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Traffic and bright lights were things that one had to get used to while living in a city.
People chattering left and right, while others minded their own business—everyone was doing what they could just to get by.
Situated in the bustling district was a small internet cafe surrounded by larger establishments. Although the cafe was modest compared to the surrounding businesses, it had a lively atmosphere once one crossed the threshold. A small, ventilated space, a few books for customers, and about ten tables.
A glowing brown sign hung above the cafe while patrons came by to use the internet connection or to eat.
Situated above the cafe was a small apartment, which belonged to someone as of now.
Nekomaru had gotten used to his new life. After moving in at the age of twenty, he’d already adjusted to his living space. Now he was twenty-two.
It didn’t take too much time before he got familiar with the workers at the cafe below his apartment. Most of them actually enjoyed working, since they had a decent salary and their boss and the other workers were quite friendly. Whenever he visited the establishment, Nekomaru always left a tip, usually worth more than whatever food or drinks he bought—he’d also befriended one of the waiters, Haruto Fujikawa, who was quite grumpy and sullen. Still, Haruto could be nice at times.
A little kindness went a long way. Who knew what those people went through at home?
Nekomaru liked being able to help others—he’d become a regular at the cafe, and he encountered sulking strangers on a daily basis. Because of this, he made it a part of his routine to make someone’s day better.
Why did he do these things?
One, out of pure goodwill, and two, because a friend of his went through a tough time in their life.
Many a day this friend of his spent struggling with finances. Many a night did they spend promising their family that their life would be better.
Nekomaru took it upon himself to help that friend of his, a friend he felt guilty for wanting to forget.
That friend of his?
The last time they talked was yesterday.
Nekomaru wanted to let go of them so badly, for some reason—he couldn’t even bring himself to think of their name or their face or their voice or their smile.
Akane. The girl from high school. One of his friends who had a tough life.
She was rowdy and bullheaded, but somehow, Nekomaru managed to discover just what made her that way.
A tough childhood, full of struggles and hardships. Part-time jobs at eleven. Seven siblings to take care of. The constant struggle of having to work all day and only come back home for six hours.
Nekomaru found himself growing fond of her later on into the school year. The way she smiled at him whenever he tried comforting her made him feel as if he had butterflies in his stomach.
Soon, he found himself with a growing infatuation which he tried to end. They were friends, colleagues, nothing more. Be too greedy and you’ll lose everything.
If he even tried to confront her about his feelings, he could end up rejected and dejected. But that wasn’t what he was scared of.
If he ever confessed, he ran the risk of ruining their friendship, which had lasted for six years.
Even if they were nothing more than friends and even if Nekomaru would be left pining for the rest of his life, being with Akane was enough. Being there for her was enough.
But was it really enough if Nekomaru found himself missing her even if they’d last seen each other an hour ago? Was it really enough if he couldn’t stop thinking about her and that laugh of hers, and the bright smile she had on her face all the time?
Was it enough for him?
Being friends was probably enough for Akane, but was it enough for him?
Nekomaru lay awake in bed at midnight, unable to sleep with all these thoughts running through his head.
Even if he wanted to confess, his conscience told him not to. What if he destroyed all ties between him and Akane just because he couldn’t hold his feelings in and she didn’t feel the same way?
It hurt so much. Nekomaru loved her so much, and it hurt. It hurt because he knew that he was hoping for something that would happen when pigs could fly. It hurt like hell. Every morning, he woke up wishing that she was next to him, like in high school. They used to fall asleep next to each other. Every night, he wished he could go to sleep with her in his arms, like she always used to.
It hurt so much. Loving her was like having his heart ripped in half over and over whenever he saw her smile. Nekomaru wanted Akane to be happy, even if it meant staying as her friend. Forever. And as nothing more.
Every time he thought of her, he wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her so badly it hurt. Thinking about her made him want to cry. Because he loved her so much that it hurt.
Nekomaru loved her for so many reasons that if he was asked to enlist all of them, he would name more reasons than stars in the sky. Why did he love her? Because of her smile. Because of how hard she worked. Because of how determined she was. Because she was everything to him.
It hurt so much, thinking about her.
Nekomaru cracked a somber smile.
Loving her was more painful than all those surgeries he had as a child. It was more painful than having his heart ripped out of his chest. It was more painful than being killed a thousand times in the most brutal way possible.
As he stared up at the ceiling of his room, he thought about her more. And it hurt so much that he stopped thinking and shut his eyes and tried to fall asleep.
-
Akane rubbed her eyes as she sat up in bed.
She had another weird fever dream.
She could barely remember what it was about, since dreams faded from her memories as soon as they came.
But she remembered falling. Over and over and over in an infinite loop through a massive hole in the sidewalk.
It was weird.
She couldn’t care less about it, to be honest.
But when she tried going back to sleep, she couldn’t.
She checked her phone to see the time—
It was midnight.
She decided that she could do something like count imaginary sheep or think about what to do later. Maybe she could try to cook and not blow the stove up like last time (Kazuichi had to come over to fix it).
One plausible option she had was to think about whatever came to mind.
It didn’t seem too bad.
Maybe she could reminisce about her high school days.
Memories of Sonia saying things like “That was very swag!” or “Slay!” without understanding what those words meant.
Gundham having his long monologues and bringing bears to class.
Kazuichi trying to flirt with Sonia before moving onto Tohru after being rejected (Akane approved of the idea of her classmate dating her younger sister as long as Kazuichi was respectful).
Teruteru’s perverted nature slowly being replaced by genuine concern and care for his classmates.
High school was the highlight of Akane’s life as of now.
Mainly because of an old friend of hers—Nekomaru.
Life was going uphill after she became a gymnast. Nekomaru offered to be her manager. They spent whole days together without caring what time it was when they woke up next to each other.
Akane had fond memories of her high school days. But she had new memories.
Memories of realizing just what she felt for her friend.
She’d denied the truth for a long, long time. She told herself that she had always felt like this whenever she was next to Nekomaru. This was normal. This was what friends felt.
But then she finally came to terms with it.
She was in love.
And it hurt.
Her heart was always pounding against her ribcage whenever she was next to him. Whenever their hands brushed against each other and they locked eyes for a moment, she felt like she was flying.
Every time she saw him smile at her while his gaze softened, her heart skipped a beat before she shook her head and convinced herself that she made it all up.
Maybe she started liking him in a way that was beyond platonic because he was nice. And considerate. And kind. And sweet.
Maybe it was because he was always there for her, always there to hold her, always there to care for her.
Maybe it was because he was so kindhearted and sweet.
Maybe it was all of those reasons and more.
She had dreams about him sometimes. Dreams of being held and loved.
Dreams that would never come true.
Those dreams were stuck in her memories, and she knew they would never come true.
She kept in touch with Nekomaru, and they would be nothing more than friends. Colleagues.
Maybe he’d find someone better. Maybe she’d go to his wedding. Maybe she’d see him have kids and grow old.
She wanted him to be happy.
And it hurt.
Yes, he was nice. Yes, he was considerate. Yes, they were close friends.
But he was nice to everyone. All the time. Nekomaru was nice and considerate with everyone. It didn’t mean anything special when it came to her.
They were just close friends, nothing more.
If Akane took her chances and confessed, she risked having him erased from her life entirely.
If he didn’t feel the same way, it could sour their friendship so much that it would end.
Nekomaru would be nothing more than a memory, an old friend.
That was one thing Akane worried about, but there were other reasons as to why she didn’t confess.
What if he died? What if he completely ghosted her? What if—
Akane felt her thoughts go blank.
Then a new thought formed in her head.
What if she stopped being a coward and actually confessed?
What if fate was going to be kind to her for once?
What if.. what if Nekomaru liked her in a romantic way?
What if she finally mustered up the courage to confess?
What if she risked it all for something beyond friendship?
She had always been the kind of person who loved taking risks.
So maybe she could risk it all today.
She didn’t have anything else to do.
Maybe she could risk friendship for something more today.
She had a lot to lose, but she still had a lot to gain.
So why not take her chances?
As she finally felt herself drifting off to sleep, she already had a plan for today.
-
Nekomaru woke up to a call on his phone at ten in the morning.
After staying up until midnight just to contemplate about random things, he’d slept through his alarm and now he was getting a call.
Yawning, he picked his phone up off the nightstand, answering the call before checking who it was.
Then he realized who it was.
Akane.
Worst timing ever. Right after he had his dramatic internal monologue about her.
Most of the time, Nekomaru tended to be loud and brash, but around Akane, he tried to be as calm, kind and considerate as possible.
“You finally picked up. I’ve been calling for the past two hours,” said the voice on the other end.
“Oh, uh, sorry,” Nekomaru replied.
“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have called that much—anyways, so you want to go eat lunch somewhere? Maybe at that cafe under your apartment. It’s just the two of us, since my siblings didn’t want to tag along,” Akane added from her end.
How did she know about the internet cafe? Well, Nekomaru had invited her to his apartment a few times and they got snacks downstairs at some point.
“I’ll go, also, what time should I be there?” Nekomaru responded.
“Maybe 12:00pm. Okay, see you there!” Akane chirped before hanging up.
Nekomaru sighed. Why were their conversations so short and awkward nowadays? In high school, they would talk for hours at a time, laughing and crying all night long. Now it was just a short greeting or invite, and if their conversations lasted for more than a minute, it got awkward.
But this was better than losing contact forever.
They were still close, and Nekomaru felt strangely happy about the fact that Akane had asked him to hang out today.
Wait. They’d never gone out to eat together without company, since her siblings usually tagged along—did this count as a date?
The thought of it made Nekomaru’s heart stop.
Or maybe this was nothing special and Akane’s siblings weren’t interested in joining them.
Still.
Then an absurd thought popped into his head.
What if he confessed to Akane today, since it somewhat felt like she was asking him out on a date?
It was absolutely absurd. Last night he was contemplating about how he’d never be able to confess and now he was trying to confess.
Seriously? Risking their friendship wasn’t something he’d ever consider, not in this lifetime, never—
So why couldn’t he stop thinking about that idea?
What if he risked it all for something beyond friendship?
What if she felt the same way?
What if… what if taking a risk was the better option today?
Even though he ran the risk of rejection, and destroying his friendship with Akane altogether, there was still a chance that she felt the same way. There was hope for them being more than friends.
Maybe fate would be kinder to Nekomaru today.
For two hours, he couldn’t stop thinking about that idea—it was absurd, but it was plausible.
-
Lunch came sooner than either of them had anticipated.
Time passed by so quickly—Akane and Nekomaru chatted for at least half an hour, before they realized their food was getting cold.
Akane was somewhat more upbeat than usual, and Nekomaru was still offering to pay even if she was the one who invited him to the cafe.
After they finished eating, they had some chitchat about random things happening in their lives.
Minutes turned into hours.
Before they knew it, it was already 3:00pm.
No more beating around the bush.
“Hey, uh, I have something to tell you,” Akane tapped Nekomaru’s shoulder.
This took him by surprise, but he looked at her and smiled before saying, “What is it?”
“Well, uhh..”
Akane was at a loss for words now.
Last night, she’d plotted things out so perfectly in her head. Now she couldn’t form a single cohesive thought.
It felt like the silence that followed lasted for days.
But it only lasted a minute.
“I… I…”
Akane felt her brain go numb.
She had a sudden urge to act solely based on her instincts, but her conscience was fighting the idea of that.
But her heart won her over.
“I… I love you.”
Nekomaru felt his heart stop in his chest.
Was he making this all up in his head? Did he mishear what Akane just said?
“Pardon? Did.. did I hear you correctly—“ his voice grew shaky.
“You did.” Akane replied.
“Do… do you actually mean that?” Nekomaru’s voice was caught in his throat. “Do you actually… love me? Do you actually mean that…?”
“Of course I do!” Akane’s voice grew louder. She was practically turning pink at this point. “I… I’ve loved you for so damn long. I’ve loved you since we were in high school, but I never got to tell you. I.. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”
Nekomaru went silent.
All this time, she felt the same way.
All this time, they were both pining for each other.
All this time, they could’ve been more than just friends.
“I love you too. I love you so much it hurts. I… I… I didn’t want to tell you about my feelings either, for the same reason. I… I always wanted to be more than just your friend,” Nekomaru placed his hand on Akane’s.
“Can you two just get a room already? You two already paid, so just go.”
A voice groaned.
Haruto.
“Oh, uh, okay—“ Nekomaru grasped Akane’s hand, motioning for her to follow him out of the cafe.
-
The next thing they knew was that they were both on a couch in the living room of Nekomaru’s apartment.
Awkward silence enveloped the room, but then Nekomaru broke it.
“I… about earlier… I wanted to say that I’ve always felt the same way. I’ve always loved you. I… I want to be more than just your friend. I love you. So much.”
The next thing he felt was Akane climbing onto his lap and kissing him within five seconds.
“Mmph—“
Nekomaru felt her pulling away as her face suddenly froze.
What did she just do?
Did she actually kiss Nekomaru out of nowhere?
Thoughts swirled in Akane’s head as she tried to form a cohesive thought.
“Akane…? Are you okay?” Nekomaru placed a hand on her shoulder.
“I… I’m fine. Sorry—“ She stammered.
“You don’t have to apologize. I… I just wanted to ask you something.” Nekomaru looked away—his face was turning red at this point. “Do you want to be more than friends?”
After a long pause, he got his response.
“Of course I do.”
-
Afternoon faded into dusk.
Akane texted her siblings, telling them that she was staying at Nekomaru’s apartment for the night.
Hours ticked by.
Nekomaru couldn’t stop saying “I love you” over and over again, so much so that Akane thought she would be sick of it, and yet she wasn’t tired of it.
She loved it.
That night, they had nice dreams. Nekomaru didn’t know what to do, but he decided to cook whatever he could using his limited stock of food from his nearly-empty fridge.
They fell asleep on the couch after watching movies.
It was a bit awkward, but he was holding Akane the whole time. She nestled into his arms, and the next day, Nekomaru woke up to her snoring.
Perhaps taking a risk was the right decision for both of them.