How when she came around their relaxed bodies would turn defensive and deadly.
How Leo has to force himself to not move in front of them protectively when she’s around. How his hands also reached for his weapons. Mikey also noticed after the events Leo began to stay in the dojo until ungodly hours, just training. His ‘failure’ to protect one of his brothers ate at him.
Donnie would also put distance between April and himself.
Scared.
He would rub his left hand’s thumb over his right hand in an attempt to smooth himself.
His body language gave him away quickly
The hand from earlier squeezed his shoulder even more in support of his words but also to keep him out of his own mind.
He placed his hand upon it. He turned to see his supporter.
Donnie.
His brother looked so defeated yet he’s being strong. This was affecting him the most yet he was supporting him. How he wanted to laugh at the irony.
“I tried, trust me I tried but I can’t. Every time I see you I’m just reminded of my helplessness, my faults and my failure.”
His heart hung low. He was just so tired.
“I’m reminded of Donnie dying and the anger I feel towards you.”
He didn’t want to feel the way he was being forced to feel right now. All he wanted was to turtle pile and sleep away the pain that his heart held on to.
“I’m reminded of the damage that you caused”
He looked towards Casey and his brothers, waiting for any protest.
Nothing.
He took a deep breath.
“And no matter how long I knew you, care for you or trusted you, my brother well being comes first and you being here upset him”
“So please leave.“