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“Do you have any twos?”
Ellie looked at her hand, then back up at Joel. “Go fish,” she said quickly.
“She’s lying,” Tess interjected, a smile teasing her voice. “The game doesn’t work if you lie.”
Ellie laughed, soft and lilting until it matched the timbre of the rain outside. “I’m not lying,” she protested between giggles.
Joel drew from the pool of cards spread on the coffee table, flashed the two of hearts at Ellie and laid down his pair. “Looks like I didn’t need you after all,” he said.
Ellie frowned. “But if we were playing books, then you would,” she said, remembering what Joel had taught her. She tapped the edge of her cards. “This is fun for a kid’s game.”
Joel huffed. “This is the kind of stuff you ought to be playin’. Not five-card stud with the old men down at the ash pit.”
Ellie laughed again. “I always win more than I lose,” she said.
“Yeah, yeah you would say that,” Joel said with an easy smile. He stood stiffly from the floor, bracing himself on the coffee table until he was upright and stretching his back. Ellie looked at him dubiously. “You ok, old man?”
Joel grunted. “Clean up the cards Ellie. Tess, you got a minute?”
Tess stood, following Joel to the bedroom. He closed the door behind them. “We need to get a run in. Get some supplies. Girl can’t work without tools, and we need food.”
Tess leaned into his space. “You don’t think she should be in school?”
Joel frowned. “Well I’m not sure if that’s for me to say.”
Tess pursed her lips. “If not for you or me, then who? Jesus Joel, she practically lives here now.”
He shook his head. It was not lost on him that Ellie spent most of her time with them. If anyone would have a say in whether or not Ellie should go to school, it would be him and Tess.
“You guys done with your secret meeting?”
They looked up and Ellie was standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip. Joel swore.
“No, actually, we’re not,” he said, flustered by the intrusion and his line of thought. “Can you just give us a minute?”
Ellie rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I can’t hear you through the door. Not everyone is deaf like you, you know.”
Joel sighed. He knew she was bluffing. If she’d heard exactly what they’d been talking about, she would’ve kicked up a fuss already. He looked at her sternly before turning back toward Tess.
“Jeez, fine,” Ellie said, her hands up. She was already turning around and heading back toward the couch when Tess called her back. “You know what, wait.”
Ellie turned around, expectant and eager as she ever was. Tess looked at Joel. “She might as well hear what we have to say.”
Joel nodded, his jaw tight. He looked at where Ellie stood on the floor of the bedroom. Her foot wasn’t too far from where he kept his gun.
“Tess and I are going out tonight. Beyond the wall. You know we do that sometimes, right?”
Ellie nodded once, quick and decisive, her eyes wide.
“You’re gonna stay here. You keep an eye out and you listen. You understand?”
She was shaking her head before Joel had even stopped talking.
“Take me with you. I’m small and quick; I can be a lookout.” Joel began walking her out of the bedroom, a firm hand on her arm. She pulled against his grasp, trying to break his hold on her. “Come on, Joel!”
Tess stepped in, a hand on Joel’s arm. Her eyes were soft. “Let her go, Joel.” Joel released his grip and Ellie twisted away, stalking towards the couch. Her eyes were wet.
“You’re not always going to be able to protect me,” she said miserably. “And if I go, that’s another pair of eyes, another set of hands.” She looked up beseechingly. “I could help you if you let me.”
Tess stole a glance at Joel, her eyes snagging his. Between the two of them, he could feel their collective wills wearing at his defenses. He sighed, placing a hand on his hip, and looked at the floor.
“Joel—“ Tess began, but he had already decided. “This once,” he said. “We see how it goes.” Hope brightened in Ellie’s eyes, and he was quick to squash it. “And you’ll do exactly what we say,” he added, his voice serious. “No more, no less. You got that?”
Ellie nodded, smile bright. “I got it.”
--
The world outside the walls was sprawling and dark. It pressed in on all sides, almost smothering. Ellie could barely see her hand in front of her face. She flicked on her flashlight, keeping Tess in its steady beam.
Joel was behind; she could hear the crunch of the ground beneath his feet. He was still unhappy about her tagging along, even after the apparent success of their run, and he wore his discontent like an ill-fitting suit. He swung his flashlight in a wide arc, rhythmically illuminating the path in front of her.
Their packs were full; Ellie carried the food they’d retrieved, Joel had the cigarettes and liquor as well as a shovel they’d found that was in fair condition. They would trade most of it for cards, she knew; there were plenty of people in the QZ who relied on their vices just to make it through the day.
Tess suddenly pulled up short; motioning for them to stop. She gestured to her ear, then pointed somewhere in the black. They stood straining to hear against the deafening silence surrounding them.
Ellie stood staring wide-eyed into the void. The sound was soft at first, the shuffle of feet, and then a pronounced and sharp clicking.
She looked back and Joel had drawn his gun. Tess, too was armed, and they closed in on Ellie, standing with their backs to her, their bodies tight with tension. Ellie drew her knife, hand shaking faintly in the gloom.
The Infected lurched forward into the little circle they’d made around Ellie, light and shadows from the flashlights sliding over it. She put her hands out, felt the knife sink into fetid flesh and pull back. The Infected howled, mouth snapping and hungry. Joel reached forward and pushed her behind him and for once, she was happy to go. He slammed the butt of his rifle into its split-open face, sending it back a step or two. Tess shot it once, twice, three times before it went down. It lay in the beam of her flashlight, twitching and shrieking.
Ellie put her hands on her knees, letting the adrenaline shake out of her. She felt a warm, solid hand at her back. Joel, she thought absently. She focused on the touch, regulating her breathing. When the last of the tremors had left her, she righted herself.
Joel tipped her head up as if he could divine her well-being just from her eyes. Seemingly satisfied, he glanced at Tess. “Everybody ok?”
She nodded, gun still drawn. Ellie blew out a breath and shouldered her pack to fall in line behind Joel. None of them spoke as they snuck their way back into the QZ.
It was well after midnight when they made it back to the apartment. Ellie began unpacking, setting the food items out on the counter to be put away. She shrugged off her jacket and lay it on the chair, leaving her arms exposed.
“You’re bleeding,” Tess said quietly, and Joel immediately went to her. He dropped to his knees, hurriedly pushing up her sleeves. He paused when he saw the little circle of teeth marks.
“Oh no,” Ellie whispered, feeling the weight of those two words sink deep in her gut. She felt cold and hot all at once. Her knees buckled before Joel caught her by the upper arm. She looked up at Joel and there were tears in his eyes.
“Scratched yourself on the fence,” Joel said hoarsely, pulling her sleeve back down. “That’s all.” He stood, his hand to his mouth. It was shaking.
Tess took his place, pushing up Ellie’s sleeves and inspecting the wound. “Christ,” she said brokenly. “That’s a bite mark. Joel—“
He withdrew his gun, hand on his other wrist to keep his aim straight. “I know what it is,” he said lowly. “Tess, you get away from her.” He loosely pointed the gun in Ellie’s direction. “Ellie, stay by the window.”
Unbidden, the tears started to flow. She stared down at the perfect ring of teeth, the blood oozing from the broken skin. This isn’t how she wanted to die, she found herself thinking. This wasn’t how things were meant to go at all.
“Don’t leave me,” she whispered, and it was a quiet, broken thing. She looked up at Joel’s face, past where he had the gun trained on her, and saw the grief she felt reflected back. “We won’t Ellie,” Tess said as she moved to stand by Joel. “We’re not going anywhere.”
Joel watched her through the night, his heart in his throat. Ellie slept propped in the corner of the couch, cradling her arm. She did not look like the monster she’d become. She looked peaceful, untroubled.
Part of Joel hoped she wouldn’t wake up.
It would be a mercy for this bite to somehow be fatal. It would spare him the heartbreaking agony of putting a bullet in this little girl.
Joel cleared his throat and she blinked awake, hazy eyes focusing on him. He looked down and the bite on her arm was unchanged. Unusual, but not unheard of. Not everyone changed right away. Sometimes it took hours.
“What will it feel like?”
Ellie’s voice was distant and resigned. Joel would have liked to have pretended he didn’t hear her at all.
“I said what will it feel like?” She said again, this time louder. The bite mark had stopped bleeding and some of the blood now scabbed over the top. Joel adjusted his hold on the gun; it wasn’t pointing straight at her, but it could be at a moment’s notice.
“I heard you,” he said. “I don’t know. Like maybe…you’re losing yourself.”
She looked off through the window. The sun was coming up over the wall of the QZ. “Have you ever seen anyone change?”
Joel nodded. “I have. I’ve waited like this, too. Waited until it happened.” His throat felt tight.
She looked at him, her eyes hard. “Why don’t you get it over with,” she said bitterly. “We all know how this is going to end.”
Tess came in with coffee for the both of them. Joel took his and sat it down by his chair. “We don’t know how long you have,” is all he said. Selfishly, he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could.
“Can I get you anything Ellie?” Tess was sitting by Joel again, her gun drawn like his was. Ellie hated how soft her voice sounded, like when she’d been sick and in and out of consciousness. Ellie shook her head. “I’m kind of hungry. But it seems stupid to eat now,” she said bleakly. Joel glanced at Tess and they shared another wordless exchange. Tess stood and walked to the kitchen.
“You ever had macaroni and cheese?”
Joel could register the momentary excitement that lit behind her eyes and it pained him. Ellie was just a kid. There was so much she would never get to do, all because he hadn’t been quick enough or strong enough when it mattered. He felt the iron grip of grief close around his throat. It was all his fault, just like it had been with Sarah.
Just as quick as the excitement sparked in her eyes, it faded. “You should save it for trade,” she said. “It was a good find. You’ll get some cards for it.”
Joel shook his head. “Not saving it,” he said resolutely. There was little he could do for her now; the expired box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese would be a comfort…give her some bit of happiness before the end. Joel’s stomach turned, and he looked away. Behind him, he could hear the steady rolling boil of water and the rattle of pasta as Tess poured it into the pot.
They sat in silence. Tess and Ellie ate, but Joel was unable to. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Ellie’s arm, as if he could wipe away the bite with the weight of his stare.
She finished her bowl and placed it carefully on the coffee table. He was hyper-aware of every move she made, followed every minute twitch and exhalation. The bite on her arm remained unchanged. No red/blue streaking, no striations of any kind. Just a perfect ring of teeth. Why hadn’t it happened yet?
“Thanks,” Ellie said. “That was good. Could certainly do worse for a last meal. What did you say they called that again?”
“Velveeta,” Joel said flatly. They’d been up all night and he was getting antsy.
“Velveeta,” Ellie repeated. “Velvee-ta.” She laughed to herself, and it hurt him to see it. “That’s fun to say.”
“Ellie—“ Joel began, but she shrugged her shoulders. The quick movement made him tighten his grip on the gun.
“What? I don’t feel any different. I don’t know what’s supposed to happen but I feel the same.”
Tess glanced over at him. “How long has it been?”
Joel put a hand over his broken watch. “Eight hours. Maybe more.”
Tess drew back the curtain to peer at the sky. “Joel it’s been 12 hours at least. It’s midday.” There was a thread of hope in her voice, and hope was a dangerous thing.
Joel blinked at the bright light through the window. Tess was in the kitchen, cleaning up after their meal. She caught his gaze and her eyes were filled with tears. “Maybe it didn’t take.”
Joel lowered the gun a fraction of an inch. Ellie was staring at him, wide-eyed. Afraid of what was happening to her, maybe even afraid of him. “It took,” he said roughly. “It broke the skin.”
Tess knelt in front him, putting her back to Ellie. “Maybe she’s different,” she whispered, her voice hushed and urgent. “It always happens within hours. She’s going on a day, Joel.” She reached up and put her hand over his where it lay on the gun. “All we can do is wait and see.”
Joel looked over Tess’s head and locked eyes with Ellie. She looked tired, but otherwise unchanged. “Maybe you should try to get some more sleep,” Joel suggested. “We’ll keep watch.”
Ellie nodded, folding her arms over her chest. She settled into the corner of the couch, drawing her legs up under her. After a few restless moments, she was asleep.
--
Twelve hours became 24, then 48 hours. Two days became a week, then another week, until enough time had passed where Joel wasn’t afraid Ellie was going to turn every moment of the day. She was immune. Joel wanted to laugh…he wanted to cry. He did neither of those things. Against all odds, Ellie was immune. The relief and gratitude he felt was overwhelming.
They’d fixed up the spare bedroom in the days following the bite. Ellie slept in there at night, where they could keep an eye on her, but spent most of her time in the living room where she was closer to the two of them. They played games, they argued. Joel wouldn’t let her go back to work, even though she appeared fine. If anyone saw her arm, they would shoot her on sight. They sat her down on the couch on the fifteenth day after Ellie was bitten, finally ready to talk to her like she had some sort of future.
“Tess and I have been talking,” Joel began, and it wasn’t entirely untrue. They did talk late at night, hushed voices no louder than the rustling of sheets. Mostly they had come to a sort of shared understanding.
“We think you would be safest in school, where you can blend in with the crowd.” Before Ellie could protest, Joel held up his hand. “You’re the only kid at the worksites, Ellie. That draws too much attention. You can’t hide in here all day, either.”
Ellie looked forlornly at the floor between her feet, then back up at him. “If you think I can blend in with the kids at school, then you don’t know me very well.” She worried the skin around her thumb with her forefinger, and Joel knew if she kept it up she’d tear the cuticle. “I hated it there. Kids suck,” she finally settled on. She looked away through the window. “Please don’t make me go back.”
Joel leaned over and put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey,” he said gently. “We’re not going to let anyone hurt you. Ok? I’ll teach you how to throw a punch.”
That startled a laugh out of Ellie. “What would you know about that?” She pointed with her chin. “Tess can teach me.”
Joel smiled and withdrew his hand. “Then Tess can teach you,” he agreed. “Just as long as you go back.”
Ellie blinked up at him, brown eyes large and wet. “Do I have to stay there? Or can I—“
“You can come back here,” Tess finished. “You don’t have to stay in the dorms.”
It seemed to settle her. She rubbed her hands together, pulling at her sleeve. “That stays covered,” Joel said, indicating the scar on her arm. “No one can ever see it.”
Ellie bit her lip. She folded her arms in front of her, left hand unconsciously going to where the bite lay hidden beneath her shirt. She flattened her palm against it. “Ok.”
--
Joel returned to the abandoned building where Ellie had been staying and retrieved her things. Her clothes, her personal care items. He left the rest. Most of what she had fit into her pack, and she always had that with her.
The next day, before showing up at his work assignment, he walked her to school. Ellie looked up at him, her eyes large in the morning sun. “What’s the detail today?”
Joel knelt in front of her, hands braced on her upper arms. “The docks. Piece of cake.”
It made her mouth quirk into a little smile. “Can’t say I’m gonna miss it.”
Joel returned the smile. “You’re clearly getting the better deal, here. A quality FEDRA education and two hot meals a day? I should be so lucky.”
Ellie’s lip quivered a little. She fell forward into his arms, quickly burying her face into his neck. He returned the hug with a hand to her back. “Give’em hell, kid,” he said fondly. “I gotta get going.” He sought her eyes. “You good?”
Ellie withdrew, nodding. “You give’em hell too.” She turned, but stopped before crossing the threshold. “See you later?” she asked over her shoulder.
Joel nodded. “I’ll be right here when you’re done.”
She smiled, hefted her pack and walked inside.
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