Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

licorice sat up from the floor he was laying on. yes, this man was laying on some musty dusty crusty carpet. “wtf ew what is this” he complained. looking around, he could see other members of the cookies of darkness laying on either the floor or whatever surface area there was.

“poison mushroom get off that bookshelf.” licorice ordered.

“no” well there was nothing he could do against that. he moved over to where pomegranate was face first on the floor.

“ay bitch wake up.” he kicked her. she immediately rose up from the floor and gave licorice a glare even the devil would fear.

“kick me again and its the last thing you do.” she threatened. wow what a creative threat applaud her everybody.

“where tf are we.” a cookie that looked a lot like a certain cheese thief asked.

“who are you?????????????????????” licorice reached for his scythe, only to realize it was not there. he then began to sob uncontrollably.

“i am earl gray cookie from cookie run ovenbreak, why are you crying.” the roquefort clone said.

“M-m-m-m-m-m-my scythe is g-g-g-g–gone.” licorice stuttered between sobs like a y/n. the others found themselves in similar situations. crepe cried cause their robots were gone. choco werehound brute cried cause his hammer was gone. red velvet cried cause his dogs were gone. pome didnt have her mirrors but she didnt cry cause shes not a dumb wimp.

“my team is full of dumb wimps smh” she said.

“tell me about it.” earl grey pointed to the other ovenbreak darkness cookies. pomegranate didnt even know them and could tell they sucked.

“yoooo they took away that stupid sword im free.” dark choco smiled for the first time in his pathetic life.

“dark choco????? didnt you leave us like a year ago??????” licorice was confused. same here man and im writing this.

“um so did i idiot.” strawberry crepe the brat said. “wait a sec i think i recognize this place…..no……no…….its……….roblox doors…..”

“the game you always played on your ipad?”

the ipad kid nodded. “so basically just go through all the doors to win.”

“sounds stupid” pomegranate said.

“it kinda is lol” crepe said.

“stfu i love doors”
“Be quiet, we love Doors.”

“oh hello my children.” earl gray said.

“MORE children???” pomegranate hated kids so it must suck to be her.

“ehehehehehheheheheheheheheheheehehehe” matcha was trying to say something.

“nobody can understand you.” lobster said. great, now we’ve introduced everyone! Wait……

“ummmmm where’s affogato.” licorice asked.

“dead hopefully.” dark choco said. without that ugly sword he was finally able to speak his mind. i wonder who he’ll cuss out first.

a tapping noise was heard. the cookies turned their heads 360 to look at the counter.

“oooooo bell” strawberry crepe spammed the bell.

“wait next to the bell” licorice walked over doing that goofy ahh walk he does. “is that-” next to the bell was a fish bowl that had a fish inside with an eboy cut. “omg hes actually fishgatto”

strawberry crepe decided they were bored of the bell and went to grab the key. “aight lets speedrun this.”

“what do we do with him?” licorice pointed at the fish.

“bring him with.”

“im not carrying him!”

“gosh, i’ll do it.” earl grey walked over to fishgatto with his long ass legs and picked up the fish bowl. ok now they can start.

crepe unlocked the door and everyone went inside. inside door 2 was just a room with a single bookshelf. “damn this is gonna suck i can already tell.” pomegranate said.

doors were easy to open, you just walk up to them and they open themselves. have you played this game?? if not this’ll probably be confusing but whatever.

when crepe opened the door to door 5, the lights flickered. “fuck” crepe said.

“LANGUAGE!” earl gray shouted so loudly fishgatto covered his ears (do fish have ears???) with his gross little fins.

“youre not my dad”

“yea youre our dad”
“Yes, you are our father.”

“everyone get in a closet before you die.” crepe went into a closet. for the sake of th story they can fit 2 people inside.

“but i spent so long in the closet, i cant go back-” licorice argued as choco werehound brute shoved him in the closet.

“L” the dog said before somehow fitting into a closet.

lobster managed to squeeze his giant ass claw thing inside before a black shadow rushed through the room so loudly everyone had to turn down their volume. seriously that noise is painful to the ears.

“what the hell was that” licorice asked as he came out of the closet, woah congrats man!

crepe was gonna answer like a nerd but was interrupted.

“Rush is a major hostile entity in DOORS, appearing as the tertiary/central antagonist of the Hotel. It serves as one of the most frequent threats in the aforementioned area, as well as being one of the major entities in The Greenhouse.

Rush takes on the appearance of a dark gray face encompassed by smoke and particles. Parts of its face are distorted and it expresses a large open smile, showing rows of its white and grey teeth.

Rush flickers the lights as a warning before speeding through multiple rooms and disappearing when it hits an unopened door. Rush creates a deep static-like sound as an audio cue to alert to its arrival. Rooms that Rush has passed through will have their lights shattered and the room will fall dark, and these dim rooms will be considered as Dark Rooms (i.e. Screech can spawn), despite not playing the sound that plays when entering a dark room. If there are no objects between the player and Rush, then it will kill players if close enough (via its raycasting). Hiding in/behind closets/beds while Rush is traveling through rooms will let the player survive. Rush will automatically open the door of the following room upon reaching the end of its route.”

everyone looked at poison mushroom.

“did….did you just recite the wiki article??” red velvet, who stopped mourning the loss of chiffon, asked.

poison mushroom handed him a shroomie.

“ew no i dont want drugs” red velvet said.

“ANYways lets continue” crepe said “we’ve got a long long ways to go”

Chapter Text

“i thought only 4 people can play this at a time”

“uh thats cause we”re in a private server dumbass”

“theres more than 12 of us though”

“ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe”

“is there a bathroom here i gotta take a shit”

“dude, dark choco, TMI”

everyone was having stupid conversations. it reminded crepe of the times they were back in the evil group, and why they left in the first place. “ok boomers we got a dupe room”

“idc why its called that that name is stupid” licorice said.

“okay, why dont you open the next door then?” crepe kindly offered. licorice did a thumbs up emoji and went to the next door. 21. that’s weird, shouldnt they be on 22-

“OH SHIT” licorice screamed in a high pitched voice as some demon took a bite out of his face. well, this must be what dupe is.

“lol thats gonna scar” pomegranate said.

“karma karma L bozo” crepe strawberry laughed at this poor guy.

th e next room had a drawer. boring. but lobster opened the drawer. “yoooooo mushroom kid i found more drugs for you”

“those are pills thats like the opposite of drugs” crepe rolled their eyes. god their team was full of idiots. “oh yeah you can find stuff all around this place to help you, like those pills”

affogato got earl grays attention by tapping on the glass. he looked to where he was pointing and saw a lighter on a table. “oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh dibs” earl grey took it and stuffed it in that magic pocket everyone has behind their back.

“bruh this is taking forever- what the fuck what the fuck nope nope nopenopenope” red velvet went into the next room and then immediately walked out.

“ewwwwwwwwwwwwww theres eyes everywhere” licorice said.

“lets go its seek time” strawberry crepe grinned evilly.

“these names are getting stupider and stupider-”

“so my only tip for this is run” crepe interrupted licorice. good job he deserved it.

the sillies entered a long hallway. if you played doors you know whats coming. that blobby guy came out of the floor.

“what the hell” dark choco was bewildered. crepe had already started running cause seek started running too. “oh hell naw fuck that” dark choco did his goofy run animation (but without the sword) and the rest followed.

lobster suddenly got a big brain idea and popped the pills. “byeonara losers!” he said as he zoooooomed passed them.

“oh my gosh no fair” licorice complained like he always does.

running past those seek rooms is hard. you gotta keep looking left and right and then the ugly hands through the windows and burning chandeliers show up wtf is this game.

“hey lets shut the door on licorice” choco werehound brute said.

“omg yes” pomegranate smiled also for the first time in her life.

“im already here.” licorice suddenly showed up.

“damn it”

“bitch”

the door closed on seek automatically. the chess choco twins laughed at him.

“HAHAHAHA L BOZO”
“Ahah, you have lost, unintelligent being.”

“how many doors is in this game anyway” licorice asked.

“100” crepe said cause theyre smart.

“omfg im gonna kms” licorice groaned

“i hope that you do”

“WHO WAS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?” licorice asked. geez calm down man-

“NO, NARRATOR, SHUT UP. WHOEVER SAID THAT, FUCK YOU” ok damn what did i do.

“affogato, was that you?” earl grey asked. affofishgatto made a face that basically said: “i cant talk dumbass im a fucking fish”

“oh i almost forgot” pm said “ahem…Seek is a major hostile entity in DOORS, and the secondary antagonist of the Hotel. Players will likely confront it twice in a playthrough, with said encounters taking place before or after The Library, and each encounter generated randomly-”

“stop with the wiki articles” lobster said

“Stfu” pm argued. wow what are you gonna say to that lobster?

“..nothing” ok quitter.

“oh btw dark chalk-o to answer your question from earlier, i dont think theres a bathroom.”

“FUCK”

Chapter Text

“meow-ster? where have you gone??” bat cat called out through the castle-evil-base-thing. he flew into the kitchen where he saw dank enchantress cooking some scrambled eggs.

“i cant find meow-ster :(”

“please stop calling him that its so cringy” dark enchantress said. “also i know where he is. i sent him and everyone else into roblox doors. even those ovenbreak losers”

“...................................and why??????????????????????????????”

“training” dark enchantress rolled her ugly eyes. “duh. want some eggs?”

“sure” bat cat sat at the table even though they can just float and wouldnt even be tall enough on a chair anyway. also i just noticed i did a cool rhyme there yay me.

dark enchantress got a plate and piled like a foot of scrambled eggs on top. she then dumped a spoonful directly on the table for bat cat. “tf??????”

“these are all mine bitch” dark enchantress got one of those cartoony fork and knife things for her scrambled eggs.

bat cat knew when to shut the fuck up. it was something all of the COD’s were taught when they joined. “rule number 1” she had always said. “nobody gets between me and my scrambled eggs.”

“ill just have something else” bat cat opened the fridge, only to see…”WHAT? ITS ALL EGGS? THIS IS ALL WE HAVE??”

“you got a problem, bat-bitch????”

“no meow-i mean master. and stop calling me a bitch”

“bitch”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“ah yes my minions suffering music to my ears” dark enchantress said. wow no wonder the fandom hates you girl has no empathy. “stfu narrator or youre next” ok ok ok chill im just trying to share the story leave me alone O-O

anyways back to the guys in the doors.

“wait earl gray dont you own a hotel” lobster asked.

“ohhhhhhh thats right how did i forget that” sorry earl thats my fault i totally forgot you had a hotel.

“dang i forgot to mention that the ost for this game is pretty cool” licorice said.

“ofc youd like it” pomegranate said.

“implying????????????????????????????????????” licorice duh shes implying youre a child.

“aw fuck a dark room. whos going in?” crepe pointed down the goofy ahh cellar.

“no”
“no”
“No.”
“no”
“no”
“*fish sounds*”
“no”
“no”
“no”
“ehehehehehe”
“no”

“no- fuck.” lobster said.

“hah glhf” crepe shoved lobster down the staircase. “look for a switch its massive you cant miss it”

lobster was questioning how he would flip a switch with claw hands but whatevs. The cellar was huge because of the hotel+ update making it harder then before like what was up with that. sorry for my ranting back to the epic story.

“makin my way down..the cellar.. walking fast faces pass and im homebound” wow lobster nice singing.

his singing was interrupted by the one thing all doors players fear. when they hear this sound, it triggers an instinctive trauma response to frantically search around them. lobster didnt know this, but you all know whats coming.

*PSST!*

“ayo?” lobster did an eyebrow raise. above the staircase were the other guys.

“that dumbass is taking too long” red velvet said.

“then you go” dark choco said.

“fuck no”

“coward”

“stfu”

“no thanks”

this argument was interrupted by a shout of terror.

“is lobster dead?” earl gray asked.

“nope” crepe was laughing their ass off. suddenly the ugly metal wall opened and lobster exited the cellar.

“wtf was that something psst-ed at me”

“something WHAT NOW?”

“no like it said *psst* and bit my face”

crepe nudged poison mushroom. their time has come.

“Screech is a hostile entity in DOORS, originating in the Hotel. It is a belligerent entity that will bite players if they don't look at it after its “psst!” is displayed.

Screech retains the appearance such as a pitch-black, reflecting, slime/goo-covered sphere with pale grey skin, possessing six tentacles throughout Its body with a dried, sinister, yet unsettling smile with white glowing eyes. It has shining human-like teeth with its stability dependent on its crimson red gums. It is likely Screech has the same dark substance with Seek.
Screech will stalk its victims by quietly observing from a distance within a dark room. The player can be hinted at Screech's arrival due to a subtle series of sounds that shall play along with a light vibration that occurs on their screen, which Is then followed by an abrupt "psst!" sound. If the player isn't haste In spotting Screech attached to their screen, It will chomp the player. The bite inflicts 40 damage, and Screech quickly scatters away afterward. Locating Screech in time will still proceed to jumpscare the player, but Screech will flee instead of biting the player.
Screech can be banished by the crucifix, but only if the player doesn't look at it. Screech is chained in the air by the blue chains while flailing its tentacles and shrieking. It is then forcefully put into the hexagram below it with a disorienting, slimy-sounding smack.”

“so youre choosing to tell me this now????” lobster asked.

“yeah, idc that you almost died” crepe said. damn savage.

“hey guys look i found a cool room” dark choco opened the next door without waiting for the others. jerk.

“oh golly oh boy” crepe said. “its figure time”

“i dont even want to ask what that it but that name is still stupid” take a wild guess who said this.

“Well, stfu, and i hope you know how to read”

“actually, four people here cant read and affogato is still a fish”

“.........well shit”

Chapter Text

“woah so many drawers time for more loot” lobster started opening the drawers.

“hey i want some too” red velvet opened a drawer but instead found our favorite little spider, timothy. “**********************************” sorry had to censor that way too many profanities.

“i have kids with me watch that mouth” earl grey said.

“******”
“*********”

“THEYRE COPYING YOU NOOOOOOO”

“wow these are some big doors” dark choco said.

“yeah cause this is the halfway point” crepe said as if dc was an idiot (he is)

“fucking finally im so tired” licorice said.

“and i still gotta shit”

“i said tmi”

“why dont you Dni?”

“ugh fine” earl gray said, now hes on dark chocos dni list.

“lets get on with it” pomegranate said. girl learn to have some patience.

“The Figure is a main hostile entity in DOORS, and the main antagonist of the Hotel.

The Figure takes the appearance of a massive brick red, humanoid entity consisting of a-”

“its blind so just be quiet and crawl around youll be fine, find the books that have code numbers in them to unlock the door and escape.” crepe saved everyone from another wiki page. poison mushroom was pissed though, hope that wont come back to bite crepe.

“ew the dirty floor??????” pomegranate cant get her gorgeous design dirty.

“lmao sucks to be you” licorice said. yeah it must suck to be all of you.

then crepe opened the giant doors and the sick cutscene played with the ugly figure.

“ewwwww wtf was that” lobster said. dude idfk.

“stfu” crepe reminded them for the 1000000000000000 time and crawled on the gross floor.

“wowzers i found a book with a star in it” choco werehound brute said.

“ooooo what number” licorice asked.

“idk im a dog i cant read”

“oh right. thats a 9”

“ty :D”

“hell yeah more drawers” lobster started yet another drawer raid. “woa lockpicks sweet”

“grab the paper dumbass-actually you might cut it so ill take it” crepe said. this child just has to do alllll the work huh guys?

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh square star circle triangle pentagon”

“oh so the second one is 9 then”

“wait what about the hexagon i found”

“its useless velvet”

“god damn it”

“EWWWWWWW ITS COMING TOWARDS ME” earl grey shouted which only made figure come closer stupid.

“us*” fishgatto corrected

“wait i thought you cant speak.

“................................................................*glub glub*”

“get in a closet” crepe said. so earl gray did that and a heart appeared.

“wtf is this”

“you gotta control your heartbeat or smth”

“oh cool a minigame” earl grey did the silly closet minigame. “holy HELL this is hard” fr it is but he lived anyways hooray.

“while you were busy with that i got books” red velvet said.

“these are all the wrong books again”

“damn”

“i have the right ones” wow dark choco is a chad.

“the code is……….seriously………………ugh…………69420”

“LOL”

“it really isnt funny. everyone get to the door.”

so everyone crawled to the door. except pomegranate, who walked.

wait.

POMEGRANATE WTF ARE YOU DOING.

“i told you” she answered me “im not getting my design dirty”

since she was walking like a dumbass bigure figure heard her. it did its goofy run animation and picked her up and ate her.

“jesus” crepe said as the entered the code.

“the bitch deserved it” licorice said and literally everyone agreed with him. figurey was too busy snacking on pome to pay attention to the others leaving the library. they entered the next room.

“what the FUCK is this place??????????????????”

Chapter Text

“what the FUCK is this place??????????????????”

“you already said that.”

“i had to say it again to remind viewers whats going on”

“wdym?? this story (if you can even call it that) literally has no plot”

“guys stfu” crepe said “this is the shop owned by jeff, hes cool.”

“his name is jeff, i trust him” red velvet walked over to jeff. “whats good my man?”

“idfibeovfaifdisdojhkulfubfhudisusrhu” jeff said.

“oh great he speaks in keyboard smash.” licorice saids.

“my looting finally becomes useful” lobster had like 10000 coins cause he raided all the drawers. “ill take a crucifix and a flashlight and a pill bottle and a-”

“dad buy us the key”
“Father, would you kindly purchase the key for us?”

“ofc” so earl grey bought the skeleton key and gave it to pawn white.

“yay the death key is mine”
“At last, the Key Of Perishing is ours.”

“who are these guys crepe” dark choco pointed to a goblin and a dead guy.

“el golbino and bob”

“sorry what”

“dont you diss on my boys”

“whatevs. lobster leave some shit for us” dark choco said.

“ummm how about no.” lobster said with his hands full of junk. dark choco punched him and took the flashlight. “owie”

“whats the tip jar for?” red velvet asked as he put all his money in making jeff very happy awwww

“college apparently” crepe answered.

“oh cool what do you study”

“wyiuenqhonoiermojvnjkmdsnkvde”

“idk what i was expect-” then matcha shoved past rv kinda rudely.

“ehehehehehehehehehehehehe”

“dnjejnekjldjkencjelvknekvlknev”

“hehehehehehehehehehehehe”

“ewuifiowencuimejciwieockjc”

“eheheheheheheheheheheheh”

“pqqowqicdewjnefhuuhenwso”

“well, they can understand each other fine” dark choco pointed out the obvious

“what are they saying?????” licorice asked

“idfk but since were done shopping we can leave” crepe said

then pomegranate appeared again

“30 robux for a revive what a ripoff”

“shes back are you kidding me”

“missed you too lico”

“dont call me that POME”

“okay lets not fight k?” crepe said.

“fine” the two idiots agreed.

“ok now lets please leave these guys are cool but we still got many doors to go” crepe said.

“u always get the last line” licorice complained again “i want it this time”

Chapter Text

“hell naw” lobster said. “another dark room”

“i mean you kinda hafta go through it since its a regular room” crepe said “just use a lighter or flashlight”

“aye aye” dark choco turned on his flashlight

“wait if i couldve done that the whole time why didnt earl go in the dark room before????” lobster asked

“idk” earl gray turned on the lighter and the evil gang walked through the darkness

*PSST!*

“huh” licorice looked around and saw ugly screech that ran away cause mans afraid of eye contact or something. “WHAT THE HELL”

“thats what i told you about” lobster said

“damn i hate that guy” licorice said

“literally nobody disagrees with you” crepe said exactly what the entire fandom thinks

“what door are we on” choco werehound brute asked

“ehe-”

“I WASNT TALKING TO YOU MATCHA”

“:(“

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh door 60 i think seek is coming back soon.” crepe said

“that guy is coming back?????? I hate this game so much” pomegranate complained. wow its not licorice this time!

“hey guess what”

“what”

“nobody asked!” ok licorice mr. original

the lights flickered and everyone got in closets. they got pretty used to this.

but when the entity passed, it was even louder before (so everyone turned down their volume again) and was glowing green.

“huh weird” red velvet said as everyone exited the closets

“GET BACK IN ITS COMING BACK” crepe shouted and went back in the closet

“OH SHIT WHAT” red velvet followed their lead

“wdym i dont see it-” licorice squinted down the hall as everyone else got in a closet

“DUDE COME BACK ITS AMBUSH”

“ambush? that name isnt any better than then rush-” licorice was rudely interrupted by ambush sweeping back, killing him instantly

“PFFT-” dark choco couldnt help but laugh because omg that was so stupid. anyway they had to flip in an out of the closets about 12 times.

“ok its gone” crepe said as licorice respawned

“im not leaving” red velvet said

“i mean if you dont hide will get you”

“who?” rvs question was answered as he was pushed out of the closet

“omg you guys are awful at this game” crepe facepalmed im so sorry child you have to deal with such idiots.

“who cares lets just go” brute boy opened the next door and everyone immediately teleported to a blue room

“you cant be serious” crepe groaned “ughhhhhhhhh this is halt just walk forward and if it tells you to turn around then you do it it takes a while to get to the end but you will”

everyone followed crepes vague directions

“i dont like this one” earl grey said as he had to keep turning around

“i dont like YOU” halt said

“you arent supposed to talk????????????????” crepe said bewildered

“fuck, oh man, big boss man figure is gonna be so mad” halt fled in shame

“...........thats one way to deal with that” dark choco was the last to exit the room

“see told you” crepe pointed to the long hallway in front of them

“damn it i dont have pills this time” lobster sighed “wait no i remember buying them where did they go”

fishgatto handed the stolen pills to earl grey

“how did you- actually nvm thanks” earl gray took the pills

so everyones favorite entity, seek, appeared from the floor and everyone started running. poision mushroom, everyones favorite crk character, ate a shroomie and dashed ahead of everyone.

“what the hell?? those things actually work???” red velvet said

soon everyone made it past the door. “pls dont tell me he comes back” pomegranate said

“nope thats the last we see of him” crepe said

“oh thank dark enchan-”

“wait wait wait…….. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12…………….wheres licorice”

everyone looked back in the seek hall to see licorice sitting on the floor “WHAT ARE YOU DOING DUMBASS???????” crepe shouted

“i lost too much health i cant move” licorice replied

“just let him respawn again” choco werehound brute said

“you CANT respawn again”

“..........oh”

licorice kinda just sat there and accepted his fate. but all of a sudden right as seek was about to kill him, figure showed up

“HALT I STG oh wait this isnt halts hallway” figure said

“f-f-f-f-f-figure?” seek stuttured

“yeah my bad seek ill go”

“wait!” seek shouted. figure turned around.
“yeah?” figure asked.

“would you maybe…..wanna……..get a coffee or something with me sometime?”

“oh sure”

while they were distracted choco werehound brute dragged licorice to the safety of the other room and closed the door. “what was that?”

“i……………….have no clue” crepe shrugged.

“hey, hold on” lobster said. “is the next room…..outside??”

“yep”

“well, what are we waiting for? lets get outta here!” lobster opened the metal door to the next area.

Chapter Text

“lobster…..” crepe started calmly “how the hell….did it take you….3 MONTHS TO OPEN A DOOR???????????”

“ummmm…..” lobster had some cartoon sweat drops “it…was metal?”

“whatever welcome to the courtyard nerds” crepe said

posion mushroom opened their goofy looking mouth before red velvet pinched it closed with a binder clip “not another wiki article outta your mouth” he said

“so if were outside lets just escape over the wall” licorice said.

“thats not how it works, here watch” crepe picked up pawn white and tossed them over the wall, but pawn white bounced off an invisible barrier and fell back down

“yay! do it again!”
“Please don’t.”

“damn why cant anything go my way” licorice asked. nobody even bothered to answer.

“hold on…” dark choco said “theres bushes here”

“wow great observation” pomegranite rolled her ugly eyes (they arent actually ugly)
“do you know what this means??” dark choco smiled and he never does that

“oh, no, dont tell me youre gonna-” oh he is gonna, crepe

“I CAN TAKE A SHIT!”

“NOT IN FRONT OF US????? LET US TURN AROUND FIRST” everyone turned around while dark choco took a shit in a bush.

“whats this holy statue thingy” the dog asked

“ummmmmmmmmm guiding light i think?” crepe answered kinda

“hold up the blue thing that tells us how we screwed up when we died is sentient???” licorice was appalled and bewildered at the same time

“yep. u done choc?”

“yessir”

“cool lets go”

so the silly guys went to the exit of the courtyard and lobster grabbed the door.

“nuh uh, we aint waiting several months for you to open a damn door.” licorice said.

poison mushroom walked up to the door and kicked it down.

“wow, okay, then…lets go gang” crepe said

“how come i never get any dialogue” wdym earl grey you get plenty of-

“hey i never get lines either!” lobster, i JUST gave you lines

“i dont get to do literally anything” choco werehound brute said “and mushroomy only speaks in wiki articles, and dont even get me started on matcha.”

“ehehehehehehehe” matcha looked sad

ok, if you guys want more screentime all you had to do was ask-

“yeah this narrator sucks” licorice said just to add to the chaos but dude im right here-

“yeah they are so mean to us” hey no im not
“can i be narrator instead” no-

“wait no i wanna be the narrator” can you stop interrupting-

“pomegranate, no you are not. lets just take a vote”

OK ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!

“damn chill girl” crepe said

NO! youre all disrespecting me and i will not tolerate it anymore.

“ok, whatever, we dont need you to beat the game” pomegranate said

oh, yes you do. im the narrator, so you cant continue until i let you.

“............shit shes right”

“what do we do”

“who said that i cant tell”

“you arent even telling us whos speaking??”

nope :)

“um well okay how do we fix this guys”

“maybe if we apologize”

“but i hate doing that”

“stfu licorice i know that was you”

“well earl gray started it so he should apologize”

“licorice, dude, YOU were the one who actually insulted the narrator”

“lets just all say sorry at once”

“....fineeeee”

“ok 3 2 1”

“SORRY”

i didnt hear licorice

“ok fine sorry”

ty. now you all can go. you provided good filler anyway.

“finally” crepe said as they walked into the next room “oh hell its the greenhouse”

“whats a greenhouse?” licorice asked

“go outside more, man touch some grass” dark choco said

“hows THIS for touching grass????” licorice pushed dc onto the floor and they started insulting each other and fighting.

man, crepe cannot wait for this to end.

Chapter Text

“you seriously just filled the fridge with eggs?????” bat cat shouted

“duh ofc i love eggs” dark eggchantress ate an egg right in front of him “also happy new year, bitch”

“stop cCALLING ME A- wait did you say new year” bat cat the bitch asked

“no i said poo rear”

“oh really?”

“NO”

“anyway you mean to tell me theyve been in roblox doors for a year????”

“...no???????? this fic started in like may or something” drank enchantress casually broke the fourth wall which was mean of her but hey shes mean what was i expecting

“oh yeah……………but licorice would always shoot fireworks indoor and now he cant cause hes in doors” bat cat said

“thank god” dark enchantress ate an egg which is raw and thats gross

“im gonna do it instead to honor him” bat cat pulled out some fireworks

“hes not dead” dar enchantress said and then watched in horror as bat cat shot a firework at the fridge “MY EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“i get the weirdest feeling that theres some big holidays or two that we missed” red velvet said

“yeah and i really want to shoot firworks for some reason” licorice agreed

“guys shut UP we gotta be quiet the greenhouse is pitch black and silent so we need to listen instead of watching lights” crepe said

“good thing i have a thingy” dark choco held a flashlight and everyone else who had a light held theirs sorry i forget what everyone has “oh yeah and watch out for the spikes”

“the wat?” licorice asked before stepping on one of those spike traps “YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” lots of screaming this chapter but i cant blame him because that genuinely looks painful out of everything in this game

“ok licorice i get it you can stop screaming” choco werehound brute said

“thats not licorice thats rush in the closet now now now now now now” crepe shoved their incompetent teammates in the closets where they belonged

“I cant take this much longer” lobster said

“dont worry look were at the end” crepe said as they opened the last greenhouse door “wait wtf thats not right” suddenly they were in the hospital room omg

“whats this” earl grey asked

“the hospital room that shouldve been behind us……???????????????” crepe answered

uhhhhhhh yeah thats my bad i completely forgot about the hospital room so sorry about that folks dont worry the end is after this

“DEATH KEY DEATH KEY WOOOOOOO”
“We can use our key, hooray!”

“ok my kids do whatever you want” earl gray let his children use the evil skeleton key on the evil skeleton door and inside was a plant

“god finally i needed some weed” licorice said and ate a leaf off the plant only to find out its not actually weed and then he cried like a baby lol hahahahahahahahahahahaha (what am i doing)

“its healing plant and you need it stop crying” crepe ate some plant

earl grey put a giant leaf chunk in affogattos bowl and he ate it in one fishy bite

“i love weed” lobster said only to also realize it wasnt weed but he didnt cry cause hes a big boy

“mine” pomegranate ate the rest of the plant before dark choco could have any so he made a >:( face

“hehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehhe” matcha decided to make him feel better and handed him some actual weed

“oh nice ty”

“GIMME” lobster and licorice chased after dark choco who skedadled away they wanted weed too

“i am so glad were at the last door brace yourselfs” crepe said “its time for figure bigure man to make a comeback”

“oh realy then were fucked” red velvet said

Chapter Text

“anyone else feel like theres been some big timeskip?” licorice asked and everyone said no

“so crepe how do we beat the last room” velvet asked

“ummmmm maybe now is a bad time to say this but ive never actually beaten this game before” said crepe

“WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!” said everyone else

“but i know how to do it you just gotta get the batteries or something” crepe said very bery helpfully

“guys hold on im getting discord dms from butter roll he’s asking wtf happened because he visited dark enchantress and none of us are there” licorice said and showed his discord where he’s in all his catboy servers and butter roll was indeed dming him because he had been added since i last updated. so was agar agar but idk what im gonna do with her yet i guess shes just there

crepe replied for him by saying we’re in roblox doors lol u jelous

butt roll responded by saying *jealous

so crepe blocked him

“DUMBASS CHILD THATS OUR ONLY CONNECTION TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD!” licorice shouted

“nah well be back after we win this right?” asked choco werehound brute

“erm actually its been like a year since this fic was updated and a lot of stuffs been added to the game” crepe the nerd child said

“WHAT”

crepe decided to not explain further. “whatever, go, my cookies” they said as the group went into whatever the last area is called and lobster pulled the lever

then ugly figure appeared and jumped down the stairs

“FUCKING BOOK IT” crepe yelled and everyone booked it to a nearby closet that they all somehow squeezed into and did not play a heartbeat minigame because when i beat doors for the first time (two days ago as of writing this dont laugh) i didnt have to play it so ig they removed it idk but good i hated that thing

“ok hes gone lets go” crepe said after figure left and they all got out of the closet and split up to find the charger things

“pomegranate you better crouch this time >:(“ licorice said angryly

pomegranate didnt want to listen to him of all people but she wanted to live more so she crouched

while they were doing that butter roll was mad he got blocked by crepe “who does that child think they are i could literally kill them and reanimate them if i wanted”

“can i have their leftovers” agar x2 asked. girl what thats disturbing.

anyway back to the main guys figure was just walking down the same hallway because hes stupid and it was easy to get all the chargers. lobster even threw the flashlight he bought at figure just to troll him

“i gyatt the last one” cwb said

“holy crap gyatt has become a meme since this updated” red velvet said as everyone went into the area with the fuse box and poison mushroom used the key they apparently went and grabbed at some point

then the room literally lit on fire and figure jumped out a window which everyone laughed at

“let me do this thing” crepe said opening the fuse box cause they were obviously the smartest one “okay 2687…wait no its marking which should be lit…934..not 5..26-okay what the fuck is this” man idk either crepe that thing confused me

crepe just started flicking random things until the bar filled while everyone else watched thinking they could do better (they cant)

crepe FINALLY finished but all of a sudden the door nearby was banging and figure burst through

“NOOO WERE SCREWEDDDDD!!!”
“it seems we appear to be in a situation we cannot get out of”

earl grey picked up his kids while still holding affogato and ran but then lobster threw another item at figures face, this time the crucifix i forgot i made him buy, and it stopped figure in place with a magic circle

“GOGOGOGOGO” crepe shouted and everyone ran to the elevator and once they all got in it started a cutscene

“did we win?” licorice asked

“uhhh sorta” crepe said

“wdym sorta” dark choco asked

“remember how i said a lot of stuff has been added?” crepe asked and everyone said yes “well, that may or may not include-”

“INCOMINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!” licorice shouted and pointed up at figure dropping down on top of the elevator causing it to break

“AAAAAAAAAA” everyone screamed as they started to fall

“yeah were going to floor 2 baby!” crepe cheered because they waited 2 years for it to release “oh and the author knows barely anything about it and hasnt even gotten to door 150”

“WHAT” licorice said

“i hate all of you i hope this crash kills us” pomegranate said

figure jumped off the elevator and it suddenly came to a crashing stop

Floor 1, complete!