Chapter Text
Everything that happened in BFDI 1a is the same as in canon. No changes were necessary. The teams are also the same.
Announce: “The first challenge is to build a boat and sail over the Goiky Canal. On the other side of the canal, there is a ribbon. That ribbon is your finish line. The first team to cross the finish line wins, and the first contestant to cross it gets a special prize. You have half an hour to build a boat. Go.”
SQUISHY CHERRIES
Pin: “Okay, team! Any ideas?”
Blocky: “I was thinking of using Spongy! That would be pretty funny!”
Spongy: “No!”
Pin: “Blocky! You can’t just go around using your teammates as boats!”
Blocky: “Why not?”
Pin: “Well, you just can’t!”
Blocky: “Pin, it’s Spongy. No one’ll care.”
Spongy: “I care!”
Blocky: “You don’t count.”
Bubble: “Oi care too!”
Blocky: “You don’t count either!”
Bubble: (To Match and Pencil) “That Blocky is such a bully!”
Match: “Like, tell me about it!”
Pencil: “I mean, he does have a point.”
Blocky: “Alright, if you think we shouldn’t use Spongy as a boat, raise your hand. Voting ends in one second. Oh, looks like no one raised their hand! Guess that means we’re using Spongy as our boat then.”
Bubble: “Not foir!”
Eraser: “Yo guys, I think we should probably come to an agreement. Why don’t we use Woody as our boat?”
Woody: “H-huh?!”
Blocky: “I’d be down for that.”
Pin: “Sure! Woody is useless anyways.”
Pencil: “Wait! We can’t use Woody as our boat!”
Woody: (Sigh of relief)
Pencil: “He’s too small to hold all of us at once!”
Woody: (Panicked noises)
Blocky: “We don’t have to use only Woody! We can just chop down some trees and make a boat with those AND Woody!”
Pen: “That sounds like a good idea! Does anyone have a chainsaw?”
Match: “Like, why would, like, someone just randomly have a chainsaw, like, with them?”
Blocky: “I have a chainsaw!”
And on cue, Blocky pulls out a chainsaw. The rest of the Cherries justifiably step back.
Firey: “Uh… why?”
Blocky: “Why not?”
Beat.
Eraser: “Anyways, let’s get chopping!”
Woody: “NOOOOO!”
Woody takes a chainsaw to the face courtesy of Blocky.
SQUASHY GRAPES
Golf Ball: “Alright everyone, if we want to win, we must follow my plan! Tennis Ball, bring out the chalkboard!”
Tennis Ball wheels a giant chalkboard forward.
Snowball: “Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring!”
Golf Ball: “It’s not boring, you small-minded ignoramus! It’s an ingenious strategy!”
Coiny: “I say we copy what the other team is doing!”
Snowball: “Heck yeah! Murder rules!”
Golf Ball: “NO! We’ll use an original idea!”
Coiny: “Wait, did you hear that? It sounds like boring words!”
Golf Ball: “Gr!”
Golf Ball kicks Coiny off beyond the horizon.
Coiny: (From afar) “YOUR IDEAS STILL SUCK!”
Tennis Ball: “I say we build a motorboat, without killing anyone.”
Leafy: “That sounds wonderful! Let’s go, gang!”
Everyone (minus SB, GB, IC, and Flower): “Yeah!”
Tennis Ball: “Okay, first, we need supplies.”
Golf Ball: “I know the perfect place to get supplies! Don’t follow me!”
Golf Ball runs off. After a few seconds of silence have passed…
Snowball: “Let’s follow her.”
Tennis Ball: “Um, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
Snowball: “Oh yeah?! What are you gonna do about it?!”
Tennis Ball: “Um…”
Snowball: “That’s what I thought!”
He follows Golf Ball. Everyone else just stands around.
Leafy: “Oh, I have an idea! What if we do some icebreakers while we wait for SB and GB?”
Flower: “Good idea!”
Flower picks up Ice Cube and happily smashes her against Rocky, who just smiles blankly throughout the whole ordeal.
Leafy: “Flower! You know that’s not what I meant!”
Rocky: “Bulleh!” (vomits on Leafy)
Leafy: “Yuck!” (wipes the vomit off herself)
Flower: “Ha ha!”
Rocky vomits on Flower next.
Flower: “ARGH! You’re disgusting!”
Flower kicks Rocky off beyond the horizon.
Leafy: “Flower! That was MEAN!”
Flower: “He deserved it!”
Snowball and Golf Ball return, the latter carrying a bunch of boat materials.
Golf Ball: “Alright team, I’m- wait, where is Snowball?”
Snowball: “Right here!”
Golf Ball: (Turning around in shock) “GAH!”
Snowball: “That’s right, I followed you! And guess what? I also saw your-”
Before he can finish, Golf Ball whips out a laser gun and vaporizes him.
Leafy: “GB!”
Golf Ball: “You saw nothing!”
SQUISHY CHERRIES
The Squishy Cherries are using the Woody Recovery Center as a means to get more wood. Bubble watches on with disdain.
Bubble: “OMBB! This is oinacceptable!”
Pencil: “Shut up!”
Match: “Pence-Pence, like, you shouldn’t be mean to your friends!”
Pencil: “I’m not mean , Match, I just have a low tolerance for complaining! If you disagree, then you’re out of the alliance.”
Match: (Sigh) “You’re right. I should have known.”
Pencil: “Good!”
Blocky: “Yo, the boat’s almost done! We just need to finish one more side!”
Woody gets recovered again. He lands right on Blocky’s chainsaw and gets sliced in half.
Pen: “Sick boat, dude!”
Blocky: “I know, right? Just don’t touch it too hard, cus it might fall apart.”
The Squishy Cherries get on the boat, with Firey taking his time so he doesn’t accidentally burn it. Spongy is about to get on, when…
Pin: “Hey! No sponges allowed!”
Spongy: “What?! Why not?!”
Pen: “Sorry Spongy, you’re too big and heavy! We’ll have to tie your legs to the boat and drag you along!”
Spongy: “Fine!”
Pencil pulls out some rope and does just that.
Pin: “We’re all set!”
The Squishy Cherries (minus Spongy) cheer.
SQUASHY GRAPES
The Squashy Grapes are building their boat, with Coiny, Flower, and Rocky just standing around, not helping.
Coiny: “Ugh, building this boat is so tiring.”
Needle: “You’re not even helping us build!”
Coiny: “I know! I mean standing around and watching you guys build the boat is tiring!”
Rocky: “Bulleh!” (vomits on the boat)
Golf Ball: “Gah! Rocky!”
Tennis Ball: “I got this.”
Tennis Ball begins hosing the boat down with a pressure washer (don’t ask).
Leafy: “Yeah! Let’s go, team! We got this!”
Golf Ball: “Be quiet, Leafy! I’m trying to concentrate!”
Needle: “Boat’s looking pretty good so far.”
Leafy: “I agree, Needy!”
Needle: (Slaps Leafy) “Don’t call me Needy!”
Leafy: “Ow! Gr! I guess some people just don’t appreciate my niceness! What about you, TD? You don’t hate me, do you?”
Teardrop: (Shakes head)
Leafy: “Yeah! Since you don’t hate me, that automatically makes us friends! Here, I want you to have this!”
Before Teardrop can protest, Leafy hands her a sheet of paper that reads “TO MY BEST FRIEND!!!!”
Announcer: “Ding! Boat building time is up.”
Golf Ball: “How’s it looking, TB?”
Tennis Ball: “Great! Now everyone, get in!”
Everyone gets in, minus Rocky.
Flower: “This boat looks terrible! You should have built me a yacht instead!”
Golf Ball: “Headcount! Headcount!”
Tennis Ball: “We need to recover Snowball.”
Leafy: “Oh yeah, Ice Cube’s still dead as well! Recover her too!”
Coiny: “I’m on it!”
Coiny runs off and returns seconds later with Snowball and Ice Cube. As Snowball jumps on the boat, Coiny throws Ice Cube, making her shatter on impact.
Coiny: “Oops.”
Coiny runs off again and comes back with Ice Cube. The same thing happens.
Golf Ball: “COINY! Stop screwing around!”
Coiny: “Don’t you mean coining around?”
Silence.
Coiny: “Fine.”
Coiny recovers Ice Cube a third time. As he tosses her on the boat, Needle catches her.
Needle: “You’re an idiot.”
Coiny: “Gr!” (gets in the boat)
Announcer: “Now get in the water.”
Announcer pushes their boat into the water.
Golf Ball: “TB! Start the motor! I don’t trust anyone else to do it, especially Coiny!”
Tennis Ball: “Fine.”
Tennis Ball turns on the motor and the boat propels forward. Meanwhile, the Cherries are struggling.
Blocky: “Uh, what are we gonna use for oars?”
Eraser: “Match, Pencil, you two are pretty oar-like.”
Pencil: “Don’t you dare!”
Eraser: “Sorry.”
Eraser and Pen grab Pencil and Match respectively and begin using them to paddle. Pencil and Match complain, although most of it is blocked out, due to them being underwater.
Blocky: “Uh, Pen? Bro? You’re oar-like too.”
Pen: “What?! Blocky, we’re bros! Why would you even suggest that?!”
Blocky: “Come on, being an oar isn’t so bad! Plus, it’ll be pretty funny.”
Pen: “Hm, good point.”
Eraser: “Are you sure you’ll be okay with this?”
Pen: “Yeah, I’ll be fine! Firey, you take Match!”
Pen tosses Match to Firey while Blocky starts using Pen as an oar.
Match: “OMW, like, put me down, Firey!”
Firey: “There is no Match. Only oar.”
Firey starts using Match as an oar, much to her displeasure.
Match: “Whyyyyyyy!?”
SQUASHY GRAPES
Coiny: (Singing) “What will we do with a drunken sailor? What will we do with a drunken sailor? What will we do with-”
Needle: “What are you doing?”
Coiny: “Singing sea shanties! Join in!”
Flower: “NO! You better stop singing that, or I’ll throw you over!”
Coiny: “Okay, okay, fine! I’ll stop singing that song!” (beat) “IT’S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRI-”
Teardrop: (Covers her non-existent ears from Coiny’s terrible singing)
Flower: “I WARNED YOU!”
Flower tosses Coiny overboard.
Coiny: “OKAY, I’M SORRY, I’LL STOP SINGING! PLEASE LET ME BACK ON!”
Golf Ball: “TB! Turn the ship around! And be hasty! We’re losing precious time!”
Tennis Ball turns the ship around so Needle and Teardrop can begrudgingly let Coiny back on.
Coiny: “Phew! I sure do love not drowning!”
Needle: “Yeah, whatever.”
Spongy: “I don’t appreciate the position I’m in, you know!”
Blocky: “Flip him around so his face is underwater! That way we don’t have to hear him complain!”
Spongy: “No wait!”
Pin flips Spongy around.
Blocky: “Just kidding! I’m not that cruel.”
Bubble: “But you moirdered Woody for no roison!”
Blocky: “That didn’t count.”
Pin begrudgingly flips Spongy back over, who takes a large breath of air.
Spongy: “Thank you!”
Pin: “I didn’t do it because I wanted to, you know.”
Spongy: “Oh.”
Leafy: (From afar in her own team’s boat) “HIIIIIII CHERRIES!”
Firey: “Oh my oxygen- just ignore her.” (avoids making eye contact)
Leafy: “HEY FIREY, YOU WANNA BE FRIENDS?!”
Blocky and Eraser: “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”
Firey: “SHUT UP!” (calling out to Leafy) “Hey Leafy! I think I heard Coiny saying he wants to be your friend!”
Leafy: (Gasp) “Really?!”
Coiny: “Uh, yeah! I’d totally wanna be your friend, Leafster!”
Leafy: “Woohoo!”
Leafy and Coiny high five.
Firey: “Wait, what?! You weren’t actually supposed to become friends!”
Blocky: “Ha ha!”
Firey slaps Blocky.
SQUASHY GRAPES
Coiny: “Guys! I see land!”
Flower: “Finally! I’m turning up the motor on this thing so I can win faster!”
Golf Ball: “FLOWER, NO!-”
Alas, it is too late. Flower presses a button that makes the motor spin INCREDIBLY fast. They make it to shore in no time, but now a new problem has arisen; their boat isn’t stopping.
Golf Ball: “EVERYONE DISMOUNT!”
The Squashy Grapes do as Golf Ball says. As the motorboat eventually leaves the ground and whizzes past the stratosphere, the Squashy Grapes make it to the finish line.
Snowball: “Yeah! We won!”
Announcer: “Incorrect. You need your entire team here to be safe. You’re missing someone.”
Snowball: “What?! Gr!”
Needle: “Since when was that a rule?!”
Announcer: “Since now.”
Tennis Ball: “Uh, guys? Where’s Rocky?”
Golf Ball: “Ugh! Of course, it had to be him of all people! Everybody head back! We can’t let the Cherries win!”
Coiny: “How? Our boat flew away.”
Golf Ball: “Swim, you fool!”
Coiny: “No! I already contributed enough. I sang sea shanties for our team!”
Teardrop slaps Coiny.
Leafy: “I’ll go! You guys just sit tight!”
Leafy jumps into the water and begins swimming back to get Rocky, passing the Cherries’ boat.
Pin: “Was that leafy that just swam past us?”
Pen: “Why was she swimming back the other way?”
Blocky: “Never mind that! We’re almost to shore!”
The Cherries make it to shore, where Pin unties Spongy. Pencil and Match spit out the excess water they had in their mouths, with Pencil spitting out a fish as well.
Flower: “Get lost! We were here first!”
Flower picks up Ice Cube and chucks her at Blocky.
Ice Cube: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-”
Blocky: (Gets floored by Ice Cube) “Oof!”
Flower tries chucking Golf Ball next, but it’s too late. Pin has already ripped the ribbon.
Announcer: “The Squishy Cherries win, meaning the Squashy Grapes lose and therefore will have to vote for one of their members to leave the battle for Dream Island.”
Snowball: “BOOOOOOO!”
Announcer: “Additionally, because Pin ripped the ribbon, she gets a Win Token.”
Pin: “A what?”
Announcer: “If you use it during Cake and Stake, half of your votes won’t count. Here you go.”
Announcer chucks a Win Token at Pin, which she catches.
Pin: “Yeah!”
Announcer: “Now then, who wants to see a magic trick?”
Bubble: “Oi sure do!”
Announcer: “Okay then.”
A large springboard concealed under the sand catapults every contestant back to Goiky. Around this time, Leafy has made it back to dry land, where Rocky continues to stand around aimlessly.
Leafy: “There you are, Rocky! Come on, let’s get back to our team! We should be able to win if-”
Before she can finish her sentence, Bubble lands next to her.
Leafy: “Oh, hello Bubble!”
Bubble: “Huh?! Where’s everyone oilse?”
On cue, the remaining 17 contestants land on top of Bubble, killing her.
Leafy: “Oh no! But if you’re back here, does that mean we lost?!”
Golf Ball: “No thanks to Rocky! Way to screw up our chances!”
Rocky: “Bulleh!” (vomits on Golf Ball)
Snowball: “Ha ha!”
Rocky: “Bulleh!” (vomits on Snowball)
Golf Ball: “Everyone, gather around! We need to decide who to eliminate!”
Leafy: “I don’t think we should eliminate anyone! You’re all just so wonderful!”
Flower: “I say we vote for Rocky! It was because of him we lost the challenge!”
Leafy: “Hey! Don’t say that in front of Rocky! You might hurt his feelings!”
Flower: “Leafy, I don’t think he even knows what we’re talking about.”
Rocky blinks one eye at a time.
Flower: “See?”
Coiny: “I say we vote Golf Ball cus she sucks.”
Golf Ball: “What?! You can’t vote for me! I’m the team leader!”
Tennis Ball: “I thought Leafy was the leader.”
Golf Ball briefly scowls at him.
Tennis Ball: “I mean… yeah! You can’t vote for Golf Ball!”
Golf Ball: “Since the general consensus is to vote for Rocky, I say we vote for him so I won’t be eliminated, and therefore you’ll believe I’m on your side.”
Needle: “You realize you just said that out loud, right?”
Golf Ball: “Whoops. Guess I’ll just have to erase that from your memories later.”
Needle: “YOU SAID THAT OUT LOUD AS WELL!”
Coiny: “GB’s acting pretty suspicious! I say we vote for her.”
Snowball: “I agree! She said my brain was small!”
Teardrop: (Spitefully points to Coiny)
Coiny: “Wha?! You’re voting for me?! Teardrop, why?! I thought we were friends!”
Teardrop: (Facepalms)
Cut to later that night, where the Squashy Grapes are ready for Cake at Stake.
Announcer: “Welcome, Squashy Grapes, to your first ever Cake at Stake ceremony. As you can see, in front of each of you is a voting machine. You’ll use these to vote for who you want to leave the game. When the votes are cast, the person with the most votes will be treated with TLC.”
Leafy: “Oh, it’s okay, guys! Whoever’s eliminated will be fine!”
Announcer: “Coiny, your constant singing annoyed your teammates. You actively refused to help them build the boat, and when they realized Rocky was missing, you refused to find him.”
Coiny: “I refuse to feel bad.”
Announcer: “Flower, you bully and harass the other contestants without a second thought. Not only that, but you endangered their lives with your rash thinking and threw Ice Cube and Golf Ball.”
Flower: “If you eliminate me, I’ll crush you with my Announcer Crusher!”
Announcer: “Too bad I already sold it because of budget cuts.”
Flower: “Gr!”
Announcer: “Rocky, you’re a complete and utter hindrance to your team and do nothing but vomit on them. An absolute one-trick pony and you’re the reason your team lost in the first place.”
Rocky: “Bulleh!” (vomits on the Announcer)
Announcer: “Gross. And finally, Golf Ball. You already aren’t very popular with some of your teammates because of your bossy and commanding personality.”
Golf Ball: “But it was my boat that almost caused us to win! I’m the one trying to lead this team!”
Coiny: “Oh my mint, would you PLEASE be quiet?! Announcery, let us vote now.”
Announcer: “Very well. You may vote.”
Everyone votes for who they want to be eliminated.
Announcer: “The votes have been cast. It is now time to reveal who. Will. Be. Eliminated. ”
The Grapes tense.
Announcer: “First vote: Rocky.”
Rocky: :)
Announcer: “Second vote: Golf Ball.”
Golf Ball glares at Snowball.
Announcer: “Third vote: Rocky. That’s two votes for Rocky, one vote for Golf Ball.”
More tense silence.
Announcer: “Fourth vote: Coiny.”
Coiny: “WHAT!? WHO?!”
Teardrop: >:)
Announcer: “Be quiet, Coiny. Fifth vote: Golf Ball. Two votes Golf Ball, two votes Rocky, one vote Coiny. The sixth vote goes to…”
Silence.
Announcer: “Rocky.”
Golf Ball: (Exhales with relief)
Announcer: “Seventh vote: Leafy.”
Leafy: “Sorry, that was me! I couldn’t choose someone to-”
Announcer: “Shush. These votes are supposed to be anonymous. Anyways, where was I? Eighth vote goes to… Golf Ball. Three votes Rocky, three votes Golf Ball, one vote Coiny, and one vote Leafy. Two votes remain. However, none of those votes are for Needle, Ice Cube, Tennis Ball, Snowball, Flower, or Teardrop, so they are all safe.”
Tennis Ball: “Yaaay!”
Announcer: “You all get slices of cake.”
The safe contestants get cake flung at them. Ice Cube and Tennis Ball fail to catch their slices.
Tennis Ball: “Hey! No fair!”
Announcer: “Life isn’t fair. Coiny and Leafy?”
Leafy: “Y-yeah?”
Announcer: “You two also get to stay for another day. Fling.”
Leafy and Coiny get cake slices.
Leafy: “Here Coiny, you can have mine!”
Announcer: “GB, Rocky, you are in the bottom two. The last remaining votes are both for the same person. Anything you want to say?”
Golf Ball: “WHAT?! Unlike most of YOU guys, I was actually HELPING our team!”
Rocky vomits a message that reads “DON’T FORGET TO GIVE KUDOS IF YOU LIKED THE EPISODE!”
Announcer: “Uh, okay then. The final two votes go to...”
Golf Ball is silently panicking. Rocky, as always, has a blank smile on his face, completely unaware of his surroundings.
Announcer: “ …Rocky. ”
Golf Ball: “HAH! Take that, you worthless creature!”
Golf Ball takes a cake slice to the face.
Announcer: “It’s time for you to go.”
The Sender Scoop Thrower flings Rocky away into a large metal box labeled the T iny L oser C hamber.
Leafy: “Hey! That wasn’t TLC!”
Announcer: “Yes it was. That was the Tiny Loser Chamber.”
Leafy: “I thought it stood for Tender Loving Care!”
Snowball: “I like this version more!”
Announcer: “And so concludes the first episode of BFDI Reimagined. Thanks for reading, and we hope you’ll stick around to see who will be eliminated next time. Until then, may all your bees be my wax.”
Needle: “Who are you talking to?”
Announcer:
“Nobody.”
SQUISHY CHERRIES: Blocky, Bubble, Eraser, Firey, Match, Pen, Pencil, Pin, Spongy, Woody
SQUASHY GRAPES: Coiny, Flower, Golf Ball, Ice Cube, Leafy, Needle, Snowball, Teardrop, Tennis Ball
THE TLC: Rocky (20th)