Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Quit moving, stupid.”

“Really? On my wedding day, Casey Jones? I will throw off my suit jacket right now—”

“Raphael, don’t you dare, you know how long it took me to tailor that—”

“All right!” Leo clapped once, loudly. “Save the bickering.” Behind her, Mikey pulled his face into an over-exaggerated serious expression. “We have business to attend to.” Mikey mouthed along, before Leo’s head snapped around. “You’re on thin ice.”

“Geez, can’t a guy have any fun around here?” Mikey grumbled, dropping into one of the many chairs scattered around the room. Donnie patted his head consolingly.

“All done,” Casey announced, stepping back and putting his hands up. “You’re officially suited up, bro!”

Raph turned to look in the mirror. “I’ll admit, you did a pretty good job on the tux, Jones.”

“Duh, of course I did.” Casey rolled his eyes. “Casey Jones is great at everything.”

“Yeah, and who here found the red bow tie?” Donnie asked, raising his eyebrows.

“That’s not important.”

“Come on, Raph, I want to see your tux already, not just your fat head,” Mikey complained.

“Shut up, Mikey,” Raph retorted without any heat. He stepped out from behind the divider and spread his arms. “Well? How do I look?”

“Dude!” Mikey, who was hanging off of Leo’s chair now, started hitting his sister’s arm excitedly. “You look totally amazing! Like, super-duper-mega awesome! Right, Leo?”

“Looking sharp, brother.” Leo nodded in approval.

“Yeah, you look great, Raph,” Donnie agreed.

“Okay, place your bets: will Raph cry when Mona’s walking down the aisle or when she gets to him?” Mikey asked.

“Before he even sees her,” Casey cracked.

“Hardee-har-har. My sides are splitting.” Raph glared at them. “I’m not going to cry.”

“According to my calculations, that statement is one hundred percent false.”

“Donnie, keep it up and you’re going to get a plate of cake to the face.”

There was a knock on the door and then April poked her head through. “Mona’s still being fussed over, so give it just a few minutes and then everything’ll start.”

“Okay. Okay, cool. Awesome.” Raph swallowed. “Sure thing, April.”

“See you afterwards, Raph.” She smiled and closed the door. The room was quiet except for Raph’s heartbeat in his tympanum.

“Nervous, big guy?” Casey clapped his hand on Raph’s shoulder.

“Maybe. A little bit.”

“It is kind of weird that you’re getting married.” Casey sighed. “I guess I wasn’t really expecting you to be the first one to get hitched. It’s pretty cool, though.” He patted Raph’s shoulder. “You guys are, like, made for each other or whatever.”

“Gee, thanks, Casey. That’s real encouraging.”

“No, he’s totally right!” Mikey cut in. “She matches your energy all the time! And I’ve never seen someone calm you down so quickly except Chompy! It was love at first sight.” Raph swore he saw hearts appear in Mikey’s eyes. “So romantic.”

“I think the fact you two found each other in the first place is fascinating in and of itself.” Donnie rubbed their chin. “I mean, what are the odds, huh? We were the first Earth beings to go into deep space and just happened to crash into her ship, which just happened to land nearby to ours. The odds of that are astronomically small. I suppose if soulmates do exist—though, for the record, they don’t—you two are the closest thing I’ve ever seen to it.”

“I think what our dorky brothers and Casey are trying to say is that you two were meant to be together.” Leo smiled at Raph. “You love her, and she loves you, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. This is just the big fancy ceremony to prove that in front of a bunch of people who already know it.”

“Yeah! And then we get hammered at the party,” Casey added, earning him a whack on the knee with Leo’s cane. “Shit, dude!”

“Raph?” came April’s muffled voice from behind the door. “Are you ready?”

Raph took a deep breath and let it out. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

“See ya, Raph! You’re totally going to cry!” Mikey waved and bounded out the door before Raph could respond.

“I agree,” Donnie said, leaning down to give him a hug. “Shorty.”

“Tall-ass,” Raph huffed with a smile.

“Promise to do shots with me afterwards?” Casey raised his eyebrows.

“After everything is properly over, yeah.” Raph shoved him, then pulled him into a hug. “Thanks for making the tux, man.”

“Anything for my favorite turtle.” Casey patted him on the back and followed the two others out the door. That left Raph and Leo, standing in the room alone.

“I’m really proud of you, Raph.” Leo smiled again. “You’ve grown into such a good guy.” She stood up, leaning on her cane, and walked over to hug Raph. “The lair’s going to be a lot quieter without you.”

“Yeah, well.” Raph was not already choking back tears. “I’m growing up, Leo. A big boy needs his space, you know, and it’s only half a mile away.”

“I know.” Leo buried her face in Raph’s shoulder. “That doesn’t make it easier to see you go.”

“I’m not leaving you, Leo. I’ll still be around.”

“Promise?”

“Promise, bro.” Raph gave Leo one last squeeze before carefully letting go and allowing Leo to steady herself.

“I love you, Raph. And Sensei would be really happy for you.”

“Love you too, Leo. And I know.” Raph shook his hands and huffed again. “Man, I guess I’m more nervous than I thought.”

“Anzuru yori umu ga yasushi, Raph.”

“Huh?”

Leo sighed. “Just…don’t worry. Everything’ll work out.”

“Ninja’s honor?” Raph held out his third finger. Leo chuckled.

“Ninja’s honor.” They hooked their fingers together.

“Let’s go get you married.”

The groomsmen and bridesmaids went out first, so Raph had to stand in the room by himself for a little bit. His heart hadn’t raced this much since—wow, since the second dimensional-swap thing with Bebop and Rocksteady? Leo’s words echoed in his mind, and even though he had no idea what they meant, he held onto them.

It was a beautiful spring night. The budding trees swayed gently in the night breeze, scattering petals everywhere; birds sang their songs in the forest; the stars, so far from the city, shone strong. Warm lights were placed along the aisle, lighting up everyone but still allowing the stars to twinkle. As Raph walked, he saw so many familiar faces. Slash was beaming proudly; Leatherhead was already dabbing at the corners of his eyes with a tissue; Mondo was giving him a ‘hang loose’ sign, Ice Cream Kitty waving in his lap; Dr. Rockwell was giving him a nod; Kirby was smiling at him; Muckman sitting comfortably on the damp earth; Bishop, Pawn, Rook, and Queen all sitting together; the glowing forms of the Aeons; a mirror-looking device showing the Daagon and Queen Hiidrala all the way from Veruna; Sir Malakai, who was surrounded by a bunch of gently glowing fireflies; Mr. Murakami, who seemed to sense when Raph walked by; and the four Punk Frogs, who kept darting out their tongues to catch night insects. Mona’s mother inclined her head when Raph walked by and her father gave him a wink.

In the front row was a small altar that Leo had probably set up. A framed photo of Master Splinter, flanked by incense, candles, and several small pieces of cheese stood in place of a bench. Raph slowed a little when he passed it, just to look at Sensei’s smiling face a bit longer.

Raph’s three groomsmen (and Leo) took their places across from Mona’s four bridesmaids. Mikey looked particularly thrilled to be standing across from Renet, while Shinigami and Karai were next to each other, holding hands. April smiled at him as he passed her and he could feel how proud she was of him. Psychic powers were weird.

Sal Commander was standing at the very end of the aisle. He acknowledged Raph with an incline of his head. Raph bowed back.

“Honored guests!” Sal’s voice boomed across the meadow. “Under the eyes of those fallen in battle,” he held his arm up to the stars, “I present to you: the first half of the Hamato pair, Hamato Raphael.” He turned to look at Raph. “Raphael is one of the strongest warriors I have ever encountered. Not only has he saved this world countless times from unimaginable threats alongside his brothers, he has also saved me more times than I care to count.” Laughter spread through the crowd. “He is honorable, forgiving, and one of the greatest fighters this world has to offer. If anybody was to be worthy of Y’Gythgba, I am glad it was him.” Sal gave Raph a proud look that reminded him so painfully of Splinter. “May the Fallen watch over you during your lifetime, Hamato Raphael.”

“Thank you, sir,” Raph said, his voice a little rough. No, he was not tearing up again.

Sal extended his arm towards the other dressing room on the far side of the aisle. The door opened and Raph swore that time actually stopped.

Mona stepped out from the doorway. Golden armor covered her shoulders, sternum, ribcage, forearms, hips, and shins. Beneath the armor was a beautiful pink dress with a flowy skirt. She was carrying a small bouquet filled with a bunch of different flowers that Raph couldn’t name right now because wow she was beautiful. The warm lighting made her look like the real Mona Lisa, in Raph’s opinion. She was glowing. Something wet fell from his chin and he realized he was crying. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Donnie and Mikey exchange money, but he couldn’t even bring himself to care when the most beautiful woman in the entire galaxy was walking up to him right now.

“Hello, Raphael.” Mona smiled down at him. He tried to respond, but all that came out of his mouth was a wet sob. A few people in the audience went “aww” as Leo handed him a handkerchief. Raph furiously scrubbed his eyes and threw it back at his sister, then turned back to Mona.

“Sorry. Uh.” He cleared his throat. “You look…God, Mona, I don’t even have the words. You’re stunning, babe.”

“You look quite handsome yourself.” Mona leaned down a little farther and Raph’s heart almost jumped out of his mouth.

“Under the eyes of those fallen in battle, may I present to you: the second half of the Hamato pair, Hamato Y’Gythgba.” Sal sounded slightly exasperated and amused at the same time. Mona straightened up and clasped her hands together. “Y’Gythgba is an intelligent, agile, and incredibly strong warrior. Quick at adapting and excellent in battle, she remains one of my proudest achievements to this day.” Sal smiled, his eyes fond. “She has fought honorably by my side for our planet and against those who would harm the innocent. I am privileged to call her a comrade and felt her loss strongly when she chose to stay on Earth. She is truly honorable and a great soldier. May the Fallen watch over you during your lifetime, Y’Gythgba.”

“Thank you, Commander,” Mona whispered in a trembling voice.

“And now, it is time for the removing of the armor.” Sal raised his arms. “This represents stripping away the walls one puts up to protect oneself, for you should not be afraid to be your true self when you are with the one you love.”

Raph started with the forearm pieces, placing them on a cushion on the altar in front of them. “Mona,” he whispered. “I don’t think these were made to be taken off by three fingers.”

Mona giggled. “You are doing your best, Raphael.”

Raph removed the shoulder armor and the collarbone armor. More of the dress was revealed; it was flamingo pink, with long sleeves and a high collar.

The rib armor was next and Raph kept fumbling the latch. “Oh my God.” His finger slipped off again. “Babe. Babe, this is not working.”

“I can’t help you, darling. Rules are rules.” Mona blinked down innocently at him.

“You just like watching me suffer,” Raph accused.

“It might be a little funny.”

“Not all of us have skinny fingers.” The latch finally unhooked. “Hah!” It was very obvious Sal was holding back a laugh.

The skirt swished around Raph’s fingers as he undid the shin armor and placed it on the pillow. The whole dress was made of a very thin fabric that was also soft to the touch. There was a slit in the back for Mona’s tail to poke out of.

“Hey, Sal, I’m all done.” Raph rose back to his feet and slowly looked Mona over. God, she was just gorgeous, no matter what she was wearing.

“Bring in the ink bearer,” Sal boomed. Slash stood up and placed Chompy in the aisle. Chompy churred happily when he saw Raph and bounded towards him, not paying attention to the weird thing strapped on his shell.

“Hi, buddy! Have you been doing a good job waiting your turn?” Raph cooed. There was snickering and he turned to glare at the peanut gallery. “He’s been a very good boy!”

“Raphael, the ink.” Mona gently turned him back.

“Right. Sorry.” Sal unstrapped the tiny machine from Chompy’s shell, then placed him on the ground. Chompy immediately ran back to Slash, but only because he was holding out a piece of beef jerky.

“I will now bind you together using a traditional Salamandrian inking machine. Raphael, if you would step forwards.” Raph stepped up and held out his left hand. “The first finger represents the ground, and the second the sky. The third represents where the Fallen reside. By binding yourselves, you promise to remain together until you both reach that place.” Sal placed his hand under the device, which kind of looked like an Earth sewing machine. “Do you, Raphael, promise to fight beside, take care of, and honor Y’Gythgba until you join the Fallen?”

“I promise to fight beside, take care of, and honor Y’Gythgba until I join the Fallen,” Raph recited.

“Then, let it begin.” Sal switched on the machine and it started tattooing Raph’s third finger. It stung, but he was expecting it, and it was over fairly quick anyway. A dark four-point star stood out on his skin. Sal wrapped it in something that looked like saran wrap, then shooed him out of the way so Mona could take his place.

“The first finger represents the ground, and the second the sky. The third represents where the Fallen reside. By binding yourselves, you promise to remain together until you both reach that place. Do you, Y’Gythgba, promise to fight beside, take care of, and honor Raphael until you join the Fallen?”

“I promise to fight beside, take care of, and honor Raphael until I join the Fallen,” Mona responded, head held high. Soon, she had the same star on her finger. She didn’t flinch at all.

Raph and Mona both raised their left hands to the sky. “May the Fallen look fondly upon this bonding on this night!” Sal proclaimed. “Now, er, that is how Salamandrian weddings end, but I was informed of an Earth saying that ends weddings…what was it…you may kiss the bride?”

Mona picked Raph up under his armpits, he put his hands on her face, and they kissed for what seemed like a very long time. Raph could faintly hear his brothers hollering in approval, applause from the audience, and Karai yelling something (probably heckling them), but he couldn’t really understand any of it. All that mattered was his beautiful wife and wow, she tasted like strawberries, where did she get Earth lip gloss?

He blinked stupidly when they broke the kiss.

“Hello, husband,” Mona murmured, gently nuzzling his face.

“I am literally the luckiest turtle to ever exist,” Raph responded.

Chapter Text

The reception was in a clearing in the middle of the forest. Trees towered over the tables, tiny battery-powered candles flickered, and fairy lights were strung up around the clearing. A long table was in front of a bunch of smaller, round tables, where the guests were sitting.

It was warm and Raph’s jacket was folded over the back of his chair. Dinner was all done; Casey (after the promised shots) had shoved an enormous raspberry cosmo into his hands the second dessert had finished, and man it was good. He was already feeling pretty loose and was only halfway through. Mona, meanwhile—

“Baby, are you sure that’s not radioactive?” Raph peered at her glass, which had some kind of neon pink jungle juice in it.

“I doubt this planet’s radioactivity would affect me.” Mona took another pull of her drink. “Also, it is delicious. Here, have a try.”

Raph took a sip and almost choked on how strong it was. “Mm, wow!” he said in a strained voice. “Good!” He immediately chugged the rest of his cosmo to make up for it. There was a fresh one sitting in front of him by the time he put his glass down, courtesy of Donnie’s drones.

“Hey, it’s speech time!” Karai yelled from Mona’s side of the table. “I’m growing old over here!” Shinigami, who was sitting next to Karai and still holding the bouquet (Mona had thrown it so hard that only Shini and her kurisagama could have caught it), smirked.

“Calm down, woman!” Raph yelled back. Laughter rippled through the crowd and Leo smacked the back of his head, then started trying to stand up. “Hey, sis, you don’t need to—” Raph started, but Leo slashed her hand through the air.

“I can stand up, Raph.” Leo picked up her vibrant blue cocktail, took several large gulps, and stood fully, leaning on her cane. She picked up the microphone sitting by her glass and held it up. “Is this thing on? Okay, good. I’m Hamato Leonora, Raph’s nee-san. Which I think everyone here knows. Um.” She sighed, shoved the mic under her armpit, had a few more gulps of her drink, then picked the mic back up. “I should have written cards or something, I guess, but honestly? I’d rather speak from the heart in a time like this.” Leo glanced at Raph. “Raph and I have had our differences. We butted heads a lot when we were teenagers, especially over the leader position. He drove me up the damn wall, I can tell you that.” More laughter from the crowd. “He was impulsive, hot-tempered, and over-emotional. He got mad a lot and would make it everyone’s problem when he was. Also, he reeked.”

“Air out your grievances, why don’t you,” Raph grumbled into his glass. Mona rubbed his back.

Leo sighed. “When I was…in a coma, he sat by my side. For months, he waited for me to wake up. He never gave up on me once. He’s never given up on anybody he loves. Raph loves like he fights: fiercely and like his life depends on it. He’s been one of the only things to stay by my side throughout twenty years of life.” Leo turned towards Raph and Mona. “Otouto, I’m so happy you found someone who loves just like you. And giri no ane, I welcome you to the Hamato family. I wish you both luck and happiness on your journey.” Leo set the mic down, sat back down in her chair, and drained the rest of her drink. Raph leaned over and hugged her.

“Short and sweet, huh?”

“And I meant every word.” They separated and Leo blinked in surprise. “Nice.” She picked up her fresh cocktail and took a sip.

“Hi,” April said into her mic, making the brothers turn towards her. “I’m April O’Neil, the maid of honor. Thanks, Leo, for that great speech that I’m definitely not matching.”

“You’re doing great, honey!” Kirby hollered, which made the rest of the crowd cackle. Donnie snorted into their Purple Rain.

“Thank you, Dad. Um. Anyway. The brothers, Casey, and I first met Mona on one of the moons of Thalos 3. We accidentally crashed into them, which made both of our ships go down. My first impression of Mona was jealousy, if I’m honest.” Mona tilted her head. “She was such a strong fighter. To this day, I’ve never seen anyone take the boys out like that. And, similarly, I’ve never seen anyone charm Raph that quickly.” April giggled. “I remember it so clearly, it was so funny. Mikey said something like, ‘She’s bigger, stronger, and probably a better fighter than you,’ and you know what Raph said? ‘Exactly. What a woman.’”

“Raphael, you never told me this.” Mona turned to him, one of her hands splayed over her sternum. Mikey was showing her too many TV dramas.

“Well, it’s still true. You’re still one hell of a woman, sweetheart.” Raph winked and Mona fluttered her eyes at him (again, too many TV dramas, Michael).

“Mona’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, physically and emotionally,” April continued. “It can’t be easy to leave your entire life behind to start totally new on a strange planet, but she did it, and with grace. I’ve never seen anyone look at Raph the way she does. Also, it’s just nice to have another girl around.” More laughter. “Raph and Mona, congratulations on finally tying the knot. Just try not to be too gross tonight.” April smiled and sat back down.

“Raph,” Leo whispered. Raph froze with his half-full glass still against his lips. “Your turn.”

“Oh shit.” Raph set the glass down and grabbed Leo’s mic. “Sorry, guys, I’m like a cosmo and a half deep right now.” He stood up. “So, technically this is supposed to happen during the ceremony, but guess what?” Raph brought the mic closer to his mouth and whispered, “It’s not.”

“Speak already, brother!” Slash yelled. Chompy chittered in agreement.

“Mmf, fine, tough crowd.” Raph reached into his pocket and pulled out some notecards. “I, uh, wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget. Pro tip, don’t get hit on the head a bunch when you’re a teenager.” He shuffled with the cards, then cleared his throat. The cards were shaking a little in his hands.

“Y’Gythgba. My Mona Lisa. I met you during one of the lowest times of my whole life. I had just watched nearly everything I knew and loved be completely destroyed. I was zipping around space, which I hated, to desperately try and stop the devastation from happening again. And then we landed on a cold little moon, and my whole world changed. For us, it was less love at first sight and more like love at first punch. And, five years later, I love you just as much. You inspire me not to keep fighting, but to keep protecting and to keep what I love safe. Because of you, I finally started getting my anger issues under control. Without your support and encouragement, babe, I don’t know how well that would have gone. Um. Every day I get to wake up next to you is like, ‘man, how am I going to top that? My day literally cannot get better from here.’ You are so beautiful and strong, and—” Raph started crying again, damn it. “I’m just so happy I get to call you my wife now! I love you so, so much, and I’m going to let you talk now so that I can stop crying in front of everyone.”

Raph sat back down and wiped his face on his napkin.

“It’s okay, bro, just let it out,” Leo said, soothingly rubbing his shell.

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” Raph sniffled, then took another gulp of his cosmo.

“Well, I…am not really one for speeches,” Mona said shyly into her mic. Her tail was swishing back and forth nervously. “But…I never thought a day like this would come. I always thought I would perish honorably in battle and join the Fallen, satisfied at my sacrifice. Instead, I met Raphael. I trust him more than anyone in the galaxy. I have never met someone quite like him anywhere else, throughout the many worlds I have visited. He is fierce and brave, but has a gentle heart and a forgiving nature. He is a warrior with honor. There is no one I would rather have by my side.” Mona looked over at Raph. “Raphael, as I did five years ago, let me tell you how I feel. However, let me say it in your language this time: I love you.”

The crowd erupted in applause as Mona sat down and folded her hands in her lap. Her tail was still swishing.

“That was great!” April said, giving her a double thumbs-up.

“I love you too,” Raph sniffled. He wiped his face on his napkin again. Mona smiled, then bumped their noses together.

---

Things had deteriorated from several hours prior. Y’Gythgba and Raphael had their first dance to a song called “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” that she found pleasant enough. However, the songs had slowly gotten less and less pleasant to her hearing as people became more and more intoxicated. She had no idea what the Cha-Cha Slide was, but everyone seemed very excited about it. And she had to admit, it was rather funny watching a drunk Michelangelo do the karaoke to a song called “Baby Got Back”.

As the bass of a song that Shinigami had called “WAP” thundered through the clearing, Y’Gythgba went back to the temporary bar for another one of those delicious pink drinks that Donatello had called jungle juice. Admittedly, she had only chosen it for its hue, but it had turned out to be an excellent choice.

“Here ya go, sister!” The warthog running the bar slid the drink into her hand. “Uh, don’t mean to be nosy, but you’ve had a lot of those. You gonna be okay?”

“My physiology prevents Earth alcohol from affecting me,” Y’Gythgba replied, taking a sip of her drink. Delicious.

“What! I wish I was like that, yo.” The bartender sighed, then went off to make a drink for someone else.

Raphael stumbled up to the bar. He had consumed quite a few of those large red drinks called cosmos; his tie was untied around his neck and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. “Hey, good-lookin’. You here with anyone?” He tried to lean against the bar, but slipped and had to quickly reposition himself.

“Raphael, we just got married,” Y’Gythgba replied, amused.

“Uh, yeah, I know that. Was just makin’ a joke.” Raphael snorted a laugh and it was adorable. “Mm, I really like that dress, Mil.” He reached out and started stroking her arm. “I really. Like that dress.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

“It is made from Salamandrian fabric. It was a wedding gift from the Commander.”

“Th’ one you wouldn’ let me see?”

“Mm-hmm.” Y’Gythgba covered Raphael’s hand on her arm. “I am glad you like it.”

“I like anything you wear. Or anything you don’t wear.” Raphael snort-laughed again at his own statement, then perked up. “Hey, karaoke!”

“Yes, Raphael, that’s been there for several hours.”

“Imma go try it out.” He lurched away and Y’Gythgba took another sip of her drink.

“I can’t believe that guy got married.” The bartender had returned and was now resting his head in his palm. “And I can’t believe I got talked into working this gig.”

“Raphael can be…quite persuasive,” Y’Gythgba responded.

“Nah, it wasn’t that guy. His lil bro did it.” The bartender sighed. “I wasn’t gonna, but me and my partner are kinda strapped for dough right now, so I figured what the hell.”

“This is called jungle juice, correct?” Y’Gythgba held her glass up to the light.

“My own personal potion.”

“It is very tasty.”

“Why, thank you, missus!” The bartender suddenly perked up. “Hey, isn’t that your hubby up there?”

Y’Gythgba turned in her seat and there was Raphael, standing on the stage in front of every single one of the guests, holding a microphone and swaying in place a bit.

“Hoo, mama,” she heard the bartender mutter. “That is one trashed turtle.”

Y’Gythgba guessed the only reason Raphael was onstage right now was because Leonora had fallen asleep after just two of those blue drinks and was snoring contentedly in her chair. Donatello was holding up his phone, recording, and Michelangelo was drunkenly yelling his support.

“This one’s for my wife,” Raphael slurred into the microphone. “Guys, I get to call her my wife now.” He smiled lopsidedly as the instrumental started playing through the speakers. As he started singing, it was obvious he was attempting a low croon, but it was just very close to the microphone and muffled. He was staring at Y’Gythgba and had not blinked for quite a while now.

“Don’t mean to butt into your business, but in my professional opinion, I think it’s time you took his sorry ass home,” the bartender said, not in an unkind way.

“Yes, I believe you’re right. However, I will let him finish his song.”

“Why?”

“It’s entertaining.”

“Upside, inside out!” Raphael sang drunkenly into the microphone. “Livin’ la vida loca!” He started doing a dance that looked more like a Salamandrian land-tangle wriggling in the wind than something coherent. Casey was absolutely losing his mind at one of the tables, tears streaming down his face. April, who seemed to be less intoxicated than the others, shook her head. Y’Gythgba made a mental note to ask Donatello for the recording.

“Regretting anything yet?” the bartender asked. Y’Gythgba watched as Raphael slurred something about hotels and pills, then almost tripped over the microphone cable.

“Not a single thing.” Raphael flailed his arms, righted himself, then started singing about this vida loca thing again. Michelangelo was yelling things like, “Fuck it up, bro!” and “Go ninja, go ninja, go!” as Donatello cackled from behind him.

The song eventually ended, and Raphael dropped the microphone dramatically, causing brief feedback. April made her way up to the stage and grabbed the microphone. “Okay, everyone, I think it’s time for the newlyweds to head out for the night! Mona, can you, uh, come grab him?”

Y’Gythgba thanked the bartender, left a generous tip, then strolled up to the stage. Raphael and Casey had their arms around each other’s shoulders and were now singing something about taking hands and falling in love at the top of their lungs.

“Raphael.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and it was amusing how fast he whipped around. His face lit up.

“’S my beautiful wife! Hi, baby!” Raphael slurred, lurching forward and resting his chin right between her ribs.

“Hello, darling. Don’t you think it’s time for bed? It’s late,” Y’Gythgba suggested.

“Mmm. You going?”

“Yes, Raphael.”

“Then yeah.” Raphael tried walking, but stumbled and almost fell. He snort-laughed and his whole face scrunched up and oh it was cute. “Oops.”

Y’Gythgba picked him up and slung him over her shoulder, wished the others goodnight, and started back towards the O’Neil farmhouse.

“Milly,” Raphael whined.

“Yes, dear?”

“You’re so strong. ’N so pretty. You’re so pretty.” She was fairly certain Raphael had started crying again. “’M so lucky, baby. Did I tell you how strong you are?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Because I love you!” Yes, he was definitely crying. “I wanna spend the rest of m’ life with you, and I wanna have like ten kids. I don’t know, my brain’s not working so hot right now. Did you know you’re pretty?”

Even deeply intoxicated, he still showered her in compliments; he was so sweet. Y’Gythgba decided to file away the one about kids for later.

“No, Raphael, tell me about how I am pretty.” The night was warm, the Fallen shone bright, and her new husband was hanging over her shoulder babbling about how beautiful she was in her dress and how she looked like the real Mona Lisa. Y’Gythgba never imagined herself here, but she was glad for it now.