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Okuyasu leaned against the kitchen counter and watched as Josuke playfully threw his empty can at Rohan. Rohan swatted it out of the air, his face an indignant shade of red. Okuyasu wasn’t even sure what the two of them were arguing about, but he knew whatever it was, it wasn’t serious enough to warrant Koichi’s desperate attempts to stop them. Josuke was raising his voice, but he was smiling and Rohan might be putting on a good act, but the tell was in his voice. The two of them loved to do this. They liked to push each other's buttons and see who would get sent over the edge first.
They didn’t really hate each other. If they did then Rohan would have never come over for Josuke’s birthday. They had a special kind of friendship. It was the type where they wanted nothing more than to antagonize the other. Though Okuyasu felt that they should probably lay off it a bit, for Koichi’s sake. Still, he was glad to see Josuke having a good time. They didn’t all get the chance to get together like this very that often anymore. It was nice.
Miss Higashikata slipped into the kitchen and took another beer out of the fridge. She cracked it open and casually walked over to Okuyasu, leaning against the counter next to him. She watched as Mikitaka successfully did what Koichi could not with a single, perfectly badly timed, bizarre question that sent Josuke into hysterics and completely threw off Rohan. She smiled.
“See, there was nothing to be worried about.”
“I know,” Okuyasu said. “It’s just…it’s important to me that he has a good birthday, you know.”
Tomoko nodded and the two of them sat in silence for a moment, watching the party in the living room. Josuke’s face was flushed from the alcohol and laughter as he chatted cheerfully with Mikitaka. There was something about the redness in his cheeks when he got drunk that really brought out the blue in his eyes. After a moment Josuke looked over at Okuyasu. He must have felt him staring. Okuysau felt a small jump in his stomach and his face grew hot. He quickly waved at Josuke, giving him a small smile. Josuke grinned back at him and then returned his attention to his conversation with Mikitaka.
“Well, I’m probably going to head home.” Tomoko’s voice brought Okuyasu back to the kitchen. She was watching him. “Think about what I said though, sometimes things don’t always turn out how we expect.” She gave him a gentle smile, lightly touching his arm before making her way out of the kitchen.
Tomoko started her loud goodbyes, but Okuyasu wasn’t paying attention. He stared at the beer in his hand, a cold sweat washing over him as he thought about their conversation earlier that day.
Miss Higashikata had come over to help him set up for Josuke’s surprise party. She had been happy to help, but had been surprised at the length to which Okuyasu had gone for such a small get together.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Hm?” Okuysaus had been focusing on cooking and hadn’t fully heard her question.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” She said, “I mean it’s not really any of my business, but…” She turned to look at him over her shoulder, still holding the banner she had been hanging into place. “You and Josuke are best friends, you have been since highschool.” It was a statement, not a question, but something about the way she said it implied that it was related.
“Yeah.” Okuysau said absently.
“Again, you don’t have to answer me, but I have to ask: are you in love with my son?”
It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. Okuyasu froze. He stared at the cutting board in front of him. His stomach had bottomed out and for a moment it felt as if time had stopped. The silence seemed to fill the room, pressing in on him.
Okuysau’s chest felt like it was caving in and slowly, he started to chop again, “Is it that obvious?” he spoke so quietly that it was almost inaudible, but Tomoko heard it.
“No,” she said slowly, “It took me a while to notice.” She pressed in the final pin for the banner and stepped down from the chair she’d been using. “But I’m a mom,” She said walking over to Okuyasu and gently placing her hand on his arm, “And we have a talent for figuring out things you don’t want us to.”
Okuyasu stopped chopping again, not looking at Miss Higashikata. He wasn’t really sure how to feel. There was this overwhelming sense of panic and shame. Miss Higashikata didn’t seem to be angry or upset with him, in fact her touch felt warm and caring. So why did he feel so scared? Why did he want to hide away, to take back the last few minutes and pretend that they hadn’t happened.
He had never talked to anyone about how he felt about Josuke. He often tried not to think too hard about it and sometimes even dismissed his feelings. Josuke was his best friend and they spent a lot of time together. Okuyasu had never been as close to anyone as he was with Josuke. Josuke knew almost everything about him and had seen him at his most vulnerable. Okuyasu trusted him with his life, so of course he cared for him. But no matter what Okuyasu tried to tell himself, it was more than that.
When he let his mind idle, Okuyasu often found himself thinking about Josuke. It was in the simplest and silliest of ways, but it always made his heart soar. He’d get this warm feeling in his chest, but it was almost always followed up with feelings of fear or shame. It didn’t seem right for him to think of Josuke like that. It felt as if he was doing something wrong or intrusive. It might make Josuke uncomfortable. It just didn’t seem right. But he couldn’t push down the feelings, no matter how hard he tried.
“Hey…” Miss Higashikata’s voice was gentle as she reached up and touched his face lightly, turning him to look at her.
Her eyes were soft and warm and Okuyasu was struck by the kindness he saw there. It reminded him of a distant memory from his childhood and his throat tightened. Miss Higashikata always seemed to be all business and a bit rough around the edges at times. Okuyasu had always known that it was a front, like some sort of shield to protect herself and her family. He’d seen her be this way toward Josuke from time to time, but he’d never experienced it first hand.
“It’s okay.” She said quietly.
“I-” Okuyasu tried to speak, but his voice caught in his throat.
Miss Higashikata glanced down and carefully took the knife from his hand. His whole body was shaking as she took both of his hands and led him to the table to sit down. She scooted her chair so she could sit close to him as she held one of his hands in hers in a soothing gesture. Okuyasu felt his stomach squirm a little as he realized that Josuke had done the exact same thing whenever he had tried to coax him out of one of his late night breakdowns. Okuyasu looked away from her.
They sat in silence for a long time, but after a while it didn’t feel as bad. The quiet felt comforting. She was giving him space, but was also letting him know she was there. Okuyasu steadied his breathing and looked back at Miss Higashikata.
She tilted her head in a cautious way, “Can I ask you something else?” Okuyasu nodded. “Have you talked to Josuke about it?”
And just like that, the fear was back, “No.” He shook his head in horror.
“Why not?”
Okuyasu looked at her with disbelief and shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I- because-” he struggled to articulate what he was feeling. “It doesn’t matter.”
“What?” Now she looked upset. “Of course it matters.”
“No, I-” Okuyasu was getting frustrated. How could he explain? “Josuke’s my best friend, he doesn’t need to- I mean, I don’t want to- I can’t lose him.”
Miss Higashikata looked over his face for a long moment before speaking, “You won’t lose him. I think it’ll take a bit more than that for Josuke to leave. He cares about you a lot and I think your friendship means a lot to him. And if I know anything about my son, I know he’s a hell of a fighter and he doesn’t give up that easily. Besides…” she gave him a sly grin, “You never know what could happen, he might surprise you.”
“Miss. Higashikata I don’t think-”
She cut him off, “And you’ll never know unless you say something will you?”
A stuffy heat still lingered in the living room and kitchen for a while after everyone had left. There hadn’t been that many of them but the house was a little small for all of them. Josuke and Okuyasu didn’t really mind though, it was cozy and it was home and that was what mattered.
Koichi and Yukako had stayed back to help clean up, but there were still some dishes and stray beer cans around the house. Josuke stretched, letting out a yawn as we walked into the kitchen. He casually pulled out their can recycling bin with his foot and tossed in the last of the cans before lightly kicking it back into place. He meandered over to Okuyasu at the sink and leaned with his back lazily against the counter. His buzz had worn off about a half hour ago and he was starting to feel a little drowsy. He watched Okuyasu cleaning the dishes for a moment before turning around with a sleepy sigh and grabbing a dishcloth to help dry the clean ones.
“Koichi and Yukako are kinda getting serious.” Josuke said casually.
“Hm?” Okuyasu looked up at him, “Oh yeah, you think he’s actually got the guts to do anything about it?”
Josuke laughed, “Koichi? I don’t know…If he doesn’t, Yukako will for sure.” Josuke was quiet for a moment as he thought about it.
“What?” Okuyasu asked.
“Nothing, it's just…It’s kinda weird you know? To think about Koichi and Yukako getting married.” Okuyasu handed him the last dish. “I guess he’s not a kid anymore.”
“Neither are you,” Okuyasu said with a hint of mischief in his voice as Josuke put away the dish. “You’re like old and shit now.”
Josuke turned to him and shoved him playfully, “Shut up, you’ll be twenty-four in a couple months.”
“Yeah but I’m not yet, so that makes you old.”
“Fine,” Josuke said as they started making their way to their rooms. “But that makes me your senior.”
“Ohhh,” Okuyasu said sarcastically, “I’m so very sorry Josuke-sama.”
Josuke grimaced, flinching away from him and making a fake retching sound. “Ew! Never say that again. I hate that.”
Okuyasu laughed and the two of them stopped at Josuke’s bedroom door. “Sorry.” He said, catching his breath. “But seriously, happy birthday man.” He clapped his hand on Josuke’s shoulder.
Josuke smiled at him, his cheeks a little pink from laughing. “Thanks. And thanks for getting everything together, I appreciate it. It was nice.”
Okuyasu could feel his ears burning and he let his hand drop from Josuke’s shoulder. “Eh, your mom helped.” he shrugged.
Josuke rolled his eyes, “Come on man, it’s my birthday, can’t you just take the damn compliment.”
Okuyasu smiled at him sheepishly. He stood there for a moment before suddenly becoming aware of how awkward it felt. He quickly looked away from Josuke and continued down the hall.
Okuyasu waved to Josuke without turning to him, “Well, goodnight.”
“Night.” Josuke called after him.
Okuyasu paused at his door for a moment. Somewhere in the back of his head he could still hear Miss Higashikata’s voice. His stomach felt queasy as a cold sweat washed over him. He was breathing in short breaths and he could feel his heart rate rising.
“You’ll never know unless you say something, will you?”
“Uh, Josuke?” A second after the words left his lips Okuyasu wished he could take them back.
Josuke popped his head out of his room, “Yeah, what’s up?”
He was going to throw up. “Um…” his voice was uneven. “Can- can I talk to you about something.” Okuyasu cursed his trembling voice.
Josuke stepped back out into the hall, “Sure.” There was a note of concern in his voice.
Okuyasu wanted to run. He wanted to turn around and hide in his room and pretend that he’d never said anything. But he did say something, and it was now or never. All his muscles tightened as he steeled himself, walking back over to Josuke, hoping he couldn’t see how much he was shaking.
“What’s up?” Josuke asked again, it was quieter this time, more cautious and gentle.
Okuyasu couldn’t meet his eyes. Instead he stared at his chest and tried to calm his breathing. “You…you know you’re my best friend and I care about you a lot?”
“Of course, You’re my best friend too and I care about you too.” Josuke said reassuringly.
“Before I met you, I had never had that. I never had anyone that I could always rely on or that I always felt safe around. I- I never had anyone like me for me or want to be around me .” Okuyasu took a deep breath, “I’ve been thinking about it for a while and now I think I’m sure.” He pressed his lips together and forced himself to meet Josuke’s eyes, “Josuke, I…I have feelings for you.”
Josuke felt as if he’s taken a blow to the stomach as Okuyasu’s words hung in the air around them. Of all the things he’d been expecting: it hadn’t been that. Everything seemed to freeze in that moment as his mind started reeling. He was trying to wrap his head around it. How had he missed this? He and Okuyasu spent all their time together, and alway had since they met. It made sense, but still, how had Josuke not noticed?
He felt a crushing feeling in his chest. “For a while.” How long was “a while?” How long had Okuyasu felt this way? How long had he been completely oblivious? Josuke thought about all the times they’d spent watching movies and falling asleep together on the couch and how often they stayed up late talking on his bedroom floor. He thought of the way Okuyasu had taken care of him when he’d gotten sick from work. And the little things he did for him everyday that Josuke normally didn’t give a second thought. His eyebrows knit together as a wave of guilt washed over him. How could he not notice?
The silence was ringing in Okuyasu’s ears and he could feel himself trying to leave. He had been right hadn’t he? He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. He let his eyes fall, “It…it’s okay.” His voice was quiet and flat. He felt numb and disconnected from his body. “It’s okay if you don’t-”
Suddenly Josuke took both his hands, bringing Okuyasu back to himself. He met Josuke’s eyes again and he felt his stomach bottom out as he saw pain there.
Josuke looked at him for a long moment before leading him to his room silently. They sat down on his bed and Okuyasu looked down at their hands.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Josuke whispered after a few minutes.
“I- I was scared.” Okuyasu matched Josuke’s whisper with a shaky voice. “I was scared that I’d lose you.”
Silence settled around them again and the two of them sat still for a long moment before Josuke squeezed Okuyasu’s hands. Okuyasu looked up at him again and was surprised by what he saw. Josuke’s eye’s looked wet, but he was staring at him with a strangely gentle fierceness that he’d never seen before.
“Okuyasu you’re my best friend,” His voice was firm, but still somehow soft as he reached up and touched Okuyasu’s face. “And I love you. And I would like nothing more than to get the chance to fall in love with my best friend.”
Okuyasu’s breath caught in his throat and suddenly he forgot how to breathe. His head felt like it was floating as his stomach did somersaults. His whole body was in shock. Everything felt so surreal as he stared at Josuke. He didn’t want to move. He was afraid that if he did everything would shatter in an instant.
Josuke rubbed Okuyasu’s cheek lightly with his thumb and suddenly everything was real. Waves of relief, fear, and confusion crashed over Okuyasu all at once. He was overwhelmed and his chest felt like it was going to burst. He didn’t know what to do. This was what he had wanted, right? He should be happy. So why was he such a mess of emotions? He’d thought about this moment a million times, but now he realized that he’d been so terrified and fixated on his own confession that he’d never actually considered how Josuke might respond.
Josuke tilted his head, smiling at Okuyasu with a quiet, gentle affection. It was the smallest movement, but it granted Okuyasu a permission that he didn’t realize he needed. It let him know that he was home and he was safe and he had nothing to be afraid of.
It felt like a dam breaking. Okuyasu leaned into Josuke’s hand, letting him catch his face as he let it all out at once. Tears streamed down his face as his whole body started to tremble. Josuke calmly pulled him closer and Okuyasu buried his face in his neck.
“I was so scared.” Okuyasu sobbed quietly.
Josuke hushed him, sliding his fingers into the back of Okuyasu’s hair. It was something he’d done a million times when he found Okuyasu in pieces on the kitchen floor. It was such a small, quiet thing, but sometimes those were the loudest “I love you”s a person could say. It was a calm, reassuring intimacy and was one of Josuke’s ways of letting him know that he wasn’t going anywhere.
Slowly, Okuyasu steadied his breathing and after a minute he sat up, sniffling and wiping off his face. He let out a heavy sigh and glanced at Josuke, “Sorry for kinda dumping that on you.”
Josuke let out a small chuckle, “What? You didn’t dump it on me.” He looked at Okuyasu with a warmth that made his stomach flutter. “I’m glad you told me. Besides,” he smirked, “What’s more romantic than having my best friend confess his love to me on my birthday?”
Okuyasu’s face burned as he looked away, laughing sheepishly. “You don’t think it’s kinda corny?”
Josuke leaned toward Okuyasu, taking his face in his hand again, turning him to look at him. Okuyasu’s stomach gave a jolt. They were closer than he had expected with their noses almost touching. They locked eyes and something Okuyasu saw there told him that Josuke was pleased with how nervous their closeness made him.
“Maybe I like corny.” Josuke said in a quiet voice that sent a tingling through Okuyasu’s body.
Okuyasu’s breath caught in his throat as Josuke leaned in closer, pressing his lips lightly to his cheek.