Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

7:50pm Palpy: WHO CREATED THIS

Arihnda: dude chill

Eli: did you just tell the emperor to chill

Thrawn: Not a very wise decision Governor Price.

Palpy: WHY IS MY NAME PALPY I AM THE RULER OF THE FIRST GALACTIC EMPIRE I AM THE MOST POWERFUL SITH ALIVE

Vader: Would you rather it be wrinkles

Arihnda: OOOH SICK BURN

Tarkin: How does one leave a group chat!
*?

Krennic: Tarkin if you ask me one more tech question I am going to scream
You know what? I think I'm just not going to tell you now

Vader: haha L

Palpy: sent recording

Eli: duuuuuude
That's sic

Vader: it's just force lighting relax
*Lighting

Tarkin: the novelty wears off quickly not to worry

Arihnda: OOOOH SIC BURN 🔥🔥🔥

Thrawn: Or more accurately, sick electrocution
⚡⚡⚡

Vader: I approve of this punn
*Pun

9:02pm

Krennic: I just saw Tarkin flirt with a stormtrooper
Oh God

Arihnda: What

Krennic: He's bringing the poor trooper back to his quarters

Arihnda: omg

Thrawn: I do believe that having an affair with a fellow officer is reason for Court Martial is it not?

Eli: he's a Moff he'll never face consequences

Krennic: Vader you're his superior couldn't you punish him?

Vader: No it is far too amusing

Krennic: Are you fucking serious

Palpy: No I agree
It's quite entertaining

Krennic: I hate it here

Thrawn: Hate it all you want you still have to build your foolish Battle Station

Eli: OOOOH drama

Krennic: you two are the equivalent of audience reactions in HoloNet videos
And by you two I mean Commander Vanto and Governor Pryce

Thrawn: I highly agree
Although Vanto does provide knowledgeable insight while Governor Pryce is often a thorn in my side

Arihnda: HEY

Eli: L
Sent a GIF

Arihnda: DON'T YOU FUCKING L BOZO ME YOUNG MAN

Thrawn: Congratulations on your victory Vanto

Eli: thx

1:12am

Tarkin: I am not having an affair with a stormtrooper

Krennic: Really? Then why did it take you 3 hours to respond to the accusations against you huh?

Tarkin: I'm a Grand Moff I am very busy

Vader: At 4 int he morning
* 1 int the morning
*The god

Palpy: Go to sleep all of you

Chapter Text

4:32pm

Eli: Anyone wanna go out for drinks in a little

Krennic: You do realize we are all thousands of parsecs away Commander Vanto?

Arihnda: Stfu we ain't talking to you

Tarkin: Vanto if you want to ask the grand admiral out you have private chats for a reason

Eli: HEY
UR NOT FUNNY

Arihnda: Ha L

Thrawn: Me and Commander Vanto are not in a relationship

Vader: youu sure
*you sure

Krennic: Wait they're not dating!?
Wat

Palpy: This is most entertaining

Eli: i hate it here

Tarkin: He won't leave unless his boyfriend does to don't worry.

Thrawn: Please stop

Vader: HAHAHA
Loser L L L

Arihnda: Shut up Thrawn go rant to your boyfriend

Thrawn: Perhaps we could all get drinks at 8?

Eli: Yeah
Forgan's?

Arihnda: Sure

Thrawn: I agree

Tarkin: You do realize that it's 1 in the morning where we are?

Eli: I do I just don't care lol

Palpy: I wish to go to sleep please be quiet

3:18am

Thrawn: Do you ever think about the fact that all sentient beings are just wet meat sacks trying to see who can live the longest?

Tarkin: How much did you have to drink?

Eli: FIVE FUCKING BOTTLES 🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉

Arihnda: we've been having e grades timwe

Krennic: go to fucking sleep

Arihnda: go fuck fyiuraelf bitch

8:31am

Eli: I am so fucking hungover rn
Help

Palpy: Vanto these are called "The consequences of your actions"

Arihnda: i hate you both
Fuck fff hdycj
*Fuck you

Thrawn: Good morning

8:45am

Eli: HOW TF IS THRAWN NOT DRUNK
HELP HE'S SO NORMAL

Tarkin: Perhaps Chiss process alcohol faster than humans?

Arihnda: Botch
*Bitch

Thrawn: You're just jealous Governor Pryce

Eli: I hate you

Thrawn: You love me though ;)

Arihnda: Get a room you 2

Vader: They do share a room actually

Krennic: Wait really?!

Tarkin: Yes?

Palpy: They do. I'm surprised you weren't aware given the copious amount of digging you've done on your opponent.

Thrawn: Curious

Arihnda: Stfu all of you.

Chapter Text

3:53pm

Eli: Guys
I fucked up
I kissed Thrawn

Krennic: I FUCKING TOLD YOU

Arihnda: I KNEW FIRST YOU MELTED RATION BAR OF A HUMAN BEING

Vader: That is the best roast I've heard in awhile
Or should I say best melt?

Tarkin: Some days you just want to jump out of an air lock.

Palpy: Why are not addressing the topic at hand? Commander Vanto just kissed his superior.

Krennic: Well it's not surprising

Tarkin: The real Bantha in the room is what will happen when the Grand Admiral receives these messages.

Arihnda: given that Vanto has not friends we're probably the first people he told

Vader: Omgh
*Omg

Krennic: Governor Pryce please send us a video of how it all goes down

Palpy: Yes please do

Arihnda: oh believe me I will. I actually haven't seen them in a week so this will be interesting

Vader: Whrr are you anyways
*where

Arihnda: me, Vanto, and the Grand Admiral are all on Lothal (again). They're on the Chimera and I'm in the capitol.

Tarkin: Interesting 🤔

Arihnda: they're supposed to meet me at 5 for dinner tonight so I'll keep you updated

Vader: Keep your notifications on all of you

6:15pm

Arihnda: Update: Grand Admiral Thrawn and Commander Vanto arrived at dinner 15 minutes early. Vanto seemed tired and looked slightly disheveled but was otherwise normal. Thrawn was his usual self (and by his usual self I mean that he was a prick as per usual).
With this evidence, I have concluded that they 100% fucked

Thrawn: Disrespectfully, we did not

Arihnda: Really. Then why did it take you so long to respond after Vanto admitted to kissing you huh?

Thrawn: I am busy

Krennic: That's what they all say Grand Admiral

Eli: fuck you krennic

Vader: no seriously fuck you you're a pain in the ass

Tarkin: I agree. Director Krennic has the backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Arihnda: OOOH SICK burn 🔥🔥

Krennic: I hate all of you

Palpy: Don't worry, the feeling is mutual

Chapter Text

7:54am

Arihnda: Good morning bitches
*Sent gif*

Krennic: It's too early for this

Tarkin: Seriously though shut up I don't want you to wish me well I need reason to hate you.

Arihnda: Good thing that I'm the nicest bitch around then :)

Eli: I mean you're a bitch but not in a good way
You're like that one academy instructor everyone had and hated and shit talked

Arihnda: People shit talking me is actually a nice change of pace tho cause usually they just kneel and don't ask questions

Tarkin: Excuse me

Palpy: This is why we shouldn't have women in charge because they are all whores

Thrawn: Fuck you. Governor Pryce may be a thorn in my side but that's not because she's a woman.

Eli: She may be a ho but she's my ho

Vader: Yeah don't disrespect a Governor like that
This is why we should kill anyone over the age of 60

Arihnda: That wasn't even a sex joke y'all are just dirty minded

Palpy: Is no one going to address that Lord Vader just called for mass genocide

Thrawn: Is no one going to address that our supreme leader is actually a raging misogynist?

Krennic: YES LET'S ROAST THIS MOTHA FUCKA

Tarkin: Honestly I'm a bit concerned because I don't think I've ever seen Krennic use all caps before

Eli: I think we should kick wrinkles out of the chat who's with me?

Arihnda: Me

Thrawn: I am

Vader: ✋

Krennic: Blast the bitch out of the airlock for all I care

Tarkin: I agree let's banish the Supreme leader

*Palpy has been removed from the chat*

Arihnda: 🎉🎉🎉

Vader: Somehow the air feels cleaner now that he's gone

Eli: How tf would you know you breath through a damn ventilator

Thrawn: ...
Vanto we've talked about this

Arihnda: Bold words from someone who's fucking his coworker

Thrawn: I am not

Eli: Are two
Oh fuck
I did not mean to send that

Krennic: I KNEW IT

Vader: WE ALL KNEW IT YOU DICK

Arihnda: I HAVE BLACKMAIL LET'S GOOOOOOOOO

Tarkin: I don't like it here

Thrawn: Some days you turn the tables, other days the tables turn you

Arihnda: You know we're never letting you both live this down right?

Eli: i wanna go home