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“... Do you have feelings for someone?” Giyuu asked absentmindedly, staring outside. He didn’t even realize he asked the question until he answered.
“Yea, why?” Sanemi asked.
He could feel his heart breaking but shoved the feeling down. He couldn’t deal with more pain from heartbreak – not when he’s already gone through so much of it.
“I was just curious… The person you like is very lucky.” The Water Pillar looked at the scar-covered man and tried to smile softly, but he could tell it came out sad. I wish I were that person.
Then, he felt himself get pulled into his lap, the Wind Pillar’s arm wrapping around his waist and kissed deeply. The ravenette stiffened slightly before kissing him back deeply, wrapping his arms around his neck. H-He’s kissing me. Shinazugawa’s kissing me. He could feel Sanemi smirking, pulling him closer and gently biting his lips. He parted his lips for him, blushing brightly as he felt the scar-covered man’s tongue wrestle with his.
Breathing heavily, they eventually pulled away. The Water Pillar watched as he cupped his cheek, whispering, “It’s you, Tomioka. You’re the one that I li-... love. Even though I don’t deserve to, not after how I’ve treated you.” He felt the realization hit him, adding to his already red face. “W-Why me?” He half mumbled, “I-I’m not that special…”
The Wind Pillar frowned slightly, flicking his forehead. “Ow.”
“Listen to me, dumbass. You are special. You’re fucking strong, you stick to your beliefs and are incredibly kind to people who don’t deserve it – especially me. Not only that, you’re gorgeous. I almost drown in your eyes every time I look at them.” He looked down and muttered, “I don’t deserve any of it, or you.” Giyuu watched him in pure disbelief, wanting to cry and laugh. He’s being serious…
“Not after how I’ve treated you these last few years. I’ve treated you like shit, saying all of those god-awful things to your face,” He heard him chuckle bitterly, “I’m surprised you still tried to get close to me after all of that. And I’m so fucking shitty for falling for you after what I’ve done and wanting you to feel the same… But I don’t care about that right now.” Sanemi looked up at the ravenette, giving him a – hopefully – comforting gaze, “I want to be shitty. I want you to feel the same and be with me.”
I want you to be shitty too. I know I shouldn’t have fallen for you after how you’ve treated me, but I don’t care. I want to be with you, Shinazugawa. But… Giyuu smiled sadly before kissing his forehead, cupping his cheek gently. He felt him leaning into his touch, causing his heart to do somersaults. “I-I feel the same way, Shinazugawa…” He started. “But?”
“But, I don’t know if I’m ready for that…”
“Then I’ll wait for you,” The scar-covered man deadpanned, “I’ll wait for as long as it takes.” His eyes widened and watered. “W-What if I’m never ready?” “Then I’ll be ok with staying by your side... Giyuu.” The Wind Pillar wiped away his tears, smiling gently. “Shi- Sanemi…” The Water Pillar hugged him tightly, burying his head into his neck. Thank you, Sanemi.
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The next day, he practically ran to the Butterfly Mansion. His mind kept replaying last night’s events, blushing more and more. Giyuu needed to let all these feelings out and talk about what he should do. He thought about when he met Sanemi for the first time. He remembered how he had stood up against the master – which he thought was very stupid – and how he was firm in his beliefs. The passion in his eyes when they glanced at each other. He remembered thinking, He reminds me so much of him.
That day was the day when the Wind Pillar stole his heart.
Giyuu got to the mansion, needing a particular butterfly’s advice. The sun was just barely visible from the top of the forest. The youngest three girls welcomed him at the entrance, leading him to her office. The Water Pillar gave them a smile, which he prayed looked soft and not cold, and knocked on her door. He could hear the clatter of medical supplies falling onto the floor and the cursing of the Insect Pillar.
A few minutes later, the door opened. Shinobu gave him the warmest smile in the world, but anybody could see the murderous aura surrounding her. “Good morning, Tomioka~ Why are you here? At 5 in the morning?” She enunciated the last five words, sending shivers down his spine.
Mentally shaking himself, he stared back at her. “Kocho. Something happened with him.”
Her eyes widened. She pulled him into her office, pointing at a free chair as she walked to her desk. “Sit and talk. I’ll be listening as I clean this stupid mess.” Giyuu sat in the chair, watching her for a few seconds before saying, “Sanemi confessed to me.”
The short woman dropped a few needles, smiling at him in disbelief. “What? Are you serious? You didn’t lucid dream?” He rolled his eyes, smiling slightly. “No, I didn’t.” Shinobu placed her hands on his shoulders and shook him. “Tell me everything .”
Giyuu told her everything; about how he found him in the woods near his mansion, how they returned to his place, the question, the kiss, and the confession. She listened to him intently, giving small comments here and there.
“What did you say when he confessed?” The Insect Pillar asked as she finished putting some books on a shelf. “...” “Tomioka?” She turned around and smiled at him menacingly. “What. Did. You. Say?” He gulped and looked down at his lap. “... I told him I wasn’t ready…” He could hear her veins popping. The Water Pillar glanced up at her in shame.
She sighed heavily before resting her hands on her hips. “Let me guess, you were thinking something like, “I want you to be shitty too. I know I shouldn’t have fallen for you after how you’ve treated me, but I don’t care. I want to be with you, Shinazugawa. But…” She said, acting out the words dramatically. He paled, whispering, “H-How did you know?” “In these kinds of situations, I can read you like a book.” She sighed. The ravenette chuckled softly. “True.” He looked down at his hands, messing with the edges of his haori.
“Why did you tell him you weren’t ready?” Shinobu asked softly.
“I just wasn’t,” Giyuu mumbled, “And besides, I-”
“Tomioka… Do you doubt his love?” She asked sadly.
He gulped, not speaking for a few seconds. “...Yes.”
“Why?” She stood in front of him.
“Because I–” He kept looking down.
“Because what? Shinazugawa told you that he loves you.”
“Kocho…” The Water Pillar whispered.
“He said he’d even wait for you.”
“Kocho.” He repeated, his voice shaking.
“Why did you tell him you weren’t ready? Are you afraid?”
“Yes.”
“What are you so afraid of, Giyuu?” The Insect Pillar practically yelled.
“I’m afraid he’s going to realize I’m not good enough and leave me, Shinobu!” He yelled, now standing. He looked up at her, tears starting to pour. “I’m afraid he’s going to say this is one huge prank and laugh at me for believing it! I’m afraid he’s going to see how fucking broken I am and realize I’m not worth his time! That he’s going to realize that I was never meant to be the Water Pillar because of how useless and weak I am!”
“And most of all, I’m afraid he’s going to die just like everyone else who’s ever loved me!”
The short woman slowly softened, putting a hand on his shoulder and rubbing it comfortingly. “Giyuu, not everybody who loves you dies.”
“Yes, they do!” He yelled, shrugging off her hand to pace around the room with balled fists. “Tsutako and S-... Sabito both died because of me! Tsukato died protecting me from that demon and Sabito… H-He died protecting me during Final Selection…” He stopped near her desk, looking down as tears fell. “I-If I wasn’t so weak, they would both still be alive and happy… Tsutako could have gotten married and Sabito… He could have become the Water Pillar instead of me…”
Shinobu walked over to him, hugging him and rubbing his back. He immediately hugged her back, holding her tightly and burying his head into her neck. “Gi, don’t you dare say that you’re weak or useless. You are one of the strongest people I know. It takes strength to be able to do what we do daily, even more, when you add the past trauma.”
“I know that it hurts, losing the most important people in your life. It makes you think that you’re weak and useless. That you don’t deserve any happiness. But try to think of it like this, they both died protecting the person they loved, you. They both wanted you to live, to be happy. So the next time you start to think like this, try to remember what I said.” He sniffled, holding her closer.
“Besides, not everyone who loves you dies. I love you and I’m still here!” She said softly, grinning. Giyuu chuckled. “True.”
They both pulled away from each other, his eyes red and puffy from crying. She stretched a bit to kiss his forehead. “I’m here for you, Giyuu. Always remember that.” “I will,” He mumbled, kissing her forehead, “Thanks, Nobu.” “No problem. Now let’s go get some breakfast.” They both began to walk to the kitchen, a comfortable silence between them.
“So~... do you think you’re ready to go out with him?” The Insect Pillar asked as she glanced up at him. “... No,” he mumbled, “Not yet.” She raised her eyebrow, seeming prepared to give him another speech. “There was another reason for what I said,” the ravenette answered quickly, “I don’t think I’m mentally ready for a relationship if you know what I mean.” She hummed in agreement. “Ok, just wanted to make sure you weren’t being a coward.”
He laughed under his breath. “As if you aren’t one yourself?” He teased.
“I am not a coward!” She huffed, looking away from him as she crossed her arms.
“Really? So you’ve already talked to Obanai and Mitsuri abo- OUCH!!” Giyuu rubbed his head.
“Shut up!” Shinobu cried, blushing brightly.
He chuckled a bit more, hugging her and kissing her forehead. “I’ll stop teasing you… for now.” “You better.” She pouted slightly before pushing herself away from him with a grin. “Now let’s eat. I can tell you didn’t eat anything on the way here.” “Lead the way.”
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Giyuu saw how Sanemi had waited.
How he never pushed or prodded
How he would listen to him if he needed to vent or stay by his side if he just wanted him to be there.
If it was possible, it just made him fall even more for the Wind Pillar.
Giyuu watched as Sanemi waited and waited.
Then one day…
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𝔗𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔱𝔥𝔰 𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔯
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“Sanemi?” The two of them were sitting on his engawa, watching the rain pour. Giyuu rested his head on his shoulder while he felt Sanemi pull him close by the waist, burying his head into his nape. “Yea, Giyuu?” He turned around, sitting on his lap with his hands planted on his shoulders. Here goes nothing. “... I thi- no- I know I’m ready now.”
He watched as Sanemi blinked before breaking out into a grin and pulling him into a tight hug. “Fuck yea!” The Water Pillar immediately hugged him back, giggling when the scar-covered man started laughing. He felt him pull away just enough to kiss him deeply. Giyuu smiled into the kiss. I missed this~
They pulled away, resting their foreheads against each other’s, grinning and laughing without a care in the world. “God, I have such a pretty boyfriend,” He heard Sanemi mumble. He watched as he smirked when the ravenette blushed brightly. H-He thinks I’m pretty? “A-And I have such a hot boyfriend,” Giyuu mumbled back softly. Sanemi smirked, whispering into Giyuu’s ear, “Nice to know that you think that too, pretty boy~”
He blushed brightly, calling him things as he buried his head into his chest. D-Did he just call me pretty boy!? The ravenette heard Sanemi chuckle softly as he rubbed his back. “I-I love you, Sanemi.” After three months I finally told him~ He felt him kiss his forehead before holding him tightly. “I love you too, king of my heart.” Giyuu smiled softly before burying his head into Sanemi’s chest.
You are the moment I belong to, Shinazugawa Sanemi.