Chapter Text
Epilogue
JJ was sitting on the ground under the tree in John B’s yard, the string lights were providing a soft glow in the background as he flipped over a lighter in his hand. He was deep in thought, thinking about everything that had happened to him the past few weeks, hell, even the last few months. Most days lately he didn’t feel like anything was real, he didn’t even feel real. He knew that him and Rafe weren’t in a relationship but the gapping hole in his chest felt like they had shared the most intense relationship ever. He couldn’t get his heart to understand that the moments they shared were meaningless and not loving, but it was so hard when his heart only craved for love. It made everything that happened to him seem so much deeper than what it was.
JJ flipped the lighter and watched the flame burn. He was so deep in the flames trance he didn’t notice a body seat itself next to him, until they gently touched his shoulder. He jumped, dropping the lighter and scrambling away.
“Woah, relax, it’s just me.” Kie said, putting her hands up to show she meant no harm.
JJ frowned slightly. They still weren’t on the best terms so seeing her sitting next to him made him uneasy. He couldn’t handle the ridicule anymore. “What do you want.”
Kie smiled lightly. “I just came to see how you were. You’ve been acting like a ghost floating around the house with no real purpose here lately.”
JJ shifted so he was sitting comfortably again, his eyes on the water. “Some days I would prefer to be a ghost.” He said softly not daring to look at Kie.
“I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but what did you honestly think was going to happen when you got into bed with him of all people?” Kie asked after a moment.
JJ tensed. I thought he would love me. “I don’t know.”
“JJ, you can’t tell me you had no expectations from him. I know you; I know how much things mean to you whether you want to admit it or not.”
“Why did you come out here Kie.” JJ asked turning to look at her. “If you came out here to just ridicule me for something I already feel dumb about save it, I don’t want to hear it.”
“No, I just want you to have someone to talk to about it. I know you’re hurting inside.”
JJ gulped, she was reading him like a newspaper, and he wasn’t happy about it. Especially after the months she spent making him miserable. “No offense Kie, but I’d rather cry myself to sleep every night then let you have more ammunition to make me miserable at every waking chance.”
“I’m sorry, if that means anything. I just had too strong of feelings to let my judgement make sense.” Kie frowned, not making eye contact as she said this.
JJ looked down at his hands before looking up at Kie again. “You can have your emotions about it, but I was the one getting hurt. I needed a friend, not a bully, Rafe already made my life hell.”
“Why did you stay in that situation if you knew he was not great.”
“Because I thought he could love me, okay? Are you happy? Use it against me all you want, I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” Tears were in his eyes, he thought he was done crying by now.
He felt horrible for doing this, but he couldn’t keep avoiding it. His chest ached every time he went into the kitchen, and she was there because he knew what was in store. His pain shouldn’t be a mockery like this.
Kie looked taken aback, for whatever reason. “JJ? I’m trying to make it better, okay? I know that I wasn’t really the best to be around, but it should count that I’m here now and trying to make it right.”
A tear betrayed JJ, but it wasn’t sadness, it was anger. He was tired of people trying to walk all over him. “I unfortunately don’t need you now, I needed you then, but I’m fine now.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at JJ. “You’re mad at him, not me. It’s not my fault you let him use you.”
JJ stiffened. “Leave me alone, go bother someone else. Your fake sympathy isn’t needed.”
Kie got up and walked away without another word, leaving JJ to exhale the breath he didn’t know he was holding. It felt good to finally have some control. He grabbed his phone and went to Rafe’s contact. No more holding out hope that he would text him and apologize, take him back, whatever he thought would happen; he was blocking him.
Pushing the block button, JJ turned off his phone and tossed in the grass beside him. He stared at the sunset and the water moving on its course. He felt alright for the first time in weeks, like everything was going to be okay.