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Nick Nelson had a big, fat crush on Charlie Spring. Which wouldn’t normally be that strange for a bisexual teenage boy; Charlie was his incredibly attractive best friend, after all. But it was strange in Nick’s case because Nick Nelson had been dating Charlie Spring for over a year.
But maybe it was just because Nick had never had a crush that actually blossomed into a real relationship and therefore, he was just conflating the two.
Except that morning, Otis had been gushing about his crush on some girl at Higgs, and everything sounded weirdly familiar: butterflies in the stomach, brain turning to mush, heart thumping wildly. The only difference seemed to be that Nick could do something about those feelings instead of just pining in secret.
It seemed strange to have a crush on someone you were already dating, but Nick couldn’t deny it.
Currently, Nick was gazing at Charlie, just taking him in, as he sat on the floor reading. Nick couldn’t believe he got to just do that without any sort of excuse or preamble or weirdness. He could gaze at Charlie as lovingly as he liked because they were in love.
Charlie was doing that thing he did when he was really concentrating on a book: he poked the tip of his tongue out and furrowed his brow, trying so hard to take everything in that he lost any self-consciousness about his face. But in Nick’s opinion, Charlie could never have a bad face.
“Hey, Char?” Charlie hummed in acknowledgement but kept his eyes on the book he was reading. They spent most days after school together, studying or watching movies or just simply being around each other. Today, they had taken over Charlie’s conservatory. “I have a crush on you.”
Charlie snorted, still focused on the book. “I think we’re a bit past that stage.”
“You don’t have a crush on me?”
Nick’s hurt tone finally got Charlie to look up. “I mean… you’re my boyfriend.”
“Mhm?” Nick scooted closer, propping himself up on his elbows.
“Isn’t a crush usually on someone you’re not already dating? We literally made out on that couch twenty minutes ago.” Charlie blushed at the mention of making out.
Nick pointed at Charlie triumphantly. “Yes, see! You’re blushing!”
“What? So?” Charlie ducked his head. “You just… fluster me… sometimes.”
“But that’s what I’m saying! Isn’t that how a crush feels?”
Charlie shrugged. “I mean… I guess. But we’re together now. So that can’t be a crush.”
“Why not?”
Charlie looked frustrated. “I… I don’t know, it’s just different!”
Nick moved closer to Charlie until they were almost nose to nose. “Charlie, I have a crush on you. I have a big, embarrassing crush on you even though I can kiss you whenever I want.”
Charlie bumped his nose against Nick’s. “I’m still not sure I get it.”
“When you walk into a room, my heart rate picks up and I feel just a bit giddy. And when you smile, I sometimes have to just stare for a moment to take it all in. And I spend so much time thinking about being around you and wishing I could see you. I don’t have a lot of crush experience, but that sounds like a crush.” Nick knocked Charlie’s nose in return.
“Isn’t that dating?”
“Maybe? But I also think for a lot of people that fades or changes over time. We’ve been together a year and half, and I think those feelings have only gotten stronger.” Nick smiled, soft and sweet, as he watched something settle in Charlie’s eyes.
“Oh. Yeah.” Charlie visibly relaxed, his shoulders dropping and a small smile poking through his confusion. “I guess I do have a crush on you. Huh, that’s a bit silly.”
Nick giggled, so overwhelmed by how adorable his boyfriend — and crush — was in that moment of realisation. He leaned forward the infinitesimal distance between them and kissed him, slow and deep, no push for anything more, just wanting to be as close as possible.
They lazily made out for a few minutes, both fully aware they had work to do and couldn’t get too caught up but unable to resist anyway.
“Wow,” Charlie sighed as he pulled back. “Can’t believe I just got to kiss my crush.”
Nick dropped his head. “You’re never letting this go, are you?”
“That depends. Do you think you’ll ever get over your crush on me?”
Nick lifted his head and scanned Charlie’s face, pretending to take his time. “Not if I can help it.”
Charlie’s smile was heartstopping, and Nick’s breath stuttered. There was no way he was ever getting over this feeling Charlie instilled in him, not when just a smile stopped him in his tracks.
“In that case, I’ll make sure you never forget.” Charlie pecked Nick’s nose, eliciting giggles from both boys. “It’s selfish, really. I have a big stake in you continuing to like me.”
“Not sure we have to worry about that ever stopping, Char.”
Charlie covered his face with his hands. “You’re overwhelming.”
“In a good way?”
“In the best way.”
So yeah, Nick Nelson had a crush on his boyfriend. But as it turned out, his boyfriend had a matching crush. And maybe that should have been weird, two boys in a long-term relationship still having those giddy feelings about each other. Except Nick and Charlie seemed to have a knack for redefining how true love worked. Even as they built a life together and grew old together and stayed in love through it all, they never really got over their crushes on each other.