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It has been 3 months since Ren left Shibuya to move back to his hometown, Inaba, living a peaceful life with his not-so-much cat, Morgana.
Today seemed off to Ren. The thought pondered through his head that today felt important somewhat, but he couldn’t seem to remember; studying for exams? But he already studied enough for the exhausting tests tomorrow. Then, his face lit up from a possible realization.
A birthday, perhaps?
But who’s birthday could it be? He wasn’t too good at remembering other’s birthdays.
“If Makoto’s was in April, and Ryuji July, then who could it be…” Ren murmured, a puzzled look on his face as he stopped to think while getting ready for bed.
“Hey, Ren, is something wrong?” Morgana asks, jumping on Ren’s bed, taking a seat on his pillow. Ren didn’t seem to be caught by the cat’s attention, so he tapped on his arm, “Ren!” That seemed to get his head out of the clouds.
“Oh, sorry. Um.. is it anyone’s birthday today?” Ren turned to Morgana in genuine confusion. Morgana slightly frowned, breaking eye contact, “Well…”
Ren waited for Morgana’s response, slowly growing impatient, “What’s wrong?”
“I was gonna tell you, but..” Morgana hesitated for a moment. “He always gets sad and upset whenever Akechi is brought up…”
“It’s Akechi’s. Today’s his birthday. I was going to bring it up but you always seem upset whenever Akechi is mentioned anywhere…sorry.” Morgana broke the truth out.
Ren suddenly felt his heart sink. How could he forget?
“Oh…so that’s what it was.” Ren grew visibly upset, looking down at the floor.
The memories he had of Akechi started flooding his mind. The little dates to Jazz Jin, the meaningful conversations about the Phantom Thieves, the tired nights where Akechi opened up about his past to him, their rivalry…
Even if they were all ulterior motives, he couldn’t help but miss it all. He’d kill to have Akechi be here with him again. A chance to start over, maybe…
Ren’s bedroom was in a state of gloom, filled with awkwardness. Morgana didn’t speak during this short, but long duration of silence. In an attempt to comfort the boy, and to break the silence, Morgana rubbed his head on his arm, “Uhh…Lets head to bed, you have your exams tomorrow; it’ll be okay, Ren…”
Ren petted Morgana’s head, in response to Morgana’s attempt of comfort. “Thanks, Morgana.” He laid down on his bed, pulling the covers in as the cat cuddled himself at the corner end of his mattress. It seems that Morgana fell asleep instantly, hearing his soft snoring filling the quietness of the room as Ren stared at the ceiling. His mind was filled with Akechi, with the exhaustion of today being completely erased from his body. “I can’t sleep at all,” Ren thought.
“I wonder why we couldn’t have met a few years earlier, Ren…” The line Akechi said rang in Ren’s head, remembering the events of the engine room. “I can’t keep mourning about this forever.”
This wasn’t the only night where Ren spent his time thinking about Akechi. There were countless nights where he thought about his memories with the detective. “I was beginning to get over him, but I feel bad for forgetting his birthday.” Ren thought about how Akechi probably spent multiple birthdays alone, knowing that nobody was really there for him; it felt like he was closed off from the rest of the world. Ren felt a cloud of guilt start to hover over him, having that realization.
Ren would’ve thought that the thought of Akechi wouldn’t gloom over him as much as before, but today wasn’t really proof of that.
Due to the inability to fall asleep, Ren reached for his phone from the nightstand, being careful, and moving slowly so he wouldn’t wake up the cat sleeping. He opened the messages app, and scrolled down his contacts, opening Akechi’s. “Why am I doing this?” He thought to himself. He felt suddenly swayed to text him happy birthday, even if he wouldn’t be able to read it in the first place. He’s dead, after all…
Ren’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, thinking of what to say, as if he was actually going to have a conversation with him.
Ren: hey akechi
Ren: morgana reminded me that today was your birthday
Ren: i don’t know why im doing this
Ren: but i wanted to say happy birthday!
Ren placed his phone down, feeling like the absurdity of what he’s doing is pointing right at him. There isn’t a point in any of this. He just felt like he had to.
Ren: well actually since you can't see any of this maybe i should just say what i want to say
Ren: it's been a few months since you've been gone, and i still miss you a lot. i wish i could spend your birthday with you knowing that you probably spent it alone every year. not that its out of pity but i liked being around you
Ren: it'd be crazy to still like you since you tried to ruin my life hell you even shot me in the head
Ren: but i sometimes wish you were here right now. i know you didn't actually hate me haha
Ren: I wish we could start over or something..
Ren was full on rambling at this point. Typing all this out was like a diary entry to him. Eventually, his eyes began to well up a bit, but held it in fear of waking up Morgana.
Ren: i always thought you were kinda too nice to the point i thought you were masking yourself. i believed it all but part of me worried that you were hiding your true self
Ren: when you gave me your glove i was happy because i saw a new side of you it felt refreshing to see to be honest
Ren: well not happy per say but you know
Ren: it was a real you
Ren: this sounds stupid but i still have it lol its in my drawer, hidden under my other stuff. i still kept that promise
Ren: i don't know where this conversation is going really
Ren: i don't wanna be mopey about your death to the others anymore but its hard not to bring you up sometimes. i still really miss you
Ren: i think a lot about how we could've been friends if we met earlier or if there was some way i could've saved you
Ren: i feel like i let myself down as a leader when i couldn't save you, leaving you to die there felt so devastating. it was painful battling against shido knowing he caused so much pain towards you. even if i was still able to fulfill your wish of changing your dad's heart it doesn't feel enough to get over this stupid guilty feeling i have over you
Ren: do you realize i'm trying to get over you?
Ren’s tears began spilling out his eyes. This feeling of grief and burden was too heavy for him. He attempted to suppress his sniffles and voice as he cried in bed, with a lonely feeling creeping up inside of him. He put his phone down for a second, processing all these heavy thoughts in mind. His eyesight was becoming blurry, and he wiped the tears from his face, continuing to type out the rest of what he had to say to the dead friend.
Morgana slowly fluttered his eyes open, with the sound of Ren’s sobs immediately filling his ears. Upon hearing this, he reached his paw out, but stopped midway, deciding to leave him alone after realizing it most likely over Akechi. “I’ve never seen Ren like this before,” The cat became saddened by the fact that Ren has probably hid these feelings of grief inside of him up to this point.
Ren: oh well
Ren: sorry that this got really sad. it's your birthday, it shouldn't be so sad and i'm here bringing it down on a day that should be celebrated
Ren: and there isn't any point of typing this to someone whos dead…
Ren took a moment to check on Morgana, taking a quick glance at him to see if he was awake. He noticed the cat close his eyes immediately upon Ren’s glance. The boy instantly felt bad for making him worry. “I just hope Morgana won't bring up my sobbing tomorrow.” He turned back to his screen of gloomy messages, while wiping his tears in the process.
Ren: i think thats all i have to say, i think morgana noticed me crying so i don't wanna worry him
Ren: happy birthday akechi
As Ren was about to close the messages app, he had the sudden idea of saying one more thing to Akechi. Such a thought made him feel slightly flustered, but it’s not like he would see the message anyway, so he went along with it.
Ren: i love you
“I think that’s all…I feel so dramatic.” He thought to himself, feeling empty as seconds went by after typing as if those messages belonged to a diary.
Ren turned his phone off, placing it back on the empty nightstand as he closed his eyes, with the thought of Akechi still occupying his mind. As his tears dry on his face, Ren falls asleep. Morgana gently crawled closer to him to see his face, growing sorrowful over Ren’s grief, noticing the wet stains on his pillow. He crawled on top of him, curling himself on top of his stomach, slowly drifting to sleep.